Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

After 25 years at the Late Night desk, Conan realized that the only people at his holiday party are the men and women who work for him. Over the years and despite thousands of interviews, Conan has never made a real and lasting friendship with any of his celebrity guests. So, he started a podcast to do just that.Deeper, unboundedly playful, and free from FCC regulations, Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend is a weekly opportunity for Conan to hang out with the people he enjoys most and perhaps find some real friendship along the way.

Colin Hanks

October 30, 2022

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Description

Actor Colin Hanks feels…excited (?) about being Conan O’Brien’s friend.

 

Colin sits down with Conan to discuss composing a good Twitter bio, creating a documentary about the great John Candy, and going dark with his role in the series A Friend of the Family. Plus, Dana Carvey returns to talk about his sci-fi comedy podcast The Weird Place.

 

Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (323) 451-2821.

 

For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.

Transcript

Hello, my name is Colin Hanks.

And I feel excited about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

Is someone got a gun to your head?

What is that?

I'm asking myself out loud.

You know what you're doing?

You're trying it on.

And it turns out these pants fit.

You look fantastic in those.

I like Conan pants.

I got a lot of room where I need it.

That's good.

Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brandy shoes, walking blues, climb the fence, books and pens.

I can tell that we are going to be friends.

I can tell that we are going to be friends.

Hey there.

Ah!

It's going to 321 you.

And 3, 2, hey there.

Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

We had a little bit of a mishap just now.

Gourley tried to count me in.

I didn't think you were going to count me in.

I never count you in.

You never do.

And so I just on my own started to say hey there and welcome to as you were counting me in and it was awkward.

Yeah.

It's you know, you were actually sitting quiet waiting for us to shut up, which I don't think I've ever seen you do.

Well, Sona is, she jabbers.

She's quite the jabberer.

You're a talker.

You know that.

I mean, I like talking to Matt a lot about things.

No, no.

And so you were gibbering away and you were babbling over here, Matt.

And I was just waiting for there to be a moment for me to start the podcast.

I don't even know what you were talking about.

So you're complaining that Sona and I have a cordial, conversational and amicable work relationship.

Yes.

On the nose.

Yeah.

And so I get down to biddness.

Bidness.

Bidness.

Then you know, it's time for me to crack the whip.

But you weren't doing anything.

You were just sitting there.

So we just thought, okay, it's open season for chatting.

And I've seen you shoot remotes and sometimes you need an action.

Like you need somebody to say, okay, you can start.

So I think that that's probably what you were waiting for.

Oh, yeah.

It sounds like you know me better than I do, Sona.

I mean.

Good for you.

You've observed me in the field.

You've probably observed me over the years, practicing my craft.

And you may know the real me.

I don't think I do.

Well we've, I think so far, failed to find a good start.

This is all, this is it.

I don't know.

It's, but we haven't even mentioned the show, who we are and what we did.

So if that's what you mean by not off to a great start, I'd beg to differ.

And that's on you.

That's on you.

I'm going to maintain that I'm not good at this.

I should have started right away by saying, hey, it's Conan O'Brien.

Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend.

I didn't do any of that.

And I think we're 40 minutes in this point.

I have a very, I don't judge time very well.

You know what I do have?

I have an excellent sense of time.

Do you?

I do.

Yeah.

Meaning I can wake up in the middle of the night and if you ask me to guesstimate what time it is, I'll say, I'm going to say it's like 2 20.

And then I'll look at the clock and it's 2 18.

Oh my God.

I think some part of your subconscious is always like one eye open.

It might be, but I do have that.

I'm able to guess the time and sometimes many times it's within 5 10 minutes.

What time is it right now?

Well, I've been podcasting for a while.

So I can't say.

But let's see.

Let's see.

We started.

You see now.

Don't look at Jesus Christ.

I shouldn't have looked.

I looked right at the huge red digital clock and he followed my eyes.

I don't know if you put a gun in my head and say 2 0 3.

And how many seconds?

Probably 35, 36, 37.

Well, spot on.

Incredible.

Yeah.

It's just, you know, there's a giant digital clock in the room.

I know you were trying to test me, but.

Just trying to keep you sharp, boss.

Yeah.

I'm your Cato.

I got to come at you, you know, keep you sharp.

I like it.

I'm opposite with time.

I'll be like, I know.

I know.

I know.

I know you are.

Well, so what time is it right now?

Better than me.

It's four o'clock.

I wake up in the middle of the night.

I'm like, oh, that was a nice night of sleep.

And then it's midnight.

Oh, that's the worst.

Yeah.

But I'm way off.

I think you might be way off though, because you, you got some pharmaceutical help at night.

Yeah.

Do you just, you do the, the edibles at night?

Not every night, but yeah, a lot.

Did you, because it used to be deregur.

You always did it.

Yeah.

You always took edibles every night.

And then Mikey and Shirley entered your life.

Yeah.

And to be a good mom, you probably can't have edibles, right?

Cause you just gave it straight to them.

Well, no, I, uh, yeah, I know.

Well, when I was breastfeeding, I quit it.

They slept really, they slept great.

And then, uh, yeah, I think that there's a point where you're just kind of like, fuck it.

I'll just go back to what I did before, but now, you know, they wake up sometimes.

You're listening to advice for new mothers, your sonum obsesion.

Take a few gummies and fuck it.

So no, I, so when did you, when did you decide?

To get back on the sweet, sweet ganja?

I think immediately when I was done breastfeeding, I was like, okay, now it's time for, for the sweet ganja to get back into my life.

It's my, it's my thing.

It's my vice.

You drink wine.

I take edibles.

Would we ever do a segment where the three of us get high and, and record?

It feels irresponsible.

It feels like we're putting a message out there that, uh, you know, we think, because it's a gateway drug.

Oh, you dork.

To fun, gateway to fun, you nerd.

I'm sorry.

I can't have it.

I can't.

I am the Jack Webb.

Nice reference.

So, uh, is it?

Yeah, I didn't get it.

That's why it just went right through.

I was being ironic.

Watch, you got to, you're a fan of the old drag mix, right?

They're hilarious.

It was a show.

Um, very much anti drug.

That's what I'll do in my free time.

It's funny.

They're, I mean, not intentionally, but they're really funny and they're constantly, um, they're constantly yelling at hippies.

Not yelling.

It's the squareest thing mankind has ever produced.

Yeah.

And, and, and, and they will always, um, rattle off.

My favorite thing is trying to be educational, but the hippies were always over the top comical.

And one of my favorite, uh, um, Jack Webb, he did drag nip.

I think he also did Adam 12.

And, uh, once the Adam 12 police, it was a T, I'll never forget this exchange.

They, they pull over a, what's supposed to be a hippie on a motorcycle and the representation by these really square 1960s, you know, comedy writers who are probably in their fifties of a hippie was he's wearing like a World War one German helmet and he's got a, he's got a monocle and he's incredibly disrespectful to the police.

And, and, and read in Malloy, the two cops are patiently trying to tell him, you know, he broke the law and he's like, yeah, you know, pigs, I smell bacon, all this kind of ridiculous nonsense.

And then at one point they say, well, we're going to have to fill out an FI report on you.

And the hippie says FI, what does that stand for foolish idiot?

And Malloy or Reed says to him in this case, yes.

And the hippie goes, huh, and is like monocle falls out like sick burn on the hippie.

I love the depictions of hippies by square comedy writers in late sixties and early seventies TV.

It's absolutely hilarious.

Did you just watch that episode?

No, no, that's burned into my brain.

There was a Jackie Gleason variety show where they were making fun of hippies and a hippie runs out and he's carrying a sign that says down with everything.

And, you know, everyone's tolerating and rolling their eyes at the unruly hippie.

And then I think they scare him by saying, look out, here comes someone with a bar of soap and the hippie gets scared and runs away.

I mean, I swear to God, come on, all this anti anti hippie stuff.

It just cracked me up as a kid and it still cracks me up.

I'm sitting between the biggest hippie, Sona, always high, head in the clouds and then the biggest square, Conan O'Brien.

That's true.

That's actually very true.

You're not a square, though, but you're a straight lace.

What's cool about me?

You know what?

I think you're a cool guy.

Seriously?

Yeah.

Name something that's cool about me.

Yeah, Sona.

Seriously.

Name one thing that's cool.

Don't try and buy time.

You said you're a cool guy.

What's kind of cool about me?

Can I tell you what I think is cool?

That cool comedians think that your comedy is cool.

So you yourself, I don't know, but like the people you have inspired are cool.

And that's cool.

Right.

But you, yourself, this is the assignment.

An assignment.

It shouldn't be an assignment.

You should just be just running off at the mouth about all the cool things about Conan O'Brien right now.

You just think a whole thing about drag net.

You make it very hard for me to think about this stuff.

I'm quite the ladies man.

The whole time I've worked for you, you've been in a lovely, healthy relationship with one person.

What about this?

True.

Guilty.

Yeah.

Which is cool.

That is cool.

Yeah.

I throw down with anyone.

You've seen me getting a few tussles in my day.

Never.

I think that we always talk about the one fight you've been in.

That's also cool that you...

Got beat up.

You don't get into fights and stuff.

You're not like...

It's good to be square, man.

Yeah.

All right.

I'm in a stable relationship and I've managed to avoid any kind of turbulence or violence.

You're so square.

There's no cooler guy in the whole wide world than Conan.

When Trouble's around, he's home mad sleep.

His wife made vegetables.

She's so appreciative Conan O'Brien.

Hey, did you hear about the big trouble that happened downtown?

Yeah, where was Conan?

He was at home checking his cholesterol.

Apparently, it's 185.

Not bad for a man his age.

Hey, did you hear what Conan's up to?

What's he up to?

He just read a book alongside his wife who was also reading a different book.

Then what happened?

They turned in early.

Conan O'Brien, you better watch out.

If you're in his house, in his bedroom, you might run into him.

That does sound pretty cool.

You are cool.

You are.

Commissioner Gordon just put out the Conan signal.

Did Conan show up?

No, he was at home with the windows closed and the shades pulled down.

I don't like a breeze.

It interrupts my sleep patterns.

You have a thousand leather jackets.

That's cool.

Whoa.

I do have a lot of leather jackets.

That's just because he cosplays as the Fonz.

Yeah.

I go to birthday parties for kids who don't even know who the Fonz is and I cosplay as someone they don't know.

I go, you watch Barry?

You watch the acting teacher on Barry?

Imagine him much younger in a leather jacket.

And I'm the Fonz.

Hey.

And then they escort me out of the birthday party.

Which you weren't invited to.

Which I wasn't invited to anyway.

Yeah.

Sir, if you come up, if you show up in another Bermuda for a birthday party, you're in serious trouble.

What are you talking to?

Conan of the Fonz.

Hey.

Okay.

Well, what's decided?

I'm the coolest guy that ever was.

I don't think so.

Hey, my guest today has appeared in such TV shows.

What's the opposite of second view?

There's never been a better time than now to change the subject.

My guest today has appeared in such TV series as Fargo, Dexter and Mad Men.

Now you can see him in the new Peacock series, A Friend of the Family.

He also produced a new documentary, Say Hey, Willie Mays, which is available on HBO Max on November 8th.

Very excited.

He's here today.

Conan Hanks, welcome.

You and I, and I'm not special because of this, but you and I have always gotten along very well.

Yeah.

The first time I met you, I said to myself, I like the cut of this man's jib.

Ooh.

Yeah.

A phrase you don't hear all the time.

No.

But then I realized, oh, you probably just get that a lot.

You're a very lovely guy, you're a talented fellow.

I appreciate that.

So I'm not in some special club for liking me some Conan Hanks.

No, but I will say that you were always very kind to me because when we actually first met, I was just a super fan of your show and had gone to tapings.

And I mean, I remember seeing you at the old late night show when you came out to LA.

Oh, you came to one of us when we traveled the show.

When you traveled to LA, I remember meeting you then and you were incredibly kind and gracious and nice when you really, truly did not have to be.

I didn't want to be.

No, I know.

It was everything I could do.

Because that's my gig.

That's not yours.

And then when I was in college, I really sort of took it as like, I felt like I had made it because I had been on your program before Andy left for the first time.

I don't know.

He's left seven times.

He's left seven times.

Yeah.

He always says, I'm out and we always have a giant salute to him.

He comes back.

But it was such like a point of pride, like I really did feel like, oh, wow, I'm officially like part of this thing show business, whatever you want to call it.

And so I think it's always just been a little bit of a mutual admiration society.

We get along real, real fine.

It's a really weird way to say that.

I don't think so.

I think what I'm talking to Colin, I slip into a certain vernacular that he and I understand.

He's saying a cut of his jib and it's fine.

Like a knife.

It's all, yeah.

You know, I'm really, really fine.

Yeah.

It's just weird.

Are you sure you guys aren't just close and he's not just a translator for you?

I think that's probably it.

Could be.

Could be.

I remember, and we were bringing this up, I was walking along the beach one day as I do.

It sounds like the beginning of a song.

I was walking along the beach one day and I saw you and I was so excited because you had just been in the show Fargo.

And I loved it.

I was wary because I thought, this is one of my favorite movies.

How is this going to be a TV show?

And so I went on for about 15 minutes about how thrilled I was that you were in Fargo, how great you were.

I loved your character.

And I was looking forward to more and you broke the news to me on the beach that, no, it all changes up after every year.

And I swear to God, I was devastated because I really got, I don't know if I'm going to be able to tell if other people have had this with Fargo.

I'm sure they have.

I've really liked different seasons, but I really liked that season and thought, oh, great, I'm on this journey and I'm going to see Colin and these other terrific actors go forward.

And then they reshuffled the deck and I was frankly enraged.

There was a brilliant lesson in show business is that I had waited, I think, seven years to try and find a program that was as good as my hopes were.

And in that time, they created shows that only exist for one season.

I know.

But you know, there was that era of show business, which you and I know, Colin, I'm sure, much older than you, but we both remember that era of show business where you get on a show and it clicks and everyone likes it, you're all set for seven years.

And then just at some point in the not too long ago, they changed it up.

So it's like, did you like that?

I really liked it.

Good.

It's gone because the streaming model and you're like, wait a minute, wait a minute, what are you talking about?

Can't we have more of those?

And yet the argument can easily be made that that's what makes those seasons so good because there's a definite beginning, middle and an end.

That's how I like my storytelling.

That's not how I like my jobs.

But that's how I like my storytelling.

No, I like my jobs.

It goes and goes and goes.

You're all middle, man.

I'm all middle.

I don't like a beginning.

I just like my career pretty much has been I got started in 1985, went right to the middle and have stayed there.

Yeah.

And just found different parts of the middle to go to.

And people keep suggesting you could probably move on now.

You're over 80 to the later part, like to the part where the bears find Goldilocks.

And I'm like, no, no, no, I like the part where I'm still trying out the bets.

Well, I mean, I think that's actually really one of the cool things about like your journey for lack of a better phrase is that you've always seemed to be the one that goes towards the area that tickles you the most.

That keeps you as engaged as possible.

I am very selfish.

Well, but to be honest, like that actually makes everything else, it makes all the other components of show business worthwhile.

You know, if you're not, trust me, if you're not digging it, it is a drag to, you know, for everybody else.

And that is, I think, one of the reasons why I think it's so fantastic that you've like created this space.

Yeah.

Because I thought like, oh man, I'm coming and I'm going to see Conan and it's going to be gorely and like four other people.

And that's it.

And it's going, I don't know what the space is going to be like.

This is a happening.

I mean, you created a fun house here.

Yeah.

And it was Hugh Hefner's Chicago home.

His down house.

Which explains your outfit.

In 1965.

It explains your outfit.

I am wearing a beautiful robe right now.

And your wig.

You know, people tell me that it was, it's not the right era anymore.

And I don't see any evidence of that.

No, not in the style and your misogyny.

It's all, it's all still there.

No, we found this space, which we talk about from time to time, but we found this space in Larchmont, which is this really nice, cool happening area of LA.

And we built our little, I wanted a Pee Wee's Playhouse.

I wanted a Batcave.

Yeah, totally.

I wanted a place where now.

I think of this more as your little like sub-training silence of the lambs well.

Oh.

Well, you just go to a dark place.

Well, it's a dark room.

There are things.

You have been outside of this room.

No, no.

Let me out.

No.

And also to be fair.

That explains why I haven't seen you in so long.

To be fair to gorely, there are fingernails embedded in the wall.

I don't mind.

He keep putting lotion on.

Nobody knows why.

I'm waiting for the basket to come down.

I never asked you to put on lotion.

That was your idea.

Just give me a basket.

This is a version of silence of the lambs where gorely's at the bottom of the well and he keeps asking for more lotion.

And the serial killer's like, wait, wait, what?

I put the lotion in the basket.

You've never looked better in a kimono though.

I think it's very important to say.

You should see me out of it.

You're in the kimono.

He's dressed up in a robe.

I'm curious because I do feel like there are ways in which we overlap.

You walked in today and I saw what you were wearing and that is the way, that is my default way of dressing.

It is.

It's the way that I like to dress.

I remember seeing you on your show going like, he's fighting my style.

No, no, you're wearing this very nice Levi's jean jacket and you've got the cool dark jeans and you've got a nice shirt and you've got the cool boots and I'm like, yes, yes.

This is the way I'm most comfortable.

And then I'm remembering that, wait a minute, I think we both are freaks about certain things like typewriters, guitars.

We have similar sicknesses.

Correct.

That is correct.

Yeah.

How many do you collect guitars?

I collect, yeah.

Well, no, I don't necessarily collect them, but I have collected them.

Me too.

Me too.

So next thing I know, I'm counting and it's like, oh, that's 10 guitars.

That's more than just, you know, yeah.

When you have more guitars than chords, you know, it's a problem.

It took me a while and then I figured out that's the definition of when you have a problem.

You know, in an AA, they have all these different ways of deciding, wait a minute, if you've consistently missed work because of drinking, then you are an alcoholic.

They have these rules.

That's my rule for guitars.

Yeah.

And that's true because I know about, yeah, nine chords.

You only need nine.

That's all you need.

Technically, you only need three.

You need three guitars and the truth, man.

That's all you need.

He's fighting fascism with that.

Exactly.

Yeah.

No, I'm just, and I know that I fetishize typewriters to the point where Gourley recently, I acquired and when I say a new typewriter, I mean a new old typewriter and I dragged Matt upstairs in our offices here.

I'm like, you got to see this.

And I was sure he'd be into it and he wasn't.

What are you talking about?

You were, because you were like, oh, I don't really type.

Oh, that's nice.

You're being nice.

No, no, no, no.

Hold on.

No, no, no.

No, no.

That was a strange no.

No, no, no.

I'm furious.

Oh, oh, my lord.

That's furious.

Quick, back up, back up, back up.

He's about to blow.

Look out.

I was just trying to show my kind of what a novice I was.

I see.

And I really thought that was a beautiful typewriter, which is to say also that you always get on me for that kind of thing and you are the king of those.

Yes.

Well, I always attack you for, and it's called, I've learned, projection.

Right.

I attack gorelly for things which are my own flaws.

Things maybe I loathe about myself.

Maybe.

And I just want to say for the record, it's not that I don't type.

It's that I can't type.

I don't know how to do the, I hunt in pecs.

So I was like admiring it going, wow, I wish I could type.

I don't type.

You know what I mean?

You can still hunt and peck on a typewriter though.

There are plenty of people that just go one finger per hand and do it like that.

But in fact, more often than not, that's how I do it.

Really?

Yeah.

I would say it's probably just more about getting into that rhythm and then also, not caring if you mess up.

So then you just sort of go, all right, backspace a little bit.

XXXXX.

Or use whiteout.

They have a whiteout pen.

Anyway.

I have to say something I do with guitar.

Just one finger on each hand.

There you go.

Hey, listen, if you got the right tuning, that's all you need.

Do you write letters to people?

I do, from time to time.

Not, not as much as I would care to.

I do that.

I write letters to people.

I got a very nice letter from you typewritten about Fargo.

Yeah.

And then I forget that I've done it.

And so sometimes people come up to me and go, you sly dog.

And I don't, I don't remember that I sent them a letter and they'll go in that joke at the end about the Kaiser's helmet.

And I think I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know what you're talking about.

The Kaiser's helmet, that sounds like me though.

That sounds like something that I would say.

And you're just a backward sleuth in that regard.

Let's talk about your Twitter bio, how you describe yourself.

Possibly that guy from that one thing you think is way underrated.

That is such a great description.

I don't think it's justified, but it's very funny.

I appreciate that.

Well, there, look, there was a period where I derived a lot of joy from social media.

Not so much these days.

But there was just something about that idea of like, how on earth would I like describe myself?

Like, I don't know.

And there's just, there's so many people that would tell me like, pick the thing.

It doesn't matter where they just go like, man, that's so underrated.

So I just went, yeah, probably like, you know, the one guy that they remember from that thing that's way underrated.

Like that just struck me as like, that's, that's not too bad.

Like that's a good thing to aim for.

It's so funny because there was a time in my life in the 90s when people would come up to me and they'd say, I really like your show.

And, you know, people get mad at me.

People are like, what are you talking about?

You know, the guy who replaced Letterman, what?

And I like hold my crown and I go, look, I'll give you that he's, you know, he's not easy on the eyes and I'll give you like, and I'm sitting there thinking, please stop talking.

Please stop.

Please.

This is not going the way that you think that this is going.

But for me, like there's something to be said about, I never assume that anyone is going to actually know who the hell I am.

And quite frankly, if they do, they probably don't even remember my name.

I'm just someone else's like attachment, like, oh, you're so-and-so son.

Right.

Okay.

So that's fine.

That's a whole nother can of worms.

Like the idea that someone could say, I saw you in something.

I don't remember exactly what it is, but I remember it being good.

That is like on, on like the meter of like, you never want someone to go, how do I know you?

What's the, how do I- Oh, it's the worst.

Tell me what you've been in.

Yeah.

And you go, well, I was in this thing.

No, not that.

Well, I was in this other thing.

No, definitely not that.

Oh, I saw that, you're not that, are you?

You're in fact, I take it all back.

I gotta go.

Geeze, I gotta go.

The idea that someone could say, I remember you from something I liked and you made an impression, that to me struck me as like, that's a good place to aim for.

Where they go, I believed you.

Truly.

Like that, I believed you enough to go, oh yeah, he was great in that one thing that I saw and I remember liking, but I don't remember what the name is.

That to me struck me as like, that's the sweet spot that you want to be in.

Yeah.

No, I've, and I've been on the other end of it too, where I've been talking to people that I idolize and I realized, cut it off.

I mean, not in a professional interview setting, but I run into them and I start to realize I step outside myself and say, you're talking too much.

You know, it doesn't get better than, oh my God, you're one of my favorite.

I was in New York recently when I was in a restaurant and I'm leaving and I see, oh my God, Al Pacino is in the corner sitting at a table.

I mean, there's, that's Al Pacino.

Well he was in the Godfather.

I'm just assuming that you don't remember what it was that you saw him.

He was in the Godfather.

He was also in a thing called, son of a woman, which a lot of people, a lot of, yeah, there you go.

But I saw him and he like, he's, he's, he's motioning me over and I'm like, wow.

So I go over and he's like, Corabine's good to see him.

I'm like, wow.

Wow.

Mr. Pacino, this is fantastic.

And then I'm talking and all I, I said, like, look, you're just one of my favorite.

And I've met him before casually, but I just went, you're just, I just have to say one of my favorite actors of all time.

Appreciate it.

Appreciate it very much.

And then I kept talking.

And then I had just seen Serpico like two nights before and there's a scene in Serpico where he's chasing someone from a robbery and he tackles him near a stairway and they both fall all the way down the stairs.

And it's clearly it's, it's, it's Al Pacino falling all the way down the stairs.

And I went, and then Serpico, Serpico, he's going, oh, oh, that's oh, yeah.

And I went, and you fell down those stairs.

Oh no.

And he's going, he's looking at me and kind of smiling and nodding.

He fell down these stairs in 1974.

And also it is not a critical part of the movie.

It's not, it's not important to the movie at all.

It's just what I remember.

And I'm like, you, you fell down those stairs.

And he went, well, yeah, I went, then I realized, get out, get out fast.

You've, you've ruined everything.

And I went, well, I've got to go.

And I kind of ran away.

And then weeks later, I meet this person who was sitting at the table with him, who's a film producer who said, we saw you in New York.

And I went, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then you just, you were talking in like mid sentence.

You said, got to go and ran away and Al Pacino was like, where do you run away from?

I wanted to tell you, I was enjoying talking to him.

And I was like, oh no.

And so I think I'm the first person maybe in 50 years who Al Pacino was talking to.

And I'm like, yeah, I'm out and ran away.

You got in your head.

I got in my head.

So I got in my head one way I talked too much.

You fell down those stairs.

Yeah.

What stairs is he talking about?

What's he talking about?

I got in my head the other way and ran away.

He's self-cockblocked.

Rudely.

He's self-cockblocked.

So when do you decide you're clearly like, I'm of the belief that I meet someone I talked to them for a while and I think I know they've always been this person.

You've always been Colin.

You're this funny charismatic guy.

When do you realize as a young man, as a kid that, yeah, acting.

I want to do that.

I have a facility for that.

That's what I'd like to do.

And was there another option?

Not a real legit other option.

Maybe if I had learned that 10th guitar chord, then maybe the bands I had been in in high school and college would have worked out a little bit more.

To be honest, it really just came down to it was the most fun.

Acting was the thing that I was drawn to the most.

And when there was the least amount of pressure on me to enjoy it, that was when I enjoyed it the most.

And there was a period there where it seemed like everyone was like, well, of course, that's what you're going to do.

And so of course, there was that sort of like young man version of like, well, no, I'm not going to do that.

I'm going to smoke pot all day and watch television instead.

And that'll show you.

There was no other real option.

But it really, and this is the one thing I will sort of credit the old man with, is he said, look, you have to want to do this.

If you don't really want this, then come up with something else, like, because you will be miserable.

And the truth of the matter is, is I enjoy what I do so much that when it's great, I don't want to do anything else.

I've been on jobs where it's less than ideal.

It is way too hot.

I'm way too tired.

It is physically exhausting.

But pornography.

Well, but I really enjoy that in the moment.

This is what people don't know, say, pornography.

There's a lot of standing and waiting around.

There is.

There's a lot.

I'm sorry.

There is.

There are not stand ins, which I love actually, really push the false narrative there.

There are no stand ins in pornography, so I'm told.

But it can be a very, very challenging job.

Like in the moment.

The reason, the space I was headed to was John Candy, because I know that you are working with Ryan Reynolds.

I'm working, yeah.

So Ryan approached me about directing a John Candy documentary.

Right.

And I wanted to talk about this because John Candy was one of my comedy heroes.

Yes.

I grew up watching SCTV.

But I really saw him on SCTV and was just enchanted with this guy.

And I had the opportunity to spend some time with him when I was in college.

Oh, wow.

He taught me a lesson.

He was everything I wanted John Candy to be in person.

And you know, sometimes that's not the case.

Yeah.

You know, you majority of times.

Majority of times.

You idolize someone, you think they're great and you meet them and they're not that person.

And it's not their fault.

They're projecting something that we all like and then we want them to be that.

He was that times 10.

He was the John Candy that I was hoping he would be times 10.

And he was great.

And I remembered talking to him pretty late at night having a chat with him and he asked me what I was thinking of doing.

And I said, I might like to try comedy.

And he looked like through me, like into my eyes.

And he said, he said, kid a lot.

Yeah.

Like, like Johnny LaRue, like, hey kid.

And he said, kid, you don't try comedy.

You do it because you have to.

Oh, wow.

I just walked away from that thinking he's right.

I mean, if I'm in, I'm all in.

There's no trying it.

And huh, that's the other way.

This isn't working out.

I think I'll will take the LSAT.

Yeah.

Instead, you're like, actually, I will take this LSD and just make jokes instead.

Right.

Exactly.

Yeah.

My God.

What?

Balsatz, are you going to be a lawyer?

Yeah.

That's my, my fault.

And it still is my fault back.

Oh, okay.

I'm just, whatever lawyer Kim Kardashian is, that's what I'm going to do.

She's a lawyer and I'm a lawyer.

Don't give up on your secondary dream.

Yeah.

That's the most inspirational thing.

Never give up on your fallback.

Yeah.

You don't try to be a Kim Kardashian lawyer.

You never, never stop checking that.

That's what Kim Kardashian would probably say to me.

I said, you know, sometimes I think I might try being a lawyer.

You don't try being a lawyer slash owner of the Spanx empire.

Or skim, skim.

Sorry, sorry, did I say?

Yeah.

It's skims.

Are they different?

Of course they're different.

They're two completely different brands.

But I mean, that's like Pepsi and Coke.

Okay.

Okay.

Everyone's on me.

I know.

I know.

I'm asking.

I made a mistake.

I made a mistake.

Is that like Pepsi and Coke?

It is.

It's two different brands of like, you know, getting it in.

Is there, is there, hey, can I ask a quick question?

Also, wow.

Did we just come up with a different term for pornography as well?

Getting it in.

What is that?

Getting it in.

Getting it right, getting it tight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is there a...

That's trademarked that.

Well, it's...

You're a lawyer.

Erica Brown is always saying that.

Erica Brown, Gurgant.

She works here and she pretty much runs everything here at the Conan empire.

And Erica Brown, who is the queen, she says, get it right, get it tight.

My question is, is there a skims slash Spanx for men?

I think there is.

Yeah, yeah.

There is.

No, there is.

Because I would like that.

It's just Spanx.

There's just male Spanx.

There's male Spanx?

Yeah, they are, yeah.

Are there male skims?

I'm sure there are.

Yeah, I guess.

I don't know.

Okay, I've got to have those.

Okay.

Well, it's a little late now.

It's a podcast.

You don't need them now.

I do.

I know.

There's some video here.

I hate to break it to you, but there's some video.

Oh, there is?

Yes.

Why do you say it so conspiratorily or kind of sexually?

Well, because you know, they have those weighted blankets.

Yeah.

And it makes people feel the idea of me being held closely all day.

Oh, you just, you're positive right now.

In my various areas.

Oh, stop.

Various areas.

Various areas.

I'm not going to buy them for you.

What's that?

You have to go and do that yourself.

I can't go.

You have to go.

You're my assistant.

I'm not going to do that.

You have to go and say, I'm here to buy some skim slash Spanx for Conan O'Brien.

Hold on.

We've got, we've got verification.

Verification.

No male skims yet.

Oh.

Hey, let's get this out to the Kardashian.

No, no, no.

Don't give it to the Kardashians.

Yeah.

You're a brand.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

You do lawyering and you do spanking.

I have to mention this.

I think we may have mentioned this before, but it just cracks me up.

You know, there's a lot of celebrities out there.

Ryan Reynolds won.

He's got a, like an aviator, Jin, I believe.

I've got a company called Hank's Kirchup.

Yes.

I'm a patron of your company.

Yes.

Not only that, my jacket is literally lined with a Hank's Kirchup.

Look at that.

Oh, that's cool.

That is a wonderful lining.

See, there's got the little logo and everything.

Hey, wait a minute. You know what I love?

Did you want to sell Hank Kirchups or did you have to because of the name Hank's?

I wanted to sell.

And what were the other options?

I wanted to sell, I wanted to sell Kirchups.

And then as I was sitting there about four minutes after I thought of the idea, I burst out laughing because I thought of the name.

And so many people, there was one group of people that were like, no, you really shouldn't do that.

That's hard to pronounce.

And I said, it's easy.

Hank's Kirchups.

And they're like, no, people are going to think it's Hank's Kirchups.

And I'm like, you just said it.

Not a problem.

Yeah.

That's not a problem.

So I, because I did know that you were saying that.

And I thought that you didn't want to, but because it fits your name.

You had to.

I like you going, you have to do O'Brien's Potatoes.

I do.

Yeah, whatever.

You know, yeah.

You want to know what?

O'Brien's Potatoes.

Do you like potatoes, Conan?

No, I can't have them.

They make me that.

You eat so many potatoes and then you need your special Conan O'Brien Spanx.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

Well, anyway, market demand.

You do Spanx, but just call them straight up.

Hank's.

Yes.

There you go.

Listen, I will, I will invest in the company.

Okay.

I think that you are the front man for the, we call them Hanks and it is male Spanx.

They can't sue you because that's your name.

That is true.

You've got that your entire life.

That is true.

And I will be an investor.

I also want to be in on the design.

Great.

I have a lot of ideas about where it should hug and hold.

Okay.

All the areas.

I have people getting thumbed out.

Because you say it in such a creepy way.

I'm trying.

And you hear you.

Yeah.

I'm empowering myself to talk about my body.

Yeah.

But when I don't like the way you say it.

You don't understand.

When you say it, we are then forced to think about it.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

I'm visualizing it and I'm telling you, we're doing this.

We're doing this.

We're doing it.

Thanks.

We're doing it.

We can't release this podcast until we've, you know.

Oh, trust me.

This was never going to be released.

Okay.

Good.

Good.

I mean, we got off to such a bad start and you made these weird, crazy political statements early on.

Yeah.

And then you said some religious stuff.

So this can't go out.

No.

Great.

Excited?

That that is the case?

Excited?

That that is the case?

But anyway, back to what we were saying, I'm so glad that you're doing this documentary on John Keaney because he was important to me.

And you should tell me.

I mean, I'm sure you're going to, but people like Marty Short, they have great stories.

Oh, I mean, all of them.

I'm actually most excited about the ability to be able to talk to as many people that John worked with and was close with because everybody sort of feels the same.

There's not really anybody who goes, that son of a bitch.

And he was just so great in everything.

And what makes it so tragic is that, well, I mean, there's a lot of things that make it tragic, but like he really was on the cusp, I think, of becoming like a really beloved dramatic actor.

And I think he was like one roll away from that actually really becoming the case because the blueprint is all there.

He did a sketch.

He was in a sketch, an SCTV sketch.

It's one of, it seared my brain.

It seared my brain.

There was a sketch, it was a promo for a television show, a Western called Yellow Belly.

And John Keaney plays Yellow Belly.

And the whole song is he's such a coward.

It's like Yellow Belly, the coward.

And he's, so he's dressed as this sort of cavalry soldier and he's shaking and quaking and he's afraid and he's walking down the street and a woman and her daughter, like wearing bonnets walk by and the daughter, I think, I'm getting this wrong, I'm sure, but what I remember is the daughter sort of whispering to the mom like, mom, who is that man?

And she goes, shunny, it's Yellow Belly.

And John Keaney turns and shoots them both in the back.

Oh my God.

It's, I was watching that.

I was watching that with my brothers in, I don't know, 1977 in Rhode Island, in Miss Kwamakut, Rhode Island at my grandfather's house huddled around a black and white TV and my mind exploded through my skull that you could do that.

And then the song goes, Yellow Belly.

And he's, I was like, you're hulking the gamma rays, orange is true.

I mean, no, I mean that, the idea was so wrong and so funny and he was so good in it.

And so when I finally got to meet him, I just said, I'm sorry, Yellow Belly.

And he was like, chuckled about Yellow Belly.

That's amazing.

But I'd love to talk with you for the doc.

I make no promises that you'll make the cut.

As long as you meet my fee.

Yes, I'll meet your fee.

I will all the Brown Eminems.

I've read the contract.

Well, I'm excited because honestly, like the major, the documentaries that I've directed have all been sort of music focused.

What are the bands that just blow your mind that?

I mean, there's your go to these days.

Go to these, well, Queens of the Stone Age is always sort of like the primary one for me just because there's no one else like them.

I didn't realize it at the time.

I didn't take it for granted, but for almost 30 years, I had this steady stream of bands being, I'd show up to work and I'd be like, who are these guys?

Their name's Green Day.

Well, we'll see if I make it.

And they would perform eight feet from me and then I'd walk over and thank them and I get to see them at rehearsal.

But so many bands would come in and they were brought in every day that I didn't have to go out looking for music.

And then in the last year or so, I noticed what's going on, something's missing, like something primal and important is missing from my life.

And my wife said, well, you really don't talk to the children.

I said, that's not it.

Back to your room.

They don't want to talk to you anyway.

They're old enough.

They don't want to.

They just want my money.

So anyway, marriage isn't going well.

I hate to give you that.

But no, I totally understand what you're saying because you were in a position where your job, right, you were in an environment that was actually nurturing of musicians and you were able to soak that up as much as they were.

Oh, I was just in heaven.

But what I did do, my daughter is who's just turned 19.

But when she was 18, she loves music and she's a musician and she said she really wanted to go to Coachella.

She said, you want to come along?

And I was like, yes, I'll go to Coachella.

And it was such an eye-opening experience for me because I didn't know a bunch of the bands.

And she educated me.

She said, okay, here are all the bands we could listen to.

Oh, that's great.

And so she played for me all this different music.

And I'd be like, wait, who are these people?

And she said, well, that's Japanese breakfast.

And I was like, wow, they're really great.

Well, we're going to go see them then.

And then she'd play another band and another band.

And so it was, I saw some people that I knew, of course, or people that I had heard of, but I saw a lot of music.

You're standing there with a lot of other people, most of them barely clothed.

Were you also wearing like a Native American headdress and skimpy clothing?

Well, because that's what I understand.

This is the one time I didn't do that.

Oh, that's wearing his skinks.

No, it was the amount of near nudity that I saw was, and you do start to feel like a librarian like, ooh, maybe they should try clothing.

You know, like take it easy, old man.

So I didn't want to be that guy.

You know what I mean?

I wanted to.

So I was like, oh, look, you know, there's someone's ass.

But why would you say that even?

Well, I thought that was pretty cool.

Did you say that?

I did.

Oh, geez.

Hey, there's an ass.

No.

No, that's not what I do.

Don't do those things either.

No, don't say that.

You're not supposed to do that.

Have you gone to Coachella?

I have.

I haven't gone to Coachella in a very long time, though.

I hate to admit it.

I mean, I remember going, there was a good stretch there when I went pretty much every year.

I think you and I are going together.

Ooh.

What if we went together?

Let's.

Let's.

Yeah.

Blay.

I'm in.

Great.

Are you coming to Blay?

No, he's just going to film it.

I mean, he'll be there.

He'll monetize it.

No, my phone's totally charged, guys.

I'm definitely filming you doing all of this stuff.

Yeah, we're saying they're selfies, but they're taken from 60 feet away.

Yeah, exactly.

And then we have to fake that I have really long arms.

But like, I mean, concerts in general and festivals, like I love going to shows.

Like, that was one of the things that I really, that really did me in with the pandemic is like taking like live music and concerts away.

And like that was soul crushing for me for those two, two years, three, how many years?

I don't even remember.

18 years.

Nobody knows.

18 years.

No one even knows anymore, but I will say this and it made me sad, but.

I really wanted to bring it down.

Yeah.

Well, I was going to mention the crash of the Hindenburg.

So, but you beat me to it with that's my that's my go to for it, you know, it was about to dark successfully in Lakehurst.

Explode in flames.

Come on.

Wait, what are we talking about?

No, but I didn't know it was about to dark.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, it's just about to dark.

Yeah.

It was so close.

Yeah.

That's the tragedy of it.

That's it.

That's the tragedy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It made it all the way and it was just darking when all of a sudden, you know, maybe static electricity.

I didn't know that.

Yeah.

That sucks.

You're so close.

You think it sucks now.

Sonoma of Sessian on the crash of the Hindenburg.

That sucks.

Yeah, they were so close.

Prior to this, were you like, no big deal.

They had it coming.

I don't know.

I thought it was just like, we're on their way.

And then, oh man.

That's right.

Titanic was like halfway.

They were on their way.

Oh man.

Yeah.

That's what happened within five blocks of the home.

That makes it worse.

So close to home.

Yeah.

It's statistically most accidents happen within several feet of the dirigible landing spot.

That's statistically true.

No, we'll go together.

We'll go together and watch.

And, you know, but it's one of the things I was going to mention that made me sad is that during the pandemic, young people that I'd be talking to would say, oh, I guess I'll never see a concert again.

And they would mean it.

Oh yeah.

And I would say, I guess, maybe they're not comfortable like, you know, going in a mosh pit anymore.

Like, you know, I think we're going to go right back to what we were doing.

Okay.

Exactly.

Yeah.

I mean, adults had a similar thing.

It was just like, well, I guess we'll never use the valet again.

Just bitter that they had to find parking.

Now it's my turn to say that.

I got to park this car.

Hindenburg sucks.

And no one else is parking.

My tricked out Bugatti.

It's the same.

Yeah.

That's what I drive around.

I got to park three blocks away now.

Great.

I got a Bugatti and I had seven different hood ornaments put on the front.

One on top of the other.

All hidden birds.

And a Kaiser's helmet.

I want to make sure I ask you about this role.

First of all, I mean, there's a bunch of things to, I'm so glad that you're doing this project about Willie Mays.

Oh yeah.

Because that blows my mind.

And I can't wait.

When is that going to be available?

That's going to be out on HBO the beginning of November.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

So it's coming.

Yeah.

It'll be out next week.

You're also, you're playing a very dark role in friend of the family.

Well, yeah.

Dark show.

Yeah.

For sure.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

It's a crazy one.

I've heard of this story and I just wanted to mention it quickly because it's a story that I found absolutely insane and impossible and it's true.

Yeah.

It's completely insane and it is 100% true.

But yeah, there was a documentary about this family that was on Netflix a few years ago called Abducted in Plain Sight.

But the show is about the Broberg family whose daughter was kidnapped twice by a very close family friend.

A friend of the family who's hung out with him and spent a lot of time with them.

Yeah.

And he was a master manipulator, blackmailer and pedophile and he groomed not only the daughter but both of the parents separately.

Yes.

And blackmailed them and...

It's an unbelievable story and you're...

The father.

I play Bob Broberg, the father of Jan Broberg who was abducted.

And who is playing...

Jake Lacey.

Jake Lacey.

Okay.

Who is...

That is a dark role.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's really heavy stuff.

It's really, really dark stuff.

There are so many times, it happens 15 times a day where I say, that's why I'm not an actor.

Seriously.

I'm just always blown away by people that can inhabit a role like that and explore that kind of darkness or just...

You could play a serial killer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, you got the look.

Well, because that I know.

You've got the look.

Got the BDI.

You've got the look.

No, I've...

Look, I've killed and I'll kill again.

So that's something I know.

But there's so many times where I see...

I'm not one of those people who thinks acting now looks easy.

I'm totally in awe of actors because I think I don't have that.

I don't have that thing.

I don't know how people do that.

Well, it's hard because...

I mean, this actually sort of goes into what we were talking about earlier.

I would much rather keep things light and easy and fun.

And so if there's a comedy to be had, all in, can't wait, sign me up because I just want to be able to laugh as much as humanly possible throughout the course of the day.

But this thing was so dark.

I mean, it's hands down the most challenging thing that I've ever been a part of.

My head is shaved.

I'm wearing glad...

I did everything I could to not look like myself just because I was so intimidated by what it was that we were trying to do.

But I really took it as a mission to go like, okay, this is going to be hard.

This is going to be challenging and difficult.

And there are going to be a lot of days where you're not going to want to go to work and there's going to be a lot of days where you go, get me the fuck home as soon as possible.

But I really tried to do everything I could to go.

Let's make believe because I always say, look, my job is to wear make believe and pretend to be other people.

So I'm going to wear make believe.

I'm going to pretend to be Bob Roeberg for the day.

And then when that camera is not on, we are trying to keep things light and accessible and easy so that this is not a miserable place to work every single day.

It helped that we had kids around so that we actually had to do that in order to sort of shelter them.

But I mean, we had this actors holding area where it's just the, when they're setting up shots, they got to put the actors somewhere.

So they can't just throw us into a room and lock us in it.

So they call it actors holding, although there's not a fence.

They could lock you in something.

Actors can't pick a lock to save their lives.

And some of us should be locked up.

But like we all of a sudden, I just felt the urge to just have something else to do on set that was just silly and creative.

So we just started designing like a fake tiki bar within our actors holding.

And so I got mirror balls and Christmas lights.

And I was telling the kids like, bring whatever you want.

Like everything goes up on the wall, like anything we can do so that when we are on the stages, it's a fun environment, a fun place to be.

I had an 11 hour playlist of tiki music and Hawaiian music.

I can forward it to you if you want.

And then we, okay.

All right.

All right.

Sorry.

Turns out, turns out very, very picky when it comes to his music noted.

Okay.

Excited?

No.

But we had like, I just put everything I could to make it look like a cheesy, fun environment.

And so that when we were on the stages, that was where we were hanging.

And then when we went actually onto the set, that was where we would do our work and then we would get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

And that ended up thankfully being kind of the way everyone like wanted to work as well.

Good.

And it made that experience so much better.

And I think it made it possible for me to do all the really dark stuff that I had to do.

So it was, yeah, blast to make.

I don't know what it's going to be like to watch.

Enjoy nine hours.

Nine hours of how the hell did this happen?

Why?

Why?

Well, we'll show you for the next 50 minutes.

Well, it has been a delight.

It's been so much fun.

Speaking of my few, I always enjoy my time with you.

You're a fine gentleman.

Thank you, sir.

I appreciate it.

And I may have to write you another letter now.

Okay.

Thank you for...

Okay.

Do I, I don't know if I have your current address.

I'll give it to you.

You will constantly move as if you're up to no good.

I will.

Or just avoiding my letters.

That's so...

We got another letter.

We got to move again.

He knows where we live.

There's that new...

I don't know if it's Netflix or what it's called, The Watcher, about the house and they get these letters.

I think that's the effect that people have when they get a letter from me.

But my letter is just, you know, hey, Colin.

And Colin goes back and says, we've got to move.

He knows where we are.

We got another letter from Colin in quick, but bring out the boxes.

This is my Olivetti from 1971.

And anyway, I just thought that I was so cool talking to you.

Get out!

Get out of the house!

Where's my gun?

The letter is coming from inside the house.

Hey, thanks a lot for being here, man.

Thank you, man.

I appreciate it.

Hey, this is a incredible treat.

I am sitting here with one of my all-time heroes and good friend, Lucky Me, Mr. Dana Carvey.

Dana Carvey is here.

Conan O'Brien, my favorite.

Very good friend.

You didn't say favorite what?

Hero.

Favorite, if you have a tough steak at a restaurant and you can't cut through it and you need it in little pieces, you are hell on wheels with a steak knife.

I am very good with a steak knife.

You put in nice, tasty pieces.

Not favorite comedian, not favorite humorist.

Favorite steak cutter.

Favorite human across a desk.

Conan, they all time great.

I am excited because you have a new venture.

And I am thrilled to be part of it because you have created a podcast for the Team Cocoa Network.

I have partnered with Team Cocoa for Business Partner.

I love this idea.

You pitched me this idea once.

I think not even thinking necessarily this would be a show.

This was something you and your sons were screwing around and having fun, making kind of a very weird, funny Twilight Zone, a scripted podcast.

And you were telling it to me and I couldn't stop laughing.

I really loved it.

It's really funny and it's called The Weird Place.

The Weird Place, yes.

My son Tom generates most of the ideas and my son Dex is sort of producing it with me along with my powers and doing effects and stuff.

And we always want to, we just love the Twilight Zone.

And we had an idea that we took the Netflix called The Creepy Box, but just didn't.

It was, you know, it's either The Weird Place or Creepy.

But we wanted to bring back the Twilight Zone.

We loved it and we'd seen different incarnations.

I think it's called The Black Mirror, which is kind of a work of genius, but it's so dark.

And we really, romantically wanted to bring it back and have it be kind of retro.

It has a darkness to it, but there's sort of a positivity about it.

So we decided to do a Twilight Zone type show.

Right, narrated by, of course Twilight Zone was narrated by Rod Serling.

The.

You are the Rod Serling, the great Rod Serling.

And to be like, you know, I don't do a Rod Serling, but imagine a, you know.

Yeah.

Picture if you will.

Yeah.

A man alone on a pirate ship in the middle of the Atlantic.

And then we put effects on it.

Basically it's storytelling.

I think in a way, because scripted podcasts makes everyone go, what?

You know, they don't get it.

So I think it's kind of like an audio, audio short films or short television episodes, but Rod is back in this and the voice is back.

The gravitas is back.

He's a perfect straight line for comedy.

Well, also, this is a great use of your talents because you have such a great visual mind as a comedian and you can do all these voices.

So you create these stories, these bizarre stories and, you know, just the ones I've heard have been a joy.

It's out right now, by the way.

Let me point out to you.

You can get.

The weird place.

Yeah.

Wherever you get your podcasts, get the weird place because they're available and they're really funny.

But what are some of your favorite episodes so far?

My son came up with an idea of a man touches globe and it affects the natural world.

Meaning if a guy has a globe and if he touches it, a giant finger comes out of the sky.

In that part of the world and crushes things.

Yes.

Or if he flicked the ocean, there'd be a tidal wave, that kind of power.

I started thinking about the character for that and for some reason because the person who gets it becomes power mad.

So I thought of the invisible man, which I love, the 1933 version, where Claude Reigns actually got nominated for Academy Award and he's mostly invisible.

But I love his voice and then it's the power, the power to rule.

The power to rule the world.

You must see.

And then he has an ingenue who's very innocent Dolores who loves him.

No, Claude.

No, you can't.

And it's a two-parter and we have just, I'm having so much fun.

Love doing it so much and riffing these characters out and working with my sons closely like that.

As you know, writing a lot of time is just in the moment at the table.

It's not always at a typewriter and then he went here and there.

It's just the guy in the room and Conan would be one of the best ever at that.

Which is like, oh, let's go that way or let's do this.

Or in this one called Mario is my dad.

My son goes, hey, you should go in the game.

So it's you going into the game?

Yeah.

Well, son's dad talks like this and makes sounds like Mario Brothers.

I like to get the Coca-Cola.

It's very silly, but he comes up with notions like that.

So it's really satisfying to work with him.

I sing in one as a character called Mr. Willoughby, which is sort of an archetypal.

Well, tell me about Mr. Willoughby.

Mr. Willoughby is someone who's kind of created for magic.

He's a mystical character in the weird place and in the episode Man Touches Club.

And he has people come into this fantasy store that can appear or not appear.

It's a knickknack and oddity store.

And he sings a little song when you come in and he makes dreams come true.

So he's got like almost a Willy Wonka quality.

I did sort of an Edwin kind of guy knock off.

Right.

Welcome to the oddity and knickknack store.

Would you like an oddity or a knickknack?

And he's the one who has the man get the globe who goes through this supernatural journey like it's a wonderful life.

But this is what I like.

Like say it's like a twisted comedy version of Black Mirror because what you and Twilight Zone, this allows you to riff, you know, what what comedians and comedy writers and performers all talk about is when we get in a room, we riff.

There's no idea that can't fit in this world.

I love about it.

And there's unlimited characters for me to do or anyone else to do.

So yeah, I get to do a lot of very fun characters in the pirate episode.

I play a genius from 1738 whose name is Smarty Wiggins.

Of course you do.

Based on a friend of my mother-in-law's from Ireland.

He told of dogs like this and I have ideas about this.

I've invented a new thing.

What is it?

I call it radar.

So when I get lost.

Does anyone know what he's talking about?

They do.

I mean, he's kind of a genius.

Yeah.

You know, so he figures out that the it's a submarine that goes back in time.

A nuclear submarine meets up with these pirates and they're trying to figure out what the hell is going on and Smarty figures out that the.

The craft they're seeing is a nuclear submarine.

He puts it together.

But they call it an iron whale.

They don't get it.

He came in an iron whale from beneath the sea.

He figures it out by the zippers because I look all this stuff up.

Zippers were not invented until after 1738.

It's obvious they are from the future.

Instead of buttons, they fasten their trousers with interlocking metal teeth.

So the guy from the 1960s submarine cab, you think we're from the future because our pants have zippers?

So that kind of stuff.

So it's not that we have a nuclear submarine.

Yeah.

But when they meet, they meet the pirates, they assume their hippies on dope pretending to be pirates.

You know, their hippies on dope.

You know what I love is when you were first messing around with this, just for fun.

Yeah.

I think the best things come out of just joy and fun.

You were doing these just for fun with your with your sons and you were sending them to me.

Yeah.

Little, little segments.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I'd be driving around somewhere.

I'd be doing something.

I'd be making a smoothie and then bing and I'd look down and you would send me a new short 10 minute episode of the weird place that you guys had just made for fun and I would listen to it and just have a blast.

That's the whole idea and the joy of it and the positivity of it.

I feel like if anybody's laying around in their room or driving their car or going to the gym, this is something that I'm hoping that they'll listen to more than once because it's every moment is thought out very, very carefully.

Every single second of it, we want to be satisfying and it is one of those things for me to get clarity.

Like if I had $12 billion, I would be doing the weird place.

I know.

It's the most satisfying creative thing I think I've ever done.

Wow.

Yeah.

That's fantastic.

Yeah.

Because I'm able to put empathy and pay those in it at given moments, not too heavy-handed, but I want it to have an innocence to it and this is pre-Ted Lasso.

I felt starved for the old Twilight Zone.

Starved for it and my son's as well.

So we just love it.

Just love doing it.

It's very hard work, I have to say.

Well, it shows.

It's a joy to listen to.

The weird place is out now.

Listen wherever you get your podcast.

Dana Carvey, thank you.

Thank you.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend.

With Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gorely.

Produced by me, Matt Gorely.

Produced by Adam Sacks, Joanna Salotaroff and Jeff Ross at Team Cocoa and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Year Wolf.

Theme song by the White Stripes.

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples.

Engineering by Will Bekton.

Additional production support by Mars Melnick.

Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Britt Kahn.

You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode.

Got a question for Conan?

Call the Team Cocoa Hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message.

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This has been a Team Cocoa Production in association with Ear Wolf.