The Distractible podcast with Mark Fischbach, Wade Barnes, and Bob Muyskens is a space to have thoughtful discussions about funny, out there, or otherwise interesting stories from everyday life. Also an opportunity for three friends to remind each other they are not as smart as they think.

Candy Tier List

October 30, 2022



Today the guys compile another contentious tier list, this time Halloween themed!

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Happy Halloween, Gentle Listener and welcome to Distractable, a widow of production.

This week, the gents kick off with how starving artists despise AI music, simlish, love for a Cthulhu run Ohio and expanding Halloween worldwide.

But the main event is a taste test tango between M&Ms, 2D sus pieces, Butterfingers, 2 vice Krispies blocks.

Yes, it's time for Candy Tier List.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Distractable, your favorite podcast, the best podcast, and as far as I know, the only podcast that exists.

Right guys?

Okay, yeah, I'm pretty sure you're right.

Although I was a host on another one, the most popular episode on another one, but sure.

That doesn't sound right.

Yeah, that doesn't sound right.


Anyway, welcome to Distractable.

This is the show where we three boys compete to win this show.

I'm going to be the host for this week.

My name is Bob and my two friends are going to be competing.

That would be Mark and Wade.


It's us.

You boys.

It is you boys.

You boys.

We are you boys.

Oh, I'm done.

I'm sorry.

I don't mean to speak out of turn, sire.

No, I felt bad for cutting you off.

I do that a lot.

I'm not a good listener or a meterer of my talking.

I just talk and talk and talk and you guys are like, let me talk.

And I'm like, no, I'm talking.

Listen to my voice.

You are the judge.

You have the right.

It's not like that.

It's not like that.

Today I am God.

And as a judge, which per my usual rules, I will give out points, but today is special because I will give out points and track them very precisely with the Intel scoreboard.

Every time points happen, you'll hear this sound.


It's a good sound.



That's the Intel sound.

Thanks for sponsoring this episode Intel.

It's not like Will's shitty old sound with a little little coins hitting a jar.

What was that dumb?

He's going to edit me to sound stupid the rest of the episode.

God, I hope so.

He's going to get mark bought and replace you.

I deserve it.

I deserve it.

Have you ever heard of the ship of these?

The ship of these.

That was very funny Mark.

I'm glad you did that.

And it wasn't at all a robot.

That's what I'm here for.

I'm the funny guy in this podcast.

We all know this.

You could laugh at that.

You could maybe feel better about that.

I threw it out there.

I laughed internally.

That wasn't a joke.

That was honesty.

I was just saying, yeah, you're right.

You are the funny man.

Muted indifference somehow hurts harder.

I'm my boy pointed at you.

Well, hey, you know, you know, I know how to hurt you.

So you know, if I'm not doing the voice, I'm on your side, buddy.

Thanks man.

That really means a lot.

I know how to hurt you.

I know what matters.

Please don't.

Don't say like that.

That's not good.

I know how to get to you.

I don't like that.

I don't like that.

Today's topic is going to be a fun one.


Not yet.



But the stores tell me it is.

Right after this, the moment we're done recording this, you have to start listening to Christmas music.

That's the rule.

But for today, it's going to be about Halloween and it's going to be a revisit to a format that was, I think, kind of popular, kind of controversial.

I think people were into that episode.

But before we really dig into that, of course, we have to do small talk.

That's the rules.

That is the rule, yes.

I was established by you as a judge, I agree.

Yeah, you do better.

If you want to get those sweet points, you know how to get to me.

I don't date this too much, but we did just hang out not too long ago, so it kind of caught up a bunch.

But anything happened since we were all together in Los Angeles?

Nothing good.

I finally finished my big editing sprint.

If people are wondering why I've been missing from my own channel for a while, it's because I've been extremely busy editing a TV show.

And it's not that I did the entire editing.

I was just polishing it up, and it's very good now, and yada yada, and I probably shouldn't say anymore, but I'm saying more because that's all I've been working on.

I've been doing literally nothing but that.

Say more.

I can't.

What show is it, Mark?

It's For the Edge of Sleep.

All right, that's not secret anymore.

I was there for that.

I was there, oh.

Yeah, pretty much.

I thought you were just making a finaf, let's play a whole show out of it.


So that's why we're in LA, Mark filmed a whole series, and he's been furiously editing it.

I got to get more finaf, guys.

I got to get it in the only thing.

So when you're going to do your Choose Your Own Adventure YouTube original finaf.

My finaf, my own adventure.

I don't know.

Do I make out with Foxy or Freddy?


It's like Dora, but Choose Your Own.

That's just Five Nights at Fuck Boys.

Are you guys ever playing one?

Oh, it's true.

Oh, that existed.

I played that one.

They all got copyright struck recently.

I believe it, yeah.

Well, that seems like what that law is about.

They don't have to use it.

Did you guys see with AI like image generation, like all the individual artists have been very upset for it?

Not talking about the boobs.

The anime boobs?

That's a different one.

Oh, OK.

That's a subset of it.

You send me that link.

It's not really a, anyway, it's a subset of it.

So but as soon as these AI models started coming out that could replicate music, like it's not even good.

Like it's not even good, right?

I didn't know that one existed.

So AI can like you give it 10 seconds of a song and then it'll continue the song.

And it's like there's the one that was shown to me by Nico from Corridor was like, you know, Rick Roll, whatever the actual song is.


The Rick Astley song.

And then instantly after 10 seconds it went, you're in routine.

Being a, is like really jank, not that good.

But Nico was like, yeah, yeah, you're hearing that.

I'm like, I'm hearing it, man.

I will say, I think he, I think they posted that on socials or something.

I saw Nico showing that to one of the Corridor crew.


And I like, I heard it and I was like, OK, never going to give you up that song.

And when it got to the AI part, I was like, huh, this must be like a B side I never heard before.

It sounds kind of like it.


But the thing is like that's the state of where the technology is at this point.

But as soon as that started coming out and people are hearing about instantly the music industry was like, this is a danger to our musical artists.

We got to shut the shit down.

We got to burn down.

And meanwhile, like individual artists have been like, are getting progressively screwed over by AI art, both stealing their styles and also like taking jobs from them.

It is a useful tool and I think there's a future for it.

But right now people care about music, Mark.

People care about money.

You know, it's like, there's a thing about the starving artists.

Poor artists.

I know, right?

I gotta say, I hadn't heard about that.

And I know that there are issues with streaming and musical artists face a lot of different issues right now from how music is sold and shared and monetized and stuff.

I don't think the companies and huge multinational corporations that are all up in arms about the AI stuff are any less complicit in absolutely fucking all their musicians in the behind.


I get that they want their money, but the musicians are sitting there like, wow, my two enemies are fighting and I don't know from any experience, but it's my understanding that the labels don't care about the musicians so much anymore.

If they ever did.


Yeah, imagine that Wade.

I don't know their job.

I know that's what they do.

They care.



That's all they do.

And I know about that though.

That's the AI music is very funny.

I love it.

But not in like a, oh, I'd listen to that in the car in like a, yeah.

Makes sense now.

All K-pop must be AI made.


Sorry, that was Bate.

I thought we were doing the Bate episode.

The Bate episode is over.

It's over.

It's over.

It's over.

Oh no, guys, please.

No, but you can see the progression, right?

You remember like just two years ago, AI image generation was in a laughable state and then it suddenly wasn't.

So I can see like where music could suddenly be good.

I don't think the idea of shoving songs into a box and then shitting out an approximation of those songs is better than an AI machine being like, you have a drum machine hit that, just learn when to hit that and then do that with a hundred other instruments and then hit those at the same time in a rhythm and it'll figure that out other than just.

I love that song.


Well, that's a big thing that's going to hold the back is if you want lyrics, that's a whole other world.

Because I talked to you, I talked on the podcast about one of my current favorite TikToks is a guy who does book covers of like, he'll just put in a thing that's like two lobsters jousting for the love of a shrimp.

And then it'll be like, you know, generate some book covers and the book covers have very good imagery sometimes.

Some of them are awful, but some of them are great.

But the language is always a goddamn nightmare.

Like if it's about like, there's one where he did frogs and all the things were like, frog in flongling love and it's like, whoa, it's worth, but it's not words.

How do you even do that?

The Sims language is going to have their own music industry.

Simlish is a real language.


Is it actually?

It's a real language.

I follow a woman on TikTok who sings songs, but every other verse is in Simlish.

It's very funny.

Simlish is a language.

It's an actual language you can learn and speak.

No way.

It's a language that rules and is a thing.

As far as I understand, I don't know if that's lore from the Sims universe or if that's like fan cannon.

There are people who speak fluent Simlish.

It's a thing.

I know one word in Simoleon.




When they burn their food.

You know about that.


I know too.

Are you sure it's yeah?

Are you sure it's yeah?

Are you sure it's not yeah?

No, I'm pretty, I'm pretty confident in the oh.

Are you?

I'm less confident than yeah.

Yeah, you should be.

That doesn't sound Simlish to me.

AI is fascinating guys.

We should talk about that more.

Quote AI.

Yeah, well, whatever.

That's what they refer to it as.

AI is getting older.



You okay Bob?

It's okay.

It's coming back.

Every time.

It's an open wound in my heart.

It's okay.

This is going to be okay Bob.

It's going to be okay.

I'm just excited for part three of that.

I can't wait.


You hit another year.

What were you doing?

And I'm like guys.

I got an idea.

I got a topic we haven't done before.

Anyway, how are you Wade?

Still dying or whatever's happening with you?

Bad things, right?

I'm mostly better.

I'm finishing up physical therapy.

I still have the occasional flare up, but it's so much rarer.

I can live almost normally again, which is nice.

Everyone in the house got ear infections, which is a little weird, but I guess I'm going to stop rubbing your ears together.


Well, that's how you do it.

If you don't want to betray Jesus, you have to do it with the ears.

Well, what are you rubbing with?

We've talked about soaking.


But we've never discussed what even would that be called?

Arroll sex.

You go ear to ear and you kind of form a suction.

That's how you know you're connected as one.

I'm sad I asked.

I'm sad I asked.

Your ear drums get synced up.

I'll show you later.

You've got home videos.

You know you're really compatible if you don't even need the adapter to make it worse.

Oh, God, a canal with me later.

Some people need this kind of like suction cuppy thing.

You guys want to do some oral later?


Our role is a hard word to distinguish.

Our role.

Yeah, it's just a Southern oral.

You guys won't do some.

Hey, you are.

Oh, it's a word.

I want to oral with me.

I know.

I know the word.

The people listening to this may not know the word, but that is a word.

A you are.

Oh, well, your confidence.

Oh, it's a real word.

A L or oral.

Oh, there's a you in there.

Yeah, there's a you are a L relating to the ear or the sense of hearing.

Anyway, you should stop doing that, Wade.

Well, we did with the ear infections.

No more ear fucking for you.


Sorry, Wade.

You got to stop ear fucking for at least a month, at least a month.

Don't worry.

We found a way to utilize nostrils moving forward.

No, not Nor's rule.

What is that?

Nor's rule, not Nor's rule.


Oh, the bill relating to the nose.

No, I told you to stay inside nasal.

God, it was right in front of her.

I don't know.

No, Nor's rule.

Nor's rule.

Right under my Nor's rule.

Nor's rule.

I almost was inside by Nor's rules.

My Nor's rule cavity.

I prefer Nor's rule myself.

We're good.

Otherwise, life in Ohio is great.

You guys should come back.


I don't know how to get out.

I heard that, but I don't believe it.

As far as every other place on the internet that I hear, Ohio is a hellscape wasteland that is just doomsday as soon as you cross the border.

It is fire.

I know.

People can't stop talking about us.

It's so great.

Everything's Ohio.

Did you see the joke going around that we should solve hunger by flooding Ohio and turning it into the nation's largest salmon farm?

I think we are the peak of the US and of all Americas.

If you flood Ohio, you're flooding everything else.

You know, it is this weird sense of pride I do get because as a fellow Ohio man, there's like this kind of weird thing where like, yeah, everyone's talking about Ohio.

I kind of like the idea that it's a Cthulhu-esque, like eldritch horror, just landscape of devastation as far as I can see.

Like only dead people go there.

And here in Ohio, we call that land farmland.


I like the vision of the Ohio Tourism Board is just a couple of people in a room just on the internet constantly like, oh, did you see this one?

No press is bad press.

No, no press is bad press, right?

Right guys?

Press is bad press, no press is bad.

They're talking about us.

Nobody's making flood Michigan jokes.

Maybe we should make a museum of Ohio eldritch horrors.

Who the fuck are you?

How'd you get in this meeting?

I desire the meme creator.

What the hell?

I almost think it would be worth it to get a job as a joke just to talk like that exclusively with everyone at your work.

It would be nice.

You have to like stand in the shadows and no one knows you're there and then you turn around twirl your mustache and you're like, I've been here the whole time.

It was I who instituted this.

I brought Ohio to the forefront.

You have to have your own little crew follow you around flagging lights so you can always have shadows to hide in.

And holding like your jacket butt flaps up for you while you walk.

Jacket butt flaps?

You're what?

And they dust your behind with a little feather duster while they do it.


I might.

Maybe I'm going off tangent.

But that's a thing.

Well, it would be for me.

If I was evil and purple wearing purple, purple too, I think.

No offense, Bob.

Whoa, whoa.

Purple is the color of royalty and good things.

Isn't there on the purple?

Purple is also the color of the twirling mustache man.

You know what's evil?


Yeah, but red's so overdone.


Purple's the surprise Ohio in the corner man.

The devil.

The, the, um, what else is red?

The Arizona Cardinals football team.

The Cardinals, the Ohio birds.

I guess that would make sense.

I thought it was.

Is it the high house?

That was Kentucky.

We have the Cardinal.

The Cardinal is the bird of several states, I think if I remember correctly, but I think Cardinal is the bird of Ohio.

I don't know what our flower is.

We have the buckeye tree.

What's our flower?

The Ohio national flower is a traffic cone.

They spring up every spring and then they go away in the winter.

It's true.

Oh, it's technically the carnation, which is also red or it's orange and yellow.

So yeah, traffic cone.

Well played.

I guess red would make sense for Ohio.

I stole that joke.

I heard a long time ago.

That is like the most dad joke I think I've ever heard you make.

Yeah, I know.

I felt bad saying it.

But we are getting older.

I actually laughed because I was taken aback so aggressively by the fact that you said it.

I know, right?

Yeah, I felt like gray hairs just exploding out of my scalp as soon as it was coming out of my, my mouth.

A clip for your phone appeared on your belt as you said it.

That's the kind of post you would see on bad Facebook memes where he's just like, the traffic, the traffic, the traffic, the traffic.

You know what?

I deserve any kind of hate that's coming to me on the subreddit.

You're one of those people in that commercial for that insurance company where they're like, don't become your parents.

You got all those ones where the guy's in the store and he's like, how low can you go on this mug?

I love this mug.

I never remember what company those commercials are for, but I do always enjoy them.

I know, no idea.

It's the guy who's the counselor and I don't know, it's insurance.

Never gonna buy it.

Bad ad.

Bad ad.

I like the one where the guy's shopping and he walks up to the manager, he's like, Stephanie in aisle six, great job.

And just like turns and pushes this car.

He wants to talk to the manager to give a compliment to one of the employees.

Thanks Mark.

That's you Mark.

Thanks guys.

That's you old guy.

I'm glad we got the inclusion.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You said traffic code.

You brought my baby ring.

Oh, that's right.

If someone did bring up that I do have a voice that I've had forgotten about because it's been so long.

It's like, hey, you're nice to know.

It's traffic code.

It's quite a bit in the spring and it goes away in the winter.

Is that 2010 Markiplier?


Yeah, I've watched you since 2010 Mark.



Really 2008, but I only kind of watched.

I know that's true.

Didn't you guys live together around then?

He was watching you.

I've watched you.

I've watched you.

I've watched you.

I've watched you since August 28th, 2007.

I've watched you Mark.

Parkour incident.

He was there.

He saw it.

What I never knew was that when we bunked the beds Bob like with a saw cut out a hole where my ass was and he's just like as I he's like, oh, good night Mark.

I clamber up there and lay down like, ah, man, this is comfy and me always just staring at my cheeks.


Good night.

When Markiplier's tasteful nude calendar came out, I was like, eh, see it.

Been there, seen that.

I've got a first edition.

He actually put a hole around it so it like reminded him of the old days.

The old days.

Wish I could turn back time.

Oh, yeah.

That all happened.

I'm pretty sure.

Anyway, well, I'm glad everyone's doing well and all that other stuff we just talked about.

Let's do the thing.


That's what I do.


This is the Halloween episode.


That was all spooky, spooky small talk that we had there.

Crash lightning thunder.

Scary ambiance.

Will you hurt him?

Crash lightning thunder.

Wait, it's calling the shots.

You know the sound of lightning.

It's thunder.

Maybe we should have put that at the beginning.

Crash lightning thunder back at the beginning.

I'm sure Will has made the whole thing just perfectly spooky and working music and hopefully Baltimore really cranks up the spook factor.

It's a good thing we planned all this because then you know what it's going to be like when it is an episode.


Anyway, today's topic is clearly spooky.

No doubt about it.

No doubt.



We have to do a Halloween candy tier list.

Oh, sure.

Oh, I've heard of those.


No, I'm stealing Wade's idea and doing it to your list.

That's okay.

I've apparently stolen all of yours or even.

What are you?

The subreddit?

That's right.

We still read you even though you're on our list subreddit.

What did they do?

No, when you've been bad or good.

So post for goodness sake.

What did they do guys?

I don't know, but I was out there and I saw someone post that every podcast has the same three hosts meme again and I almost lost it.


Okay, man.

I saw it too.

I saw HP Lovecraftian horrors.

Or did you find another different one?

Oh, I saw the regular one.

I don't know.

Oh, no.

I saw one of Lovecraftian horrors where one of us was Cthulhu.

It was like three Lovecraftian horrors and then like there was a little guy holding a torch and they were like, Mark is Cthulhu.

Bob is this Cthulhu monster.

Wade's the guy holding the torch.

Other monster.


Or was that like a villager?

It was like the three pictures of these awesome looking monsters and like this tiny little one pixel image of a man with a little flame and they're like, that's Wade.

I don't know if it's a compliment or an insult, but you're just a guy in the crowd.

It was me.

It was like, oh, wait, there he is.

You see him squint real hard.

I'm the largest walled over the podcast.

If you find me in an episode, you've won.

Candy tier list.

I like candy.

I know this is going to be spooky.

Everyone finds candy spooky, obviously.

You know what I didn't think about before picking this and announcing this as the topic?

Is this a custom outside of the US?

Is this like a US exclusive thing?

I don't think it's just do people trick or treat in other countries?

I don't think so.

Does anyone exist outside of the US?

I've thought about this before and I think I looked it up and I'm pretty sure it's something like very few other people do in the same way.

It looks like Ireland, Mexico, Italy and Portugal are a few countries with Halloween time celebrations.

I don't know of trick or treating as a thing.

Ireland and Scotland.

They celebrate Sam Hain.


Japan has a Kawasaki Halloween parade.

Hold on.

What country is that?


You did not say that.

Just so you know, you said Japan.

Japan has a...

Was that not on purpose?

Was it on purpose?



Maybe about...



You were like the Scotland or wherever they celebrate Sam Hain in Japan.

Around Halloween, Japan does become Japan.



I don't think you can recover that way.


The will is not going to organ you on that one.


You know what, Wayne?

Bupify Italy.

For a good attempt.

Points for Japan.

Not a lot of points, but some points.

But apparently Halloween celebrated differently around the world, probably at different times for different reasons.

What's the origin of Halloween?

It's almost like the meaning of the holiday is inconsistent.


Dia de los Muertos.


It's like the...

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's not Halloween.

Let's be clear about this.

I've heard that that's a very offensive comparison.

That is a specific Mexican tradition that has nothing to do with Halloween.

It's not Halloween.

It's more of like a celebration of life.

It's like honoring your ancestors and remembering everyone.

It's not the same.

I don't know what the origin of Halloween is in the US.

The idea of Halloween is just an end of harvest thing.

I think the spook factor started to really get integrated with probably the same kind of idea of costuming and costumes in general as it started going out at night.

I imagine it was kind of an evolving thing in America as it trended towards elaborate costumes at night.

There's a natural kind of like spooky scary tale as things get colder and the mist roll in and you know, the harvest and stuff like that.

I don't imagine it started out with like, let's all be fucking scary for a month.

Let's all be terrifying.

Let's be just scared.

Let's sit out of each other.

I don't think that was it.

It wasn't the idea to wear a mask to hide yourself from evil or something.

Like you were supposed to hide yourself from the spirits roam free and you must disguise yourself or they will get you or whatever.

Yeah, the whole point of wearing a mask was to hide from whatever spirits are into.

Yeah, we're all making guesses here.

We don't know anything actually.

No, I didn't do any research about this.

I just am curious now that we're talking about what the actual topic is, which is candy.

The scariest dessert.

Well they have candy all around the world and it's all American candy.


You are really going international with your anger.

Like you're getting around the world.

You're getting old to get everyone to hate you.

No matter where you live in the world, it's Ohio.

I've learned this from the internet.

You're all Ohio and you always will be.



Join me.

I don't know where that conclusion came from.

I swear I was paying attention for the most of this conversation.

I don't know how we got here.

I wasn't and I still got there.

That one really came out of left field.

I just like to imagine my dad always told the story before I was born.

He worked for like GM, the automotive manufacturer.

At some point they owned Fiat in Italy and he had to go to Italy for a couple months or something to work over there and it was cool, but it was over there over Thanksgiving.

So on the Thursday and there was like a whole group of Americans.

So on the Thursday of Thanksgiving, they went to the restaurant where they ate most nights, like the hotel restaurant or whatever.

And they were like, hey, can you guys make like turkey?

It's like an American holiday.

We know that you don't celebrate it here and probably don't really know what it is, but we like to eat turkey on this holiday.

And the kitchen was super cool and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we make you turkey.

And they did.

And so they had Thanksgiving, but from that point on, every Thursday was turkey Thursday.

So they had Thanksgiving for like a couple months every Thursday.

I do love that.

That is really cool.

So they got to go home.

My favorite holiday only because of the food.

I just love the idea of like Americans being over in Italy or wherever and on Halloween just going out and costumes.

Yeah, it was like, give me candy.

That was unusual.

Candy in my bag and all the European people, whoever.

It's just like, um, we have like raisins.

I don't know.

Here you go.


And then every whatever, it's like that happens on a Monday night.

Every Monday night, the Europeans are like, are they here?

Are they coming back?

Is it candy night?

Every Monday at 6 p.m., the children arrive dressed horrifyingly begging for food.

I mean, that's how you get Halloween to start in other places.

Like an infection of horror.

They're like, they're going to come again this year.

You've got to get the candy.

You got to make sure you have it.

Oh, they're going to kill us as a small child.

Do you want dinner tonight?

Put this on and knock on the neighbor's door at 6 p.m.

Ask them for food.

It's like a Halloween clubs for all expats living in other countries.

A huge group of Americans get together for Halloween.

This runs around scaring the shit out of people and then once they're scared, they're like, Halloween bitches and run away on the poor Europeans.

They're just like, what the fuck?

What's wrong with you people?

What is Halloween?

Don't know.

We have to do it.

It's just a thing now.

You have to do it.

Just like we have to do this episode.

Even though the tier list is very divisive, we must.

That's true.

We must.

We have to.

For the people.

It's required.

Apologies to all of our international viewers whose candy will not make the cut.

I will say there are so many different candies from around the world and so many different sodas and stuff.

We just know ours.

We're lame.

Shut up.


Come on, man.


I take my apology back.

The host said to shut up and so I shout.

I don't acknowledge them.

Don't help them form the reasons to be angry.

Let them do that.

There's a certain barrier to that.

You're happy and you'll like this and you'll be interested in learning about our American culture and our healthy candy snacks.

We have to have a conversation about group social dynamics with you.

We got to really talk about that.

You do all the time.

I just never show up to those meetings.

Very busy dot giving shoots.

That's true.

It's hard to get Wade locked down for a meeting.

Oh, is it a quarter tail?

I'm too busy to care.

It's true.

It's true.

It's true.

I am the group.

I'm Ohio.

It's all true.

He speaks facts.

All right.

All right.

All right.

I got to be honest.

It's hard to pick where to start with this because there's definitely different types of candy that I view personally, different good in different contexts.

Try picking video games, Bob.

You think this is hard?

Look into my world.

I want to start with a baseline.

All right.

The classic.

We're going to start rating candies.

Oh, I didn't even tell you what your tears are.

Oh, yes.

It's the usual, really.

But the tears are first one I eat, A tier, B tier, last one I eat, straight to the trash, and I have no idea what that is.


All right.

So no F.

I guess that's straight into the trash.


Well, we can add tears, if anything.

C is last and D is straight in the trash.


I know you didn't say those.

I'm just trying to quantify them in my head.




That's a good way to describe it because really it's like the first one you eat is...

I guess B would be average.


B is average.

I'm going to guess and I'm going to try and hunt to give us sort of the middle ones, the average ones, to give us a start before we get to the really polarizing ones.

Straight into the trash is pretty like F tier, I would say.

What it has to be is like if there's the only...

There can only really be one first you eat.

Kind of.


Because even if you had all of the first you eat by themselves, one would be the first of the first.

Well, so we could each have the first one that we eat then maybe.

That's true.

Maybe you get to pick one and you commit to that.

So we can have three first gods, but that's like one...

If we agree, that doesn't work.

We can each have our own.


Fair enough.

We have pretty different tastes.

I could see that happening.

We'll see.

We'll see.


I'm ready.

All right.

So I want to start with one that I feel like is a solid, definite, quality candy, but I'm curious how you guys see it.

The classic milk chocolate bar, like a straight up Hershey's bar or whatever brand.

Not like a fancy chocolate bar either.

Not like some lint pure.

They're not giving out those on Halloween.

The gas station chocolate bar.

A Hershey's kiss equivalent.


A Hershey's kiss or a Hershey's mini bar or whatever.

Pure regular chocolate.

American chocolate.

Yes, chocolate.

Regular chocolate.


Waxy old rego milk chocolate.

It is waxy.

That is the thing.

That is always strange.

Because I'll have like high quality chocolate.

I'm like, this isn't waxy.

But sometimes I crave the waxiness.

The hard part with this is my taste buds have changed.

This would have been like first gone when I was a kid and now it's like, really?

Do I really want it?

Just like plain as compared to all the other chocolatey, not to mention other options.

Well, okay.

It would have at least been a tier, I guess.

Like it would have been up there.

Like I was, if I got a Hershey bar, like a plain Hershey bar, I was like, yes.

But nowadays after eating better quality, man, where would I put it?

Of the Halloween candies.

I guess B, I guess would be a solid B.


It's really one of those things where because there's such a wealth of choices, like chocolate and I, and we, everyone listening to this, if you understand our perspective here, you understand that like we're talking about specifically Hershey's level chocolate.

We're not talking about the higher end chocolates with all those fancy names, European chocolate, whatever.

We know they're better.

This is the basic experience.

So B is fair.

I wouldn't eat it last just because I would pop it in my mouth as I'm looking through the other candy.




I'd pop it in my mouth, let it melt and just as I'm thinking, I'm not really like savoring it.

I'm just like, in my mouth and being like, oh my God, it's amazing.

I mean, I swallow everything whole anyway.

So I just hork it down like a snake, but it's just goes down my, you see my neck just like a brick.

Goes down sideways.

I'm assuming we're not adding like higher tier chocolates.

This is going to be like strictly the common candy that people buy in bulk to give away to kids.


Stuff you would actually get in like an, yeah, whatever, the most common American stuff you would get for Halloween stuff.

Of that stuff, I still think that B tier is fair for the B is fair.

I wouldn't eat it last.

That's for sure.

I'm not disappointed to get it, but I wouldn't be like, no, I'm happy.

It's perfectly content, which I think is what B is all about.

I think we're in aggressive agreement and that's what I was kind of hoping for.

I fullheartedly agree.

I would never not eat Hershey's kiss or a chocolate bar or whatever, but it's definitely like that would sort of slinger around until I wanted chocolate and I was out of a, you know, whatever chocolate I might prefer to them.

Or like you said, Mark, I would grab that first because I'm like, oh, I know what that is.



Now, if we want to be divisive, is it dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

When I was a kid, dark chocolate, I didn't throw away, but I gave to my parents because I did not like it.

Which is, I mean, that's the equivalent, right?


If you don't want it for yourself, it's like straight into the trash.



So for me, even to this day, and I know people were all, the chocolate snobs are going to get on my ass.

I would throw it away.

Dark chocolate?

I would literally, I do.

You haven't grown up yet?

I haven't.


Look, man, I like chocolate to be sweet.

I'm not going to lie.

Have you seen how tall he is, Bob?

It just is what.

Oh, sorry, Mark.

Did you hear that?

Oh, that's hard to do that much.

Oh, I'm good.

You got it.

No, no, I know it's a bad take and I know like when you get down to a certain percentage of milk chocolate, it's not chocolate and that's where the wax comes from.

But like I said, I do love a sweet, sweet chocolate and the bitterness of it was like, oh, the bitterness is where the flavor gets all robust and baby, then you get the notes of it and I'm like, I don't care.

I really, I don't care.

I was with you until literally about a year and a half ago.

Molly bought like those dove chocolates.

She got milk.

Oh, yeah.

Dark and like, I forget what it was like something else.


And I was eating the milk ones and I was like, yeah, you can have the dark ones.

And then like, I tried a dark chocolate and I was like, I thought it would be.

And then like sometime in this last year and a half time period, I've switched from like, I don't even want the milk chocolates anymore.

Like she bought both and I only ate the darks.

There's a jar of housing.

I don't know how, when, why.

There's a jar of those.

I was eating them at your house.



They're still there.

I walk by them every day, never tempted.

I don't even look at them.

How long were there before I ate them?

Very long time.

Oh, no.

Enjoy your old spoiled burnt chocolate.

No, they were there like a month.

So you get for a mystery jar candy.

Well, I ate some of them and I'm still alive.

I admit it's a bad take, but I can't help myself.

It's a personal choice.

That's fine.

We've talked about foods, things before and that's, I get why people who like dark chocolate are like, oh, it's so sweet.

How can you, at this point in my life, I like both.

I did not like dark chocolate as a kid, but I can appreciate dark chocolate now.

It's good.

It has equalities that I definitely enjoy.

I would eat either.

But I think you're allowed to like that, Mark.

Thank you.

Who's going to yuck your yuck or whatever?

Yuck your preference.

They would say, I could hear the arguments already.

It's like, you don't like chocolate.

You like sugar.

And I'm like, yeah, you're right.

I do.

You'll judge by the next things on my tier list.

Yeah, I like sugar.


That's what candy is all about for me.

But I will say because I am biased and inconsistent, Wade gets points for that because I agree with him.

It's fair.

Sorry, but you're allowed to like that, Mark.

I'm not judging you.

It's fair.

It's fair.

It's fair.

You just don't get points.

You get points.

They could be weird or dark.

I can't imagine eating like a crunchy bar that's all dark.

Maybe it would be good.

I don't know.

But there's something like...

That's interesting.

Like milk chocolate is so enraptured with other things in them that it would be weird to think about having it with dark.

But maybe it would be better.

I don't know.

It's just hard to imagine it.

If we're talking caramel chocolate, like the Ghirardelli chocolate with the caramel inside.

Mmm, little squares.

That's A tier.

That's A tier for me.

I was just going to say, what a great segue you created, Wade.

there is a kind of chocolate where you can directly compare almost directly compare dark to milk chocolate in the same context and that is Mounds bars versus almond oh for joy one of those called almond joy that's the one the picture is really small and hard to see so mounds versus almond joy so yeah so almond joy is coconut shredded coconut mixed with like it's like a kind of a creamy filling it's like thick but it's like coconut flavored it has an almond on it and it's covered in milk chocolate mounds is the exact same thing without the almond covered in dark chocolate so it's pretty one-to-one type comparison I have an answer we can rate them separately if you guys have strong opinions and they can go together but where would you put those you might if I go yeah go please trash both trash oh both right in the trash I agree with mark I don't like coconut I don't like coconut I the coconut thing doesn't do it for me oh I don't like the crunch between the teeth I don't like the way it squishes I don't like the flavor it's too much throw it away I'm the time I was a child till now those are the ones that the first ones I give away to my like those are bottom of straight into the trash they go yeah you look so sorry I forgot you could see my face yeah my honest reaction I knew the moment you bought it but I was like I'm gonna break that poor man's heart well look I was afraid of that because I know that that's a common opinion about those coconut is surprisingly divisive in in in general it's divisive in desserts and I feel like in savory food as well I like it in pina coladas that's it nothing else because like coconut curry and stuff like that because some people just can't just don't make coconut the only time I like coconut is when it's on a cake and I don't know what type case like carrot cake or what whatever we talking about like the coconut like the southern coconut white cake thing which is like covered in shredded coconut type stuff even that's like I scrape off some of the coconut like this is too much that's fair but yeah that would be the only time well I like them both straight into the trash but like the first ones into the trash mm-hmm I I prefer I used to like the almond joy better because that's the milk chocolate I prefer the dark chocolate one now and I also like that it doesn't have the nuts on top of it because those can relate those hurt my teeth I got bad teeth sometimes you're like oh I'll bite right around the nut and then the nuts like I'm over there and my teeth are like ah I still help I had the same reaction in college to nuts candy all right oh all right well I was afraid that would go that way but I like the dark I'm very hurt inside no points for anyone all right all right well those were those were kind of chocolate bars and we get circle back to chocolate bars but there are different types of candy and the next one I want to move on to is like sugar based stuff mm-hmm okay and this is for me in my experience this is a thing I got so much of in my Halloween trick-or-treat bags and that would be nerds man guys get you guys get a lot of nerds the little boxes like yeah yeah those little cardboard boxes and it's for anyone who doesn't know nerds are like little like bb sized hunks that are basically just sugar yeah they come in boxes so it's kind of like little mini M&Ms but they're just sugar my mouth is watering just thinking about yeah so they're they're just hard sugar candy in a very small little form nerds were one of the ones I was most excited to get as a kid I loved nerd yeah they were like a special colorful surprise but there were different flavors of nerds but also depending on which flavor you they taste the same I sometimes like the real good boxes yeah we're like the one side of one flavor the other side of different flavor you have like the two and one but most of them are like the little like fun yeah little cardboard openings at the top and you slide open yeah but the little ones see the difference with the little ones is like the little ones I swear you could taste the cardboard more when you were trying to eat the nerds which was great you put it straight to your mouth I like that part of it because I what I would do dead serious what I do is I would bite I would bite into the box because it has that perforation that's how but I bite it yeah rip it open and then dump it in my mouth all in one go I wouldn't even like spit out the top of it I'm reminded of the dogs reflect their owners cheeky come eating the cardboard like there's nerds in here man this cardboard is a treat on its own I mean I'm dead serious I'm not allowed that's no exaggeration there go I'm not exactly a cardboard eater but I will say if you don't shoot those little tiny nerd boxes in all one go the cardboard gets wet it's an issue but if you like tear it open and just like bomb it shoot it back or if you pour it in your hand I mean you could there ways around it nerds were a tier for me a tier they weren't the first gone but they were a it's really it's a contender for first gone for me personally yeah I would they were up but I know that there are other candy that I would put in front of it it's definitely up there though it's way up in a tier that's legit I would put them myself at B but I I'm a chocolate guy yeah I feel that but yeah no I mean nerds are classic very classic did they have sour ones they kind of remember I don't think they had sour probably no they never had different like so I know I would know cuz I've like tried every sour candy and sour candy is the thing that would be first for me yeah it must have been a specific flavor there was like one nerd flavor that I liked more than the others probably because it was more tart yeah and less sweet well not less sweet wait wait we've got similar candy tastes I never knew yeah wow I'm sure we'll find something we're different on but yeah so far we're right on what a controversial episode mm-hmm the meanwhile the audience is frossing in the mouth they're just I don't know what my first gun was because it depended I don't know about this is gonna be tough for me because they get really depend on what it's crazy we'll get to it I'll get to it but I pass it what I give it a year that I regret it it's fine so that's gonna represent the sugar let the sugar ones for a hot minute and now we're gonna get to what I well I don't want to taint it I have opinions about this this category of candy but I think you'll understand what they are pretty quickly once I say the next one I want to talk about is candy corn mm-hmm I didn't necessarily get a lot of candy corn in like my Halloween bag but I definitely got some like little packs of candy corn but it's around at the Halloween times right it's like in a dish on the whatever on the table as a decoration there so I'm gonna say that's a Halloween candy no I'm gonna say it defines an entire type of candy so for me it's it's weird right because I don't hate candy corn but I would never eat more than one right I know you eat them by the bunch if it was there I would try just cuz like I do have a tendency towards the sweeter candies it's just like it's never been something that I really crave at all and I know there's a stigma around candy corn and it's usually polarizing it's like you really love it or you really hate it and for me it's just like I'm just so indifferent towards it I don't have any real strong feeling about it one way or another just because it's like it's fine I guess you know it's okay it's it's more just like I don't really know why everyone is so polarizing about I just don't care about I put it I wouldn't throw it away I would eat a few I would throw away half of it I wouldn't eat all of it which is essentially kind of like eating it last you just yeah whatever the leftovers but not straight in the trash interesting as I'm like I'll chew on one it's not gonna it's not gonna destroy my life and I don't get why it's such like a chip you like candy corn yards the biggest freak alive and like I don't like it and I don't hate it though it's candy I'll eat it yeah that's how I feel surprisingly positive or neutral anyway I liked it more as a kid than I like it now but I still don't hate it I think it was either low a or B tier I think even now I probably have it beaten B tier really I don't mind candy corn I don't I don't crave it I don't go to my way for it like I said do some other candies but like if there's like a little glass with some candy corn and I'll sit there and munch on it that is surprising I am shooken I am not a candy corn heater but I consider it a decoration I the thing for me about candy corn is I don't trust that candy corn sitting in the decorative bowl and then whatever in the kitchen or wherever I don't even trust that this is the first Halloween that that candy corn is seen so like I don't think it's if you want it I don't think it's that bad it's just like sugary candy but I just like find it off-putting somehow also the texture it's very waxy it's got like a shell on it and it's kind of chewy I wouldn't eat it but I wouldn't throw it away so I don't know where that leaves it yeah but you guys seem to kind of agree I mean so it's between B and last gone yeah well a or B for me but yeah I'm gonna go more with mark as a decided around this and and agree with last gone because I think that's pretty fair which also mean that marks gets mark my parking wins the whole thing it's done also means that mark get some points well why is that so shocking that I get a point is that okay no it's not shocking I couldn't speak words oh it was so shocking I was too shucking all right fair enough fair enough all right I'm gonna take a guess here cuz I want to get one in this category that one of you or possibly both of you will put this as your first gone next one I want to talk about is sour patch kids regular variety sour patch kids the blue and the red and the green is like the regular combo I need to ask are we approaching this from our current perspective or younger perspective you could consider what your preferences were as a kid but I'm I feel like it's wherever you land as you are right now if you really despise something right now then that's totally fair but if you love something as a kid so much it's nostalgic for you even if you wouldn't eat it now and you can use whatever version of those two factors you enjoy as a kid sour patch would have been like be your last gone I was not a big fan of sour me now it's probably a tier lower a tier legit I'm still angry I'm still man this is not from sour patch it's from a stranger look I I wouldn't throw them away right away but I'd make him know I'd make him know and suffer and I would start with the on arms what little stuff you have no I don't know they're okay I it's not great I don't really like them it's blow chocolate for me it really is because they're not even that sour that's the thing I like sour I don't really like gummy it's unless it's like a really tough gummy like a gummy bear I just don't like the kind of really soft it gets in your teeth it's annoying the flavor isn't that great or that strong or that sour it's just a very it's just sugar in a form I don't even really like I love I prefer nerds form of sugar so I would put that at like just for the pain they've caused me I put it last eaten so I could keep it around I said either low A or high B I feel like the median there is B pretty solidly yeah which is where I will put it young me would have definitely been low B I forgot you had beef with that mark I thought you liked those guys I forgot you had a whole turnaround with them situation they're okay they're alright alright back to chocolate I feel like this is a Halloween staple and sometimes at restaurants thing like specifically at skyline this is like part of the experience for me but this is a candy I would not normally eat outside of those two situations York peppermint patties you guys get a lot of these Halloween banks love York's they're always like a random surprise I never I never did they just show up I never buy him yeah at the store in bulk but if like skyline yeah I would buy one or they appear in a candy bag they're almost exclusively like Halloween candy for me or like restaurant yeah I feel like they sell them in the grocery store and I've never even looked at them to buy them but I got them on Halloween every year no matter what I would get a bunch of them and it's always if I always am happy I'm always happy like fuck it's a fuck a a a for me cuz it combines chocolate that I love in the mint I love men oh it's B for me I oh I will occasionally want one of the mints I'd rather have an Andes meant than a York and whoa whoa let's not talk too much about Andy's okay they're not even taste like mint like Andy's I'm saying no mint York I have to be really in a mood for it they're not bad but like I would never go out of my way for it and even if it was right there for free at the end of a meal I might pass so I've got to give it be last gone because they're decent I just I never want one necessarily but I would say be whenever I look at a York I get easily a bee I side with Mark I feel the exact same way that you do mark when I go to skyline and you buy the little mini York peppermint patty at the end of it that's the cherry on top of a delicious meal mm-hmm yeah and it's like you said I would never buy one we have ever bought one but every Halloween you end up with some of those in the bag and you're like ah minty ooh refreshing that's just nice I like it it's good yeah sorry wait points for mark make the sound that's fair thank you not that sorry I guess I'm worried about focusing too much on chocolate but I love chocolate well and I want to get a lot of them that's fair it is I wanted to get it into a category that I call lumps how do you guys feel about the Halloween mini bags of M&M's same as chocolate regular M&M's regular M&M's not me I prefer peanut M&M's but let's talk about regular straight-ahead milk chocolate M&M's no shenanigans same as chocolate if M&M peanuts for me or a tier I have to give M&M's like they're either the bottom of a I love M&M's I love regular M&M's but of all the candies if I'm trying not to put everything into a tier it's either a really high B or lower a because I'm taking M&M peanuts over regular M&M's every time for me it's simple it's it's the same as chocolate to me like I don't do it for the candy coating I think it's like okay that they're individualized like that I think it's a vehicle for the chocolate and I at the end of the day it tastes just the same as a normal like average Hershey's chocolate bar so it'd be for me same right next to regular chocolate every now and then I just want a big ol handful of M&M's so I mean to high B low A I'm gonna say that's B between you guys and I will say I basically agree with what you said Mark but also it's such a fun form you can bite him in half you can try and peel the candy coating off if we were talking mini M&M's are we talking mini M&M's because that's a no different experience the small bag of M&M's like regular brown bag M&M's no varieties yeah I love them in a minis the little yeah easily a that's easily a but the pack the brown pack or the yellow pack little tiny ones they never have that much anyway it's right next to chocolate those tubes are very nostalgic for me I did have a pack of M&M peanuts recently that had three M&M peanuts in it the whole bag had three and it was very sad that's very sad that's just a failure on M&M's part really it's happened more than once with like the recent fun size I don't know how they do it but three M&M peanuts tough all right well I want to round out the lumps category before we can move on so the other lumps that I feel like our most common what do you guys think of a Reese's Pieces for anyone outside of the US who doesn't know what that is it's basically like a peanut butter cup that filling but in the form of M&M little candy bits it's peanut butter flavored so it's not even chocolate but it's lumpy where do those fall for you see I think they're worse than M&M's I like a Reese's cup hi A for me I love Reese's Pieces God when I was younger I wasn't a big fan but like I go out of my way to get them like when I if I go to the movie theater and I get a thing of popcorn and I see a little box of Reese's Pieces in there I'm like yes wait the sweet to go with my salty no no no a Reese's pieces are up in a they're up in a for me Reese's cup is the right next to it of that form of candy Reese's Pieces are an entirely different experience and they do not side by side on the list they're not they're not it's way down see I sometimes I crave the cup but like if I see a handful of Reese's Pieces I will eat them in the cup Mollie the cup Mollie bring the goblets of Reese's Pieces you guys come craving right now you could crave me too that we should sell that hey peanut butter cup guys yeah that's a whole ad campaign crave the cup there you go crave the cup that's good you're welcome huh imagine a cup made of Reese's peanut butter cup full of Reese's Pieces or it worse didn't they have like Reese's Pieces like the inside of Reese's cups yeah you can get like a big peanut butter cup with pieces in it so it's like crunchy oh my god dude I don't want to bite into that and taste that texture that's awful that sounds so good I like the the cup for the smoothness you I actually let that melt in my mouth they had like a little bar there was like a little Reese's bar that had like almost a crunch take five or whatever and then had like the Reese's Pieces bites in it too it was like a mixture of both oh my god yes yes that might be first gone if it's on the list oh my god I want it now can I order those in bulk but it doesn't it doesn't exist doesn't it not exist I don't care about the podcast I'm ordering this in bulk there are still versions of that but it doesn't find it in the way okay bring it back I'm gonna go ahead and put Reese's Pieces at a because I agree strongly with Wade so good one of the most underrated candies out there if we're talking movie theater snacks the only thing that might top Reese's Pieces for me is a bunch of crunch oh bunch of crunch I also love snow caps Reese's Pieces are like S tier movie candy yeah anyway sorry Mark fully disagree points for Wade Reese's Pieces go in a review all snow caps snow caps you like snow caps I like snow caps too are those on my list I'm well probably not they're not a Halloween can I just ask him like quickly movie movie theater do you get snow caps ever no bad gross what's no catch of mine who what's wrong with you I thought you like mint I don't like mint that much all right fair enough well I mean it's not me is good this is like I mean it's not great I don't like the little nubbies I don't like the nubbies okay well maybe the nubbies don't like you probably because I don't ever buy them yes suck it all right that's the lumps lumps are done I'm trying to keep this movie we're gonna be like a nine hour episode that's okay if we don't know what this one is we can just pass and move on and just put it in the don't know did you guys get those caramel apple pops that were yeah came in like a kind of a clear greenish wrapper and it's just like carmely stuff over a little green lollipop type thing that I never saw anywhere other than on Halloween or around Halloween I never remember getting them as a kid but when Molly came down she started buying them for us to give out and I was like what is this and she's like you never had these and I tried one and it is high eight here the caramel apple pops are so good and they've got like different flavors of the apple you know like the the green apple they've got like I don't know they've got like three or four different apple types with the caramel around it and whenever we pass out candy if we let the kids pick what they want those are the first ones picked out by virtually every kid and they are always so excited to see them in our basket those are high eight here but as a kid I never even knew they existed I like the flavor I like caramel and I like sour apple I think sour apple is one of the best flavors for candy and I think it's underutilized hard to agree that being said I've never had one of those that wasn't horrendously melted it's always shown up and I've been like excited about and I take out the wrapper and it's just like it looks like a ball sack right out of the wrap look pretty they don't look pretty at all and it's fine cuz I'll eat it but it's like if I had it in my bag and I was looking at it amongst all the other candies that I have I wouldn't go for it first I wouldn't even go for a second I would put it like aside I like it I'm gonna put it a B but it's like it's just not that high in my pick list I really like it and this is kind of like the problem with me and candy is like I like a lot of candies but there is a hierarchy so I gotta put in B is it weird that it takes like you have to judge whether you want to eat it based on the amount of time it's probably the longest lasting one it takes so long to eat one it's more of a finisher candy yeah it's a finisher candy you know what if it if by the definition of the category I save for last save for last I would put it in that category I just feel bad because I've lumped other things that I don't like in that last gone is like you don't like it this is like a candy you like you just eat it at the end it doesn't make it you're right you're right I would put it yeah I think B is fair for that yeah it's it's a for me it's a for me that's a tough call I am gonna say that it's like a somewhere in between B&A very slightly closer to B gonna put that in B that's a solid candy it's crazy to me how much it's the first gone when we pass out candy it's people don't know about it I think like that does it a detriment if people more holiday special yeah the only candy I've seen a kid celebrate that we've like given out that's been like oh my god you have these and it's like people are really excited to see them and I never even knew they were real as a kid like I've never heard of them all right this is one I have a feeling how you're gonna decide but this is one that I feel like I got a ton an unreasonable amount of as a kid did you guys get double bubble individually wrapped pieces of bubble gum when you were Halloweening treating yeah where does that fall for you low because by the time it's in and this has happened every single time I don't know why by the time it's in my bag by the time I get it in my mouth it's gone rock hard and it is impossible to chew and as far as like gum goes it is already pretty low on my my list of gums I much rather in this never happens in Halloween to get like a big league chew or a sour gum ball a crybaby gum ball oh yeah like gum is gum and gum is polarizing but as far as gum goes the double bubble like the round cylindrical pink ones that's what you're talking about yeah yeah where you pull it and it twists open and it's like a little lump of it's always hard it's always hard I don't think it's supposed to be but they're always hard hard to bite into yeah so I'd put it see or save for I actually have I remember I see it on my my floor when you dump your bag out on the floor I see it I've scooped it to the bottom like all those are like a lot those are safe like leave for last those are yeah they will get eaten but I'm not happy about it wait I I mean I can't disagree that's that's the same for me like you can have the blow pop version where you get the sucker and then you deal with the gum on the inside when you first get the double bubble it feels like it's gonna break your teeth when you try to bite into it the flavor is amazing for about four seconds and then it's gone and then it's just like you're chewing on flavorless gum that starts to get nasty it has that moment of like yes but it's so short-lived the initial bite in is like a kind of meh and if you eat that you're not eating any of your other candy because now you've got gum in your mouth that you're chewing on it's last gone or bottom of B yeah we all agree so vehemently on this one yeah I want to give points to both of you it is absolutely last god I'll say what I did is always saved it so it gets harder and harder and by the time I get to it it's more like a hard candy but like you're saying the flavor goes away so I do I do what mark does with all gum with these gums where it's like I take one and it's like hmm oh gross and then you put another one in and it's like mmm oh gross yeah and I get I eat as many as I can and try and blow bubbles which you can't because it has no elasticity and then I spit it out and I throw the rest away yeah but I do eat them and throw them out but good agreement everybody mm-hmm all right we have no first gone I like the list we have it could be a lot longer but also we don't have all day for this shit I mean we could have all day you guys busy you want to do like a five hour episode I literally built the tier list myself while we were talking about this and I even after looking through them all and ranking them all I can't figure out what my first gun is well that's unfortunate because what I was gonna say is I'd like the finale no they'll do it and I'm not gonna be too specific I could for sure but I'm not but Wade is very slightly ahead of Mark he's earned points one more time than Wade has but I will say well each of you choose your first gun pitch me on it a little bit and whoever has the best first gun and or sells the best you know story will win the final points of the game okay Wade you need some time because I actually I think I know mine if you know yours go for it I think I know mine too I think I know what I'm gonna go with but yeah go ahead and give your story a title and chapters go okay um no I'm just act one no mine's easy and it wasn't too often that I got it but I do remember getting it on occasion because they have there's a big version of this and then there's a small version of this I'm talking fun dip okay fun dip for me is the quintessential childhood candy and I'm thinking Halloween because I'm not going out trick-or-treating as an adult I'm going back to who I was as a kid and what I really really fucking loved to have and it was fun dip and you know we just made arguments about gum lasting a long time and stuff like that and yada yada if I saw a fun dip in there above anything else anything else that was always first because it was a satisfying activity it lasted a very long time the flavor was consistently good especially if it was sour apple or dad like this mixing like green and blue you could mix the flavors if you got different I remember those and then the sticks the sticks I my favorite one of my favorite types of candy is like a chop that chalky candy I really really like that and it's like I get the really tart sweet powder licking the candy dipping it in making it better you feel like a scientist if you get the three-pack you know you're here here there and there and I need two sticks for this but the single serving was so great because you get the full-size stick with a one pouch whereas the other one I think it was like two sticks for three pouches and it's not a good ratio but the single one that you get in Halloween if I got a fun dip I was so happy so fun dip reach for it first even if it was in front of me right now I'd be I'd be dipping and I'd be fun and I'd be having fun and love that shit fun dips fantastic I've got it pretty high a so I've tried to think this through I would think that a chocolate bar would be first and I've been trying to rank them Butterfinger Crunch Reese's Three Musketeers Milky Way throughout my life they've kind of varied where they are it's hard to ever say no to a Crunch bar M&M peanuts or Reese's Cup but depending on which one I want I kind of jump back and forth I look at the non-chocolate's gushers fruit roll-ups those are up there the problem is if I get a cherry wildfire fruit roll-up first gone if I get the strawberry it's kind of like man I could have got one of the other flavors I don't mind strawberry but like tropical tie-dye depends on which one you get gushers same way I'm gonna go Laffy Taffy I'm gonna go Laffy Taffy as a kid I wasn't as big of a fan but as an adult it's fruity enough and there's a different note another enough variety of flavor if I'm craving like the sour they've got like the lemony flavor so I can go lemony for like the more sour taste they have a banana and a sour apple and I love sour apple candy and Laffy Taffy I get like the chewy fun this whatever like you can kind of get like the fruit roll-up I like chewy so I don't mind Laffy Taffy on that but banana is a nice solid just sweet good flavor I love banana sour apple gives me my like my one of my favorite ones and then just like the lemon heady every now and then like out of nowhere I'll crave like a lemon head which is very rare but the yellow ones get that I think there's just enough variety in what kind of sweet you can get from them to where it hits different notes and the only reason there are things I like more than Laffy Taffy but those vary as to which one I crave more so I don't know which one would be first gone so what I would end up probably doing is trying to figure out which one I would want the most depending on my mood save that one a bit I would eat the Laffy Taffy first because it could hit all the notes other than chocolate that I would want so Laffy Taffy is what I'm going to go with for that reason fun dip I have the same issue with fun dip that I have with the caramel apple pops fantastic but if I'm eating fun dip I'm not eating any of the other candies because like it does kind of last in your mouth it lingers which is great but also like I'm not gonna eat a chocolate bar if eating a fun dip and also I need time to eat the fun dip I can't just like pop one go it's it's high up there but it takes too much time to be like the first gone first gone's like I get home peeling it opening it pop a Laffy Taffy figure out what I'm eating next because I don't know which one I would want more depends I am a little bit surprised by both of your answers really but way more surprised by way yeah me too that is a bull I am too I am too because I did not know I sat here staring at this list you like the banana flavored Laffy Taffy you like banana Laffy Taffy I do I like a rungs to the banana rungs I literally picked those out and throw them away because I fucking hate that fake banana it's awful I love it oh man that's crazy starburst was up there too I thought about starburst over I would pick a starburst over Laffy Taffy any day though that's like the red and pink starburst a lot it depends which one you get see starburst also depends because they got like the tropical version the regular version those two packs and it's like a loot box you're like oh which two are in here and there's always like a good one and a yellow one yeah but I don't mind the yellow ones but you know I guess with Laffy Taffy depends too because if you get individual Laffy Taffy's that's different than getting like a pack of multiple flavors I guess they all depend but which which crazy that what what you said did make me immediately think oh I like starburst and I would put starburst way ahead of Laffy Taffy but yeah you're allowed to you're allowed to like Laffy Taffy they're all up there for me I just the getting the sour the sweet and not knowing which chocolate I can't pick a chocolate over another because I just changed too much which one I want more unfortunately for you Wade oh I fit that's fine I get it that's a wild choice and Mark reminded me that fun dip exists for God fun dip is one of those where in my life I don't know if this is universal the only time I ever had it was Halloween and some school events if they had candy where it was like oh it's field day here's some candy they had fun dip a lot in that sort of situation for me and fun dip is a great it's a fun activity after basketball games they had the little the little convenience stores outside you could I'd get airheads fun dip and maybe a chocolate bar yeah every time airheads are also banging airheads are great I gotta give points and a good amount of points to Mark because fun dip is just like you're right it's like a science experiment so fun and you mix the flavors yeah and then you eat the stick later don't try to make Kool-Aid out of it it is not the same no it's not I would have never even thought of that yeah it's not concentrated enough to dilute it's not meant for that even dissolver it's weird why you would have yeah it like clumps man I love fun dip but I can't I can't go on I would love it I think that's fascinating that you like Laffy Taffy the most though it is but I know people exist and you are a prime example of it like everyone has different preferences and there's a reason Laffy Taffy is such a popular candy the weird thing like here's the thing though it's not it's not necessarily my first gone I just can't pick one and so I would eat that first while trying to figure out what to eat next oh I see I see I cannot put a reese cup above a crunch bar or above M&M peanuts or vice versa I can't do it it's not technically favorite candy it is for yeah it is a special category yeah so first gone for that reason you know I know I know we're out of time I would love to just rattle off several candies that are like very near and dear to my heart if that's okay let's do a lighting round each of you will get a short amount of time to just give some good candies that you would put like a tier or up okay cool just list like a handful Smarties lollipops Smarties is like people notice the thin roll of tubes they make a lollipop it's very hard to find but if you find it is a giant Smartie on a stick and you can let that dissolve in your mouth whereas like the tube you have a tendency to crunch them but you can actually I love that chalky sweet like sugar and I let that dissolve it's just like so delicious the only problem that keeps it from first pick is like it's very large like it's huge so I just it's hard to like keep in your mind you can't roll it between your cheeks very well so a tier for me I've never heard of that that's very good your name in one no I we'll go back and forth right yeah that works here's a random one I don't know if it counts as a candy but at Halloween my grandpa would hand out cans of coke and everyone in the neighborhood loved that like my friends were so jealous like dude your grandpa is awesome because just a can of Coca-Cola or whatever and like everyone was super stoked about it it's not a candy but it was like a Halloween thing that like people were super excited about my grandparents house for you know all those kids who really loved it were the ones whose parents were like no caffeine we don't need you being hyper and they got the can of coke and they were like yes probably most of them yeah I'm gonna be on drugs and I guess I'll group this with it that or any of the houses where they handed out like the big version of a candy bar those were always like the jackpot oh that's some no that's some bougie shit right there no one in my neighborhood ever did that yeah you don't eat those first you you save those for bargaining like I set those aside because I know their value I've got one whole kick cat first gone for me is misleading yeah I always saved my favorites for the end so I would actually first gone would be the ones I liked the least and at the very end I would have all of my favorites and just like live in luxury or you just don't eat them either way just look at them I was a hoarder sometimes I did not eat all my candy and I would like hoard it and find it the next year yeah the I my next pick is shock tarts also known as shockers also known as sweet tarts extreme sours which they went through various brand changes and I don't know why the original version was so sour like it would melt your mouth the current version is still very sour but not as sour I love sour candies that is one of my go-to's I just bought a bag the other day just because I was like I want it but I don't finish the bag because it's like too sour I remember freshman year when we lived together you would have huge stacks of monster cans on your desk and huge piles of those box it like movie boxes of shock parts you would just didn't you think you damaged your taste buds or something at one point because you ate so many shock tarts over such a long period of time my tongue was gone like I I'm sure everyone gets that thing where if you think about sour candy your mouth starts to feel the sour candy you're like I get that all the time with the slightest thing but it's like I can't wait for sour candy I love that feeling I love the the sour the citric acid and malic acid and whatever the other ones are love that a high a solid choice like a sour candy go with chocolate we haven't mentioned butterfinger and specifically we were younger butterfinger bb's which for the little like bite-sized versions of the butterfingers yeah those were so fantastically delicious and then they disappeared and I have thought about those ever since mm-hmm oh man that's a good one your dreams I want them back those were good and the tragedy that butterfinger has changed their recipe in the last like 10 years or so I forget when and it's completely different it does not taste the same it is not nearly as good original butterfingers it's probably toxic and full of horrible chemicals but I don't care the delicious it tasted fantastic in a similar vein cookies and cream her she's yeah I would put that a above regular just like something about their cookies and cream the white chocolate the chocolate little crunchy pieces it's like the what I love about a crunch bar without like having too crunchy um and it's like just I cannot get enough of cookies and cream I like cookies and cream ice cream I like cookies and cream cake ice cream cake all these kind of different things when I was a kid that was my favorite candy bar no no competitors whatsoever it's a good one it's really sweet it's like extra sweet compared to regular chocolate it really is it's like a white chocolate thing but wait Skittles and tropical Skittles oh yeah yeah Skittles Skittles oh my god well sour Skittles yeah anything in the Skittles category I love oh sour Skittles also yes yeah they had all kinds of Skittles that's that's another one I considered for first comment it's like there's so many varieties in the bag you get what you're craving it really does classic yeah trying to think of a device oh Tootsie Pops fucking Tootsie Pops how can I forget about that? Tootsie Pops and Blow Pops in the same category yeah sour apple blow pops are the best blow pop will not take any questions yeah but sour apple blow pops are the best Tootsie Pops are pretty much all the same between the flavors well I mean not really the orange is like very orange I remember that a lot they have flavors they're all right but the the blow pops are definitely different and sour apple is my favorite by far those are just like those are ubiquitous for Halloween candy for me definitely definitely out there Tootsie was below blow for me but I like Tootsie Rolls by themselves oh Tootsie Rolls are great I put that red chocolate yeah same as chocolate for me all the chocolate is basically the same interesting yeah I should have done that one that's a classic I mean I guess we would have agreed I don't know if everyone likes this but I've always liked chocolate covered raisins and chocolate covered peanuts I enjoy both of those a lot raisin ants and peanut ants what are those called?

yeah both of those well I don't know if there's a brand of like chocolate covered peanuts but like you can go to the store and just get like a thing of chocolate covered peanuts like we have um fuck what's the name of the goddamn international restaurant we have here in Cincinnati why am I blanking on it what the international food store where you can buy food from all of those jungle gyms jungle gyms yeah they have like a whole section of like I guess handcrafted chocolate or whatever you can get and they just have like a box of like gummy worms that aren't like necessarily brand name they've got like M&M peanuts and stuff I will go and just grab a box of chocolate covered peanuts or chocolate covered raisins sometimes and just be really happy with those yeah but no one ever seemed excited I always got everyone's chocolate covered raisins and I was like these are good I don't know why you don't like them I don't like the raisins but the chocolate over peanuts yeah bangers my next one and I'll probably like finish off with this is something that you would get in an individual bag it was handmade people probably know it now as muddy buddies but puppy chow puppy chow yeah getting a little ziplock bag of puppy chow in your hollowing candy was like incredible because it was homemade too I feel like that's something that we don't get to experience now you can get it in the store as muddy bubby muddy muddy buddy buddy buddies and they have flavors they have like peanut butter and cookies and cream those are good those are tasty it's pretty close but nothing's like that homemade just soak like in muddy buddies like again I got it recently relatively recently you can actually see the checks and puppy chow you can't see that there's any check it's like lumpy it's lumpy it's just solid but you get like a cluster of like 10 and one oh that was the best when you get one that's like just a piece of chocolate with checks and stuff in it and you eat it like it's a little candy bar yeah yeah oh so good those people know how to live yeah that's classic yeah I haven't had that since I was in elementary school I pretty much I think gotta make some nobody makes me puppy chow anymore I used to be stoked to get rice crispy treats rice crispy treats are good in the homemade vein there was a house that made homemade rice crispy treats for halloween and they like covered them in chocolate so it was like a chocolate covered rice crispy treat you get it was homemade that version of it was but rice crispy treats and like those are still rice crispy treats cereals that still exists god I love that as a kid too yeah of course oh yeah yeah I think I think I've seen that online rice crispy treats cereals no that exists that is no no no not rice crispy cereal yeah I was about to say it was basically a rice crispy treat that they broke into like chunky pieces so it was like the marshmallow we rice crispy I thought you didn't know that the cereal came first before the treat I thought no no no they had the cereal was rice crispy or there was a rice crispy treat cereal that I did not know that but they changed the way we gotta do a cereal tier list you know we oh yeah oh man I also feel like I gotta say the homemade rice crispies versus store-bought rice crispies I feel like those are two different things yeah yeah I love store-bought rice crispies but they're like hard they break the homemade ones when you try and like break them and they just like yeah because they're soft because they're just you might have gotten old ones though yeah that's yeah no I had store-bought recently because the corridor office had them they're very they're very chewy and soft you might have just had old ones they've got birthday cake flavored ones in the store now and they are phenomenal anyway well good way to end it mark candy god I want candy I'm such a fucking candy bean right now that was such a good idea I'm gonna give you a little bit more points thank you well I was thinking it was gonna be really close but then I say I'm surprised at three exclusions what's that we didn't mention Snickers bars Kit Kats or Twix bars none of us did I know I feel like I didn't want to focus on chocolate too much I feel like the chocolate bars are all not that far apart I agree but those are actually lower for me than they are for most people I think interesting those would be B as opposed to like baby Ruth was a B growing up it's an A now but like I would not have a reese cup on the same level as a Kit Kat yeah I think reese cups are way above that you must just like peanut more because I would put those at a well no Snickers has peanut in it right yeah it does yeah no I I would put the bars at a just because they're an elevation of chocolate and I like that in the caramel it's nice yeah I just thought it was interesting that we didn't bring those up because those are three of the more popular ones I think I was kind of trying to hit a broad spectrum of like categories yeah because I feel like unless there's a specific thing you don't like if you don't like nuts if you don't like nougat or whatever then or caramel you'll not like a specific bar but that's fair the chocolate and the chocolate bars are middle and up I feel like pretty consistently yeah unless you're a weirdo who doesn't like chocolate stuff weirdo disgusting except for Whoppers milk does an almond joys and mounds which are straight to the trash for me yeah well those are coconut bars that's fine I'm offended and hurt forever but that's fine malted milk balls but anyway this was enlightening I'm still pretty surprised at all the pics that you guys threw out there but that's that's just uh you know how humanity is how wonderful is that how wonderful is that hey and if I look at my very careful notes that I've taken on the intel scoreboard I think it's pretty clear to see for me as well as for anyone who was listening that although he led almost the entire episode it doesn't blow ball somehow right at the very end mark scored points on a thing that was even worth points and won it yeah I look forward to the subred defending my getting screwed what yet again it was your laughy taffy pick I'm sorry that I was bold and honest that's true I thought you were gonna give me some chocolate if you had gone chocolate compared to where mark went you couldn't pick I might have given you that category I know well that's bigger and you were honest yeah and you have integrity which equals nothing in this world we learned it here and you're a loser so if there's a lesson you can take from this episode subreddit defend me vehemently if there's a lesson you can take away from this episode it said honesty and integrity never bought nobody nothing what I meant to say was all I'm enjoying mounds first gone wait wins god I love life change mark wins lying never pays don't lie kids okay um anyway yeah congratulations mark that was really close you really did sincerely leave like almost the whole time wait and he had some really good picks laughy taffy came out of nowhere yeah that's very interesting unfortunately interesting is not always worth points I'm sorry it was the only one at the top of my list like in the in the a tier that I like consistently couldn't drop below something else and I was like there are times where I'm craving this times when I'm not laughing taffy I can pretty much just always eat no that's fair like that's that is bold to take that it's not a bad candy it's not bad it is not my favorite but it's one that never drops down it's legit I don't know well mark winner speech um I love great victor I love candy way too much but just remember everybody I do brush your teeth and floss uh it's not that I've lost saying in my teeth but apparently I don't brush too much that's really the question right amount brush the right amount apparently there's a wrong amount especially with lecture toothbrush apparently I've brushed away some of my gum my teeth are very healthy and very good and I don't have any cavities but my doctors will one day find out it was the sour candy that ate away your go no that I talked about that I said like I think I might have a cavity because it's our candy is like no because every time I eat sarkinny I brush really hard and I make sure but apparently what I'm doing is like I'm eroding away my gums with how much I'm over brushing so acid from sour combined with the brushing away you were just melting it then helping it along no my teeth are fine my teeth are 100% okay it's because the gums have exposed the root everyone knows sour candy only attacks the gums that's a fact it's not are you listening to me I just made it up of course it is I feel like way just mocking you like you're being an idiot but I don't understand where that's coming from you believe the dentist yeah you're right don't ever brush I actually know somebody else who over brushed and brush their gums away too that is a thing yeah and it exposes the roof you can floss too hard too exactly so just like remember but do floss because I have started flossing every day and it's been actually helping a lot it's been helping an incredible amount I'm like oh shit they were right the whole time yeah it stops bleeding after a while but don't floss like you're using a weed wacker and don't brush like you're using a weed wacker use a toothbrush not a weed wacker yeah you're not supposed to floss under your tooth and around the other side I don't think that's how you're supposed to do that that's the problem back in what's the problem proper up rub it on my shirt a little bit mark at the dentist show me how you floss okay watch it all the way around first I take my jaw off and brush it what I'm sorry how is this flossing oh I just imagined watching you brush your teeth you like touch the tooth and then like you pull your lip down and you just go scrubbing out the gums like as hard as you can dude apparently I like those electronic too for the like the ultrasonic ones they they they go and you do not need to do a full two minutes with those apparently so uh anyway that's my winter speech that dental health is important kids paying new your kids paying you no no no no wait your animal your animal children spay and neuter them that's the one I meant all right um yeah wait loser speech anything how you been uh spay and neuter your pets too um along with the kids I don't know uh thanks for listening happy halloween and make sure you check your candy before you eat it because there's weird people out there unfortunately that's probably fine I survived that'll be fine that ladies house made of candy in the woods you can trust her you just take part of her house that was an easy one yeah and go inside she'll make you a turkey or something where the her house I put a bee deer it was all right witch's house witch's house uh hi hi bee hi bee bad experience unrelated to the candy awful the amount of flies you have to lick off the outside to get to the good part run I mentioned run no forgot about runs I like runs not that good they have banana flavor runs are great they're good I love the runs from the the candy machine outside of the convenience store the one that's open and everyone sticks their hand in you know you put a quarter in slides out on the tube and the end of the tray everyone's like rules into you scoop those up and you shove them right in your mouth runs oh yeah I love them man I'm glad I was a kid last time I used to candy just but that is just a horrifying thing in modern as an adult I don't like it there's a different perspective in the last few years is that we would have had younger yeah probably yeah well thank you for listening to distractable gentle listeners thank you for checking us out candy corns better than you think ooh to that I say and also make sure that you follow the podcast on whatever platform you listen it's free on all platforms and this one that you're listening right now it's free if you're paying someone for this check on that and uh yeah follow each of us individually as well because we all make content and do things at markiplier on most things uh at Lord Minion 777 or Minion 777 on twitch I am my skirm don't worry I'll never spell it correctly just search for markiplier friend bob and you'll find all my content wait that could be either one of us that's true you'll never know it's just our voices so you have no idea who's who we don't sound different which one of us is the host and which one of us is Wade I don't know yeah no so that's it oh and the merch don't forget about the merch at stored at distractablepodcast.com I'm only 80% sure that's correct but I don't want to check this time you said it so confidently I was jealous because I'm never that confident when I say it even when I fake it next time I'll probably have 85% at least hopefully that's the end of the episode thank you for listening listening whoo thank you for listening happy Halloween and uh yeah enjoy your bags of candy and if you're an adult especially if you're a parent just gonna steal some from one of those stupid kids enjoy your kids candy I don't know yeah and steal steal the good stuff they don't know what's good that's gonna be it for us as we like to say at the end of the thing podcast out