080 = Naming Clichés and Squaring Birthdays

Welcome to A Problem Squared, the podcast which is a bit like a cup of tea in that it solves all your problems.

I'm joined by Beck Hill, who is like a cup of tea from the American South, in that you are sweet, but yet cool.

Ooh, nice.

I almost said surprisingly cool because I've like ordered a cup of tea in America and expected a cup of tea and gotten

sweet iced tea.

And I was shocked.

Yes.

But I thought that.

No, that's correct.

I am surprisingly cool.

Surprisingly cool.

Just startlingly so.

Or surprisingly uncool, depending on what you think about

who you are and where you're ordering tea.

Yeah.

My name is Matt Parker, and I am a bit like the hypothetical tea and the argument about when you should add milk in order to keep your tea as hot as possible, inso much as I lose heat proportionate to the fourth power of my absolute temperature.

Which is true.

Technically, that is literally correct.

And I also, I think, serves as an introduction to me.

On this episode, I'll name the names that are namey name names.

Nicely done.

I will help you plan a birthday if you're a massive square and we've got some any other business tea

any other tea spill the tea we'll spill

we got there in the end

zebeck how have you been

that question broke me because i was like oh crap oh crap how am i what else happened between now and last time i'm sorry

Good.

Been somewhat regretting choosing to do a second podcast that releases weekly.

Oh, whoops.

That's why we started monthly.

Well, the problem is, is that the other show is a recap show of the TV show, Emily and Paris.

Also, hello.

We've had some listeners cross over who got in contact with the show on that end.

So, hi.

Hello from both sides.

Wow.

Now, isn't that nice?

Also, quite a few people saying that they started watching the show so they could listen to the podcast.

That's dedicated.

Which is why Netflix should pay us.

Or some people saying saying they refused to watch the show, but they listened to the podcast and now they feel like they don't need to.

But weekly.

Yeah.

So I thought stupidly that I was like, we'll just phone this in, right?

Like, we'll just watch the show and then we'll have a little

bang out an episode.

We'll just tear it apart a bit just as a bit of fun.

I can't poke a hole in your theory so far.

Solid business model.

You know what the motto is on this podcast?

Anytime you think something's going to be simple.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not.

Which is why, kind of why we went from one a month to two a month yeah was we'd be like oh there's a couple quick ones we'll do an episode then they'll be so long that poor lauren's editing out half the episode yeah so we're like look let's just let's just do two do two let's put them into two episodes just turn them into two episodes yeah which then did give us permission now we record for hours because we try and do two yeah but we don't get that done on the inside at six hours man we're just saffing around having a good time so with emily in paris and originally i said to Sam, let's try and keep it so the podcast is no longer than the show itself.

That's a good measurement.

Yeah.

Yeah, you'd think that that would make sense.

Yeah.

Anyway, some of our episodes are clocked in at like an hour, 20.

No, I'm unfamiliar with Emily and Paris.

They're like 25 minutes back.

They're not.

They're like 22 minutes.

An hour and a half epic.

No, but.

The problem is, is that we're both professionals.

And so anytime you're like, oh, we'll just phone this in.

Of course, then you're like, oh, yeah, but if I should, if I research this, that'll make it more interesting.

And if I do this, people really appreciate that.

And so now, when I watch the episodes, I have to watch like two or three, no, three or four times, and then stop and take notes.

And then I'm doing location breakdowns and deep dives into history.

One of them, there's one scene that takes place in a park.

And I ended up talking about Cardinal Richelieu, who's a character, well, who's a real person, but also was a character in Three Musketeers.

Right.

Okay.

Sounds relevant this whole thing right just because one scene takes place in a park so uh

look i'm not regretful

but you're tired i'm tired yeah yeah yeah in an ideal world i would just do those two things and then i could give all of my time and effort into them but then people would be like what about yoit beck nothing about yoit

how about you matt i'm good i'm good i've been riding my bicycle yes you have you said that like you're about to break into song

that's like the least Matt Parker thing that could possibly happen

in any given situation.

Yeah, you're right.

Do I even know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I got a dance to go with it.

I've been riding my bicycle song.

It's a song about how much I love Tao.

Hit it.

So,

I handed in my book like on the 12th of December.

I'm not at my healthiest when I'm writing a book.

No, me either.

And that's fine.

Like, I know everyone has a different and complex relationship with food.

But I will,

you know, I've only got a finite amount of

discipline.

Like it's a finite resource I can spend.

And I end up putting all my discipline chips into the get-in-the-book finished pile.

That's a really good way of putting it.

In the eat, yeah, properly pile.

But at the end of it, I was like, you know what?

I would like to be healthier.

And so, so the way I work in life is I need to projectitize something to make me do it.

Yes.

So I said, I'm going to make it a project to ride my bike every day until I deem myself healthy.

Okay.

Yeah.

Or 100, whichever takes longer.

Until you're 100.

Until I'm 100 days in a row.

Because if I want to, I don't want to do it for like a week and be like, Joe, I've captained healthy over here.

Right.

No, I wanted to feel like I either do 100 or more if I then decide I'm, you know, in the swing of it and I'm still enjoying it and it's still

my life and all that jazz.

Yeah.

So I turned it into a project.

Yeah.

And so I've got a bit of paper with a tally on it and every day i do i do a whole pantomime with lucy sometimes i'm like uh i wonder if i uh need to go cycle today or not and i go look at the thing i'm like oh no every day oh goodness

nice yeah so today was day 48 well done so getting there well i'm really glad that you mentioned this because i've literally been saying aloud to quite a few people i need someone to hold me accountable because I fell out of the habit of moving every day.

Oh, yeah.

For a while, I was doing like the 30-day yoga challenges.

I haven't gone back to the cold water swimming since I got back because, ironically, I'm like, it's too cold,

but I really do need to get back to it now that I'm not filming and stuff.

So, I didn't put a, I'm going to cycle for an amount of time or distance every day.

I was like, look, if I just get on the bike and do anything, that counts.

Yeah.

Knowing, I know me.

I'm like, I will get on and be like, oh, fine.

Yeah.

But I didn't want to

make it some arbitrary amount.

I was just like, I just got to do do the thing and amount every time.

That's a good idea.

My issue is like, because I'll go, oh, I've now I've got to find,

because I like to do the 30-day challenges because you just click the next day and you just follow what they do and you don't have to think.

But then, you know, sometimes I'll say it's a 30-minute one and I'm or a 40-minute one, which I know isn't that long.

I know, but.

But then I'm like, oh, well, I have the mental block.

Find a time to put the,

I could happily spend half an hour looking for a video.

Oh, yeah, you got time for that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But

for me, and I know this varies person to person, cycling is the correct amount of logistical challenge.

Like, I've got a plan.

I go, how am I going to

either get access to an exercise bike or have an actual bike I can pedal every day on my schedule somewhere?

So today I'm like, okay, well, the only way I can do this is if I get up early

and get a ride in.

But

I'm not going to cycle every day for the rest of my life.

This will be our project.

I'll get to 100 days or more if I feel like I'm on a roll

and be like, I've achieved a thing.

The problem with that thinking is that you're like, I've achieved healthiness.

And then that's, and this is the issue I have:

I'll do like a three-month workout challenge and then was like, yeah, but I'm pretty healthy.

So I can afford to take a day off.

And I never went back to it.

But I do the opposite to you.

The opposite of being accountable.

I didn't tell anyone I am too worried.

I would get the satisfaction of saying a good plan as opposed to that.

I already get some of the dopamine reward of doing the good plan.

Well, the reason I tell people is that I hope that someone will say to me, Did you do your exercise today?

Yeah.

Because sometimes

I can write a terrible Python script.

It'll email you.

I'll just end up ignoring that.

It needs to be a person that makes me feel guilty.

Okay.

Okay, fine.

I reckon I can simulate a person.

I will say this: as of this recording, to the next one,

I will do a push-up push-up a day.

From record date or

release date.

Okay, right.

Yep.

Because when I get to the next, yeah.

I'll do a push-up a day.

And then on the next episode.

You report back.

Yeah.

Deal.

And I'll give you the new updated number of days.

And I want you to have cycled every day.

Unless you just walk in like,

knock down the door with your body.

You're like, I achieved maximum health.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then, I'm so glad you stopped cycling, Matt.

We can't afford this.

We can't keep buying new doors.

First problem was sent in on the problem posing page at a problemsquared.com.

And it starts, dear Beck and Matt.

Nice greeting.

I appreciate that.

You have a problem.

Oh, wow.

We do.

Normally, listeners bring us their problems.

I mean, more than one.

Many, many problems.

You have a problem.

Your names.

Ouch.

Oh, I know.

Oh, wait.

They start insulting our parents.

Your parents had quite common surnames.

I mean, that's true.

And then decided to give you quite common first names as well.

This must have held you up in the early stages of your careers when you would have been difficult to Google effectively.

Wow.

Wow.

Well, I'm going to pull them up on that.

Because, first of all, people didn't Google people that much when I started.

It wasn't quite that.

You're in this game longer than Google.

I mean, I'm not, but it definitely wasn't used to the same extent it is now

and in the uk beck is way less common that's a good point than they say becks a lot of the time i feel i think we've talked about this before in the past my name comes up a lot on this show

so beck hill has for a very long time been at the top pretty much since i started putting stuff out there well I remember at one point it was, weirdly, it wasn't a person that was at the top of the searches before.

It was the Beck Hill Climb, which is a cycling challenge in the UK, where all these people like ride up this big hill, which I have been tempted to enter one year.

So many people call Matt Parker.

I know that it's quite difficult because of Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

A lot of people.

And occasionally, people will email me

thinking I'm one of the people that write.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

And

a lot of journalists mess up and do Trey Stone and Matt Parker.

I did once meet a Trey Stone.

Oh.

Yeah, they got in touch.

They're like, hey, you're the other half.

I'm like, yes, I am.

Amazing.

Yeah, exactly.

So I told Stray Stone, I was like, we should start our own cartoon.

Show them what it feels like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have the URL, mattparker.co.uk, not because my name was unique enough that I was able to get it in time, but because my name is so common that the Matt Parker who did get it got so sick of how common their name was when they got married, they took their partner's surname to get a more unique name.

Wow.

And then they contacted me saying, I'm no longer in the Matt Parker Club.

Would you like the Matt Parker URL?

And I'm like, yes, please.

And so that's.

That's awesome.

That's so cool.

Real common name.

Yeah.

Well, Beck Hill is really difficult because for a long time, I mean, I don't have beckhill.com or dotco.uk because for a long time, those websites linked to a yoga clothing company.

Oh.

Because it was Be Chill.

Be Chill.

The old Be Chill.

Yeah.

Thankfully, specific URLs are a lot less important these days.

I feel like we're

over the

.com.

Well, because everyone just Googles now, they don't just check out a website.

So anyway, I haven't found that my name poses problems with people looking me up.

Okay.

Now that they've pointed out our problem, they've got an actual question for a problem squared.

They say, what is the best way to name a child?

I'm assuming your child, not like

the kids you meet on the street.

Yeah.

So they've explored the idea.

They're thinking, you know, either the first name could be exotic if you've got a boring surname, or you could get a middle name.

I always thought middle name would be interesting because that gives the child some choice in the future.

Yes.

They, of course, want to avoid names, which everyone else of the same generation will have.

That's true.

You can't come up with, like, pick an uncommon name historically, but everyone else has a little Georgia.

I mean, there was a ton of Harry's when...

Harry's.

Yeah, Harry Potter came out.

Oh, of course.

And now, yeah, there's a lot of Georges because of Prince George.

Too many Georges.

They point out there were three other kids in their primary school.

So I just think too many Georges is a crazy

thing.

I want to do that picture book.

Too many Georges.

Where did all these Georges come from?

For some reason, my brain auto-filled that with not enough pie.

I think it's because of the nursery rhyme, Georgie, Porgy, pudding, and pie, because the girls have made them cry.

I think it's hilarious that it's an old timey name.

I would consider it an older name, but now it's a young person's name.

Yeah.

Which I think is great.

And the planet, Uranus,

was almost called George.

Oh, that would have been after the monarch at the time.

Imagine the planets.

That would have been so great.

Mythical name, mythical name, mythical name, George.

Yeah.

Mythical name.

Amazing.

I want to live in the universe where that happens.

Saturn.

Saturn.

Jupiter.

Hey, guys, what are you up to?

Me and my mate Neptune.

Can you imagine?

Neptune's like, I do not know this, George.

Do I love?

Uranus is

less embarrassing.

I'm so sorry to all the Georges listen to me.

realize.

Sorry, Georges, who've caught astray on this episode.

I'm very sorry.

We did not plan this.

If your name is George, have you considered changing it to Uranus?

Not the advice we're giving.

The advice we're giving is to answer the question.

Call your kid Uranus.

How do you give your kids a sufficiently and usefully unique name?

Yes.

They point out here, children have been born all the time and being named, they need your help.

Thanks, Chris.

Well, I think we can see where Chris's problems come from.

In fact, they've labeled it Chris, common name in the 60s.

No middle name, fairly common surname.

Good work, Chris.

Yeah.

So, Beck, you've looked into this?

I have.

What are we going to do?

Well, Chris said, should the first name be exotic if the surname is boring?

Right.

Baby name trends are really interesting.

And a lot of the research that's gone into it, like there's so many different things that affect what people call their kids.

So in some studies, they found that people with easy to pronounce names tend to do better in their careers.

Generally, people feel more positive towards someone and more likely to remember your name because it's easy to pronounce.

Now, this doesn't necessarily mean it has to be a common name.

This doesn't necessarily mean it has to be a Western name or something like that.

It just needs to be easy to pronounce.

Right.

I mean, there's still going to be some cultural benefits to names that people already know how to pronounce.

Yeah.

Unfairly.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't have any plans to have children, but I have mentioned in a previous live show that I've done that if I had a girl, I would want to call her Ellipsis because then I could give her the nickname Dot.

Yeah.

Because it's short for Dot, Dot, Dot.

Very good name.

And then we became friends.

Yep.

And I told you this fact.

This is, I was talking to Matt Simon at school about fun names, and we came up with Amphisand.

Yeah.

We call him Andy.

Right.

For short.

Yeah.

How is there no one called Amphisand?

I know.

And I, in a perfect world, Ampersand and Ellipsis are best friends.

Amp Ellipsis.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Dot and Andy.

Good old Dot and Andy.

The adventures of Dot and Andy.

Yeah, which no one take this.

This is ours.

If you

steal it, we'll know.

So there is an argument for that.

And they did find in one study as well that sometimes names that were a bit more unique, sometimes that ended up having negative connotations.

Either people can't pronounce them or they already have prejudice that says, oh, if it's a creative name, then they're from some type of socioeconomic background.

Obviously, these are all biases that society is slowly breaking down.

But it has been known to, yeah, get in the way of people getting the sort of opportunities that more common names get.

There's not just Google ability.

No, it's not just that.

They also found in some of the studies that girls with gender neutral names tended to do better in business careers.

They tended to stem subjects more.

Society is the worst.

Yeah, exactly.

So a lot of that was due to, you know, an outdated outdated beliefs that girls are bad at those things.

Sidestep misogyny.

Yeah.

And weirdly, they also found that subconsciously, there was a lot of girls that would also assume that they would be all right at it because their name is less feminine, seen as less feminine.

So like they're more likely to have the confidence to go, yeah, I can give that a go because they've sort of grown up feeling less imposed sexism on them based on their name, which is fascinating.

Although strangely, the opposite was found for boys with gender-neutral names.

They caught second-hand misogyny.

Yeah, basically.

So,

yeah, an exotic name in terms of Google, sure, but could make things a little bit more difficult.

That said, I would also argue that by having this become more and more common, people are more likely to start understanding that those beliefs are unrealistic.

There are a lot of names out there.

Yeah, yeah.

I was always tempted to add in an extra middle name.

I'm with you.

I think a middle name is a good idea.

I think most people in our society have middle names.

Obviously, Chris doesn't.

Yeah, poor Chris.

Yeah.

Just give yourself one anyway, Chris.

I was going to add in like e to the i pi plus one equals zero as a middle name.

And I looked into the Australian requirements for a middle name in terms of what characters you are and aren't allowed to use.

Like, could I put Greek characters?

Would a superscript allowed?

Yeah.

And a name.

But I was like, it's like a tattoo for your name.

Like, at least in a lot of Western societies, a long time ago, everyone just had first names.

And then, as society got bigger and more interconnected, you needed more formalized surnames.

Will we hit another threshold where we've got such a global society where everyone's fighting for the same social media handles that either we have to diversify the population of names we're drawing from or stack more of them in a row?

Funnily enough, in 2018, there was a study in the University of Edinburgh.

They were finding that choosing a baby's name that is distinctive is becoming harder.

Greater media access, global communication, and rising immigration have increased people's exposure to different names, but also ensures these names become common more quickly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why did your parents choose your name, Matt?

My middle name is my paternal great-grandfather's name.

We all got first names that my parents just liked and then like middle names which were like an old person.

Actually, apart from my sister.

Her middle name they just liked as well.

Yeah.

So mine's an Atani, which is unique.

Yes.

My parents conjured it up.

Well,

that's the whole story.

Yeah,

I think I've talked about this on the podcast in the past.

But yeah,

that is an interesting middle name.

But I kind of liked it being sort of like a secret to myself until I realized that someone had put it on Wikipedia.

Do you all have biblical names?

All have, yes, all biblical first names.

Your parents are of the Christian religion.

The biblical persuasion.

The biblical persuasion.

So that kind of makes sense as to like why that would be 100%.

They've pulled names from their kind, things that have meaning and from their nearby culture yes yeah i was named after my great-grandmother again my mum just liked the name

and were you named and called rebecca or well look if you're going to have a kid in australia their name's going to be shortened get used to it 100 oh and if you give them a short name it's going to get lengthened there's going to

be an o on the end oh yeah it's it's going to change length yeah my sister married someone called matthew and he gets to be called matt

but i don't I'm still Matthew.

Unbelievable.

It's almost like because he's an outsider, they want to show respect.

So they're going to use the name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was a journal piece called Brandy, You're a Fine Name, Popular Music and the Naming of Infant Girls from 1965 to 1985.

And they found out so when Call and the Gang's song Joanna hit the billboard hot 100 list in 1984, the name Joanna shot up in popularity.

Oh, there you go.

The same happened to Rosanna after Toto's song of the same name in 1982.

Even some more unconventional names saw a surge in the wake of a hit song.

The names Candida, Windy, and Ariel were such unpopular names for babies that they had never cracked the top 1,000.

But after songs with those names became hummable hits in the 60s and 70s, they all suddenly debuted on the top baby name charts.

But they found that as soon as the song left the charts,

the name waned again.

Oh, really?

That's it.

It was a one-hit, wonder name.

Yeah, so if you met someone called Candida today, you'd be like, wow, that's a strange name.

But they might know.

They might have gone gone to school with a bunch of Candidas and they're like, it's not a little micro generation of them.

Yeah.

So what I would say, if you do want to give your child a different name, don't choose one that was in a pop song that's just come out.

But maybe you could choose one.

Yeah, go call them Candida.

Doors are wide open for a new generation.

Yeah, exactly.

If you've got an interesting story about how you've chosen a name or why you've chosen a name, please let us know on Twitter.

We're at a problem squared.

I think the whole thing's very fascinating.

The only only problem with this problem is that it's one of those ones that's a little bit vague and it meant that I had no boundaries.

And so I've got a thousand tabs open on my computer.

Draw a line around the research somewhere.

Yes.

I mean, they're probably.

I think it's, you know, sufficiently straightforward first name,

unusual middle name, to give the child the opportunity to choose.

Or.

Or.

You could go for a unique first name, but ensure that the nickname for it

is very easy.

You know what?

That is the solution we've been dancing around with all this.

Yeah.

Do you know what?

That's actually good answer.

The best way to name a child is give them an interesting first name that can be short.

Boring abbreviation.

Yes.

Yeah.

The amphisands and the.

And if you have a difficult to pronounce surname, spell it phonetically.

If you have a difficult to pronounce surname, get a first name.

that uses some of the surname to finish a common word.

Like B chill.

Yeah, like B chill, right?

And then a more complicated version yeah yeah yeah yeah

i'm gonna give you uh

ding tholome

i will a dingus ii i mentioned this in the la episode that i went to universal studios and they had like a whole simpsons section oh yeah i can't remember if i mentioned this

they had a whole they had

they had bought name uh badges yeah good work that made me very excited well i'm gonna give you a ding which is coincidentally also a great name for a kid.

Oh, yeah, call your kid ding.

Dingus.

We give the worst advice.

This next problem is from Mike.

Good old Mike.

Who sent it into the problem posing page at problemsquare.com.

Mike said, help!

Great, great opening, Mike.

My wife is turning 45 in 2025.

I hope this isn't Mike just going, she's too old.

How many find a younger wife?

That's not what Mike is saying.

No.

Mike said, and I'd like to throw her a themed birthday party based on the square of her age being the year, i.e., 45 squared is 2025.

Any suggestions on turning 45 squared equal 2025 into a celebration?

I'm thinking square foods, but I'm not sure what to do beyond that.

She loves books, horses, and being surrounded by a crowd.

Now,

notably, Mike,

at no point have you said your wife loves square numbers or maths or maths or this podcast.

Nope.

I feel like.

Books, horses, and being surrounded by a crowd.

This is a party for you, Mike.

Look, we don't know.

Let's assume she's very excited about this.

Yeah, okay.

And she should be

because it's super rare.

Ooh.

And I knew this fact

before this question came in from Mike because, much like Mike's wife, I was born in the year 1980, which means next year in 2025, I will also turn 45.

Ah, and I will be turning the square root of the then-current year, which does not happen very often at all.

I made a YouTube video about this on the Numberfile channel in the year 2015 about how excited I was about turning 45 in the year 2025.

Oh, you're such a nerd.

I've been looking forward to this for a decent percentage of my life.

And it's so close.

I can taste it.

It's next year.

Next year, Bank.

So I guess, like, what?

So there's when, when is the next

year that has a square root?

You will, for the people who are born, if people want to line this up, if you can have a child in the year 2070,

they will turn 46 in the year 2116,

which is the square of 46.

The last time it happened was people born in the year 1892.

Oh, my gosh.

And they turned 44 in the year 1936, which is the square of 44.

Oh, my goodness.

At the moment, it happens just under once a century.

Yeah.

For a birth year.

Which is several generations.

Yeah.

And

like,

what is the cosmic alignment of Captain Love's ridiculous mass facts over here being born in the year.

And I only discovered this after I decided to become a maths teacher.

It's not like this is not my origin story.

This was the icing on the cake.

Imagine if you got excited by that, and that's how you learned out.

You learned you like maths.

Oh, I wish that's how I got into it.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, the amazing.

I'm destined to be square number guy.

You're destined to be square, all right?

I know it'll make sense.

Ah,

so pleased.

No, it's lovely.

I I get it.

I would be very excited by this too.

Yeah.

And you know, I dusted off the spreadsheet I made back in 2015.

That's me doing

folding bags of blowing dust off of a book.

Because there are a few other similar birthdays around

that aren't quite as good because myself and Mike's wife will turn.

the square root of the then current year.

You think, what are we able to turn the cube root

of the then current year?

But the last time that happened was in the year 1716.

Okay.

Those people can't get them on the show, is what you're saying.

No, they turned 12 in the year 1728, which was the cube root of that.

Reach out to us if that was you.

The next year,

I'm getting through this no matter how much fun you make of me.

The year 2184 will be the next batch of cube root turning people.

Maybe we would have hit 4 million downloads.

Give or take.

And all the other ones are like, there's so few of them.

The nearest one that will be in our lifetimes

is the year 2046.

Because if you're born in the year 2046, you will turn two

in the year 2048.

And I am also so excited.

to live in the year 2048.

Not that it will be my birthday.

I was like, Matt, you're more than two.

years.

Correct, correct, correct.

But 2048 is a power of two.

It's two to the power of 11.

The last time we had one of those was in the year 1024.

We get them.

It's been a, it'll be over a millennia.

Wow.

Millennium since the last one.

And the next one won't be until the year 4096.

They are so rare.

And we are going to have one in the year 2048.

And if you're born two years before that, you won't remember it, but you will have turned the 11th root of the then current year super super rare

so are there any other cool dates that happen for like

is there an ideal birthday in 2025 if you're turning 45 like is there like a square root of a or something yeah no oh i you could probably just try to get dates that have more fun not symmetry is the wrong word for it but you could be born on like the fourth of the fifth to get an extra 45 in there or something silly like that.

But nothing, nothing, no, there's no, there's no additional meaningfulness other than just you turn the whole number of the then current year because other years have square roots which are not whole numbers.

The rare thing is a year being a square number in itself, which means it's got a whole number square root, which means people can be that age or turn that age.

Name square numbers for me again, just the first few.

One, yeah, four, yeah, nine,

sixteen,

Twenty-five.

So if you've got any of like, if you've got any of these in your birthday, oh, you can't have a birthday.

You can have the day and months.

You can have you could have a really square birth date to go with your squareness.

Yeah.

That would, no, you're right.

That would be extra square.

You'd have even better squariness if you were born on like

the

9th of March.

So like you're the square, the day you're born is the square of the month that you were born in or something.

Yeah.

Or the 3rd of September if you're in the States.

Or the other way around, yes.

Either way.

Either way works.

That's cool.

So...

Well, luckily, Mike's wife loves books and those are already square in shape.

Yeah, buy a cuboid.

I mean, the short answer is buy them several copies of my books.

Yeah, of course.

I feel like that's the most massive way.

The book you're working on now will be out by then.

It will be eventually.

Just.

Just.

Or get her a book on horses.

There you go.

A book on horses, but she has has to go and pick it up from a very crowded bookstore.

Yeah, exactly.

That works.

Done.

So I have to admit, I mean, I should have.

I've been planning on.

Oh, so you haven't solved the problem.

You just wanted to say.

I wanted to emphasize how important this problem is.

Okay.

But now we'll knock out a quick solution together.

Okay.

Because also, it made me realize seeing this problem that I've been looking forward to this birthday for over a decade.

And I've been publicly telling people how excited I am about it since the year 2015 and now it's on the horizon it's next year

I don't now I'm like oh no what am I gonna do like I've got performance anxiety like how how am I gonna celebrate this spectacular birthday so I actually have the same problem

as Mike planning for his wife but it's me planning for me yeah yeah well what's the i'm ambivalent about horses i do like books and i once or twice i've been surrounded by a crowd Well, I think the it needs to, if you're gonna do loads of square-based things, then the party game's got to play a hopscodge.

Oh, that's good, nice, yep, yeah.

Uh, square dance, yes, have some square dancing.

I mean, chess, but also the pieces of squares,

everyone has to wear checks, a lot of Jenga,

yes, everyone wears check that.

Okay, now we go.

Yeah, it'll look a lot like a Steve Mould fan club meetup.

Other than that, I am on board.

Yeah.

So everyone has to wear checks.

Check shirts.

Yeah.

Hopscotch.

Root beer.

There you go.

Root beer, though.

Write that down.

Have you got, you got a pepper?

Write that down.

Root beer.

Square food.

You should serve root beer in like square glasses.

So everything's like squares and roots.

Yeah,

it's going to be very uncomfortable.

Everything's very comfortable.

Pointy.

It's very pointier back.

No, you're right.

Yeah.

i know

and obviously at the party you listen to a problem squared obviously that's your music track that was implied just our theme on the peak the theme we'll send you an audiophile which is the 10 hour mix i feel like the answer to this problem is you know when people have a party and they have a rough theme and then the the it's the the guests the guests that yeah so exhaust the effort My friends would do one where it's like, oh, it's a

London tube theme.

and so everyone comes as like love it you know something tubish yeah whether it's dressing as the line colors or dressing as one of the tiling patterns from yeah like um gav and i once uh made a costume where like we're a big white couch like the two of us we had to walk around with a big white couch because we were white setty

that's which is based on white city the yeah was very proud of that

So, and then there was a couple that showed up as Barbie and Ken because they were Barbican.

Oh, wow.

People really

went abstract.

Yeah, it was fun.

So I think.

So we should have a square root party.

Oh, what country?

Mike doesn't say.

No.

I'll organise a big

everyone born in 1980.

We'll have a square root party.

Yes.

I say that.

I'm going to.

I was like,

it'll be one of a show I'm already doing in London.

I'll declare it a party.

Yeah.

Or then afterwards.

And then the after parties, yeah.

You have to play Dance, Dance, Revolution.

I was just trying to think of other things that have squares.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I feel like it's the sort of thing where, as long as you're providing square-based food,

and then you just tell the guests it's a square theme, square theme, then people will either wear squares.

Yeah, yeah.

And if you're lazy like me, you just go, oh, it's it's bring a plate, and then they'll provide the food as well.

Perfect.

So outsource the labor is what you're trying to say.

I prefer to attend parties where there is some level of, you were saying that you like to have a project.

Yep.

And I get excited about parties where there's a little bit of a challenge.

Yes.

I like it where I will put effort in.

I love Halloween parties.

I love anything where someone's like, there's a theme.

I'm like, yes.

Okay.

Done.

Done.

In fact, I once showed up to a party that I didn't realize had a theme and I'd accidentally already fulfilled it because everyone kept complimenting me on my outfit.

And it turned out that the party was dresses what you think the next Doctor Who should wear.

That's or like how you think the next doctor in Doctor Who should dress.

And I was wearing my normal clothes and I was like, wow, everyone's so complimentary.

Really nailed the brief.

And I was like, oh.

And I stand by it.

Yeah, the doctor should wear the things I wear.

So that's my, I mean, it wasn't my problem to answer, but that's my answer.

We've gone very abstract with this episode.

We really have.

A lot of it is like, these are our thoughts.

These are some thoughts.

What you do.

You do.

Importantly, we need to remember that some people who were born in 1980 listen to this podcast and right now have discovered

with a year to spare how special next year's birthday is going to be.

You should do like a party kit that you sell on Maths Gear, which is just like square napkins, molds, normal

plates.

Just regular plates and napkins.

Actually, you gave us square plates.

I did give you square plates.

Yeah.

Not give, give.

You provided the food on a square plant.

To eat off because I saw them and thought it was funny that they were square.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm way, I am already, like, this whole thing already meshes with my

life.

Yeah.

Well, I guess the answer is

look out for where Matt is holding a party for everyone and hold him to it.

Yep.

And get your wife

a book on horses or a horse on books.

Either way.

Either one.

Both are good.

Yeah.

And I get and you know, make sure everyone you invite comes and then she'll be surrounded by a crowd.

Perfect.

I don't think think we can ding this until

that.

Yeah.

And we wait until then.

I mean, I'd say well done, but all you did was explain that you are also.

We're only just beginning.

Now it's time for any other biscuits for natural companion to a cup of tea.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, actually, you know what?

I've got a bit of AOB I've got to do.

A lot of people wrote in

with various takes on my what percentage of roads lead to Rome.

Yes.

And the one vein of response I would like to acknowledge is that there are other places called Rome.

I took the expression in the way it was intended to mean Rome or Roma, Italy.

But people are like, mate, there's Rome's everywhere.

And it's true.

I'm pretty sure there is a Rome on every continent that has a road network.

So if you include all the Romes, Romers,

all roads lead to Rome.

Yeah, fair.

So, yeah, I mean, it's not as much fun.

No.

But

it's correct.

I think it's safe to say.

We knew what the question is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it is, you know what?

I got to give credit where it's due.

Very funny response, everyone.

And you are technically correct.

Yeah.

I mean, but for every time you guys send us in a joke, it makes it harder for us to find the actual problems.

No, no, no.

Keep

flooding, flooding the problem-posing page.

Really?

We really regret adding the solution option now.

Yeah, maybe we should have, if you have the drop-down to solution, it goes into a different spreadsheet.

Yeah, but people will know.

But that would have been too easy.

Yeah, but then people would just put the jokes in as a.

Like, if we had another option, which was joke or comment.

People would know that I've written a script to auto-delete them.

So they wouldn't use them.

No, I don't mind the jokes.

All right.

But to separate them

at the moment, our problems and solutions are all

big old spreadsheets.

It just all comes in chronological order.

I think for the last two years, I've been like, Matt, can you change it so that the new ones come in at the top?

And that's just

we now have to scroll for so long to get to the new ones.

I download it and then re-sort it anew every time.

Yeah.

Resort and format it the way I like.

But anyway, thank you for people who send in.

Technically correct joke answers.

I'd like to acknowledge there is a Rome on every road network.

Yes, well done.

I have so many other business.

As I mentioned at the beginning of the podcast, I have started gigging again.

Yeah.

So check out my website, BeckeelComedian.com or bechillcomedian.com.

and look at the gigs or events or tours or whatever the link is in there.

I have a calendar which I tried to keep up to date.

So please pop along to any of those.

Come and say hi.

And I will be back in LA.

Oh, yeah, you're going back.

Yeah.

I'm just...

Stay away.

Well, I'm trying to find

a place that I can have a career

that is also warm during the winter months.

That's not Australia.

Yeah, because I could go back to Australia, but that's very expensive

and a very long, long flight.

So far.

And

i mean no matter how successful i am in australia it doesn't necessarily

pay off in other countries no no no no uh it would i feel like if i was to have some sort of success in la that would that would somehow help here oh yeah yeah i can see how that's a transferable fame and i like the climate there i like it a lot more than here during the winter months you'd visit me i mean look we say this as if i've got the this is what i'm i hear the paperwork to work and live in America.

It's very straightforward.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

What I'm getting to is if anyone has any knowledge of any sort of work that I could legally do over there,

if anyone has an American business that wants to sponsor a small Australian

to be there for six months of the year, every year.

Just the cold ones.

Then, look, I'll stay around longer if it's worth it.

But also, I might try and do some, I won't be able to get paid for them, but I might try and do some gigs while I'm out there.

So keep an eye out on my socials and I'll announce that if you want to come see me do some silly stand-up.

I've got the new Evening of Unnecessary Detail shows happening in London every two months at the Cockpit Theatre, not that far from Milabone Station.

Head on over to our website to find the details.

Oh, and we're doing one in Bristol.

We're doing a big one in Bristol.

If anyone is near the Bristol Beacon on the 12th of March, so two days before Pie Day, we're doing Evening of Unnecessary Detail extravaganza.

Extravaganza.

It's going to be a whole thing.

Oh, and I'll be in New York again.

If people want to come and see Evening of Necessary Detail on the 14th of April, I will be doing it.

And maybe

some maths.

Up and coming internet maths person named Grant Sanderson.

Oh, I love Grant.

Grant's wonderful.

Granderson.

That's what nobody's ever called him.

That's his full name.

That's what Grant is.

Oh, is it?

I didn't know.

Grandeson.

Grandeson Sanderson.

Love it.

Every show we like to thank three of our Patreon supporters who really are the kettle that makes the tea possible.

In that they're hot.

They're hot and they're activated by a switch.

And so we pick three names.

Turned on and Steamy.

Turned on and Steamy.

So we pick three names at random.

from our big old spreadsheet.

It's just another spreadsheet of Patreon supporters.

And we thank them at the end of the episode, which this time includes.

I don't know how to mispronounce this one, but I'll try my best.

Give it a go.

David

Smith.

All right, yeah.

Da

vad.

I mean, it's

at what point does it just be?

You're missing out on the, on the, on the dance that goes with Beck saying that.

dav

dav id

sm

ith

only you can pronounce names like a gymnast landing at the end of a routine

i've got my arms up in the air and everything

well this is i don't know if this is a real name it could be fluoro yellow i think is how it would be read as written but i'm gonna read it as flu oro

Yell ow

and ail zander.

Oh, nice.

Colyopolis effect.

Thank you so much for listening to Problem Squared.

If you'd like your name mispronounced, head on over to patreon.com/slash problem squared.

We've been Beck Hill and Matt Parker and the

bag holding our tea together.

Not sure if that's the compliment you think is in.

Oh, I really should write this in advance.

It's our producer Lauren Armstrong, Carter.

Thank you for listening.

Okay, Beck.

Yes.

Dice.

How many?

Oh, yeah.

Jar in.

So I'm still going to, I'm using my old table.

Are we going to split the difference?

Yep.

Again, it's hard.

It's an odd number.

I think I went for 474, didn't I?

That sounds about right.

Okay.

I feel like I've done some bad math somewhere, but

I've stayed out of that.

I did think Ombat would have called me out on this.

No, no, no, no, no.

Cool.

I'll just wait for everyone to write back in solution and be like, Beck, you idiot.

And you actually, if there's an odd number of numbers in the range, it could be, that's good because it means there'll be a middle one and then an even number on either side, yeah.

Or, or it could be an odd number, but it'll be the same on both sides.

Yeah, yeah.

So, anyway, I'm just staying right out of it.

You say a number, I say hi or lower.

That's that's my involvement.

You say a number, I say hello.

Okay, I'm gonna go.

Do you know what?

I'm gonna say, as this isn't even going in by my maths anymore, but I'm gonna say 469

lower

just like you've lowered the tone.

Have we met?