Work in Progress

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Blink is intended for mature audiences as it discusses topics that can be upsetting, such as drug use, sexual assault, and emotional and physical violence.

Content warnings for each episode are included in the show notes.

Resources for drug addiction and domestic abuse can be found in the show notes and on our website, blinkthepodcast.com.

The testimonies and opinions expressed by guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself or affiliates of this podcast.

Before we dive into this episode, a quick reminder.

We're putting together a special Q ⁇ A bonus episode, so You can head to our Instagram and leave a question on the pinned post.

Over the past few months, we've gained a rare glimpse into the world of Jake Handel.

A man who, by all accounts, shouldn't be here.

A true miracle.

And yet, through his raw honesty and relentless determination, Jake isn't just surviving.

He's reaching people.

People battling addiction, people living with injuries and limitations, people working in the medical field.

and people who have no connection to any of it, who just want to understand what it means to fight for your life.

Jake has moved all of us with his story.

And when we started the series, Jake and I had a plan, an idea of what each episode would entail, but if you've been listening since the beginning, you've probably noticed this story kept evolving in real time, requiring some last-minute changes and some unplanned breaks.

We weren't necessarily expecting this, but maybe we should have been.

Because that's Jake's life.

He works every day to move forward, but he never really knows what's coming next.

He adapts.

He figures it out.

And I'm sure we're all wondering what life is like for Jake today.

How does he navigate recovery, therapy, and the weight of everything he's uncovered?

The day in my life of Jake, I have all kinds of things: medical appointments, physical occupational therapy, a variety of meetings.

I have a startup ahoy.

Mentally, I'm on point.

Physically, everything takes me longer to do, like taking a shower.

Although I used to not be able to do it at all, I would need help.

Then it took me like an hour and a half.

Then it took me like two hours to get a sock on.

Now it's at the point where I might be able to take an eight-minute shower and get my socks on in like 30 seconds and get out the door.

But I still have a variety of struggles.

Like, you know, I got this Starbucks coffee over here.

Before recording for this episode, Jake and I stopped at the Starbucks and Jake opted for an iced drink and no straw.

I'd seen him use straws previously, so I inquired, why no straw today?

And he said, straw or no straw both have challenges.

If his arm jerks mid-sip, a straw might jab him in the eye.

No straw, same movement, different consequence.

Coffee all over the table, the floor, or him.

He opted for the risk of a spell over the risk of an eye jab that day.

Obviously, recovery is very important to me.

I'm trying to get back to some sort of semblance of what I used to be.

I got all this like physical therapy and occupational therapy homework.

And I like to go to the gym and look at my cardio and stuff.

So it's like all these things just eat up like too many hours in the day.

There's also my social life and I have so many things and I want to keep a good balance.

Something in my previous life that I was never good at obviously.

I'm a very social person.

I've always been social.

I used to like all these activities like I would golf and stuff and play some sports and I can do the driving range nowadays, work in progress, definitely hang out with friends, sell a foodie, so go out to eat, love live music, go to a fair amount of concerts, the nightlife.

And then, you know, I write a lot.

That's like where the balance comes in.

It's hard for me to turn it off and relax.

Before Jake's diagnosis, being a head chef was a huge part of his identity.

He went to culinary school, he loved being in the kitchen, and aside from the drug deals, that was his career.

So I couldn't help but wonder, is cooking still a part of Jake's life today?

Maybe even a source of comfort or escape?

Even with everything that happened to my brain, all the culinary knowledge is still in there.

I still know how to like pick out the good stuff.

I come and make it every time I make a huge mess and then that mess bothers me so I try and clean it up and then I make a bigger mess due to these bad thingies.

Um

due to the bad thingies, I sometimes can overseason.

I must say, it comes out pretty damn good.

I even impress myself.

Will there ever be me in a professional kitchen again?

My knife skills are atrocious.

You shouldn't trust me with a knife.

I asked him what his favorite thing to cook is.

I'm a fan of the microwave.

You know, it's just

very low lift.

No, in all seriousness, I'm really good at searing something and putting it in the oven.

Like salmon, stir-fry vegetables, put the stuff in the pan, and stir it up.

I mean, there's risks associated with that, too.

I mean, everything's kind of a nightmare, you know?

You never know.

Jake has a strong support system.

Friends and family who check in, who help tidy up when they can.

But for the most part, he's on his own, living independently, figuring it out day by day.

I could take out the trash and I can load the dishwasher.

Can I mop the floors?

Not super well.

Can I stand up and clean these windows?

I mean, I might like fall through them.

I can do laundry, folding, not good.

Bad thingies.

When I first met Jake, therapy consumed most of his week.

More than 10 sessions, each running an hour to an hour and a half.

Speech therapy, physical therapy, conditioning, you name it.

But these days, he's graduated from speech therapy and he's now down to just three therapy sessions a week, two for physical therapy and one for occupational therapy.

My goals in occupational physical therapy are very much aligned and it's all doing stuff and standing with nothing behind me.

So going hard on that to master that before I move on.

Therapy is very goal-oriented, so if you're not meeting your goals, they're gonna eventually discharge you from therapy.

So, you gotta pick achievable goals that you're really gonna work hard on and show progress, or else, insurance doesn't want to pay if you're not meeting your goals.

And that's been a factor in the back of my mind.

Even before I could speak verbally, it was like, oh my god, if I don't make progress, I'm going to stay in this nursing home forever.

You better get better.

Jake shares a lot of his recovery journey on social media.

One of the standout characters on his page is his physical therapist Caroline, who works at MGH.

Their banter is quick, familiar.

Jake testing out new jokes, Caroline responding with quips and a smile, steering him back to work.

And really, it's just this dynamic that's not only endearing, but has gained some attention on Jake's social media.

So, I went with Jake to one of these therapy sessions a couple weeks ago, and on this day, Caroline sets Jake up on a treadmill.

We're rolling biscuits.

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Many minutes later, it's time for Jake to hit the stop button on the treadmill, a skill he's been practicing for a while.

It's a daunting task.

The treadmill is moving.

Jake has to release one of his hands, balance himself, continue to take steady steps, and then slam the red button.

It's a task that triggers some real anxiety, but Caroline is right there, encouraging him.

She reminds him he's done it before, and as always, she lightens the mood with a bit of humor, helping ease the tension just enough.

Are your hot jams hot enough?

No,

they're not.

Do you mean to skip the song, or you can't?

Because you only have Spotify not preeming.

Ha ha ha.

Gray flag.

Nope.

Beige

Here's more from Caroline.

I am Jake's outpatient physical therapist.

We've been working together for probably about a year and a half.

I asked what it's been like working with Jake.

As I'm sure you know, it's fun and crazy and silly.

There's never a dull moment.

And I definitely find myself having to check the fun at the door sometimes and be like, oh, we're not just friends hanging out.

Like, this is my job.

And I have to think hard about his very complicated case.

To be honest, when I first started working with Jake and Outpatient, I asked myself, like, what are we doing here?

What's the goal?

He's been in PT for a really long time.

Like, what are we working towards?

And now, having spent a lot of time with Jake, I understand the response that I got, which was very firm.

He's still making progress.

He's going to keep making progress.

We're not changing our plan of care.

And he does.

Every 12 weeks we set goals and every 12 weeks he meets his goals.

So I don't really know, right?

The end goal originally was, can he be independent in a wheelchair?

And then the end goal was, can he be independent in a manual wheelchair?

Can he transfer independently?

And then it was, can he use a walker?

And now it's, can he walk without a device?

So the end goal keeps changing.

I hope that someday, not for myself, but for him, he has a life outside of therapy.

That day will hopefully come.

And Caroline says she certainly will miss him, as will everyone else.

He definitely knows, I would say, 99% of the staff here.

It's funny, we'll like go on walks through the hospital and we'll like run into people that'll be like, hey, Jake, how are you?

And he'll be like,

hey, and they'll know that he doesn't recognize them.

I remember one time there was a PCI who was like, I cut your toenails.

And she remembered him from when he was in patient.

And that was the connection.

So, I mean, he's obviously very charismatic and likable.

He's very like real and honest and true, obviously, about himself and his journey and his struggles.

And I think that obviously captures people's attention and they want him to succeed.

And I think he is also the person that gives back, right?

He is very willing to help the people who help him.

And you don't always experience that as a healthcare provider.

So people recognize that and are appreciative.

And of course, now everyone listens to Blink in our office.

So everyone is like, I loved this week.

I loved this week.

And I remember before it came out, he had a conversation with me of like, I'm nervous that people aren't going going to like me after they hear this.

And I'm specifically nervous that you're not going to like me after you hear this.

And, you know, I feel this about everyone, right?

Everyone makes mistakes.

Life happens and you're dealt circumstances.

And it's who you are now that matters.

And I felt like I knew the person that Jake was so well before this all came out that like.

the story that I'm learning about just makes me appreciate how freaking normal he is now, right?

Like to have gone through all of that stuff and still be the person that he is is quite impressive.

I first met Caroline at the Blink Launch Party.

Jake had told me years prior, when we first started working on this project, that he really wanted to walk on stage when it launched.

The goal was just walking, and we had been practicing walking for a long time.

Then maybe two or three months before the premiere, he was like, well, actually, this goal is to walk on stage.

And I was like, oh, okay.

So we're not just talking about walking.

We're talking about walking in front of 50 plus people when you're stressed about having to speak in front of 50 plus people, when you're anxious about sharing your entire life story, right?

There's a lot more to this walking on stage.

February 2nd, 2025, episode one of Blink came out, and Jake's friends, family, and medical professionals who helped him along the way all gathered at Bellenhan Tavern in Boston, Massachusetts.

I got there early.

We practiced it probably five times before, and it was a great, it was a great day.

Jake walked on stage with Caroline and another physical therapist ready to catch him if he fell, but he didn't.

And while most of what Jake does with Caroline reflects the grind of his daily rehab, he's also had some pretty incredible one-of-a-kind opportunities along the way.

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Anti-gravity treadmill stuff where like you go into this like bubble and they put all this like air into it.

It's like kind of like you're in the pool.

And then some of the cool stuff I would do is more in the adaptive adaptive sports realm, a recumbent tricycle, sit-down skiing, or standing skiing, adaptive pickleball, and adaptive rugby, and adaptive basketball.

There's pretty much adaptive everything.

And I was doing a lot of that.

When I like first got out of the hospital, I was just kind of like, what else can I do that?

How can I get more therapy?

And they would be like, you can do this.

And I'd be like, what?

I can't get into a kayak.

There are people that help you do this, and it's adapted to you.

And so that stuff's very cool.

I remember a few years back, Jake went on a ski trip, and I later saw a video of him standing tall, skiing down a snowy slope with people flanking on both sides of him.

I used to be a skier from a very young age.

When you're such a junkie, someone would be like, you want to go here?

And I'd be like, damn, that's Switzerland.

I probably can't get heroin there, bring heroin there.

I can't do that.

I'll get dope sick and then it'll be a horrible time.

But for skiing, I would always make that work.

I'd be like, oh, that's something I have to do.

During his recovery, Jake had been biking from Charlestown to Boston with the help of Spalding Adaptive Sports.

And one day, one of his therapists turned to him and said something along the lines of, you should go skiing with us this winter.

Are you nuts?

How?

I can do that.

And she's like, oh, yeah, anybody can do that.

Yeah, well, I don't think I can do that.

And I don't know if the risk is worth it.

And she's like, why don't you just come?

That was summer.

And then winter starts, like November.

Go over to Wachusett.

They're like, so do you want to sit or stand?

And I'm like, what?

Stand?

And they're like, yeah, we have this frame.

So it's kind of like a walker on two skis with like this platform thing that you hold.

And then you're on two skis.

Your skis are in between skis.

So you're on four skis.

And then some like professional has these tethers.

And so he can slow you down if you're going crazy.

He's behind you.

And then they have people on both sides of you.

And anyway, I'm like, that sounds fun,

but I'm scared.

They warmed up the ski boots to make them more flexible.

They stretched Jake's ankles.

and then carefully helped him into the boots and secured the adaptive ski around his body.

It's like that feeling when you're about to go down a roller coaster, a drop, and we start on the bunny hill.

That was my first second.

They're like, wow, you're like a natural.

You're doing really good.

We don't usually do this.

Do you want to get on the chairlift and do a little run?

So I did this and I was scared as hell.

But once I started going, it really hurt my feet.

That was the one thing.

It caused me a lot of pain, but it was like so exciting and exhilarating.

It just felt so cool.

Just gliding down this mountain like I used to.

I just had these thoughts in my head.

I'm like, this is crazy.

Not only that I'm alive, but that I'm sliding down the mountain.

And yeah, but it hurt a lot, but I think it was worth it.

I think it was worth it.

I did it again and again and again, and then I lost like three toenails.

They turned black.

I went out to Denver to do this ski thing.

These people are on such an advanced level.

I mean, i'm i'm somebody who's like in that ceiling frame going down the bunny hill and like some of these people don't have any limbs at all and are snowboarding down double black diamonds it's like crazy to me this moment is just such a clear reflection of jake's determination even when he's shaking literally trembling and his mind is screaming that what he's doing isn't safe he still shows up.

He still chooses to try, to do the therapy, to face the fear, to get better.

A couple years ago, I went with Jake to aquatic therapy, and it was the day that he planned to try something terrifying.

Submerging his head underwater for the first time since his diagnosis.

They started slowly, first having him stand unassisted in the pool, which was a skill he'd been practicing, and then leaning his face down to blow bubbles on the surface.

And finally, the big step, going under.

He was visibly nervous, scared that if he panicked, he might breathe in water.

He kept asking for reassurance that people were there, that people will save him if something bad happens.

And the first few tries, Jake only got part of his face beneath the surface.

I could see his heart racing, this internal battle playing out on his face.

But after a short break, he said he wanted to try again.

And this time, Jake didn't just dip his head.

He plunged several inches underwater.

And when he resurfaced to find all of our shocked faces, he asked if he'd made it fully under this time.

And watching moments like this, watching him, it's unforgettable.

His resilience is magnetic.

And I asked, Jake, what would you tell someone who's struggling to find the motivation to do their therapy?

Obviously, I'm somebody who knows how hard it is.

And when you're going through it, regardless, if it's on the road downhill, the road back up, you don't feel great physically you might be sick mentally is no picnic either because you're thinking about what's gonna happen and you're thinking about how things used to be and how things aren't gonna be the same and you got all these automatic thoughts like

shooting through your head and that can make you

lay down for lack of a better word you're just like fuck it I don't feel good physically I don't feel good mentally I'm just gonna put on the tv or put on some music and try and feel better internally

but i do my best to not get stuck in that because i always look at the alternative right and i'm gonna feel worse physically mentally and about myself if that's what i do because there's only so long you can just lay down.

Maybe you're somebody and I've been there who like can lay it down.

Mentally, you gotta make your best effort to be like, I'm gonna do everything I can do and do what the experts are telling me to do, even though it hurts, even though it's annoying.

That's something honestly, I have to do on a daily basis.

I told this story about somebody in Spalding who, when I was like paralyzed and being put into a chair, non-verbal, was just like, they put him up in the standing frame, and he was like, oh no, it hurts, it hurts.

I give up, I give up, discharge me.

And that made me sad.

I was wondering what would happen to him.

Frankly, without being locked in, I don't know.

I just like saw how much worse it could be, I guess.

And that's what kept me just boom, boom, to the next, and the next.

I gotta get out of here.

I gotta get to the next.

And without going to the bottom, bottom, I don't know if I would have had that drive, but I guess my point is it's all about figuring out what you as an individual really want.

If you want more than the cards you were dealt, you got to listen to the experts and there is no guarantee in physical recovery.

They're just like, if you do this and if you do this repetition, you will get better at it.

Caroline is in a position to see people battle through this every day.

I mean, he's had 200 plus outbatian PT sessions and to still show up on time, twice a week, every week, and want to be better.

I mean, he could have easily said, I'm alive and I can operate a power chair.

That's amazing.

But he didn't.

And people might have told him that that was as far as he'd get and he didn't listen.

And speaking of getting better, over the past year, something strange has been happening in Jake's brain.

I reached out to Dr.

Michael Young, a neurologist and brain injury specialist at Massachusetts General Hospital, and he's an expert in disorders of consciousness, serves on the MGH Ethics Committee, and now he works directly with Jake.

What prompted me to reach out was Jake's latest brain scan.

The image is stunning.

Compared to a scan from just a few years ago, it kind of looks like the white matter has grown back, like his brain is healing.

And so I asked Dr.

Young, what does this mean?

And he told me the damage to the white matter was so evident and now it does appear to have improved.

And it points to the brain's remarkable plasticity.

But is this regeneration?

Is Jake's brain growing back?

Well, we don't know yet.

Much more research is needed.

But still, this kind of case raises big, important questions.

And another person who can speak more to it is Jake's uncle Adam.

Adam brings a unique perspective.

He's a professional of radiology, health policy, and medical humanities, and also serves as the chairman of the Patient Institute.

In other words, he has a deep understanding of what Jake's body is going through.

And he had a few thoughts to share.

He's made incredible physical progress,

which brings up so many other amazing questions about how the brain functions.

What's actually going on in our consciousness.

Is our brain really our consciousness or is it just one component?

And is there another component that we don't understand?

I mean, there clearly is.

He's a better version of himself from a cognitive level.

I mean, I challenge you to find me, a single neurologist, single physician, who can explain to another physician or anybody else for that matter why this is happening.

They didn't teach me about this in medical school.

And I'm a medical school professor.

We don't teach this to our medical students.

students.

I mean, this is bizarre, which is what makes it, I think, so exciting.

I mean,

he actually is a human pathway for medical research and medical knowledge to maybe go to the next quantum level of trying to understand cognition and consciousness.

Even medical anomalies, there's a reason for the anomaly.

And that's how medical discoveries are made.

You find something that doesn't make sense in the old paradigm.

He doesn't make sense in the old paradigm.

I mean, mean, I've read thousands and thousands of MRI scans of brains and spines, and, you know, he doesn't correlate.

Over the years, those of us in medical imaging, we've used certain techniques to try to help clinicians make decisions about this.

This just blows everything out of the water.

There's something that we have to better understand about Jake and the course of his recovery.

If we can figure this out, it's going to have huge implications for not only medicine, but also for our understanding of the mind.

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I had no idea what would happen to me, but a lot of neuropsychologists in a variety of different hospitals entered my room and people were concerned when they learned the magnitude of how long I was trapped in my body and everything I've been through about PTSD being a real thing for me.

And non-verbally, I remember them inverbly talking to me about their worries about PTSD and they want to support me and help me.

And my answer was always like, no, I actually, mentally, I feel great.

Physically, I'm in a lot of pain, but I feel great.

And they were like, interesting.

Tell us more about that.

Well, everything I've been through, it was hell, it was horrible.

And now I'm just like, I have the ability to verbally communicate.

I'm like, yeah, everything kind of hurts and sucks, but I'm just like really thankful that I'm alive and like things can be so much worse.

And one guy was like, This is fascinating.

I think you have PTGS.

Post-traumatic growth syndrome.

Fascinating.

You have grown

from your experience.

What Jake's gone through isn't just trauma, it's transformation.

The term post-traumatic growth syndrome was first coined in the 1990s and describes the positive psychological change that can emerge after a person endures intense struggle or trauma.

So we're talking shifts in perspective, deeper relationships, a new sense of purpose.

And it doesn't erase the pain, but for some, like Jake, it reshapes it into something else entirely, something stronger, something more positive.

And Jake was never formally diagnosed with this, but a few different times, doctors suggested that this might be what he's experiencing.

I believe two neuropsychologists in two different hospitals said, Sounds like you have this.

And while this is definitely a positive thing, I also couldn't help but wonder: how has everything changed now that this story, his story and his recovery is so public

yeah uh it's it's affecting me

way more than i thought it would and i thought

i thought

that i would feel relief i've been waiting to tell this part of the story for a very long time and it's finally here and working so hard on this for years and it's out and

The launch was amazing.

I felt great.

And then episode two came out, and I got sad and depressed.

It's not what I expected.

And

I don't know what I did expect.

Virtually everyone in my family, in my friend group, on the podcast.

I had lunch with Eli yesterday.

Eli's like, I am amazed how much I thought I knew and didn't know as episodes keep coming out in real time.

So I've really put it all out there, obviously.

I feel

so naked.

I just feel like

not everyone in the world, but everyone that's tuned in and for lack of a better term, locked in on Blink knows.

things that

I wouldn't necessarily tell my girlfriend.

You know, they just know it all.

As

the season has progressed, I've kind of went through it and I did have rough like 10 days that were,

I'm gonna say dark, but obviously not as dark as they have been.

Just darker.

About a week into that darkness, I had called Jake.

and he told me he wasn't feeling great.

I asked if he wanted to stop the podcast, pull the episodes we'd already released, end it all right then.

But he said no.

Sharing his story mattered to him, even if it stirred up emotions he hadn't anticipated.

I mean, even listening to some of it, I'm like, oh, Jesus, I'm really honest.

But where I feel now is much better, but I feel naked, a little paranoid.

I wish I could have done this without people knowing it's me, but I don't think that would have worked as well for this story.

I can be in like a random grocery store and someone's like, Are you Jake?

I follow you on social.

I love the link.

And like, that is definitely a different experience.

It's, it's really crazy.

It's definitely, you know, weird.

But sometimes people stare and I'm like, is that a recognition stare?

Is that like somebody who's just like, I don't like the look of that dude?

Is that like, look at that red scooter scooter weirdo stare?

And then I have this thought where I'm like,

wonder if they know my story.

And wonder if their sister died of a heroin overdose.

And wonder if he knows and wants to kill me.

I was part of that world and sold that shit.

And maybe somebody's loved on OD'd.

But I understand that.

Like, oh, you fucking scum of the earth dealing that poison.

So.

Jake also leaned on his friend Justin to sort out his conflicting emotions.

We all love the kid to death, but this is a lot for someone to put out there and take on and like both to be a public figure and then, you know, maybe to get the questions all the time that he's going to get like how that's going to affect his mental on a day-to-day basis.

You know, I super worry about that.

And I think he's starting to too, frankly.

This story is too important not to tell.

So I wouldn't change anything.

There's so many things folks can take from my story.

I want them to know it can always be worse and it can always get better.

I want people to be appreciative for what they have and the abilities they have, the little things in life.

That's the perspective I've gained.

I also want people to kind of gain the level of perspective I've gained without having to go through something as traumatic as I went through or anything traumatic.

There are people out there who have gone through some crazy shit, regardless what it is, who come out of that with just a refreshed look on life.

And I think my mission in life would be if I could unlock this perspective shift in individuals who are struggling with their feelings and what to make out of life and just kind of bogged down by the mundaneness and fall into addiction or whatever bad habit they have.

If I, we as a society can get people to unlock this perspective, it's gonna improve so many people's lives.

And that's, I think that's the reason I'm sharing my story to

get some good to come out of that.

And it's all about helping people, and that's like my whole thing.

I just want to thank all the listeners, you know, people that really care and give a shit and just thank you guys for listening, you know, share this with anyone that you think it might help.

Jake might worry about how all of this will affect his life, and it's easy to get caught up in the what-ifs, the anxiety that comes with being so open and so vulnerable.

But In the midst of that, it's just as easy to forget how powerful sharing a story like this can be.

His friends and family certainly have not forgotten just how strong he is.

He's on the road to recovery, but he's not recovered.

And he's like a strong kid.

I saw something in him right away.

I'm sure you did too.

This kid's capable of so much.

Like he's charismatic.

He's like the ultimate salesperson.

He just found himself in a community that and in a situation with his mom that, you know, it's like there's a fork in the road and it went down a path that he wishes he didn't, obviously.

And it very easily in a different situation, could have gone a path that like, you know, led to him starting a company, which he's always meant to do, and like

doing good, positive things for the world, which he's now doing.

I'm so proud of him for beating addiction,

certainly the hard way, and for just working so hard at his rehab for years.

He's very inspirational.

I mean, it's really astounding because on the one hand, you know, he went from being at best a wayward soul, and now you see transformation that is astounding.

There's so many lessons for the rest of us.

And this has implications for every family.

It's not just Jake, it's not just our family, it's for every family who has a loved one who has brain injury, brain impairment.

To me, it's a call to action for more research because for every Jake, there are dozens of family members and friends who are impacted.

And I think Jake, frankly, is in the vanguard of dragging us forward and more power to him.

What's great is that he's finally kind of become the person I always wanted him to be.

It's too bad that he had to get so sick and lose so much of his physical ability, but he traded it in for a better emotional basis and a better outlook on life and living.

His determination to recover and get better and learn to talk and learn to walk and, you know, is such a moving story.

Jake comes to my house for Christmas.

They all know.

My whole family knows pretty much everything.

And they're super supportive and love, Jake.

Seeing how much love Jake still has in his life is really beautiful.

And we were really lucky to have included so many interviews, but

there was one interview that Jake and I had been chasing down for some time.

Ellen.

And then a few weeks ago, we heard from someone close to her family asking for our information on behalf of Ellen.

Our efforts to reach her had worked, and we were hopeful that we would finally hear her side of the story.

But when the call came in, it wasn't from Ellen.

It was from her lawyer.

For years, Jake fought for the right to share his story.

And now he's finally doing it.

This past Memorial Day marked eight years since his diagnosis, and this winter will mark five years since the start of his recovery.

In that time, so much has changed.

He's now living independently.

He co-founded Ahoy, a company built to help others with accessibility needs navigate their cities with confidence.

He walked on stage without a walker at the blank launch party.

And now his story is out in the world.

So, where might Jake be in another five years?

Five years ago, I couldn't get myself out of my hospital bed.

I was living in Tucson State Hospital through COVID lockdown, and I believe it was so bad the military took over the hospital.

So that's where I was five years ago.

It was rough.

And I was freaking out because I was making so much progress.

And I was like, oh no,

apocalyptic COVID.

Here we go.

Best luck, worst luck.

You know, it's like, this was crazy to think.

That's where it was five years ago.

And now I'm living on my own and I'm doing all these cool things.

My stories getting out there.

I'm traveling, walking with Walker, balancing, doing some tests.

So in another five years, I mean, the fact is, we just don't know with me.

I'm going to answer where I hope to be.

I hope that you see me on the streets of Boston, New York, LA, Ireland, wherever I'm at, walking around with a cane.

And not just like, I can take a few steps with a cane, like that's how I get around.

Scooter goes in the trash, wheelchair goes in the trash, and I'm like canning it.

And if there's a heavy door, I'm just like butchering through that heavy door because guess what?

I gotta get through the door and go to the bathroom.

And that won't knock me off balance.

And I'm not freaking out in my own head about how I'm gonna fall.

I'm like, no, I'm fucking Jake Handle.

I'm gonna walk through the door.

Physically, that's where I hope to be.

Work-wise, I hope.

Millions of people are still tuning into Blink for the first time.

I hope that I have a career public speaking, going around the world, sharing this perspective with folks, and you know, and I hope I have a kid.

And that's what I hope in five years.

And how old will I be in five years?

42.

I'll be 42 years old.

Now, we all know that hope is a nice thing, and you can manifest things by hope.

But now I'm going to talk about what might happen, one of the alternatives.

I think all these things I just said have a high probability of happening.

But I do see the story of Jay Candle ending

with a swift brick to the back of the head.

I saw it.

Saw it in a recurring dream.

For nearly two years, Jake had the same recurring dream.

It always began with success.

His story was out in the world.

People knew what he'd been through.

And he was on stage now at a speaking event, sharing his journey and inspiring others.

There's someone in the audience that I recognize in front of all the engaged faces that doesn't look happy.

And I recognize that person as my ex.

Security's alerted.

Can't find her.

I'm walking with this cane

and I step in somewhere and I feel this brick to the back of the head and I fall forward and I look up and it's someone there.

And she says,

I saved your life and I can end your life.

And she's smushing my face with that brick.

And

everything earlier on in that dream has come true.

And

I don't see why it would change.

I reached out to somebody to figure out how to get an investigation started on what happened to me.

They told me that it would be the Worcester DA since it happened in Worcester that would have to bring an investigation.

I reached out to Amy to try and get connected to said Worcester DA.

Attorney Amy Clifford, who represented Jake in the divorce.

He's like, Amy, he called me because he's like, Do you know a district attorney would sit down with me?

And I was like, Why do you want a district attorney to sit down with you?

And he's like, Well, okay, here's what happened.

I thought that would certainly explain some things that happened along the way.

It's like it really fits with what I knew about her and the things that she kind of cared about, and how she was like heroic in her efforts to save him and help him, but at the same time, you know, so good at creating fabrications and then making people believe them to be true.

And I remember after speaking to him, it all clicked into place for me, and I was like, Yeah, yeah, it makes a lot of sense.

I was told by a lawyer who works in Worcester in the public defender's office that I can bring this to the Worcester Detective Bureau, who then brings it to the DA.

So,

Ellen,

I'm ready to talk

in or out of the courtroom.

And now, some overdue thank yous.

To Jake, thank you for your bravery, your honesty, and your patience, for fielding my million questions, helping me piece together timelines, fact-check interviews, and for offering so much insight, even when I know it was really hard.

I know how much trust that took.

It's a very vulnerable thing to hand your story over to someone else.

And unfortunately, in this space, we've seen time and time again how that can go wrong.

Survivors deserve to tell their stories authentically and with ownership.

I was lucky that Jake chose me and together we created something that honored that.

To Jake's family, friends, and the professionals who lent their voices, memories, and expertise, you offered more than just support.

Your insight brought this story to life.

In fact, some of what you shared helped Jake uncover parts of his own past that even he hadn't fully known, pieces of the puzzle he's still assembling to this day.

To Michael Margay, thank you for composing original music for every single episode.

The emotional depth you brought to this project helped immerse all of us right into Jake's world.

And to everyone who listened to Blank, thank you.

Your support has meant more than we can put into words.

And by showing up episode after episode, you haven't just listened to Jake's story, you've amplified it.

This story isn't always easy, but your kindness, curiosity, and compassion helped turn it into something powerful, something that's already reaching others who need to hear it.

Thank you for supporting Jake, for rooting for him, and for seeing the strength, humor, and humanity in his journey.

And now, as we wrap up this series, we leave with the hope that Jake's story stays with you, that it challenges how you see recovery, resilience, and what it really means to come back from the brink, how your life can change for the better in just the blink of an eye.

This is Blink.

I'm Jake, and this is my story.

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