Pizzagate

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Boss Baby is not in the same cinematic universe as Cabin in the Woods.

Just look at the chart.

Why have you even seen Boss Baby?

Alec Baldwin, Tom.

He's a cinematic treasure.

Come on.

So lifelike.

I mean, it's actually creeping me out a little.

Oh, man.

Did it get here?

It sure did.

Fuck.

Okay.

What got here?

What do you got?

Holy shit.

Is that a kid?

Heath, relax.

It's a highly realistic love doll of a kid.

It's not a real kid.

Why do we have one of those?

Why not?

There's nothing wrong with it.

What are you talking about?

Of course there's something wrong with it.

It's practice doing horrible stuff.

I mean, Keith, don't be silly.

It's like saying a flashlight is the practice of cutting your wife's vagina and stuffing it in a Stanley mug.

Okay, fine, but doesn't it like encourage the horrible stuff?

I mean, only if you think every fantasy you've ever had was practiced to enact that fantasy.

For the record, I do think that.

See, you think the same as Tom?

Do you want to think the same as Tom?

Gross.

No.

Okay.

So just admit that ethically, there's nothing wrong with the hyper-realistic sex doll of a child.

Love doll.

Love doll.

Love doll.

Oh, okay.

With the condition that it is not a fantasy that I think anybody should ever indulge under any circumstances at all,

I guess,

like ethically, in some weird general way, there's nothing wrong with the doll, like by itself.

One minute and 15 seconds pay up.

I cannot believe you got him to say it.

I told you guys we should not have taken the bet.

Yeah, fine.

You guys weren't actually going to like talk about it.

Nope.

Nope.

Nope.

Not at all.

But I did bet the guys that you'd admit it was ethical in under two minutes.

Not even a follow-up question.

No, no, I did.

What?

No.

What I said was...

So you guys ready to record?

Technically, I didn't say that.

I feel like I'm ready to go.

Yeah.

Come on.

No, I tricked you guys.

I knew you guys were tricking and I tricked you.

Sure, you did, buddy.

Start Zencaster.

Happened so fast.

Hello, and welcome to Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts, because this is the internet and that's how it works now.

I'm Noah, I'm going to be leading the expedition this week, but a conspiracy theory with only one believer is just a mental illness.

So I brought along a few guys to make me seem sane in comparison.

First up, two men who find it awfully suspicious that no leprechauns showed up for work on 9-11, Tom and Eli.

Okay, but they didn't because we had an off-site meeting that day.

So, yeah,

it's just, they've never explained that that's why the charms are lucky, and I feel like they should give it cocky.

Yeah, honestly.

And also joining us tonight, two men who became moon hoaxers as revenge against Buzz Aldrin for endorsing Trump, Cecil.

And

he was endorsing him to get Trump to come closer so he could sock him one.

You know, just give him one.

Right.

Yeah.

And rocket fuel doesn't burn that hot.

I don't think that's how it works.

And before we get to the point, I want to remind our listeners how much more profitable it would be for us to just be entirely full of shit.

If you'd like to learn how to keep us on the side of truth and justice,

be sure to stick around to the end of the show.

And with that out of the way, tell us, Cecil, what person plays thing, concept, phenomenon, or event will we be talking about today?

Today, we're going to be talking about Pizzagate.

And Eli, you stared at this Wikipedia article with a freeway accident level of morbid fascination.

Are you ready to tell us what stared back?

Yeah, the horrors, no illusions, the horrors.

So what was

slash is

Pizzagate.

So I've covered quite a few gates on our little program.

If Gamergate was the trial balloon for white supremacy invading online communities and Elevator Gates was misogynists applying those same techniques to atheist fandom, Pizzagate is the natural next step.

Because if it turns out we can harass people over lies about online gaming journalism and politely asking not to be hit on in an elevator, then why bother tying yourself to reality at all?

Pizzagate asks, what if a campaign of harassment and slander was based on literally nothing?

What if you could whip that nothing into a Fuhrer so substantial it would change the course of a presidential election, give rise to a whole new conspiracy cult, and send one of its believers into a pizza parlor with a machine gun looking for a basement that never existed.

Pizzagate isn't just another consequence of the destruction of the truth by the internet.

It's the culmination of those consequences.

At least so far.

And it all begins.

With Anthony's Wiener.

Yeah, that's the hot dog stand next to Comet Pizza, an unhappy neighbor with a dastardly plan.

Okay, the fact that Anthony Weiner never officially dubbed his campaign surrogates the Fluffers is proof that he was never really a man of the people.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Yes.

Anthony David Weiner is an American former politician who served as the U.S.

Representative for New York's 9th congressional district from 1999 until 2011.

That's the one Heath and I lived in when we lived there.

That's right.

That's true.

We thought ourselves Fluffers.

Yeah, I know, Mike.

We did.

We did.

I was actually a really big fan at the time.

I thought he would be.

Oh, President.

It was unrelated.

Why I said it.

Go ahead.

Well, you were a fan for a reason, no illusions.

A member of the Democratic Party, he consistently carried the district with at least 60% of the vote.

Wiener received a 100% rating from the Narall Pro-Choice America in 2003 and a 0% rating from the National Rights to Life Committee.

He created the bipartisan Congressional Middle Class Caucus, received an A on the Drum Major Institute's 2005 congressional scorecard on the middle class issues, and he loved sending pictures of his dingle-dangle to women on the internet.

People never understand that.

Like, even when the dick pic is being asked for, why would you do that?

Like, the best ones look like an evil alien sandworm.

It's terrifying with like a sloppy neck waddle next to the sandworm.

You're telling us so much about your dick that you don't think you're telling us.

Mine's not one of the best ones.

Mine's one of the best ones.

I know, by the way, that the Drum Major Institute was founded by MLK Jr., but all I ever imagine is a bunch of guys in marching band uniforms sitting around a table, mulling things over and like.

casually spinning drumsticks in their fingers while they do it.

In 2011, Weiner would admit to exchanging explicit photos and messages with six women.

And while at the time there was a lot of hand-waving by his defenders about the supposedly mutual nature of those exchanges, when he got caught sexting a 15-year-old girl in 2016, the FBI got involved.

He would plead guilty to a single charge of transferring obscene material to a minor and serve 18 months in prison.

But it was the investigation of that crime that gave birth to Pizzagate with a huge helping hand from then-FBI director James Comey.

Transferring obscene material to a miner sounds like a tax deduction box on an IRS form.

He showed his dick to a kid, man.

Thank you, Cecil.

This isn't a fucking Betelgeuse play.

Keep it in your pants, man.

Exactly.

See, while Weiner was being investigated, the presidential candidate Hillary Clinton was going through a controversy of her own.

I'm talking, of course, about her emails.

What about

Donald Trump leaving the nuclear codes taped to a bathroom wall in Mar-a-Lago World, it's hard to imagine that we ever even pretended to care about whether or not Hillary Clinton used a private email server for official government business, but we did.

And it was the alleged discovery of some of those privately sent emails during the course of this investigation that prompted then FBI Director Comey to announce an investigation into Hillary Clinton and her campaign for mishandling national security information.

An announcement that Mrs.

Clinton credits with losing her the 2016 election.

I mean, definitely a factor, but it seems like a super minor thing, considering all her ties to the lizard aliens who control the banks and the media.

You'd think they could figure out.

I was really disappointed by how little power the lizards actually had that year.

Yes.

Yes, because the Democrats, they are at once an all-powerful cabal of interstellar mono-atomic gold hoarding fourth-dimensional time travelers that have controlled international markets and politics for decades, but they also lost an election to a bunch of guys keeping the truck nuts industry alive and well.

Right.

It's November that lizards slow down.

It's a cold.

Do you guys think we should have changed the price of eggs using our banking stuff?

Maybe, yeah.

But of course, the improper use of an email server wasn't going to convince the American everyman that Hillary was unfit to be president.

Sexism did that.

But you can't just say, I'm a sexist piece of shit, and that's why I'm not voting for a woman.

You need an excuse, a gish gallop, to muddy the waters.

And luckily, a Russian spy hiding from the U.S.

government on child rape charges was all too happy to provide that mud.

You see, at the same time as Anthony Wiener's computer was being rightly investigated by the FBI, the Russian propaganda website WikiLeaks had released the hacked emails of Hillary's campaign chair, John Podesta.

And you might be wondering to yourself, okay, wait a second, Eli, I don't understand.

How are those two things related?

And they're not.

They're just two things that happened in the time dimension, relatively close to each other.

Yes, but it allowed the right-wing fake news machine to correlate the legitimate investigation of a Democrat or sex crimes to the Hillary Clinton campaign.

And that's all the space that was needed for Pizzagate to form and take hold.

All right.

Well, I thought this episode would have no actual child sex predators, and we're already up to two.

So I need to recalibrate my humor for a second, which means it's time for some apropos of nothing.

And as we speak, several delicious little specimens are being flown to Epstein's Island for our

enjoyment.

Hey, could we get some adults this time?

I'm sorry, Senator Smith.

What?

I mean, yeah, don't get me wrong.

I'm like 100% in on the evil island.

I'm just

not into kids.

Is there any like adult women available that we could get?

Yeah, honestly,

I'd love an adult as well.

Okay.

Well, how the hell am I just now hearing about this?

Have you guys been wanting to fuck adults this whole time?

I mean, I do prefer adults.

Well, do you at least want to murder them and eat them?

No.

Not really.

Probably not.

So all these years, I've just been some kind of fucking kid fucking and eating weirdo, and you guys,

we just could have been having a consensual sex with adults.

I mean, you made the plans.

It seemed rude to sort of object.

No, yeah, we'll find out.

We'll get adults.

But since we're all being so honest here, Chris, I hate steakhouses.

Every time we get together, you book a steakhouse and I just, I can't stand it.

So let's get some fucking, some Thai food and some sushi once in a while, okay?

You guys don't like steakhouses?

I mean, steakhouses are fine.

He's just lashing out.

Well, you guys started it.

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When we last left off, Hillary was on the internet at the very same time as OJ Simpson.

So maybe she murdered Nicole.

That was Eli.

What happened next?

Right.

Well, luckily, the connections only get less relatable from there.

So the second these hacked emails hit WikiLeaks, the right-wing media dives into them, looking for some form of impropriety.

And to be fair, when the standard for right-wing controversy is wearing a tan suit, they had a pretty good shot.

Unluckily for them, John Bodesta is, both in his private and public life, One of the most boring human beings on the planet.

The emails are entirely about fundraisers, trustee lunches, and other boring above-board shit like that.

So the likes of Fox News and OAN, they didn't have anything.

But a little reality never stopped the real center of right-wing media, barely concealed white supremacist websites from doing their thing,

making shit up.

And the shit they made up was kid fucking.

The dartboard they use to decide this stuff is weird.

It's just a big circle.

It says kid fucking.

A weird day at the custom dartboard company.

A brief side note about child pornography and places like 4chan and 8-chan.

Thanks for joining us today, everybody.

For Tom, Eli, Heath, and Noah.

I'm Cecil.

Thanking you for hanging out with us.

Now, Natalie,

by then, this is actually relevant to the story.

So I still won't be an expert on anything.

If you're unfamiliar with places like 4chan and 8-chan, first of all, congratulations, you are the internet version of that kid who never broke a bone growing up.

So for those lucky among you, edgy message boards like this are filled with child porn.

In the first part, because they have little or no moderation, and pedophiles know they can work largely untroubled as long as they aren't too open about what they're looking for or selling.

Secondly, on websites whose chief purpose is posting awful, edgy things, a lot of people can pretend that talking about or posting child porn is part of the bit.

And that's a convenient cover if you are, in fact, just straight up posting child porn.

But third, this is why it's relevant to our story, I promise, child porn is a fantastic way to turn people into spies.

Yeah, the activation words for that winter soldier are not great.

They kept Desire 17 and Homecoming from the Bucky Bar.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, the other ones.

All right.

So is anybody else starting to think that Eli was just way too trusting when the first excuse somebody he knows could come up with was, it makes me a spy?

I'll explain.

I'll explain.

So say you're a Russian agent and you want to turn your everyday white supremacist into a Russian agent.

Well, it's not going to work if you just tell everybody, but yes, Eli, I am.

Okay.

So.

You got on a website, 4chan or 8chan, many of which have sections dedicated to porn of young-looking women, and you post some porn, say a big collection of famous porn actresses or something like that.

You then place a tracker on that folder and you wait till a few hundred people download it.

Because what those downloaders don't know is that among the big pile of files, you've placed some legitimate child pornography.

So you do some IP analysis.

You don't know about Pornhub.

You can just like go to Pornhub to see whatever.

There's lots of porn there.

Why are you thinking right?

Downloading folders of it?

Yeah.

They're in Florida.

Exactly.

So you do some IP address hunting, a task so easy that teenagers literally do it to each other on Omegle as a prank.

You find the guy who downloaded your file and you email him and let him know that if he doesn't send you a picture of his passport or put this amount of money into a Bitcoin wallet, you'll turn his information over to the FBI.

And there is almost no doubt that this scheme or something like it has been done to dozens of U.S.

politicians who now operate almost exclusively as assets for the Russian government.

When Eli says almost no doubt, the conversion rate to regular people uncertainty is actually a whole bunch.

Just so you know, folks.

Yeah,

I do.

I love that in an essay about the problems of speculation and conspiracy theories, we are now just openly speculating about

anybody else starting to think Eli was just way too trusting when the first excuse a politician he knows could come up with was it was hidden in a cache of legitimate porn by a a Russian spy.

I said what I said.

So you're probably wondering, what does this have to do with Pizzagate?

Well, if you're lighting fires the way Russian agents on 4chan and 8chan were doing, it helps to have a lot of smoke to cover your tracks.

And fake accusations of child abuse are excellent smoke.

So they decide that all the talk of pizza, specifically cheese pizza, in John Podesta's emails were code for child pornography because, I get you not, they start with C and P.

Come on.

It's a searchable database.

You can search it right now.

Go through those emails.

There are zero uses of the phrase cheese pizza.

Zero times.

Okay, that said, I looked into the email of both Colin Powell and Chris Pratt.

It was terrifying.

So post-decoding, these emails started popping up, like the ones shared by the New York Times that said, quote, search for these possible double-speak keywords in WikiLeaks.

Hot dog equals boy.

Pizza equals girl.

Cheese equals little girl.

Pasta equals little boy.

What?

Ice cream equals male prostitute.

Walnut equals person of color.

Map equals CMA.

I bet they didn't write person of color in there.

And sauce equals orgy.

Okay, you can't just assign a new thing to cheese.

People need to talk about cheese over email stuff.

It's not a code.

Cheese plates.

Really, this is no Gouda.

No good.

These are a bunch of monsters.

Guys, if you replace yours with I am and truly with an interdimensional lizard Jew who rapes children in Easter adrenal glands, you're not going to believe what these emails

with these decoders in place, ordinary emails took on a brand new sinister exchange.

How could they not?

Take, for example, this exchange between Common Sense Media founder Jim Steyer and John and Mary Podesta, which says, quote, hey, John, we know you're a true master of cuisine, and we have appreciated that for years.

But walnut sauce for pasta?

Mary, please tell us the straight story.

Was the sauce actually very tasty?

To which John replies, it's an amazing Ligurian dish made with crushed walnuts made into a paste.

So stop being so California, end quote.

I often crush people into a paste after an orgy.

That's, That's yeah, normally that's

order of operations.

Exactly.

It all comes together.

Now, as any Russian spy will happily tell you, the great thing about spreading misinformation to Americans is that nobody, and I mean nobody, yes ends bullshit like me.

See, so when your auntie

grows up being told that there's a real and literal goat demon whose only goal is to separate her eternal soul from its reward in heaven, when her bipolar disorder or opioid addiction or both kicks in later in life, she is ready to find some satanic imagery, whatever direction you point her in.

Which brings us at last to Comet Ping Pong.

See, Comet Ping Pong, inexplicably and for no other reason the internet could think of, had a bunch of space imagery all over their website.

And you know who else uses symbols like stars and moons?

That's right.

Snakey charms.

LC, little children.

What are they hiding?

Also, also, I checked, the letters in Comet Ping Pong can be rearranged to spell men got copping, which is literally and truly better than any of the arguments they came up with.

You're in the wrong profession, no illusions, wrong profession.

But not all symbology was that obvious.

Internet sleuth used an FBI list of well-known secret pedophile symbols like triangles, hearts, and spirals, only to find that Comet Ping Pong signage

also contained

shapes.

Shapes, you say?

Wow.

Okay.

Fun fact.

Fox News has a triangle thing and an arc thing in their logo.

Yeah.

And the conspiracy people were saying the other businesses near Comet Ping Pong were also doing pedophile stuff.

Okay, listeners, we have sort of an unofficial page minimum on these citation-needed essays.

We're now in the portion of the show where Eli is trying to game that system by putting a bunch of pictures in the notes.

There's just

and I give.

I give and I give.

But wait, there's more.

What if I told you?

that the owner of Comet Ping Pong posted a photo to Instagram of himself with two half-naked men wearing a t-shirt that read, Je heart l'Enfante, which for those unfamiliar with the language of love is French for I heart emoji children.

Well, I tell you that that's not a photo of the owner of Khan Ping Pong.

It's the photo of the owner of a different restaurant named, you guessed it, L'Enfant Cafe and Bar.

Mystipad.

Which also is almost certainly a nod to the French phrase, la enfant terib, which refers to someone whose ideas shock or upset norms.

But since Americans pretty routinely refuse to acknowledge other cultures,

I don't know, I just hear we are.

Yeah, well, it's also worth mentioning that Pierre Charles L'Enfant was the architect that designed Washington, D.C.

There are like 406 things in Washington, D.C.

named after him.

The I-Heart L'Enfant is a moderately standard tourist t-shirt in D.C.

Yeah.

No, I think they should still get rid of that.

Oh, yeah, I know.

Yeah.

I mean, certainly now they should.

Yeah.

Some of the theories of Pizzagate are, say the least, far-ranging.

One popular post accused John and Tony Podesta of kidnapping the British toddler Madeline McCain on May 3rd of 2007 based on a computer reconstruction of the kidnappers' faces released by police.

When questioned about the kidnappings, the Podestas Podestas said, look, you want to make a good walnut sauce, you got to break a few hot dogs.

You know what I mean?

So there's a couple of problems with this theory.

First of all, the PS1 graphics released are pretty much just guys with faces.

And secondly, the two computer images being compared to John and Tony are supposed to be of one person, not two.

Also, elite pedophiles aren't going to fly to England and do their own kidnapping.

It doesn't even make sense.

I mean, without skin masks made of stem cells from earlier kidnapping.

My favorite of these connections is a photo of Barack Obama and a child playing ping-pong at the White House.

Yeah, 100%.

That photo is still hanging in the White House.

And it could not more obviously be

in the White House.

There's a giant red carpet, an extremely recognizable archway behind them.

It looks nothing like Comet Ping Pong, but unfortunately, someone put a news Chiron on it that says Obama and Comet Ping Pong.

So, you know, he's closed.

Okay.

And if you're about to fuck some kids and eat them in a secret pizza dungeon, it's kind of weird to have a quick name of ping-pong first, right?

Again, just like think it through.

That wouldn't make sense.

I don't know why I'm giving so many notes to these people on like how whatever.

Don't.

Doesn't yeah, I totally get that.

That's why pickleballs become so

whoa whoa yes and as we all know pickle is pedophile code for cuban boy of eight to 11 years old with a lisp so

i'm just saying that if heath ever found himself accidentally in a child fucking and eating situation he would absolutely try to delay the inevitable by playing ping pong with them and we need to acknowledge that obama would have done the same thing

and now i have a great alibi exactly so and now i fucked it up damn it yeah exactly so with damning evidence like like that in hand, Pizza K became what every other conspiracy eventually becomes.

That Hillary Clinton, John Podesta, and every other politician and or Jewish person who the right didn't like were secretly killing, eating, and raping kids in the basement of Comet Ping Pong, which I will clarify again, does not have a basement.

Now, conspiracy theorists will use the fact that everything eventually becomes about killing, raping, and eating kids as a sign that there's like a kernel of truth to these things.

But there's a couple of problems with that.

First of all,

that means nothing.

That was mean.

That was nothing.

Right.

First of all, nothing.

Second of all, killing, eating, and raping kids are just the worst things that people can think of.

So when you're trying to villainize someone, accusing them of doing the worst thing you can think of just kind of tracks.

And three,

we do know about a secret cabal of murderous child rape.

Yep.

It's called the Catholic Church.

And nobody cares because they're nice to your grandma or something.

Yeah.

Right.

Notice how quickly their concern about about groomers faded when Donald Trump was trying to nominate one to run the Justice Department.

These fried candidates.

You might wonder during all of this, how this benefits Russia.

But you have to remember that, like Gamergate and Elevator Gate before it, the harassment is the point, right?

Comet Ping Pong hosted Democratic fundraisers and was a place where members of Hillary's campaign liked to meet and hang out and eat pizza.

But now being spotted there proved you ate babies for their adrenochrome.

So the disruption was enough.

Jeez.

Well, these people know that when you heat adrenochrome, you denature it.

You essentially get zero evil powers putting that baby on a pizza in a new 500 degree oven.

That's stupid.

It's stupid.

Also, adults have, I would imagine, way more adrenochrome than babies because of bigger adrenal glands.

So here's the thing.

If any QAnon heroes want to fight fire with fire, use a grown-up adrenal gland from your like QAnon buddy and get a neutra bullet, you know,

and you enjoy this.

But Heath, the stuff from babies tastes better.

It's like, it's like veal in terms of how moral it is to consume.

That is, by the way, the actual argument that people make

versus adults thing.

Is that a taste better?

Yeah, because that it tastes better.

Is that it tastes better?

And of course, it wouldn't be American stupidity if it wasn't also dangerous and gun-related.

So on December 4th, 2016, Edgar Madison Welch, a 28-year-old man from Salisbury, North Carolina, arrived at Comet Ping Pong ready to save the children.

He knew they were being held inside as sex slaves, threatening several employees with a gun and firing three shots into the walls and ceiling of the restaurant.

Welch demanded to be shown to the secret basement.

And after he was satisfied that it didn't exist, he surrendered bloodlessly to the police.

Welch spent three years in prison for the crime and is currently free with the custody of of both his children.

Jesus fucking God.

Okay, if three years seems like a very short sentence compared to, say, I don't know, the national average of 84 months for a drug conviction, I want to just reassure everyone here.

Eddie is white.

Yeah.

So it's cool.

And all he was doing was firing a gun in a restaurant filled with children.

Children.

Yeah.

No big deal.

I wish I could end this essay the same way I've ended my other essays on Gates, right?

I'd love to tell you that Pizzagate faded to obscurity and ended up an internet joke recognizable only to the chronically online, but like myself.

But truth is, Pizzagate has become mainstream.

Its advocates are some of the most visible members of Congress, and its legacy was no small part in the attempted overthrow of our government on January 6th, which by the time you're listening to this will have been rewarded by a second significantly more powerful presidential term.

What I'm saying is, someday, this podcast may be the only piece of media that tells you Pizzagate wasn't real.

And if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be?

America is a bad place filled with bad people, but sometimes it's wacky, too.

Yeah.

We're bad in an anarchist station.

I want that shirt at least.

I want that shirt.

That's amazing.

So are you ready for the quiz?

Absolutely.

All right, Eli.

Calling all scandals a something-something-gate is fucking stupid.

Why?

A

Watergate is one word, it wasn't a water-based scandal.

B, Watergate had consequences.

The bad guys lost.

C, remember consequences?

Nope.

Guys?

D.

Sigh.

Oh, oh, it's D.

Sigh.

It's always D.

All right, Eli, what was the most reasonable moment from the entire Pizzagate movement?

A, when Edgar Welch saw there was no basement and he was like, well, fuck.

Okay.

Okay.

Time for jail, I guess.

B,

it's A.

It's A.

The pinnacle of ethics and intellectual honesty of this entire thing came from the guy who fired a gun into a crowded restaurant full of kids, but then admitted he was wrong, being honest intellectually for a second.

I went down a whole Edgar Welch rabbit hole when I was researching this essay because there's one of those, like, you know how they take shitty people and they'll do like, he ain't so shitty no more.

They did it with the kid with the torch at Charlottesville as well.

They made one of those articles about him and reading people trying to be like, well, he was just a passionate guy with his heart on his sleeve and a tear in his eye.

It's fascinating.

It's fascinating.

Answer is A, by the way.

That's correct.

It doesn't make any sense.

Like you shoot the gun around the kids, the adrenaline goes out of the gland.

It doesn't even make any sense.

All right, Eli.

Best way to search the podesta emails is through AI.

What's the best AI tool to use?

A, Kid Journey, B,

Chat CP,

C,

Adriena Chrome plug-in, or D,

Frazzle Clippy.

Adriena Chrome plug-in.

I'm going to go with Chat CP.

Oh,

yes, you are correct.

It's Chat CP.

Fantastic.

Oh, you've run the board, Eli.

You are this week's winner.

Oh, all right.

I'd like a Tom essay this week.

Wouldn't we all?

All right.

Well, for Cecil, but we're going to have to wait until next week, actually.

So for Cecil, Tom, Eli, and Heath, I'm Noah.

Thank you for hanging out with us today.

We're going to be back next week.

And by then, Tom will be an expert on something else.

Between now and then, you can hear more from various combinations of us on cognitive dissonance, the scathing atheist, God awful movies, dear old dads, and a bunch of other stuff.

And if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com/slash citationpod or leave a five-star review everywhere you can.

And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, or check the show notes.

Be sure to check out citationpod.com.

I want to jump in here real quick just to mention that on the 14th, which this releases on the 15th to wide audiences, so it was the day before.

Michael Marshall and I are releasing a brand new podcast called the No Rogan Experience.

It's a show where two guys with no previous Rogan experience get to know Joe Rogan.

So you can check it out at norogan.com.

That's K-N-O-W-N-O-W.

R-O-G-A-N.com.

All the stuff is there.

You can subscribe in any way that you want, but we'd love it if you give this show a listen, give it a shot.

We think it's really good.

I wrote the first iTunes review.

I gotta say, guys, this was delicious.

What was this?

Spicy tunerole.

Loved it.

Loved it.

I will be back.

Okay.

You really liked it?

Really did.

Yeah.

Just delicious.

Absolutely delicious.

Yeah, hey,

you know, I could go for some dessert.

What did you have in mind?

I'd love to fucking kill and eat a child.

Seriously?

You guys aren't just saying that.

Come on.

Let's do it.

Yeah, why not?

You guys are the best.

The need for Wounded Warrior Project is even more important now.

I'm asking you to join us with your gift right now.

My name is Josh.

I served in the Army Infantry.

The day that I got injured, the entire left portion of my skull had to be removed to relieve pressure on my brain.

There's still veterans like me that are suffering lifelong injuries.

Please continue to donate.

You guys are the reasons I haven't given up and I will never give up.

Please join Wounded Warrior Project right now.

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