Nutmaxxing

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Speaker 1 Hello and welcome.

Speaker 1 The Citation Needed, the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about it on Wikipedia, and pretend we're experts because this is the internet and that's how it works now I'm Eli Bosnik and I'll be six feet from the edge and I'm thinking

Speaker 1 what what but I'll not edging edging but I'll need some folks full of father first up two guys who would always rather bust a nut than a move Cecil and he sorry you said movie here

Speaker 1 I wrote come on fatso just bust a movie that's what I put down

Speaker 1 I would genuinely rather be like in front of my class masturbating in a nightmare than dancing in a nightmare. Like, truly, if I was picking one.

Speaker 1 Says a lot about all parties involved. I mean, porque no los dos.

Speaker 1 And also doing a feather now for me. I think I'd rather do both.

Speaker 1 He's doing the jerky dance. I'm thinking they'll be able to come at it for a while.
If you combine them, it's better than just dancing. Yeah.
The dancing fails, so you start jerking.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of options. Now you're leaning into a bit.
The jerking jerking fails, you start dancing. You've got options either way.
Exactly. Exactly.
There's outs. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There'd be a moment where they thought you were crumping, and then they'd be like, no.

Speaker 1 So there's a lot, a lot to be gained. And also joining us tonight.

Speaker 1 What? What?

Speaker 1 I usually try to sail through, but fuck my guy.

Speaker 1 Jesus.

Speaker 1 And also joining us tonight, a Johnny come lately, if ever I knew one. Tom Curry.
But not so much lately as, well, definitely not lately.

Speaker 1 Before we begin tonight, I'd like to take a moment to thank our patrons.

Speaker 1 Patrons, without you, the two out of five of us with nice voices would be forced into the seedy underbelly of podcasting audio erotica.

Speaker 1 And if you'd like to learn how to join our ranks in on that, can I be one of those? You are one of those. You are one of one of those.

Speaker 1 Am I one? No.

Speaker 1 God damn it.

Speaker 1 And if you'd like to learn how to join our patrons' ranks, be sure to stick around till the end of the show.

Speaker 1 And with that out of the way, tell us, Tom, what person, place, thing, concept, phenomenon, or event will we be talking about today? Nutmaxers.

Speaker 1 I would like to opt out of reality for having said that. I would like to just not be here anymore.
Share a

Speaker 1 nutmax. Still a no.
I said it nicely. Still a no.

Speaker 1 Nutmaxers.

Speaker 1 Cecil. I'm really hoping we're going to hear about some schools tonight.
No. It will not be.

Speaker 1 You felt that, right? You felt that.

Speaker 1 Tommy, this is the rest of our lives.

Speaker 1 If you don't think we're going back and forth, whispering nutmaxers in the background of this entire episode, they're in a competition with each other for ASMR. Yeah.
You're not the woman I married.

Speaker 1 I mean, come on.

Speaker 1 That was me.

Speaker 1 No, it wasn't.

Speaker 1 It's very obvious which one's you. You sound like a Subway announcer.

Speaker 1 If you don't think I'm going to be aware of

Speaker 1 shit out of just my track before I send it over.

Speaker 1 You guys ever think, like, hey, maybe I should run for politics? And you're like, no. No, there is that time I moaned Nutmaxers into the microphones.

Speaker 1 No, I don't have a moment like that.

Speaker 1 I think I'm ready for office. All right, Cecil.
I'm hoping we're going to hear about some squirrels tonight. I have a feeling that hope is in vain.
So tell us, what are Nutmaxers? maxers? Nope.

Speaker 1 Hey, Cecil. You know, we don't have to go around just knowing stuff.
We could not know this. Like, we could just get tacos.
Tacos are who wants tacos? Love that. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 1 So this week, I wanted to talk about something that was brought up at the live skeptics with a K episode at QED. We loaned him Marsh for one podcast, and now he's quoting panels at QED.
It's fine.

Speaker 1 It's funny.

Speaker 1 This is about the wonderful and weird world of nutmaxing. This episode will mostly quote from a GQ article named Meet the Nut Maxers Obsessed with Shooting Bigger Loads.

Speaker 1 Nutmaxers has two X's, by the way. It really does.

Speaker 1 They max the X's on this. This is actually a perfect time to read something like this as we enter No Nut November.
What's No Nut November?

Speaker 1 Well, it started out as an internet joke about not jerking off for a month, for the whole month of November, but then it gained popularity in places like Reddit, where they have an entire message board dedicated to not touching yourself.

Speaker 1 And no doing the like, no look, no touch.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now there's another joke.

Speaker 1 Right there. But there's another joke month they have now called Destroy Dick December, where you do the exact opposite.
Yeah. Or in my case, Destroy Dick couple of decades.

Speaker 1 Also, a reason why I'm doing this too is I know three of the hosts were not in the room when the skeptics of the K with the K podcast was going on.

Speaker 1 Noah was on the main stage doing a talk at the time.

Speaker 1 But I digress. Let's jump into the GQ article by Charlie Soznick.
Hey, Charlie, are you me doing a terrible pseudonym? You have to tell me. Sounds like it.
No.

Speaker 1 I'm sad.

Speaker 1 Here we are. Here comes Charlie.
All right. Some of the most important discoveries in medicine came from brave people experimenting on themselves.

Speaker 1 Jonas Salk tested his polio vaccine on himself and his family. Isaac Newton poked a blunt needle into his own eye socket to understand how we see light.
Oh, that's not it. And

Speaker 1 using

Speaker 1 their own bodies as test subjects.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Can't see anything.

Speaker 1 It's so stupid.

Speaker 1 And using their own bodies as test subjects.

Speaker 1 The Redditors on our come bigger loads have determined that a

Speaker 1 combination of pygeum, zinc, L-citraline, and lecithin is the holy grail of cum. Okay, this is why aliens won't talk to us, right? Like, this is, and we're not going to get 100%.

Speaker 1 And girls, this is also why girls won't talk to us. That too.

Speaker 1 I'm sure there's some girls that want to talk to you about it.

Speaker 1 Probably not. Okay.
There are 47,000 visitors.

Speaker 1 Not ghosts.

Speaker 1 Pin in that about clicking on ads. Pin in that.
Okay. Pin pin in that.

Speaker 1 There are 47,000 visitors that are reading more than 600 weekly contributions concerning the best supplements for, apologies for what you're about to hear, shooting ropes, monster loads, and spider-man-like webs, and methods for come training for volume and how to turn your money shot into the big one.

Speaker 1 What turned all these men into citizen jizz scientists? The growing interest in male self-optimization, a pornified sense of what's normal, and a dearth of scientific consensus around the topic.

Speaker 1 I'd love to be there for the conversations guys had with their GP to get, you know, straight facts on conflation.

Speaker 1 Doctors just being like, hey, check out the scatter plot right here.

Speaker 1 Like a spray chart in baseball.

Speaker 1 You want it to be like Spider-Man? Is that

Speaker 1 possible?

Speaker 1 The goal you're saying. The goal.

Speaker 1 The article then goes on to talk about one of the posters on this Reddit, reddit mike a 27 year old he began trying to increase the size of his ejaculations in 2021 after seeing an ad for semenax pills on a porn site

Speaker 1 here he is

Speaker 1 i know exactly the one

Speaker 1 of course i'm like this is just bullshit he says but then i started reading on reddit about it and i was like what's what are these supplements doing okay so the one guy who stops to watch the semenax ads and he wants to make his own at home.

Speaker 1 These people can't win.

Speaker 1 Okay. But who is this? You want to try my home for

Speaker 1 seriously? Who is this for? Like, what problem is being solved?

Speaker 1 Women being like, wow,

Speaker 1 kind of low volume. Whatever.
You fucking cuck. Easy cleanup, I guess.
I would have preferred more volume. I don't understand.
Who is this for? Selfish. For real.

Speaker 1 Like, there's actually a condition called retrograde ejaculation where when you come, the jizz is actually ejected into your bladder and then you just piss it out later.

Speaker 1 I feel like if you asked most women, they would invest heavily in a biotech startup that causes that condition.

Speaker 1 Quarantined with his college girlfriend in her parents' beach house, there wasn't much to do but have sex.

Speaker 1 Mike, who, like others in this story, have asked to use just his first name to protect his privacy, struggled to keep up with her libido and desire to be ejaculated upon.

Speaker 1 Sure, but hey, man, it's the first one. It's just just the first one.

Speaker 1 Here's Mike. I feel drained.
I feel exhausted. I feel like I just can't satisfy this girl.
Mike remembers thinking, after once or twice a day, not much is coming out. So he turned to supplements.

Speaker 1 Probably for like six months, I was experimenting with different stacks. Those are combinations of supplements.
I would read about it on Reddit, Mike says. Okay, I stand corrected.

Speaker 1 Mike's fictional Canadian girlfriend would not be an investor. Got it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Marcus, a nurse practitioner from North Carolina, has experimented with many stacks he learned about on R Come Bigger Loads. I don't have

Speaker 1 a lot of stuff. He has grown comfortable enough in the subreddit to ejaculate into a graduated shot glass and share photos of it with his peers

Speaker 1 there.

Speaker 1 Get a graduated cylinder, man.

Speaker 1 Get some science equipment.

Speaker 1 Be less comfortable. Just be way less comfortable.
Oh, he's pretty comfortable, Tom. Here's what he said.
I like the community, Marcus says, who posts under the username nosy trees.

Speaker 1 The biggest debate currently is on the dosing of supplements needed to get results. Yeah, actually, maybe the debate should just be what happened to our brains and how fast can we undo it? Yep.

Speaker 1 Now, if you'll excuse me, someone has come to me for medical care.

Speaker 1 I will then provide them to get youngsters.

Speaker 1 It's my job.

Speaker 1 I'm a real medical practicer.

Speaker 1 I own a cum funnel for my shop class that has graduated.

Speaker 1 I call it a funnel of love. That's correct.

Speaker 1 If I go to the dock in the box and I watch my nurse practitioner X out of a bunch of cum max medicines, I'm killing everyone in the building.

Speaker 1 All manner of niche sexual interests have found a home on Reddit. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 But the prevalence of podcast episodes and YouTube videos devoted to ejaculating more suggests this particular concern is becoming mainstream.

Speaker 1 Andrew Huberman has recommended vitamin D, magnesium, zinc, omega-3, CoQ10, Tonkat Ali.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 1 Right? Okay. Yeah, you're probably right.
You're probably right. It's Cock 10.
Tonkat Ali sounds like a rapper.

Speaker 1 And boron to support sperm production. He also discussed L-citrulline in his episode with urologist and YouTuber Dr.
Rina Malik, highlighting it as an alternative to Viagra and Cialis.

Speaker 1 In her video devoted to increasing semen volume, Dr. Malik recommends hydration, not smoking, extending foreplay, and waiting longer.

Speaker 1 On Steve-O's podcast, Tommy Lee recommended pineapple juice and celery. Okay.

Speaker 1 Is there a better sentence that sums up the entire interaction? What you just said.

Speaker 1 Here's what a doctor recommends, and here's what Tommy Lee recommended on Steve-O's

Speaker 1 podcast.

Speaker 1 You do you.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Do your own research. There you go.
Yep. This is so fun.
There is certainly a lot of interest in ejaculate volume, says Dr. Michael Eisenberg, a professor of urology at Stanford School of Medicine.

Speaker 1 But demand for cum supplements has outpaced research on them. The data around supplements to improve it is mixed.

Speaker 1 There is data that certain supplements like vitam D, selenium, and zinc can improve semen quality. For men deficient in zinc, there is some suggestion that it could help semen volume.
Semen?

Speaker 1 No. Words.
No. Auntie.
I just, I feel like these guys are all talking. Shit.

Speaker 1 He's talking now.

Speaker 1 Fucked up.

Speaker 1 I feel like these guys are all talking past each other, no?

Speaker 1 Like when a doc talks about semen quality, but he's talking about like sperm count and motility and then like not blasting Mike's imaginary girlfriend in the face with thick monster ropes.

Speaker 1 I don't think Dr. Michael Eisenberg, professor of urology at the Stanford School of Medicine, has ever said the words, Mike's imaginary girlfriend in the face with big monster ropes.

Speaker 1 You know, it's called. I think if you said it to him, he'd leave the room.
That's what I think. Do you think when these guys come, they sing the Spider-Man theme? Do you think they're like Spider-Man?

Speaker 1 Spider-Man?

Speaker 1 Because I think so.

Speaker 1 For all this talk of bigger loads, it's not exactly clear what a typical one is.

Speaker 1 According to a 1975 study in fertility and sterility, ejaculate volume ranges from 0.1 to 11 milliliters, with an average around 3.2 milliliters, roughly half a teaspoon.

Speaker 1 Below 1.5 milliliters is considered potentially subfertile. Low semen volume can impair sperm transport, which does have implications for fertility, says Dr.

Speaker 1 James Kashanian, assistant urology at the New York Presbyterian. Okay, it's also about swimmers who really want it, Dr.
James. That matters.

Speaker 1 Winners win, James.

Speaker 1 But there is little medical benefit beyond a certain threshold. In many cases, the desire to increase volume is more about confidence and aesthetics than health, he says.
Do you think when Dr.

Speaker 1 James Kashanian saw Google Alert that he was in GQ magazine, he thought, oh, exciting. I wonder if this is that interview I did about fertility in men.

Speaker 1 Commercially available pills like Cenemax, Load Boost, and Popstar Volume Plus Taste tout similar ingredients to the stacks discussed on our Cumbar Loads.

Speaker 1 Like all dietary supplements, these are available without a prescription. On Centimax.com, customers take a CumShot test, assessing their emissions on a scale from powerless to insane.
Come on.

Speaker 1 At least they've correctly judged the the scale on which I think we can all agree we judge our gum shots, gentlemen.

Speaker 1 Totally got it. Last radius should be in there.
But okay. So

Speaker 1 you know the

Speaker 1 punching bag arcade game like at the bar sometimes and measures. It's also good for this.

Speaker 1 Apparently.

Speaker 1 From powerless to insane. Insane.

Speaker 1 How we measure war crimes and U.S. politics and gum shot.

Speaker 1 Pills have been sold under the Seminex name since at least 2005, but newer entrants are responding to a grower demand.

Speaker 1 I think people are becoming more and more interested in taking ownership of their health, but also looking to optimize and generally tweak their body in various ways.

Speaker 1 And often supplements are part of that, says Ben, co-founder of VB Health, which launched Load Boost in 2020.

Speaker 1 Ben asked us to use his first name only for this story to avoid being contacted outside of work.

Speaker 1 Okay, clearly, people coming up to Ben at the park with like a mason jar, a paper bag, and he's like, all right, that's it. First name only from now on.
This is ridiculous.

Speaker 1 Dude, come on. It's a graduated mason jar.
Don't be weird.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's actually pretty good right there. Let me see that.
Did you bring your cum funnel with you?

Speaker 1 Supplements are not reviewed by the FDA, and Dr. Kashanian warns that their quality can can vary.

Speaker 1 While they are marketed heavily and come with enthusiastic testimonials, none of these supplements have been tested in robust clinical trials and none of them have shown any benefit in clinical trials, he says.

Speaker 1 Really? You sure the universities aren't all clamoring to host the nutmaxing trial, Doc?

Speaker 1 Why ever not?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they actually were going to start the phase one trials on monkeys, but it's just really hard to get the university students to volunteer.

Speaker 1 Just jerk off a monkey.

Speaker 1 It's so hard to get it out of their fur, you know, into the graduated mason jar. You got to get it into the grip.
You're wasting monkey. It doesn't count.
He's called

Speaker 1 short of insane. That's impossible to get it out of the fur.
We're giving him a power raid. We're letting him watch two episodes of Stranger Things, and then you're doing it again.

Speaker 1 Aim better.

Speaker 1 Instead, Dr. Kashanian recommends lifestyle changes.
Me, me too.

Speaker 1 Scientifically and medically, there are very few validated methods for improving ejaculation volume and strength. He says, semen is mostly water, so staying hydrated is the most important factor.

Speaker 1 Abstaining from ejaculation for two or three days can also increase volume, but Dr. Kashanian warns that long periods of abstinence can reduce sperm motility or quality.
Kegels help too.

Speaker 1 While nutrition is important, Dr. Kashanian says

Speaker 1 over-supplementation does not seem to have a role.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, Tom and Heath have some more whisper battles to have.
So I'm going to drink some water for the first time in a few days, and we'll be back in a bit after some apropos of nuts.

Speaker 1 Did I just come dust? What is happening right now?

Speaker 1 It's like an old-timey fucking muzzle loader. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 Mix the noise of an old camera.

Speaker 1 Are you ready to shoot blood so fast out of your vagina that it's like a water park attraction? Ride the raging red red waves. No, God, no.

Speaker 1 Do you deeply desire to launch eggs out of your funhole like a t-shirt gun?

Speaker 1 Do you want your period to look like the elevator scene in the shining where you can surf on your own red rum? Why on earth would I want that?

Speaker 1 Well, you can have all of those things with new and improved Aunt Flo's gushing supplement stack.

Speaker 1 Make your uterine walls swell with pride and gore, and then get ready to roll it out like the tide at Omaha Beach. That sounds literally horrible.
Do you have anything to maybe lessen all that?

Speaker 1 Absolutely not. With Ant Flo's gush stack, you can pressure wash a deck

Speaker 1 and then you'll have to get a different pressure washer to wash off all that blood, but still.

Speaker 1 I'm just gonna take some mitol.

Speaker 1 Don't you want to shoot all that blood out of your butt?

Speaker 1 Why would it come out of my butt? Well, that's where that's where periods come from. No, they don't.
You literally said funhole earlier. Right.

Speaker 1 What did you think I was talking about?

Speaker 1 New Ant Flo's gushing supplement stack. Find it wherever you find your massive load fire hose cum pills.

Speaker 1 Thanks for letting me crash, guys. No problem, man.
You didn't wind up telling.

Speaker 1 Of course not. Can you imagine how.
Did I hear Cecil?

Speaker 1 And there's hearing is so sharp. Oh my God.
Oh my God. Is the sleepover finally happening? No, Eli.
No, I'm staying because I have a work meeting tomorrow and you guys are closer to where I am.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, it's happening. I am getting the vegan popcorn butter.
You stay right there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sorry about that, but if you're hungry, we do have food. Nah, I don't want you guys to have to cook for me.
Oh, no. We don't cook.
We've got factor. What's

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Speaker 1 Okay, I'm ready. Big question: Lord of the Rings in order or Star Wars machete cut.
Dude, nobody likes the machete cut. You want marshmallows or not?

Speaker 1 I do want marshmallows.

Speaker 1 Yeah, me too.

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Speaker 1 Hey, Ryan Reynolds here, wishing you a very happy half-off holiday. Because right now, Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited.
To be clear, that's half price, not half the service.

Speaker 1 And Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means a half day.
Yeah? Give it a try at mintmobile.com/slash switch.

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Speed slow under 35 gigabytes of networks busy.

Speaker 1 Taxes and fees extra. See mintmobile.com.

Speaker 1 And we're back.

Speaker 1 When we left off, the field of urology was of no use in our quest to shoot a gallon of yogurt into our t-shirt in the computer room of our parents' house where we still live, even though we're 40.

Speaker 1 What did we learn next, Cecil?

Speaker 1 Well, Cecil, is there any scientific data that that we can find that confirms any of the anecdotes that are posted on our slash come bigger loads that I can find about?

Speaker 1 Question, Heath. Short answer, no.
Longer answer, no, but there's a chiropractor. Okay, well, normally I would be mad about the chiropractor thing, but bad alignment is a problem.
That's what I'll do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a real thing. Struggle's real.

Speaker 1 They're just trying to move your nuts around like so they feng shui correctly. You know,

Speaker 1 move a little slower.

Speaker 1 Okay, so continuing.

Speaker 1 to at the door when you come in.

Speaker 1 The mixed clinical data on the specific supplements has not discouraged men from taking them. Dr.

Speaker 1 Kirk McCannish, a chiropractor from Alpena, Michigan, recommends more than 24 ingredients to patients via his Patreon, Intimacy Nutrition Doc.

Speaker 1 I try to balance things based on ancient wisdom, biblical wisdom from the Song of Solomon, Dallas tradition, and tantric tradition, says Dr. McCannish.

Speaker 1 And then I look for common threads that weave between all those scientific papers. Hun, I'd love to blast you in the face with a fire hose of ejaculate.

Speaker 1 I'm a devout Christian, and I mean my nutmaxing routine to be biblically founded.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I actually think I recall that ancient line now.

Speaker 1 I think it's, and verily did he say unto thee, taketh the seed of thistle, and thou shalt spew forth gushers of sticky love jelly unto Mike's girlfriend, who loves it, but is in Canada and can't talk it now.

Speaker 1 With the amateur bigger loads community. Wait, wait, is there a pro circus? There is, pin in that.

Speaker 1 The lack of medical consensus on supplements is not a deterrent, but a reason to go deeper on their own.

Speaker 1 If people waited around for science to prove everything, then we'd all be dead by the time they did, Dr. McCannish said.
Doctor, by the way, is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence.

Speaker 1 I'll remind everyone he's a chiropractor.

Speaker 1 He's a load-bearing doctor.

Speaker 1 Nicely done.

Speaker 1 So I think, here's Dr. McCanish again.
He says, so I think people are just stepping forward.

Speaker 1 Now that the internet's there, they can do some research and think about it and not wait 20 years until they get around to doing a study that may or may not be biased or paid off for by a pharmaceutical company or a Patreon or something.

Speaker 1 I'm the reason the whole world is.

Speaker 1 Stephen, 54 from North Carolina, sought out Dr. McCannish after complications from type 2 diabetes affected his sex life with his new 10 years younger girlfriend.

Speaker 1 There was one particular time when we were first got together where I came and she looked at me and was like, that's it? This is Stephen who asked us to use his first name only for privacy.

Speaker 1 When I would ejaculate, it was hardly anything there, man. And it was clear.

Speaker 1 Your loads looked way bigger in your profile picture.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute, is Steven also fucking Mike's girlfriend? Everybody is fucking Mike's girlfriend. I think he's lying about the the girlfriend.

Speaker 1 Her existence and the commentary about the volume are both lies. I feel like we could invent a supplement for nut mining and we would sell a nice

Speaker 1 popular.

Speaker 1 He would be like slipping it into peanut butter and feeding it to boys.

Speaker 1 Nut no-nos.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Steven compares the inability to come to that of a frustrated artist. This is fucking amazing.
Quote,

Speaker 1 whatever picture comes to your mind, you can paint it and get it on the canvas with precision right then you injure your damn arm and you still have all these visions of pieces that you could paint but now you got an injury and you can't paint like you used to end quote wait what i fuck i'm very confused by this analogy is he coming on painting i think so

Speaker 1 dr mcaddish recommended a number of supplements plus replacing chicken with beef, coffee with matcha, and walking 10,000 steps a day.

Speaker 1 Steven also eats eats four stalks of celery daily, a trick he picked up from porn star Peter North. One month later, he says his ejaculate is larger, thicker, and whiter.

Speaker 1 On top of improved erection equality and performance,

Speaker 1 load sizes. How is he measuring thicker? What does that even mean? He's eating it.
You know he's eating his own cum. They're all eating it.
It's all like

Speaker 1 that pitch drop test. All of them.
If you do a strainer and a stopwatch at the same time, I think you can measure that scientifically.

Speaker 1 Guys, how long long does it take to crawl down the edge of the graduated mason jar? That's yeah, guys. Just step over here for me for a second.
Let's just be honest. They're all eating it.

Speaker 1 100%.

Speaker 1 There's not a single person on Cumbigger Loads who isn't eating it. 100%.
They're eating it. They're talking about mouthfeel and stuff, but like still

Speaker 1 thicker. You're just making it up.
You're like, yeah, that felt thicker.

Speaker 1 I feel like I'd rather have nose in there. You know, like it's a, it smells a little earthy.
This one.

Speaker 1 This is, this is woody.

Speaker 1 You got to swirl it around. Jesus, what is that? That's amazing.
All right. So they say

Speaker 1 you got to decant it first.

Speaker 1 That's what the pro-life are saying. They get stuck in that thing that you pour the wine in.

Speaker 1 And it's

Speaker 1 just sits in there. You're blowing bubbles out of your decanter with it.
You're just like,

Speaker 1 all right. Here we go.

Speaker 1 It's a camellier.

Speaker 1 We do offer a cum tasting with tonight's menu if anyone's interested.

Speaker 1 I'll have your best flight of semen, please.

Speaker 1 Does it fly like Spider-Man?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Here we go. Steven says.
Leave me the fuck out of this, guys. Steven says, quote, load size is just as important to me as being able to get it all the way up and go a good 20-minute round, he says.

Speaker 1 Hey, you guys think Stephen ever tries to make small talk with his buddies about loads? And if so, do you think he has any friends anymore?

Speaker 1 He does not,

Speaker 1 he just takes out a shot glass. Fellas,

Speaker 1 bring it in, bring it in. Check this out.
Is it gay to have this much come with my girlfriend? Ah, you're all gone.

Speaker 1 They took the golf cart off.

Speaker 1 Gotta walk all the way back to the clubhouse.

Speaker 1 Better eat this cum cum before it gets cold. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 This is the word Joey.

Speaker 1 It's great.

Speaker 1 All right, here we go.

Speaker 1 The influence of pornography on this space is unavoidable. Every man I spoke to cited porn as part of

Speaker 1 why they wanted to increase their volume. If the majority of erotic content in our lifespan is porn, then we are naturally looking at our own life and making comparisons, says Caitlin V.

Speaker 1 Neal, sex coach and host of HBO's Good Sex. That's going to be a bunch of young dudes really confused and their stepmoms kick their asses.

Speaker 1 We're turned on. In fact, porn stars are some of the most.

Speaker 1 In fact, porn stars are. Why do I keep putting my entire body in the dryer? This is so sick.

Speaker 1 In fact, porn stars are some of the supplement industry's biggest, huh, biggest customers. We work with a lot and a lot of the talent in the industry, says Ben of VB Health.

Speaker 1 That's another marker of approval we have is that we are trusted by people who use our products because they need to perform. You have porn stars covered in Seaman X stickers like a NAS car.

Speaker 1 Most Nutmaxers get off on the sight of their own large loads and their partner's reaction to them. Facials are a big part of their life.

Speaker 1 More volume means more visual spectacle, says Marcus, the prolific

Speaker 1 our come bigger loads poster. I really wish I could shoot a firework out of my peehole at my wife's face.

Speaker 1 Until then,

Speaker 1 this will have to do. Marcus began increasing the size of his loads after a college hookup had a shocked reaction to his ejaculate.

Speaker 1 She started to gossip around campus that I got and I got a reputation and wanted to get more of those reactions, he says. So I took supplements to make sure I could always perform when needed.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you, Jennifer, he had the biggest load I've ever seen. I don't want to be lab partners anymore.

Speaker 1 Please don't talk to me anymore.

Speaker 1 A person named Hink, a men's sexual health content creator who sells semen supplements, has seen factions form in his YouTube community around their favorite place to ejaculate.

Speaker 1 It's not a graduated cylinder. I thought we agreed it was a graduated cylinder.
What's up with it?

Speaker 1 The public part?

Speaker 1 We have a debate between Team Tummy Pancakes and Team Bun Glazer, says Hank, who asked us to use his online pseudonym.

Speaker 1 Now, that's a reference to basically having such a large ejaculatory volume that it looks like a pancake on the stomach, or it looks like there's actually glaze on the buns because the volume is so large.

Speaker 1 Do you know what? We got it. Got it.
We know. Okay.
All right. We should just stop naming things.
We should stop.

Speaker 1 Actually, let's go back and unname some things. Let's do that.

Speaker 1 Be good. Team Tummy Pancake.
All right. So

Speaker 1 Michael, a 39-year-old from Los Angeles, began taking supplements after the anti-hair loss pill, fenesteride, left his semen watery.

Speaker 1 I always enjoyed blasting my my girl in the face for lack of a better term.

Speaker 1 So, just so many better terms.

Speaker 1 For lack of a better term.

Speaker 1 So many.

Speaker 1 What's the word? They should have said a poem. All right.
So

Speaker 1 I started to look for a solution to fix that, he says. Dude, if there was ever someone who deserves the side effects of finasteride, it's Michael.
Yep. All of them.

Speaker 1 Michael's girlfriend, Lana, has enjoyed participating in his experiments. It's just very interesting, she says.
He revealed to me that he was taking his concoction.

Speaker 1 We experimented with different dosages of everything and saw what it did. So that was kind of cool.
Michael and Lana asked to use pseudonyms to protect their privacy.

Speaker 1 Lana also requested a different boyfriend

Speaker 1 and some clarifying champions.

Speaker 1 Lana is not alone among women in preferring more semen. Both Stephen and Mike began supplementing after their girlfriends reacted negatively to this small size of their loads.

Speaker 1 There are plenty of women who like cum and like to have it on their bodies, says good sexes Neil. Oh, yeah.
I can't tell you how many times my wife and I have both thought, man,

Speaker 1 I wish the wet spot were bigger. That would be

Speaker 1 just

Speaker 1 roll around in a fucking slip and slide.

Speaker 1 That is actually how you do it, though, is the slip and slide thing.

Speaker 1 That's the key.

Speaker 1 My guess.

Speaker 1 No, still not there. You're close.
You're closer than you were earlier. It's like 0-7.
It's insane.

Speaker 1 You're the rootie of dirty talk. Slip and slide.

Speaker 1 Perfect. That's it.
I came. I shot a huge rope.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's it. That was the one.
So I'm talking about you in the niche going

Speaker 1 syrup.

Speaker 1 My guess is that a majority of women probably don't mind having a little bit more ejaculate from their partner, Neil says.

Speaker 1 And I would guess there's not a there's a not insubstantial subsection, that's a terribly worded sentence.

Speaker 1 There's a not insubstantial subsection of women who actually would really love to have more ejaculate from their partner.

Speaker 1 Hey, podcast listener, if you're a man in a relationship with a woman, we'd like you to pause the podcast now and ask your partner if they would, quote, really love more ejaculate from you.

Speaker 1 Let us know how it goes.

Speaker 1 But many men find their partners do not appreciate their newfound talent. Marcus's post, Hookup Says My Loads Are Disgusting, L M A O, is one of the all-time posts on the subreddits.

Speaker 1 As I've gotten older, I've encountered very few sexual partners that are truly into it, Marcus says. Some of them seem to tolerate it more than anything.
Like everything else. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hink finds that increased load size is a niche area of self-improvement in his community. Most men are far more concerned with getting a bigger penis, bigger erections, and lasting longer, Hink says.

Speaker 1 A lot of girls don't like semen and don't want a mouthful of semen, so this is, I think, a little more selfish. But achieving more semen volume is more attainable than those other goals.

Speaker 1 It's so much easier and there's so much less risk. And quite honestly, it's a lot cheaper, Hink says.
Ultimately, the desire for a larger load is the desire to satisfy oneself.

Speaker 1 It's the pies de resistance, Steven says. It's the reward for the job.
Well done.

Speaker 1 All right. And Cecil, if you had to summarize what you've learned in one sentence, what would it be? It is the season of giving.
That's right. Vulgarity for Charity is on right now.

Speaker 1 That's right, everybody.

Speaker 1 And are you ready for the quiz? Let's do it. All right.
Cecil, ejaculating into a shot glass and then showing your friends. Clearly,

Speaker 1 a bit gauche. A bit, a bit.
What's the classy way to do it? All right. Yeah.
I know this. The phallus chalice.

Speaker 1 The handy snifter. Or C,

Speaker 1 load on a Grecian urn.

Speaker 1 They're all so good, but I got to go with A, the Phallis Chalice.

Speaker 1 Correct. That last one was by John Skeets, by the way.

Speaker 1 They did send a poet. Amazing.

Speaker 1 All right, Cecil, what's the only thing more satisfying than nutmaxing? A,

Speaker 1 admitting that you're gay.

Speaker 1 That's it. That's all the ones I have.
B, giving to vulgarity for charity this year. It's B.
Not your nut, though. Not your nut.
Money. You keep that.

Speaker 1 You keep that. Send a photo to Eli, though.
That's right.

Speaker 1 All right, Cecil, the idea of self-improvement has obviously been around for centuries, but it is now A,

Speaker 1 divorced entirely from actual improvements. B, entirely focused on the self and selfish, or C,

Speaker 1 a thick ropey load of bullshit. Really is always a thick ropey load, Tom.
It is a thick ropey load, Cecil. Can you braid that into a bigger ropey load?

Speaker 1 I'll walk this loafy load.

Speaker 1 The only load that I have ever plugged.

Speaker 1 All right, Cecil. None of us managed to fool you.
So you are this week's winner. You're the winner, somehow.

Speaker 1 Yes, because you're doing the thing anyway. Anyway, it's Tom.

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm never

Speaker 1 Tom and Heath. I'm you like Boss.
They thanking you for hanging out with us today. We'll be back next week.
And by then, Tom will be an expert on something else.

Speaker 1 Between now and then, you should donate to Vulgarity for charity. We'll insult the person of your choice over at recoveringfromreligion.org.
They're going to love the plug on this episode.

Speaker 1 Click on Vulgarity for charity. Hey, mom, I'm on the radio.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Donate, and we'll help you out.
Between now and then, you can also blow your load to our Patreon. We don't have porn on there, but if you don't tell us about it, you can do whatever you want.

Speaker 1 And if you'd like to help keep the show going, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com/slash citationpod or leave us a five-star review everywhere you can.

Speaker 1 And if you'd like to get in touch with us, check out past episodes, connect with us on social media, or check the show notes, be sure to check out citationpod.com.

Speaker 1 And the vagina is right here.

Speaker 1 Got it. So

Speaker 1 do all women have Vulva or do you grow it when your hymen breaks? God damn it.

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