SURVIVED: Fallon Farinacci

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Speaker 3 Hi, Crime Junkies. It's Sprit, and it's just me for right now, but not for long.
So let me fill you in.

Speaker 3 A few months ago, our team was working on a case involving a girl who, along with her siblings, survived a home invasion in 1993, in which a man broke in and killed both of their parents.

Speaker 3 That girl was Fallon Farinacci, and she is now a dedicated advocate for missing and murdered Indigenous people, working to bring awareness, justice, and policy changes to address the crisis affecting Indigenous communities.

Speaker 3 And so in honor of May being National Missing and Murdered Indigenous Persons Awareness Month, we thought this was an important story to share. But it's her story.

Speaker 3 So who better to tell it than herself? Today, I've invited Fallon to the Crime Junkie Clubhouse so we can hear directly from her.

Speaker 3 Now, before we jump in, I will tell you right up here at the top that we will not be naming Fallon's parents killer throughout the episode.

Speaker 3 For your reference, his name is Andre Ducharm, but as I'm sure you can understand, Fallon prefers not to use his name. She only refers to him as her mom's stalker or the stalker.

Speaker 3 And out of respect, I'll be doing the same. All right, enough of me.
This is the story of Fallon Farinacci.

Speaker 3 Fallon, welcome to the Crime Junkie Clubhouse. We are so thankful you are here.
You came all the way from Canada to be with us here in Indiana, and that's just incredible.

Speaker 2 I am so grateful to be here and to be able to come here to tell my story and share share it with all of you.

Speaker 3 Yeah, so let's start with a little bit about you. Take us to your background, your childhood.
Tell us about your culture.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So I'm Red River Métis.
I grew up in rural Manitoba, a tiny, predominantly Métis community just outside of Winnipeg.

Speaker 2 And so for those who don't necessarily know what Métis is, a long story short is

Speaker 2 I am Indigenous and so was my father. He grew up really proud to be Indigenous.
And so he instilled that in me at a young age.

Speaker 2 There wasn't really any kind of difference from my everyday life to culture, traditions, or community. It was just all.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was all a part of it. I always explained to people as it happened around the kitchen table, you know.

Speaker 3 It sounds like a really beautiful way to grow up. Really, really tight family, really.

Speaker 2 close and happy. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But we're here today for a specific reason. And I think now is like a really good time to kind of turn into that.
Can you take me to everything that kind of happened?

Speaker 2 Yeah, absolutely. So in November of 1992, this man who we knew, he was a community member, he threatened my mother's life.

Speaker 2 Leading up to that, he started crossing boundaries and boundaries in the sense of like just making you feel uncomfortable wasn't usual behavior. There wasn't anything specific.

Speaker 2 And then this really kind of crossed the last boundary. And he called our family home and he, he had asked my mom where his birthday cake was.

Speaker 2 He had found out that my mother had gone to a coworker's birthday party and my mom never made him a cake. So that is really what kind of made her feel uncomfortable to get off the phone right away.

Speaker 2 And so she said to him, I threw it in the garbage. I have to go.
I have the kids bingo and hung up. We had a community bingo.
As I said, it was like a really tight-knit community.

Speaker 2 So he called back and he threatened my mom and he he said that she wouldn't live to see her next birthday and that he wouldn't live to see his.

Speaker 2 So she took it really seriously. They called the RCMP, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, and they brought him before a judge that evening.

Speaker 2 And they failed, though, to tell the judge that my mother and father had told the RCMP that she was concerned that they had, that he had, sorry, a.22 caliber rifle. So there was no seizure of weapons.

Speaker 2 There was no search of his home, anything like that. And he was released.

Speaker 2 And then in December, you know, my mom continued to hear from community members that he was continuing to want to take my mother and my father's lives.

Speaker 2 And so from there, my mom wrote the RCMPL letter. And in that letter, she stated that, again, she was concerned about this.22 caliber, but also a handgun.

Speaker 2 The letter was never filed, and so it wasn't brought before a judge or anything like that. And now we're in January of 1993.
And my family's case landed on the desk of a

Speaker 2 family crown attorney.

Speaker 3 Which it's like family crown would be like family court here in the States.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 So like custody and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 That's not the situation at all. Not at all.
No, this was criminal. He had threatened their lives.
So along this case, we heard a lot of like errors, you know, human error.

Speaker 2 And so this was one of those human errors. But for some reason, this crown picked it up and then felt it was appropriate to have a mediation.

Speaker 3 Which again, like in family court would make sense. Like you have mediations as like a means to an end, but that's again, not the case here.

Speaker 2 No, I mean, I wouldn't want to sit with someone

Speaker 2 that threatened my life. So it just baffles my mind that he thought that was what should be done.

Speaker 3 Yeah, especially like it comes across your desk, you open it to continue on with it versus like, ooh, passing it off to like who it actually belongs to where it can actually be handled

Speaker 3 properly with the court system that should be handling it feels like more than human error.

Speaker 2 Yeah, absolutely. And from there, there was a temp in this law clerk position, which again, human error, fine.
But she accidentally mailed my mother the stalker's information and he got my mother's.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So there were

Speaker 2 laws that were, I forget like the verbiage, there was laws that were in place, but weren't enacted at the time to protect women.

Speaker 2 And like my grandma says, my mom's mom, what good is a restraining order? At the end of the day, it's a piece of paper. Right.

Speaker 3 And I know here in the States, it's one of those things where you can't even act on it until it's violated.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right.

Speaker 3 So like it's there. Until what? Yeah.
Right. Like it doesn't do any good.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 In a lot of cases. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I had asked my dad's best friend, Ken Bowdoin, I had said to him, even from my dad's perspective, was my dad really scared? And he said, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 He could hear it in his voice that he was scared. And so

Speaker 2 because of this, my mom had decided she was absolutely not going through this with mediation. Yeah.
I mean, she was already scared, but this was just catapulting it.

Speaker 2 And so from there, they didn't show up for the mediation. There was supposed to be a mediation on January 26th.
So he was released back out into the public again.

Speaker 2 And he came to our family home on January 27th. And he knocked on the door.
My older brother was awake. It was just after midnight.
Myself, my younger sibling, my parents, we were all sleeping.

Speaker 2 And when my brother answered the door, he was standing on the other side of the door with the same.22 caliber rifle that they had warned the police about.

Speaker 2 And he instructed my brother to go downstairs into our family home. And

Speaker 2 he tied up my brother. And I would say he like verbally tortured him.
He, you know, talked about killing my parents and how he couldn't live without my mother. And so.

Speaker 2 My brother had to endure that for a number of hours before he finally told my brother that he was going to go upstairs. And he used the words, do the deed, to go kill my parents.

Speaker 2 My older brother had to write a suicide note, I guess, in a way, for

Speaker 2 this man, just instructing him to tell his family, his friends, that he was sorry for what he was doing.

Speaker 2 And then around 2.30 in the morning, he went upstairs in our family home. And that's when my brother heard the gunshot.

Speaker 2 Before that, he had heard my dad yell some things in French because it was a French Métis community.

Speaker 2 So he had yelled some things. My brother didn't speak French, so he didn't know what they were saying to each other.
And then he did shoot and kill my father.

Speaker 2 I'm assuming that that's the sound that woke myself and my younger brother up at that time.

Speaker 2 And so the way our bedroom was, it's just like a regular bungalow. So I was at the top of the hallway and my parents and my brother's room are side by side.

Speaker 2 And so when I woke up, I immediately tried to go into my parents' bedroom because I didn't know what was going on. And I was nine at the time.

Speaker 2 And so I'm trying to push the door open, but there's clearly someone on the other side of the door. And so I give up at that point, but I don't know what it was.

Speaker 2 Something told me that it was an emergency to go call 911. I don't have any recollection of something being said, you know, that made me feel in danger.

Speaker 2 It just felt like I'm looking at my younger brother. He's standing in the hallway and he's screaming, crying.
And I'm thinking, okay, something is wrong.

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Speaker 3 How old were you and your brothers when all this happened?

Speaker 2 So my older brother, Carson, was 17, and then my younger brother, Clinton, at the time, was five.

Speaker 3 Okay, and you were nine.

Speaker 2 And I was nine, yes.

Speaker 2 And so I went to call for help, but I accidentally dialed the wrong number. And so then I could see a dark shadow coming running towards me.

Speaker 2 So I dropped the phone and I run into the basement and hide at this point. And eventually my mom, the stalker, and my younger brother all come downstairs.

Speaker 2 And that's when my younger brother finds me and he tries to pull me out. And I'm like begging him not to.

Speaker 2 It was. terrifying because at the same time he's screaming and yelling because he can't find my brother.

Speaker 2 But he had escaped at 2.30 when the gunshot went off.

Speaker 2 He thankfully was able to get out of the basement window and he ran to my parents' best friend's home and my best, my childhood best friend's parents' home. And they called 911 at.

Speaker 2 well, it's a seven digit number. Forgive me at the time.
And the rural community was not 911 times.

Speaker 2 And so they called for help and they stated, you know, he is entered our home and my brother said you know we're in my parents are in court with him right now and he has a gun they heard a gunshot go off and that us kids were being held in the house or that not that we're being held hostage

Speaker 2 in the house yes and so the way the chain of command goes That 911 dispatcher would let the officers know who were on duty at the nearby police station.

Speaker 2 So that's about 45 minutes from my community, but that police station closes at 2 a.m.

Speaker 3 And this is happening after 2.30.

Speaker 2 Yes. So they would call the constable on duty and let him know.
And then he would then give, you know, further instructions. So they did.

Speaker 2 They called him and he said, go out to the Paul residence and see if you can get him to come out and talk to him.

Speaker 3 As if he's a rational person right now. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Absolutely. As if none of the other information had been said at all.

Speaker 3 Or was important.

Speaker 2 Yes. He was also the only trained hostage negotiator for this RCMP station.

Speaker 3 So like the person who should have been going out and talking to this clearly irrational person.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 Holding hostages.

Speaker 2 He could have called for SWAT, anything, backup, but he didn't. And instead of, you know, just hanging up the phone and maybe getting up himself, because he'd know he'd have to come here eventually.

Speaker 3 Keeping an eye on the situation he's responsible for.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he accidentally fell back asleep.

Speaker 3 I can't imagine having that position and doing that, like having such disregard for the situation.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 And also, one thing I didn't tell you was that the stalker had 13 prior convictions and the RCMP station, the same one, fought bail for this man in 1990, saying he should not be released, that he was a danger to the community.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yes.
So by time he's in the basement with us kids and my mom.

Speaker 2 And at this time, he's losing his mind. So he's upset.

Speaker 2 He looks at my mom and he tells my mom, she's going to have to pick whether it's myself or my younger brother that dies next if we can't find my older brother.

Speaker 3 Who isn't in the house at all anymore?

Speaker 2 Not at all. And my mom doesn't know.
And so we looked in all and all of the places. I mean, it was a tiny little basement and it was all open and a wreck room.

Speaker 2 And so eventually my mom wanted to separate him from us because he threatens our life. And she gave me a hug.

Speaker 2 We were sitting on the stairs and she hugged me and said, I'm going to go upstairs with him. You stay down here

Speaker 2 and call for help. So they went upstairs and we stayed downstairs.
And I went to pick up the phone and it wasn't even up on the telephone, like this little stand that she had. It was on the floor.

Speaker 2 It had been ripped out of the wall, the cord. And I don't know.

Speaker 2 I mean, obviously, I can have regrets now, but that is one thing that sticks out in my mind is I wish I had just plugged it back in because it wasn't like rip broken.

Speaker 2 It was just, I thought I would get electrocuted if I plugged it in. You were a kid.
I know. And I do try to give myself that grace when I think back.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 we stayed in the basement and eventually we fall asleep. So my mom's upstairs for two hours

Speaker 2 with this man. And so At 5.30, there's two officers outside of our home.

Speaker 3 Just like, hey, come out.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So they, they do make contact with my mom.
It must have been right after she went upstairs. They call the house and my mom answers and she answers one-sided questions.
Are you okay?

Speaker 2 Are you hurt?

Speaker 2 A lot of the answers she gives, though, are maybe I don't know because she's just trying to protect herself.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 But he doesn't stop her from being on the phone. That's like the whole part I never really understood.
I think it's just, I think of

Speaker 2 he had been drinking and he was doing drugs before coming to our house from what witnesses had seen him before earlier in the day.

Speaker 2 He went and he drank a bottle of sherry. Yeah, it's just one of those things that

Speaker 2 I guess repulse maybe is the word for me, you know, like. with my mom's name being Sherry.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So I just think he probably continued down that before coming to our home.

Speaker 2 And so at the end of the call, she says, you know, can I, can you call me back in the morning? I have to go. And so then at that point, they let her know help is on the way.

Speaker 2 But there was no real help coming at all. At 5.30, the two officers are instructed to go get my brother.
And then they bring him to this command post that they're finally setting up.

Speaker 2 in a community next to ours, not even in our community.

Speaker 3 And this is a small community. Like I grew up in a small town, like there's usually not a lot around small communities.
Like you're kind of just a little dot on the map. Yeah.
So this isn't close by.

Speaker 3 No. Not as close as it could be, at least.

Speaker 2 No, exactly. It could have been just at our town hall.
Yeah. But instead, it's like eight to 10 minutes down the road.
And I mean, at this point, we're three hours into it.

Speaker 2 Well, more technically from the time that he entered our hall. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so my brother has to go there and he, he watches them, the no sense of urgency, use a ruler to try to draw out a map of our house. Meanwhile, there's still no SWAT at our home and I'm sleeping.

Speaker 2 My younger brother and I fall asleep. At 5.30, I must hear a noise.
I'm going to guess it was a gunshot that woke me up because my mom was shot in the arm.

Speaker 2 I don't know that it's her arm because when I finally get upstairs, I try to go into now my bedroom and I can hear my mom on the other side of the door. And she said, why do you have to shoot me?

Speaker 2 You already shot me in the arm.

Speaker 2 And I'm thinking she thought, I'm just genuinely realizing this right now. I'm thinking she thought it was maybe a police officer on the other side of the door.

Speaker 3 And so she's like, she's saying all this to like inform who's ever on the other side.

Speaker 2 Why would she say that otherwise?

Speaker 2 Sorry, I just realized that. So, yeah.

Speaker 2 And so I get scared by hearing that and I run into my parents' room. And the whole time my little brother stays with me and I get up on the bed and I go to call for help.

Speaker 2 I call the emergency number again

Speaker 2 and I ask

Speaker 2 them for a three ambulance because I don't know where my brother is.

Speaker 3 Right. You still haven't found him.

Speaker 2 No, yeah. And then I call another time.
A 911 dispatcher hangs up on me. We don't know why, but they hang up on me.
And I realize I look over and I see my dad.

Speaker 2 And when I tell you, it was like, oh my gosh, he's going to help us. Like, why isn't he helping us? So I tried to wake him up, but I didn't know at the time he was dead already at that time.

Speaker 2 My younger brother came around the side of the bed and he saw my dad. I didn't, but I could tell by his reaction that something was wrong.
So I just, I just left my dad.

Speaker 2 It's almost like I just moved away from from him and I didn't touch him again after that. I just left him alone.

Speaker 2 And it's at just after six o'clock between six and 6.30 that my mom tries to leave my bedroom and she's shot one more time. She shot in the shoulder, but because of the type of weapon it is,

Speaker 2 the the bullet spirals and so it severed her spinal cord.

Speaker 2 And she died right in front of my myself and my younger brother. He stayed in my bedroom.

Speaker 2 And then I heard a noise. And I had, I mean, it's classic 90s.
I had a wicker shelf. I thought he knocked it over.
And I remember getting so mad in my head, like, he knocked over my shelf.

Speaker 2 He's breaking my stuff.

Speaker 2 And it wasn't, it was the sound of the gun. He turned it on himself and he committed suicide on my childhood bedroom floor.

Speaker 2 And we don't know that. So we stay in my parents' room.

Speaker 2 And eventually my mom's alarm goes off at seven because

Speaker 2 she would have been getting us ready for school. Yeah.
Um,

Speaker 2 and I take the phone off the hook at that point because it's like an alarm and phone all in one. And I'm worried that he's going to come into the room.

Speaker 2 Eventually, my younger brother and I move onto the floor and we're on the opposite side of the bed. So we're trying to hide there so that if he does get up, he can't see us.

Speaker 2 And so we continue continue to wait and wait.

Speaker 2 And it's not until after 7 a.m. that the SWAT team shows up outside and there's a big gap.
Obviously when we're waiting for help after my parents die, where we're sitting and waiting.

Speaker 2 I never share it because it feels so dehumanizing.

Speaker 2 So.

Speaker 2 I had to go to the bathroom and I had broken my arm.

Speaker 2 Rural winter, wonderland of Manitoba. And I had to have a bag over my arm

Speaker 2 because I was like, we didn't have those pump things that they put over.

Speaker 2 And so the option was to cross my mom's body

Speaker 2 and risk him seeing us because I thought he was alive still.

Speaker 2 Or

Speaker 2 I had to use the garbage bag and like lay it out and then go to the bathroom. And so I always thought, like, when they came in after, I was mortified,

Speaker 2 mortified of these police officers coming in. And it just, like,

Speaker 2 it seemed so, I don't know. It just seemed like we're already in this position, and now I had to do this.

Speaker 3 Yeah, when did someone finally come in?

Speaker 2 Not until 8:30 in the morning.

Speaker 3 The stalker got to your house after midnight. Your brother escaped after 2.30.

Speaker 3 And no,

Speaker 3 no law enforcement came into the house until after 8.30 that morning.

Speaker 2 8.30. And when they came in,

Speaker 2 they just yelled out, this one's gone, this one's gone. Well, first they, you know, the usual RCMP, whatever they might say, like weapons down.

Speaker 2 And then I can just hear them, one officer yell out, this one's gone, this one's gone, and then this one's gone.

Speaker 2 And then next thing thing you know, there was two paramedics who were community members. They were my friend's fathers.

Speaker 2 They came in, they threw two blankets over us and picked us up and carried us out. And when they were carrying us out to the ambulance, I could hear a man speak and I thought it was my brother.

Speaker 2 I remember shifting a little my weight, like, oh my gosh, Carson's here. He's okay.
You know, because at this point, I have no idea where he is.

Speaker 3 You haven't seen him since you went to bed the night before.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so we were put in the ambulance, and then they had asked the ambulance to be sent to the Missicordia hospital so that we could go see my mom's co-workers and everyone there, and that they could take over and look at us there just to make sure that we weren't hurt and nothing was done to us.

Speaker 2 And it was there that they corralled us into a room and told us at that point that my parents had, in fact,

Speaker 2 died.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 And then later that night, the RCMP came and I gave my statement. And it was actually, I only realized this probably in the last couple of years.

Speaker 2 You know how authority figures can do a great job at making us question ourselves?

Speaker 2 I gave my statement. And I told the RCMP officer, and this is when my mom said, why do you have to shoot me? You already shot me in the eye.

Speaker 2 He said, your Your mother wasn't shot in the eye. And I said, Well, she said, Um, why do you have to shoot me? You shot me in the eye.

Speaker 2 And he said, She never said that, so I don't know why you're saying she said that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and like he looked at me, like, I remember thinking, like, that genuinely is probably a moment where I like began questioning my own thoughts, my own memories.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I was gonna say, if some, like, if I was in that situation now as an adult, I'd be like, wait, maybe i would even question myself and you were nine yeah

Speaker 3 yeah

Speaker 2 and i think that's like often you know where does imposter syndrome come from right right

Speaker 2 and i think that that's probably a moment that was the beginning it was really formative yeah yeah absolutely and what stands out to me in all of this is you talked earlier about like human error.

Speaker 3 This wasn't one human error two months before this happened. This wasn't one human error the night that it happened.
This was error upon error upon misstep upon misstep the entire way through.

Speaker 2 Yeah. We have this officer questioning

Speaker 2 what I know I heard. As a child.
As a child. Like, yes, she said arm, but I'm listening to her behind a door.
Yeah. So we have that.

Speaker 2 We go back to the initial, those two officers taking my mother's statement, failing to tell the judge about the rifle that she's concerned about.

Speaker 2 How about we go back to even 1990 where they let him out and they say that he's.

Speaker 3 He's no threat to society. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then from there, we have the letter that was never filed, the law clerk who accidentally.

Speaker 3 The case being sent to family court, not criminal court.

Speaker 2 Exactly. And it proceeding to go to the mediation.
In family court. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 And then not even like the inquiry process where I, you know, I didn't tell you how the judge blamed the townspeople saying that they should have done more to protect our family.

Speaker 3 Which, I'm sorry, I thought that's what law enforcement was for. Like these are the very people put in place.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right? Like by the government to protect you. To protect you, quite literally their job.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's, that's kind of their whole thing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then we have officers who, you know, didn't actually enter our home,

Speaker 2 never came in, didn't get out to our community. The officer who fell asleep, like they're all taking the stand.

Speaker 2 One officer says that my mom, by telling him she threw the cake in the garbage, that started it. That was a reaction.
Yeah, she gave him.

Speaker 3 She was the instigator.

Speaker 2 Yes. Oh my God.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Not the man stalking her.

Speaker 2 No. Not his problem.
Absolutely. Her response to that was the problem.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 So what was next for you and your siblings? What was the future like for you guys?

Speaker 2 So a few days after, honestly, I don't even know how long after

Speaker 2 they passed, we had the funeral in our community.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I just think of how full the church was.

Speaker 2 It was filled with, you know, the firemen, the community members, people from my mom's work. And I just remember sitting there and I was still.

Speaker 2 you know, I was in shock.

Speaker 2 Like, it's out of body kind of experience of like looking around and thinking like, oh, everyone's here, but it still didn't really grasp the idea of like what I had like completely lost and like this new normal.

Speaker 2 But it was hard because we had to move within a month's time.

Speaker 2 And I mean, this was a community that I had known my whole life and small. And small.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 yeah, it was just so difficult. I didn't want to leave.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 when we first moved there, we had to live with my aunt. But Carson turned 18 within a month of moving out there.
So within two months of my parents passing away, he had turned 18.

Speaker 2 So he like, quote, aged out, right? He becomes an adult. Yeah, which is also just sad for him.
Like, I have a 19-year-old.

Speaker 2 I couldn't imagine him just being like, okay, you're on your own now because no one's getting money for you to take care of you.

Speaker 2 So especially what he went through yeah and being responsible for trying to save his family yeah yeah and so my brother my younger brother and i stayed at my aunt's house but we only lived there i only lived there for a year it was just made me feel so uncomfortable and my grandma listened and she had suggested that i move in with her so I lived there with my grandma for a little bit.

Speaker 2 My grandma sent me home to Manitoba every summer. So I got to go back there.

Speaker 2 But it's not I didn't want to live with my grandma I just didn't want to live in Ontario so my aunt said to me if you want you can go live in Manitoba and I said no nanny would never let me she said no I'm your guardian if I say you can you can right so she got me on a plane and I went back to Manitoba I lived with one of my family members there for a little bit.

Speaker 2 And then eventually I moved in with Ken and Debbie, both of my parents' best friends, my best friend's parents. I mean, it was a dream come true.

Speaker 2 I now get to call my best friend my sister like that was the best and the worst thing yeah i think it was a blessing though that i did get to go home as much as i did because i know a lot of folks who endure things it's hard for them to go back to where you know the crime happened or the traumatic event i think a lot of people think oh you all went through the same thing we all went through different things and everyone processed things differently as well right

Speaker 2 so along the way,

Speaker 2 my older brother,

Speaker 2 he took his own life

Speaker 2 because of the lack of mental health support.

Speaker 2 That's ultimately what I would say it was really at the end of the day. So he took his own life

Speaker 2 and losing him was harder than going through what I went through with my parents. Just because it was, yeah, it was so,

Speaker 2 he was my everything.

Speaker 2 I looked up to him so much.

Speaker 2 So it was really hard losing him. Then my younger brother, I noticed in 2023, his mental health was on a decline.
And I mean, let's be honest, men don't talk about their mental health.

Speaker 2 I mean, we don't, right? But men especially don't talk about their mental health the way that they should be.

Speaker 2 And it's shameful for them.

Speaker 3 There's even more of of a stigma.

Speaker 2 So much

Speaker 2 around it. You know, when someone's not doing well.
And I think that's what hits me so hard with this is that in November of 2023, my younger brother

Speaker 2 took his life as well.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 you know, when they talk about denial? I didn't feel that with my parents and I didn't feel that with my, I mean, I felt it with my older brother where it's like, oh, I thought I saw him.

Speaker 2 You know, I saw a car driving by and I thought he was in it.

Speaker 2 This, I immediately said, no,

Speaker 2 no,

Speaker 2 let's go. We have to go check him.
Like,

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 that was really, really difficult.

Speaker 2 And with my brother's death, one thing that had prepared me, my older brother's death for my younger brother's death was that I had this epiphany moment with my older brother.

Speaker 2 I was driving down the street. Someone was walking down the street and I thought, oh,

Speaker 2 life goes on.

Speaker 2 Life goes on. And so when my younger brother died, I think I was quick to want to like jump through this grieving process.

Speaker 3 To like make life go on.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And it, it doesn't obviously work that way.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 following my my brother's death, everyone I feel like was on high alert for me, like wondering how I was doing mentally. And it took time.

Speaker 2 I think I was just in that, like the depths of grief for so long.

Speaker 2 And then now I'm here. And like, why, you know, so constantly having to, to go through that and wonder.

Speaker 3 Why, as in, like, why am I still here? Why me?

Speaker 2 Or? A little bit of that. What's the purpose?

Speaker 2 Do I need to do something?

Speaker 2 Is there, you know, is there, is there something bigger? And I think that's why i have that fear also of like

Speaker 2 when is

Speaker 2 when is the is the saying the shoe gonna drop for me you know so

Speaker 3 so what do you do for your own mental health we've we've talked a little bit about mental health and how important it is having lived through this trauma like what do you do for you yeah well for the longest time I didn't want to talk about it, right?

Speaker 2 I mean, I think we all had this notion growing up, like, oh, if I, there's something wrong with me or some way I feel, everyone's going to think I'm, quote, crazy, right? Yeah. Broken.

Speaker 2 My gosh, I'm lucky. I'm really, I have the most amazing husband and my kids.
So like they help me. And then obviously, yes, therapy is, is great as well.

Speaker 2 But I found it in other ways, like in community, it was, I started going to the friendship center for drumming and it was like, oh, oh, these are the things because I noticed and I have people ask me actually quite often, you know, like, what are things that you do?

Speaker 2 Like, I think they're hoping to find an answer for themselves to help their own mental health journey. And I just say, like, remember the things

Speaker 2 that make you feel good when you're in a good headspace. What are the things you're doing at that point?

Speaker 2 And then it was in 2017, my one of my cousins, she was working for the Ontario Federation for Friendship Centers. And so she said, you know, your parents' names were named in some research done.

Speaker 2 There's grassroots organizations that had been fighting for years, like years and years, asking for answers as to why is there such a high number of missing and murdered Indigenous people across the country.

Speaker 2 She was like, would you consider testifying? And she had nothing to do with the inquiry process. But if that's one more story that can hold the government accountable,

Speaker 2 then yes, of course. I definitely had your voice.
Yeah. So I said yes.
And I testified. I shared my story.

Speaker 2 And just the way that for people that don't know is the National Inquiry for Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls just

Speaker 3 asserted in Canada.

Speaker 2 In Canada. Yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And a lot of people think that it was the government. Yes.
Well, it was the funding from the government.

Speaker 2 It wasn't the government that called for this inquiry.

Speaker 3 Right. They weren't the ones saying like, hey, let's look into this.
It sounds like a good idea to do that.

Speaker 2 No, of course. Why would they want to look into the systems that they put into place that are failing people over and over and over again? Yeah, absolutely.
So it was grassroots organizations.

Speaker 2 And it was really through that process that I met other family members and I kind of like set like a light bulb off like, oh my gosh, this isn't just the cards that that I was dealt.

Speaker 2 These cards have been dealt to so many other Indigenous people, communities.

Speaker 2 And I thought along this way, as I met some people that had so many similar stories to me, I was like, okay, I need to be involved in this somehow.

Speaker 2 And so then it was 2019, I get this call from the commissioner if I would join the National Family Advisory Circle.

Speaker 2 And then it was there that I met other family members, survivors, and hearing their stories.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it was just,

Speaker 2 it shook me to my core. And I thought, okay, more needs to be done and more needs to be said.
And these people need to be heard. stories need to be heard.

Speaker 2 And so I continued on on the national inquiries committee with the family members.

Speaker 2 And then we came to a closing where, you know, we gathered and um we handed over the final report all the research the findings that had been brought together from these the evidence the evidence exactly and we presented it to the nation and it was there that i had that imposter syndrome kind of disappeared because I had seen it as for so long, like this.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you the story. This is what happened to my family.

Speaker 2 Yes, it happened to me, but it's, I'm sure it's a trauma response. You can take yourself out of it so easily.
And I

Speaker 2 just kind of chalked it up to this is the way, this is the cards that were dealt. And it was there that I grabbed my husband's leg and I whispered to him.
I said, I get it. And he said, you get what?

Speaker 2 I said, I'm the girl.

Speaker 2 And he just like looked at me and I was like, and I just was overcome with emotion because I think that was kind of the first time I realized like I'm the girl that I shouldn't be here statistically.

Speaker 3 Right, you're you're the statistic.

Speaker 2 I'm the statistic, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm the the child that you know the systems are up against.

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Speaker 2 And so it was a few months later, a friend of mine, a dear friend, Dr. Robin Bourgeois, and she had decided to start the decolonial reading circle at Rock University.
And she had,

Speaker 2 she's fierce and she's a survivor herself, but she

Speaker 2 had wanted to take action. And I just admired that so much about her.
And so I joined the Nasha. I remember emailing that, can I join this

Speaker 2 decolonial reading circle? And so we, you know, became friends and eventually I had the honor of co-hosting with her and following her lead for this decolonial reading circle.

Speaker 2 But it was really, I feel that,

Speaker 2 and again, I'm realizing this for the first time. I think that was kind of that moment where I thought, okay, like I can do something.
There's something I can do too.

Speaker 2 And again, it was Robin who introduced me to this incredible organization. It's Abbey House.
It's a transitional home for Indigenous women in St. Catharines.

Speaker 2 And I thought, okay, this is an organization I also want to get behind. And so it was that year I was turning 38 years old.
And my dad was 37 when he passed.

Speaker 2 And my mom was, she was just shy of turning 37. My dad was shy of turning 38.
And I wanted to start this fundraiser because I'd be the first person in my family to turn the age of 38.

Speaker 2 And I wanted this fundraiser to honor all of them.

Speaker 2 And yes, it was a crutch, absolutely, to pull me through the pain of survivor's guilt of turning 38 yeah but i'm so you know those i really realized how much the decolonial reading circle really showed me okay you can do something yourself as well and i thought okay well i'm going to do this fundraiser for abbey house and also for my home community so i thought okay we can raise thirty eight hundred dollars for both of these organizations And then I almost didn't press enter because it dawned on me, well, no one listened.

Speaker 3 no one cared back then. And so, why would they now?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was probably one of the lowest moments in my life, and literally a moment.

Speaker 2 Like, you can just be so blindsided by something, a thought come in and think, like, no, you're not doing this, and just roots itself there.

Speaker 3 And especially, I have to imagine not just feeling unheard, but having documented proof that for hour upon hour,

Speaker 2 no one listened. Yeah,

Speaker 3 What made you click yes? Like, what made you go?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Something came over me.
We'll just say it was my ancestors. How about that? Close your eyes and press enter.
Yeah, I press enter.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 boy, am I ever happy I did because within 24 hours, we raised $10,000. Oh my God.
Yeah. And I feel like, I think to date, we're at like $109,000.

Speaker 3 That's amazing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Not including from there, then I thought, okay, what else else can I do?

Speaker 2 You know, so I've held, I hold a yearly fundraiser for Abbey House specifically in the area, in the region. And it's just been

Speaker 2 something that has, I think, also given me that the proof that people want to help. that you can do something also on your own.
It doesn't have to be like something big.

Speaker 2 And so from there, you know, I

Speaker 2 just thought, okay, well, now what, right? Like, it's always that now what can I do?

Speaker 3 I think it's such a sign that this is what you were meant to do.

Speaker 2 I love that you said that because you don't even know this, but my spirit name that I have that was gifted to me by an elder is White Thunder Woman.

Speaker 2 And he said that I'm here to make a lot of noise. And so that's just so special that you said that.
Cause yeah.

Speaker 3 You were making noise before you were even trying to, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 yeah, and that was that was it. Then I was like, I want to start a walk.
We didn't have a walk for May 5th. We had one, we had gatherings for February 14th.

Speaker 2 And then we also on our in October as well, our Sisters in Spirit Day. So I thought, okay, well, let's have something May 5th to bring people together.

Speaker 2 And so we started a walk and, you know, we're hosting it again this year.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 yeah, it's just, it's really special. And so often we think, like, okay, what can we do? And, you know, it's, it's hard because sometimes, yeah, I do.
I want to throw my hands up in the air.

Speaker 3 It's overwhelming the change that needs to happen in so many different sectors, but especially this one.

Speaker 2 Yes. So

Speaker 3 that kind of leaves me with like a huge question for you.

Speaker 3 Where do you need us?

Speaker 2 What can we do? I will say this. And I've said this quite often since I heard this elder say this.

Speaker 2 Now that you've heard my story, what will you do with it now? Have the conversations

Speaker 2 with,

Speaker 2 not without, and bring change for, with Indigenous people, right? Because I think a lot of times those conversations are happening not outside of. Yes.
Yeah, absolutely. And

Speaker 2 come out to gatherings. I always.
always say come to like the May 5th walk, for instance.

Speaker 2 Find out where there are gatherings happening, where there is action taking place, because that's where you're going to find out and getting involved.

Speaker 2 And it's not like that one-off, that one-time you're going to stand and you're going to march with us. It's ongoing support.
Yeah, absolutely. That is where it helps.

Speaker 2 And like, I think a lot of people think, oh, I wouldn't be welcome. No, you would be welcome because we know that the change for me anyway, it has to happen together.

Speaker 2 There is power in numbers, and that is

Speaker 2 where it will actually propel forward right is if we're doing the work together even making yourself aware of it okay for instance i testified for the inquiry like i i was a part of the national family advisor circle and now i have the honor of being a part of a committee um for missing and murdered indigenous metis specifically people

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 i just found out that since those like initial reports of research that were brought in for the inquiry, so let's say, I don't know the exact year, but let's say 2017. Yeah.

Speaker 2 5,000, it's an estimated that there have been 5,000 missing and murdered Indigenous women and girls, two-spirited people in Canada.

Speaker 3 Since then.

Speaker 2 Since then. And I don't even know if it is 2017.
I'm being gracious in saying 2017 or perhaps it was 2015 when like their first data was like ended before the inquiry.

Speaker 2 But let's just say in and around 5,000. And when I, I kid you not, I couldn't even hide my face.
My jaw dropped and I feel as though I'm quite involved.

Speaker 3 Well, and I think I hear that statistic and I'm unfortunately, I'm sure it's like this in Canada as well. In the U.S., that statistic is skewed because that's reported cases.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly. That's not the ones for our case as well.

Speaker 3 That's not the the ones that aren't being reported or aren't being classified correctly or are being downplayed so they don't fit that statistic. So the number is likely so much greater.

Speaker 2 That's why it's important. Come out to the events, do the work with,

Speaker 2 not for, but with communities.

Speaker 2 I'm one story. Right.

Speaker 2 Please channel this energy into all the other people or the people who are searching for missing family members right now, have no answers or are being met, you know, with roadblocks from the justice system, like help them.

Speaker 2 My justice is

Speaker 2 being talked about and for other people to bring action for other people who are missing or are currently going through the court system for their murdered loved one.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 3 We talked a little bit about how your mom was very aware that her life was in danger, that at least her life was in danger, if not her family's.

Speaker 3 If there's a listener out there right now who is in that place in their mind, they feel threatened, they feel like their life is in danger,

Speaker 3 what can they do to make their voice heard and protect themselves?

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, first, if they haven't, if they have shared and they feel like they're not moving forward with the justice system, specifically like my mother's case, tell your friends, your family, advocate for yourself.

Speaker 2 And also,

Speaker 2 do not question, like no matter what always follow your gut with it because our instincts we have them for a reason we also as women are made to believe that oh we're making it up we're making a big deal out of it oh it's nothing but i think a lot of people might also keep it to themselves in fear of oh am i making this a big deal i don't want to burden anyone no Any of your loved ones will not feel burdened with these fears or concerns that you're having.

Speaker 3 Fallon, I cannot thank you enough for being here and being willing to tell us and the Crime Junkies your story. Such an important one.

Speaker 3 Is there anything else you'd like to add at the tail end of this?

Speaker 2 I think for me, I just want people to understand that yes, my story happened in the 90s, but I hope that they can also see the ripple effect of what this has

Speaker 2 on obviously my brother's lives, my life like not to to take myself out of it as well but then how it affects these communities

Speaker 2 and that you might see an indigenous woman that is missing but like we say it for a reason they are someone's daughter they are someone's maybe mother they're an auntie or sister cousin a human as much as you are giving ears to my story listen to theirs as well.

Speaker 2 And remember that they are a part of a community. I will be the first to say it.
I am privileged and people will listen to me quite often. I'm white passing.

Speaker 2 And so I think for me, I want to acknowledge that because then I also want people to shift and think, would they have maybe listened? as intently if I looked different. If you weren't you.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. And you mentioned a GoadFundMe.
Yes. We'll make sure to link that in the show notes as well as resources for the U.S.
and Canada. So listeners, be sure to check that out.

Speaker 3 And again, thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 2 I honestly, I just want to thank you because without platforms like this to share our stories, we do feel alone. So I appreciate it very much.

Speaker 3 You are definitely not alone.

Speaker 3 You can find all the source material for this episode on our website, CrimeJunkiePodcast.com, and you can follow us on Instagram at CrimeJunkie Podcast.

Speaker 3 We'll be back next week with a brand new episode.

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