7 Make-or-Break Dating Moments to Either Get the Girl… or Get Friend-Zoned

Courage is the currency that buys you confidence.

Courage first, confidence later.

Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast.

I am your host, dating coach Connell Barrett.

I am your podcast dating coach.

I'm here to help you flirt with confidence and get a great girlfriend, all by being authentic.

What I call radical authenticity.

No sketchy pickup artist moves needed, because guess what?

Women are gonna like you for you once they meet the real you, the best you,

the most authentic you.

Today's episode, I'm gonna give you seven make or break moments that will make the difference between you getting the girl or getting friend zoned.

These are moments of truth that are defining moments that can make or break you and a given woman being together.

These are small but powerfully important moments.

Let me start by sharing a story with you.

One summer afternoon, I was playing wingman for my client, Joel.

Joel, at the time, he was about 30, and he and I were out with one other client of mine, and we were out in a park here in New York City.

called Madison Square Park.

And I had left Joel sitting on a park bench talking to a very lovely, stylish woman.

She had these cool sunglasses on, aviators, very attractive brunette, very classy.

And I left Joel

engaged in a great conversation with this woman.

Everything was going great.

I left for a few minutes to tend to my other client.

And when I got back,

this woman was alone.

Joel was gone.

And I found Joel sitting not that far away.

He was sitting on a park park bench outside of her view, but 20 yards away.

His shoulders were slumped, his face was in his hands, and he just looked so dejected.

And I walked up to him and I said, What happened?

I thought he was going to say something like, oh my God, she said, go away, you creep, or I said something wrong and she got upset.

I said, what happened?

He said, oh, I screwed up.

It was going great.

She liked me, but I chickened out and and I didn't ask her out.

I just left.

I just said, nice meeting you.

And I walked away.

He was so mad at himself.

And I sat down with him and I threw my arm over his shoulder and I said, it's all good.

Guess what?

She's still there.

It's not too late.

It's not too late, Joel.

She's still right over there.

And I said, let me ask you a question.

And I even said to him, dude, this is a moment of truth.

Let me ask you a question.

If you went back over there, what would you say to her if you knew you could not fail?

And he said,

I would tell her that I wimped out because I got scared, but that I'd love to take her out.

And I said, boom, perfect.

Go say that.

Don't go do some weird gamey move.

Just tell the truth.

Speak your deepest, truest feeling, which in this case was, I got nervous, you're super gorgeous.

And I walked away because I'm a jerk or not a jerk, but I was afraid.

So anyway, I said, cool, go back over there and tell her exactly what you just said you wanted to say to her.

So he reapproached her.

And I couldn't hear the conversation because I was about 20 yards away, but I saw her look up.

I saw her listen.

He said something pretty darn close to, hey, I wimped out earlier.

I should have asked for your number.

I'd love to take you out on a date.

And I saw this big smile

just beam across her face like a sunbeam.

And she put out her hand as if to say, give me your phone.

And he gave her his phone.

She punched her number in.

And

Joel and woman whose name I don't know were off on a date or setting up a date.

And this is a moment of truth.

You're going to notice patterns in your dating life.

On your journey, your path to finding love, to finding your girlfriend, and eventually the woman you're going to share your life with, your fiancé, one day your wife, perhaps, one day the mom to your kids.

There are going to be these patterns that will arise.

And there are these

romantic forks in the road where you're going to have a choice.

And I want you to be forearmed and ready for these moments and be able to make the right call, make the right decision in these little moments of truth, these make or break moments.

And this was one of the truth, one of the moments.

One of the make or break moments is you've already approached a woman and it's going well.

And then you don't, either you do or you don't decide to go for the number, go for the date.

So many men settle for a just okay conversation.

And I really love that story involving Joel because it was just such a vivid demonstration of how we can let fear stop us from asking a woman out.

And we need to step up, show courage, put that authentic, truthful thought out there, and wonderful things can happen.

So here we go.

Let me give you seven moments of truth that will almost certainly occur in your dating life.

And these can make the difference between you and that woman connecting, clicking, being intimate, being in a relationship, or even just having the date at all, or even just meeting at all.

So here's moment of truth number one.

Time to approach her.

Are you going to do it?

Are you going to walk up to her or are you going to walk away?

Find a reason not to.

So this is the biggest sticking point, or at least it's the most painful sticking point for the majority of single men, I believe, in 2025.

Because right now we've been living in the Tinder era for a couple decades and people don't approach.

Men don't approach nearly as much as they used to.

And it can be very scary to make that decision.

And the most

powerful demonstration from my past,

if you've read my book, you know this story.

It's the opening chapter, the opening story from Dating Sucks, but you don't.

I put off approaching women until I was 38 years old.

I never approached a single woman in my entire life until I was 38.

And I finally got the courage to do it.

I just said, enough.

I'm tired of being alone.

I'm tired of being frozen.

I'm tired of being surrounded by beautiful women all the time, everywhere, every day, and never talking to any of them.

And I finally made that decision.

And

the very first woman I ever approached, nothing really happened.

Nothing bad happened, I mean.

It was actually liberating because I finally approached this woman on a rooftop bar in July of 2009.

And I had just had a panic attack in the men's room.

I had just freaked out.

I had just been shaking and so nervous, but I finally summoned up the courage to do it, partially because I had a coach I paid him to help me.

So if I didn't approach women that night, I never was going to.

And the first approach I did, nothing bad happened.

She wasn't into me,

but she was fairly polite.

Then I did a second approach.

I did a third approach.

And all of a sudden, I started feeling good.

I stopped hesitating and started looking forward to talking to that next woman.

And then on that rooftop bar, I approached a gorgeous woman

who,

what's what name?

I gave her a fake name in my book because I had to change all the names in my book.

I believe I called her Katie in the book.

Anyway, I approached a beautiful woman, aspiring actress, and we clicked and hit it off.

And

I ended up leaving the venue with her.

So I'd gone from approach anxiety and puking in the bathroom to walking out of 230 Fifth Avenue rooftop bar with, I think, the coolest, cutest girl in in the place.

And I was like, wow, I didn't know I could do that.

So that was a huge moment of truth in my life.

So, my tip for you is, or my guidance for you is: if you aren't approaching women, start doing it once a day.

Once a day, give an attractive, intriguing woman a genuine, sincere G-rated compliment.

Once a day, make that decision to say five words, five seconds to an intriguing, stylish, attractive stranger.

And you might be amazed at how much your life will change if you, 30 straight days, once a day, you break the ice with an attractive woman, you're going to feel like a new man.

And I'll bet, especially if you do it the way I teach, you're going to have phone numbers and dates.

And you are going to all of a sudden have a whole new funnel of dating opportunities coming into your dating life.

So that's that first moment of truth.

You just make a decision and don't fall for some old story that you think you need to be, need to be super confident to approach a woman.

You don't.

You don't need confidence.

You need courage.

I had no confidence that night

at the start of the night.

I had no confidence, but I had a treasure trove of courage.

Courage is the currency that buys you confidence.

Courage first, confidence later.

It took me courage to walk up to those first two or three women.

And then when I walked up to the woman I really clicked and connected with that night, the actress, then I was actually already feeling really confident by the time I met her.

So make that decision.

Start approaching women if you want to, if that's something that you want to do.

No one can stop you.

You can make an adult decision anytime you want to talk to any woman you want.

You can't do it with confidence right away, necessarily, but you can always do it.

Do it afraid.

Do it scared.

Nothing wrong with fear.

There is something very wrong with cowardice.

I was a coward for 38 years.

So don't be a coward like I was.

Be a man of action and courage.

Okay, moment of truth number two.

This connects back to the Joel story.

Moment of truth number two is you did approach.

You finally did it.

It's going well.

She's liking you.

And then you just walk away and say, well, nice meeting you.

And you don't even try to get her number or to set up a date.

That's what

did and

that is your second approaching turning point moment moment of truth you're going to face because once you start talking to women and all of a sudden you're like the dog that catches the car you finally start doing it and she's liking you and you're having a good conversation then you're going to have the fear of oh but what if i ask her out and she doesn't want to date with me what if she says ew gross I didn't know you were flirting with me.

These stories will pop up in your mind to to try to keep you from doing what you want.

So take my advice.

Do what Joel did.

When in doubt, ask her out.

If you've been talking to a woman and it's gone at least somewhere between two and five minutes and she's talking to you and it's going well, take your phone out and say, hey, we should meet up sometime.

What's your number?

Phone out.

finger poised to punch in her digits.

And I don't know if she'll give you her number.

She might, she she might not, but you will feel so good that you tried.

And

it's important to do this.

Now, here's why you don't do it.

If you do approach, but don't go for the number, basically you're trying to,

you're not playing to win.

You're playing to avoid losing.

That's what, that's where Joel got tripped up momentarily in that anecdote.

He wasn't going for what he wanted.

He was trying to avoid what he didn't want, which is, oh, what if she rejects me?

What if she has a boyfriend?

What if she says, oh, I don't want to date you, but we can be friends?

And it's really easy to focus on what we're trying to avoid, what we don't want.

But my advice for you is when you approach a woman, play to win.

Don't play not to lose, play to win.

And winning looks like you've been talking for two, three, four, five minutes.

It's going reasonably well.

Take your phone out and say, hey, let's do numbers.

I'd love to take you out and get to know you better.

Or let's do Instagram.

Let's do something, some kind of number exchange or contact swap so you can plan a date.

Or just ask her, ask her out on the date right then and there before you even go for the number and then get, make the phone number a side benefit of two people who are clearly liking each other.

So anyway, when I started approaching a lot of women, I remember my coach.

would send me back in.

He saw me talking to a group of women for four or five, 10 minutes.

And then he would see me leave that interaction.

He would come up and say, Did you go for a number?

And I said, Oh, no, I got distracted with blah, blah, blah.

Bullshit excuse.

He's like, Go back in, get her number, get her number, get her number.

Sometimes, just by going for the number, that shows that nice, what I call man-to-woman statement of interest that can make a woman say, Oh,

oh, he's into me.

All right.

Okay.

Okay,

Mr.

Man, here's my number.

Sometimes just going for the number can help a woman become more attracted to you because you're clarifying what this is.

This is not just a story of nice guy meets female friend, although friendship is an important part of human interactions.

It's a story of boy meets girl, man meets woman.

So go for that number.

Play to win,

like Joel finally did with me

staying on him.

You struggle with dating, right?

Sure, you have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone.

It's frustrating.

Hey, I struggled with dating too.

As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone.

I owned real estate there, but I escaped.

Using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love.

It's what I wrote about in my best-selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.

And radical authenticity is why Psychology Today called me the best dating coach in America.

And now I want to personally help you attract your dream girlfriend.

So go to datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me.

On our call, I'll tell you how my one-on-one coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend.

And you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity.

No creepy pickup tricks needed.

So go to datingtransformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend.

Okay, moment of truth number three, make or break moment number three.

Go for the first kiss on a date.

Ideally, a first date, but no later than the end of the second date.

Here's my new rule for you.

If you

have gone on

two dates,

you must go for a kiss by the end of that first date, if it has gone at least relatively well, by which I mean she's talked to you and hasn't left

and hasn't said, let's be best friends.

Go for that first kiss, ideally on a first date.

Now, I'm not going to say always go for a first kiss on the first date.

Of course, you want to read the room.

But generally, I'd rather you err on the side of going for it because

you are very rarely probably never going to lose a woman's interest in you by going for a kiss and she turns the cheek you're definitely going to lose the interest of women if you want to go for it but you don't do it out of being too timid here's a story of what not to do i will call i have a new client

I will call him, what fake name should I give him?

I'll call him

Jeffrey.

So Jeffrey, Jeffrey and I just started working together and he told me about a woman who friends owned him.

And I said, tell me what, tell me the story.

Jeffrey said, oh, we had five, six dates.

And at the end, she just said, I'm not into it.

I'm not feeling it.

And I said, whoa, that's a lot of dates for a woman to not feel it.

What date did you go for the kiss?

He said, well,

it was the end of date six,

or maybe it was date five.

I think it was either five or six dates.

Maybe it was five.

I said, No, he waited till date five.

And how long were these dates?

He said, The first date was eight hours, like eight-hour date.

He had an eight-hour date,

and he did not even go for a first kiss.

If I'm going on an eight-hour date, I'm going to go for a first kiss, I'm going to propose, and I'm going to have three kids with her by the end of the first date, if it's eight hours long.

And finally,

he went for a kiss at the end of the fifth date.

And he did it with some timidity.

He was afraid.

And that's okay.

Nothing wrong with being afraid.

And she even said to him, you're really nervous, aren't you?

He said, yeah, I am a little nervous.

There's nothing wrong with being nervous.

Bottom line is she wanted to like him, but he just didn't go for that first kiss by the end of the first or second date.

And

it might make you feel like, you might think, oh, well, I don't want to be some creepy guy who's all handsy and

trying to make out with a woman.

And I say, well, why the hell not?

Not the handsy part, but it's a date.

People kiss.

People connect.

People flirt.

People have sex.

People make love.

People make babies.

It's a little weird not to go for a first kiss.

So Jeffrey and I are now working together and I'm sure he's going to, I'll keep you posted on his progress.

I remember I met an incredible woman.

I'll call her Amy in Las Vegas one night.

Amy

is a, well, not is, she was a such a cool hot girl Vegas job.

She was a bikini blackjack dealer at the Wynn Casino.

Meaning she wore a bikini and she was a blackjack dealer for like swim up,

swim up blackjack tables.

You could swim up in a pool and play blackjack.

Vegas is so crazy.

Vegas is so cool.

So she was a beautiful Vegas bombshell bikini blackjack dealer.

Anyway, I met her in Vegas.

I met her.

I was staying at the Wynn.

I approached her during the day at a store, at a shop, and we talked.

I got her number.

One or two nights later, we met up for a date.

And I remember we went to two or three different spots, had a couple drinks.

And I remember I think I went for a kiss two times

and didn't get a kiss back.

I went in for kiss number one and she turned the cheek, but she smiled and she clearly liked that I was going for it.

Maybe fast forward about 45 minutes later, an hour later at a different spot, I went in, I saw a little moment.

eyes locked,

kind of big, warm eyes.

And then I went in for another kiss.

She turned the cheek again.

But this time,

she giggled and said, not yet.

And I pulled back and I kept my cool.

And then

on my third kiss attempt,

I forget where it was, but maybe we were playing blackjack somewhere.

I leaned in for the kiss and she kissed me back.

And we spent the night together.

I had an incredibly fun, connected, wonderful fling.

And I I just remember those first two attempts.

Not only did she not think I was creepy or tryhard or thirsty, but she actually liked it.

She could see that I was a guy who was willing to step up and take some chances.

And also, the important thing I did when she turned the cheek, I kept my cool.

I just laughed it off.

I didn't make it a big deal.

And I just, I thought her second response said it all.

She said, not yet.

Basically, she was saying, I like that you're going for it.

Just give me a little bit more time.

time so when you go for that first kiss don't forget that's a moment of truth that's going to make the difference between getting

a second date a great romantic spark or maybe getting in the friend zone go for that first kiss

at some point in those first one to two dates and you're not going to lose a woman i would say i would almost guarantee you're not going to lose her interest in you if you try and get the cheek but you will lose women if you don't even try i know because they told me i lost them.

Other women.

Okay, moment of truth number four.

This is a texting tip.

Moment of truth number four is

following up

when you think you're ghosted.

Following up one unanswered text message with a second or sometimes even a third.

That's a this is a very subtle moment of truth,

but

I want you to know that one unanswered text message does not equal rejection or ghosting.

It's not really ghosting or rejection until you have sent three good messages and have gotten crickets back.

If you've sent three good messages and you get crickets back, hey, move on.

It's fine.

There's other fish in the sea, other women for you to meet and to date.

But so many men make the mistake of

just taking one unanswered message as, oh, I guess she doesn't like me.

I guess she lost interest.

No, I want you to use what I call the three times rule.

The three times rule simply means when you send that one text message, maybe it's an opener on a dating app, or maybe it's a woman you've been messaging with, and then you hit her up, and then you don't get an answer, don't instantly assume you've been ghosted or rejected.

You don't know that.

Maybe you have, but maybe you haven't.

Women respond wonderfully to charming persistence.

Charming persistence, a light, playful persistence.

And here's the three times rule in action.

I'm going to read something to you.

So I'm reading from a screenshot.

This is from Abby.

She's in my phone as Abby the Tinder 10, because that's her name and she's definitely a 10.

And so Abby and I were messaging on Tinder once upon a time.

and I got her number.

And this is my first message to her phone.

After we'd swapped a few messages on Tinder, I got her number.

Message number one, hey, is this Abby from Ohio?

Or did I accidentally text Papa John's haha Connell from Tinder?

No answer.

I waited 24 hours, which is my rule.

Give her 24 hours to respond.

No response.

A lot of guys would have given up at this point and said, ah, women suck.

Why do they give me their number?

But then they ghost me.

No, one unanswered text is not ghosting.

Here's my second message one day later.

First one was on Friday at 6.30 p.m.

The second one Saturday late afternoon.

Oh, hey, Abby, I'll find us a fun spot for us to grab a drink this week.

Are you more into classy cocktail spots or fun dive bars?

So I'm trying to

stay forward focused, giving her reasons, giving her like painting a fun picture of what a date date might be like.

No response to that one.

Okay, over two.

And then on the next day, I don't know if this is Sunday or Monday, but it's no more than two days later.

I'm not going to go more than 48 hours without following up.

I decide to follow my own advice, the three times rule, and I write, quote, dear diary, cute Ohio girl is missing.

Send search party question mark with a little flashlight emoji.

A fun little text tip I got from one of my coaches a million years ago, but I always try to personalize it for the girl.

Dear diary, cute Ohio girl is missing.

Send search party.

And then she wrote back same the next day she wrote back, and I quote, I'm here.

Want to get dinner?

Third message, three times rule.

And she's a 10.

She's a gorgeous, gorgeous woman.

bikini photo scroll stopper anyway on her profile so the three times rule just means send three good messages.

No, no needy, nothing needy, nothing like, hey, did you get my message?

Are you blowing me off?

None of that BS.

Always charm, always offering playful, good mojo.

And then give her three,

three chances.

It's like a baseball player.

Aaron Judge gets three swings of the plate to hit a home run.

You should give yourself the same

benefit.

Okay.

So the three times rule.

Now, I've had women literally, a couple women literally said to me after that third message,

one of them,

and I quote, said,

I just wanted to see how persistent you are.

Dot, dot, dot.

Drinks on Friday.

Because think about this.

What are women doing?

They're trying to screen out guys who don't have

the worthiness, the mojo, the swagger.

And how do they do that?

Some women get, by the way, not every woman is testing you, but some women are not responding because they're busy, because they have other options.

Every so often, though, a woman will test a guy and say, I want to see how he's going to respond to my not writing him back right away.

You might call it gameplaying.

I actually don't.

I don't think it's gameplaying.

I think it's fair.

I think it's reasonable for a woman to do that.

They're trying to see, hey, who's the cool, worthy guy to date me?

And

I would probably do the same thing if I was a woman.

And what they're doing is they're looking for the two incorrect responses.

Here are the two extreme responses when a woman doesn't respond to that first message from you.

One is to just go quiet and assume you're ghosted.

Don't do that.

Because that's

not going to promote persistence on your part.

And of course, the other direction would be

blowing up her phone with five, six, 10 messages and not taking.

No for an answer, basically.

And that's the other extreme.

Women are screening out both guys.

One guy is too timid the other guy is too try hard you want to be that sweet spot in the middle do the three times rule okay

okay moment of truth number five

make or break moment number five

is responding to a cancellation or a quote flake

in a um how you respond to a cancellation or a flake.

Basically, are you going to stay grounded or are you going to blow it emotionally?

This is a make or break moment.

This is super important.

You almost certainly will get a woman to

quote unquote flake on you or change plans last minute.

My rule of thumb is I'll give every woman one

last minute cancellation.

Life happens.

I'm not going to get too upset about it.

And so she cancels.

You might be frustrated, but you don't want to show that.

You want to pass this test, pass this moment of truth, and just say, hey, no worries.

life happens it's all good and and seek to reschedule now if she does it a second time that's a pattern and that's not something that i would easily just accept i might

push back in a playful teasing way if she does it a second time but the first time i'll give every woman one rescheduling one flake, one cancellation.

I'm never going to get upset, or at least I'm never going to convey that I'm upset.

And because I want her to always

feel like okay she's talking to a man who is not going to um overreact emotionally now if it happens a second time or or becomes a pattern that's different it's a different situation i was dating a woman named uh adrian and she had canceled once and maybe a second time I forget if it was her second or third cancellation.

It might have been her third, but I think it was her third.

She canceled a Saturday date we had scheduled like a couple hours beforehand.

And she said, Hey, I need to reschedule again.

I need to cancel again.

And I wrote her back and I said, you know what?

That's okay.

I think maybe this wasn't meant to be, but I wish you well.

You seem like a great person.

I was super excited to meet you, but I don't think this is going to happen.

And then I sent it just because I was being honest, coming from an abundance mindset.

Three minutes later, my phone rang.

It was Adrienne.

And I wasn't trying to get her to do that i was just ready to move on my phone rang she apologized she's like she said i'm so sorry you're right i shouldn't cancel again let's do something i promise we'll go forward with it and so just me having an abundance mindset

having having an abundance mindset and just being willing to walk away there is a time and a place for you to be willing to walk away But I only do that after a pattern of her

canceling has been established.

Typically, I'll just give her that one freebie.

No big deal.

Okay, moment of truth number six:

the dreaded shit test, what's also called the congruence test.

I don't know if you know this term or not, but

the term that I learned with these different coaches who I worked with is called a quote shit test, meaning that some women will test you

either actively or passively to see if you are going to,

I don't know, wilt in her presence.

What is a shit test?

I'm trying to give an example.

I used to, when I started approaching a lot of women, I heard this a lot.

Oh, are you gay?

You're gay, right?

And part of that might have been based in truth.

Maybe I just wasn't bringing that masculine, manly vibe.

I'm also a little bit of a metrosexual.

Maybe that's why.

But I got that.

quite a bit.

And on some level, I think a lot of women were saying that to see if I was going to

lose it and be like, gay, what are you talking about?

Of course I'm not gay.

And they were trying to see on some level if I was going to apologize or overly correct.

Basically, a shit test, they want to see if you're going to reveal an insecurity or if you're going to

come off like try hard or trying to say what you think she wants.

Another shit test I got, I know it was because she told me it was, is my, this woman, Lorraine, who became my girlfriend, on our first date, we were talking about SNL, Saturday Night Live.

And she said, hey, let me ask you a question.

Speaking of, we're talking about, you know, our favorite SNL

skits.

And she said, what do you think of Will Farrell?

Do you think he's really overrated and like kind of lame?

And I said, no, I think he's genius.

I love Will Farrell.

He's amazing.

She said, yeah, me too.

She was trying to see if I was going to say the thing that I thought she wanted me to say instead of just authentically expressing my true real self and putting it out there.

Chips fall where they may.

And so basically a shit test is when she challenges you.

And the simplest way to pass a shit test, so-called shit test, or it's also called a congruence test, meaning a woman wants to see if you are as centered and confident on the inside.

as you are on the outside.

In other words, if your apparent external confidence and groundedness is also matched inside, there's a congruence internally and externally.

So, congruence test or shit test.

Simplest way to pass a shit test, a congruence test, is just

don't try to pass it so much as just

stay yourself.

Hold your,

well, actually, the simplest way to pass it is just be genuine, be authentic, speak the truth, and never say or do anything intended to really try to please her if it's not who you actually are.

Okay.

So my, the way I would always pass shit tests is just with humor.

That's a really powerful way to pass a shit test is with humor.

You can, here's a fun Jedi move.

You can basically agree to the thing she's shit testing you on and lean into it as a joke.

So for example, I used to get a lot of shit tests when I was single and dating as a dating expert.

A lot of women would say, so are you like

going on

four, five, six dates a week?

Thinking, trying to get me to say, oh, no, no, of course not.

I don't do that.

I only want to have a one-on-one connection.

And instead of saying that, I would playfully,

playfully agree to the thing she was testing me on.

Oh, yeah, five or six dates a week.

Hell, I have five dates a day.

In fact, my next date's going to be here in 20 minutes.

So if you could scoot over, she'll sit next to you and, you know, I'll give a rose to whichever one of you I like more.

And so you can pass a shit test with humor or you can just basically pass it with good old-fashioned truth, sincerity, authenticity.

And

essentially, it's about not being

overly like emotionally reactive to her.

Easier said than done, but it is important because women do give these tests.

I've found that most women don't do it in a strategic way.

It happens sort of naturally.

They just kind of want to see if a guy is as cool as

he tries to seem in her presence.

Okay.

And here is the seventh moment of truth, which is asking her to be your girlfriend.

How to ask her to be your girlfriend.

There's a right way to do it.

And this is an important moment, moment of truth for sure.

So here's a great way to pass this moment of truth.

Here's how you pop the question.

After you've been dating for, you know, month, two, maybe three, usually it's in that two to three month, two to four month timeframe, it might be time to make your couple dumb official, or you want to make it official.

Here's my advice for you.

Plan ahead, choose a moment,

and make it sort of like a popping of the question moment.

Choose the right place and time to, quote, pop the question.

Maybe you just don't make it a big deal.

You're not proposing, but you are proposing being exclusive, being a couple.

So I like to suggest maybe you do it like on a nice relaxing day.

Could be in a park, someplace quiet.

Don't do it in a loud bar.

And be really authentic and sincere.

Speak from the heart.

Tell her how much you enjoy her.

Tell her what she's added to your life.

Should you use the L word?

Should you say love?

Maybe.

It depends.

If you feel it, you can say it.

If you don't, that can come later.

It's okay.

You don't need to be using the L-word before you become exclusive.

But anyway,

you could say something like this.

Hey, I just want you to know I'm crazy about you,

especially the way you, and then insert something specific about her that you love, her humor, the laughs you have together, her bubbly nature, her intelligence, whatever it is that you're falling for.

And then say to her, and I don't want to date anybody else.

I want to be your boyfriend.

Would you like to be my girlfriend?

And then just be quiet.

Let her take it in.

If she says yes, celebrate, laugh, kiss, rip each other's clothes off, but not if you're in the park.

Wait till you get home

and celebrate.

If she says no,

or if she says, I'm not sure, I got to think about it, but is maybe leaning toward no, it will sting.

But listen,

what are her reasons?

Does she need more time?

Is there something she wants to talk about to help her get to that place?

No matter what she says, just listen, be present, take it in, and be really proud that you went for it.

That's how to pass the moment of truth of asking her to be your girlfriend.

Okay, thank you so much for listening to this episode.

And don't forget, your dream girlfriend, she is out there, but she's going to have to meet the real authentic you.

And she's going to love you as long as she meets that real you.

So go out there, take action, pass these moments of truth as they arise.

Now you're more ready than ever.

And until next time.