#1103: Live In Portland

Reddler, rattler, rattler, rattler, rattler, rattler, rattler, rattler, rattler.

Knowledge fighter.

Knowledge fights.

And great respect for knowledge, right? Knowledge by line. Sympathy amazing as if he'd been as changed

knowledge.

And you're in the lodge. Fire.

We

need money.

Andy and Kansas. Andy and Andy and Kansas.
Stop. Andy and Kansas.
Andy and Kansas.

Andy. Just don't pray.
Andy in Kansas. You're on the earth.

Hello, Alex, some of the fish and colleagues here just saying they love your room. Knowledge fight.

Knowledgefight.com.

I love you.

Hey, everybody.

Hey,

Portland.

Welcome to Knowledge Fight. I'm Dan.
I'm Jordan.

We are a couple of dudes who like to go around to less rainy cities today.

Hang out, talk a little bit about Alex Jones. Oh, indeed, we are, Dan.

Jordan? Dan? Jordan. I have a quick question for you.
How are you doing? What's up? What's your question? What's your bright spot today, buddy? Why don't you go first? Why don't I go first?

Oh, my God. It's December.
It's December, and as is tradition, you go first in the bright spots in December. Well, I mean, if I have to give a bright spot,

obviously I'm going to lean in hard to being the pathetic wife guy I am. Nice.
And

I will let all of you know that today my beautiful, perfect wife picked up our three dogs

and brought them home and then took care of them and then took them outside all together and didn't do a great job. So I'm needed.

I'm needed. So that's my bright spot.
My bright spot is everybody's happy, but not without me.

This is an empowered wife, guys.

It's a way of looking at things, for For sure.

That's great. Absolutely.
How about you? My bright spot, as is tradition also,

because it is December,

it is time to check in with the cheese advent calendar.

Dan likes cheese

too.

Dan does like cheese. Dan likes cheese.
I also forgot to get the name of the person who sent that in, but thank you to them. As is our one.
Thank you very much, Tomb of the Unknown Person. Yeah.

So anybody who was here at our last show last night will know that I made a critical blunder on this travel. Yeah.
And that is that I forgot my cheeses at home. Yes.

He did. He did.

He did. I made a huge deal out of how there would be cheese here

at the live shows, and then on the way to the airport, I realized I fucking forgot the cheese.

I don't appreciate your attitude. We could have lied to you.
We could have lied to you.

This is a man in a spirit of openness and honesty coming to you, and you're giving him booze.

How dare you?

I deserve a little bit of it, and

I'll accept a few hisses and a few boos here and there.

Did you guys go to Boston too?

Jesus. The rain brought out the snakes.

So here's the good news. The good news.
As I left these cheeses at home, it doesn't matter because the Aldi Advent calendar would have been repeat cheeses for these shows, and that's boring as shit.

It is.

So we got to Portland and we got some new cheeses. And

tonight,

I've got a red apple smoked mozzarella. Ooh.

Have you ever wondered what it is we're all doing here?

All of you just went, ooh, fuck you, fuck you. You're all insane.
We're all insane, but that's fine. Keep going.

And so now here comes the part of the show where Jordan vamps and I open this and take a big bite of mozzarella.

The amount of time it's going to take him to open it is going to really open things up for me.

But here's what's gonna happen, right? I'm gonna use this time for good because last night we couldn't record the show. It was a real bummer.

For whatever reasons, let's not say that they're entirely my fault.

Let's blame it on the tour manager, who is me?

So let's do that. So today I went and I got a recorder that could work tonight, but

oh, that's too big a bite.

That's That's too big a bite.

That's way too big a bite.

Don't, no, don't, no, no, no, no, not on the mic. Not on the mic.

No, so here's what's great about this, right? Because this is a recording situation, when I give this shout-out to Platinum Records Lights and Sound, the guy who helped me was fucking amazing.

He got me everything, he took care of me, he gave me a nice deal. He did the whole thing, right? And this will be a great piece of advertising if it fucking works.

I'm still grateful if he doesn't, but no one will ever know.

You took the opportunity while my mouth was full of cheese to do an ad. I did a whole thing.
I did a whole thing. Every time I come here with nothing, he's like, ah, Jordan never prepares bits.

And then I prepare something, and now I'm an asshole.

Yeah,

I just am regretting everything.

About the cheese or bite for the show. Taking the bite.
That was a true. That was a bad bite.
That was a big bite. And now there's nothing I can really do with the rest of that.

I'm not going to throw open mats. No.
No.

No.

No, this would be illegal. I could really hurt somebody with this.

I could really fucking hurt somebody.

I give it.

You don't want it. You don't want it.

It's open.

So yeah, I give that a B. That was fun.

The open food capital of the world.

In case you get sick from this,

the reformers have no liability.

It's not

permission.

This is Portland.

That's not permission to do whatever you want.

I think

it often is. So he stops breathing if you squeeze hard enough.
This is Portland.

Them's the rules here.

So, Jordan, today we're here

not just to eat cheese, but also because we have an episode to do. Indeed.

And there are people here. Yeah.
Inexplicably. And so I would like to open the proceedings by asking you about what kind of relationship you have with music festivals.

I mean, open, first off.

I've been to many, and we've enjoyed each other's pleasantly.

But you're not committed. Some of them I don't speak to anymore.

I will say that Jane's addiction is no longer a friend of mine. Okay.

Got a following out of it.

Yeah, absolutely. Did you go to any like hippie jam-bam type of my wife used to go to summer camp all the time? She used to go to summer camp regularly.
Ooh.

To the four people who know what that is. There was

a little bit of an applause. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Summer camp is like a, it's like the bonnaroo for shitty Midwestern people in Chillicothe, Illinois. Yeah.

So you've heard of it.

Oh, surprising. Yeah,

just imagine just like hazy smoke and everyone's dirty. And one time, one time.
It's a great time, I guess.

One time, Run the Jewels was there, and everybody was like, well, now we have a black friend.

That translates. Now we're all on the same page.
Gotcha. Good.

So, Jordan, August 15th, 1969,

5.07 p.m., Richie Havens takes the stage in a field in New York, kicking off the most culturally defining rock and roll festival of the modern era.

It was supposed to be Sweetwater that opened the show, but they were late, so Havens got to break in Woodstock. He got to break it open.

Over three days, you had bands like The Band and The Who changing the world with music. On August 17th.

Are we doing a Woodstock recap? Yes.

Okay, now I'm in. I just wanted to be clear, Ken Burns.

This is going to be that long. Okay,

no, I'm strapped in. On August 17th, Jimi Hendrix closed the festival, and his performance of the Star-Spangled Banner has stood as an enduring image in U.S.
political history.

Fun fact, Doo-Op throwback act Shawnana performed just before Jimi Hendrix, which had to be a crazy vibe shift. Yeah.

Yep. Sean Ana opened and closed their set with their hit Get a Job.

But

because they're going back to the well and doing the same song again, their actual closer, their actual closing song was a cover of Gene Chandler's absurd Duke of Earl.

Shawnana did a cover of Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl, Duke of Earl.

Yeah, that's about how Duke of Earl. That's about how it goes.
Yeah.

So they did that at Woodstock.

Every time you think, oh, I bet those people were cool, remember that. Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl.

So people did drugs and they fucked in the mud. Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke.
Listened to Sean Donald, Duke of Earl. Oh, yeah, I can see stars.
Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl.

But then it was over. You know, and it wouldn't be long after it ended until folks started to ask, could we do that again?

Smash cut to May 1970.

The Portland, Oregonian announces that the American Legion Convention would be taking place in the South Park Blocks neighborhood of Portland in September, and President Richard Nixon would be the special guest.

It's about time somebody took it to Nixon.

You guys are on the right side of history. Yeah.

Protests against the Vietnam War were at an all-time high, and Portland's a city with a revolutionary protest.

Hell yeah.

Woo!

The powers that be, including Oregon Governor Tom McCall, were pretty worried about how Nixon coming to speak at this event was going to be a lightning rod for ne'er-do-wells.

The FBI warned that anti-war groups were already planning elaborate disruptions for the convention, and hysteria about violence was growing.

The fear was mostly centered around a group called the People's Army Jamboree.

It's a cool name.

Squares back then imagined them to be a roving gang of violent hippies who were going to arrive in Portland and burn the city down.

20 years later, Reagan did smuggle guns to them, though.

That's how crazy it is.

They started out real jamboree cool, and then they're Iran-Contra cool. So, you know, it changes.
Things change.

They were kind of like, in a lot of public minds, they were kind of how we treat Antifa now. Except the People's Army Jamboree did exist as an organized entity.
Right, right.

And they had an infrastructure.

Funny story, that infrastructure was facilitated and ultimately destroyed by a $10,000 donation from the heir to the Blue Bell Potato Chip Company.

Which allowed them to get rent and office, but it also led to huge infighting about who got the chip money. Money is the root of all evil, specifically potato chip money.

So the Jamboree wanted a permit to hold a week-long encampment in Washington Park, and the city was like, fuck no.

The city commissioner held the position that they weren't going to be allowed to gather in any public space and that they better just go find somewhere to rest.

So essentially, we're John Lithgow and this is split loose. No dance and no jamborees.
No. No jamborees.
No. Okay.

So one of the problems that the People's Army Jamboree had was a lack of message discipline.

I mean, a jamboree is by definition undisciplined.

Nobody's ever been like, oh, this disciplined jamboree. This is not a rigid jam.
No, yeah, no. This is a very structured jamboree.
Yeah.

It was a big tenth situation in the hippie scene at the time.

On the one hand, you had the resolutely political people who were focused on getting a permit to protest the American Legion Convention featuring Richard Nixon.

On the other hand, you had a bunch of other folks who were out there just trying to have fun and get weird.

Portland poet and performance artist Peter Fornara, who's listed as the office manager for the Jamboree on their protest permit.

He was pumped.

I'm the office manager for a jamboree. Thanks to the chip money.

Who's the HR rep for the jamboree?

So he was contacted by the media and asked about a rumor that the Jamboree was bringing in 25,000 hippies from around the country to protest.

Well, you're going to need an office manager for that many hippies.

That actually makes it now.

No one? I'm right. The bureaucratic is important.

He told them it was actually 50,000,

which led to all of the squares freaking out.

Later, Fornara would explain his estimate by saying, quote, we heard the Legion expected to bring 25,000 people to Portland, so we just doubled the number.

We made it up out of thin air. The number meant nothing.
It was just talk.

But from there, it was gospel, and it was the image of exactly what the normies were afraid of.

There was misinformation coming from the FBI and troll shit coming from members of the Jamboree itself, and things were getting out of hand. Right.

Tensions were bubbling, and by August, things are so crazy that the mayor of Portland, Terry Schrunk, declared an emergency.

As did Oregon Governor McCall, which included a provision that took the permit for public spaces power away from the city commissioner and he gave it to the mayor. Right, right, right.

So, importantly, let's just pull back for a second, and all of this is because hippies might be coming. Yeah, a lot of them.
And they're mad at Nixon. They might be coming.
Yeah. So we...

50,000 hippies versus Nixon? You know what? I'm shocked that we have taken a turn toward fascism in this country. It seems crazy.

It seems crazy in retrospect because everybody is so fucking rational all the time. Yeah, totally.
The story only gets less rational as we...

Unsurprising.

So seeking to find a compromise, Mayor Schrunk allowed a permit for the People's Army Jamboree to use a different park, East Delta Park, to camp and hold workshops at the time of the American Legion Convention.

However, he also gave a permit for the same park to a group called the Free People's Pop Festival, which wanted to do another Woodstock at the same time.

Your mind is putting pieces together at that point.

You know, sometimes when you look back, you go, I can't believe they didn't get their shit together.

Can't believe we're here where we are now. They're so close.
They were right there. In one set of circumstances, this would represent a disaster for the American Legion.

Now you have the Jamboree being allowed to hold an encampment against their convention in Portland and a potential second Woodstock popping up that's going to draw people from around the country.

It's a perfect storm. Right.
Or so it would appear. Right.

The sound of it is real.

Because it's all pretend. I'll cut to the chase and tell you that the Free People's Pop Festival is irrelevant, and it didn't end up happening.
Sure. But keep it in your mind.
Right.

It was supposed to happen at East Delta Park, and anti-legion protests

the same place where they were scheduled to happen.

At this point, everyone's losing their damn minds. The good citizens of Portland are pissed off that the government is making concessions and allowing these hippies to get together.

And a splinter faction of the People's Army Jamboree are starting to worry that, like, are we causing a violent thing? Are we going to.

Are we part of the problem here?

I want to to say that the moment you're in the jamboree and then you go, we're a splinter faction, you should be like, the jamboree has gone wrong.

Once a splinter faction starts, things have already gone too far. Yeah.

So one such worried hippie was Sam McNall, who happened to be the son of Oregon Governor Tom McNall.

Sam had gotten hooked on painkillers at the age of 13 and descended into a bit of a life of crime. Sure.

His family had committed a few times, and he was known to hang around at a free clinic in Portland called the Outside Inn, where meet

a guy named Charles, Dr. Charles Spray.
Okay. And I only brought him up because I intended to squirt Jordan with a squirt gun.
That makes sense. After saying Dr.

Charles Spray, but then I bailed on it because I thought it would be mean. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yep.

So Sam and a number of other hippie associates thought that direct confrontation with the American Legion would lead to violence, and their hippie ideology was supposed to be about higher vibrations, not lower ones.

That's not what the Jamboree stands for. Nah.

According to this Winter faction,

on the other hand. The Legion protest had a message that it was all negative.
Like, it's all this stuff we're against. Like, war.
Right.

Whereas they could put on an event that would be free to attend. It would be all about showing that there's a different way of life possible.
Like, war! Or fucking in the mud. Sure.

That's kind of against the war. Right.

So this dream would lead to the creation of the Vortex One Festival.

All right. Whoever came up with that name won.
They hoped for another second one.

What a great name for the Vortex One. Who are you? That's a fucking Top Gun name.

Vortex One. What are you doing? Get a Top 1.
Goose 2. Right? What are we at? Oh, my God.

So right about now, you might be asking yourself, wasn't there already a permit granted for the Free People's Pop Festival? That's actually what I was exactly asking myself.

And you're right to be confused about that.

I've read a bunch about this, and the only conclusion that I can come to for sure is that no one is telling the truth about how this happened.

Most of the people are self-mythologizing liars.

For sure.

The only thing that's certain is that someone came up with a brilliant idea, which was for the government to sanction and sponsor a different music festival at the same time somewhere else, hoping to lure the hippies away from Portland and from the American Legion convention featuring Richard Dixon.

You taking it in?

There's too many hippies coming. What are we going to do? I know the music man.

We'll get a band together and we'll take them all from one town to the next. We'll just go together.
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

And then they're in a different town and we don't have to worry about it anymore. If you have enough trombones, people will just support the war.

You win.

And this is exactly what happened. Boom!

A weird alliance of some concerned Jamboree members, the Office of the Governor of Oregon, and some community organizations threw together Vortex-1 as an explicit attempt to separate the culture from the counterculture.

Their hope was to drive a wedge between the serious-minded anti-Vietnam protesters and the fun-loving music festival lifestyle types, which is a winning strategy that we see undermining protest movements still today.

Sure, sure, sure, sure, absolutely.

So now we have the People's Army Jamboree planning their encampment at East Delta Park, and the state of Oregon has given MacIvor State Park to the hippies to throw their Vortex One Festival, which sucked up all the resources that would have otherwise gone to the Free People's Pop Festival.

Okay, so here's what brings me to mind. So there's the Ken Burns explanation of how the Civil War fought and how the military moves around.

And then there's the community episode where basically Ken Burns explains how people moved their pillow forts around. Somehow, this is right in between there.
It's both. Right?

Like, this is pillow fort fighting.

But at the same time, it's far more real. Yeah, you're going to be so disappointed at the end of this.

So at MacIver State Park, which is, this is why I wanted to go out there, and we would have probably had it not rained. We would have had to do it.

We had to move you out to this park so you could have been there. Right, right, right.
But at that park, everyone would be allowed to do drugs and be naked. And the police had orders not to interfere.

But the local. Boys, we're not going near fuck park.

None of you go near fuck park. Not you, not you, Terry.
I know you're going to fuck park. Get away from fuck park.

I know you're itching to give out food tickets, but not this weekend.

You're the only one. Never mind.

To this location, it was chosen strategically because there was only one road in or out of the state park.

So once the hippies were there, the police would have the advantage of probably being able to keep them there.

So now that there's a plan starting to come together, everyone loses their goddamn minds being pulled this way and that way by propaganda. Sure.

The state wants Vortex to be a huge hit, so it'll succeed in luring the hippies away from Portland while Nixon is there.

While it's unclear what role the government had in helping spread these whispers, there were a ton of rumors about huge acts that were going to be there.

They tried to get the message out that this was going to be bigger than Woodstock. Like, Jefferson Airplane's going to be there.
John Lennon is going to come in and do a set.

But you can just make stuff up back then. You can just make it up.
Nobody could even look it up. It's like everything was the fire festival.
Yeah, everything was the fire festival. Everything.

Every single day, you would just go to a fire festival, and then it would be like, well, you're trapped here, and you're a slave now, I guess. Like, that's America up until

the fire festival. And you kind of had fun at that disaster of a festival.
What else were you going to do? Yeah.

So, meanwhile, a rival music festival promoter named Bruce Macken was trying to stop Vortex from happening because it threatened to destroy his upcoming festival, Bullfrog 4.

He spread vicious rumors about the Vortex organizers and told the police that their vendors were communist fronts.

All in an unsuccessful bid to put them out of business.

While this didn't end up derailing the Vortex Festival, it did trickle down to the public in the form of fear. So when the time for the festival came around, everyone was on edge.

Scared as shit.

I don't know. I don't know why we made it this far.
I feel like we should all be dead. And here's the point where you're really going to be disappointed.
Yeah. Then nothing happened.
Oh, God.

These fucking people, man. At the last minute, Richard Nixon canceled his speech at the American League of Convention.

Fuckers.

Oh, my God.

So that kind of took the wind out of the sails of the Jamboree protests.

So we're doing the story of the greatest case of blue balls in Oregon history. Yes.
Okay, gotcha.

The turnout was good at Vortex, but the lineup sucked, so it had almost zero cultural impact outside of being the first and almost certainly only hippie music festival officially sponsored by the state government.

That has never happened and probably never will again.

In the end, it was mostly just local bands that ended up playing at the festival, but there was one place where Vortex truly did get one up on Woodstock.

At Woodstock, Sean Anna Na did a cover of Duke of Earl. Right.
But at Vortex, Duke of Earl did a cover of Shanana. Gene motherfucking Chandler was there.

Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl, Duke, Duke.

Brought to you by the governor of Oregon.

Enjoy your fucking and listen to the real Duke of Earl.

I do. There is something beautiful because you can always recognize it.

We've all seen it so many times in our life when there was clearly a group of people who didn't have any voice from outside that group of people.

And at the end of the day, they all went, that's a great idea.

And if any human being outside of that was like, you're going to set up a rival music festival named Vortex 1

and you're not going to make a comic book about this?

Well, then you're an idiot, man. The market may be open.
Yeah, absolutely.

So today we honor this completely absurd piece of Portland history by covering a little bit of the period of time on Alex's show when that festival happened in 2011.

Yes, absolutely.

The meteoric trajectory of this tangent has finally landed.

And what I love about it is how from the beginning I know this is going to be

eventually gonna get there. It's gonna lead to nothing and Nixon cancels.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like all good spaceship crashes, it went up real high. Yeah.
Oh, and then it went real low. Yeah, yeah.
So you ready to jump into this episode?

I suppose. Okay, sure.

Do we have to.

What have we been doing up to this point? Is a better question? Preamble. Ah, I got you.

so here we are it's uh it's august 28th 2011 when the festival was kicking off yes and uh alex has some big stuff that's going on around this time too this is a monumental uh little piece of uh piece of history for him here's why

it is sunday the 28th day of august 2011

And we're now just, what, four days away from the premiere of InfoWars, nightly news, News, a completely new media operation.

Folks know that I'm dedicated, my crew is dedicated, so that's certainly bellying up to the InfoWars Warfare bar to sign on to produce five TV shows a week. You've seen some of the special reports.

A lot of production value, a ton of research, hard-hitting. It's hard-hitting stuff.
Wow. We're about to launch the nightly news.
Wow.

Sometimes when you you know the end of the thing, the beginning of a thing sounds crazy.

What had a less

exciting trajectory? The story about Vortex-1 or the nightly news? The nightly news!

Woof!

What a somehow boring plane crash. A plane crash that happens at negative three miles per hour.

So here we are, just days away from the launch of the InfoWars Nightly News, which joins the Infowars magazine and the Infowars Washington, D.C.

desk in the pantheon of unnecessary projects Alex took on to make his shit look like a normal news outlet.

It was a good idea for Infowars in 2011 because the trajectory at that point looked like they were building towards an extreme right-wing alternative to Fox that could last. Right.

In 2025, the idea of trying to build infrastructure seems insane. Because Alex's show right now is basically leading to a climactic battle with the devil.
Yeah, absolutely.

Not like we're going to do news. I mean, it would be if you had intended to battle the devil from the beginning,

I would suggest your infrastructure issues would be slightly different.

It would probably involve more holy water,

presumably paladin-based spell casting. Yeah.
I think you would want like at least two D8s between, you know, like, yeah, no, you're in trouble.

And if you're doing a hard-hitting nightly news show about how goes the war with the devil,

like,

you're going to have to do some pretty weird. News from the front!

Your children are never going to escape.

Man on the street interview with someone who did battle with a demon.

Great.

So this show, the Infowars Nightly News, it served as a good place for the junior varsity players to get some practice.

But ultimately, by the time the network went full on for Trump, there was really no need for it anymore.

The nightly news was designed to be a more calm, prepared, professional presentation of the news, but the entire media space that Infowars was in had become engulfed in trolling, yelling, and laughing at your enemies, crying, and memes and stuff.

This format was pretty much useless to what InfoWars grew into, and it ended in 2017 with almost no one noticing. Yeah.

I think whenever we were growing up, right, and our parents would tell us stuff about how they were growing up, and we wouldn't be able to relate to it, we would still be able to understand the concept of like, oh, it was slightly worse than what I have now.

I don't think a child now could understand, like, no, it was wise at that time to be like less extreme.

There was no advantage to just baiting attention out of that. No, absolutely.
Like, they just, there's no existence of, like, hey, pull it back a little bit. That doesn't exist in 2025.

Yeah, it was harder to start a career just based on starting fights with people on websites. You know what? It's hard.

I would suggest it's probably hard right now to start a career as like America's newsman.

How's America's newsman doing these days? So good. Is he doing all right? So good.

I don't know if he's doing okay.

I fell off after he did an interview with Enzo Amore, former WWE wrestler. I was like, what?

And then I was looking at his channel, and another interview he did broke my heart. It was with Dr.
Drew. So that's not Amore.

That's a sad book information. Gwen Schroyer interviewed Dr.
Drew. Yeah.
Woof.

So Alex is trying to tease the upcoming the nightly news, and so he plays a bit of a field piece that Darren McBreen has filed.

It's all about how utility prices are going up.

With more on these incredible developments, we're joined by Infowars.com, reporter Darren McBreen in downtown Austin.

I'm Darren McGreen with InfoWars Nightly News, and I'm here today at the Texas State Capitol.

And we're about to find out if the people of Austin are aware that they are about to be hit by a wave of utility bill hikes.

How's new EPA regulations drive up the cost of energy? What do you think about paying higher utility bills because of the EPA's new regulations against power plants?

You know, there may be some new regulations coming up against power plants at this point, but unfortunately, right now, I think that our citizens, statewide and nationwide basically overburdened, especially with today's economic

developments and situations that are going on. I think rate hikes should be at a minimum to at least try to alleviate some of the burden on our taxpayers and our citizens nationwide and statewide.

I know a lot of people that are going to be not only shocked but a little bit irritated about that as well. I mean, they're already, I mean, because it's such a hot summer tech.
Yeah.

Yeah.

That's so boring.

But I play it because it's kind of interesting to feel them trying.

I don't know. There was something captivating about how boring it was.
Like, that's such a reasonable response. This is the format of it.
I'm fucking on the edge of my seat.

What other rational thing are you about to say?

Wait, rate hikes are bad?

Do you have basic competence? What is happening right now? Yeah, Derek McC.

I mean, back then, they knew at least, like, we'll bring a camera and we'll go and edit some b-roll together or whatever and we'll talk to some people. Like it's not just yelling about a tweet.

It is so I just feel like it's more and more rare to just hear somebody be like, hey, maybe just like alleviate some of the prices on us. That got my nipples hard.
I was like, yeah.

Yeah, buddy. It's a hot summer.
This brings me back.

So Alex has one main story that's going on on this show. And he's mad that Al Gore,

who's worried about climate change,

is calling climate deniers racists. And Alex will not stand for this.

He's a mobster shaking me down with a private corporate tax every time I pay my power bill. Going in and mothballing all our city-owned utilities to jack up prices, to create artificial.

Okay, start going to the clip where he says you're a racist, and it's the new civil rights movement

if you don't pay him carbon taxes, here it is. If you're going to take that power on,

then you have to win the conversation. And that means challenging the climate deniers,

asserting your beliefs. It means,

again, going back to my early years in the South

when the Civil Rights Revolution was unfolding.

There were two things that really made an impression on me. My generation watched Bull Connor turning the hose on the civil rights demonstrators and we went, whoa,

how gross and evil is that?

My generation asked older people, explain to me again why it's okay to discriminate against people because their skin color is different.

And when they couldn't really answer that question with integrity, the change change really started. Secondly,

back to this phrase, when the conversation, there came a time

when friends or people you worked with or people you were in clubs with, you're much younger than me, so you didn't really go through this personally, but there came a time

when emerasiest comments would come up in the course of the conversation. And in years past, they would just, you know, it was just natural.
There came a time when people said, hey,

why do you thought that way?

We'll be back. We'll be back with the next hour.
I'll play the rest of it. It's unbelievable.
Yeah, man. So boringly, Al Gore said that you're a racist

if you're against climate change.

Here's what I feel like. I feel like if I was going to like quantum leap myself anywhere, it would be into Al Gore.
Because I feel like everything Al Gore said was 100% accurate.

But if it was me, and if it was instead of him being like, you have to win the Congress, you have to win the COVID-19! conversation!

Right.

Right? You would like to poke him. Ah!

The climate fuck!

You know?

His delivery might have been a little soft. I feel like it was.

You know, if you think about it, like,

good point, but yell it. Yeah,

get in there. You do have to win.
See, that's the problem. If you're right about you have to win the conversation, then you have to win the conversation.
Yeah, and that.

Yeah,

I agree.

The structure of how the conversation is happening is precluding you from doing it. But if it weren't for his horrible failures, we wouldn't have gotten some great Futurama episodes.
So, you know,

it's a worthy trade. Yeah.

So this is one of Alex's big stories for the day, that Al Gore said that you're racist if you don't believe in climate change.

As is the case so often with the narratives that Alex pushes, the problem comes down to either not understanding basic linguistics or him being willing to exploit that in an audience.

Al Gore is saying that there's a similarity between the racists who opposed the civil rights movement and the people who were denying the existence of human-made climate change.

The similarity these groups have isn't that they're both racist, it's that they both only can make their arguments if the other side humors them politely for the sake of getting along. Eventually,

the level of racism that exists is kind of dictated by how seriously a society takes racism, and the same is true of climate denial. Right.
At the start of the civil rights movement, both sides,

society didn't fully take racism that seriously, and there was a lot of desire on the public to both sides the issue to reduce conflict.

An essential part of winning that conversation was moving away from that both sides mentality and towards a place where if your argument was based on just racism, people felt free not to treat it like a valid point.

That's the similarity that Gore is talking about here.

We've humored climate deniers on the basis of assuming that their arguments came from a place of good faith, but we've reached the point where that's no longer possible.

At the beginning of the civil rights era, maybe you could pretend that

you supported segregation for some non-hateful reason, but there came a point when all those possible reasons were shown to be bullshit, and anyone holding on to supporting segregation was clearly just a racist.

When the conversation about climate change started, it was possible that you could have some doubts and skepticism, but there came a point where a lot of those doubts and skepticism things, concerns, they've been addressed.

And it's pretty reasonable to assume that if you're someone who's hostile as hell towards climate change stuff, you might have a link to the fossil fuel industry.

Yeah, eventually you reach a point where if you had a genuine question, it was answered. Yeah.
So if you're still asking questions, your real answer is, shut the fuck up and go away. Yeah.
And that's.

Shut the fuck up. But what if oil's good for you? Shut the fuck up and go away.
And that's the point that Al Gore is trying to make. Right.
And that Alex is saying, is him saying that?

And yet, because it is a good point,

but the point involves saying, shut the fuck up, Al Gore cannot make it well. Yeah.

Yep. Because he doesn't have the freedom of yelling.
Yeah, it's so brutal.

It's just a brutal paradox that the man who was right about everything had to speak too soft.

So that clip, it's not really that important of a news story. Alex, you know, it's just Al Gore says climate deniers are racist.
It's something he'll move on from.

Sure. It's not that important.
But I needed to play it for you because now we're going to take a hard turn

into one of the ads on Alex's show. Okay.

Democrats, Republicans, have you had enough? Want real change? Then change yourself.

Join a new political party formed to liberate the American people from the banksters who have overthrown the Republic.

If you agree with maximum liberty, limited government, and traditional morality, then you agree with American third position. Get more information now.
Call 800-513-479

or go to A3P.me. That's A, the number 3P.me.
It's time to take America back. The boy.

In 2011, Alex was taking ad money from the American Third Position Party, which is definitely not a surprise now, but it probably should have been dealt with as a bigger issue for him at the time.

Yeah, I imagine so. A3P is a neo-fascist political party that's organized mostly around white supremacy.
Wow!

That was actually America's first position.

I don't know. I think we should all be proud that maybe it got relegated to third, but maybe we're lying to ourselves when we're saying it's there.
I don't know. I don't know.

But it feels like that was number one. The party started on the neo-Nazi message board Stormfront, where a group...

Here's what I like.

Before we go any further, here's what I like. We talked about this a little bit before the show.

It is very hard from a physical perspective, if you are us to hear a lot of people boo at you and not go i fucked up my body is telling me that that's my fault oh shit

we gotta fight

so we respect that all of you genuinely meant that in the spirit of goodness so storm front exactly

no i'm just kidding so a group here's what here's what i want you to do instead if you feel like booing instead everybody united say thank you Dan. No.
So,

all the way, boo. One, two, three,

thank you, Dan.

Boo!

But thank you.

Stop it, but I appreciate it. This is an evil power that I have just gained.
So, storm front.

Yep, I'm going to die. I'm going to go to hell for this.
Yep, yep.

You should have fucking probably squirted me. You should have fucking squirted me.

So, there were a group of skinheads. Yep.

Oh, bad. They called themselves the Freedom 14.

And they decided that they wanted to try and get explicit racist shit into the mainstream political conversation by putting a polite, respectable face on it. Sure.

In 2009, they launched the Golden State Party to try and stealthily run neo-Nazi candidates in California elections. Not to nail threes from any distance.
No. Completely different party.
No.

Not the Steph Curry Rocks Party. Okay.
I was trying to think if A.C. Green ever played for the lawyers.

That is for so few people, but that you're here is amazing.

It pretty quickly came out that the chairman of this party was a felon. So it hurt their chances at the whole polite, respectable face part of the plan.

But the Nazis were unfazed, and they decided to rename themselves America's third position and make a lawyer named William Daniel Johnson their figurehead. Okay.

Johnson had a history of calling for the deportation of everyone in the United States who wasn't white, sure.

And had written a proposed amendment to the Constitution under the pseudonym James O. Pace

in 1987 that would have repealed the 14th and 15th Amendments. Sure.

You know, but that's, okay.

So, but here's the thing. You got to remember that pre-internet, right, it's remarkable that things, these things existed because you can go back and you can be like, they wasted paper on this.

But everybody you know has written one of these, you know? Like, most of the people you've seen on the internet has, like, a, here's the amendment that I would fucking write.

Do you have, like, in your drafts, do you have like a bunch of them? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to know what some of them are.

America's first position is going to be its last position, if you know what I'm saying.

Thank you, Jordan.

So, Johnson ran for office a number of times, and he associated with serious racist and Nazi creeps.

There's no reason for Alex or anyone who he's working with to not know who America's third position is in 2011, and it's inexcusable for him to take advertising money from these Nazis.

Anyway, William Daniel Johnson was one of Donald Trump's delegates for California

at the 2016 RNC.

You know, sometimes, sometimes, because I'm from sports, sometimes

it's hard for people to like, who aren't from sports, to understand what sports moments really mean to them. So if you're from sports and you listen to that, this would be like a Tiger Woods moment.

Like that was a boom

right there. That's what that was.
That was a sports. I felt it.
I felt good. Yeah, that was good stuff.
The media reported on him being a super explicit racist.

So Trump's campaign tried to pretend that his inclusion as a delegate was the result of a database error.

Which is, I'm sure, also why Alex took the ad. What? Was the error that he was in the database? No, it's that you saw the database.
Great! Exactly! Oh, you guys saw that we picked a racist shit.

Guy who's in charge of this shit party.

So, anyway, the rest of this episode isn't so great. It's not that interesting.
Well, but that kind of happens sometimes at music festivals.

Oh my god, the tangent just hit! What the fuck? Oh, God! A second tangent has hit the Jordan.

Oh, my God, I got hit from the back. Ah!

So

on the first day, you're kind of getting used to fucking in the mud and all that. Sure.
You don't get the real marquee act. No, no.
So maybe we can just jump to the 29th.

We'll see what the lineup is like. The poor depotties are a little bit less enticing at this point in time.
Oh, yeah. Oh, for sure.
All right. So here's some of the news that we're dealing with.

Burglars family awarded $300,000 in wrongful death suit.

This is out of El Paso, Texas.

And the family business had been robbed repeatedly.

A

family business had been robbed repeatedly. So the family stayed up late, stayed in the business.
And when the armed, admitted methamphetamine addicts, it's all here in the article, came in,

They shot one of them who was armed. And

the jury has ruled that,

and I'm seeing more and more of this, that they are civilly liable.

My friends, there's a castle doctrine.

You can shoot someone if they come in your house and break in, period, day or night. Sure.
If it's nighttime, you can shoot somebody in your yard. Now, that's fantastic.
Well, that's good to know.

That's just good to know. That's definitely cool.

I didn't know that. That's good to know.
That is affected by daylight sentence. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

You're going to get no bill by the grand jury, even if it's in your yard.

And we see cases of this all over the country where people have been robbed over and over and over again. So

they leave their garage door open. It was the Texas case a few months ago.

They sit there like they're deer hunting.

And the person comes in to steal their bicycle.

They shoot him and they kill him.

And when you have that type of activity, you have much lower crime rates. Yikes!

Holy shit!

That is exactly what the rich guy in the most dangerous game would say.

All right, so he's coming for me, too. All right, so all I was doing was hiding up in the trees in my blind, waiting for this guy wearing a robe to run by.
But he was trying to kill me, man.

It takes two to tango. Right?

So you can defend yourself on your own property, but what you can't do is wade around like you're hunting deer

and then murder people when they try to break in.

So, alright, now it was hard to get a general contractor to remove the concrete from our driveway, replace it with sharpened spikes, and then cover it over with a very similarly camouflage-looking thing.

But, you know what? Quality work you have to pay for. Yep.

You just gotta.

So a few of the major factors in this civil case that ended up happening was that the guys who did the shooting had previously told people, including the police, that they intended to kill future trespassers.

So that would strike one.

Strike two, they chased the burglars and yelled, we're gonna get you.

And the guy they ended up killing was hiding in a shed with a bullet

hitting him after going through a shed's wall. He posed no threat to them at all.

Okay, so if I understand correctly, in this universe, right, we're the people from the hills have eyes and we just like accidentally walked onto his face and then he's like, listen, if you take a step in there, you're going to get eaten by incest babies.

That's it. I mean, it's on you.
It's on you. Castle doctrine.
Castle doctrine. Yeah.

I get that the Second Amendment is important to Alex and all that, but he really shouldn't have this position. And even gun rights folks were critical of this shooting.

You can find a lot of conversation from the time about how lucky this dude is that he lives in Texas, because if he'd done the same thing in a number of other states, he would have been looking at murder charges.

Yeah.

As it stands, he was just sued by the daughter of the guy he killed, and the jury found him responsible for his death. You don't just get to execute people.
Yeah.

I guess that Alex doesn't agree with that. Well, I mean, listen,

once you start liking mounting the heads of things on a wall, sometimes you can get carried away whenever you're just... The spirit takes me and you're like, well, I saw a mounted head on the wall.

Ah, that's dave ah

ah dave was a really nice guy but his ears were long so you kind of want to have him on your wall i get it no i get it so this is a power that alex derives the the right to kill people

from the magna carta yeah white eye i don't think the punishment fit the crime but still it's a castle right an ancient Freeholder right.

Magna Carta 1215 right. That if somebody comes on your land, especially at night, you can kill them.
People should know this. Especially at night.
You should know this. You should know this.

Especially if no trespassing signs were posted. And they were.
Yeah, if you got signs up, kill.

But now, I think that this position is one that Alex can have. Yeah.
Because he doesn't steal stuff.

You know, if you steal stuff from people, then maybe you're going to get shot. Castle Doctrine.
Magna Carta, you get shot. Unfortunately, Alex gets lost in telling a story about Stevens.

I don't think the punishment fits the crime. I don't think it's good that he is dead.

I'll be honest, I was never a big thief, but I grew up on a golf course, and I learned from older friends how to go up to the country club, and the golfers would have a

big container.

an ice chest on the back of their golf carts full of beer.

And I only did it a few times, mainly when older kids would say, come on, it's your turn.

You want some beer? I'd be like 12, 13, 14 years old. All right.

I remember going to,

just like in Caddyshack at the country club. It wasn't as fancy as the Caddyshack Country Club, but you'd have all the adults at the country club drinking.

They'd leave their drink sitting there half drunk.

Just like in Caddyshack, where a Spalding is going down the bar, taking a drink out of each one, and then he drinks one that has a cigarette in it and goes out and vomits in the guy's Porsche.

All right, I'm digressing back to some memories. So, I wouldn't want my child doing what I did, grabbing some beer, or grabbing some watermelons.

In fact, I have some cousins that told the story of just for fun stealing some watermelons.

And

they were running off with them, and here came the shotgun pellets, and they were too far away for it to penetrate, but it sure hurt them.

The old-timers knew how to do it. Yeah, man.
Whoa!

Those old-timers knew it. Your conclusion at the end of all of that

was those old-timers knew how to do it. Yeah.
All right. They knew how to shoot at kids right.

I can see why it was more difficult to learn lessons in the past

if those old-timers knew how to do it, also included.

Man, I feel like he drugged somebody. I feel like this story involves him putting something in somebody's drink.
Yeah,

it means country clubs. He's stealing boots.
He should have been shot.

I think he should have been shot

by his own standards. If he was shot, we would have to say, like, man, what are you going to do? Yeah.

Oh, well. Yeah.
So, Jordan, on that thought

of his life

have ended at a golf course at 13 for stealing beers. Yes.
Let's go to a commercial. All right.

I think we need to see what else is going on besides Nazi advertising. Absolutely.

Hey, Brian, if you could do just one thing today to ensure your family's food security, what would it be? That's easy, Bill. I'd head straight to soupbeansurvival.com.
Soupbeansurvival.com?

I know, Bill, it sounds crazy, but this ancient secret has been around for over 8,000 years, and it truly is nature's super survival food. Really, Brian, the number one survival food?

Well, certainly the forgotten survival food. Absolutely, Bill.
The folks at soupbean survival.com scoured our planet to find the very best heirloom seeds to truly find nature's super survival food.

Brian, these aren't grocery store beans, are they? Far away, Bill. You're not going to find these beans.
So, yes, they are 100% grocery store beans. Fuck you, man, they're not.
They are 100%.

Visit soupbeansurvival.com.

How do you think soup is spelled?

I've got to,

here's what bothers me here's what bothers me I think and I think all of you agreed with me we immediately went soup bean beans for soup

none of us went oh they just couldn't be bothered to add an R to soup bean or they couldn't get the URL exactly

it is actually soup S-O-U-P oh okay

all right

so that's somehow still worse what kind of an idiot would name something soup bean oh god only way to to survive is a soup bean. Soup beans survive.

So, if you go to their website, you'll find that it's a guy named Bill, who's one of the characters in that commercial

who wants to sell you beans.

Are they grocery store beans? Fuck you. No.
They are totally grocery store beans. He is so serious about these beans.

Nobody would have asked that question if the answer weren't yes. He's getting ahead of it.

So,

didn't you fuck that goat? Who said I fucked a goat? Come on.

So they found a magical bean that is almost extinct. Yes.
It's only grown in the Sacramento Valley by a mysterious farmer who Bill has dubbed the Bean Doctor.

The Bean Doctor. It doesn't matter where you are or what time there is.
There's always a Doctor group. There's always a put a little Ebola in your drink.

There's always a fucking guy who's like, I'm going to heal your dumbasses all. With a magic bean.

Jesus Christ. Hold on to that Ebola cure because he might come up later.
God damn it, that health ranker!

So here's a description of the bean doctor from the soup bean website.

Quote: The bean doctor is not a traditional farmer. What?

He's a little quirky, a little secretive, and he only grows rare heirloom beans.

He isn't just a farmer, he's also a historian, anthropologist, and explorer all rolled into one. He's the Indiana Jones of beans.

Show him a bean he's never seen before, and he's excited as if he'd won the Powerball lottery.

is a guy who is pumped about beans. He's into beans.
I'm getting it. I'm getting it.

But you might be asking yourself, who am I to prepare these types of rare beans i wasn't asking myself that at all i'm no chef i can't handle these rare beans

sure on the website quote and don't make the mistake of assuming because these are rare beans they require fancy preparation

thank you my first question was do these rare beans require fancy preparation they don't great good news my second question was is this entire thing fucking fake and are these grocery store beans

they're not grocery store beans all right well I'm glad that they don't require any special preparation.

So every year, the lineup of beans changed. That's so crazy.

In 2011, here is some of the lineup of beans you could get from. Oh, gods.

The Christmas lima bean. Lima bean.

Quote, this bean is nothing like the lima beans your mother made you eat. So, so

it's exactly like the lima beans here. It's similar.
Another one is the hooterite soup bean. The Hooterite soup bean.
Hooterite, Hooterite, whatever. Whatever.

Quote, this bean isn't much to look at, but don't let the dull appearance fool you. What beans are much to look at? This is a shabby bean.

What beans are like, oh,

hello.

Another one, Jacob's cattle. That green bean is long.

Oh, all right. That suggests.

Okay, okay, a little thin for my taste, but who knows? So we got Jacob's cattle. Yep.
Quote: The origin of this heirloom bean is somewhat of a mystery.

Some historians claim the bean came from Prince Edward Island. Others claim German settlers brought the bean to the Americas in the 1700s.

So very different things to claim that it's almost like it doesn't matter what anybody claims. No matter how it got here, we're just glad it did.

Because it's a great bean.

I spent so long being obsessed with beans.

I would have said that when I uh uh one of my closest friends from the early days of comedy, uh I'm delighted to shout about Ben Elfrank. One of the things that he did,

he's a big fan of uh absurdist comedy, but one of the things he did that was just for us is he made a website that was about uh logs.

And it was a log blog, and at the end of every blog about a log, it would just say, Overall, a very satisfying log.

And it made it was for four people, and every time he blogged about a log, we laughed our balls off. It's fantastic.
Because do you know what?

At the end of the day, overall, it was a very satisfying log.

That's how it is for me and beans. Exactly.
Yeah, no, I'm finally entering the episode from a genuine place. There was another bean called the goat's eye bean.
Okay.

Quote, gray with a dark stripe. It's true to its name.
This bean really does look like the eye of a goat.

It doesn't sound great. It doesn't sound appetizing.
I don't want to eat goat eye.

So we move along into the episode, and Alex gets preoccupied thinking about secret science programs. Sure.
Well, I mean, that's wise. Yeah.
Government's doing all kinds of crazy shit.

They're always doing crazy shit. Military-industrial complex

has developed with their unlimited trillions of U.S. taxpayer money

a lot of super science

to use a science fiction term. Captain America.

They created artificial suns 30 years ago. They created black holes 20 years ago.

Boring!

Japanese for the first time make a black hole, you know, three years ago. The singularity boo.

The DARPA test decades ago.

They have done incredible things in cyclotrons and superconducting supercolliders. There has been a 60-year deep

base program that's admitted, but the details aren't known. I've gotten some pieces of that from military personnel and others.
It's very credible.

Are they grocery store beans? Fuck you. The point is there's a lot going on we don't know.
But we have examples of the SR-71 Blackbird in service in the mid-50s.

They're saying it's the fastest plane in the world still today. Does anyone really believe that? Well, it's not.

It's the fastest manned, air-fed, engined plane.

It's acting like other innovation didn't happen since. Yeah.
It's crazy. I mean, I respect everything that you're saying, but, like, okay.

If you're a physicist who gives a shit about what a black hole is, the idea of just being like, eh, we've made a black hole before, and they're lying about how fast that plane was, is

way not understanding the importance of a black hole. I feel like there were.

I think I've run into like a couple

of space and time have inverted in a single point, and we'll never know what is or isn't real. But, anyways, this plane is slow.

Bullshit!

So, Alex brings this stuff up, and he's very lucky because he goes to calls and he gets a call pretty quickly from a guy who used to work at Area 52. Woo-hoo-hoo!

I worked at Area 52 in Nevada about the 30 90s. And the rumors were that there was Star Trek-type technology that was being suppressed.

You know, I think I saw the Aurora in the 70s actually fly over my head one night. Amazing.
But

it seems like Area 51 or 52? I worked at 52. I was right next to 51.

And, you know, first there would be lots of rumors flying.

around about what was going on at 51.

And,

you know, know, like I said, it was Star Trek-type technology, holographic technology, and all kinds of things that they were.

Well, we know they've got that and have been testing it where they can protect flying saucers, Buddha, Muhammad, Christ, whatever they want.

That much has been admitted. And now we have the New York Times and others calling for a fake alien invasion to unify the world.
Yep, nope, that was the comic book, The Watchmen.

No, no, it's the New York Times. Nope, that was the comic book, The Watchman.
They finished getting us

interested in the war in Iraq, and then they're like, we need a fake alien invasion.

Here's the thing. Here's the thing, and I think I want to express this, and I think we should all truly be jealous of us, because none of us will ever know that true fear in the moment of going, like,

I worked at Area 52, and just hoping to keep going. Right?

Like, can you imagine just like the moment of just going,

I worked next door and then continuing. What? And I've seen some, like, I've seen some planes, but, like, I I don't really know much.
I've just heard talk. That's all he has.
He's just hung there.

I'm very modestly lying to you right now about pretend magic. Yeah.

So this caller is not very important.

But it sets the stage for something that I think is monumental, I have never seen on Alex's show before, and I thought had never happened.

Alex is talking to this caller and then

pulls his dad into the studio.

You know, it's funny. I was talking about my dad just getting back from vacation in Wyoming in Montana, mainly after looking at fossils and going to dinosaur digs.

And then I go out of the studio and he had to drop some stuff off.

I forgot at his house this weekend when I was over there for my grandmother's birthday.

And so I drugged my dad in here. Now, he didn't want to be on camera.
He didn't want to actually be in there. I actually physically grabbed him and forced him down on the seat.
Yeah.

I buy that.

I did not realize that there was an interview with his dad. I thought he'd never given it up.
Wasn't that the height of Bam Margera's popularity? So it was like a bad thing.

Everybody on MTV was like breaking into their dad's place and ripping him out of bed at night and being like, ah, you shouldn't have had children.

Wasn't that the life that we all lived at the time? I'm pretty sure.

Yeah, Alex kicked down his dad's door while he was sleeping, yelled at him with a bullhorn, and threw Beyond Tangy Tangerine on him.

Police State 3! Yep, which is not a joke. Nope.
So, Alex's dad was doing a dinosaur dig?

Yep. Which kind of makes sense because he's a dentist.
Yep.

And dinosaurs had teeth.

Can't get out of that logic. I can't dispute it.
Yep.

On a one-to-one level. So Alex's dad has seen some alien stuff, maybe.

Who fucking knows? Wow. The most he's going to talk about on the show, though, is that he saw that Black Bird SR-71, the fastest plane.
Bullshit, not that fast. Black holes are gay.

Back when he was...

Sorry, this is that time period. Tell us your experiences.
Like once when we were, I was six, seven years old, we were driving back from East Texas on 45.

We looked out the window, and flying low were three things that looked like super stealth fighters,

but more advanced than anything you've seen today. Almost like a stealth SR-71, but they were like gray and looked like something out of a science fiction movie.

When you were a kid, you saw the Blackbird there in East Texas. But tell folks, well, tell folks about both those experiences, but also what you just saw in Wyoming or was it Montana?

Well, it was in northern Wyoming, not far from Montana. But in Freestone, Leon County, they used to do a lot of testing.
They would drop chaff out of airplanes and everything.

And one time I was early morning walking up to our school, and all of a sudden,

a Delta-winged airplane that was black went over, looked like 50 feet over the building with a sonic boom. And at that time, I wanted to be the first kid on the moon.

And I would drew pictures of it, and it literally was the blackbird. And so, Lord knows what they have now.

How cute is this dude?

He wanted to be the first kid on the moon.

Not the first person on the moon, not the first adult. He wanted to be a kid on the moon.
I wanted to join Peter Pan and the North Star. Yes.
And get all the way to the moon.

Because that blackbird. Because of that blackbird.
Oh, that's beautiful. That is very beautiful.
Yeah. Yeah.
So anyway, he's a Nazi.

It's unfortunate. There we go.
Yeah, I knew it.

Yeah, I mean.

Look, there's no way around. I wanted to be the first kid on the moon, but then I wasn't! Nine!

Nine!

I wanted to be the first kid. There will never be another child on the moon!

I wanted to be the first kid on the moon to reunite with the Nazis that have a base on the dark side.

I wanted to join my people.

It was a Nazi phone home, is what we're saying.

Yeah, I think that's where we're at. So they talk a bit about how the globalists want to reduce the population and all that.
Wow.

And they don't think that it's worth doing. They don't think the globalists need to be doing that.
And that there's plenty of space. We're not overpopulated.
Then they say something dumb.

We are just barely utilizing the potential. Well, humans are like fish.
We stay in little reef areas. That's where commerce is.

And so we tend to congregate, so people have this false illusion that we're overpopulated. Well, it's just like people saying that cows are a problem with global warming due to methane.

I think if someone did a study, there's probably less commercial animals alive now than when the buffaloes roamed. It'd be a very interesting study to do.
I think they've actually done a study.

There were around the same number of buffalo they believe in there were cows now. It doesn't matter.
There's always been creatures running around passing gas.

And they sold some fact that we've got to pay out more money or the cow farts are going to kill us. That sounds ludicrous, but there's truth to it.
Yep. Yep.

That is a great Alex's dad line. Yep, that sounds ludicrous, but there's truth to it.

Stop humoring your stupid kid.

So Alex thinks that they've done a study and found that there's as many cows around now as there were buffalo back in the day. They did a study! Who did that study and who paid for it? No one.

Yeah, well. But someone did do a study, and there's so many more cows alive now.
Obviously!

A very conservative estimate would put the U.S. population of domestic cows at over double the amount of wild cattle that ever lived in North America.
Sure.

Add that to the amount of livestock that are raised in other parts of the world where buffalo and bison weren't native. And you have increases in these populations of like a hundred times.
Yeah.

And then, of course, you have the Stegosaurus steaks from the Flintstones. Those should also count.
Yeah. Yeah.

These guys are supposed to know stuff and be like Texas cattle dudes. So the idea that they can think that there were like less cows in 2011 than before factory farming is fucking stupid.

Also, the idea of being like, there were more commercial bison back then.

From what commerce are we talking about? Well, commerce is like fish.

That really should have been. There are some things that should be met with like an automatic, gigantic hand slap, hit you in the face, where you're just like, oh yeah, people are like fish at a reef.

Wham!

The commerce is. Yeah, exactly.
That makes sense. So

I think basically through this appearance, I've figured out why Alex's dad doesn't want to be on his show much. And that is because he might be dumb.
That sounds ludicrous, but there is truth to it.

No,

that doesn't deserve it. But I'll take it.

So Alex's dad and Alex,

they only have a little short time on the show together because Alex dragged him in there. Of course.
And it ends with Alex making a promise. Well, I live in the country.

All the animals are coming to my house because we're irrigated.

I have like 50 turkeys in the backyard. You ought to hear them always getting fights over a worm or something.
You ever heard a turkey fight? Yeah, I have.

Nothing more frightening than a raccoon fight. That's right.
You had a bunch of them breaking your house the other day. I had 11 visitors.
Because it's so horrible. You're an evil human.

Dad, I love you. I'm going to try to give even more grandkids.

Because it makes the global smile. We'll be right back.
We're on the march. The Empire's on the run.
I'm going to give you more kids. I'm going to fuck more.

It's a very different tone than his, like,

I've killed your kids. Yeah, absolutely.
I've committed abortion. Get out of my house.

I mean,

it feels weird that

what I'm hearing is that their main conversational overlap is like, what type of animals do you think are crazy when they fight?

For me, it's turkey, but for you, it's raccoon. What else do we got to say? I don't know.
I'm going to give you more kids. Wow.

I'm old-fashioned. I think any two animals fighting is pretty interesting and scary.

If it's mismatched, then I'm super uncomfortable watching. But if it's, you know, animals about the same size,

then I'm scared. You know,

here's an interesting. This is a thing that I hadn't considered before.
We have all grown up in an era of unlikely animal friends being something that we just have access to.

Like, sometimes you can just go on the internet and be like, that crow and that hippo are friends. The world is great.

Right? But these people didn't have that. They just had, let's watch turkeys fight or fuck.
That's all we've got. Yeah.
That's where Alex's dad comes from.

That and wanting to be the first little boy on the moon.

It's an innocent but bred Nazi shit.

So Alex's dad coming on, I honestly thought this is like groundbreaking stuff. Sure.
And what a gif for a music festival.

Like, that's a headliner. You got Alex's dad in the studio? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a lot. CIA daddy.
It's like getting Charles Manson at Woodstock. Yes.
Yeah. It's a lot like that.

So I had to come down after experiencing this. And thankfully, there's a commercial that can help us do that.
Okay.

I lost 20 pounds. I lost 40 pounds.
I lost 55 pounds. I went from a size 14 to a size 8.
Their secret is amberin, the revolutionary formula for women over 40 that balances hormones naturally.

The leading cause of weight gain over 40 is hormonal imbalance. Until you balance your hormones, losing weight can be practically impossible.

But amberin restores hormonal balance naturally, so the weight can just fall right off, even that stubborn belly fat.

Plus, amberin eliminates other symptoms of hormonal aging, like hot flashes, night sweats, low libido, difficulty concentrating, and more.

Be one of the first 50 callers right now, and they'll send you a complimentary risk-free trial with a 30-day supply. What you just heard is legitimately a crime.
I was about to say, all of that,

one of my favorite things to do is to, right now, I like to study paramenopause because my wife is going through it, so it's always fun to just be like, hey, surprise, I know about stuff, right?

Why not? Surprise. So I do like listening to commercials like that because I'm like, nope, nope, uh-uh, no, no way, no chance, nothing can do that shit.

That commercial cost the company $40 million. That sounds right.

That sounds right.

Thank you, Dan.

I didn't file the suit.

The makers of Amberin were sued by the Federal Trade Commission in 2015 over reported false claims that their supplement could help women lose weight.

They had no evidence to back up these claims, so they were forced to stop lying to customers and made, quote, subject to a $40 million judgment, all but 250,000 of which will be suspended based on their inability to pay.

We would fuck you guys up, but you're broke. Yeah, you're too broke to pay the 40 million.

Problem solves itself. Stop doing this.

We would be meaner to you, but you failed. Yeah.

You're not even good at lying.

It's really interesting to go back and listen to this stuff because you'll see that the people who were paying him ad revenue back then were mostly Nazis and health frauds.

And now the people who he supports politically are pretty much Nazis and health frauds. Yep, yep.
Which is probably a coincidence. I don't know if there's a line between these things.

Thank you.

So,

Alex talks a little bit about a high school memory. Sure.
And we've already learned in this episode. Too much about his past.
He stole beer and should have been shot at the country club

when he was 13. And in this clip, I learned another important thing, and that is that he went to high school for five years.

Every other country has immigration controls, but us. We're a joke.
We're a joke. The country is collapsing.
Okay, that's all I have to say on the subject.

And you heard the Hispanic-American guy earlier say, no, I admit it's massive amounts of Hispanics are like, La Raza, get the gringo. Okay, well, let's just get it out in the open.

Point is, I'm not going to sit here and play along with this game that the government foundations didn't engineer this in the universities and high schools.

It was taught where I was, I went to Anderson for two years here in Austin. I was taught white people are evil by the white teachers.
This is La Reconquista. The Hispanics will get you.

The whites are evil. I was taken to the University of Texas in art class and taught by one of their Chicano studies guys that America was bad and that I was bad.
And I said, I don't agree with this.

Mexico had its own atrocities and problems and new history. And they totally freaked out at a meeting and came up and said, How do you know history? And who are you?

And it was like they found a leprechaun or something that I was, you know, 18 years old. I was in high school five years.
Didn't really go the first year.

I'm going to shut up now because Mike Adams is here. Yeah, Mike Adams is here.

That's a lot. That's a lot to take in.
That was a journey to go on. Yeah.

That was a journey. That was a journey of increasingly makes me believe you lessable things.

Just

every little addition to that, like, oh, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was there for five years, like, ah, you fucker. So, this art teacher was telling you that you're bad because you're

a meeting. No, oh, because they were scared.
Let me, let me try it. So, so, in this, like, you can just say they had a meeting.

But from what I understand, based upon him saying, you know, Mexican people did stuff, people in power got together and were like, holy shit, this fucking kid, he found a book.

He found a fucking book.

Where did he fucking find that shit? Convene the board. Get everybody together.

This is a crisis. Jesus Christ.
Put up the nerd

signal. No.
Didn't work. No.

So

I don't believe any of this. And I'm not shooting on Alex for going to high school for five years.
I dropped out of high school.

I'm not trying to be a dick about that. It's just a piece of lore that we didn't know before.
Right. And so I I thought we'd add it to the compendium.

Yeah, add it into the things that may or may not be true and we'll never know the truth of. Yeah, the rest of that clip, I'm sure, is not true.
No, absolutely not.

So, but one thing that is totally true is that Mike Adams is here. Oh, God.

Oh, the Health Ranger. The Health Ranger.

He cured Ebola by putting Ebola in with some whiskey. Yep.

And yeah, he's a real piece of shit. He sucks.

But he's all about unity.

He thinks that all of their movements, they're not in competition with each other.

So that's the message that he wants to spread on this episode. He wants people to stop thinking he's like the Green Ranger and start thinking he's like the White Ranger.
Yes. Yes, exactly.

Alex's dad signed off on that.

And also, it turns out Mike Adams isn't maybe a doctor. No, he's not.
He's a blogger. He's a website guy.
And now he he has a new career.

This is about patriots

banding together to put the truth out there. There's no competition.
It's total cooperation about informing people, educating people.

We cover more health and food freedom. They're murdering people knowingly.
These are cold-blooded headlines. Exactly, exactly.
We all got to rise up and just play a role in this.

Whenever we are called to play a role, we got to jump on that. That's why you're getting into music.
Let me tell you, you're talented.

My wife likes that genre of kind of pop rap, and other people in the office in and they say that's that's good. I mean, I know that most of it tortures my ears.

You know, the kind of pop stuff, I like some of the

old school stuff, but your ears, I actually enjoyed it. Hey, thanks, man.
Hey, thanks, man.

What a compliment.

Mike Adams has started a musical career. Yeah, I think he's probably gonna, I think it's gonna pay off.
Living in the future, as we now do, I can see that it worked out.

Yeah, pop rap, pop rap stuff usually offends Alex's sensibilities.

I can't help but compare that to our earlier Al Gore clip and just imagine hearing Al Gore be like, well, you have to win the conversation.

They're fucking murdering your family, aren't they, right now?

Or Al Gore, your rapping's amazing. Yeah, Al Gore's starting a rapping career.

Hey, and most of the time that hurts my ears, but your stuff's pretty good. Hey, thanks, man.

If we went from Clinton's saxophone to Al Gore's bars, I think we would have a very different country. Yeah.
I think that is the case. So I explored a lot of Mike Adams' music.

Oh boy. Most of the interview that he does is just about how he's discovered a new vaccine conspiracy.
Sure, sure. Who gives a shit? Let's hear some music.

Absolutely. This is a music festival.
This is Portland, the anniversary of Vortex. Mike Adams is headlining.
Everybody put some Ebola in your hola.

So the first song I'm going to play for you. We're not going to listen to these songs in completion because they are a disaster.
We couldn't afford the rights. Yeah.
Yeah. We don't want to get sued

by the Rangers. Well, it's interesting you say that because this one should get him sued by a good friend of mine, Carly Ray Jepson.

Don't wanna work on the car, won't catch me mowing the yard. Don't wanna clean up the house, don't need to work too hard.
I sleep ten hours a day, kick ass on video games.

My three hot girlfriends don't know I'm balling up that plane. Snacks in rebellion,

or jelly. Open socks, get smelly.
Throw those curtains open, baby. Hey, I just woke up.

And this is crazy.

It's creepy. Yeah, and

I feel so lazy. It's hard to get a job.
When I'm so fazy, don't you call me so dumb and lazy.

Hey, are you madness?

You sound crazy. Cause when I wake up, my brain feels hazy.
And I don't want a job.

They're fairly pains me. When bosses call me, look so dumb and lazy.
Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Do you know what? Here's what. Do you know what? No, no, no.
And here's what we all need to remember. What we all need to remember is that we are living through terrible times, but imagine this.

Imagine Hitler doing a remix of Gangnam style, right?

Like, at least we skipped over the part where Hitler's like, ah, Gangnam style. You know, like, that's better.
That's better. Yep.
Jesus Christ. But it happened, and now we all have to deal with it.

Now we all have to have that in our mind. We're all going going to go home like that.
So, yeah, that was like trying to shit on unemployed people and say they're dumb and lazy.

Which is cool. It's a cool message.

So we got another song.

I think it says moral superiority. Quite like making a parody song about people maybe being lazy somewhere else.
Yeah, yeah. Waking up too late.

Yeah. Come on.
Oh my God. So when we flew here from Chicago, we did.
And

we went went through the TSA. Yes, we did.
And everything.

And I did not have the experience of anyone

feeling up my, you know, grabbing me. No, no, I didn't get shaken down.
Not this time. But here is a song about how you can't do that.
Uh-oh.

Let's get this on.

About to miss my flight. Come on, I went to the airport to catch my fight.

The TSA put me in the naked body, scared alive. I don't want radiation, so I opted out.

But when they grabbed my man junk, I couldn't help myself. I had to shout, I shout, to shout, I had to get my message out.
I said, Don't touch my junk,

don't touch my junk.

I have to arrest it.

Don't touch my junk, don't touch my junk. Say to what you made me love.

Don't touch my junk,

my man junk.

That's good stuff. Sometimes I like to imagine Q-tips killing people.
I don't know why I thought of that immediately, but I don't think hip-hop would be appreciative of that.

Usually this sort of music hurts Alex's ears, but this shit is legit. Don't.

This is so good. Don't touch my junk.
Don't touch my junk. Don't touch my junk.
My man junk. Which kind of junk, though? Man junk.
Ah, that's the worst kind. He was going to miss his flight.

Don't touch it. Don't touch his junk.
Don't touch it. If I have one piece of of advice to give everyone here in Portland, you see Mike Adams, don't touch it.
Don't touch his jogger.

He made a song about it. He literally wrote the song on it.
Yeah.

So

I listened to a lot of his music. Yeah.

And I only thought it would be appropriate to subject people to three songs. Because at a certain point, we're really risking this being too much of an indulgence.

Sure. Yeah.

So

he's trying to say that he's doing a socially socially conscious pop rap kind of project. That's what he's trying to say.
Right.

With what he has created for us, if you look back and he says, look at what I've made for you, that's what you're supposed to conclude he did. Yeah, and like the dumb and lazy is like, hey, get a job.

Right. Like, John on

helping. Yeah.
Yeah.

Don't touch my junk is about the TSA. Absolutely.
It's important. But he also made songs that are just kind of sad love songs.

So, this is a song that he did called I Just Want You to Know My Name.

This is a real bummer. Oh, God.

Just want you to know.

I see you walking by.

But I don't know what to say.

I don't even think you know my name.

I want to say hello.

What's your name and what you want by everyday?

Oh, yeah, I really wanna say the words, the words, they always sink away.

What's your sign for night? It's hard to compare. Tell me yours, I tell you mine.

If I could only find the words I want to say to you,

it's almost baffling.

He's afraid to talk to somebody.

That's the song. It's a love-sick song of like, I just want you to know my name.
He's married.

He's the health ranger. What are you doing?

Yeah!

Get away from me!

So I feel like he made that to like identify with his teenage daughter, and I don't feel comfortable about any of that.

So the real question is, I guess, what is more painful for you? Would it be that love song or Don't Touch My Junk? What do you think has less artistic value?

Boy, I was thinking that Don't Touch My Junk was a low, but.

Little did you know, it was a high point. That feels like a,

like,

if I'm walking by somewhere and I hear some of that, I'm like, oh, well, that's clearly a true crime documentary that's happening in the background.

The only explanation for that is later on there was a murder.

So I'll just leave that behind.

I think that these all went platinum. Yep.

So there's plenty more where that came from. And if you want to look for more of his music, it's all out there.

And there's a couple of songs that he did that are straight-up attempts at being Blink182's Adams song.

Like, he has multiple songs about how you shouldn't kill yourself, which is weird proportionally.

because he hasn't done that many songs. Yeah, you know, sometimes, sometimes you're like, okay, I've got a handle on what these guys are.

And then you hear a little bit more about them, and you're like, maybe aliens are real? Is that what my problem is?

I just haven't opened my imagination up enough to the Nazis also being like, man, I really got to get my feelings out. You know what? It makes me think.

Alex's dad might have been the first kid on the moon.

What if he brought some aliens back? That would make sense.

So, yeah, his music sucks. And it's really funny, though, because he's trying.

Like, that is not something. That felt genuine.
No, that felt heartfelt.

That was real. Again, it's clear that he laid down like multiple tracks of vocals.
Yeah. And he probably wanted this album to move.
He wanted to get a Grammy.

I have no doubt he had a conversation with somebody where he was like, I know it, but I feel like my voice is there. Like, I'm hitting my range.

I just had a really shocked face that some of you might have noticed, and it's because I think we could get Mike Adams to EGOT.

If we force it, we can get him an Oscar. He's got to be in some documentary, right? Sure.
Well, Police Day 4 is not a joke. I don't think he's in that.
Well, that's definitely true.

The Tony might be hard. What musical vaccine, the musical.
Wicked for bad.

How I cured Ebola, the musical.

RFK Jr., hero.

So we actually only have one last clip for folks.

And it's because, you know,

we've come to the...

I love all of you so much. It's so confusing.

I love all of you so much.

We don't deserve you. We just don't.

So we're doing a music festival here. We're on day two.
We just got a hell of a musical act. Yeah.
And so now all there really is time left to do is thank the sponsors, do a little bit of advertising.

Apologize for trapping you on an island. Alex has a commercial here that he's doing for InfoWars Team, which is their multi-level marketing scheme that they used to run.

There's some details in here that I would call into question. Oh, yeah?

There are limitless ways to go into business for yourself.

Most Most involve substantial capital and risk. Our InfoWarsTeam.com operation is different.

We promote premium quality health, energy, and skincare products using dynamic, caring personalities and state-of-the-art media technology to spread a powerful message of health, wealth, longevity, and freedom.

This low-cost business opportunity is designed for full-time or part-time, so you can work as little or as much as you like. It is you that defines the reward level.

Whether you are seeking a few hundred extra dollars per month or a six or even seven figure annual income, it's up to you. What the fuck are you talking about? A seven-figure income.

A seven-figure income. A seven-figure income from InfoWars TV.
Oh my god. Do you know what's crazy?

So what you're saying is that there's somebody out there who's like, holy shit, I made so much more money than InfoWars today.

Fucking, I blew InfoWars out of the fucking park with InfoWars today. If you're making a seven-figure income as a salesperson for InfoWars team, then like, why isn't Alex doing it? Yeah,

Alex works for you. He's accidentally revealing that he has a seven-figure salary from this.
And all of those. Oh, my God.

That's balls. You know.

You know, sometimes when you hear it out loud with a group of several hundred people, you think, that might be too good to be true

I think that one might be that might be overselling a little bit yeah yeah I'm trying to lure you into being an active part of my multi-level marketing scene but I'm that's too hot it's too much would you like to make so much money but not do anything don't we all yeah I like I went to a cutco presentation when I was younger they're trying to get me to sell their knives yeah they didn't tell me I was going to be a millionaire

they were like you could afford a suit listen buddy. Buddy.
At the end of the day, you're still selling knives. Come on.
Get out of here. Your family won't like you, and you'll have too many knives.

Do you want to alienate friends, but also have sharp things around you all the time?

We've got just the solution.

Do you want to be extremely lonely and surrounded by blades?

And probably in a couple years get a weird pet

because you need something else for the personality. Yep, yep, yep.
So, much like a lot of music festivals,

you might leave before the whole thing comes to an end. Because after about two days, he is why.

Traffic is going to be harsh if you leave at the same time as everybody else. So, eventually, Alex launches the InfoWars Nightly News, and that's a couple days later, but who gives a shit? Sure.

So, how do you feel?

How do you feel about what you've learned and been presented with today?

How do I feel overall? You got a lot of steps in, I'll say that for sure.

This has been

a, I would say, complete performance. We've had a full variety show.
We've had music.

We've had Alex's dad.

We've had Nazis of all shapes and colors. We've had colorful Portland history.

And then somehow we ended it all with a guy who was like, come on, just drink a little Ebola. And

don't touch my junk. Don't touch my junk.

That's the real message.

What an album. I think if...

I mean, here's the crazy thing, though. That's the most progressive message he really has.
That's really what he's got.

And I agree with it. Sure.
Don't touch my junk. Fair enough.

So

we're coming to the end of our show here but I'd like to before we we end give a big round of applause for everybody here at the theater

thank you so much

thank you so much

this has just been an absolute trend crew the security the staff everybody has been truly amazing this has been an amazing weekend yep thank you so much for Portland and thank you all so much for coming this has been

an absolute dream

thank you so much

I'm sick of them dozing as if they're the good guys saying we are managing knowledge

and your knowledge fight

Need money. Need money.

Andy and fandom.

Stop Andy and Daniel. Andy and James.