How to Use Body Language as a Secret Weapon in Your Career

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Speaker 1 Here's one piece of advice that I've given for years. Build an emergency fund.
Aim to stash away enough to cover at least three months of expenses in case your income suddenly drops.

Speaker 1 Sounds simple, right? But let's be honest, it's not. Saving even one month's worth of living costs can feel impossible.

Speaker 1 Just when you're making progress, that check engine light blinks on and derails your plans. Life already throws enough curveballs.
You don't need your bank adding to the chaos.

Speaker 1 That's why it's so important to choose one that makes savings easy and doesn't nibble away at your hard-earned money with ridiculous fees. QIIME understands that every dollar counts.

Speaker 1 That's why when you set up direct deposit through QIIME, you get access to fee-free features like free overdraft coverage, getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit, and more.

Speaker 1 With qualifying direct deposits, you're eligible for free overdraft up to $200 on debit card purchases and cash withdrawals. To date, QIIME has spotted members over $30 billion.

Speaker 1 Work on your financial goals through QIIME today. Open an account in just two minutes at chime.com/slash MNN.
That's chime.com slash MNN. Chime feels like progress.

Speaker 2 Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bankor Bank NA or Stripe Bank NA.

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Speaker 1 I'm Nicole Lappin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some Money Rehab.

Speaker 5 Linda, welcome to Money Rehab.

Speaker 4 Thank you, Minda. I'm excited to be here.

Speaker 5 Happy that you're here. And you know what? As a body language expert, what's the first thing you noticed about how I welcomed you?

Speaker 4 First of all, because we have a natural connection that I felt and believed that you were sincere about me being here as being excited and seeing an old friend. So your body language gets an A plus.

Speaker 5 Okay, good. I was worried.
I'm like, you know what? Should I ask her that question?

Speaker 4 It gets an A plus.

Speaker 5 Okay, that's good. And that was how I felt.
So you nailed it.

Speaker 4 For our listeners who are leading teams at work, how important is their body language linda your body language is critical and especially if you are a leader quite often and parents will tell you young adults don't necessarily do what you tell them to do they do what they see you do why is it important as a leader your actions speak before you do you can say one thing but yet Your body language will indicate that you mean something else.

Speaker 4 So it doesn't matter what you say, your nonverbal will get in the way.

Speaker 4 You and I both know when someone believes in something and they're convicted about it, look how my hands are moving in sync with my words. They have that commitment.

Speaker 4 How many times you've worked with a manager or a leader or someone that you're talking to and you ask them, how do you feel about XYZ? How do you feel about the new director?

Speaker 4 How do you feel about this project or the move? And they'll do something like this. Well, it's okay.
Now you notice what I just did. They did a shoulder shrug.

Speaker 4 So anytime you see a shoulder shrug, it cancels out the verbal message so once again to everyone out there that's listening and watching this you want to make sure that what you say you have a commitment and conviction to it because if you don't your body will give it away oh that that's a sound bite right there it will and it does right you don't even have to say anything it's actions do speak so thank you for that linda now let's get a little granular today we're talking about feedback how does your body language impact the way feedback is received in the workplace?

Speaker 4 So, let's talk about the communication theory. The communication theory was done over 50 years ago by Dr.
Maharabian out of UCLA.

Speaker 4 And in his study, you have a lot of behavioral experts and communication experts says, Oh, that was 50 years ago, but let's hear the numbers.

Speaker 4 It says that in the study that our words are 7% of our communication. So, just think about that.
What if we speak a different language? 7%.

Speaker 4 So, are your words passionate or passive, poison or potent are the words that are coming out of your mouth genuine and authentic our tonality is 38 of our communication and then our body language is 55 so add the 38 and the 55 that's 93

Speaker 4 so if you are not committed or convicted to what you're saying, then what's going to take place is leakage.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I hear you saying this, but I just got this feeling something's not right, something's not coming out, and that's what happens.

Speaker 4 So when individuals do this and they're having this communication, it could be perhaps maybe I don't want to hurt the person's feelings or perhaps I'm trying to lead them in a different direction that they may not be

Speaker 4 agreeable to. Here's what takes place.
If you need to say what you mean, mean what you say, and it's so important because then everything is congruent. Why is that important? Because your brain.

Speaker 4 the amygdala, the truth brain is not going to go down with your girlfriend. So you could think about something, but whatever you think about, it's going to come about.

Speaker 4 So I can't emphasize this even more, how critical this is.

Speaker 5 I wish that this is an episode I'm going to have to go back and listen to time to time again, because this is important. And what I was thinking about was the general lessons here.

Speaker 5 What are the must-haves of body language when one comes to giving feedback to a colleague? Because that could be touchy.

Speaker 4 So let's just say I want to give constructive, caring feedback. Notice people say constructive criticism.

Speaker 4 When is constructive criticism if you're saying construct and you're criticizing two opposites, right? So I want to give

Speaker 4 feedback, caring feedback.

Speaker 4 So one of the things that you want to do, what happens if you're giving this feedback and Minda, the individual perhaps on your team that perhaps you inherited that individual.

Speaker 4 And you really don't want him on their team. The feedback could look like this.
Minda, I want to talk to you about your job performance. Look what I just did.

Speaker 4 Well, Minda, I want to talk to you about your job job performance versus, well, Minda, I want to talk to you about your job performance and the direction.

Speaker 4 See, look, notice I'm leaning in versus arms folded. So be it a full folded arm or half folded arm, I'm covering a power zone.
What is a power zone?

Speaker 4 The heart is one of those zones, the superstertal notch, and the heart is another zone.

Speaker 4 So when I'm closing this off, it's like closing the door and I'm trying to give feedback that's going to help someone versus when we lean in.

Speaker 4 We lean towards things that we have an interest in, we're curious about, and we want to bring towards us. So, Minda, I want to talk to you about your performance.

Speaker 4 Notice that my palms are exposed versus Minda, I want to talk to you about your performance. Oh my gosh, already judged.
I'm already criticized. It's over.

Speaker 4 So, it's very important that I think it was Stephen Covey that said, begin with the end in mind. How do I want this feedback to go?

Speaker 4 Do I want the individual to walk away empowered, enriched, transformed, feeling better,

Speaker 4 open to learn and correction? Or do I want them to walk away damaged? So when we begin with the end in mind, then we say to ourselves, what words? I'm going to choose my words.

Speaker 4 My words are 7%, but the tone is 38.

Speaker 4 that I'm speaking to, Minda, could be an auditory dominated communicator. So if the tone is not not right, it goes back to what our moms used to say, I don't like that tone that you're using.

Speaker 4 So again, beginning with the end in mind and how do you want the person to walk away? Some of the things that I tell my students and my clients, you want people to walk away better and not bitter.

Speaker 4 Because if they're bitter, they're not going to take any advice. They may try to get even.
So how do I want them to walk away? And do I want them to say, you know what, thank you for that feedback.

Speaker 4 Thank you for that information. This could help me in my career.
How do you start it off?

Speaker 4 Saying something positive. Minda, what I love about you is that when you do interviews, man, you're so comfortable.
You're so genuine. You're authentic.

Speaker 4 And you make your guests feel comfortable because you're doing it in conversation tone. Those are things that I love about you.
Minda, here are some areas or some opportunities.

Speaker 4 opportunities that perhaps you could add value or enhance what you're doing. Now, but what if I started with the negative or the correction first?

Speaker 4 Then the person won't hear the positive because it depends on how they take it based on how you deliver it. So I hope that helps.

Speaker 5 That does. You nailed it.
And I think about that other saying that maybe some of our parents or grandparents used to say is not what you said, it's how you said it.

Speaker 4 Yes. And okay, now I love this.
And they say that, right? So let's do a remix, everyone. Let's do it.
It's not just what you say and how you say it. It's what they hear.
Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 4 So if I said, hey, Minda, hey, Minda, I saw Steve and Sandy at the mall the other day and they were alone. Okay, you got to say, Linda, big deal.
Everybody goes to the mall.

Speaker 4 Even the tone, hey, I saw Steve and Sandy at the mall the other day and they were alone. But what if I said this?

Speaker 4 Minda, I saw Steve

Speaker 4 and Sandy.

Speaker 4 at the mall the other day

Speaker 4 and they were alone.

Speaker 4 Same words, but different tone that sends a different message so now what does the person hear oh my gosh it must be something going on with steve and sandy that's an hr issue all because of the tone so it's so critical it's not just what what you say and how you say it it's what they hear based on how you deliver it Yeah, because now you make me want to go to Steve and Sandy's Instagram and see what's going on.

Speaker 4 See what's going on. Absolutely.
I had a presentation a few years ago at a conference you and I both spoke at. And one of the women just simply asked a question.
Well, you talk about tone, Linda.

Speaker 4 Does tone make a difference in dating? We're talking about at work, leading people. And all of a sudden, someone says, does it make a difference in dating? And I said, your tone is so important.

Speaker 4 It could soothe. the savage beast.
It could bring peace if you use it right. And it can also attract the right person.
So I asked someone in the audience to go get me a man, find me a man, any

Speaker 4 And they brought back someone that worked at the hotel, not planned, never met each other. And I said, look, you can see that this is a conference of women, but I need your help.

Speaker 4 I want to demonstrate something that is so important for women in business and how they negotiate and how they work.

Speaker 4 And I bring this man up on the stage and I gave him two examples by simply using my vocal tone. And the whole audience, and I told the audience, I can get him to melt in minutes.

Speaker 4 Just by the way I change the tone on the request. He starts grinning, starts shifting.

Speaker 4 So can you imagine with the right tone, the tone that your mother uses when growing up, when we know mom is serious, the tone that we use when we know that we're not playing or joking or jiving around, if you will.

Speaker 4 So the tone can make a difference in getting compliance, agreement, and commitment. Mic drop.
Thank you for sharing that

Speaker 5 story. We're all thinking about our platonic, romantic, and workplace relationships and the tone.
I love this so much.

Speaker 5 It makes me think about something you said a little bit back about what people say and what they do.

Speaker 5 What do you think the biggest disconnect is between what leaders say and what their body language communicates?

Speaker 4 The biggest disconnect is not being truthful and authentic in what they could say.

Speaker 4 It's understandable that certain information proprietary they may not be able to release or their leadership says, we can't make this announcement, but we need to let them know there's going to be some changes.

Speaker 4 When they do not have a commitment to the message, that's the thing that sends the signal. I heard him.
I heard her, but I'm looking at you. But Minda, all I know is something's not right.

Speaker 4 Let's get a meeting in the break room because there is no commitment. Now, let's say you have a leader and let's just use a male as an example.

Speaker 4 And women, we could talk about you because it's important, but if you're dealing with male leadership. So let's say there's going to be some changes around here.

Speaker 4 So a man walks in the room and it says there's going to be some changes. We're going to have to cut back.
He's wearing a suit and a tie, the jacket is button. And watch this.

Speaker 4 He says we're going to have to cut back. There's going to be some changes.
However, we're all in.

Speaker 4 in this together and we're going to roll up our sleeves. Well, here's the thing.
He said we're going to roll up our sleeves, but he didn't do it. So what do you think, Selinda?

Speaker 4 What difference does it make? Oh, it makes a big difference.

Speaker 4 What he's saying is that we have to roll up our sleeves, but I'm in that leadership role i'm not going to do it so what would have been more impactful if he believed that hey as the leader i'm in there with you than if he would have took off his jacket loosened that tie and rolled up the sleeves without saying a word and then saying we're in this together so as a leader being a woman as a leader out there if what you are saying to your team and this is critical and i keep going back to it over and over again if you have any doubt, it's going to come out.

Speaker 4 So if you have any doubt in the message, it's going to come out. And it's called leakage in nonverbal communication.
So it's, again, it's so important to remember that.

Speaker 4 And to my sisters out there, to the powerful women that are out there, quite often we hold back information.

Speaker 4 because we are beginning to create narratives. Well, if I say this, then they'll get upset.
If I do this, this will take place.

Speaker 4 And therefore, we hold information, and then people will begin to feel betrayed. Like, you knew this was happening.
And they're even harder on women. So just keep that in mind.

Speaker 4 Tell me what's going to work. Tell me what's happening.
Tell me what's not going to take place. And I'll believe you when you tell me the other negative stuff because you were forthright with me.

Speaker 1 Hold on to your wallets. Money rehab will be right back.

Speaker 1 And now for some more Money Rehab.

Speaker 5 I know that every listener is just jotting all these notes down and sharing this with their managers and their partners and everybody in between. I love that, Linda.

Speaker 5 And I was thinking about it for the people who are in virtual settings or hybrid settings. How do we maintain trust through body language?

Speaker 5 Because I often hear people, it's hard to read the room, right? When you are on the virtual screen.

Speaker 4 Absolutely.

Speaker 4 So it's it's so important you notice i'm trying to set up as much as i possibly can so when you're doing virtual presentations and you want to uh zoom or like a rock star here's what you've got to remember all business and there's a the book titled all business is show business by scott mccabe that no matter what you do it's show business you have to sell it so if you are a leader and you're calling a virtual meeting if you're not on the screen

Speaker 4 why am i going to be in the screen?

Speaker 4 Conduct allowed is conduct approved. So it's one thing you're telling all of us to turn on the screens.
And when they're not on the screen, you don't see them.

Speaker 4 So they're going to do what they see you do. The second thing is that my grandmother used to say,

Speaker 4 and particularly for those of you in sales, think about this. She would say something like this, Minda, you're going to love this.
Baby, if you're trying to get a million-dollar contract,

Speaker 4 you can't show up like $1.99.

Speaker 4 if that's not a mic drop. So when you're on the virtual screen, you want your background to be inviting.
Your goal is to make an impact and not a distract.

Speaker 4 And it's important to show as much of your upper carriage as possible. You want to show as much of your upper carriage as possible.

Speaker 4 And in your virtual presentations, you want to emphasize, punctuate, and use your hands using gestures to emphasize what it is that you're saying and making sure that your palms are shown.

Speaker 4 Why is that important? Studies have shown it is very difficult to be deceptive or lie unless you're a psychopath, sociopath with the palms exposed.

Speaker 4 Why is it that when someone accuses, Minda, did you take my laptop? I didn't do it. Did you take my cookie? I didn't do it.
The palms are exposed.

Speaker 4 So it's important that when you're doing your virtual presentations and you're speaking honestly from the heart, they need to see your hands.

Speaker 4 And especially, specifically, if you're in the financial industry, they better see your hands.

Speaker 5 Okay. Listen, all those sales folks and financial folks or you aspire to get into that industry, think about those things when you're doing those interviews and you're on the screen.

Speaker 5 And I also thought about cultural awareness and how that plays into body language and feedback. What role would you say that they all work together in concert?

Speaker 4 Absolutely. So think about this.
Women in Rome do as the Romans do. So we're in a diverse world.
You have a diverse team and we want to seek to understand.

Speaker 4 So here in the United States, it's so important if you're doing face-to-face business, eye contact is critical. We deem it critical up to 85% of the time, because this is what we think.

Speaker 4 If I'm not looking at you directly, you're thinking, okay, she's a little shifty, something's going on with the deal.

Speaker 4 But what if I'm doing business with someone from another culture that perhaps just got into the country and perhaps they're from an Asian culture japanese if you will direct eye contact in your business meetings can be deemed disrespectful as a matter of fact they look at the super external notch so in dealing with different cultures understanding that our language even our colors of the clothes that we wear if i'm doing business in china they've relaxed it a little bit is that the color of white was the sign of mourning.

Speaker 4 So what if I was wearing a beautiful white suit, my linen white suit to a meeting? It could send a different kind of message.

Speaker 4 So when in rome you do as the romans do when you have a diverse audience you want to honor and respect the different cultures and be very careful of using what we call in body language emblems and it's like sign language for nonverbal communication not for the deaf community but what i mean is emblems that go like this a-ok that's what that means in the united states but what if you have someone from another country where this is actually obscene and insulting so you have to be aware of that and it's so important to honor and celebrate our differences.

Speaker 4 And particularly if you want to persuade, convince, and preserve relationships.

Speaker 5 Amazing. Linda, you're so good at reading body language cues that most of us more than likely miss.
And so thank you for putting us up on game. Speaking of games, I have this game that I want to play.

Speaker 4 It's called Read the Room.

Speaker 5 You want to play?

Speaker 4 Let's play.

Speaker 4 All right.

Speaker 5 I'll describe a common workplace scenario we've all experienced and you tell us what body language signals to watch for and what they really mean. Ready to decode some workplace dynamics?

Speaker 4 Let's do it.

Speaker 5 Okay, let's read the room, Lynn. Well, you're going to read the room and I'm going to learn, but here's the first scenario.

Speaker 5 During feedback, your manager leans back, crosses their arms, but says, my door is always open.

Speaker 4 Okay, so let's think about this. So I'm going to give a little insight for everyone.
When you're reading non-verbal communication, your first lesson is to know the person's baseline.

Speaker 4 And the baseline is that individual's norm. Oh, that's just Jim.
That's what he does all the time. So he leans back and says, my door is always open, but yet he closed the door to the heart.

Speaker 4 Even though the physical door is open. So your brain is saying, no, it's not, because he's saying it's open, but he closed off his body.

Speaker 4 So what he's saying to you is that, yeah, my door is always open if I want to hear what you have to say, but don't bring me no crap. So it's very important to know the baseline.

Speaker 4 Now, if I'm a new hire in your company and I come out. and says, Minda, I was just in there with Jim.
And even though he said that his door is always open, I just didn't feel that.

Speaker 4 Now, what if you walked in the room and Jim shut the physical door? Okay. And but what you're talking about was not really that big a deal or confidential or personal, but he shut the door.

Speaker 4 So if I'm a kinesthetic individual, an emotional based communicator, I'm thinking, oh, if he called me in the office, I'm in trouble.

Speaker 4 Then all of a sudden, now he's sitting there and talking to me and he leans back. Hey, Linda, my door is always open.
And his body, look at the body language open.

Speaker 4 So if you ever need to talk to me, look at the hands again, everybody. If you ever need to talk to me, you're welcome to come in as opposed to my door.
No, it's not. He's locked and loaded.
No.

Speaker 5 In his hands, you cannot see his palms.

Speaker 4 You can't, right?

Speaker 4 Exactly. Very good.
You advance, Minda. You advance to the next session.

Speaker 5 Okay, I love it. Our second scenario is a team member is in a meeting presenting their ideas and their colleague keeps looking down, taking notes.

Speaker 4 And this has happened before. So here's what I want you all to think about.

Speaker 4 Timing

Speaker 4 and context.

Speaker 4 Here again, the co-worker, is this their norm?

Speaker 4 When everybody speaks, they're always looking down, taking notes, because they may be visual people and they have to write it down so we got to find out what their baseline if it's their norm but what if they only do it when you're speaking okay that's a hot button so it could mean a couple of things based on if you know their baseline so first example if you know their baseline and then everyone else did their presentation and he or she didn't take the notes but when you did it

Speaker 4 It could come across as, hmm, I'm not listening to what she has to say. And it's called dismissal.
So again, your observation, you're looking around. Okay, she's doing it then.

Speaker 4 So maybe that's how she learns since there's no PowerPoint. Maybe that's how he operates.
So they have to write it down.

Speaker 4 So you're getting to know what their norm and the baseline, but they only do it to you.

Speaker 4 Dismissal.

Speaker 4 And that's where the lack of trust, we're putting somebody in that way. Absolutely.

Speaker 4 Yes. You're reading my mind, Beta.

Speaker 5 You're giving us all this great information that we deal with all the time, but we don't know how to decode these things.

Speaker 5 One more scenario for you, Linda, is a co-worker enthusiastically nods at everything in the meeting, but their feet are always pointed toward the door.

Speaker 4 Yes. Okay, number one, it could be, let's say that's their norm, always does it in the meeting, like you said.
It could be their nervous trigger. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 4 Now, that depends how fast that they're nodding. You just gave me the indication how fast they're nodding nodding because their feet are pointed towards the door.
Make note of this, everyone.

Speaker 4 Feet don't lie. Feet are pointed in the direction they want to go.
So think about the time that you've been in a networking circle. Let me see if I can demonstrate this.

Speaker 4 So I'm looking at you face forward, head on, and we're all in this circle and I'm ready to go. Watch this.
So you're telling me, oh, Linda, we should get together.

Speaker 4 And I'm saying, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I notice my feet, the body's turning.
Yeah, get me at the office. Call me.
So if it's a fast movement, I'm ready to go. Hurry up, get to it.

Speaker 4 That's what that means. Now, what if they're going like, wow, they're taking it in and they're nodding where their feet wouldn't be pointed towards the door unless they begin.
That sounds good.

Speaker 4 I agree with you. The feet begins to move slowly, but they're ready to exit.

Speaker 5 You make me think about those times when you run into somebody in the hallway or the break room and they fast talk you.

Speaker 4 Like, yeah, how you been? How's the family? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 No, they don't want to engage. Now, that's where we're ending the game because now you've made me think of so many different things that I want to deep dive into a little more personal.

Speaker 5 And I want to ask you, how has your understanding of body language transformed your own approach to giving and receiving feedback?

Speaker 4 It has helped me tremendously because it allows me to get into a person's space as to who they are.

Speaker 4 And because I know this, if a person is pretty much sensitive in giving the feedback, I'll let them know it's a safe place. Go ahead.
Hey, I'm a direct person. Just tell me.

Speaker 4 My feelings won't be hurt because I can tell through their hesitation, they're trying to gain permission. So I allow them that space.
If someone is sometimes a little too.

Speaker 4 direct, could be aggressive or abusive in their vocal tone. I let them know in that way by matching their tone in a more positive way.
Says, look, hey, we don't have to beat around the bush.

Speaker 4 Just go ahead and tell me.

Speaker 4 So I begin to connect with them on that level so to let them know just because i'm quiet doesn't mean that i don't know the art of war if they're coming to me that way so it has helped me tremendously by having the advantage now the disadvantage is this when we want to see and feel and believe the best in people that's human nature we want it so when i think it was maya angelo that said when people show you who they are believe them.

Speaker 4 Well, yes and no, because who they are in that seven to eight seconds that it takes to make that first impression, but we know they're trying to show their best, put their best face forward.

Speaker 4 But if they're showing me a different type of person because they just came out of a meeting and I'm meeting them for the very first time and they're very...

Speaker 4 maybe abrupt or and don't have time at all i don't know what happened prior to coming out to me so i could say oh yeah i met that woman minda i know you speak highly of her but she was quite rude towards me then you said to me, she just had a major loss and just got the news or just received that medical call that no one wants to hear.

Speaker 4 See, so I judged them on what they showed me, but didn't allow them to be able to go deeper. So here's the thing I want you to remember.
And this is so important.

Speaker 4 And no one ever really talks about it. And you hear the saying that goes, you could only get one opportunity to make a good first impression.

Speaker 4 I may get the one initial opportunity to make the good first impression, but I can take the remainder 10 to 15, 20 minutes to validate whether it's true or not.

Speaker 4 See, so if I'm acting this way, all just prim and proper, and then next thing you know, when I think everyone's gone and you peek around the corner, I kick the cat.

Speaker 4 Oh, so I gave you the one initial impression, the one that we use psychologically to be liked. Because we want everyone to like us.

Speaker 4 But then when the lights are not on us and we think everyone's gone, then your true essence comes out.

Speaker 4 So what I say to folks all the time, it takes that four four to seven to eight seconds if you will but remain in that moment for the next 10 15 to 20 minutes to see if they're consistent see it is so important the congruency in the words the tone and the way you behave i get it you can tell i get excited about this subject well you're good at it and that's why you're the expert it makes me think about what do you find that's most surprising that you've learned about trust through studying body language because that's also certain things we do or say or act, it either enhances trust or erodes trust, right?

Speaker 4 Yeah. The biggest thing that has been an eye-opener for me is that people who want people to trust them, some of them, the people that I've experienced, do not give it back themselves.

Speaker 4 They want people to be loyal to them, but yet they're not loyal. They want people to be authentic, but yet they're not authentic.

Speaker 4 So it's the distrust that they have of everyone else, but they're not giving it and not understanding why they're not going to no longer receive it. And they don't have a clue.

Speaker 4 And so the biggest thing that I've realized that a shocker for me is that so many people are actually clueless. They're clueless of how the energy that they're giving off.

Speaker 4 They're clueless of their nonverbals. And there's a saying that goes, How can you see the picture when you're in the frame? is having that awareness of what you look like.

Speaker 4 That's what the mirror is for.

Speaker 4 When I say the mirror, not just the physical mirror in your home, in your bathroom or your bedroom. The mirror is my friend, Minda.
Girl, tell me when I'm out of order in a meeting.

Speaker 4 Fix my crown. Tell me having someone that can honestly share with you.
You know what?

Speaker 4 When they made that announcement of the person that was getting that new position, and I know you were up for it, the way you act. What do you mean the way I act?

Speaker 4 You sat back and you turned towards the door. You were done.
See, now you're my mirror because I'm acting in the emotional moment and may not realize it

Speaker 1 hold on to your wallets money rehab will be right back

Speaker 1 and now for some more money rehab

Speaker 5 you've been giving us so many practical tips linda on what we can do but i'm curious what's one trust building tip that people can activate tomorrow to continue to have trust when they're providing or receiving feedback?

Speaker 4 Absolutely. Can I give up one plus a little bonus? Yes, give us a little sauce on there.
And I like it spicy. So I'm going to put some hot sauce on it.

Speaker 4 So here's the thing that is so important. When giving and receiving feedback, be 100%

Speaker 4 present.

Speaker 4 in their presence. So whoever you're speaking to, don't worry about the distractions.

Speaker 4 Make them feel at that moment that they are the most important person in the world because we're in a fast food world, if you will, everything is quick.

Speaker 4 So can you imagine giving someone the intention for them to be heard,

Speaker 4 to voice their opinion, for you to give facial validation, that's affirmation? and confirmation is so critical. And the key in building that trust is building rapport.

Speaker 4 People just don't like people who are like them.

Speaker 4 People like people who like them. That's why for those that are in sales, the old cliche is get people to like you.
No,

Speaker 4 start loving and liking people and you will be amazed at what would be revealed. Mic drop again.
There's my little mic.

Speaker 5 Linda, you are the go-to body language expert and you've graced many stages and served a lot of clients and i'm wondering when it comes to building trust through feedback what still gives you hope what gives me hope is the fact that

Speaker 4 people of all ages

Speaker 4 background

Speaker 4 race color gender creed doesn't matter young or old they see something

Speaker 4 in the message that i'm giving and they'll see a little part of them. That's what I do.
That's how I come across. This is what happened in my relationship.

Speaker 4 The biggest thing that happened for me is one of my presentations was at a junior high school. And I was their keynote speaker and there was about over 600 students in the room.

Speaker 4 And there was a young man that was sitting in the rafter. We would call the nosebleed.
And I did a demonstration on the stage preparing the kids.

Speaker 4 If you go for job interviews, if you're doing this for the summer. And it was at the end of the presentation.
that this young man running back behind the stage and they said, no, no, no, no, no, Ms.

Speaker 4 Clements has to leave. And I said, I never have to leave when it comes to a young adult.
I need to hear their question because this is important to them, not tomorrow at that moment.

Speaker 4 And Minda, I get emotional just thinking about it. The question this young man asked me, he says, I noticed that you were reading the body language of the people of my fellow students up there.

Speaker 4 It was like magic. And he asked this particular question.
He said, Can you tell

Speaker 4 from someone's body language if they no longer want to live? Now, what if I was doing the diva dip too busy to stop and take that moment?

Speaker 4 It disturbed me that, of course, there's a guess. I had to talk to the principal.

Speaker 4 And later on, after talking to their parents, the child was troubled, had some things going on, but there were letters. in his little drawer at home that he was writing about ending his life.

Speaker 4 Needless to say, they got the young man additional help.

Speaker 4 But that question triggered.

Speaker 4 So what gives me hope is that people can come to you and they will come to you and they may ask you a question and they may be saying something and you may or may not hear it and get the true story.