Invisible Trauma: How to Heal It with the H.E.A.L. Method w/ John R. Miles | EP 663

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

What if the wounds that shaped you don't bleed anymore, but still direct your life?

Invisible trauma is real.

It doesn't always come from the obvious.

Abuse, war, disaster.

Sometimes it comes from the parent who never really saw you, from the smile you forced to keep the peace, from the silence you swallowed when your truth felt dangerous.

We think we've moved on because the scars aren't visible, but our nervous system remembers, our patterns remember, and healing, it's not just about surviving.

It's about reclaiming your freedom and rewriting the story those scars once told.

In today's episode, I'm going to introduce you to the heal framework, four steps to help you bring the invisible into light and to finally begin to feel whole.

Welcome to Passion Struck.

Hi, I'm your host, John R.

Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you.

Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays.

We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

Now, let's go out there and become passion struck.

Welcome to episode 663 of Passion Struck.

Over a third of you come back every single week, and that means more than I can say.

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You all made that possible.

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Now, let's get into today's episode.

I've always believed that scar tissue tells a story.

It isn't always visible.

It doesn't always ache.

but it changes the way the body moves long after the wound has closed.

A limp, a hesitation, a stiffness that lingers.

Our lives carry scar tissue too, not just from broken bones or surgeries, but from betrayals, losses, and quiet moments of pain.

Sometimes we think the wound is gone just because it stopped bleeding.

But deep down, the scar still shapes us.

How we trust, how we love, how we see ourselves.

And that's what this week on Decoding Humanity is all about.

The hidden forces of trauma.

Not just the loud and obvious events, but the invisible ones.

The ones that whisper, the ones that quietly shape who we are and how we move through the world.

And that's why this week we've been exploring trauma in its hidden forms.

On Tuesday, Dr.

Ingrid Clayton unpacked fawning, the survival response that looks like kindness, but is really self-erasure.

On Thursday, Dr.

Nicole Cain showed us why true healing requires more than quick fixes.

It demands the integration of body, mind, and spirit.

Today, I want to bring those threads together and ask, what if the scars we carry aren't just relics of the past, but inventations to something deeper?

What if they're pointing us toward a path that doesn't just help us survive, but finally sets us free?

Before we dive in, a quick piece of exciting news.

I've partnered with my friend Rob Greenlee, a podcast Hall of Fame inductee and one of the most trusted voices in the space, to launch the Passion Struck Network.

We believe that podcasting podcasting works best when it serves communities and amplifies voices that matter.

You can see what we're building at passionstrucknetwork.com.

Now, let's get into today's solo: Invisible Trauma, Hidden Healing, and what it means to rewrite the scars within us.

Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life.

Now, let that journey begin.

I'm going to start today's episode out with a story that I found so profound.

In the early 2000s, researchers studying soft tissue injuries noticed something strange.

Two patients, nearly identical injuries, same treatment, same timeline, both declared fully healed.

On paper, it showed that they were both fine.

But as it turns out, only one of them got their life back.

The other, they kept flinching at loud noises.

They avoided crowds.

They woke up sweating from dreams that they couldn't remember.

The scars had closed, but their nervous system hadn't.

Medically, there was no explanation, nothing visible, no lingering damage at all, but something deeper in the body still hadn't let go.

They began to slowly understand that not all trauma leaves a visible scar.

Sometimes it leaves a pattern.

Tight muscles, shallow breathing, a nervous system wired for threat, even when the danger is gone.

Scar tissue formed not just in the body, but in the way the body moved through the world.

And it's not just physical trauma that does this.

Emotional wounds can leave the exact same type of imprint.

A betrayal, a parent who withheld affection, a lifetime of praise.

only when you performed.

No blood, no bandage, but the healing incomplete.

The body remembers what the mind tries to forget.

When most people think of trauma, they think of the big visible events.

And those events do leave massive marks, but just as powerful and often more pervasive are the invisible ones.

Invisible trauma doesn't scream, it whispers.

It's the subtle, but relentless invalidation of your feelings.

It's the silence you were forced into because speaking the truth didn't feel safe.

Trauma isn't just what happens to us.

It's what happens within us.

I've seen this in my own life.

When my house was broken into a number of years ago, I thought, man, this is just a one-time event.

Fix the locks, secure the home, move on.

What surprised me the most was how deeply it shook me.

The fear in my body didn't match the situation.

I jumped at small sounds.

I felt unsafe, even though I knew I was protected.

My nervous system wasn't just reacting to the burglary.

It was actually responding to something older.

It was carrying scar tissue from earlier wounds I had experienced, unresolved, unspoken, still haunting me.

And that's the thing about invisible trauma.

It hides in plain sight.

It doesn't show up with flashing lights or dramatic stories.

It shows up in our relationships, in the way we trust or struggle to, in the way we we keep people at a distance, and don't know why.

This week, Dr.

Ingrid Clayton gave language to one of those hidden patterns.

She calls it fawning.

On the surface, fawning looks like kindness, like being helpful to others, like going along to keep the peace.

But underneath, it's something else entirely.

It's a survival response.

a way to stay safe by erasing parts of you.

The world sees cooperation.

However, inside, it's self-abandonment.

Dr.

Nicole Kane then added another layer.

She reminded us that trauma doesn't just live in the mind.

It lives in the body.

In the nervous system, it shows up in the way we are wired to survive.

The anxiety that seems irrational, it's often a message from the body, shaped by experience that made sense at the time that they happened.

but don't anymore.

Real healing isn't about masking those signals.

It's about about listening to them, interrogating them, and bringing the mind, body, and spirit back into coherence, like I talked about in episode 657 when I discussed the fragmentation gap.

Science backs all of this up.

Psychologists talk about acute trauma and complex trauma.

Acute trauma is one-time shock.

Complex trauma is something else entirely.

It's death by a thousand paper cuts, small wounds repeated over time until your entire sense of self is shaped by them.

And here's the hard truth.

Invisible trauma doesn't just disappear.

Scar tissue doesn't dissolve on its own.

It adapts.

It reshapes us quietly without asking permission.

It changes how we move, how we think, how we respond to the world around us.

until we bring it into the light, it continues to work behind the scenes.

So let me ask you this.

Where might invisible trauma be whispering in your life?

Is it in your perfectionism, in your people pleasing, in the way you numb yourself with work, with achievement, with distraction?

Because the question isn't, does trauma leave a mark?

The question is, what we choose to do with it.

Can we transform the scar tissue?

Can we turn something that once restricted us into something that reminds us of our resilience?

The good news is yes, if trauma leaves a code behind it, we can rewire it.

We don't have to live by default, which is something that I covered throughout my book, Passion Struck.

We can create our life by design.

That's what the HEAL framework is all about.

Four steps to rewriting the code that trauma left behind.

The first step in healing invisible trauma is honesty.

Not the shallow kind where you say something like, man, I had a rough childhood, or that breakup really hurt.

I am talking about radical honesty, the kind that names what really happened, how it shaped you, and how you're still carrying the weight.

Honesty is hard because it often carries self-deception.

I have met countless high achievers, leaders, parents who say, I'm fine, I've moved on.

But their bodies are telling a completely different story.

Migraines, anxiety, chronic stress, sleepless nights.

And here's the truth.

Denial keeps the scar tissue invisible.

Honesty brings it into light.

Dr.

Nicole Cain shared something similar.

For years, she trusted that conventional medicine would ease her suffering.

But when her body started to break down, she had to face the painful truth.

Her treatments weren't working.

She had to be honest enough to question what she'd been told and then to rebuild her life from the ground up.

That honesty was the first step towards wholeness.

So let me now turn this to you.

Where in your life are you saying, I'm fine, when really you're not?

Where are you covering your scars instead of confronting them?

This week, I want to ask you to do something.

Write down one story that you've never told aloud, not to share it with anyone.

Just to be honest with yourself.

Name it.

Own it.

That's where healing begins.

And this leads us to the second step in the heal framework, empathy.

And I don't just mean empathy for others.

I mean open empathy directed as much to yourself as outward.

Trauma warps empathy.

Fawning, as Dr.

Ingrid Clayton explained, often looks like compassion, but it's not.

It's survival.

It's giving everything that you have to others while abandoning yourself.

What happens is you pour out for others, but it's not rooted in choice.

It's rooted in fear.

And the cost is you stop extending compassion to yourself.

Open empathy rebalances that.

It says you matter too.

It listens when your body whispers instead of waiting for it to scream.

Neuroscience shows us that the same brain circuits that allow us to show empathy to others are also used for self-compassion.

Ignore them, your your resilience breaks down.

Strengthen them and you bounce back faster.

You feel deeper, connect deeper, heal deeper.

Empathy isn't weakness.

It's wiring.

It's the fuel of healing.

So I want to turn this to you again.

I want you to think of one moment this week where you judged yourself harshly.

Now, instead of being harsh on yourself, imagine responding with empathy instead.

Of course I feel this way.

Anyone in my shoes would.

And I want to take a quick pause here because I know today's episode is a heavy topic, but that's why we do the work.

That's why you tune in to Passionstruck.

If you're finding value in today's episode, take a second to download the companion guide at theignitedlife.net.

It's one of the best ways to not just absorb today's message, but to apply it in your life.

It's my way of just helping you apply what you hear on the show.

We'll be right back after a quick word from today's sponsor.

You're listening to Passion Struck on the Passion Struck Network.

All right, let's get back into it.

We've talked about the first two letters of the Hill framework, honesty and empathy, two powerful steps to bring invisible trauma into the light.

Now, let's talk about the third step in the Hill framework, awareness, because the truth is you can't heal what you don't see.

Trauma often hides in patterns.

Things like perfectionism, people pleasing, overachievement, withdrawal.

We call them being reliable, but sometimes they're survival strategies.

And awareness means tracing those patterns back to their sources.

In our conversation, Nicole Kane brought up something that she uses.

called a stoplight strategy that I thought was so applicable to today's discussion.

Green means regulated.

Yellow means warning.

Red means survival mode.

Your job is to know what zone you're in, green, yellow, or red, before you start crashing.

In my own life, awareness often comes through through subtle cues.

When I pile on commitments and skip rest, it's not ambition, it's avoidance.

When I say yes to everything, it's not generosity, it's fear of rejection.

Awareness pulls back the curtain.

And once you see it, you can't unsee it.

That's the good news because awareness turns whispers into signals.

And here's my cue for you.

This week, notice one pattern you fall into under stress.

Ask yourself, is this survival or is it a choice?

That question alone can shift everything.

And finally, the last letter in the heal framework, liberation.

Because the goal of healing isn't just to feel better.

It's to be free.

Liberation doesn't erase scars, but it stops them from defining you.

It means reclaiming your voice, your agency, your right to exist without apology.

Ingrid said it best.

Fawning isn't weakness, it's brilliance, a strategy that once kept you safe.

But survival is not the same as living.

Liberation is learning that you don't need to keep running that same old code.

You get to write a new one starting today.

Sometimes liberation is loud, like leaving a toxic relationship, walking away from a job that's killing your spirit.

But more often, it's quiet, saying no without overexplaining, resting without guilt, letting yourself feel joy without earning it.

Viktor Frankl once wrote, between stimulus and response, there is a space.

In that space is the power to choose.

In our choice, lies our growth and our freedom.

What Frankl says right there, that's liberation.

That's healing.

So this begs the question to you, where in your life do you need to reclaim your freedom?

What's one small act of liberation you can choose today?

So let's pull everything I've been talking about together.

Here is the path that we've talked about today.

Honesty brings the scar tissue into light.

Empathy softens judgment and makes healing possible.

Awareness helps us to recognize the patterns that trauma leaves behind.

And liberation gives us the power to choose a different story.

Together, they form heal, not a quick fix, not a hack, but a way forward.

Invisible trauma may not leave scars, but it shapes us just the same.

In our perfectionism, in our people-pleasing, in the silence we carry, if we never name it, it keeps shaping our path in the dark.

But if we do, if we face it with honesty, awareness, empathy, and a will to be free, we can transform that scar tissue into something so much stronger.

Pick one letter of heel and live it.

Maybe it's honesty, naming a truth you've been avoiding.

Maybe it's liberation, saying no without apology.

Whatever it is, let it be your next step forward.

And that's a wrap.

If today's episode spoke to you, I'd love to invite you into my community at theignitedlife.net.

There's a companion post and a workbook waiting for you.

It's designed to help you run your own heel check-in and to apply what you hear on this show.

And if you're looking for a keynote at your next event, leadership summit or organizational retreat, we have now launched a speakers bureau and we're looking to book our speakers for our next seasons.

You can find all the details at passionstruck.com.

For deeper dives and exclusive content, head over to our YouTube channels, either at John R.

Miles or Passion Star Clips.

Every week, we publish full interviews and short clips that go beyond the mic.

Next week in our Decoding Humanities series, we're going to shift from trauma to legacy.

I'll be joined by Cheryl McKissick Daniel for a conversation on justice, legacy, and the choices that define us.

I think that's the root of who I am and what's made me the person I am today.

And that is not like trying to seek approval.

It's not trying to get approval.

It's just more of, here is who I am and here is who I want to be.

You can be who you want to be over there.

I don't agree with it.

But let my light shine.

My light is going to shine so bright that you're going to look at it and you're going to say, okay, she's a black woman, but she's cool.

And finally, stay tuned.

I've been working on something quietly that I cannot wait to share with you.

It's close to my heart and it's almost ready.

Until then, live with honesty.

Love with empathy.

Practice awareness.

Choose liberation.

And remember, you are not your scars.

You're the author of what comes next.

Live life passion-struck.