Trans in Texas

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Now, Charlie's sober.

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Somebody call action.

AKA Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

I'm like fixated on your posters.

I'm just like, I really want to start the interview, but I'm just trying to guess what each of the posters are.

Who set up your room when you moved?

Me.

You did?

Did you have, are these movie posters from your old room?

Yeah, I brought most of my stuff.

I've seen.

I'm Hannah Rosen.

This is Radio Atlantic.

And I'm talking to a teenager from Texas, or she used to be from Texas.

She left the state last year and moved to a more suburban-y place in California.

I was new.

I got here after winter break.

So I was like the only new kid.

I mean, in the middle of the year.

What's the first thing you noticed about it?

Because you think of yourself as a city kid.

The first thing I noticed was

I saw the same cars all the time.

I'll say that.

What do you mean?

Your dad said you were into cars, and I was like, really?

What do you mean?

What's your favorite car, by the way?

Suburu WRX STI 2004.

Damn, he was not kidding.

And I work on cars too.

You should see my cells.

I have an alternator, an oil cover, and a muffler, and then a ton of tools just up on my shelf.

That's really cool.

Okay.

So, before we go, you know, back to what happened and how you landed here, your parents said that you wanted to talk or were willing to talk because we asked them about that.

I was wondering, did you have a reason, like, why

did you want to talk to us?

Um,

well, I wasn't 100% sure what we were gonna really be talking about, but I, if it is what I think it is, it's just about me and everything

in Texas.

Everything in Texas.

How a state senator wrote a letter to the Texas Attorney General one day asking whether what he called sex change procedures for children equal child abuse.

And then suddenly all the grown-ups, senators, judges, teachers, parents, reporters, were talking about things like puberty blockers and gender reassignment surgeries and who was doing the better job protecting children.

And now this fact about herself that she mostly talked about with her parents or her doctor and maybe one or two people at school had become a political issue.

She still cannot fathom why anyone would be yelling about this in the state house or on the streets or wherever.

I'm not a part of the trans community.

I am trans.

That's it.

I don't have flags up in my room.

I don't have it in my Instagram bio.

I'm not like a crazy super pro-Democrat.

I mean, of course, I'm against the people who are making my life like this, but I'm not

an advocate or an activist.

That's why I want to do this anonymously.

I don't go to protests.

I don't...

I'm not very involved in the trans community, and I not that I have a problem with that, but that's just not who I am.

So, who are you?

Then, that's really, really, really important what you just said.

Because I think, like, you're right.

You know, if you're talking about this, you're affected by politics, people might just make those assumptions, but like, that's just not you.

I'm just,

I'm not like, oh, I'm a cheerleader or anything, but I'm a normal, semi-popular

girl.

What do you most remember about living in Austin?

My best day in Austin probably was

summer of fifth grade and everyone in the whole neighborhood got together and we had water balloon fights every day all summer.

That sounds amazing.

And are you like good at water balloon fights?

I would like to say.

Mostly I remember being good, everyone being nice and happy and

when I actually like

formally like came out or whatever I was probably 11.

But everyone knew by the time I was like in second grade.

Because like had you said things as a kid?

It's kind of like how I dressed and how I acted.

I didn't act weird but I just wasn't a boy.

It was never something that set me apart when I was younger.

I was just who I was, and everyone was okay with it.

And then once everyone got older and got into middle school, they developed their opinions about me and about people like me.

I mean, most of Austin was nice.

But of course, if you're in the middle of Texas, people are going to

let you know what they think about you.

What's the first time you remember having that thought?

Probably

COVID year in sixth grade when everyone was online.

I was probably searching for something for class and then the news things come up and then you know I click on it and I kind of went down this rabbit hole.

And what did you understand or like what did you you know like what words jumped out at you?

Unhealthy I think

Jumped out.

And

unhealthy and unnatural.

Those are, those are like,

those are hard words to read, unhealthy and unnatural.

Like, what was the thought in your head after you read those?

I laughed.

I thought, oh, I didn't laugh, but I thought it was funny.

Because at first I thought, like, oh, it's a hick.

It's a redneck.

It's a, I don't care.

because it's not like I'm ever gonna be in contact with these people.

So it didn't affect me.

I was fine.

I honestly, I didn't mind it.

I was like, okay.

But then

on and on, I realized, like, oh, it's not just random Texas guys and their trailer.

It's kids and it's everyone.

A lot of people.

How did you come to realize that?

Probably seventh grade.

and I got to be with instead of with fifth graders with seventh graders.

Then I realized a lot of these kids think the same as what I thought was a couple of old rednecks.

But I realized that a lot of people in my life agreed with what those people thought.

And what was your main feeling?

Like, were you scared?

Were you sad?

Like, what do you remember how you were actually feeling during that period?

I was annoyed.

I didn't want anything to do with them either.

So at that point, it's still just annoying.

I thought that eventually they would move on.

They did not.

And so I became less annoyed and more angry,

but never really sad.

And then I started realizing...

that not only it was the kids and the people being mean,

but it was the government in my state

that was now

also against me

uh today well that is today's slate so let's roll right to the phone say hi to governor abbott morning sir how you doing morning mark how you doing

welcome back in july 2021 texas governor greg abbott spoke to mark davis a local conservative talk show host davis asked abbott about a proposal to outlaw medical treatments for transgender youth which heads up davis Davis puts in pretty crude terms.

I'll be candid with you.

I'll tell you what everybody knows, and that is the chances of that passing

during the session in the House of Representatives was nil.

And as a result, I...

Why in a conservative state with Republicans in charge, a law that says we're not going to let you carve up your 10th grader because he thinks he's a girl,

how in God's name does that not pass in Texas?

I can't answer for that.

However, what I can tell you is I have another way of achieving the exact same thing.

Pretty soon, it became clear what that way was.

In a letter to the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services, Governor Greg Abbott claiming so-called sex change procedures constitute child abuse and directing the agency to investigate any reported instances.

In the letter, Governor Abbott calls on teachers, doctors, and nurses to report if they think these treatments are happening.

This was the moment that these ideas that this teenager was unhealthy and unnatural moved from somewhere out there in Texas to the state house and then landed in her own house, more specifically in her mother's bedroom.

I did not sleep at all that night.

Because theoretically, at least, Child Protective Services could remove a child from their home.

That's her mom, by the way.

We're keeping the family's identities private to try and protect them and their children from harassment.

In their Slack group, the parents of trans kids started to try to manage their panic by trading information.

Could they trust their teachers?

Did they need to prepare an emergency medical file?

Should they hire a lawyer?

Children could be taken from the home or school or anywhere.

at any time and put in foster care during the investigation.

So that's when the real fear began.

Although, maybe it would be more accurate to say that's when the fear became much harder to manage, because the fear had always been there, just in a different way.

The kind of fear you have as a parent when your child isn't like every other child, and you have to actively work to convince yourself that it's okay, they'll be safe if the world will just agree to be nice about it.

The first day that it was

very marked was a school play or a classroom play and she auditioned only for the female parts but at that time wasn't socially identifying as female and

it was perfectly fine.

She got the most glamorous female part, the most glamorous dress costume makeup for it.

And was

the first time I think we really like she really likes that costume.

Can you describe the costume?

I'm curious.

And what year was this, by the way?

Third grade,

so eight years old, and she was Glenda the Good Witch in The Wizard of Oz.

So a pink tulle dress with a big, huge skirt and high heels.

And she had long hair at that time.

Both of our kids had sort of long hair.

When we would go on road trips, when we go to restaurants, restaurants, 75% of the time or more, the servers

would

think they were both girls.

Yeah.

That didn't happen in Austin, but as soon as we left, whenever we'd leave Austin, it'd be like, and for the little ladies.

And they'd be fine with it.

Just so I like, don't exaggerate or say it wrong, like, was it really this smooth?

Like, there was nothing?

Totally.

Before the transition, the only, quote, boy invited to to all the girls' slumber parties, friends who were boys, no friction in the elementary school.

So when is the first moment you remember that

ease not being there anymore?

At age 12, when I think the early signs of puberty began, she started to show.

more distress and came to me and said,

I don't want to be a boy.

I want to be a girl.

And

was from that moment on and never

any wavering has been a girl.

Never a moment.

Changed to a female name, female pronouns,

everything.

How did you think it was going to unfold?

Like, how did you, what did you think the next, like, the middle school, high school years were going to be like?

She was very distressed by the even early signs of male development.

So we spent a lot of time in the what is this, did so much research,

contacted experts who were in these New York Times articles from both sides, had full consultations with them, pros and cons.

got into the local endocrinology clinic, had very very long conversations with them.

I definitely

had the thoughts of like, can a 12-year-old make this decision?

We wouldn't let our child get a tattoo.

Why would we let them do this?

So I definitely went through all of that.

And I'm going to read all of the real primary research on what is what do these interventions do to brain development, heart development.

I definitely was open open to like, if there's a problem with this stuff, I want to know.

I mean, it sounds like you guys are in the sort of parental tight space.

You're like, what's this going to mean for my kid?

Like, what's this going to mean for us as a family?

But you didn't see any like bigger trouble on the horizon.

You weren't thinking about that.

The Texas of it all?

No.

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They decided to start going to the endo, as the teenager called it.

Every three months, the nurse would inject a puberty blocker into her thigh.

She asked her mom to video because it was a big needle and she wanted proof for her future self and everyone else of just how tough she was.

At some point during her treatments, the governor's directive went into effect, which meant that doctors and nurses were required to report any efforts to enable a child's gender transition to child protective services.

It was unclear whether the governor had the authority to issue this directive, but he did.

The clinic told the family that for the moment at least, they would keep seeing patients, implying that they were not going to turn anyone in.

When you said you were up all night, like,

what were the thoughts?

Yeah, the thoughts were, can I send my child to school?

Because I am sending my child into a state-run agency where all of the staff have now been instructed to report us.

So does my child go to school or not?

And

decided the next morning that we had to let our daughter know

if she were called to the office and asked any questions

about her gender to not answer them

and to call us to not give them any information because they said they

could take the child without informing the parents or talking to the parents first.

Later, there were news reports of an eighth grader pulled out of a classroom without his parents present, of an investigator who visited a kid at home and asked, who's the better cook, your mom or your dad?

Do you know where your privates are?

Has anyone touched them?

We had to put together a whole docket of all the paperwork saying trying to prove that it wouldn't be abuse so that if she were taken into foster care, we could get her back as soon as possible.

Was it really like one day it was fine, the next day you hear about a directive on social media?

Like, was that how it happened in your life?

Yes.

Like you're living your life, driving your kids, doing whatever you're doing, and then just one day this lands on you.

Yeah, and I'll give two examples.

One, we had a endocrinology appointment not

long after the

letter and

our daughter was afraid that I was going to be arrested on site and

at the dentist, a new hygienist

pulled me aside and said, y'all aren't safe here.

We had a staff meeting this morning and most of the staff said they didn't think children should be allowed to be transgender, so you should find another practice.

At school, during standardized tests, they have to use my legal name.

In the doctor's office, they have to do the same like protocols as they do with any other boy.

Any like government or official office refers to me as someone that I'm not.

And did that ever happen to you?

Like, did you ever have an encounter of a doctor?

All the time.

It's not just a political situation.

It's like making

my

life a crime, right?

My parents could be sent to CPS and I could go to foster care.

So that was probably the moment.

where it started to make me more sad than angry.

In May, the Texas Supreme Court ruled that the governor could not compel child protective services to investigate.

Civil rights groups also sued the state, which created a legal standstill.

The teenager kept getting her injections.

As summer turned to fall, there was something to grab onto.

Governor Abbott, who had opened these investigations, was up for re-election against Democrat Beto O'Rourke, and the race was at least a race.

The night of the election, some neighbors had planned planned a block party.

Austin's gentle weirdos, as her parents called them, gathered to do their thing.

Play vinyls, drum, have some beers.

Results started coming in.

And I remember that one night when my dad brought everyone and everyone from the street was watching the election.

And then the bad guy that we didn't want to win won.

And then I was around everyone else.

Nobody knew what to say.

Nobody talked about it.

It was just like a Saturday night thing like it was a party because it didn't affect anyone else other than me with this this guy getting elected so for everyone else it was just like they were into politics so they wanted to watch it and then they're like oh he didn't win and then you know said whatever they thought about it but

I was like why is everyone like I didn't say anything I like wanted to go home because I didn't feel like that's something that should be a party.

Yeah, I totally get that.

Like for you, just like some tragedy happened and everyone's like cleaning up the dishes.

It reminded me of the Hunger Games books.

Like where they all go to watch this terrible thing happen,

which I didn't understand.

I think that was just the straw that broke the camel's back, probably.

What was the straw?

The election?

Yeah.

I only went to school for a couple days until I went to the hospital, So

I

you know obviously wasn't in a safe

place

geographically and then also mentally

so

those two combined things

made me make some really bad decisions and

made me close to making another really bad decision.

So I went to the hospital.

Did you take yourself?

Did you ask to go to the hospital?

I knew that I had to.

When I was

getting set up for the hospital, my dad was asking me, like, what's going on?

And I told him it's because of Texas.

And he's like, okay.

When a minor says that they don't feel safe or that they might hurt themselves, it triggers an involuntary commitment process.

And so they took her in an ambulance.

I drove behind because, you know, I couldn't drive her there.

So this was really the first moment of like we're losing control of our child.

Now this process that we've been afraid of for most of the year is now underway.

The wheels are turning and we don't really know

what is going to happen now.

At the intake, the intake person said she didn't think kids should be given the right to choose this as we're

taking her in.

And she had

understood before I did that

we have to leave.

I've been up thinking about what we can do.

And I said, one option is we can move to a different state

where you'd be safe and legal.

And she lit up and said that would make me very happy.

So they made this maybe extreme arrangement.

The teenager would leave right away.

The rest of the family still had a life in Texas, work, school, friends.

So in the meantime, the parents would split their time between California and Austin.

and the whole family would reunite over the summer.

When they called you and said we're moving, what was your reaction?

I was excited.

Obviously, I don't want to move from where I've lived, but it's going to be better.

So

yeah, I was happy.

And what about the rest of your family?

Like, how did, how did the conversations go in the house about moving?

My brother doesn't, my dad doesn't, and my mom don't.

They don't want to move, but

I do.

And if it were up to me, I would probably go and live with my grandparents and let them stay here, say in Texas, because I don't want to do that to them.

But at the same time, I'm not, I didn't want the fact that I happen to live in a place that is in America, the country that is the home of the free.

Like, if I'm just a couple thousand miles away from, you know, not having to feel like this,

I'm not gonna put up with everything.

How is your California school, by the way?

I was curious about it.

I think at my new school,

though, the politics of this area is better,

my peers are a lot worse than in Texas because

they don't understand

truly

how what they say can affect other people.

So they'll say a lot more hurtful stuff and a lot more

often, but

it doesn't really affect me as long as I know that the politics, like here, I'm

safe.

Like, I don't have to hide.

Best case scenario for the summer and the next year, worst case scenario.

Best case scenario, my family gets adjusted and everyone has a good time.

Worst case scenario, they don't like it here and everyone's miserable.

Except for me.

By summer, her whole family joined her in California.

It was not easy for them to move, but at least they could pull it off.

A lot of families in Texas couldn't.

In May, all the doctors at the Texas clinic where the teenager had gotten her shots left.

This happened soon after the Attorney General announced that he was going to investigate the clinic.

In June, the governor signed a new bill, which was a version of the original bill he'd been trying to pass all those years.

This one points at doctors, criminalizing puberty blockers and hormones, and any surgeries for minors.

Basically, any medical interventions that enable a minor's transition.

That law goes into effect September 1st.

This episode of Radio Atlantic was produced by Ethan Brooks and edited by our executive producer, Claudina Bade.

It was mixed by Rob Smirciak, fact-checked by Sam Fentress.

If you or someone you love is having thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or text TALK, that's T-A-L-K to 741-741 to reach the crisis text line.

I'm Hannah Rosen, and we'll be back with a new episode every Thursday.