903. Q&AF: Setting Boundaries, Getting Over Guilt & Developing The Skill Of Patience

Yeah, when we're sleeping on the floor, now my jury box froze.

Fuck up bowl, fuck a stove.

Counted millions in a cold.

Bad bitch, booted swole.

Got her own bank rope.

Can't fold, just a no.

Headshot, case close, close, close.

What is up, guys?

It's Andy for selling.

This is the show for the realists.

Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness, and delusions of modern society.

Welcome to motherfucking reality, guys.

Today we have Q and AF.

That's where you submit the questions.

we give you the answers now you can submit your questions a few different ways the first way is guys email these questions into askandy at andy for sella calm or you go on youtube on the q and a f episodes there's a link there that you click on submit your question there and you can uh call in live on the show and ask your question all right uh throughout the week if this is your first time listening we're going to have shows within the show.

We're going to have cruise the internet.

We call it CTI.

That's where we put topics up on the screen here.

We talk about what's going on in the world.

We speculate.

And then we talk about how we, the people, have to solve these problems going on in the world.

Other times we're going to have real talk.

Real talk is just five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk.

And then we have 75 hard verses occasionally.

That's where someone who has completed the 75 hard program comes on the show.

They talk about how their life was before, how their life is now, and how they used the 75 hard program to get their shit together.

If you're unfamiliar with 75 Hard, it is the initial phase of the Live Hard program, okay, which is available for free at episode 208

on the audio feed.

It's not on YouTube.

It's only audio.

We weren't on YouTube when that came out.

All right.

So.

If you're unfamiliar with Live Hard is the world's most famous mental transformation program, and it is free.

Again, episode 208 on the audio feed.

There's a book on my website called the Book on Mental Toughness.

That website is andyforsella.com.

It's not necessary.

You don't have to buy it, but it's got the entire program plus a whole bunch of other chapters on mental toughness,

why it's important, how to cultivate it, and how to use it in your life.

All right.

With that being said, we don't run ads on the show.

We ask very simply that you help us grow the show by sharing it.

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Share the show.

All right.

What's up?

Greetings, salutations.

Yeah.

How's it going?

Good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're

4th of July.

Guy coming out.

The show is released on Monday.

So, I mean, we'll after, but

it's one of my favorite holidays.

Is it?

Yeah, it is.

Like, is it what's like your holiday rank?

You don't know, man.

thanksgiving for me they're all the same me

yeah

you missed an opportunity there what kwanza no no

what

was i supposed to say kwanza

what was i supposed to say no i said i said mine used to be thanksgiving oh you know i tried to tee you up there but yeah kwanza was equally impressive

That was good.

Oh, that was good, man.

Yeah, that's a good one.

Well, I don't want to leave you out.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, no, it's fine.

Yeah.

It's fine.

Did you know, did you know, fun fact about 4th of July, did you know that the Declaration of Independence wasn't actually signed on the 4th of July?

When was it signed?

I don't know, but it was not on it.

It was approved on 4th of July, but it was signed like, I think, a day later or something like that.

Yeah.

Fun fact.

Cool.

Cool.

They teach you that in Kwanzaa class.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's right after the chapter on fuck America.

That's right.

Yeah.

I didn't read that chapter.

Yeah, I don't know.

No, it's a it's QA, though, man.

It is, uh, this is one of my favorite episodes.

Yeah, me too.

It's awesome.

Get to hear some.

I think we should just switch and say

no more CTIs and only call in Q ⁇ As.

We'll be trying to piss some people off.

I actually think we should do two of these a week.

Two Q ⁇ A's?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what I think.

I think it's a totally different audience.

Well, I know it is.

And I think

the show would be much more valuable if we did two and not just one.

I was going to talk to you guys about it later, but since we're talking about it, it's out in the open.

Yeah.

All right.

I don't know how that would work.

Yeah, I'm the same.

Yeah.

Like, how would we record that with the schedule?

Yeah.

Man, if only I was a professional podcaster and not just a fucking idiot with a microphone.

We do this shit every day.

Yeah, that's right.

All day long, man.

You know, I could get one of those microphones like all these dudes get and just stick it in my face and record 700 videos in a row.

And, you know, I could produce content all day long.

Yeah, read quotes and then interpret them you know like let's do that we'll we'll just read all these quotes and then we'll interpret them and you know we won't talk about any actual lived experience we'll just talk hypotheticals you know what's this mean to you what's your truth you know truth yeah

yeah I could move up from you know 20 rank of 22 that's actually globally that is impressive no it's not we fuck I was number one with MFCEO for a long time, bro.

Overall.

Overall?

Yeah.

Okay.

Shit.

I mean, we were up there, dude.

We got some work to do.

Well, you know what it is, dude?

It's like the podcasting has, you know, back then,

there was not nearly as many podcasts.

And now there's just a ton.

And now big business has gotten involved into podcasts.

So there's these big networks that run massive amounts of advertising.

That's why sharing the show is so important, you know, for us.

We don't take corporate sponsors.

We're not signed up with some network.

It's an independent show that we finance ourselves and we hang in there with the people who are spending millions and millions and millions of dollars to promote the show.

So, you know, it's cool and it's really good.

I know we're the only organic show that's ranked that high for sure, and probably the only unaffiliated show that doesn't isn't on a network besides Rogan.

I think Rogan doesn't.

Oh, no, he's with Spotify.

But I mean, let's just be real.

Rogan's fucking Rogan.

It's a different level.

4.42 4.42 million podcasts yeah that's crazy yeah that's crazy yep that is crazy yeah so well sweet man let's get into it let's make some people better today yeah um let's start off with uh let's start off with a call in let's get our our home homie kristen kristen kristen on the phone let's give her a call

hello this is kristen hey kristen greeting salutation how are you

i'm good how are you doing today?

We are calling from India.

You owe us money.

You owe us money.

Whatever.

Good morning.

It's nice to talk to you.

Your rich uncle passed away and he left you a billion dollars.

I just need two Walmart gift cards.

All I have to do is give you all of my account information and you'll just make sure that that hits.

Yeah, you guys do.

Yeah, I've been listening to you guys too long to be that stupid.

So thanks, guys.

So what's going on, Kristen?

But guys,

man, I really appreciate the call.

I'm so excited about this.

This is fantastic.

So I've been, I'm a big fan.

Thank you guys for everything that you do.

My boyfriend is actually the one who paid the fee and turned me on to y'all.

So we can all thank him for all of the growth personally and professionally that I've done listening to you guys and thanking you.

But I think kind of where I'm at right now is

I'm wanting to keep achieving and keep succeeding, you know, in myself and my career and in my relationship.

But at what point I think

can I start to take more ownership of that and set the boundaries in place so that I'm basically just telling the world, no, get on my schedule or get the fuck out of my face.

I really don't have time for your bullshit.

And I just need, I know what I need to do.

So,

but I also am trying to do this with a partner, and I want him to get his meet his goals.

Um, and I want to support him in that.

And I do think that we have a good thing going, and that we are both very supportive of each other,

but there's still these kind of growing pains and learning curves where

I don't want to keep him from achieving his goals, but I got to go to sleep.

So, if you're going to the gym at 11 p.m., I'm not going with you because I already did my workout this morning you know so setting boundaries for yourself to other people

yeah like setting the boundary I want to support you and your goals you're supporting me and mine

but

at some point something's got to give and I'm not always going to go to the gym with you because I

because we're on different schedules now because I did my shit you have your other shit too and here we are is this a current point of contention where you guys are like disagreeing here?

Or

it has been.

It absolutely has been.

I've done the sleep deprivation thing.

I've got small kids.

I got to go to bed to be my best self.

So it has been, I think, when I first set this question in, it was after a recent, a recent fight about this very topic.

And that's kind of

what led to it.

Well, I mean,

you know, that's a hard question for for me to answer because the answer is so obvious.

You say, hey, I'm fucking tired.

I'm not going to the fucking gym at 11 and see you later.

Like, what,

yeah, what, what does, I mean,

you know, if you guys are in a good relationship,

that should be automatic and it should be understood.

Like, hey, we both have a role to play.

This is my role.

This is what I'm working on.

This is your role.

This is what you're working on.

i mean if that's a problem you know try waking him up at three o'clock in the morning a few times and see how he likes it so uh

you know i i don't that

these are very fundamental automatic things that should be

uh pretty easy to overcome Because dude, if you have a problem, and I'm just going to be real, that's why you called.

If you have a problem setting boundaries about shit like this, you're going to have big problems achieving big goals.

Because

this is a very simple,

a very simple boundary setting exercise that

to

me, and I realize that, you know, to you, it may be different, but to me, that's just super basic shit.

And if we can't have a direct conversation with the person that we live with,

you know, that's going to be a problem because as you go, as you go down the road of building anything, it's going to get harder and harder and harder.

And there's going to be periods of time where there is no time.

And

that has to be understood for a relationship to survive that kind of growth.

And, you know, sometimes they don't survive.

And sometimes people aren't aligned.

And sometimes you don't find out that you're not aligned until later.

You know, everybody.

wants the big prize.

Everybody wants to be proud of what they're doing.

Everybody wants to say they want it.

You know, the aesthetic of hunger is very appealing, but nobody wants to fucking starve.

You know what I'm saying?

And like, dude, when you're talking about building shit, it's starving and it's hard and it takes massive amounts of sacrifice of time.

And,

you know, that has to be understood by both parties or it's going to be a constant, you know, problem.

And dude, I can tell you, you know,

I've been in a number of relationships over the last 26 years.

And every time I was in a relationship where it wasn't complimentary, I made zero progress in my business and my goals because a lot of my attention was put towards appeasing the other person

and,

you know, not getting what I needed to get done done.

And the reality of that looks like.

And we don't want to do that to each other.

Right.

What's that?

Go ahead.

I said, I mean, we don't want to, we don't want to do that to each other.

It's like, we both know that we want to support each other towards reaching our goals.

Yeah.

But sometimes we do that via different routine.

But what I'm telling you is

that we're saying, hey, what I'm telling you is, is it sounds good until it's fucking real.

And everybody says they want to support.

Everybody says they want, you know, to help.

But when it gets real and there's not enough time and.

you know, there's priorities that have to be taken care of, that's where you find out really if people are actually about it.

So so i think you guys need to have some real conversations about

what that actually means because

as you grow and as you progress these things are going to get more difficult and if they're already difficult

you know there needs to be a realignment at a minimum

does that make sense

It does make sense, and I hear that.

And I do think that it is about kind of aligning the routines about it because I don't want to be this person person that's holding him back either.

No, I mean, look, man, it's right.

It's

first of all,

let me be real, dude.

I don't know anybody who has built anything relevant by themselves, meaning

anybody who's built anything, they either built it while they were with a supportive partner and then maybe separated, but I don't know anybody who built it when they were single because, dude, the amount of work and the amount of effort and the amount of

just straight up ass beating that you're going to take,

you have to have someone there that can help you with things.

And

I don't know anybody who is what I would consider massively successful who didn't have a supportive partner, even if they were single.

So,

you know, that's my honest experience.

I can't name one person I know who's who's built anything real that wasn't with a partner that was supportive.

I know a lot of guys who maybe they built something and then got divorced and now they're single.

I know a lot of guys,

you know, who were single in the beginning, got married, had a supportive partner, then, you know, broke up and lost their shit.

But like.

There's just a lot of things that people don't consider.

And I actually believe that the dynamic between men and women especially in building a life i think is very skewed in the way culture and society presents it because i

personally believe that it takes both people and so i think you know this whole identity of you know i could do things on my own i you know i maybe i don't know anybody who has you know what i'm saying not anything real yeah So I think it's just conversations.

I think it's getting aligned, having some conversations and, you know, being real about what it's going to take.

You know what I mean?

Like, there's going to be times where it's going to be really fucking hard.

And you know what?

When those times get really fucking hard, I don't want to hear you fucking cry about it.

I don't.

You know what I'm saying?

Like,

not you, but your partner, you know?

So

what do you think?

Well, I'm just that

I don't, so I'm like, you know, the female in this relationship, right?

But I don't want to be the one who's back burnering my goals and my needs either.

Well, what are your goals?

What are the things I'm trying to achieve?

Well, I'm trying to like

make a high salary and reach that and have investment opportunities through those goals.

And I'm on my way.

I'm making a lot of progress.

But

I don't want to do it by myself either, but I don't want, I don't, it's it's like I want to be able to find this balance.

And I guess that is in setting boundaries.

And so where we're both able to work towards our independent goals, but doing that together so that we can have a together goal.

Yeah.

But I don't, I have my needs that need to be met.

And I don't, and some of that is through the, like our actual relationship.

Yeah.

And I don't want to be the one because I'm, I'm, I am divorced.

So I don't want to go down that fucking road again.

Yeah, he needs, he has needs too.

So it's not just one-sided yeah um

absolutely listen lots of people do what you're trying to do it happens every day uh i don't think this is overly complicated it's just about having some honest communication and keeping communication open without being emotional about it um

right

you know it's

i i don't i don't think anything that you're trying to do is

is

so abnormal that it it's i mean this is the way millions of people operate.

And by the way,

this is something for everybody else too, not, not just you.

This relationship dynamic that you are sold as normal is not that normal.

Okay.

The perfectly happy married couple with the white picket fence that we're all told represents what life is supposed to be.

How many motherfuckers do you know actually have that?

Because I don't know many.

All right.

And I certainly don't know many that have a big life, meaning they've built a lot of things, they make a lot of money, they have the freedom to go spend money and do vacation.

None of those people have this traditional life.

And we all, and this is all of us, spend our time judging our lives against this ideal that nobody fucking has.

Nobody has it.

So when you think of like what you're trying to build, understand that you are free to design that any way that works for you and what you're trying to accomplish.

And none of the ways that you can design are wrong.

There's all kinds of ways to live a relationship.

And just because in the movies, they make it seem this way doesn't mean that if we're not that way, that there's something wrong with what we do.

You know,

so be careful of that too, because a lot of people live against a standard that is very

imaginary, in my opinion.

I just don't know many people that live that.

Yeah.

In theory or application.

Yeah.

I mean, do you?

No, I don't.

I don't.

And, dude, sometimes the happiest people have completely non-traditional relationships.

You know, they, they understand, like, hey, this is what works for us.

Like, bro, I know a dude who's married who lives in a fucking completely different house than his wife.

They're happy as fuck.

Yeah.

You know, and everybody looks at him.

They're like, what's wrong with you?

That's fucking.

Yeah, right.

Well, dude, it works for them.

So who gives a fuck?

Yeah.

You know, so

got to find what works for you.

Yeah.

You know what it does?

It keeps them dating.

Pick you up at nine.

Yeah,

that's actually kind of cute.

Yeah, but not only that, you know, you're not, you're not, there's, there's, there's mystery there.

They're like, bro, it's kind of hard to have mystery when you're taking a shit in front of your wife for 20 years.

You know what I'm saying?

Like,

that dude for real.

So like people dog the dude, but the reality is he's got a healthy relationship.

You see what I'm saying?

100%.

So we got to be careful not to judge everybody just because it looks different.

And I guess what I'm saying to you, Kristen, is get like, get that in your mind, you know, like, dude, there's,

there's no right or wrong way here.

It's, it's about being effective towards what you're trying to do.

And that's just going to require communication.

It sounds like you're with a good dude.

You know, he did, he did.

He did put you onto the show.

That's true.

Yeah.

It sounds like, you know, you, it's honestly, it sounds like you just want confirmation.

And, and the truth of the matter is, is like,

yeah, dude, there's no right or wrong way to do this

just communicate openly and it sounds like he's driven and he's he wants to do his thing and you guys will figure it out man lots of people do lots and lots of people do and i i would say i just want to say this again the happiest people i know do their own thing and they don't measure against what everybody else is doing love it yeah love it i like that yeah

sweet well thanks for uh thanks for taking the call yeah you're welcome yeah

I don't know if you can hear him.

I gave my other earbuds to

my boyfriend.

He's super excited.

Big fan.

Thank you guys.

Keep doing what you're doing.

We appreciate it.

All right.

See you guys.

Yeah, man.

I think a lot of people do that, bro.

Yeah.

Like a lot of people measure their lives and their success and where they are, not against necessarily other people, but against this ideal that they believe is what everybody else has when really, dude, nobody has it.

And they've never seen it.

Bro, I don't know anybody that fucking has it.

No.

You know, you got all these rules in society, bro.

You're supposed to be married by the time you're 30 or 25.

You're supposed to have kids.

You got to do it like this.

You got to do it like that.

You got to do it.

Bro,

that's total bullshit.

You get to do whatever the fuck you want to do.

Like reality, you know, like.

But you know what I was thinking of too?

It's like, it's like, you know, you see like those old movies where like the old married couple, they don't even sleep in the same bed or they had like the two twin beds next to each other.

I'm like, man, that's fucking weird.

But again, like

it works.

My grandparents didn't sleep in the same bed, bro.

There was a lot of rules from the old ways that actually made for better long-term relationships.

You know what I'm saying?

I love the point too, though.

Like, you know, we just like, because again, this is an entrepreneur show, but just trying to build anything, you got to have some type of support there with you.

Like, it's important.

Yeah.

Bro, listen,

I think the male-female dynamic is so fucking fucked up in

the way that it's presented in the world.

You know, we have all these dudes screaming about, I don't need, I don't need bitch.

I'm fucking, you know, I got 10 fucking hoes.

And yeah, that sounds kind of cool, right?

Like when you're 20.

I just, I think there's, I think we

try to put so much pressure to do things a certain way

when when in reality, dude, that there is no certain way, you know, and then when we don't, when we don't go that way,

you know, we judge ourselves harshly, you know, and what I was saying about the male-female dynamic, I got off the track there for a second, you know,

and we got women because of the feminism movement, you know, saying, I don't need no man.

And men are saying, I don't need no woman.

And then both of them are fucking miserable.

Because they're both lying.

Dude, they are both lying.

And they're both trying to posture and bro you you know it's

the truth of the matter is is

i personally think that's another weaponization of culture against people because the reality to build something great takes it takes a partnership dude yeah that's real man that's real uh Let's keep moving.

I got another question for you.

Question number two.

Guys, what's up?

What's up?

Andy, I'm about to turn 40 in a few weeks, and it's causing me to have some really deep reflection.

I've done things I'm not proud of.

I've hurt people, wasted time, broke promises to myself.

Even though I've grown since then, I still carry some shame of those versions of me.

I know holding on to guilt isn't helping, but it feels like I deserve to be reminded.

How do I give myself grace without letting myself off the hook?

I guess is what I'm asking.

Well, I mean, you and everybody else, you think everybody else hasn't had those same regrets?

You think everybody else hasn't done shit that they wish they hadn't?

You think everybody else, see, you just don't see everybody else's shit.

This goes back to fucking what we were just talking about.

Every single person you know, bro, has these same feelings.

Every single person looks back on their life and says, fuck.

I should have done that different, or I was mean there, or I didn't treat that person right.

And they feel bad about it.

Every single person out there looks back and they analyze their life because dude, hindsight is 2020.

You can clearly see the moves looking backwards and they say, fuck, I wasted time here.

I shouldn't have done that or I shouldn't have done this.

And there's two parts to this.

One,

yeah, that's called life, dude.

The only perfect person that's ever existed in the history of humankind is named Jesus Christ.

Is that your name?

Are you Jesus?

Jesus don't count.

Yeah, Jesus don't count, bro.

You're supposed to sin.

You're supposed to fuck up.

That's the whole point.

The better question for you to be learning or for you to ask yourself is what'd you learn?

And the fact that you feel shame and the fact that you feel guilty tells me that you probably learned quite a bit, which is a great thing.

Okay.

So how do you apply those lessons to the next 40 years?

And you keep moving.

And then finally, I would say this.

How would you treat your friend?

If I was your friend and i came to you or the guy's what do you have a name steve

whatever

i came to you i say hey steve um

listen man uh

i feel really guilty about some things i did 10 years ago and i carry a lot of shame well what are those andy well you know i could have done this and you know i was mean to this person and this and that you're gonna look at me and be like

yeah

the exact same thing i'm telling you that was 10 years ago yes

Like, bro, there is an expiration date to your negative deeds.

And you have to understand that.

And for you to say, not let myself off the hook,

the way you not let yourself off the hook is by changing your motherfucking behavior moving forward.

Okay.

So

what would you tell that friend?

I would tell that friend, hey, guess what, Steve?

Everybody has the same feelings you have.

Everybody's made mistakes.

Everybody has skeletons in their closet.

You just aren't privy to seeing those.

So you assume that you're the only one that feels that way when literally every motherfucker out there feels that way in some way, shape, or form.

Some more than others.

Okay.

And yes, there are some people, 30% of people have no inner dialogue.

Those people probably never reflect on anything and they go through life, but here's the problem.

They never develop either.

They never grow.

They never change.

They never progress.

And

you have the opportunity to, by just acknowledging, like, yeah, that's not the person I am anymore.

And I don't do those things and change the behavior.

And that's how you, that's how you do it.

Um,

you know, like you, would you forgive your friend for, for, hat, for doing things like that?

I would.

I would say, hey, bro, don't do that anymore.

It's all good, you know, and that's how you should talk to yourself.

Yeah.

Is there something about, because I feel like a lot of people, once they get up into that age, like, that's when the, they want to start reflecting.

Well, yeah, because you have enough life to reflect on.

You know, like when you're fucking 20, when you're 30, bro, you're looking ahead, you're like, I'm still young.

I have all this time, you know, even though I know a lot of people get 30 and they're like, oh, dude, I'm so old.

That's not real, bro.

When you turn 40 and you're in your mid 40s, you start to realize, well, this is probably close to at least half my life.

How have I lived it?

And it's a different thing.

A lot of people call it a midlife crisis.

It's just a midlife assessment of how you're doing.

And I don't know anybody who hasn't become,

I don't know anybody of quality who hasn't gone through that.

That's normal.

You're going to go through periods of reflection in your life many times.

And I think what makes the one when you're about 40 or, you know, mid 40s more powerful is because you actually can do the math.

You're like, well, fuck.

If I'm double my age, I'm 80.

So this is kind of probably half my life.

How'd I do?

Right.

And it's heavy because you're like, fuck, dude.

You know, because I think everybody has this internal thing where they're like, man, you know, once I get this age, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll improve.

I'll get better.

I'll, I'll become the person I want to be.

And, you know, and then when they don't, they're like, fuck, I'm not even that person yet, you know, and it becomes a real thing.

So you got to stop telling yourself the bullshit story and you got to stop, you got to start living how you know you should live.

Now, how do you balance that?

You know, because you also say, too, like, bro, like, you're one of your biggest critics.

Yeah, absolutely.

And so, like, how do you, I guess, how do you work through that of like making sure that you're not, you know, taking it too fucking easy on yourself?

Well, listen, I'm probably the wrong person to ask that to because like I'm extreme, I am extremely hard on myself.

Anybody who's close to me knows that, like, to the point where it's like probably not good for me mentally.

But

it also is the reason why I am who I am.

So I have to look at my life and say,

am I happy with the result that I've produced so far?

The answer is yes.

How did I get here?

Why did I get here?

What made me get here?

One of those things was

being very critical and aware of myself.

But what I have learned is that you can just adjust that way of living to be your baseline standard.

And you don't have to be that critical.

You don't have to be angry.

You don't have to tell yourself you're a piece of shit, you know?

But doesn't that get harder, though, when you have more proof in the pudding, if you will, right?

Like now you're doing stuff.

You have less people doubting you.

You know what I'm saying?

So like, how do you

I guess like, how do you work that when you're not like

people believe?

Like they know, okay, yeah, you're doing some shit.

You've done some shit, right?

Like, and so, like, how do you, I guess, just keep yourself in check, I guess, in that they're like, no, I still got some shit to do.

You got to set bigger goals.

Your goals got to be like the goals I have, the amount of progress I've made in my life from where I started to where I am now is not even close to the amount of progress I actually want to make.

So

when I look at

how do I stay hungry, driven, you know, sharp, which I think is what you're asking,

my goals are so big that I still feel behind from where I'm at.

And I think where people get really messed up

is they get to a certain point where they're comfortable and then they start saying, I've got it made.

I can relax.

They abandon all the habits that got them to where they are.

And then they end up losing because

you are in a competition.

Okay.

And there's other people playing the game.

And a lot of people will say, well,

it's not a competition.

No, that fucking is.

It absolutely is.

If you're in business, it's totally competitive.

And the minute you get complacent,

you're going to get beat.

And so I think the way to trick yourself into not being complacent is to continue to expand your goals

to something that will take your whole life to achieve.

You know, and then they will say, well, then you'll never achieve it.

That's right.

Because the achieving is not the point.

It's the person you become along the way.

And it's the process and the standard that you live in line with.

And

a lot of people don't get that.

You know, a lot of people will say, well, I'm just in it for the money.

You'll fucking lose, bro.

You'll lose because you're competing against people like me that love the fucking war, bro.

Like, I fucking love it.

Every day I wake up, I'm like, I might be like, fuck, this sucks.

But the minute I get out there, I'm fucking trying to kill you.

And, you know, it's you either are for it or you're not for it.

I can tell you this.

Every single badass entrepreneur entrepreneur I've ever met, they're fucking straight killers, dude.

Like they do not fucking give a fuck about feeling tired.

They don't complain.

They don't bitch.

And the minute someone else bitches about being tired, they get excited because they're like, I got this motherfucker.

It's my blood.

Yeah, bro.

And like, dude, this is the problem with the internet.

The internet has created this fucking

thing where everybody thinks they're an entrepreneur.

And like, the truth of the matter is, most people just are not fucking wired for it, dude.

They're not.

And you will have all these coaches out there say, oh, that's bullshit.

They're wired for, no, they're doing that to take your fucking money.

Okay.

If you can't show up day in and day out, hungry to win on your own without having to be fucking motivated or excited or told, you won't make it long term, dude.

You just won't make it.

You got to have the fire inside of you.

And that's it.

I don't know how to explain this to to people i try to explain it to them but you know

the statistics back it too bro you know

eight percent of the people are entrepreneurs now it's like closer to 10 because of the internet but like how many of those people stay in the same thing as an entrepreneur for more than 12 months right entrepreneurship is not you know running a

uh you know coaching scheme That's not entrepreneurship, bro.

That's easy money that people make by pretending to be something they aren't.

You know, we're talking about actually building a product that benefits people, that has long-term potential.

There's not many people that can do that, dude.

And there's not many people that can do it for years and years and years.

And by the way, there's not many people that want to do it for years and years and years.

It's fucking hard, bro.

But there is a segment of people who love that it's that hard.

And they're fucking insane.

I don't know what I tell you about my, when you tell, what I text you earlier.

I'm insane.

You literally said that.

I'm fucking insane, bro.

Like, and every other motherfucker that I know that operates at a high level, they're insane too.

They might hide it better than me.

They might like be really proper, you know?

But I promise you, when you get a couple drinks in them and you sit down at the fucking table in my, in my cigar lounge,

what the fuck do they say?

They say the same shit, bro.

They're fucking insane.

So are you insane?

Probably not.

Can you make some money?

Yes.

Do you have a good grasp of how hard it's going to be?

I don't think so.

And so that's why I try to tell people the truth, bro, because like there's so many people out here telling all these people the wrong shit that it's going to be easy and you just got to do this and that and this.

And, you know, you could just be an entrepreneur and fucking kick your feet up and all this bullshit.

And dude, what happens is, is that people

try.

And then they fail.

And then they think, well, how come everybody else is doing this so easily and then they think it's them when in reality they've been lied to this is the same thing in the weight loss industry okay in the weight loss industry

there's all these products that have come around for years and years and years and years and years that say take this and you'll get in shape okay

every motherfucker knows that that's not true everyone all right but they buy the shit anyway because they're looking for a workaround they're looking for a hack they hope that maybe this is the one thing.

And these companies know that.

Okay.

So they know that

if they promise someone easy results, they will get the money and that the person will actually blame themselves for their lack of results.

Okay.

They're not going to blame the product because they already knew the product wasn't going to work.

And they also knew that they ate like shit while they were taking the product.

When in reality, bro, it's just fucking hard, man.

It's boring.

It's monotonous it's it's the hardest thing you could ever do for for for work uh and it's not for everybody so i i you know

it frustrates me because i see a lot of really good people who are really good at what they do fail at being an entrepreneur when in reality they should never have been one in the first place nobody yeah

If you don't have a high tolerance for pain, bro, and you don't have, now you can build that.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's the point of fucking living the live hard and 75 hard lifestyle.

But if you don't have a high tolerance for literal pain and frustration

and you can't be fueled by fucking anger and hate, you're not going to make it, dude.

I'm sorry.

You're not.

You're not.

I love it.

Because that's all you get.

All you get is resistance from every fucking direction.

All you get is.

Endless supply.

Yes.

That's all you get.

You get told you're stupid.

You get told you're going to lose.

You get told you're unrealistic.

You get told you're materialistic.

You get told that your priorities are fucked up.

You're greedy.

You forgot where you came from.

You're not humble.

Et cetera, et cetera.

It goes on and on and on.

Listen never stops.

And then on top of it, you're going to get hit with bullshit.

Okay.

You're going to have people steal from you.

You're going to have people scam you.

You're going to have problems with, you know,

regulations and taxes and people fucking sabotaging your business from the inside.

You're going to have your competitors do fucked up shit, bro.

It never ends.

It never fucking ends.

And if you can't tolerate that, you cannot win.

It's impossible.

So you have to be someone who is willing to take all of the negativity, all of the pain, all of the frustration, and swallow it and then turn it into things that actually are productive as opposed to sitting down and pouting or pretending you're some sort of fucking victim.

That's the game.

The game is pain, you swallow the pain, you turn it into productive action, and you win when everybody else sits on the sideline and cries.

That's the fucking game.

Okay, so let's be fucking honest about it.

It's hard as fuck, period.

If you're not wired for hard as fuck, you shouldn't fucking do it.

That's real, man.

That's real.

We got one more question for you.

We got another call in here.

Let's get our guy, Christian.

Christian.

Christian on the line.

Isn't that what we just had?

Christian.

Okay.

This is Christian.

That's Christian.

Yeah.

Got it.

Let's give him a call.

Hello.

Christian, what's up, my man?

What is up, man?

How you doing?

Oh, man.

You know, I'm all right.

Thank you for asking.

Nobody ever.

Thank you.

That's because no one cares.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

What's up, bro?

How you doing, man?

It's a pleasure to speak with you guys.

Yeah, man.

What's going on?

Where you at?

I'm out of Fortland, Maryland.

Maryland?

Maryland.

All right.

All right.

That's some good lobster up there.

Yeah, man.

We went to Maryland one time on a lacrosse trip.

Got our fucking asses kicked.

27 to fucking three

by a school.

A school is called Calvert Hall.

I'll never forget it, bro.

Oh, yeah.

Yep.

Straight up ass beating.

Wait, is it one point a score?

Yeah, Yeah, they scored that many goals.

Yes.

Godly, bro.

Yes.

It was, it was an ass beating.

That's what I think of when I think of Maryland.

That's how, and by the way, that was like 25 fucking years ago.

You're bringing up some PTSD.

Yeah,

serious trauma.

So anyway.

How can we help?

Thanks for bringing up my PTSD, bro.

All we got here is blue crabs and that's about it.

Yeah.

Fucking lacrosse.

Really?

is a pretty good lacrosse.

Yeah.

All right, brother.

So what's up, man?

How can we help you today?

Yeah.

So just some context.

Me and a good friend of mine, we

started a t-shirt printing company last summer, June, actually while I was doing 75 Hard for the first time.

And we've kind of grown as the years progressed.

And now we're making a big financial jump and we've invested in some big equipment, you know, like large format printer,

just big equipment so we can get into commercial signage and vehicle wraps and stuff like that, like higher ticket stuff.

And when I'm at home and, you know,

I'm away from the office, like sometimes I get this feeling like, dude, you're wasting time, like watching a movie with the family or like, you know, you guys are going to do this and you're just wasting time.

Go home and go work.

Like now it's like real, like you have a financial.

investment into the company like you need to go work and it's pretty hard to like be present or like try to calm down at all because all i can do is like visualize what i want in the company you know like oh i want the branding to be this and i want the culture to be like this and it just makes it really hard if that makes sense so um makes a lot of sense we were just talking about

i was just talking about this before we called you regarding something else so yeah it makes a whole lot of sense bro but keep going

Yeah, I mean, my main question is like, how do you grow the skill of patience?

Because I know, I know what we, what we want in the business and what it's going to look like in 10 years, but I know it's going to take work and time to get there.

But like, how do I not like

completely break down until we get there?

Like with, I just get this burning feeling in my stomach every time I visualize this stuff.

And, you know, maybe it's a good thing, but it's hard to just be present and kind of chill out.

Well,

welcome to being an entrepreneur.

Okay, you are a real entrepreneur.

You are understanding exactly exactly what I was just talking about, which was this shit is not for everybody.

It's very, very difficult and it

takes up everything.

I'll answer your question here in a second.

Christian is telling you guys what we just talked about on the show.

What that really feels like.

That is what it fucking feels like.

It is fucking all-encompassing.

It is an anxious feeling in your stomach 24 hours a day.

You can't really figure out why and you can't get rid of it.

All right.

And if you can't live that way 24 hours a day for a fucking decade,

dude, you can't do it.

It's that, that's the truth.

So to you, Christian,

that's exactly normal.

So first of all, you're not abnormal for feeling that way.

I still feel that way.

I feel that way every single day.

Now,

how do you get more patience?

I had a guitar instructor for

about 10 years ago.

And

he said to me one day, you know, I get pretty frustrated when I'm not good at things and I'm not very good at guitar.

And he's like, Andy.

Or lacrosse.

Yeah, he's, you know, I'm pretty good.

Other motherfuckers, bro.

Shit.

It would have been 40 to fucking three.

That's right.

That's right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I was working off pure intimidation, bro.

I was hacking these motherfuckers in the ears and shit, just trying to get them to stay away.

Apparently, people are pretty tough in Maryland.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So anyway,

he said to me, he said, hey, man, he said,

you're not very patient.

And I said, yes, I'm aware.

And he said, do you know how you develop patience?

And I said, no.

And he says, by doing things that require patience.

And I'm like, huh, no shit.

And, but that stuck with me, right?

It was something I remembered.

So

we're going to give you a little hack here.

All right.

You can't just ignore your family while you build your business.

Okay.

Nor do you need to.

Now, let me give you some

advice from someone who's been in this for 26 years.

felt exactly like you and I do feel exactly like you.

But what I can tell from looking back is that I didn't have to feel that way the entire time.

I have passed on many events, I have passed on many vacations, I have canceled vacations the day before I was supposed to go many times.

I have done all of these things, and the truth of the matter is, bro, I would have ended up here anyway.

I would have ended up here anyway.

So, my advice to you as a young man is to do it the best that you can to understand that if you are effective day in and day out,

you can still be present with your family and it will save you regret later.

Okay.

You don't want to miss these times with your family.

And it's very easy for us as entrepreneurs to tell ourselves,

you know, hey,

if I, if I, I've got to sacrifice this for this, but dude, you don't want to ruin that part of your life when you don't have to.

So, right.

Yeah.

Yeah, bro.

So Ed, my business partner in Arate, Ed Milette,

he has a really good method for this, and I'm going to share it with you.

And this is his method, not my method.

But what he actually does is he schedules time with his family.

And I know that sounds like kind of cold.

They don't know that it's scheduled, but he knows it's scheduled.

So he actually puts the time in to his phone.

Hey, these three hours are for my family.

And he turns his fucking phone off during that time.

And

dude, you know, I don't really have to do that because I don't have kids, but it seems to work for him.

And from a lot of the people in Arte, they've started to do the same thing.

And they all report that that's very helpful.

So when we talk about,

you know, what it's like to be an entrepreneur,

Yes, it's very hard.

Yes, it takes everything.

But

just because you're competitive and you want to be in the game more doesn't necessarily mean you won't be where you want to be if you still do other things.

Remember, dude, one day we're going to be fucking dead.

And it's very important for you to

realize that like,

Yes, it's exciting.

Yes, you want to win.

Yes, you've got your ass on the line.

I understand all of those things.

But also,

you don't want to be alone when you're 70 years old because you fucking punked out on your family right now.

You don't have to.

You don't have to.

You don't have to.

I have a lot of regrets.

And one of my regrets is that I missed a lot of things thinking that I had to when I really didn't have to.

And I've talked to a lot of entrepreneurs who feel that same way.

So

take it from me, you know, someone who's been down the path that you're on, you know, you don't have to do that, bro.

I can hear it in your voice.

You're committed.

You guys are already making the financial investments.

You're thinking about it nonstop, which means this is not a side project to you.

This is a fucking main priority.

I can hear it in everything that you said.

So

you being aware of those things and thinking that way.

gives you a massive advantage over everybody else because what we were just talking about before you called in was basically the idea that everybody thinks that entrepreneurship is just something.

They think of it as like they can just do it and it's going to be easy and everybody does it.

And I can already tell that you're obsessed and obsession is what the fuck it takes, bro.

So you are going to have to learn and trust

that

this time with your family is not only important,

but

it's going to contribute to what you're trying to do because it's going to remind you consistently of why you do it.

So

that's my take on it, bro.

I think it's very, very important for you to realize that, you know, you're going to get there either way, dude.

I can hear it in your voice.

I appreciate that.

Yeah.

Anything else?

Well, I mean, I don't want to take up your guys.

No, you're good.

That's it.

We're here for you, bro.

I just want to say thank you man um you know big shout out to uh monte kaufman and marcus elon they last year i was 350 pounds and they pushed me to do uh 75 hard dropped like 40 pounds during 75 hard and dropped another 20 and uh my wife just completed 75 hard and i have other family members saying they want to do it now so um you know I always go back to you saying leading by example, like, you know, you turn the page and everybody else will kind of start turning with you.

And it's true.

So I just want to say thank you for that.

No, bro.

I mean, that's, that's what it's about.

That's what being a leader is about.

That's what being a man's about.

That's exactly what this country needs is men like you who are going to set an example for other people to follow.

And when we talk about personal excellence being the ultimate rebellion, it's going to come from the individual level.

If we want things to change, we have to change.

And if we change, other people see it, they change.

And it flows down,

you know, from there.

So that's exactly the point, bro.

So like, don't, don't thank us, man.

I'm thanking you.

Like, thank you for taking that obligation serious because it's going to be men like you that change the entire fucking country.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I appreciate what you guys do.

And,

you know, it's extremely important.

So, all that shit makes sense that we're talking about here on your question?

No, it did.

Yeah, no, yeah, 100%.

I know it's normal.

Well, I don't think it's, I mean, it's not normal between everybody.

I know, obviously, the few people that I do know that are in business share the same feeling, but it's just that's that's probably the biggest thing I struggle with.

Just it never leaves my head.

Yeah, it won't.

So it never will.

That's but that's okay.

It never will, bro.

You're never going to be the same as you were before.

You're never going to be mindlessly going through life.

And like

you're

the peace you had in ignorance of entrepreneurship will never return.

It will never return.

You will never be standing by the pond with the wind blowing through your hair being like, fuck, this is great.

It'll never be that way again, dude.

You're changed.

You're different.

And maybe after you exit the business one day, maybe that will come back.

But once you enter into this game and once you get like a taste for it and you realize it's for you, your life will never be the same, dude.

You'll never see things the same.

You'll never feel the same.

And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

It's just completely different.

And we, as entrepreneurs, also have to recognize that all of this shit that we see on the internet, all of these memes, all of these recommendations, all of this advice, all of these rules, all of these things that we are inundated with are not meant for us.

These are meant for regular people doing regular life.

We live by a different code, a different set of rules.

And if we consume all of that information and we take it to heart and we try to live at those standards that everybody else tells us that we're supposed to live at, we will go fucking crazy because it's not in line with what the reality of our lives are as entrepreneurs.

So keep that in mind because you're going to look out on the internet and you're going to see everybody doing things a certain way.

They're going to be judging you for doing something different.

And it'll drive us crazy, dude, if we don't recognize that we have chosen a completely different path in life.

So

keep that in mind, dude.

Your mental

being obsessed the way that you are already, if you don't balance it out with awareness in terms of

that we're just built different and we accept that,

it's going to really fucking drive you crazy.

So

That goes for everybody out there building something like dude their rules and your rules are completely different and it's something that we have to accept it took me a long time to accept that you know I'm reading all this shit all the time and hearing people talk about this and balance and this and that and this and I'm like fuck I can't do that and then I finally realized there is no there is no balance fuck no bro it's it's a fucking fallacy dude and

you know trust me man

all your people and your friends and they can all still be your friends and they can all still, you can all still hang out with them, but they're never going to get it.

They're never going to fucking get it.

And as long as you get it, you're going to be able to keep those relationships.

As long as you can look at them and say, hey, it's cool.

They just don't get it.

And just kind of accept it.

I take it personally.

Yeah, right.

Exactly.

Like, that's how I look at it, bro.

Like, you know, I have people

say things to me still and they're like, oh, you know, and I'm like, yeah, it's cool.

They don't fucking get it.

Still a good dude.

You know what I mean?

Just a little retarded.

You know, I didn't say that, but you know what I'm saying?

Look, dude, it's just different paths.

It's just different paths, man.

And that's what we were talking about before you called in, brother, was how the entrepreneurship path has been presented as if it's some sort of easy path to create freedom when in reality, it's like running the motherfucking gauntlet.

over and over and over again for your whole life, you know?

And

I don't know.

I wouldn't change it, but it's just not for everybody, you know?

Love it, man.

No, and like, I'm only 27, so I'm relatively young, but like my whole time growing up, obviously I had social media the whole time, and you guys talk about it, but like people just taking pictures with private jets and luxury cars.

And hey, I do insider stock trading, like, you know, but they're full of BS.

But, you know, the regular people out there, me included, I mean, I believe it for a long time.

It's like, what am I doing doing wrong?

Like, what?

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like,

and so I totally see that.

Bro, these people are full of shit, dude.

There's services that allow you to rent cars and rent jets to take pictures for your fucking Instagram.

Okay.

A lot of these people are financing their cars for 10 fucking years.

Like,

it's so fake, dude.

You,

you, look, unless you can order their product, see it on shelves, you know, see a building or some sort of actual organization or they have,

they got to have the fucking receipts, bro, and not just like the nice shit, okay?

What, where's your employees?

Where's your product?

Can I order your product?

How long have you been doing it?

Where do you, where's your offices?

What, you know, like, bro,

most of these people are total fucking liars.

So.

You just got to keep that in mind.

And by the way, their day will come.

Okay.

The day when their car gets repossessed and they look and they get embarrassed on the internet or they get caught scamming or

whatever, man.

Like their fucking day will come.

And it's irrelevant.

It's totally irrelevant.

You got to show up every single day.

And like you said, you know,

you got to show up.

You got to do everything you can.

And you still have to have patience for the long game.

You know, every single day has to be executed with urgency, with tasks that are critical, that move you forward.

And you still have to understand that it's going to take five, 10 years to really get it moving the way you want.

So

we call that aggressive patience.

If you've been listening to the show, you know that.

Yep.

But dude, look, man,

don't sacrifice your family for this.

Okay.

You don't need to.

That's the biggest thing I need you to take away.

Like, you don't need to make that sacrifice.

Schedule that time, be present, put your phone away the world is not going to burn the fuck down while you're going to a movie or having dinner or even going on a vacation and the truth of the matter is the reason i know that is because i all that shit up so

take it from me i love it yeah well it do well thank you guys so much i appreciate it all right brother

have a good day yep you too

Yeah, man, I think a lot of people fucking, you know,

they think they, they think they got to fucking give up everything.

You don't have to give up everything, bro.

You just got to, you can't coast.

Yeah.

You know, you got to show up every day, give it everything you fucking got.

And, and, you know, part of success is, is having good relationships and friends.

That's, success is not just a financial thing.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

100%, dude.

But it definitely includes finances because there's a lot of people who are like, oh, I'm wealthy.

And no, you're not.

You got good friends.

You got good family.

You're poor.

Right.

I'm being honest.

That's real.

That's a real thing.

That's real.

Like this whole fucking thing.

You can have all the money in the world and have nobody.

You can.

That's right.

There's thing.

And you want, you don't, you don't want to be poor either way.

Yeah.

But the point of the matter is, I get tired of seeing this shit on the internet where it's like, this is the new wealth.

No, fucking those numbers in your bank account.

or your investment portfolio is your fucking wealth.

Still wealth.

Let's, let's not, because all that is, is people letting themselves off the hook for their financial uh misfortunes right the lack of execution yeah like oh this is the new rich no rich is rich

like i don't know what to tell you you know i i

you know what i'm saying i get it i get it i get it it's real oh yeah

you know

feeling good is so rich but car decline yeah right yes yes

you better lul your movie yes it all it all matters bro and you don't get to say like just like i don't get to say, oh, I've got a lot of success financially.

You know,

this over here is great too.

I'm not, you can't pretend.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, now I'm, but I'm aware of that.

And I do have great relationships and all those things.

But I'm not saying I don't, but I'm saying just because you're fucking poor, you don't get to say you're rich.

And, you know, I'm rich in other ways.

Okay, you got some good friends and good family, but your bank account says that you're poor.

Yeah.

Let's be honest.

That's real.

Okay, and by the way, if you would like to live that way and you're happy, there's nothing wrong with that.

If you're really happy, yes, but don't pretend you're happy just so you can sound cool on the internet.

I love it, man.

Yeah, I love it, man.

Well, guys, Andy, that was three, man.

All right, guys.

Well, we'll see you tomorrow for CTI.

Counted millions in the cold.

Bad bitch, booted swole.

Got her own bank rope.

Can't fold, just a no.

Headshot, case close.