A Scandal in Bohemia - Part One

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Speaker 11 First off, this never happens, but if you were planning on listening to this self-contained, you will need some detail from the Charles Augustus Milverton case.

Speaker 11 I will put that in the episode description rather than saying it here, because, hey, you could also go and listen to Charles Augustus Milverton first, and then you're all set, aren't you?

Speaker 9 Um,

Speaker 11 right.

Speaker 9 Yes, now, um, I have to be careful what I can and can't say, because,

Speaker 5 yeah, police.

Speaker 10 and all that.

Speaker 11 So, yeah, welcome to A Scandal in Bohemia.

Speaker 10 This adventure is a whopping, well, semi-whopping five parts, all available at Patreon.

Speaker 13 Yeah, it has swearing, it has sexual references, it's

Speaker 11 yeah, it's something,

Speaker 9 it's something.

Speaker 12 Strap in, everybody.

Speaker 14 Enjoy.

Speaker 11 Hopefully, that is vague enough for British law enforcement and enticing enough for our audience.

Speaker 10 Let's see.

Speaker 9 Good luck, everyone.

Speaker 9 You'll never survive me as I said.

Speaker 9 You know

Speaker 9 where

Speaker 9 I'm

Speaker 9 never surviving after I did.

Speaker 15 What do you want?

Speaker 9 Sherlock

Speaker 9 Sherlock. Hmm?

Speaker 7 What do you want?

Speaker 16 Want,

Speaker 16 Watson.

Speaker 7 Yes, want.

Speaker 14 What do you want?

Speaker 9 What do I want?

Speaker 16 There is a mighty weight in the tiny question, Dr. Watson.

Speaker 6 Drops of Jupiter.

Speaker 9 What?

Speaker 13 It's a song by train.

Speaker 11 Drops of...

Speaker 17 Yeah. No, I like that.

Speaker 16 A drop of Jupiter. So small, but so

Speaker 16 massive.

Speaker 9 Okay,

Speaker 12 what do you want?

Speaker 16 I want

Speaker 16 that

Speaker 16 other me.

Speaker 16 That me that could have been

Speaker 16 that me that deviated from this form I now am.

Speaker 16 He is out there, Watson,

Speaker 16 in an office, or working in a shop, perhaps on the stage or in a lab.

Speaker 16 The other me

Speaker 17 So

Speaker 17 I want

Speaker 17 I want

Speaker 18 peace.

Speaker 16 I want to curtail the unceasing tick of notions and the talk of scrutiny that grinds at a constant rhythm through every vessel, pore, and gland in my body that presses my bones and gnaws into my marrow.

Speaker 16 I want rescue and relief from the descending troop of incessant computation that encircle and close in on that last quiet place inside me, Watson.

Speaker 16 A sheltered nook within

Speaker 16 that harbours this valiant dissident of tranquility,

Speaker 10 of peace,

Speaker 17 of rest.

Speaker 16 And I want a tea, I think.

Speaker 17 Yes, tea.

Speaker 18 Not coffee?

Speaker 16 No, I think not, Watson.

Speaker 9 Okay, tea. Fine.
But

Speaker 16 then there is that impending storm of doubt, John.

Speaker 16 I feel the dankness of its approach. That sultry, heavy herald of a tempest that suffocates my certainty.

Speaker 9 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 16 The wind vane of decision twitches ever so subtly,

Speaker 16 whining as the worn iron pivots and reorients me.

Speaker 16 In a billow of conviction, my mind emigrates across the sodden marsh of equivocation to a new land,

Speaker 17 a sunlit world of

Speaker 17 revelation.

Speaker 19 So, coffee, then, yeah, right.

Speaker 13 My name is Dr. John Watson, once of the British Army Northumberland Fusilier Regiment, now a true crime podcaster based in central London.

Speaker 13 I don't have much experience in criminology, so this is mostly a record of how I met possibly the most brilliant and bizarre person I have ever and will ever know.

Speaker 13 Join me as I document the adventures of Sherlock Holmes.

Speaker 9 Just a question.

Speaker 21 Why are you dressed as a Sainsbury's employee?

Speaker 14 Approval needed.

Speaker 16 Can I see some ID, please, boss?

Speaker 5 You know how old I am.

Speaker 16 If you don't present some identification, can I ask that you put those beers to one side?

Speaker 7 Sherlock, can you please just

Speaker 16 one moment? Sherlock.

Speaker 10 Oh, God's sake.

Speaker 14 Approval needed.

Speaker 13 Is that excuse me?

Speaker 5 Hi.

Speaker 14 Hi, can you or just look away, I suppose?

Speaker 7 That's fine. Hello?

Speaker 9 Can you help?

Speaker 3 My colleague will be right over.

Speaker 9 Approval cadence.

Speaker 5 Yeah, he doesn't work here. He doesn't.

Speaker 14 He's useless. Absolutely useless.

Speaker 20 Can I help?

Speaker 22 Just stop.

Speaker 20 Everything alright, my guy.

Speaker 9 Don't. J.

Speaker 5 Can you tell a real employee to authorise me, please?

Speaker 8 I.D. Fine, fine.

Speaker 18 There.

Speaker 17 Is this you in the picture?

Speaker 9 Haha.

Speaker 9 Huh.

Speaker 16 Funny. Cool.
Let me just authorize that.

Speaker 12 This feels illegal.

Speaker 9 Where did you get that?

Speaker 21 Did you take that from an actual Sainsbury's employee?

Speaker 16 Have a great day, boss.

Speaker 17 Oh,

Speaker 9 God.

Speaker 7 Hey, it's the Merrillows.

Speaker 9 Yeah, good, mate. Good.
Oh,

Speaker 7 I know you.

Speaker 9 Hi, Eugenia.

Speaker 9 You're looking well. Oh, not nearly as well as you.
How's life?

Speaker 9 It's perfect.

Speaker 7 Mark doesn't look so sure.

Speaker 16 She keeps stealing all the bloody biscuits.

Speaker 24 That's why.

Speaker 9 We gotta run, mate.

Speaker 5 Yeah, of course. Of course.
We'll see you soon, you look.

Speaker 23 Hey, John, it's Gregson again. Just want to have that chat when you get a chance.
Know you're busy. Alright, cheers, Bal.

Speaker 9 Hey, Arch! Archduke!

Speaker 7 Archduke Franz Ferdinand!

Speaker 5 No, that's not a nice name for you, is it, Archie boy?

Speaker 7 Hey, I think I might have to get some breakfast on my chum-chummer.

Speaker 9 And yes, there will be bacon. There will be bacon!

Speaker 7 I don't know if Daniel Day-Lewis actually shouts there will be blood, but that little fluffy mate was an impression of Daniel Day-Lewis.

Speaker 20 Jesus Christ!

Speaker 16 Everything alright, Watson.

Speaker 15 How did you get back here before me?

Speaker 16 Get back here? I don't follow. I've been in my room all morning.

Speaker 14 Oh, do me a favour.

Speaker 16 Anything for my dear Watson? What's the favour?

Speaker 20 Stop messing around, okay?

Speaker 15 How did you get back here before me?

Speaker 16 I don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 5 I know that was you in Sainsbury's.

Speaker 20 Perhaps I have a doppelganger.

Speaker 16 Another me.

Speaker 16 Another life I deviated from.

Speaker 25 Perhaps you have brain damage.

Speaker 16 That is rather cruel.

Speaker 5 The disguises.

Speaker 15 Right, come on, what's the point to all this?

Speaker 16 Do you need help with the shopping? Is that the problem? Have I read the situation incorrectly? I apologize. Must be the autism.

Speaker 10 Must be that.

Speaker 26 Haha, you are. Everything awesome.

Speaker 18 Stop.

Speaker 5 Stop it. Just...

Speaker 12 What are you doing?

Speaker 16 You can't shout at me. I'm neurodiverse.

Speaker 20 I will summon the mob of the awoken. It's the woke mob.
What's the difference?

Speaker 5 Please, I am asking nicely now.

Speaker 26 Include me in the...

Speaker 20 Whatever it is. Why?

Speaker 5 Why are you incessantly changing disguises over and over and over again?

Speaker 16 Uh can I have further examples to that accusation?

Speaker 5 The estate agent, right?

Speaker 25 You showed a couple around this flat on Tuesday.

Speaker 20 Did I? Yes.

Speaker 5 Daniel and Lizzie.

Speaker 20 Weren't they delightful?

Speaker 18 Aha, see?

Speaker 7 It was you. Bucker.

Speaker 5 You idiot. You are the stupidest genius I have ever met.

Speaker 18 Stupid?

Speaker 16 I think you'll find they made me an offer.

Speaker 15 But the flat is not for sale.

Speaker 16 Not with that attitude, it isn't.

Speaker 18 I'm just...

Speaker 5 You're an estate agent. Then you're checking my ticket on the tube.
Then you're trying to get me to sign up to a charity.

Speaker 26 Then you're pouring me a pint.

Speaker 5 And then you're offering me a new life insurance policy.

Speaker 16 It was income protection insurance. You weren't paying attention.

Speaker 5 Yeah, please explain. Let me into the tent.

Speaker 16 What tent?

Speaker 13 It's an expression.

Speaker 5 To be inside the tent, pissing out rather than outside the tent pissing in.

Speaker 16 Ugh, that's hideous.

Speaker 9 Yeah, well,

Speaker 15 what would you prefer?

Speaker 16 I would like you to be in the figurative tent and to urinate outwards.

Speaker 9 Thank you.

Speaker 21 So,

Speaker 13 explain.

Speaker 16 I have a hunch.

Speaker 5 What is the hunch?

Speaker 16 That disguises will be required for our upcoming case.

Speaker 26 What do you mean by upcoming?

Speaker 9 As

Speaker 20 a client paid a retainer, or no.

Speaker 26 Then what? What do you mean?

Speaker 9 The woman.

Speaker 5 Oh, not this.

Speaker 20 No.

Speaker 16 You wish to piss, do you not, Watson? Sherlock. Hey.
Watson, come into the tent, open your trousers, and we shall urinate together.

Speaker 9 Um,

Speaker 5 it's an expression. Sure.
Sherlock's doing it again.

Speaker 27 I don't want to know. No, not.

Speaker 5 He's doing disguises.

Speaker 27 Sherlock?

Speaker 16 I'm neurodiverse. Stand back, or I'll de-platform you.
Prepare to be cancelled.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I wish I bloody was de-platformed.

Speaker 20 We'll have to share it with you.

Speaker 26 God's sake.

Speaker 27 Why are you doing these disguises?

Speaker 9 He thinks it's for a client.

Speaker 27 What client? You told me to hold off on the Atkinson brothers.

Speaker 16 The woman. I'm going to speak with her.

Speaker 27 Sherlock, listen to me, okay? You cannot have your cake and eat it too.

Speaker 16 I'm not hungry. Actually, what kind of cake is it? Expression.

Speaker 9 Oh.

Speaker 27 You either come forward as a witness to the murder, right? And work with the police on that. We know Lestrade wants cooperation, don't we, John?

Speaker 9 Yep.

Speaker 27 Or, if it is what you think, it's too dangerous, okay? It's too risky to come out and put the company on this case. So we leave it to the police.
We move on. We get other cases.

Speaker 7 Yeah, Dutch royalty, remember? It's still an option, right, Mary?

Speaker 16 Yep, still an option. I do not make my decisions based on fear or any other emotion for that matter.

Speaker 27 I am not saying you're scared.

Speaker 16 I have a precise and balanced mind. I am the most perfect reasoning and observing machine the world has ever seen.

Speaker 16 I do not allow such intrusions into my own delicate and finely adjusted temperament, and if I was to introduce a distracting factor, it might throw doubt upon all my mental results.

Speaker 16 Grit in a sensitive instrument, or a crack in a high-powered lens, would not be more disturbing than a strong emotion in a nature such as mine.

Speaker 7 Graham got stuck behind the toilet yesterday, and you nearly had a panic attack.

Speaker 16 That's different.

Speaker 9 Is it?

Speaker 5 Felt pretty emotional to me.

Speaker 16 That's my personal life. This is work.

Speaker 5 The woman has not paid us a penny. The woman would put us in an extremely awkward position with the Met, okay?

Speaker 11 I mean, I already have to speak to Tom about punching a man who was later murdered.

Speaker 5 You know, I have zero interest in tiptoeing around this woman because you think she's something special.

Speaker 16 She is not special.

Speaker 26 Well, there we have it.

Speaker 16 But her treasure is Watson. You know that.

Speaker 20 I know that.

Speaker 14 Sherlock, we don't know anything about her.

Speaker 16 Her name is Irene Adler. She's an opera singer, currently featuring in the Royal Opera House's Bohemia, a performance that the Telegraph referred to as beguiling beyond comprehension.

Speaker 11 Yeah, well, I've seen it, with you, and I didn't comprehend a bloody thing, so I think they're right about that.

Speaker 16 It is a reimagined homage to Puccini's masterpiece Labo M.

Speaker 15 I don't care if it's a reimagined homage to England 5, Germany 1.

Speaker 26 I am not going again.

Speaker 9 Why? Because,

Speaker 9 Sherlock, this.

Speaker 20 This is just. John Scott Eccles.

Speaker 9 Yeah, Eccles.

Speaker 5 If he knew how mad this whole thing sent you, he'd be rolling in his grave, to be honest.

Speaker 9 Rolling?

Speaker 16 He was cremated.

Speaker 9 It's an expression.

Speaker 27 Oh, shit. The kitchen.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
The kitchen is on fire.

Speaker 28 What?

Speaker 9 John, don't go in there.

Speaker 22 John! I just have to.

Speaker 10 Wet a towel.

Speaker 9 John, get out of the flat.

Speaker 21 I can't get to to the sink. John!

Speaker 9 Eddie!

Speaker 10 Go wet a towel in the bathroom.

Speaker 18 Out of the flat, now.

Speaker 9 Graham!

Speaker 14 Graham, come on, you fool!

Speaker 18 Oh, oh, I got you! Come on!

Speaker 5 John! Alright, alright, just um, I'm just grabbing something.

Speaker 23 No time for valuables.

Speaker 10 Just a second!

Speaker 10 Where is it, where is it, where is it?

Speaker 20 Okay, coming.

Speaker 10 Let's go!

Speaker 9 So the assessment is done. You can re-enter the property.

Speaker 9 Structurally, the kitchen is all sand, but it's not a very nice place to be right now, as you can imagine. So, have a chat with your landlords.

Speaker 27 Oh, no, no, yeah, that's done. Sorted.

Speaker 9 Old fab, insurance is all good. Mm-hmm, all good.
Great stuff. So, the fire came from the ob.

Speaker 11 Yeah, that's me. Completely my fault, really.
Sorry.

Speaker 9 Looks like it ignited this here.

Speaker 27 I just see

Speaker 20 ashes.

Speaker 9 So, yeah, so if you look closely on some some of the pieces of it, what's left of it.

Speaker 16 Salubritas et industria.

Speaker 27 Is that Latin?

Speaker 16 Yes.

Speaker 16 Health and industry.

Speaker 16 What the hell?

Speaker 27 Is there some kind of message?

Speaker 16 So it would seem.

Speaker 16 Who would speak to us through such flame?

Speaker 16 What does the flicker of its blaze reveal?

Speaker 16 Fire reveals many things.

Speaker 16 Many things.

Speaker 16 Salubritas et Industria.

Speaker 27 Do you think this is about

Speaker 18 a case?

Speaker 20 It's the um

Speaker 5 it's the motto of

Speaker 11 Swindon Town Football Club.

Speaker 27 Your tea towel.

Speaker 27 Yep.

Speaker 27 Hmm. The smell isn't as bad as I thought.

Speaker 9 Oh wow.

Speaker 7 What? Is it bad?

Speaker 9 Oh, it's not great. Oh, man.

Speaker 7 A kitchen.

Speaker 16 A distraction is needed, I feel. Mariana, time for a case.

Speaker 27 Okay, come look downstairs. I was just reviewing a few of them.

Speaker 16 Come, Watson.

Speaker 19 Yeah, yeah, I

Speaker 5 just gotta put something back.

Speaker 9 We can do the Dutch.

Speaker 5 God Almighty, please.

Speaker 14 Stop doing that.

Speaker 16 I owe you many favours, John. It's time I started reimbursing them.

Speaker 14 Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 16 Dutch royal family. Mariana will arrange.

Speaker 5 Great stuff.

Speaker 9 Cool.

Speaker 5 Looking forward to it.

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Speaker 20 Hello everyone.

Speaker 7 Currently in a black cab on our way to the Savoy.

Speaker 26 Looking pretty sharp, aren't we, we, gang?

Speaker 9 We try.

Speaker 20 Can't smell smoke in my hair anymore, so that's good.

Speaker 7 Um,

Speaker 11 and uh, yeah, this is well, definitely for me, anyway.

Speaker 5 This is a first

Speaker 19 working for

Speaker 21 royalty, if we get the case, if they want us, of course.

Speaker 9 No, no pressure, everyone.

Speaker 16 You have worked for royalty before.

Speaker 18 I

Speaker 16 have I our first case.

Speaker 9 Oh,

Speaker 17 yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but I mean, I mean, I didn't get to meet them, they just threatened me down the phone in a creepy voice.

Speaker 27 So the plan here, I think,

Speaker 27 is

Speaker 27 we're meeting with a British envoy to the family who will tell us about their situation,

Speaker 27 their problem, I guess. Then once we have ideas and we brainstorm, I will make a kind of presentation and that will be sent to the family.

Speaker 9 Oh, so we're not actually meeting them today?

Speaker 27 No, just the special envoy. Ah, what?

Speaker 9 I got all dressed up for a special envoy.

Speaker 27 You're still going to the Savoy. Yeah, but

Speaker 9 I was excited then.

Speaker 27 And he's covering our drinks, if that makes you feel better.

Speaker 9 Well,

Speaker 9 yeah,

Speaker 7 yeah, it does, actually.

Speaker 22 Bit of Dutch courage, eh?

Speaker 9 Sure.

Speaker 18 Okay,

Speaker 27 here we are.

Speaker 21 Woof, swanky stuff.

Speaker 9 Hmm, yes.

Speaker 16 Very nice. Lighting is particularly pleasing.

Speaker 23 John Mate, really need that chat.

Speaker 27 Everything okay?

Speaker 14 Yeah, yeah, just.

Speaker 22 Gregson wants a chat. I just keep forgetting to call him back.

Speaker 9 Maybe I'll run and do that now.

Speaker 27 No, no, wait.

Speaker 9 I think I see him.

Speaker 7 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 19 Lead on, madam.

Speaker 9 David? Ah, Mariana.

Speaker 27 Hi, um, this is Sherlock and John.

Speaker 9 Hi.

Speaker 2 Hello, mate.

Speaker 7 Fantastic.

Speaker 7 Great to meet you.

Speaker 16 Let's, um, tell you what, let's grab a table. Excuse me.
Could we?

Speaker 9 the relationship was a complex one,

Speaker 1 as I'm sure many are,

Speaker 1 but with the families involved it became heated.

Speaker 1 A lot of status, a lot of social standing at risk of toppling. And that put further strain on this young couple.

Speaker 1 So, eventually, after the next big

Speaker 9 breakup,

Speaker 1 things start to trickle out.

Speaker 9 What sort of things?

Speaker 1 Well, I've been briefed in detail, but I'm only permitted to share key information that can aid our...

Speaker 9 well,

Speaker 9 your cause.

Speaker 27 Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Something has been stolen.

Speaker 27 By the boyfriend?

Speaker 7 Not quite.

Speaker 14 By a disgruntled family member?

Speaker 1 We don't think so. It could be the work of some activists or perhaps a harmful media organization.
Foreign adversary, something like that.

Speaker 16 What did they take?

Speaker 1 The princess had her phone taken.

Speaker 16 albeit rather briefly.

Speaker 1 And she was messaged

Speaker 1 an intimate video she had made with her.

Speaker 1 with the boyfriend.

Speaker 1 We've um spoken to the sender.

Speaker 1 He says it's the only file.

Speaker 1 He has the um

Speaker 1 the metadata, I believe it's called.

Speaker 16 It's a play for leverage.

Speaker 1 There's no question about that.

Speaker 7 Blackmail.

Speaker 1 It could be something that gets a little more heated when Dutch elections take place.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 16 you see the problem. Well, goodness, I can't quite believe this.
Can you, Watson? I think it's safe to say we very much look forward to investigating this case.

Speaker 1 Would you like the metadata they sent?

Speaker 10 Yeah, that, um,

Speaker 9 that won't be necessary. No?

Speaker 26 Yeah, yeah, we're familiar with.

Speaker 11 This recent spike in this particular area of crime.

Speaker 9 Sherlock, can I have a word?

Speaker 9 You.

Speaker 16 You wish to begin the investigation immediately? I understand. I suggest we track the missing hard data.

Speaker 20 You knew this case was tied to her and that fucking drive.

Speaker 16 Please don't swear, Watson. This is a high-class establishment.

Speaker 15 God's sake.

Speaker 16 Let's embark for the Royal Opera House. I have the tickets here.

Speaker 6 Of course you do.

Speaker 16 We may be a tad on the early side, but I think surveying the location will have its benefits.

Speaker 9 Sherlock, no.

Speaker 18 Come. No.

Speaker 16 I will have to hear good reason why, Watson.

Speaker 9 Because

Speaker 25 we are witnesses to a murder.

Speaker 9 The murder of a man who I punched in the face.

Speaker 5 Hence why I've got a senior met inspector leaving me voice notes. Who?

Speaker 13 Gregson.

Speaker 16 He's not senior.

Speaker 25 Just please, Sherlock.

Speaker 25 Mate, come on, okay?

Speaker 5 This is a shit sandwich. Yeah, on one side, we've got the police, the other side, we've got an unknown gunman.

Speaker 14 We are just stuck in the middle.

Speaker 16 The woman is the resolution to your predicament.

Speaker 11 It is a surname.

Speaker 20 Gargled out of a dying man's mouth.

Speaker 5 It could be dozens of other women, Sherlock.

Speaker 16 Do you not think it wise that during this exceptional and extraordinary event, where the most treasured and incriminating personal data, a trove of insidious blackmail has been seized, that we, men of good faith and good intentions, take it back, secure it?

Speaker 9 No.

Speaker 1 I thought that would be enough for you to say yes.

Speaker 9 Oh, it was very nice.

Speaker 20 Yeah, but the last person who owned that drive got shot in the face.

Speaker 19 So, I, funnily enough,

Speaker 5 I don't actually want it.

Speaker 16 And with access to it, we could discover the identity of that cold-blooded killer, Watson.

Speaker 11 There's a reason all these stories aren't splashed all over the news right now, Sherlock, and that's because that drive is probably encrypted or

Speaker 20 a fake.

Speaker 16 Then we must meet Adler to find out.

Speaker 9 Man,

Speaker 8 if I'm right, and this poor opera singer has nothing to do with this apart from a surname, will you drop it?

Speaker 16 I shall.

Speaker 9 Then

Speaker 6 let's go to the opera.

Speaker 5 Not a word, did not get a single word of that.

Speaker 27 I thought it was beautiful.

Speaker 15 Yeah, because you understood it.

Speaker 15 What happened at the end? Why did they go behind that door?

Speaker 18 It's symbolic of sex.

Speaker 9 Of what?

Speaker 28 Of sex.

Speaker 22 Of making love.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I know what sex is.

Speaker 9 You got that from them going through a door.

Speaker 21 Just asking questions.

Speaker 21 I mean, if I had answers to these questions, maybe I'd enjoy it more.

Speaker 9 Did you ever think of it?

Speaker 9 Oh, how it is for sleep.

Speaker 9 Okay,

Speaker 9 okay, this

Speaker 9 is good.

Speaker 27 So you get it, right?

Speaker 12 He killed her.

Speaker 9 What? Rudolf.

Speaker 27 Rodolfo. No, Rodolfo did not kill her.
It is about the slow death of love.

Speaker 27 It is a story about

Speaker 27 the energy and power of those early moments. The big bang of love whose energy eventually begins to simmer and

Speaker 27 settle to a background hum before

Speaker 27 cooling and dying slowly unnoticed in the dark and only when it goes is it mourned for

Speaker 16 so who killed her John come on she just she's poor and can't afford to feed herself oh ah they're here who Langdale oh Langdale yay sorry who is Langdale shut up you've dragged me to the opera how dare you oh three gables you uh

Speaker 12 I wasn't- I wasn't- I was in the long headspace.

Speaker 7 Um, so hi, I'm John.

Speaker 22 Langdale Pike.

Speaker 11 Great to meet you.

Speaker 10 And you?

Speaker 28 Oh, and Mary Arna, look at you.

Speaker 28 Look at you, for goodness sake, the heat. I should have worn SPF 50.

Speaker 9 Stop it.

Speaker 28 And my lovely detective, I hope you're not investigating a fashion crime because a rumour has it that someone has been frolicking around in some hideous deer stalker.

Speaker 28 And I'd hate to see you behind bars.

Speaker 16 I was.

Speaker 16 What was I doing again?

Speaker 27 It was part of a brand-building exercise?

Speaker 28 Was it indeed? Oh!

Speaker 16 Do you have a plan for me to meet her?

Speaker 28 The Adler girl?

Speaker 10 Yes.

Speaker 28 I may have a cobbled something together, yes.

Speaker 16 Tell me. We must get to her before she departs for the night.

Speaker 9 She's rather boring, Sherlock.

Speaker 16 What do you mean?

Speaker 28 Ever since you tickled my fancy on this little Jersey Shore Prima Donna, Wiggins and I have been perusing her movements.

Speaker 28 A couple of peeping Thomases, he and I, craning over the garden fences of a London.

Speaker 16 And what have you discovered?

Speaker 28 That she does nothing of note.

Speaker 17 Ever.

Speaker 9 Okay, now you've heard it from Langdale.

Speaker 14 Do you want to believe it or not?

Speaker 16 We saw her with Milverton. He spoke of her stage presence.
He referred to her as Adler.

Speaker 28 By all means, track her yourself and watch her play Wordle in her local Starbucks before hanging up her laundry and watching daytime television.

Speaker 22 I'm sure you'll be captivated.

Speaker 5 So, no shady meet-ups, no other break-ins?

Speaker 28 Ah, if only.

Speaker 16 Don't look at me like that, Watson. I know what I'm doing.
How do I get to her dressing room?

Speaker 27 Wait, you want to go to her dressing room?

Speaker 16 We must speak with her.

Speaker 28 No one will notice you down there, but to be safe, two passes.

Speaker 9 Here.

Speaker 28 If spoken to, you're from the Royal Opera House Board of Trustees. Your visit backstage is in advance of a committee meeting taking place on Monday.
But don't worry, no one will stop you.

Speaker 16 We're with the Royal Opera House Board of Trustees, and our visit backstage is in advance of the committee meeting taking place on Monday.

Speaker 10 Right, oh, okay.

Speaker 7 You're going to take a look at the soundproofing, yeah?

Speaker 15 Absolutely.

Speaker 11 Our top priority.

Speaker 7 You know, we've got a vocal warm-up room that bleeds audio into the wings. You do know that, don't you?

Speaker 16 It's unacceptable, isn't it?

Speaker 16 I think the committee would function best if we heard from the talent too.

Speaker 9 Talent?

Speaker 18 She is.

Speaker 16 One moment.

Speaker 9 Hello there, Irene.

Speaker 18 Oh, oh. Close?

Speaker 16 Goodness, it's rare I get fooled like that.

Speaker 9 You've

Speaker 6 got the Mazetta costume.

Speaker 27 Half of it. Yeah.

Speaker 28 I'm Daisy Norton.

Speaker 3 First cover Mazetta.

Speaker 9 Ah, right.

Speaker 16 Rather striking resemblance.

Speaker 28 And singing voice.

Speaker 27 But Irene's got a little more razzle-dazzle.

Speaker 18 Right.

Speaker 16 And what

Speaker 16 room is she?

Speaker 16 Where would I find her? We're from the Board of Trustees.

Speaker 27 The one with Irene Adler, Mazetta, on it?

Speaker 24 Of course.

Speaker 16 Yes, of course. And that's just down there.

Speaker 18 Thank you. Thank you very much.

Speaker 18 Rudolpho

Speaker 18 Mimi

Speaker 11 Marcello

Speaker 16 Masetta.

Speaker 16 Right.

Speaker 16 Yep.

Speaker 16 Time to meet Miss Irene Adler.

Speaker 16 Hello.

Speaker 8 To get all five parts of a scandal in Bohemia and so much more, sign up for just six pounds at patreon.com forward slash Sherlock and Co.

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