Charles Augustus Milverton - Part One

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Speaker 14 Yes, hello.

Speaker 15 Um right

Speaker 19 go to patreon.com forward slash Sherlock and Co for early access ad-free adventures in full bonus episodes.

Speaker 22 Uh

Speaker 23 your handwriting is terrible.

Speaker 24 I'm a doctor

Speaker 25 and

Speaker 15 uh munch munch more

Speaker 17 that's patreon.com forward slash Sherlock and Co.

Speaker 28 Tickets, please.

Speaker 29 Welcome aboard this John H.

Speaker 28 Watson service to parts one, two, and three of Charles Augustus Milverton.

Speaker 30 I will be making my way through the carriage with my trolley of cakes and teas, coffees, and all that, so please do relax.

Speaker 28 Listen out for the swearing and references to nudity, a weird nudity, actually, and I suppose coercion as well. Next stop is Charles Augustus Milverton, Part 1.

Speaker 32 Thank you very much.

Speaker 34 Please, come through. May I take your coat?

Speaker 35 I'm not wearing a coat.

Speaker 14 Of course.

Speaker 4 Perhaps your slippers?

Speaker 20 Um, I'm I'm kind of cold.

Speaker 37 Here.

Speaker 17 Jacket around you.

Speaker 13 There we go. That's mine.

Speaker 35 What's going on?

Speaker 39 It has been fairly exhaustive, although I will note my unacceptable actions on the previous case deserve an exhaustive response to rectify and repair the damage that I have done.

Speaker 35 Sherlock, I said I forgive you.

Speaker 17 The investigation of Penny Montgomery was a triumph.

Speaker 34 Largely down to you.

Speaker 25 Sherlock. Us.

Speaker 7 Down to us.

Speaker 42 And I was cruel and selfish, and now I must apologise.

Speaker 32 Here.

Speaker 35 Sher

Speaker 35 I

Speaker 35 what is this, Chakulina?

Speaker 44 It is indeed vines from Arandio, bottled in Leoa, mere moments from Bilbao.

Speaker 35 Oh my god, Sherlock.

Speaker 20 Oh, oh,

Speaker 20 that's mmm, that's perfect.

Speaker 30 Sparkling wine for breakfast.

Speaker 29 Well, we we do that over here for Christmas.

Speaker 30 Yeah, but uh it'll be a carver or something from Liddle.

Speaker 19 Take a seat.

Speaker 17 I have tried to steer the breakfast towards the traditional cuisine of the Basque country, not just in ingredients, but style.

Speaker 26 Pinchos.

Speaker 45 Pinchos? Oh.

Speaker 8 Sherlock.

Speaker 35 Wow, that is so amazing. But you seriously don't have to do this.

Speaker 46 What's pinchos?

Speaker 10 Sorry?

Speaker 35 Uh, it's basque servings like like tapas.

Speaker 44 Ah, okay, gotcha.

Speaker 35 Sherlock, I'm... I'm so...
This is so...

Speaker 35 God, this is so beautiful. I just can't believe that you would f...

Speaker 10 Oh.

Speaker 35 Oh, man.

Speaker 47 Angulas.

Speaker 16 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 21 Now, they were rather expensive, but I don't want want us to think of the price as they slide down your throat.

Speaker 8 Cool. What we have in here?

Speaker 35 Angulas.

Speaker 24 Lovely.

Speaker 30 Lovely. Look, what?

Speaker 7 What is this? Like a pasta or

Speaker 35 baby eels.

Speaker 10 Oh.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 39 A delicacy, Watson.

Speaker 8 Yeah, no, I see that, Sherlock.

Speaker 7 That's very.

Speaker 7 Very good, mate. Really well done.

Speaker 2 One moment.

Speaker 34 Your sausages are done.

Speaker 40 I'll be right back.

Speaker 35 Save me, please. What? Please eat them.
I.

Speaker 20 I hate angulas.

Speaker 44 They're little babies. How can you hate them?

Speaker 20 I don't...

Speaker 35 I don't mean them personally. I mean the taste.

Speaker 21 Ugh, the texture.

Speaker 35 I can't. I can't.

Speaker 34 Everything all right?

Speaker 29 Yeah, yeah, we're just uh

Speaker 16 arguing over who gets to eat the most

Speaker 29 babies, baby eels.

Speaker 35 John, please.

Speaker 30 I don't want to hear anything against beans on toast ever again.

Speaker 35 Mm-mm, I won't.

Speaker 16 I promise. Or gregs.

Speaker 35 Fine. Or pickled eggs.
John, I get it.

Speaker 7 Stop being a culture snob, yeah? Please, please, please.

Speaker 20 Fine, fine.

Speaker 49 Here we go.

Speaker 16 Oh, wow. Okay, yeah.
Um.

Speaker 16 Huh.

Speaker 8 No, these are good.

Speaker 20 You know, they're.

Speaker 7 I mean, they're actually quite bland, to be honest.

Speaker 24 Like, um, it's like a slightly chewy spaghetti.

Speaker 33 Please stop describing them.

Speaker 16 Hmm.

Speaker 10 Well, I'm going in for another.

Speaker 35 Give some to Archie, too.

Speaker 51 No, piss off. They're mine.

Speaker 30 Archie, go eat your dry food.

Speaker 19 Ah, the angulas are finished already.

Speaker 35 I couldn't help myself.

Speaker 44 Oh, what have we got here?

Speaker 19 More Basque delicacies for Mariana.

Speaker 18 And I have repurposed as much as I can for a full English breakfast for you, John.

Speaker 51 Now you're talking.

Speaker 44 Wow, look at that bacon.

Speaker 28 Oh, that top work, Sherlocks.

Speaker 13 Thank you, Sherlock. You are welcome, Mariana.

Speaker 16 Great stuff.

Speaker 7 Everything all right, Watson.

Speaker 31 This sausage

Speaker 29 tastes funny.

Speaker 19 Ah, yes.

Speaker 33 It's a fish sausage.

Speaker 8 Oh, a what?

Speaker 50 Fish sausage.

Speaker 8 What's wrong?

Speaker 4 I replicated the same principle as a pork sausage.

Speaker 38 I ground down the entrails, bones, brain, and other waste material of the fish, and packaged it into sausage form.

Speaker 43 It's the same principle, Watson.

Speaker 32 Lovely.

Speaker 7 Yeah, no, it's um

Speaker 48 teas.

Speaker 52 I haven't made teas.

Speaker 6 Forgive me.

Speaker 36 Archie, go over here. Please, mate.
Archie, please.

Speaker 24 My name is Dr. John Watson, once of the British Army Northumberland Fusilier Regiment, now a true crime podcaster based in central London.

Speaker 24 I don't have much experience in criminology, so this is mostly a record of how I met possibly the most brilliant and bizarre person I have ever and will ever know.

Speaker 24 Join me as I document the adventures of Sherlock Holmes.

Speaker 24 Hey!

Speaker 35 Hey, I couldn't do a big shop by myself, so I did like a half-big shop.

Speaker 53 Cool, yeah, thank you.

Speaker 8 Great work.

Speaker 35 Did the stupid dog guy email again? My phone is being weird.

Speaker 44 Dog guy?

Speaker 35 Yeah, the guy that wants us to investigate. Uh, I think it's his wife being possessed by his dog or something.

Speaker 7 Oh, I wish he had emailed now. No, not seen anything.

Speaker 16 Oh, wow.

Speaker 35 What's going

Speaker 11 here?

Speaker 29 Just tweaking the doorbell a bit.

Speaker 35 Oh, sorry, no. I meant this.

Speaker 35 What is this? What? On your face.

Speaker 7 Ah, just thought, you know.

Speaker 51 Mustache.

Speaker 29 Hmm.

Speaker 30 Your silence is very reassuring.

Speaker 35 You think that suits you?

Speaker 30 I don't know, just thought I'd grow one out.

Speaker 46 What do you think?

Speaker 35 It's...

Speaker 20 Something.

Speaker 35 And uh, what's um sorry, what's happening with the doorbell?

Speaker 56 Oh, the listeners are complaining about it.

Speaker 35 Seriously?

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Yeah, it's just shrill, you know, distracting.

Speaker 56 It really gets on everyone's nerves.

Speaker 35 You sure they're talking about the doorbell?

Speaker 16 Ha, ha, ha, hilarious.

Speaker 7 No, I'm hoping I can just tweak its sensitivity.

Speaker 8 Ah, ah, ah!

Speaker 36 What? Oh, my knee!

Speaker 16 Oh, Jesus, pissed! Oh, uh, what can I do? Oh, help me up.

Speaker 36 Can I do help me up?

Speaker 36 Oh, bloody hell, that hurts.

Speaker 35 Is it okay?

Speaker 53 Oh, that's a sprain.

Speaker 7 Big sprain, right on the dodgy leg.

Speaker 20 Okay, up. Oh, look.
come on.

Speaker 22 Oh, man.

Speaker 16 Oh, wow, does that hurt?

Speaker 35 How are we doing?

Speaker 10 Yeah, a bit better.

Speaker 44 Now I've got my weight off it.

Speaker 31 And I am very impressed you haven't made fun of my age yet.

Speaker 35 Oh, thank you. I am trying my best.

Speaker 36 Yes, very kind.

Speaker 20 Hi.

Speaker 31 Hello. Sorry, door's open.

Speaker 29 We're just fixing the uh oh.

Speaker 52 Oh, hi, Penny

Speaker 30 Montgomery.

Speaker 42 Goodness, a mustache.

Speaker 51 Yes, I know.

Speaker 57 Look, we've been having a chat with somebody in the office.

Speaker 39 And this somebody?

Speaker 19 Do they advocate on behalf of the mustachioed?

Speaker 30 Stop it, although, we'll say lovely use of mustachioed. Thank you.

Speaker 50 We've got someone in the office that wants to speak to you.

Speaker 18 At last, I can wash the disgusting taste of the last case and that of the desperate and deceitful Penny Montgomery out of my mouth.

Speaker 41 What?

Speaker 10 Penny.

Speaker 9 Good to

Speaker 57 see you again.

Speaker 27 Hi, Sherlock.

Speaker 35 I was.

Speaker 35 I've kind of exhausted saying what I was saying to John and Mariana, but

Speaker 35 I wish, um,

Speaker 35 I wish I could be here to just

Speaker 35 to say thank you, but

Speaker 35 I think the only thing that truly matters is an apology.

Speaker 35 From just the bottom of my heart, I'm I'm

Speaker 35 so,

Speaker 35 so sorry.

Speaker 35 I'm so sorry.

Speaker 10 Um,

Speaker 7 but we appreciate that.

Speaker 32 We do, right, guys?

Speaker 35 Oh, completely.

Speaker 37 I mean, I don't particularly, but two versus one, I suppose.

Speaker 24 Shelt, we appreciate it.

Speaker 10 But you're

Speaker 57 I know there's things going on in terms of a police investigation and yeah,

Speaker 35 there's lots going on, right?

Speaker 31 Yeah, so that's just why I'm uh

Speaker 30 a little reluctant, you

Speaker 10 being here.

Speaker 35 Of course, I understand.

Speaker 35 It I just

Speaker 35 I thought if you were paying attention to the papers or anything like that, they're making it sound like I really took everyone for a ride, and it's not. No, no, no, no, we don't.

Speaker 35 He has a legal team that is

Speaker 35 the tricks they have that Milverton, yes, exactly.

Speaker 16 Well,

Speaker 35 just know that

Speaker 35 it's not true.

Speaker 10 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 49 Sorry you're going through that, Penny.

Speaker 35 I actually, um, there's an activist group here.

Speaker 35 They help victims of Milverton's,

Speaker 48 well,

Speaker 35 empire.

Speaker 35 He just

Speaker 35 floods

Speaker 35 every part of life with

Speaker 35 God, just

Speaker 35 whatever the agenda is, and it's just

Speaker 35 so overwhelming.

Speaker 35 Headlines, paparazzi, lawsuits, bots, I mean, it... It's like a swarm.
A swarm of maddened bees on anyone that posts anything remotely nice or truthful about me.

Speaker 35 He just has control over everything.

Speaker 46 We saw similar things with Hector MacFarlane.

Speaker 50 It's uh

Speaker 56 it's not nice.

Speaker 35 That bastard has hired his services to tear me apart. I think it's safe to say he's definitely getting his money's worth, eh?

Speaker 35 Hector is part of the group, actually.

Speaker 35 The support group side of things.

Speaker 10 Oh, cool.

Speaker 53 Uh

Speaker 56 send him our best.

Speaker 11 Will do

Speaker 35 um I wanted to help the group, as they do.

Speaker 58 they do a lot of good.

Speaker 35 And I think you should speak to Evan Brackwell. Here, here's his number.

Speaker 16 Oh, thank you.

Speaker 35 Why should we speak to him? Because he's looking for a detective.

Speaker 35 And I said I knew the very best.

Speaker 35 Please throw those away. The papers.
I

Speaker 35 really did try to escape from him. He found me on the ship, and that's where.

Speaker 23 We are aware of your case, and we consider it closed.

Speaker 37 Thank you, Penny.

Speaker 20 Thank you.

Speaker 35 All three of you.

Speaker 20 Thank you.

Speaker 2 Bye-bye.

Speaker 19 Truly bizarre.

Speaker 35 I get it. She messed up.
She wants to reconcile.

Speaker 8 I mean, this.

Speaker 51 Stop touching the tash.

Speaker 9 Why have you grown this little creature again?

Speaker 46 It's not a creature, it's a moustache.

Speaker 29 And why were you so rude to her then?

Speaker 38 What do you mean?

Speaker 46 Shutting her down when she talks about her case.

Speaker 28 Why are you so weird about people lying to you?

Speaker 19 Is it weird to present myself as a little frosty to perpetrators of crime, Watson?

Speaker 35 She was still coerced into that whole stunt, Sherlock.

Speaker 21 What's this?

Speaker 35 Oh, some of the newspapers. She was just showing us the whole media madness.

Speaker 19 The case seemingly was resolved by a homegrown private investigator off Baker Street, Detective Sherinford Holmes.

Speaker 2 Why have they called me that?

Speaker 35 It's just a mistake.

Speaker 8 But

Speaker 38 it's not funny, Watson.

Speaker 57 That has put a real spring in my step.

Speaker 29 Which, to be fair, I need.

Speaker 29 As I'm now going to hobble off to St.

Speaker 19 Bart's. That's a limp.

Speaker 59 That's not a hobble.

Speaker 10 Ha ha ha. Is it now?

Speaker 30 Well, thank you.

Speaker 57 Always nice to be enlightened while also being in pain.

Speaker 49 Thank you, Sherinford.

Speaker 43 You're welcome, John Moustache Watson.

Speaker 2 Come now.

Speaker 43 That was rather amusing.

Speaker 37 The phonetic similarity between the word hamish and the word moustache.

Speaker 29 Don't do that again.

Speaker 19 What's that?

Speaker 43 Make amusing jokes.

Speaker 44 Exactly.

Speaker 57 It will lose us listeners. You watch.
I'll get at least three emails about that crap.

Speaker 19 I don't think the listeners care for anything but the cases.

Speaker 57 Sherlock, I've just blown my knee out fixing a fucking doorbell they don't like.

Speaker 46 Okay, I'm going to St. Bar's.

Speaker 16 Do you need help, John?

Speaker 31 Do you know what?

Speaker 30 Can I just use this umbrella, Mary, just as like a walking stick? Of course.

Speaker 35 It should be tall enough.

Speaker 9 What's that supposed to mean?

Speaker 22 Nothing.

Speaker 9 Why would they call me Sherrinfoot?

Speaker 42 Is there a cultural reference I'm missing?

Speaker 28 It's just a mistake.

Speaker 54 But I'm a well-known detective.

Speaker 35 I have told you a bazillion times to get your name out there, to do PR, but you always told me it would work against you. And now you're upset that they called you Sherrington?

Speaker 38 The name is Sherinford.

Speaker 34 Ah, whatever. No, not whatever.

Speaker 43 You said the wrong, wrong name.

Speaker 13 Oh, good lord.

Speaker 38 At least use the right, wrong name, not the wrong, wrong name if we're going to get my right name wrong.

Speaker 35 Oh, I regret learning this language.

Speaker 50 This is distressing.

Speaker 52 Oh, hey, what are we doing?

Speaker 23 I need my pipe and something to smoke.

Speaker 26 Well, you don't need, you want. Thank you, Doctor.

Speaker 9 Good observation.

Speaker 35 You can't smoke in here.

Speaker 20 Oh.

Speaker 39 It really is an iconic hat, isn't it?

Speaker 10 What?

Speaker 18 Penny Montgomery, Lady Frances Carfax.

Speaker 7 Oh, God, yeah, mate. It's like Cantona's collar.

Speaker 18 I don't understand that, John. Same.

Speaker 39 But I'll assume the sentiment behind it is that of a distinctive look akin to a brand of personality, if that's all right.

Speaker 57 Please do. Yes.

Speaker 54 The Veiled Lodger.

Speaker 35 That's not really an iconic look.

Speaker 52 No, no, not her.

Speaker 54 The case.

Speaker 34 In the adventure of the Veiled Lodger, Watson, you mentioned a hat that would cover my ears.

Speaker 33 The Deer Stalker.

Speaker 19 So I have bought one.

Speaker 10 One moment.

Speaker 35 Why are you going to St. Bart's?

Speaker 57 Messaged Stamo, and he said if it's bad enough, he'll do a quarter's own shop.

Speaker 56 If not, I'll get some decent painkillers at least.

Speaker 35 Is it really that bad?

Speaker 57 Yeah, and knowing that leg, it'll get worse.

Speaker 53 Ta-da!

Speaker 56 It's tada.

Speaker 53 Ta-da!

Speaker 10 Yeah, I mean, looks nice.

Speaker 24 Yes, it doesn't look silly.

Speaker 35 Can you please not smoke the pipe in a place that is both our office and my flat? We must leave.

Speaker 39 Onwards, Doctor.

Speaker 7 Oh, you really don't have to come.

Speaker 17 I insist upon it.

Speaker 21 Okay.

Speaker 16 Bye. Bye.

Speaker 35 Have fun.

Speaker 9 I haven't used a walking stick for a while.

Speaker 4 Baker Street is bustling with life this morning, Watson.

Speaker 19 If crime won't call upon us today, then we shall go out and find it, shall we not?

Speaker 54 The game,

Speaker 41 one way or another,

Speaker 42 shall be afoot.

Speaker 19 Too fast, way too fast.

Speaker 43 I do apologize.

Speaker 21 Is that better? Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 43 My strides are quite a bit longer than yours, you see.

Speaker 36 What's that supposed to mean?

Speaker 47 So she's gonna walk out and I'm gonna go, isn't she lovely?

Speaker 60 You know?

Speaker 60 Isn't she wonderful?

Speaker 47 Which I know he wrote about his daughter, but who cares, right? Then the choir, who at this point have been singing like the boring shit that parents want, yeah, they join in with me.

Speaker 47 Then, the whole congregation, unbeknownst to Nadia, right? They've been given the lyrics, and they're now singing too.

Speaker 30 What do you reckon?

Speaker 7 Yeah, yeah, it's very nice, Stamo.

Speaker 31 Very nice.

Speaker 32 Um,

Speaker 57 so I was kneeling, and as my knee goes for extension, I get huge pain in the LCL radiating right up tibial band, and uh, a bit of, I think, quadriceps, although that might just be inflamed.

Speaker 47 All right, let's have a feel here then. Whip your trousers off

Speaker 47 on the bed,

Speaker 47 right? Let's copper feel.

Speaker 29 Yeah. Ah, steady.

Speaker 47 Yeah, I know what I'm doing, John.

Speaker 16 Do you?

Speaker 13 Of course I do.

Speaker 30 Yeah, you do if I'm asking for a tummy tuck or a boob lift.

Speaker 47 Well, I'll quite happily surgically remove that mustache for you.

Speaker 21 I mean, you always had stubble, but now you just let it grow.

Speaker 16 Look at it.

Speaker 7 Leave the mustache alone. Ow!

Speaker 24 Right, trousers all the way down, mate. Can you keep it straight, please?

Speaker 20 I am.

Speaker 44 Your elbow's right near my balls, and it's very distressing.

Speaker 47 Charlotte, does this look straight to you?

Speaker 8 In what sense? Ah, very funny.

Speaker 28 Can we please just get some cortisone in there?

Speaker 47 Well, I'm not doing it in your suprapatella.

Speaker 5 There's no fluid in there for the spread.

Speaker 28 Let's do lateral joint line right there.

Speaker 23 Perhaps infrapatella.

Speaker 43 Less common for intra-articular injections, more often used of targeting something like patella tendrinitis.

Speaker 47 Yeah, I would consider it if I was looking to aspirate fluid.

Speaker 57 Yes, but if there's bleeding in the joint, then...

Speaker 24 No, no, no, no, no, no, it won't be a bleed. It'll be from where the swelling is.

Speaker 61 Oh, will you please inject my fucking LCL now? I am a doctor.

Speaker 28 Put that in there.

Speaker 61 See? There. The thing that really hurts and has hurt ever since some Russians put some shrapnel in it.

Speaker 5 Well, there's no need to shout.

Speaker 31 Yes, there absolutely is.

Speaker 45 Okay.

Speaker 32 Here you go.

Speaker 32 Little prick.

Speaker 20 Bit cruel.

Speaker 28 He's talking about the needle.

Speaker 16 Am I?

Speaker 61 Ow, big prick.

Speaker 20 Big giant prick.

Speaker 5 Let me just get that mustache.

Speaker 53 Hands off the tag.

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Speaker 13 Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

Speaker 63 I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

Speaker 20 He's going the distance.

Speaker 13 He was the highest paid TV star of all time. When it started to change, it was quick.
He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Speaker 13 Now, Charlie's sober. He's going to tell you the truth.

Speaker 63 How do I present this with any class?

Speaker 13 I think we're past that, Charlie.

Speaker 63 We're past that, yeah.

Speaker 20 Somebody call action.

Speaker 5 AKA Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

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Speaker 24 Oh, so that's why you're wearing a hat because she popped round.

Speaker 2 I'm wearing the hat as it will elevate the company and my status.

Speaker 47 Actually, I think it does the reverse, to be honest.

Speaker 30 She came round to say sorry.

Speaker 51 Yeah, I'm not surprised.

Speaker 47 I saw in my feed that she pretended she was a hostage to get money for a gambling addiction or something.

Speaker 28 That's not what it is.

Speaker 42 It's not far off.

Speaker 31 Don't start. She, right? Okay, it was Peter's idea.

Speaker 7 She hit herself in accordance with his plan.

Speaker 57 I mean, yes, she went along with it, but to be free from him, that's why.

Speaker 20 Right,

Speaker 47 that's not what I'm reading.

Speaker 30 Yeah, it's not what anyone's reading.

Speaker 29 She is losing the PR war, put it that way.

Speaker 19 Mr.

Speaker 39 Peters has been working closely with Charles Augustus Milberton to clear his name and muddy hers even more so.

Speaker 47 I do know the name.

Speaker 5 Who is he?

Speaker 4 A vile husk of a man.

Speaker 5 Jesus, right.

Speaker 32 Come on, then.

Speaker 20 Let's hear it. Yeah, well, make it quick.

Speaker 30 Mariana says we've got to meet this Evan Brackwell guy in a pub that is literally the next stop.

Speaker 18 I've had to do with 50 murderers in my career, but the worst of them never gave me the repulsion which I have for this fellow.

Speaker 19 Oh, this is last on.

Speaker 32 Were you talking about John?

Speaker 16 Yeah?

Speaker 32 Yeah, bye you. See you later.

Speaker 10 Evan?

Speaker 57 Ah, hi, you're John. Yes, and this is Sherlock.

Speaker 16 Hi, Sherlock. Hello, Evan.
Lovely hat.

Speaker 55 Thank you. Can I get you both a drink?

Speaker 41 It's the least I can do for a Greek to see me and

Speaker 41 understand the potential allegations I'm going to well, proportionate response to the unfolding situation.

Speaker 19 What does he have on you?

Speaker 9 Let's get to it, shall we?

Speaker 23 Milverton.

Speaker 23 He has some sensitive information, does he not?

Speaker 19 Let me see.

Speaker 14 You're well off, but very unflashy. Two phones.

Speaker 18 The work one looks old, cheap, well used. The notebook seems to be punctuated mostly with acronyms.

Speaker 4 You offered us a drink, but you are using a personal bank card, not a business one.

Speaker 18 So the enterprise you work for has tight budgets. You're nowhere near anything commercial or sales with that kind of measured framing in your language.

Speaker 11 In fact, you avoid absolutes entirely, allegations, proportionate, unfolding situation.

Speaker 9 You are trained in caution, Mr.

Speaker 27 Brackwell.

Speaker 32 Crikey.

Speaker 18 Crikey, indeed.

Speaker 23 You're a high-ranking civil servant.

Speaker 37 I think we all know you don't have time for a lunchtime drink, so let's get to it, shall we?

Speaker 51 Okay, uh, do you want to take a seat?

Speaker 32 Would love to.

Speaker 18 You're married to a woman.

Speaker 37 You're not gay, so nothing being hidden away there.

Speaker 55 Not not gay, no?

Speaker 3 A couple of children?

Speaker 8 Yes.

Speaker 27 Ah, there it is.

Speaker 3 Posture has shifted.

Speaker 19 Guarded but restless.

Speaker 4 So it's your children.

Speaker 43 Daughter, I'd say.

Speaker 4 Teenager?

Speaker 16 Yes.

Speaker 19 A tricky time.

Speaker 41 Tricky time indeed. Yeah.

Speaker 41 Stepping back, I've been offered, well, it's been available for some time now, a rather substantial change in position.

Speaker 39 Don't conceal success, Mr.

Speaker 27 Brackwell.

Speaker 43 It will do you no good.

Speaker 20 Sorry?

Speaker 18 You can say promotion.

Speaker 3 I won't confuse you for a show-off.

Speaker 55 Right, of course.

Speaker 16 Yes, so.

Speaker 59 Director General for a department.

Speaker 7 Well done, you. Congrats.

Speaker 59 If only it was that straightforward.

Speaker 5 There's.

Speaker 16 There's a photo

Speaker 20 of her,

Speaker 20 you see.

Speaker 50 Indecent.

Speaker 53 Very much so.

Speaker 50 Did a boy coerce her into...

Speaker 44 If only.

Speaker 41 She's always been

Speaker 13 a bit of a

Speaker 59 wild child.

Speaker 42 Yes, I'm somewhat over-familiar with the euphemism.

Speaker 41 Politically engaged from a young age, are they all these days?

Speaker 5 And she's

Speaker 41 a number of things she's done. They're very noble, very bold.

Speaker 53 And

Speaker 41 well, like lots of driven kids, she does these big, loud things because she wants change or

Speaker 53 awareness.

Speaker 16 But last year...

Speaker 41 Yeah, last year in a very

Speaker 4 reckless moment, she'd be first to admit that, I promise you.

Speaker 10 She

Speaker 41 exposed herself

Speaker 52 to camera.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 41 But it was at the

Speaker 59 burial site, the gravestone of a

Speaker 59 well-known conservative

Speaker 41 politician.

Speaker 16 Sorry, it's getting

Speaker 16 to me a bit out.

Speaker 59 It's...

Speaker 30 It's okay, Evan.

Speaker 7 You just take a second.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 57 I'm just going to quickly scan what you've said so that we're on the same page.

Speaker 56 I'm not gonna ask you to go through it all again.

Speaker 7 Your daughter has a picture of her exposing herself at a gravestone.

Speaker 16 Correct. So, flashing.

Speaker 8 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 44 Right.

Speaker 41 She, um.

Speaker 12 I think she thought it was some

Speaker 16 bold political radical statement.

Speaker 55 Maybe it would be for someone whose father was not meant to represent the highest bloody offices of government in an impartial manner.

Speaker 51 Yeah, I understand.

Speaker 41 Anyway,

Speaker 41 fast forward, obviously, I'm not aware of the photo at this point. She hasn't sent it to anyone either.
But then one day,

Speaker 41 out of the blue, broad daylight, her phone gets nicked, and a couple days later, you know, not much after that,

Speaker 41 he messages me the photo.

Speaker 10 He?

Speaker 16 Milverton.

Speaker 41 My daughter and I speak about it, shout, scream about it, would be more accurate.

Speaker 16 We

Speaker 41 somehow eventually heal things that night as best we can.

Speaker 16 I ignore it.

Speaker 41 I hope it goes away.

Speaker 16 And I don't even get to sit and hope for that long because the next day at work,

Speaker 41 There's this little slip of paper on my desk.

Speaker 4 Here I have it.

Speaker 19 Let me see.

Speaker 41 It's metadata, isn't it? It's image metadata.

Speaker 44 Oh dear.

Speaker 27 It is indeed GPS data, timestamp, carrier data, user editing history, device data.

Speaker 4 It's all here, Mr. Brackwell.

Speaker 19 The metadata also has a hidden thumbnail, embedded data, I'm afraid.

Speaker 23 Meaning...

Speaker 23 Meaning you cannot contest that it's been edited.

Speaker 37 The embedded thumbnail will show the master image and it will match.

Speaker 4 The ray of hope, I suppose, is that Milverton is sending you this in the first place.

Speaker 16 This is hope, is it?

Speaker 18 He doesn't wish to publish it. That's not his primary objective.

Speaker 41 He wants leverage.

Speaker 19 And he has it.

Speaker 16 Of course, yeah.

Speaker 30 Well, uh, we we we can maybe have a good old think, right, Shells?

Speaker 32 Hmm.

Speaker 30 And we could get back to Mr.

Speaker 57 Brackwell with a game plan or something.

Speaker 43 The problem we have with Mr.

Speaker 19 Milverton is he has always been somewhat ahead of his time. He was at the fore of phone hacking and most gutter press activity, bin diving and such.

Speaker 38 Then he threw his lot in with conventional hacking, server tapping, then bot farming, of course.

Speaker 18 So now his media-adjacent law enterprise racks up enormous profits, as its clients pay for total destruction of their targets.

Speaker 42 Plaintiffs, in most instances.

Speaker 19 Hence, what we're seeing with Miss Montgomery.

Speaker 30 So

Speaker 32 what do you say?

Speaker 27 He is at the fore of the next great revolution, Watson.

Speaker 20 Which is the proof age.

Speaker 27 He is positioning himself as a central mogul in the certainty market, a node on the reality chain.

Speaker 53 I'm a little lost, I'm afraid.

Speaker 42 The great booms of both fine art and the genesis of expressionism, Mr.

Speaker 43 Brackwell.

Speaker 18 Do you know when they came into existence?

Speaker 41 Not quite, can't say I do.

Speaker 18 With the invention and mass adoption of photography, the supposed killer of such forms. The paradox was that the camera increased the worth of such things.

Speaker 20 Why?

Speaker 10 It was like a commodity.

Speaker 55 It was commodification, right?

Speaker 20 Yes.

Speaker 18 Art always had been, of course, but the machine became the mirror.

Speaker 43 The camera became truth, and art graduated to total freedom and expression.

Speaker 19 And now we find ourselves at the next great churn.

Speaker 30 Deep fakes, you mean?

Speaker 52 AI.

Speaker 43 Exactly.

Speaker 18 Art was never more alive than the moment it stopped imitating. And now truth will never be more vital than when everything else is fake.

Speaker 27 The certainty market.

Speaker 23 Milverton has seen it coming.

Speaker 18 This metadata, this absolute truth, is the collectible still in its original packaging. Truth with the receipt still in its box.

Speaker 18 Christine, no scuff marks or prints, scratches, or even the subtle wash of the sun discolouring its original form.

Speaker 27 Provenance in all its immutable perfection. a spectacular investment.

Speaker 50 I said we'd give him a call.

Speaker 12 Yes.

Speaker 50 Poor bloke, he's like probably shaking and everything.

Speaker 32 What are you thinking?

Speaker 44 I'm thinking we're being watched, Watson.

Speaker 10 Really?

Speaker 10 Are we actually?

Speaker 7 You seem very

Speaker 10 calm about it.

Speaker 33 Yes, well.

Speaker 18 The eavesdropper in question isn't learning anything new about Milverton.

Speaker 10 How

Speaker 57 exactly can you be sure about that?

Speaker 10 Sorry?

Speaker 54 Because he is Milverton.

Speaker 31 Come, let's go speak to him. Sorry, sorry, sorry, wait.

Speaker 7 What are you talking about?

Speaker 43 The back corner by the stairway down to the toilets under the fire exit sign.

Speaker 4 What do you see?

Speaker 48 Uh, just gonna.

Speaker 20 Quick glance.

Speaker 20 Is

Speaker 51 is that him?

Speaker 16 I have no doubt. Come.

Speaker 16 Oh, God.

Speaker 16 Quite the limp, Dr.

Speaker 44 Watson.

Speaker 50 Yeah, bit of a mishap this morning.

Speaker 19 Charles Augustus Milverton.

Speaker 20 Sherlock Holmes, and please.

Speaker 5 Call me Charles Augustus.

Speaker 18 You'll have to do a lot better than please, Milverton.

Speaker 5 The coldness of the calculating detective, always a reassuring trait.

Speaker 40 Please,

Speaker 5 take a seat.

Speaker 18 And you have frequent dealings with detectives, do you, Mr.

Speaker 11 Milverton?

Speaker 5 In my line of work, generally I can peel the very best ones away from the mat.

Speaker 21 For rummaging through people's bins, for stealing and opening up their phones, tracking their movements from one club to the next.

Speaker 17 That is what you feel is worthy of a detective.

Speaker 5 Information is worthy of much darker practices, Holmes. You know that.

Speaker 5 Berengruna says Goodnight,

Speaker 44 by the way.

Speaker 50 Didn't think he could vocalize much these days.

Speaker 5 Yeah, comes out in a rather grizzled croak.

Speaker 29 Why are you speaking to him?

Speaker 5 Well, the poor fellow, 31 years behind bars, is

Speaker 5 surveying his options for buying up a little public sympathy.

Speaker 30 He's not a poor fellow. Last time I looked looked at the list of convictions, anyway.

Speaker 64 He's a neighbor of mine. Always rather liked him.

Speaker 25 Can't put in too much mine.

Speaker 44 He lost.

Speaker 64 He won, that's how I see.

Speaker 5 A master criminal beaten by a master detective.

Speaker 5 And I must say,

Speaker 16 I wouldn't mind getting my grubby little hands on your services, Mr.

Speaker 5 Holmes.

Speaker 42 Yes, I can imagine.

Speaker 9 What would it cost to acquire your company permanently

Speaker 5 as a retainer?

Speaker 13 As you know, we've been speaking with Mr.

Speaker 19 Brackwell.

Speaker 22 What's your price, Holmes?

Speaker 5 I am a curious little creature.

Speaker 9 A curious little creature?

Speaker 4 I think you're having rather a lot of fun with that understatement, aren't you, Mr.

Speaker 27 Milverton?

Speaker 7 Sorry, why do you need private detectives, exactly?

Speaker 43 For journalism, if I can even use that word on you.

Speaker 7 Sorry, is there something funny I don't get?

Speaker 5 No, actually, you do get it.

Speaker 16 We all get it.

Speaker 17 Which is what, exactly.

Speaker 25 Tell me, Doctor.

Speaker 20 What's that?

Speaker 49 A £50 note.

Speaker 25 Do you want it?

Speaker 10 No.

Speaker 20 Why?

Speaker 53 Because.

Speaker 8 Because...

Speaker 44 Why? Because I...

Speaker 28 I just don't.

Speaker 25 Come, come.

Speaker 63 Let's break the barrier, hop the fence of civility, and come join me in homes over here.

Speaker 31 This is so stupid.

Speaker 7 I'm sorry I asked.

Speaker 25 Why don't you

Speaker 25 want it?

Speaker 10 Because

Speaker 30 I don't want to take it from

Speaker 44 you.

Speaker 20 Why?

Speaker 20 Because...

Speaker 7 Why? It's not fair. It's yours.

Speaker 16 Lie! That's not a lie.

Speaker 21 Yes, it is.

Speaker 53 You are lying.

Speaker 25 Why don't you want to take it from me?

Speaker 8 Because...

Speaker 10 It w

Speaker 57 I will be in debt to you somehow

Speaker 16 and that

Speaker 9 is the funny thing that you do in fact get

Speaker 16 Dr.

Speaker 17 Watson the investigators are nothing more than his bankers Watson where information is the only recognized currency

Speaker 47 and I'm still yet to convince you to come ring the bell on the gossip trading floor

Speaker 5 my biggest goal of course is to open an account in your name, Holmes.

Speaker 5 Make a deposit.

Speaker 17 You should really deploy some of that infamous Milverton charm if you wish to get on our side and use our services.

Speaker 57 Right, let's just go.

Speaker 47 Sherlock, come on. Disappointed to see the inside of a pub, Dr.

Speaker 58 Watson.

Speaker 20 That's rather out of character, isn't it?

Speaker 5 Condolences, by the way.

Speaker 64 Miss Morstan was a courageous one.

Speaker 33 Perhaps a little too.

Speaker 54 Yeah, okay. Bye-bye.

Speaker 21 Good day, mr milverton all the best with the salacious media empire you really do loathe me

Speaker 5 don't you mr holmes yes good

Speaker 20 i rather like it i feel as if i'm taunting some big cat through the glass well last time i was at the zoo a chimp started throwing his own shit so Let's call this a day before it gets ugly.

Speaker 17 At the zoo, do you feel a creeping, shrinking sensation, Watson, when you stand before the serpents and see the slithery, gliding, venomous creatures with their deadly eyes and wicked, flattened faces?

Speaker 17 Because that's how Milverton here impresses me.

Speaker 51 Alright, come on. Let's just...

Speaker 25 Prowling big cat.

Speaker 5 The monkey throwing his own feces

Speaker 5 and the slithering serpent.

Speaker 30 Come on, Sherlock.

Speaker 22 All under the watchful spider.

Speaker 5 What did you say?

Speaker 64 Better get back to work. I have clients of my own.

Speaker 58 What did you say?

Speaker 20 Sherlock, get me over to that bastard.

Speaker 58 Who are you alluding to?

Speaker 20 Oh, goodness.

Speaker 20 Alrighty. Come on, Sherlock.

Speaker 22 Break into my house again, and I will feed you to him, Holmes.

Speaker 20 Understand me?

Speaker 58 I didn't break into your house.

Speaker 20 I'll watch his fangs sink into your skull and see that brilliant brain foam out your eyes like battery acid. Oh, shut up!

Speaker 36 Shit.

Speaker 29 Shit. Obviously I um oh bollocks.

Speaker 7 I didn't mean to knock him out.

Speaker 28 To binge this adventure in full and without ads, go to patreon.com forward slash Sherlock and Co