The Adventure of the Illustrious Client: Part Two

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Welcome to Sherlock Holmes Short Stories.

I'm Hugh Bonneville and from the Noiser Podcast Network, this is The Adventure of the Illustrious Client, Part 2.

Last time, Holmes and Watson were visited by Sir James Damery, a well-regarded aristocrat who came with an urgent request on behalf of an illustrious client who wished to remain anonymous.

A dangerous Austrian nobleman, Baron Gruner, had seduced and gained complete control over a young woman named Violet de Merville.

Holmes was aware of the Baron and knew he was a master criminal who had recently escaped justice in Prague after murdering his wife.

He now planned to marry Violet, and the unnamed client wanted Holmes to stop the union at any cost.

Holmes agreed to take the case, and his first move was to confront Baron Gruner directly.

Gruner responded with a thinly veiled threat, reminding Holmes of all the unfortunate accidents that had befallen those who tried to oppose him.

Meanwhile, Holmes' criminal informant, Shinuel Johnson, brought him a vital witness, Miss Kitty Winter, one of the Baron's former victims.

She told Holmes and Watson that Baron Gruner kept a leather-bound book documenting all the women whose lives he'd ruined hidden in his study amongst his prized Chinese pottery.

Holmes arranged a meeting between Kitty Winter and Violet de Merville, hoping to warn the young woman against the Baron's true nature.

But Violet was unmoved by Kitty's story and remained completely loyal to Gruner.

Holmes left feeling frustrated by Violet's refusal to listen and told Watson that he needed time to formulate a new approach as the young woman would not see reason.

Watson and Holmes then parted ways, but not before the great detective warned his partner that the Baron might try and attack them before they could make their next move.

It turned out, he was right.

Two days later, Watson was stunned when he saw a newspaper headline that read, Murderous Attack upon Sherlock Holmes.

Now Dr.

Watson is about to read the full account of what happened to his dear friend.

I think I stood stunned for some moments.

Then I have a confused recollection of snatching at a paper, of the remonstrance of the man whom I had not paid, and finally of standing in the doorway of a chemist's shop while I turned up the fateful paragraph.

This was how it ran.

We learn with regret that Mr.

Sherlock Holmes, the well-known private detective, was the victim this morning of a murderous assault which has left him in a precarious position.

There are no exact details to hand, but the event seems to have occurred about 12 o'clock in Regent Street, outside the Cafe Royal.

The attack was made by two men armed with sticks, and Mr.

Holmes was beaten about the head and body, receiving injuries which the doctors describe as most serious.

He was carried to Charing Cross Hospital and afterwards insisted upon being taken to his rooms in Baker Street.

The miscreants who attacked him appear to have been respectably dressed men, who escaped from the bystanders by passing through the Cafe Royal and out into Glasshouse Street behind it.

No doubt they belonged to that criminal fraternity which has so often had occasion to bewail the activity and ingenuity of the injured man.

I need not say that my eyes had hardly glanced over the paragraph before I had sprung into a hansom and was on my way to Baker Street.

I found Sir Leslie Oakeshott, the famous surgeon, in the hall, and his broom waiting at the curb.

No immediate danger, was his report.

Two lacerated scalp wounds and some considerable bruises.

Several stitches have been necessary.

Morphine has been injected and quiet is essential.

But an interview of a few minutes would not be absolutely forbidden.

With this permission, I stole into the darkened room.

The sufferer was wide awake, and I heard my name in a hoarse whisper.

The blind was three-quarters down, but one ray of sunlight slanted through and struck the bandaged head of the injured man.

A crimson patch had soaked through the white linen compress.

I sat beside him and bent my head.

All right, Watson.

Don't look so scared, he muttered in a very weak voice.

It's not as bad as it seems.

Thank God for that.

I'm a bit of a single-stick expert, as you know.

I took most of them on my guard.

It was the second man that was too much for me.

What can I do, Holmes?

Of course it was that damned fellow who set them on.

I'll go and thrash the hide off him if you give the word.

Good old Watson

No, we can do nothing there unless the police lay their hands on the men.

But their getaway had been well prepared.

We may be sure of that.

Wait a little.

I have my plans.

The first thing is to exaggerate my injuries.

They'll come to you for news.

Put it on thick, Watson.

Lucky if I live the week out.

Concussion, delirium, what you like.

You can't overdo it.

But Sir Leslie Oakshot.

Oh, he's all right.

He shall see the worst side of me.

I'll look after that.

Anything else?

Yes.

Tell Shinwell Johnson to get that girl out of the way.

Those beauties will be after her now.

They know, of course, that she was with me in the case.

If they dared to do me in, it is not likely they will neglect her.

That is urgent.

Do it tonight.

I'll go now.

Anything more?

Put my pipe on the table and the tobacco slipper.

Right.

Come in each morning and we will plan our campaign.

I arranged with Johnson that evening to take Miss Winter to a quiet suburb and see that she lay low until the danger was past.

For six days the public were under the impression that Holmes was at the door of death.

The bulletins were very grave, and there were sinister paragraphs in the papers.

My continual visits assured me that it was not so bad as that.

His wiry constitution and his determined will were working wonders.

He was recovering fast, and I had suspicions at times that he was really finding himself faster than he pretended, even to me.

There was a curious, secretive streak in the man, which led to many dramatic effects, but left even his closest friend guessing as to what his exact plans might be.

He pushed to an extreme the axiom that the only safe plotter was he who plotted alone.

I was nearer him than anyone else, and yet I was always conscious of the gap between.

On the seventh day, the stitches were taken out, in spite of which there was a report of Erysipelis in the evening papers.

The same evening papers had an announcement which I was bound, sick or well, to carry to my friend.

It was simply that among the passengers on the Cunard boat Ruritania, starting from Liverpool on Friday, was the Baron Adalbert Gruner, who had some important financial business to settle in the States before his impending wedding to Miss Violet de Merville, only daughter of, etc., etc.

Holmes listened to the news with a cold, concentrated look upon his pale face, which told me that it hit him hard.

Friday, he cried.

Only three clear days.

I believe the rascal wants to put himself out of danger's way, but he won't, Watson.

By the Lord Harry, he won't.

Now, Watson, I want you to do something for me.

I am here to be used, Holmes.

Well, then, spend the next twenty-four hours in an intensive study of Chinese pottery.

He gave no explanations, and I asked for none.

By long experience, I had learned the wisdom of obedience.

But when I had left his room, I walked down Baker Street, revolving in my head how on earth I was to carry out so strange an order.

Finally I drove to the London library in Saint James's Square, put the matter to my friend Lomax, the sub librarian, and departed to my rooms with a goodly volume under my arm.

It is said that the barrister who crams up a case with such care that he can examine an expert witness upon the Monday has forgotten all his forced knowledge before the Saturday.

Certainly I should not like now to pose as an authority upon ceramics, and yet all that evening and all that night, with a short interval for rest, and all next morning, I was sucking in knowledge and committing names to memory.

There I learned of the hallmarks of the great artist decorators, of the mystery of cyclical dates, the marks of the Hung Wu and the beauties of the Yong Lo.

the writings of Tang Ying, and the glories of the primitive period of the Song and the Yuan.

I was charged with all this information information when I called upon Holmes next evening.

He was out of bed now, though you would not have guessed it from the published reports, and he sat with his much-bandaged head resting upon his hand in the depth of his favorite armchair.

Why, Holmes, I said, if one believed the papers, you are dying.

That, said he, is the very impression which I intended to convey.

And now, Watson, have you learned your lessons?

At least I have tried to.

Good.

You could keep up an intelligent conversation on the subject?

I believe I could.

Then hand me that little box from the mantelpiece.

He opened the lid and took out a small object most carefully wrapped in some fine eastern silk.

This he unfolded and disclosed a delicate little saucer of the most beautiful deep blue colour.

It needs careful handling, Watson.

This is the real eggshell pottery of the Ming dynasty.

No finer piece ever passed through Christie's.

A complete set of this would be worth a king's ransom.

In fact, it is doubtful if there is a complete set outside the Imperial Palace of Peking.

The sight of this would drive a real connoisseur wild.

What am I to do with it?

Holmes handed me a card upon which was printed, Dr.

Hill Barton.

369 Half Moon Street.

That is your name for the evening, Watson.

You will call upon Baron Gruner.

I know something of his habits, and at half past eight he would probably be disengaged.

A note will tell him in advance that you are about to call, and you will say that you are bringing him a specimen of an absolutely unique set of Ming China.

You may as well be a medical man, since that is a part which you can play without duplicity.

You are a collector.

This set has come your way.

You have heard of the Baron's interest in the subject, and you are not averse to selling at a price.

What price?

Well asked, Watson.

You would certainly fall down badly if you did not know the value of your own wares.

This saucer was got for me by Sir James, and comes, I understand, from the collection of his client.

You will not exaggerate if you say that it could hardly be matched in the world.

I could perhaps suggest that the set should be valued by an expert.

Excellent, Watson.

You scintillate today.

Suggest Christie or Sotheby.

Your delicacy prevents your putting a price for yourself.

But if he won't see me?

Oh, yes, he will see you.

He has the collection mania in its most acute form, and especially on this subject on which he is an acknowledged authority.

Sit down, Watson, and I will dictate the letter.

No answer needed.

You will merely say that you are coming and why.

It was an admirable document, short, courteous, and stimulating to the curiosity of the connoisseur.

A district messenger was duly dispatched with it.

On the same evening, with the precious saucer in my hand and the card of Dr.

Hill Barton in my pocket, I set off on my own adventure.

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was queer.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's going to tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

Yeah.

Aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

The beautiful house and grounds indicated that Baron Gruno was, as Sir James had said, a man of considerable wealth.

A long, winding drive, with banks of rare shrubs on either side, opened out into a great gravelled square adorned with statues.

The place had been built by a South African gold king in the days of the Great Boom, and the long, low house with the turrets at the corners, though an architectural nightmare, was imposing in its size and solidity.

A butler, who would have adorned a bench of bishops showed me in and handed me over to a plush-clad footman who ushered me into the Baron's presence.

He was standing at the open front of a great case which stood between the windows and which contained part of his Chinese collection.

He turned as I entered with a small brown vase in his hand.

Pray sit down, doctor, said he.

I was looking over my own treasures and wondering whether I could really afford to add to them.

This little tang specimen, which dates from the seventh century, would probably interest you.

I am sure you never saw finer workmanship or a richer glaze.

Have you the Ming saucer with you, of which you spoke?

I carefully unpacked it and handed it to him.

He seated himself at his desk, pulled over the lamp, for it was growing dark, and set himself to examine it.

As he did so, the yellow light beat upon his own features, and I was able to study them at my ease.

He was certainly a remarkably handsome man.

His European reputation for beauty was fully deserved.

In figure, he was not more than of middle size, but was built upon graceful and active lines.

His face was swarthy, almost oriental, with large, dark, languorous eyes, which might easily hold an irresistible fascination for women.

His hair and moustache were raven black, the latter short, pointed, and carefully waxed.

His features were regular and pleasing, save only his straight, thin-lipped mouth.

If ever I saw a murderer's mouth, it was there.

A cruel, hard gash in the face, compressed, inexorable, and terrible.

He was ill-advised to train his moustache away from it, for it was nature's danger signal, set as a warning to his victims.

His voice was engaging and his manners perfect.

In age, I should have put him at little over thirty, though his record afterwards showed that he was forty-two.

Very fine, very fine indeed, he said at last.

And you say you have a set of six to correspond.

What puzzles me is that I should not have heard of such magnificent specimens.

I only know of one in England to match this, and it is certainly not likely to be in the market.

Would it be indiscreet if I were to ask you, doctor Hill Barton, how you obtained this?

Does it really matter?

I asked, with as careless an air as I could muster.

You can see that the piece is genuine, and as to the value, I am content to take an expert's valuation.

Very mysterious, said he, with a quick, suspicious flash of his dark eyes.

In dealing with objects of such value, one naturally wishes to know all about the transaction.

That the piece is genuine is certain.

I have no doubts at all about that.

But suppose-I am bound to take every possibility into account-that it should prove afterwards that you had no right to sell.

I would guarantee you against any claim of the sort.

That, of course, would open up the question as to what your guarantee guarantee was worth.

My bankers would answer that.

Quite so.

And yet the whole transaction strikes me as

rather unusual.

You can do business or not, said I, with indifference.

I have given you the first offer, as I understood that you were a connoisseur, but I shall have no difficulty in other quarters.

Who told you I was a connoisseur?

I was aware that you had written a book upon the subject.

Have you read the book?

No.

Dear me, this becomes more and more difficult for me to understand.

You are a connoisseur and collector with a very valuable piece in your collection, and yet you have never troubled to consult the one book which would have told you of the real meaning and value of what you held.

How do you explain that?

I am a very busy man.

I am a doctor in practice.

That is no answer.

If a man has a hobby, he follows it up, whatever his other pursuits may be.

You said in your note that you were a connoisseur.

So I am.

Might I ask you a few questions to test you?

I am obliged to tell you, doctor, if you are indeed a doctor, that the incident becomes more and more suspicious.

I would ask you, what do you know of the Emperor Shou Mu, and how do you associate him with the Shou Sou Inn near Nara?

Dear me, does that puzzle you?

Tell me a little about the Northern Wei dynasty and its place in the history of ceramics.

I sprang from my chair in simulated anger.

This is intolerable, sir, said I.

I came here to do you a favor and not to be examined as if I were a schoolboy.

My knowledge on these subjects may be second only to your own, but I certainly shall not answer questions which have been put in so offensive a way.

He looked at me steadily.

The languor had gone from his eyes.

They suddenly glared.

There was a gleam of teeth from between those cruel lips.

What is the game?

You are here as a spy.

You are an emissary of Holmes.

This is a trick that you are playing upon me.

The fellow is dying, I hear, so he sends his tools to keep watch upon me.

You've made your way in here without leave, and by God, you may find it harder to get out than to get in.

He had sprung to his feet, and I stepped back, bracing myself for an attack, for the man was beside himself with rage.

He may have suspected me from the first.

Certainly this cross-examination had shown him the truth, but it was clear that I could not hope to deceive him.

He dived his hand into a side drawer and rummaged furiously.

Then something struck upon his ear, for he stood listening intently.

Ah, he cried.

Ah!

and dashed into the room behind him.

Two steps took me to the open door, and my mind will ever carry a clear picture of the scene within.

The window leading out to the garden was wide open.

Beside it, looking like some terrible ghost, his head girt with bloody bandages, his face drawn and white, stood Sherlock Holmes.

The next instant he was through the gap and I heard the crash of his body among the laurel bushes outside.

With a howl of rage, the master of the house rushed after him to the open window.

And then, then, it was done in an instant, and yet I clearly saw it.

An arm, a woman's arm, shot out from among the leaves.

At the same instant, the Baron uttered a horrible cry, a yell which will always ring in my memory.

He clapped his two hands to his face and rushed round the room, beating his head horribly against the walls.

Then he fell upon the carpet, rolling and writhing, while scream after scream resounded through the house.

Water!

For God's sake, water!

was his cry.

I seized a carafe from a side table and rushed to his aid.

At the same moment, the butler and several footmen ran in from the hall.

I remember that one of them fainted as I knelt by the injured man and turned that awful face to the light of the lamp.

The vitriol was eating into it everywhere and dripping from the ears and the chin.

One eye was already white and glazed.

The other was red and inflamed.

The features which I had admired a few minutes before were now like some beautiful painting over which the artist has passed a wet and foul sponge.

They were blurred, discolored, inhuman, terrible.

In a few words I explained exactly what had occurred so far as the vitriol attack was concerned.

Some had climbed through the window and others had rushed out onto the lawn, but it was dark.

and it had begun to rain.

Between his screams, the victim raged and raved against the Avenger.

It was that hellcat, Kitty Winter, he cried.

Oh, the she-devil.

She shall pay for it.

She shall pay.

Oh, God in heaven, this pain is more than I can bear.

I bathed his face in oil, put cotton wadding on the raw surfaces, and administered a hypodermic of morphia.

All suspicion of me had passed from his mind in the presence of this shock, and he clung to my hands hands as if I might have the power even yet to clear those deadfish eyes which gazed up at me.

I could have wept over the ruin had I not remembered very clearly the vile life which had led up to so hideous a change.

It was loathsome to feel the pouring of his burning hands, and I was relieved when his family surgeon, closely followed by a specialist, came to relieve me of my charge.

An inspector of police had also arrived, and to him I handed my real card.

It would have been useless, as well as foolish, to do otherwise, for I was nearly as well known by sight at the yard as Holmes himself.

Then I left that house of gloom and terror.

Within an hour, I was at Baker Street.

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Holmes was seated in his familiar chair looking very pale and exhausted.

Apart from his injuries, even his iron nerves had been shocked by the events of the evening, and he listened with horror to my account of the baron's transformation.

The wages of sin, Watson, the wages of sin, said he.

Sooner or later it will always come.

God knows there was sin enough, he added, taking up a brown volume from the table.

Here is the book the woman talked of.

If this will not break off the the marriage, nothing ever could.

But it will, Watson.

It must.

No self-respecting woman could stand it.

It is his love diary?

Or his lust diary, call it what you will.

The moment the woman told us of it, I realised what a tremendous weapon was there, if we could but lay our hands on it.

I said nothing at the time to indicate my thoughts, for this woman might have given it away, but I brooded over it.

Then this assault upon me gave me the chance of letting the Baron think that no precautions need be taken against me.

This was all to the good.

I would have waited a little longer, but his visit to America forced my hand.

He would never have left so compromising a document behind.

Therefore, we had to act at once.

Burglary at night is impossible.

He takes precautions, but there was a chance in the evening if I could only be sure that his attention was engaged.

That was where you and your blue saucer came in, but I had to be sure of the position of the book, and I knew I had only a few minutes in which to act for my time was limited by your knowledge of Chinese pottery.

Therefore, I gathered the girl up at the last moment.

How could I guess what the little packet was that she carried so carefully under her cloak?

I thought she had come altogether on my business, but it seems she had some of her own.

He guessed guessed i came from you i feared he would but you held him in play just long enough for me to get the book though not long enough for an unobserved escape

ah sir james i am very glad you have come

our courtly friend had appeared in answer to a previous summons he listened with the deepest attention to holmes's account of what had occurred you have done wonders wonders he cried when he had heard the narrative.

But if these injuries are as terrible as Dr.

Watson describes, then surely our purpose of thwarting the marriage is sufficiently gained without the use of this horrible book.

Holmes shook his head.

Women of the de Merville type do not act like that.

She would love him the more as a disfigured martyr.

No,

no.

It is his moral side, not his physical, which we have to destroy.

That book will bring her back to earth, and I know nothing else that could.

It is in his own writing.

She cannot get past it.

Sir James carried away both it and the precious saucer.

As I was myself overdue, I went down with him into the street.

A broom was waiting for him.

He sprang in, gave a hurried order to the cockaded coachman, and drove swiftly away.

He flung his overcoat half out of the window to cover the armorial bearings upon the panel.

But I had seen them in the glare of our fanlight none the less.

I gasped with surprise.

Then I turned back and ascended the stair to Holmes's room.

I have found out who our client is, I cried, bursting with my great news.

Why, Holmes, it is it is a loyal friend and a chivalrous gentleman, said Holmes, holding up a restraining hand.

Let that now and for ever be enough for us.

I do not know how the incriminating book was used.

Sir James may have managed it, or it is more probable that so delicate a task was entrusted to the young lady's father.

The effect, at any rate, was all that could be desired.

Three days later appeared a paragraph in the Morning Post to say that the marriage between Baron Adelbert Gruner and Miss Violet de Merville would not take place.

The same paper had the first police court hearing of the proceeding against Miss Kitty Winter on the grave charge of vitriol throwing.

Such extenuating circumstances came out in the trial that the sentence, as will be remembered, was the lowest that was possible for such an offence.

Sherlock Holmes was threatened with a prosecution for burglary, but when an object is good and a client is sufficiently illustrious, even the rigid British law becomes human and elastic.

My friend has not yet stood in the dock.

Next time on Sherlock Holmes' short stories, deep within the desolate moors of Cornwall, amongst ancient stone circles and prehistoric ruins, Holmes and Watson come face to face with pure evil in The Adventure of the Devil's Foot.

When Holmes heads to the Cornish countryside seeking respite from his exhausting London practice, he hopes to spend time pursuing his personal hobbies.

But trouble soon finds the great detective when a woman is found dead in her home, her face contorted in horror.

The only witnesses to the crime, her two brothers, have seemingly gone mad from fright.

The local vicar believes that a demonic force has descended upon his small parish.

But a curious discovery at the crime scene leads Holmes to a killer whose only weapon is fear itself.

That's next time.

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Head to www.noiser.com slash subscriptions for more information or click the link in the episode description.

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