Am I The Scrooge? | Reading Reddit Stories

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Speaker 14 Hi, welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit Stories. I'm Shane, and today's theme is holidays.

Speaker 14 It is,

Speaker 14 I believe it is November 29th that this is being posted, which means it's kind of right in the middle of the holiday season.

Speaker 14 Christmas time, the holiday season is beginning for many.

Speaker 14 Thanksgiving just happened. Halloween just happened like a couple weeks ago.

Speaker 15 We're taking away our pumpkin pancake batter and we're replacing it with

Speaker 15 candy cane. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Nutmegs are pumpkins are allowed in December. They are, but we're shifting a little bit to a more peppermint.

Speaker 14 We're going peppermint. You're going peppermint? We're shifting slowly to a channel.
I'm actually going eggnog. Oh, hell yeah.
I can get on that train. Yeah.

Speaker 15 Like pumpkin is still a part of Christmas, but I think as we leave Thanksgiving and enter into December, we're slowly doing more peppermint.

Speaker 14 Yeah. Okay.
Okay. I can't get.

Speaker 14 I respect that for you guys. I can't always get on the like peppermint everything vibe.
That's fair.

Speaker 15 Like I don't think that is fair.

Speaker 14 I think you have to hear her out. Hear who out?

Speaker 15 Peppermint.

Speaker 14 Come on out. Come on out, peppermint.

Speaker 14 By the way, I'm joined by Chance and Angela. Yes!

Speaker 14 Thank you both for being here.

Speaker 15 Thanks for having us.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 14 And I was saying before we started this that this is the time of year that I'm most in the like the spirit. Like I am in the holiday zone.
Like fresh from Thanksgiving.

Speaker 14 End of November, like first couple weeks of December. By the time Christmas hits, I'm usually a little like kind of like done.
Like I'm kind of like burned out.

Speaker 15 Oh God, no.

Speaker 15 I'm making sure it's a steady flow.

Speaker 14 Yeah. Oh, you keep it, you keep a pace.

Speaker 15 And I'm a hard, like December 1st starts, now we go.

Speaker 14 I'm like, as soon as I'm digested all the food from Thanksgiving, it's Christmas time. Okay.
Yeah, growing up, it was like Thanksgiving's over, now it's Christmas. Yeah, but you're December 1st.

Speaker 14 So you have a weird five-day period where you don't think about anything.

Speaker 15 I respect like putting up the children. She hibernates.
She's in a battle bath. She hibernates.
That's when I sleep.

Speaker 14 I sleep. That's the only time of year you sleep.

Speaker 14 Okay.

Speaker 14 We got all sorts of holiday stories in here. Some from Halloween,

Speaker 14 probably some from Christmastime. I don't know.
All over the place. But let's begin.
This first one comes from December 20th, 2019.

Speaker 14 Am I the asshole for buying my wife a Roomba for Christmas? That's a great gift. I actually think that's a pretty good gift.
Now, is this saying, hey, lady?

Speaker 15 Clean up.

Speaker 14 Or it's saying, hey, you don't have to do that anymore. Let's hear it.
Depends on the context, but a Roomba, like, I'm thinking for myself, a Roomba? Dope. Absolutely.

Speaker 14 I'm like, oh, yeah, give me a Roomba. But let's see.

Speaker 14 This happened last year, but since it still gets brought up during arguments every now and then, and I just discovered this subreddit, I decided to check what you guys think.

Speaker 14 Me and my wife have two children, a 15-year-old girl and an 11-year-old boy. My wife has been a stay-at-home mom since the birth of our second child.

Speaker 14 I, a 46-year-old man, work full-time and earn a six-figure salary. My job is highly stressful, requires me to travel a lot, and mostly sleep in hotels.

Speaker 14 I only get to come home to my family on every second weekend, on average. Despite working a lot, I am glad to do it so that my family can live a comfortable life.

Speaker 14 Last year, I decided to buy my wife a Roomba for Christmas. My wife tends tends to be the one who vacuums the house, so I presumed that she would like this present as it would free her of this chore.

Speaker 14 As she unpacked the present, she was heavily offended and did not hesitate to show it, which made the whole situation quite uncomfortable as my parents and other members of the family were also present.

Speaker 14 She argued that this should not be a present directed at her, but at the whole family, as it is the entire family's responsibility to clean up the house.

Speaker 14 Since I work and am the sole source of income in the family and she is a stay-at-home mother, I think it is apparent that she should take on responsibilities such as taking care of the kids and maintaining the house.

Speaker 14 The gift was intended to somewhat relieve her of this burden.

Speaker 14 I, personally, would have loved to have received a Christmas gift that would have somehow made it possible for me to spend less time working.

Speaker 14 As cheesy as it sounds, I think that time is one of the most precious gifts, and that Roomba would have definitely bought some time for her, time that she could use to do whatever she pleased instead of vacuuming.

Speaker 14 Unfortunately, one year later, this still often gets brought up during arguments, often coupled with her crying. So, am I the asshole in this situation?

Speaker 14 Edit, I should also add that I would have never gifted my wife a vacuum cleaner or anything along these lines.

Speaker 14 I saw the Roomba as a robot that would fully take over this task, which is why I thought it was a good idea.

Speaker 14 Edit number two, I asked her numerous times before Christmas last year what she would have liked to receive, and she repeatedly told me that she does not want anything.

Speaker 14 I was left to guess and chose the most practical gift that I was certain she would be able to make use of.

Speaker 14 Okay.

Speaker 14 Shane, your thoughts?

Speaker 14 Yeah, I don't...

Speaker 15 Yeah, what do you think?

Speaker 14 Okay.

Speaker 15 We're not doing this. No, I swear to God.
I swear to God. I swear to God.

Speaker 14 Okay. No, I swear to God.
This is another one of those stories where I don't like a lot of how it's written. Yes.

Speaker 14 To me, I'm just like.

Speaker 14 Unless she had asked for a Roomba

Speaker 14 and you're not seeing your wife much at all, it's like, cool, you got her a gift that's solely just like focused on like, oh, well, you're a stay-at-home mother.

Speaker 14 Here's something to help you out with that stuff. I'm like, I don't know.

Speaker 14 I think it sounds like there's a big separation between the two of them. He starts it off by talking about how like we argue all the time and she brings it up with her crying.

Speaker 14 And I'm just like, it sounds like you guys need to actually connect on an emotional level and like be like people. to each other, not just roles in your family.

Speaker 15 Yeah, I think like the idea of a a gift,

Speaker 15 if she didn't specify or mention wanting that, it doesn't really bring out like a closeness or an intimacy. You know what I mean?

Speaker 15 Like I feel like especially between like two partners, your gift is something like, oh, I know you didn't think of this, so I thought, or I thought you would never buy this for yourself, so this.

Speaker 15 Right. But just like something that helps you from with day to day that you didn't express wanting, but you were just like, this will help you.
Doesn't like bring you closer together.

Speaker 15 Like a gift is like, hey, I thought of you when I saw this. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Like, and that's a sweet thing, but this isn't.

Speaker 14 And they've been married a long time because they have a, you know, a son or a daughter who's 15. So they've clearly been married a long time.

Speaker 14 It just sounds like, and I mean, I'm not a couples therapist. I'm not like in any way qualified and nor have I experienced being married that long or having kids like that.

Speaker 14 But it just feels like they've lost track of like what's important to each other.

Speaker 14 Yeah. But it just, I don't know, this reads as just kind of like, hey, man, you need to talk to your wife is my takeaway.

Speaker 14 or just like hey man throw in a bracelet yeah it's it's I kind of it makes me want to ask more questions yeah for this guy that's my big takeaway

Speaker 15 like hey what else do you guys do like you're never there so when you are there do you guys ever like hang out right yeah like my dad got my mom like a new set of pots for Christmas recently but it like it was very much like well you cook for me so

Speaker 14 okay but I got you chupperware see but you knew I needed it. Right, but

Speaker 14 it's also a matter of what, like, knowing each other. Exactly.
And spending time together.

Speaker 15 I don't think they do.

Speaker 14 I don't know if there's such a thing as like awareness. And it was a nice Tupperware, by the way.
It was really good Tupperware. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 14 There's no such thing to me as like a bad gift objectively of like, that is a bad gift. It's like anything can be a good gift.

Speaker 14 for the right person if the person wants that and that's you're you're on the same page and you understand them but that's kind of what a gift is right is like showing someone like I understand you and I see you.

Speaker 14 Yeah. And she didn't feel seen.
It feels like they're not on the same page at all.

Speaker 15 Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 14 I'm forgiving him for the Roomba

Speaker 14 in that she didn't say what she wanted and not everyone is good at giving gifts. So it's just like, okay,

Speaker 14 this is not my love language. I don't do this well.
And I know that about myself. And he says that.

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Speaker 14 What I can't forgive him for is that he says time is his love language and he's not giving that to her.

Speaker 14 He's actively saying how he doesn't spend time with his family and his wife, even though he treasures it so deeply. How deeply do you treasure it?

Speaker 14 It sounds like the price of your salary is how much you treasure that time. Yeah, I don't think he says that time is his love language.
He says, I think that time is one of the most precious gifts

Speaker 14 and that Roomba would have definitely definitely bought some of some time for her. Like she wouldn't have to do as much around the house because the Roombo would be doing it.

Speaker 14 But he's recognizing that time is

Speaker 14 an ultimate gift. And he's not there.
And he's not giving it to her.

Speaker 14 Give her that time. Give her a vacation.
Say,

Speaker 14 I got us this cruise that we get to spend quality time together. Yeah.

Speaker 14 I see it as like, there's other issues going on here.

Speaker 14 I don't like his reaction to it and the way he's explaining it to us yeah and then just bringing up like yeah she brings up whenever we argue and it's accompanied by her crying I'm like is that supposed to make me feel bad for you because it doesn't yeah it's also that makes me have a lot of questions definitely do you guys have do you guys have roombas

Speaker 14 uh

Speaker 14 he wants you to ask him about the roomba's name he had he his roomba is I had a roomba for a bit I had like a cheaper roomba like because roombas are expensive yeah

Speaker 14 but like I had a like a I got a one on like sale that was really good and it worked fine for a while But to be honest, I fucking love vacuuming. Oh, me too.
I love vacuuming. I love vacuuming.

Speaker 14 I love mobbing too.

Speaker 14 I like cleaning. I just don't do it enough.

Speaker 15 Oh, yeah. He wants you to ask him what his Roomba's name is.

Speaker 14 What's your Roomba's name? Safira. Safira.
Yeah, named after the dragon from Aragon. Oh, I was going to say because it's like a circle.
I know. Okay.

Speaker 14 Are sapphires circles? No, I meant like

Speaker 14 a circle, so sphere. Spherica.
Okay. No.
Sphere.

Speaker 14 Sapphire. Sapphire, guys.

Speaker 14 Whoa. That was awesome, you guys.

Speaker 15 It's like a note.

Speaker 14 I think also, I agree that a Roomba is not necessarily a bad gift.

Speaker 14 I think the problem is that since they're in the same household, it can be seen as like, well, this is a gift for kind of all of us, right?

Speaker 14 Like, it's like, oh, this is for our whole house, as opposed to like, this is just for you.

Speaker 14 And it also does feel like he doesn't really talk about his wife as a person in this he talks about his wife as the stay-at-home mother yeah and how this is like her responsibilities like yeah but we're talking about Christmas man like this is supposed to be about you guys giving gifts to each other as human beings he does say since I work and I'm the sole source of income in the family and she is a stay-at-home mother I think it is apparent that she should take on responsibilities such as taking care of the kids and maintaining the house it's like cool so is that what this gift is like about or is this about like giving her something she wants and he's like oh but it's about the time she'll get I don't know I I the verdict is asshole and I I can see I can see that yeah

Speaker 14 and I think a lot of that is how he wrote this and it shows it indicates how he views his wife yeah it's transactional yeah and I'm like dude if a year after Christmas you're writing a post online talking about why like what's the deal with this situation I'm like man you need to do some introspection and then also talk to your wife.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 14 We got some comments here.

Speaker 14 You're the asshole. That's a gift for the household and not her.
It shows you primarily regard her as a housekeeper and not a partner.

Speaker 14 What interests does she have that are not about serving you and the family? Yeah. Someone said, you're the asshole, OP.

Speaker 14 Had you realized it offended her and apologized instead of defending it, I feel like it would have been more of a no, no one's the asshole.

Speaker 14 Regardless of whether you personally would have enjoyed the gift or not, she didn't like it and told you it offended her.

Speaker 14 I see how it comes off to her that you think of her as the housekeeper and not your wife. However, you could have redeemed yourself and apologized.

Speaker 14 You didn't. Yeah, there was no apology.
Yeah, you didn't, which further implied the original thought of her being just a housekeeper. Someone said, you're the asshole.
This is a rookie mistake.

Speaker 14 Husband thinks, wife will appreciate a machine to make her work easier. Wife thinks, my husband sees me primarily as a housekeeper and not as a romantic partner.

Speaker 14 If you want to relieve her of this one burden, that's a nice thought, but don't make it a Christmas gift. Make it a contribution to the welfare of the household.

Speaker 14 That's what your wife meant when she said this should not be a present directed at her, but at the whole family. I agree.
Yeah. I agree.

Speaker 14 Because it almost feels like a gift that's like, hey, reminder of what all you got to do.

Speaker 14 You know, like, it's not an awesome. It's not annoying it.
Hey, remember, remember, though, you got to clean. Yeah.

Speaker 14 As opposed to, like, hey, like, I,

Speaker 14 you know, and it's, it just kind of, I know he's not there, but it's, yeah.

Speaker 14 It's like I said, it's indications of being like hey, I've I've listened to you and I know what you like I know what you enjoy in life

Speaker 15 It's Merry Christmas.

Speaker 14 I put a bow on your to-do list Yeah, yeah, that's actually you you know what Angela you cooked. Thanks.
You cooked. I thought I did you cooked there

Speaker 14 Yeah, and look some people love practical gifts like I do enjoy a practical gift, but like if that's an aspect of who your wife is,

Speaker 14 cool, but it doesn't seem like that's the case.

Speaker 15 Yeah, some people like gifts that they ask for, and some people like surprises, but this isn't either of those. This is just something that really isn't magical or nice.

Speaker 14 It's like a cool, it's like you go into like a cool tech magazine, you're just like, uh, this one.

Speaker 14 No.

Speaker 14 All right.

Speaker 14 Well, let's move on to our next story.

Speaker 14 This is a confession. It comes from True Off My Chest.

Speaker 14 This was posted Christmas Day of 2023. Guy I'm seeing legitimately thinks Santa Claus is real.
How old? Okay, let's find out.

Speaker 2 How old?

Speaker 14 How old do you think? Let's guess at an age. 23.

Speaker 15 23. I was going to guess 23.
Okay.

Speaker 15 Let's make it interesting. 27.

Speaker 14 I think he actually believes Santa is a real person in some capacity and thinks he delivers presents to his family personally.

Speaker 14 I'm probably going to leave tomorrow because it's been awful so far and I just want out. I'll call him Adam.

Speaker 14 Adam, who is a 25 year old man, is from a pretty rural area up in the mountains, keeping it vague on purpose and his family are what I'd consider religious extremists.

Speaker 14 He told me this before, I, a 23-year-old woman, came to see them for Christmas, that they were very religious, as are mine, so I thought it would be similar.

Speaker 14 I'm not seeing my own family as I just have my abusive mom left and we are no contact. Oh.

Speaker 14 Okay.

Speaker 14 I've only been seeing him a couple months and his beliefs have only come up minimally and Santa Claus was not part of that LOL. Well, yeah.

Speaker 14 I don't even think we've mentioned it at all, despite walking around Walmart with Christmas decorations/slash/holiday stuff on shelves, and him saying he wishes there was more Christian decor.

Speaker 14 Adam and his family call Santa St. Nick to start off with.

Speaker 14 He has a large family, and we had a lot of regular Christmas Eve activities all day, including cooking breakfast and dinner with his family, sitting around and playing with the children, going to a church event around lunchtime.

Speaker 14 When we went to church, his mom would shake her head disapprovingly at some references towards Santa Claus, the pastor maid, and would whisper to his younger brother and her nephew next to her.

Speaker 14 I didn't hear what she said. When we made dinner, she told me to fix a plate for St.
Nick, and I laughed and said, cookies aren't enough? And Adam shot me a horrified look.

Speaker 14 I felt the gaze of his mother and she gave me this sort of fake smile and said, no, hun, that's not a filling meal.

Speaker 14 So I loaded up about as much as I gave Adam and the men in his family and put it on a plate. His mom put tin foil over it and put it in the the fridge in the garage.

Speaker 14 At some point, about two-thirds his family left. The children went to bed after about an hour of it being dark.

Speaker 14 Adam's mom told them to go settle into bed so Saint Nick can have his dinner and start to deliver presents.

Speaker 14 This gave me the implication that he would start his night here rather than just stop by and have cookies and leave. I'm not sure.

Speaker 14 His mom read a couple passages out of the Bible about family as we sat around their wood-burning stove and we discussed my family situation a bit.

Speaker 14 Adam's dad then told Adam and I, as well as his little sister, to go to the guest house to sleep. It was about 9 p.m.

Speaker 14 I changed in the bathroom and said goodnight to them and was about to walk out the door with Adam when his mom snapped her fingers and said, Hun, you're forgetting the most important part of Christmas?

Speaker 14 Adam looked pale for a sec before kind of nervously laughing and stepped back to the door holding my hand. We went out into the garage where he grabbed the plate.

Speaker 14 I said something like, she's really serious about Santa getting his food, huh? Trying to lighten the mood. He squeezed my hand really hard and said, yes, I'd say it's serious.

Speaker 14 We went back into microwave the meal and we awkwardly stood there in front of the microwave watching the plate turn around. I felt his parents' gaze on the back of my head.

Speaker 14 I said something again, I can't even remember what, kind of light-hearted about Santa having a full stomach if he eats like this at every house.

Speaker 14 She's killing it. She's killing it.

Speaker 14 Really doing well.

Speaker 14 Adam gripped my hand harder than he did before and the first sign of affection he had given me in front of his parents all night and said his name is Saint Nicholas and he only eats his dinner here don't be disrespectful in our home it sounds calm all typed out like that but the way he said it gave me chills his parents didn't say anything and I felt like I was going to cry haha I left to walk in the backyard to the guest house and his sister was waiting in this mostly empty living room area she said she started the wood burning stove and she showed me where to sleep, a twin bed next to her, and said Adam would be in the next room over with his younger brother.

Speaker 14 I just laid down.

Speaker 15 The brother, he's going over there. She's sleeping next to the sister.
Yeah.

Speaker 14 I just laid down and I heard Adam come in maybe half an hour later and go straight to bed.

Speaker 14 I've just been laying here unable to get sleep because I'm so anxious, lol and I already hear movement in the main house at this point and I don't know what to think.

Speaker 14 I thought after everyone had left, mostly small children, the Saint Nick talk would end. I think his family, or at least him and everyone younger, legitimately believe this is a real person.

Speaker 14 His parents are really strict and live live relatively off-grid and isolated. I barely have service here, so I'll see if this posts because I can't even text my friend's SOS right now.

Speaker 14 I feel like I'm in a horror movie where they believe Santa is like a distant uncle or something. Does anyone know of any traditions like this?

Speaker 14 They killed a pig sometime in the last week as well as a couple chickens. And the whole family is coming back tomorrow and maybe it'll be less weird with more people being here.

Speaker 14 A few of his cousins gave me a more modern vibe rather than the rest of his nuclear family, but I don't know. I might just head back and stay at my apartment a couple hours away alone.

Speaker 14 I don't think I can continue seeing him. It's just been so weird.
This

Speaker 14 Okay,

Speaker 14 I have theories.

Speaker 14 This is some demon shit.

Speaker 14 This is some ritualistic. They are haunted by something.
I don't know what kind of spirit it is pretending to be Santa.

Speaker 14 I was gonna say, reading through this story, I'm like, she's like, yeah, ha ha, oh, they believe. I'm like, I'm like, no, I think something's coming.
No, there is definitely.

Speaker 14 This family, I believe. Something is

Speaker 14 enough. It's definitely coming and it is going to eat that plate.
And you know what? It's probably going to eat the pig, too, that they slaughtered that week. Maybe take some pigs and chickens.
I'm

Speaker 14 just going to ritual shit.

Speaker 15 It's like a Christmas get out.

Speaker 14 Oh.

Speaker 14 Yes.

Speaker 15 Without all the other stuff.

Speaker 14 Yeah. No, this is like,

Speaker 14 there's a few movies I'm thinking of, but it's like, no, Krampus. It's like the ritual.
It's like, yeah, a demon is going to show up. It's like, we have to feed it.
Everybody, be cool.

Speaker 15 But what, guys? The demon also brings gifts.

Speaker 14 Just go to your room. Just go to your room.
And none of that. Yeah.
Me played out. Saint Nick.
His name is Saint Nick.

Speaker 14 And you need to give him a folding. If the wood keeps burning the entire night, you'll be fine.

Speaker 15 I think this is my new favorite red story.

Speaker 14 Yeah, I need to. I need to know the end.
I am terrified, by the way.

Speaker 14 Comments, sounds like you stumbled onto a Santa worshiping cult. Very strange, bizarre.

Speaker 14 Someone said, reading this at 7 a.m., waiting for my kids to wake up on Christmas morning, and I don't mean to make light of a very awkward situation, but I am laughing so hard.

Speaker 14 Someone said, if this is real, I think you should get out now. I honestly probably would have just left in the middle of the night.

Speaker 14 I'd walk if I had to. You'll see, that's how you get killed.
If you had to. Right there is how you get killed.
You sleep the night, and they have done this a million times. You say that.

Speaker 14 If you leave, then you're the pig. If you leave, you're the pig.
Yeah.

Speaker 12 You must go.

Speaker 14 You must go. You know how how to say that.

Speaker 14 You know how they've got this master down since he was a child. They've got the ritual down.
You know, stay there for the ritual. Fuck with the ritual.

Speaker 14 Just stay there for the moment.

Speaker 14 You know how this works in a horror movie?

Speaker 14 She gets up in the middle of the night, gets in her car, drives all the way to her apartment, hours, gets home, gets to her apartment, goes, Oh my god, I just need to grab like a drink or something.

Speaker 14 She opens up her fridge, and the tinfoil dinner that they prepared is in her fridge. And the family's dead the next day.
And the family's dead. And you're the pig.
And it is Christmas morning.

Speaker 14 And you got a Roomba.

Speaker 15 This is some fucking wild shit, guys. This is something.
This is wild.

Speaker 14 This is like Santa.

Speaker 14 This is on edge. I was like, this is not Santa.
This is not Santa. The Damien on my shoulder is like, it's probably fake.
But I'm enjoying it. Wago.
No.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Something's not right.

Speaker 14 This is also the thing. There are families with some weird traditions out there.

Speaker 14 And there's also cults. Yeah.
They do exist. Yes.

Speaker 15 Families with weird traditions and cults, small, thin line.

Speaker 14 Thin line.

Speaker 14 Update. Two!

Speaker 14 Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Speaker 14 It is, Santa.

Speaker 15 I swear to God, if they wake up and there's fucking, I don't know, hot wheels and Barbies and they just move on and they open gifts.

Speaker 14 It's just normal Christmas? No,

Speaker 14 that's the worst case scenario. That's the worst case scenario.

Speaker 15 I'd I'd lose my fucking mind. I'd lose my mind.

Speaker 14 I need to see a demon now.

Speaker 15 Yeah, I want to be like, is there blood on the gifts?

Speaker 14 The update. I'm still alive, not dead.
Woo!

Speaker 14 Holidays ended horribly and my relationship is over. Yeah, let's hear it.
Probably for the best now that I've had time away from him, talked to my friends, read comments, etc.

Speaker 14 I essentially ruined Christmas.

Speaker 14 Saint Nick literally left the food untouched because there was a non-believer in the house and Adam's mom made a point of it being because I was there and I was essentially barred from seeing him and called a degenerate in front of his whole family.

Speaker 14 A detention degenerate. Detention, degenerate.
Detention, degenerate.

Speaker 14 I think this is it.

Speaker 14 I can't imagine typing out another few paragraphs of the worst Christmas I've ever had, completely alone with crazy religious nuts and in my feels only for it to be called a horror movie in the making.

Speaker 14 Like, yeah, I know. My life right now just sucks.
I wish there was more to say or it was more dramatic for everyone wanting that, but I just don't have it in me.

Speaker 14 I wish I had a real family and relationships that don't suck.

Speaker 14 I wish I had answers for you of why his family is so crazy around the holidays and aren't normal people that let their son date girls outside their borderline Amish lifestyle. I don't know the end.

Speaker 14 No! No! We know.

Speaker 14 She didn't say anything about the... Because she woke up and the mom said he didn't eat the meal.
Saint Nick didn't come because.

Speaker 6 So who ate the meal last year?

Speaker 14 Well, no, no, no. Who ate the meal last year? No, the mom is saying, like, Saint Nick didn't eat it because they're not believing.
Who eats the meal? Probably the most. Who eats it? Probably the most.

Speaker 14 Someone's eating the meal, Shane. I think this is a Friday the 13th situation.
The mom is really the killer.

Speaker 14 Did I spoil Friday the 13th to you? I've never seen it. Sorry.

Speaker 14 Halloween's already passed.

Speaker 15 Why is it always the woman?

Speaker 14 Okay. That's only the OG.
Then Jason Voorhees comes back and starts killing people.

Speaker 15 Okay, this, I need to know.

Speaker 15 I need people to talk.

Speaker 6 We need to know.

Speaker 14 She needs to just drop their names.

Speaker 14 This just sounds, okay,

Speaker 14 this to me rides on super controlling, religious, ridiculous family who found an opportunity to just make, to control him, their son, and make him break up with, like, just to shame and

Speaker 14 be awful. But to not have the ability to think critically like that, I guess.
Well, I've been talking about that. A lot of people like that.

Speaker 15 There's a lot. Your circumstances, sometimes you don't have control over that and your mindset is so limited.
And you didn't choose that. It just happened because of the way you were raised.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Sorry. This is extreme.
Not real.

Speaker 14 I love that they've found, they have their own religion. They made their own religion.

Speaker 15 I was going to say, like,

Speaker 15 them talking about the Bible and stuff, I was like, this isn't biblical. And if anything, the Christians are like, do not worship anything that isn't Jesus.

Speaker 14 Yeah, no, Santa Claus is very much like...

Speaker 14 Would Santa Claus not be sacrilegious in a weird way?

Speaker 15 I mean, a lot of Christians are like, don't worry about it.

Speaker 14 A lot of Christianity stuff. Because it is all based in American, or just based in Catholicism.

Speaker 14 It's consumerism. Like, that's all it is.

Speaker 15 What's Christian Christmas decorations? Like, is that just crosses?

Speaker 14 Well,

Speaker 14 a nativity scene is probably the religious.

Speaker 14 Camels,

Speaker 14 wise men. It's like Jesus, it's Jesus focused.
It was always funny, like, as a kid, like, we were a very like

Speaker 14 Santa Claus, like, whoa, like, holly jolly Christmas.

Speaker 15 You were jolly.

Speaker 14 But you'd go to some friends' houses and and it's like oh this is religious christmas house we had a mix of both we'd have like like rudolph sitting next to like a nativity scene we're like tj max christmas hell yeah that's yeah um

Speaker 14 well damn

Speaker 15 not much to say i just need i need more information when i was a kid for some class it was either like sunday school or in something

Speaker 15 we made our own nativity scenes

Speaker 15 and my mom still has mine to this day. It's the most cursed thing I've ever seen.

Speaker 14 Oh, we have to do it. I have to bring it in.

Speaker 15 It's like Jesus is an egg.

Speaker 14 What do you mean, Jesus is an egg?

Speaker 15 I like rolled up a piece of clay and he's an egg.

Speaker 14 Yeah. Okay.
The wise man. Jesus is an egg.

Speaker 15 And Jesus is an egg.

Speaker 14 And the woman is an egg and God, God's a bird.

Speaker 15 But I'm going to bring it in because it's weird looking. It looks like a Matisse.

Speaker 14 A what? Well, that sounds amazing.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 15 Yeah, it sounds professional.

Speaker 14 Anyway, I'm trying. Did you guys ever get coal?

Speaker 14 Did you? No, but my little brother did. Really? Yeah.
Devastating. Wait,

Speaker 14 and he got zero gifts? He got a couple gifts, but like, I got way more, and he got, he had to pull up coal out of his.

Speaker 14 Oh, I've never heard of that actual. I've never heard of parents fucked up bad.
Fully committed. He was a bad year.
What do you fucking do? He was just bad at school. He was getting bad grades.

Speaker 14 It was like a lot of things. Oh, yeah.
Did he fire up the grill?

Speaker 14 No, that was my stepdad's job. He's not allowed to touch the grill.

Speaker 14 Oh, I've never heard of anyone actually getting coal. Yeah.

Speaker 15 Especially mixed with other presents.

Speaker 14 You just really get like some stuff. That kind of makes it worse.

Speaker 15 It's really rough. Thinking about it now, my brother.

Speaker 14 My ex is coal for Christmas. We had broken up and we still got Christmas presents.

Speaker 14 You own coal? I got him straight up coal. And that's it? Yeah, I got him, like, I had written like a nice, really nice note, but you got him coal.

Speaker 14 I just remembered.

Speaker 14 I don't think I've ever told anyone.

Speaker 14 Crazy. He's so fucked up.

Speaker 14 Crazy. Also, last year I got, yeah, last year I got my ex a Christmas present, but we'd already broken up by that time, too.

Speaker 15 I remember this. And then I

Speaker 14 came over to talk, and I like had the Christmas present there, and I was going to give it to him. And after we talked, I was like, well, I'm going to go on a walk.
Do you want to come with me?

Speaker 14 And he's like, yeah. We walked to Whole Foods and I returned his gift.

Speaker 14 He has no idea.

Speaker 14 He walked with me to return his own gift.

Speaker 14 I've never told anyone that either.

Speaker 14 I've never told anybody that.

Speaker 14 I think I might have told you that. Did I tell you that?

Speaker 15 You told me you returned the gift. Yeah.

Speaker 14 Oh my God. I don't know which one's more diabolical.

Speaker 14 You just gave three

Speaker 14 fucking pictures.

Speaker 14 Yeah. My little brother got cold.

Speaker 14 I love that it's a Christmas tree. I think my mom taught me that skill.
It's like I got that power from my mom. I was like, oh, you could actually get people coal for Christmas.
Like if they're

Speaker 14 like bad, if they're bad,

Speaker 14 get them coal.

Speaker 15 It's a way to raise kids and make sure they have good rapport cards.

Speaker 14 Well, you can't do it to an adult.

Speaker 14 And yet, I did. And it felt great.
I love that you were like,

Speaker 14 I was like, I'm freed. I am free.
I love that you were like, one Christmas, I got my ex coal. Oh, but let me one-up that.

Speaker 14 And last Christmas, I made him come returning.

Speaker 14 Oh, my God.

Speaker 14 What are you going to do this Christmas?

Speaker 15 They're so going to clip that, and he's so going to see that clip.

Speaker 14 Awesome.

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Speaker 14 Awesome. Well, let's move on to our next story.
Okay.

Speaker 14 Our next story is a Halloween story.

Speaker 14 And this is very like, but this is also very like fall festive story here. All right.
Am I the asshole? October 29th of 2020. Okay.

Speaker 14 Would I be the asshole if I put a birthday hat on my neighbor's pumpkin?

Speaker 14 Okay.

Speaker 14 Well, it is.

Speaker 14 Because it's been out for a year.

Speaker 14 I share a porch.

Speaker 14 I share a porch with one neighbor who is notorious for not cleaning up after herself or her kids.

Speaker 14 For example, one time there was a broken longboard sitting right in front of their door that they would step over every day to get into their unit.

Speaker 14 For seven months, they just ignored it until one day I asked the oldest kid, who's 15, a 15-year-old boy, to please clean it up. He's a good kid and instantly threw it away.

Speaker 14 I told him thank you and that was that. Now, I know I could have cleaned it up myself, but I don't want to assume that they didn't want it.
I don't know, maybe it had sentimental value.

Speaker 14 Plus, I constantly clean up the shared porch, throwing away trash, picking up cigarette butts, sweeping, clearing cobwebs.

Speaker 14 I have known her to sweep the porch all of one time in the six years she has lived there.

Speaker 14 Last year, October 2019, I bought several small sugar pumpkins and placed them on my porch next to my jack-o'-lanterns.

Speaker 14 After Halloween, I threw all of them away in an unused wooded area next to my apartment complex so they could decompose.

Speaker 14 The next day, I found one of these sugar pumpkins back on the porch outside of her door. I know that it was one I had bought because of the particular markings on it.
Okay, weird, but whatever.

Speaker 14 I'm glad someone is enjoying it. I figured she would throw it away after Thanksgiving, then after Christmas, then after New Year's.
Well, it's now been a year and the pumpkin is still there.

Speaker 14 It is nasty. It looks like it has practically melted into the porch.

Speaker 14 She has put Halloween decorations all around it and still hasn't cleaned it up. I think it's gross, but left it there on principle because I'm tired of cleaning up after a grown woman.

Speaker 14 We work opposite shifts now, so I never see her. I also don't have her phone number because she is constantly changing it.

Speaker 14 I was thinking of leaving her a note asking her to please clean it up, but I'm worried it will somehow come across as rude. So I think I might have a little fun with it.

Speaker 14 I'm considering putting one of those little pointy birthday hats on it and a sign saying, Happy first birthday over it.

Speaker 14 Personally, I think it would be hilarious and get the point across, but my husband thinks we should just suck it up and clean it up. Again, I don't want to do so out of principle.

Speaker 14 So, Reddit, would I be the asshole if I celebrated the pumpkin's first birthday?

Speaker 14 Um, okay, we have a photo of I guess the pumpkin.

Speaker 15 Oh my god, I bet it's fucking disgusting.

Speaker 14 It's basically gone. That is disgusting.
That is so gross. Oh, that ruined the yard.

Speaker 14 Stain the concrete.

Speaker 14 I hate to say it. Like, I would be someone who would end up cleaning up because I'm like, well, that's a health hazard for all of us.
I'm like,

Speaker 14 what's coming out of that now? And why is it not, hey, the pumpkin's rotting and it smells a little weird. Can you clean that up?

Speaker 14 Yeah, I mean, that's what, it's like, hopefully they would listen and do that.

Speaker 15 What's worse than a pumpkin rotting in front of your door is a pumpkin rotting in front of your door holding a sign with a hat on. Yeah.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 15 Like, like if you put that, that's not going away either.

Speaker 14 No.

Speaker 15 Like, that's going to be there for a long time.

Speaker 14 I can't believe they had a broken longboard right in front of their door and they would just step over it for seven months. That feels like a curse.
It does feel like a curse.

Speaker 14 It also just feels like, really? Like. It took one second when he pointed it out to the kid.
The kid was like, oh yeah, I'll just throw it away. It's like,

Speaker 14 nowhere along the the line for seven months. That was an inconvenience.

Speaker 15 And I'm like a literal true Libra where it like, I'm like, it needs to, if I clean it up, it's not fair.

Speaker 14 Like, I get it.

Speaker 15 It's like, it's not, it's not fair. But you have to keep.

Speaker 15 But I'm like, you have to take matters into your own hands. You have no personal relationship to this person besides just living next to them.
You can't tell them that they need to be better.

Speaker 15 You can't, you know what I mean? Like, it's not.

Speaker 14 Straight up, I'm the type of person that I'm going to like text them. Hey, do you mind if I throw this away for you? Or like, I will go ahead and do it.

Speaker 15 And I'll be like, you'll always be doing that.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Because, yeah, realistically, it should be like, hey, you need to do that. But some people, like, some people just friggin don't.

Speaker 15 And especially if those messes just disappear to those types of people, they never really learn the lesson.

Speaker 14 Yeah, but I tell them, I'm like, hey, I cleaned up your longboard. Or like, I'm thinking about it, I'm like, I cleaned out the fridge, or like, I did the dishes, or whatever.

Speaker 14 Like, I'm just going to do it and tell you.

Speaker 15 Hey, I did this. But you're going to hope that you saying that will somehow make that happen.

Speaker 14 i hope and it never does and it doesn't because clearly they're they're not bothered by mess like that's the problem right it's like it's one thing if if someone is also bothered by mess but then they're like but you need to clean it up yeah it's like but they they clearly i don't know what's going on where they're yeah something could be so disgusting right in their area and they're just like whatever yeah i'm just like are Are you not bothered by this?

Speaker 14 So OP got rid of these pumpkins and his neighbor got one of those pumpkins, put on their porch and then let it rot there forever.

Speaker 15 So that's his pumpkin?

Speaker 14 You know what? It is technically his. Well, it's yes.
I mean, obviously he threw it out and then they got it.

Speaker 15 But that's his pumpkin.

Speaker 14 Yeah. I mean, yeah.
I mean, it's, it doesn't, it's not even really a pumpkin anymore. No.
It's a mess of mold and disgusting.

Speaker 15 It makes me weirded out that they went into the trash and repurposed something. I think it was in the woods.

Speaker 14 It was in the woods, which is still.

Speaker 15 No, but they don't clean. It feels like just not a like a

Speaker 14 mold. Well, you went into the woods to get a...
I don't know. They went and got it after Halloween.

Speaker 14 I don't know.

Speaker 15 Maybe I'm still in the other story, but I do feel like this is also a curse.

Speaker 15 And that that's not good. And they're doing something funky in that approach.

Speaker 14 I like that. I think, unfortunately, I would not want to see the inside of their house.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 14 The verdict is not the asshole. I mean, he's not the asshole for, he could put a hat and a sign.
I don't think it's going to do that. He could go way further and I'd be like, you're not the asshole.

Speaker 14 You could leave a sign on their door. You could knock and confront them and be like, this front porch is disgusting.

Speaker 14 I understand we share this porch and like, technically, this is your home, sort of, like, but

Speaker 14 come on. This is a shared space.

Speaker 14 This is a health hazard for all of us.

Speaker 14 Comments, not the asshole, and you can always claim ignorance if she tries to start crap.

Speaker 14 I'm assuming you live in town, so while you would be the most obvious slash likely culprit, the hat could have been placed there by any neighbor, mail carrier, delivery driver, etc.

Speaker 14 Because I'm sure you're not the only one who has taken notice. Someone said, Not the asshole.
I'm willing to bet she wouldn't even notice if you put a hat on it.

Speaker 14 Give it a day or two with a hat for a good chuckle.

Speaker 14 Someone said, You would be the asshole. I realize you're frustrated, but you're substituting passive-aggressive bullshit for just having it out with your gross neighbor.

Speaker 14 Why are you cleaning their half of the porch anyway? Put a mental line between their half and your half and be done with it.

Speaker 14 You're going to create problems for yourself if you do the birthday hat routine anyway. So why not just do the adult thing and talk to the person directly? Either way, it will be a shit show.

Speaker 14 So just just get it, get it over with instead of being childish.

Speaker 14 I don't know.

Speaker 14 I agree with like, go talk to them.

Speaker 14 Like, but I also think, I agree with the other comment. I don't think they're going to even notice.
Yeah. I think he couldn't.
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 14 He could start dumping his trash on their porch, and I think they'd be like, oh, I didn't notice.

Speaker 15 Yeah, literally. I think if they put a whole birthday, I don't know, a bunch of birthday stuff.

Speaker 14 Update.

Speaker 14 He put the birthday stuff on it. And now with different angles, you can really see how gross that pumpkin is.

Speaker 15 Oh, it's caddy as fuck, though. That's pretty caddy.

Speaker 14 That is disgusting. Look at, wait, can I see it again? The pumpkin's disgusting, though.
Is that just green goop? You know what this is? No, this is no shame.

Speaker 15 This is me after a shoot block when it's someone's birthday.

Speaker 14 That is, this is wrong. That is not wrong.
Happy birthday!

Speaker 14 That's Resident Evil. That is Resident Evil.
It is Resident Evil. That's Resident Evil right there.
Looks like goosebumps.

Speaker 14 But also, just, I don't don't know.

Speaker 15 The happy birthday thing is.

Speaker 14 It is.

Speaker 14 Now seeing it in person, I'm like... It's pretty.

Speaker 14 He has a balloon. He didn't say he was going to have a balloon.
Balloon. Let me change things for you.

Speaker 14 It's also really funny.

Speaker 15 It's funny, but it's also just like, Jesus, dude.

Speaker 14 I don't know. I like it.

Speaker 15 It's funny. It's smart.

Speaker 14 It's like witty.

Speaker 14 Yeah, it's good.

Speaker 14 Is there another update? No.

Speaker 14 That was it. That was it.
They probably didn't even notice. They just did it.
They're probably not going to notice.

Speaker 14 And they had a homeboard in front of their door that they stepped over for seven years. They probably didn't even remember that it was

Speaker 14 their pumpkin.

Speaker 14 They probably have no idea. Literally, they're probably like, who put a birthday hat on the pumpkin outside?

Speaker 14 Our next story. comes from relationship advice.

Speaker 14 This was posted January 11th, 2025.

Speaker 14 So earlier this year.

Speaker 15 We can put a birthday hat on it. Let's do it.

Speaker 14 That was awesome. This is a 26-year-old woman.
She writes, my boyfriend, who's 30, got me Pokemon for Christmas, and I can't let it go. Do I call it quits or work it out? Pokemon what?

Speaker 14 She just said Pokemon. Real Pokemon?

Speaker 15 He bought her Pokemon.

Speaker 14 He got her Pokemon. We'll see

Speaker 14 what he got her exactly. For context, my boyfriend and I have been together for three years.

Speaker 14 Since I've known him, he has always loved Pokemon. Personally, I have no interest, but as his partner, I encourage his hobbies and support him.

Speaker 14 This past Christmas, we had a few brief conversations about Christmas budgets and have mentioned to each other things we have been wanting.

Speaker 14 I knew Pokemon packs were on the top of his list, so I made sure to get him some. I mentioned wanting a few beauty products and a specific hoodie.
Well, Christmas comes around and I open my gifts.

Speaker 14 To my surprise, the first one was a pack of Pokemon cards. What? Okay, whatever.
The next one was a booster box of Pokemon cards. I stop and ask him if he's joking, because this must be a joke, right?

Speaker 14 Well, he smirks and tells me to keep going. I opened my next gift.
It was another booster box of Pokemon cards. He was full of excitement while I opened my gifts.
That's it. Those were my three gifts.

Speaker 14 What? I am not and never have been interested in Pokemon. After this, I told him I needed a moment to myself.
I went to our bedroom and took a moment to gather my thoughts and lower my temper.

Speaker 14 When I came back to the living room, there he was on the the floor. Both booster packs and the pack of cards he got me were opened and sprawled across the floor.
I was in shock.

Speaker 14 Not only did he get me gifts that I didn't want, but he actually got them for himself and tried to play it off.

Speaker 14 I have been trying to move past this as I did not want to seem ungrateful, but I just can't believe he would do something like this.

Speaker 14 Every time I have tried to bring it up, he has told me how expensive those booster boxes were and how I made him feel bad for not appreciating my gifts. Am I being ungrateful or is he just a jerk?

Speaker 12 Oh,

Speaker 12 give.

Speaker 14 Get up.

Speaker 14 What is this? This?

Speaker 14 That's unreal.

Speaker 14 What it was.

Speaker 14 What is this? What is this?

Speaker 14 So he didn't get her gifts. He got himself something and just

Speaker 14 said it.

Speaker 14 So what is this, huh? So what's going on?

Speaker 15 Are we breaking up or what?

Speaker 14 So, all right.

Speaker 15 This is rough. This is rough.

Speaker 15 I just feel like

Speaker 15 somehow a lot of people miss, a lot of people miss the meaning of giving gifts and what that is. And it's an expression of love.

Speaker 14 He sounds like a baby.

Speaker 15 Yeah, he sounds like a child.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 14 But they've been together for three years. And he's been alive for four, so what's the.

Speaker 14 But it's like, you'd think she'd be like, oh,

Speaker 14 there's stuff in the past that he's done that's similar to this. But it's like, no, this is.

Speaker 15 Do you believe in the three-year itch?

Speaker 14 The three-year itch. What is that?

Speaker 15 I actually don't know if that's the exact title.

Speaker 14 I thought it was three-month.

Speaker 15 I've heard heard the three-year itch.

Speaker 14 What's the three-year itch?

Speaker 15 Seven-year or just like it gets, it's when shit gets real.

Speaker 14 Oh, see, I've always viewed that as six months.

Speaker 15 Really? Six months?

Speaker 14 Six months is where it's like, oh, like this relationship is going great. And my thought is always like, don't make any big commitments

Speaker 14 six months

Speaker 14 and six months. But then I would say like, I do think like once you get like, I don't know, it varies per person.

Speaker 14 Three years.

Speaker 14 Three years is, I feel like, a mark where it's like, once you get past that, it's like, okay, if you move past that and you're doing good.

Speaker 15 Three Christmases together to me is enough to start to see yourself like just naturally. Like, I feel like people get very comfortable and sometimes effort is lost.
True.

Speaker 15 It's true. No, but I think like with three years, it's it, like in my past relationship, that it was ended shortly after three years.
And it was like, oh, we had just stopped

Speaker 14 like.

Speaker 15 putting in effort.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 15 And I feel like this is a gift that's like, there's no effort there.

Speaker 14 It's just like, what?

Speaker 14 Yeah, he was completely thinking about himself,

Speaker 14 completely self-centered. Like, he deserves jail time.

Speaker 14 Like, I'm barely kidding.

Speaker 14 This is the thing. This is one of those stories where it's like, this can't be real.
It's like, this stuff does really happen.

Speaker 14 There are people who are like this, but when they do stuff this unbelievable, you're like, what? Like,

Speaker 14 you don't even know how to react. She's sitting here like weeks after going, what?

Speaker 14 Like, he's moved past this. He's acting like this was fine.
I wouldn't be able to move past that. And you'd expect, it's like you're playing a prank on me.
There's a lot of layers to this.

Speaker 14 It's like there could be the argument of like, oh, he wants her to get into his interests. Like, cool, like, that's not a Christmas gift.
And she's not into it. You've dated her for three years.

Speaker 14 She's not into Pokemon.

Speaker 14 He opened her gifts, which means they were gifts to himself. That's that's my big takeaway.

Speaker 14 Comments, so you're telling me he's known and dated you for at least three years and has never paid attention long enough to get you gifts you may actually like.

Speaker 14 And you're questioning if you want to do this for the rest of your life or not. Someone said, nah, this is crazy.
Even if you wanted this, he then opened your gift. That part is unforgivable, too.

Speaker 14 Lastly, someone said, that's literally insane, and the best possible explanation is that he's wildly, emotionally unintelligent. So if that's what you like, I guess stay with him.

Speaker 14 ETA, I just registered that this is a 30-year-old man, sis. Why?

Speaker 14 Yeah,

Speaker 14 that's not going to change.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 15 Yeah, this is just unfortunate for everyone involved.

Speaker 14 It's like unbelievable to me. It's truly unbelievable.

Speaker 15 Like, I understand sometimes being like, oh, I got us a trip, and then I get to benefit off of this too. But this is just him.

Speaker 15 She has expressed no interest in this. It's like.

Speaker 14 I would rather get a Roomba.

Speaker 15 I would rather get a Roomba. I'd rather get like, I don't know, a teeth whitening coupon.

Speaker 14 Absolutely.

Speaker 15 Like a slap in the face. Not like a, a, I'm making this about me and my interests.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 15 No, a teeth-whitening coupon would be very hurtful.

Speaker 14 Oh, probably, probably pretty hurtful.

Speaker 15 And I brought it up because my mom did kind of give that to me.

Speaker 14 I've gotten that too. Yeah.

Speaker 14 And you know what? That's fine. You know what?

Speaker 14 It's actually good.

Speaker 15 Moms do that. Moms are like, I got you these socks because I hate your fucking socks.

Speaker 14 Right? Like, it's a thing.

Speaker 15 We see that your socks coordinate with the sweater.

Speaker 14 That's pretty cool.

Speaker 14 Our next story is an Am I the Asshole from November 26, 2024. So we've got a Thanksgiving one.
From last year.

Speaker 14 Oh. Last year.
From last year. From next year.

Speaker 14 2024. Slides!

Speaker 14 It's Christmas. It's Thanksgiving.

Speaker 14 Am I the asshole for sitting on my husband's lap during Thanksgiving dinner because all chairs at the table were taken? What a power play. That is so funny.

Speaker 15 Well, there are no more chairs.

Speaker 14 What am I supposed to, where's a girl supposed to sit? I guess I'll just.

Speaker 14 I, a 28-year-old woman, have been with my husband, Sean, who's 33, for two years, married for five months.

Speaker 14 Most of his family are decent people, but his mom can be a little bit of a passive aggressive and tends to criticize me a lot. I feel like some edits were made in that writing.

Speaker 14 I feel like she wrote something down. She's like, just be a little passive aggressive.
Chill, be chill. Delete that.

Speaker 14 Sean sees it as her still not getting used to me being around, but I don't know because she treats his ex, Jalissa, well.

Speaker 14 Mother-in-law says that Jalissa has been around the family for ages and her past with Sean never affected her relationship with her.

Speaker 14 Fine, I never minded her attending every holiday and being around until yesterday. We had Thanksgiving dinner at my mother-in-law's house.

Speaker 14 Sean went there before me, and when I arrived, it was already dinner time. Everyone was seated, and I saw that all the chairs were taken.

Speaker 14 I asked mother-in-law why she didn't save me a seat, and she said, sorry, and that one of her granddaughters decided to show show up at the last minute and the chair was taken.

Speaker 14 I looked at her, then at Jalissa who was sitting next to Sean and tried to point out how I was more deserving of her chair since I'm the daughter-in-law.

Speaker 14 I know I shouldn't have said it, I know, I know. Mother-in-law flat out said that Jalissa is as much family as me and that it was rude to imply otherwise.

Speaker 14 Jalissa was nodding confidently while glancing at me. I was so upset I wanted to leave but decided to just sit on my husband's lap and act as casual as possible.

Speaker 14 I sat on his lap asking if he was okay with it.

Speaker 14 Don't worry, I'm petite, he's strong-built, and started eating so casually while smiling and complimenting the food and mentioning to Sean how warm and comfortable his lap was. Yes.

Speaker 14 The table went awkwardly silent.

Speaker 14 Brother-in-law would try to break the silence and change the subject, but it somehow goes back to being awkward.

Speaker 14 Mother-in-law and Jalissa were barely eating and were staring at each other, then at me, wise wide open. Minutes later, Jalissa excused herself to the bathroom, and so did mother-in-law.

Speaker 14 It was still awkward, but I did my best to focus on dinner. Sean was eating as well.
Later there was just so much tension and mother-in-law was barely able to speak after Jalissa left.

Speaker 14 She left early, like right after dinner.

Speaker 14 Sean and I went home and mother-in-law tried calling but then called Sean and texted me saying that what I did was inappropriate and that I ruined Thanksgiving dinner and made it awkward.

Speaker 14 She said it wasn't her fault chairs were taken and I could have dragged a chair from the kitchen but acted childishly and made Jalissa and family uncomfortable with how inappropriate I was.

Speaker 14 Edit, I need to mention that even if I took a chair from the kitchen, there was not enough space at the dinner table to fit the chair. Everyone was sitting next to each other.
Wow.

Speaker 15 God, I'd kill to be there.

Speaker 14 I would kill

Speaker 14 to be there. Just sitting on there being like, your lap is so warm.
Sorry, I feel like I'm seated so high because your bulge is so huge.

Speaker 15 Well, look at that, a natural booster.

Speaker 14 Whoa!

Speaker 14 Also,

Speaker 14 the husband is not.

Speaker 14 Okay, okay, okay, all right.

Speaker 14 Okay.

Speaker 14 Settle down now. Settle down.

Speaker 14 Kids, kids, kids.

Speaker 14 Slow down. I'm not

Speaker 14 certified.

Speaker 15 I don't have the DMV license classification for this.

Speaker 14 Well, I guess there's a chair. There's a PSD license station.

Speaker 14 Well, I guess actually,

Speaker 15 I guess if there's no chair for me, I'll sit on my boyfriend's bulge.

Speaker 14 Oh, my son's new girlfriend, Betty Boop, is here.

Speaker 14 Oh, okay, so let's talk about Sean for a minute. Okay.

Speaker 14 So Jalenessa's Sean's ex. Yeah, who like...

Speaker 14 He's like, the family's allowing his ex to come to Thanksgiving dinner. He's tolerating that.

Speaker 14 That's number one. It's like, dude,

Speaker 14 who's allowing this right why is this happening she's a part of the family okay yeah she have another family that she no okay well it feels inappropriate it's like

Speaker 14 but she's my ex like she's not i guess you brought her into the family but then it's also not sticking up for the wife in a way it's like what where's my wife's seat she needs a seat yeah Where's

Speaker 21 the seat?

Speaker 14 It's his mother. It's his mother's house.

Speaker 14 So they're married. They're married.
They're married. So it's like, hey, you're the ex and you are the ex.

Speaker 14 They're married. He's like, okay, there's no, maybe he knows there's no fighting with her.
I like that he's like, yes, in my lap, babe.

Speaker 14 And then I like that they're both eating and there's no, there's no conflict with why it feels like they're on a team. Can I

Speaker 15 the thing that's coming to mind? Yes. And I needed to do visual.
Could you sit on my lap? Yeah.

Speaker 15 I don't know how,

Speaker 15 and this is great, right? How is he eating?

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 15 So you eat.

Speaker 14 So she said, she did say.

Speaker 15 So is it like a

Speaker 14 little bit more of she's kind of seated on one leg?

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Speaker 14 and and like

Speaker 14 and her other legs on this bulge well well

Speaker 14 she's saying she I'm

Speaker 14 how are you this is so dramatic to be like it is it is dramatic but she's saying it's the only option she's also saying she's petite and he's like a strong built like bigger guy so maybe like she really just comfortably sits on one of his legs and like what is she fucking

Speaker 14 it is awkward

Speaker 14 it is awkward you're sure you're petite but like what the fuck

Speaker 14 i'm petite i'm two feet tall

Speaker 14 it's just like hey look another opportunity i make a borrower joke like every other episode

Speaker 15 every fucking day

Speaker 14 it's always there um this is just like it's like man why is this situation happening and this is not like i want to call this story fake but this is not the first time.

Speaker 14 This is one of numerous times I've heard, and for people in real life, of like exes being part of the family. Yeah.
I'm like, how does this happen? Yeah.

Speaker 15 But it happens a lot. I mean, it does.
It really does.

Speaker 14 It makes sense to me in my experience when there's kids involved because it's like, oh, you're not going to separate the parents from the kids. Yeah, I get that.

Speaker 14 I get that. But there's no kids involved.
No kids. This is an ex-girlfriend as far as we know.

Speaker 14 And now he's married. It's like at some point you got to be like, hey, like, I'm sorry, you guys broke up.

Speaker 15 It's a control thing, too. It's like our families need to, like, boundaries and not controlling each other's lives when it comes into like dating is such a thing we see all the time.

Speaker 14 It's pretty awful. But there are so many stories of like families who are like, no, we're going to make you marry this person.
Was she late?

Speaker 14 I will say it's an interesting thing that they started, that she was late to think, that they didn't go together. Yes.
She and her husband didn't go to Thanksgiving, but we don't know the situation.

Speaker 15 You never know. It could be,

Speaker 14 but she showed up and they had already started dinner. So already I feel like the family's just not respecting her.
Yeah. We're going to start without you.

Speaker 15 I wouldn't even sit unless all parties are there.

Speaker 14 Yeah. This is one of those things, man, where it's like, hey, like...

Speaker 14 My wife is part of the family now. Yes.
If you're not respecting her, you disrespecting her is disrespecting me.

Speaker 14 And if you're going to disrespect us on that level, like I will not come to Thanksgiving. Like,

Speaker 14 you tolerate it. You're saying, like, oh, you're kind of giving it the okay.
Like, I can see a reality where there was a set time.

Speaker 14 I'm not hearing any of that from this story, but I can see, but I'm also not hearing, like, I'm not hearing it. So it might have been omitted.
Yeah.

Speaker 14 Just on-person telling's point of view.

Speaker 14 I think OP gives a little bit more details in the comments. So let's see.
The verdict, not the asshole. No, definitely.

Speaker 14 Comments, not the asshole, but the whole ordeal could have been avoided had your husband done what he should have done and given you his seat while he went to to fetch another one.

Speaker 14 In fact, he should have already had an empty seat beside him waiting for you. I can't imagine putting my wife in such an awkward situation.
72,000 upvotes. Yeah,

Speaker 14 that sums it up so well. So that comment had 72,000 upvotes and the story itself had 10,000 upvotes.

Speaker 15 That's like when Chance writes something really funny on my Instagram post.

Speaker 15 He gets a lot of likes on his comment.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Someone commented under that saying, why is the husband okay with his ex being treated better? Someone said, not the asshole. I feel like I missed something.

Speaker 14 Does he have children with his ex who she brought to Thanksgiving dinner? Minus that, I have no clue what she was there for. OP says no.
They were friends and both families were close.

Speaker 14 Then they started dating, then broke up, but still maintained a decent relationship.

Speaker 14 However, mother-in-law is somehow acting like they're still together, but she denied all that, saying that she just treats her as a daughter and also told me I have zero say in how she treats others, which is fine by me, really, but when I'm being treated as less than, I find issues with her treatment.

Speaker 14 On another another note my husband says he can't figure out this problem between me and his mom he thinks that we're both wrong

Speaker 14 what oh fuck both of you ladies are wrong you're both crazy

Speaker 14 So emotional.

Speaker 14 Someone said under that, sounds like your husband is a selfish guy. He didn't find it odd that you had to sit on his lap at Thanksgiving.

Speaker 14 He didn't find it odd that his ex was sitting happily and his wife wasn't. He doesn't seem to respect you much, to be honest.
Lastly, someone said, not the asshole.

Speaker 14 Mother-in-law suggests after the fact that OP could have dragged a chair from the kitchen, it was mother-in-law's job as host to do that herself.

Speaker 14 Failure to do so was an obvious attempt to make OP ill at ease. OP responded delightfully.
It was mother-in-law's fault that it turned out the way it did. Oh my God, you know what this is giving?

Speaker 14 Boy Mom's episode of Bit City.

Speaker 14 Like exactly.

Speaker 14 This is Amanda's Karen. Yeah.
Noah, like straight up. Yeah.

Speaker 15 That's crazy. I also don't know.

Speaker 14 Maybe I'm a people pleaser, but like if I invite someone over and there's not a chair for them, like i'm i'm i'm not standing for it like i'm i don't want to make that person feel that uncomfortable like even i don't even want them to sit on my lap i'm like let's leave yeah i've never i've just simply never been around people like that yeah right like because like if i don't like someone if if if i'm with people i'm like we don't like this person we're not inviting them yeah because it because like i'm not gonna invite someone to a dinner and then on purpose make it awkward for them.

Speaker 14 I'm like, I don't want to sit there with that. Like, that sucks.
I'm so like

Speaker 14 problem solver oriented in those situations where I'll be like, oh, you can have my chair and I'll find like something. Like, I will, I don't, it doesn't matter who it is.

Speaker 14 If I'm sensing it's that awkward, I'm like, oh, I really don't need this that bad. If it will be less awkward now, right?

Speaker 15 Definitely. 100%.
You could also, there's another power move. Instead of sitting on his lap, it's just standing.

Speaker 20 I'll stand. Yeah.

Speaker 14 The whole dinner, and she's like,

Speaker 14 like, how awkward? Past the cranberry.

Speaker 15 Yeah, like, literally.

Speaker 14 ugh like circling a table yeah just like walking around like it's a cocktail hour oh my god i kind of love that walking around like

Speaker 14 walking around like it's the beginning of traders last year

Speaker 14 and she's like so what's this picture joining joining different conversations

Speaker 14 just like grabbing people's wine just be like that's good nice is this uh what is this oh nice our last story it is a today i fucked up this is another october one october 27th 2024. okay

Speaker 14 Today I fucked up passing gas on the dance floor.

Speaker 14 Okay.

Speaker 15 Not really, Halloween.

Speaker 14 It happens. Well, Halloween has a lot of dancing.
A lot of dancing.

Speaker 15 I think part of the dance. Okay, so what? You farted during the monster mash.
I feel like.

Speaker 14 So what?

Speaker 15 So what?

Speaker 14 That was. I think we've all farted during the monster mash.
She was part of the actual monster mash, right?

Speaker 14 I'm a female in my mid-30s. Last night I went out for a Halloween dance party.
I worked really hard on my costume. I was the perfect combination of warm and slutty and I was excited to strut my stuff.

Speaker 14 Warm?

Speaker 14 And slutty. Probably wherever they're at.
Yeah. They're probably like in a colder climate.
Oh, got it. Got it.
Warm. So like

Speaker 14 you meant like hot? I was just like, huh? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 14 The way that this bar is set up is that there is a main level upstairs and then you can walk downstairs to go to the dance area. It's a pretty small place, so it gets crowded.

Speaker 14 I had taken some mushrooms earlier in the evening and I was feeling good. At some point in the night, I had to cut the cheese.
I thought it would be a small one.

Speaker 14 I thought I could just crop dust it, but it was the most silent, deadly, toxic, foul stink bomb of my life. I'm so sorry, can we hold?

Speaker 15 What's crop dust?

Speaker 14 Crop dusting is when you kind of like move through a space. So you like kind of like, like you're gonna fart, but you're gonna keep on the move so that

Speaker 14 when the smell happens, it's like, oh, well, I'm past there.

Speaker 14 Do you know what actual crop dusting is? It's like when a plane flies over and drops like pesticides or shit. And it keeps going.
And it keeps going. Yeah, so it like it drops stuff onto a field.

Speaker 14 So you're crop dusting. Angela learning what crop dusting is.
You've never heard crop dusting before? No. You've crop dusted.
Oh, everyone's crop dusted.

Speaker 15 This motherfucker the other day on a live stream goes, she's obsessed with Olaf.

Speaker 14 I'm so sick of it.

Speaker 15 I was like, that's more damaging than Tomader.

Speaker 14 He's accusing you of liking liking Olaf, and I'm making fun of you for liking Toe Mater.

Speaker 15 God, she's obsessed with that guy.

Speaker 14 She has the plushies in Omar. Shut the fuck up my doubt!

Speaker 14 You're kind of the Olaf of Smosh.

Speaker 14 Oh, God!

Speaker 14 Thanks, dude. Thanks, dude.

Speaker 14 Oh, God. Sorry, that was a three-hit combo.

Speaker 15 Do you mind if I sit on Bailey's lap? I don't feel comfortable.

Speaker 14 Just don't protest on your way over there. She's

Speaker 14 blazing up. War war zone!

Speaker 14 Sorry.

Speaker 15 Just drive a truck through this, please. All right.

Speaker 14 I will say, man, like,

Speaker 14 it's one of the best parts of Disneyland, right?

Speaker 14 It's like you're walking around all day, you're eating gross foods, and it's like, hey, if you got a fart, like, you wait till you're like, you're in the zone, you're in the crowd, and it's just like, it's like, and that's one of the best parts of Disneyland.

Speaker 14 It kind of is. It's like so much food, so many good shows.

Speaker 14 That's the best part of Disneyland. You're walking past the line for star tours, and it's like, sorry, guys.

Speaker 14 Have you been to a mall? I'm giving you guys a little bit of a tour myself.

Speaker 15 He goes, oh, I want to get a season pass there so I can fart.

Speaker 14 Like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 14 God, I love Disneyland. I can fart wherever I want.

Speaker 14 When you're in line for Indiana Jones, there's that rope pull, and you're like, gonna time it perfectly so you make this

Speaker 14 you guys wouldn't get it. No, I wouldn't because I don't fart.
I sealed my buttholes shut.

Speaker 14 And now I'm a girl.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 14 A gang, a gang. All right, all right.

Speaker 14 At some point in the night, I had to cut the cheese. I thought it would be a small one.
I thought I could just crop dust it, but it was the most silent, deadly, toxic, foul stink bomb of my life.

Speaker 14 The smell from my ass destroyed the dance floor.

Speaker 14 People cleared out. It was so bad people thought that someone had an accident on the floor.
Like, they turned up the lights a little bit to see and make sure that there wasn't a health hazard.

Speaker 14 Even the DJ made a comment. No way.
I went upstairs because I couldn't stand the smell of my own ass. I was up there for about 30 minutes, and when I came back down, I could still smell my ass.

Speaker 14 Whoa.

Speaker 14 It's all anybody could talk about. They thought someone had an accident.
I had to play dumb. I was so embarrassed.
All right. This reminds me of one of our live shows, unfortunately.
It wasn't Tommy.

Speaker 15 Oh, oh, I'm thinking of the Tommy VidCon thing.

Speaker 14 There was a there was

Speaker 14 a live show. There was a live show we had.

Speaker 14 It was a Christmas live show where before we went on, we were in like our waiting room rehearsal area and someone farted and it was so bad that everybody cleared out. So no, I thought it was Tommy.

Speaker 14 It was not Tommy Elder. I thought it was Ian.
It was not Ian.

Speaker 15 It was Jeremy Elder. It was Jeremy Elder.
It It was Jeremy Elder.

Speaker 14 We got a confession. No, it was Jeremy Elder.
We got a confession. Oh, that's right.
That's right. Yeah, Jeremy Elder, Business Casual Podcast.
Go check it out. Yeah, go check it out.

Speaker 14 If we're going to do him dirty, we're going to talk about it, farting. Go check out his podcast.
If we're going to do him dirty like that, you've got to go check out his podcast.

Speaker 14 That's hilarious.

Speaker 15 This reminds me of that time that guy ripped ass. Go check out his podcast.

Speaker 14 Go check out his podcast.

Speaker 14 Angela was on an episode. I was on an episode.
Courtney was on an episode.

Speaker 14 Anyways, but it's horrendous. It's happened a few times in my life where like I'm in a group setting and someone farts and it's like unfortunately horrible

Speaker 14 and everyone's like we gotta go and like in those situations nobody admits to it. Yeah,

Speaker 14 there have been a couple times in my life where it happens and then like probably back in like elementary school and stuff like that that happens and it's just like the DJ turned out. We shouldn't let

Speaker 14 it be the DJ commenting on it and the lights being turned up.

Speaker 15 Like, hey, did someone pass out?

Speaker 14 Also, the fact that she came back 30 minutes later and it was still bad, it's like, hey, maybe something did happen. Something's wrong.

Speaker 14 Something's wrong. Something's wrong, and it isn't St.

Speaker 15 Nick.

Speaker 14 Nice. Callback.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 14 It's okay.

Speaker 15 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 14 No, no, no.

Speaker 15 It might be on that one.

Speaker 14 Keep going, keep going, keep going.

Speaker 14 Our audio listeners are like, what the fuck is happening?

Speaker 14 Guys, I told you it's Friday evening.

Speaker 14 Oh, my God.

Speaker 14 Keep going, just keep going.

Speaker 14 One of us is a bad thing. Oh my god, it's someone fart.
Just keep going. Just keep going.
Just keep fucking walking.

Speaker 15 We have to go to Splash Mountain. Just keep fucking going.

Speaker 14 We went to Splash Mountain. Go to Splash Mountain.
All right. They rebuilt it.
It's not Splash Mountain anymore. Just keep going.

Speaker 15 Just keep going. It's like some fucking thing, Moana thing.

Speaker 14 Tiana's Bayou Adventure. Yeah.

Speaker 15 But it's still called Splash Mountain.

Speaker 14 No, don't. Did he change the name? Yeah.
Tiana's Bayou Adventure.

Speaker 14 Wow. Who is that lady? Remember, that's the ride it was like who is that lady

Speaker 14 this is what angela's like well i'm not going to disneyland now

Speaker 14 who is that lady mama mama what

Speaker 15 chance and i went on the honest by you adventure and he just was taken by a woman that was like a mama yay yay or whatever her name is

Speaker 14 i love her

Speaker 14 what's so funny for you you kept calling her. It was like, Mama Ye is not her name.
I don't know what she is.

Speaker 15 feel like that's my choir, did you remember?

Speaker 14 No, it's my African dance teacher.

Speaker 14 She reminds me of it. They look just alike.

Speaker 14 They do.

Speaker 14 And the vibes are like right there. I'm like, come on.

Speaker 14 We had Mama Yeye. And he went, look, it's Mama Yeye

Speaker 14 on the ride. And we're like, who? I thought her, I couldn't remember.
I confused them.

Speaker 14 Comments. Years ago, I was in a big record store with no one else there but the staff.
I let a silent but deadly go while I was browsing. It was so bad that I had to move over a couple of aisles.

Speaker 14 A minute later, two teenage girls came into the store and walked right into my cloud and immediately started gagging and coughing. It was hard not to laugh.

Speaker 14 Oh, well.

Speaker 14 Okay, can I confess something too?

Speaker 14 I feel like I have this title. I feel like, no, I didn't.

Speaker 14 I have this curse though where I'm out in public, like I'm at a grocery store, I'm like somewhere, I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna, I gotta fart a little bit. I'm just gonna like fart really quick.

Speaker 14 That's when suddenly someone just walks my way.

Speaker 14 Someone happens to be a little bit more.

Speaker 14 I want to check out this aisle too. And I'm like, duh.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 14 Someone told me teens don't find farts funny anymore. I heard that too.
Or was that you that guy?

Speaker 14 No, I didn't say that, but I heard that.

Speaker 15 Tech is ruining everything.

Speaker 15 Just kick it.

Speaker 14 Just kick.

Speaker 15 Giggle.

Speaker 14 It's how you look off to nothing.

Speaker 14 They're going to cut that all up. Come on, kick the ball.

Speaker 14 I shared this once before on Reddit. Many years ago, I was at work after a night of drinking.
My stomach was seriously rebelling.

Speaker 14 I waited till the ladies' room was empty, ran in, unloaded the most horrific load, and ran out.

Speaker 14 Maybe. Ten minutes later, a co-worker innocently asked if I had been in the ladies' room this morning, to which I innocently replied no.

Speaker 14 She started ranting so loudly that the entire office got involved discussing it. She said if someone had to do something that disgusting, they should have gone home to go.

Speaker 14 It was the talk of the office for weeks. Oh my gosh.
Someone else said, what's a little embarrassment when you can give so many Redditors a good laugh?

Speaker 15 Yeah. And that's what we're all here for, guys.

Speaker 14 And that's what we're here for. Thank you for clearing the dance floor

Speaker 14 Yeah, she did kill the dance floor. Yeah, I told you that story.

Speaker 15 I think I said it at a live show when

Speaker 15 my brother had farted in the car. And my dad was so pissed off that he farted in the car and he kicked him out and made him walk home.

Speaker 14 That's awesome. I still love that your brother ran and jumped and farted in one of your aunts' faces.
What?

Speaker 15 Like in my fridge, in my friend, my mother was like my babysitter. I don't remember.
She was like sitting next and he was like, fart coming, jumped. The second he landed up, boom, down.

Speaker 14 That's amazing.

Speaker 14 Incredible. Your brother's the Tony Hawk of farting, dude.
Like, he's the the ghost.

Speaker 15 No, but how funny is it that we were like, literally, we were like five houses down. And

Speaker 15 my brother farted and my dad was like, John, and pulls over and goes, get out.

Speaker 15 And my brother was like, but our houses are there.

Speaker 14 He goes, walk home. That's awesome.

Speaker 15 And then we were pulling away and in the rear view here and just seem like.

Speaker 14 Oh my God.

Speaker 14 Dude.

Speaker 14 What a holiday. Damn, I can't believe your brother's Bartson sit.

Speaker 14 Okay.

Speaker 14 Well,

Speaker 14 happy holidays.

Speaker 14 Happy holidays.

Speaker 15 Happy Thanksgiving. Happy fall.
Happy Christmas. Happy Hanukkah.
Happy Kwanzaa.

Speaker 14 Hope you guys enjoyed that. Hope you're having a good holiday season.
Hope Halloween was cool. Hope Thanksgiving was cool.
And you know what?

Speaker 15 Go sit on your husband's bulging back.

Speaker 14 No.

Speaker 14 No.

Speaker 14 Get your pancakes out. Just keep going.
Just keep going. Just the Battle of the Bull Trump.
Anyway.

Speaker 14 Keep going. Just dress.
Just in the press.

Speaker 14 Thank you guys for watching.

Speaker 14 Let us know what other themes and subreds you'd like to see. And we'll see you next Saturday.
Bye.

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