462 – Defenestration Nation

Somehow, Palpatine returned.

Welp.

Welcome to the British History Podcast.

My name is Jamie, and this is episode 462, Defenestration Nation.

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You've probably heard the phrase, it takes money to make money.

And while usually the person telling you that is trying to sell you something you don't need, there is some truth to it, at least in the way our economy works.

It was also true in how feudal economies worked.

If you have enough money to buy something that makes money, something like an apartment building, a business, or arable land, well, in several years, you will have more money than someone who didn't, or more likely couldn't, make that investment and buy that business or that bit of land or that apartment building.

So you had more money to begin with, and now you have even more.

And this situation exacerbates itself if you're you're then able to pass that wealth down to your children, because they get to start their life on the rung of the economic ladder that you end on, which means that they get to spend that extra money on things that also make more money.

And so your children will see their wealth grow faster than any children who didn't get a fat inheritance from their parents.

Do this for a couple hundred years and don't make any catastrophic mistakes, and your family will then have a built-in advantage that nobody can compete with.

And they might even start calling themselves the nobility.

This is how dynasties are built.

And it's why it's so hard for average people to compete with the rich.

And it's why no matter how big your salary gets, you're never going to be old money.

But of course, people still try.

And one of those people was a guy in 11th century Rouen.

He was named Gilbert Platus.

Now, Gilbert was a successful businessman.

Over the course of his life, he amassed an impressive amount of wealth and influence.

And as he got older, he transferred that wealth and influence to his eldest son, Conan.

Now, we don't specifically know if Gilbert had been handed his business from his dad, who then got it from his dad, and so on.

Basically, we don't know if passing the business down was a family tradition, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was.

Because when Gilbert passed his wealth down to his son, Conan emerged as the wealthiest and most influential businessman in the region.

And because money truly makes money, I'm guessing this had been going on for a while.

And honestly, so far, so boring.

But here's what makes this little record interesting.

The chroniclers who tell us about this wealth accumulation were absolutely outraged.

And it wasn't because they just read Thomas Piketty and were concerned about runaway wealth inequality.

No, the problem here was that the wrong people were getting super rich.

They believed in wealth inequality, but only a specific type of wealth inequality.

Conan wasn't supposed to have this kind of wealth.

He wasn't supposed to be part of a dynasty.

All of what he had was supposed to be reserved for the nobility.

And make no mistake about it, Conan was rich as hell.

In fact, he was so rich that he had, quote, a huge permanent household of knights and dependents, end quote.

And he kept this force in open defiance of the Duke.

So in practical terms, this meant that Conan was functionally above the law.

And I know, a lot of Normans were above the law in the late 11th century, but Conan wasn't a knight and he wasn't a noble.

So he wasn't supposed to be able to do that.

And when you think about it, it's kind of a wild point of view to support inequality so long as it only goes to a certain type of person.

But that's a belief system that pops up from time to time in history.

And our chroniclers were devout.

At the end of the day, Conan didn't possess the magic blood that made all of this violence and poverty okay.

And yet, he was still rich, he was influential, and he had his own military force, so he was essentially functioning as a baron, and the cognitive dissonance that the chroniclers were struggling with was just dripping off the page.

And lately, while Duke Robert had been embroiled in a series of internal conflicts stoked by his younger brother, Conan had crossed yet another cultural line.

He got involved in politics and started started suggesting to people around Rouen that things might be better under the leadership of someone else.

A ruddy someone else.

A someone else who just happened to also be handing out fat stacks of cash.

Rufus.

Now, to be fair, bribes weren't the only thing that was propelling this desire for change.

The people of Rouen had no doubt been suffering economic hardships, not to mention physical hardships, thanks to all of this chaos and instability that Duke Robert's ruling style had brought to Normandy.

And so Conan's message that they might do better under a different duke had a certain appeal, though the bribes definitely exacerbated the anti-establishment vibe that was happening in the city.

As Orderic points out, quote, the citizens of Rouen, allured by royal promises and bribes, began talking of deposing Robert.

This was a cash-forward charm offensive, and it was wildly successful.

And the vast majority of the people of Rouen joined Conan and kicked up this rebellion.

Now, Orderic names these followers the Pilotenses, after Conan's father, Gilbert Pilatus.

But knowing Orderic, I can't help but wonder if this was actually his idea of a clever pun, and that he was calling them the pilotenses because he was implying that they would have also followed Pontius Pilate.

Because Orderic was a world-class ship poster.

Nevertheless, Conan at this point had the support of the locals, which is big.

But a single city rioting doesn't make a revolution.

Usually you need a larger movement than that.

And Conan had that as well.

You see, there were other garrisons and a decent amount of Norman aristocrats who were also on Rufus's payroll, and many of them had castles that were garrisoned by soldiers who were either provided by Rufus or were, at the very least, loyal to Rufus.

So Conan sent word to these nearby friendly garrisons, and he urged them to march on Rouen as soon as possible.

It was time to make this a proper revolution.

But there was a catch.

Conan had the support of most of the citizens of Rouen.

Most of them.

Not all of them.

Some people were not all that keen on the idea of taking up arms on behalf of William's second son.

After all, wars are ugly.

And I'm sure that at least a handful of the citizens of Rouen realized exactly how bad things would get if this thing exploded into a duchy-wide civil war.

And so those townsfolk, quote, resisted and hindered by all the obstacles in their power, end quote.

Now, Orderic doesn't give us details, but one of these obstacles was clearly snitching because Duke Robert heard almost immediately that his capital had turned treasonous and was seeking support from foreign agents.

And it's hard to overstate how much of a shock this was.

Because this was a popular uprising led by a merchant.

Large popular uprisings led by commoners were almost unheard of in this era of Norman history.

Norman wars were started and led by the nobility, and the commoners were expected to either fall in line or cower.

What they weren't supposed to do is launch their own wars to overthrow the current order.

And so the Duke and his council were horrified.

Because what they were staring at here was either a rebellion launched by a commoner, or it was a rebellion launched by an unknown noble who was hiding behind a commoner.

Either way, it was bad.

And Robert was taking this threat very seriously, because he didn't flee Rwan, nor did he take a defensive posture.

Instead, he took a position within the castle of Rwan, and he prepared his response.

Now, to handle this threat, he would need allies.

But who was his best ally?

I mean, the fact that these rebels were reaching out to other garrisons in the region meant that this conspiracy went deep.

And while lately Robert had been focusing his attention on Upper Normandy, clearly so had Rufus, and he gained some converts in the region.

So, Robert avoided the risk of Upper Norman barons and instead sent messengers to southeastern Normandy and begged for their support.

On this list were people like William of Bretuis, William of Evreux, and Gilbert de L'Églis.

There's also the vague mention of quote other adherents end quote.

So the summons probably went to quite a few lower-ranked nobles and knights as well.

But here's where it gets really interesting.

We're also told that the Duke sent messengers to Robert of Boulem and the Duke's own younger brother, Henry.

That is just a wild decision to make.

I mean, only a little while ago, the pair of them were in prison because Robert was convinced that both of them were on the payroll of Rufus and were actively working to overthrow him.

And there's absolutely no indication that he had changed his mind on that fact.

In fact, the only reason that they were out in the open air right now was that Robert had been forced to free them.

And after he did so, we don't have any indication that they'd even met in person.

So the situation here was just bad vibes all around.

And it leaves you with a very important question, which is, how could Robert be sure that they weren't traitors?

Hell, how could he be sure that they weren't involved in this current rebellion?

You know?

If it was me and I was certain that someone was a criminal who had a clear intent to overthrow the government, I would want to make sure that they were kept as far away from any sort of power or influence as possible.

But, you know, that's just me.

And we don't know what Robert was thinking when those messengers were sent.

But then it gets really weird because Henry was the first to arrive at Rouen.

And what the hell?

I mean, first of all, Conan had been the first to send out messengers, not Robert.

So why weren't his reinforcements the first to arrive?

Also, if Robert's allies were just quicker on the draw than Conan's, well, both Robert and Conan had allies who were stationed way closer to Rwan than Henry.

I mean, Henry should have been clear on the other side of the duchy.

So why was he first to arrive in the city?

Hell, what was he doing there at all?

I mean, he'd only just gotten out of the pokey.

Even stranger, despite the fact that Conan's military force was active in the city and in open defiance of Robert, and despite the growing popular uprising and the fact that Rufus had secretly stationed royalist soldiers within the city.

Apparently, Henry had no problem getting through all of it and just going up to the castle to join Robert.

He just rolled in and no one stopped him.

That's weird.

And I think it's worth repeating here that by this point, it was well known that Robert had recently imprisoned Henry for treason, and specifically for plotting with Rufus to overthrow him.

Now, granted, I suppose it is possible that Henry was just in the area when Robert's messengers were sent.

It's also possible that he hated the idea of a popular uprising far more than he hated Robert for imprisoning him for about a year.

And it's possible that Henry was basically a medieval secret agent and managed to get past all of Rufus' supporters without being detected.

It is possible.

But this whole thing feels like if your younger brother has a drug problem, and as you're looking for your painkillers, he reaches into his pocket and hands them to you, saying he was just keeping them safe because other people might have tried to swipe them.

Is that possible?

Sure.

But there is another possibility that seems much more likely.

Anyway, however it happened, Henry was now inside the castle of Rouen with Robert.

And we're not told what they did, nor what they discussed.

And that seems pretty important to me.

But I guess Orderic disagreed because he just skips forward to November 3rd.

And on that morning, Gilbert de Laigli and his army arrived outside of Rouen.

Now, I should point out that Henry's stronghold of Mont Saint-Michel was about 250 kilometers from Rouen, while Legli was barely over 100 kilometers away.

So just based on distance, Gilbert should have arrived in half the time that it took Henry to get there.

So again, what gives?

Were all the summoned barons except for Henry dragging their feet?

Seriously, this is driving me insane.

Was Henry already in the area when the summons was sent?

And if he was, why was he there?

We're not told, but this was a thousand years ago, and it still gives me the heebie-jeebies.

But anyway, in a wild twist of fate, at the exact moment that Gilbert de Laglie and his knights arrived at the south of the city, a rebel supporting army led by Renald de Warren arrived to the west of the city, and he had with him 300 men at arms.

Within Within Rouen, Conan and the rebels immediately split their forces.

One group rushed to the walls to the south of the city to try and repel the advancing forces of Gilbert.

The other group rushed to the west of the city to open the gate and join together with the forces brought by Renald.

And the scale of Conan's operation and the speed at which he seized control of the capital was very impressive, and I don't doubt that it made him seem like he was pretty much unstoppable, like a force of nature that could just bend the public to his will.

And given how many men were running to the walls and following his orders, he clearly had a sway over a significant portion of Rouen.

But not everyone.

And as the rebels at the southern gate were preparing to fend off Gilbert,

suddenly they found themselves under attack from the rear.

To the west, as the rebels were rushing to open the gates to join forces with Renald,

they also found themselves under attack, and not from the Duke and his garrison.

They were being attacked by the average citizens of Rouen.

Conan's uprising had been loud, bombastic, and it had given the impression of unity and control.

But it turned out there were a lot of people who resented this seizure of power.

And now that the facade had cracked, they came out to support the counter-rebellion.

This was a political conflict that cut across the entire community.

Orderk reports that neighbor fought against neighbor and family member fought against family member.

The whole city exploded into violence, with some rallying for Conan and Rufus and others rallying for Robert.

And as this was happening, the royal forces loyal to Rufus, who had been in hiding within the city, revealed themselves and they attacked the citizens of Rouen.

And viewing this within the castle, Duke Robert realized it was now or never.

His people were rising up in support of him, but they could lose because they weren't just fighting armed townsfolk led by Conan.

They were also fighting professional soldiers that had been stationed there by Rufus.

If the ducal cause was going to win the day, his side would need professional soldiers of their own.

And luckily, Robert had plenty of those within his garrison.

And so Duke Robert and his garrison, along with Prince Henry and his soldiers, sallied forth out of the castle and joined the battle.

But there was just one small problem.

This was a popular uprising fighting against a popular counterinsurgency.

And mixed into all of it were disguised English soldiers and now ducal forces and Prince Henry's forces.

Oh, and there are also no less than two other armies that were actively fighting to get inside the city walls.

So

who do you stick your sword into?

I mean seriously who's on your side and who is the enemy?

It's not like these people were wearing uniforms.

Most of them were just people who lived in Rouen.

And even the professional soldiers were probably hard to differentiate since they were all Normans and many of them had been in hiding.

So who do you fight?

Well, according to Orderik, the answer was everyone.

Rouen was an explosion of confusion and violence, and the guiding principle appears to have been, when in doubt, stab.

It was absolute pandemonium.

And seeing this, Henry came up with a plan.

They would send Duke Robert out into the suburbs along with quote a few followers, end quote.

And I guess the assumption here was that people across the river would be happy to see the Duke and they wouldn't be as rebellious as their neighbors in Rouen.

And once the Duke was in the burbs, they would secure a boat and ferry him along the river Seine in search of a friendly church or village.

And then, with the Duke out of the way, oh sorry, with the Duke safe, Henry would take command and lead the fight against the rebels and restore ducal authority within Rouen.

So that was his plan.

And personally, if I was facing an uprising within my capital that was fostered by my power-hungry brother, I don't think I would hand over control of my military to my other power-hungry brother, who just happened to use the previous rebellion to extort me for a third of Normandy, and who I had recently imprisoned for treason, and who, when this new rebellion kicked off, just happened to be in the neighborhood, even though he should have been hundreds of kilometers away in freaking western Normandy.

I mean, that's just me, and clearly I'm not as trusting as Robert, because Robert headed right over to the suburbs along with a handful of his followers and began looking into hiring a boat.

And with that handled, Henry could focus on the task at hand.

Though events moved quickly, especially in a rebellion.

And while Robert was prepping for his river cruise, the entire shape of the battle changed.

The issue was the southern gate.

If you recall, Conan's rebels were trying to hold that gate and keep it closed against Gilbert de Laglie and his loyalist forces.

It was a difficult task, but not an impossible one.

Walls and battlements provide an enormous advantage to the defending force, even when that force is mostly comprised of untrained civilians.

However, those defenses are designed to fend off attackers from outside the walls.

And when that loyalist popular uprising kicked off, suddenly, Conan and his supporters found themselves sandwiched between their enraged loyalist neighbors and Gilbert's loyalist chivalric army.

And in the process, they lost control of the gate, and Gilbert and his knights charged into the city.

The rebels, who again were mostly hastily armed townsfolk, were now face to face with a chivalric army and were told that Gilbert and his knights did what knights do best.

Now keep in mind that it was pretty much impossible to tell who was a rebel and who was a loyalist.

And when we look at the record of this fight, it doesn't appear that the ducal forces worried too much about that, because they just slaughtered their way through the townsfolk.

All of them.

And it makes me wonder if those counter-revolutionaries had any second thoughts about their loyalty, you know, as they watched those noble swords swing down upon their heads.

The momentum was turning against the rebels sharply.

And quote, the city resounded with cries of grief and terror, the women making loud lamentations, while the men were fighting, falling, and fleeing.

The innocent and guilty alike were everywhere butchered or captured or driven to flight, end quote.

Because yeah, they were also capturing townsfolk.

Because the fact was, there was a lot of good money to be made in looting and kidnapping.

And Gilbert and the assorted knights and his company weren't about to miss out on that opportunity.

And who was to know if that wealthy merchant over there was a loyalist or a rebel?

Might as well club him with something heavy and either seize his property or just ransom him back later.

And so that's what the knights were doing.

And at some point amidst all of this chaos, Conan was captured by Gilbert's loyalist forces.

And the rebellion was truly coming undone by now.

The royalist soldiers, those professional soldiers who had infiltrated the city to fight on behalf of Rufus, saw the writing on the wall, and so they left the people of Rouen to their fate and withdrew to the nearby woods in search of a place to hide from the search parties that were no doubt going to be coming for them soon.

And at some point around here,

Henry appears to have linked up with Gilbert and joined in on the slaughter and abductions.

Now, as you've probably gathered by now, I don't trust Henry here.

The guy was just too ambitious and too opportunistic for me to give him the benefit of the doubt that Robert did.

And while having Robert leave Rouen while the rebellion was still raging might have been the act of a man who was worried about his brother's life, it also could have been the act of a man who wanted to demolish the reputation of the Duke and destroy the morale of his supporters.

Kind of like pissing on him from a balcony.

And Henry was savvy, and he had spent years playing both sides in this conflict.

So when he bid Robert farewell and sent him down the Seine, I can't help but wonder if he had one goal in mind at that point.

And then, when he saw Gilbert was already in the city and the rebels were beginning to collapse, he decided to go with a flow.

Of course, it's impossible to know know for sure, but this guy was the kind of guy who knew that when one door closed, another door opened.

And one door was certainly closing.

At this point, it was a free-for-all among the knights to capture and kill as many townsfolk as they wanted.

And as the slaughter continued in the city, I'm guessing that the knights started realizing that carting around a bunch of crying citizens was slowing down all the kidnapping and theft, because they began to bring their prisoners to the castle castle for safekeeping.

And one of those prisoners was Conan.

And when Henry learned of the rebel leader's capture, he quote, requested to have this Conan committed to his care, end quote.

Now, Duke Robert was in hiding outside of the city, so I'm not sure who that request was made to, but considering the social and political situation here, I think it was less of a request and more of an an order.

After all, Henry was functionally ruling about a third of Normandy.

He was also the Duke's brother, and he was accompanied by a bunch of knights.

Oh, and also, anyone of any means or rank probably would have been out in the city searching for wealthy citizens to kidnap, not sitting in the castle babysitting the prisoners.

And so, Conan was handed over.

And Henry led him deeper into the castle.

Moments later, a scream rang out above the city, and people looked up to see a person flailing as he tumbled through the air, falling from the top of the castle tower.

And then they heard the soft crunch as he landed into the courtyard.

It was Conan.

Henry emerged from the tower soon thereafter.

Word of the victory of the loyalists soon reached Duke Robert, who left the church he was hiding in and returned to his ducal castle within Rouen.

And there, he learned of Conan's death.

Now, Orderic doesn't tell us who told Robert about it, but considering that there were only two people in that tower and only one of them was still alive, well, I think we can all guess.

And Henry had quite the tale to share with his brother.

And basically, it appears to have gone a bit like this.

Okay,

so while you were hiding in that church, our soldiers captured Conan.

And when I came back to the castle, I took custody of the traitor and brought him up to the top of the tower because, you know, I wanted to show him all of the lands that he tried to conquer and how they were still under your command.

I wanted him to see the full extent of his failure.

And I guess there was something about my tone that scared him at that point because he just starts blubbering and pleading for mercy.

He said that he would pay whatever ransom was demanded.

And as you know, Conan was filthy rich, but you're my brother.

And he was a traitor.

So he wasn't going to be able to buy his way out of this one.

And I said to him, by the soul of my mother, I will take no ransom for a traitor.

The death he has deserved shall be instant.

Honestly, you should have been there.

I was all cold and ruthless, and Conan's just freaking out.

It was...

awesome.

Anyway, so he realized how bad the situation was.

And so he asks for a priest so he he could confess all that he did and how he did it and who he did it with.

And I was all, f that, and I charged Conan and shoved him right out the window.

I guess I was just overcome with passion and brotherly love.

Anyway, once that was handled, I had my boys tie Conan's body to the tail of one of our horses and drag his corpse throughout the city as a warning of what happens when you threaten us.

It was cool.

Now, in our current culture, this isn't going to play well in most courts, or anywhere else for that matter.

It was basically the medieval version of, so anyway, I started blasting.

But within 11th century Norman culture, Henry's story here is actually kind of heroic.

Conan was a traitor, and even worse, a commoner.

Punishment for treason during this era was swift and final.

And while imprisonment and ransom were catching on as an alternative to lopping off limbs and heads, those options typically were reserved for the upper crust.

I mean, if Conan was the son of Roger de Montgomery, he probably would have been accorded ransom.

But Conan was a merchant, so he wasn't owed anything but a grisly death.

Henry's story here wasn't some confession of someone who was concerned that he did something wrong in a moment of passion.

This was a massive brag, and there was no one left alive who could contradict it.

But it is a brag that, like everything about Henry, requires that we give him the benefit of the doubt.

Like a lot of benefits of the doubt.

Let's look at this another way.

Henry took custody of the leader of a secret rebellion that was funded by at least one foreign adversary.

And God knows how many local supporters, considering that he already had connections to other garrisons.

And then, before Conan had the chance to confess or betray any of his co-conspirators, he ends up thrown out a window.

That is very convenient for anyone who might have been his benefactor or ally.

And I wasn't in the room, so I can't tell you if this was truly the act of a man who was enraged by the impropriety of a merchant who was trying to overthrow a duke.

But I also can't tell you if this was the act of a man who switched horses mid-race and really didn't want Conan to confess all that he knew.

What I can tell you though is that it looks shady as hell.

And it gets even worse when you consider that even if Henry was on Robert's side here the whole time, this series of events is terrible for Robert and pretty great for Henry.

Henry came out of this being able to say that he was fighting heroically for the duchy and executing justice while his brother, the Duke, was cowering at a church somewhere out of town.

So Henry came out looking like the conqueror, and Robert looked even weaker than before.

And you can see that weakness in what happens next.

Because even though Conan was dead and the rebellion was broken, the fighting in the city continued.

Those loyalist knights were still searching through the city for wealthy people to kidnap.

Even worse, William of Boituy and Robert of Boulem had now arrived in Rouen, and they, along with the knights under their command, took advantage of the situation and rushed into the city in search of their own wealthy citizens to capture.

And this horrified Duke Robert.

This was his capital, and his citizens were being captured, and his city was being, quote, stripped of everything as if they had been barbarian enemies, end end quote so he pleaded with them to halt the pillaging but the barons had no interest in stopping these were chivalric nobles and this was a chance to get some extra cash these were also nobles who had all bucked ducal authority at one time or another with several of them even being imprisoned for treason and so when they refused to stop kidnapping townsfolk and looting their houses duke robert decided to leave well enough alone and stopped pressing the issue.

And the barons, now free to act with impunity, quote, exercised the greatest cruelties against their own fellow countrymen, end quote.

Because knights.

But while Robert wasn't going to push things with the barons, he still had reservations about Henry.

Something was off with that guy.

Maybe it was just the fact that he happened to be in the area.

Maybe it was how he urged Robert to stay far from the fighting and then seized all the glory for himself.

Maybe it was the fact he murdered Conan without the Duke's permission and before he had the chance to talk to anyone.

We're not told what it was that bothered Robert so much, but there were plenty of options.

And as soon as he gained control of Rouen, Robert told Henry to get the f out of Upper Normandy.

Because, and I can't stress this enough, Henry was shady.

Meanwhile, back in England, word of the failed uprising of Rouen had reached the court of King Rufus.

And the king realized that delegation just wasn't working out.

This clearly required a more direct intervention.

And so Rufus ordered his fleet to assemble.

It was time to invade Normandy.

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