FH Mini 116 – The Definitive Action Hero Ranking Pt. 1
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Transcript
Hi, floppers.
Before we start this episode, I just wanted to remind you: we are in the middle of Flop TV Season 2.
That's right, the one-hour internet televised flophouse TV show
is here for you the first Saturday of every month through February.
Just go to theflophouse.simpletics.com and get your tickets or season pass for this all-new flophouse TV stuff.
We're covering movies we've never covered before.
We've got video segments.
It's amazing.
Just go to theflophouse.simpletics.com for flop TV season two.
This time, it's personal.
Hey, hey, this is a Flophouse Mini.
My name is Stuart Wellington.
I'm one of the hosts of the Flophouse Podcast, and I'm joined by my two co-hosts.
They are Dan McCoy and Elliot Kalen.
Hey, thanks so much for joining me, guys.
Now,
here at the Flophouse Podcast, we normally watch a bad movie and talk about it.
But on the off weeks for a Flophouse Mini, we kind of do whatever we want.
We do silly games.
We goof around.
We have a lot of laughs.
This week,
we're deadly serious this week.
Now, I do have to preface this with the fact that I wrote this mini and the sequel to this mini before the results of the 2024 election.
Yeah.
So, well,
and we're recording it afterwards.
I'm going to let people do their own research into that.
That's what Dan told me to do.
I think something tells me for the next four years, we're all going to be doing our own research for a lot of things.
Yeah.
So that may, so I wrote this before, but we're recording it after.
So that may color some of the content.
Interesting.
Let's find out.
So as I said.
From a more innocent time.
So as I said, this is a deadly serious episode of the podcast.
Deadly is important because what we are talking is we are doing the flophouse official rankings of the best action heroes in cinema history.
Okay.
Now, in order to qualify, just to be in the running, these are out of the top 20, you need to be a character that has been in multiple movies with one specific exception that is floppy-related, and I think it's important.
And no character can be represented more than one, or no actor can be represented more than once on this list.
There is one like kind of edge case that you can argue, but
we don't have to get into it.
So, both the Transporter and Hobbes can't be on the list?
That's the one specific thing is that
we'll get to it.
That's a good.
Elliot read my brain.
Wow.
But Elliot
scooped out my gray matter and ate it and then knew what I was doing.
Nailed it on up.
To clarify, though,
a character could be played by different actors, but different actors cannot be represented more than once other than this mystery case.
Except for one edge case.
Well, Elliot nailed it.
The one edge case is that Jason Statham could theoretically be considered to be in this list twice.
Theoretically, okay.
Theoretically, scientists say we've been hypothesized.
As I said, there are 20 on here.
That's a lot.
Let's get, let's get, so we're going to have to split this mini into two.
Otherwise, this would be a maxi.
We're just doing a mini.
Yep.
So, we're just going to, this is just a mini.
So, we're going to split it into two with the official rankings at the end.
Steven Seagal is the maxi.
So, there are going to be some.
So, this list of 20 was compiled by me, Stuart Wellington, movie expert.
Okay.
If somebody somebody is not included in here, it is either my choice or if it's something that actually upsets you, it was Dan's choice.
I'll just take it.
Once again, Elliot comes out smelling like a rose.
So we are going to do the first 10, and then next mini, we're going to do the second 10, and then there's going to be a final resolution.
Now, eagle-eared listeners will say, hey, eagles are known for their ears.
They are.
They're going to, you're going to, these eagle-eared listeners will be like, hey, this sounds a lot like the top 20 horror villains of all time list that you did before.
It is similar, except there is going to be one specific difference, which is I am not putting in my rankings.
I've already written my rankings down on a secret ballot.
Okay.
So
we won't know the final tally until the very end of the second episode.
Seems like subverting democracy is a trend these days.
That's me.
It's mainly to keep our listeners in suspense.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
So again,
after we determine the
hero or heroine or heroes in question, we will then
judge them on three categories.
Radness,
how cool they are, how fun they are, how their clothes look, you know, if they have quippy one-liners, whatever.
Attitude, batitude, you know.
Second is badness.
That's how tough they are, what their body count is, how effective they are at being an action hero.
Yeah, but it doesn't contain batitude, which is part of radness which is part of radness thank you that's yeah that's a very important thank you for asking that important question then the final third category of course lucky dip that's where we randomly roll and the game gets a little bit crazy uh eagle-eared listeners will remember in the horror movie uh villains one it uh led to some kind of interesting uh interesting results really sank the xenomorph xenomorph xenomorph seemed to be headed for number one until that lucky dip turned into an unlucky slip.
Yeah.
Thank you.
I was looking at the flophouse subreddit, and some listeners were very upset about the results there.
I think one Z
uh Onomorph was very up to me.
People on Reddit were upset.
Yeah.
Don't worry, Dan.
They're going to be a lot happier from now on.
Dan, just kidding, they're never happy.
Since Dan is our maniacal game master, he's going to be rolling the 20-sided die for these results.
I'm going to pass you the die roll.
The 20-sided die.
I have a job.
Okay, so you have a job, Dan.
So let's pick our first hero.
That's an eight.
Okay,
this one's classic, okay?
We got Jason Bourne.
You might know him from the movies The Born Identity and Supremacy.
And the ultimatum, right?
And ultimatum.
But not the born legacy.
That was a different guy, right?
Or was it not called legacy?
Like still Jason Bourne.
No, no.
Legacy is a different character, a different actor.
A different character who was in the same program or something like that?
Yeah, that would make sense.
Okay.
Okay.
So the student called The Bourne Classmate.
Yeah.
Okay.
So speaking of the born classmate, we're talking about Jason Bourne here.
This, like, this, the Bourne Identity kind of like changed the look of action movies for a while, at least.
Yeah.
Big budget action movies.
So where, where do we rank old Jason Bourne in radness?
Here's the thing.
He has a certain amount of, for me, he has a certain amount of radness by being, you know, a man of mystery, a man of like, uh, you know, few,
like contained action, but every action is important.
But like, he's, he's mostly not like, you know, a cool
action hero.
His deal is like he is trying to figure out what his deal is, you know?
Um, and so aren't we all?
Yeah, that's the thing.
So I think I'm gonna
born linear.
Yeah.
Well, Alex headed that out.
It was too funny.
As much as I like
three out of four of the
Jason Bourne movies, I will give him only a three in this particular category.
Okay.
We got a three from Dan.
Where's he ranking for you, Elliot?
I was actually, I was actually, I thought I was going to be the harsh one.
I was going to give him a four for a similar reason that I feel like he is he is he is it's a cool premise for a movie, but he as a character is not a cool character.
I don't think people fantasize about having it being not knowing your past and being chased for no reason that you can fully understand.
People fantasize about discovering that they're actually killing machines.
Yeah, I mean, I kind of fantasize about not having regrets or anything.
No, but he's full of regrets.
He's not, he's a very unhappy character.
And whereas I feel like John Wick, who I'm sure we'll be talking about at some point, is unhappy, but in a romantic, almost like,
you know, German romanticism way.
I feel like Jason Bourne is unhappy in a like, too real,
too real, unhappy way.
So I'm going to give him a four, actually.
Okay.
Because he can kill someone with a.
I mean, I guess this goes into badness, though.
He can hurt someone with a rolled-up magazine, you know.
So I forgot about that.
Yeah.
Was that someone spider or maybe a dog?
I mean, we all have harder.
We can all, we can all hurt.
Yeah, spider.
It was a puppy dog's nose after it had come up on the carpet.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Speaking of that, let's talk about badness.
How much of a killer is this guy?
How bad is this dude?
Yeah, I'm going to.
He is a bad dude.
This is where he is going to excel because he you know, he has so many skills that he doesn't even know how many skills he has.
He's not even a particular set of skills.
He might have all the skills.
Yeah.
I'm gonna give him a nine in this.
I'm gonna go high.
That's a big score.
I'm gonna do the same.
I'm also gonna give him a nine for that same reason that he is unstoppable.
You know, he's just a his his body count is not enormous, but it's the fact that his, but his ratio, his, his hitting average is very high.
Yeah.
He's an action shark.
He never stops.
And
not a lot of collateral damage.
No, that's true.
That's a good point.
A lot of these guys, they are blowing up buildings.
There's a lot of bystanders get hurt.
No, he is targeted.
So if anything, he's the most
community-minded of the action heroes, maybe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, he's
an efficient killing machine.
In a way, like...
A big part of his radness comes from the way other people talk about it.
Yes.
Oh, fuck this dude.
Yeah.
Okay.
It reminds me of, sorry, just to slow it down for a second, unnecessarily.
It reminds me of a story that Orson Welles tells in the book, This is Orson Welles, where he talks about this, this play called like Mr.
Wong or Mr.
Wu or something like that.
And he goes, It's the greatest part you can have because the whole first act, everyone's just going, so have you heard about this character?
Are you heard about this mysterious gentleman?
Where do you think he is right now?
And at the end, they say, Mr.
Wu is arriving.
And there's a big entrance with, you know, like lots of lots of drama.
And the actor walks in, curtain, first act over.
And he says, it's the greatest role because you get huge applause for doing nothing in the first act.
It's like Fortinbras, right, guys?
Yeah, yeah.
Fortinbros is just like that.
When he shows up, the audience goes nuts because they've been hearing about him all play.
This guy.
Oh, shit.
He's here.
Dan, somebody wake up.
Oh, I mean, I have to say, I played.
So in college, I played Picasso in the play Picasso at the La Pan Agile, which is a 90-minute play.
Similarly, great role for the same reason.
He
comes in about like a third of the way through, maybe.
And prior to that, everyone's talking about like what a real cool fuck machine this Picasso is.
And it made me feel like I was never going to be able to pull this off when I made the inference.
No, you did it.
You did it.
You should have.
If only you got to play Elvis in that play.
Elvis is the real plum role because he's barely in it.
Yeah.
So, Dan, why don't you roll for our lucky dip category?
This might make or break old JCB.
It's a 17.
Okay.
This man, oh, this is a fucking good role for him.
How likely on a scale of one to 10 is Jason Bourne going to win gold in an Olympic category?
Oh, that's a 10, right?
Yeah, that's a 10.
He's
like biathlon or something.
He nailed it.
Even fucking, I bet if he fucking did break dancing, he would kill it.
For sure.
For sure.
I didn't even know I could do this.
Yeah, like put on like a fucking Apex Twin song or whatever.
What was the fucking name?
Yeah, that's not like mostly break dancing.
The fucking Chemical Brothers or some shit.
Who's making all the music for those?
Apex Twins.
Just like.
Alex, throw in some
Apex Twin Sams.
But not so much that we have to pay for it.
Yeah, yeah.
No, no, please don't.
Okay, yeah.
I think
all the breakdancers throwing on depeche mode and stuff like that and just going nuts to it.
Yeah.
I mean,
okay, so tens across the board.
Man, he crushed it.
I mean,
he's going to be way higher in the rankings than I would actually put him if you asked me to rank my favorite action heroes.
Okay.
Well, that's fine.
Maybe this is more than anything.
I mean, obviously, this is deadly series.
We need to come up with a firm ranking.
But it's really like
it's kind of here to make you question and think about things.
Yeah.
Think about cinema.
Yeah.
Take a cinema.
See you on a journey.
Damn, Monty Worlos, our next action hero.
Oh, that's another eight.
So I'm going to return.
That's fine.
I will go up to the next one.
Okay.
Guys,
Mr.
Oh, man.
My guy.
He's a guy.
Oh, boy.
Boy, is he ever a man?
You might know him from such movies as Raiders of the Lost Ark, Temple of Doom, Crystal Skull, Last Crusade, and Dial O Destiny.
You said that one's called Dial O Destiny.
I haven't seen that one yet.
He was also in a bunch of comics,
stuff like that.
But we're focusing on...
He had his own TV show, The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles.
His own TV show.
Okay, so
yeah, we got some movies here.
What do we think?
Where does he fall under radness?
I think he's going to do pretty well on that.
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, Dave, do you want me to go first or no?
Yeah, you go first this time because I want to see what you're going to go.
He gets a 10.
Come on.
He can wield a whip.
He can punch a Nazi.
He can also teach an archaeology class.
This guy, he's because you know what?
The sexiest part of a guy is his brain.
And also, if you look like Harrison Ford, double sexy.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think you've convinced me to go actually a little higher than I was going to go on Radness.
Here's the, here's, here's what, here's what I thought initially was going to take the radness down, is that one of the things I like about Indiana Jones is he's not like an unstoppable machine.
He is not, or I guess that's bad.
I think that falls under badness.
But that's what I like about it.
He's like Beyonce.
He's showing you the work.
He's showing you that he's working hard.
Yeah.
If he gets hit, you can tell it hurt him.
He gets tired.
Like some of the best moments are him being like, oh, God, I got to deal with this shit now.
so,
but, but I, you know, he's got the whip.
He's got the hat.
He's got the leather jacket.
He, yeah, he's Harrison Ford.
You can't do much better than that.
I'm going to give him a nine.
Ooh, big scores.
Okay.
Now let's talk about badness.
You got something, you need got something that needs action.
Are you going to call Indiana Jones?
So here's what I'm going to say about that is this is going to be a hard one for me to parse because so often when we think action, we think fighting.
And as a fighter, he is not great.
I would give him like a five or even a four at times.
But if you're thinking action in terms of stunts, then I would give him a nine.
So I'm going to, I'm going to balance it out and I'm going to say like a like a seven, I think.
Because the thing is, he is not super tough.
He's just never, he's, I mean, he's tough in that he can take punches, but he's not super tough in that.
He's not Jack Reacher, who's just grabbing people's heads and smashing them in his palms.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I, yeah, because he is like a bad penny, he always turns up.
I will give him an eight.
He is an energizer bunny of an action hero.
Like, part of the thing is, like, he is committed to doing what he's doing.
Yeah, and he's got a pretty good hit rate.
Yeah.
I mean, I think I feel like all our, it's not like, look, oh, he won all his movies.
This guy loses every single time.
I mean, I think he is a guy who often, he is often the, he is often the, as much as he has bad luck, he's often the recipient of good luck.
When he's fighting that Nazi in Raiders of the Lost Ark,
he doesn't beat that Nazi.
The plane propeller beats that Nazi.
Like
in Temple of Doom, there are a number of parts where it's like,
the environment is really helping him out in these things.
In the beginning of Raiders, it's like he doesn't get that idol from Alfred Molina.
Alfred Molina is killed by a bunch of spikes.
He gets luck on his side.
Well, that's what I was going to say.
Similarly, I would say that he has a good hit rate in that, yeah, he like survives and the villains don't.
But yeah, but like, it's always kind of a mixed decision when it comes to like how it personally works out for Professor Henry Indiana Jones.
I mean, if you see that first movie, again, not to just keep going to Raiders, but it's the best one.
If you keep going to it, he does not defeat the villain.
God defeats the villain at the end, or rather the angel of death does.
Like, it's he's a, he's a guy who's often in the wrong place for a while and then ends up being in the right place at the exact right moment.
So that's why he takes a hit on bad.
But at the same time, if you need someone to jump across a chasm, he can usually do it.
He's one of your top top guys.
Yeah.
Dan, give me a lucky dip roll for all Indiana Jones.
That's fine.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Guys, on a scale of one to ten, you go out to brunch with a bunch of friends, including Indiana Jones.
The waiter hands him the bill.
How likely is he to be able to handle this complicated brunch brunch tab
oh uh here's where i feel like it's gonna fall down a little bit i think that um
you know he's a he's a smart guy
he's a professor so certainly the actual like act
is not gonna uh you know like uh flummox him but i think that there's a certain amount of the actual harrison ford grumpiness in there impatience i'm so i'm gonna give him a six i don't think he's gonna gonna want to do it oh see this is this is where you and I, we're thinking the same way, but we're coming to different conclusions.
I'm going to give him a nine on this because I think he's going to look at it.
He's going to start doing that math.
He's used to doing some kinds of math because he has to calculate the age of various artifacts.
He's going to get flummox and he's going to go screw it and just throw down a bunch of money and say, let's get out of here.
He's going to pay the bill rather than do the math.
He will cut the Gordian knot in a similar way that he shoots the.
swordsman is what you're saying.
Yes.
And do you want to be with the guy who's able to do the math or do you want to be the guy who's with the guy who's going to pay for brunch because he doesn't want to do the math?
That's a good point.
Okay.
Doing well so far.
Let's do number our third, our third hero, Dan Roll the Die.
That's a 13.
A 13.
We are in the John territory.
It could be any number of Johns.
Yeah.
There's many Johns.
And we have the aforementioned John Wick, Mr.
Keanu Reeves.
You might know him from such movies as John Wick, John Wick 4, 4, John Wick 3, John Wick 2.
It's true.
I do know him from all of them.
So John Wick.
That's the proper order to watch them in.
John Wick,
how does he rank in terms of radness?
I mean, he's got to, I mean, look.
He's got to rank high in terms of radness.
The only thing that like cuts him down a little bit is like there's a lot of sadness in there, too.
He's motivated by sadness, which slightly cuts the radness, but he looks so cool.
He looks very cool.
He's He's got the suit.
He can do whatever.
It's kind of like the beard and hair combo.
Yeah.
Like it doesn't work on everybody, but it works for him.
Sure works on a very handsome man like Gean Reeves.
I'm going to give him a nine for radness.
I'm going to go a little lower.
I'm going to give him a seven for radness because I think it's easy to mix up his radness and his badness.
And I feel like the suit looks great.
The whole look looks great.
But personality-wise, again, he's not a guy I want to be.
He's cool to me in that like this guy's always in control.
But again, he's super sad all the time.
And I'm sad enough in my real life.
Like, I don't, it doesn't make me cool that my family tells me that.
So,
so I'm going to give him a seven just because it's hard to, you look at him and he's so cool to look at.
But the more you spend time with him, I feel like the less cool he seems and the more, the more kind of just sad and mopey.
Also, I got to say.
I think for me, he loses a little bit of points in the like coolness category because knowing that that suit is like bulletproof or some bullshit, like I fucking hate it.
I forgot about that yeah
yeah and like it's bulletproof in the way that like he can be shot a million times and you never see any indication that bullets are even hitting the bulletproof suit it's just weird bruised by it or like the suit doesn't even move it's just like whatever not a fan of that shit
creators of the john wick universe okay but
i think he's going to do pretty good in this next category and that's badness how killy is this guy yeah i mean i might have have to, like, even above my beloved Indiana Jones, I have to give him high marks for badness.
I think it's a 10 because he is Baba Yaga.
Yeah.
He is feared by,
you know, criminals and,
you know, anyone.
He's filled by, he's
feared by the world.
And there's always like a bounty on him and all these dudes are like, you know what?
I'm going to be the one to take him out.
Yeah.
They're always wrong.
I'm going to give him a nine.
I'm going to dock a point because of that bulletproof suit, which I forget about, because it is less, less impressive to me to kill all these people when they can't hurt you the same way.
But you got it.
I mean, he's so good at killing people in different ways.
Aiming for the head, it seems like a very simple thing.
Well, was he aiming at everyone's head?
Like, twice.
Yes.
Well, that's what makes him so good.
That's what makes him a professional.
You know, he figured out the cheap.
Yeah, I'm going to give him a nine because he's certainly, you know, he's unstoppable.
Yeah.
He's doing well.
But let's see how Lucky Dip treats our boy, John Wick.
It's a seven.
Ooh.
Okay.
He's going to struggle here, I think.
How likely is John Wick going to give a friend good dating advice?
Ooh, I'm going to give a zero.
What?
Okay.
Like a little bit of your thinking on this.
I mean, I, you know, I just.
But because to me, look, he's been out of the scene for a while.
Certainly.
Long time.
Long time.
he would first he was married and then he was canolies what's the uh what's the what's the old person dating at like silver sneakers or whatever but he does seem to have he does seem to have found a a lasting love in his life and uh has like that's true uh that his dog that that empathy he was married the dog is kind of an extension of his dead wife yeah no no he was he was married but i feel like he got lucky that first time look at this guy he's morose he's very quiet
He has the weight of a thousand murdered souls on his heart.
I think he found a woman who was ready to help him through that.
But if you, I was like, hey, I like this girl.
I'm going to go on a date with her.
I think he'd be like, stare into her soul and show her the pain in your heart.
See if she doesn't run away.
And I'd be like, I don't know if that's the first impression I want to make, John.
That's true.
But on the basis of him,
having had that relationship, which is a thing that like, you know, I don't believe in a lot of action movie relationships.
This one seems to have been meaningful.
I'll give him a four.
Okay.
You know, communication is the key and the foundation of any good relationship.
Really?
How often did you and your wife talk?
Not often.
Yeah, I'm thinking it's a red flag.
We just exchanged puppies.
Ironically, Keanu Reeves and Bill and Ted, I'd give him a much higher grade.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That guy knows how to show, how to tell you how to show someone a good time.
Yeah.
Okay, we're doing good.
Let's roll our next hero.
That's a one.
Oh, heck yeah.
And did I say hero?
I mean, heroes because we got the Toretto family.
You would know them from the fast and the fierce.
That is one thing.
I mean, I feel like
we can't parse this team.
They're like, if we separate them, it's the whole team.
It's not the whole team.
Like the family, as in the larger sense of like family is what's important.
Not just his family, but this is
the whole family.
Family family.
Not his family, but the family.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, we can strip it down to the core members, maybe remove like Hobson Shaw.
I don't know.
I feel like you'd have to, right?
Yeah, they're sort of, yeah, I don't know that they ever.
I mean, they were at a couple barbecues, I think, maybe, but
they're affiliates.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, so break out the coronas, boys.
Where are we at with ratitude for the Elliot?
I got a question.
How many of the Fast and Furiouss have you seen?
Not that many, because I keep meaning to go back and finally watch them all, but I don't
want to that bad.
Sit down with the boys.
Yeah, I don't mean like that.
Of all the people i know i don't think that you necessarily need to do this like i can't imagine you being like coming out of it being like yeah i had a great time
well i so there are certain movies where if i go into it expecting it to be objectively like kind of good smart and then it's dumb i'm disappointed but if i go into a movie being like this is going to be dumb then i can enjoy it and the thing is with the fast and furious movies Where the series is now, just from what I've picked up from the later entries, which I'm not as familiar with, I don't know whether, like, I feel like you hear people who are like, oh, they're really fun because they're dumb.
And then I'll hear people who are like, these are great movies.
Like, they're great action movies.
And I don't know, I'm worried about not knowing what, what to, what to, how to frame it in my mind.
I feel like Fast Five is the high point, right?
Probably.
I think that the people who are really into the Fast and the Furious movies have bought into this like family framing in a way that I just can't.
To me, I'm like, this is like the barest like placeholder idea of like, we got to have some heart in this movie that they have thrown over it like a tarp the whole series.
Like, we just mentioned family in every one of it.
But I mean, I do, I guess, there is like, I say that it is kind of like weirdly admirable.
They're like, we're just going to keep adding people and they're all coming back.
I love it.
So, I don't know.
So, what are we doing?
Ratitude?
Sorry.
Yeah, my little headline.
I can deal with that.
Okay.
So, we are on ratitude.
Where does the Toretto family family fall into the category of like coolness?
I think this may say more about our opinions of what's cool or not.
I think that's true because I feel like I'm torn because they are objectively supposed to be very cool.
And a lot of people think they're very cool, but there's a layer of
like
toxic hostile misogyny that I feel like that there's like a cloud of that around them.
It really stuck out to me during the Universal Studios tour, the Universal Studios Studio tour, where there's a Fast and Furious section of that, which opens with the characters at a club where it's just a couple of the Toretto family characters and just these scantily clad women dancing with them.
And then a guy walks up with a gun and is like, get out of here, ladies, get out of here.
And they all and they're all like forced at a gunpoint.
And I was like, and it made me think of...
the how whenever the scenes where there's like a like a racing meet and there's always women who are just shaking their butts at the camera and otherwise are not human being characters and so i'm like i don't know this this this maybe i need to see the full the full, you know, and
context.
In context, it would make more sense.
But that's part of like the general like
vibe of like the movies.
And I guess you can't like divorce that entirely, but that's not necessarily the attitude of like with the heroes.
And like, yeah, I will say
they're not creeps.
They do have
a larger number of female action,
you know, they're still wildly
wildly overrepresented to be men, but there's there's like, you know, significant women on the team in a way that it's not always true.
And like, and like
Tyrese's character, what's Tyrese?
Roman.
Roman
is kind of portrayed as like kind of a horndog, right?
But he's also like everyone kind of makes fun of him for it.
Yeah, he's like a good bit of a goober.
Like this is what's, if you, if you're going to spread it over everyone, yeah, we got to spread it over everyone.
Cool people, you got goobers.
And also, they're really obsessed with cars, which like a lot of people think is cool, but I don't give a shit about.
So I'm going to give them a six.
yeah they'll give them a five i'll give them a five on a six and a yeah okay that's that's cool in a way i feel like a five is fair because it's like i feel like they're in in general like they're like does like the design of them isn't particularly cool like they just feel like a mishmash of just like yeah everything that's in an action movie just put them in this team yeah i don't i don't get a sense of a real kind of like clear uh yeah clear style or look other than a bunch of guys hanging around a bunch of guys and women hanging around you know okay which is what they're going for, you know?
Yep.
So
let's talk about badness.
How bad is this team?
Now, Elliot, if you've only watched the first couple of entries, you would think that their reach is fairly limited.
They are basically.
I'm aware of how they're going to be.
But now they are going into space and there's lasers.
I mean, in terms of badness, I'm going to put them pretty high up because similar to Indiana Jones, it feels like the universe has worked itself around them to do to let them do things that otherwise they would.
Like, I'm sure there's got to be one where Ben Diesel catches a car that's flying through the air, right?
He does.
Yeah.
So, like, essentially.
Yeah.
So, I'm going to have to give an eight for that because that's pretty bad
to be able to treat a car the way you would a frisbee or a gun or any other kind of handheld object.
Yeah, as long as they're touching a car, they're safe.
It's, I've talked about this.
It's like that, that Hercules villain who, like, as long as he's touching the ground, he has a bad thing.
Hercules villain.
He's got a pretty good rogues gallery, Hercules.
Oh, yeah.
What issue of Hercules was that in?
Does it come from me who
is writing a Hercules comic book?
Yeah, so I wouldn't be like, oh, yeah, the Sphinx.
That's Hercules' arch nemesis.
Yeah, that bad guy, the Aegean stables or whatever.
It is true that it seems like
instead of gun food, they have carfu.
They can do anything.
They can change physics.
I don't know.
I think I'm still, my personal sort of middlingness on the series might be.
what was your rating score, by the way, Elliot eight.
Did you say for which one?
I think
yeah, I'm gonna go one lower.
I'm gonna go seven.
Okay, cool.
Now let's see what their lucky dip is.
They got a lot of members.
I feel like spreading their skills out, they'll they're gonna crush this one.
Yeah, 16.
Okay,
fitting in a phone booth.
Ooh, this one's not gonna actually last a lot.
I think we, I think we actually hit one that's gonna be a little bit hard for them.
How likely is the Toreto family going to host a good episode of Saturday Night Live?
Oh boy.
Wow.
I think this is hard for them.
I feel like this is a hard one for most of the people who are going to be on this list, but well, it depends.
There's because
they can't all, they can't all, I mean, the monologue is going to be a mess unless it's just Dom doing it, you know.
Yeah, then it'll be good.
Well, that's the thing.
Like between all of if if we're talking about all of the actors, like if you split them all up and just assign them to like where their strengths lie,
it might be good.
Does Sarah Day and I Live do that, Dan?
Well, they barely have 17 people on the street.
That's what I'm saying.
If you can do that,
but if it's the characters of people who are, you know, like these car-based
super spies, essentially.
Not performers.
I'm going to give them a three on this.
Ooh,
taking some hits.
I'm going to give them a three as well, if only because I think it would be a very entertaining episode to watch because I'm imagining them just tearing apart that show and just wrecking it.
It'll be like that Mardi Gras episode of Saturday Live they did in the early seasons.
But yeah, I don't think it'll be, I don't think it'll be a, I don't think Lauren will consider it a successful show.
Yeah, I mean, considering that most people who are professionals can't host a funny episode of Saturday Night Night Live.
Well, there are other issues beyond the host on that one.
Okay, so
okay.
Now we got number, we're almost halfway through with this first episode.
All right.
We got number five.
Okay.
Now we're going all the way back to the wilds of Hyperborea.
That's right.
Oh, wow.
Played on screen by, what, two different actors?
We got Arnold Schwarzenegger.
And there's what's his name who's in the recent more than the one we did in Bob House.
Jason Moe.
And that was Jason Mo.
That's right.
I feel like, was there another one?
Maybe there wasn't.
For some reason, I thought there was another, but there were
there were a lot of kind of movies that were they kind of would call it Conan Does This, but it wasn't officially Conan.
Yeah.
Okay.
And was he also in Red Sonia?
Yeah.
Yeah, he was in Red Sonia, right?
But that's Swarzen.
I think so, yeah.
Yeah, that's Schwarzenegger.
Drop by.
Yeah,
yeah.
Do you need any help?
No.
Okay.
So we have Conan the Barbarian, guys.
How does he fall under the category of Radness?
um
you know i am less of a a fantasy guy than i think either of you
but he does have like
i don't know a big cool sword and like
uh like straps on his body and stuff and you know i
i don't know like he says cool things like here about the thing about hearing the lamentations of their women that's cool i i guess i'll give him an 84 i have no tongue for it this is gonna feel this is is going to feel hypocritical after what I said about the misogyny that kind of hovers around the Toretos, since Conan the Barbarian is an explicitly misogynist character, but I'm going to give him probably a nine because he is,
as far as male power fantasies go,
it's hard to think of a better one.
Like where he's, he's just with his wits and his strong sword arm, he can lay waste to, he can basically do whatever he wants in the world around him.
And he wears those furry boots.
He's got the straps, as Dan mentioned, sometimes.
And he's jacked.
And he's jacked as I'll get out.
That's true.
And he, what, he grew up just pushing a wheel in a circle, the wheel of pain?
I think we're getting into badness territory, which I want to, I will, you know, like, yeah, yeah, let's get into badness.
But I was saying, wait, before we get, before we start then, I was just saying, in terms of radness, like if you set it, setting apart from the movies, looking at that character as a, as an, as a character, it's hard to find a fantasy character that's more influential than than Conan, just in the, in the mold that it's set for the kinds of characters you would see in those Power Fantasies.
So that's that's pretty, you gotta be pretty rad to do that, you know.
Okay, let's move on to badness.
How bad is this dude?
Yeah, well, this is what, like, this is where he shines, I think.
You know, he
pushed that wheel for so long that he just got
super jacked, yeah.
Jacked, and then somehow he helped his abs pushing that wheel.
I mean, you got to brace your cord, dog, or you're going to break your back.
As someone who like uh
carried Audrey's new office chair chair up the stairs the other day and was like,
Did you call it the wheel of pain?
I was like, I shouldn't, A, I shouldn't have done this alone.
And B, like this, this required more core strength than I expected.
It was like,
is my stomach going to explode?
Anyway, I.
Did you have any uncontrolled urination?
No.
Or did you let out any tooth?
I controlled it.
Controlled urination.
Yeah, he was controlling the urination in bursts so that
it would be,
nothing would get broken.
Yeah.
I got to admit, guys, guys, I was doing a leg day at the gym today and I was doing Tedlifts and I had a little accidental toot in the middle of a deadlift.
I think that's
a good thing.
Yeah, I'm bracing stuff.
It's the first time it's ever happened mid-lift though.
Before I like braced real hard before a squat and I like let off part.
Anyway, the point is a nine.
I'll give him a nine for you.
Yeah, let's do it.
And I'm going to give him a 10 on badness.
Because he lives in a world of magic.
Doesn't he kill a god and Conan the Destroyer?
Yeah, I think so.
Like he lives in a world of magic.
He does not have have magic powers, he just has a sword again, his strength and his wits, and he's and he lays waste to everything before him.
You know, yeah, there's he's wrestling gorillas in the stories, you know.
Like, he's, I mean, I'm thinking about the stories, not the movies, but yeah, but yeah, I'm gonna give it, he's he's unstoppable, yeah.
And he becomes king by his own hand.
Yes, he comes from nowhere, he's literally a slave bound to the wheel, and yet through his own strength of will and body, he manages to become King Conan.
Yeah, it's hard to beat that, yeah.
Okay, let's see how Conan does with this lucky dip though.
He got a seven.
Except that he didn't get the brunch one.
Ooh, actually, this one's pretty good for him.
How likely Conan arrives in Ye old Transylvania?
How likely is he to be able to stop a Dracula?
Yeah,
I would give him a 10.
Like you said, he lives in a world of sorcery.
He's familiar with, I think,
shit out of this guy.
This was an easy one for him.
I mean, I'm going to give him a nine just because Dracula is very powerful, you know?
But
I imagine every other character on this list, I'm guessing, would face Dracula and be a little bit thrown off and shocked or scared.
Whereas for Conan, this is the kind of thing he deals with all the time.
Yeah.
So
Mike would not do well against Dracula.
We saw what happened.
Yeah.
I mean, before I can weigh in here, I'm going to have to roll up a barbarian character in DD and then actually do all all the roles for the entire Curse of Strad campaign to see how long it was, but we'll find, we'll get there.
Okay, so we're halfway through.
I think it's time for a message from our sponsors.
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Those Aura frames are great.
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They really, and they love them.
We're also here to talk about Flop TV.
That's right, everybody.
Flop TV continues apace, the one-hour online televisual version of the Flop House, the first Saturday of every month from September through February.
We're halfway through the season.
We've done RoboCop 2, Breakin' 2, and Caddyshack 2, because this season is all about sequels.
And we've got coming up on December 7th.
I guess in order to celebrate Pearl Harbor Day, Highlander 2, the quickening.
It'll be 9 p.m.
Eastern, 6 p.m.
Pacific.
We will be on your computer screen if you tune in, buying a ticket, of course.
And we're going to talk about Highlander 2 the quickening.
These episodes have been super fun.
Each episode comes with a presentation, video segments that are totally new and original to this series.
I taught people how to break dance when we had the Break in 2 episode.
Stuart interviewed the
skeleton of the gopher from Caddyshack in the Caddyshack 2 episode.
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Say you like video games, and who doesn't?
I mean, some people probably don't.
Okay, but a lot of people do.
So, say you're one of those people and you feel like you don't really have anyone to talk to about the games that you like.
Well, you should get some better friends.
Yes, you could get some better friends, but you could also listen to Triple Click, a weekly podcast about video games hosted by me, Kirk Hamilton, me, Maddie Myers, and me, Jason Schreier.
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We'll show you new things to love about games, and maybe even help you find new friends to talk to you about them.
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It's kind of like we're your friends.
Find us at maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.
Throughout history, sirens have captured men's attention, enticed men with their feminine wiles, and fulfilled men's primal needs.
The sirens allure.
Unless the primal need is I need to be smashed on the rocks.
Yeah,
smash me.
Smash me, mommy.
Smash me, mama.
Smash me, mommy.
The sirens allure.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Strand me, baby.
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So yeah, this is my brother, my brother, me for Maximum Fun on Mondays.
It's just like
that.
Just like to have a more it's just like to have a more of it.
There's there's just more of that.
so let's get back to the mini we are again doing a definitive rankings of action heroes we are down five down we got five more to go for this episode and guys i do humbly request you keep your answers tight so dan why don't you roll up our next hero
10 we got a 10 okay we got imperator furiosa from the mad max franchise
solid from such movies as mad max fury road and furiosa what a mad Max story or something?
Mad Max Fable.
Fable, something like that.
I doubt it is.
Okay, so
how does Emperor Furiosa fall under Radness?
Radness, this is where she's going to shine.
She's going to crush.
Like, look,
sadness in other places has taken a few people down.
Here, you know what?
The sadness is not enough to overcome the radness.
No, she lives in a world of madness.
Sadness is the only option.
Yeah.
She looks super cool.
She's got a robot arm.
She drives a big truck.
I mean, it's such a fucking great design.
Yeah.
Like, yes.
Her design is feels unique and like immediately recognizable.
It's amazing.
And when you see her as the one woman who has earned this kind of like place of violent authority in this world of horrible men, you know that this is a badass character right off the top bed.
She's had to work 10 times harder than every one of those other war boys to get where she is.
So wait, what was that?
A 10 for you?
I'll give a 10 for badness.
Oh, crush.
Sorry, radness.
10 for redness.
Radness.
Let's talk about badness.
How bad is this
battler?
Also very high.
You know what?
I was going to like first
dock her a little bit because,
you know, like, does she have like the kill count or whatever if you're like looking at badness that way?
But if you look at it in terms of, again, working her way up from nothing, like the like the size of the fight and the dog, as they say,
I'm going to give her a nine.
I'm going to give her a nine.
Also, like Dan said, she doesn't have as huge a body count as the others, but look at the bodies.
She overthrows a tyrant.
That counts for a lot.
She's not just taking down, you know, random hitmen who got a notification on their phone that there's a contract open on Jonathan Wicksworth.
She's taking out the main villain and at the same time, unfortunately, taking out the greatest guitarist in the wasteland.
But, you know,
it all goes to show
the bads that she gets a nine for badness.
Okay, now let's give me a roll for Unlucky Dip, Danny.
okay
you got a 12 12.
okay this might be a challenge role uh furiosa can do a convincing lead in a regional theater production of fiddler on the roof
oh i was i was tevia i was gonna rate her pretty high until i found out it was fiddler because in furiosa she does a lot of performing in order to get through dangerous situations she has to put on personas but tevia is a tough one it's a very verbal role and she does not like to talk very much yeah
yeah i mean a lot of i think convincing does a lot of work there to like what you think convincing means like did could she put on a good performance probably
if you want her to be convincing as the specific jewish man from the specific time and place and history
i'm not sure i mean i think she could she could very much really tap into the idea of a stultifying tradition-based social structure because she lives in a world where even though it seems anarchistic, there's a lot of like, uh, a lot of applied roles that everyone has to play, you know, class, yeah.
But I think it's gonna be very hard for her to sing those songs.
She's just not, I don't think it's gonna be hard for her to get across the joy of if I were a rich man, you know, the joy mixed with bittersweet, you know, yearning.
Even so, I'm gonna be generous because I think she can do a lot of what she puts her mind to.
I'm gonna give her a four.
Okay.
Elliot.
I'll give her a four as well.
I think when she says, I have five daughters, she'll remember the women that she almost took to the Greenland.
You
Dan, give us our next hero.
Not bad for Furiosa over here.
That's a five.
Okay,
we got the man himself, Ethan Hunt.
No mission is more possible than when it's in the hands of Mr.
Ethan Hunt, played by Thomas Cruz.
Uh-huh.
You would know him from the Mission Impossible franchise, of which there are, what, like nine of them now?
Eight of them, seven, seven, I think.
Seven.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, here's the thing about Ethan Hunt.
I mean, he was in far end away also.
You'd probably also know Tom Cruise from Far and Away.
Sure.
Yeah.
You would know him from Far and Away.
Yep.
He can do nearly anything, but it's kind of a part of his character that he is not rad.
He's
kind of a square.
He,
you know, has no,
he's like kind of a cipher of a person in a certain way.
And
so I think in that area, I'm just going to give him a five.
Okay.
Yeah, I think that's fair.
I mean, there's a certain, he has, he has this like,
I think he does a, I'm going to chalk part of this up to just Tom Cruise's ability as a performer, but he does the like, oh shit, how am I going to deal with this new development face better than anyone in this?
Very good at that.
So you said a five for Ethan Hunt on Radness.
Five on Radness.
Elliot, you want to make a case?
I'm going to give him a four because I've always found him to, actually, I'm going to give him a, yeah, yeah, I'm going to give him a four.
He's written when you see him in motion, it's very fun, but I've always found him to be the least distinct of action heroes.
I don't get a sense, much sense of personality or style from him.
And there was a certain point around Mission Impossible 4 where I was like, they should just call this character Tom Cruise.
Like, why even bother to give him a favorite?
I do want to pump the brakes.
If you want to see some style, you should watch Mission Impossible 2.
If it doesn't quite work,
his hair is crazy, and there's that awesome
guitar that wrap around shade.
and that like motorcycle bit where he's like spinning around shooting uh yeah it does tanks well that falls under
that falls under bad attitude for me but yeah that's that's a style it that really feels like an experiment and style that the character could not sustain yeah yeah
uh okay so uh i feel like i feel like lorenzo lamas in renegade has a more distinct action hero style to me than ethan hunt does that's 100 true unfortunately lorenzo lamas in renegade is not one of our options no so let's talk about badness how effective is Mr.
Ethan?
I mean, these are literally impossible missions.
And yet he pulls them off.
Carries them off with a plump.
Like, this is what I love about this is like, it is, again, that kind of Indiana Jones thing of like, he shows the effort, and I enjoy it.
And I enjoy that he is like trying the hardest and he gets done.
You know, impossible.
So I'll give him a 10.
He can do the impossible.
Okay.
Oh, I was going to give him, I'll give him an eight.
It is impossible,
I feel like he's, he's,
he gets by, yeah, a lot of times on luck, though, but I do like that that's the fact.
And I like that my favorite moment in any of those movies, again, is when he's he's climbing the birch khalifa and he has to swing in through that window and he hits his head on the way in.
It's great.
Yeah.
Dan, give me a roll.
Give me a roll.
That's a 10.
Okay.
Ooh.
Okay.
So this is one of the ones I wrote before the election.
So on a scale of one being
very likely to 10 being very unlikely,
how likely is Ethan Hunt going to be a guest on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast?
I mean, he's really blowing his cover as an uncomfortable agent.
Yeah, I feel like he'd be very unlikely on this one.
Yeah, I'm going to steer it from there.
So he's going to get
high points for this one.
Yeah, I'm going to steer it away from any like political thing and say like, he just doesn't have the time like he's constantly saving the world so if if if unlikely is the high number i'm gonna give him a nine
wait so unlikely is the high number unlikely is the high number yeah i'm also gonna give him a nine i feel like it's
the higher your likelihood is the less i like this character
i think the only reason i could see him on there is if it is part of the mission like if it was the first mission impossible and he's still doing the mask stuff for the second mission impossible i feel like he doesn't do as much with masks these days as he was.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Look at that over here.
He's complaining.
No, but there's that scene.
He's not fun of masks.
But there's the scene in either the first or the second one where he is literally pretending to be like a congressman who's on a talk show.
Right.
So I could see him doing that if it's part of the mission.
But otherwise, I won't be able to do it.
I will say, Elliot, there's a very good mask bit in the beginning of Dead Reckoning.
Okay.
I still have seen it.
Every time I've been on a plane, I'm about to watch Dead Reckoning, and then I see it's two hours and 45 minutes long.
And I'm like, I don't know.
I can sit here and watch this for two hours and 45 minutes.
Haley Atwell's in it.
Maybe not the size of a screen for that kind of like big movie.
So Dan Dan's had a nine.
What are you saying, Elliot?
I'll say a nine also.
Okay.
Not bad, Mr.
Ethan Hunt.
Okay, Dan, give me a roll.
Give me a roll.
We got a 10.
Okay.
We're bagging the Johns.
We got, this is a classic one, guys.
Star of everybody's favorite Christmas movie, John McClain, played by Bruce Willis.
It's not called John McClain, the movie.
John McClain, star of the Die Hard franchise.
Yeah.
Kind of, I mean, arguably, Die Hard is like one of the best action movies of all time.
No question.
I've never loved it as much as other people.
I see how well done it is, but
I have to say, but, and for me, often the weakness is John McClain to me.
I find him to be a more irritating character than like a fun character.
I would not agree with that.
What I, my thing is, with
No, I know.
I'm saying I don't agree with your opinion.
I hold a different one.
I like it more as a thriller than I do an action movie.
I think it is well constructed.
Like
it did a whole, you know, a whole genre came from Die Hard.
And like it is a clever idea, well executed.
Christmas movie.
Yeah.
But on the action, the action is where it falls down for me because for the most part, it's just like people shooting at each other and then ducking behind things, which I don't find exciting in the same way that I find a set piece exciting, like an interesting stunt exciting.
Like, I don't give a shit if you can shoot someone else with a gun.
Like, sorry, America.
I don't care about that.
Dan's not going to boot up Call of Duty after this.
Um, anyway.
So, what do you say in terms of radness, Dan?
Let's talk about the John McLean character.
Yeah, I feel like he's got
points here at least.
He's got some, maybe not from Elliot.
Yeah.
On wise cracks and attitude, I'll give him a seven.
I'm going to give him a six, if only because I don't like his wise cracks quite as much.
LA doesn't like fast-talking
heroes.
I like fast-talking heroes
where I like the material a little more.
There's something about Bruce Willis that's very self-satisfied.
Yeah,
you know, ain't I a stinker?
You know, in a way that I like that coming out of a cartoon rabbit, not quite as much, Commander Bruce Willis, and especially as the series goes on, the character becomes less and less interested in whatever he is doing at the moment.
Yeah, that's fair.
Okay, so we got,
let's talk about badness.
How bad is this dude?
Again, the thing about Die Hard that makes the movies interesting, but maybe not him like the baddest guy is like the whole deal is supposed to be he's just the wrong place the wrong time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like he makes the best of it.
He perseveres.
So I'll give him a seven, but he's not the baddest.
Okay.
I'm going to give him a seven as well.
I mean, that's the thing is he's he's supposed to be kind of an ordinary guy, but he gets through, which shows an inner badness that is coming out.
But I'm never like the one part, I think, I feel like the one scene everybody talks about in the diehard movies, aside from now, I've got a machine gun or whatever, is him walking over that broken glass in the first one.
And that is more a test of endurance rather than as a test of like,
you know, bad kind of action, you know, take out the other guy's ability, you know.
And I know that might sound a little hypocritical with what I was saying about Indiana Jones, but I just like him more.
Yeah.
Okay, Dan, give me a lucky dip roll for
a six here.
A six.
Okay, You're going out of town.
This doesn't kind of apply to Elliot, but you're going out of town on a scale of one to ten.
How good of a job would John McLean do at watching your pets?
I have children.
Let's say he's watching my children.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
If you can imagine, for you, children are the new pets.
Yeah.
You know, he seems like a nice man.
uh overall he does you know he has
his personal life seems to be in shambles.
So maybe that says something about responsibility.
And then, like, you know, like the third one, he's just come off a bender.
But I'll give him a six.
I'll be, I'll give him a six.
I also can't stress enough, this guy is constantly in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I feel like that would be bad.
It's true.
That's what I'm giving him a 10 for that reason.
If he's watching my kids or my non-existent pet, you know that a terrorist or a hostage taker or a bank robber is going to show up at that house.
Yeah.
You know what?
I won't be, I don't want to be overly influenced, but I'll take myself down to a five.
Okay, cool.
Dan, give me one more roll.
It's a 17.
17.
Okay.
This is kind of a
almost like a career retrospective.
We have the star, the main hero in Police Story and Police Story 2.
That's Chan Kakui.
I probably mispronounced that, but that is Jackie Chan's character in the Police Story franchise.
But in a a way this is also going to represent jackie chan's career in general okay um because i feel like almost every character that jackie chan plays uh at least through his like you know great period of movies yeah uh is kind of fairly simple kind of the same guy yeah this is great timing i was just re-watching police story the other night that's great were you watching it with the family No, I was, but I was looking forward to the day when I could watch it with the family.
Yeah.
I think that part of the point of Jackie Chan's character is a certain lack of radness.
Like you're supposed to be like, oh, wow, this like funny guy like is able to do this stuff.
So
I don't know.
I'm going to go as low as a four on this.
Oh, okay.
I was going to go even lower.
I'm going to go with a three because he is not.
He is both not cool and he's also not particularly nice to the people around him.
There's a scene in Police Story that I had forgotten, the scene where he's like answering all the different phones and I forgot that a woman calls up and was like, I was assaulted.
And he's like, what do I do with this?
And you're like, no, you're a police officer, Jackie Chan.
Like, come on.
This is show a little bit more respect to the victim.
So the, uh, so he's a, I would say he is not a cool guy, you know, but also, but it's also like he's just, he's kind of, he's, there's like an Archie Andrews quality about him, you know, of like, like a goofball who always gets himself into trouble, but then he happens to be a martial arts master.
And Archie Andrews is also low on the radness scale.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unless it's like a CW version.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Then it's like a thousand, yeah.
Yeah.
So let's talk about badness.
How bad is this guy?
You put him in Ikea.
Got 10.
Any item is a weapon of both hilarity and also bodily tarm in his hands.
Yeah.
It depends on how you define badness.
Like he's not like a Terminator, like Lobo style badness.
Like I'm just going to murder everyone.
He is very good at what he does.
And what he does is hit people with ladders and stuff.
I do think him versus the Terminator would end up being a pretty interesting fight, though.
I mean, that would be great.
I'd love it.
I mean, he's an amazing specimen.
I'll give him an eight.
Okay.
I feel like just for the scene in police story that they stole for Tango and Cash, where he stops that bus and the bad guys fly out the window.
I'm going to give him a 10 for that.
Yeah.
That's so great.
Okay.
Give me a roll.
Give me a roll on the lucky dip.
That's an 18.
Ooh.
I think he'll do okay.
If he was on the hot ones, how likely is he to be able to handle the spiciest wings?
Oh, he's going to be doing some like comedy takes, but he'll get to the end of
the end.
He'll get to the 10.
He'll get a 10 on that.
I was going to say the same thing.
It's a 10, but he's going to be doing a lot of like reactions that are very funny, but he's going to eat those wings.
He'll get through it.
Yeah.
Okay, good job.
He's spilling milk all over him while he's trying to drink some of it.
Yeah.
And then someone's going to fight him and he's going to use the wing to fight back.
And because it's spicy, he sticks it in their mouth and they go, ah!
i love it yeah somebody comes to give him milk yeah it's great um okay so we got one more for this episode let's wrap this up dan okay that's an 18.
okay
we are this is this character has only appeared in one film but it's an important one that's right from conair we have cameron poe played by nicholas cage
an iconic action hero iconic action hair i guess at least yeah
and accent yeah i mean for the hair and accent, I think I'll give him a seven.
You know, there's not much else there to hang the radness on.
I'm going to give him a five just because of my residual love for Nicolas Cage rather than for that character himself.
Yeah.
Now, how bad is Cameron Poe, guys?
He does take on a whole plane full of convicts.
The worst convicts in America, yeah.
But I don't think he does it with a lot of battitude.
So I'm going to give him a a six.
I'm also going to give him a five for kind of the same reasons.
He takes on a plane full of convicts, but the most dangerous one is loose at the end.
Yeah, that's true.
That is.
I've never liked that.
For a comedic take.
For a comedic take, cheerful song.
We have a character who we were already told earlier.
killed a girl and wore her head as a hat.
And we're supposed to love it that he's free at the end.
Yeah, it's a stand-up and cheer moment of that year's Oscars.
Okay, so let's give me a lucky dip, Dan.
Yeah, we got
Okay.
Okay.
How likely on a scale of one to 10 is Cameron Poe going to make a Killer Halloween party playlist?
I think there's mostly going to be Leonard Skynyrd on there.
Yeah.
And Monster Mash.
Yeah.
I'm going to give him a three for this.
Yeah, I'm going to give him a two.
Oh, man.
Cameron Poe.
Oh, I'm sorry, buddy.
Sorry.
Three and two.
Oh, man.
He got the exception.
Knocked out.
Knocked out.
Okay.
So
that was our first 10.
Thank you so much.
This has been a Flophouse Mini.
Stay tuned for our next mini, which will show up in two weeks where we're going to get the deciding votes on this one.
We got 10 more down the way.
I'm Stuart Wellington.
I'm joined as always by my guest hosts, Dan McCoy.
Elliot Kalen, guest hosts.
Yep.
This has been part of the Maximum Fun Podcast Network.
You can check out other great shows there.
This show has been produced by Alex Smith, who goes by Howl Daughty on various platforms.
He's a musician.
He's a podcast producer, extraordinaire.
Thank you so much, Alex.
So, once again, for the flop house, thank you.
Bye.
Bye.
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