Shopping Cart Is Cloaked (ENT S4E4)

Speaker 1 Here's to the finest crew in starving. When it comes to my crew, you won't get any argument from me.

Speaker 1 This is a parody.

Speaker 1 Paramount owns the sun.

Speaker 1 Welcome to the greatest generation. It's a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys who are just a little bit embarrassed about having a Star Trek podcast.
I'm Ben Harrison. I'm Adam Pranica.

Speaker 1 How you doing today, Adam?

Speaker 1 I had to reschedule my vasectomy.

Speaker 1 You know, this is a... This is a real trend on the show.
We've said it many times. This is nominally a men's health show that is also occasionally about Star Trek.

Speaker 1 I scheduled it, and then my wife took a business trip that very same week. And

Speaker 1 I got a 35-pound dog that I need to lift, carry, and move around like kind of often

Speaker 1 every week. And I was talking to the SNP doc, and he's like, yeah, why don't we just reschedule it? And I'm going to Japan the week after my vasectomy.
And I was like, What if I like?

Speaker 1 I don't want to, I don't want to bust a nut lifting baggage and stuff. They're like, Yeah, all right, we'll do it after the Japan trip.
Do it after the Japan trip. You'll be much happier.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so that's what I'm doing. Take it from me, someone who took a toddler on a railroad trip three days after mine.
Yeah, what'd you do? Just refuse to lift?

Speaker 1 No, I mean, I or did you lift and risk?

Speaker 1 My doctor, you know, I think he gave me the broad range of potential recovery things, and I just assumed that I'd be in the like, it will be easy and fine.

Speaker 1 Because, you know, me, health things tend to go great for me.

Speaker 1 Just imagine.

Speaker 1 The sheer fucking hubris. Imagine betting exactly the opposite that I would have bet on that.

Speaker 1 Incredible. This is why I'm not a betting man, you know? It's true.
Yeah, so I I shaved my nuts for nothing. Oh, buddy.
That's the big takeaway.

Speaker 1 But at least having all those Manscaped sponsorships a year or two ago finally paid off, right? Yeah, it's really true.

Speaker 1 Our ad stores are as bare as my balls right now.

Speaker 1 Well, hopefully by the time this airs,

Speaker 1 that will not be the case. But

Speaker 1 you're feeling nice, like swooshing around in there?

Speaker 1 Oh, it's fine yeah it's fine i mean i'm gonna i'm gonna go to japan and i'm gonna do a bunch of like uh onsen stuff so are you saying you're gonna leave a bunch of

Speaker 1 leave a bunch of impregnated chicks behind in japan yeah yeah that's what i'm saying

Speaker 1 and that's all right by me i don't know what your arrangement is with your wife but if you're into that enm knocking up strangers in Japan lifestyle, you know, who am I to judge?

Speaker 1 It's a whole thing over there. Excited to find out.

Speaker 1 I heard the hot tubs actually kill all that stuff, so not going to be a problem. Yeah, it should be, it should be fine.
Um,

Speaker 1 you're sailing into uh barely charted waters, as is the entrepreneur on today's episode, Adam. I know it.
Do you want to get into season four, episode four of Star Trek Enterprise?

Speaker 1 Oh, you're talking about the one called

Speaker 1 Borderland?

Speaker 1 That's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 Our cold open is on a Klingon bird of prey, and it feels like it is Star Trek law

Speaker 1 to have a J.G. Hertzler on the bridge.

Speaker 1 Send a squad to the docking port.

Speaker 1 This is his last live-action portrayals of a Klingon.

Speaker 1 How about that?

Speaker 1 One of my all-time favorite STLV memories is from this last year when you and I were on stage, and

Speaker 1 I couldn't stop the show, wouldn't stop the show for this, but J.G.

Speaker 1 Hertzler, on like a hover round with the guy that played Gauron in tow, came into the hall that we were in, and I just watched him circumnavigate our crowd so that he could go get himself a hot dog at the lunch table.

Speaker 1 What a moment. The guy's a fucking legend.

Speaker 1 Crowd work

Speaker 1 of the dead!

Speaker 1 Anyway, this bird of prey picks up a mysterious transport shuttle out there. It's got two humanoids inside.
And what else are you going to do besides dock up to this thing?

Speaker 1 See what's going on in there. Oh, man.
Were you thinking about how pissed Malcolm Reed would have been if he'd just been able to see what happened here with the with the tractor beam. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fuck, these guys don't have a grappler either. Everyone has tractor beams.
The missed opportunity is that I feel like you should reverse the technologies.

Speaker 1 Klingon grappler would look so fucking badass.

Speaker 1 It would. It would look so, it would look like four Klingon boots with that single giant toe.
Like

Speaker 1 four boots as the grapple, and then the toe sticks you, the four toes. The chain would be all rugged and like like have like hooks and shit in it, you know, barbed.

Speaker 1 Couldn't a Klingon Bird of Prey spare a chain? I think they could. A chain and four boots.

Speaker 1 I did like that the bridge of this ship looked exactly as we've come to expect the bridge of a Klingon Bird of Prey to look. Yeah.
They get these people aboard and they're humans.

Speaker 1 How about that? They're dressed for like a Screamo show. They've got like lots of rips and cuts in their black body con t-shirts.

Speaker 1 Very rock and roll. And brother, do they kick some fucking ass, these two humans.
The Klingons do not notice the jerk cables that have been attached to them.

Speaker 1 And they go flying. Holy moly.

Speaker 1 These two humans make short work of this grip of Klingons into the theme. Like the establishing shot is Starfleet headquarters, but I don't think that's where this prison is, right?

Speaker 1 They don't like keep the worst worst of the worst, right? Under the same roof as sexual icon Admiral Forrest.

Speaker 1 The way I thought of it was like how when you go to a baseball or a football game, there is like a little jail in the stadium. Oh, yeah.
People who get out of hand.

Speaker 1 I kind of feel like at Starfleet HQ, they've got that kind of situation. Okay.
And that's where they keep Eric Soon.

Speaker 1 He had a little too much to drink at the big heroes welcome that Archer had in the last episode. Couldn't quite handle it.
All right, sir. Sir, you've been overserved.
You cannot have another MGD.

Speaker 1 Eric Sung, you threw a couple too many batteries at Reed.

Speaker 1 Don't tolerate that kind of behavior.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. How would the Star Trek universe be different if they'd established the Federation HQ in Philadelphia instead of San Francisco? It'd be great.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, they'd build that stadium over the wooder if that was the case. Right?

Speaker 1 Probably would. His handcuffs like magnetized to each other.
Very face-off, I thought. Yeah, when he's going to get a visitor, and his visitor is Captain Archer?

Speaker 1 What are you doing here? I need to ask you some questions.

Speaker 2 I'm kind of in the middle of something.

Speaker 1 You think Archer has a hard time getting into prisons? Like,

Speaker 1 he only goes one way, and that's out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's like a guy that can only turn left.

Speaker 1 He's the UPS driver of prison escapes.

Speaker 1 I like that Eric Tsung is dunking on him. Like, why are you here? Are you going to get the building named after you?

Speaker 1 I want to preface this by saying,

Speaker 1 I like and appreciate and admire Brent Spiner's work. AI Soong reads like lore to me.

Speaker 1 You know, like he's just got that bully lore vibe to him in this character. Yeah,

Speaker 1 he's an asshole. And he's been locked up for a long time.
He's been doing mad science longhand.

Speaker 1 So there are pieces of 8.5 by 11 printer paper taped up all over the room with what he claims are revolutionary concepts in science. written on them in pen and ink.

Speaker 1 And he says that occasionally they come in here and vaporize everything And he has to

Speaker 1 start over or come up with lots of new inventions. Eric's like, I wish they'd come in and vaporize the things I've left in the toilet from time to time.
Am I right?

Speaker 1 I bet if you're a mad scientist, you can come up with some pretty awesome toilet wine if you're incarcerated, you know?

Speaker 1 Indistinguishable from a brown wine you'll have from time to time instead of a normal bottle, I bet. Uh-huh.
Really nice.

Speaker 1 Archer explains that the Klingons, I mean, this guy seems to keep up with current events. Like, he's aware of what Archer's deeds have been, and he's even aware of this Klingon ship situation.

Speaker 1 And the Klingon High Command is very pissed off that humans took over one of their ships, and it's kind of turning into a bit of a diplomatic kerfuffle that could lead to war between the Federation and the Klingons.

Speaker 1 Last thing they need.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 they're just now like licking their wounds after the Zindi thing. Yeah.
Don't need that kind of heat.

Speaker 1 And so one might wonder what brilliant mad science criminal Eric Tsung would have to do with a situation like that. Turns out the people that stole that ship were actually augmented humans.

Speaker 1 They were Auggie doggies.

Speaker 1 And he is locked up because he stole a bunch of augment embryos from the the science facility he used to work at 20 years ago.

Speaker 1 And so he might just know a little something about it.

Speaker 1 Seems like Eric Tsung might be a little bit of a semen demon.

Speaker 1 They'll put you in jail for that. Ben, were you at all bumped at the detail of the Augments

Speaker 1 stealing the Klingon bird of prey and then blowing the Klingon bodies out into space? And I'm just going to say dot, dot, dot, those bodies were found in space somehow?

Speaker 1 How the hell did they do that? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, that's that's a great question.
I mean,

Speaker 1 are there sort of like implied space highways in the way that like commercial air traffic flies like on the same routes?

Speaker 1 Like maybe these ships fly these routes and that's how you sometimes run into bodies that have been blown out there.

Speaker 1 Either that or like when they when the ship went missing, like they knew exactly what its coordinates were. Yeah.
And they could like trace an ion trail to the to the spot, something like that.

Speaker 1 Because I send constant logs of the dead.

Speaker 1 Captain Robert O'Reilly always keeps in touch.

Speaker 1 So we get a McLaughlin group

Speaker 1 where almost everybody but Archer is in their civvies and they're hanging out on the bridge of the entrepreneur getting brought up to speed on what's going on here.

Speaker 1 Soong, it turns out, may have raised the children born from those embryos until they were 10 years old when he was imprisoned. And so the implication is that there may be more augments out there.

Speaker 1 And he claims he doesn't know what godlike humans need with a starship, but we're going to take him on a mission to see if we can hunt down this bird of prey and get them to surrender.

Speaker 1 The weirdest thing about AI Sung is not that he's a semen demon, it's that he wants to have this many kids.

Speaker 1 God, man, why would you do that? Like, you have a career. Yeah, you're supposed to be this big scientist.
You think you could have time for that when you have 80 kids?

Speaker 1 I mean, people go into this with some naivete, inevitably. Like, my wife's mother is a twin, which makes her a person with a very high likelihood relative to the baseline of giving birth to twins.

Speaker 1 And when we were first trying, we were like, Oh, wouldn't that be rad if we had twins? And then, like, the second we had a baby, we were like, Oh my god, I'm so fucking glad we didn't have twins.

Speaker 1 That would have been hard as hell.

Speaker 1 But is there also an energy of like, if you know you want to have a couple of kids, why not just get it over with, like, all in one go? Yeah, just rip the band-aid.

Speaker 1 I like that is totally logical, but it's also like very hard to have a kid. So, yeah,

Speaker 1 you know, I don't know. I think a fun mind game to play with Darone might be, I wish you were two kids.

Speaker 1 I wish there was the evil version of you and the good version of you and we could transport or accident you back together. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sui has also been to the area of space they're going to, which is called the borderland, and it is between the Klingon Empire and the Orion Syndicate. What a place.
Just based on those two cultures.

Speaker 1 Lordy.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He does say that it's like the good parts of both cultures that wind up interacting in the friction there, right, Adam?

Speaker 1 Why is this section all bathed in red light?

Speaker 1 If that's what they're saying. If we change the words,

Speaker 1 then it's fair use all day long.

Speaker 1 So their mission at this point is find these augments, bring them back fast, because with the whole whole mobilization of Klingon ships that want revenge, that's not going to be good for anyone in the borderlands.

Speaker 1 Surely, if canceled, we're going. We're the experienced Turdo, we're the fast ship.
This is our problem to solve.

Speaker 1 It's just too bad that the episode didn't begin with Trip and TePaul being at her honeymoon and there being like a magic show,

Speaker 1 and like a bunch of kids yelling Abra Cadabra when their pages go off

Speaker 1 And Richard Valeriani

Speaker 1 on the Starfleet News Network talking about the buildup in the borderlands. But how could he be on the deck of the USS Enterprise if they're going in the USS Enterprise?

Speaker 1 That's where this all falls apart. I know.
I know.

Speaker 1 Did you clock to Paul in this scene? Like

Speaker 1 looking really sad?

Speaker 1 There's something that Jolene Blaylock does throughout most of this episode, which is just look deeply unhappy to be there most of the time. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She is not her chipper normal self. Well, that's the magic trick, right? Like when your baseline is neutral, anything under that is really noticeable.
Yeah, yeah. But it's subtle.

Speaker 1 So the guy that stole this ship is named Malik.

Speaker 1 And we learn that he is going to get in a little bit of trouble with Rakheen, the leader of the Ogmans.

Speaker 1 Rakheen comes aboard and is like, nice ship. I'm really glad we have it, but this was really fucking reckless and I didn't approve this, Malik.
Like, what the fuck do you think you're doing?

Speaker 1 The vibe is Lord of the Flies up in there. Yeah.
A lot of infighting, a lot of

Speaker 1 recriminations,

Speaker 1 going back and forth. I mean, the ship is cool as hell.
I was struck by just how paranoid they are to have it, given that this ship has a cloaking device. Like, no one wants to be found.

Speaker 1 No one wants to be chased. Do they not know about the cloaking device? I don't know.
Does it have one? They never use it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you think some classes of Klingon ships don't have a cloaking device? That's such an interesting question. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Like even transport ships and on down to the lowliest Klingon tug, like they can cloak. They all can cloak.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're at the like used car dealership on Kronos and you're like, it's got working tape deck, but does it have cloaking?

Speaker 1 You're You're in a Klingon grocery store and like you accidentally hit

Speaker 1 the back of someone's ankle with your cart. Shopping cart

Speaker 1 is cloaked!

Speaker 1 Where does it end? Yeah. If you put your kid in a cloaked shopping cart, does the kid look like it's floating or does the kid also get cloaked?

Speaker 1 I think the answer is the crew of a cloaked bird of prey is cloaked along with the the ship, right? Everything's cloaked.

Speaker 1 It's not like Wonder Woman, where it looks like a crew flying around.

Speaker 1 A backhand slap to the face is what Malik gets from Raykin.

Speaker 1 And it appears even though there is some animosity between them, they will continue to work together. Yeah.
They're family, you know. I mean, at this point, you don't know that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I guess not. Anyways, Soon comes aboard the entrepreneur, and he is escorted.
He meets a couple of the crew members. He meets Reed and TePaul.

Speaker 1 Tepal has her same cat suit from before, but has added a rank insignia and a patch on her shoulder. So it seems like her matriculation into Starfleet has continued apace.

Speaker 1 It's weird how no one has a good first impression of Reed when they first meet him. Yeah.
And that's the case here with AI, isn't it? It sure is. Weird energy between them.
Weird dunk on Reed. Like,

Speaker 1 you're not very famous. Maybe there's a reason for that.
Yeah. But Zungen buyers Dr.
Flox. Dr.
Flox's name rings out. Dr.
Flox's reputation rivals my own. Before I was imprisoned, of course.

Speaker 1 And he'd like to set up his lab and do the work of finding these people in Zixpay so that he can confer with the good doctor. Archer doesn't say no to this request.
Yeah, but he also doesn't say yes.

Speaker 1 It seems like it's a maybe.

Speaker 1 Maybe's not a no.

Speaker 1 On the bridge, Tripp asks Tepaul about the honeymoon that he assumes took place in the two weeks that he left her back on Vulcan.

Speaker 1 And she doesn't answer the way Archer doesn't answer in the last scene. And she walks away.
out of that situation pretty fast when Archer enters the scene.

Speaker 1 We get a brand new Recaro Racing Command Chair installed on the bridge, and it's got all the bells and whistles been.

Speaker 1 I felt like those blinky lights would be really distracting.

Speaker 1 If you're in the middle of a scene and you've got those, like the little, the little part of the armrest that faces back up at the captain, there were just so many things blinking on those.

Speaker 1 That would drive me nuts. Like the little bit here that Trips got about not touching the one button, the one button that is not defined in any way.
Yeah. Pretty great.
That's good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I hope that pays off.

Speaker 1 It's got to.

Speaker 1 Did they recycle the taking the ship out of space dock footage?

Speaker 1 I have to admit that I know eventually the NX-01 is going to look more like an Enterprise Constitution style ship, like with a neck and a secondary hull.

Speaker 1 And I thought they were doing a little bit of business with like hiding that part of the ship. as it's in space dock.
Oh, interesting. And I was expecting a reveal of like

Speaker 1 that birdie. This thing has been upgraded? Yeah, but when, like, the ship pulls out of dock, I was like, oh, this is the same ship.
It looks just the same. It gets another refit in this season?

Speaker 1 I didn't know that. I've seen pictures of it that make it look like it's got a neck, but that's the extent of my knowledge.
I'm not

Speaker 1 trying not to do any research about what's coming. Yeah, I would never, but we got like a little captain's speech.
It felt like minimal fanfare for taking a ship out of space dock.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't have it any other way. I mean, the music barely even moves

Speaker 1 during this moment. Very strange.
Very strange feeling. It's been like 20 episodes since we've seen Enterprise not looking like a chewed-up pencil.
How did that make you feel? Oh, that was nice.

Speaker 1 But it looked like low-res. Like, that's why I thought maybe they recycled the footage because it was

Speaker 1 like from the SD era of the show or something. Interesting.
Anyways, in the clarinet rental closet, Archer tells TePaul about an intelligence report that they've got about where the ship might be.

Speaker 1 She explains that the Vulcans are still trying to find a way to cool the Klingons down diplomatically, but we're not going to hold our breath for that working.

Speaker 1 It's important anytime someone gets a new job that they're given a gift. At least that's what Archer's thinking here.

Speaker 1 Once you give TePaul pips, you have to also give her a box with a brass compass in it. Yeah.
This is nice, right?

Speaker 1 I thought it was going to be a rig so she could, like, do her drug habit in a little bit more style, you know.

Speaker 1 Archer decided against the joke gift of, like, now that TePaul is married, you give her, like, a totally blown-out box, like, just

Speaker 1 barely held together.

Speaker 1 It was, like, chewing gum and electrical tape holding it together. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't get the sense that Cos is the box blowing out type.

Speaker 1 That wasn't the vibe I got from him. Cos very much has the cry after sex vibe.

Speaker 1 I know I'm not supposed to show my emotions as a Vulcan.

Speaker 1 It's just that

Speaker 1 I feel a totally overwhelming combination of guilt and shame.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dr. Sung down in Sixth Bay is shown the DNA samples that they got off of the Klingon corpses.
And I guess he like like recognizes Malik's DNA, just like on site.

Speaker 1 He sees the sequence and he's like, I know whose DNA that is. He like draws a finger over it and then like,

Speaker 1 yeah, I know who that is.

Speaker 1 A father always knows. Yeah, that's the rebellious one, just like me.

Speaker 1 Dr. Flox also not exactly hitting it off with AI Tsung in this scene.
That's because they kind of disagree with what AI did in making all these genetically engineered people. In Dr.

Speaker 1 Flox's judgment, he learned no lessons from the eugenics wars.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Soong further augmented the augments, like in a way that he leaves a little bit to the imagination about what exactly he did to mute the muties.

Speaker 1 In Tsung's defense, though, is that not an example of him learning something from the eugenics wars? In a, I don't want to repeat those mistakes.

Speaker 1 I'm going to keep iterating on genetic engineering so as to prevent another eugenics wars. This is like a 2.0 version of the guys that we've fought, so maybe they're better.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They are in the middle of not really hitting it off when we get a banger.

Speaker 1 And up on the bridge, we learn that Orion interceptors have started shooting at them at warp and they drop out of warp and are absolutely getting rocked. This has got to be so irritating.

Speaker 1 This is like cleaning up a kitchen and then deciding to do like fried chicken sandwich night.

Speaker 1 Like everything was just so clean and perfect and now it's like it smells like cooking oil. Splatters are everywhere.

Speaker 1 Like all over the place. That's what Enterprise has got to feel like here.
They just fixed it,

Speaker 1 just fixed it, and

Speaker 1 a bunch of people get beamed away. That's, I mean, like, all of the PTSD flashbacks of the Zidi conflict must just be so intense.

Speaker 1 Hoshi's got to feel so fucking great seeing people beamed away, and none of them are her. She's like, oh, woo!

Speaker 1 Okay, you see her like buckle her seat belt.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

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Speaker 1 You will never take the greatest shit alive.

Speaker 1 Ben would rather die.

Speaker 1 So the interceptors buzz off and Archer goes and talks to Sung. And Sung does not seem particularly worried about the nine people that got abducted.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he takes the news laying down.

Speaker 1 He's like, oh yeah, like there's a processing center for new slaveys pretty nearby. We can go look for them there if you really care.
He's like, look, they only let legitimate slave traders in there.

Speaker 1 And luckily for you, I am a legitimate slave trader.

Speaker 1 I am in good standing with my dues to the slave trading society. He's very clear about this, though.
He's like, I can get you in, but no promises about getting the crew out. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did it ever bother you in this episode? I have no idea if this is going to be like a character that we see a lot of in season four. Candidly, I've not watched season four of this show.

Speaker 1 Did it ever bother you that this is where you would ever have a chance to ask a Tsung about Sing?

Speaker 1 Like, Khan Nunyen-Sing, Eric Nunyen-sung.

Speaker 1 What's the deal there? Like, what are we talking about? Like, any relationship at all? Or just...

Speaker 1 Is Eric's middle name Nunyan?

Speaker 1 I thought it was AI.

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't know. I thought AI was his name.

Speaker 1 Like, Eric I. Tsung.

Speaker 1 I didn't get the middle name. But the question is still apt.
Like,

Speaker 1 things related to the eugenics wars are not unrelated to a con.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and data's creator is a Nunyen Tzung.

Speaker 1 So there's got to be something, right? I don't know. Yeah, Archer's not interested in all that.
He just wants to get his people.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so we cut over to the Klingon ship where Malik and the lady he stole the ship with, Persis, are talking about.

Speaker 1 how their leader is looking now for a planet where they can go live their lives in peace. And Malik is like, fuck that.
I don't want to do that. That sounds weak as hell.

Speaker 1 The vibe you get from Persis is that she's definitely fucking Rakin and Malik wants to fuck her. Yeah.
So there's a lot of sexual tension going in multiple directions here. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Malik tries to kiss her and she does not want to kiss right now, sir. Yeah.

Speaker 1 If Malik only knew how weird and upsetting that should be for him, given where she's been previously.

Speaker 1 Now is not the time, Malik. That's basically the point of this scene between them.
At the Orion slave bazaar, Tepal gets thrown in a cage by the big show.

Speaker 1 At the big show in the Orion makeup? Break the rules and you will suffer. Follow the rules and you will suffer less.
It's the big show. He's so great.
He's so big. Man.

Speaker 1 He's got to make sure she's fitted with the neck thingy that all of the folks in the station getting processed have to have. This didn't feel like a promotional tie-in the way The Rock on Voyager did.

Speaker 1 That's the thing. The Rock is selling.
The Big Show has nothing to sell. And that's what makes his appearance pure.
It's really good. Ben, I got to tell you, if you're ever like taken...

Speaker 1 from where you live and put into a place for

Speaker 1 nonspecific processing,

Speaker 1 hay on the floor is an extremely bad sign, right? Yeah, yeah. That is not good.
It really isn't. Hay on the floor means you are pissing and shitting on the floor.

Speaker 1 Your hospitality leaves a hell of a lot to be desired. She and another Ensign have been fitted for clip show devices on their necks.

Speaker 1 And these seem to be sort of like the restraining bolts that droids get in Star Wars, where the slavers can use them to affect discipline. This is a hell of a first day for Ensign Jeffrey Pierce.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 An Ensign who assumed that getting stationed on the Enterprise would be far less exciting.

Speaker 1 I don't know what he expected.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 is it like a, I thought your like most exciting stuff was behind you and this was going to be like kind of a getting back into the meeting new lives and new civilizations thing that we set out to do.

Speaker 1 I think when you join Starfleet, the last thing you expect to see is hay on the floor.

Speaker 1 That's why it was so upsetting and up the long ladder. Yeah.
You know? On Enterprise, we're in orbit of Varix 3, and Archer and Dr. Tsung prepare to beam down to the slave auction.
Dr.

Speaker 1 Tsung is fitted with a transponder of his own. It's not attached to his neck.

Speaker 1 Not that we can see. And this is a thing that's going to keep him tracked.
Well, it's installed inside his neck. Yeah.
So they're going to go down and

Speaker 1 look for the missing people. And

Speaker 1 meanwhile, TePaul is going up for auction and

Speaker 1 seems like a popular item. I mean, who wouldn't want a woman that you can pick up by grabbing her

Speaker 1 torso and just

Speaker 1 presenting her to the crowd the way the big show does? What an unbelievable shot. Look, there's a lot of obvious reasons why the depiction of slavery and slave trading is deeply upsetting.

Speaker 1 However,

Speaker 1 on the other side.

Speaker 1 Just to argue the positive for a second. If you're up for auction as a slave and you basically blow out the top of the price, that's got to make you feel pretty good on some level, right?

Speaker 1 That's a little pat on the back. That's a little pep in your step.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right? She's got to feel good about this. I mean,

Speaker 1 if she indulged in emotions. There are so few things to feel good about in this situation.
I'm just trying to say that, like, you hold tightly to any good in this situation.

Speaker 1 You brought it up earlier that Jolian Blaylock has been playing it a little bit like she's sad so far this episode. I think at this point,

Speaker 1 you see that her eyes brighten a bit and she's got a little bit more optimism and a little more self-worth going forward.

Speaker 1 I mean, the thing is, the Tellerite who wins the auction, probably unaware of the blown-out box

Speaker 1 that she she was given not that long ago. Archer and Sung show up, and they immediately see that there are a few of their crew still there.

Speaker 1 They also see that the Orions are not above enslaving each other. There's another slave on the block,

Speaker 1 member of the tribe. They go find TePaul, who is sitting in a cage, and they get in trouble with a guy.
who doesn't like that they're talking to the merch.

Speaker 1 There's a take here from Brent Spiner that's really,

Speaker 1 really fun and interesting, just because like we've heard his voice for 20 years and to hear him like try to play it cool the way he does in this scene, like with the guard,

Speaker 1 it kind of breaks my brain to hear his voice say these words in this way, you know?

Speaker 1 We made a wrong turn.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much though. Thank you for your help.
Really, thank you. Thank you.
Let's go. Like Street Smart is never

Speaker 1 a characteristic that he's ever had to portray in Star Trek. You said it, yeah, yeah.
Back on the bird of prey, is it Rakin or Rakin?

Speaker 1 I keep saying it both ways. Yeah.
Rakeen? Rakeen? Well, there's the third version.

Speaker 1 Rakeen, the leader guy is who I'm talking about, and Perseus, they argue about this whole Malik situation and why, when Rakeen has done so much good for them, that folks still want to act so messed up toward him and want to follow Malik's lead.

Speaker 1 And also, why in the hell does Malik even want to do a mutiny?

Speaker 1 It seems though, like in this scene that Perseus is kind of a double-dealer, she's playing both sides to maybe her own benefit, in my mind. Malik is scheming for the leadership, and Percy

Speaker 1 is ratting on him, but also seems to be like taking a step back so that she could see how things play out and make sure that it goes her way, most importantly.

Speaker 1 This is the scene where we learn that they're brothers,

Speaker 1 Rakeen and Malik. And they keep talking about

Speaker 1 their father's principles and whether we're betraying them or living up to them. And Rakin is like,

Speaker 1 I'm going to betray a principle, not killing your brother.

Speaker 1 What's unsaid here is that A.I. Seung is the father figure they're talking about, yeah? Yeah, heavily implied, but not said.

Speaker 1 Back in the slave auction, Archer buys back Enson Pierce. That's got to be a big relief for him.
I mean,

Speaker 1 yes, but also,

Speaker 1 very disappointing price if you're Enson Pierce and you get bought, but like basically at a closeout deal value. Does this hurt as an actor?

Speaker 1 I think you know when you're standing next to Jolene Blaylock that you don't measure up.

Speaker 1 Fair enough. I just like the idea of the agent going like, so there's something about the part that you should know.

Speaker 1 And Pierce is like, I can fuck. I can fuck too.
I know I don't look like much, but that means I really put in the effort.

Speaker 1 They take it back to Six Bay, and it's explained that they bribed a guard to leave the restraint on Pierce.

Speaker 1 And I guess this is so that they could like study the restraint and see if there's a way to disable them remotely or something.

Speaker 1 We don't have time to rescue everyone the way we rescued Pierce, especially since a lot of them

Speaker 1 have already moved.

Speaker 1 I mean, nor do we have enough ore to bribe or buy with this point because they've been using that as the currency. Right.
But fortunately, like an

Speaker 1 antique store, all of the merchandise is still sitting around just with tags on it that say that they've been spoken for.

Speaker 1 So we're heading back down.

Speaker 1 We cut back over to the Kleon ship where Perseus is now turning around and telling Malik, oh, yeah, I told

Speaker 1 Rakin all about your little plan. He's pretty mad.
Oh, look at that. He's right here, and he's got a really big gun.

Speaker 1 This gun doesn't shoot, though. And then when more of the mutineers appear and Perseus stays by Malik's side.

Speaker 1 It turns out Malik is the superior intellect. Yeah.
Rakeen sees this double cross for what it is. Is this a mutant on mutant mutiny?

Speaker 1 Are you saying this is a...

Speaker 1 I was going to say immunity, but that's

Speaker 1 like a tiny manatee.

Speaker 1 Mutinity?

Speaker 1 A mutantity?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 immune tintity.

Speaker 1 I think it might be that. I mean, I think it might be the first documented case of that.
As long as we don't have to say it again, that's what it is.

Speaker 1 There's a kind of TV death that I love, which is the two guys' faces really close, and you just hear that a knife has gone into the guts of one of them.

Speaker 1 I like that. You don't even have to see it.

Speaker 1 You don't even need the prop, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 1 RSVP Rakeen Persis is there looking shocked and sad.

Speaker 1 I guess she doesn't have to choose anymore. That choice has been made for her.
Yeah, this has made her whole situation much easier. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She should be happy about this. Don't cry for that asshole, Persis.
Anyway, at the Varix 3 slave auction, Archer and Tsung have returned to free the slaves. Woo!

Speaker 1 First, they have to take out a random guard in a very slow and wobbly way. Yeah.
What did you make of this pop of comedy in this exact moment? I don't know. It really worked for me.

Speaker 1 I thought it was funny. Like, I like the idea that, oh, yeah, he's just fucking huge and the sedative is taking a little longer than you expected for it to work.

Speaker 1 There's just something about a big person wobbling before falling

Speaker 1 that is television law. It's always how it goes.

Speaker 1 It doesn't seem like whatever they studied about the transponders was necessary because they just use like a local computer to turn off all the clip show devices.

Speaker 1 They're like working on this and this squirrely dude is reporting Archer and Sug

Speaker 1 to one of the guards and Tepal is about to be delivered to her Tellerite buyer when it is revealed that the restraining devices are not working because she is able to kick that fool's ass across the room.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Powerful nutshot distributed by Tepal here.
You know she hits them both, too. That is a wide boot.

Speaker 1 Archer gets got by Soong with a painstick.

Speaker 1 And Soong thanks him for the ride as he scurries away. Like a whole riot has broken out.
Like all the cages have been thrown open. The slave revolt is in full swing.
The hay is flying.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, so much hay in the air. In the way that a prison riot often accompanies a bunch of toilet paper rolls being thrown.
Gotta do that. Yeah, a lot of paper on fire flying through the air.
Sure.

Speaker 1 I wish we had gotten that scene of the Orions in their helmets and their riot shields and their nightsticks getting ready to

Speaker 1 through a door. That would have been fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we don't get that.

Speaker 1 Instead, we get a scene of Sung turning the painstick on himself, shocking himself in the neck, and this is what knocks out the transponder signal that he's been injected with.

Speaker 1 This makes it harder to find him. And Archer kind of moves through the riot trying to do it.
Eventually, like seeing him across the riot. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's like chasing, I mean, chasing someone through a slave revolt has always been a challenge for anybody that's ever done it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The only thing Archer has to help himself out is his scanner can turn on and off Soong's electromagnetic manacles. So he manacles Soong

Speaker 1 and in a quieter part of the market, we catch up with him trying to climb out of it when Archer then turns the manacles back off and he falls from whatever scaffolding he was trying to clamber up.

Speaker 1 We get two to beam up and there's a great shot in the brig where Seung is facing the camera and Archer is in the background behind him and the camera is kind of tracking back and forth as Archer paces and rants at him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a real riot act reading from Archer to Tsung here. Seung says he feels bad about how things went down there.
Just wants Archer to leave the augments alone. Look, they're not hurting anyone.

Speaker 1 Joyriding in that bird of prey. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just let them go have a good time. They're kids.

Speaker 1 They're not bothering you, and you don't need to bother them. But Archer kind of suspects that this was all Sung's plan all along.

Speaker 1 If you're a Klingon, you've probably only ghost rided the bird of prey once. Like, that's a lesson you learn one time and then you decide never to do it again, huh?

Speaker 1 Like, because once you step out and that cloaked bird of prey starts moving, like, you're not getting back in ever again. No fucking way.
Yeah. Michael Burnham probably kills you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Six Bay is absolutely full of rescued slaves on bio beds and cots. You got to feel pretty good about getting a real bio bed when they've had to break out the cots, right?

Speaker 1 Like, like DePaul's up there looking down at everyone else and is like, this is two in one day. I was like the winner of the slave auction and I get a real biobed.

Speaker 1 I mean, on the occasions you've had to go to the hospital, how much of a relief is it to like have a room that you don't have to share?

Speaker 1 Like that's kind of the energy when we're talking about cot versus biobed. Like totally, totally.
You want to have some comfort while you're being uncomfortable. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's upset that she's returning to work because she's a trooper. Also, Trip, Vulcans don't have honeymoons.
She spent her time after her Vulcan wedding meditating alone. And he's like,

Speaker 1 so what was with the symbolism of the blown-out box that the captain gave you?

Speaker 1 I don't get it.

Speaker 1 Bangers interrupt this conversation. It's an Orion Interceptor, a couple of them actually.
And on the bridge, they have told Enterprise that that they want their property back. Yeah.
Very cranky.

Speaker 1 Do you think Reed can fight off two of them? Doesn't seem that way because everyone drops out of warp. Yeah.
But then who should come to their rescue but a Klingon bird of prey?

Speaker 1 They blow up one of the Orions and the other one bugs out

Speaker 1 and the Klingons are requesting to dock.

Speaker 1 This seemed momentous. A Klingon ship docked onto the side of Enterprise? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Pretty big moment. This all leads to a conversation that Malik has with Archer and Reed in the clarinet rental room.
He knows that Dr. Seung is on board.
That's why they're there. He wants his daddy.

Speaker 1 To Malik,

Speaker 1 Enterprise kind of owes him, right? For saving the entrepreneur's ass against the Orions. Archer does not want to play ball with all of that.
No.

Speaker 1 That doesn't seem to matter to Malik, who grabs him by the neck even after telling him he's about to do it. And that puts Reed and the Mako in the room in a pretty uncomfortable position, right?

Speaker 1 The idea of going through everything they've just gone through and then somebody Magrubering your captain right in front of you for Reed specifically.

Speaker 1 Well, to some people, this is a Magrubering. To others, this is a Brad Wesley-ing.

Speaker 1 But we're talking about the same thing. Much in like world religions are often talking about the same entity.
Right.

Speaker 1 Like, there's almost an etymology to it like they all have a common ancestor sure yeah pursus and her gang are gonna go invade the ship they they get the uh the door down in between the two ships and pretty quickly take care of the makos that have been stationed there to try and repel any such attack I guess you could say Persis is quite the persistent one.

Speaker 1 I like that she can just like push the door open. She's so augmenti strong.
I thought this was a really sophisticated plan.

Speaker 1 Like between the human shield and the boarding of the ship by the others and the way that they meet together at the dock at the end. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Archer just gets fucking thrown across the room once they're done with him. And after Dr.
Sung sees this, he's like, hey, we don't want to fight you guys anymore. We just want to go free.

Speaker 1 Like, let me go on to mess around with this baby batter.

Speaker 1 You go off and do your exploratory missions. You don't need to start shit with us.

Speaker 1 I mean, it seems like you're going to have your hands full with the Klingons who appear pissed enough to start a war with you. Not my problem.

Speaker 1 That's a YP. Yeah.
Practice your Klingon later. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And on the bridge of the Bird of Prey, Dr. Tsung makes a toast to his crew where he makes it clear that they are going to have thousands of brothers and sisters.
Very, very soon.

Speaker 1 And they're like, who's going to take care of them? Is that going to be you? Or like, what are we talking about here? Because I'm like, I'm really hot and I'm in my 20s.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't really want to be tied down like that right now. That's the thing about being an older sibling.
It's just assumed that I'm going to be the babysitter. I don't want to do that.

Speaker 1 I want to do fun things with my friends.

Speaker 1 Did you like this episode, Ben? I can't pay. Good for late.
Got okay.

Speaker 1 Tempting fate. I thought this was a lot of fun.
Yeah, it felt more sophisticated than season one Enterprise, but also kind of a return to form in some ways. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 I looked ahead at the episode names, and they have a lot of numbers after them. So, I think this is going to be a little bit of an arc.
Oh, interesting.

Speaker 1 But not like a huge one that takes, you know, the whole season or whatever. Yeah.
I think it's a little 3P trilogy. Yeah.
So, yeah. Curious to see how it goes and what happens.

Speaker 1 And I mean, I like the characters a lot.

Speaker 1 Like the augmented augments is

Speaker 1 maybe a little two Star Trek Enterprise. Like maybe just leave them at augmented.
Sure.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I enjoyed it. How about you? I mean, I love a jailbreak that's central to an episode.
And I feel like in this episode, you get two. You get the jailbreak from...

Speaker 1 No, I mean, maybe even three.

Speaker 1 I mean, one of them isn't a jailbreak, but like getting Sung out out of prison the first time to go on this other mission to then jailbreak people who are going to be slaves out of the Orion auction, and then the third jailbreak of Seung off of the Enterprise Brig.

Speaker 1 I just love this stuff. You can't have too many jailbreaks in an episode, and this episode is full of them.
I liked it a lot. Good time.
If you can get over Brent Spiner's inherent loreness,

Speaker 1 anytime he's not playing data,

Speaker 1 I think you're going to do fine with this episode. It was a a lot of fun.
Well, do you want to see if there's anything fun in the Priority One inbox? Hell yeah.

Speaker 3 Priority one message from Starfleet coming in on secured channel.

Speaker 1 Need a supplemental income. Supplemental income.
Supplemental. Supplemental.
Yeah, it's extra. But the interest alone could be enough to buy this ship.

Speaker 1 This is a promotional Priority One message, Adam. Goes like this.
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Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 We gotta check this out. I'm always in the market for something that makes me feel extremely chill and

Speaker 1 beachy.

Speaker 1 Ben, I've gone to lavaloungehoodies.com as instructed, and I'm taking a look at some of these floral patterns.

Speaker 1 Yeah. These are great.
This is like...

Speaker 1 a Hawaiian shirt in hoodie form.

Speaker 1 It very much is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're very beautiful patterns yeah and done in like an all-over print style and uh they've got crew neck sweatshirts hooded sweatshirts and uh and polo shirts yeah look at that really cool really cool i like it a lot and uh i think uh anybody who who enjoys a tiki hang would find something that they would enjoy at lavaloungehoodies.com Yeah, you know, you can drink a tiki beverage any time of year, but as it gets colder, it's harder to do in a short-sleeved Hawaiian shirt.

Speaker 1 Why don't you get yourself a lava lounge hoodie? That way you're set up all year round. Take care of business.
Pretty great.

Speaker 1 If you'd like to get a priority one message on the show, it is maximumfun.org/slash jumbotron to set one up. Hey, Ben.

Speaker 1 What's that, Adam? Did you find yourself a drunk Shimoda? Incredible. Drunk Shimoda.
Oh, man, I'm going to give it to the big show.

Speaker 1 Just like the belly laugh I got from the shot of him holding up Joleden Blaylock like a doll. He is so much bigger than her.
It is just unbelievable that they're like the same species.

Speaker 1 And I thought that that was like one of the things that was really great about this episode is all of these Orion dudes are fucking huge and really dwarf the other actors, you know, and other like humanoid species that they're around in a way that like I kind of always wished the Klingons would be cast-like, you know, like just like make them fucking huge and super imposing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was really fun to see, and just what a performer. What a what a joy to see him in this episode.
Pretty great. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna make mine Trip, who really drops the bag here, I feel like.

Speaker 1 He's been back on Enterprise for a couple of weeks. TePaul shows up after the honeymoon.
Trip does not make any attempt to find out what happens until they're working the same shift.

Speaker 1 And even then, just like in a real fucking beta kind of way, all mealy mouthed around

Speaker 1 like what may have happened during the honeymoon. You love her, Trip.

Speaker 1 Like, you didn't take action during the wedding. And I think we all understand how difficult that could be.
But like,

Speaker 1 if you want to have a relationship with this person of any kind, you need to be brave enough to like greet her when she returns to the ship, ask how she's doing, figure it out all at that point.

Speaker 1 But this this whole idea that she returned to the ship totally unmet by trip, that's hurtful. It really is.
I think you got to do better than that trip. And I'm rooting for you.

Speaker 1 It's just got to be so hard when you're like trying to do some engineering, trying to like put the finishing touches on the captain's fancy new chair. And then

Speaker 1 your crush walks in

Speaker 1 from her honeymoon and every nipple on your forearm goes all erect. You're never going to let that go, are you? She's carrying a blown-out box to the bridge.
Where'd she get that?

Speaker 1 You have an idea. Yeah.
You don't want it to be true. I hope that symbolism isn't literal.

Speaker 1 Faith of the fart. And we got to talk about what we're doing on the next episode of the show.
Of course, we'll be watching season 4, episode 5, Cold Station 12.

Speaker 1 Eric Tsung leads his band of augments to a medical facility where hundreds of genetically enhanced embryos are still stored, intending to retrieve them and bring them to life.

Speaker 1 To find out how we will be reviewing this episode, I am going to goch.biz slash game, where we keep the game of buttholes, the Will of the Riker, quantum leap. Currently, our runabout is on square 35

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 could go anywhere. But, you know, you remember it's right next to that eyes uncovered square.
So if I roll a one, it's that. You're required to learn as you play.
Roll.

Speaker 1 whatever happens i won't blame you i'm blaming the 100 sided die fair enough

Speaker 1 whoo

Speaker 1 narrowly missed a looking at each other during adam now can't have that jumped us right over it we're on square 67. hmm

Speaker 1 did i win hardly about that that looks like a regular old episode to me that's a regular old episode for next week all right i am sure looking forward to it.

Speaker 1 Before we go, we got some people to thank, Adam. Who? The friends of DeSoto who support the show at maximumfund.org slash join.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Those people are great. Got to express our appreciation for Wendy Pretty, our producer and editor, who keeps all the plates spinning around here, gets the show out on time and under budget every week.

Speaker 1 Got to thank Rob Adler, our social media director and the editor of the greatest newsletter available at GravesGen.com.

Speaker 1 and Bill Tilley our peacetime concigliary making hilarious trading cards that you can catch on the at greatest track social media accounts he's also started to supplement with cards for our TOS coverage which he's just doubled up the work you know all of his own accord and those TOS trading cards that he's making are fucking fantastic these are the cards Bill Tilley was born to create you're talking about the TOS episodes we're doing on our hit new Star Trek podcast that's currently about old Star Trek.

Speaker 1 That show being greatest trek. That's the one.
You don't want to sleep on that. We're having a great time over there on that feed.
Sure. Covering the original series of Star Trek.

Speaker 1 The music for that show and the music for this show were created by Adam Ragusia, with whom we make the Wholesome podcast. Check it out on Patreon.
It's a patrons-only show.

Speaker 1 You know, feels like hanging out in the green room with us. Like, a new topic each week, but it's the three of us being a little bit more vulnerable behind the paywall than we might be in public.
And

Speaker 1 it's a really good show.

Speaker 1 Also got to thank Dark Materia for the original Picard song, and with that, we will be back at you next time with another great episode of Star Trek Enterprise and an episode of The Greatest Generation Enterprise where

Speaker 1 we're thawing out some embryos too, man.

Speaker 1 I don't know what that means. You gotta keep them frozen until they're ready to use.
Yeah. You can't just leave them out on the counter for them to get in the danger zone.

Speaker 1 They cool a drink off nice, though.

Speaker 1 Gross.

Speaker 1 That's why Ben's freezer privileges have been revoked.

Speaker 1 Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.