#2309 - Joey Diaz

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! Let's fucking go! Let's go! Joey Diaz, ladies and gentlemen.
What's up, beautiful? It's good to see you, my brother. Good to see you.
That was great. The club was fucking rare for him last night.
Oh, last night was packed. It's been packed all week.
It's been really fun. A lot of fun shows, you know.
Shane was there last night or the night before last. You know, you're there tonight.
It's been amazing. Holtzman is on fire.
He's crazy. Holtzman's on fire.
Last night he was on a fire. He is fucking.
Me and Adam Egott were howling. We were watching him from the balcony and howling.
It's such a good community, Joey. It's so nice out here.
I bumped into Duncan for breakfast. He's the best.
We just looked at each other. He's like, what are you doing here? And we sat down.
Me and Duncan are going to corner you and try to get you to move here. No, we're going to figure it out.
Yeah, you belong here. Every time I come down here, I see something else that...
Like, I had a great time last night. Joe Joe DeRose is here now too.
That's what I heard. Yeah, he just moved here.
Is he going to bring the sandwich shop down there? Yes, he is. We're going to open up a sandwich shop out here.
He is, brother. That's a good fucking idea.
I say we because I'm going to be eating here. Yeah, he makes good sandwiches.
He makes a very good sandwich. Very good sandwich.
Yeah. He brought a bunch of them.
Was it Moon Tower last year that he brought them? It might have been. It was Moon Tower or South by Southwest.
One of the two last year. He brought like a ton of sandwiches.
He had a pop-up. So his restaurant did a pop-up somewhere in Austin.
I was like, bro, you got to open this up here. You'd be killing it.
Especially if it's you and people know it's your business. Because I've heard this.
Somebody else was telling me about the sandwiches. Very legit.
I got to go up there. Very legit.
I just don't even know where it is. I don't know if it's in Brooklyn.
Bro, I want to kidnap my man Giovanni in White Plains. Bring him out here.
He can't survive outside of Italian neighborhoods, though. That guy's the most Italian guy that's ever lived.
And, you know, they get their stuff up there. Yeah, they get everything.
And it's all coming in right from Italy, you know, because a lot of it's imported.

They use a lot of imported stuff, imported mortadella, imported peppers, all that stuff that they have. You know, sun-dried peppers, sun-dried tomatoes.
They import all that shit. They got to get that shit.
Because if it goes there, then it's got to ship from the boat all the way to Texas. It's a little bit of a pain in the ass.
Remember fucking Greasy Tony? He used to drive once a month to New Jersey and get co-cuts and fucking chicken cutlets. Poor Greasy Tony.
We used to visit him every time we went to Tempe. He was our guy.
Remember you said not to drink his Mountain Dew because he made it himself. He was up for two days.
That was the strongest mountain fucking dew you could ever taste in your life.

You up for like a day.

Greasy Tony was such a character.

He was such a character.

He became our friend. Yeah, he was a good dude.

When we first started going there, we were visiting for like 10 fucking years.

Every time we would do shows in town,

we'd go visit Greasy Tony. He had a

$20 chicken cutlet sandwich.

Phenomenal. 15 years ago.

Which weighed.

I was 400 pounds.

That would be great. Go visit Greasy Tony.
He had a $20 chicken cutlet sandwich. Phenomenal.
15 years ago, which weighed. I was 400 pounds, and I would bring it home and try to finish it.
Do you remember that steak sub that he would make? What did he call it, trash can? Yes, that's right, the trash can. The trash can.
It was crazy. Peppers and onions and cheese and fucking everything was in that thing.
It was crazy. And you know what Drew was like? It was that thick.
When I drove in yesterday, I'm like, this is how things change. I mean, we've been coming here since 95.
I know I have. Right? Yeah, I think 99 was my first time here.
I would do Houston and drive down here and do the lobby in the fucking Cap City when they had stand up in the lobby. I still remember that.
Driving to fucking Houston down here, not having any money, having to drive back because we couldn't get a hotel room. Drive back to Houston at the end of the night.
And I was looking at this yesterday. When I landed, it was 4 o'clock traffic.
And I'm like, my God, this is how. We're watching how past civilizations just changed.
Yes. Something happened here and everybody moved here.
Yep. And I'm not talking about four or five people.
Everybody. Yeah.
And that's how civilizations change. We just witnessed it after the pandemic.
It's been fucking surreal. Yeah.
It has been surreal. Surreal.
Surreal. To see things change.
Yeah. You know know what it's also There's places that sort of rest on their laurels too much And whenever that happens It's easy for another place to rise up that offer something more interesting So like Los Angeles was always Los Angeles and like when Gavin Newsom talks about California It's like, you know, I'm very big on California very bullish on California California is all this industry.
Hey fuck oh, they're all thinking about moving The only reason why they don't move is because it's too difficult to move if it was like every business could instantly pull up roots and Replace everything and have everything running in a week at the other place. They'd all be gone.
They'd all be gone. It's too expensive.
It's too expensive to leave versus what you would save and the regulations that you wouldn't have to go through and all the bullshit with all the permits. What California does is overregulate everything.
They get as much government involved as possible. They suck as much tax money out of you as possible.
And then they still leave the place of mass. They still have homeless people everywhere.
It's still a fucking disaster. It's still a woke shit show of virtue signaling at every level of the government.
Still. Like no course correction at all going further and further into la la land and you're like jesus christ you guys and so then a place like austin becomes attractive you know because like it's not like that here and people are very reasonable and austin the best thing about austin is it's a blue city in a red state so it's like balanced like this is a saying they have out here keep austin weird and surrounded so austin is surrounded by rednecks with guns and like it keeps the tone more medium like the austin liberals they're much more just left of center people like we are.
You know what I mean? Like in some parts of the country, we're considered like far right. You and I, far right.
It's crazy. It's fucking ridiculous.
But it's because everybody went nuts and everyone demanded a whole series of things that you have to agree to in order to be a good person. Fuck off.
You know what the real problem is out there? Let me tell you what the real problem is. I didn't realize it until I fucking left.
What? That everybody's too busy tapping themselves on the back. There's a lot of that.
When the fires happen, those three women or whatever the fuck, the chief and whatever, I'm looking at them and I'm like, look at them. They all got gel in their hair.

They all got a tattoo on their neck.

God forbid. God forbid they can't be cool for just one fucking minute.

God forbid.

And that's the problem you have out there.

It's too many people. I'm so great.

This is my idea and it's great.

And it's going to work. It's not working.

You're right. But you're too stupid.

I say, you know what? This ain't working. Their egos are so big, they don't have the heart to go, this ain't working.
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You're absolutely right. But I don't think it's entirely their fault.
It is their fault. But the culture rewards that kind of behavior.
This is the problem with having protected classes of people, whether it's gay, lesbian, whatever it is, whether it's your nationality. If you have a protected class of people where you're not allowed to criticize the protected class of people, then they become, you know, Vivek Ramaswamy talked about this in a very interesting way.
He was like, it's the tyranny of the underprivileged. Or did somebody call it the tyranny of the marginalized or something along those lines? But the idea is that this group of people, whether they're trans people or gay people, they get above everything.
Everything you do is amazing. Oh, my God, you're so fabulous.
Because no one wants to be thought of as homophobic or transphobic. So you pretend that everything they do is incredible.
And so you're going to be the best firefighter ever. Like, can you carry a burning man out of a building? Girl, you don't have have to if he was in that building he he shouldn't have been in that building in the first place if i have to carry him out we got other problems that a literal firefighter said that in response to could she carry her husband out of the building like no you no you can't and so you shouldn't be a firefighter just like you shouldn't be a bouncer if you can't fight you shouldn't be a firefighter you shouldn't be a firefighter if you can't carry someone out of a bill if you can't run up a flight of stairs because you're 260 pounds and five foot seven and a woman no no you shouldn't be a firefighter you should have to be in like really good shape to be now if you're some fucking crossfit's game lady who's some beast i'm like yeah that lady could firefighter.
Yeah. But it's like even guys.
Like if you're a guy and you're fucking scrawny and you never work out and all you do is smoke cigarettes, maybe you shouldn't be a firefighter. You know, maybe you can't get up that fucking flight of stairs either.
It should be like it's a physical job where you're rescuing people. You have to be able to physically carry people.
You have to rescue them. Firefighters, when I was a kid, were the fucking big, brutal men.
Beast. Kicking down doors.
Big fucking houses. They looked like former football players.
There was this guy I used to play pool with, Ray the Fireman. Because everybody in the pool hall, I was Joe the Comedian.
Everybody had a nickname based on what you did. Ray the Fireman was a fucking house.
He was just a big fucking, like, big Irish guy. You know? Like, of course he's a fireman.
Look at him. That guy's going to kick down a door, carry your fucking husband, throw him over his shoulder, run through the flames, throw him on the lawn.
He does it all the time. He's an animal.
Like Vito's Lover in The Sopranos. Remember he was a fireman? Oh, yeah, that's right.
Remember he was a fireman, the gay dude? I forgot about that scene. Then he killed himself in real life.
Yeah. Oh, did he really? After that show? Yeah.
Because they thought he was gay? I don't know. I read something.
Oh, I hope it wasn't that. I hope they didn't taunt him for being gay.
Can you imagine? You get your shot. Hey, Joey, I got good news and bad news.
Good news is you're going to be on The Sopranos. Bad news is you got to fuck a guy.
And you got to swap spit with him. Yeah, swap spit on camera.
Yeah. But you're on The Sopranos.
What are you going to do? Depends on what you want to do. If you're a regular guy and that's your first acting gig, I suggest you pass.
I suggest you pass. I couldn't swap spit with him.
You have to be like a Jared Leto type dude to pull that off.

Died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound December 16, 2008 at the age of 47.

And he was a firefighter, a former firefighter.

Who knows?

I mean, when did he die?

How long after the show? Go pull it back up again? Because it just said. So he died in 2008.
So the show was running in 2008. Right? Yep.
Was Soprano still on in 2008? No. No, it was off by then? 2007, I think.
No, 2009 maybe? I don't know. Let let's find that out and then we'll have an answer but I would imagine if you're a guy an Italian guy or whatever and you go back to the neighborhood and you've been playing June 10th 2007 so right after right after the entity wax himself That's so unfortunate There's another beautiful thing about the comedy community like nobody gives a fuck if you're gay nobody like tim dylan tim dylan just he's just one of us it's just we're all like the lesbians that come there and hang out they're just one of us no one gives a flying fuck it's just if you're not funny nobody to hang out with you.
If you're not funny, get out of the green room. You know what I mean? But if you're funny, who cares? No one cares.
Do you remember the kid from Houston? Which one? The guy that used to always wear football shirts? Yes. Did he die? He passed away.
That was my brother. What was his name? God damn it.
I loved him. I loved him.
It's fucking escaping my mind. With the little hat on.
You're going to remember his name. And he'd come up to you and give you a hug all the time.
I haven't seen him in so long. When did he die? I don't know.
Maybe 10 years ago. Did he talk about being gay on stage? No, but he told me he was gay all the time.
Oh, yeah. Well, he was gay as fuck.
He would go to those army things just to fuck men. Well, he just looked like a football player.
Yes. Like a big former.
He looked like a Shane Gillis type dude. Yeah.
Like a big former football player, but he was gay. He was gay.
He always wore football jerseys. Always football jerseys.
That's how we trick them. Sweetheart of a guy.
But again, same situation, Joey. That guy was one of us.
He just hung out with us. No, I loved him to death.
He just hung out with us. I loved that dude to death.
It didn't even matter to me that he was. Listen, that's never mattered to me.
You got to remember, I was a Judas Priest fan in high school. That dude's just gay as hell.
First time I saw him. Nobody knew.
Isn't that funny? I fucking knew. In 79.
Nobody comes out with a little hat with a whip. Right.
You know, I saw him at the Palladium. You got another thing coming.
Oh, my God. Did you ever read? You just have to try to read his book.
Really? Jimmy Florentine gave it to me. You have to try to read it.
Is it crazy? I'll just tell you one story. There was a guy in Chicago, like a stylist.
They used to tell him he wanted dick. Always bust.
You know those people, those women? Come on, Joe. Come on.
You know? And you're like, come on. It's never going to happen.
And he said, finally, he got pissed off one day. And he took the guy up on his office.

He goes, I fucked him so hard, I blew out with his O-ring.

I had to go to the hospital.

I'm reading this going, this is my type of fucking guy.

I love this fucking guy.

Well, you got to think what Rob Halford did.

When he was at the head of Judas Priest,

he got all these straight guys to dress like they're in a gay biker gang

because they wanted to be cool like Judas Priest. he changed the style of a kind of music he really did i loved them how many straight guys dressed like gay bikers not even knowing what they were doing they just thought you know this is how you dress for this kind of music but it was because of rob alford fucking rob and he still out.
You know, I had him on a show once.

There he is, that bad motherfucker.

You've got another thing coming.

I had a buddy of mine in high school who loved that song.

And he used, like, a quote of it in his yearbook.

And I always remember thinking, wow, that's the coolest quote.

Like, if you think you're going to sit around and let you chip in my brain,

listen, I ain't fooling you. You better think again.
Out there is a fortune waiting to be had. You think I let it go, you're mad.
You got another thing coming. Fucking great album, great shit.
That kid never did anything, though. No.
He never left the town. No.
He fell apart after high school. And here's the weirdest thing about Judas Priest.
What? His writing. That's what I fucking died about, his writing.

Because he would write, and you're thinking he's writing about a woman.

He's writing about assholes.

He's writing about a man.

And he has a song called Burning Up that is so fucking over the top.

I know you feel the same.

I know you feel the flame burning deep inside of you. Burning you up.
It's called glimidia. Breaking you down.
Breaking you out in a cold sweat. But when you lose control of your very soul, your desire takes over.
You'll feel the heat wave. You'll answer my way.
And suddenly you know that you're burning up. That is a month when I heard that my let me hear that Jamie We'll have to edit this out of the YouTube for the folks at home.
Please seek it online. Here we go Listen to the way it starts It's like a satellite

This is back before satellites

Like before we had modems

This is 1980 This is on a hell-bent-for-leather tour you could let songs cook back then you know like time pink floyd time oh baby

guess what just got added to the Spotify playlist? To make love That time is right We've got to make love tonight Cause we're burning up You make me greedy You won't feed me my food But I'll make it easy because I see straight through you.

You come on and hop me up.

There you go.

It's not a riot.

Hot, hot gay love.

Coming at you.

So when I read those lyrics, I'm like, that's the most brilliant fucking thing.

That's the darkest thing about gay people today is that some of them are in the closet.

Other than homophobia.

is that so other than

there's a

Thank you. You know, it's all around this.
If you're still hating, you got a fucking problem. There's guys that have been molested when they were young.
They get angry at gay people.

Not that it makes sense.

I'm not justifying it.

But I've met guys that had problems with gay people.

They were very scared around gay people.

But it was because they got molested by a pedophile.

Right.

Pedophile and being gay is two different fucking things.

Big difference.

So I'm just saying there are people, and there's very religious people that don't like gay people. But most normal people don't give a fuck.
Most normal people don't give a fuck. And they shouldn't.
It's stupid. It's a dumb thing to think about.
Like, I don't. It's just like, if you're not having sex with me, what do I care? Like, who cares? This episode is brought to you by The Farmer's Dog.
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Now, the way I grew up, you know, the Cuban men's side of me was supposed to. Right.
The pre-revolution Cuban. Right.
Italians, too. Catholics.
They wouldn't go in the room if there's a gay man in the room. I always thought that was the fuck.
You can't be in. I won't go in there.
Why? Because you're a machismo type of dude. But my mother was the one that goes, no, they're fucking.
And then we had a gay guy in our neighborhood. I told you about this guy.
He worked with my mother. He was a designer in Broadway for some plays.
He would design the cowpits. But at night, he sold coke.
This is like 1975. And he would come to the bar, and I knew he was gay.
His name was Matin. And we called him Matin and Maricón, because that's what that means in Spanish.
Maricón means fag in Spanish. So that was his open name in a Cuban community.
But one day, he came into my mother's bar, and there was two bookies. I was like a kid.
I was playing that shuffleboard. Remember when you played Sawdust and you sprayed it? I'm playing the shuffleboard and he was right there.
And the two bookies were in the corner. And the one guy goes, look who it is, my thingamari gong.
And this motherfucker pulled out a .32. Oh, Jesus.
And he goes, listen, I'm going to tell the both of yous that unless you suck my dick or I fuck you in the ass, you don't have the right to call me Martin the Fag.

So say it again, I'm going to shoot both of you.

And my mom is yelling at him, Martin, Martin, Coco's behind you.

If they start shooting at each other, I'm right here.

I lift my head up.

I'm like, oh, and Martin's like, and all of a sudden Martin left.

So the next day, I guess he called my mother to apologize.

And Martin, my mother made Martin come and apologized to me.

And when he opened the door and he was like, I'm very sorry about pulling out the gun, I go, fuck that. You're my new Charles Bronson.
I gave him a fucking hug and he became my best friend after that. And I respected him because he was going through hate.
Yeah, really hate. In the mid-70s, he would come back once a week with a black eye or a busted lip.
He went to a bar in the village and there'd be guys waiting for him on the way out and I always respected that dude like always respected him for that the problem with bullies and bigots and all people that attack people like that is all this is the same problem in all walks of society it's weak men it's almost always just weak men weak stupid men that want to find someone to pick on want to find someone that's not bothering them at all and fuck with them because they're weak that's all it is that's all it is it's all but that's all it is that the woke people that scream at you and want you to do what they want the people that want to like spray paint swastikas on teslas it's the same thing it's weak men weak men, a bunch of crazy women.

And they're all together in this big pile of suck that's connected to a political ideology.

But most people, you know, you shouldn't care.

And if you do care, you just weren't around.

I was around gay people when I was really young, fortunately.

I lived in San Francisco when I was seven years old.

And we were in the middle of gay land. I mean, it was San Francisco in the 70s, dude.

It was gay as fuck.

During the Vietnam War in San Francisco.

I remember I'd be walking down the street with my stepdad once and a guy whistled at him.

I was like, oh shit, I got uncomfortable.

Like he didn't freak out.

He's just like shook his head, shook his head like, what the fuck?

When they whistled.

With a little kid.

And he's walking with a seven year old.

And this guy whistled him down. That guy didn't give a fuck about kids He's not making any he doesn't care So we had these next-door neighbors who these gate this gay couple and my aunt used to smoke weed with them And they'd get naked and play bongos And she loved the fact that she could get naked with these guys because they didn't try to fuck her So they all just get naked together and smoke weed and play bongos it was hilarious they were really nice people so like my experience with gay people was just like they're everywhere it's normal so when i moved to florida i had a friend my friend was cuban his name was candy his last name was candido we called him candy and uh candy was with his dad and his dad throws the newspaper down on the fucking table god damn it And he's like whoa what's going on? It's like fucking fags are trying to marry each other And I remember I was 11 years old and I was like why do you care? Like he was getting through the newspaper at the table because of gay marriage like why do you care? Like what a fool you're a grown-ass man, and you care about that like who cares if they get married yeah I know he was cute but he was mad bro but fucking oh yeah oh yeah they want to try to get married because you know they've been fucking with gays with marriage forever it's so wrong man it's so wrong there's nothing listen I see it and it doesn't bother me at all.
It's just like everything else. It doesn't bother me at all.

It's just, there's a certain percentage of society

that are just born gay.

And there's plenty of them to hang

out with each other and they should be

your friends. Scott! Yes, Scott!

No! The football player. Oh,

yes. Scott.
That's his

first name. Now we gotta work on his last name.

God damn it. Scott!

Yeah, I need to call somebody. Otherwise this is, do you got Matty Kirsch's number? We should call Matty Kirsch.
He wouldn't know. No.
That's gonna drive me nuts. Somebody from Houston would know.
Cause I don't wanna call somebody online and have to describe him. And then people go, oh you described Scott.
Well, what I was thinking you were saying was Jeff Scott. Jeff Scott from the Comedy Store is another example of a gay guy who was our brother.
Brother. He was our brother.
That guy. Kennedy, Scott.
Well, what I was thinking you were saying was Jeff Scott. Jeff Scott from the comedy store is another example of a gay guy who was our brother.
Brother. He was our brother.
That guy. That's it.
Scott Kennedy. Scott Kennedy.
Look at him with his New Orleans shirt on. Scott Kennedy was awesome.
Awesome. Sorry I forgot his name, but he's not around to be embarrassed.
How did he die? I don't know. Look at him with Craig Ferguson.
He always had football jerseys on. Always.
I mean, that guy did not look gay. He looked like a big old football player.
You could see him in the backyard smoking a whole hog with a bunch of boys drinking Bud Lights. But here's the problem.
Here's what I felt from Scott. Because I met him in Houston, and then we connected in L.A.
in 2000. When he hugged me, I didn't feel threatened.
No, not at all. When Jeff Scott hugged me.
Never. I never felt threatened.
No, no, no, no, no, no. I have to.
Eric wrote you when he hugged me I didn't feel threatened no not at all when Jeff Scott hugged me I never felt threatened Eric Rocha when he hugs me the kid at the comedy store I hug him with all my fucking heart and I don't even feel that type of shit I never felt that I've only felt that once ever from one comedian and it was at the Montreal Comedy Festival and he was drunk and he wouldn't stop he kept touching me too kept touching me and tell me Wanted me to take me upstairs Yeah, that was very unfortunate Because he was just drunk and I don't even think he thought I was gay and I don't even think he thought I would do it I think he was just trying to make me uncomfortable You know, but he was definitely like last call for alcohol like hitting on people and he was hammered But I was thinking like imagine being a girl and this is happening We fear feel like because I threatened him I said dude, I'm gonna stomp a fucking hole in your chest if you keep doing this leave me alone And that was enough But if you're a girl, you can't say that if you're a girl you got to go Seriously, leave me alone. You got to find authorities you got to go to the fucking go to the front desk go to the bar like the the check out people and say can you guys call the police please this guy i don't know i don't want to walk to my car can someone walk me to my car you got to be worried about that that sucks but that's rare with guys that's that's not happened to me once in 57 years where a guy uncomfortably hit on me and wouldn't stop one other time at the store but that wasn't as Blake it was just he kept touching me like stop fucking touching me you know there's there's gay guys that like push those limits like if you were a girl and a guy kept putting his hand on your leg you'd be be like, hey, stop doing that.
Like, why do you keep grabbing me? Why do you keep touching my body? Why do you keep touching my legs? Stop. That's fucking weird.
You're crossing lines. And I don't know what other lines you're thinking about crossing.
So let's stop this. But that's not most gay people.
you know I have these uh friends that i live next to in california they're gay and they're super republican now it's hilarious i follow them on facebook they're fucking super republican now they're they're all in against the dems how they've ruined california because these guys are they're gay couple. They're married, they got a kid, and they're just like, enough of this.
The world is changing, brother. Yeah.
It's changing a lot. That's a good thing that the world is changing.
Do you know the guy who invented the Turing test? Do you know what the Turing test is? His name is Alan Turing. And he's a scientist.
He invented a test that they say AI has passed. And this test is where you can talk to a computer and not be able to tell that it's a computer.
That it behaves like a human. It thinks like a human.
It communicates like a a human where it's indiscernible. That's the Turing test

AI has recently passed the Turing test Well, this guy There's this he was in England when this happened right Jamie where they they forced him to take medication He got arrested for being gay in like the 1950s and they forced him to take medication that made him sterile made him impotent so he couldn't have sex.

They forced him to take hormone that made him sterile, made him impotent. So he couldn't have sex.

They forced him to take hormone blockers that they give to sex offenders.

You know, chemical castration, when they do that to sex offenders.

And then he killed himself.

The guy who invented the method of determining whether or not AI has become sentient gets

murdered by dumb apes who don't like that he's gay. How crazy is that? I'm not fucking that story up, right? I'm pretty sure that's the story blockers to sexual offenders.
When do they give you that? Well, they don't always do it You know, but it's called chemical castration and by the way It's same chemicals, the same drugs that they use on kids when they give them hormone blockers. So when you talk to it, they're talking about a child getting puberty blockers, you know, oh, it's totally reversible.
The fuck it is. The fuck it is.
That's the same shit. It's chemical castration.
It's not reversible. That child is never going to fully develop.
If they get on hormone blockers, then when they're 18, they go, you know what? I think I actually am a man. Too late.
Too late. Because from 13 to 15, you suppressed your testosterone.
Okay, here it is. Turing was later convicted by the advice of his brother and his own solicitor, and he entered a plea of guilty.
In the case, Regina v. Turing and Murray was brought to trial on the 31st of March, 1952.
Turing was convicted and given a choice between imprisonment and probation. His probation would be conditional on his agreement to undergo hormonal physical changes designed to reduce libido, known as chemical castration.
He accepted the option of injections of what was then called still both straw now known as dive full dive full still bestrawl or des a synthetic estrogen his feminization of his body was continued for the course of one year the treatment rendered Turing impotent and caused breast tissue to form in a letter Turing wrote that no doubt I shall emerge from it all a different man, but quite who I've not found out Murray was given a conditional just discharge. So Murray must have been the guy who was having sex with that's so crazy man Arrested for being gay 1954 at his house house.
Turingkeeper found him dead postmortems held that evening determined that he had died from previous day at age 41 with cyanide poison cited as the cause of death He had an apple lay Half-eaten beside his bed. All the apples not tested for cyanide was speculated This was the means in which Turing had consumed a fatal dose.
So he fucking killed himself because they chemically castrated him You know founder of computer science and crypto Cryptographer whose work was key to breaking the wartime enigma codes So this guy like helped the British crack codes. And what'd they do? They injected him with poison so that his dick wouldn't work.
So he couldn't fuck guys anymore, which is what he wanted. He was, imagine if they were, everyone was gay, everyone, and you were straight and you're like, I don't want any dick.
This is crazy. Like guys keep trying to offer your dick.
Like, no Is there anything else? And then you meet girls like oh look, they're so soft and so pretty That's what I like. I like girls and like no you don't know you're gonna take this gay drug Until you get that out of your system or we're gonna chemically castrate you you can't be having sex with girls But uh, but they're so pretty they're so lovely to be around i'm so attracted

to them no no no no only guys that's crazy that's how stupid these people especially like when you get to like serious fundamentalist rigid religions which want to throw them off roofs this part of the middle east they throw them off the roof round up all the gay guys throw them off the roof

and everybody will everybody watches and cheers. Yay.
Crazy. Like I said, it's a different world out there, my friend.
It is a different world out there, but it's the world out there that could be just like the world here. It could go this way here.
That's what people don't just how Los Angeles fell apart the United States could fall apart, too

You know like look at Iran. We were looking at Iran the other day and photographs in the 1970s girls had miniskirts

They all look really hot the guys had no shirts on six packs walking down the street. Everyone's smiling looks like Europe

It looks like you're in Italy and now it's a

religious

Run country it's run by a dictatorship. Like you, you criticize the government, they execute you.
They executed an Olympic gold medalist in wrestling. Yeah.
The UFC even tried to get them to stop. They plead, they pleaded to try to get them to stop.
They try to get Trump to get them to, or was it during the Biden administration, the Trump administration? I don't remember but they tried to get the

president to somehow or another

talk to Iran and not kill this guy.

They killed him because he spoke against the government?

Allegedly. But you don't even

have to really have spoken against the government.

That's what's so scary.

You just have to be accused of speaking against

the government. I mean to this day and age

like a friend of mine's Twitter account got hacked and and he got phished they sent him an email and he didn't you know he's not that sophisticated with that stuff and so he got phished and then i heard he got phished so um i go to my um twitter just because i never check my dms but i did it just because i knew he got phished and I went into my DM, and it was him asking me for my email address after he got phished. So I was like, this motherfucker.
He's trying to get me now. So someone could easily get your account and then, or use, you know, some sort of code cracker or figure out your code, then start posting stuff for you against the government, especially if you're in Iran.an like they probably already have all your passcodes for everything over there they've probably been like spying on everybody's computer from the jump they probably just go to the database what's joey diaz's facebook password okay post a bunch of shit there about these government the people in government should all be lined up and shot they they all suck dicks secretly're all eating babies.
Just make them say something like that. And then let's go round them up.
And then if you don't have any due process, that's the kind of shit that dictators do. They just round you up.
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We mean, we were talking about this the other day about Ukraine and Russia.

He's like, you know, there's people in Russia that are just in Russia because they tweeted against the government.

And you know what they do with those people?

They put them in prison.

And you know what happens when the war breaks out?

They give them the option.

Like, you could either be in jail forever or you can go fight in the war.

And so they go to the front line and they get killed by American weapons.

Guys who are tweeting against Putin. It's like you can use it to get rid of his political enemies.
Crazy. And this is all while you and I, at the same time, hanging out in Boston, or hanging out in Austin, rather, eating barbecue, you know? Like, it could go that way here, too.
Just like it went that way in Iran, it could go that way in the United States. Just like L.A.
fell apart. L.A.
20 years ago was amazing. Amazing.
Do you remember L.A. in 2005? We were having the time of our lives.
96, 97. Oh, my God.
We were having the time of our lives. The restaurants were great.
There was music playing everywhere. It was fun.
There was a lot of great comedy. We had a good group of guys we're all hanging out with.
L.A. was great.
Yeah, there was still some traffic, but, you know, the weather was great. People were generally pretty nice, a lot nicer than they were on the East Coast.
It's not even the same place anymore. And that can happen anywhere.
That can happen in the United States. If something terrible happens in the United States, new laws get passed, new restrictions, that can happen anywhere.

That's why I talk about it so much.

People are like, why do you obsess about it so much?

Because you need to be paying attention.

Because when it's too late, when they've already got complete control of what you can say on social media, and they got you locked down, you're in trouble.

You're in trouble.

Because so many other things are coming that they're aware of and the big one is automation Joey when automation comes and this is what um Andrew yang was kind of running on when he was running for president and I had him in and it was a very interesting conversation Because it was something that I hadn't considered That all these jobs are gone Do you know there's parts of the world like there's ports in China now where it's a hundred percent controlled by robots there's a few people that run around do maintenance and stuff but everything screens everything is super efficient these robots pick up the packages they make an inventory of everything's in there everything gets logged into the computer computer. They put it into these trucks.
And before you know it, they're going to have electric trucks that drive themselves. That's why the strike happened in Jersey all over with the Teamsters, with the longshoremen.
Yes. Because they know it.
They don't have much left. They don't have much time left.
They don't have much time left. It's fucking crazy how industry has just dwindled in this country.
I know. You know.
And Americans really don't see that. See, because everybody's fucking into traveling and being cool.
The gift that I had from doing comedy was I really got to see the country. I really got to see the ins and outs.
And when I was a feature actor, I would ask questions. You know, like when you don't sit in a hotel all day and you just go out and you go to a movie theater and you ask questions and people tell you, oh my God, that's a great restaurant.

Go there.

You know, you look at cities like Cleveland.

Okay.

I don't know if a lot of people know this.

20 years ago with all the jokes and shit, Cleveland had more Puerto Ricans than New

York City.

Really?

Because there was a fucking car plant there.

Oh.

And they were building cars there.

You know, I remember being a fucking kid and going to Detroit for a basketball tournament or something stupid and seeing that city. It was 1976, 77.
That city was fucking booming. Detroit was one of the richest cities in the world.
Booming. It was the murder capital at the time.
Was it still? Even back then? Yeah, yeah. When I met my buddy in the 80s, he was from Detroit.
It was the murder capital. But 75, 76, that city was booming, bro.
Yeah. You know, Buffalo, New York, booming.
Fisher Price, all these other companies left. You know, that's what I saw.
Cleveland, Pittsburgh. Yeah.
Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh Steel. Yep.
I went to Pittsburgh two years ago after shit was closed down, brother. brother.
Yep. You know? Youngstown.
Same thing. Youngstown.
It was downtown Pittsburgh, like just around that area. No, but Youngstown was like that too, right? Was it? Youngstown was a much better environment than it is now.
Yeah. I believe.
Tony told me. Tony's from Youngstown.
They have destroyed those parts of the country. Now, I don't know what happened in Nebraska.

They could have had their own problems in Wyoming.

I just know that little stretch.

Buffalo, Cleveland, you know, fucking Cincinnati.

All those towns that were booming have just disappeared. They got gutted.

All the jobs went overseas.

So if you're going to bring this country back, it's got to start with that.

We got to go back to that, that to make us strong again. And, yeah, we're going to have to fucking sweat it out for 10 months.
But you know what? 10 years ago, I fucking was getting those $100 day movies and I said, I'm not doing them anymore. For a year, I didn't work as an actor.
Then finally, I got a high scale movie because I kept saying no to the low movies. That's how you lift up a little bit.
That's how you bump up by just saying fucking no. We didn't want to do this all of a sudden.
And we need to do this. We need to get this country hopping again.
Hopping. The problem is they gave corporations an opportunity to make more money at the sacrifice of all those jobs in America.
And the problem with corporations is they have an obligation to constantly make more money. And labor.
But no, but that's the way you make more money is by having no labor. No labor.
And not just that, no health insurance. This is, you know, Ron, not Ron Paul.
What's his name? Ross Perot. Ross Perot talked about that.
We were talking about it with Ron White the other day, that he was explaining that if you change these regulations

and make it cheaper and easier for these people to go and make,

he said, you're going to hear a giant sucking sound

as all the businesses go south.

And that's exactly what happened.

That's exactly what happened.

And he called that in the 1990s.

That was my boy.

Yeah, I voted for him.

I love Rose Perot.

Always did.

Always.

That's a real fucking American right there.

He was.

They threatened him, dude.

They threatened his family.

Like, he pulled out of the, he was going to run again.

the did always that's a real fucking american right he was they threatened him dude they they threatened his his family like he pulled out of that he was going to run again a second time and he said he's not going to do it because his family was under threat and that he considered serious yeah he was dangerous because he he could ruin the election like he bush they thought was going to win a second term but ross bro came along and conservative people that didn't really want to believe in the Republican Party anymore like this party is just as full shit as the left they saw this Ross Pro guy and then went oh okay he took a considerable amount of the vote and most of it would be against what Herbert Walker Bush would have got and then Clinton came along and fucking wasn't even supposed to win that year ma' bam now he's in let's go remember they're paying for this with your money yeah i'm paying for this with my money exactly that was his fucking classic shit yeah that was hysterical remember when he had that half hour show on tv where explained how the federal reserve works i don't remember that yeah he took over he bought a half hour of regular primetime TV to explain to people how you're getting fucked. He's explaining all the scams that are being run on you that you don't know about, and this is why I'm running for president.
I'm like, whoa, look at this guy. That guy fucking did something that a lot of people don't know.
And his employees got kidnapped in Iran, and he went in there and took them out, and he hired like a Marlon Brando from Apocalypse Now to train his employees. Really? Yeah, he was a retired colonel, some badass Vietnam.
So was his actual employees that went and got him out? Yeah, that's the story. He trained, he made his employees.
It's a fault. We're a family.
Whoa. We're going on.
And he made a promise to the people's families that he would have them back by Christmas. And he had them back by Christmas.
Wow. And Kissinger kept giving him fucking a hard time.
A bunch of people kept giving him a hard time. He did not give a fuck.
He goes, I'm doing it. I gave those people my word.
His word was word, dog. How much money was he worth? Billions.
Yeah, he was a billionaire. Back then? In the 90s already? I believe so.
How much money was Ross Perot worth? Yeah. Which back then, so 1990 billionaire, it's probably like, it's probably just double the billions, whatever it is.
Probably something like that. Or maybe triple the billions.
Did he get oil money? At the time, 92, he was the 13th wealthiest man in America, net worth around $4 billion. So what is $4 billion from that time worth today? Let's guess.
$3 billion. Let's guess.
$8 billion. $8? Yeah.
I'm going to say $ nine. I might be way off, though.

I'm completely guessing.

Just under seven.

Yeah.

We're both wrong.

Hmm.

That's a lot of money, though.

Still, it's almost double.

Doug, what about the chief of police in my hometown that shit on his desk?

Yeah, why do you do that? I don't know. Was he proving a point? What was up with that? You know, man, I heard he's a good dude, but he's a prankster.
Oh! He's like a prankster type of dude. So he's like Ari Shaffir? Yeah, he sends packages to your house.
He's one of those dudes, you know. And I don't know.
I guarantee it was like a joke and it just blew up. Now it's Nashville.
Now you got nowhere to go. Oh, my God.
Did you see what Ari did once? We shoved a note up his ass and he shit it out on stage and read it. Look at your face.
I don't want nobody to read a note out of their ass. I don't want you shitting in the room with me.
What kind of parasites and bugs? No, he's got hemorrhoids. He's got all sorts of stuff that's flying through the air.
Every breath you breathe is Ari's shit gas flying around. He's a fucking he's so crazy he has not stopped at all it is not ending I'm going to his thing next week he's never growing up he's getting married he's already married he's got a little celebration I'm going to go to this party I don't even know what the fuck it is.
It's going to be a fucking carnival of psychopaths. Dog, I was telling you the other night I got really fucking high.
I got home and I couldn't sleep. And I started watching old fights.
I even watched a Pepino Cuevas fight. Oh, yeah.
That dude was fast. Yeah, he was good.
He was good, and I watched. You ever see him versus Tommy Hearns? No.

See if you can find Pepino Cuevas

versus Tommy Hearns.

I'm 90% sure that's who I'm talking about.

Pepino Cuevas was, I think,

a little thinner of a guy.

Wasn't he at 47?

Maybe I'm wrong.

Thomas Hearns was at 47. Yes.

He started his career at 47 and went all the way up to light heavyweight. Yeah, but Pino Cuevas versus Tommy Hearns, one of the most memorable moments of the early days of Tommy Hearns's, like, when he was, like, at the peak of his powers.
Tommy Hearns was nuking people, man. Just nuking people.
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He had such a reach and such width for 45. He was such a physical freak and he was big but he had i mean long and skinny but crazy power which like generally like thin guys don't have the same kind of power as like the muscular guys but tommy hearns was kind of like deontay wilder he was both thin and muscular at the same time and some you know real skinny legs man but my god the fucking torque that guy had in his punches you gotta think of the leverage cuz his shoulders are so wide so it's when he twists his hips and he's got those long arms coming you with all those fucking back muscles and the core engaged fucking ball ham hey blam when was the last time oh like this in Detroit well Tommy's from no, but I'm saying, they don't even have fights like this in Detroit.
They're so poor now. Was this in Detroit? Yeah.
Oh, wow. Well, that's Tommy's hometown, you know.
He was hunting people. You ever see him knock out Roberto Duran? Oh, I watched it.
That's what I was watching. I watched.
Listen to the triple feature I watched. I watched Duran, Hagler, Hagler, Kearns.

Oh!

Yeah.

Back that up a sec.

Back that up a sec.

Look, he's measuring him with his left.

Watch this.

He's measuring him.

Now watch this.

Boom!

Holy shit.

Oh, my goodness, son.

Holy shit.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness.

That Tommy Hearns

That kind of power was crazy

Yeah you better stop that fight

My goodness

Tommy Hearns

He was a one hitter quitter

He faceplant Roberto Durant

What a crazy fight

The crazy thing about that fight

Is they did not box at all

Thank you. Durant.
Bro, him and Hagler were over. What a crazy fight.
I had to stop and roll it back. Keep rolling it back.
The crazy thing about that fight is they did not box at all. They went to war.
There was no boxing, slipping. There was no fainting.
Marvin Hagler just said, fuck you and ran at him. He just ran at him and just fucking just started smashing.
It was nonstop. Yeah.
It was like a minute and a half. It was non-fucking-stop.
Tommy broke his hand in the first round. So in the first round, when they first come out of the gate.
Yeah, the greatest round of boxing. Look at this shit.
Yep. God, Hagler was good.
He's another one who died right after the vaccine. Look at this.
Right away. Right hook.
To the body. Just charging.
Charging forward. Charging forward.
Fuck this. Fuck this boxing on the outside.
I'm trying to get in there. Boom.
To the body again. Boom.
Right hand. Boom.
Just going to fucking war, dude. Right here.
I mean, high profile, two world champions completely throwing it all out the window. Just wailing on each other.
Holy shit, Joe. Boom, left hand.
Boom, boom. The thing about Hagler was his discipline was fucking supreme, man.

That guy never got out of shape.

He always could break guys, break their will.

Boom, boom, boom.

So by this time, Tommy probably already has a broken hand.

So he broke it on Hagler's head somewhere in the first. So now he's throwing the jab.

So I bet his hand's already broken.

See, it's all left hands now.

He threw that right hand, but he was weak.

You know, he didn't really hurt him with the right hand.

He's like pulling it back as he's throwing it.

See, he's just trying to touch him with that right hand.

That left hand is all he's got left.

His right hand is cooked.

And Hearns

has decided to start moving and boxing

which is not like his style.

See, like even when he's

landing that right hand, he's got no power behind it

now.

And Sugar Ray Leonard is talking shit in the commentary.

Both fighters are unbalanced. Hagler could take a shot, too, better than anybody.
He only has one knockdown accredited to him his entire career, but it wasn't a knockdown. He fought Juan Roldan, and Juan Roldan kind of cuffed him in the back of the neck and pushed him forward, and Hagler fell forward and touched the ground, and the referee mistakenly called it a knockdown.
The only time he's ever been down. Took bombs from the greatest punchers in the division, beat everybody except Sugar Ray, and I think the only reason why he lost to Sugar Ray was I think the fix was in in that fight, son.
I watched that fight many times. Many times.
Yeah, there's something about it. Something about it.
And then Hagler leaves and goes to become a movie star in Italy. Come on.
And his trainers are the Petronelli Brothers in Brockton, Massachusetts. Come on.
Shut the fuck up. You know how much money was on Hagler to win, probably? You know? It was probably some sort of a deal.
Like, look, the odds are very favorable in Hagler's direction, and we can get a bet on Leonard. We can clean up here.
We can get Marvin to just, like, you know, don't put him away. Just touch him a little bit.
Touch him. He never has him hurt.
Never has him hurt in the whole fight. Just, he was so good.
I just, he didn't seem right. It seemed like almost he was like sparring sometimes.
Hard to say, though. Sugar Ray was so good, too.
The guy could come back after all those years off. You know, he had one fight, got dropped, said he was retiring, and then comes back and decides he's going to fight Hagler.
And then he wins.ler's like I'm done I'm done I'm gonna go to Italy and make terrible movies you ever see those Marvin Hagler movies no oh you gotta see some clips no Joey they're the dumbest movies of all time Hagler punches people they go flying through the air no I'm not watching that I love Marvin Hagler too much. No, they're fun.
He was having a good time. Hagler punches people, they go flying through the air.
No, I'm not watching that. I love Marvin Hagler too much.
No, they're fun. Look, he was having a good time.
I bet he was a huge star in Italy. But that's, that to me, it's like everything seems fishy.
The fight seemed fishy to me. The decision seemed fishy to me.
And then Hagler goes off and becomes a movie star and I go, okay. In Italy? How does that happen? How do you get connected? How does that happen? Look how bad this movie is.
Look how bad this movie is. The world has to know what's happening here.
It's the thrill-packed feature action fans are waiting for. I want those Indios.
Marvelous Marvin Hagler returns from the original Indio. Indio 2, the revolt.
The jungle is shrinking. He's here to build a highway to our jungle.
It's eight by the Mayan. And greed is spreading.
You had better start praying to your God that we finish the highway before the rainy season. Here, only one man is mean enough.

I know many of us may die.

But it is better to die than to live like slaves.

Mad enough.

Tell them the days of running and hiding are over.

This is your land.

And tough enough to fight back.

Will you lead us, my friend?

Sometimes.

It's hilarious.

I don't see one Italian. There's not one fucking Italian.
That guy. That guy.
That guy with his mustache. That was Sergio.
I gotta be in this movie. You hit me with a left hand.
Come on. I got one scene.
Hilarious. Wow.
I didn't even know that shit. Yeah.
That guy was my hero when I was a kid. And they didn't even make him like a shaft or anything they made him go into like the fucking I can see if you put him with kind of the black Italian movies it's an Italian movie they made him in Italy there was a lot of movies being made in Italy that's why they call those spaghetti westerns right you know that did you ever hear of those stories like how interesting that is the Sergio Leone movies well I just saw something about it maybe eight months ago.
There's a thing on Channel 11 in Jersey on Saturday. It's called I Am.
And every week they have somebody else on it. And it's brilliant, Joe.
I Am Bruce Lee. I Am This.
I Am That. It's just brilliant.
And they had, what were we just talking about? Marvin Hagler? No. They had an I Am about somebody.
Oh! Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood.
And it was how he would go and shoot the movies and then they would send him the films and he'd have to do ADR in LA. Oh really? Fucking interesting shit.
I didn't know anything about this stuff. So why did he have to do ADR? So ADR? What does that stand for? It's voice work.

What does it stand for, though? Automated dialogue

replacement. Thank you, audio engineer.

When he shot the movies,

he was just talking. So then when he'd

get them, after they'd put them together,

he would lay the American in them.

Oh, I see.

And now he would send them back, and they

would send them back. So when he shot

the movies, he wasn't even speaking? He had to speak over it? Over it or something, yeah. Wow.
Wow. They probably had it dubbed in Italian.
But you got to remember, listen, I'm a big fan of that era of movies. That's my era of movies.
Those people. And Doug, you know what I watched the other night? You haven't seen this movie in 30 fucking years, none of years.
When you put it on, you're gonna shit. One flew over the cuckoo's nest.
I haven't seen that in forever. Dog, they got seven stars in that movie.
Babbitt, Charlie Babbitt, Martini, the guy from Jersey, what's his name, that was in Taxi, the little guy, he's still around. Oh, Danny DeVito's in that? Danny DeVito was in that, dog.
Really?

Fucking the dude with the big head.

Look at the fucking cast on it.

Christopher Lloyd.

Wow.

Bro, look at that.

Will Sampson.

Oh, that's the dude.

That's our boy.

Yeah.

From the Outlaw Josie Wales.

Yeah.

These are my words of life.

Yeah, that's cheap.

And also my words of death.

How the fuck?

He made three movies.

This, Outlaw Josie Wales, and fucking some other movie. He was in three fucking brilliant movies, that dude.
Yeah, that guy was in a lot of movies. Bro, this movie is fucking hilarious.
Don't make a bit of sense to me. This will never happen again.
That guy, by the way, is a normal guy in today's society who jack nicholson yeah like you couldn't ever get him in a mental health he'd be like this guy's fine let him out like there's more fucked up guys right now than that guy that are attending bar on 6th Street right now. And this movie starts politically incorrect.

They couldn't make this today like this.

No.

And I'm surprised they haven't tried to remake this movie.

Well, you know, the guy who made Home Alone

said that he wanted to cut Trump out of the scene,

but he's worried that he'd get sent in prison if he did it.

Because he keeps getting aggravated.

People annoy him.

I don't know. wanted to cut Trump out of the scene, but he's worried that he'd get sent in prison if he did it? Because he keeps getting aggravated.
People annoy him. I think they cut it out of it in Canada.
I think the Canadian version of... Is it Home Alone 2? Yeah, Home Alone 2.
You know how many TV shows Trump did over the years? I've seen him once a fucking month on Sunday. They have to say that.
They have to say that. No, I get it.
It's part of their liberal identity. They have to be united.
But, like, I was telling you that the people that I grew up liking, and so do you, that's what I liked about them. That they had to go somewhere else to become stars.
And when they came back to the United States, they were like, we're fucking you in the ass now.

That's Clint Eastwood, Charles Bronson, Steve McQueen, not as much.

He just wanted to fuck everybody in the ass.

You know, Steve McQueen was just like, you're sucking my dick either way.

I'm doing what I want.

You know?

They don't even have that. Like, when was the last time you—the worst thing we've had in Hollywood in 20 years is when Brad Pitt made the movie with Angelina Jolie and he never came back.
Like poor Jennifer Aniston was waiting with flowers and slippers. That motherfucker never came back.
She's a temptress. The first one was when Steve McQueen took that girl from the head of fucking...
Oh, yeah. And then did a movie under his fucking nose.
That

is something that they will cancel you

they couldn't do nothing to him. Well he

was one of the rare movie stars back then

They couldn't do anything to him. There wasn't that many movie stars

When there's an actual movie star

in 1979 like there's not

a lot of those people you need them to sell tickets

People don't know new

people. They're not online.
You know

you gotta like know oh it's a Steve McQueen

movie and you go see it

but if you're like oh who's the star

the People don't know new people. They're not online.
You know, you got to like know, oh, it's a Steve McQueen movie. And you go see it.
But if you're like, oh, who's the star of the movie? I never heard of the guy. Fuck this movie.
Oh, look over here. There's a Clint Eastwood movie.
Let's go to see that. Like stars were everything back then.
Everything back then. Everything.
It's interesting because some great movies now don't have any stars in them. Like Mel Gibson when he made Apocalypto.

You don't know anybody in that movie.

That's a great movie.

It's a great movie.

Great movie.

And you don't know anybody in that movie.

It's perfect.

It's perfect because you really believe the characters that way.

I don't have to go, oh, it's Robert Downey Jr.

Oh, he's doing a great job pretending to be that scientist.

No, no, it's some guy that might actually be a scientist.

You know?

I don't know.

But no, they didn't do anything. Steve McQueen, Charles Bronson, same way.
He was a prick on those movie sets. They wanted everything.
They took everything, Joe. It just came up.
I'm sure. We discussed it last time.
They just got released to Steve McQueen writers from his movies. The writers? Yeah.
Writers are different. For people that don't know, that means all the things that you things that you get when you're on the set.
Like, you can say, I want M&Ms in my green room. I want, you know, Pick Floyd albums.
Whatever. Fucking insane.
Yeah. Because his was insane.
His suits had to be a certain cut. They had to cost a certain way.
Well, he ain't worried. It's Steve McQueen.
Some comics have that kind of shit, where you have to have size 11 Jordans waiting for them backstage. Yeah but you pay for it.
Comics are like yeah I'm not going in there until I got my size 12s. You pay for it.
What's the big deal? Yeah they gave me some sneakers. No you didn't.
You bought those sneakers stupid. It comes out of the price.
Yeah they think that oh they bought me sneakers because I'm special and shit. Yeah but I think it's a thing where you want to feel like you're being taken care of.
Right yeah even though even though you're paying for it. Fuck that.
I'll bring my own sneakers. Yeah, I'll bring my own sneakers.
I'm going to show up and there's a box of sneakers. Oh, you got me white sneakers.
I'm not going to perform because that shit started happening. Oh, really? Yeah, people were like, I want black Jordan.
And all of a sudden, they're white. I ain't getting on stage until I get my black Jordan.
Now they got to run around town. I've heard people turn limos back.
Yes. Back in the day because it was the wrong color limo.
Yeah, yeah. I ordered a white limo.
What is this bullshit? And who fucking drove you when you lived under that fucking bridge? Just getting a goddamn fucking car, cock sucker. People love making demands, right? Like it has to be this way or that's it.
I walk. People love making demands.
And that's what happens in that fucking town in Hollywood. And people go, okay, no, go fuck yourself.
You want that, bring it yourself. And once you start doing that, that, listen, I understood what you said before about Austin, and it makes sense to me now.
It's like the day I took my daughter to school, and there was moms hugging trees in Studio City crying. If I was a redneck, I'd show up with a shotgun that day and just shoot it and watch those moms just fly.
That's where the guns keep the liberals in check. Okay? That's when you come in and go, you want to hug trees? Boom! And fucking start shooting off.
Dog, they were hugging trees. Right in front of the school, my daughter and Bert's went.
Why were they hugging trees? Because they were going to cut the trees down. We went to the school and the cops were there and women were hugging the trees holding each other's hands crying.
This is why I had to get the fuck out of there. Crying.
And that's where a guy with a gun would have been perfect. A big fucking gun.
You guys like trees so much. Boom! And those bitches would have been running to that fucking coffee shop crying.
They didn't know what happened. Fuck those trees, Jack.
That's what you need. A gun in California to tell these motherfuckers, shut the fuck up.
You go on Facebook now and I see people I used to hang with in California and they're talking about other people. Everybody's so talented and everything's so gracious.
And to work with such a great bunch of talented individuals, thank God they've let my creative juices work.

Shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up.

What are you talking about?

I ain't to smack you now or smack you later.

It's so much.

Very pretentious.

Very.

And that's what I don't miss any, listen, at all.

When I watch it in a movie now, I can't even stand small talk. Like that's what, I didn't even know what small talk was.
You know, it was like the night you did a show. I'm talking to you about Fear, before Fear Factor.
You did a maybe, at the Wulter one night. Yeah.
And we left a bunch of people there, and they circled you, like Ann Maney and a bunch of other people, and they were talking to you about a deal or something. And it was like, oh, my God, your set was so great.
And you're supposed to stand there like, thank you. I fucking hate that shit.
Yeah, they love kissing people's ass. We loved it.
Oh, my God. Mimi and I loved it.
Mimi. Victoria and I loved it.
Yeah. We're so happy you invited us.
And you have to sit there and go, come on, knock it the fuck off. That was in the deal days.
Yeah, yeah. I'd still be shopping around deals.
Yeah, where they'd come up to you and talk to you. You had to be like fucking, hi, yeah.
So how did that feel yeah well you still like connected to the system and that was how i was making most of my money so i'd make some money from stand-up but i would make like a couple hundred thousand dollars on these deals that would be my year's money and then i'd be working with some fucking schlub making a sitcom that sucked it never went anywhere i. I did that for a couple years.
So I did that from like 99 to 2001. And then Fear Factor started.
News Radio's on at 8 o'clock. It's everywhere.
My kids watch it. I watch it.
They think it's hilarious. I watched my favorite episode a couple weeks ago when he was playing the piano on the fucking Phil Harmon.
He was playing the piano on the elevator and it kept opening. Oh, that's right.
That was a fun episode. That was a fun show.
But that show ruined me for other sitcoms. Doing a sitcom after that show, like why? It's not going to be the same.
It's going to suck. You need the...
It's like a very rare combination of people to put together a really good sitcom. That was a very good show.
It was just... I know that you told me over the years that they kept moving you and they never found a home or something like that.
Yeah, they moved like nine times. The show really became popular after it was in syndication.
That's when it became popular. It became popular when it was on, you knowm.
on ABC or whatever the fuck it was, NBC affiliate, when they were just showing the syndicated reruns. That's when it became popular.
Way more popular after it was canceled than it was when it was on the air. One of the writers, Lou Morton, every day would come to the table read.
He would have a T-shirt, like a white T-shirt, and we'd write a number on it, and that number was our ratings. And one day he came in, it was like 85.
I was like, 85? Really? It's like, we're like 85th. We're the 85th show.
That's good. Terrible.
Good is number one. Oh, no, no, I just didn't know.
I thought it was like a rating system. No, no, no, no.
It's the ranked shows in the country. We were like 85 or 88, something like that.
It was real bad, real bad. We were like on the verge of being canceled.
I know you're watching some good shows now. Yeah.
I'm watching one show, and I'll tell you. What are you watching? There's some people who are dangerous, and then there's Helen Mirren.
What are you watching? Oh, the 1923 show? Both of them. Oh, yeah.
Mobland. Oh, yeah.
I heard Mobland's great. She's fucking great.
Yeah, I have not seen that yet. The Italian mafia movies, they're done.
Really? Yeah, they're done. De Niro just put Outdoor Nights out.
They took it out of the movie theater in two fucking weeks. He put what out? He put a movie called Outdoor Nights Out, where he plays two roles.
He plays Frank Costello and somebody else, or Vito Genovese. I don't know exactly.
Somebody should have taken De Niro's keys away when he wanted to go out and do political speeches. Well, no.
I think that, listen, you're not going to ban a movie because of his political beliefs. No, but people are going to take him seriously because of his political beliefs.
Well, the way he acted, he dropped some people. Okay, and I get it, but to make two million dollars your first week? That's not good.
And then like three million after that. And then they just yanked it.
I tried to go just to watch it. It's called Alto Nights? Because I heard it.
Have you heard of it, Jamie? Nobody. Came and went.
Came and fucking went. The problem when people who want to be taken seriously as actors talk a lot about politics and talk a lot and give out opinions,

they think that their opinions are very important and that it's important that they speak out.

But the problem with that is you ruin your acting for other people who now think of the stupid shit that you've said instead of thinking you as this character let me hear risk But you're not where I am I get the charities, I pay my taxes It's actually looks good I put you where you are today It's because of me Mr. Good Citizen You wanna be like them? Come on, you ain't like them.
They own this country. They're bigger gangsters than we ever could be.
All of a sudden you want to be half thin, half hot, half a racketeer? You can't have it both ways. You're either in...
...or you're out. That looks good.
I'm telling you. That looks good.

I'm telling you.

That looks good.

I'd watch that.

The movie is not bad.

I'm telling you, it's because De Niro talks too much.

I think that we're so out of going to the movies every Friday.

Like you said, nobody knew it came out.

I didn't even know it came out.

Well, COVID killed the movie theaters.

Oh, it's a shame. Because they made movies way quicker out on streaming now.
All I have to do is wait a month. I can wait a month.
One month later, I can watch it at home. I don't have to see somebody texting people right in front of me with their fucking phone blinding white.
People talking. What did he say? What did he say? Do you want any popcorn? The movie theater I go to, there's never a soul there.

Not a soul. I've never seen anything like that.

It's so annoying. I usually go to the

last screening on Thursday night.

Not a soul.

I mean, most movie theaters,

people are polite. Very nice.
Where I go?

Very funny. I can't believe it.
But it's that risk.

That risk of one douche

bag who fucks

it up for everybody. I won't go see a

popular movie. I'm't believe it.
But it's that risk. That risk of one douchebag who fucks it up for everybody.
I won't go see a popular movie. I'm not a top raider like that.
I like to go and see. I see a movie.
I go, you know what? I want to go watch that. Some movies I could watch at home.
That I want to watch in the fucking thing. Anything with 3D, like Wicked or whatever, I go.
I take my mushrooms. I take my daughter.
I sit there. She enjoys it.
And I fucking have a great time.

Wicked was great.

Wicked was great.

The only thing was don't go on mushrooms.

No?

I was so fucked up.

The chick is black and green.

I couldn't deal with that right off the bat.

Where's the black people?

Raise your hand.

What the fuck?

I'm feeling like a racist in here.

She can't be black and she can't be green.

Then Ariana with no eyebrows.

That killed me. She had like those blind eyebrows.
I'm on fucking mushrooms and this movie won't end. It won't end.
It's a long movie. It's a fucking long movie.
But I'm looking at her and she's having such a great time. When you look at your kids and they're having such a great time, you're like, I don't give a fuck.
I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the Barbie movie.
How about that? I never saw it. I enjoyed it.
I went with my kids. They had a good time.
I thought it was funny. Everybody was like complaining.
It's political. It's against the patriarchy.
Listen, here's my position. A movie's allowed to be political.
If you make a good movie and it happens to have a political slant to it, I don't care. Is it a good movie? I don't care.
I don't care. You're not going to change my opinion in a movie.
This is your opinion. This is how you're going to do it.
Like, okay. So this movie is like a pro-feminism movie, people were saying.
They were complaining. I'm like, it's a Barbie doll movie.
Can we just make a movie and nobody raise their fucking hand and politicize it? That's all it is. But the thing is, everybody has to because they have to have a hot take on everything.
Everybody has to have a hot take. There's a market out there of people where all they do is look for something to point out that's a disaster or a failure or here's my hot take and why this sucks.
And that's what they do. All they do is like find things that suck.
And they very rarely talk about things that are awesome. No.
Which is. Because there's so much awesome shit out there right now.
I hate all that shit. You know what's great on Apple Plus? Slow Horses.
Okay. Have you heard of it? You know what it is? No.
It's Gary Oldman. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
My wife watches that. It's a British spy drama.
She says it's fucking tremendous. It's fucking great.
Tremendous. Really good show.
I've been watching the one with Jon Hamm. Which one? He has a show, Jon Hamm, where he becomes a thief in a rich neighborhood.
Oh, really? He loses his job. Bro, there's too many shows.
Yeah, there's too many fucking shows. There's too many shows.
You just can't. You can't watch them all.
You want to watch a show that you shouldn't be on mushrooms?

Severance.

I heard that very well.

Good anyway.

Yeah, it's a very good show.

Don't watch that on mushrooms, though.

You'll get fucked up.

I watched that movie with Demi Moore.

Oh, I heard about that.

I didn't see it.

Is that a show or a movie?

It's a movie?

That is the weirdest fucking movie I've seen in years.

It's a movie where she gets young again and goes back and forth.

Yeah, yeah.

Old and young. Yeah.
It was a little too deep for me again and goes back and forth. Yeah, yeah.
Old and young.

Yeah.

It was a little too deep for me.

Did you see it, Jamie?

No, I was going to see it.

It's like a Black Mirror type movie.

And that just came back out too.

Black Mirror did.

Yeah, I heard the new ones are great.

Do you watch 1823?

Yes.

You liked it?

You enjoyed it?

I enjoyed all of them.

Love it.

I enjoyed all of them.

Landman's good too. Seen Landman? That's very good.
Funny. Yeah.
That fucking good. and the other side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of the side of them.
Love it. I enjoyed all of them.
Landman's good, too.

You've seen Landman?

That's very good.

Funny.

Yeah.

That fucking girl.

Billy Bob's the man.

I love anything.

They're shooting already.

Yeah.

Right?

They're down there shooting.

I believe so.

Yeah, because they were looking for vehicles or something.

I saw last week.

Yeah.

Well, Taylor likes to do everything down here when he can.

You know?

He's got that giant ranch out here.

Taylor Sheridan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's got the four sixes. He's got that ranch.
That guy can't lose. Everything he touches is gold.
You ever met him? No. Fucking great guy.
I have mutual friends that tell me you should meet him. I had dinner with him and Burt in Vegas recently.
All our wives together after the fights. After the UFC fights.
And a bunch of my pool player friends came friends came by And Goggins Goggins was there with his wife too Great time Fucking great dinner So much fun We're all laughing Having fun Good fucking time But Taylor Sheridan's great Just the guy can't lose And you know He made Sicario bro You know Go watch that I've watched it I love it Watch that again The first and the second made Sicario, bro. You know? Go watch that.
I watched it. I loved it.
Watch that again. The first and the second one.
Sicario was a fucking banger of a movie. It was on TV the other day.
I was like, that's right. This movie's, that's a banger of a movie.
You know, it's a shame that, I don't know, maybe before the pandemic had started with, like, really bad movies. It's just a shame, you know? It really is a shame that we got to wait for shows this long like fucking there's so much to watch though yeah the adams family never came back with jenna garcia was it supposed to come back yeah netflix never and i worked with one of the dudes and he goes yeah we already shot it it's still fucking been like three years why are they holding on going to fucking not even remember.
Oh, she didn't even remember it anyway. Are they doing anything with it? I've never heard anything again.
Huh. Why would they do that? That doesn't make any sense.
Netflix is off the, you know, they don't know. Netflix has so much fucking shit on there.
There's so much. So much.
If I see one more Pablo Escobar thing,

they got,

if you watch like a murder thing one time, forget it.

They're talking about doing the UFC on Netflix.

Yep. Yeah.

Apparently, I think

the UFC's

negotiation period

with ESPN ended.

So what that means

is they could talk to other people. That fucking thing that night when everything fell apart, that was a bad night.
Which night? When the ball dropped. Not this card, but the one before that, when the pay-per-views, when all the disasters started.
It was about pay-per-views one night. Nobody was getting the pay-per-viewper-views.
The fucking. The app failed, right? Yes, the app failed.

Yeah.

It was too overwhelming for the UFC, I think.

Because shit happens.

But this must have been bad because.

What fight card was that, Jamie, where there was a failure?

I want to say.

It would have been.

I don't.

Was I working that?

How do I not know that that happened?

I don't think you were working that one. Let me see.
3.13, so two events ago. May, March.
Where was that? Where was it? Was that Adesanya? Ancolaev decision over prayer. Oh, okay.
So I was working that one. You did work it? Yeah, I was working that one for sure.
It was Ankle Lev when he won the title over Pereira. So the pay-per-view, what happened? It went down or it partially went down? It partially went down.
I couldn't order the card. Oh.
There was a bunch of shit going on. Then I went on Twitter and I saw Frankie Edgar and a bunch of other guys, fighters, saying, what the fuck is wrong with mine? I'm like, okay, it's not just me.
And then I heard the riffraff that night, and then the next day they were talking about it, and then Monday, Dana was hot. I know he did something.
He said something about it. Well, I think in general, the pay-per-view numbers are down as well because the casuals aren't buying it as much because you don't have...
First of all, the UFC is not a boxing pay-per-view is like Oh Canelo's fighting in four months and then you get gear up and you buy the Canelo Canelo Alvarez pay-per-view if you're a big boxing fan You might buy one once every couple months if you're like hardcore you you're watching all of them You're on DAZN and you're on ESPN plus you're every boxing match there is. But there's not a lot of pay-per-views.
The UFC has a pay-per-view every week or, excuse me, every month. And then they have a fight every week.
So it's like getting people to shell out $70 for this card. And also, like, some of the great fights are on the undercard.
And you already, before the pay-per-view starts, you already have, you know, three and a half hours of great fights you can watch for free. And some of them, they're trying to lure you into buying the pay-per-view.
So some of the best fights are really on the undercard. Sometimes.
Like, guys who you don't know their names yet. There's always one good fight that I want to watch on the undercard.
I go, I'm going to watch the undercard for two fights or something. Always.
Always. And then you guys start talking about the fights, and then you get, you know, and then you order it.
Yeah, I mean, the big fight clearly this last weekend was Volkanovski versus Lopez. That was the fight I really wanted to see because I really wanted to see if Volkanovski could pull it off.
All-time great featherweight champion. One of the, for sure, greatest fighters of all time.
Shoo-in for the Hall of Fame. But he's 36, and he got knocked out two times in a row, and he's fighting this fucking animal in Diego Lopez.
Diego Lopez is an animal. It was a great fight, though, and Volk pulled it off.
But the fight that I really wanted to see was Bryce Mitchell versus John Silva. Right.
Because John Silva is a motherfucker, dude.

That guy looks like a world champion. He looks like...
He choked him with a darts? Yeah. Well, he choked him like a ninja choke.
Okay. And was like a no arm in.
With a darts, you have the arm in, and you cinch it up. That was just all neck.
And put him to sleep. He tapped, and then he went out And to do, and to just beat him from pillar to post the entire fight.

And was smiling and laughing and looked like he was never threatened and never in danger.

Just like he was on another level.

Like way above Bryce.

Like looked like a world champion.

Like even guys that have beat him before, that beat Bryce Mitchell

before, except Josh Emmett

who just KO'd him with one punch.

Even Ilya Tapuria,

he got to get a hold of him first.

John Silva looked like he was never a

fight. Almost like he was having fun.

He was trying to get him to touch hands

at the beginning of every round. He wouldn't do it.
He's like,

come on, touch hands.

He's like, touch hands. He wouldn't touch hands.
He's like, come on, touch hands. He tried to, he's like, touch hands.

He wouldn't touch hands.

And then finally, he just put him to sleep.

He's an animal, man.

That guy is, that whole team, apparently, the fighting nerds.

I was talking to John Anik about this.

He said, they have data scientists that work for the team.

Data scientists who analyze techniques.

And they, like, break things down.

Like, what's effective in patterns.

They find patterns, patterns of opponents.

What's the difference? team data scientists who analyze techniques and they like break things down like what's effective in patterns they find patterns patterns of opponents what the person does when they do it brazil bro that that's a team of fucking savages who else is that kyle barhalio who's one of the top 185 pounders who might be the best in the world i. I mean, when he fights Dricka Stuposi, eventually we'll see, but he's just storching that division.
I mean, he's one of the best contenders in that. And then you have Mauricio Rufi, who's one of the baddest lightweights alive, gigantic lightweight, tall and wheel-kicked Bobby Green into another dimension.
You got that guy. You got Carlos Prates, who's a fucking killer.
Stone-co muay thai killer who's really hard to take down and he's just 100 finishing rate in the ufc i believe he just knocked out neil magne like he's he fucks everybody up he's he's a sniper like super like skillful and slick muay thai guy so their whole team is just killer, killer, killer, killer. It's all killers.
Just like a team of like brilliant up-and-coming killers. See, these guys are learning now.
It's not just about training hard. It's not just about sacrifice.
It's about thinking hard too. It's about learning.
It's about like really going over your game and like what can you improve upon? How do we make this better? How do we seal up this part of the game? Amazing. I think the guy that led that for me was GSP.
Oh, yeah. I was always very impressed with how every fight he showed up with something different.
Yeah. While his opponent was still like, yeah, GSP's got skills, but I still got this right hand.

Okay.

You want to talk to anybody with your right hand?

He was always learning.

He was always learning.

He was in the city with the kickboxing guy.

He was over in. Phil Nurse.

Yeah, Phil Nurse.

Phil Nurse and the Watt.

Yeah, and then he would go with all the Greg Jackson guys.

Wild Card.

He would go over there.

Go to Wild Card, change boxing.

Remember when he fought, I think it was Josh Kaczek, and he was jabbing? Was that the fight where he fucking broke the jab out and he had trained at Wild Card? Yeah, his jab had fucked Josh's eye up so bad that Josh couldn't fly home. I remember that.
I remember all that shit, and that's what I liked about him. His training was all.
Another time, you know, you're watching and he's doing gymnastics. Yeah.
Where's gymnastics in all this player game? Well, he just realized that gymnasts are so powerful because they have such control of their body. And he's like, well, I'm going to get better control of my body.
So he learned how to do backflips and shit. Unbelievable.
Swimming. Fucking doing this.
Doing that. And meanwhile, you're still going, well, my jujitsu game is elevated.
This motherfucker just went and worked out every part of his game, but focused on just one, really. You know what's really crazy about him? He still does the same thing.
He's really a martial artist. He comes to Austin all the time to train with John Donahue and Gordon Ryan all the time.
He's here all the time. I see him, like, every couple months.
He comes down to train, and then he'll go somewhere else to train, and he'll go somewhere else to train. No desire to fight.
He doesn't want to fight anymore at all. He's just a martial artist.
He's so happy and content. He's like the best example of a guy who retired with millions in the bank and is living his best life.
He's a real martial artist. He really is.
He just wants to learn and grow. Why would he come here and train with Gordon Ryan? Why would he train with that fucking animal if you're not actually thinking about competing? But for him, it's just all about growing.
It's all about growing and this martial arts journey that he's on for his whole life. It's really amazing.
It's very cool. You know, when he would come to 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu and he would learn stuff from Eddie, too.
He came down to learn the turning sidekick from me. Like, he just wants to learn from everybody.
He wants to learn everything. He's always constantly seeking out.
Very smart. Very smart.
And you'll see him. He's in all these different gyms.
You see him. Oh look he's in Thailand.
He's working with Muay Thai guys. He's over here.
He's over there. He's just enjoying his life and training martial arts all over the world.
It's incredible. Incredible.
It's's beautiful because the saddest thing for me is when a fighter stops fighting and they lose their identity george has never lost his identity he hasn't gone through some some weird phase where he doesn't know what to do with himself i am not impressed with your performance that was one of the funniest things i've ever heard yeah that became a like a that became like a meme before memes. I was not impressed with your performance.
Nicest fucking guy in the world. Nicest guy in the world.
And really smart, man. Really interested in all kinds of shit.
Like always reading stuff and fascinated by things. Just a guy, just a curious guy who wants to learn.
And he's just going through his life just having a good time now he doesn't have to think about business you know it's just training it's kind of fucking awesome it's awesome it really is awesome it really is because like with no no goal in mind other than growth other than growth and getting better and he's still rolling hard man i'm watching him roll with these guys he's rolling with assassins you know he doing jiu-jitsu with like top flight black belts, man. Would you ever consider going back to Taekwondo? No.
No. Just going to a school once a week and just going in there with a bunch of guys and throwing some kicks and shit.
I work out on my own. No, no, you're not feeling me.
What do you mean? Anybody can work out on their own. Could you imagine now? Like, I've been thinking about it.
There's a purple belt at my jiu-jitsu school. He's 68.
He came from a fucking Shotokan karate background. And he goes, I teach in the Bronx every Wednesday night.
He goes, this was my school. I sold it, but I still go up there on Wednesdays.
Come with me sometime. I'm like, wow.
How cool would that be? It would be cool to take a class. That's what I'm saying.

One time a week.

Like something that you,

what's the,

long as you didn't have to spar.

No,

no,

no, no.

But you do those,

you know,

like when you do Taekwondo,

they have one steps,

one step,

like those little,

those who she,

they run,

I think they call it.

Basically drills.

Yeah,

it's drilled.

And that's what you need.

You're not going to,

no,

you're not going to fucking,

you're not going to fucking spar and go crazy. Drills are really important.
They're really important and people don't like to do them because sparring is so fun. Same with jiu-jitsu.
Eddie Bravo used to say that drills are terrible. They're so boring.
But if you can do them, it'll make your jiu-jitsu way better. The biggest leap that I ever got in the beginning of my jiu-jitsu journey was when I became friends with Eddie.
We would train in my garage. I had mats in my garage and we would just drill for like an hour and a half a couple times a week.
He was showing me a lot of his rubber guard stuff, like the early stuff, but we would just drill like different positions, how to escape certain positions, how to finish from certain positions, what to be careful of. and then we just go through paths Like path was you know pass into half guard push on the knee move into side control side control head and arm Secure the arm finish the arm triangle and what would do is like if he was doing it to me I would resist like 40% maybe you know You just kind of like sort of resist and they secure it and you kind of resist and they finish it off.
So it's like basically you just, you're doing it as if you're doing the same pathway with the same things that a person would do to resist, but then they're not trying to really stop you. They want you to tap them.
Like this is the idea of the drill. So I'm just, I'll get my hand in, but it's just so that you can push my hand down and then lock it over.
Well, that's big now. Yeah, drilling is everything.
People are flow rolling. People are selling it more.
Even Tom DeBlas is like, dog, listen. It's the way to get better.
It's really the way to get better. But the problem is you've got to keep a motherfucker flowing, and that's the problem, that after a while you're like, and all of a sudden the next thing you know it's not a flow.
Right, now you're going to try to catch up. And that's the problem.
It always starts off with a flow for a minute and a half and then it goes off the fucking reservation. That's always the same with kickboxing sparring too.
When I was training at the jet center, there was this one dude that I used to love to train with. He was an older guy.
So I was probably 26 back then, 27 maybe.

And he was maybe closer to 35, 40.

He had some fights.

He just liked to stay in shape. And we would spar.

And he knew I was an actor or comedian or whatever.

I was on a TV show.

And I didn't want to get hit too much.

So we would spar.

We'd just touch each other.

And I knew he wasn't going to try to knock me out. But other guys, I knew, like, we're fighting.
Like, we're sparring. This is a fight.
But with him, I knew it. And I got so sharp because of that because he and I would work out a couple times a week, and I noticed, like, my timing and everything was, like, much sharper because I was going through those pathways and not tense.
You know, I was going through those pathways, so sharpening those lanes. So like punch comes, slip, counter.
All these things were like flowing in my head because we weren't hurting each other. But it's so hard for young guys to understand that.
To get better is to like be playful with it. You want to like the Thai guys.
They just, because they fight every week. When they spar, they don't hurt each other at all.
They touch and they laugh. Like, oi, oi.
They're like playing a little game with each other. You ever seen Thai guys? Yeah, yeah, they have a good time.
Like you watch, like one of the best things to watch is like two elite high level Thai guys just spar with each other. Just spar playful light.
Because they're joking around and laughing and they're touching each other but they're really working on that timing they're really working on those moves working on like seeing what's coming how to stop it how to get in on them but they're not hurting each other at all you know it's weird that i'm older and i love doing crazy shit like love it. I don't have much in the daytime no more.

So I'll try to catch a boxing class or jiu-jitsu

and all that shit.

And jiu-jitsu's the toughest one for me.

Like, I haven't been to jiu-jitsu since November

because I've been sick.

You know, I had a bunch of problems.

And I was on antibiotics.

I was having a hard time fucking breathing.

But I can't wait to go back.

But now I'm going to go back and do it

a little bit differently.

Flow. Flow.
A lot more flow. And there's one guy that'll flow with me.
He's a cop. And drilling more.
Yeah. To have a blue belt class, it's basically a lot of drilling.
That's great. You fucking burn a lot of calories in there.
Drilling is so important. But you have to go.
In the daytime, they roll a little bit more. At night, the classes are so shut that you don't have time to roll that long Where I would rather drill a long time and then roll once and get the fuck out of that's perfect for me You know so even with boxing I don't when I go box.
I don't fucking Go crazy. I had the speed bag a little bit two rounds and I had the bag that moves around that burns a ton of Calories then I hit the hard bag and I'm out of there Seven three seven eight three minute rounds and I'm good You know what I like to do like to put on the Wu-Tang Clan and just fuck that heavy bag I love it.
I love the earphones. I love all and I'll tell you what else I got into it now that I'm older Because when I went to that hospital it taught me a lot Joe it reminded me that I wasn't a kid no more like we fuck around and we have a good time and we think we're bad motherfuckers, but...
You want to stay healthy? Yeah. Ever since I come out of the hospital a month ago, everything's fucking changed.
Come out of here, Joey. Get you on that ways to well.
Get you fucking healthy. I think we're going tomorrow.
Come on. We're going tomorrow.
Are you busy tomorrow? If you're here, I'm not busy. All right.
Let's go. Come on.
Let's go. We're good.
I like that blood thing they did. Yes.
What's that called? Did you get an IV bag? Vitamin IV? No, that was a little one. It wasn't a big IV.
Oh, the trips. So you're talking about a stem cell push.
Push, yeah. IV stem cells, yeah.
I just got that Tuesday. I brought Rich Voss in.
How was he? He was great. I love that guy today.
I love him, too. We had a good time.
We had a good time at the club, too.

I see him a lot.

Yeah.

I see him every Wednesday.

Well, he's Jersey, too, right?

Yeah.

Every Wednesday we meet up and do a show.

He's a sweetheart.

I love him to death.

So he's been having a problem with his rotator cuff.

Yeah.

So I brought him down to Brigham.

Brigham's got this crazy thing.

I'm going to show you this, Jamie, because it's fucking bananas.

He's got this crazy thing where he's got an AI that you ask

questions to have you seen it Jamie it's fucking nuts right yeah I'll send this

to you Jamie so Brigham has this new beautiful facility where ways to well is

a great view oh they moved they have a new facility okay they bought a bill a

I love you. So Brigham has this new beautiful facility where Waste Well is.

It's a great view.

Oh, they moved?

They moved.

They have a new facility.

Okay.

They bought a building and re-renovated it, and it's incredible.

But one of the things they have is this big screen with this alien,

and you touch the alien and ask it a question, and it uses AI.

So it has an AI, a large language model base. Press it.
Hey, can you tell me the history of testosterone and prostate cancer? My doctor said he's worried it's going to cause prostate cancer. What do you have to say? So the, thinks about it? and prostate cancer development.
In fact, many men with prostate cancer have low testosterone levels. The outdated theory misunderstood how testosterone interacts with prostate tissue, and numerous studies now show properly monitored testosterone therapy is safe for most men, even those with a history of prostate cancer in some cases.
Isn't that wild? That's amazing. That's the future.
It can answer any question. It could analyze your blood work.
You could tell it, hey, you know, my vitamin B12 level is this. My testosterone level is that.
What would you suggest I take? What I suggest is a protocol of, and it would just like rattle off things that you need. You need some niacin in your system.
Do you take magnesium before you go to bed? How much REM sleep are you getting per night?

Are you monitoring that?

And they start talking to you.

Isn't that crazy?

It's an app too.

It's on your phone.

What were these people talking about last night at the club?

They go on ChatGPT or some shit?

You don't know what that is?

No.

ChatGPT is AI.

It's on your phone.

You can ask it a question.

Give me a good question.

Who was the composer of Suwannee River?

Who was the composer of Suwannee River?

So you see how my phone has all those rainbows on the outside like that?

That means it's searching for the answer.

And boom, gives me the answer.

Can you go on chat DPT

and tell me more

about Stephen Foster,

the composer of Swanee River?

Bam.

And then it goes on chat GPT.

I'm an AI design assistant.

Feel free to ask anything.

What Disney movies are the most racist? I'm working with Chad GPT right now. It hung up on me.
The reason why I asked... Chad GPT told me to go fuck myself.
It disconnected of the greatest episodes You were talking to me a couple weeks ago We were talking about You watched the Gleason Interview on 60 Minutes So I watched it a couple weeks later You know I watch The Honeymooners every Saturday Do you really midnight they're on. I don't have time for anything else.

I got to be home by midnight on Saturdays, okay? And the reason why I said Suwannee River to you is that is one of the best episodes that Gleason ever did. He was going on the $95,000 question.
And you have to go up levels. Yeah.
And they ask you questions. He picked music.
So he had his buddy, Norton,

get all the sheet music and Norton would play music for him

and go, who is this?

And he would have to say,

and then the Italian lady, Miss Manicotti,

would come down.

It was a great episode.

But there's one scene where Norton would play

and he'd go, Norton, why the fuck do you...

Here it is.

Why the fuck do you play this? Watch this. Come on! This is my last night to brush up on the songs.
Now let's not waste any time. Get going.
All right. Will you wait a minute, please?

Why must you always play da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da

before you go in and play the song I'm trying to guess?

If I told you once, I told you a hundred times,

it's the only way I can warm up before I play the piano.

A pitcher warms up before he pitches a ball game?

I gotta warm up that way before I play the piano.

I hope I don't have to tell you this again.

Are you ready?

Go ahead and play.

All right, now go to the end so Joe can see it.

So he goes...

Time's running out. Hurry up.
You better take a guess.

No, play the song for him so he sees.

$100. Are you ready?

I certainly am.

All right, Mr. Cramden.
For $100,

who is the composer of Swanee River?

Look at his face, bro.

Swanee River.

That's right, Swanee River.

Can we have a few bars of Swanee River, Jose?

That's Swanee River?

That's right.

Now, who's the composer?

Your time's running out.

Hurry up.

You better take a guess. Hum-a-hum-a-hum-a-hum-a-hum-a-hum-a-hum-a.
Ed Norton. Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Mr.
Cramden. No, the correct answer is Stephen Foster.
But thanks so much. You've been a wonderful contestant and a swell sport goodbye his face dog the 60 minute interview was great wasn't it it blew me the away it was great just listening to him talk that was when he was just playing golf and drinking he had that crazy golf cart that he would drive around in and what's the book i read where he taught Richard Pryor how to smoke pot, like how to hide it? They did a movie, The Toy, right? He taught him how to hide it? Yeah, because Richard Pryor lit a joint up one day, and he's like, what are you doing? Come on, you've got to have some class.
How do you hide it? You know, under your hand. Mix it with the cigar.
Richard was smoking it out, and Jackie Gleason goes, what are you doing, man? Come on. Nice.
Smoke it like this. Richard Pryor's like, this motherfucker taught me how to smoke a joint.
So he would tuck it away. And he was 20 years older than him.
Yeah. You know, Jackie Gleason was a fucking beast, man.
That guy partied. Beast.
Gone. He did it all.
He did a lot of partying. He died fairly young, you know.
How old was he? I want to say

close to 60.

I think

it was a couple different kinds

of cancer.

How old was he when he died, Jamie?

Yeah.

Oh, was he?

Oh, he's 71?

Oh, that's not so bad.

No, that's still...

The National Eye was 74, right?

Yeah.

I thought he died younger than that.

No.

But yeah, hard living.

Hard living.

Yeah.

Do you ever hear a story about him and Richard Nixon?

No.

Richard Nixon and him were getting drunk one night, and Richard Nixon goes, you want to

see some UFOs?

And so they get on Air Force One, and they fly to one of the Air Force bases where they have this fucking crashed UFO and alien bodies on ice. Jackie Gleason apparently becomes obsessed with UFOs after this, has a house built in upstate New York that looks like a UFO.
His house was a flying saucer. He had a house built that looked like a UFO.
And the story's unsubstantiatedated it's hard to know if it's true but it was like his ex-wife told it in some magazine right um but it tracks it tracks with if you believe these people that say that there was some sort of a crash that they did recover then they do have bodies so this is his fucking has a house built. That's one image of it, but there's other images of what looks even more like a flying saucer.
Isn't that wild? That kind of looks normal like a house there, though. But the guy built a flying saucer house.
Nixon and him got hammered. I'm hoping that's going to happen with me and Trump, but Trump doesn't get drunk.
You imagine you're hanging out with Trump, and he's like, you want to see the UFO? Can you keep a secret? Yeah, there he is, hanging out with Nixon. And they supposedly do have something that crashed, and they supposedly do have biological entities that are on ice somewhere.

According to these whistleblowers that work for the government,

now we're talking about, I just don't know what's real.

It's hard to know.

When you talk about it, you feel like a moron because it's like...

There's got to be something out there.

We got to assume there's something out there. Whether or not, I don't even know.
Right, but should we assume that something's been here? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I think so.
Yeah, they've been here. Well, I would come here.
If I was from somewhere else, and I was like, imagine if you're from some super advanced civilization that's completely abandoned war. There's no thievery.
Everybody reads everybody's minds. There's no unfairness because they've worked all that stuff out.
And it's just superior intellect because everybody's evolved for a million years past where we are now. And you get the opportunity to see what a breakthrough civilization looks like right when they're figuring out nuclear power, right when they're figuring out flight and war and cell phones and shit like that like that would be like you and i going back and going and visiting the real wild west like being in a like a gold mining town in 1830 you know you know nuts that would be you know fucking crazy be one of the minor 49ers in 1849 going all the way to San Francisco and these fucking animals stabbing each other in saloons.

Like, you know what that would be like?

That's insane.

The kind of barbarians that took a chance with wooden wheels getting pulled by a horse and went across mountain ranges to try to get to the gold.

That would be like us going to visit that. Of course we would visit that.
Of course. Like if you had a chance to see what it would like to see Christopher Columbus land in the Bahamas, to see what that must have been like, of course you would want to see it.
If you could go literally back in time and see primitive humans, well, if they're just like us, but they're like us millions of years from now, of course they would want to visit us. It would be so interesting.
Can you imagine if there was a planet where we could go where we could see cavemen? We'd go. Would you imagine? Fucking must be going to stay in an hour.
Yeah. Put it shut.
Well, you can see guys making fucking arrowheads with Flint for the first time and strapping them to sticks, giant fucking heads and big teeth, covered in hair, just figuring out tools. Oh, my God.
We would be fascinated by those people. The way I think about it is, listen, since I'm a kid, we're talking about Martians and aliens, right? Since I'm fucking six, seven, I've been hearing about this.
The moon landing was in 69, so I was six. So it started after that.
Like, I heard more and more about it. So what you mean to tell me is in 55 years, we haven't found out more information about it.
We know. We know what's going on.
We know. NASA's not stupid.
They know something's out there. They play with us a little bit from time to time.
But there's something out there, my friend. I think so, too.
There's something out there. I think the other problem with the president knowing, you know, can they keep things from the president? Of course they can.
The president is only there for four years, and then he has to get in there again, and if he wins, he's only there for four more years. These fucking people have 30-year careers, 50-year careers in the intelligence agencies.
They know. If they know something and they've known something since, you know, fucking Gerald Ford, why would they tell you? Why do you need to know? They've already been hiding this from the population for so long.
And those old timers didn't need a, what's that when you have to sign something? NDA. NDA, like N-A-D, whatever the fuck.
There was no NDAs back then. There was no NDAs back then.
So there was something to it. Yeah.
There was something to it. You know, you got that place in New Mexico.
You got Hudson County, what we discussed before, with the Martians landing. You have all these places that have a higher volume.
I wonder what's number two in UFO sightings. I wonder what's number one.
What's number one? Is it Hudson Valley? Yeah. Hudson Valley by the George Washington Bridge, that whole thing.
That's crazy. That's number one.
I wonder what number two, number three, and number four is. It's interesting that a lot of them are over near where the ocean is.
Because that's one of the big theories, that they have bases in the ocean. Because the reality of the ocean is, no one's looking.
You know, if you have something on earth satellites can see it like if you have something that's in the middle of nevada in some deserted area and you have buildings satellites can see that they can see the structures so you have to hide them but if you have something in the ocean nobody sees anything we've only explored what what is the percentage of the ocean floor that we have explored? I think it's like 10%. I think it's somewhere around 10, maybe 20%.
So that means that 80% of the ocean floor is undiscovered. We have no idea what's down there.
And it's, you know, a mile, two miles deep in some spots. If you're from a super sophisticated civilization that's millions of light years away and you can come here instantaneously and you have the ability to traverse in these what they call transmedium craft, which means they can go through air, go through water.
It creates a gravity bubble around it and go through everything. That's what they think these things are doing.
That's what they can go 500 knots underwater. Just like nothing we have could do that.
And if they have bases under the ocean, it makes sense that these sightings are all near the ocean. It just totally makes sense.
A lot happens in the ocean. That ocean is stronger than what you fucking think.
Yeah. I love going to a beach and just sitting on the beach and watching the ocean.
Seabed 2030. Seabed 2030.
What they've mapped out? They've gotten 30% mapped. They're trying to get the whole thing done by 2030.
Oh, really? Oh, interesting. Oh, what if they find a base? Yeah.
What if they get down there and they find bases? What is all that stuff? What are those lines? I'm guessing that's where they probably sent their drones. Whoa.
It looks like a pool scrubber. Oh, that's crazy.

Holy shit.

So they're scouring the ocean floor to try to get them.

That's why the aliens are going to come out.

Wow, that's Hawaii.

Whoa.

Oh, that's not Hawaii.

Hawaii's over here.

It is?

What's that?

What are those islands in the middle?

Is that Catalina?

Catalina and shit, yeah.

Oh, I see.

Oh, you resumed in.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, okay.

I was trying to see what this stuff is. Oh, I see.
I think these littleumed in. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, okay. I was trying to see what this stuff is.

Oh, I see.

I think these little light-colored brown spots are what's sticking up, and the rest of it's underneath.

Wow.

I got to pee real quick.

Go ahead, dog.

We'll pause.

Yeah.

We'll be right back, folks.

Woo!

And we're back.

What were we just talking about?

Aliens and whatnot.

And whatnot.

Yeah.

You know, I feel that we know.

We're just not going to.

You know, it's like everything else, man.

We know who shot Kennedy.

We're not going to release it.

You know, we're going to play with us.

That's what they do.

I think that they would be a,

I think even after all the alien talk and everything,

I think Americans couldn't really handle it.

Well, there was actually a discussion.

This guy, Hal Puthoff,

who was a physicist that worked with the U.S US government, told me that during the Bush administration, they actually wanted to talk about the potential of disclosure to the American people, what would be the pros and the cons. And so they listed what could be disrupted.
Well, the economy could be disrupted, religion could be disrupted, government could be disrupted. would be the positive aspects and they started looking at the positive aspects like scientific development the understanding that we're not alone you know and then they weighed it all out and the cons outweighed the pros by a significant number and so they decided not to disclose it this is what hal put says.
So he is a scientist that's worked with the government for decades. And he, you know, I had dinner with him and Jacques Valais.
Jacques Valais is the guy who the character in Close Encounters of the Third Kind was based on, the French guy, the scientist. Jacques Valais has been studying UFOs since like, I think the 50s.
Brilliant. Brilliant guy.
He's written tons of books on the subject. And the stories that he knows that he's aware of the historical stories which really gets crazy is when they get into like the 1700s in the 1800s and the early 19th there's the same stories the people are seeing the same things the same kind of things are happening these people the people that are encountering the crafts and encountering the beings they're reporting the same stories they're real similar to the point where you're like, what's going on? And if it's real unique in like, you know, I haven't been, I haven't seen the UFO.
I haven't seen aliens. You haven't, Jamie hasn't.
But what if one of us did? Like if there's millions and millions and millions of people and one guy is fucking walking his dog in the middle of a field and all of a sudden this thing just lands right in front of him and no one's around and then these things get out and they look at you and they're talking to you with their mind and then they get back in their ship and they fucking disappear they zoom off so fast you can't even follow with your eyes and then you're sitting there going what the fuck do i tell anybody who's gonna believe me who's gonna believe this. I should probably not tell anybody.
And then you're sitting there going, what the fuck do I tell anybody? Who's going to believe me? Who's going to believe this? I should probably not tell anybody. And then you're lying in bed at night and you're all freaked out because you can't believe you know something that other people don't know.
You know the most incredible thing. That not only are they real, but they can do things that we can't possibly do.
They cannot be us. There's something different.
It's a different life form. I think when they came here, maybe somebody painted

them as green or whatever. Me,

I feel that if they're here, they walk around

looking like us.

They're a more

intelligent life source.

Like the movie Cocoon.

Right. That's in my mind.

And to just...

I'm the type of guy, I'll talk to you about it.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Yeah, Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

I'm the type of guy, I'll talk to you about it, but just

Thank you. Right.
That's in my mind. And to just, I'm the type of guy, I'll talk to you about it.
Or Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Yeah, Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
I'm the type of guy, I'll talk to you about it. But just talking to you just now about somebody, the government telling me that aliens exist, it would knock me down.
Because I know they do. Right.
But not really. But not really.
But not really. I know they do, but not really.
And that's, I think, with everything. Yeah.
So it would even shock me a little bit to find out. But I think that, yeah, cocoon type people.
Jacques Vallée is of that opinion, too. Like, what's interesting about him is he really maintains scientific credibility after all these years, despite, like, studying UFOs back in the time where if you studied UFOs, you were a crackpot.
But everything he looked at was just based on logic. This is what we know, and this is what we don't know.
This is what we can prove. This is what we can't prove.
And we estimate that there's a certain percentage of these experiences, whether it's 5% or what, that are legitimate. There's a great number.
The vast majority of things that people see in the sky are not UFOs. No.
But I guarantee we do see things that we think is something else and it's a UFO. Yeah.
I could see that happening also. Oh, yeah.
People see the Saturn. They think Saturn's a UFO.
They think, you know. People see things too, you know.
And then there's also a weird phenomenon that's real like ball lightning. ball lightning is a type of lightning that like juts around like a ball like a fucking like a giant softball of lightning just darting around the sky and then it goes away and it's just it's just a weird form of lightning that is has been documented but if you saw that if you were in the middle of like new mexico by yourself camping and you saw fuck, man.
You think it's a fairy or something like that. Oh, my God, man.
Angels are back here on mushrooms. And you see ball lightning.
You're like, what the fuck, man? You're seeing traces behind the ball lightning. You would 100% believe and feel like you came in contact with an angel.
You would believe and feel like something from another planet communicated with you. You'd probably fill your head up with all this important shit that it told you

that you have to tell people.

I've got to tell people, man, we're doing it all wrong.

We're all one, man.

We're all one. We can't be fighting these

wars. It's so foolish, and they

want us to know. They want us to take

care of Mother Earth. Meanwhile, you just saw a ball

lightning while you were on mushrooms.

You know, when I lived

in Boulder, I got into a

hole one time. I was talking to some guy

Thank you. or Mother Earth.
Meanwhile, you just saw a ball lightning while you were on mushrooms. You know, when I lived in Boulder, I got into a

hole one time. I was talking to some guy.

He was talking to me about mermaids.

Oh, God. At a coffee shop.

And it drove me fucking

crazy. It drove me so crazy.

I didn't have a computer back then, but I

actually had to go to the library, and I went

down a hole. And maybe ten years ago,

I went online one night and got high and was

reading about mermaids. Like, that's something

I believed in. The dumbest thing about mermaids

Thank you. I actually had to go to the library, and I went down a hole.
And maybe 10 years ago, I went online one night and got high and was reading about mermaids.

That's something I believed in.

The dumbest thing about mermaids is they have a fish from the waist down.

Right, but weren't they actually spotted in the 1800s somewhere?

Or is this a lie?

It don't even make any sense.

Fish don't have sex, you fucking idiot.

That means it's the most beautiful one in the world from the waist up, and all she do is give you blowjobs. Because fish don't have sex.
That's okay. That's not my problem.
I'm not looking to have sex with a chick. But people are.
They want to fall in love with a mermaid. But, like, that's the craziest person to fall in love with.
Is there any evidence? No. Come on.
No. They're manatees.
These people saw manatees. Probably their eyesight suck cuz they all had scurvy, you know, they were all fucking starving to death They all had syphilis their faces are falling off these rotten scumbags that are on these boats together And then they they're so horny that they want to fuck manatees They see manatees in the the foggy water flopping around that I swear it's a girl with a tail.

And they want to hop off.

They're like a guy in the desert that sees an oasis that's not there.

I see water.

And you're just trying to drink the sand.

That's what it is.

Come on.

There's got to be a mermaid out there. These horny scumbags from Europe in the 1500s, these monsters, they were on this boat together

for four months, and they think they see women in the water. God damn it.
You just ruined everything. They were probably on opium.
They probably had syphilis. They were drunk.
That's why you got to love the 80s. Animals.
That's why you got to love the 80s, because two guys actually went into the studio and go, look, we got a movie about a fucking guy who

falls in love with a mermaid.

With a mermaid.

And the guy's like, come on, how you got to do that?

And all of a sudden, it's fucked.

Let me tell you something.

That's another good movie.

Do you know, Joey, that's a good point.

Like, this is one of the reasons why America became what it is, is that everybody who moved

here initially took a crazy chance. You ought to take take a crazy chance you ought to get in a boat in the 1700s and make your way across the atlantic ocean you have no idea if storms are coming there's no fucking weather.com you don't even know what it looks like over here because they don't have pictures yet

Someone's gonna draw you. This is what I saw when I visit Maryland I told you there's a fucking fucking fake thing On to a monkey's body.
Oh Jesus Christ, that hilarious. That's one of the reasons why America became so powerful to the two things, the constitution, the declaration of independence, the bill of rights, like that stuff, all the laws that gave you freedom of speech, the right to bear arms, right to practice your own religion.
All those things are incredible. But also the type of people that moved here, crazy risk-taking motherfuckers that were willing to get their kids and get on a boat and make it across the country.
So everybody that came over here was just fucking gung-ho. They're all wild folk, wild, dangerous people trying to get jobs on the East Coast.
That's still to this day why the East Coast is so crazy, so chaotic and so fun. Because that was like the echoes of these pioneering monsters that traveled their way across the ocean.
Crazy people, desperate for anything. Europe just sucks so bad.
Like, we got to get the fuck out of here. Whether it's from Spain or Ireland or where they boats, just boats, Italians, boats.
And then they make their way across the land and then, you know, cover the whole thing eventually. And in a few hundred years, it's a crazy story, man.
And we got to be careful of this place. You can't sacrifice the things that made us so great in terms of our freedom just for political gain, because then we're going to give the whole thing away.

And we could go the same way Iran's going the same way they they were. They had a like a European style country.
And now it's a dictatorship. And now it's Islamic.
And, you know, there's no getting out of that now without some crazy revolution, right? It could go that way anywhere, man. If there's people anywhere on earth in 2025 living under the thumb of tyranny, there can be people here.
It's just a bunch of things have to go wrong. We saw a few things go wrong during COVID that should have woke a lot of people up, that the fabric of society is more fragile than you think it is.
And that's why the founding fathers are so wise. They put into play protections to keep tyranny from taking over.
They had a bunch of checks and balances that you can't get through. You don't have ultimate power like a king.
You have Congress, you have the Senate, you have the Supreme Court. It's got to be like that.
You can't change that just because you want your side to win. Everybody has to be aware of that.
Everybody gets short-sighted. Democrats get short-sighted on this.
Republicans get short-sighted on this. You can't have that happen.
It's not good for anybody. It's not good for us.
If you think your opinions and your beliefs and what you know is more beneficial to the American people, state your case. That should be the only thing we do.
These people should be able to state their case. Explain how what you can do.
We should demand that. And all that other shit, stop it.
Just it get rid of all of it get rid of all of it no one should be pro-crime no one should be letting people off the hook for violent crimes no one should be like letting gang members live in some sanctuary city from another country that come over here just to cause havoc and create crime because we have weak policing and because we let them in. Like, no side should want that.
No side should want the country to be more dangerous, you know? And no side should want people deported to El Salvador prisons that aren't really gang members either. No side should want no due process.
No side should want the ability of the government to, like, imagine, like, you're a person who's over here illegally, but you're not not a criminal you're just a guy who doesn't have paperwork and then they send you to prison somewhere Someone decides because of your tattoos that you're in a gang So now all of a sudden you're in a prison in another country and you haven't even been to trial. We can't let that happen either You know, did you see that fucking prison where they took them in Nicaragua? Whatever that place in El Salvador in El Salvador.
El Salvador where they house them, 40 in the South. That's crazy.
That's fucking insanity. It's crazy.
That's insanity, brother. And apparently they have unmarked graves.
You know, people die, they get strangled, whatever, take them to the back, unmarked grave. You know, it's complete dehumanizing of people as a overcorrection to having too much crime and gang violence.
So too much crime and gang violence, then you throw all due process out the window, round everybody up, throw them all in jail. And if you're going to do that, a certain percentage of them are, I mean, it's going to be effective.
You're definitely going to curb crime, but you're also going to victimize a few innocent people, a certain percentage of innocent people, like undoubtedly, especially if you have new due process. Listen, man, we know that.
Like this is, this can't come to America, you know? And if we're sending our prisoners over there, how much different is that than the other stuff that we hate, like sending jobs overseas where people work for a dollar a day and don't get healthcare? We would never allow that in america right well we would never allow this kind of a prison in america either so should we really be involved in sending people to this kind of a prison if they're from another country you know it's a it's a it's an interesting question i think you gotta interesting i think it's there's something there is a bit of, right, if you come from one country and then they put you in a prison and another one without a trial. If they say you're a gang member and you're in MS-13, you come from Mexico, you make your way into America, and all of a sudden they put you in an El Salvador prison, you're like, yo, what happened here? They took a handful of people that had weird tattoos and stuff like that.

That's what I've heard, but I don't really know the truth yet. No, you don't know the truth.
Because they were saying that they keep talking about this guy in the mainstream media, saying he's a Maryland father. But then that Tom Homan guy says, no, he's a member of MS-13.
And so, okay, who's telling the truth? and they were saying that if he got deported and came back into this country again illegally

we would round him up again and do it all over again. We didn't make a mistake.
Okay. Well, who's telling the truth? Is he just a normal man that's mistaken identity? Where's his police record? Yeah.
Right. Let me see his police record.
If the guy has a tattoo and he's got no police record and he's got a family and a wife. It's like, remember when we used to take me for chicken? Which place? By your old house.
20 years ago, he used to always invite me for chicken. Oh, chicks.
The Spanish guy. Oh, how good was that place? He had that wood-fired rotisserie.
Absolutely. Only cash.
No credit cards. No credit cards.
That's what killed him. So think about this.
What if he had that for 20 years? Great guy, because I always went up there with you, and he was very nice to us. Yes, great guy.
What if they came and got him because he didn't have a green card? He was a legal citizen. No, no, no.
But he was legal? He was legal. He was legal.
He was second generation. Okay.
There's people that came, and they're here. Before I send them back.
Actually, I think it was more than second generation. Yeah, I want to make sure that this guy had roots in the community.
I'm not going to just put him on a fucking plane show. Yeah, but I think what you got to do is just get rid of criminals only.
But the only way to know if someone's a criminal is to have due process. But's not over a fucking tattoo no it's due process

it's due process all i want because there's a lot of kids get stupid tattoos yeah and then you have them for life you know when i went to japan um i couldn't work out in the gym in the hotel they made me go up to my room put a long sleeve shirt on because of my sleeves you can't have open tattoos and work out at like a nice place because it's connected to the Yakuza.

Yeah.

So like. because of my sleeves you can't have open tattoos and work out at like a nice place because it's connected to the yakuza yeah so like you have to you have to follow their rules you know they they demand that you follow the rules that's crazy yeah i can't i can't throw somebody back in the prison like that just because of a tattoo i got to see something yeah.
I got to see something. He did something to disrupt the system.
Yeah, see, the thing is I don't know. I really don't know.
I don't know the truth of these cases because you get a biased take from one side oftentimes, and then you get a biased take from the other side, and they're duking it out to shape reality for you. Now, in 85, I lived in San Francisco, and I teamed up with a bunch of Cubans that came in 79, the Mario boatlift.
And, you know, you went over there every day, and I had to buy the old guy, the guy that ran the corner. I had to buy him a little bottle of rum, a half pint, and he would let you operate your game, whatever your game was, selling weed, whatever.
But my point of the story is that I remember this specifically, but from the time I got there to the time I left, there was probably 80 Cubans on the block. Maybe 20 of them got arrested.
In those days, you got arrested. You got deported like the following week.
If you got arrested. They put you in jail.
If you didn't have paperwork or you came in that Cuban thing, they would take you, right?

Immigration would come get you within 72 fucking hours, and you'd be right back in Cuba, and Fidel would shoot you. See, it's one thing if you arrest someone for a crime and then you deport them.
I get that. But it's another thing when you're rounding up people because you think they look suspicious.
Like during the first Trump administration, there's is dude who was a contractor who was doing something from a house and he's army veteran I think he was in for 20 plus years and worked at a management position at a big construction firm so they're like a prestigious job he was like a legit guy so he's at home depot and he's dressed nice you know polo shirt on nice slacks like it looks like a guy who has money these ice guys pull him over and demand that he show them their paperwork and you know he's like what the fuck are you guys doing and he says that to them and then he pulls out his, you know, he's like, what the fuck are you guys doing? And he says that to them. And then he pulls out his, you know, army ID and, you know, his driver's license.
He's like, you can't do this. You can't just come up to people.
He goes, I'm a fucking American citizen. He goes, I was born in America and I served my country for 25 years.
And you fucking idiots are just going to harass me in the parking lot because my family is of Spanish descent the fuck away from me and You know he was hot and he came to the house right from there. It was tell me about this I was like god damn cuz here this guy's like Gentlemen businessman like sweetheart of a guy wonderful to talk to great to do business with have a conversation with them great guy they just looked at him because he's brown like that's it there's no way you could make any other way you're gonna point to that guy and think he's an illegal that guy's driving a brand new silverado with a construction logo on the side of it shiny clean car polo shirt slacks clipboard in hand fuck you that's what i'm worried about i'm not worried about guys that get arrested dog i was worried when they came to jersey i didn't go out that week i didn't do much i'm a d-ass i'm glad they didn't deport you i didn't know but you never...
Listen. Right, but if you did get arrested for a crime, you probably now would say, yeah, you should get deported.
Like, if you did a violent crime. Yeah.
Yeah. Take me back.
But there's a difference between getting arrested for a violent crime and just going to Home Depot because you're brown. That's crazy.
That's crazy. And on this hall, this ice hall, listen, you're picking up I don't know how many thousands of people, correct? How many people did they pick up on this? I do not know.
They ship back. I do not know.
Doug, you're going to have a couple clerical errors. Well, you're going to always, if I, listen.
More than that. Even the computer will pick them.
Yeah. You know, it's just a clerical error.
But there's also... Just be big enough to say we made a clerical error.
Don't keep saying that I know you're a gang man because you got a fucking tattoo on. Well, the thing is like that, we don't know what's correct, right? But there's not just clerical errors.
If you don't have due process, you also have the potential for people to potentially falsely accuse someone on purpose just so they can arrest them because they don't like them or they have a bad business dealing with them or there's some reason why they want to send this motherfucker to show him to El Salvador. People are crazy.
They do shit like that all the time. If you're just rounding people up and this guy that you fucking hate happens to be from Nicaragua and you just fucking sick, sick the dogs on them.

If you've got a hotline when people can call and rat on people, people are rats.

There's a lot of rats, especially if you just have a wild number that you can call wild number to turn people in.

Remember during covid like they were they were giving people rewards for turning people in for having parties in L.A.

And the mayor was saying normally snitches get stitches, but now they get rewards. Do you remember that? Yeah.
That retarded mayor that they had in L.A. during the entire time? I don't even remember.
He was such a fucking... Los Angelinos.
Oh, he's such... Wasn't that guy? Yeah.
My favorite thing was when Black Lives Matter protested in front of his house. Like, you're never woke enough, bitch.
Well, this is my problem. This guy.
Yeah, that guy. What the fuck is his name? Corsetti.
Oh, God. What a tool.
LACity.org slash business violation. Does he say the snitches usually get snitches?

Say it at the beginning.

I don't know where he says it.

I think it's at the beginning.

Make sure that everybody continues to let us know where those folks are.

If you've observed recurring violations of the safer at home order,

please continue to let us know at coronavirus.lacity.org

slash business violation.

You know the old expression about snitches.

Well, in this case, snitches get rewards.

Thank you. city.org slash business violation.
You know the old expression about snitches. Well, in this case, snitches get rewards.
We want to thank you for turning folks in and making sure we are all safe. You should go to jail for saying that.
I'm going to explain something. You fucking monster.
Due process has been my problem since all this shit started. And it started with even the cancer culture.

Okay?

Due process.

You got to come at me and let me know everything.

Just because you opened up your mouth and said that 22 years ago at a party, I kissed you, I tried to kiss you, that ain't good enough.

That just ain't good enough.

Well, I went home and called my girlfriend Diane.

We'll get her on the fucking stand too.

But I believe in due process.

I'll do whatever time you want me to do, prove that I did it.

Just don't open up your fucking mouth.

I'll see whatever time you want me to do prove that I did it just don't open up your fucking mouth absolutely but when you have something like I'm asking for you to turn people in for anything people gonna go nutty and start ratting on people that's just what they do you can't get away from that you can't snitches get rewards like if you have that for immigration you got a real problem you got a real problem because there's legit scumbag racist out there that'll find people and start targeting them people swat people all the time that you know what that is if i can call 9-1-1 and say someone's being held hostage at joey diaz's house at gunpoint and then the swat team shows up. And you might not know what that is? They fucking call 911 and say someone's being held hostage at Joey Diaz's house at gunpoint.
And then the SWAT team shows up. And you might not know what's going on, so you might pull out a fucking gun and get shot.
Yeah, I've heard of that. Were college students are doing it? People are doing it all the time.
It happens. There was a bunch of conservative online people that were getting SWATed recently.
It's wild shit, dude. You know, you give people this ability with social media or even more so if you like anonymously tip people that people are immigrants here illegally.
Like, boy, that's going to be a problem if that ever happens. And that could just be a woman who owns a fucking fruit stand and a Mexican owns a fruit stand down the corner.

And she could just call and go, listen, this guy's illegal.

There's people that are excited that people are getting deported.

Like, be fucking careful.

Be careful what you wish for. You don't want more people searching for people to lock up.

And then here's the thing like any other business. Once you start getting numbers, you don't want those numbers to drop off.
You don't want the job to go away. You know, you got a quota, right? If you got a quota, if there's a, I don't know if there is a quota, but if there's a quota for how many immigrants we're going to send back, you got to have a problem because then now you've made it a game and now I'm trying to score points.
And if Joey gets 30 guys, I want to get 50 guys. guys fuck Joey.
Yeah I got 50. I think a few of them might not be guilty but fuck it who cares.
I'm getting a Cadillac. I hit the bonus.
Yeah fuck them they should all go back anyway. Agreed.
Agreed. Yeah.
There's a lot of fucking idiots in this world. There's a lot of people that they're short sighted and by giving by giving, if there is, I'm not saying there is a quota, but if there is a quota, you're giving people a game to play now.
You don't want to play games with people. Well, I think even on ticket quotas, there's a percentage that they know they're going to get beat on it.
Like, yeah. If I give you ten tickets, eight of them are going to be good.
Two of them are going to be, he's going to come up with an attorney and fight this. The wind was blowing.
I always said that, like, what would he do? See, this is a problem with the government that they're exposed with this Department of Government Efficiency. And I had heard about this before from my friends that are in the military, that, like, if you get a budget for the year, if you don't spend all of that money, your budget's going to be reduced next year.
You don't want that to happen. So you spend money wildly, completely inefficiently.
And I think that's part of the problem that we're facing here. It's like they don't want to lose out on any of this money.
They've been getting this money this way for so long. You're right.
If they don't use it, that budget goes down yeah the budget goes down they call that something bullshit what is it called what is it called I had a point but I forgot my point is but it's just that you know we're in a weird time here where people are arguing about whether or not we should abandon core principles that made this country great. Like very intelligent liberal people with degrees are talking about the First Amendment should have restrictions.
Like, no, no, no, no, no. You don't get to decide.
You don't get to decide. Because without free speech, I don't know who's right.
And I can't just go on narratives. That's how religions work.
That's how cults work. They make you go on a very specific narrative and you can't go outside the lines.
if you want to the human race to evolve if you want people to evolve culturally if you want

people to communicate better they gotta be able to say whatever they want and then you decide if you want to communicate with people that speak differently than you And if you think they have an egregious position You're allowed to say something about it and you talk about it and everybody has to figure out who's right and who's wrong And unless that's able to go on you're never gonna get to the. And if you just cut that off for things that you find offensive, the problem is maybe I don't find it offensive.
And you can't decide what I can take in and not take in. You're not allowed to because I don't know you and you don't know me.
This is nonsense. You've got to give human beings the ability to discern for themselves.
The only way for them to truly do that is they've got to be able to communicate.

Openly.

And they were trying to stop that during the Biden administration.

They were putting the fucking brakes on all kinds of shit that people are allowed to talk to.

And everybody's like, yeah, we've got to stop this information.

You're signing your own fucking death warrant.

You don't even know it.

You're giving away the only thing that we have left. Taking a vitamin.
It's called CardioNad. I'm taking something else.
That's called like colon. They gave it to me after my lung thing.
And my lung feels a lot better. You know what the doctor told me when he told me to take the one supplement? What? They took it off the market during COVID.
Why'd they do that? Because it's such a great lung supplement. Like I feel a lot better since I've been on it for five weeks.
They took this off the internet and everything. They shut down their website for three years.
Oh my God. That sounds so crazy.
If you had said this to me before COVID i would like joey's crazy stop talking like that man i was so pro pharmaceutical drugs back then like as the cure-all to everything and modern medicine and vaccinations are so important and covet woke me the fuck up when i found out that they were trying to stop doctors and take away their licenses

if they prescribed ivermectin, take away your license.

If you just prescribe off-label a drug that people say is beneficial in certain trials,

but for some reason you're not allowed to do it for the first time ever,

doctors are prohibited from prescribing something off-label that has no negative side effects it's never happened before never happened before where there's a public psyop where they're trying to pretend that it's horse dewormer so nobody will take it it's bizarre and they did it right in front of our And they just did it for money. And the fucking media went along with it.
And so did the liberals. The liberals went along with it.
And they parroted out everything they say. Safe and effective.
Saved millions of lives. When no, look, people are dropping like flies to the left and the right of them.
People are stroking out on the subway. And everyone's pretending that nothing's wrong.
Everyone's pretending this drop in all-cause, this increase in all-cause mortality isn't crazy. That's not weird.
It's not weird that cancer is on a skyrocketing rate. That's not weird to you.
Everyone's pretending. And if you bring it up, you're a kook.
They tricked everybody into being the cop.

Everybody is calling that Garcetti hotline.

Everybody's a little rat.

They're all little rats.

They're little rats working for the man, and they'll rat on each other.

And then if something happens to them because of it, they keep their mouth shut because they don't want to hear it.

So they do the work of the man for the man because they're suckers Not wild and that that what we're talking about is the problem with This disclosure of aliens those people are gonna fall apart the people that fell apart in kovid. Oh Jesus, they're gonna be wearing silver jumpsuits and sucking alien dicks the moment those guys arrive They will jump on team alien.
They'll be rounding up people and using us for slaves They'll do whatever the aliens ask. They'll be like vampire familiars Remember those where there was like a guy wasn't a vampire but wanted to be one, so he'd do anything the vampire asked?

That's what those fuckfaces would do.

All the people that got nine boosters, all those morons,

they'll be like on team alien 100%.

It is imperative that the human race perish.

It's imperative.

We're a blight on the world, and the Anunnaki are going to help us.

Those fucking idiots. They'll sell us right down a river It's crazy what's going on in the world today my friend it is but there's It always has to be crazy.
So we realize it's crazy. So people snap out of it like this is the this is a part of society It's like it there's not a linear path to.
What happens with societies is things go really well and then they go terrible and you either adjust or you don't. And if you don't, the civilization dies and then a new one emerges.
But if you do, then you recover. And it's like, how many times can you do that? How long can you keep this fucking thing going on? Because you're going to have like great prosperity, which makes soft people know hard times makes hard men hard men make soft times soft times make soft men soft men make hard times and everybody knows that that's what it is it just is good it go and it's just a matter of recognizing that it's happening so you course correct which is why everybody's leaving california they're not course correcting they're going into madness and they're like new we're progressive and then no no you're going under the rocks No, no, the rocks protect us.
No, you're gonna die. You're gonna hit the rocks It's gonna be over just like there's no more Rome is gonna be no more LA like you fucking morons All right, there's the world is littered with civilizations that lost their way.
You can go and find the ruins everywhere. You know, they're gone.
They went away. That's how it happens.
Stupid. And you're doing it right now.
And we either recognize that or we don't. And if we don't, it's not good.
But I think we will. I think we have a different, you know, a different way of communicating now.
Because people can talk so much online. You're going to get a lot of stupid shit online.
You get a lot of dumb things online. But you're also going to get a lot of conversations that make you think, that make you go, that actually makes sense.
Like why are we assuming that the way we're doing it so far and the way we've been doing it is the only way to do it? What is wrong with this system? How do we get the money out of it? How do we get money out of politics? How do we get the number one corrupting factor out of figuring out what's best for all of us? How do we do that? Smoke weed. Eat mushrooms.
Talk to aliens. That's it.
I don't get involved in none of that shit. It doesn't bother me.
I do sometimes when I think about it, because I go down roads. I don't want to think about it.
I want to just enjoy my life. I'm scared for my daughter in the future.
Everything else, I got to fucking take a chance every goddamn day. You know what I'm saying? Yes.
Well, that's also one of the benefits of a society with children. A society with children wants to make sure that the future is safe.

A society of people without children making rules don't give a fuck about kids. And some people are actually openly disdainful of children, and then they get into positions of government and power.
That's not good. I think something happens to you when you have children that I think is an important biological sort of spiritual developmental cycle There's something that happens to you when you realize this little person you love more than life itself and you're taking care of them now And then you want the world to be a better place and then you start thinking oh all these people around me used to be babies They used to be this is what we're all on this weird And like, maybe we could all be a little nicer to each other.
You know, if that doesn't happen to you, and you don't have kids, you don't have something that you love more than life itself. You know, it's a different, it's a different kind of thing.
And if you want power, when you're that person, that's a different kind of thing too. And especially if you're into war, if you're a war hawk, and you don't have any kids like jesus christ you're willing to send other people's kids overseas to die for some nonsense and you don't even know what that is like that's kind of crazy so we're in a society right now where we have a popular except for elon we have a population decline people aren't having as much babies as they used to it just doesn't seem like it because there's so many people but it's like a when they look at the numbers for the future We're in a kind of a weird population collapse thing like Japan is fucked Have you seen any of that stuff on Japan? See if you can find anything on the Japanese population crisis They're having so few children in Japan that like in three generations

They could be in real trouble

Like the number of people that will have a grandchild right now is significantly lower than it ever has been before

I ask you a question. Yeah, the fuck's it got to do with me.
I don't give a fuck about the Japs

What the fuck is wrong with you Joe? Well, I think about it with us. Because I think about it with civilizations collapsing.
I think about it with what we've been talking about the whole day. Yeah, but we don't have to worry about that.
I know. I know.
We don't have to worry about it. This is fucking too much.
You're right. You're right.
This is the first podcast I'm done, but I'm scared. You know what I'm saying? What the fuck is wrong with you? You're right.
Enough with this shit. You're right.
And politics, enough. I know.
COVID is over. If you took the fucking needle, fuck you.
If you didn't, now they just found out the fucking, uh, the flu shot don't work. I could have told you that 25 fucking years ago.
Not always does it not work. It makes you 25% more likely to get the flu.
Come on, man. And I'm a GED type of fucking motherfucker.
So, knock it off. I hate all this shit.
I'm scared. You know what I'm saying? The fuck? I'm scared too.
Yeah, about Japanese. Listen, man, that's what the problem is.
We're worrying about this is what the internet fucked us. That's true.
This is why we have retards walking around believing everything because I forgot what I was going to tell you. The internet fucked us.
The internet fucked us. It's too much information.
It's like this. I was in the hospital.
And I get on a fucking elevator. And there's two, three doctors.
You know. Half a fags in my world.
Okay? And they're like, oh my God. We can't wait until the Kennedy report comes out.
Well, how is it going to make a difference in your world? It's like these idiots with the Epstein list. How is it going to make a difference in your world if Tom Hanks is on that list?

Do you not have to go to work tomorrow?

Do you have to do all the same shit?

That shit doesn't matter

to me. I don't give a fuck

who's on the Epstein list.

I don't give a fuck who went to Diddy's

house. It's got nothing to do

with me. But in today's world,

because of the internet, it makes us

think it's got something to do with us.

It's got nothing to do with me, man. It's a show.

That's what it is. house.
It's got nothing to do with me. But in today's world, because of the internet, it makes us think it's got something to do with us.
It has nothing to do

with me, man. It's a show.
That's what it is.

What's a fucking show? I don't want to watch that show.

So now I've got to wait here

60 years we've been watching

the same footage. He got hit.

It clocked back. You know,

Lee Harvey out. But now we want to

really fuck with these fucking

peanut nimble-headed dummies. Well, I want to see what's on there.
Then two days later, the Jews did it. Leave me.
Just worry about paying your fucking credit card bills, you fucking idiot. That's what you should worry about.
Did you see what happened this year in this country? Fucking millionaires are selling off fucking property to pay taxes to get capital. Are you fucking kidding me? And people are worried about the fucking Epstein list? Like, how is it going to change your life who fucking Tom Hanks is fucking in the ass? Who does it matter? And do you really care? At the end of the day, do you really care about that 16-year-old girl? No, you don't.
So shut the fuck up. Nobody cares.
It's just a fucking show. It's a show.

It's a show. It's like I told you about LA.

But it's a compelling show.

What's that fucking show with the crazy stoner guy

Seth Rogen who just

the studio.

Not a bad show. Not a bad show

at all. But I was watching that show

and it let me realize what I hated.

Short, small talk.

That shit we were talking about before where people just like, well, the other day a contractor came over. I love this guy.
Came over to my house, going to do the garage. And there was a moment of 10 minutes that it was him and his son and me and my wife.
And we're just standing there. And it just takes one guy to go, all right, back to work, everybody.
Because if not, we'll sit there for three hours. Right, right, right.
So how did it feel? Great. How was your trip? How was the hospital stay? Listen, it doesn't fucking matter how my hospital stay was.
Get in your truck. Get the fuck out of here.
And I'll get the fuck out of here. I go my way.
You know, my wife, I hate her around when people come over. Because she always throw that curveball in.
Like, tell them to look at the room. No, they don't need to look at the fucking room.
Leave them in the fucking garage. If not, you're going to confuse these motherfuckers.
You got to assume everybody is confused. You go to a restaurant, you get something wrong.
Everybody is not cooking on fucking, you know. It's something I've never seen before.
Every time I go somewhere, I'm like, how can they be that stupid? Yeah. How can they not do this? You go to CVS, there's...
Anywhere you go

it's like they're not even training people anymore.

They're not even training

people anymore.

You know, you go to... I went somewhere the other day.

I was at the mall. My daughter was on...

I go to P.F. Chang's.
P.F. Chang's,

those type of restaurants, they used to train people.

For two weeks you don't get paid.

You're in there learning shit. It's not like a regular

restaurant where they're like, follow Joe Rogan around for a day,

and then fucking come back tomorrow and you're on your own.

Dog, nobody's fucking.

They don't know anything.

These young kids, they don't know anything.

Nothing.

You know, a lot of them aren't even getting driver's licenses.

They just Uber everywhere.

The kids don't want to learn how to drive.

I don't want to learn how to drive.

They don't care. My friend was telling me his son's got a license for two years.
He's home every night. We got a license.
We left the house before we had the license. We were driving to New Hampshire.
Yeah, we had the car before we had the fucking license. Yeah.
But listen, I had, you know, people, I went to a comedy show and a guy, a comedian, talking about kids. And I'm like, I'm not going to do that no more.

Because that's all of us.

We all talk about when I was fucking 40.

Right.

When I was 28, you know, I did this and I did that.

Right.

But these kids today are different and I've accepted it.

I've accepted it in my neighborhood.

When I went back, I was pissed for a few fucking months.

How come?

Because there's no kids playing. There's kids all over my fucking street.
And my little cul-de-sac there. I got like eight fucking kids.
Mr. Softy comes.
We're the only ones out there. Four in the afternoon.
Where the fucking kids? Well, kids don't feel comfortable being unsupervised today. You hear too much about kids being abducted and weird things happening to kids.
It's not like they could free range like when we were kids. It's like there's that narrative's out there everywhere.
And then some neighborhoods just aren't fucking safe. Your kid shouldn't be out.
Nah, there's a lot of safe neighborhoods where kids don't play. Our neighborhood wasn't that safe, but in unity there is strength.
There's a real problem with video games. Video games are so good, the kids don't want to go outside.
It's a fucking cell phone. That too.
It's a cell phone and a computer. That too.
It's so many things, but I'm not, I don't have a problem with it no more. That's what I'm trying to say to you.
It's who they are now. It's who they are.
You know, I was reading something, I just put this together. It's the truth.
Remember a couple, maybe a year ago, they were talking about how low testosterone are in these people?

Yeah.

Kids don't play no more.

Well, they don't play.

They don't go outside.

They don't run.

They don't jump.

They don't jump.

And then they're eating garbage.

So what do you think testosterone levels are going to be?

And they have plastic in their brain.

They said that they studied a bunch of people to see how much microplastic they had in their brain, and some people had as much as a plastic spoon. What? Imagine that.
You have so many microplastics in your brain that if they extracted it all, you could make a plastic spoon. So, of course, that's going to wreck your fucking testosterone, too too and then I saw this thing about call of duty

Some fucking insane statistic about the amount of time that in total that's been played in call of duty is like more than human civilization

Like the amount of minutes that people have logged like millions of people playing call Call of Duty, is like if you put it all together, it's longer than human civilization. And I've never played a video game, Joe.
Good. Is that the craziest thing? You'd love it.
Stay away from them. They're crack.
They're crack. I just never felt the need to sit there on a fucking computer and shoot at people.
I'd rather shoot at people for real. I'd rather steal a rather steal a car for real a roller fucking drug dealer well it's definitely more fun to shoot at things for real but video games are very fun there's they're not these people playing them aren't morons they're fun they're really fun I know what is that long what is the amount of time spent it's I this goes back there's a reddit post from 10 years ago actually

repeating the exact same thing so so 10 years ago it was that much there's you could probably pick a video game though and say the same thing right great grand theft auto right yeah any really popular game right yeah how about subway servers this is 25 billion hours played but this was 10 years ago 25 billion hours that's that's so crazy. That's so crazy.
That's so many hours of people playing that fucking game 10 years ago. Yeah, same time.
So World of Warcraft has 6 billion years played? 6 million, 6 million, 6 million, 6 million. Jesus Christ.
So 6 million, that's pre-civilization. I was a model guy.
Weren't you a model guy? Yeah, I used to make little Star Wars, Millennium Falcon models. I love models.
Model cars. I used to do all the superheroes.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. With the brick wall and all that.
Remember when you could paint them? Yeah, I used to paint them and the whole thing. That was my, that's the only thing that kept me in when I was a kid.
That was fun. Until one day my mom goes, stop painting those fucking things.
Get out of the fucking house.

How much paint fumes were we just fucking getting in our bodies as little kids?

Glue.

And glue. And glue.

Paint fumes.

Listen, everybody's got their problems.

These people talk about...

Rubber cement glue.

Remember that stuff?

Oh, shit.

When you would crack it and you had the brush attached to the lid?

Oh, shit.

And you'd pull it out and the smell, you'd be like,

woo!

And you'd tell your friends, smell this.

You'd all be smelling markers.

Everybody'd be sniffing markers and sniffing glue.

I was thinking of sniffing glue again, just to see how we feel now.

Probably not good, I would imagine.

We have some smelling salts.

Should we wrap this up with a smelling salt?

Jamie, how many of those are fresh?

They're all stacked.

Is there any order to those, the way they're stacked?

That's the last freshie?

Chuck that baby this way.

You got one to go for me?

Yeah, of course.

I have one to go.

You really want to take it with you?

Okay, here we go.

Oh, this is fresh, fresh.

This one hasn't been opened yet.

Oh, you hear that?

I mean, it just melted back on or something.

Oh, boy.

Whoa, this is a good one.

Here we go.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, boy.

Wow.

Yeah.

Them fresh ones. Oh, my goodness.
I I gotta get the right side. Are we giving ourselves brain damage or what? Hopefully.
Let's find out about that. What else were we finding out about? We figured out the numbers.
Was there one other thing? Yeah. Jesus.
These fresh ones are brutal. Are we giving ourselves brain damage? Holy fuck.
I need to know. I can't afford any more brain damage.
I cleared my ears. Yeah.
Let's put a lid on that thing. Keep it fresh.
Oh, my God, Joe. Keep it fresh.
It says overuse may damage nasal passages or lungs. Oh.
Well, that's not good. What does it do? What's overuse? Overuse can damage nasal passages.
I don't think it's getting to my lungs. Fuck you's both.
I got damaged nasal fucking pads already and lung hair and fucking... Bro, the inside of your nose is scarred over.
It's like a cauliflower ear. Look at this.
That was a good whack. That was a good one.
That was a very good whack. That affected something.
Yeah, cleans you out. I've never tried it before lifting weights, but that's what it's for.
That's what they do. Those powerlifters So this is for strength lifters.
Yeah. The real power lifter guys, they like to take a jolt of that shit right before they fucking ah! They lift fucking more! And what's the pros and cons of this shit? Like, what are the long...
I don't think there's any pros. It's all cons.
This is not good. What we just did is not good.
But the one we just did now is just a higher strength of the stuff they used to put in your nose.

It smells just like it. It's the same stuff.

It's smelling salts. It's just a whole

jar of them. It's ammonia,

right, Jamie? Now if you get knocked

out and put that under them, what happens?

They used to be able to do that to boxers in between rounds.

They stopped allowing them to do it.

Because I guess it'll wake you up

if you got a concussion a little bit. Just enough for you to get more of a concussion so Tommy Hearns can hit you again.
Oh, my God. And I got this fucking Loris, not Loris Fishburne.
Who's the other guy? The guy I like a lot. He's in the Godfather of Harlem.
Forrest Whitaker? Forrest Whitaker. That's Forrest Whitaker Eye now.
Oh. Did you see it? No.
What's going on with your eye? I don't know. It droopy? It droops.
Only when you get high? That's hilarious. Yeah, right here.
Over this. I got to put like scotch tape over this.
Did you ever see Forrest Whitaker in The Color of Money? Fucking tremendous. He hustled Paul Newman.
He hustled Paul Newman. It was beautiful.
He's fucking really good. Can I ask you a question? You think I need to lose weight? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He says that after he robs him.
He tricks him. He pretends he sucks at pool.
And then slowly but surely, Paul Newman realizes he's getting hustled. Sorry.
I'll throw this away. And there's a scene where he gets angry and he asks him, are you a hustler? And he's like, you can quit if you want to quit.
It's one of the best scenes. That was a great scene.
I forgot about that. It's one of the best scenes in the movie because that's really how it works.
Just for your clarity, a doctor says this about smelling. What does it say? If you're stuck in a room that was filled with ammonia gas, you would get lung toxicity.
Potentially you get airway injury. You could potentially die.
But breathing this stuff in a few times over a few hours isn't really going to lead to any significant complications he had the fda warning is mostly a regulatory issue about misbranding and mislabeling okay so we have to worry there's no way we could worry because those power lifter guys they've been doing it forever it's like that hicks joke about you you know, when you smoke cigarettes, they're on the side of the labels.

Oh, yeah.

Low birth weight.

Low birth weight.

I can live with that.

Just pick the ones you like.

Yeah.

Ironic that that guy got pancreatic cancer, and that's a side effect of cigarettes.

That's one of, I mean, you can't for sure say that that's what caused it, but that is one of the things that comes from that.

Renewed interest may have come after the appearance on the Joe Rogan experience. Oops.
Yeah, people are blasting themselves. That's hilarious.
What's going on for Jersey? Who's on that card, Kyla, against the Venezuelans? Let's pull it up. The main event is Sugar Sean O'Malley and Marab Dwabishwilly, the rematch, which would be absolute fucking chaos.
Juliana Pena versus Kayla Harrison, who's the most jacked female that's not on steroids, walking the face of the earth. Kayla Harrison is fucked.
I mean, she passes all her tests, but good Lord, that lady's jacked. Bruno Silva, Joshua Van.
This is like they haven't made the full card yet.

Kelvin Gaslam, the fight with Joe Pfeiffer that was rescheduled.

Joe Pfeiffer got real sick in Mexico City.

So did Daniel Cormier, and so did John Anik.

They all got really sick in Mexico City.

Cheeto's on that card.

Oh, let me see that.

Yeah, I was going to get the better version.

Okay.

Who is Cheeto fighting? Okay, that Kelvin fight is a very good fight by the way Kelvin and Joe Piper Joe Piper is a fucking terrifying dude Mario Bautista, that's a very good fight. Mario Bautista is rock-solid man.
That's a Serious dude and Marlin is a monster too because that's that's a fucking very good fight Marlins got the bigger name but Mario Bautista is a fucking killer great card but it's not fully formed yet there's just a few fights generally speaking there's usually it's around 13 fights you know John and I were talking about that the other day. Like, there's nothing like calling the UFC fights because you start, you know, if it's in Vegas time, you're starting the fights at 3 p.m.
And you're going all the way through to the pay-per-view. You're doing like six hours plus of commentary.
And then you've got to find times to run to pee. Sometimes it's like I have to tell the truck, like, can I pee? and then you got to find times to run to pee sometimes it's like i have to tell the truck i cannot pee and then you gotta because i'm drinking monster energy drinks and i'm taking nicotine pouches and i'm fucking fired up and i'm drinking a lot of water too i'm drinking my hydrogen water and i have to fucking pee so bad there's nothing worse when you have to when you're trying to form a sentence and you have to pee you can't think it has been brutal for me brutal and when i eat mushrooms i gotta pee every 20 fucking minutes why and if i'm in a car i gotta pull over and pee and i gotta make sure i'm not in the sexual fucking uh territory like i don't pee oh like close to schools churches yeah parks because they throw you under the bus for sexual whatever.
And you got to be careful. But dog, I'm in a world where there's some weeks are better than others.
I don't get up at night to pee. But in the daytime, especially if I work out and I start drinking that water and drinking that water, oh baby, I got to start peeing.
And when I got sick, this was the beauty of it. Every time I had to pee I'd get anxiety.
I would get a panic attack.

I couldn't even make it to the bathroom to walk. Really? I was peeing

my pants on the way to the fucking bathroom, Joe.

You have no idea. The last

week

of February

when I went to the hospital in March

that was possibly

that Saturday night

my blood pressure was 212 over 100, and my oxygen level was at 86. And I wouldn't go to the hospital because I didn't want the ambulance coming to get me at 4 in the morning in front of my daughter.
So I waited until 8, and then I drove myself to the hospital. It was fucked up, bro.
Wow. That was a fucked up couple months, man.
I didn't know what was going on.

And what did they determine it was?

It was a congenitive heart failure.

When you have fluid in your lungs, edema, whatever, I was retained.

Bro, I walk around.

Right now I'm 278.

I was 265 all summer because I was really happy. Every day I would go, look, I could fight in the UFC.
When I walked into the hospital, I was 319. Oh, you got big.
I got big in a month. Oh.
Like a month. And I wasn't eating in the hospital, nothing.
Was it like Italian food? Like what did I eat so big? No, I was just retaining water. Edema's when you retain water.
Oh. Like, big time.
That much water? Oh, my God, Joe. And my lungs was getting the water, so I couldn't breathe.
And then when I would not, it got to, it became, it went from me just having to stop. Like, if I would walk from here, I wouldn't make it to your bathroom.
Couldn't make it to your bathroom. I'd have to stop in between and take, a five minute breath.
Meanwhile, holding my peeing. Oh, Jesus.
And your fucking stress level's going up and up because you're holding your fucking peeing. It got to the point I would walk into shop where I get what I had to get, but now I got to stand there because I got to fucking pee from the walking.
Oh, no. And the bathroom's a mile away.
There's no walking. Just take your dick out out and pee.
There's no even. Oh, my God.
In those days, it wasn't even getting the container from the car because I started bringing the container in the car. There was no time.
You just get out, open the car door, and make believe you're waving at somebody. And you take your dick out, and you're peeing, or I make believe I'm getting something from the back of the car.
The whole time I'm peeing. Oh, wow.
Yeah, man. So as soon as I went in, they put me on these fucking things for three days.
And I lost like 20 pounds of fluid. It was fucking amazing.
I was peeing one of those full things, one an hour. Really? Couldn't even make it to the bathroom.
I would just get up and fucking pee in it and fill it up. And then they did a nuclear blood test.
And they had to take out, I don't know, fucking six tubes of blood in 45 minutes. And that's when they came back and they go, you got 65%.
You're overloaded on fluid in your body. You're retaining that much water and your blood cells are off the charts.
So we got to start draining. I started draining.
They were taking, I don't know how many tubes from here, every three hours of blood. Wow.
Look at my fucking arms. They're fucking banged up.
I was a fucking heroin junkie. So when I got out, I started taking it.
Listen, when you end up in a hospital, there's a problem. OK? There's a problem.
You cut a stitch, that's not a problem. You had a situation.
That's how I looked at it. There's a problem here.
We gotta get to the bottom of this fucking... And what is the bottom of it? What's the cause of it? I was taking MK-677.
What is that? It's an amino acid peptide which mimics growth hormone in your brain. And it had a lot of dumps, like insulin dumps and all this type of shit.
And it was raising my sugar. It was doing a ton of shit.
I didn't even know it. But this ain't the first time it happened.
It happened when I was doing testosterone when I was 50. I had a rush of red blood cells.
And I had to go to, in DC and I had the worst fucking migraine headache for days and they took blood out there you got too many red blood cells. Wow.
So that's why I can't do any of that shit. And it's like the man said if you're gonna do growth do growth.
Don't get something that's gonna mimic growth. What ways to well can do for you will change your fucking life.
Yeah. No.
We get you a full blood panel and figure out what's going on. Adjust your nutrition.
Adjust your vitamins. He's the best.
And he loves what he does. He does.
And that's what the key is. Like he's jerking off all over that fucking Martian.
He loves that shit. He loves it.
He loves it. It took forever to build that thing.
He was telling me he was having that thing made two years ago. And I was like, wow, what are you doing? Now that he got it, I was like, oh, okay, I get it.
It's pretty cool. It's pretty really fucking good.
It's really cool. But that was what I had going on, man.
When I came out. We're going to see what we could do.
Yeah, I quit smoking pot. And I was like, come on, man.
After about a month, I'm like, come on, Joey. This ain't what fucking puts you in the hospital.
You know this. So I started slightly.
I would just do one hit in the morning because that's all I need is the morning. The rest of the day is bullshit.
I just like to be high in the morning with that coffee. That's my world.
That lets me know what I'm doing that day. You think about life.
No. It's like what Bill Heck said.
Marijuana don't make you lazy. It just makes you realize that what you're going to do ain't worth doing.
Okay? That's the way I look at it. When I had to drive into the city, do that podcast, only 18 people listen to it, I'm not fucking going to this.
That's what happens. And that's what happens with me.
I smoke pot in the morning. I'm like, I ain't doing that today.
Fuck that.

I love you to death, Joey.

Let's wrap this up.

My brother, thank you for having me. I'm glad you're in town.

Happy Easter.

Let's have some fun.

Happy Easter, everybody.

Stay black, cucksackers.

Bye, everybody.

Bye.