#2291 - Bert Kreischer

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out!

The Joe Rogan Experience.

Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day!

Good to see you.

Thank you, Joe.

Always good to see you, my man.

It's always good seeing you, man.

I always say, like, you give the best hugs.

Like the UFC the other night when I saw you.

Yeah.

And you came up, you just wrap it up. I love it.
I'm a hug guy too. Yeah.
I think it shows your emotion. I love a real hug.
Yeah. A real hug where someone loves you.
Yeah. You know? You know I love you.
So I give you a love hug. I know you love me.
I know you love me. We've been friends for a long time, brother.
I know. Really have.
It's nice, like, having friends that you've been friends with for just decades, you know. I always say, I've said this before, but I always say, you're like, I never had a brother growing up.
And you've always been pretty honest with me, the way a big brother would be. And you've always come from a place of love.
I remember the whole reason my whole, I was doing nothing and fucking nothing. I'm sitting in the backstage of the store with you and you said, you look to, you look just, you go, Tommy's doing theaters.
And I said, okay. And you need, you need to be doing theaters.
I was like, okay. And you're like, you need a Netflix special.
You need to get one. I was like, all right, Joe, how am I supposed to do that? And you go, be undeniable.
And you just walked away. And I fucking was like, that's the kind of mentorship you look for in a friend that's what you you want to be around surround yourself with great white sharks people think you're a great white shark well you were always really fun and really funny but you were always doing these travel channel shows yeah and this is what drove me crazy I remember the day we've talked about it before but I remember the day I was in the comedy store and I was calling you from the main room and you were on a motorcycle in Vietnam.
And I think you were drunk. I was drunk and hot.
Two things you're not supposed to be on a motorcycle, no helmet, in flip-flops. Which, by the way, it's a fun way to catch somebody.
When you call someone and you're going to go on like 20 minutes I'm just checking in on you see what's going on and you're on a fucking motorcycle in Vietnam I'm laughing, but then I was like dude you really need to dedicate yourself to stand up like this is a trap It's a velvet prison these TV shows are a velvet prison and when you're on the travel channel You're not even getting well. You're making great money, right? But you're not getting I can retire now money.
No. There's no fuck you money.
It's I can live well money. It's a great job.
But it's one of those jobs where at a certain point in time you've got to go, okay, I have to jump ship. Like, you know, I can't keep doing this.
Like this is going to fuck up everything else I'm doing. It's hard to pull that trigger too because like with kids and a family and a house.
Yep, yep, yep. And you go, okay, it's not great money, but it's good money.
And the road was not great money. And I remember you saying, you need a Netflix special.
I remember you saying that to me. On that motorcycle, I'm sitting, I had headsets in.
I was listening to The Doors, Magic Caravan, Spanish Caravan. And I was flying.
I was high. There were oxen on either side of me.
The sun was setting. And you're like, dude, this is who you are.
Fuck that Travel Channel bullshit. Get away from it.
You need to focus on stand-up and your podcast. And I was like, yeah.
And you're like, you're the fucking machine. If you don't talk about this on stage, then you're doing yourself a disservice.
Well, there's certain people that you know their full potential because when they're with you, they're completely relaxed. And, you know, everyone's just having a great time and you get to see them at their best.
And when you're crying, laughing, just hanging out, talking to a guy, you're like, this guy's got it. He's just got to figure out how to get rid of all the other shit in his life and focus on that.
Because you were always so so fucking funny and i was like how is this guy doing these shows where he's letting people hurt him and all this like when you were doing hurt bird i was like what are you doing don't get hurt and then i just that i also i'd gone through it with fear factor like fear factor was a great job don't get me wrong very happy that i got it it was wonderful it gave me fuck you money. It gave me the ability to do whatever I want after that Yeah, but it was a thing where I was like this is not what I want to do What I want to do is what I always do just stand up and have fun You know if I was I was doing the UFC back then too So it's like do the UFC commentary things.
I love doing. That's what I want to be doing I don't to be doing just a job.
Jobs are great. Don't get me wrong.
I'm thankful I got it. But at a certain point in time, if you want to reach your full potential, you have to realize like, this is holding me back.
And sometimes people don't want to tell you that because it's a job and it's a great gift. And I've had people, I've had people tell me like, don't leave Fairfax.
I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? I have to leave. I'm like, I have to leave.
I got to go. i remember i remember those times i remember people saying because i knew you were i knew you as joe the stand-up and and i and i remember people saying he does comedy and i was like no that's what he does like he's not an actor he's not a host he's a comedian but that's not understandable right like my my stand-up i'd only done like by then i'd only done like a couple things that were out that were available.
And I was on the hugest show in television. Fear Factor was fucking gigantic.
It was massive. It was nuts.
It was massive. Monday nights? Yeah.
It was a fun job. You know it was a big show when 20 years later you remember the night it was on.
But this is what's important. Even though it was the number one show in the country, I still had that feeling.
Like, I don't want to really be doing this. I'm happy to do it.
I'm very thankful that I got the job. I worked with some amazing people.
It was a lot of fun. We had a great crew, really fun time.
But I didn't want to do it. I wanted to do this.
This is what I, I didn't know I wanted to do this because this wasn't a thing, you know, but once I figured it out, I was like, oh, this is what I want to do.

I want to do this in stand-up in the UFC, which is like, to me, it's not even a job.

It's like a vacation.

It's crazy watching you operate in the UFC and seeing that mechanism and to think when

you started that, like how far that path with the UFC has been for you.

Oh, for me, it was 97.

I know, but walking in through the other day and I was like, oh, this has been Joe's life

for fucking 26 years.

Well, you know, if you want, if you're a person who's a martial artist and you're a fan of martial arts, if you get a job to do that, like if you get a job to talk about martial arts and to express your love for it and your appreciation for the athletes, appreciation for the fighters and what they have to go through to get to where they're arts. And to express your love for it.
And your appreciation for the athletes.

Appreciation for the fighters.

And what they have to go through to get to where they're at.

The magnitude of their accomplishments.

And to put words to that.

To be able to do that for a living.

That's an honor.

That's how I feel.

It's an honor.

It's an honor.

And I feel like I do a good job at it. And I like doing it.

And I'm super passionate about it.

And I don't do it because it's a job. I do it because I love it.
Like, I don't need to do it. I could have quit a long time ago.
Like, I could just watch it. Like, we're doing a fight companion this weekend.
It's going to be fun. We're going to hang out.
What are you doing Saturday? I don't know. Oh, I'm in Vegas.
Are you really? I have two shows in Vegas this weekend. Oh, nice.
At Resorts World Theater. Nice.
Oh, I should say, my special, Lucky, is streaming right now on Netflix. Right now.
Right now. I say Lucky because I am the luckiest fucking guy in the world.
I really am. When you think about finding the friends I did later in life, you know? Like at like 37 or 38 when I started meeting all you guys and hanging out with you guys.
And then, you know, getting into comedy at the time I did. Like we got into comedy when no one, it wasn't a job.
It was like, it was weird. It was like joining the fucking circus.
It was. And I only got into comedy because I got discovered by Rolling Stone magazine as the number one party animal in the country.
I mean, what are the fucking odds of my life tracking out? So that I it's why I named it lucky. Well, we're all very lucky

That's absolutely sure No, no dispute. We're all very lucky if you're listening to this You're very lucky because you can fucking hear how about that? Yeah, if you're watching it You're very lucky that you can see you're very lucky that you can afford a phone We're very lucky like most of the world lives in utter poverty and that's the unfortunate reality of all these people virtue signaling about the 1% like bitch

you're in the 1%.

Like, bitch, you're in the 1%.

You're in the 1% of the world.

There's someone digging blood diamonds in Sierra Leone right now smoking brown brown, and he's 11.

If you make $34,000 in America, you're in the 1% of the world.

How about that?

Wow.

Yep.

That's real. My father-in-law still isn't in that 1%.
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And if you're watching on YouTube, you can get your four free months by scanning the QR code on screen or by clicking the link in the description. I always think luck is a perspective.
You work hard, dude. You're not just lucky.
You work hard. You work real hard.
You're always touring. You're always doing things.
You're always putting together new shit. You're always working.
You're always hustling. Like, it's not just luck.
It's luck plus, you know, you love to party, but you also have a great work ethic. And that's very, very important, man.
It's like you can't just be lucky. Lucky's huge.
You got to get lucky. But also, if you work really hard, you tend to get luckier, especially if you're smart and if you're willing to take risks.
Like for you, the Travel Channel would think that was a risk. You had to listen to your friends and you had to go, you know what? They're fucking right.
Everybody else is cooking right now. And my stand-up's kind of stalled out because I'm doing this TV show.
And again, it's coming from someone who was there. And I'm telling you that if you're making millions and you still feel that way versus if you're making thousands and you still feel that way, you got to trust me.
There's another way to get through this. And the other way we found.
We got, you know, we were right. Look, we fucking saw light at the end of the tunnel.
We were like, this is the way to go. And we were right.
I remember you telling all of us, you guys need a podcast. And I remember saying to Tom, he's out of his mind.
Why don't we just do his? No, everybody thought I was out of my mind for even doing mine. Like people mocked me openly.
Like Howard Stern famously mocked all people that were doing podcasts. You're wasting your time.
But in his mind, that was correct because he didn't have this... He wasn't an internet kid.
I'm not an internet kid, but I used to build my own computers in the 90s. I used to go to Fry's Electronics and get motherboards and hard drives.
And yeah, my friend Andrew used to help me over the phone. I'd call him.
He's like a wizard tech guy. And so I had bought all these high-end gaming computers and upgraded the video cards.
And I was on all these crazy websites. We'd send each other like, you know, those are the two girls, one cup days.
So I was pretty plugged in. What was the guy, Mr.
Smiles or something? Mr. Hands.
Mr. Hands.
Keep going. So I was pretty plugged in to the idea that the internet was something that people were finding stuff that just wasn't available anywhere else.
I got all these like crazy lectures, these Alan Watts lectures that I downloaded. I'm like, this is nuts.
That's back when you had to download stuff and then you had to upload it to an AirPod. Remember your AirPods with the wheel? Oh, yeah.
Those were the shit. Oh, I remember that.
Yeah, the little wheel that would spun around. I loved that thing.
And so I would download all these Terrence McKenna lectures and all these Timothy Leary, all these fascinating conversations that I would download. And then I started thinking about it.
And then I was like, well, there's podcasts. So people just start, well, let's just start doing one of those.
We just start doing it. And I was like, nobody was listening to them.
It was like Adam Carolla had a big one because Adam had just left terrestrial radio. He was the morning guy that replaced Howard Stern when Howard Stern went to XM, right? So he's on, or Sirius, whatever it was.
So it's both now, right? So he's on morning radio all over the country, but morning radio is like super stagnant. And they had an L.A.
morning radio station where it was all talk radio station. It was all talk radio.
So it was Tom Likas. It was him.
There was a few other people. I can't remember.
Ricky Rockman had a show. Phil Hendry, I think, had a show.
He had a different show. Phil Hendry was an AM guy.
That was one of the greatest goddamn shows in the world.

It's one of the greatest shows of all time.

And he's a super nice guy.

I met him once in Montreal.

So for people who don't know, Phil Henry, he is the caller and he's the answerer.

He does different voices.

And he gets people so angry because the callers will say the dumbest fucking shit. And then you'll have actual people calling in to argue with the caller who's all Phil Hendry.
Yeah. I remember sitting next to my dad's bed.
My dad's in his underwear. And he's got his alarm clock.
And we're listening to it. My dad's just like this.
And my dad goes, buddy, he's both of them. I was like, what? He goes, this is all him.
Yeah. And you're just like, whoa.
I mean, it was so ahead of its time. So ahead of its time.
And once you were in on the joke, it was amazing. Oh, it was amazing.
I was like, what? He goes, this is all him. And you're just like, whoa.
I mean, it was so ahead of its time. So ahead

of its time. And once you were in on the joke, it

was amazing. Oh, it was amazing.
If I was coming

home from the store, it was

Phil Henry or Art Bell.

That was what I listened to. God.

The old days. So Art Bell

was my favorite. Who was Art Bell?

Art Bell was coast to coast with

Art Bell from the Kingdom of Nye.

He was broadcasting from a fucking bunker in the middle of the Nevada desert. He had this crazy radio tower outside of his house in the Nevada desert.
And he would take calls from time travelers, werewolves, people that are coming from another dimension. It was the nuttiest fucking show for real like one of my greatest career accomplishments that like made me the most happy was i got on the art bell show and i got on it like way later when he was on the internet it wasn't even on radio anywhere but for me it was like i got on the art bell show yes it was just like i just loved that show it was so fun because i'd be driving on be driving home.
That was his house. So look at, if you see what his house looked like, it's like his house is in the middle of nowhere in the fucking desert.
I mean, the middle of nowhere. There's nothing around his house.
And his house is all fenced in, like chain link fence and shit. It looks like so, it looks so psychotic.
Like perfect for a guy that is broadcasting he's got like this compound in the fucking desert dude god yeah it was amazing and he would broadcast right from there because radio if you have a tower and you have a station you can broadcast to the whole country the can carry it. So the whole country was carrying coast to coast with Art Bell.

And this wild motherfucker is out in the middle of nowhere in the desert in like a compound talking to aliens.

They were doing what we're doing now way before the curve.

Oh, yes.

Well, we owe all we have today to Howard Stern and Art Bell for sure. because we are kind of like a combination of Howard Stern and Art Bell.
And if it wasn't for – he's the guy that got arrested or didn't get arrested. He got fined heavily by the Bush administration.
This is back when the Republicans were the ones that were trying to censor people, which you should always realize. It's say that this fucking stupid game that people play back and forth with you know who loves war who hates war who who loves censorship who hates censorship it's a political beach ball that they toss around at a concert to keep people occupied these motherfuckers switch sides right that should tell you enough alone by yourself but by itself right there that they

fucking switch sides but he was getting attacked for obscenity so he put like whatever they would do and they were they were they find what was the total amount that howard stern was fined so this has to be you got a neurotic guy as it is right who's also the the most pioneering radio guy of all time right he's the guy that changed radio from DJs playing records to just talking and talking in your authentic voice yeah not hey welcome back talking in your authentic voice and having wild shit on the radio 2.5 million dollars million between 1990 and 2004 so they fucked with him for 14 years. 14 years.
And that's not paid by the station. That's paid by him.
Fine owners of radio station licenses that carried the Howard Stern show. A total of $2.5 million for content and considered to be indecent.
Indecent. So all the stuff that we do on podcasts right now, we would 100% have 100 have been fined 100 i would have been off the air a long time ago it was real censorship but it was just done under the guise of you know broadcast like the idea is like if you're going to broadcast something on a major network like nbc cbs they have rules to language and what you're allowed to show which is kind of crazy Like why do you have those rules? Like why do those rules exist to keep obscenity from television and like Maybe that was a good idea in 1950 But people didn't know any better, but now that we'd know better like why do you have rules like that? I can't believe that radio still has those rules and the rules are slippery You can say dickhead you can't say.
But you can't say suck my dick. You can't say anything you want to say.
Like sometimes cunt's the right word. Cunt's one of my favorite words.
Every now and then it's the right word when used correctly. But like if you can't say it then you can't fully express yourself.
And if you don't like people fully expressing themselves because you don't like certain sounds, I suggest you grow the fuck up. That's a ridiculous way to think.
If I can say cock, but I can't say cock sucker. If I could say dick, like Dick Cheney, but I can't say suck a dick.
Like, what are we doing? It's the same sound. You're making the same sound.
I can say pussy cat. Pussy cat's fine.
You know, you can't say N-word breakfast. You know what I'm saying? You can.
You gotta look both ways. You gotta be black.
But you know what I'm saying? If you want to say certain words that are forbidden words, sometimes they're okay. So it's the sound is sound is sometimes this episode is brought to you by call of duty all right call of duty war zone fans it's happening the moment we've been waiting for verdansk is back on april 3rd yep you heard me right the iconic map the one that started it all is making its epic return i'm talking Superstore chaos, rooftop snipers at the hospital, the madness at prison, all of it.
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It even gets trickier. Like there was a video I was cutting to promote my tour or whatever, and it's me on a boat or the special.
It's me on a boat and there's this page I'm really obsessed with. It's fat N-word season.
Joe is so addictive. because it's and it's this page I'm really obsessed with.
It's Fat N-Word Season.

Joe is so addictive.

It's all AI, and I think they're promoting a crypto coin.

Of course.

And I didn't like the edit, so I go,

Hey, put Fat N-Word Summer.

Play that song.

And it's fucking so much funnier, Joe.

It's so much funnier with me shirtless on a boat.

But these guys are great.

But my wife saw it.

She was like, that's offensive.

I was like, no.

She's right.

Yeah.

And then I sent it to Tommy.

I go, is this racist?

And he was like, sent it to the wrong guy.

All Tom sends me is videos of fat black chicks on rope swings. Our whole thread is just any time a chick takes an L off a cliff.
God, I got to get on that thread because the one me and Tommy are on is horrible. What's that one? It's all murder.
Oh, yeah. That's the other side of his brain.
We send each other to the murder and car accidents. Today was a car accident.
And was guys escaping the cops. And the guy flips this van multiple times, gets thrown into traffic, and then run over by cars.
And it's just splatterfest. I can't watch those.
I was telling someone, my niece had my phone. And she's like, three? And you forget what your algorithm looks like.
And it was Fat M where Summer Song came on. and she's like for three and you don't you forget what your algorithm looks like and she it was and it was fat em where summer song came on and she's like uncle bert and then the next video is a chick pissing on to pass down to its head and i was like oh maybe you shouldn't use my phone to relax with yeah my kids know better my algorithm is fucked dude yeah my algorithm's not good it is fuck it is my youtube algorithm's great oh my youtube algorithm's all history a.
Yeah. My algorithm's not good.
It is fucked. It is.
My YouTube algorithm's great. Oh, my YouTube algorithm's all history.
A lot of my YouTube algorithm lately has been watching people build things. I love cabinet makers and carpenters.
There's this one guy who makes these specialized desks that have secret drawers and shit. Oh, hold on.
I follow that guy. Yeah.
Where you put your hand here. I think there's a few of those guys.
And a magnet comes up a wand comes out, and he waves it. Yeah.
Fuck, those desks are badass. Yeah, I wave the wand, and the keyboard rolls out.
Like, yeah, it's pretty dope. There's a bunch of those guys that make these, like, super ingenious, like, homemade artisan desks.
Yeah, that, or if you get me a chick with no bra doing survival techniques in the woods, oh, yeah. Fucking, I'm in.
That's a sell. I've watched so many of those.
Just rock hard nipples. Hot chicks have found their way into basically all walks of life as influencers.
You know, there's like hot chick hunters. There's hot chick jujitsu girls.
There's hot chick crossfitters. There's definitely hot chick golfers.
Oh, a lot of that. I ran into Paige Spiernak at the Super Bowl.
And I was like, I had to be real because I'm a golfer. I was like, I follow you for your swing.
You have a great swing. Right.
But then you know what's crazy about Paige? She can't snap her fingers or whistle. How'd you find that out? Because we were playing a game, like things about us and she was like, I can't snap my fingers and I watched her and she went like this.
She was like and I go, and she goes I can't whistle and starts going. How could you not snap your fingers? I have no idea.
She's the most followed golfer, Joe. Damn.
And she's not. Tiger Woods only has 3.5 million followers and she's got four and she's not a professional.
Yeah, if you're hot, you could do a lot in this world. And you could also not whistle and snap.
You don't have to snap. That's not important.
You care? Yeah, she's super hot. But she does have a great swing.
I bet she does. Jesus Christ.
If she's not wearing a bra, it's so good. Look at that.
Just watch one. This seems pornographic almost.
Whoa. Oh, there we go.
I wonder why she's got so many followers. She's got a cough.
Yeah, yeah. That's kind of good swing.
Damn. I don't even know if I saw any movement.
I swear to God, if I had tits. Do you want to talk about Lucky? Yeah.
That's the Willy Wonka golden ticket, being a super hot woman.

All you have to do is be nice, and doors just open up everywhere.

Like, da-da-da-da, she's here.

If you're that hot, anywhere you go.

Red carpets get rolled out, roses get thrown at your feet.

She was walking down a radio row at Super Bowl with Cam Hayward, and both of us are like, just stop talking.

But also, creepers. Creepers launch themselves at you.
You're never invisible guys are fucking with you all the time Overconfident guys are hitting on you all the time and then getting really mean when you reject them That's the thing that chicks have to deal with if to deal with like Angry guys that like are angry that they get rejected and they start insulting them and

yelling at them. That's scary shit,

man. That's scary shit.
Think about all our

friends, all our female comedians that have stalkers.

I mean,

it's so...

You work your ass off as a comic, you happen to be pretty,

you start killing it, and then all the fucking

psychos come out of the woodwork.

And you don't have any money.

So you probably live in a place that's easy to get to that's crazy yeah i don't uh yeah it's dangerous there's a lot of fucking well we need better mental health care in this fucking country and there's a lot of people out there that are out of their fucking mind and if no one's paying in paying attention to them or checking in on them, like imagine your average guy who loses his fucking mind and you're a 40-year-old guy who works at a gas station. You've been working at that gas station for 20 years and no one's paying attention and you're just slowly losing your fucking mind.
And you think Jared Leto is Satan and you've decided that jared leto is uh satan and that you know you've decided that

like someone's sending you code on television and and then you lock on some female comedian

and like that's your target that's who you're it's kind of feel nice though

what to be the lunatic no just to have something to focus on encourage this

have something to focus on encourage this

Have something to focus on play video games guys. Yeah get it get involved in Call of Duty Okay, you don't have to find something productive play online chess you fucking psycho You don't have to go stalk people.
I always had that brain that you know I'd see something like a new addiction come up like cutting and I go. I wonder what that does Like I was always looking for something like that, you know? Yeah.

Like, I could never do eating disorder. That was too tough for me.
But, hey, how about when we were at dinner with that guy, and I said to him, I ran marathons, and he went, you do? That was funny. And he was, I wasn't trying to be rude.
That was funny. He was definitely trying to be rude.
But he was being funny. He was fucking awesome.
We were talking shit. That's Taylor.
Taylor Sheridan. He was awesome, dude.
Yeah, I like how you call him that guy. Well, I didn't want to blow a spot up.
Yeah. Dude, let me tell you something.
I'm going to give props to Taylor Sheridan. I haven't said this to anyone.
I try to keep those moments that you have with those guys private. So I was a little bit of a party snitch for a while, but he's a great American storyteller.
He really is. When he tells you anything about his life or what he's doing, or breaking, he doesn't even call it breaking a horse, he calls it a different term, but I'm sitting there going like, this is, I mean, and this is going to be slanderous a little bit, you know, considering difference of time of where they were.
But, like, it's like having dinner with Ernest Hemingway. He's created some of the greatest content out there.
Yellowstone. You can't compare him to Ernest Hemingway because Ernest Hemingway is dead and a legend.
That's the problem. Okay.
But he's amazing. But amazing.
Do you ever see that Hell or High Water? You ever see that film? No. What's that? Oh, my God.
It's one of his films. Oh, that's a Taylor's film.
Yeah. It's fucking great.
Pull up hell or high water you ever see that film no oh my god it's one of his films oh that's Taylor's film yeah it's fucking great it pull up hell or high water this fucking movie dude this fucking movie is incredible Jeff Bridges is in it yeah I've seen this it's about bank robbers these criminals in a small town it's fucking dude. I think, what's his name's in this?

Oh, shit.

We have a friend in this.

Who's your friend?

No, me and you.

I think it's our friend.

I don't know who it is, though.

I forget.

Okay.

Jamie, go to the cast.

Who's in that?

God, Ben Foster's so fucking good.

That guy's so good.

You know what that guy was in that super underrated one of his performances because it's such a wacky movie? 30 Days of Night. Did you ever see 30 Days of Night? No, what's 30 Days of Night? 30 Days of Night is the second best vampire movie of all time.
Really? First best vampire movie of all time is the most recent Nosferatu. That's the best vampire movie of all time.
The one that just came out? The one that just came out. Okay, Nosferatu, okay.
The best vampire movie of all time. Is it streaming yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, I can't wait. It's on Apple.
But this was, 30 Days of Night was a movie where Ben Foster played like a vampire familiar, and these vampires would go to, they went to Alaska in the middle of the winter where it's it's dark for 30 days so they could be out for 30 days and they're fucking terrifying vampires they're really fun it's a really good and ben foster plays the vampire familiar you know so the familiar is like that's him in there what a familiar? A familiar is a human that the vampires use to get close to humans. And they promise the human that one day he'll have eternal life and he'll be one of them.
So the vampire goes and sets up people for the vampire familiar, sets people up to be killed by the vampires. Oh, shut up.
Yeah. I got to watch this.
Dude, he was great in the, what was the movie where they kidnapped the kid? Justin Timberlake was in it. Raw Dog? Not Raw Dog.
Ben Foster's a beast. He's awesome.
He's a beast. 311 to Zuma or whatever? I didn't see that one.
Yuma. Oh, my God.
He is. What is it, Chamin? 310 to Yuma.
310 to Yuma. I didn't see that.
He was great. And the Justin Timberlake movie, it was called like Top Dog or something.
Alpha Dog. Alpha Dog.
And he was just awesome. And he had a very small role.
He played the guy's older brother. And it was just like, he just owns a screen.
Yeah, he's a beast. There's certain people that when they act, you just go God damn.
I am not one of them. So good.
So it makes a movie so much better. It makes a...
You just get dragged into it. I think Jonah Ray is probably the best comic actor out there.
What has he been in? Jonah Ray. Everything.
When he was in War Dogs and he goes to buy drugs from the black guys. I didn't see that either.
There's too much to see, Bert Kreischer. Oh, man, I'm telling you, I'm just starting now to just download stuff and get off Instagram.
And if I'm going to bed, just turn on a documentary and start watching it. What does that mean, by just starting now to get off Instagram? I'm trying.
Jonah Hill. Jonah Hill, you mean? Yeah, what did I say? Jonah Ray.
Jesus Christ. Okay, that's why you're confusing me.
Sorry, Jonah Ray. No, Jonah Hill's awesome.
Jonah Hill's fucking amazing. He's great.
Jonah Hill's amazing. He was in War Dogs.
He goes up and buys weed from the black guys, and he's like, how much? He goes, $120. And he gives them the $120, and then he just starts to keep talking to himself, and he's like, Jonah's like, hey.
He's got a voice. What guys and they're like get the fuck out he's like oh okay okay and he goes to the back of his trunk and pulls out a machine gun and goes he goes can you listen to me now he's just awesome dude awesome man i fucking love that guy but yeah uh there's too many movies to be paying attention to these days when i was was a kid, if you said you didn't know, you never saw Apocalypse Now?

What the fuck?

You know, it's like once VHS tapes came out, you're supposed to have seen the big ones.

You didn't see The Godfather?

You didn't see Star Wars?

Are you out of your fucking mind?

But today, it's like they never stopped making movies.

They've never stopped.

They make new ones every year.

You can't keep up.

There's no way. And all the ones that were up for Oscars I saw none of those well they all involved chaos but it's like they all involved the end of civilization if you want to win an Oscar you have to be trans lives matter all the way like what do you what do you do to win an Oscar today like you have to have something that's got some meaning to it other than just being a good movie Right, like there's gotta be some social justice aspect to it wasn't it like some thing where they were talking about God damn it.
I Can't remember what the article was about but it was about Requirements for a film to win an Oscar today what they believe to be requirements. I don't like awards.
Do you know what it is? I'm looking. There was something that was just— Representation and inclusion standards? That's it.
Something like that? That's it. That's not the only way to tell a story.
That's not, because if you do that, you don't get Shogun. Okay? Oh.
You don't get Shogun. You've got to have an all-Japanese cast if you want to get Shogun.
You know, you can't have a fully diverse, you know, 50-50 split of whatever, everybody. You can't.
No. You have to tell a specific kind of a movie.
You know, if you're going to make a movie about the Congo, you can't have white people play native Congolese people. You can't have that.
So it's like some stories are not diverse. It doesn't make them less valid.
It doesn't mean you're racist. It just means that some stories take place in Norway and they involve Vikings.
Okay. This is like just a part of human history.
You know, some places, some stories take place in Egypt and they involve Africans. Okay.
It's like, there's plenty of room for every kind of fucking story. But if you only want like a specific type of story to win an Academy Award, you don't get the Godfather.
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You don't get that movie.

You don't get Jaws.

You got to get all Italians if you want The Godfather.

Think about who were the Oscar winners when we were kids.

We're all fucking banger movies that everyone saw.

That everyone saw.

Best Picture won Best Picture because it was Best Picture, not because it was the Best

Picture about a trans social worker that got abducted. Yeah, exactly.
Exactly. Yeah, they got distorted.
They got distorted with what the job is. The job is just to purely entertain people with a great piece of work.
That's all it is. That's the whole job.
And that could be Pulp Fiction. You know, there's no message in Pulp Fiction.
There's none. It's fucking chaos.
And it's amazing. The message we took away was that white guys can say the N-word.
I guess. We were like, all right.
Quentin Tarantino, as long as you have a gun in your hand, you can do it. But the whole movie is just madness.
But it's amazing. You can't deny how great it is.
That's supposed to be what the best movie is it's not supposed to be I don't even know if that won best film did it win best film? did Pulp Fiction win best picture? no but I think he won best director it should have won best picture him and Roger Avery together who the fuck won best pictures? that was a really good year oh that's right we actually talked about that on the podcast. It was actually Unforgiven that year, but I'm going to make sure.
Unforgiven was a fucking great movie. Fucking great movie.
God. That was Clint Eastwood going back and cleaning up all his old westerns.
That's what that movie was. I was like, let me show you what it was probably really like.
What it was really like. Not this, you know, fucking everybody's looking at you sideways.
Wah, wah, wah. Wah, wah, wah.
Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. No, the reality was that character that he played, that old assassin.
What year do you think movies stopped being great movies and started being, like, what year did we switch? I think people are still making great movies. But they're winning Oscars well I think who cares I really do I think the once Will Smith slapped Chris Rock the Oscars to me like what I'm done I'm done like you guys and then they all applauded him and gave him a standing ovation afterwards when he won an Oscar I'm done Forrest Gump Forrest Gump was a banger Shawshank Redemption I saw every movie on there

Quiz Show I'm done Forrest Gump Forrest Gump was a banger Shawshank

I saw every movie on there

Shawshank Redemption

Oh my god

I saw every movie on there

Quiz Show

Quiz Show was great

I never saw Four Weddings and a Funeral

I thought it was great though

Dude it made you want to date a fucking British chick

I made you want to have a rich friend

Live in a castle

Get drunk

Watch a friend die

And fucking

Okay

Look at all of these

But that makes sense

That that was best film

What an amazing year

Shawshank

Thank you. Drendi and fucking.
Okay. Look at all of these.
But that makes sense that that was best film. What an amazing year.
Shawshank, Pulp Fiction, Quiz Show was fucking great. Yeah.
By the way, that was a real thing. Yeah.
Yeah, they really fucking rigged a quiz show. That's why there's all sorts of rules if you're running a game show, because I was on a game show, Fear Factor.
It was my best way to get people away from me. If they ask me, how do we get on Fear Factor? I go, if you want to get on, you can't even talk to me.
Because if you talk to me, then I'll have previously known you. Then it could be seen that I helped you get on the show, so I can't talk to you.
That's great. That's a great workaround.
It was great. And it was true.
Yeah. Sorry.

Did they have someone really judging the horse sperm?

Judging it?

Like an official officiating it because it was prize money?

Meaning the quiz show was all about them breaking the rules.

Right.

And you had to have someone, a standards and practice guy on your team, making sure the game was fair for everyone, correct? Yeah, I think there was something like that. I guess the network just did that.
I think we kind of ran the idea or they ran the ideas by the network and the network decided whether or not this was fair or what have you. But everything was always fair.
That show was, you know know Nobody got knowledge of the stunt before they got there. We blindfolded everybody.
They were traveling around in vans. There would be blindfolds Sometimes they cover their ear so they couldn't even hear and then they would take their blindfolds off and then right there And then they would find out what they had to do so right there And then they find out they got to get covered in snakes or something like that And we knew knew that someone had a fear of snakes because you fill out a form You know if you got a fear of snakes guess what you might wind up on the snake episode, you know It's a fucking crazy show But you know it was all fair but that quiz show they You know they figured it out like the mob figured out the fucking lottery, You know, Whitey Bulger won the lottery twice.
Did he really? Yeah. You know how bold you have to be to be a gangster in South Boston and not just win the lottery once, but win the lottery twice.
Like, see if you can find that. How does, wait, how do you rig the numbers that big? That's crazy.
How do you get away with it. You can kind of get away with stuff before the internet.
Before the internet, you can get away with things like that. Where you can kind of rig the lottery a couple of times and everybody's like, why do you want to get it? What the fuck? Oh, that's great.
When I was a kid and I was living in Boston, I used to teach one of his hitmen. I taught one of his hitmen Taekwondo.
What's it like teaching a hitman? It was weird. Are they good students? Yeah, he was very disciplined.
Yeah, he was like a known guy in the South Boston Irish mob. And he wanted to learn how to fight.
A lottery winner had been one of bulger's brilliant schemes to launder his drug extortion loan sharking money back in the summer which makes sense right what better way to why do i why do you have a cadillac i won the fucking lottery oh we're clear so you could have all your shit so uh bull millions lottery ticket It had been purchased at the South Boston Liqu liquor mart by Michael Linsky, who was the brother of a Bulger underling named Patrick Linsky. The FBI learned that once Whitey heard about the jackpot, he ordered the real winner to sign the ticket over with Whitey and two associates paying $2.3 million in cash for 50% of the winnings.
Bulger himself paid Linsky $700,000. Although Linsky

lost money in the deal, he really had no choice. It came down to selling the ticket or risking his

life. Kevin Weeks, whose name also appeared in the winning lottery, the winning ticket,

later claimed that Linsky purchased a large batch of tickets to hand out as Christmas gifts

and promised to split any winnings with Bulger in weeks. But Week's story makes little sense.

The so-called Christmas gifts were purchased

during the dog days of summer.

So they did it.

The scam set up a

20-year legitimate income stream

for Whitey where he earned $119,000

each year.

Oh, wow. That's brilliant.

Yeah, so that's what he did. He found out that somebody won it.

He's totally tuned into the neighborhood. Find that guy, fuck him over, take his ticket.
Look, I won the lottery. And you have no choice.
You have no choice. It's like when the guy hit Gotti's grandson with a car.
Right. Yeah, you're dead.
Yeah, you got to die now. Yeah, you're dead.
Yeah. If you lived in that time, like in the 1980s when I used to teach this guy Taekwondo, like you would always hear about hits.
I knew a guy who got arrested. I don't know if he did it.
He was a guy that I was friends with. His name was Richie.
I was friends with him before he went to jail. And then I was kind of friends with him when he got out of jail before I realized that he was like very dangerous now.
He was a completely different person. So he went away to jail.
He was a little older than me. I was 18, so he was probably 20 or 21, and he went to jail on some kind of gun charge or drug charge.
So he comes out of jail a few years later, and he's an animal. I mean, an animal.
He's way bigger. He's put on like 30 pounds of muscle, and he's seen way too much.
He was telling me stories about fights that he used to get in the jail where he'd beat some guy half to death with a broom handle, and that you're fighting for your life in there. It's like every day you're fighting for it.
And he knew how to fight. He was, you know, I trained with him.
That's where I knew him. I knew him from Taekwondo.
And he was just telling me about fights and he was getting in jail. He's like, you have to fight.
There's nothing you could do. It's constant.
You're constantly on edge. And I'm like, fuck, man.
And so I'd known this guy before jail. then I'd known him after jail.
And he was just way more dangerous after jail. He was doing a lot of coke.
He would train. And when you would train with him, it was a fight.
I mean, it was a fight. It wasn't, you were fighting for your life.
You know, I broke his whole face once. I hit him with a wheel kick in the head because we were fighting, man.
I mean, we were fighting. And there was no one there, by the way.
It was my gym, so it was just me and him literally fighting. He would just attack you.
It wasn't like a technical sparring thing. And back then, I felt like I was a pussy if I didn't spar with anybody who wanted to spar.
Like, you want to spar? Okay, let's spar. So you sparred with everybody.
And some people youred with some people They were you like let's just not hurt each other. Yeah, and then other people you knew you were fighting You were a bomb guys get knocked out all the time I saw dozens of guys get knocked out in the gym all the time.
I did a lot of it. It was scary It was scary.
You would be super nervous before class. You'd be super nervous.

And you're doing class every day. That's happening every

day? All the time. I have anxiety

getting on

planes. You're sparring three or

four days a week.

Yeah, you're sparring three or four days a week.

If you're smart, you have to stay

sharp. So you broke this guy's face?

Broke his face and he wanted to keep training.

He was still coming after me. I was like, dude, you gotta look in the mirror.
Look in the mirror. And his whole face shifted.
I hit him with a wheel kick in the cheek. He went out.
His eyes rolled back in his head. He collapses down to his butt, and then he tried to get back up slowly.
He gets back up, and he's like, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. And then, like seconds later, he wants to keep sparring and I'm like, you gotta stop.
But he was just a monster. Like a savage.
Like a savage person. He was a kid when I knew him.
Like a normal kid. Like, what's up, Richie? And then three or four years later, whatever it was when he got out, he was a monster.
Was there any hint of the old Richie where you could go, hey man, what's going on? No. on no he was just gone no he was gone the old well i didn't know the old richie that well now i'm thinking timeline so this was pre me doing stand-up so i probably met him first when i was like 16 and then i met him again when i was 21.
It was somewhere around that, 20, 21,

because that's when I stopped fighting.

And it was like right around the same time

where I knew Richie would stop fighting,

so he got arrested.

There was a guy who was murdered,

and they broke every bone in his body with a hammer,

and they kept injecting him with cocaine

to keep him alive. Yeah fuck yeah yeah yeah they they they identified the body i forget how they identified the body but i'm pretty sure they chopped his hands and his head off and they found this guy and he got arrested for that and he got away he got off i don't think they charged I don't think he actually did it.
But he definitely knew people who did it. He was involved with the same kind of people.
And this was like one of the guys that I worked out with. But he wasn't the hitman.
The hitman was way more stoic. Really? Older? Yeah, he was older.
He was in his 30s. And the hitman was...
Would he come in with like hitman problems? Like, say i'm at a restaurant he asked me once how would i kill a guy he said if you're gonna hit a guy and you were trying to kill him where would you hit him i said probably the neck and he said yeah i think so and that was the conversation that was the end of the conversation i don't even know why i picked the neck because the neck actually could take a pretty good beating. That's pretty tough.
Not mine. Your head is way weaker than your neck.
This is really weak. Like this little spot right here, your temple.
This little tiny, thin little layer of bone there that protects your brain. It's not big at all.
When was the last time you got punched? Oh, it's been a long time. I haven't sparred at all since like 2007 or 2008.
Like sparring. Kickboxing sparring.
Yeah. It's too even little sparring at all since like 2007 or 8, like sparring, kickboxing sparring.
Yeah. It's too, even little sparring wears on you.
You carry that for your whole life. Just thuds, little thuds, even ones that aren't that hard.
Just a jab, just a thud. You carry those.
Like those are real. That's brain damage.
Those little times they get dinged in the gym, that's real. That's brain damage.
That's brain damage. And like I told you, when I was a kid, we did a lot of brain damage.
Sparring was horrible. I've had, I think, eight concussions, and I'm just a kid.
I didn't even spar. I'm just talking basketball camp one time, football.
I play in football for the Hurt Bird shit.

I got knocked unconscious. Like I've probably had eight concussions, I'm guessing, you know? I've had a lot.
My last one was just a couple years ago, skiing, last time skiing. I just talked to you the other day when you were skiing, and I thought you didn't ski because of your knees.
Well, my knee did get – I did fracture one of the bones in the top of my tibia. Now, which one's the – yeah, tibia and then the fibula is the little one, right? Fibula is in the shin, right? Yeah, I cracked the tibia, which that healed.
But the real problem was the head. My head – I fell on my head i my my skis went up in the air and i hit the ground head first yeah and it was a helmet yeah yeah yeah for sure yeah but it was a bang like i got rocked and i was like oh shit like that was a big one and then the rest of the day i was like dizzy i wasn't my balance was all bad it was.
It was not good. It was not good.
And then I was like, I'm done with the skiing thing. Cause I always worried about my knees.
Cause I still, I, you know, I still love doing martial arts and if I'm not doing it, I don't feel good. Like I like to hit the back.
I like to have my joints work perfectly. I like to have my skills still there.
I like to do it. It's fun to do.
So anything that takes that away from me, like skiing just for a thrill, like wee. Oh, and once you get hurt, once you break.
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We did a concrete sled competition in Calgary or in Edmonton. Concrete sled? Concrete sled.
It's an engineering team, and they have to figure out a way to build a concrete sled that makes it down a mountain with all the team members on it and stops within the right area. Oh, my God.
And, dude, people get fucked up. I mean, fucked up.

The concrete sled must be so heavy.

You can find a picture of it.

I type in University of Edmonton,

concrete sled.

I think that's what it's called.

And right before, right before...

This is why people keep themselves occupied

when they're so fucking bored

because it's 38 degrees below zero outside.

Yeah, yeah. And dude, that's the coldest I've ever been.
My fingers. See those concrete sleds? There's one where the guys get fucked up so bad.
I don't want to see it. It's so stupid.
But the guy, the team that went right before me, they flipped. Flipped, ragdolled, yard sailed everywhere.
If these people tried bow hunting, they would quit this. They'd quit all this.
They wouldn't be doing any of this. This is ridiculous.
You could fucking die. Oh, a guy before me broke his femur.
Ow! And I remember the kid, little stoner with the walkie that tells us, all right, you guys are next. He goes, what's that? Broken femur.
And he looks at me and goes, broken femur is a game changer. And I was like, I got to go next.
Like, what the fuck? Like, that was terrifying. But yeah, I think about that sometimes.
Just having my elbow surgery, I gained so much weight from just having one arm because I couldn't do it. I couldn't get on the treadmill.
I couldn't do anything that I go. Any injury is like, I don't want any injury.
Yeah. And injuries are not good.
And this is coming from a person who's had a bunch of surgeries. I've had three knee surgeries,

had my nose operated on. Oh,

let me tell you my game changer.

Mouth tape.

You were talking about this?

Game changer.

Game changer.

I know people say this, and I know

it's like one of those fucking

fitness influencer things where people are selling something. I got no skin in the game, okay? I'm not selling nothing.
I don't have anything for sale. I use a company called Hostage Tape.
I'm sure there's other ones that are great, but the hostage tape makes me laugh. You take this tape, and you put it over your mouth when you sleep.
Now, I have sleep apnea, so I wear a mouthpiece. And my mouthpiece has a tongue depressor.
So the mouthpiece is fitted to my lower jaw. And the tongue depressor keeps my tongue from falling back on my throat.
So I don't block my airway because I have a big tongue. And I have a fat neck.
So it's like the air hole, it gets clogged up by the tongue. So the tongue depressor works.
And then I put the tape over my over my mouth so i'm not using my mouth at all thank god i got my nose fixed in like 15 years ago or something like that best decision i ever made in my life best decision i've ever made one of the best is that the one where you had to like pull shit out of your nose yeah yeah yeah it was i was on the road with to with Tommy and I would show him the boogers and he would like almost vomit because the boogers were insane. So once you get your nose operated on, like I had probably 12 nose breaks, maybe more by the time I got my nose operated on.
So the inside of it was all calcified, like all the inside, just like cauliflower ear. That was the inside of my nose.
Like it was all just clogged. I spoke like my nose was stuffed.
This was how my voice was. Wait, hold on.
Is this because I hear I listen to a version of your voice when you were younger. Yeah.
And it sounds totally different. It's also getting older.
Your voice definitely deeper. So that's me with the- Wait, that's you? Yeah, when I got the nose plugs.
So that's after the operation. So that's it right there.
Look how big your nose is. Well, it's all swollen right there.
Anyway, so if you have a deviated septum, I can't recommend it enough. It's such a huge thing to do.
It opens up your nose and you get like 10% more cardio. My jujitsu changed totally.
Like my gas in jujitsu was way better. I was like, this is crazy.
Why didn't I do this a long time ago? From breathing through your nose and not your mouth? No, because you breathe through both. Oh.
So you have more airs coming in. This is how you tell if you have a deviated septum.
Put a mirror underneath, or take your phone and do a video, and then breathe through your nose. And if it closes, like, mine shuts.
Yeah. And they showed that to me.
Yeah, you have a deviated septum for sure. Dude, you know what happens to me when I sleep.
Yeah. My fucking guzzle swells up.
Yeah, you were telling me. It's the fucking worst.
Yeah, we were trying to decide where the tonsils were, and you were explaining the tonsils were actually on the side, and your wife was calling it a goozle. She's a redneck.
She goes, this goozle got a swell. That little thing, whatever the word is, the technical word.
It's a uvula. It's uvulitis.
So I put the mouthpiece in, and then I tape up my mouth. I get no uvulitis if I had mouth tape in.
Yeah. So this is the thing.
I don't snore at all anymore. Zero snoring.
Like I'm silent when I sleep. No sleep mask.
No, no, no, no. I don't have anything.
You don't believe me? No. But I woke up the first day I did it.
I was like, holy shit. I feel so much better.
Like instantaneously noticed the difference. Like I was like 30% more rested.
Something like that like that Like I just like a significant number where I could like feel it I was like whoa, and I've been doing it that way for like a week now So if I put if I put those nose strips on cuz I can breathe through my nose if I should get your nose operated on No fucking way. Yeah, dude.
I have a hernia I'm not gonna get done. You should get that done, too.
No. Yeah, you should.
It's the worst. Your guts are going to poke out of your stomach.

That's what it is.

They already do, Joe.

That's gross.

No, I mean your gut's guts, not fat.

No, they do, Joe.

Do they poke out right now?

Oh, let me see.

No.

Show me.

Can you make it poke out?

No, but if I go like, you can kind of see this.

Where's the hernia?

It's called, it's like a fin.

Oh.

Oh, it's bad.

If I do a sit-up, I'll show you for real, and you'll see it. Okay.
I'm watching Bert do a sit-up, ladies and gentlemen. Can you see this? Oh, that's scary, dude.
I know. So that's a rip in the center of your stomach? I remember when it happened.
Oh, dude. How long ago? Probably 12 years ago.
Oh, my God, man. I was doing a doing a tough mutter and uh god I had to pull myself up one of those half pipes and so I ran and I grabbed it and I pulled and I pulled and I felt a tear and I was like whoa this is just and I was like god man that fucking hurt what happened and I was like I'm fine and then like two I want to say like two weeks later I'm laying in bed with my wife and I kind of lean up and I see it and I was like I'm fine and then like I want to say like two weeks later

I'm laying in bed with my wife and I kind

of lean up and I see it and I go

oh fuck what's this

and then a bunch of dads

get it like some dudes

get it when they just gain a lot of weight that's another

way to get it but like I've never been

that fat but

Tommy I think Tommy

might have had one or Eddie Bravo

had two yeah he's

elective oh he had to get it eddie had to get it fixed my problem is i'd get it fixed but then i'm afraid of the aftermath of the surgery of 13 weeks of recovery of me not working out i'm gonna go fucking haywire you don't have to go haywire that's nonsense you should get it fixed you should get it fixed and get your nose fixed too just get it fixed just bite the bullet don't live with a compromised body like they know how to fix those things you should get it fixed yeah like the nose thing's giant breathe out of your nose you change your fucking life i couldn't do yoga class they would the instructor he would get mad at me he'd like you have to breathe out your nose i'm like i don't have a nose it doesn't work like it doesn't work my my nose i had like one quarter of one nostril that was the only thing that was open for oh for real yeah my right side so it wasn't just deviated it was just well what luke rockhold former ufc champion um had a post that he did about his nose recently where they were like going through his nose with uh one of cameras. And so you could see like what's in there.
It's the same thing. It says his is completely clogged up.
Like you hear Justin Gaethje talk, his nose is totally clogged up. Like there's a lot of the, and Justin actually got his nose fixed and then he fought Max Holloway.
And I think that might've put it back again. Oh my God.
How long, what's the nose surgery? the nose surgery? I was doing jujitsu six weeks later. Okay, you're Joe, and I'm Bert.
Yeah, but, I mean, six weeks later, I was fine. I didn't take any pain pills.
No, I wasn't. I mean, I was fine to roll, but I was fine fine the next day.
Yeah, I had to have those stupid fucking things in my nose for a while. I forget how long that lasted.
But then when they pulled those out, I was good to go. But the doctor, I remember this.
The doctor gave me two pain pill prescriptions. He was insistent on giving me these pain pill prescriptions.
And I was like, okay. I go, but it doesn't hurt now.
So is it going to hurt more later? And he's like, it might. I go, but it might not, right? Like not right like He goes but you should have these like he wanted to write me these pain pill prescriptions I was like this is kind of creeping me out man Yeah, because I had already known a bunch of people that had pill problems back then But it was just weird that he wanted to write me two of them and I told him I go listen I just had knee surgery a couple months ago and I go on it.
I didn't It wasn't even a couple years ago rather and uh i didn't take any pain medication i go i don't like it i just did it i just had the surgery and then just dealt with the pain i'd rather deal with the pain than that feeling i don't like that feeling you know i got uh acl surgery like way back in the day and they gave me like vicodins or one of those type of things percocets or vicodins i I forget what it was But I remember feeling so stupid. I was like well, this is not for me like whatever this is I'd rather be in pain than have my fucking brain just filled with like cotton It just felt like it was just like clogged up like I couldn't it wouldn't work right like It was terrible Tommy and I like that but doctor, he just wanted me to take these pills.
I think it's that, you know, you were talking to me about statins for a while, and you were saying that, I don't know, you were saying or whatever I read was that these companies are getting, these doctors are getting paid out to get people on statins. The companies are saying, you know, get people on statins, we'll pay you out.
You know, and I think there's get a variety of rewards.

I'm finding out they get a variety of rewards depending upon how many people in their practice get vaccinated.

And if they lose a certain percentage, if they like have less than a certain percentage, then they don't get payouts.

It's there's some weird shit that's involved in medicine.

That's financial incentives that don't necessarily align up with your best health. And I think that doctors profit off of providing people with pain pills, especially when you have a legitimate reason to want to take pain pills.
But I really don't think you should take them. At least I don't take – I just don't – I think if you have something horrible wrong with you and you're in agony all day, I totally understand.
But for a regular thing, like you hurt your back a little bit, so now you're on OxyContin. That's what happened to me.
I got pretty much addicted to them. So I fell off that waterfall.
They fucking get everybody, bro. Dude, they get you.
They get everybody. I can tell you the moment it happened was we had

to go to dinner with my wife's friends

and I didn't want to go and we weren't

drinking. And I remember thinking,

I wonder if I double up on my pain pills.

That'll get me through tonight.

And I did.

And man, it was an enjoyable fucking night.

And I smoked a little weed and I was

fucking perfect. The next morning

I woke up and Leanne found out

we were going camping that weekend

and I reached over to get my pills because the first thing I did in bed, grab a pill, pop a pill, lay there for a while. Went over, my pills were gone and Leanne was at the foot of the bed.
She goes, you're done, big boy. And I was like, I go, hold on.
This is like negotiating, like junkie negotiating. I go, hold on, baby, we're going camping.
We're going to be sleeping on the hard ground. She goes, nope.
She goes, get as much weed as you want. Drink as much as you want.
Get through the pain that way. These things are fucking poison.
They're scary. They're scary because you don't even realize what you look like to other people.
We went to Hawaii with a family one time, and we went to the luau. I wasn't drinking in Hawaii that trip for whatever reason, but I was bummed at the luau because I was like everyone's getting like you know these Mai Tais and I'm drinking water and I looked and this mom was clearly on oxys and you watched her nod out at the table and there's man when you see something like that and you're not drinking you're like God I'm not fucking drinking.
I remember watching her nod out and her whole family sees it. And she's like.
What percentage of this country is hooked on oxys right now? It's got to be like a scary percentage. I bet it's.
What do you think is more, oxys or Xanax? Xanax is like, Xanax is totally plausible. Take a Xanax, you're going to be fine.
My cardiologist, Dr. Gadan, shout out to Dr.
Gadan, he's a big fan of yours. But he told me, he said, I said something about Xanax.
And he goes, hey man, I'm your doctor, don't ever fucking take those things. I was like, really? He goes, this is the leading cause of dementia.
Do not take fucking Xanax. Xanax is the leading cause of dementia? So he told me, he said, he was like, by the way, I apologize, Dr.
Can I give you a shout out? And he's like, that's not my exact words, Bert. God damn it.
Yeah, you might've fucked that up. We might want to delete that.
No, he said, he said your brain, it turns your brain to mush. Well, it's definitely not good for your brain.
It's one of the most dangerous drugs to get off. Oh, they won't, they won't admit you to rehab if you, if you're on benzos.
Right. Right.
Like we took a friend to rehab one time, and one question they asked, have you taken a benzo in the last 24 hours? And he was like, yeah. And they're like, nope, can't take you.
They don't want to deal with it. It is so dangerous to get off benzos.
Yeah. It's one of the, there's only a few things that people die if they get addicted to, and then you cut them off.
One of them is alcohol. You know? Really? Yeah, yeah.
I think you have to drink like when you wake up. Oh, yeah.
You have to be a complete drunk. And somehow or another, your body shifts into surviving drinking alcohol all the time.
You're killing yourself for sure, but your body relies on it. I forget what the mechanism is, but there's an actual mechanism.
There's some sort of a shift when your body's got so much alcohol. And then when you get off alcohol entirely, you can die.
Oh, you have a stroke. I don't know what the cause of death is, but I know that benzos is another drug that does that.
When you get off of it, you can die. It's one of those things.
If you just cold turkey benzos, if you're popping Xanax all day long and you're you're like i'm done like you can die it's crazy what how how clean life is when you're not partying oh yeah like you haven't drank in two weeks it's like amazing how the sky looks different the trees look different well you have more energy so much the gym is night and day different oh yeah like i work out every day regardless ran five miles today drank last night on the plane, five miles today and now I feel clean but then I go if I don't drink tonight, which I doubt I probably will. I don't know what we're talking about.
Who are we lying to you though? But like the next day I feel like a million bucks. You get me in the gym and I want to be on the treadmill and I'm excited for fucking those sissy squats you do do yeah I love those bitches I got the bat the board oh yeah get a fucking board squats slant board squat get a 45 fucking weight in my arms yeah do 15 of those bitches those are great and you feel it you're like that last one you want to my favorite squat to do is what's the one where you you you lean back and you squat when you're tilted back squat lean back it's called bad form no no no no no no no his skull back injury waiting to happen lean back and squat that sounds crazy like a landmine squat or something where you have the the pole you have the oh okay yeah landmine yeah and you and you get deep into that bitch oh yeah those are great Those are great for, like, rotational force, too.
Oh, yeahmine. Yeah.
And you get deep into that bitch. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Those are great. Those are great for rotational force, too.
Oh, yeah. You know, Viking shit.
You know what I'm saying? I'm always impressed when a man can program his own workout. Really? Yeah, because I can't.
You don't do your own workouts? No, I have a guy program for me. Okay.
He comes to my house and trains me every day. Really? Yeah.
Wow. So you don't work out on your own at all? If I work out on my own, I run.
Okay. So you must like that, right? We get alone time.
You must like that. I love getting on the treadmill by myself and just fucking going.
Yeah. Alone time is big.
So that's what I like the most about working out by Like, I can figure out what to do. I know what to do.
So I just program my own shit. Yeah, I think that's impressive.
There's so much shit to do. The game changer for me in working out, and I think that, you know, I never understood, like, guys like Cam or David Goggins, and they pushed themselves so hard.
When we did that bench press competition i realized most of the time when everyone works the regular person works out they just want to get through it and be done with it they're like i know i cheated a little bit but fuck it that was 12 but when you're training for something and this must be like this with mixed martial artists and with uh with all those motherfuckers you're you're training your body for an actual event right to protect from other men. Yeah.
And I was like, and when I had a goal in mind, I was like, oh, this is different. Like I'm doing everything he's telling me to do and I'm doing it the right way and I'm doing it to like failure because I'm trained.
If I know that if I do that, then when I get to the day where I do the bench, I can then complete the mission I'm set out to do. Right.

You've got a goal. I think a more goal-oriented

workout, if they said

like, dude, just so you know, a wolf's coming to your house

in two weeks. Right.
You need to

work out and get ready for that wolf. Right.
You'd work

out so hard for that

fucking wolf. Yeah, I'd be like, fuck.

Yeah. Dude.

I tell you about my friend in Colorado.

They let wolves loose near his land. No.
no yeah they just let wolves loose in Colorado they let a bunch loose in one part of the state and then they let a bunch more loose he said it was five I don't know if that's accurate but that's what he was told and for what They've decided to repopulate the state with wolves.

And they're getting wolves from British Columbia.

These big-ass fucking Canadian wolves are coming in and fucking the elk up.

And this is outside of Aspen.

So these are all these really wealthy people.

Holy shit.

And they let wolves loose on their property.

And by the way, there's livestock there.

These people have cattle. They have all sorts of...
So far, the wolves in his area haven't attacked cattle because there's an abundance of elk up there. It's a very – it's a big elk corridor where the elk migrate.
And I took a picture and posted it up on Instagram of an elk leg that he found just like within two weeks of them being released. They had already started killing elk on his property.
So a wolf took out an elk and left the leg, left the leg bone just laying in the snow. Wait, how many wolves did they let go? Five, he thinks.
This is what he told me. Don't wolves, do they release them as a pack? I don't know if they will pack up.
I don't know if they knew each other before. I don't know what the fucking neighborhood the wolves were together from.
Did they grow up together? Yeah. So that's what we found.
Oh, shit. So that's an elk leg that's just been stripped down.
The lower leg, no meat on it. Just the hoof and some fur and shit.
It's laying in just a just a bunch of disturbed areas it was all fucked up but you could tell some shit went down so we found that piece there they had dragged that from somewhere else but there was a carcass up there too so they they basically um you know can kill they could probably kill one or two elk a, and they probably will do that now. And so the elk population will rapidly diminish.
The elk have no idea. They've never evolved around wolves.
These elk are in who knows how many generations with no wolves. So the United States had wolves all throughout the West, and then they eradicated them because they fucking kill everything, because they kill livestock, they kill horses, they pack up, they get big packs, and then they devastate livestock, sheep herders, cattle.
So they all murdered all the wolves. So now these people, these greenies, these little cutie pies, decided to bring back the most intelligent telepathic apex predator that operates in packs.
And you decide to let them loose near a ski town. Like, congratulations.
Why the fuck? Because they're cute. Because these are people that grew up in cities and they don't understand.
It's called ballot box biology. It's a bunch of people who grew up in the city.
They don't know what the fuck they're doing. And they don't know what a wolf really is.
They just think, wow, life's amazing. And then so you've let loose apex predators in an area where nothing is prepared for them.
These animals don't know to look for wolves. They've never experienced a wolf before.
They don't have a natural instinct to run away when they see the wolves. They don't know what the fuck is going on.
And then you've got cattle. You can't tell wolves what to kill either.
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The first ones they got, so they had a mandate to get these. Colorado voted.
They voted it to release wolves. And so the governor had to get it done within a certain period of time.
And so they got wolves from Oregon that had been killing cattle. So these wolves, they captured them because they had been killing cattle and then they released them in Colorado where they, wait for it, started killing cattle.
Oh shit. Duh.
So wolves are awesome, but they were making their way into Colorado by themselves. They were already coming down from Wyoming.
There's wolves in Montana, Wyoming, Idaho, and they were making their way down naturally. But these idiots decided to accelerate the process and introduce this completely new element outside of a fucking ski town that's going to kill people's dogs for sure.
If they get to a healthy population, you're never going to be able to let your dog go outside. Yeah.
That's over. Cats dead.
Everybody dead. They're like 10 times worse than coyotes.
You remember coyotes? They're giant coyotes. You've seen coyotes jump fences? Oh, yeah.
And you're like, there's no protecting my chickens from fucking coyotes. I saw a coyote jump a fence with one of my chickens in its mouth.
Jumped a six foot high wrhigh wrought-iron fence like it was nothing. Bown! Touched the top of the fence with its feet with a chicken in its mouth.
And right over the top, I was like, whoa. I was so delusional.
I thought, like, oh, this fence is this big. They can't get over that.
Dude, one jump. One jump.
Feet to the top. Other feet to the top.
Over the top with a chicken in its mouth. All my neighbors have red lights on their fences.
That's the only thing that stops coyotes, I say. Oh, they won't jump over a red light? I have no fucking idea.
But they all have like, it looks like a red bicycle light on every panel of their fence. They're little monsters.
They're wolves too, by the way. They are? Coyotes are wolves.
Yeah, they're small wolves. I remember, you know, it's funny, the little things you remember.
I remember you talking about the coyotes honeydicking your dog one time. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I always think that's the funniest phrase, honeydicking. Yeah, they try to honeydick your dog.
So what they do is one coyote, I've told this story before but I'll say it quick. I went to this pet store that I used to go to and one of the guys that worked in the pet store, he was a veterinarian and he brought in uh someone had brought in this uh pit bull that was covered in cuts like his whole body was like hundreds of stitches and he's like what happened he was like i don't know he got out and then you know when when i came home he was outside the fence and this is what he looked this guy, they stitched the dog up, and then he follows a blood trail into the woods outside of his house where he finds nine dead coyotes.
Oh, shit. So they honeydicked a giant pit bull, like one of them super jacked, muscular pit bulls with a fucking fire hydrant head.
The kind that are on the front of rap albums. Terrifying Pitbull.
And this Pitbull just killed everyone. They fucked with the John Wick of Pitbulls.
And he just killed them all. Killed all the coyotes.
He said it looked like Vietnam. He said they were just torn apart.
Because once the dog killed him, he's not going to stop. He's going to start shaking them.
Especially a Pitbull like that that's in a blood rage to just kill fight for its life like it was probably so happy like so happy to do this because pit bulls just want to fight all the time. I've been wanting to do this every fucking day I wake up.
He was so pumped it was the guy has a jujitsu black belt and a drunk grab and was like. Thank you.
I've been practicing for this my whole life. But you imagine the scene? Imagine the scene just dead coyotes just ripped apart, just throats torn open, guts hanging out, legs broken.
Because this dog, if a dog like that bites a coyote's leg, that leg's broken. That's a shattered leg.
That leg doesn't work anymore. The poundage that pit bulls bite is fucking wild.
You know what a wolf is? What? It's like five times stronger. Are you shitting me? Yeah.
That's how crazy these retards are that let loose these apex telepathic super predators into a ski town filled with super rich people. And the the super rich people right now they're finding out about this they are freaking the fuck out i bet they are oh yeah all my my buddy who lives out there all his neighbors they're all trying to figure out what they can do you know they're all collared too so there's an app and you can get on the app and find out where the monsters are yeah you want to get scared get scared? Hang on, I got to get that app.
How about you're walking and then you see the fucking app is showing you they're behind you. All five of them behind you and you're with your family.
But maybe you voted on that because you think wolves are amazing. That's Little Red Riding Hood, bro.
We can track these wolves on an app. You can track them on an app.
That's kind of cool. It's kind of cool to know where the monsters are.
They do that with sharks, great white sharks. But these people in the neighborhood are all tracking these wolves.
So they're all freaking out because these wolves are like circling their homes, circling their property. Fuck.
Some of them have gone right through fields with cattle and not done anything about it. They don't even understand why.
They haven't attacked any cattle yet. But these are ones that are outside of Aspen.
So the ones that they brought in from Oregon, that's not outside of Aspen. That's a different spot.
Those are the ones that were depredation tags. They were already killing wildlife or they were killing cattle what state do you think has the most predators like Australia has the most predators in the country in our country yeah I would say Alaska for sure Florida oh yeah that's a good call yeah no Florida for sure Florida now because you brought in reptiles yeah 100% Florida has more pythons in it, in the Everglades, than all the rest of the world.
Yeah. Do you see those kids that go in? You see those kids that dive in and grab them? I had Python Cowboy on the show.
He brought me up. Don't we have a python head laying right here somewhere? Something? Oh, look at that.
Look at that. Yeah.
Apex Predator. Florida is jacked.
No one even comes close no one's even close wait wait wait what's maine maine why does maine what is it vermont um that's right okay so the the one with the boot well this is not good, guys. The boot is Massachusetts, right?

Or no, that's New York.

We're so stupid.

You know who could draw the whole map by hand?

Al Franken.

Vermont.

Vermont.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's Massachusetts.

What predators are in Vermont?

With the hook.

Okay.

So Vermont predators.

Yeah.

What predators are in Vermont?

That must be like wolverines and shit. Oh, red and gray foxes.
Coyotes, black bears, fishers, bobcats, and red and gray foxes with wolves and lynx also present. Although the later or rare latter.
Good God. Interesting.
I remember I said the other day on Instagram I had my hose all wrapped up. And I was like, I don't know if this is because I'm from Florida, but I never put my hand into a hose bucket without kicking it a couple times.
When you say I got my hose all wrapped up, I thought you had your ladies making money. My hose doesn't make any money.
My hose is wrapped up. They're making that money.
I got my hose wrapped up. Have you ever had a rattlesnake on your property out here? Yes.
You have? Yeah? Out here, we've had one. One of my neighbors had a couple coral snakes in her garage.
Those are scary. Coral snakes are the ones that look like- Red and black.
They're beautiful. Black and yellow, kill a fellow.
Red and- What is that? Red, white, and blue. America.
He's cool. I don't know what the- But my old house in California, there was a bunch of them.
Your old house was in the wilderness. Yeah, I was in a place where there was a lot of wildlife.
Red touches yellow, kill a fellow. Red touches black, venom, lack.
What does that mean? There's no venom. Oh, to help identify venomous coral snakes.
Oh, I see. So some coral snakes are not venomous?

No, it's a...

Oh, yeah, that's what it looked like.

No, it's a king snake.

A scarlet king snake is harmless.

Coral snakes are deadly.

Okay, so...

And so we had both in Florida, I think.

So you never got near either of them.

But that...

Go back to that image, Jamie.

The one on the top, red touches yellow, kill a fellow.

That's it. So that's the one that'll kill Jamie.
The one on the top, red touches yellow, kill a fellow. That's it.

So that's the one that'll kill it.

Red touches black, scarlet king snake, harmless.

Interesting.

I'm not going to roll the dice on that.

I would not remember this.

I would fuck that up.

I'd be like, wait, black.

That thing looks like it will fucking for sure kill you.

Red touches black, step back, what?

Yellow, yellow, black and yellow.

Red touches yellow, kill a fellow.

That's the one.

That's all you have to remember.

Red touches yellow, kill a fellow. Black and yellow,'s all you have to remember red touches yellow kill a fellow black and yellow black and yellow that's red touches yellow fuck that creature um so my friend uh she had two of them in her in her garage yeah not good not but um my old house my remember do you remember did you ever meet frank you never met frank you're pre i used to have bull named Frank Sinatra.
And Frank would- I only knew Johnny. Frank killed everything.
Everything that got in that yard was dead. Really? Yeah, he was a psycho.
And he would kill rattlesnakes all the time. So he'd get bit all the time.
I'm like, wait, how did he not get bit? He got bit every time. So I'd have to keep bringing him to the fucking vet.
brought him to the vet like at least three times. And one time I had to bring him twice because he got to the vet.
He had been bit by rattlesnakes so many times that he had developed some sort of an immunity. So I brought him the first time.
And we're all at the vet. He was super friendly.
He was the sweetest dog. Loved everybody.
But like vicious with snakes and lizards. Lizards are like his video game game.
He would jump on the walls to try to get the lizards that were crawling on the walls. He would fucking leap into the air to try to get these lizards.
So I brought him to the vet, and the vet's like, I don't see a puncture mark, and he's not swelling, so I wouldn't worry about it. And I'm like, wow, how the fuck did you kill that snake and not get bit? And then I brought him back to the house.

His face immediately swole back up again.

So then I had to bring him back to the vet.

And the vet's like, he's been stung.

He's been bit so many times that he probably has some sort of immunity.

Jesus.

Yeah.

It's a coral snake, too, that doesn't go by the rhyme. That is so beautiful.

One of the most venomous snakes in the world.

God, I would assume that would fuck you up. It kills king co kills King Cole beautiful it is Somewhere there's some idiot in Florida in the death metal band that wants this He's gonna have it in his house until he can't feed anymore It's like little fella gotta let you go He's gonna let it loose and it's gonna go in the fucking Everglades and then you're gonna have a a half a million of them there.
The, uh, you know, Slash had poisonous snakes in his house.

Of course he did.

Look at him.

And then there was an earthquake.

Oh, great.

I read that.

I think I read that in one of their books where I talked to Slash once about it.

They got out?

And I think they got out and they had to send someone in the house to, I can't remember

exactly, but he, there was an earthquake and he had like a cobra.

Oh God.

Yeah.

There's, I don't understand.

I mean, I understand wanting to have a snake, but poisonous the snakes i can't wrap my head around no no you can never touch it you can never play with it fuck all snakes how about that how about all that i went how about snakes are the reason why we wear clothes a snake tricked eve into eating that fucking apple and now we're ruined all All right? Now we have to have Jesus come save us.

You definitely look like you would have gone through a lizard phase, though.

No.

Well, I...

Listen.

I had one idea that was the dumbest idea.

The snake guy.

What is going on?

The cop doesn't want...

He's got snakes?

Yeah, fuck.

Oh, this is the wrong cop to pull a snake out with?

Yeah.

Yeah. You're right.
I'll stand right here. Now to pull a snake out with? Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.

I'll stand right here.

No, wait a minute.

You don't understand how many there are.

Dude.

You see all them snakes right there?

Yeah.

You see them snakes right there?

Yeah.

They're my babies.

I care more about them snakes than I do a human life.

Just like that, man.

Okay.

Them snakes mean more. Look at him.
He's already out the door. He's like, uh-huh, sure thing, buddy.
So I had this one idea once. I had this house that had like a center courtyard, and I was going to seal off the center courtyard and get a crocodile monitor.
Bad ass fucking monitor. And feed it rabbits.
And have like a wild kingdom in the center of my house. I love it.
So I was going to set up trees because it had like open air. So I was like, I'm going to set up a canopy, trap it in there like a greenhouse, make it nice and warm so it's an environment, put trees up everywhere and then just let shit loose and watch.
Then I was like, that's It's like, and I started thinking like, what's wrong with you? It's like, if I started thinking about me going, like, I didn't like me. Like imagine taking someone, one of your friends over your house and you have a murder sanctuary in the center of centerpiece of your home.
Oh, the atrium from your home is just like you watch animals just get slaughtered. They have no chance of escape.
Unlike the wild. In the wild, the rabbit can get away.
It's kind of a fair fight. In our fraternity, my buddy Mason had a big python.
And they'd buy rats and they'd put money on it. And they'd put them in the corners and put the python in the center.
And they'd have the benches from our cafeteria lined up. It'd be in a square.
And we'd bet on which one he'd eat first. And it was crazy.
Rats would go right up to the snake's face and touch the snake's face. Snake's face wouldn't even fucking touch it.
And then all of a sudden, you'd see them coil up. Yeah, they just make their move.
I had a savanna monitor. I had a iguana.
Savannah monitor ate mice. And then the iguana, just nothing.
Those rats that they fed that snake or those mice they fed that snake, those things are just bred in captivity. They have no fear.
They don't know what's going to hurt them and what's not going to hurt them. Nothing's ever hurt them.
Everything's just fed them. Yeah.
And then all then all of a sudden serpent my dog caught a squirrel

my dog, I have two bull mastiffs

Mac the big one has been

I mean his, he's wanted to catch

a squirrel the same way I've wanted to have anal sex

with my wife, like he wants it every

fucking day

and then he caught a squirrel and I think it would be the same

as if I had anal sex with my wife

it was way messier than he thought

he thought it was going to be a fun game

and he broke it in half and was throwing it

All right. He caught a squirrel, and I think it would be the same as if I had anal sex with my wife.
It was way messier than he thought. He thought it was going to be a fun game, and he broke it in half and was throwing it, and then it wasn't moving, and he'd move it, and I was like, oh, buddy, you should have never got what you wanted.
He was like, this isn't fun anymore. I looked at him.
He's just like, what the fuck? I guess I'll eat grass now. Yeah, clean his mouth out.
Squirrel guts. My two bull mastiffs caught the, what's the, a possum who was killing our chickens.
Possums killed chickens? Possum killed our chickens. Three chickens.
I'm almost saying like back to back to back. Oh, of course they do.
They look like predators. Yeah.
I mean, they have a predator mouth. And my two bull mastiffs caught a possum, and they tortured this thing.
I'm talking Al-Qaeda beheading video. While we were out to dinner.
And we got home, and furniture was moved around, and this fucking possum was soaking wet. I mean, they must have thrown this thing around the room, and it was just in the corner playing dead.
It was still alive? Yeah, and the dogs were just fucking ragdolling it. How is it still alive? I don't know.
We had to catch it in a bucket. Your mastiff is fucking huge.
Yeah, they were just toying with it, I think. They were just fucking throwing them around.
They had them cornered in the back. We had to get a bucket, and you can't kill possums in the county of L.A.
It's illegal to kill a possum. That's hilarious.
I know. That's so funny.
You know you can kill coyotes. No, in L.A.? Oh, yeah.
Are you being serious? Yeah. Because we have a den of coyotes that come back through our backyard at times.
Coyotes are like rats. Dude, I have.
That's how they look at them. I don't think they're like rats.
Let me just be real clear. I think they're cool.
But I wanted to kill one. I wanted to kill them when they killed all my chickens.
Dude, I have- They killed all my fucking chickens. I have a Hoyt bow with a 69-pound tension that would light a fucking coyote.
I've been wanting to hunt something. Yeah.
Yeah, don't shoot your neighbors, dude. California laws allows for the killing of fur-bearing mammal that is injuring property at any time and in any manner.

Any manner.

However, animal cruelty laws prohibit maliciously and intentionally maiming, mutilating, torturing,

wounding, or killing an animal.

There I go. Wait a minute.

Prohibit intentionally killing an animal.

So how can you have a law that allows for killing a fur-bearing mammal that is injuring

property at any time and any manner, but also have a law that prohibits intentionally killing an animal. It's got to be doing injuring property.
It says maliciously, so you'd be angry. Wait, hold on.
Am I saying the word possum wrong? Possums. No, I say it.
Opossum, I think, is the right way to say it. It's like, did you know it's wheelbarrow? It's not barrel? Uh-uh.
It's wheelbarrow. Interesting.
Yeah. Makes it illegal to intentionally and maliciously kill an animal.
But intentionally and maliciously are different things. Like if you're killing an animal to protect your dog, the key, oh, here it is.
The key difference lies in the intent and manner of killing. Killing an opossum that is causing damage to property is one thing, but torturing or inflicting unnecessary suffering is a different manner.
Okay. That makes sense.
I think my dogs broke the law. Here is a guy who was convicted and sentenced for torturing an opossum to death, including beating, burning, and hanging it from a noose.
Okay. That's a little bit much.
That's a lot. That's a lot.
That's a lot much. In another case, father and son were arrested for allegedly killing in a possum, but the arrests were later deemed unlawful, and the city settled a lawsuit with the family for $400,000.
Okay. Consider contacting a professional pest control operator or wildlife removal service.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not too worried about possums. In our old house, we had rats.
Coyotes are to be worried about. I'd fucking light up a coyote.
They're to be worried about if you have a small dog. I need them to be exactly 25 yards away from me, though.
Yeah. Because I don't, yeah, that's all I'm like.
I'm only scoped out from my porch to the fire pit. Don't you have an adjustable sight? No, I have four sights.
I didn't really learn that much about bow hunting with Cam. I just shot a couple times.
But I know that one sight is for that distance, one sight's for that distance. Right.
And I don't even need the second sight in my backyard. This episode is brought to you by TikTok.
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Terms and conditions may apply. My backyard's not that big.
Right, right. You should go somewhere where you could practice.
They have a good one. They have a good one in, I think, it's over in a park.
They have a whole archery range. Oh, nice should go there i get weird with that shit i have you know i have weird issues about like uh joining or doing something new like getting into a spin class and i've never met anyone i just kind of like doing it in my backyard doing the backyard is fun but just for your own um ability to get better at it you really should stretch out your distance.
Because what happens is there's little tiny errors in your form that don't show up at 20 yards that'll show up at 60 yards. And you've got to find out what those are.
Like, I always shoot at 85 yards. You shoot at 85 yards? 85 yards.
At your house? Yeah. Yeah.
I've got that. I set 85 yards is a distance I would never shoot an animal at.
And if I could be super accurate at 85 yards, when an animal's at 50 yards, it feels to me like a chip shot. Like I can just nail it.
Because I'm always shooting long distances. So at a long distance, any little deviation or torque of your hand, it can make a big difference in how the the arrow goes off and at 70 yards it might be four or five six inches to the left to the right up down it's spread out and you want to tighten it up like this you want to get that group like a softball that's what i want i want a softball at 85 yards that's when i know i can go hunting yeah when i can get a softball at 85 yards, I'm dialed.
I'm dialed in. I've been shooting from a higher platform too.
Is that bad? That's very good. That's very good.
Especially if you ever have to go hunting in a tree stand. Tree stand hunting is very difficult.
So I've only done it once. My good friend John Dudley took me to his uh farm in iowa uh john actually taught

me a lot about archery too like most of what i know about like form and technique i learned from john and uh anyway john has this amazing setup in iowa and you go up in these tree stands and you you have to like buckle yourself in with like a safety wire or a safety rope and you know you're sitting there like all day you sit all day all day it's freezing it's november it's in iowa it's fucking three degrees you're sitting there freezing your fucking dick off and sometimes you have these um giant suits that you put over your whole body and zip up like you're a giant burrito of fur almost like a sleeping bag and you're And you're sober and you're not doing anything but just waiting.

Yeah, you can't be drunk.

You can't be listening to like a podcast.

You really shouldn't.

You want to hear branches snapping.

You want to hear the little cracks, the little sounds,

little ch-ch-ch-ch, that's what you're listening for.

Guys even wear these things called walker game ears.

And walker game ears, it's almost like a hearing aid,

and you put them in and you crank it up and you can hear things like way amplified way amplified that you like there's a certain headphones you wear if you go to a like a gun range that's that they tune out any sound that's over a certain pitch like a certain volume but amplify other sounds so you can hear people talking like from way away really yeah way stronger like ability to hear but then the gun it cuts out the sound when it gets to a dangerous so every gun is like talk talk talk talk talk but the sound of other people is still present so you could talk at a gun range you't have to have like full ear, like the foam one stuffed in there where you have to pull, like a Terran tactical, they always use those. You have to pull them out to talk to people.
So these guys wear things like that so they can hear everything in the forest. Wow.
They can hear every little sound because when a deer's coming in they come in slowly they like they're all wary

and shit they're stepping on the grass they're moving around and you might just hear something just a rustle and you're like where's it and you see him oh shit there he is there he is and then you got to get your bow so you're waiting all day for one moment and you're shooting down yeah because like the animals like they're down like below you or like you're at a like sharp angle So you have to have an angle compensating range fighter. Because the shot might be 40 yards, but it actually might be 20 yards.
Because you're shooting straight down. So you're shooting straight down.
The way your arrow is going to drop, it's not going to be as affected by gravity. So if you're shooting 40 yards on a flat plane, the arrow is to arc and it's going to drop so over the course of the 40 yards if your arrow is going 290 feet per second which is a good speed it's going to slowly drop until it gets to 40 yards so you have that's why your range like you set up the pin you move it to where the arrow is going to be when it finally gets there at 40 yards you'll know where can you move your own pin oh yeah yeah oh i need camera i have a i have a wheel that it's set up that like i have what's called a spot hog a fast eddy and it's got two pins on it and one pin will be at 20 yards the other pin will be at 35 yards and then i move it down and then the one pin is at 50 yards, and the other pin is at like 75 yards.
Oh, that's not mine. Or 65 yards.
Mine's just got four different sights. Oh, okay.
Yeah. So mine is an adjustable one that's on a wheel, and that's what you need.
Because like with a rain – like say if a deer is coming in and you're in a tree stand, you look and you're like that's pretty far away. But it's pretty far like this, straight down.
So pretty far straight down, your arrow's not going to drop as much as if you were shooting

straight.

Yeah.

If you're shooting straight, it's going to go boom.

So you have to have a range finder that figures that out for you.

Oh, shit.

And it says, even though that's 40 yards away, the angle compensation is actually 26 yards.

So you have to dial your shit to 26 yards and then you'll be perfect.

Have you ever gone fishing with a bow?

No, I have not, but it looks amazing.

It's amazing. It is so fucking difficult.
It looks fun too, though. It's fun, but it's difficult because of the water reflection, you've got to shoot like six inches below it, right? Yeah.
Well, I don't know because I never got one. So yeah, I was, and I was a little drunk.
I was like, I was like, this will be easy. I think you have to shoot sick.
It's refraction, right? Yeah. Yeah, I think you have to shoot below what you see.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's a mind fuck. I couldn't.
When we sat out there, it was salmon all over. Oh, really? You could see them.
It was, yeah. And I fucking must have taken 100 shots.
Oh, man. That must have been so must have been so fun it was fun but you know was that that is that like a recurve bow or is that a bow with a release do you have a release i don't remember i was i think it was i think it was uh i think it was a compound bow okay i think so yeah that's better the compound bow you could be more accurate so with a compound bow like i don't know how to aim with a recurve bow at all.
I've only shot one like three or four times ever. And I went on this trip to Lanai with my family and one of the things that they had was like this little archery lesson.
You could take archery classes and shoot at little targets and they had recurve bows. I'd never shot a bow without a sight before.
So I was like trying to like line it up. How do you line up where the how do you know where the arrow's going to go? That's the only bows I've ever shot.
It was like a recurve? Yeah, a recurve. I shot a recurve bow.
We did archery lessons in Italy. And so we were at different...
You know how those hills are almost like steps? And so they'd have... It was weird because the recurve bow was such that you had to hold it kind of at an angle.
At an angle, yeah. So that— The arrow stays on the shelf.
Yeah, and during the pandemic, I got the girls both recurve bows, and we would shoot in the backyard all the time. It's fun.
It's definitely fun, but it's kind of like throwing a rock or like throwing a baseball. You've got to have a feel for where that baseball is going to go at 30 yards, at 40 yards, at 50 yards.
You know, if you had to throw a baseball and hit a tree, you would know, okay, I got to throw it a little harder. You get a feel.
So that's different than regular archery, like, or excuse me, compound archery. Because compound archery, you're basically relying on the sight and the technique.
Like you dial it in, you get that pin, it's at 42 yards, and then you're just just going through your shot process you're just staying steady and making sure you go through your shot process perfect so that when the shot breaks the arrow goes exactly where you want to but with a recurve like you have to practice all the time because you have to have that feel you have to have a feel and know where that arrow is going to go like you you're looking down the shaft of your arrow, but your accuracy is greatly diminished compared to like a compound bow. I haven't shot my – I only shoot my compound bow now.
But I haven't shot my recurve bow with the little wristlet thing Kim gave me. I like to do that because I use always just my fingers.
Well, that's an interesting thing. So use a release on a recurve.
I'm sure people do that. You'd have to put a D loop on it, though.
Or no, I guess not. You could hold it from the top or the bottom.
That would be better. Yeah, that would definitely be better.
So you definitely get a more consistent release. But people want to be primitive.
You know, like the real psychos, what happens is guys, the highest level of bow hunting is guys go after like elk and deer with a recurve bow. My friend Aaron Schneider did that for a couple of years.
He only shot, because he's like an elite hunter, like an elite bow hunter. But what's the ultimate poundage of a recurve bow? What's the highest it can go? You're not getting nearly the amount of kinetic energy.
No. So the kinetic energy you'd get from a compound bow, like Aaron's a big guy.
He's pretty jacked. And so like his bow is like an 82, 85 pound bow probably.
And he's a big guy. So he's probably got a 30 inch draw somewhere around that.
So he's getting insane amounts of kinetic energy in these arrows. Just blowing through everything.
That's the craziest part of getting fitted for a bow. Because I was always like, I was always coming here, I was like, Joe, let me shoot your bow.
And you're like, it's not that easy. Because it's set up for a person.
Yeah, it's set up for your wingspan. Like, you're taller than me, so you're, what is your, do you know where your draw length is? No.
Cam did all of it, and I was just listening. Your draw length's probably 29 and a half, maybe 30 inches.
Mine's 28. So I used to have 28 and a half, and then I dropped down to 28.
And I adjusted a few things, and I feel like the more tension at the end, like the further back you are. Like I know guys who want extra energy, and so they're what's called overdrawn.
So they maybe should have a 27-inch draw, but they have a 29-inch draw. and they have their release way back here so they're shooting things totally different you would never tell anybody to do that yeah but some guys get really good doing that and then they just stick with it like it's all about repeatability but cam taught me like cam is a he's smaller than his draws a little bit smaller than mine his is 27 and he had a draw.
He started out with a longer draw as well. But then brought when he like for him, it's all the ultimate thing is accuracy.
And he's like when you're your bow is more tense, more taut, and there's more tension on it. If it's a shorter draw length, you're more accurate.
You want to get it perfect. Yeah.
You want to exactly what your frame is. And for me, it seems like 28 inches is the right the right number i had i had one of my most manly moments of my entire life in that fucking bow in that bow store yeah it's a very manly place dude they were cam's like uh they had me set for like a 40 pound you know bow and i go okay and he was like i go what do you guys shoot like you and ro Rogan.
He was like 80 pounds, I think. It was what he said.
90. Okay, so it's 90.
So Cam goes, I go, is that one tough to pull back? And he was like, yeah. And I was like, can I try? And he was like, okay.
So he pulls it and brings it over. You know, all the bow guys are there.
So I hang it and I pull it back. And Cam goes, hold on, hold on.
Hang on. Takes the bow off.
And he puts puts it and he measures it. He's like, there's no way he did that.
And he measured the test. He goes, God damn it.
He goes, all right, let's move on to 69. You're a strong dude, man.
You were talking about how you bench press. What are you bench pressing now? 315? 325.
325 for how many? Just one. That's impressive.
That's a lot of weight. It's dangerous for your shoulders though.
That's why I don't't like it. It's not sustainable.
And there's no reason to do it because as I did it, I gained weight. Like, I gained weight.
I gained 10 pounds. Yeah, like, this is going to sound so silly, and you know me so well that you're going to laugh when I say this, but, like, my jackets weren't fitting.
No, I'm sure. You got thick for a while.
My shoulders and my chest and my biceps and my triceps, everything in the jacket just wouldn't fit. A year ago when you were at the club, I was calling you Jack Burt.
Remember? Yeah. I was like, because you went on stage.
I go, dude, you look different now. It's not as funny when you take your shirt off because I'm like, he's fucking jacked.
You look like a football player. You look like a big, like a Tank Abbott.
That's what you look like. Tank Abbott was a bad motherfucker.
He was a bad motherfucker. I was pretty skinny in the special.
Not skinny but like I was in good shape in the special. Tanned.
Really tanned. Special outfit.
Bro Tank Abbot. He put like UFC on the map.
Dude that early generation of guys were so charismatic. Oh yeah.
I mean when you look like Frank what's his name? Shamrock. Frank Shamrock.
Oh, yeah. Joyce Gracie.
Oh, yeah. Tank Abbott.
Ken Shamrock. Ken Shamrock.
Yeah. That was like, yeah, that was like the Don Frye.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. You know, we were I was we were we just at the other day.
I went to UFC with my wife. And she was I was saying to her.
She was like, so that was your first her first one live. Oh, yeah.
Have you seen one? you saw one live at the Apex I saw one live at Madison Square Garden oh that's right that was a good one too I bought the tickets so we sat up in the nosebleeds that made me angry I know but I'm never going to ask you for something I get angry when people ask you for shit because you're so generous with everyone I feel bad you called You called and you said, do you want tickets? And I was like, first of all, you're like, are you going to UFC? And I was like, I'm not going to say, I don't want to sound like. When you told me you were going to slap fight, I'm like, okay, you're here.
Yeah. I didn't know if you were set up yet.
No. And I wasn't going to ask Dana for tickets.
Come on. And then you're like, oh, let me get you tickets.
And then you go, UFC's got better got better tickets dude that was a fucking fever dream that night it was me and Theo I don't think I've laughed harder with an individual in my fucking life no there's no one better than Theo for can we get that lighter for a hang dude just talking shit being silly it was me him and my wife the whole time they were like because we went to slap fight together then we to UFC together, sat next to Taylor, sat next to Max Crosby, sat next to Mel Gibson, Taylor Sheridan. Look at that.
Mario Lopez. What a fucking crew.
The guys are like Max and Taylor LeJuan. What a fucking crew.
Taylor LeJuan's the one who did me the bench press bet with. Him and busted with the boys.
He was like, he saw me try to get 300. He was like, you can't get 300.
Bro, we went gambling with him and Jamie and Shane and Dana White in Vegas and I watched him be down. Dana was betting for him.
Dana was telling him what to bet. And they have this system.
Okay, whatever. He's up.
He's up like a considerable amount of money over the course of all the times they've been gambling. But they gamble heavy.
Very. And Jamie and I were getting severe anxiety.
They were down $125,000 in the first five minutes. Do you remember that? Yeah.
How scary was that? I was like, let me jump in with you guys. He's like, don't, don't, don't.
I was like, let me get a marker. I'll hop out.
I've never gotten a marker. I got a marker one time with Tommy for- What do you have to do? Do you have to give me your credit card? Oh, they've got to do a fucking bank transfer.
It takes a long time to get a marker. A bank transfer? Unless you've done it before.
In Vegas? Yeah. Dude, it took me an hour and a half to get a fucking marker.
How do you get a bank transfer in the middle of the night? You have to call your bank? I don't think you can get a marker unless you've already had that established earlier. And you had established? No, I hadn't.
Me and Tommy were there and Tommy's like, get a marker. So I was like, okay.
So I asked for a marker and it took forever. They'd go through my financial guy and then they came in.
Financial guys around in Vegas? They called him. They called him at home? At work.
It was like Tommy and I were doing it when we did the Super Bowl like two years ago. Oh, so it was daytime.
It was daytime. Okay.
And so Tommy had already gotten his marker. And it took me forever to get a marker.
I got a $50,000 marker. And dude, I got so nervous.
I bet $1,000 lost $300 and I was like, I'm done. I was like a pussy.
I just remember being poor too well. It's not.
Gambling's not fun unless it sparkles. Unless there's like a.
Terror. Unless there's terror.
Yeah. It's not fun when you're like, you know.
20 bucks, 50 bucks. Exactly.
I got to bet 50,000, all of that money on something to feel it. But I love the feeling, but the feeling's not worth it to lose the money.
The losing the money, holy shit. Dana White, when we got there, what was he down? $600,000?

Something like that.

Yeah, he was down $600,000.

And he stayed all night, and he was there until like 5 o'clock in the morning, and he got it back and was up $600,000 when he left.

He gambles.

He goes.

And he plays baccarat.

Hard.

He is a blackjack.

Baccarat, too.

That's his new game.

Ooh.

We did, Tommy and I did a podcast with him.

And, uh.

I bet more.

What's that?

$500,000.

Oh.

What is, I don't even know what that is.

What is Baccarat?

I know the name.

I think it's like a Chinese blackjack.

Oh.

If I had to, like, it was on a quiz show.

Someone explained Baccarat, I'd be like, fuck.

I should fucking know that. Ricky Tiki Dobby? Tiki Dobby.
I know what craps is. I know how that works I don't know how it works.
No, I do not know like the rules like what is the cum line and all that shit I don't I don't know what it is. I know what it is.
It's just a simple game They throw the dice but all the different the cum and this the fucking lines Yeah, I don't know what's going on. Oh, Craps is simple.
Really, honestly. Craps is a very...
It's not simple. Yeah, but it's basically roll the dice.
Whatever that number is, you just gotta roll it again. And then everyone gets a bet on whether you're not gonna roll it, whether you are gonna roll it, and then they can bet on the other numbers that you might roll before you roll your second number.
And then there's two rolls that get you out, and then if you roll those at the beginning, you get money. It's a simple game, technically.
Not as simple as blackjack, but backer at. And that's one that you get your wife to kiss the dice, and then you throw it.
Oh, yeah. You get her to throw it for you, and she gets on a hot streak.
Dude, we got on a hot streak on a boat one time, me and my buddy Cowhead and our buddy Pete, and we were fucking, we were rolling hot, and fucking people are making a lot of money. And we money we're talking I'm on my 20th roll and I'm hitting them and hitting them and hitting them and I grab them one time I go to roll and the dealer guy hits my hands with the fucking stick and I go what and he goes miss roll and I go what and then I rolled a crapped out of seven and I was like fuck that I go fuck that and then the guy goes alright I'm out and he just clocked out and walked away and i fuck me and my buddy pete made him apologize to us why did he say it was a bad role he just it they try to fuck up your flow they don't want to they don't want your flow to fucking oh they don't want you to stay hot yeah you're hot let's fuck it up what is this road record shit for four and a half hours straight what yeah i mean the amount of money and the energy at that table would have been insane it would have been bonkers the fun is the shit you say as you roll the dice four hours and 18 minutes later tomorrow had rolled a world record for craps rolls she rolled 154 times the odds of accomplishing this are one in 1.56 trillion do you know how much money she made the the people at that table? What does that mean? So she rolled the same number every time? No, it means that she didn't roll a seven after her come out roll for that many rolls.
She may have rolled a seven, but if you roll a seven on your come out roll, then you get paid. This episode is brought to you by SimpliSafe.
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It's not confusing. You have to do it once or twice.
You have to lose a little bit of money. I'm not fucking interested.
Backerat's the rough one. I'm so not interested.
Dana said, he goes, take out, I think he said $275,000 marker. To me and Tommy, he's like, I was going to be in Vegas.
I go, he goes, Bert, take out a $275,000 marker. Come play back around with me.
I'll double your money. And I was like, I was like, if you just...
Nay. Nay, sir.
Tom's like, do it. And Leanne wouldn't let me do it.
She's like, no fucking way. She's going to, you're going to lose it? And he's going to be like, ah, I didn't see that coming.
Or you're going to get addicted to doing that and you're going to want to do it all the time. That's what she sees coming.
She sees it coming like she sees everything else. She's like, no, big guy.
Give me those pills. I got the ick on all of it.
Yeah, she's right. She's right.
I mean, look, Danny's got a lot of money. He makes a lot of money.
He can do that. He likes doing that.
It works somehow or another. It wouldn't work for me.
No. It's not my thing.
It's not my thing. But for some people, like, he loves living in Vegas.
He loves playing. He loves Vegas.
Loves it. Loves it.
He's got the town wired. You know? Why wouldn't he love it? You know? The sport's there all the time.
We've got the UFC PI there. So there's fights there almost, I mean, every month there's a fight at the Apex.
At least. Can I tell you the craziest experience of that whole thing, other than meeting Mel Gibson, which was a dream.
He was the sweetest guy. He's a nice guy.
He was a nice guy. I told you I met him on the plane and flying here.
And then he walked by me. Like when he left at the plane, he's like, maybe I'll see you this weekend.
I was like, hopefully. And then when he walked into UFC, he came over, grabbed my leg.
He's like, what's up, big guy? And I was like, ah. And the guys next to me are like, you know Mel Gibson? And I was like, yeah.
But the coolest part was the fucking guy, Ari Emmanuel. Watching the character from Entourage be himself, because I sat right behind him.
And he was just, he's the guy.

He's much more reasonable than the character.

But he's still a character.

Oh, he's definitely a character, yeah.

Nice guy.

He's a nice guy.

Him and Peter Berg were right in front of me in the end.

I love that dude.

Peter Berg's great.

Have you been watching American Primeval?

Of course.

Fuck.

Fuck me.

Fuck.

God.

Peter Berg's a great, dude, and he was a great actor. Do you remember Aspen Extreme? Yeah.
He was great in the show, too. He's great in American Prime Evil.
He's great. He's been in a bunch of movies, but I think he really shines as a filmmaker.
Wait, what's the movie... What's the TV show Gary Oldman's in right now? Not Black Doves.
I don't know. It's an Apple...
know it's an apple joe this is the best damn show out there apple's making some banging shows slow horses have you seen it no joe slow horses is gary oldman's best work yet in my opinion really he is so fucking good and it is such a great show damn slow horses on netflix Netflix. It's what's great about these shows.
Oh, no, on Apple. Like The English or Slow Horses or Black Doves is there's six episodes, but it's a six-episode arc.
So it's not just like episodic, like we remember old dramas being where the whole thing happened in the hour. Right.
And then you never have to watch that again. Brand new one.
The whole thing happens in an hour. There are these episode arcs where it starts off telling a story and you pay out by the last episode, much like Peaky Blinders.
Right. Peaky Blinders, they were great standalone episodes, but that episode, it was so addictive.
That's what the streamers have changed the way we're taking in content because you start, if you start horses tonight You'll watch all six and then you'll be like honey. We're watching all of these tomorrow Really, it's so fucking good.
Oh, a Gary Oldman's awesome. Gary Oldman.
He's the third best vampire movie is his Dracula Oh his Dracula his Dracula was very good. It was very good.
Are you a Dracula guy Love Dracula. Who do you like more, Dracula or the werewolf? Werewolves.
Werewolves? They're the most fun. The most fun.
Like, just some poor dude. Yeah.
He's like, the moon changes. He's like, fuck! And just waking up covered in blood.
Like, what happened? Like, the idea of it is just so crazy. I just always loved werewolf movies.
What happened to Benicio Delro's that was a good one it was good it just petered out it was there was some real great moments in it that we played it a bunch of times but the one when they're in the theater the medical theater and he's trying to convince this guy that the guy's insane he's like i'm here to show you that he will not turn into a wolf he thinks he will you know and so they have him strapped up it's like i'm going to kill you all it's an amazing transformation scene but rick baker did that film the same guy that did american werewolf in london yeah it's the you know the werewolf that we have in the lobby that's the greatest werewolf movie of of all time. No question.
Because it's John Landis. It's actually funny.
There's funny moments in it. It's really fucking good.
It's a good movie. They did a great job of only showing the wolf like a little bit.
So you're really scared when you actually see it. They don't like get you numb to the thing being there.
So this is the theater scene. He starts starts changing so this is like they did a combination of cgi and makeup so the thing about cgi is like right there that's cgi cgi you kind of know it's cgi there's the uncanny valley effect right yeah and so when he fully transforms in the scenes where he's attacking people, he's an actor.

He's Benicio del Toro, but with all these prosthetics on.

And it looks much more realistic, like the way it moves, the way it behaves.

Like when he goes after these people, it seems...

Well, go back up so you can see it rip the guy's heart out.

Oh, he threw the dude through the window.

His back up a little bit before that is when he tears the guy apart.

Look at this. Oh my god.
See, so when it's a dude in a costume with all the fur on it, the way it moves is just, they can't quite fix that. In CGI? It's not quite there.
Yeah. It still gives you that thing where there's a suspension of disbelief.
but when they use you know when they use makeup like they did in American Werewolf in London

and like the where there's a suspension of disbelief. But when they use makeup, like they did in American Werewolf in London, and the transformation scene in American Werewolf in London, do you remember that one? Oh, yeah.
The guy's in the bedroom or in the living room, and he just starts fucking, and his back pops up, and he stretches out and starts getting covered in hair. Aren't they playing CCR in that? Yeah.
I think it's Bad Moon. Werewolf in London.
No, I think it's Bad Moon on the Rise. There's a bad moon on the rise.
God damn. I could use a new werewolf.
You know what they were doing? The guy who did Nosferatu is going to do a werewolf movie now. No shit.
They were going to do a series of all the horror movies, and it started with The Mummy with Tom Cruise.

They had one set up for Johnny Depp.

But The Mummy with Tom Cruise is not The Mummy, the scary mummy from when we were kids.

Yeah, but they were all reimagined.

I took a meeting with whatever that studio was, and they always wanted a comedic actor in it.

For the one that, in The Mummy, it was Jake.

Jake, God, he's such a great actor, and I'm fucking flaking on his name he was in New Girl Jake Jake Johnson Jake Johnson is funny as shit he is a great actor and he was the comedic relief in the mummy and they were going to do that with each of them so they had one set up for Johnny Depp. They had it set up for big stars.
Everyone was getting their own. Wasn't it Brandon Frazier originally? He was in the original Mummy.
Original, original. Yeah, and then it was The Rock.
Oh, that's right. That's right.
And then it was Tom Cruise. I love Brandon Frazier's revival.
Isn't that amazing? Dude. Isn't it great when a guy comes back and not just comes back, but comes back and kills it in a movie and then has this heartfelt speech where he's tearing up and crying.

Everybody loves him again.

Yeah.

That must have felt awful for that guy.

He was this giant movie star.

He was in all these giant films.

And then for whatever reason, he just kind of faded away.

He got Me Too'd.

Is that what happened? But by a dude. Oh.
A dude tried to fucking touch him. Oh.
And he stood up to the guy and was like, hey, man, you go fuck yourself. The guy's like, I'll ruin your career.
If I'm, obviously my memory is whatever the fuck it is. But yeah, he came out and he said, you know, I was blackballed because I got fucking called a dude out.
Let's find out if that's true. Yeah, find out if that's true.
We might have to edit that out. Allegedly.
Allegedly. Allegedly is a great word.
But it's crazy. I saw something of Mickey Rourke.
That's what he said? Yeah. Okay.
Mickey Rourke said he hadn't worked for 13 years. And Mickey Rourke was the man.
Pope of Greenwich Village. Oh, Angel Heart? Angel Heart? Shut the fuck up.
Yeah, dude. Mickey Rourke was a beast.
Didn't he do the one with the ice cube on the stomach? The blue dream or blue... Right.
With Kim Basinger. What was that? And it was like the ultimate sex scene.
Super sex movie. What was it called? Wild Orchid.
Wild Orchid. Yeah, that would look crazy.
crazy but he said he i saw an interview with him and he said he hadn't worked in 13 years he was down on his money all i saw that his motorcycles and his clothes he dressed himself up one night and took himself out for a bowl of spaghetti and it's all the money he had fucking sylvester stillen walked by and he's like hey man where you been he's like just been out he was, you want to work in a movie? He's like, yeah. And he goes, that one movie paid six months of my rent and it was his comeback.
Yeah. Mickey Rourke's always been a badass.
He was awesome. I bought clothes because I saw what he was wearing on a Sunday.
He had on the coolest fucking outfit. And it's so silly, but he had like Adidas track pants.
This had to be like 2001. Adidas track pants with white Adidas shoes and a wife beater.
And he was putting cases of Heineken in the back of a Cadillac DTS. And I was watching him from across the street.
And I was like, I'm getting those pants. I'm getting those shoes.
Puma shoes. Adidas pants.
And a fucking wife beater. And dude, I dressed like that hoping someone would be like, dude, that's a badass outfit.
No one ever said it to me. You know what's a great...
I would have said it. Thank you.
You know what's a great movie that people have slept on and they forgot about with him? Chinatown. Wait, is he in Chinatown? No, what was it called? It wasn't...
Chinatown was Jack Nicholson, but there was another... There was a Chinatown...
God damn it. Year of the Dragon.
Year of the Dragon. What's Year of the Dragon? That's what it was.
That's which one's year the dragon year the dragon is he's a cop he's like a dirty cop in this uh chinese mob film it's really good man it's really good what year is this 85 85 so i was in fucking in high school, man. Wow.
This is the year I graduated high school.

It's a good movie though man real good movie it might not hold up really hot Chinese lady falls in love with her oh baby it's crazy when you see your heroes get older you know like Harrison Ford to see him now and be like he's great in that uh 1923 show though have you been watching that was this Taylor's show yeah no I show? Yeah. No, I haven't seen it.
He's great. Oh, this is, I just saw, yeah, we were talking about that at dinner.
I just watched episode four last night. He's great in that.
He's the man. You know, they said the rumor is they were going to cast Tom Selleck as Han Solo.
Did you hear this? Yeah, and he was a carpenter. And Mark Hamill told me this story.
Yeah. Did he really? Yeah, yeah.
He said they were having Harrison read with everyone. Because he was a great actor, but he was also a carpenter.
And they're like, you just read sides with people as they audition. So he read with Kerry, he read with Mark, he read with everyone.
They were going to cast Tom Selleck. And at the last minute, they said, you know, I don't know, man.
Something about Tom Selleck isn't dangerous. There's something dangerous about Harrison Ford.
And there is. He's just really working.
Just struggling. Yeah.
Yeah. And he's, I mean, I just watched all three Raiders of the Lost Ark the other night.
And he is fucking funny. He's great.
He's cool. Do you know that scene where the guy pulls out the sword, starts swinging around, he just shoots him? Yeah.
You know, he improvised that? Yeah. That's fucking amazing.
Amazing scene. He improvised it.
I remember watching it in the movie theater and going, oh.

Yeah.

Perfect.

That's what you hope always happens.

Get the fuck out of here with that sword.

Boom.

God.

And he was a hero with a tragic flaw, and that was snakes.

That was his weakness.

That was his Achilles heel.

Also, he was a professor that was secretly dangerous.

Secretly out there doing real archaeology. He had a whip.
Here it is. There's a scene.
They were supposed to have this whole choreographed thing with a sword and the whip. Perfect scene.
How many franchises, is he the actor that's had the most franchises Behind him No it's gotta be Tom Cruise right Oh yeah Tom Cruise top well he wasn't in the new Topcon was he yeah he was I didn't watch it you didn't watch it Oh I did watch a little of it oh it's so good I turned it off after a while I turned it off after a while What's that Sorry I jumped the gun but Harrison Ford is correct Oh, I did watch a little of it. Oh, it's so good.
I turned it off after a while. I cried at the end.
I turned it off after a while.

What's that?

Sorry, I jumped the gun, but Harrison Ford is correct.

Oh, he is the most?

So he's got Star Wars.

He's got Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Jack Ryan.

He's got 20 of them. Oh, Jack Ryan.

He's got 20 of them?

What?

Wait.

Wait, where?

It says franchise roles, so I don't know if it's like, you know.

Oh, like a small role?

It's been in that many or if it's 20 different franchises.

Oh, okay.

Well, starring in franchises, you got the two big ones. Raiders lost ark huge star wars the hugest of all time can you imagine doing can you imagine doing star wars and then doing raiders of the lost ark and be and you'd be just being like i guess i don't fuck up i guess i just hit dingers well i mean can you imagine he obviously was very fortunate to get cast in those, but also he killed it, right? Apparently one of the coolest dudes to party with.
The scene with him and fucking the love tension between him and Carrie Fisher was amazing. Okay.
Can I ask you something? I was a first grade Bert to a fourth grade Joe Rogan. Did you know that Darth Vader was his dad in the first episode? No.
Okay. I didn't either.
I was a little kid. My fucking cousins were like, how did you not know that? Oh, your cousins are douchebags.
They didn't know either. God.
They're bullshitting. They found out and they were like, how did you not know? They were those guys.
You know, those guys who just read something and then barks it at you like, how the fuck do you not know this, man? You don't know the fucking Federal Reserves. You don't know about the ice wall? I think they had a game show called You'd Be Shocked What Burt Doesn't Know.
People make a lot of money. Oh, yeah.
I don't know anything. I know shit that doesn't help.
You know the most interesting shit at a dinner party to talk about. I don't know any of that shit.
Well, I definitely can do that. I can talk on the surface level about a lot of stuff.
Do you like when a person like Taylor... You were kind of between three conversations because you were talking to your wife, you were talking to David, but me and Leanne were dead set talking to Taylor.
And I love, I love when a dude holds court like that. That was a great table of cool people.
The way he sat, where he's like, let me tell you about, I remember Leanne was like, I had 400 head of cattle as a kid. And he goes, yeah, I got 14,000.
And I was like, Leanne, shut your mouth. Let him talk.
He did fucking Yellowstone. Let him talk.
Don't stop. Don't interrupt him.
He's a storyteller. He's a great storyteller.
And he's a guy, you know, there's a ranch that I hunt at in California, and he was a cowboy on that ranch at one point in time. An actual cowboy.
He actually worked and helped to fucking move cattle around. Oh, and you know me.
Like, you know, sometimes if you tell a story, I get to send him a story, I'll tell you my story after. Yeah.
Buddy. There's none of those in that guy.
You can't top any of his fucking stories. But that's why his stories are so good's like lived experience very lived experience a real understanding that's like his love for the cowboy culture is like completely legitimate it's why yellowstone is so good yes you can't you can i mean you can fake it people have faked it before but when someone does it that really loves it that's when it gets people excited and they move move to Montana They decide they will I want to live that life.
It's like Avatar depression. I want to be on Pandora Like people you know, they get sucked in by someone who's done an amazing job of telling a film or a story in a show And that's what entertainment is really all about for me.
I'm not looking for any fucking lessons about equity and inclusion diversity i'm already i already think that way i already think that all human beings are the same we're all just one thing experiencing each other subjectively as bill hicks said i i believe that so i don't need that lesson that lesson just makes me feel like you're preaching to me and that shit's annoying i don don't like it. I already know these things.
Stop! We're doing it for other people. It doesn't work.
It doesn't work. It just makes people more self-righteous and they want to talk about it all the time.
I have a weird question. Do you think because I feel like because I'm on Instagram a lot.
I might be switching to a flip phone. But I'm not'm not watching anything.
Right after you quit drinking, right? No, my wife already bought the flip phone. She was like, dude, my daughters put parental controls on my Instagram.
It's hilarious. Don't worry, I can get through them.
But would you think that like, I notice it seems like a lot of people now are almost living for Instagram. Like, hey, this is me and my three friends, and we're sailing around the world.
And then do you think people were doing that before Instagram? No. No, I think definitely people are doing things so that they can show that they're doing things.
But if you're actually doing things, like, it's a balancing thing. Like, if you're experiencing more stuff because you're documenting it for your YouTube channel you're still experiencing more stuff i mean you are kind of you're putting it all out there but if you're still experiencing more stuff like that's probably net positive the problem is when you find yourself hanging out with your friends but all you're doing is staring at your phone you know and it's a real it's a real trap that we all get sucked into.

Especially if you've got a good algorithm.

It's filled with stuff that

pisses you off or freaks you out, which is mine.

Oh, I don't watch any. My shit's

all people doing epic shit.

Oh, that's good.

I followed these two dudes, Climb Everest.

I followed them on Instagram.

Climb fucking Everest. And I was like,

I want to climb

Mount Kilimanjaro. Kilimanjaro

is achievable. But I go, I want, climb fucking Everest.
And I was like, I want to climb Mount Kilimanjaro.

No, no, no.

Kilimanjaro is achievable.

But I want to do epic shit.

Like I got to a place where I started taking time off in July.

And I was like, yo, I want a month.

I want to sail to Hawaii.

I want to see what it's like to be afraid, you know, in the middle of the ocean.

Pull up how many people die in Mount Kilimanjaro.

Oh, nobody.

Mount Kilimanjaro is easy.

Yeah.

It's a light lift.

It's a light lift.

People have died.

Mount Kilimanjaro is easy.

I guarantee you.

No, it's like a long haul hike.

I bet people have died.

Okay.

I bet it's under 10.

How many?

10 a year.

3 to 10 a year.

Oh, yeah.

But watch how many people die going to Everest.

Yeah, that's not good.

Well, if you play Russian Roulette with five bullets, you get shot more.

I only play with one.

Ask him.

No, hold on.

That's just a stupid fucking thing to say.

You know how many people definitely don't die on Mount Kilimanjaro that don't go to Mount Kilimanjaro?

100% of them.

100% of all of them.

100% of the people that don't go up that fucking stupid mountain.

Just get a fucking Oculus and watch that shit.

Just watch it.

Watch it in your head.

You can get videos of it.

340 people have died attempting to reach or return.

What happened?

Oh, Mount Everest.

Since records began, many bodies remain.

Have you ever seen the bodies scattered?

Like the map of the bodies where they show where the known dead bodies on Mount Everest are? It's terrifying. Do you want to know the craziest one? Sure.
So the first dude to ever attempt the summit, I think his name was Mallory, right? Edmund Hillary is the one who got it. He's still there.
So they said they found his body probably like five years after, ten years after, and they said he had a broken leg, a fractured skull, and his pic. And that's how they could figure out it was him because his initials were in his pic.
And they said he always carried a picture of his wife because he was going to put the picture of his wife on the top of Mount Everest, and it wasn't in his pocket. So they're like, did he, was he in fact the first person to get there? Oh, probably.
And then he left it there and then died on the coming down. Probably.
The other thing that I think is wild is Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzig Norgay made a deal that they would reach the summit at the same time. Because it was like, who gets to the summit first? I mean, when you think about it, especially with racism back then, Edmund Hillary was a Kiwi.
he must have been like, hey, brown guy, just carry the bags. I'm going to, I'm going to get up there and you come up, get a picture of me and then we'll do one together and then we'll head down.
But they made a deal to go up together because they needed him that much. Well, you definitely need, those Sherpas can go all the way up there with no oxygen.
Those Sherpas will get locked on a ledge with a bunch of white people. The white people will have to have helicopters come out and get them.

A helicopter I think can only get to like 2300 feet, 23,000 feet is like the safe zone.

They'll come and get the white people out.

And then the sherbets are like, oh, we're going to walk down.

We're good.

They'll hang out for like seven days up there.

And then I just heard a documentary about it or a podcast.

But those guys are so fucking good at it. Also, they're so adapted to that climate.
They live up there. The adaption is a big part of it, right? Because it takes a long time to be able to adapt to that low of an altitude, or high of an altitude, rather.
Look what they're carrying up. Look at that guy carrying that shit on his back.
That is crazy. Bro, I walk around with a 45-pound plate and I complain.
That's so much shit. That guy must have legs of steel.
How bad is his lower back? I bet they all smoke. I bet they smoke like a chimney.
Do they smoke? Do Sherpas smoke? I just saw a documentary on Netflix about the earthquake in... Look at him.
Smoking. Eric Shipton.
Look at that guy. That's one of them early explorer type fellas.
Click on that dude with the pipe. Yeah, look at that guy.
Back in the day, man. No fucking internet.
These guys had heard about it. They heard about it.
You know? Yeah. And we're going to go.
They probably saw a photo that one person took. You know?

I mean, back then, how many fucking people had photos?

The guy who figured out the height in, like, what, fucking 30, in the turn of the century,

was an Indian guy, or, you know, Nepalese.

He figured out the height, and he was within 30 feet of being correct.

Just from distance and doing math, he was in 30 feet after satellite images came in. Look at this.

Everest pioneers packed 15,000 cigarettes. Holy shit.
Despite low oxygen. I bet they thought it was good for their lungs.
Well, people used to think that it was like an exercise for your lungs. They did that with Teddy Roosevelt.
Teddy Roosevelt's dad. Teddy Roosevelt had asthma.
That's right. And his dad would make him smoke cigars with him in his lounge.
He's like, it'll strengthen your lungs. Yeah, I saw something like that where a doctor, and it was like an old-timey movie.
God, who was it? Who was it? I think it was Leonardo DiCaprio. Like, who did Leonardo DiCaprio play in a movie? He played some famous wealthy guy.
Howard Hughes. That's right.

And I think it was when Howard Hughes was young. He had bad lungs and the doctor

was prescribing cigarettes to him. God, I hope

I'm not remembering this wrong. I may be.

But I know that they used to,

some doctors would recommend cigarettes

to certain people that have certain lung

issues. Yeah.
Which is

so crazy. I was the exact opposite.

They were so bad. Oh, dude.
How bad was going to the doctor back then? Oh, they were just guessing. I mean, not just guessing, but guessing so wrong.
I asked my dad about the polio vaccine, and I go, did they have to run it by your parents? He goes, parents? They just took us into the gym and stuck everyone. Yeah.
I mean, they just were like, yo, we think this works.

What was the, there's a controversy yesterday when there was some sort of a hearing on whether or not they should ban sugar and candy from school lunches, or whether they should discourage sugar and candy. And it was something like the American Heart Association voted to not restrict the diets of kids.
And everybody was like, what? What's going on? Let me get this right because I was supposed to save this and I was on the phone and I didn't. See if you can find it, Jamie.
But it was a conversation that was happening yesterday and it was being shared on the internet where people are freaking out. And you're talking about school lunches.
I don't remember correctly, unfortunately. There were restrictions, if I'm not mistaken, there were restrictions on what we could give our kids to school.
Really? You couldn't just give them everything. You couldn't just give them candy? Yeah, here it is.
Trump officials want to ban junk food from SNAP, but past efforts show it's not easy. No, that's not it.
There's something coming up. That's the only thing coming up? Yeah, it has to do with this, but I don't know what's...
I'm trying to figure out. There was a video...
Oh, God, I want to say it was a... Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program.
Yeah, that's... I think that's the push, but there was resistance to it that I thought was crazy.
God damn it, I know I saved it. Is that it? It's the same thing as Texas SNAP.
Okay, this is it. American Heart Association opposes SNAP's sugary food drink regulations.
That's what it is. American Heart Association opposes a Texas bill that would restrict using SNAP benefits to purchase sugary drinks and process snacks.
Critics' question of corporate funding influences the American Health Association's policies. The AHA's opposition has sparked criticism over its history of receiving funding from major food companies like PepsiCo and Coca-Cola, raising concerns about conflicts of interest.
An AHA spokesperson said their position on the Texas legislation was miscommunicated. They say the organization has long favored the USDA using its authority to increase the consumption of healthy foods and decrease consumption of sugary drinks.
So they changed their opinion probably based on controversy. Hmm.
Okay. I often say, look at this, during the hearing, lawmakers and public health advocates voiced their opinions.
State Senator Lois Kolkhorst expressed shock over AHA's opposition during the hearing. I often say that I can never be surprised in this building But for the American Heart Association to be against this bill that might be the surprise of the session so far It sounds weird that they would they would I mean, it doesn't even make sense That's obviously not good for you.
No, like why would they encourage that? Or change it like we would be their... I forget what their argument was.
Is it like a classist argument?

I don't know.

Is it? Because it seems like a classist

thing. When you go to Whole Foods, it's different

than going to Ralph's or Vaughn's.

This is what it says. Puente testified the AHA

was concerned about the bill's potential

impact on SNAP participation.

He also emphasized the importance

of educating the public about healthy eating

instead of restricting purchases.

See, but that seems weird.

Like,

Thank you. impact on snap participation.
He also emphasized the importance of educating the public about healthy eating instead of restricting purchases.

See, but that seems weird.

Like, what better way to encourage healthy eating than to say, you're not going to starve.

You can get food, but you can't buy shit.

You can go buy hamburgers.

But where does this line draw the line?

I'm just thinking, like, the other day I was in traffic and i thought i can't believe they they still let people ride motorcycles because people die all the time and they drive and they cut cars too yeah but in motorcycles like i'm getting one and my wife's like that's how i get oh yeah fuck yeah why are you doing that because harley reached out oh don't and they were like come on buddy not in california dude just for late night. Drive out here.
Late night. Late night's when the crackheads are out.
I'll tell you what. I'll leave it here.
If I can leave it at your studio. Yeah, leave it here.
And then this will be my Austin bike. I'm coming to Austin.
Oh, you're going to have another bike. I'm coming to Austin.
You're going to have an Austin bike and a fucking, this motherfucker. Yeah, you can park it here.
I'm coming out to Austin for like two weeks in June. Nice.
Get ready for my tour. Your kids have left the nest.
My dude. Time to bail, my brother.
Buddy, I'm living with one person every day, all fucking day.

Wild.

I know.

We do everything together.

Come over here.

Come here.

You don't need to be in that bullshit state.

There's no need for that anymore.

The mothership is just such a great place to do stand-up.

It's such a great vibe right now.

It's a great place to hang.

It's fun. I went over there after our party by South By and just got fucking lit.
Tony, Shane. It's a fun place, man.
Called it early. But I told Leanne, I said, I'm going to do like a week in Oxnard.
I was going to do a little run on my tour bus. I said, I think I'm going to take my tour bus to Austin.
Just stay here for like a week, two weeks. It's a good place to fuck around and do new stuff too.

It is.

Especially in the little room.

That little room is just, oh.

I can't tell you how valuable it is to have phones in yonder pouches.

Comedy store's doing that now.

Yeah, Peter Shore told me.

Really?

Yeah.

Not two weeks ago.

That is amazing.

Really?

I don't know. I don't think so.

It was two weeks ago.

Maybe it was longer.

I don't know.

Last time I was there, I said some wild shit.

Oh, no. When he get longer.
I don't know. Last time I was there, I said some wild shit.
Oh, no. You want to get out? I don't know.
You can't practice. You can't fucking say.
You've got to be able to practice. And part of practicing.
It's the snitches that want you to say. It's almost like it's the fucking cunts that you.
They can't help it because you can get so many likes. Yeah.
And I'm like, bitch, you want this comedy. Right.
But if you put something, if you say something wild on stage and it's funny and they laugh You could take that and put it on your Instagram you get 2 million views and that's just too tempting for people We bust people with those meta glasses Yeah, they try to come in with their fucking ray-bans on and film things those meta glasses are amazing My friend Jimmy who works for the UFC had him on day. Upon arrival at the venue, all phones procured in yonder bags.
Is this the store? Yes, comedy store. December 10th? Yep, 2024.
Oh, wow. Nice.
They just forgot. Or maybe it was a comic who had his phone out.
Some comic three down the river. Fucking.
That happens. There's a lot of cunty comics, especially like.
There's a lot of cunty comics especially there's a lot of cunty comics i'm starting to think that's all they got no buddy do you ever do you ever hey joe do you ever do you ever this is what makes me crazy what makes you crazy burke chryser do you ever be friends with someone and then all of a sudden realize you've been competing the whole time but you didn't know you were in a a competition. Yeah, that's unfortunate.
That's unfortunate. Inspired by is a better way to look at life.
Competing is just not good for you. I've never once competed with another comic.
I've been inspired by so many fucking comics. That's good.
You have a healthy mindset. But I think our whole group has a healthy mindset.
I think so. Yeah.
We don't have any cunts. We don't have any jealous, bitter cunts in the group of people that we're hanging with.
That's so important. I hung with Chappelle one night and he just called.
I was in Dayton. He was like, yeah, why don't you come out and we'll party? And I was like, cool.
And then we went out and partied. I kind of forget what a fan I am of his, of just how great he is.
I mean, his kicker in the pussy joke might be one of my favorite jokes ever that's ever been written. It's so fucking dope.
He's a great comic, but he's a great human. He's a great human.
He's a fun hang. Like he's a genuine sweetheart of a guy.
I was with him right before I shot the special and I said to him, and we're fucking lit, right? And I go, yo, Dave, I don't want to fucking, I go, I don't want to talk shop. I just want to hang, but I got to say, you're the greatest to ever do it.
I'm getting ready to shoot my special. I just would love a little bit of your insight of what you think, like how you prepare for one.
Pell lights a cigarette and he's like, all right, how many shows? I said six. He goes, perfect.
He goes, and then he breaks down. I'm not going to do it because it's Dave's secret.
It's Dave's thing. shared I don't want to but he broke down How he does a special to me me and him sitting in a fucking in a barn in the middle of a field in Fucking three in the morning with IVs in our arms And I was like I was like dude.
I gave him a hug I was like he's just saying he's the fucking greatest him and Cat Williams two of the baddest motherfuckers and the sweetest guys But But I was like, that energy, I have no... I want Chappelle's special to be fucking amazing when it comes out.
Everyone's telling me how great Schultz's special is. I can't wait to fucking watch it.
Yeah, but you have a good attitude. That's a good attitude.
That's how you're supposed to think. That's how I think.
The other way is not good for you. Let me see that.
The other way is... You want another one? You want a new one? Yeah, I'll take a new one.
The other way is bad for you as a human. Yeah.
It's not healthy to think that way. It doesn't do you any good.
It only serves you to get fucked up. It only serves your ego and your bullshit.
You got the clippers? Yeah. There you go.
Ego, man. It's just not good for you.
It doesn't help you. It only hurts you.
It doesn't hurt the person that you're jealous of, and it hurts you. It's just, it's not necessary.
You could just be inspired, and you could say, oh, this fucking mutt can make it. You can say that.
I can do it, too. But don't be be jealous if you don't like someone and they're becoming very successful maybe think why you react so strongly because a lot of times it's unfortunately jealousy like there's comics that i don't think they're very good they don't make me laugh but i don't care i don't get mad at them you know i'm saying yeah i don't get upset at them.
I mean, I'll be friends with them. I'll be, I'll like them.
You know, there's comics that I, and I had to learn how to do that. Because it used to be like, if guys weren't funny, I just couldn't deal with them.
Couldn't hang out with them. I'm friends with a few people that suck.
But they're nice people. You know, you could separate that.
But I'm also friends with some people that are mind-blowing, you know, and there's such a value in that. You know, when you're around people that are, like, really good at what they do.
When you're around Dave. And Schultz is my favorite for going to a place and then talking shit about the place in such a brilliant way.
I think Schultz is fucking brilliant. He's so good.
Dude, the whole shit with Kendrick Lamar. I was getting in the shower, reading it, texting him.
I'm sitting outside the shower texting him my favorite lines. The only thing he has to do is decide if it's consensual.
That was crazy. But I get inspired by motherfuckers like that.
He's a funny dude, man. And did you ever see the thing he did about Hawaii? No.
Oh, my God. It's so funny.
He's in Hawaii. He starts his setup.
He goes, I've never seen chickens more confident. He does this whole bit about chickens in Hawaii.
It's suchered. It's just, it's such a funny bit.

It's so, if you've been to Hawaii, you know there's chickens all over the fucking place.

It's kind of crazy.

Do you know who else does that?

Tommy.

Oh yeah.

Tommy shits on a place so aggressively and they love it.

Yeah.

Like he did Dublin one year.

I like saying we both did it and he goes, is it fun?

I said, I had the best time of my life.

He goes up and it's the day the king gets coronated and And he goes out, first words, he's like, fuck your king. And the play starts going, ole, ole, ole, ole.
Tommy didn't know if they were going to stop singing. We did a show in Hawaii and he goes, at Pearl Harbor.
And they're like, all right, Tommy opens the show. He goes, they're like, first rule, don't make fun of the Wyans.
Second rule, do not bring up Pearl Harbor. First and second joke.
First joke. Man, they say island life's slow.
I didn't know they were talking about your metabolism. Man, you guys are fat as fuck.
I was taking a walk. I don't want to be as fat as you guys.
I got lost on the base. Lucky there are a couple Japanese guys that are pretty familiar with how this base operates.
Me and Russell Peters are crying laughing.

The Admiral's losing his mind.

God damn it.

What did I fucking tell him?

That's hilarious.

They think they could tell you what not to talk about.

I have an offer to do Dubai.

Don't.

Thank you.

You're going to fuck up.

You're going to say something stupid.

And they're going to put you in jail.

Thank you.

Yeah, they arrest people over there. I know.
You can't play games in Dubai. Did you see that one lady who went crazy at the airport? No.
Yeah, she got a little rowdy at the airport and started yelling at people. And they're like, that's a wrap.
You're going to jail. Dude.
They don't fuck around over there, man. I have a friend who moved there, my friend Will.
And he's a documentary filmmaker. And he said, like, it's so safe over here.
He goes, that's what I love about it. He goes, when I was in America, I was like, you go out at night, you're at a club, you're always worried someone's gonna pull a gun out, something's gonna happen.
He goes, there, there's nothing. Yeah.
No crime. But there's our, it's like Singapore, there's crazy rules.
Right, but what would you- And if you don't know all the rules- It's a real good question. Would you rather have a little bit of danger and very little rules,

or would you rather have no danger and a lot of rules?

I want a little danger and a little rule.

I agree.

Yeah, I don't want to live in a place where they restrict what you can say and what you do.

It's not even that.

They said to me in the contract,

we signed up to do,

I do a tour starting in October,

Permission to Party.

Permission to Party is the name of the fucking tour.

Permission to Party. And they go, what about Dubai? I go, I don't think they're going to give me permission.
I think they're going to die. The first thing was you have to wear a shirt on stage.
And I was like. Yeah, that's a wrap.
I go, hey, man. That's crazy.
It's kind of my thing. Yeah.
I'm comfortable shirtless. That's how I perform.
That's so crazy. You can't wear no shirt.
Okay. You guys have crazy rules.
Those rules don't make sense. Yeah.
Like what about Cirque du Soleil? They have to wear shirts. They do.
I don't know. They do.
I'm making that up. Like what about MMA? How come they have MMA over there? How can they have MMA? That's what I'm saying.
Are they performing with no shirts on? Yeah. You're going to make guys wear fucking wetsuits?

What are they going to wear?

Now, by the way, that's the same argument I said as I got kicked out of a Buffalo Wild Wings with my shirt off.

And they're like, put your shirt on.

I go, the guys on MMA are wearing fucking shirts.

Yeah, that's different.

Is it a little different?

That's different.

They're doing it in a sport.

But the point is, if you're performing, that's part of your performance. It's like, you know how there's rules in LA?

Like, if you performed on stage, you're allowed to smoke cigarettes?

Yeah.

Because it's a part of your performance.

So let's go. But the point is, like, if you're performing, that's part of your performance.
It's like, you know how there's rules in L.A.? Like, if you performed on stage, you're allowed to smoke cigarettes? Yeah. Because it's a part of your performance.
So, like, Chappelle was always lighting up even after the rules. And everybody's like, hey, how come he can smoke? Because it was like in the 90s that they passed the laws where you're not allowed to smoke in comedy clubs anymore.
Do you remember that? Yeah. If it was part of your act, you could smoke.
That's how Ron White smoked cigars on stage. Right, but it was a law before that, you were

allowed to smoke in bars. I remember

doing stand-up when you could smoke at the Boston

Comedy Club. And Buddy,

do you remember the last stop

in Houston? Oh, yeah. That

place, there were so many cigarettes,

you would come out with a cough.

Yeah, the air was filled with smoke.

Your jeans would smell? Oh, yeah, you

always smelled. I always come home from

a club back in the 90s, and

I think that's a good one. you would come out with a cough yeah the air was filled with smoke your jeans would smell oh yeah you always smelled I always come home from a club back in the 90s and I'd smell my clothes they always smell like cigarettes but you got used to the smoky room part of the thing about a comedy club when people smoke cigarettes they're doing something really stupid you know what I mean and doing something really stupid there's so much fuck it in a cigarette and there's fuck it in a drink and there's fucking in this guy talking shit on stage I sucked his own dick It like led to the atmosphere.
It's like I love them in pool halls, too I love I love being around the smokers even if I didn't want to have anything to do with it Do you remember the comics that would smoke on stage and then they go and do the tonight show and they didn't know what to do with The right hand. Oh yeah, there was that, right? Well, back in The Tonight Show, the early days, I was watching the other day, I was watching Jackie Gleason on The Tonight Show and it was the only time I think he was ever on The Tonight Show, which is kind of crazy.
But they were just, he sat there and immediately lights a cigarette. By the way, he was dead two years later.
Yeah. He died of cancer in 87.
Google that. Johnny Carson had a little cigarette box.
Yeah. So this is.
Those are his cigarettes right there. And there's a cigarette box.
Immediately. And he sits down.
Well, Carson. How fucking great does that feel? Carson also died of cancer.
Yeah. Look at that.
Just sitting there. How sweet it is.
How sweet it is. That's what he said right there.
He did. Makes him say it.
He did Smokey and the Bandit, and they offered him points on the movie, and he said, I'll take cash. Whoops.
I know. Damn.
I saw the sexiest thing in Palm Springs the other day. White Cadillac.
Was it that lady playing golf? No. White Cadillac.
75-year-old woman. Hair done.
Little coif. Windows up.
White. Big Cadillac.
She puts a 100 cigarette. Windows up and lights it in her car.
Just windows up. And I went, fucking old school.
Wow. I don't know.
You remember the last time you saw someone smoke a cigarette in the car with their windows up? I bet that lady's never been vaccinated. She's never going to get cancer.
She's never dying. She's never fucking dying.
She's got them old school pioneer genes. Did you ever hear the story about Johnny Carson almost got killed by the guy in the mob? Oh, yeah.
Yeah. What was that about? Did he make a mob joke or something? No.
Frank Sinatra had to negotiate his safety. What was it about?

Johnny Carson was at a bar drunk and the mobster's

girl was there and the mobster was in the back

and Johnny Carson hit on the mobster's girl

and like smacked her ass or lifted

her shirt skirt up. Oh no.

And they were like, we're going to kill him. And they went

out and he hid. And then he went out

and they're like, no, we have a hit on him. He's going to

die. And Frank Sinatra had to negotiate it.
Someone just just told you know who told it to me? God damn it. Oh son of a bitch.
Not Fletcher. Comedy store comic.
White hair. Did the Tonight Show 120 times.
You know him. Argus? Argus.
I think it was Argus told me that story. That makes sense.
Yeah, Argus, old school. Yeah.
Argus is a funny dude, man. Argus is fucking great, man.
He's very underrated. Unidentified wise guy and his goons picked Carson up off his bar stool and threw him down a flight of stairs before famed saloon owner Jilly Rizzo, whose regulars included Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Judy Garland, interceded and prevented a more serious beatdown, but the mob big wasn't satisfied and put out a contract to have Carson whacked.
Terrified Carson wisely holed up in his UN Plaza palace for three days, missing three shows, according to the book. The vengeful mobsters only backed off after one of Carson's contacts at the William Morris Agency cut a deal with crime boss Joseph Colombo.
Holy shit. Oh, the American Civil Rights League.
Oh, yeah. The mob boss had recently formed the Italian American Civil Rights League to persuade America that a group, the people of Italian descent were being unfairly stereotyped as mafiosi.
That's hilarious. The group is planning for a big rally, and Columbo is deeply, deeply disappointed that so far all of the networks have refused to cover the rally.
Soon an accommodation was reached, NBC News covered the rally, and Johnny could leave the apartment. Wow.
As for Columbo, he was gunned down in 1971 at the second annual Italian Unity Day rally in Columbus Circle. He was left almost totally paralyzed and died in 1978.
Holy shit. That was the last of the rallies.
So he developed. I know there's a way around this.
No one's paying attention to an Italian-American civil liberties rally. They're making us look like thugs, like we're going to shoot each other in a rally.
Bro. Goddamn.
Those were scary days, man. Those were scary, scary days.
But that was the story about the store, because the store used to be Ciro's Nightclub, so Bugsy Siegel owned Ciro's. Did you know that? I knew that.
I didn't know that Bugsy Siegel owned it. Yes was bugsy siegel owned zero's nightclub and that place was scary apparently that's why all those people see ghosts in that spot bad shit happened there 100 100 100 you got a mob owned nightclub people are getting shot i mean people got shot at the comedy store when we were there.
A guy got murdered on the fucking front patio. It was a gang hit.
During like Moe Better Mondays or something. Rose was there when it happened.
Rose saw the guy die. Oh, shit.
Mm-hmm. That's...
That place has always attracted crazy people. That place has always...
I think there's an energy to that place, probably because of the gang history. They just made it, like, extra wild and dangerous.
It just always felt like anything can happen in that place. I think there's, like, baked-in memories.
Like, there's photos of, like, Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis on stage there. That place was, like, that was the spot.
Like the spot in LA and the mob would all be there and they'd fucking do deals, whack people and take people down to the basement and fucking kill them. Out of all the scariness in movies, the scariest part of any movie is one of those mob movies where they say to the guy, Johnny wants to talk to you tonight.
The guy's like, tell Johnny I'll call tomorrow. He's like, no, he said to get in the car now.
And the guy goes, well, I'll take my car. He goes, no, no, you're going to get in the car with us.
And you know. That guy's going to die.
Looks at his friend, takes off his ring. Yeah.
Gives it to him. And I don't know.
I'm such a bitch that in those moments I'd be like, no, I don't want to go. And just start running.
Or like when you see in the war movies, when you see, like in, what was the one, 1917? When they tell those two kids they got to run and go tell the front line what to do. Oh, yeah.
Is that 1917? I don't know. If it's not, it's all part of the Western Front.
Like my grandfather stormed the beaches of Normandy. Really? Yeah.
Did you ever talk to him about it? No, he died way before I was born. He was one of those PTSD Levittown guys.
Moved to Levittown. And my dad said he just would sit in the garage, drink beers, and listen to Met games.
And just wash his car. My dad said he never heard his dad ever mention the war.
And if the war was brought up, his dad would walk out of the room.

Oh, Jesus. But he's storing the beaches in Normandy, and I don't know.
I don't know if I have the thing in me to get off the boat. I think I'm a bitch.
I think I'd be like, I'd lock down. I'd be like, I'm not getting off.
When you look at guys like Jocko. I think you had to get off that boat, buddy.
I don't think you had a choice. And I think when your friends are running off that boat, you run off that boat too.
And guys are getting gunned down. You just hope it's not you.
And you're probably just shitting your pants. Shitting my pants.
And that one day, like how many thousands of people died? Thousands and thousands of people died. Just bullets and guns going off everywhere.
Like that's, that fucking movie, the- Saving Private Ryan. Yes.
Spielberg nailed that movie. Yeah.
That opening scene was so fucking horrific that you'd never seen a scene like that in a war movie that accurately depicts people getting torn apart right in front of you. My dad found his dad's diary from the war.
And he photocopied it and sent me the photocopy. My dad has the diary.
And it's funny because, you know, my memory is like jaded to how I find things interesting. So sometimes it's not 100% accurate.
But in there, there was a memory of like, they took one of these like Q boats, I think, or K boats across the fucking Atlantic over to England. Barely had time to get off the boat.
Stayed in England for a second. I think they – I want to say they stayed on the boat the whole time and then took that same boat over to – they probably took different boats.
But took a boat over to Normandy. My dad's – my grandfather's entry is something to the effect of we're going to this, we're storming this beach today.
Like they didn't, I don't think he knew the, like what the, the levity or the seriousness of what was happening. I think they were like, like he just very casually mentioned it.
Oh God. And, uh, the only other thing I remember out of reading that diary was that he would, he would get water in his helmet to so cold.
He'd get water in his helmet to shave. And by the time he went to shave, he had to break the – it would freeze over with ice.
He had to break it with his razor. But to think that – I mean, just the amount of trauma that those guys went through and no one really cared about it.
They were like, just have a fucking shot of scotch. And that was the second time the world had gone to war.

The world had gone to war just a couple of decades earlier.

Dude, can I tell you what fucking makes me stop for a second?

When we were in Serbia, they have statues of Gabriel Pritsip everywhere.

He's the guy that shot Franz Ferdinand, the Archduke.

Oh, yeah.

They have statues of him everywhere.

He's a fucking national hero in Serbia because he technically created Yugoslavia.

I mean, people wear shirts of Gabriel Pritzip.

Wow.

They have wallets of this guy, movie producer.

Who started World War I.

He changed the world forever.

That one man is responsible for millions of deaths and so much suffering.

Isn't that crazy?

And they have statues of this dude.

Statues everywhere. Dude, some guy,

I got obsessed with it because I was like, I can't believe you guys,

we consider that a terrorist in our country.

Oh my god.

And this one guy gave me a... That's so crazy.

They gave me a... Look at that writing.

How cool is their writing? Go back to that.

Look at the fucking writing at the bottom. Look how cool that is.

Cavariello Princip.

Can you read that? Yeah.

It's really cool. They gave me a- Look at that writing.
How cool is their writing? Go back to that. Look at the fucking writing at the bottom.

Look how cool that is.

Cavariello Princip.

Can you read that?

Yeah.

Really?

I think it's Russian.

It's acrylic or whatever it is.

Cyrillic.

You can read that?

Yeah.

For real?

You can read Russian?

Yeah.

I never told you about the time I went to Russia?

You did, but I didn't know you could- I didn't know you learned how to read it.

I thought it was really hard to read.

I just met this DJ, very big DJ, DJ Zed. If I played you any of his songs, you've heard every one of them, right? Okay.
And we met him at, I was with Santino. We were at a tennis tournament.
And I said, wait, where's your accent from? And he goes, oh, I'm Russian. I said, good day.
And he goes, I was like, kundishna. And we started talking in Russian back and forth.
How long did it take you to learn that? As long as I was there. I got pretty good towards the end.
How long were you there for? Like a month and a half, three months. That's it? Yeah.
That's incredible. Do you have a hidden skill? No, no.
A hidden ability to learn languages? No, I know. I can speak Spanish.
I just told you the same Uber drivers picked me up six times in this town and he doesn't speak English. How'd you learn how to speak Spanish? I just grew up in Florida.
Really? Yeah. You might have like a secret language ability.
No. Anyone that just heard me talk in Russian just knows that I barely, I don't even sound good.
Yeah, but you could, I took Italian in college. I can't fucking speak Italian.
I took Spanish in high school. I can't speak Spanish.
No, I, yeah, I can understand Russian a lot better than I can speak it. Yeah.
You might have like a hidden ability to learn languages and I can understand Russian a lot better than I can speak it.

You might have a hidden ability to learn languages.

I can understand Spanish a lot better than

I can speak it.

I was just in Spain

a week ago and apparently

my Spanish, it sounds like, me need ice.

Me ice.

At least you can say something.

You can communicate. Something's popping off in

Serbia right now. One of the largest protests ever is happening in Serbia right now.
For real? 300 plus thousand people in the streets. It's a complicated country.
And I love Serbia. I love Serbia.
I don't know what's going on. I have no idea what this protest is about.
I just saw it in the news feed popped up. Record-sized protests 15 people dying in a railway railway station collapse So what are they? What are they it's hundreds of thousands people descended on Serbia's capital to protest over the deaths? I'm not sure Huh So was it like some corruption or something like someone shitty construction like what happened? We? We quote, we just want a country that works, law student says.
Wow. So hundreds of thousands of people in the streets because a rail station collapsed? That's what it says on BBC.
I'm looking to see if it makes more insight. They don't take any shit over there.
Dude. Figure it out, bitch.
We'll get in the street. It's fascinating.
I mean, listen, I understand if you're listening you may disagree with what i'm about to say i'm just gonna say it they fucking hate albanians oh no they make albanian jokes like crazy right so one day we're on the set i said one of the guys i go hey man like i'm i'm not like a woke dude it's a funny joke uh but like what if there's an albanian here that like heard that wouldn't and hurt their feelings. And he goes, I'm not like a woke dude.
It's a funny joke. But what if there's an Albanian here that heard that and hurt their feelings? And he goes, oh, he'd know to be smart enough to keep his fucking mouth shut.
And I went, all right, never mind. The only Albanian they like is Dua Lipa.
They love Dua Lipa. I know I'm generalizing.
And I know there's Serbians that are like, we don't hate them all. But they all know know how to play basketball They're all tough as fucking shit.
Every dude's a fucking man. You don't meet one dude that you don't think is a cage fighter Bro, these war-torn countries are not playing games, bro.
They breed different humans And that's when those guys come over to the UFC They're different humans They had a and now mind you I gotta guess the Serbians that I was hanging out with and one of them was my driver but like they had a chant for their president for the like when their president they would chant out the other guy and it was like uh he's Vinici he's a faggot he's Vinici I don't know man there's. There's something really interesting about that freedom that they had there that they just talked openly.
And like they take a cigarette break and like the girls would sit down and cuddle up next to a dude that they weren't dating. They just touchy like that.
Like they don't have like, there's no like intimacy counselor on set. They were just, I remember watching one of the girls sit and have a cigarette with one of the dudes and they were just cuddling against the wall.
And I was like, are they dating? And they're like, no, they're just friends. Look at that shit.
That's Serbian basketball, baby. Bro, that's war.
That's war. How long before these guys take over basketball? Oh, buddy.
Kind of half. Give them another year.
Yeah, they kind of have. Yeah, they're taking over MMA.
They're taking over boxing. Luka Doncic and Jokic.
Dude, everyone plays basketball. The girls play basketball there.
Jesus Christ. No one jogs.
I was the only one jogging every morning. Every morning I jogged by myself.
Fucking farmers carrying weights around. They're fucking, those men are beasts.
I'd go to the mall. It was like the nicest place to go.
Bro, that was the most terrifying basketball game I've ever seen in my life. Imagine showing an American basketball crowd what they do in Serbia.
you'd be like, oh no, they're coming.

Wouldn't it be great to watch a Serbian team play like one of those inner city teams?

Look at this.

Give me some volume.

Look at that.

Look at that. Look at that.
Holy shit! That's like fight night intensity. That's Texas fucking high school football.
Right, right, right. We used to play a black team growing up.
It was like Booker T. Washington.
And they would come in. We'd play basketball.
And the visiting stands would be packed.

I can't remember the exact name of the team, but they'd be packed.

And their thing was, boom, we thump.

Boom, boom, we thump.

And the whole fucking crowd.

And we were like just a bunch of white kids.

We had no chance.

We had no chance.

I've got spirit.

Yes, I do.

I've got spirit.

How about you?

And they'd be like, suck our dicks.

But that energy, that high school black inner city energy with some HBCU cheerleaders. You ever seen the HBCU cheerleaders? Yes, I have.
They're my fucking favorite. Versus a Serbian, just fucking no deodorant.
Just... God, man, I miss Serbia.
When those folks start entering into other sports, when people from, like, hard environments start entering sports, like the scariest guy in the UFC, or one of the scariest, is from Chechnya. Chechnya.
Yeah. That's war-torn.
Dude, this guy is a fucking... Hamzat Chemaev.
He is a fucking animal. Have you ever seen that guy fight? Hamzat Chemaev? Pull up Hamzat Chemaev versus Kevin Holland.
So Hamzat Chemaev is the number one contender in the UFC's middleweight division. He's a fucking monster.
And he's so aggressive, like relentlessly aggressive. He's known to get in fights like backstage and just an animal.

And like in post-fight energy, he's like, I fucking killed them all.

I killed them all.

Wait, did I just watch him drop weight today?

Oh, you might have.

Where they shaved his head to drop weight?

No, I don't think so.

Maybe.

I don't think so.

But he just runs.

Go right from the beginning because this is the beginning of the fight. Watch how he storms at him.
Wow, bro. The amount of fucking grappling power you have to have to ragdoll Kevin Holland like this is insane.
Kevin Holland is a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt under Travis Luter.

I mean, he's a legit grappler.

That's why he's surviving and he scrambles is because he's a legit black belt.

What's he saying to them?

They're talking shit.

Kevin likes to talk shit.

Where's a lip reader when you need one?

I think Kevin's probably like, come on, man.

I thought we were going to stand up.

Why don't we fight?

Why don't we fight in the feet?

He's probably trying to goad him into doing something stupid. Yeah.
Kevin talks shit while you're hitting him. I mean, this is crazy grappling ability.
The way he rotates with him. And here it is.
Here's the darse. So he sinks up the choke and slides through.
Watch his right hand. His right hand is going to reach forward and grab a hold of his bicep.
Watch how this is when when he's sent—see it slides down? Yeah. When the right hand—right now it's still open.
When the right—now it clamps. Now it's on the bicep.
Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's the choke. The choke's fully locked in now, and Kevin's fucked.
God damn. He's totally fucked, and he's going to have to tap, and he eventually taps.
But, I mean, to tap a guy like Kevin Holland and not just tap him, but just— he has no chance at any moment in the fight it's just total grappling dominance look at that he's a monster just a fucking monster and like the most aggressive guy in the fucking sport like right away charges and this is it this is the end once he taps oh my god he gets once gets that leg over the top of the body, so he isolates the body and constricts deeper into the choke. He's done.
Dude, I got choked out by my daughter, Isla. Oh, no.
Yeah. We were on vacation.
Were you trying not to get choked out? No. Did you let her do it? She's a girl, so I thought, she's talking shit.
Eddie Bravo's got her private jujitsu lessons. Oh, no.
So she's been taking jujitsu in her fucking gym.

And she's dyslexic, so she can never tell you the right move she's about to do.

And we're on vacation, and she goes, it'll be easy.

You can slow down there, big guy.

I'll choke you out.

And I was like, oh, you're going to choke me out?

She goes, it's easier to choke out big guys.

And I went, really? She goes, I find it easier. And I was like, okay.
I was like, try to choke me out. Joe, this little needle arm went around my neck.
And I swear to God, what is she, like 15 at the time? I just went, I tapped. She was like, yeah, that's what I thought.
I was like, my daughter? That's what I thought she said. That's what I thought.
She talked shit. Dude.
Disrespect. She did.
She met Eddie Bravo. She met bravo at our house one night and you know eddie me sam trippley eddie and i are lit right and we're in the kitchen we've just done like a podcast and isla comes in she's like who's this guy and i go this is eddie bravo she goes okay and i was like he teaches jujitsu she was i want to learn jujitsu and Eddie goes really and she goes yeah a little bit of that hi-ya and Eddie goes

that's not jujitsu. She goes, whatever it is, I want to learn it.
So he goes, alright, I'll set you up. And he got her this lady that came over to the house like three times a week.
Oh, wow, that's amazing. Got mats in the back and Isla loved it.
I loved it. Except she turned the Nest Cam around so we couldn't watch her jujitsu lessons.
Oh, that, that's funny. She was like, I don't want you to watch what I do.
Oh, that's funny. I just want to learn it.
That's cool. Yeah, it was really cool.
It's a very good thing for women to learn because jiu-jitsu allows you to defend yourself in a way that very few martial arts really do because you don't have to rely on the size of your hands hitting people and kicking people. It's too hard.
It it's too hard to knock out a man like if you have small hands if you're a woman it's just like you can't just can't generate enough force for the most part unless you're like a unusually strong woman some women like you know you know like uh there's a few you know like holly holm like you don't want holly holm punching you in the face amanda nunez will knock you out 100% even if you're a dude But most women they just don't have the power in their hands But everyone has the power to carry your body around right? So your legs are really strong if a woman gets her fucking legs locked around your neck and gets a triangle on you You're fucked if she knows how to do jujitsu like your legs are carrying If you weigh 130 pounds your woman your legs are carrying 130 pounds day long. And they don't get tired.
And they're strong. Yeah.
So all you have to do is like, whoop, whoop, lock that bitch in behind the knee, crack, and pull on the head and you're going to sleep. Dude.
You're going to sleep, dog. She could have put me to sleep.
I bet she could have. I've been fucking humiliating.
There was a show that they used to have on Showtime with this dude who was uh he was a porn star and he had a show on showtime and uh he had like a reality show and in one of the episodes he was gonna do jujitsu with a woman and so my friend felicia felicia oh who's a black belt under john jacques machado she's a legit beast and you know she weighs 130 pounds maybe maybe 135 maybe and she choked the fuck out of this dude like multiple times I don't think she was a black belt at the time she was probably a brown belt maybe she was a black belt already she was a black belt before me but I used to train with her all the time she's really really good and good. And a dude who didn't know what he's doing, he's going night-night.
It's amazing how many dudes don't know what they're doing. Most people don't.
Most people. It's too hard to learn.
And you've got to get humiliated when you do learn. You know, you get fucking humiliated.
It's a brutal wake-up call when you get strangled. And how easy it is for people to do it to you.
You're so vulnerable when you're unconscious? Well, you're just so vulnerable when you do jiu-jitsu against someone who's good at it. I remember the first time I realized I was a white belt and I rolled with this kid who was a purple belt and he was my size.
And he just mauled me. And I remember thinking, this is crazy.
Like, I can't believe I'm totally helpless. Like, I thought I had this delusional idea like I know how to fight

I'll fucking figure this out. This ain't that big a deal.
It's not that much different from Taekwondo or kickboxing like

Delusional I got strangled over and over again by everybody, but there's one guy in particular

He just was murdering me and I remember thinking I gotta learn this

Like this is like really important to know like I didn't know how was that vulnerable? Have gotten choked unconscious no never unconscious i always tap oh that's terrifying it's terrifying it's terrifying because you you get that moment where you're like uh uh uh i definitely sparked out a couple of times where i could see i could see like the door was closing you have to tap you have like a second left before you go out before tap. And when someone's got like a really good rear naked choke, once it's locked in and they start to clamp down the pad, like you got to fucking tap.
You got to tap, especially in training. Like it's stupid to not tap because you could really get hurt, especially if you get caught in an arm bar or worse is like a heel hook or a knee bar.
Like you got to tap immediately. You can't take a chance with ripping your joint apart it's not worth it fuck that and i had a lot of injuries from not tapping in time i had a bad kimura injury on my elbow my friend brent caught me in a kimura and i couldn't believe that he got it i was like because i usually get him i was like i am gonna get him and then he got me i'm like oh my god he got me this motherfucker got me and i didn't want to tap and i was trying to work my way out of it and work

my out and eventually i had a tap and i was like oh i fucked my elbow up and i couldn't do chin-ups

for like three months really it was brutal it was horrible every time i do a chin-up i was agony in

my left elbow do you still roll no is that because no i want i want to again but uh just like my i've

had a few aggravating injuries i had some sciatica a while back like real stiffness in the back but

Thank you. Is that because you're back? No, I want to again, but I've had a few aggravating injuries.
I had some sciatica a while back, like a real stiffness in the back. But you know what's really changed that a lot is stretching.
I've spent like an hour and a half every night just stretching. Really? Yeah, it's loosened everything up.
And I realize like sometimes I go too hard and I don't give myself enough recovery you know I just push a little too far and then I ignore like I had this back thing that was bothering me from archery and I just ignored it and it was just a muscle thing so I wasn't worried about it where is it like right in the center of your back no no my right on the side it's on the side by the hips so I know. Right.
So I know it's not worrying me like a spine thing. Spine things worry me.
Yeah. But this was inflamed, and I just kept shooting the bow.
I just was like, shut up, pussy. And I just pushed it to the point where it got kind of chronic.
And it bothered me for a while. It's much, much better now.
But I'm being real careful to get it to 100% before I think about doing anything. Like right now, I can kick the bag again.
I can do pretty much everything again. But it's one of those things where I'm still getting better.
When you say stretching, because like I, after we did the, I did so much working out, I had a masseuse come in and like, kind of test my flexibility because some problems in my forearm. And my shoulder can't go, like I can't get it past this.
And this one goes way... Do you have an injury? I don't know.
I have no fucking idea. I think it's no recovery and no stretching.
I do no stretching. Well, benching's rough on the elbows, or the shoulders rather.
Benching can get rough, especially if you bench heavy. Especially when you watch.
Have you ever seen the dudes snap a fucking? Oh, yeah, I have seen that. Yeah.
That's all I was thinking about. It pops off and then you're fucked.
You know Cody Rhodes? No. Cody Rhodes is the WWE champion.
He's Dusty Rhodes' son. Oh, okay.
Yeah. I fucking tell him I'm doing the bench press competition.
And he goes, oh, I tore my pec at 315.

And I was like, that's the fucking bet.

And he was like, oh, you don't even see it coming.

Look at his pec.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

He goes, it felt like Velcro.

He just started.

And he wrestled even though his pec was torn?

He wrestled with a torn pec.

What a fucking animal.

He is a beast.

Jesus Christ, that's crazy.

Yeah, we did Go Big Show together. His dad was the best.
Hell in a cell with a torn peck. These guys are animals.
Well, you know, it's when you're young. Well, it's also like wrestling.
It's like the culture, the pro wrestling culture. The culture is like you're going to get battered.
Like we're battering each other. It's just what it is.
More so in the past. Those guys really got fucked up.
Oh, dude. You know, I've had a bunch of those guys in here.
They tell me the stories. You know, Hulk Hogan and fucking Jake the Snake.
Like, all these guys are animals. Undertaker.
And they all drank six packs after the show. Everyone was snorting Coke.
They were going from town to town, beating the fuck out of each other. How much better do you think anabolic steroids are than testosterone? As far as putting weight on and mass? Is it so much more noticeable? It's completely cheating.
Have you ever done an anabolic steroid? Nothing serious. I've never done anything serious.
I tried Anabar once and I've done some minor stuff. There was some stuff that I got that you used to be able to buy at the store.
You used to be able to buy it from GNC, like a vitamin store. And they eventually pulled it off the market.
I forget what it was called. I forget what it's called, but it was pills.
And holy shit, did this work. It was like legit steroids that you could buy at GNC.
When I was in college, you could buy GHB at GNC. That's crazy.
Yeah, because you would take a little cap full before you went to sleep, and it would burn fat while you slept. Well, apparently, I was reading about this conspiracy about GHB, and about how safe GHB is in small doses, and how good it is for you with sleep and recovery.
But the problem is, people would dump it in people's drinks, and then it was like a date rape drug. Because if you have a lot of it, you're out of it.
You don't know what the fuck is going on. And so then it became the date rape drug, and then it just got pulled from the market, or at least very difficult to get.
But, yeah, I remember during those days when it was out, like bodybuilders would always talk about it.

They were all taking GHB before they go to sleep. And it has some – Google what the conspiracy is about GHB, but it has some profound effects on recovery.
It puts you in deep sleep. And apparently, at the right doses, it's very safe.
Really? Yeah. This doctor is explaining like what had led to it being demonized and like but what the the actual benefits of ghb are yeah i remember taking it in college you took it oh to party first time i ever took it was on a rock in greece in the middle of the ocean a rock in the middle of the ocean you're the problem yeah people like you buddy.
You're the problem. People like you.
It was funny shit.

What's he do for you?

He's like, hey mate, want a little liquid ecstasy?

And I was like, sure.

Liquid ecstasy? That's what he called it.

And I found out later it was GHB.

But he had like a little dropper, a capful.

We all took a sip.

All of a sudden you start blowing up a little bit.

Used to do that and there were like these other

store pills that you'd get. You took enough of those, you'd you'd fucking feel it Do you remember they used to sell salvia they used to sell salvia in? Like a head shop or they sell bongs.
Yeah salvia was like a super potent psychedelic Oh, I still have nightmares of Ari's salvia trip. Oh my god We played it on the podcast for him.
He explained it to us that he had a whole life under the sea. He had a whole relationship under the sea.
I think he went to another dimension. That's what I think.
He said he was there for months. Had a whole life.
GHB's mechanism of action has not been elucidated. It crosses the blood brain barrier where it interferes with dopamine levels in a complexdependent way.
GHB's relief of the symptoms of narcolepsy is believed to be mediated via these dopaminergic effects. GHB facilitates deep, slow-wave sleep during which growth hormone release naturally increases.
This may explain why higher levels of growth hormone have been detected after GHB administration. Yeah, that's why the bodybuilders would take it.
There's a lot. Well, this is Derek from More Plates, More Dates was on the podcast, and he was explaining how making steroids illegal when they did that, they've stopped all the research and development that could have made those things very safe so because they stopped doing any Studies on them and they made them a banned substance then Everyone's just reliant upon the ones that are already in existence and no new ones have been developed So all the steroids that people are taking are all steroids that have been developed a long long time ago And he said it stifled the innovation and the ability to make better safer ones that you know The problem is the idea of cheating in athletics, right? And it is a real problem You know someone is taking steroids.
They have an advantage over people who don't take steroids, but If they could figure out a way to make them safe where they didn't completely fuck up your endocrine system, there should be an argument where if it makes you perform better but doesn't have a detrimental effect on you, then athletes should take it. But people don't like that idea because they don't want someone to have some massive advantage in any sort of a sport.
It also goes into society, the demonizing of anyone on a semi-glutide. Yeah.
People get shit on. I joke that Tom's on Ozempic all the time.
I think he is, but whatever. You do think he is? Oh, fuck yeah.
Really? When have we ever known Tom to put in the hard work to lose the weight? But he's been really disciplined. Where is he going? You really think so? No, I'm joking.
No, you're fucking around, right? I'm fucking around a little bit. A little bit, but not really.
Not really, not really. You might think he would do it and not tell you.
I don't know. Really? His wife was on it.
She got sick on it. She overdosed.
So did Brian Simpson. Brian Simpson got real sick.
So did Bobby Lee. Did you see Bobby Lee threw up on a video? It's fucking hysterical.
Yeah, folks, just carnivore diet. Carniv eat meat and eggs and you'll lose weight I guarantee you will but it's great too, but it is crazy how people he was this is when he was on Osempic and they were trying to shoot a promo and he kept going Santino.
I don't feel good And he's like shut up Bobby. Let's just get it.
So does he actually puke? Boy Oh my. Now I'm gagging.
All right, Burk Kresh, let's wrap this bitch up. Joe.
I love you to death. I love you to death, man.
Looking forward to hanging out with you while you're here. Permission to party world tour starts October 18th.
I'm in Vegas this weekend. More importantly, my special Lucky.
Lucky, available right now. Streaming right now on my Netflix.
I hope you guys like it. I like your shirt.
It's a very Pablo Escobar of you.

Shirt and matching pants.

Nice.

Yeah, I really stepped it up a bit, Joe.

I like it.

I like the look.

All right, brother.

Love you to death, brother.

I love you to death.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye, buddy.