#2256 - Protect Our Parks 14

Speaker 0 Joe Rogan podcast, check it out!

Speaker 1 The Joe Rogan experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

Speaker 1 Hey! Mazzleton!

Speaker 1 All I've been doing is sending Ari.

Speaker 1 My algorithm is flooded with Jewish stuff. I know.
My algorithm is flooded with like Jew rules.

Speaker 1 It takes us rules from like low-level influencers in in the Hasidic community. It's crazy what you've

Speaker 1 so many of them every day, so I send them to him. What are the rules? Oh, it's all like, are you allowed when you're your frying pan, when you use your frying pan for eggs?

Speaker 1 Are you allowed to use it for me? Say you go on vacation and your pot isn't kosher. What can you do on the Sabbath? You could take it to the ocean.
Throw it in the ocean.

Speaker 1 They're throwing the fucking pots in the ocean to make it kosher.

Speaker 1 You have to let go of it. You have to let go of it.
They have a rule. You have to drop it in the water and let go of it.
They fall in the middle of the murder. Oh, yeah, those people are.

Speaker 1 And it's also funny, like, you click on the link he sends you, and the first thing you hear is,

Speaker 1 tell them to put the fires out with the weather. Get some rain over there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they don't really control the weather, obviously. Obviously, not.
Otherwise, hurricanes wouldn't hit Florida. Ah, good point.
They barely get their pots kosher. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, they make them hit Florida so they get their wheels. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's hilarious that some people are saying climate change. This is climate change.

Speaker 1 No, this is fucking arson.

Speaker 1 That wasn't a Jew.

Speaker 1 That wasn't a Jew?

Speaker 1 That was a whiny liberal. This is climate change.

Speaker 1 Borderline Jew. No, no, I'm doing a New York thing.
I'm doing a New York thing. Then I'm doing the Jew.

Speaker 1 When I drink like this, this is a whiny liberal. It's fucking climate change.
Wake up. No, it's arson, you fucking idiots.
I think it's Mr. Beast.
He's setting up a new video. Wow.

Speaker 1 That's a strong accusation. Bold.
No, no. Just kidding.

Speaker 1 But they've been trying to get rid of the homeless for a while. Bro, the homeless are doing it.
Well, they're flammable.

Speaker 1 Everyone is. But they're more inclined to use fire to get their anger out.

Speaker 1 That's true. Yeah.
Schuberman actually caught people lighting things on fire. He filmed it.
He put it up on his Instagram. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 In the middle of the firestorm, people were lighting things on fire to contribute to the fire. Wow.
You've got losers. You have 100,000 losers that are just camping on your street.

Speaker 1 What do you think is going to happen? What do you think is going to happen when the people with the houses are in jeopardy?

Speaker 1 What do you think is going to happen when these people that are living in $50 million houses and you're camping out a block away, which is exactly what's going on over there? And the looting.

Speaker 1 And the looting. Well, they looted people's houses when they found out that places were getting evacuated.
Swarms of organized gangs were showing up.

Speaker 1 This lady said 100 guys showed up in front of this house and she thought they were helping her neighbor move. They just broke down the door and started stealing TVs, stealing everything.

Speaker 1 If the house burnt down, that's kind of a

Speaker 1 if the house burnt down, but what if the house doesn't burn down? You just stole all their shit.

Speaker 1 Right. Yeah.
It's like you can't do that. Because that's a break.
Obviously.

Speaker 1 Not actually defending. Obviously,

Speaker 1 but I see their point too. If I was super poor.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 If I was super poor and we were living in the fucking hood and then someone came along and said, listen, they're evacuating these fucking communities anyway, man. Fuck it, let's go get paid.

Speaker 1 Like, let's go get paid. Yeah, the house is going to burn down, they're going to get insurance.
And if you look at that and you get caught, they just let you go.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true, they just let you go. And then, didn't Biden say he's given full coverage for this one? How can that be? He has so much money.
It's the same thing as, you know, he also said,

Speaker 1 College Desk. He just says it.

Speaker 1 He also said

Speaker 1 he could have beaten Trump. He said that, too.

Speaker 1 He did him. No, no, in the election.
Oh,

Speaker 1 beat Trump. Oh, yeah.
He said he could have beat him in a fight, too.

Speaker 1 He said that. That would be so great.
Imagine those two fighting. How much would you pay? It'd be just like the Jake Paul Tyson

Speaker 1 to be there. That takes

Speaker 1 the same amount of power.

Speaker 1 It'd be so sad.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Trump would get him, though.
Trump would fall on him. Oh, 100%.
Trump would tackle him. Oh, 100%.
Trump would bite his face off.

Speaker 1 He would grab his thumbs, shove them into his eyes, and bite his face off.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 two totally different kinds of humans.

Speaker 1 Biden is used to Secret Service around him his whole life. Trump is a psychopath.
He will throw those thumbs right as fucking eyeballs, like The Mountain did to the gay guy in Game of Thrones.

Speaker 1 Wasn't that a Steven Seagal movie, too, where he did that? Was it?

Speaker 1 Who did with the Jamaicans? Who is that?

Speaker 1 Steven Seagal movie. Yeah, he had a movie with the sword fighting.

Speaker 1 He eyeballed the movie. Does he eyeball the guy, man?

Speaker 1 Listen, man, if you watch the UFC, eyeball pokes, even to the most badass fucking dudes in the world, are devastating.

Speaker 1 crazy like a nut shot is way easier to recover from than a fucking hard eye poke that's true it is funny to see them all tough and they go owie owie owie my eyeball yeah but it's just so crazy we still have this you still allow fingers my eyeballs this is totally unnecessary this doesn't contribute to fighting have it fingers free tell that to john jones

Speaker 1 no no they need a glove that covers the fingers it's real simple and then you have thumbs still but you're gonna eliminate the amount there it is

Speaker 1 Sorry he called it. Sorry called it.

Speaker 1 That's what Trump would do to Biden. So fake.
It looks so real back there. That was 1990.
That stuck with you. You saw that.
That's crazy. What was he fighting? Predator?

Speaker 1 No, these were Jamaican drug dealers, I think. Or gang members.
It looks like Predator. Jesus.
Oh, it seems so real when I was a kid. Whoa.
Yo, you know what's a good movie?

Speaker 1 Alien Romulus, the new alien movie.

Speaker 1 I went on a little vacation and I watched it on the plane. Oh my God.
You got to be careful though. Plane movies.

Speaker 1 Plane movies seem better than they are. It gets you through.
Every time I'm on a plane, I go, that movie was fucking incredible. Yeah.
And I go home and show it to someone. I cried watching home

Speaker 1 every time. Your emotions go up.

Speaker 1 I caught your side.

Speaker 1 Hang on an edible.

Speaker 1 I watched Rudy once. I was like fist pumping.
Yeah, hell yeah.

Speaker 1 McCusker walked by me and I was watching Guardians of the Galaxy. And it was at the end when it was just aliens.
One of the guys dies in it.

Speaker 1 And then it's just a bunch of aliens show up and like celebrate his life. Yeah.
And I was sobbing, and he walked by, and it was just aliens.

Speaker 1 Do you guys, are you guys,

Speaker 1 what's wrong with you? Are you guys old enough to remember when they would just show a movie on a plane? Yes, one movie. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know you're old enough. Starting now.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 you would have to pay for headsets. Yeah.
Like, and if you were cheap, you just watched the movie with No Sound.

Speaker 1 Like, you'd have to pay for their stupid, disposable headsets. I don't even know if you're allowed to use your own.
Didn't they have like a special jacket? No one had their own.

Speaker 1 All you had was a special

Speaker 1 had a little headphone jacket. Special jacket was

Speaker 1 everything jack. Yes.
That's right. They fuck with you.
And you try to put your thing in, and it'll go.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You sort of hear it.

Speaker 1 That's right. Now I'm remembering that.
We were more of a community back then. We all watched the same thing.
Why do the headphones they give you suck?

Speaker 1 Not only do they suck, but you're only renting them. Well, no, you only rent them.

Speaker 1 They hand out shitty disposable ones, which I know that is why they suck, but they've got to be able to make them better. Yeah,

Speaker 1 they're too loud. The planes are loud, so you don't have the noise cancellation.
You're still getting like the

Speaker 1 they break in or make our announcement that's at level 70. Oh, my God.
Here's the question. Here's the real question.
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How bad is it to have little electronic things in your fucking ear?

Speaker 1 I do it all day, every day. Yeah, I know, right? Yeah.
I've done quite a bit. Yeah.
How bad is it for you?

Speaker 1 I mean, it can't be good. No, it's terrible.
We'll find out. It's like smoking.
Like people talk about it, but it's one of those things where it's like hotly debated among even conspiracy theorists.

Speaker 1 Like some people say it's going to kill you. Another people is going to say, where's the bodies? No, but your hearing goes down, right? I don't think so.

Speaker 1 Well, your hearing definitely goes down if you hear loud things.

Speaker 1 But if you have it low, you know, at a reasonable level and you have it in your ear, the real question is, what's the electrical shit doing to your head? Oh.

Speaker 1 What's the EMF frequency doing to your head?

Speaker 1 Yeah, who the hell knows?

Speaker 1 That's a good question. I'm going to let it ride on it.

Speaker 1 Let it ride. I'm going to see what happens.
I like headphones. Well, they've been saying this.

Speaker 1 Fuck it.

Speaker 1 They say that plug-in ones are better than the wireless.

Speaker 1 Plug-in ones are okay. I can't live without the best.

Speaker 1 They're so good. They're the best.
They're so good. They're so good.
Right in your pocket. Yeah, but they've been saying cell phone gives you cancer, the balls for years, all that shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I talked to some dude who had ball cancer, and he told me that he got ball cancer on his right ball because that's where he kept his phone.

Speaker 1 And we're just looking at each other and I'm like, huh.

Speaker 1 Not enough data points. I'm not sure if that's real.
Was that Lance Armstrong? No, it was a a regular dude. Oh.

Speaker 1 I would imagine Lance Armstrong. I mean, just, I'm not a doctor, obviously.

Speaker 1 But if you spend that much time with your nuts getting smashed by your whole body while you're pumping your legs up and down, that's got to be irritating.

Speaker 1 And if your nut hurts and you're Lance Armstrong, you're going to keep pumping. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're going to keep pumping.

Speaker 1 The Royds or whatever. Who knows what that's really good?

Speaker 1 I think it's more of, well, I bet it's a bunch of shit. I bet it's a bunch of shit.
I bet it's the amount of time on a bike. Yeah.
That's got to be Bruce. That's why I stay off those fucking things.

Speaker 1 Yeah, stay away.

Speaker 1 I got a Perlicon. I was like, I'll do it twice.
Again, I'm not a doctor. But for a regular person.

Speaker 1 For a regular person, like,

Speaker 1 let's find this out. Let's Google: is there a higher rate of testicular cancer among cyclists? It's like CT of the sack.
You're just constantly

Speaker 1 pressuring it. Yeah, you're getting hammered.

Speaker 1 Your fault's dumb.

Speaker 1 Your balls freak out one day and hit your wife's body.

Speaker 1 Your ball just kill a cop.

Speaker 1 You're going to make retarded kids with it. It's a bad spring.
Your balls are getting smashed all day on a hard seat. It's not even a comfortable seat.
No.

Speaker 1 Remember those seats we had when we were kids with the back to it? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Sit on a bike.

Speaker 1 You remember that already? You were running a hula hoop down the street with a stick.

Speaker 1 Okay, does cycling increase risk for

Speaker 1 testicular or prostate cancer? Good. I'm not alone in my concern.
Yeah. So it says professional cyclist.
Number of studies have looked into the link. The findings to date are inconclusive.

Speaker 1 There's a question that comes up often. Well, the thing is, it's like, how many of those dudes are, like...

Speaker 1 Yeah, how many dietary cancer? How many are getting cancer compared to regular people? Just give me the data. Google

Speaker 1 said that. The amount of activity they're doing also counteracts cancer stuff.
Oh, right. Oh, right.
Of course. Of course.
That makes sense. Plenty of vitamin D.

Speaker 1 Maybe it does up until a point, like

Speaker 1 Tour de France. Like, I read an article where they were explaining, and a doctor actually told me that

Speaker 1 he said this is true. You're better off doing the Tour de France on steroids.
Of course. Or it's actually healthier for you to do it on steroids.
What? I said, how? And he said, because it's so hard.

Speaker 1 Your body gets destroyed.

Speaker 1 And a regular immune system, a regular endocrine system, it just can't keep up yeah just can't keep up you almost almost need blood doping you almost need epo you almost need steroids damn the problem is the guys in on the street dressed as lance armstrong who think they're on the road oh

Speaker 1 yeah yeah it's a real problem they take over the whole lane and they're going five miles an hour

Speaker 1 shorts yeah the shorts the pointy helmet

Speaker 1 well the thing is when they they get a group of them together and they act like a gang and they take over the whole lane the guys go to the side i'll be real kick patient and I'll

Speaker 1 you know, but I want to go to work. I have stuff to do.
And I could kill you so easily. Distance cycling is the most, our highest rated endurance.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Soccer's got to be up at eight. Okay.
Eight. Boxing's 8.6.
Interesting. Depends on who you're boxing.
Swimming?

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 I don't know. How are they proving that? Because where's wrestling?

Speaker 1 Where's wrestling? If you don't think wrestling is in the top, you're out of your fucking mind. It's way down there.
Fuck off. What is it? Getting your skin.
Endurance? Listen to me. Fuck off.

Speaker 1 Basketball is ahead of wrestling. Fuck off.
Yeah, they play longer than you.

Speaker 1 Shut your fucking dirty mouth. And American football should be up there.

Speaker 1 Yes. Too many breaks.
There's a lot of food. It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter if there's a break. It's fucking grueling in a three hours for sure.

Speaker 1 Soccer for cardio fitness. Ducky's a never stop.
Yeah, never stop. You do stop.
They walk around a lot. No one's punching you in the body.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Water pole up. Boxing is way harder than those.
Way harder because you're getting endurance. Why are you getting pummeled? I see.
And then wrestling, a guy is clinching up with you 100% of the time.

Speaker 1 Have you tried to?

Speaker 1 You just wrestle? We wrestle sometimes, no, homo.

Speaker 1 Careful after 10 seconds. That's true, bro.
It is so hard to do. And Olympic wrestling, like those guys are the fittest athletes on earth.
They're animals.

Speaker 1 Those guys, their strength and conditioning routine is fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 When Daniel Cormier was telling me about this Russian dude that he could not beat, he's like, we're so lucky this guy never fought.

Speaker 1 He goes, because I forget the dude's name, like Ramzat, some crazy ass name. He said his strength and conditioning coach, he couldn't break him.

Speaker 1 He just kept giving him more shit to do, and he wanted more. And he was like, what the fuck, man? He goes, I was trying to break him.

Speaker 1 He goes, he used Daniel Cormier's routine and he just kept adding things. And this dude just wanted to keep doing more.
He said he would have beaten all of us.

Speaker 1 He said we would have never been successful if this guy fought in the UFC. He was a junta to overthrow.
See if you can find who that guy's name is, but he's an animal.

Speaker 1 Who's that new guy, Beetle Malley? That guy's pretty vicious. Oh, Marab Parmers.
He's fighting this weekend against the toughest guy he's ever faced. He's fighting Umar Nurmogomedov.

Speaker 1 Umar is Khabib's cousin, and he's a fucking savage. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But he's different than Khabib in that he's a striker. Like he's got wicked wrestling and wicked submissions, but he started off as a kickboxer.
His fucking kicks are nasty.

Speaker 1 I want to know who kicked Khabib off that plane. Wait, what? Is that crazy? Isn't that a bad thing? I don't know what happened.

Speaker 1 Some lady came up to Khabib when he was on the flight because he was in the escape row. What flight? Whatever it is.
He was on a... What area was it? It wasn't Alaska.
It wasn't Alaska. Okay.

Speaker 1 No, it was frontier.

Speaker 1 So there's a video of it. It's crazy.
He's telling her, you know, I can do this. I'm by the state.
Like, I understand English. I can speak English.
And they kick him off the fucking plane.

Speaker 1 Because he couldn't do the exit row thing? Bro,

Speaker 1 it's crazy.

Speaker 1 Why is he flying frontier? Lady comes to me with questions that was very rude from the very beginning. He's saving up his money, man.
That's why he's not fighting anymore. He doesn't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 He doesn't care, man. The guy drives a Toyota.
Oh, even though I speak very decent English and can understand everything and agreed to assist, she still insists on removing me from my seat.

Speaker 1 What was the base for that, racial, national, or other one? I'm not sure. But after two minutes of conversation, she called security, and I was deeply from this aircraft.

Speaker 1 After 1.5 hours, I boarded another airline and left to my destination.

Speaker 1 I did my best to stay calm and respectful, as you could see in the video, but those crew members could do better next time and just be nice with clients. Pretty calm.
Yeah. Very calm way to say it.

Speaker 1 He had to work so hard with the English on that tweet. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just to be like, I can't do that. I wish I was on that plane.
I wish I was on that plane. Maybe she was just a Connor fan.

Speaker 1 Maybe she thinks John Jones is the goat. She doesn't like this Khabif talk.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she's like, fuck off. I'm a John Jones fan.

Speaker 1 Those are the goat talks between those two. It's weird when these super mercenary killers just can't win.
He's like, I got to just get off the plane. I can't beat him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, some lady can have control over him. Meanwhile, he can beat up everybody on the planet.
It's really crazy when you watch it remove it from the whole plane. Yeah, you can play it if you want.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't you just switch suites to somebody?

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 She's saying they're not comfortable.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 It is fair.

Speaker 1 Yes, it is. He should have just started swinging.

Speaker 1 Too bad she's not trans.

Speaker 1 And they said, yes, I understand that.

Speaker 2 But it's also off of their judgment. I'm not going to do this back and forth.

Speaker 1 I will call a supervisor. You can either

Speaker 1 get it.

Speaker 1 This is crazy.

Speaker 1 We're going to have to check with the supervisor. Okay, I'll call a supervisor and then we're going to have to wait looking for a different plane.
I mean, didn't Mike Tyson hit a guy on a plane?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that's a different situation. The Mike deserves the guy who was a drunk guy that was fucking with Mike Tyson.
He deserves it. At this point, he's like, yeah, call a supervisor.

Speaker 1 He'll have my side on this. Well, not only that, he was calm and respectful.
He obviously speaks English, and he knew. Yeah, he said, I'll assist.
I'll open the door. Fucking white ladies.

Speaker 1 But it's people who crazy. I sit in that fucking row.
They put fucking slobs in that row.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't you love to be on that flight, go, ma'am? Do you know who that is? Yeah. Like, do you know who that is? Like, just, let me tell you who that is.
Let me Google him real quick. He's the eagle.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Jesus Christ.
The only reason he's not killing you right now is because he's not in his own country. Yeah.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Imagine if she did that in Dagestan.

Speaker 1 They throw her in a hole.

Speaker 1 They got a hole just for liberal ladies.

Speaker 1 It's so weird. They pile them up.

Speaker 1 Honestly, we're lacking. It's fucking smart enough.

Speaker 1 They only got a couple holes filled with the Dagestan. Like, no, that's a nice hole.
Bro, if you live in a place where war was recent, they don't,

Speaker 1 there ain't no room for horseshit.

Speaker 1 You know? If you go to those Chechnya-type places, like, there's no room for horseshit. No, no room for horseshit.
They're going old school. They kill gay guys.
They do wild shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they do wild shit.

Speaker 1 I think it's illegal to be gay. Yeah, there's countries where it's illegal to be gay.
They'll kill you. Paradise.

Speaker 1 Why are you gay? But you know what's crazy?

Speaker 1 Who says I am gay? Why are you gay? That guy's amazing.

Speaker 1 Why are you gay? You are transgender.

Speaker 1 Legit had a question. Didn't understand it.
This makes no sense. Who says I am gay?

Speaker 1 You are gay. You are gay.

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Speaker 1 And when you're ready to launch, use the code Rogan to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Of Khabib, just at an airport?

Speaker 1 Gay rights activist. Mr.

Speaker 1 Should they call you Mr.

Speaker 1 Kepe Julian Onzima? Thank you for coming in. Thank you for

Speaker 1 morning to you. Why are you gay?

Speaker 1 What? You are gay. Is that Karen Bass?

Speaker 1 You are a transgender and you're a gay rights activist and an outspoken

Speaker 1 lesbian, homosexual.

Speaker 1 How can I describe you?

Speaker 1 Now, we're looking at you raging debate.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 he's trying to be old. This is going to sound gay to me.
That's actually like an impressive action.

Speaker 1 Should someone be gay? The lady? Yeah. I mean, she's in a country where people are like, what what the fuck's wrong with you? She's like, we're just trying to get some rice.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's not tweeting about it. She's going there.
I like that. It just shows you.

Speaker 1 Uganda.

Speaker 1 You can complain all you want about America.

Speaker 1 She's going to be Ganda in the middle of

Speaker 1 they're going to throw her off a building. Yeah, literally.
Yeah. There's parts of this world.
Uganda. Well, what I was saying about places where you can't be gay, like heavily Muslim places.

Speaker 1 My friend Evan, the Black Rifle Coffee Guy you just met him the other day, Evan Hafer, he was telling me a story on the podcast about how many guys over there, fuck kids, in Afghanistan.

Speaker 1 He said it's unbelievable. But it's not gay.
We were just having this conversation. Fuck boys.
It's all girls.

Speaker 1 It's boys and girls. Girls get married off when they're like nine years old to 80-year-old men.
It's crazy. Well, that's in the Quran.
You're looking at a part of the world that, like,

Speaker 1 never went through the Enlightenment. You know, you're looking at a part of the world that's been war-torn and like sort of separate from...
they're like old school people. This is like a

Speaker 1 window into the past. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 You can look at it in 2025, and it's a window to probably how the whole world behaved a thousand years ago. Why aren't more people mad at that? Yeah, they didn't.

Speaker 1 Why do we get yelled at for saying homo or whatever? Don't go.

Speaker 1 They don't publicize it, so it's not something that gets discussed until someone comes on a podcast and talks about it, or you go serve over there overseas. Most guys don't know.

Speaker 1 My friends who've gone there and experienced it say it's it fucking truly curdles your blood. They just all have their boys? All

Speaker 1 over the place.

Speaker 1 Open, open, everywhere. So to them, they're like Leonardo camp.
They're not anything to do with your family. There's videos of boys.

Speaker 1 Titanic is number one film.

Speaker 1 There's videos of boys like dancing for old men, like sticking their ass out and twerking for old men. It's crazy.
They film it. Whoa, see? Diddy.
We hold him to the fire. He's just Muslim.

Speaker 1 That's just normal up there. Jesus.
Yeah, Jeffrey Epstein. It's not even regular.

Speaker 1 But it's not like regular Muslim. It's like there's something ancient about what that is.
Oh, like 100%. Islam's not

Speaker 1 Middle East. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's just this part of the world. It's fucked.
It's not my dick. Dave Chappelle is Muslim.
Right. But yeah, it's that area.

Speaker 1 How can you be Muslim and drink, though?

Speaker 1 You can be. Good question.
Can you be Jew and not throw your pan in the water? Yeah, you're just not the best Jew.

Speaker 1 You gossip. you're still Christian.
Bro, the best

Speaker 1 Borat song, Throw the Jew Down the Well,

Speaker 1 so my country can't be free.

Speaker 1 Bro,

Speaker 1 it's a catchy song, bro. Throw the Jew down the well.

Speaker 1 Bro, that guy.

Speaker 1 The running of the Jew was such a great opening.

Speaker 1 He came back and did a one like years later. He took a long time off of Borat, let it kind of go away, you know, so a bunch of people don't know what it is, and then he pulled it off again.

Speaker 1 Bruno, he did a Bruno once. Bruno was the funniest fucking thing, dude.
Is that right? Because that one bombed, I think. Yeah, Bruno was hilarious.
It was so funny. I never saw that one.
Going gay.

Speaker 1 Love it. I'll watch him playing and crying.

Speaker 1 Guy's so courageous. Yeah.
Yeah. The balls it takes to pull that off and make it that funny.
Although, Borat 2, he's kind of shitting on a lot of poor people, and it got weird. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know if you saw that one. Yeah, but you know, you take your swings.
Yeah, sure. Sometimes you connect.

Speaker 1 Sometimes you're shitting on poor people. Yeah, I guess so.

Speaker 1 It used to be okay to do that. Like, Sam Kinnison's best bit was the bit about starving kids in Africa.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God, it's so funny. Fucking bit was so good.
Oh, where there's food.

Speaker 1 Hey, come here. That's Sand.
You know, it's to be 100 years from now. Fucking Sand.
We got deserts in America, too. We just don't live in them, asshole.
Oh, oh,

Speaker 1 yeah. George Carlin saw that and was like, that guy's good.
Yeah. Which gotta be a great feeling.
Because he had that preacher thing. You know, he had that preacher thing that he brought to stand-up.

Speaker 1 And it makes you realize, like, God, all these alt guys who get mad at people putting out effort.

Speaker 1 Like, you're being silly. It's the whatever's the best way you can get that idea out.
And for Kinnison,

Speaker 1 imagine him doing his shit deadpan. Like, shut up.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 It's part of his fucking primal anger. Same thing Hedberg being weird.
It's like part of delivery. Yes.
Right. Same thing.
And the heroin.

Speaker 1 They asked him Kinison, like, how come you don't make fun of women? You don't make fun of men? He goes, a man has never made me want to drive into a tree.

Speaker 1 He died by a drunk driver. By a drunk driver? By a drunk driver.
Isn't that crazy? Well, I always remember his bits.

Speaker 1 You know, when I was in high school, one of my friends killed somebody driving drunk. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It wasn't a good friend of mine, but as a kid, kid, I went to high school with Ted Kinnison. I always say hi to him.
He's a nice guy. He fucked up.

Speaker 1 He got really drunk one night and he crashed his car and he killed his friend.

Speaker 1 And so Kinnison used to have this joke where he would be like, he goes, We're going to drink and we're going to drive and we're going to pull it off. You know why?

Speaker 1 Because we do it every fucking night.

Speaker 1 But to me, this was like... That ended well.
This was Kinnison when he was doing like an impression of Kinnison. Like, Kinnison is a cautionary take.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because Kinnison was the best on earth for like three or four years. The best on earth.
But the partying and the fame, and it all went away. If

Speaker 1 you're a stand-up comedy fan, I implore you. This is what you do.
You go listen to Louder Than Hell. It's hard to find because it was so homophobic that Warner Brothers wouldn't sell it for a while.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so homophobic.
But please, it's art. Watch that.
Listen to that. And then watch his HBO special.
They're both fucking great. They're both great.
It's two amazing hours.

Speaker 1 Then watch Have You Seen Me Lately. Then watch the one he did after that.
That was dumb. They're so bad.
Yeah. They're so bad.
He's like playing rock and roll music. He's got a bandana on.

Speaker 1 He's so fat now.

Speaker 1 He's so fat. He's like a ball.
He believed his own hype, too. He really bought into it.

Speaker 1 He was selling that instead of being Sam Kinnison. Right.
So it's like he got to the dance and then he was selling I'm Sam Kinnison instead of the fucking insight and the comedy.

Speaker 1 It was just too much party and too much blow too much food and drink and he had girls on leashes in the beginning it was silly god damn yeah it all just silly it just became so dumb makes you think does the middle east love 80s comedy just daddy burping like these faggots and they're like yes yes they probably do this is relatable yes but not if it's boy rights

Speaker 1 yeah it's like those that Here's the thing about Kinnison, though. This is what people have to kind of understand.
Until Kinnison and Dice come along, no one is selling out arenas.

Speaker 1 This is a new thing. But did Kinnison do arenas? He did pretty big places because I saw him at Great Woods.
Great Woods in Mansfield, Massachusetts. Find out what the capacity for that is.

Speaker 1 Never heard of Great Woods. I used to work there.
Oh, is that a good one? As a security guard,

Speaker 1 yeah, I was a security guard there.

Speaker 1 Ralphie Open for once. He won a contest when he was a kid.
Wow. He just started.
He was 17. He won a contest for Sam Kinnison.
Hold on. That's a fact.

Speaker 1 Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. Would it be better? Just not even look it up.

Speaker 1 19,000. Okay, so he played at 19,000.

Speaker 1 No, no, that's the X Infinity Center. That's different.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 So it used to be 12,000. So that's where I saw him.
So I saw him in a 12,000 seater. That's crazy.
But when I saw him, it was when he was already declining.

Speaker 1 It was the, or the material was just not, I didn't engage with it at all. Like, the first thing I thought was genius.
I saw the HBO thing.

Speaker 1 I'm like, this is the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. And then when I saw him live, I was like, ooh, this is like, this is missing stuff.
It's like missing in, it's not funny.

Speaker 1 It's missing funny. It's like a lot of hype, but like, he was just partying, man.
Yeah. And, you know, he just became bigger than life.
And then probably didn't have any friends.

Speaker 1 Ralphie Mayer shares the story of Sam Kinnison jump-starting his career. There you go.
Wow. That's crazy.
So it is true. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He said he came in and they were like, they were like, all like, like, darted up, like they were doing blow. And they were like, Jay, you're that kid? Okay, I'll meet you in a second.

Speaker 1 Like, close the door. We're doing it.
I was thinking about the numbers. Like, how can Ralphie May, when what year was Ralphie Mae 17?

Speaker 1 You know, because I was 21 in 88.

Speaker 1 And so, how much, when did Ralphie open up for Sam? It has to be around then because Sam was dead.

Speaker 1 Yeah. In 90.
Sam was dead. And when was he dead, Jamie? 90 something.
91 or 90. I was in New York.
So it had to be 92. 92.
Yeah. Bam.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's about.

Speaker 1 So he has to be opening up for him somewhere in the IC.

Speaker 1 I didn't know that Ralphie had done comedy that long.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was good. He was way young.
He was a good comic. Yeah, that's way crushed.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
The stool.

Speaker 1 Such a friendly dude, too.

Speaker 1 Such a sweetheart. Also, he was so fat that he could do the N-word.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 Scott Southern. He's like, Scott Southern.

Speaker 1 You got it worse than me. It's like Big Pun.
That's what we got. Everyone's like, you can say it.

Speaker 1 I'm going to take that name.

Speaker 1 Big pun. Big pun.

Speaker 1 A little pun.

Speaker 1 I think in New York, Puerto Ricans get a pass. They do.

Speaker 1 I think Big Pun for real to him.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Wikipedia says he won a contest open for San Jose.
Oh, my God. How could I be right? Damn, he was only 45 when he died.

Speaker 1 That's uncomfortable. Robbie was only 45 when he died.
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Damn. I know this is off topic.

Speaker 1 Google how much Big Pun weighed when he died. Oh, no.
You're never going to guess how fucking big he was. How much? Did he buster it? It was hilarious.
Tell me. Now just guess.
Oh, I thought

Speaker 1 it was 420. Oh, yeah, I guess you've...
Hey, wait, can you show a picture of Big Pun?

Speaker 1 I could give you a roundabout

Speaker 1 Fat Joe and Big Pun together on the red carpet. It's one of the funniest pictures you've ever seen.
Fat Joe lost weight, by the way. How are these guys cool? Yeah, he lost a lot of weight by the way.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's hilarious. Damn, big and tall store.
Killed it. Okay, his knees have to be screaming in agony.
Which Spider-Man villain do they look like? Oh, yeah, Kingpin. Kingpin.

Speaker 1 Wow. Damn.
He's got the Doc Ock glass. Also, when you're that heavy, do you really want that much weight around your neck? That's nothing at that point.

Speaker 1 It's an actual quarterback. It's like riding free willie at that point.

Speaker 1 Okay, numbers. Oh, so much fabric.
How much do you think he weighs? Five.

Speaker 1 The one on the left, I'd say $5.80. $600.

Speaker 1 $600 minimum. Big ton.
Check it out. $698.
Wow. Whoa.

Speaker 1 That looks like a $600 for me. Yeah.
He put one foot on two different scales, and then both went

Speaker 1 over the total. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bro, that's so dangerous. He was like the best.

Speaker 1 Did you watch him? No. Big Pun.
Old Big Pun is like. Oh, his raps are

Speaker 1 Phenomenal. Yeah.
He's phenomenal. Yeah.
That's actually in a Vinny Paz song. He says Big Pun was the best.
Yeah. Yeah.
The Italian boxer? No, Vinny Paz, the rapper. Oh.

Speaker 1 You know, Vinny Paz, the rapper from Jedi Matrix? Bro, yeah, both. Let's play it for a second.
Give me a little bit. That's so good.

Speaker 1 Is he still alive?

Speaker 1 Maybe not live. He's probably alive.
No, bro. He's fucking phenomenal.

Speaker 1 Rap live kind of blows. Got a little health.
It doesn't. It's just a different thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's a little out of breath, but it's real. I'd be out of breath.
You ever tried to sing that song? Pull up Cheese Steaks from Vinny Paz.

Speaker 1 You guys never heard of Vinny Paz? He's from Philly. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you know him? Yeah, I know of him. Bro, give me the video for Cheese Steaks.
He's a boxer. There was a video.

Speaker 1 There was a boxer from Rhode Island. Yes.

Speaker 1 But this is a friend of mine.

Speaker 1 That's why he likes big parts. This guy is good.

Speaker 1 This one song will turn you into a Vinnie Paz fan. Look how beautiful Philadelphia is.

Speaker 1 It had a moment. Wait, can you go back to this? This is a second pre-pandemic.
This is where I called that guy a fag and he sounded a piece of shit. Right?

Speaker 1 Right there. That was the light.
I was racing to that light because Helium's right here. Yeah, I was racing to that light and I saw that guy the whole length of that bridge.
Is that the Trank Street?

Speaker 1 That's the 30th Street 6th.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is before Trank.

Speaker 1 The reason why the Viking gone. A bison is born.
Army of God. Michael is born.
The uranium fission, secret of the hydrogen bomb, the Bible is gone.

Speaker 1 Y'all are watching the Viking perform and the non-milly loud. Looks like Patton Oswald.

Speaker 1 It's Patton Oswald's very violent cousin.

Speaker 1 Good dude, though.

Speaker 1 He's really good.

Speaker 1 Oswald's cousin.

Speaker 1 That guy's got some bangers, man. He's got some bangers.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's a few rappers out there that don't get the respect they deserve. That dude has some bangers.
He's got some great fucking songs. Oh, yeah.
Is he Puerto Rican? No, he's Italian. Italian.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's Italian. Damn.
I think almost a Tyler's. South Philly.
He might have some other stuff in it.

Speaker 1 That's got South Philly written all over. Yeah, you gotta go.

Speaker 1 Philadelphia. Here we go.

Speaker 1 Giant boxing historian, too. That's

Speaker 1 controlled opposition.

Speaker 1 His comedian Patton Oswald. That's hilarious.
He really does.

Speaker 1 He's like his Tyler Durden.

Speaker 1 Well, if he wore a fat suit, Vinny would have to wear a fat suit.

Speaker 1 There you go. Which is crazy.
Nailed it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, a lot of comedians become rappers. That's always a bummer.
Tom McCaffrey. McCaffrey.
Joe DeRosa. Joe DeRosa.

Speaker 1 Joe DeRosa's rapping.

Speaker 1 I should have done that to him. I shouldn't have done that to him.
He's got a band band. Saggle is a rapper.
See? Sagalo is actually kind of good. Saggle's good.
Sagger is kind of good.

Speaker 1 There's a couple out there. It's all words.
It's lyrics, you know? It's jokes. That's so funny.
Lil Wayne has some lyrics where you're like, that is super funny. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Danny Brown.

Speaker 1 Danny Brown stuff is fun. Yeah, it's hilarious.
There you go. Definitely.
Put you out like Hannibal Burris.

Speaker 1 The Drake Kendrick beef had some very funny. Yes.
Yes. Drake said to Kenny, he's like, is it when you put your hands on your woman, is it self-defense? Because she's bigger than you?

Speaker 1 It's very funny. He made fun of me being tiny the whole time.
Dan Kendrick called him pedophile and kind of

Speaker 1 won. what are you doing man

Speaker 1 take it easy slow down boys Jesus Drake won that escalated

Speaker 1 I stand by the best was the uh whatever the original

Speaker 1 like diss rap from what's his name that Kanye put him on to it's like you you have a child you do not take care of oh uh fucking what's his name out the snakes push a T.

Speaker 1 God damn that went hard not the best song yeah I don't know it none of these diss tracks you can really rap with like dance to. You could with.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, you can't. That's why Kendricks was so good.
Because

Speaker 1 he made it like a popular song. Well, the number one song.
The number one was Nas and Jay-Z. Ether.
Yeah. Bro.

Speaker 1 Which song? Jay-Z. It's called Ether and Jay-Z.
Fucked up.

Speaker 1 He got the greatest lyricist of all time angry at him. Oh, boy.
And he wrote a song where he cooked Jay-Z for like five minutes. However long that song is, he cooks him.

Speaker 1 It's like, and sometimes he's not even rapping. He's just talking.
He's like, you're an ugly fuck. Yeah, bro.
It's so so good. He is ugly.
That's how it starts. This is like the first.

Speaker 1 All right, all right, roller. Let's play.
What's up, man? Why are we playing a little bit of it? Fuck it. Let's play a bit of it.
The beginning's hilarious. Can we?

Speaker 1 Are we going to lose the rights to YouTube?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we'll probably have to talk about it. What's up, guys?

Speaker 1 Hey, yo, I know you ain't talking.

Speaker 1 Ether.

Speaker 1 Give me a list.

Speaker 1 He went a hardcore Christian. It starts off with gunshots.

Speaker 1 What's up, niggas? Hey, yo, I know you ain't talking about me, dog. Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Fuck Jay-Z. You've been on my dick, nigga.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 Fuck Jay-Z. I fuck with your soul like ether.
We teach you the king, you know, you.

Speaker 1 I prove you lost the rest.

Speaker 1 What's the results? Not positive. Who's the best? Pop, Nas and big.
Ain't no best. East, west, north, south, flaw style, greeting.
I embrace y'all with napalm. Blows up, no guts.
Left chest face gone.

Speaker 1 How can I be garbage? Send me autos at your college. burner at the side of your dome.
Come out of my throne. I got this.
Lock sense 9-1. I am the trophy.

Speaker 1 I can't keep up with these blacks. I can't

Speaker 1 do the chapters, but now I keep my eyes on the chewers with the wine soapy fame. Trying to hear it, but it's

Speaker 1 a rap song like 10 times.

Speaker 1 Me too. I'm an old honky.
I gotta see it written. Yeah? I can't follow along.
I'd like to see it written. A lot of lyrics.
I'm just like, I gotta see it on paper.

Speaker 1 It's actually what I want to start doing. I was watching.
You gotta see it on paper? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're missing half the thing.

Speaker 1 You missed one line, then you miss another line.

Speaker 1 It's just all white. You ever watch

Speaker 1 Black Cracker? Like Black Guys Hear White Music for the First? Yeah, I love that shit. I might do that with you guys.

Speaker 1 Just let you listen to rap, and you guys both go, what? I'm in. Have you ever seen the YouTube channel? What's he saying? Have you ever seen the YouTube channel Tribal People? Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 There's a YouTube channel called Tribal People Try, and they try Kentucky Fried Chicken for the French homework. Unbelievable.

Speaker 1 They try all these different fruits. They get sprite.
They're like, wow. And then they got demonetized.

Speaker 1 I think they felt like they were taking advantage of those guys. Well, we're helping them.
We're shot in sprite. I don't think these guys even know what the fuck YouTube is.

Speaker 1 Like, these guys are like legit tribal people. He's got some sort of a connect with them.
He gives them a bag of rice, and then he's making millions of dollars off of YouTube.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that's what's happening.

Speaker 1 But I would wonder. Here we go.

Speaker 1 I would like to have some sort of a deal with those fellas. But either way, it's an entertainment

Speaker 1 channel. It's fun watching people that have never experienced American culture try a ding-dong.

Speaker 1 You ever see fat black chicks try Jewish food? No. What?

Speaker 1 They try like matte. Oh, not bad.
Good cracker. All right, I got it going.

Speaker 1 You guys want to hear my impression of Frank Sinatra giving tribal people rice?

Speaker 1 Sure. That's rice.

Speaker 1 I like it. Oh, my God.
It's so funny. It's not bad.
Matt Reif. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 You're doing a Norman before. But you set it up and everything.
That was beautiful.

Speaker 1 You created the environment for a Norman. Yep, I wanted to hear it.
I was on board. Like,

Speaker 1 you created an environment for it. You didn't just do a Norman's.
A Norman's like a response. Like, you made room and then you made your own Norman.
Have you seen Matt Rice?

Speaker 1 He's the Asian comic doing arenas.

Speaker 1 He's doing only cloud work. I already got his jaw done.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Matt Rice.

Speaker 1 Matt Rice.

Speaker 1 Where are you from? Oh, no.

Speaker 1 You get out of neighborhood. You must buy something.
I bet you want something idea.

Speaker 1 You want water? I don't get out.

Speaker 1 Woo!

Speaker 1 All right. This is living.

Speaker 1 Boy, you're about to get an influx in Texas with the fires. It's about to get a triple decision.
There's a lot of people here. Listen, I bet we can get more comics.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Somebody lost on.

Speaker 1 I'm looking at new spaces.

Speaker 1 I'm looking at new things. Well, Whitney's about to have no homes.

Speaker 1 She was thinking about Texas anyway. She was thinking about Texas anyway, but it was very close to her house.
Her posts are getting a little unhinged. Well, she's got to get over here.

Speaker 1 First of all, she's already unhinged. And then she's in the middle of a war zone.
Like, we've got illegals lighting fires that are causing $150 billion worth of damage.

Speaker 1 If someone dropped a bomb on the Palisades, it wouldn't have done as much damage. True.

Speaker 1 Except it would have killed more people. Yeah.
Damn. But if they evacuated the area because they knew a bomb was going to to hit and the bomb did that, like that's just like a bomb.

Speaker 1 And if there's human beings that lit those fires and caused that to happen, which it seems there are,

Speaker 1 it was literally like they had a bomb. It's just we don't think about it that way because it's not an actual bomb.

Speaker 1 It's slower. Free palisades.
Free palisades. I was looking for a jump.
Bro, it's not even out. That was great.
It's not even a little out. Is it going strong still? It's going strong.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's still going, baby. They said the winds are going to get to 70 miles an hour tonight.

Speaker 1 It's weird seeing rich people get fucked because they always get away with it because they can have a private jet or private security. You can't have a private fire department.

Speaker 1 Well, they actually can. You can.
You can.

Speaker 1 I didn't know that.

Speaker 1 Kanye had one that set up at his house in Calabasas.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because when I got evacuated in 2018, I know that people in Hidden Hills, which was down the road from me, not too far from where I was living, people in Hidden Hills were the really rich folks, the celebrities, had private fire departments.

Speaker 1 So you hire someone to come and protect your home exclusively. Just die there.
Go down with the ship. Crazy.

Speaker 1 Pay a homeless guy. You got to put the fire out.
Can't leave. My friend Bud.
You got nothing to lose. My friend Bud has never evacuated.
He lives in Bell Canyon. I evacuated three times.

Speaker 1 He does not evacuate. He stays at his house with a fucking garden hose and he fights it to the bitter end.

Speaker 1 That's the one thing I would, I would, I can see staying for a hurricane and being like, we're going to sit here and drink. Saved his house.
Really? Save his house. With a fire.
With a garden hose.

Speaker 1 Yep. He got a bunch of hoses and he fucking saved his house.
He kept the fire from getting the fire destroyed the entire, like, he lives on the edge of a canyon. The entire canyon was gone.

Speaker 1 And he saved his house. Did you drive home once where the fire was on one side of the highway and not on the other? One side of the highway for an hour.
You could feel it. Well, you could see it.

Speaker 1 It was coming down like snow. Like the ashes were dropping like snow.
And I saw a dead guy. Saw a guy who was trying to run across the road and he got hit by a car.

Speaker 1 I only saw like his leg. My friend saw him get hit.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yikes. I saw him as I was passing.
I saw like his leg. That's a bummer.
It's one of those weird memories

Speaker 1 where it's like, did I just see that? Like, what did I just see? Yeah. Like, it took me a while to like.
Your mind's like, don't let that in. What did I see? I saw a guy get his head smushed.

Speaker 1 It was a tow truck driver. He got out on the to change it and a truck hit him.

Speaker 1 And I was like the first car to drive past. And there was just a guy without a fucking head.
Whoa. We saw a guy at the Hyatt, the old, the Andas, the front pet.

Speaker 1 Like, we saw it just like you look, and he was like there in the air. Oh,

Speaker 1 no way.

Speaker 1 Is there a bounce off the Andaz roof?

Speaker 1 One of the balconies. These have balconies facing sunset.
What is that, Brody?

Speaker 1 Got that. Oh, you son of an idiot.

Speaker 1 Well, that was where the guy during the strike committed suicide. That's right.
From up there, yeah. That's right.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, you son of a bitch. You ever seen a variety of of men throwing it?

Speaker 1 That is a crazy story. The story of the strike, when you realize that at one point in time, they were getting no money.
No money for comedy. No money.
Leno saved it.

Speaker 1 And then they're like, finally, we get $15. Did Leno save it? Yeah, he pretended to get hit by a car.
And they were like, all right, what are we doing? A guy died. Leno got hit by a car.

Speaker 1 Let's pay these fuckers. For real? Yeah.
I didn't hear that. Pull it up.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Leno, we talked about it last time, but another comical injury. He said he got hit by a car.
He's beaten like Riyana. He's like half black.
He's half

Speaker 1 eye patch. Yeah, he fell down a hill.
Getting burned. He got lit on fire.
Something's up.

Speaker 1 He doesn't, he looks unhealthy. He's like a woman in the Middle East.
Yeah. The thing about injuries like that when you get that old,

Speaker 1 they take years off your life. Bro, if you fall down a fucking hill,

Speaker 1 that's when you're tough. Maybe he's old.

Speaker 1 Maybe he's dating Nancy Pelosi's attacker.

Speaker 1 And he doesn't even drink. Wow.
He doesn't drink. So he's just getting beat up all day long.

Speaker 1 He also doesn't do squats.

Speaker 1 I guess so. His ankles have the resiliency of a popsicle stick.

Speaker 1 You know, you take a wrong step and that shit's going to snap off and you're going to go for a tumble. Yeah.
Go for a walk instead of a tumble. When you get older, you've got to work out.

Speaker 1 You really do. You might hate it.
Yeah, you hate it. Who cares? Just fucking do it so you don't die.
Do it so you don't fall in the tub. Yeah.
You know, like for real.

Speaker 1 Like, you got to be able to stop yourself from falling.

Speaker 1 Like, the deceleration, you have to have the ability to do that.

Speaker 1 I've never fallen in a fucking tub in a while man i feel like i because i haven't stayed in a shitty hotel with a ton you have to stay in those shitty they're like slick they are yeah they're slick they're angled drc canceled a fight once because the dude was cutting weight in the bathtub and he blacked out and banged his head whoa

Speaker 1 so it finally brought the ingredient jay leno getting hit by a car by biff

Speaker 1 pretend yeah okay he faked it sort of sorta The two jumped out of the way, but there was a loud thump and Leno crumpled to the pavement.

Speaker 1 Mannard freaked out, running inside the club to confess his sin. Leno, for his part, moaning on the ground.

Speaker 1 Dreessen kneeled next to him.

Speaker 1 Francis Powell's badly hurt. Jay, can you hear me? Jay Leno opened his eyes and winked.
Oh, the picture of the movie.

Speaker 1 So he did do that.

Speaker 1 Good movie. Hey, guys.
I got hit by a car. And leverage.
That guy jumped off the Hyatt. But isn't that crazy? To try to hit the store.
Realized

Speaker 1 a half second out. I heard that guy sucked.
Yeah, for sure. But that's the problem.
Wait, what happened? When a guy committed suicide and he sucks

Speaker 1 a comic, come on. He goes, I'll perform.
You can't have comics perform. I'll perform for you.
You'll be loyal after I'm done. And Mitzi was like, thanks for your service, but we have good lineups now.

Speaker 1 So he jumps off the Hyatt, in the air, goes, oh, I'm never going to hit the store. Didn't even make it to the belt.
He tried to kill himself on the store. Tried to hit the store.

Speaker 1 And then he's personally 9-11. That's a dude who doesn't understand physics.

Speaker 1 That's a guy who thinks he can fight.

Speaker 1 What a terrible asset.

Speaker 1 Guy who doesn't know how far he can jump.

Speaker 1 Or do comedy. I can jump 40.
Or do comedy, right? It's the same mindset, right? We all know those guys who bomb, they get off, they're like, hey, good crowd.

Speaker 1 And you're like, you should be killing yourself. What are you talking about right now? Yeah, there's a lot of weirdos like that, man.
Psychologically ill people.

Speaker 1 So the guy didn't get booked, so he tried to jump off a building onto the but the thing is the guy was terrible. Severe depression.
Well, yeah, even if he was good, that's no reason to kill yourself.

Speaker 1 No, it's not. But he's like this whole idea, like, oh, he killed himself for the strike.
No, no, he was just nuts. He was just a crazy.
Just a nutty dude who wasn't good.

Speaker 1 There's a you're blaming it on that thing. How many guys, when you started, were just like on tilt, just a little, but they would do real good sometimes.

Speaker 1 You're like, maybe, maybe he's going to make it. And you're all kind of in the same boat having sort of similar sets.

Speaker 1 There's a few of those guys like, maybe. That's almost worse because it keeps them in long enough that they're going to kill everybody else.
They did well last month. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what's real weird when you get an email from one of them fellas. Oh,

Speaker 1 they want to open for you. Oh, I get those.
And you're like, hey,

Speaker 1 you ain't done comedy for a decade.

Speaker 1 They make it so uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 A decade.

Speaker 1 You're going like, all right, I'm already bringing in like an opener. And like, what about an MC? I'm like, oh, shit.
And you got to scramble to find an MCO.

Speaker 1 And they go, fine, I'll just do a guest set. You're like, fuck.
No,

Speaker 1 I hate a guest set. I'll just do a guess set.
That's a good one. And bring a camera crew

Speaker 1 20 minutes. And that one guy.
Bring friends into the green room and have a

Speaker 1 fun time. The invasion of your privacy.
Just because you're being kind.

Speaker 1 That's the worst. No guess

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Speaker 1 Some of them are like such pressure. They put such emotional pressure.
Like, we are still friendly. Right.

Speaker 1 How do you know that? They prey on that. That's why you have to have like a level of separation, like an Adam Eget in your life.

Speaker 1 Adam Egot's a level of separation. Joe Rogan goes, Adam won't let me have you on my show.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Adam makes the rules. But it's Joe Rogan affecting the family.
That's the way it works. The only way it works is Adam, you know, that's what he wanted to get the job to.
He's fucking miserable.

Speaker 1 Whatever time I see him, he's like pulling his hair out. He's crying.
Oh, that's just

Speaker 1 a good thing.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I throw the pot in the water.

Speaker 1 What kind of prayer do I have to make over the sink? It has been happy since he stopped eating donuts. Adam's fine.
Fatim was the best Fatim. I know.
He was dying.

Speaker 1 He was like dying at one point in time. He's bleeding.

Speaker 1 He's bleeding for some reason. Talk to him about that.
What? Listen, he needed to clean.

Speaker 1 He's having a period. Yeah, he was having a period.
There you go. He was becoming a woman.
I think he had a butt period a lot. Yeah, a butt period.
Was that a hemorrhoid?

Speaker 1 No, I think he was having like internal butt periods. Oh, really? Oh,

Speaker 1 it wasn't good. He's better now.
He's better.

Speaker 1 You know, he's a worry wart. He's a worry guy.
You know, he worries about shit. Oh, I don't know.
And he's passing it on to his dog. You ever meet his dog?

Speaker 1 That's what happens. Yeah.
We take a drive to the woods just to go and the drive. He's like slobbering.

Speaker 1 You can't take this.

Speaker 1 As soon as he's out, he's like, oh, nice woods. It's the meanest thing I do, but I'm always like, dude, your dog sucks.

Speaker 1 It's the meanest thing you could say to somebody. No, I love them.
If a dog's never driven and then you drive it, like, you have to drive them when they're little. Yeah.
You did. Couldn't take it.

Speaker 1 How old was it when he got it? Puffy. No, remember he would bring it.
He brought it up. Is it a full puffy bulking and shit, and it would come into the room and hide under the table?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. That's when it started.
I was like, stop bringing this fucking dog or something.

Speaker 1 Is it a rescue dog? What kind of dog? Pug? It's like a Dalmatian. It's like a Dalmatian.
It's a Dalmatian. It's a cute little dog.
It's named Dice. It's a good dog.
It's fun. It is a good dog.

Speaker 1 I feel bad making fun of a guy's dog. His dog's named Dice? Yeah.
That's cute. And it's a Dalmatian, so it looks like a Dice and Dice clay.
Oh, I didn't even catch it.

Speaker 1 You've tried that with me, too.

Speaker 1 Your dog sucks. I'm like, I do like that.
That's retardable. I do like one of them better.
There's no part of it that's like a bad thing. Yeah, you got a great dog.
Say your dog sucks. Awesome.

Speaker 1 It's very funny, though.

Speaker 1 Say your dog's a sweetheart.

Speaker 1 He kills people. That's Dice.

Speaker 1 That's Dice. Yes.
And you can't say it about a a kid, but you can say it about their dog. Yeah.
You can get away with it. Your kid sucks.
They go, yeah, whatever.

Speaker 1 You can say it about a kid.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You can say it to a kid. You can say it to some guys.
Some guys have just had enough with their sons. Like, enough.

Speaker 1 He's fucking enough. He's 26 years old.
Get out of my fucking house. You can tell that guy his kid sucks.
Yeah, that's true. You're like, your kid sucks.
He goes, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 What have you noticed? That's a weird thing about today. Like, there's a lot of 26-year-old dudes living with their parents.
Yeah, you got that right.

Speaker 1 When did you guys leave? That's 25.

Speaker 1 23? I was 20.

Speaker 1 18. 18.
Out of the house.

Speaker 1 Not talking about college. Gone.
Yeah, 20. I was out of the house.

Speaker 1 And they wanted me out of the house when I was 18. I went back after college for a year.
Yeah, I mean, that's hard. Oh, no, that's hard.
No, it was a good year. Really? Yeah, it was nice.

Speaker 1 Just drinking with Phil every day? No, I was just reading and jacking off in the basement. It was great.
In the quiet room. Yeah.
My parents were like. It's like a priest.
You got laundry.

Speaker 1 You got some kind of a real job. And you didn't? No.

Speaker 1 You figured out a way to disobey them.

Speaker 1 But back then,

Speaker 1 I get it. I know.
I was fighting. That's all I was doing.
So I was fighting right out of high school. So, like, I just didn't want to go fucking bartender.
It's crazy. He's Tom Cruise.
Well played.

Speaker 1 So I understand why they wanted me out of the house. Like, you're living an unrealistic life.
You failed it. Fucking hell.

Speaker 1 That was really good, actually. It was low-key great.
Is that like the least impressive skill of all time? Like some bartenders,

Speaker 1 a drink by spinning bottles in the air and doing all that shit. Whoever wants it.

Speaker 1 If you see them doing it, like, just make the drink. I just want a drink.
Yeah. I don't need a witty bartender.
Right. I mean, if you're really that funny, you should go do stand-up.

Speaker 1 When you talk to them, rude bartenders are that. Oh, that's the worst.

Speaker 1 What do you want? Yeah. Yeah, we don't have that.
And then they walk away. You're like, what the fuck was that? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Especially if you're a good tipper. You're like, come on, man.
Don't make me not tip you. I want to tip you well.
I want you to have a good experience here.

Speaker 1 I don't want this to be a standoffice bartender. A buck for a beer, though.
Sassy factories. Can we get rid of that? You open a beer cap.
A buck? A buck is a max. A buck is too much.

Speaker 1 I know, but like, if he's whipping me up, uh,

Speaker 1 you can't think. Look how happy he is with himself.
Shut up, bro. You can't think that anything you're doing in a bar is like paying for things in a store.
Yes. You can't think of it that way.

Speaker 1 You're paying for this experience of being in public and this dude, this is his job. It's not supposed to be reasonably priced.
I'm okay with $1.

Speaker 1 When it starts to be like a $12 beer and it's like, no, you don't get $2 for this. I leave $100.

Speaker 1 Really? What? Yeah, I get a beer. I leave $100.
Come on. Yeah, I'm not kidding.
I don't care.

Speaker 1 Steven money. Are you going to notice it or is he going to notice it? Are you going to notice if you have $100? You're not going to notice.
$100 from anyone in this room, it's like it doesn't exist.

Speaker 1 $100 to a Norman's

Speaker 1 crazy

Speaker 1 $100 you don't know exists. You might know $1,000 $1,000 exists.
You might know $10,000 exists. But if you look at your bank account, it's $100 this way or $100 that way.
It makes zero difference.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's for one time. We're in bars every night.

Speaker 1 How often do you do that? That's a good point. $700 words.

Speaker 1 We'd spend a lot of money. Yeah, we'd spend eight grand by the end of the day.
You're buying the drinks. Yeah, good.
Perfect. Did you guys get after it last night? A little bit.
I did.

Speaker 1 Me and DeRosa and Medega. You had your show at the mothership last night.
Yeah, 5 o'clock show. Killer.

Speaker 1 Oh, you know, Lucas, the guy who made our suits. He went to your show last night.
Oh, I love that guy. The guy's named David August.
He is a beast. Yeah, he's the best.
He's the best.

Speaker 1 Man, love that guy. Was that a kill Tony? Sure.
Suit or sorry to deflect. Sorry.
That dude definitely. You're a doctor, are you step-boft? Everything like a bad drug dealer.

Speaker 1 His suit was good.

Speaker 1 Mine was a little small, and I said, Brad got tired.

Speaker 1 Hey, was Vegas better when the mob was running it? Yeah, right? Oh, everything was. New York was.
Yeah. They got ladies on fire in the train.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it seems like New York was a little better when the mob was running it than when the Democrats are.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying, like, the mob would have done something about the fire in the train. There was a street in the East Village where, was it the Hells Angels that had their headquarters? Yes, they did.

Speaker 1 Like 8th or 10th? 10th Street. Yeah.
The safest block in New York.

Speaker 1 You couldn't do shit. No.
Well, that was always the thing about if you lived on Staten Island or if you lived out. That's where all the cops left.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or if you lived where, you know, fucking when West's face was alive, John Gotti was alive. Like, his neighborhood was super safe.

Speaker 1 Nobody's breaking into anything over there. No.
And you get a turkey on Thanksgiving. Yeah.
Throwing those

Speaker 1 butterballs out. Yeah, but at what cost? I like the turkey thing.
They all do the turkey thing and act like they're innocent now. That's a good move.
That's a nice thing.

Speaker 1 They go, look, I gave the whole neighborhood turkeys. Yeah.
They go, oh, all right. Well, then, yeah, the murders.
Yeah, we'll forget about them. How many turkeys?

Speaker 1 Like, so let's say you live in a neighborhood of a hundred thousand people and you give out free turkeys. How many turkeys do you think you're really giving out? Probably.
It's a photo option.

Speaker 1 So probably like 50 families, five.

Speaker 1 How many turkeys do you have to buy?

Speaker 1 I think. Because if you run out, people are going to get mad.
They're going to talk shit. I went to John Gotti's turkey thing and they were out of turkeys by 12.30.

Speaker 1 12.30.

Speaker 1 Where's my fucking turkey, you dago bastard? All right, you got off the juice at least. Now you're going with those guinea.
You son of a bitch.

Speaker 1 It's all peschy.

Speaker 1 Think about that. Where's my fucking turkey? The people relying on those? Yeah.
Crime's been up this year, but I'll tell you what.

Speaker 1 I might get a free fucking turkey out of this hole. We're going to eat good here at Thanksgiving.
The protection racket. Yeah, that's how they get you.

Speaker 1 We'll protect you. That's what the United States government's doing.
So the entire citizens of the United States. Yeah, homeowner tax.
It's protection. We got you.
You got to be careful about China.

Speaker 1 China wants to steal your data.

Speaker 1 We got to get rid of the TikTok. The TikTok is stealing your data.

Speaker 1 Does China want to fight us? Why are we trying to fight China? Because we're stealing China's data and they're throwing drones over New Jersey. It's a war.

Speaker 1 It's a war. It's changing us.
Why are we at war with them? I don't know. We're not.
They're communists.

Speaker 1 It's just.

Speaker 1 Oh, I thought they were.

Speaker 1 I think they were allegedly, but

Speaker 1 they seem politically communists.

Speaker 1 They appoint their own government. It's not about that money right now.
It's about that money, too.

Speaker 1 It's a weird sort of a merger, which makes it very difficult to battle with because you have a dictatorship that's connected to a thriving economy.

Speaker 1 Tell me this: TikTok, they're like, they're stealing your data. But isn't it also all the American companies? Oh, shit.
I'm listening. What are you? Some kind of communist

Speaker 1 Ari.

Speaker 1 Whose team are you on?

Speaker 1 You know what Team Ari's on. Oh, yeah.
The hate.

Speaker 1 I'm on Team Green. You know what? They needed Xi Ji Ping to visit LA.
They'd clean it up in a day. Isn't that funny?

Speaker 1 They would get it done. They did it for China when they came to San Francisco.
Yeah. Crazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's right. Did you see Gavin Newsom's latest speech where he was talking about...
Are we going to get to the bottom of this? No, about doing something with the land.

Speaker 1 Have you seen that, Jamie? Gavin Jewsome. Jamie, have you seen it? Did you see Danny Paulisher's deep fake of his speech? No.
Danny Polisher does the deep fake of their man.

Speaker 1 Just making him say dumb shit. It tricks me a lot.
He goes, we put fire

Speaker 1 tardent on.

Speaker 1 That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that news is a lot of people.

Speaker 1 See if you can find this video, because what's really weird is he does like a little dance with his shoulders when he talks about it. Watch his little shit.
It's so crazy.

Speaker 1 Listen to this. Listen to this.

Speaker 1 With a myriad of issues. I was just talking to Josh Green, the governor

Speaker 1 down in Hawaii, who had some ideas around some land use concerns he has around speculators coming in. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I do that when I pee. So we're already working with our legal colleagues to move those things forward, and we'll be presenting those in a matter of days, not just weeks.
Legal teams. When is that?

Speaker 1 But look at this. Like, the thing in Hawaii has been a fucking disaster for the people that lost their houses.
No one's rebuilt. No one's rebuilt, right?

Speaker 1 So he's talking about that and talking to the governor, who's obviously mishandled that. It's also like, what's the real answer? It's like, it's fucked.
But hey, what is that? Well, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 What is this? I don't know. What is this? It's a fun thing he puts in.
What is getting excited about it? Yeah, we're talking about some speculation, some land. That's like a lady.

Speaker 1 See what we're going to do inside. He's dating somebody new.
No, he's

Speaker 1 going to hide his excitement for the possibilities that they might acquire some of that land. What does that land become now? How many of these people are going to be able to rebuild?

Speaker 1 What happens with the Coastal Commission? What happens with all the insurance companies that that decided to cancel their fire insurance? So what happens with all?

Speaker 1 This is not as simple as anybody thinks any fire would be. Like you get your insurance money and you rebuild.
You don't rebuild somewhere that's bigger than Manhattan.

Speaker 1 They lost what's larger than Manhattan. And also, insurance is not going to pay.

Speaker 1 It's as little as possible. It's going to take forever.
How are they going to have the money? How are they going to have $150 billion?

Speaker 1 But that's the amount of money they require.

Speaker 1 So was the government going going to do it? Is the Biden administration going to step up like they did for Ukraine?

Speaker 1 They spent $175 million on Ukraine. How much are they going to spend on the Palisades? And if they did it for the Palisades, the Hollywood Hills are going to be like, What the fuck, dude?

Speaker 1 What about us? Right. What about us? What about all these other fires? What about North Carolina? Yeah.
North Carolina. People are waiting in line for hours for propane because they don't have gas.

Speaker 1 They're trying to stay alive because their fucking heaters need gas. No propane, no gain.

Speaker 1 But yeah, you're right. Hey, Katrina.

Speaker 1 I was in Katrina. I was in New Orleans.

Speaker 1 It's the same shit. Yeah, were they saving the rich people? Yeah.
Yeah, but this is crazy. This is way worse.
If they bail out the Palisades, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 If you don't bail out Maui and it's a year later and you decide you're going to bail out the Palisades, so it kind of stuck because all it would have taken is $5 billion.

Speaker 1 And they accidentally paid an extra $6 billion to Ukraine. They're like, don't worry, just a mistake.
It was an accidental $6 billion. $6 billion to help Maui? Yeah.
Rebuild entirely.

Speaker 1 So for $5 billion,

Speaker 1 everyone could have got their home back and everything could have been settled. And no, nothing's been done.
But yet we keep sending money to these other countries. Well, how come

Speaker 1 these countries throw us a buck every now and then? I'm going to go to the bathroom. Well, here's the thing.
They've been paying their bills.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing. Even if you are supporting the idea of sending money to Ukraine, I'm not arguing against that.
I'm saying they accidentally sent $6 billion there and no one cared.

Speaker 1 And they didn't send $5 billion to Maui. Right.
And they could have. Also, just get it back.
Like, it's not actually, you're not actually shipping a big thing of money. Just like you're wiring.

Speaker 1 I think that's how I do it. Oh, really? So you can pay cash? Just bucked.
Just boats filled with

Speaker 1 buckets of money.

Speaker 1 We should do it. We can all blockbuster cards.
We should buy Greenland.

Speaker 1 We should buy Greenland. That's right.
Isn't that what Trump's trying to do? There's a lot of resources over there.

Speaker 1 Well, if global warming hits, we got a sweet spot. I like it.
If global warming really takes off, get some Greenland going. You know how many people live there? 56K.
We can kill them in an hour.

Speaker 1 There's only 56,000 people there? The whole island. Really? Yeah.
Wow. Give it a go.
What are they like? I don't know.

Speaker 1 What's hanging out with one of those guys? Their houses are weird. What's like? What do you think? They're like shacks.

Speaker 1 Colorful.

Speaker 1 They probably smell like old hot dogs. Yeah.
What are they smelling? The reindeer they've been fucking. Yeah, what have they been eating? What kind of like fermented shark meat?

Speaker 1 Gotta be in breeding there.

Speaker 1 Oh, easy. Gotta be in breeding.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's a cute little town actually most colorful checks that is adorable where's the bar show me the bar because it's got to be a bar oh they also

Speaker 1 got to be a good bar or a really bad bar some real fishermen drunks I mean how many times does everybody date everybody else's ex in that town everybody you just got to get over it you got to get over it

Speaker 1 it's like iSchool you just got to get over it that's not very exciting she's dating him now

Speaker 1 yeah what do they do for electricity I fucking

Speaker 1 what do they do is it Norway that they have a dating app that won't let you fuck your sister? Or is it Iceland? Yeah, to know if you're how closely you are. True.

Speaker 1 They tried giving that to the Middle East, and they were just like, no, we like it. The F-Cold, it's all relative.

Speaker 1 That was a conversation that Gavin McGinnis and I had on the podcast at one point in time. He was talking to me about the numbers of people that are inbred.
I think it was... In the Middle East.

Speaker 1 Was it in Palestine or Pakistan? Palestine's one of them.

Speaker 1 It's like 40%. That's one of them.
Fudge banks.

Speaker 1 Definitely. No? What do you mean by that? You guys do some breeds.
What are you talking about? You breed in Brooklyn, I'll tell you that.

Speaker 1 Do they in Brooklyn? Bro, inbreeding? Oh, yeah. Really bad.
That's like Jupiter. That's

Speaker 1 the tinborns instead of ten. In Israel.
Look up the numbers. You can look it up.
Let's take a look at Brooklyn. Syria is huge.

Speaker 1 Syria is huge. Palestine's huge.
Afghanistan's huge. Boy, you're deflecting away from the

Speaker 1 Israel just magically is not one of them.

Speaker 1 Magically,

Speaker 1 they're all Europeans that live there.

Speaker 1 Inbreeding rates in Israel vary by population group, but the highest rates in the

Speaker 1 Arab Bedouin population

Speaker 1 close to the Bedouin but that's the Arab not far off right Israeli Arab Israeli Arab okay so Jewish population is only 2.3 percent yeah the Palestinians like 40 look at that Israeli Arab population is 259 percent not close wow but that's a crazy number but look at the Bedouin population it's 44 percent damn

Speaker 1 wait what's what's uh 25.9

Speaker 1 look at that 44 percent which is high and has resulted in a high prevalence of genetic disorders and infant mortality.

Speaker 1 Don't you love

Speaker 1 AI? This is what I love about AI. It has to tell you sometimes.

Speaker 1 It tells you before they catch it, when you ask it questions like this on a giant podcast, before they catch it, it gets out there.

Speaker 1 And the AI just tells you,

Speaker 1 and then everybody's like, oh my God,

Speaker 1 what did they say? We didn't say shit. We read something off the fucking AI.

Speaker 1 That's what we did. We're talking about real data.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 But that's the thing. It's like people that live in liberal areas like Silver Lake and the fucking,

Speaker 1 in the East Village, they don't realize that there's parts of the world that are really, really, really fucked up right now. Really fucked up.

Speaker 1 And you can't make this place like that place because you won't survive with your blue hair. You won't survive with your fucking nose post that makes you interesting.

Speaker 1 That fucking stupid bull ring you have in your nose. You're also going to survive.
So these are all the people that kicked out of their neighborhoods. Yeah, you're not going to survive with

Speaker 1 say them pronouns. They're throwing you off a roof.
You're going to be thrown off a roof.

Speaker 1 It's like the rich kid who's like, fuck you, mom, but you got it made. Yeah, you're good.
You're going downstairs. Meanwhile, the migrant kid's like, I love you, dad, don't leave.

Speaker 1 I think we need to take an opposite approach in this country. Instead of like letting all the fucked up people in, what we need to do is like spread the good.

Speaker 1 Like buy all the other countries, like slowly. Like Greenland, start with Greenland, then we buy Mexico.

Speaker 1 Guatemala is probably for sale. Find all their doncas, bring them in.

Speaker 1 You know, he wants to take over the Panama Canal. Fantastic.
Let's buy Panama. That way you don't have to worry about taking over the Panama Canal.
We'll get Elon involved. I don't mind the canal.

Speaker 1 That was make a new coin.

Speaker 1 We could sell it. Hoctua coin.
I think they built it, but we paid for it. We made him build it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you see the other idea about the Gulf of Mexico? You know, you can't

Speaker 1 drill in the Gulf of Mexico. There's a law.
Is that right? But here's the thing. Change the name to the Gulf of America.
Now you can drill. Change laws.

Speaker 1 Is that why he wants to do it? Yeah. I thought

Speaker 1 he wants to change it.

Speaker 1 No, he wants to drill. And the eighth grade level Gulf of America.
The fifth grader's idea of like, that should be Gulf of America. And then now he can drill.

Speaker 1 And Canada's a new state, apparently. Right.
It's fucking genius. Trudeau resigned.
Yeah. I mean, it's fucking, what he's doing is kind of crazy.
He's not even in office yet.

Speaker 1 And he's like, fuck it, I'm getting out of here. I don't want this fight.
But he's not even in office yet. And the whole world is like shifting.

Speaker 1 All the social media companies go, we'll do it all.

Speaker 1 Look at Facebook. Look at Zuckerberg said.
He's like an MMA fighter now. But they were just doing what the other people wanted.
Whoever's in charge, they're like, sure, sure, sure. Yeah,

Speaker 1 and now, okay, sure, we'll do it your own. As long as we make money, we don't care.
But you're like, are you going to flip back if something flips back? Who are you? You keep stealing data.

Speaker 1 They're going to flip back back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they'll flip back. I think most people found out about it because of the Twitter files, and then the outrage was so high, they were worried about losing in the next election.

Speaker 1 And I think they've realized that probably lost them this election. So when things like that happen,

Speaker 1 you can, you can, like, there was a point in time when during the Obama administration where they were talking about us going to war with Syria. Do you remember that?

Speaker 1 10 times. Yes.
We kept saying no. We said, we got to overthrow Assad.
And they go, America said no. And then they go, actually, we got to help Assad because of these other people.

Speaker 1 And America's like, no, we've just done with these. He made, there was a press conference, and the press conference was so rejected.

Speaker 1 It was so wildly rejected in the public that the Pentagon shifted course and they decided not to attack Syria. It was like a big

Speaker 1 thing.

Speaker 1 The country was like, we're not doing this one. And obviously I have a cursory understanding of the entire conflict.
I have a very, very small understanding of the conflict.

Speaker 1 But the reality is like if things get too rejected, if too many people are like, fuck this,

Speaker 1 well, I think that's probably what happened with all this Twitter shit.

Speaker 1 When they got those Twitter files and they found out that the FBI was suppressing real information, and then they found out that, you know, when Zuckerberg was on here and he was talking about the laptop and they were telling him it's Russian disinformation and they were telling him to, they told him to remove that meme.

Speaker 1 You know that meme of Leonardo DiCaprio pointing at a television screen in 10 years? Like, did you take the COVID vaccine? If so, you may be eligible for a class action lawsuit.

Speaker 1 And it's like, it's like Leonardo DiCaprio. It's a cigarette from Once Upon a Time.
Yeah, yeah. It's a classic.
They take that one down. They asked him to take out a meme.
Clearly not real.

Speaker 1 Do you know the meme? Do you have it, it, Jamie? Because I have it on my phone. It's a great meme.

Speaker 1 By the way, how about Trump and Obiden having a full-on hang fest? Obama, yeah. What did I say? How wild was that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're right. Obama.
The black. How wild was that to watch, though?

Speaker 1 It is a little disappointing, though, because both those guys benefit so much on every American on both those sides hating each other. I know.

Speaker 1 And then you see them together and they're like, haha, we got to go. Well, you know what it's like? It checks out Clarence and Trump at the old parties.

Speaker 1 They're all just friends. They eat at the same dining hall.
Yeah, they're all pieces of shit. Well, you know what it's like?

Speaker 1 it's like your guys fight and then the fight's over and they talked so much about each other before the fight then they hug and they hug it out and they're all emotional that's what it's like it's like some of them not fighting they're talking about yeah we're professional

Speaker 1 this is like even the other guy's like this is hitler and i need to have a revolution to fight him and then high then you get done and you go hey

Speaker 1 yeah it's self-amela people saying that neo-nazis and white nationalists We're very fine people. Remember that? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's like, I had to say it. I get it.
I get it. You had to say it?

Speaker 1 They just sit down and they work it out. But meanwhile, the rest of us, my, you know,

Speaker 1 neighbor, has a fucking science is real flag. Yeah.
Love is love. You know, Black Lives Matter.
Because these guys, that's what they're putting out there. Yeah.
It's causing division.

Speaker 1 And you have a joy division. Well, it just makes you realize this is the reason why cults exist because it's really easy to shift someone's opinion about things.
It's really easy.

Speaker 1 Most people are really weak. Yeah.
They're also all looking at the fringes of each side.

Speaker 1 So like the shit they're complaining about, like 90% of the people on that side doesn't. They're like, yeah, we agree with you.
Yeah, 90%. Yeah.
It's nuts. It's just weird that it works so well.

Speaker 1 It really does work. And people make it their whole personality, their whole identity.
And then if you push back, they hate you.

Speaker 1 He's Hitler, and I'll sit next to him at Carter's funeral and laugh and joke around together. Meanwhile, Biden's asleep.
You see him fall asleep? Fell asleep. There you go, bro.
Fully fell asleep.

Speaker 1 There was a picture of

Speaker 1 three or four of them.

Speaker 1 But my favorite part was when Kamala Harris shows up, and she fucking stink eyes both of them. Yeah.
She stink eyes Trump and Obama and then sits down and doesn't say hi or shake their hands. Nice.

Speaker 1 And then looks over and sees that Biden or that Obama and Trump are talking to each other and she goes like this. She's like,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 She rolls her eyes and she's with her husband and her husband's name. That's like when Shane was talking to Chicago Louie and people are like, fuck, I got to be nice to you now.

Speaker 1 Bill Clinton was there too. This episode is brought to you by Degree Original Cool Rush, the legendary scent that's back and better than ever.

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Speaker 1 He was checking out Kamala. He's like, hey, nice rump in that pantsuit.
You You are half black. I'm going to go out with a bang.

Speaker 1 Watch this.

Speaker 1 Look at her face. Look how angry she is, dude.
Look how angry she is. It's unbelievable.
I mean, it's like, look at Obama and Trump. Just no one looks at each other.
He's like, you sit next to him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what she said.

Speaker 1 She guided him over. He has to sit wherever the fuck she tells him to.
He's the white Chris Brown. And look, they're looking at each other.
Trump is like, maybe we'll shake hands.

Speaker 1 Look at Trump. He's just holding it.

Speaker 1 Bush's wife. I want to be on what she's on right now.
Look Look at Bush's wife. She's so happy.
Right now, she's seeing elves. But she knows she's on jewels.

Speaker 1 She's got the handmaid's tail outfit on Milana. Milana.
Milania. Milania is like, I can't fucking believe I have to be First Lady once again.

Speaker 1 Man, Jimmy Carter, that fucking fentanyl. It'll get you.
Yeah, 100. He made it to 100, though.
That's true. Colin knows she's on camera, too.
She's got to act more pissy. But look at them just too.

Speaker 1 Look at the honker on that guy in the back. Jesus.
She's got to be able to hear them. That's a beak.
Yeah. That's a lobbyist.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what if Trump is just going to be a little bit more? You get caught by his beak. He's off as smart cocaine.

Speaker 1 Borderline Semitic Marla.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, he's right near Pence.

Speaker 1 Pence is still balling. I think he's

Speaker 1 like it. I think he shook hands with Pence.
Damn. Which is wild.
Who does, Trump? Yeah, Pence literally called him Hitler.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. Almost.
That was his vice president. Like, what did Pence say? What was like the worst thing Pence said about it? But Pence definitely said he shouldn't be president.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then he won again, and Pence, that's a shot. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Shut up.

Speaker 1 You got to shut the fuck up and you got to shake his hand. You lost.

Speaker 1 I saw Pence announce. I was watching the news live when Pence announced his presidency.
It was great. Really? It's like on Hannity.
He was a guest on Sean Hannity.

Speaker 1 They did it like, he was about to announce, and they're like, we got to take a commercial break.

Speaker 1 Then he comes on. He's like, I'm going to run for president.
There's like 12 people on bleachers. Like.

Speaker 1 Bro, you got, you lost. Damn.

Speaker 1 I can't, because I'm still. Did you ever see the conversation he had with Tucker when Tucker was talking about the problems that America has? And he said, that's not my concern.

Speaker 1 Did you ever see that?

Speaker 1 I've seen it, and

Speaker 1 I feel for Pence on this one. It seemed like a misstep.
Oh, it was. He just said the wrong, he phrased it wrong.
Yeah. But it's the worst thing you could possibly say.

Speaker 1 This is what he did. He reacted to an attack.
So the attack was on him. And so his reaction, because he's a guy who likes to be in power.
That's not my concern. Like, his reaction is to shut you down.

Speaker 1 The American people.

Speaker 1 So he said it's not my concern. That's not my concern.
Like he's trying to shut him down, but he's doing it in a stupid way.

Speaker 1 He's trying to exert his authority. I was the vice president.
Let me tell you how it works. That's not my concern.
My concern is that.

Speaker 1 These guys. Shit.
After he said it, he probably was like, shit. He's too religious, that guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was obsessed with no abortion and, you know, he got made fun of

Speaker 1 my wife. I don't mind that.
That's a nice gay conversion. He was like, I'm not going to dinner with a lady unless my wife's there.
And everyone was like, what are you, sexist? It's like, no, that's a

Speaker 1 somewhat validation. Especially in an elevator with one.
Especially in his business. Yeah.
I mean, his business. They're sneaking whores in all the time.

Speaker 1 My doctor needs a female nurse in there with them. Yeah.
So, like,

Speaker 1 they're sneaking in people to try to, like, they have Chinese ladies who are banging these dudes, and they turn out to be five. How quick?

Speaker 1 They turn out to be five. How would you not get a nine and a half on an elevator elevator with you, and all of a sudden she's just on her knees and you're like, oh, fuck.
No, we're doing it.

Speaker 1 We're doing it.

Speaker 1 You don't send in a nine and a half because they don't believe him. He's sent in a six with cocaine.
Cute seven. A six who's got some cocaine.
Damn.

Speaker 1 Some pouty lips. I'm coming.
And Lex Party. Immediately.

Speaker 1 I think they're all freaks. And I think

Speaker 1 it's just... slow to be revealed because they're all like guilty of it.

Speaker 1 Like when you hear a guy like Clinton get busted or JFK, like this is not a normal, I I mean, this is a this is like it's probably prevalent in the entire group of people when you talk to people that are like congressmen you talk to people that are honest like look there's a lot of freaks There's a lot of people that are partying.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're doing wild shit.

Speaker 1 They were doing showbiz type shit, but they were presidential candidates

Speaker 1 like I never got the chance to do this. You're finally invited.

Speaker 1 Finally at Bohemian

Speaker 1 dork my whole life. Yeah, Gorbachev.
Yeah. Fucking Stain.
He probably couldn't wait to get some clam.

Speaker 1 There's a dude in a dress, and he weighs 100 pounds. You're just going to get him to suck your dick.

Speaker 1 You don't know that

Speaker 1 that fucking mirror on the wall is a two-way one.

Speaker 1 There's a camera on the other side.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I mean, that's a sky laughing, watching.
Oh, yeah, that's true. We got him.
Look at that shriveled up thing. The oral office.
And it's all Diddy's mansion. It got burnt to the ground.

Speaker 1 That's true.

Speaker 1 The baby oil goes up. The baby oil, yeah.
Oh, yeah. It's an accelerant.
Started the fires in California.

Speaker 1 It's probably not baby obey. It's probably lube, and I bet lube burns forever.
Oh, yeah. I bet lube is like lava.

Speaker 1 Grease fire. Just burns forever.

Speaker 1 It's probably some sort of synthetic shit. When are we going to get the real dirt? All I got is a hallway beat up on video.

Speaker 1 But I need, you know, Bieber's crying, J-Lo's nervous.

Speaker 1 If I had to guess, this is what I would say.

Speaker 1 There's a lot, apparently, of famous people involved in this, which means there's a lot of accusers and there's a lot of money that people won't get if these people go down.

Speaker 1 So if you're a lawyer, if you're a lawyer and you're

Speaker 1 involved in this whole thing, the move would be like we could go public with this and this would be the end. That is not our interest.

Speaker 1 Our interest is a settlement. And then next thing you know, keep making money off the store.

Speaker 1 Someone

Speaker 1 who's really good at basketball or fucking someone. It was like, maybe.
It's all maybe, though. It's all maybe.

Speaker 1 Everyone left the parties early. Every time.
It'll be like Epstein, though. It'll be the same thing.
It'll be like nobody ever gets in trouble. Did you see that prosecutor, though?

Speaker 1 The guy who said there's some very famous names, and you will be stunned at what you'll see. What, on Diddy or Epstein? Diddy.
Yeah. My people will not let those names come out.
But here's the thing.

Speaker 1 If the videos exist,

Speaker 1 you don't think that somehow or another this guy's got it and the prosecutor's never did.

Speaker 1 But no one talked about the names, and there was a video, and it was going to come out.

Speaker 1 It was like they kept quiet about all of it, they never released the names, they never said there was a video, no one confirmed anything, it was all just rumors.

Speaker 1 They just waited till we stopped asking, and then they like it went away. And Lane Maxwell just went to jail for what?

Speaker 1 Uh, recruiting for what, but recruiting, for who, for who, what, for who, who was there, what would you do?

Speaker 1 What happened? Picked out 15-year-olds from high school, and where'd they go? I think they all go to the draft. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 To who? Like, if you're going to put someone in jail,

Speaker 1 you've got to put someone in jail. If you're selling pussy, so let's say you're selling cocaine.

Speaker 1 You sold cocaine. Who'd you sell it to? I sold it to this guy.
Okay. Well, now that guy's in trouble.
That's how it usually goes. And you find that guy and who else?

Speaker 1 If you sell underage prostitutes, you're going to jail for selling underage prostitutes. To who? Who'd you sell them to? Well, that guy gets in trouble, too.
Automatically.

Speaker 1 That's why you kill Epstein. That's why you guys still alive.
You blame it all on him. How good must she be at keeping secrets? She's pretty good.
I'm surprised.

Speaker 1 We're all surprised they didn't kill her, right? Yeah. They like barely arrested her.
Wasn't she not in jail for

Speaker 1 a cabin in New Hampshire?

Speaker 1 They found her in a cabin there.

Speaker 1 She was like an episode of a fucking CBS drama. She was hiding in a cabin in the woods.
She was on prison break. Is she still there? No, no, she's in jail.
Oh, she is in jail.

Speaker 1 She's in a jail where you get to do yoga, you finger yourself, you watch TV. Yeah, it's like it's like a fruity jail, like a

Speaker 1 an easy jail. I wish she'd start a podcast.
How great would that be? That would be great. I would listen.

Speaker 1 Tales of the Island. Yeah, Giselle Maxwell or whatever.
I'll put that on Gas Digital. Yeah.

Speaker 1 How have they not killed her? How have they not?

Speaker 1 She's in prison until July 17th, 2037. Oh, that's when they're going to kill her.
Low security

Speaker 1 prison in Tallahassee. Low security.

Speaker 1 Tallahassee. That's nice.
It's not bad.

Speaker 1 Drop a rocket ship down in the middle of the prison yard and escape with her. She's going to feed her out.

Speaker 1 The guards won't be able to do shit. She's putting a force field around a rocket.
Pull up her news. These cuts are ridiculous.
About as good as Demi Moore. Disgusting.
What? Demi Moore.

Speaker 1 She's that one. She kept it together.
Late. How old is she? Demi Moore is on all kinds of creamachrome and

Speaker 1 creamachrome or whatever it is.

Speaker 1 Harvesting. Do you guys get questions about Hollywood parties, though? I have to tell people, like,

Speaker 1 I don't even know anybody

Speaker 1 who was not invited to those. Yeah, right.
There's levels of Hollywood. It's not all of us in.
Yeah, it's Matt Rife and those guys. He ain't invited.
He's not even invited. No, it's high

Speaker 1 levels. I got roped into going one-to-one night with Chappelle.

Speaker 1 The only time I've ever been to like a real well, it was in, we were at the comedy store, and Dave was like, come on, Joe, I got to go to this party. How you going to say no?

Speaker 1 And I was like, all right, let's go. So we drove my Porsche up into the Hollywood.
It was like I was seen in a movie. Like two comedians having fun, leaving the comedy store, driving up to the movie.

Speaker 1 We're going to Naomi Campbell's house, whoa, or some guy's house who was having Naomi Campbell's party. And we're on an elevator, like this little outdoor elevator with Demi Moore and some other lady.

Speaker 1 And it's an outdoor elevator, like you're sitting in like a car, like a cart. It's like taking you up the side of the hill.
And as we're going up the side of the hill, we look at this.

Speaker 1 They had a party house. So they had a regular house and a party house.
What? And the party house was so high up the hill that there was like a 50-foot

Speaker 1 gigantic photo of a naked Naomi Campbell. Wow, like one of her modeling poses, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you go up there, and it's like fucking Lenny Kravitz and all these famous people, like just famous everywhere. Yeah, it was weird.

Speaker 1 It was so, and at one point in time, Naomi Campbell, she had a book of all her modeling stuff, and there were so many photographers there.

Speaker 1 At one point, she just starts posing, you know, it's like snapping pictures. So, you're at her party, and all these cameras are going off, and she's posing, and you're just watching it all bizarre.

Speaker 1 And then me and Dave are hanging out, and Dave goes, Man,

Speaker 1 I never want to be that famous. I go, Dave, I go, I got news for you.

Speaker 1 You're the most famous person here. He goes, no.

Speaker 1 I go, yes. Yeah, you're the most famous guy here.
And the most talented. And we were just, we were both laughing.
Led Kravitz's pretty talented, too. He had one hit.
Oh,

Speaker 1 he's got some bangers. Dave can

Speaker 1 do a monologue rending on a set.

Speaker 1 He's got Fly Away.

Speaker 1 Fly away. That's a nursery rhyme.
Also, American Woman was a cover. I know, but he's got bangers.
He's good. I mean, he's good, and he's hot.
He's a fucking, I agree.

Speaker 1 Chappelle is more talented, but you know, no need to be disparaging about Mr. Chappelle.
No, no, I'm just saying it's just funny. These comedians show up and

Speaker 1 they can do a couple hours, they got albums, they can do a riffing sesh, you know, crowd work. But she can pose.
What does she got? She can pose. She can pose.
She can pose. She can be powder.

Speaker 1 She can be powdy on command. That takes you a while.
Exactly. We didn't stay long.
Then we left. We went back to the store.
And they were like, wow, that was so weird. He was like, I have shut party.

Speaker 1 I talked to you after that.

Speaker 1 I think it was that one on the phone, and I was like, are they all like rotten? And you're like, yeah, they've gone sour. As a comic, you go to those parties, you feel like a gargoyle.

Speaker 1 You're like, I'm so ugly compared to these

Speaker 1 beautiful people. You can't talk to them regular.
They don't fuck around. No way.

Speaker 1 The thing is, if you go and you talk to a bunch of celebrities, the odds are they're going to be more guarded than even regular liberals.

Speaker 1 Like, you got regular liberals, and then you got celebrity liberals. So, like, they have to be careful of every fucking thing they say.

Speaker 1 If they have a couple of drinks in them and you got your phone out and you start recording them saying something crazy, it could ruin their life. Ruin their life.

Speaker 1 Like, what do you think about these immigrants? Isn't it fucked up? They're not even

Speaker 1 paying for our veterans.

Speaker 1 I fucking, you know, some of them are okay, but most of them are.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Next thing you know, it's over.
Oh, they're cooking over.

Speaker 1 That's like their chef. Yeah, right? Yeah.
It's so funny seeing a celebrity take to Twitter and you're just like, his agents failed him. Ooh, he fucked up.
Well, you get it, though.

Speaker 1 The agent can't watch you 24/7. They want to keep going to these parties.
Yeah, like a Kimmel type. You know, he's got a parties.

Speaker 1 Yeah, those parties suck after a while.

Speaker 1 They suck. They suck.
You're like two, and you go, all right, I get it. No beer pong.
No beer pong ever. No comedians.
If you found a comic, if it was Mark Marin at that party, you'd flock to him.

Speaker 1 Who's grilling?

Speaker 1 I know, I don't like you. Dog to me.
You know, it's like one of those parties. Who's a comedian that's doing better than you that you hate right now? All of us.
Let's talk about it.

Speaker 1 Let's talk about it. Please.
Go public with it.

Speaker 1 But you know, like, if you're, if you're at the airport and you see a comic, you're like, sick. Yeah, like, come on, let's talk about it.

Speaker 1 Even if you don't even like them that much, it's like you like them way better than these regular idiots.

Speaker 1 I was hanging out with Jake Johansson once. I was MCN and he was DC Improv.
He's a clean guy. And we were talking, we were talking about hookers and Tijuana.

Speaker 1 And he goes, listen, that's not my world at all. I'd rather be here with you guys talking about that than with my wife's dumb friends talking about cardboard.
Oh, you just ratted at that point out.

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Speaker 1 That's goldbelly.com, promo code Rogan. You got to fight.
Listen, you're not going to worry about his wife or his wife's dumbfriend.

Speaker 1 I've been sitting here waiting for one. I've been waiting.
You got one at the chamber.

Speaker 1 I got news for you. His wife and their dumb friends are never listening to this podcast.
There's zero chance they're listening to Protect Our Parks. Well, clean comics are always the wildest.

Speaker 1 You see a clean comic at a party? Flock to that motherfucker. Confluent and real.
He's got some stories.

Speaker 1 He's going to go nuts. Coffee party.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Find Jeff John Heffron and get him some out of it.
Oh, man. I mean,

Speaker 1 you ever gotten drunk with Regan? It's wild. I'm not going to say anything.
He's an animal. Regan's an animal.
He just gets drunk. He's not like.
Well, he's a fun guy to tell you.

Speaker 1 He's ever fun to talk to, is what he's saying. He's not saying with hope.
No, I know, but I'm saying that it started with Cosby. It started with fire.

Speaker 1 You're right. You're right.

Speaker 1 He went-upped everybody. You're right.
Well, put. You're right.
Regan's not. He's way worse than Cosby.

Speaker 1 He's a sweetheart of a guy. He came to

Speaker 1 my show in Philly in October, and then he came to the bar with us after. That's so cool.
He was a man. Super, super fucking man.
He is the man.

Speaker 1 DeVito, we're having a sober month, and then he was going to come in Kansas City. He was like, hey, I got an early show.
Can I come hang out? We're going to drink.

Speaker 1 And we're both like, we're drinking, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're true.

Speaker 1 It's a sick move to go to the theater, the arena, there, and then just find out who's at the local club. He did it to me.
Exactly. I'm going to go drink there.
It's awesome. It's awesome.

Speaker 1 It keeps the bar open. And if you find a fun dude who's in town, it's great.
It makes the experience of being in town so much better. And the club is like, yeah, what's the difference?

Speaker 1 Yeah, come on in, sir. I was bombing at the Charlotte Comedy Zone, bombing.
There's 12 people there. I'm headlining.
It was horrible. And I heard one cackle in the back.

Speaker 1 And I was like, well, at least I'm killing with that guy. You know, that whole thing.
And I get off and it's Regan. And he's like, let's go drink.
And we went out all night. You feel so good.
Huge.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's hilarious.
It was like 10 years ago. The late night, midnight shows, those were always death.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Those were always death because people were so hammered by the time they got there and they were half full. But then the club's greedy and they just want to

Speaker 1 come off the back. You don't have to have the third show.
The third show. You're repeating jokes.
You don't remember what the fuck you're talking about.

Speaker 1 Did I say that? You have to have like a very set order if you're going to do two or more shows. There's too many hecks.
Yeah, I did it this last weekend. I was like, like the last show of the set.

Speaker 1 It was just like, no way have I said this. And then you start laughing.
You're like, are you laughing at me? Yes.

Speaker 1 You're laughing at me. Will you tell me? It also looks the exact same, too.
Like, from your perspective, it's just a light in your face.

Speaker 1 You can't really see anyone. Well, the problem is when you're doing long sets, too.
It's like long sets are like a zone you get into. And when you're in the zone,

Speaker 1 you're kind of like, you know, you're kind of like riding it, right? You're kind of like riding the show. Which joke do I feel like right now? None of us have scripts.

Speaker 1 So it's like you're riding with it. You're fucking around.
You're riding with it. And so you forget where you are on the ride because you're on the ride again.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is this the first part of the ride? Have I done that bit yet? Oh my God, I'm so out of order. And it's later

Speaker 1 in the night, so I've been drinking too. So now you add that to the fact.
Now I'm shit-faced. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Time we went back to to the mothership.

Speaker 1 I was hoping you forgot about that. Oh, how could I ever?

Speaker 1 You threw up behind the stage and went to sleep. Yeah.
You went to sleep. You had to sleep a foot away from your own puke.

Speaker 1 The levels you'll allow when you're drunk. It's just like, it's fine.
It's fine. This is a good spot.

Speaker 1 I went to the club the next day and I was like, sorry, I puked. They're like, yeah, we know.
Some guy's holding a mop. I was like, ah, I set up an edible arrangement.

Speaker 1 The edible arrangement was very thoughtful. Thank you.
It was really nice. It was horrible.
Fantastic. Yeah, Yeah, sure.
Somebody could clean that shit up. Yeah.
Well, it's a fun place to work.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a great time. Other than that,

Speaker 1 I found the nook. I found the puke nook.
If you're going to puke anywhere, you want to go in that little weird closet, that little

Speaker 1 yeah, right where everyone has to stand before they go for average show.

Speaker 1 So you used to smell what happens when it goes wrong.

Speaker 1 Have you ever had a puke on stage? No. Never? I had to piss on stage once so bad that I had to get Jay to come back up at Bellhouse.
I was like, by five minutes.

Speaker 1 I was sick on stage one time and I was doing a show and it was coming up and I had to swallow it. Oh, no.
Whoa. Yeah.
I was like, oh, no.

Speaker 1 That's terrible.

Speaker 1 I got lucky. I pulled out of it and I made it, but I was like, this could be so rough.
I might vomit on stage. Because I knew I really should be at home in bed, but I was already out.
What happened?

Speaker 1 While you're listening to your act? I did the set.

Speaker 1 I did the second set, and I was like, oh, my God, I'm going to puke.

Speaker 1 wow. This is bad.
I was doing,

Speaker 1 oh, you know that feeling? Yeah, and you get a little scary. You know that feeling if you're reading in a car? Like, if you're in the backseat of a car and you're reading, you're like, oh, no, oh, no.

Speaker 1 The watery mouth.

Speaker 1 The watery mouth. Yeah, like where it's coming up.
And you're like,

Speaker 1 because

Speaker 1 your body's freaking out. It's like, why is this motherfucker moving when we're still? Yes.
This is crazy.

Speaker 1 If you don't see the outside and see the line of the road and gauge it, that's why people get seasick. Like, why are we moving and we're still? You must be drunk.

Speaker 1 You must have food poisoning. Get rid of whatever the fuck's in you.
Let's get it out now.

Speaker 1 We've all had this shitting on stage where you have a turtle head going, you're really just tightening that rump. I feel like it goes away, though, as soon as you get on stage.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you get a little fight or flight, but every now and then, you're just like, oh, I had a crazy meal. I had oysters in the green room, and you're like, look at oysters.

Speaker 1 When do you order oysters in a green room? What green room out there? I ordered everybody on the menu.

Speaker 1 It's free food.

Speaker 1 It pull up a photo of me doing my Comedy Central

Speaker 1 half-hour

Speaker 1 a while ago, but I have a crazy virus, and I was shitting myself on stage, like gurgling.

Speaker 1 While you were doing the special, my big taping was like the biggest I'd ever done, half-hour special, whatever. Oh, man.
I look so fat. I'm sweaty.
I had a H. pylori.
You get that from eating ass.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you consume feces. First of all, congratulations.
Thank you. It was a fat.
What was his name? Hey! Fat ass!

Speaker 1 He said fat. I was like, I got it to get it in quick.

Speaker 1 It's all about timing. It was John Pinette.
Oh, wow. You do sick.
I'm wearing a ton of makeup, but I'm like bloated. You look like a chubby.

Speaker 1 I was the same weight I am now, but just that. I'm so fat and sick.
And I'm trying to push forward.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So were you sick days before as well? Yeah, but they're like, we're not changing it.
This is when you got to do it.

Speaker 1 Look at the neck, everything. I mean, I look like Ralphie Bay.
You actually look cute. You look like

Speaker 1 a cherubic. Yeah, cherubic.
That's the word. Like, I want to pinch your cheeks.
I don't even know what year ago that is. Hey, have either one of you guys seen a drone? You guys are easy to drink.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I see them all the time.

Speaker 1 Have you seen them? The ones that everybody's complaining about? Yeah, they're all over Jersey. Like, what did you say? They're like the size, they're huge.
They're like as big as a car. Really?

Speaker 1 And they're black with a ton of lights on them. Really? And they just whiz by them.
Big as a car. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow. I did the comedy dojo and Morris Plains, and they're all over there.
Triple E Spot. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And Joey Diaz is there all the time. Yeah, that's where Joey Diaz has been working out.
There you go. Joey Diaz is coming back.

Speaker 1 We're doing Fight Companion for the Sean Strickland Drekis Duplicis fight. When's that? That's in February, February 8th.
And Joey's going to be on Fight Companion. Oh, Chris.
Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Eddie Bravo had to go teach something. He's got something going on.
And Brian Cowell's not going to make it either. What's he teaching? English?

Speaker 1 Jiu-Jitsu, motherfucker. Oh, I thought he was at the community college.
He's one of the best jiu-jitsu coaches on earth. That's so funny.
How dare you? He's got 100 schools.

Speaker 1 Eddie Bravo has 100 jiu-jitsu schools. I'm a 10th Planet White Belt.
Is that right? Eddie Bravo. Eddie Bravo.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's been running 10th Planet since 2003. How many years?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What color? 21 fucking years.

Speaker 1 That's white.

Speaker 1 I'm not listening to anything anyway.

Speaker 1 What are you going? I bought Ari a year's worth of jiu-jitsu for Christmas. Yeah, went 34 times.
He got pretty good. He swept me once.
Oh,

Speaker 1 Ari legitimately swept me.

Speaker 1 I saw a leg. He caught me slipping.
I got a little too confident.

Speaker 1 You must have destroyed it. No, I was happy.
I did destroy him. He destroyed me.
He was like, good job. You're going to pay for that now, but good job.
I didn't do it extra. I never hurt him.

Speaker 1 I never destroyed you, destroyed you.

Speaker 1 I never really went full ball. Shigeki was the one.
There's this five-foot-two Japanese guy, brown belt at the time. He was good.
And I made a mistake of getting his back.

Speaker 1 And then I went, and he bought me off, and then he tapped me 34 times in 18 minutes.

Speaker 1 Shideki was an animal. Holy shit.
Good guy.

Speaker 1 Super nice guy, but he's an animal. Shideki? Shigeki.

Speaker 1 He's one of those guys. Like, you would never think.
He's like five foot three. You would never think.
You'd be like, no, I'll fuck this guy up. I'm going to throw this guy.

Speaker 1 Battle for my life with that guy.

Speaker 1 We would cold and chicken. We would battle to the death.
It was for my life. Like, he was dangerous.
Chinese? He was dangerous.

Speaker 1 Japanese. Japanese.

Speaker 1 He'd catch you in arm bars and transition to a leg lock. He'd be fighting off a choke and, like, woo.

Speaker 1 You get out of that roll. You're like, thank you.

Speaker 1 That was good.

Speaker 1 That was good. That was good.
Damn. There's a few of those guys that he had.
Eddie probably had some assassins there, but Ari got pretty fucking good.

Speaker 1 He got good where he was tapping people. But when you swept me that one time, I was like, this motherfucker.
I'm wacky. I got to go to the house.
And you couldn't tell me.

Speaker 1 He caught me slipping and he exploded. He exploded with a butterfly sweep.
And

Speaker 1 he snatched an overhook and went right into butterfly sweep.

Speaker 1 I was going over. I was like, this motherfucker got me.
And he just makes it. He puts it in your head where you're not even thinking about it.
You just go. Yeah.
I got Shane. I got Shane for a second.

Speaker 1 I tapped you once. What, when? Out there? No chance.
100%. So you don't think Ari would tap you? Ari would be 100%.
On the triangle. What? I went.
I got you. I did.
We could go to the back.

Speaker 1 We had to start.

Speaker 1 I got you with your triangle. Yeah, we had to start with you on my back, sitting down.
You're 700 pounds. I know you're going to get you.
I got you with your triangle.

Speaker 1 If you guys rolled, Ari would get you. You did tap.
Big pun. He'll get you.
I got you twice. You would eventually get tired and he would catch in something you wouldn't know what it was.

Speaker 1 He was more tired than I was. I was for sure.
Well, he's definitely tired.

Speaker 1 He's old. But if he just lies there and takes his time.
Wait, you're saying I did not tap you twice with an arm triangle? With an arm triangle? Yeah. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Remember this position? Remember going like this?

Speaker 1 Is that where we started with my arm like that? First and second time. No,

Speaker 1 no, no. You were hammered.
Hold on. Every single time we had to start with him on my back.
You made us start with him literally arms around me.

Speaker 1 I made him start with

Speaker 1 over, under, from the back. That's what it was.
Over, like, like an Eddie Bravo tournament. The Eddie Bravo Invitational, when it goes in overtime, you have two positions you can start from.

Speaker 1 You can start from the back, or you can start from spider web. It's an even position.
Yeah, no. It's even? No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 Highly disadvantageous. I think I turned around and started punching you for real.
Oh, yeah, because you were doing MMA. And then everyone was like, stop.
You're like Lewis.

Speaker 1 You're like, change from jiu-jitsu to MMA because you want to. Well, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 You'll be rolling with Lewis. Let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 When Ari was training, he would have got you. Back when he was trying to punch, he would have fucked you up.
No, you're not allowed to punch. Oh, well, I don't know any of the moves.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's the thing.
I mean, I could lay on him and hold his arms down. And you did.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 for a little while. You got me more than I did.
You will stop before I stop on that. I'll gas.
That's interesting. Yeah.
One of my early tournaments that you're going to be doing.

Speaker 1 I would like you guys to be fully. We did this.
We did. I know, I know, but we should start.
And I was killing him. But we should start from not filming a position.

Speaker 1 Slap hands. No, just for packaging.
crackle. I'll kill him on that.

Speaker 1 What are we talking about? Why are you guys saying this to me? Did you tap you twice?

Speaker 1 Did you get you riled up? Did you tap twice? Yes,

Speaker 1 and then I tried to do it. What do you mean that? You fucking mad.

Speaker 1 And then I tried to do it the third time. You already knew it.
Had you ever done jiu-jitsu at all

Speaker 1 before that one day? Nothing? No. Not fucking around with your friends, rolling around, trying to choke each other? You knew football.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I was just.

Speaker 1 Hold on a second. Why are you guys pretending that something happened? He got you kidding.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, you knew it. No, no, no.
I was there. No, no, no.
It's taping. No, no, no.
It's tapening.

Speaker 1 Nothing, no one, it's not a real tap. It's a tap from an advantageous position.
It's like, it's not the same thing. It literally started with his arm around my neck.
Yeah, yeah. I was just

Speaker 1 going to say that. He transitioned to that.
He transitioned to that very quickly. I knew you weren't looking for it.
He didn't know what it was.

Speaker 1 It was unfortunate. It was my one move I could do.
Okay. Stay off.
All right, whatever. He's cracking up another butt line.
Let's see what happens.

Speaker 1 We can do this. As soon as we're done, I'll fuck you up.

Speaker 1 It doesn't change the fact that it happened. Let's do it on Kill Tony.
You guys go at it. Wow.
That could be fun. Tense.
This is intense. We can do this.

Speaker 1 Bro, I want people.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 that was slow on Telegraph.

Speaker 1 You ever think about getting back to it, Ari? I think about it, but. It gets gasped.
Bristol. You're people.
Yeah, but if you just get yourself in a little bit of shape before you do it.

Speaker 1 Got to get on a treadmill. That's a bigger thing.
Well, start doing.

Speaker 1 Just got to walk to my car once. Well, you got in really good shape when we were doing Sober October.

Speaker 1 You got ripped. You got your six back.
Got to have a reason. You are lean now.
Yeah. Ari had to have a competitive.
I liked when you were gaining weight. I liked Fat Ari.

Speaker 1 Fat Ari was bad. Chelvy Ari was nice.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Ari did it with Will, too. Noah's Empic.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 it is a cheat code now. A lot of people are thin.
Let's come at it. Long line of Holocaust survivors.

Speaker 1 Legitimate.

Speaker 1 His fucking dad.

Speaker 1 His dad's a legit Holocaust survivor. His dad's got two.
He's into me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is your dad going to do the podcast? He could. Talk about it.
We talked about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We kind of went away with COVID and stuff. Yeah.
Would you approve of that?

Speaker 1 That was going to be embarrassing.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 It's never going to happen. Third Reich.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 I'm stuck on this. Oh, my God.
I'm out of brand with you. Mentally, I'm stuck on this.
This is awesome. This is awesome.
I'm just now. I'm like, how far can he go? He could never stop.

Speaker 1 See, when will surprise us.

Speaker 1 I mean, the third Reich was great.

Speaker 1 That's pretty good. That's Reich is great.

Speaker 1 That's Reich.

Speaker 1 Reich's peak. Great coffee.
That's Reich. Six million beans.

Speaker 1 I was watching. I don't know if I was.
Jamie, have I played it before these Scottish guys with Tourette's on here? Oh, that's great. It's like my favorite fucking episode.
What up? I was watching it.

Speaker 1 This is just a fun thing. You ever see Purple Virgo Alarm? That's all right.
I like people with mental diseases and speaking in different tongues. I was watching it.

Speaker 1 First off, Scottish is the funniest possible accent

Speaker 1 there's a documentary I think it was National Geographic a long time ago and I watched it when it came out y'all these guys rule hold on this isn't this isn't it

Speaker 1 they all dress like you yeah I know I went over there I was like these are my people I am Scottish and Irish obviously hold on we'll find one oh no different different one this is these are the guys though

Speaker 1 you're Irish though right yeah are they gonna yell out is that ones they there's three dudes hold on Jamie Find the one where three dudes link up and go on a.

Speaker 1 Is this like a long documentary and is like a section of the documentary you should?

Speaker 1 No, the whole thing's hilarious. It's just a different video.
Oh. Oh, okay.
Yeah, if you type in Scottish Tourette's, but.

Speaker 1 I did that in a documentary.

Speaker 1 Find a link on your phone and send it to us. Jamie, let me see it.
I mean, obviously the highlights.

Speaker 1 I swear I can't help it.

Speaker 1 Hold on.

Speaker 1 Go to YouTube. Go to that one.
Four minutes. I swear I can't help it.
Funny. No, hold on.
Funny highlights? Well, those are also hilarious. Okay, let me hear this.

Speaker 1 Here's something. Let me hear something of it.

Speaker 1 I'm trying my best to hold it in. Hold it in.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Work is a 10-minute walk away from his home.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 It's never nice shit, though, yellow.

Speaker 1 Some kind of harmony. Hold on, there's a connection somewhere.
There's one part, though, because the whole point of it is these three guys link up that have it severely. Right.

Speaker 1 And they're like, we're going to go, we're going to start a commune, or not a commune, we're going to find a place where we can chill out in the wilderness.

Speaker 1 They go to a lake, scream at each other, and all they do is they play a game with her trying to hit each other in the knots with a ball.

Speaker 1 So funny. We're having pub quizzes and stuff at the center.
Something like playing Sheradz.

Speaker 1 Sharads. Let me hear a little bit of talking about it.

Speaker 1 Let me hear a little bit of them talking. I want to figure out.
I'm never ever the person that stands up and has to act out what film it is or whatever because I kind of keep it to myself.

Speaker 1 I'll stand up and I'll say, Jaws! And I'll go, right? That's my turn.

Speaker 1 I didn't get a word of that. He said, I can't do charades because I'll just go up there and say the answer.
He goes,

Speaker 1 What movies? And he goes up and goes, Jaws!

Speaker 1 Gonna crash!

Speaker 1 What? We're gonna crash!

Speaker 1 Border between England and Ireland.

Speaker 1 The border between England and Ireland.

Speaker 1 Wow. All right.

Speaker 1 Holiday. Type in holiday.
I'm a chicken. Bam.
Bam. I'm a chicken.
These three fucking rule this.

Speaker 1 Hold on. His ticking around the kids is hilarious.

Speaker 1 That's dangerous. I'm thinking.
There's no flies there. National Geographic.

Speaker 1 It's funny that they swear. Hold on, Jamie.
This is the best part of the whole thing.

Speaker 1 Right here. He taps him on the head.
What?

Speaker 1 That's so good. That's good stuff.

Speaker 1 It's probably cool that they get to hang out together, though, right? So they don't care. No, that's not clear.
That's like the only time they could beat it. They're not going to be.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they should have a podcast. They should.
That would be hilarious. Try to hit each other in the nuts with a ball.
No defending?

Speaker 1 From behind. That's a weird choice.
They don't have a ball.

Speaker 1 But they're playing like a really serious, sad music moment.

Speaker 1 Cut to what they're doing. Get them.

Speaker 1 I thought you guys might enjoy these guys. These guys rule.

Speaker 1 Couldn't find the right clip. They killed it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's pretty good.

Speaker 1 I stepped on it. That's nice.

Speaker 1 That's Kaika. That's Kaik.

Speaker 1 That's the last one.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. I can't believe you guys said Ari fucking tapped.
That's so crazy. Twice.
Twice. Norman, I'm certain you don't remember.
He was exactly what you guys are talking about.

Speaker 1 I didn't know if I was here. I remember you jumped on everybody.
You jumped on the whole pile of people. Norman didn't.
No, that was when you were killing Norman. You were killing him with an arm bar.

Speaker 1 Then I jumped on to try to help, but I think I held on and made it way too long.

Speaker 1 Shi-jitsu's gay. Fuck you, pussy.

Speaker 1 I got a photo. That's all.
I loved my shoulder up.

Speaker 1 Well, you wanted to play football. You were trying to.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I thought I was doing good with the

Speaker 1 pushing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but the problem with that is like, I want you to push me. Yeah.
You just pulled me. Yeah.
I'm like, good. I arm-dragged you.
I'm like, this is fun.

Speaker 1 It was fun. I had a good time.
It was pretty ridiculous. Until I punched Ari.
That was. We got all scratched up.
Everybody got their knees all scuffed up and their elbows all fucked up. On a carpet.

Speaker 1 Carpet roll. Yeah, see why we have mats here.
We just were too drunk to get to the mats. 25 beers.

Speaker 1 We punched Ari in the lobby. We were too drunk to make it to the mats.

Speaker 1 The best part, though, is you guys are going at it like crazy, and Carl is just like,

Speaker 1 that's literally like pretending to drive a car when there's a car right next to you. Right.
We were like, nah, we can't make it into the mat.

Speaker 1 It's like 20 steps away. Yeah.
That's too far. When you fuck a girl in the bathroom, the bed's right there, but you couldn't hold it.
Yeah, but that's fun. Something exciting.

Speaker 1 Let's see what the sink can do. Yeah, let that thing sink and hold you up.

Speaker 1 But if it doesn't, that's a real problem.

Speaker 1 If the sink breaks, I've had a few people. That's why I never get up there.

Speaker 1 When a girl takes me to the bathroom, I never jump on the sink. I've pissed in the sink at least a thousand times in my life.
Oh, yeah. How many times have you pissed in the sink? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 More often. Yeah, I've pissed in the sink.
There's a lot of people who don't like that. They don't need to.
You run the water. I like it.
They don't need to run it. I like it.

Speaker 1 I piss in the shower every time I get in the shower. Same.
Of course.

Speaker 1 Every time. I went to, oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Every time. I got my house in Philly.
No, every time. But I went to Wells Fargo for you.
We went to the guy's 676ers locker room. All the urinals start up here.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. Oh, that giant guy? Yeah, and then John's doctor comes for a visit.
He's like, what the fuck, man?

Speaker 1 He's white.

Speaker 1 I think I might be one of those Scottish guys. He's at the reds.
He's white. Groundskeeper core.
The best thing about pissing in the shower is when you don't even acknowledge that you're pissing.

Speaker 1 Like, you're just washing yourself and peeing at the same time. You let it fly.

Speaker 1 God, it feels good.

Speaker 1 Like our ancestors used to do. They used to just pee.
They didn't hold it in.

Speaker 1 Why would they hold it in? But even a dog like Ben's in the shower, you're just like, yeah, letting it fly.

Speaker 1 Peeing in your own backyard feels good. You feel like an American.
I pee in my own backyard. Whenever I take my dog out to pee, I pee.
Oh, that's nice. I pee all the time.
That's nice.

Speaker 1 You got it. He's designed.
Fuck. It still counts.
You only had like a half a second delay. It's like the five-second rule where you drop food.

Speaker 1 Oh, that five-second rule really helps. I know you're hungry.
I can just think about all the ass that Norman's eating and think about how ridiculous it would be to not eat food off the ground.

Speaker 1 Facts. Yeah, you got to do it.
You got to eat fucking leftovers at restaurants. I ate yours when you went to the bathroom.
Why not? Had breakfast.

Speaker 1 Norman just would see like at the cellar, stuff coming back, and he goes, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1 Give me that.

Speaker 1 This has never not worked for me. You go up to a table that's been sitting there for a while at a restaurant, you go, you want me to clear this out of the way? And they go, oh, please.

Speaker 1 And you just take their wings. Wow.
It's never not worked. Because you just eat their wings? Of course.
Wings. But then they find out that you're not working there.

Speaker 1 It doesn't matter. They want it out of the way.
They probably watch. That guy just took our wings.
He's eating them. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They've never questioned it. They just run away.
That's so weird. How many times have you done that? Oh, geez, a dozen.
Norman is the biggest joy.

Speaker 1 That's so crazy.

Speaker 1 Is it because you don't want the food to go to waste or you're hungry? Both. Well, I mean,

Speaker 1 I had no money back then. But now it's just a rush.
But now you just do it for the goofs. And I had no food in my house as a kid, and I think it fucked me up.
Also, it's right there. It's right there.

Speaker 1 When we were at Bonnaroo and he went, Norman went off to hang out, have some fun somewhere, and then came back. There was a staff party, crawfish boil.
Come back three hours later.

Speaker 1 It was like, ah, what a crazy night. Look at all these

Speaker 1 on these heads just sucking out. Sucking the heads.
It's like Lily Phillips. Sucking the heads is delicious.
Oh, yeah. You got to suck the heads.
You got to do it. It's all the flavor.
Prawns, too.

Speaker 1 You get like a big, juicy prawn. And you cook them in garlic and you suck the heads.
You've gone from shrimp to prawn. You're going to lead us.
No.

Speaker 1 Shrimp's great too, but prawns are different animals. What's the difference? They're longer.
It's weirder looking. They're kind of cool.

Speaker 1 Prawns, they have like a long shelly head

Speaker 1 on that head whatever those things are

Speaker 1 suck on that head and get that brain juice

Speaker 1 or guts and brain juice it was the same thing

Speaker 1 i sucked i did the same thing you know when you have uh peeled shrimp when you have to peel it yeah i don't peel it you just eat it

Speaker 1 damn

Speaker 1 peanuts so you eat ass

Speaker 1 who doesn't who doesn't eat ass at this point I grew up in a time where nobody ate ass. That's because back in my day, nobody shaved.

Speaker 1 It was chaos. Harry Butler's porn, that's porn's biggest victory.
Porn's biggest victory over culture is shaving a pubic hair. Here, here.

Speaker 1 I used to do a joke about it where if aliens came and they were studying the development of the human race, they'd be like, what happened to the pubic hair? Like, what happened? There's no documented

Speaker 1 direction. Nobody told people to do it.
It's not a public health concern. Nobody issued some sort of a statement that you should start shaving your pubes.

Speaker 1 But everybody, when they started seeing porn, they all started shaving their pubes. Great.
Also, kind of taught them how to give head, too. Yes, they're getting a little rowdy with the head.

Speaker 1 It's ladies due to porn. When they get a little rowdy and they start gagging,

Speaker 1 because of porn, now every girl does that.

Speaker 1 Hey, hey, hey. I've used porn to watch how to eat out, maybe get some tips.

Speaker 1 They're exaggerating. I was talking to our friend Whitney Cummings, explaining.
I never get that reaction. She didn't know.

Speaker 1 She was the one, the gagging conversation. She was saying that she went down to this guy.
She started gagging. He was like, stop, stop.
What are you doing? Yeah. She was like, good for you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's overkill. It's overkill.
I'm just showing you enthusiastic. I did a joke in my special about that.
Oh. I've had girls get like, yeah.
And I'd be like,

Speaker 1 don't. Oh, yeah.
You're right.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Fucking right. Isn't it because they think that you want that? Is that no? I think it's porn.
I think it's porn 12. Right, right.

Speaker 1 When girls give ahead now, they're like, but isn't it weird? It's because, like, it started out just people having sex.

Speaker 1 And then once people saw people having sex, they're like, let's kick this up a notch. Yes.

Speaker 1 I don't like that part. Yeah, why don't you tie each other up? Why don't you do this? Why don't you do that? You remember that one guy that got arrested? He actually went to jail.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 He went to jail for,

Speaker 1 there was something about the way that they tried him in Florida. He was famous for like horrible stuff.
Like he would open up girls' buttholes and pee in them.

Speaker 1 Yes. Oh,

Speaker 1 Rocco Sophreti? No, no, no, no, no. He was an American guy.
He had a cowboy hat. I know you're sorry.
He had a very disgusting style of porn.

Speaker 1 It was the idea of like these things keep accelerating, getting more and more deviant because people get bored. Max Harcourt is hardcore.

Speaker 1 So that guy wind up, because they tried him in Florida. He's horny ass new.

Speaker 1 Shady's like, my son's all gone.

Speaker 1 That was back when.

Speaker 1 That was back when.

Speaker 1 This typical Buckeye. Typical horny ass championship week.

Speaker 1 His championship week. You guys are ready to each other's throats.

Speaker 1 He fucks a Buckeye.

Speaker 1 Shannon's ready.

Speaker 1 Cuckey. Oh, you can't hear it.

Speaker 1 You can't let him do that. You guys have to bet.
You have to win your money back that he stole from you at the blackjack. He stole from me.

Speaker 1 Whoa. What did I say?

Speaker 1 The money he stole from you. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 You have to pull this. Oh, wait.

Speaker 1 Jamo, pull it up, dude. That's your job.
You have to pull it up.

Speaker 1 Jamie, pull up. Pull it up.
I can't find it. Jamie, you've got some money.
Jamie got some money from Shane.

Speaker 1 Jamie borrowed money from Shane and didn't give him a cut. Didn't give me a cut.
Oh, really? What do you got to give him a cut of the winnings?

Speaker 1 You got to give him a gapper. Don't you know what what a gapper is, son? I know a gaper.

Speaker 1 You mistake somebody. No, a gapper.
Like, so let's say if

Speaker 1 you and Shane are playing pool and you're gambling and you don't have any money, you say, can you give me $100?

Speaker 1 Yeah, of course. I give you $100.
You win $300 off of Shane. You throw me $50.
You throw me a gapper. You give me a money.
Give me a little bit. Just give me a piece.
Give me a piece of the action.

Speaker 1 That's right. Because you were going to have to pay me $100 back anyway.
So it was like, you know, I gave you the $100 so you can get an action.

Speaker 1 So even though you really really technically only owe me $100, if you want this to keep happening in the future,

Speaker 1 you throw me a gapper.

Speaker 1 So you throw him 50 bucks. I do.
I like it. I do have an important question.

Speaker 1 An important question for the podcast. Jamie,

Speaker 1 who's the Epstein pedophile that paid for Ohio State's roster this year?

Speaker 1 This is information I mentioned to you before, so I don't know that that's even true. Whoa!

Speaker 1 Jamie always takes the establishment position.

Speaker 1 Who's the Epstein?

Speaker 1 Who's the Epstein guy? Do you want to talk about the Catholic Church? Lexner? Whoa!

Speaker 1 Lex Wexner? Jamie.

Speaker 1 That's his name. Now, Lex Wexner, what did he do and why does he pay for your entire roster? And most of your campuses? He donates a lot of money to Ohio State.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what did he do, though, that's suspect? He's a big businessman. I don't know what he did specifically.
Did he do anything weird?

Speaker 1 No, Jamie has

Speaker 1 to make. No, I mean, just insinuations.
I have no idea what he did. I don't know either.

Speaker 1 Do you want to go on Reddit?

Speaker 1 Just Google him.

Speaker 1 Jeffrey Epstein worked for him. Jeffrey Epstein worked for the guy who paid for your roster? Oh, boy.

Speaker 1 Interesting.

Speaker 1 You're going to get a head coach spazzing on you again. Well,

Speaker 1 oh, boy.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Ryan Day can spazz all he wants.
At least Sabin is the goat.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Ryan Day, born on third, thinks he had a triple, can talk all the shit he wants.

Speaker 1 Born on third. Wow.

Speaker 1 Third right? Wow. Oh, you missed it.
Yes. We got it.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 No, but if we do bet, we're definitely using the spread. What's the spread? We're not going money money line on this.
Why is that? Ohio State's favorite by 10. Yeah, but you can't do that.

Speaker 1 Are you afraid? You already think you're going to lose? No, you can't ask for a spread. Well, if we go money line, I'm getting the

Speaker 1 spread. What? Shane would be happy if Notre Dame loses by 9.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You won't bet 50-50?

Speaker 1 Probably not on this one. Because you're okay.
I'll only bet with the real estate. Do you know how many Notre Dame fans are so upset with you right now?

Speaker 1 I'll only bet with real fans like Tony Henchcliffe. Wow.

Speaker 1 The true Buckeye fans.

Speaker 1 Ouch. We're in Texas gear at the Texas Ohio State game.

Speaker 1 This is outrageous. This is getting crazy.
Where is this game taking place? Pull that up. It's Atlanta on Monday.
Pull that up.

Speaker 1 Are you guys going? Hotland. I'm definitely going, yeah.
Jesus Christ. That'll be fun.
I'm able to go. Bring my father.
Tony's gone. Big Phil.

Speaker 1 Phil made it to week one, and then he had a heart attack week two against Northern Illinois that put him in the grave. Is he all right? He's back.
They rebounded.

Speaker 1 He's been training consistently to get to this game.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 Soter Dame. See, I get plus 280.
Well, I have a favorite thing. See you on the money line.
Fighters.

Speaker 1 The money line's ridiculous. If you guys are men, you gamble.
Wow. Whoa! Put the money line on you.
If you bet $100, he bets $100. Oh, yeah, deal.
J-Mo, you're broke. How much are you $3,

Speaker 1 though? I thought it was my house. What are we thinking? What are we thinking to go to? $100 for $3.00 is great.
He thought it was going to be an amount of money that mattered to him.

Speaker 1 How much did you do $100? That's $100 a bar. That Gucci shirt.
Yeah, do $100. Whoa, what is he getting on your shirt?

Speaker 1 The shirt you took the picture with Trump. You're broke shit on my shirt.
Bro, that shirt.

Speaker 1 That photo with you. I sent you guys that the other day.
That shirt is nice. That shirt is nice.

Speaker 1 You bought that shirt just to go to the fights. Yeah.
The Gucci

Speaker 1 Versace. Versace.
Versace. Versace.
Versace.

Speaker 1 Do you know that? Do you have that shirt, Jamie? We need the photo of that shirt. I don't know, but he does have a ponytail.

Speaker 1 Yeah, J-Mo's clinging to that air. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Jamie, I sent you the

Speaker 1 Leonardo DiCaprio meme, too.

Speaker 1 Please, I haven't seen that one.

Speaker 1 This is the one that you get banned.

Speaker 1 All right. You get banned from fucking Twitter for this one or from Facebook.
Shane's blurry.

Speaker 1 He's been drinking. It's fucking blurry.

Speaker 1 Trump's pretty good. Look at that.
Yeah, Trump's a big shit. Trump's all his shit.
And he's old, so he probably used to be taller. That's true.
Facts.

Speaker 1 Well, Baron's like 8'9.

Speaker 1 Baron's a giant. Barron.

Speaker 1 He's a fucking giant. He's huge.
He's the one who told him to come on here. Yeah.
Well, and Dana White. And he's probably not done drugs.
Dana White's the guy who got him on here. Legitimately.

Speaker 1 Did you hear a loved one take the vaccine? Maybe it's. I don't know.

Speaker 1 And they took this down? That's not even fake news. That's an in-the-future idea.
It's a clearly a giant.

Speaker 1 Isn't it crazy, though?

Speaker 1 They took that down. Kooky times.
Well, they didn't take it down. I should say the government told Facebook to take it down.
It was one of the things that Zuckerberg talked about.

Speaker 1 He's like, what the fuck? We're not going to take down humorous memes. This is crazy.
And that's when they started bringing him to court. And it got

Speaker 1 they had to like, remember,

Speaker 1 and he was drinking water like a lizard? Yeah. Which I'll give him credit for that because he's freaking out.
The amount of fucking photographers in front of him, you ever see that? Not just that.

Speaker 1 Like, he's freaking out. Like, you're literally talking to the government who are thinking about shutting you down.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then that one guy was like, are you worried about the weight of all the data sinking an island? Jesus. Whoa.

Speaker 1 What? He goes, yeah, all the way something? Megabytes. Oh, my God.
Yeah, right. And he was like, no, I'm not worried about that.
How about dudes were asking him?

Speaker 1 Why am I talking to this guy, boomers? Who state do you run? Weren't dudes asking him like Google questions? Yeah. He runs Facebook.

Speaker 1 The whole thing was so unlike, they were unprepared.

Speaker 1 Right. A few of them.
But that's the thing about being a congressperson. Like, how many of them are there?

Speaker 1 Like, I don't care. I just care about logging.
How many congress people are there? I have no idea. 435.
AOC. How many, Jamie? 435.
435 congress people. That's a lot.

Speaker 1 Have you seen that one wacky lady with the crazy glasses from Connecticut? Is that what she's from with the blue hair? Taylor Green. Where was that lady where people were like bringing her up?

Speaker 1 Because she was, God, I forget what the ridiculous argument she was making about was, and everyone was like, who is this crazy lady? Mission. Nutty equity argument.
But with these bananas glasses on.

Speaker 1 Like a character. Who's the hot lady battling the trans in there?

Speaker 1 Nancy Mates. She is kind of hot.
She's kind of hot. Yeah, I'm in battles.
She's battling the trans. Well, like, she's literally gladiators with those big fucking Q-tips.

Speaker 1 She's like, we're done with trans payments. Well, there was a first, the thing is, there was a first openly trans congress person, and she was saying that person's not going into the women's room.

Speaker 1 Oh. Oh, right.
Yeah. And then the trans, and then the, am I remembering this right? Then the trans lady was like, I just won't.
And everyone's like, how dare you? That's the crazy lady.

Speaker 1 Look at that lady. Look at that lady.
Well, that's hilarious. Look at that lady.
She sits sexy on a plane.

Speaker 1 She looks like a macaw. You got to listen to some of the things that she argues.
Some of the things she argues is hilarious. Wow.
She's like fully, fully woke. Like with her purple hair.

Speaker 1 She's like deep, deep in the trance. Like an art teacher.
She probably put a mask on the moment she was done. I'm amazing she doesn't have a mask on when she's up there.

Speaker 1 I see people with masks on every day. Yeah.
Still in Tejas? 100%.

Speaker 1 Every day. Every day.

Speaker 1 I see him every day.

Speaker 1 I said playing groups. You said that.
That's so fucking killing me. Which guy? There's an account of this kid that's like, we need to be wearing

Speaker 1 masks. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Don't even talk about that guy. a kid.
He'll tell us. That guy seems really nutty.

Speaker 1 He's had five years of remembering to mask up. Really nutty.
Yikes. Yeah.
Well,

Speaker 1 I mean, there's a lot of people like that that they cracked. They cracked.
See the video of the guy driving over a Trump sign? Then he got the flat tire? Yeah, because they put like

Speaker 1 the nails on it. You see the video of the guy who wired his Trump sign with electricity.

Speaker 1 So when they run up, they grab it and they get zapped. Fuck! That's genius.
The guy who ran over it was like, I fucking hate this man. The wife's like, why'd you run over it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he he blamed it on that guy.

Speaker 1 People are so nutty. They suck.

Speaker 1 I saw a video of this lady. She hit and run this other lady, and she's running away.
And the lady catches up to her, and she's filming her, and she's screaming, don't you have a fucking heart?

Speaker 1 I'm broke. And she starts screaming and like pulling her fucking shit out of her glove box.
It's all chaos.

Speaker 1 You fucking bitch. You fucking have no fucking heart.
Like, whoa. Yikes.
Some people are just cracked. Yeah, people are.
And Trump being president, like, ultra ultra-cracked them.

Speaker 1 Oh, because they were told that this is going to be the end of all their freedoms. They're going to get locked up.
No one's going to be trans. They're going to throw gay people off the roof.

Speaker 1 Shane's got the glasses on. I saw Norman.
Norman went for it. Let's do it.
I told him I saw it at three.

Speaker 1 People would get crazy. I was at a bar with DeRosa last night, Matt Edgar.
What do I see on top of the shelf behind the bar? DeRosa's like, let's do shots. I'm not doing shots.
DeReosa. I love shots.

Speaker 1 Love shots. Loves ruining.
And he loves talking you into it. And I was like, I will, though, have a beer the right way.
And I looked up behind the thing no way this fucking thing is up there

Speaker 1 get me that funnel and the bartender goes what funnel and i'm like that american flag that american eagle wash it out bring it give me that he didn't

Speaker 1 he didn't let you funnel no he didn't wash it out you don't want to wash that he brought it over

Speaker 1 and it's out there eating ass yeah you can watch that show how'd you know that the bartender's like how'd you know that and i'm like i just know things bro I put that on the map. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you better believe it. I am that eagle.
I'd love to see what the sales did with this show on that day. Oh, it probably probably went through the roof.
At Freedom Funnel. Big Spike.

Speaker 1 It had to go through the cancel. That spike.

Speaker 1 That spike. Do you know how many fucking smelling salts?

Speaker 1 I thought we were going to talk about the COVID.

Speaker 1 You see that spike buddy? I had spike in my ass. I like him.

Speaker 1 This show has been a giant boon to the smelling salts market. That's true.
The smelling salts market has gone through the fucking roof. Yes.

Speaker 1 Samuel Boone. It barely was around.
Nobody cared. Nobody cared.
Now kids are doing it when they work out. You see those videos? Some kid can't lift the bar and they put this and he's like,

Speaker 1 wow.

Speaker 1 It works. It works.
You see those videos where they're giving them to

Speaker 1 just strangers? No. They go to like Walmart and they're like, here, try this.
And then people are like, is that fentanyl? What the fuck did you just give me?

Speaker 1 It's kind of sad, actually. Did you guys want some? No.
I'm okay. No.

Speaker 1 If Joe wants it, that'd be fun. I'd like to do it from the far away.

Speaker 1 You get the kit. This is a strong one, too.
This is a strong. Oh, this is strong.
I can smell it from here. Oh, my God.
Good lord.

Speaker 1 What are they? It's like my ex. What do they smell like, though? I'm getting smart.
Let's go. Jesus, this is strong.
Ready? Here we go.

Speaker 1 God,

Speaker 1 birds.

Speaker 1 Bernie Samson.

Speaker 1 Hey, by the way, how about these parks in LA? We're protecting them, huh? Yeah. They're on fire.
We're here to help.

Speaker 1 We have protected them.

Speaker 1 I think we protected them. Got a whiff from here.
Get in there, Norman.

Speaker 1 Get a big whiff.

Speaker 1 Come on, man.

Speaker 1 Keep spleening in.

Speaker 1 It hurts.

Speaker 1 Oh, that stings.

Speaker 1 I don't know what you guys enjoy about it. Give it to Shane.
Paul.

Speaker 1 Give it to Shane. Give it to Shane.
He's going in. He's going in.
Take it. Get in there, son.
Oh, this is going to be good. Let's go.
That hurts. So bad.
Burn it there. Nose gears.
Goggles.

Speaker 1 Golly almighty. Get in there like a man.
Like a man.

Speaker 1 Hold on. I got a little there.
Yeah, yeah. I can get a big one.
Theo took a hoff the other day. Dabble, do you?

Speaker 1 There you go. You barely got any.

Speaker 1 Fuck you, Jog. jogging.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 All right, get that beak in there. You can see my eyes.
You know, you got it.

Speaker 1 I can tell that one, you got it. Get in there, Ari.
Get that schnauz to working. Yeah.
Is this dangerous at all? It's kosher.

Speaker 1 Look that nose. It's kosher.
I checked that guy.

Speaker 1 It's kosher. That guy on that video said it's kosher because I threw it in the ocean.

Speaker 1 Remember when we could just do blow? Yeah. The old days.

Speaker 1 God damn.

Speaker 1 He got a a big one. Oh, he took it.

Speaker 1 He took it on his head. Oh, Brian Simpson still has the best reaction.
Brian Simpson took his headphones off and ran out of their building. Pull it up.
Oh, it's like sour.

Speaker 1 It's like black people when they laugh or see magic.

Speaker 1 Jesus.

Speaker 1 Or when they're at Walgreens. Or C Magic.
Lock up the deodorant. See Magic's playing a Kiltoni's band.
Oh, man.

Speaker 1 That was fun. That'll wake you up, man.
You get a hangover? Hell cure it. Oh, yeah.
At least we give it to fighters.

Speaker 1 Watch Brian Simpson here. Oh, I can't wait.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 The rest of this episode is going to turn into me some Ellen stuff.

Speaker 1 Bro, this hurts from here.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, Joe. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 It really is.

Speaker 1 Brian has no idea yet. It's the work of the devil.
Here we go. Get the camera on him.

Speaker 1 He didn't even take the headphones off. He just ran away with them on his head.

Speaker 1 That's a great impression.

Speaker 1 Great impression of his dad. It's still burning.
burning.

Speaker 1 Got the fuck out of there.

Speaker 1 Brian's the man. We lost him.
Brian is the man. Brian just did a show with me.
He was in

Speaker 1 Dallas or San Antonio. To this day, that

Speaker 1 WAP Bit is one of the best bits in comedy. It doesn't get the credit deserved.

Speaker 1 It's one of the best fucking bits I've ever heard in my life.

Speaker 1 Such a good bit.

Speaker 1 No, Wet Ass Pussy. Oh, the Wet Ass Pussy song.

Speaker 1 It goes into

Speaker 1 the England Empire.

Speaker 1 It's such a good bit. It's a song.

Speaker 1 I just remember having a song about wet pussy. It's such a well-crafted bit.
It's so good. It's one of those bits where you see it, you go, that's a piece of art right there.
That's a fucking.

Speaker 1 He takes you on a journey through history. He could write.
And then he ends it with a bang. With jokes all the way through.
Oh, so he's such a funny guy. He writes, but

Speaker 1 he effortlessly kills more than anyone I've ever seen in my life. Effortlessly kills.
I think he was high as fuck. We did

Speaker 1 San Antonio's. Think.
No, but I know. I was with my.
fink. Was he on stage? Yeah.
Yeah. So everybody else is like nervous.
And then you look over and you see him and he's high for kite.

Speaker 1 Barely seems to be. He's on stage.
And he's no problem with silence, just talking. Yeah.
Not killing. Like everybody else would get up there and be like, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Right.

Speaker 1 No, he's composed. He's composed.
He's great.

Speaker 1 Such a fun guy, too. Such a good dude to hang out with.
Like, he's one of the best green room hangs. And when you crack on him, he laughs hard.
Yeah. That's the key.

Speaker 1 Like, a a dude who could take a joke. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Some guys are really good at dishing him out. I could take a joke, but Ari did not tap his clothes.

Speaker 1 That was a good film. Just for the record.
I definitely felt that. Oh, and you whimpered.
Oh, I do remember that. You made a noise.

Speaker 1 I remember your little nasty ass jumping in on this flex. I remember you faking you cocksucker.
I got right on top. You tried to save me from Joey Rogies, but there's nothing.
There's nothing we got.

Speaker 1 I didn't even notice I was up there. I was like a chihuahua.
He's a problem, dude. Yeah, you got some real beef on you.
Well, that was a moment where I had to show Shane what the fuck is up.

Speaker 1 Whoa, there was some alpha.

Speaker 1 I got a little crazy with the football stuff. Yeah, but there was no,

Speaker 1 I was 100% aware what was going to happen. There was no part of it.

Speaker 1 Oh, you had a gleam in your eye. I thought you thought you could take him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, for a second, you're like, I got this guy. He's four foot eight.
Hold on a second. Hold on.

Speaker 1 We've had this conversation, I think, every Protecto part. Yeah.
Every time you two have no clue how life works, and I'm like, I think the three of us could take him. Yes.

Speaker 1 I'm the only one every time that says he would literally kill all three of us. I know he would.
I know it's fucking.

Speaker 1 I got him in a chokehold. You got him in a chokehold.
Funsies. It's just funsies.

Speaker 1 Look at the arms. Look at the tips.

Speaker 1 Look at the thighs. Weak ass.

Speaker 1 Compared to a lot of dudes I am.

Speaker 1 That's the thing. There's a lot of dudes I know that can fucking murder me easy.
See, the problem. That's what's uncomfortable about being around the UFC.

Speaker 1 too many murders.

Speaker 1 I know a 135-pound dude that could fucking take your life. What was up with that last fight where the Herb Dean kept calling it, he kept being like, stop, work, work.

Speaker 1 And you're like, the O'Malley fight. Yeah, I don't know what was up with that.
I don't want to get the guy in trouble.

Speaker 1 No, I mean, I think he's getting instruction from someone who's telling him to keep the action moving. When fighters go to the ground and they're not doing anything, keep the action moving.

Speaker 1 I think, I don't think that's Herb's call. I think someone's directing him because one of the things that, and I think, by the way, I always say Herb is the gold standard.
Yes.

Speaker 1 As good a referee as ever existed.

Speaker 1 There's him, there's Mark Goddard. There's a few guys that are like right up there that are like elite of the elite.

Speaker 1 Like you see them refereeing a fight, like they're going to, they're going to handle it. It's going to be perfect.
It's just like, you know, it's a tense job. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And if people are breathing down your neck saying to keep the fights moving, you know, what's he said?

Speaker 1 Something to the, something along the lines of if someone would like me to just let them fight out on the ground no matter what, I wish someone would tell me that.

Speaker 1 So that means that someone's probably told him to keep the action moving. That sucks.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they want it to be more entertaining. I hate those things.
Do you know who probably told him that? That's white.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 He hates a fight like that where there's no action. The guy just takes the guy down and hits little punches.
He hates that shit. Even if you're winning, he wants guys to go for the finish.

Speaker 1 He wants guys to fucking brawl. He wants it to be exciting.

Speaker 1 He wants it for them, too. He's like, look, you want to make money in this sport? You got to leave the fans wanting to see you fight again.
And that's true.

Speaker 1 And the difference between a guy who's a champion who, you know, can make good money versus a guy like Conor McGregor is Connor McGregor gets people excited about seeing him fight.

Speaker 1 He puts asses in seats. He knocks people unconscious.
So when you see that guy fight, you know you're going to see some wild shit.

Speaker 1 Either he's going to win or he's going to lose, but it's going to be a fucking brawl. Guy's never been in a boring fight in his life.

Speaker 1 He knows how to pronounce it. He knows how to pronounce it.
He might beat up that old guy. That guy didn't really

Speaker 1 deserve that. Yeah, that guy swallowed that punch, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, it was not much of a punch.
It was more of a smack. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I give him a schmack.

Speaker 1 A little schmack. Who the fuck is that?

Speaker 1 I give him a schmack. That guy you hit probably had a drunk chin at that time.
Oh, yeah. To like a pub in Dublin and pipes.
Right. 70 years old.
That guy must be.

Speaker 1 He's been knocked around a million times. Hey, I remember the war.

Speaker 1 Those Irish people, but they're still fighting. Bro, I was reading about France

Speaker 1 in World War I and World War II. France lost 25% of their men in World War I and another 25% in World War II.
25%.

Speaker 1 25%.

Speaker 1 You guys watch the Chamberlain thing on Netflix? It's great. What, Neville? What is it? Neville.
Wilt on Netflix. Neville Chamberlain? Neville.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. The British guy.
Churchill. Churchill.
Oh, what did I say? Chamberlain.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that was the guy before him. He's figuring it out, though.
Thank you. He did.
He's a smart Norman Norman. But yeah, the Churchill dock is incredible.

Speaker 1 This is going to change. Ron Howard did it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They bombed the shit out of Dresden.

Speaker 1 Dresden?

Speaker 1 Is that right? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 They just bombed it, like, killing civilians. Like

Speaker 1 the IDF. That was Slaughterhouse 5.
That's Kurt Vonnegut, Dresden. That's right.
It's a good time. It's kind of crazy when you think about how that was not that long ago.
No.

Speaker 1 These people lost 50% of their men. Wow.
Yeah. Fuck, man.
Isn't that wild? Fuck. And now we have people doing it again.
They're saying, let's do it again.

Speaker 1 And they would just bomb London randomly. Like, Hitler was like, oh, you're going to push back on me? Just go blow up buildings.
And they knew the codes.

Speaker 1 They couldn't say, let's stop these bombing because then they'll know we have the codes. They just had to try to evacuate the right people at the right time.

Speaker 1 Crazy. They were sleeping in the subway.

Speaker 1 What does it keep calm and carry on? Yeah. Yeah.
Wow. But then the FDR

Speaker 1 kind of shit on Churchill. Yeah.
And then he

Speaker 1 made friends with Stalin, who is a big fucking liar.

Speaker 1 Well, what was the...

Speaker 1 I just watched it. De Stefano, you would know this better than most.
DeStefano was trying to explain this when him and Yannis were on, that Churchill had a wild idea to invade Russia.

Speaker 1 At the end of the war.

Speaker 1 I think at the end of the war, it was Churchill.

Speaker 1 He recognized the Soviet Union was like a major problem. They got rid of Churchill as soon as the war ended, basically.
He wasn't at peacetime.

Speaker 1 He lost after that. Even after he won the war, he lost the new elections.

Speaker 1 He wanted to fire it up again.

Speaker 1 He wanted to fire it up again. I think Patton was ready to go.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And Eisenhower. There was a lot of people that went, yeah.
It's Batman versus Superman, though. Like, you can't allow this guy unchecked.
You can't allow Russia unchecked. Operation Unthinkable.

Speaker 1 That's not a challenge. Two related possible future war plans developed by the British Chiefs of Staff Committee against the Soviet Union during 1945.
The plans were never implemented.

Speaker 1 The creation of the plans was ordered by British Prime Minister Winston Churchill in May 1945 and developed by the British Armed Forces Joint Planning Staff in May of 1945, the end of World War II in Europe.

Speaker 1 One plan assumed a surprise attack on the

Speaker 1 Soviet forces stationed in Germany to impose the will of the United States and the British Empire upon Russia.

Speaker 1 The will was qualified as a square deal for Poland, but added that does not necessarily limit the military commitment.

Speaker 1 The assessment signed by the Chief Army Staff on 9th June 1945 concluded it would be beyond our power to win a quick but limited success and we would be committed to a protracted war against heavy odds.

Speaker 1 The code name was now reused

Speaker 1 instead for a second plan, which was a defensive scenario.

Speaker 1 Don't throw it.

Speaker 1 Don't throw it. Don't throw it.
Don't throw it. Don't throw it.
Don't trust the dodge.

Speaker 1 Defend a Soviet drive towards North Sea and Atlantic Ocean, withdraw American forces from the continent. Jesus, that's fucking terrifying.
Yeah, that's terrifying. It was.

Speaker 1 These motherfuckers love war. Oh, yeah.
That's their business. The Soviet Union was

Speaker 1 evil. Well, also, they lost a lot of people during the war, and they were a little bitter about that.
And they knew they were about to get the nuke. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And it was like, now America is the only one with the nuke. And they got a bunch of those rocket scientists from the fucking

Speaker 1 Nazis as well. And if we get it done now, we're the only ones that ever have the nuke.
Right.

Speaker 1 The crazy thing was the rocket science. They're like, listen, paperclip.

Speaker 1 Listen, I know you're a Nazi, but who knows? We need it. We don't care.
Come on over.

Speaker 1 What's the lady that wrote the

Speaker 1 Jacobson? Annie Jacobson? I just listened to paperclip. Aaron Rice.

Speaker 1 I just wrote the

Speaker 1 paperclip book, and it's terrifying. Terrifying.
The nuclear one's the scariest. The nuclear one's the terrifying one.
Operation Paperclip's crazy, too. She delves deep into those things.

Speaker 1 But the nuclear one's like, oh my gosh. This is the Russian version of it.

Speaker 1 Ooh, a secret Soviet operation in which more than 2,500 German specialists, scientists, engineers, technicians who worked in several areas from companies and institutions relevant to military and economic policy in the Soviet occupation zone of Germany and Berlin, as well as around 4,000 more family members, totaling more than 6,000 people, were taken from former Nazi Germany as war reparations to the Soviet Union.

Speaker 1 Humans.

Speaker 1 It took place in the early morning hours of October 22nd, 1946, when MVD, previously NKVD, and Soviet Army units under the direction of Soviet military administration in Germany, headed by Ivan Sarov, rounded up German scientists and transported them by rail to the USSR.

Speaker 1 By rail. Wow, wow.

Speaker 1 They didn't have any use of that.

Speaker 1 Much related equipment was also moved, the aim being to literally transplant research and production research centers as well as a V-2 rocket center of middle work from Germany to the Soviet Union and collect as much material as possible from test centers such as a Luftwaffe Center,

Speaker 1 Central Military Aviation Test Center. Say that word.
What's that word? Erpro Bungstell. Erpro Bungstel Rucklin.
Recklin.

Speaker 1 Taken by the Red Army on 2nd of May 1945. Fuck.
What type of German goes and works for the goddamn Soviets? Nazis. They're just taken away.

Speaker 1 I mean, say what you will about National Socialism, but at least it's an ethos.

Speaker 1 Good point. You're going to get some trouble.

Speaker 1 That's a quiz from the Big Labs guy. Oh, okay.
Can I get some cubes in here?

Speaker 1 I passed you that. The CIA guys? Oh, yeah.
Can we get some more ice cubes? Please. There's ice in there.
Young gentleman.

Speaker 1 Oh, there is ice in there. Yeah, that's why I passed it to you.

Speaker 1 He poured it into his glass. Stick it in.

Speaker 1 Don't drop it back in now. Your dirty fucking hands have been all over.
It's all gassy and all this.

Speaker 1 Disgusting. Pervert.
Sweet. You got a few.
We'll get some more. Sniff these.
Hey, I'm scared. Okay.

Speaker 1 The whole fucking Nazi scientist thing is wild.

Speaker 1 They just accepted those guys. You go to Alabama, it's all brawn.
That guy brawn built everything out there. It was an asset.

Speaker 1 It was like gold. It was like golden land.

Speaker 1 That kind of thinking was like. Yeah, we need the gold.
We need the Nazis. Bring the scientists over.
What town is that in Alabama? It's got a club there. Huntsville.
Huntsville. That's it.

Speaker 1 It's all Nazi down there. It's all NASA.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like Nazis and black people. That's it.
It's quite a town. Yeah, it's an urban club in the middle of the single comedian that goes there must do the same joke.
I did it. I did it.

Speaker 1 I was like, you guys have fucking NASIA, you fucking

Speaker 1 southern fucking morons?

Speaker 1 Yeah, rocket's going up.

Speaker 1 I got 10 minutes out of that. How about that one? They had that rocket factory in Florida that was run by a Satanist.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. An open Satanist during the middle of the whole fucking rocket development program.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this guy was, he ran this place that's now like one of those haunted places where people go to visit.

Speaker 1 and that you if you go there there's like spray paint all over the place and like devil signs and shit oh nice people have gone there and like tried to find ghosts

Speaker 1 jack parsons so this guy let's see if we can get an article on him oh yeah this guy was like literally one of the fucking main rocket engineers

Speaker 1 are there any cults of horny guys

Speaker 1 guys are so horny so horny practiced the occult and led a sex cult he was also one of history's most important rocket scientists

Speaker 1 whack off you idiot well let the guy cook let him cook These brilliant people are all twisted.

Speaker 1 Back then, all those scientists were getting crazy pussy. They were all wild freaks.
They were banging their graduate students. Oppenheimer.
Oh, yeah. They were all banging everybody.

Speaker 1 That whole movie is just fucking every other scientist's wife. That's true.
Their wife.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know. I know he buddy died.

Speaker 1 We did wife, yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude, do it again. He was a good look for the

Speaker 1 juice. Yeah, yeah, he did well.
Killed a lot of people.

Speaker 1 Killed a lot of people. Great job.
Killed a lot of fucking

Speaker 1 fucking fucking fucking fucking. I think Feynman fucked it.
He was a lot too, right? A lot of Asians, like a Jew. I think Feynman was into pussy, too.
They were all chasing tails.

Speaker 1 It turns out dudes like pussy. Well, that was the thing about

Speaker 1 scientists. Never.
They were like rock stars back then.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well,

Speaker 1 Einstein. Well, he was a little old.
That's Stein.

Speaker 1 Stein.

Speaker 1 But yeah, he was a little old.

Speaker 1 That was a part of why those guys wanted to be famous. Sure.
They wanted to be intellectually famous and be like the big man on campus that all the ladies loved. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Neil degrased. It's still happening now.
It's still happening now. All these guys be like, all the scientists? Elon's got a lineup, but he's got 74 children.

Speaker 1 They just weren't fucking because they couldn't. And now that they can have Instagram accounts, they're fucking.
Yeah, they're

Speaker 1 fucking. Oh, yeah.
Neil deGrasse is up Uranus.

Speaker 1 Hey, a lot of black holes. Oh, geez.

Speaker 1 Quasars.

Speaker 1 There we go. Put a ring on it, Saturn.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Jesus Christ.
No, that sucks. I've been drinking.
So, when you saw these drones, did they make any noise?

Speaker 1 Not really. They were so high up.

Speaker 1 But how could you tell how big it was? It was really high up. I mean, it was pretty fucking big.
You couldn't miss it. And they were fast as shit, too.
Really? If you missed it, you missed it. Wow.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And it looked like a UFO.
It looked like an SUV with lights on it on the bottom.

Speaker 1 What was the shape of it? Kind of a

Speaker 1 little steaming.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 you know, kind of like a rectangular, black rectangular with lights on it. And you could see the propellers? Hell yeah.
Wow. But they were quick.
They were moving.

Speaker 1 The thing about these things is they're able to stay up in the sky for five hours at a time. Five hours? The only guy's nephew Bar Mitzvah, 30 minutes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's most of the ones that we have in America. What? I didn't get it.
The drone. Don't show my nephew, Bar Mitzvah.

Speaker 1 You went full of Mitch McConnell. That's that fucking freedom bomb.

Speaker 1 I got your ass. I'll do another one.

Speaker 1 Become a legend. It's fucking bizarre that that kind of just went away.
Well, Trump said he's going to say what they were, but then it kind of fizzled him. Just say it.

Speaker 1 Well, he said they know what they are. When I get into office, it's one of the first things that I'm going to disclose to the American people.
Yeah. What do you think it is?

Speaker 1 I heard they're missing weapons. What? I heard that.
I heard that one, that they were scanning the sky. They were looking for a radioactive signal.

Speaker 1 There was some guy that was a drone manufacturer in America.

Speaker 1 We played his video, and he was saying that they do have the capability to look for gamma radiation and that there was a nuclear warhead that was unaccounted for. Yes.

Speaker 1 And that they were worried that someone slipped it into the country. But that's we've been diving down that rabbit hole.
It doesn't seem like that makes sense.

Speaker 1 All of them be doing that. And why not just say that's what they're doing? Yeah.
I don't know. Because then people would freak out.
They always go with that mass hysteria reason. I never buy it.

Speaker 1 Well, here's the other thing.

Speaker 1 If they don't have to tell you, why would they tell you? They don't want to.

Speaker 1 Because it just makes more work for them. So this isn't mass hysteria.
I guess it's not. It's not.
Yeah, just minor hysteria. No one really cares.
But there's so many things going on simultaneously.

Speaker 1 I'm sure it's something else. There's two fucking wars.

Speaker 1 There's a shit blowing up in Syria. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Things are happening left and right.

Speaker 1 Syria, like, they lost their government. Oh, my God.
It's all like. That guy fled, like Ellen.
Did he die? We're trying to figure out if his plane blew up.

Speaker 1 We heard his plane blew up, but then we heard it didn't. Did you see his clothes? His plane went off the radar.
No, what's the problem?

Speaker 1 She says they're going to do disclosure and that there's there's two kinds

Speaker 1 that they don't know what it is. Well, click on that shit because this is Shane's girl.

Speaker 1 He loves her. Oh, she is pretty.

Speaker 1 Unexplained.

Speaker 2 What's the company? Full Scar?

Speaker 2 It's a government agency that investigates UAPs. They investigate a lot of other things as well, but they'll be doing this, I am told, starting this year.

Speaker 1 Putting all my senators in a gamer chair.

Speaker 1 Videos and photos. That's where you know things are good.

Speaker 2 And they will explain how they've been debunked. I've been briefed on this.
And then some of the ones that are unexplained, they will also release to the public. They're also going to re-sora.

Speaker 1 I didn't know what the hell that meant.

Speaker 1 What did she say on this one?

Speaker 1 The classified information you can't talk. Is that

Speaker 2 interesting? It's interesting.

Speaker 1 Why are you skipping ahead? Because they're giving their idea on what they think it is. And she just marked on, which she's the one from this.

Speaker 1 Let me hear what she says.

Speaker 2 The government is going to start putting out some of the information on which ones that they have debunked and how they debunk them.

Speaker 2 Because I think that information would give more trust in the process to with the government, because I I don't trust them.

Speaker 2 I don't trust at this point any government agency because we've been lied to for so long by all of them.

Speaker 2 But then while they do that, they're also going to release information on what is unexplained.

Speaker 1 What's the company?

Speaker 2 Arrow. It's a government agency that investigates UAPs.

Speaker 2 They investigate a lot of other things as well, but they'll be doing this, I am told, starting this year, starting over the next couple of months, start releasing information on videos and photos that they have debunked, and they will explain how they've been debunked.

Speaker 2 I've been briefed on this.

Speaker 2 And then some of the ones that are unexplained they will also release to the public so I think that's that's a great first step in some transparency have you ever met any of the arrow

Speaker 1 beautiful eyes

Speaker 1 isn't it interesting though that a congresswoman can go on an internet show and say I don't trust anybody in the government now and everybody's like right yeah right yeah that shit never happened before I know but now it's like oh but you keep saying that you're the government but here's the thing it's like

Speaker 1 but she's a representative like she's not like someone in the deep state. She's not someone working for the military industrial complex, right?

Speaker 1 So but you never saw that on any television show in the past. Meet the press would never say that.
Not a chance in hell. They would edit it out and the congressperson would never do it.

Speaker 1 They would never say that.

Speaker 1 The world is fucking...

Speaker 1 The world's fucking different. It's fucking different now.
Yeah, well, she's on a podcast. Politicians are on podcasts.
It's all kooky.

Speaker 1 Well, people are, it's probably millions of people watching her on TV for sure versus, you know, you go on CNN, you get five minutes, and 35,000 people are watching it. You know, right?

Speaker 1 That's real, those are real numbers.

Speaker 1 Damn, yeah, it's it's a the world has fucking changed, it's flipped, and then this time around, here's what's really crazy: so many people are trying to go to the inauguration, like everybody wants to go there, really, yeah.

Speaker 1 Celebrities want to go there, business people want to go there, it's a totally different vibe because they want to take pictures.

Speaker 1 Let's think about going with AB. It's not the

Speaker 1 best guy to go with the best Twitter follow out there, cracker of the year. Let's go, let's go,

Speaker 1 best Twitter follower out there. Easily.
Hilarious. Yeah, Jamie told me about it first.
I was like, what? It's as funny as it gets. He's fucking hilarious.
He's supporting the Irish quite a bit.

Speaker 1 How do you feel about that, Jamo?

Speaker 1 Well, that CTESP sport shit is hilarious. Whatever you need.
I mean, as long as it's not Lex Wox. Are you guys betting or not? I'll bet him.
You got to bet a thousand. Jamie, a hundred bucks?

Speaker 1 Let's go higher. Yeah!

Speaker 1 You got the cash, Arena?

Speaker 1 Come on, tires. That's tires.
You look a little nervous. I'm not nervous.
You look like when Ari was choking you. It's the same look.
Oh, he did turn twice. Oh, you got to turn it.
That's twice.

Speaker 1 We already did twice. That's the second time he did that.
That's twice.

Speaker 1 That's okay. You got to be able to reuse them with this.
You have to. This is going to keep rolling.
We got to find a fresh one.

Speaker 1 You got to grab them wherever they are. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're like Pokemons. No, I'm not nervous.
Go Ash. There you go.

Speaker 1 So what do you think? All right, Jamie. 500.
It's pretty good.

Speaker 1 It's pretty great.

Speaker 1 Jamie, 500? Five even.

Speaker 1 You guess? No, no, no. You've got to do it.
You guys have no idea how much of an advantage is. It's not money.
It's something embarrassing.

Speaker 1 But you make way more than him, so we've got to even it out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but he doesn't spend it on anything. He's 400 grand a year.
I don't spend it on anything. He intentionally bought a dog doesn't eat a lot.

Speaker 1 J-Mo's frugal. Yeah, J-Mo.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's got that money saved. He's not frugal like you.
He's got a nice car, you piece of shit. What do you got, Tesla? I got a Hyundai from 1987.
Woo!

Speaker 1 Tesla. Got that model, son.
Did Lex get that for you? That plaid. Wexer? I'm never saying the right name.
Go ahead. He got that plaid.
What's his name? I know. Elon does it.
Les Western? Les Wesher?

Speaker 1 Les Wexter? Leschester?

Speaker 1 Westchester. Ari, how come you still haven't bought a nice car? Yeah.
Why are you hurting my feelings?

Speaker 1 Lives in New York. Why are you hurting my feelings? When I get out of New York, I will.
Come move here so you can get a car. Done.
Get a space laser.

Speaker 1 If I buy you a car, will you drive it? Oh, yeah. Okay.
Oh, shit. You market.
Your special comes out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my special's out for you. If you move here,

Speaker 1 yeah, right now. If you move here, I'll buy you a dope car.
What's it called? June.

Speaker 1 Hold on. Hold on a second.

Speaker 1 You make my money in him. Yeah, you're making a lot more than me.
Hold on a minute. You make my money in him.

Speaker 1 Well, I helped you pick out your car.

Speaker 1 You told that fucking salesman to shut the fuck up. I'm like, let me sell this shit.
You pick that white thing out? Oh, I love that. It hugs you when you make turns.
Oh, that car's so fast.

Speaker 1 It gives you a nice hug that you're fucking with. You got the Mercedes-S-Class.
It is a beautiful vehicle. That's an a not sound.
It's an amazing vehicle. True.
It's so well engineered.

Speaker 1 When you're in that thing, you just float over the bumps. It's nice.
It's such a good car. It's nice.

Speaker 1 We've done it before. We've done it before.
It's got a great job. Pokemon cars.
Take it when they have them. Look at that.

Speaker 1 Why'd you do it in that jungle?

Speaker 1 Well, there was all these empty fucking.

Speaker 1 This is outrageous that you did that. Tell everybody.
Where do you put on plants? Tell everybody out in there in the public. You're an asshole for this.
How much did you spend on plants?

Speaker 1 How much did you spend on plants? You're frugal, my dick. $85,000.
$85,000. You spent $85,000 on those plants? That's insane.
It was a bargain. I like it though, dude.
It's a total new look. Original.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude. I love it.
Better be funny. Oh, it's not funny.
If you bite in the jungle,

Speaker 1 what are you, Vietnamese?

Speaker 1 Is it going to stay out there? Does it have anything to do with the theme of what you're talking about? Yeah. He's in the shit.
Oh, nice. I saw it last night at the creek.

Speaker 1 All right, you have the best backgrounds. You did the candles and you laughed one.
Oh, that's right. Yeah, my backgrounds are boring as shit.

Speaker 1 She does

Speaker 1 great background, bad jokes.

Speaker 1 Good backgrounds.

Speaker 1 That's what you want. What are you going for?

Speaker 1 I think we could all agree the worst background was Aziz. When he had that background sideways, we could see people walking around the background.

Speaker 1 See people walking around.

Speaker 1 Mike Jones directed it. They tried to get wacky.
Oh, yeah. They filmed him from the side where you could see the people mulling around backstage.
Like, what are you doing?

Speaker 1 Imagine performing, too, where someone's in your face and the crowd has to see a guy circling you with a camera.

Speaker 1 You have to ignore it. Yuck.

Speaker 1 Yuck. anyway my new special is out right now america's sweethearts on netflix everybody

Speaker 1 no diss on his ease i like his ease yeah it's not that it's just like filming it like that here's the man why would you do that

Speaker 1 that fucking r kelly bit that r kelly bit is a banger his r kelly bit

Speaker 1 i don't know that one oh it's great it's like his early days like when he's first popping oh okay it's a great bit it's a great bit about in the closet the whole fucking in the closet video series which is amazing

Speaker 1 i've never seen those you know oh my god i'm joking we've done it 20 times in the closet

Speaker 1 You ever see him singing in jail? No. He looks like he's having a good old time in jail.
Like, they all love that R. Kelly's in there with him.
He's like singing with these dudes. Oh, hell yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, P. Diddy's.
It's basically the barbershop.

Speaker 1 He's having a good time with some fellas. You know, Luigi's in the same jail as P.
Diddy. No.
That's crazy. Olive oil meets baby oil.

Speaker 1 We talked about Luigi guys.

Speaker 1 How many panties does Luigi get in the mail?

Speaker 1 Oh, I set one. All right.

Speaker 1 Ask me how many beers I've had.

Speaker 1 Hold on. Hey, Shane, how many beers we've had? That's five.

Speaker 1 See it. I can see the look in your eyes and what you said.
No, no, no, no, no. That's what I was waiting for.

Speaker 1 Whatever lead you need, I'll give it to you. Just when you thought it was over.

Speaker 1 You got to set some of them up if you want to keep it rolling.

Speaker 1 You got to set this up.

Speaker 1 I got one. I'm going to get another beer.
This joke has to come out before I I get the hook. It's a chess move.
I don't even want the ice. I just wanted to say it.
That's ice.

Speaker 1 How's the border looking? That's ice. That's ice.

Speaker 1 Yeah, think about being

Speaker 1 like hiding. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit, there's spotlights. And one guy going, that's ice.

Speaker 1 You see the one guy that they arrested in California? They arrested him. He had a blowtorch in his hand.

Speaker 1 The neighborhoods, the neighbors arrested him. The neighbors grabbed him.
They called the cops. They arrested the guy, and then they let him go.
Damn. I knew they were going to be able to do it.

Speaker 1 They They let him go. He said, no evidence that he was doing it.
I read they didn't let him go. He just didn't get charged with arson.

Speaker 1 Because he didn't do it yet.

Speaker 1 He had a fucking panorama torture.

Speaker 1 Well, he was an illegal.

Speaker 1 Is this guy the guy that had been deported already? And came back in? That was the guy who lit the lady on fire in the subway. He kept coming in and out.
Yeah, he had been deported.

Speaker 1 The fact that there's

Speaker 1 the guys that are doing this are illegal immigrants. It's very funny to work your way the whole way to get here

Speaker 1 and then just set a lady on fire. Well, you're acting like it's hard to get in here.

Speaker 1 That really works. It's pretty hard to fucking get in here.
For some people, but I think a lot of people are just.

Speaker 1 Well, how many people died in the Palisades fire? And that was arson? 100? 200? Instead, charged with felony probation violation. Her? Investigation remains active.
No, that's all. She's Choi.

Speaker 1 That could be Choi. Dominic? Dominic Choi?

Speaker 1 Is her name Dominic? Dominique? No, it's not a lady. I think that's a lady.
A neighbor. She has citizens' arrests.
So she made the citizens' arrest.

Speaker 1 Renata. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Cramp granata, bro.

Speaker 1 They've got video of people lighting the fires, they've got video from the fire. Are these copycats now? Everyone's just trying to do it.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it's organized or not because the way they're doing it is very clever.

Speaker 1 So they're doing it in the correct place that you would start a fire if you wanted the wind to blow straight through the palisades. God, I mean, it doesn't, it's not like

Speaker 1 an idiot who just lights a fire that's like near it. They're writing a fire with the wind blowing in the exact direction, and they did it in specific strategic locations.

Speaker 1 If it's all arson, it was done very strategically.

Speaker 1 Because, like, the way it burned through the city the fucking the videos are insane on the hill too the way it lights up on a hill it just like it just goes to winds there's a hundred mile an hour winds are like trucks fell over on the highway you see the the highway no like people were driving by the highway and there was fucking 18 wheelers just tipped over all over the place yikes yeah that's how bad the wind was

Speaker 1 the guy he said he was trying to smoke weed oh yeah with a blowtorch

Speaker 1 that's how they do it now or is a butane torch which is he couldn't afford a lighter hey buddy a blowtorch is more expensive than a fucking lighter.

Speaker 1 I didn't see I was like,

Speaker 1 it wasn't a blowtorch, but it was like afford a lighter. You can go into a restaurant and get lighters for free.
Or just light it off a house. No, you need a torch to do dabs.

Speaker 1 If you're a dabs guy, you need a torch.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's a dabber? He's coming from Mexico to dab in America? Well, Lewis is from Puerto Rico. That's America.
Yeah, good point. Sort of.

Speaker 1 It's America where you don't pay taxes and you can't vote. Oh, shit.
Yeah, a lot of guys go over there. You know, that's the scam.
That's like the Peter Schiff scam.

Speaker 1 You go over there, if you live there like 51% of the time or whatever it is, like there's some number. You don't pay taxes, so you don't pay federal income taxes, and you can't vote.

Speaker 1 Don't worry, the Paul brothers are chilling. Are you going to vote? Are they? They're big Buckeye fans.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're going to love it. Yeah, that's why they go over there.
They go over there for tax reasons. Oh,

Speaker 1 it's like a Swiss bank. Like, Peter Schiff talked about it on my podcast, and a bunch of fellas hopped on that bandwidth.
I was like, oh, nice, I'll do that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because he was explaining why you should do it.

Speaker 1 He's like, we have to go here in Central Liberty.

Speaker 1 Listen, Texas has very high property tax. Yeah.
Like, you wind up paying. That's why you rent.
You wind up paying. Yeah.
If you want to rent, you could do it. Yes.
Florida, no income. Yeah.
Do too.

Speaker 1 Same too.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? No income tax yet. Yeah, but we're saying that like property tax.
No. Where the fuck do you think we all move? Yeah, that was the one.

Speaker 1 You just love Tony. Yeah.
You want flying cockroaches?

Speaker 1 Flying cockroaches. They have those here? Yeah.
And there's a lot of Christians here. That's Christ.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 is killed, bro. Right when we thought we were over.
That's Christ is great. Catholic class.
I'm upset that I haven't gotten one in. Yeah, come on, Rogo.

Speaker 1 You gotta think. Plan ahead.
There's not a lot of those words left. Yeah, start rhyming and shit.
What do you think?

Speaker 1 They're out there.

Speaker 1 I thought that was a lead up.

Speaker 1 Bro, I was watching this video with this lady who is in the middle of surgery, and she gets a call from United Health seeing if the person who is undergoing surgery needs to stay over.

Speaker 1 Why does a person need to stay in the hospital? She's in the middle of doing surgery and she does this video. She goes, okay, I was just in the middle of surgery.

Speaker 1 I had to stop, scrub down, take off my stuff, answer the phone, because United Health was trying to figure out if the person who I'm operating on right now needs to stay.

Speaker 1 Why they need to stay in the hospital. They can't just get an assistant to do it.
They just try to fuck you.

Speaker 1 Insurance is out. This is why I don't have any.
Well, here's the thing about the Palisades. The Palisades is going to be crazy because

Speaker 1 a bunch of those insurance companies they stopped fire insurance yeah they all bailed exactly yeah so it's like how how many of those houses are ever going to get rebuilt who has the money

Speaker 1 well the hiltons so they'll be bailed out to still be crooked well here's what's probably going to happen a bunch of people step in and offer them uh pennies on the dollar for the land because they don't have anything anymore and no one wants to be there anymore and you can't afford to rebuild there's going to be a ton of people that can't rebuild Yeah.

Speaker 1 Take the money that you can. And then if you do rebuild,

Speaker 1 so let's say you rebuild. You spend a few million dollars to build a fucking house there, and then you can't get fire insurance on that house.
And then next year it happens again.

Speaker 1 What if it happens again? It happened in 2018. It happened just six years ago.
Remember those crazy videos where they're going up to 405 and it looked like Armageddon?

Speaker 1 I heard a lot of it was because the last two years was so flushed. They called off the drought in L.A.
for the first time in 20 years.

Speaker 1 And they go

Speaker 1 so there was so much shrubbery that died. Those died.
And then now that's all like burning. Yeah.
Well, they didn't clean it up. Right.
They didn't clean it up and the fucking reservoir was empty.

Speaker 1 And then the utility,

Speaker 1 like 11 million gallons was just sitting there empty. Damn.
The whole thing is so mismanaged and so insane. And then on top of that, arson.
And then also those lens. And the way they deal with crime.

Speaker 1 The people, it's climate change. The fucking climate hasn't changed since 1877.
They've never had wet. We got good rain.
Two years. It filled up everything.

Speaker 1 And they were like, great, the drought is over. Scientists called the drought over in L.A.
for the first time since I've lived there. I remember that.
And it was like, nice.

Speaker 1 And then that made a new problem. They didn't do anything.
Well, here's the thing about raining. When it rains, then it means more vegetation.

Speaker 1 So then when it dries up after the rain, you're extra fucked because now you have extra dry shit. Get a two-month dry period.
Yeah, dude, I got evacuated three times. Wow.
I've been there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I've been there where the fucking two houses in front of my house burnt to the ground.

Speaker 1 My neighbor's house survived, my house survived, but on our street, there was like four or five houses that were gone. Dude, I was in Cuba when they had to evacuate people, me and Bobby there.

Speaker 1 Hurricane came. It was so so orderly.
Really? They had three people rushed to the hospital. That was the only problem.
A pregnant lady and two old people. That was the only problem they had.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and they get hurricanes all the time. But these are hobbles.
The Red Cross goes door to door and says, you come, you come, let's go. And everyone just goes.
Red Cross does it. I think so.

Speaker 1 That's what it said. In Cuba.

Speaker 1 Maybe I'm wrong. I think so.
Interesting. But then they just go door to door, like, let's go.
But they've already mapped out which ones have to be evacuated. Like, you're going to a gymnasium.

Speaker 1 Let's go. Let's go.
Let's go. Everybody's completely forgotten about North Carolina.
I know. They got 750.
This is the thing about Epstein Island.

Speaker 1 Trump assassination attempts. Like, everything.
It just goes away. The fucking news cycle is so fast now.
It's our brains are

Speaker 1 so tick-tocked. Yeah.
We're all TikTok guy. We're TikTok.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 we got TikTok brain. Who Elon said he might buy, which

Speaker 1 you got too many things, Elon. Let them buy it.
Let them buy it. Let's fucking go.
Let them buy it. Wow.
That's a lot of platforms, Elon. I love these circles.

Speaker 1 You want to circulate them? Yes, please. It is nice.
Here we go, baby. Let me touch it because you touched the ice pad.
Yeah, we don't have any attention span anymore.

Speaker 1 It's fine. She is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, how about the lesbian running that?

Speaker 1 The lesbian running that fire department. Yeah, she's doing a great job with that.
That's Dyke.

Speaker 1 No, he got one in.

Speaker 1 He got one in.

Speaker 1 God damn. Next, Jojo, come on.

Speaker 1 How did I not get that one? Joe, when it gets in your head, sit on it. I'm going to sit on it.
Be ready.

Speaker 1 I'm going to leash. Sit on it.
I'm going to hold on to that motherfucker. For like a like a big, like when there's a heckler and you're like, oh.
Wait till they say something again. I got you.

Speaker 1 You're gonna get one while you're commentating.

Speaker 1 Do one. We're supposed to

Speaker 1 commentate. That's right.

Speaker 1 I'll do it.

Speaker 1 I'll get it.

Speaker 1 Do it. Do it.
Do it. Do it.
Do it.

Speaker 1 We might not even have the fights in L.A. next weekend.
Oh, they're supposed to be? Yeah, Dane is talking about maybe moving it to Vegas if the fires get worse.

Speaker 1 He said, right now, we're still scheduled to be in Los Angeles, but if

Speaker 1 the fires get worse, they'll move it to they move the Rams? Yeah. Did they? Brands playoff game.
When was that? That was that? Oh, that's right. Two State Farm Stadium.

Speaker 1 I was wondering why the fuck they did it. Two State Farm Stadium.
Yeah. What day was that? What day was it supposed to be? Tonight.
It's passed on Tuesday night. Oh, yeah.
To State Farm.

Speaker 1 So this is all conspiracy. So here we're doing

Speaker 1 it. It's Monday.
Today's Monday. The fights are Saturday.

Speaker 1 So we don't know. Also, like...

Speaker 1 Just move it. State Farm Stadium.
Right. Just move it.
Just move it. They're going through shit.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'm sure some people want the fights, but but also like, dude, they're dealing with shit right now. Yeah.
Yeah. There's no one there.
Move it.

Speaker 1 Also, if you're going to move it, move it now so people can get hotel rooms and all that shit because you've got to go to Vegas. Can't be there anyway.
You got to get flights. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You might get kicked off like a beach.

Speaker 1 Yes, Chris.

Speaker 1 Vegas and Utah and San Diego are about to get an influx of people. No, they're coming here hard, too.
Send a lot of people to rethink it. Florida.
People got to rethink a lot of things right now.

Speaker 1 San Diego underrated.

Speaker 1 Underrated.

Speaker 1 Underrated city. It's the best.
It's the best.

Speaker 1 This gets lost in the SoCal argument they always talk about. Wait, well, they like town.

Speaker 1 LA weather without the guns. I thought about abandoning.

Speaker 1 I thought about abandoning LA and going down to San Diego. I was like, they have the fucking comedy store in La Jolla.

Speaker 1 I can work out of there. I can work out of there.
Norman's going to be there. I'm doing my special in San Diego later.
San Diego is the best. Great comedy town.
Yeah. Good people.

Speaker 1 First place I ever did an arena. Burritos.

Speaker 1 Good burrito.

Speaker 1 We did a 420 show there, and I was like, can we do an arena? The first place I ever did an arena. Wow.
Nice. It's a great fucking town.
It's also a military town, too.

Speaker 1 So people are like a little bit more fucking, they got their shit together. Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's no acting. There's no like audition.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 They're so oddly conservative. They had to sue the city to get medical dispensaries open.
Jesus. Whoa.
Yeah, they're like, if it is medical, you have to provide a couple of these. It's so ridiculous.

Speaker 1 And all the Christians and the conservatives are like, we don't want those haircuts. Well, it's the military.
They don't want all the soldiers getting hammered,

Speaker 1 fucked up on hash and fucking machine gun in the wrong plane.

Speaker 1 That's what they're worried about, free for madness.

Speaker 1 They're worried about the propaganda they distributed themselves.

Speaker 1 Well, when you got a people, a bunch of people don't get high talking about what happens when you get high, you got problems.

Speaker 1 But they got it, though. Yeah, they got it.
Okay. Yeah.
New York's got mushrooms. You see that? That's crazy.
On the ballot? No, we sell mushrooms legally now. That's wild.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're at at bodegas.

Speaker 1 Not legally. Not legally.
If you get over those people getting lit on fire,

Speaker 1 just packaging on mushrooms. It's crazy.
They're not trying to hide it. It's about to be legal.
Yeah. The way they're packaging it,

Speaker 1 nobody's concerned. So it's not legal? No.
Oh, is that? No. Well, these bodegas are going for it.
Yeah, but also the bodegas that sell weed that they can't. They go, hey, do you have any Maui wow?

Speaker 1 They go, wait here, I'll come right back.

Speaker 1 They go next door. Like, that's not legal.
Damn. But it's great.
They're hiding them in the fucking basement with their Jews. They're hiding my citrus skull in Queens.
When the Jews have a tunnel.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Oh, yeah. That's where they put it in the tunnel.
They're making dispenser tunnels. That's the best place to make mushrooms.
That's true.

Speaker 1 Kingpin Show. It's humid.
Kingpin. You see that Kingpin show?

Speaker 1 Penguin. Sorry.
Penguin. Oh, Penguin's in there.
That penguin was good. Penguin's great.
Colin Farrell. Gilder.

Speaker 1 Amazing. That's his name.
Hard to believe that's him. One of yours.
You ever see him talking in an Irish accent with the fucking suit on? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's thanking everybody. Thank you for the fucking great show.
It is kind of sad. It's an amazing thing.

Speaker 1 That's how scared we are making a new show that we're like, this is tied to Batman, but it has nothing to do with Batman. We have to get him in with the Batman.

Speaker 1 I think it'll eventually have something to do with Batman because the end of it, spoiler alert, remember they throw up the bat sign at the end of the show? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fucking dark series, though, huh? Great, great, great. It's a great time.
Great. Like, you would think, like, I'm not watching a show about the wonderful.
Exactly. Yeah.
But he's so good that Carrick.

Speaker 1 How many is this for you? This is my first one. No, you did one before.
No. Oh, okay.
I'll get back to it.

Speaker 1 Are you trying to get that twice again? No, a different

Speaker 1 one.

Speaker 1 After he gets this down, we're going to ask him more about that bet, Jamie.

Speaker 1 Ooh, J-Mo's very confident with this Moolah.

Speaker 1 This is great. This is the

Speaker 1 life.

Speaker 1 He should be confident. He's a fucking eight and a half point favorite.
That's crazy. How's it like working for Bud Light? You enjoying it? I enjoy it.
Bud Light.

Speaker 1 I mean... Fuck.

Speaker 1 that's the easiest one that's a fucking super easy bud light

Speaker 1 uh no it's been awesome those guys rule yeah you brought bud light back

Speaker 1 you really did bud light's okay again i never left bro kid rock drank a bud light on this podcast it's over we gotta get dylan mulvaney on here let's hear her side of it is it true that that person became a man again i have no idea I genuinely don't know.

Speaker 1 That was a TikTok.

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's going to happen.
I mean, if

Speaker 1 knows

Speaker 1 zuckerberg made that transition

Speaker 1 she's next you hear me a beer all right absolutely buddy thanks brother

Speaker 1 yeah they must love these shows i mean this is a giant commercial i honestly i think that's how it happened oh for sure coming on here with joe yeah and joe being like they should if you go back to the first couple joe's sitting there going Bud Light should sponsor you.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Think about the amount of millions of people that have seen you drink 50 Bud Lights in a show. Bud Light gave me a commercial once.
Responsibly. Responsibly.
Bud Light Light gave me a commercial once.

Speaker 1 I had to play

Speaker 1 a carpenter, which even though it fits,

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. And I was like, hey, I'm not right for this.
I play like HR guys. And they go, we had a massive campaign with Carlos Mencia, and we felt bad, and we want to just give you money.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. They shouldn't give him money.
He's going to go out of there. Yeah.
I'm like, I'll take it. See what I mean? Bud Light Rules.
Bud Light Rules. That's hilarious.
Are they back?

Speaker 1 Are they coming? I know they lost it. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Everybody's drinking or now.
I did a comedy tour with Charlie Murphy and John Heffron. That was a Bud Light tour.
Oh, there you go. Back in the day.
Bud Light. Oh, yeah.
Is Ari Sharp?

Speaker 1 Oh, James.

Speaker 1 Propaganda.

Speaker 1 Look at this fucking guy with overalls on. I'm a carpenter.
Oh, that's hilarious. This is back when you could have white people in a commercial.

Speaker 1 He said he would give me a Bud Light if I carpeted the house, and I went nuts. There's no trans people at all in the commercial? No, no interracial couple.
Nothing. What are you doing on the ceiling?

Speaker 1 What was that? I put carpet on the ceiling. I want a Bud Light so bad.

Speaker 1 You was a carpeter. That's horrible casting.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at this guy. Yeah, it was bad.
It really was reparations.

Speaker 1 I guess so. Hilarious.
I was like, I've done a bunch of these. This one doesn't make sense.
Yeah, but hey. It was so hilarious.
That was when they paid Moolah big bucks for a commercial.

Speaker 1 It was not bad. Kept me in business for a while.
Mailbox money.

Speaker 1 Ari was getting in business for a long time by winning poker tournaments. No way.
Played in Club Commerce. Hollywood Park.

Speaker 1 When Ari, Frugal Ari, back back in the day, like when he was making money, like he started making money playing poker.

Speaker 1 But Ari was like super successful with these fucking pokers. I found out a key secret that Mexicans that get drunk on payday are not the best statisticians.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 the secret of the pros. But you would play like it was a job.
Oh, yeah, I'd get in there. Also, once I was just starting to get high, and I could see through people.
Man, you're like a vampire.

Speaker 1 You've had nine long. Yeah, when I'm high, I would just see it.
You see the fear. I just know what you have.
I just know.

Speaker 1 I wasn't good like, you know, real pros, but in like minority.

Speaker 1 You can throw those guys off by sucking.

Speaker 1 Dude, I read a book of Poker Tales once. I was in the World Series, Cashed, World Series, main event.
Did you?

Speaker 1 Yeah. And

Speaker 1 some guy was playing against a pro. And so there's 5,000 people in there, you know.
And you're playing a pro, everyone knows. That's a legit guy.

Speaker 1 And I just read this Mike Carroll's book of Poker Tales, which is hilarious because there's a whole section on race.

Speaker 1 That's a whole section on race, which doesn't apply anymore, but it's in there.

Speaker 1 And one was: if you look at someone's chips, that's because you have a strong hand and you're looking at those chips like those are going to be mine. This is good stuff.

Speaker 1 Was bluffing, knew that guy, knew that tell.

Speaker 1 And as I was bluffing, I just glanced at his chips real quick to give him a fake tell.

Speaker 1 And he's like, nah,

Speaker 1 he read me, but he didn't read me. Well done.
Also, you did, you faked him out. Yeah.
You double faked him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And did you win?

Speaker 1 I cashed.

Speaker 1 How much? It probably won like five, five, six, seven grand. I don't know.
I cashed early, but like, yeah, it comes up a lot. Yeah, for sure.
That's holy. Holy shit.

Speaker 1 That's fun, though, that you pulled that off. This is crazy.
You win like 15 grand. If you won a commerce tournament, you win like 15 grand.
It kept me. And then you had to get a walk to the.

Speaker 1 Is there a b advantage to having a little performative? Like you could be performative. Yeah, people talk a lot.
They're bluffing.

Speaker 1 Old white dudes who who bet back at you just get out. They're just looking to play.
Right. They don't want to take chances unless they have it.
So leave them alone.

Speaker 1 How about that interesting yeah bravado is like look when you're like hey man are you gonna call or not oh yeah now what is that you go to the shades did you say that to them do you talk shit to them no i just called and then just knew it do you ever talk shit no not there no really i'd just be happy i'd just be fun talking shit is an extra element of how about that guy talking shit of a poker table is crazy dude we had me and me and lawrence are my agent one time we were playing in the world series and and we're there was like there's big breaks every like five hours you go for an hour go have whatever and i'm like fuck we're both complaining about bad beats.

Speaker 1 I'm like, fuck, this fucking sucks. This guy called me all the way down to the river, hit a two on the river.
Fuck him. Right then, one of those guys in a wheelchair, those all heads, you know,

Speaker 1 he wheels by, and we're like, this fuck is, yeah, life's pretty good.

Speaker 1 Things are all right. Things are okay.
Yeah. All heads.
That's my insurance. America sweethearts on Netflix right now.
Messages like that. $80,000 in plants.
$85, $85,000 in less.

Speaker 1 I never want to hear you talk about fucking money. How much did the candles cost? The candles cost less.

Speaker 1 5,000 candles. One for what? Yeah.
A dollar a candle?

Speaker 1 It was a lot. They're all a lot.
I don't have kids. How much did the candles cost?

Speaker 1 I remember being less.

Speaker 1 We were spending more than the fucking candles. Man.
Really? You had audience plants. But the candles, you got to keep redoing them.
You got to keep redoing them. So you have to hire handlers.

Speaker 1 And then they burned out faster than we thought when the AC was on.

Speaker 1 You had to keep

Speaker 1 it. There were 24-hour candles.
And we put them in. She tested them.
It was like 24 hours. You're fine.
And then in the room the AC was on, they turned into four-hour candles.

Speaker 1 And we had to source 5,000 candles overnight on a Saturday. No.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 Man. What's with you guys and candles?

Speaker 1 I love you.

Speaker 1 What's with you guys and Nobel Prizes?

Speaker 1 Constantly setting the curve.

Speaker 1 What's it with Germans and engineering?

Speaker 1 What's the reason for that? Like, why were they so good? Yeah, why that? I think they have no fun over there. They're all business.
Their cars are great. You think it's a meth thing? I'd be awesome.

Speaker 1 They're all doing meth, right? Well, their porn is weird, too.

Speaker 1 That's a method, too. So, guess this? I found this out today.
What's the number one city in the country for drug abuse?

Speaker 1 Drug abuse?

Speaker 1 Wait, per capita or total? Yeah, yeah, like totals, like percentage of people that are abusing drugs. But major city.
Otherwise, it's going to be some minor town. Yeah, yeah.
Going Salt Lake City.

Speaker 1 Nope.

Speaker 1 That's a big one, though. A lot of meth there.
It's going to blow you away. Hold on.
Let's all guess. It's going to be some

Speaker 1 Springfield, Missouri. Nope.
Montpelier. Montpelier.
Nope.

Speaker 1 Phoenix.

Speaker 1 Coke in there.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. They were talking about Coke and meth.
They were talking about the percentage of the population that does Coke and meth. I thought you met like degenerate drug addicts.
Well,

Speaker 1 apparently it's because that's the trafficking route where the Coke comes across the border. Right.

Speaker 1 Because, you know, it probably comes through the bottom of Arizona and shoots through Phoenix and everybody gets coked up in Scottsdale. Yeah.
they got a lot of money out there.

Speaker 1 Oh, they love Coke out there. Oh, yeah.
Well, Coke makes you forget about herpes. Like, who cares? Yeah, we have Coke.
She's got Coke and herpes. Like,

Speaker 1 I only have herpes.

Speaker 1 Those cougars out there, they're all in golf carts and fucking dentists with fake tips. It's a great place to be divorced.
Like, if you want to get divorced and you want to party, open carry, yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's fucking go. You want someone out of the house? I'll piss you out of that pillow.
Free wings. Let's go.
Yeah. Just go.
That's nice. Yeah, this is nice.
I like a fun place. It's desert, though.

Speaker 1 That's a nice idea. They don't have any comedy clubs, though.
What Phoenix? Phoenix does. No, Phoenix does.
Phoenix got a lot of dudes. But Scottsdale has done a lot of it.

Speaker 1 I just got here last weekend. Yeah, Scottsdale has one, though.
Do they? Yeah, they have one. Where are they going? Omaha ranked as the worst city for drug use through the United States.
Oh, come on.

Speaker 1 This weighted system. What's the weighted system? Highest drug rate.
I had Phoenix

Speaker 1 at the top for cocaine.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Don't know what it is.
Take cocaine out. Just put hair on a mouse.
Yeah, hair level is up.

Speaker 1 Go to the numbers. Go back up.
It didn't have numbers. Cocaine.
Yeah, the percentage.

Speaker 1 This is what I'm talking about. Scroll down.
People have used meth. Jamie, go to that chart.
I'm trying to show you what it is. Jamie, just go to that chart, make it bigger.
Phoenix, number one. 15%.

Speaker 1 Of the population that has been. But see what it says? Meth.
See what it says? This is what it is. It's number one.
It's Phoenix. This is what it is.
Population that have used methods.

Speaker 1 Wow, that's just meth and cocaine. That's whites.
Isn't that crazy? 15%.

Speaker 1 1,500.

Speaker 1 We're three hours. We're ready.
63 people, and 15% of them are doing meth. That's wild.

Speaker 1 That's wild. That's a lot of people.
Meth is good. It works.

Speaker 1 15% of them.

Speaker 1 There's people listening to this on meth right now. Look at substance use estimated by city.
Number one, Albuquerque. No.
Marijuana.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Fuck that.
Oh, alphabetical. Look at this.

Speaker 1 61% marijuana. What's the lowest percentage of marijuana? Denver.
64%. Look at all the percentage of marijuana.
It's so crazy. Everywhere it's like 60% plus percent.
San Fran. 54? That's low?

Speaker 1 Wait, what?

Speaker 1 They're lying. What? San Fran's low.
No way. Omaha's up there.
Literally no way.

Speaker 1 They're not lower than Wichita. The fuck? Zero chance.
It's San Fran. They're known for it.
Virginia Beach, 61%.

Speaker 1 San Francisco, 54%. Fuck off.
The state is bad. You ever done it? You ever done meth? No.
Oh, dude. Didn't you do it accidentally once? Yeah, you clean.

Speaker 1 What's it like? You start cleaning things? Yeah, I mean, it makes you really horny. It just heightens everything.
Really paranoid, really horny, really, you want to do shit. It's like Adderall.

Speaker 1 Is it the same as Adderall? Do you have the same feeling? Yeah, but it's times 1,000. A thousand? Maybe not a thousand.
Times 100. Whoa.
Yeah, it's a good time. What's this?

Speaker 1 Makes ball players immortal? What is a drug? Oh, it's called Greenies. They used to call it.
What's it? Greenies. Yeah, they did.
Now it's in 2006. Is that the Doc Hudson?

Speaker 1 It's some form of outfield meth and Adderall sort of

Speaker 1 dexagrine. Oh, Doc Greenies.
Oh, yeah. On acid.

Speaker 1 I thought that was acid. Wasn't that like he didn't know that he was going to have to play? Yeah.
And he was like tripping balls, so he just showed up. Johnson on acid.
Doc something.

Speaker 1 Doc Holiday.

Speaker 1 Doc.

Speaker 1 Doc of the Bay. And it was one of the first animated stories that was.

Speaker 1 It was a great story. Doc Ellis.
Doc Ellis. Doc Ellis.

Speaker 1 No hitter on acid. Ellis Island.
I wonder what that was like. He was beaming people.
He was hitting people.

Speaker 1 He was throwing walks.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it wasn't like a perfect game. It wasn't perfect.
But nobody hit him. Right.

Speaker 1 So he was walking people.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Hitting people.

Speaker 1 So everybody makes it seem like it was a perfect game.

Speaker 1 It was still great. It was incredible.
It was great. Can you imagine? We've all done shrooms or been high on stage and had to pull it together for an hour.

Speaker 1 This is a fucking major league baseball game. Right, but he's only doing one thing.
20,000 people watching. He's doing one thing, though, but he's like

Speaker 1 back then.

Speaker 1 I mean, it was

Speaker 1 fourth inning that Richard Nixon was the home plate umpire. Oh, never mind.
I take it back. Fuck.
Wait, what?

Speaker 1 I started having a crazy idea in the fourth inning that Richard Nixon was the home plate umpire. And once I thought I was pitching a baseball to Jimi Hendrix,

Speaker 1 who to me was holding a guitar and swinging it over the plate. Whoa,

Speaker 1 that's insane. That's amazing.

Speaker 1 And by the way, in 84, you got real acid. That strikes.
Oh, yeah. That's a bit of a strikes.

Speaker 1 That's a new one. That's a new one.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 That's incredible. They don't have full footage of the game.
Oh, how come? Oh, how do they not have full footage? They didn't record everything back then because they wouldn't have any

Speaker 1 broadcast it. Right, right, right.
They didn't broadcast every game. You got to film everything.
That's rife. The olden days.

Speaker 1 That's nice.

Speaker 1 He films everything.

Speaker 1 I'm friends with Matt, so I'm not talking to Chennai on that. He's a nice guy.
Now it's like a

Speaker 1 Scottish Tourette's tick where I'm sitting around my house and I just go, Matt Rife. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's going to be. People are like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 He is killing it. Oh, yeah.
He is. That's a whole new process.
He's a good bro, too. He's a good guy.
He's a good bro. Very good guy.
It's a whole new kind of comedy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're talking to the audience. Always.
Always. Always.
I feel like that could bite you in the ass, though. It can, but it hasn't.
It hasn't yet. If you're good at it, you can keep doing it.

Speaker 1 I mean, I know guys who do a lot of crowd work and they'll do shows, and the crowd's yelling shit. And they're like, this is the stand-up portion.
And they have to wait.

Speaker 1 And the crowd's like, oh, we don't care about this. They don't care.
We want to hear you talking to us. No, but that happens to everybody.
Like, I'll go up there and people are like, dude, Trump.

Speaker 1 Right away. Yeah, no matter what.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Remember remember when uh when chappelle show was on chappelle had a real hard time i'm ready they would just yell it out people wanted to yell it out they just wanted to yell it out all the time yeah that's a problem

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 hey

Speaker 1 catch that thing came a flying

Speaker 1 all right

Speaker 1 no where are we eating it out this is nice steak little bug

Speaker 1 let's celebrate my new special american sweetheart on netflix right now is it out right now it's out right now Let's watch it all the way through. Is it out right now or is it out tomorrow?

Speaker 1 It's out when this is out? Okay. He says some crazy shows.
Is it out like midnight tonight? Yeah. January 14th.

Speaker 1 Let's go, Arthur. Some real ballsy material here.
Don Khan, they fucking listen to you.

Speaker 1 I'd like to fuck around.

Speaker 1 When did you film that, Ariana? What? When did you film that? Did I try to get a Kanye song?

Speaker 1 Can't. How much? That's why I asked each of you like the $500.
$500 million.

Speaker 1 How much?

Speaker 1 He's the first one.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to appeal to a sense of there's a whole thing about how we should respect Kanye's music and not listen to his fucking tweets. And I'm like, maybe I can appeal to that.

Speaker 1 Modest Mouse was like, we'll be cool if you want to. But Kanye's people will go, first of all, are you not referring to him as Ye in this? Oh, yay.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, oh, this is lost. You have to refer to him as Ye in your special? I'm like, well, I'm not going to be able to do that.
You can pick you Kanye and just cut. Yeah, maybe.

Speaker 1 I'm sure they'd want me to re-edit it. Just like have Ye have it say yay.
Like have a little blurb where it like Kanye. Yay.
So if you just cut cut it out.

Speaker 1 Yeezy. Yeah, but if you just like, he calls himself yay, right? So if you just like cut off the con and have like a dead, like no air.
Sure. I'd say that's not worth the song at the very end.

Speaker 1 It'd be funny. Which song are you going for? What? Which song? A Black Skin Head.
Yeah, I knew it. Oh, it's a great fucking song.
My whole tour. This is like...

Speaker 1 When all that anti-Semitism was happening, Christine Okerson called me. She goes, hey, I know he's supposed to be anti-Semitic, but have you heard Black Skin Head?

Speaker 1 It's fucking great. It starts.

Speaker 1 It does. Bro, No Church in the Wild.
He's got some bangers on it. I'm a monster.
Come on. Flashing lights.

Speaker 1 Bangers. His new album is fucking amazing, too.
He's a sick fucker. He's a fucking killer.
Yep.

Speaker 1 That Jungley song and that new album is so fucking good. The crazy thing is he goes on like conservative podcasts and he wears like a fucking stocking over.

Speaker 1 Alex Jones was the funniest. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Have I talked about that on here? I think he's done more than one of those.

Speaker 1 He texted me that day. Yeah.
Did I talk about that on here? Say it again.

Speaker 1 So I was on a flight back to New York when he was on Alex Jones saying he loved Hitler. And I was just watching it on the flight.
With the Holy Bible. Hand on it.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 I landed in JFK, and the first text I got was, yo, it's Yay.

Speaker 1 And I was like,

Speaker 1 this is one of my friends. They're fucking with me.
No chance. And then I get a phone call that's like, Do you want to fly to Miami right now and do a sketch with Kanye?

Speaker 1 And I was like, I don't know, man. He just said he loved Hitler

Speaker 1 today.

Speaker 1 Earlier today,

Speaker 1 I just got done being canceled.

Speaker 1 Give me a couple weeks. We put a pin in this.

Speaker 1 The idea for the sketch would have been incredible. I think it was me as Trump and him as Kanye.
Oh, and just doing a huge. I know.
I should have done it. I regret it.
You could do it later.

Speaker 1 You can do it now. You do it tonight.
I would love to do it if he ever wanted to. If he hears it, it's the funniest thing.

Speaker 1 As long as you refer to him as Ye.

Speaker 1 He's the best. He's awesome.
He really is. He's awesome.
Everyone lost sight of it. If you want a great artist, you're going to get a crazy person.
Exactly. Period.

Speaker 1 Whether it's Kinnison or Kanye or fucking Jimi Hendrix, they're out of their fucking mind. Everyone.
That's a giant bit in my special. Yeah, exactly.
Oh, really? How about Van Gogh?

Speaker 1 Everyone forgot Van Gogh was cool. What the fuck, bro?

Speaker 1 Can you see through that? That's hilarious.

Speaker 1 Love games. Love that he does that.

Speaker 1 You can't say shit. He's an artist.
Yeah, he's a wild man, too.

Speaker 1 Wild dude.

Speaker 1 You want those songs? That's what you get.

Speaker 1 You don't get those songs from some fucking pomp. You ever see Genius on Netflix? I loved it.

Speaker 1 It's so nice. It's really well done.
It's just a documentary one of the guys that came up with the made

Speaker 1 while he was, Kanye was coming up. Old footage.

Speaker 1 It's like beautiful. It's like through the wires.
It's what you forget about. It's really nice.
Him and his mom in his mom's apartment. Yes, and she's like, he's like, oh, that's great, Kanye.

Speaker 1 It's just like... It's amazing footage.
I'm going to put this in my notes. You never saw that? No, it's a classic.
No, it's really, really awesome. Really good.
Makes you love Kanye.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's just like a little scared boy. Yeah.
I was just like, what do you want from him? Just listen to the music. I think they want him to stop shitting on Jews.
Yeah, man, listen.

Speaker 1 He's a fucking... He's having fun.
He's having fun. I forgive him.
I forgive him. Dow, it would be skipped.

Speaker 1 Now everybody's killing it. Oh, yeah.
He's just too early.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He's just too early.
He's ahead of his time.

Speaker 1 They're keeping notes. You better be careful.

Speaker 1 I've never said anything bad about the Jews, but every few years, the Holocaust numbers come up. They're running the score up a little.
Every few years, the Holocaust numbers come up.

Speaker 1 They're trying to get those numbers raised.

Speaker 1 It's not too late.

Speaker 1 People are trying to bring them down. 7.4.
A lot of people try to bring them down. Oh, yeah.
Which is a weird.

Speaker 1 Either way, it's weird. Hey, they had blacks, retards, and gays on that.

Speaker 1 Gypsies. And gypsies.
A lot of gypsies. Catholics, not a big deal.
You don't hear us belly aching. Yeah, they were inclusive.
I think they killed like seven of us. Seven.

Speaker 1 I was in Slovenia. I heard somebody doing a tour, and they were were like talking about Nazis.
And they're like, you know, a lot of Slovaks also were killed.

Speaker 1 So in some ways, it's worse than the Jewish part. Everyone's like, bro,

Speaker 1 bro, hold on a second. I think Slovakians? Yeah.
Yeah, they got fucking murdered. How many?

Speaker 1 If you look into, no, I think it's more. If you go into like the Balkans and all that area, they got fucked up.
Damn, nice. Real wild.
Balkans are wild, too.

Speaker 1 Again, those people.

Speaker 1 Women can't drive.

Speaker 1 right? Just got through the war. Stopped.
Oh, yeah. Half the cars were general.

Speaker 1 I mean, sure, they can probably let women drive now. But, you know, it's like those hard, war-torn spots.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's the reason why the fighters that come out of there are so fucking scary. Of course.
Like Marab,

Speaker 1 Wabash Willie.

Speaker 1 Terrifying. Those guys that have been through like Chechnya, those Chechnya dudes, Dagestan dudes, like them hard people.
Do you ever have to have somebody tell you how to pronounce someone's name?

Speaker 1 Yes, I fuck it up all the time. Like over and over.
Some of them are ridiculous some of them i get like during the weigh-ins they don't

Speaker 1 get anything like what they sound really the weigh-in is my most stressful time in in all of uh commentating the u.s the weigh-ins

Speaker 1 why because i have to remember all these fucking names and they're hard dude sometimes i have to write them out phonetically some of them don't look anything like the word piece they got like an o with a line through it doesn't work like the earpiece it's so loud in that thing and there's people and you know and you're yelling it over a microphone i can't hear them tell me sometimes they'll correct me, and I'll have to say it the second time I say it right.

Speaker 1 But they don't look anything like what they say.

Speaker 1 Especially like Russian names. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're crazy. They must get that, though.
Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Every few weeks, I forget how to say Khabib's last name.

Speaker 1 Yeah, when you're drinking, it's all over. I fucked that up.
I fucked it up. You got a bunch of real bad ones.

Speaker 1 It's one of those, like, there's so many.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I fucked his name up.

Speaker 1 My mouth didn't work right. It's a tough name.
My mouth just didn't work right. But he's fighting for the title this weekend.
Umar is. Umar is fighting Murab.
Murab's Gobbish Will. Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 If it happens, I mean, where is it going to be? If they move it to Vegas, is there a place that's open, I guess? Like, where do they put it? Do it back at like the Pearls just to have it.

Speaker 1 I mean, is the T-Mobile even available? Like, Jamie. On a Saturday? What's available?

Speaker 1 What's at the T-Mobile this Saturday night? Where's T-Mobile? Jamie, can you cancel one of your shows?

Speaker 1 Are you in Vegas this weekend? No. Wherever you are, it's like sooner than you can.
You can do it here. Give them the arena.
Come on, bro.

Speaker 1 It seems like they don't have an event booked unless there's private events, but nothing until the

Speaker 1 week from today. Okay.

Speaker 1 So they do have it open. So that's rabbit.

Speaker 1 If there's a 70-mile-an-hour win tonight,

Speaker 1 they said the Lakers and Clippers were supposed to start playing again, and they're playing where the Clippers players or the fights are where the Clippers play. So

Speaker 1 if they play tonight, I'd say. They have separate stadiums.
Are they going to play tonight? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a tough time. They have separate arenas now? Yeah, new arena.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a giant new arena. They should.
It's like they've lived in this shadow for too long. Good name for a rabbi, Clippers.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Cut that dick off.

Speaker 1 Who has more holidays? Jews or trans?

Speaker 1 Trans have holidays? What are you kidding? Trans Remembrance Day, Trans Visibility Day,

Speaker 1 that giant screen that goes around the whole thing. It's like the biggest thing.
It's in and out, inside and outside. Smart.
Where is this? Is this the sphere? Yeah, right next to the so-fi. Wow.

Speaker 1 That's beautiful. That's a fucking huge.
I got to go there. That place is sick.

Speaker 1 What about the homeless? In this thing right here, they said it's a little bit of a wall. It's just one from the bottom all the way to the top.
Yeah. And you have to be...

Speaker 1 They're not going to allow any opponent's fans to sit there. You're me.
What? That's my team.

Speaker 1 Why won't they let opponents' fans sit there? It's home field advantage. Oh.

Speaker 1 Wow, that seems dirty. Yeah, the Yankees, when you bought Yankee tickets, if you had

Speaker 1 an LA credit card, you can't buy these tickets.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. They were like, we want home.
I'm like, I live in New York. I mean, that seems so crazy.
Jesus Christ. That seems crazy.
Steve Balmer's place. I get, you know, get to make the rules.

Speaker 1 I guess.

Speaker 1 I guess.

Speaker 1 Hold on. What were we talking about? Jews? Wait.
Before that. America.

Speaker 1 UFC. UFC.
Yes. I had a thing on UFC.
Oh, the female fighters are getting hot. You like them? Yeah.
Which ones do you like? Well, I don't know their names. I don't watch.
But I see the weigh-ins.

Speaker 1 Damon Way-ans. Hold on.

Speaker 1 Pull up some female fighters.

Speaker 1 Underrated. Underrated.
She's really good. Valentina Shevchenko's hot.

Speaker 1 What's her name? Valentina Shevchenko. Pull her.

Speaker 1 She's the 125-pound champion. No, who's the advanced? A little fat for me.
Oh, Paige. Paige Madden.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she doesn't fight the UFC anymore, though. She was doing bare-knuckle boxing, and I was like, geez, don't do it.
I'd bare-knuckle her box.

Speaker 1 Raw duck.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 She killed me.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. She killed I was.
Bare knuckle lady is hot. She was free.
She was fighting bare knuckles, and she was hot. And then she fought another hot lady bare knuckle, Rachel Ostovich.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was the hottest fight of all time. Is Paige the one that got mentally fucked up from that Connor throwing the thing at the bus? No.
Who was that? I don't know. It was like.

Speaker 1 It might have been Rose Yaman. Maybe Rose.

Speaker 1 She might have gotten fucked up. That's Paige.
Wait. She fought bare knuckle.
She fought a couple of times. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 She's cute. Doesn't Levy look great in bare knuckles? Where's she from?

Speaker 1 Well, beat up. Nobody looks great, Ari.
Utah, maybe? Yeah, they're duking it out bare knuckle. I kind of like her beat up.
Jesus Christ. That's such a crazy way to make a living.
Bare knuckle body.

Speaker 1 There was a bare knuckle fight this weekend that was so fucking blood.

Speaker 1 It was the crazy. Go to the Jackson Wigglejohn Twitter page.
Wigglejohn. Yeah.
Who's that? That's the Gregson. Mike Wigglejohn.

Speaker 1 Wigglejohn. Like a bluegrass guy.

Speaker 1 They posted a clip from this bare knuckle fight that was this past weekend. It was so horrible.
This guy's face was just a tomato.

Speaker 1 There was a big red

Speaker 1 just wound.

Speaker 1 And he was still fighting.

Speaker 1 Jesus. Look at this face.
Oh,

Speaker 1 it was like a Hellraiser. Look at this fight.
Is that Jamie fighting him? Bro, this fight is crazy.

Speaker 1 It's me and Jamie after a while. But meanwhile,

Speaker 1 with that blood, he drops this fucking guy. I mean,

Speaker 1 he won? I don't know who won. I just saw this clip.
I didn't even know the fight was going on, but this guy's face is a mess. In the UFC, this is stopped.
Nah. By now, it's not stopped.

Speaker 1 If it's a woman, he's still. I mean, look.
With that much blood. Renee Aldana,

Speaker 1 her face was

Speaker 1 fucking horrible. His face looks like periods.
Bro, these guys are both just... duking it out.
And every time you're getting hit, you're hitting by bones. So bad.

Speaker 1 But look at that guy's eye just blew up from that last punch.

Speaker 1 I mean, this is fucking horrible, dude. Oh, good lord.
Look at this. I mean, this is the guy with the fucked up face just dropped that guy.
Everyone's cheering with their. Oh, my God.
It's so primal.

Speaker 1 Did he win?

Speaker 1 Is that the end of the fight? Is that the KO? Where's he from? Bro, that is crazy. What are these gentlemen's names? We should say their names.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
What does it say?

Speaker 1 Cody. Cody East and Dylan Rush.
They're probably American. Fucked.
Albert Kirky, of course. Albuquerque is a fan of the family.
Albuquerque.

Speaker 1 Bro, 17% of that audience.

Speaker 1 Do not piss test these gentlemen. You want to fight on Master Fury and fucking paramedical boxing.
That guy's.

Speaker 1 Do you know how hard it is to fight with a face that's that broken?

Speaker 1 I mean, every time something hits you, it's just like jolts of electricity going through your skull. Look at the beginning of the fight.
No, it's in the end of the fight. Fucking insane.

Speaker 1 Oh, you got a hand on the guy. And he won.
Fucking insane. Terrible.

Speaker 1 Now, imagine if that was Paige Van Zant.

Speaker 1 Still.

Speaker 1 Still time?

Speaker 1 Of course you would. Of course you would.
Stitch her up. Put a towel down.
Stitch her up. Let's go.
Put a towel down. Like, period sex.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Wait, who was the other one you said? Can I I hunt? Valentina Shevchenko. Shevchenko.
She's hot. Pull her up, will you? Saloppy jalopy.

Speaker 1 We lost Ari.

Speaker 1 Shevchenko.

Speaker 1 And the chick she fought, Alexa Grosso, the former champion, she's hot too. Oh, geez.
Bring her on. They're all pretty.
There's a lot of very pretty fighters in UFC now. There's Valentina.

Speaker 1 She's very pretty. Yeah, yeah, very pretty.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about? Yeah, that's great. I like the rock.
She's sculpted. Very ripped.
Very ripped, dude. She'll fucking kill you, too.
But not too ripped. She'll fuck you up.

Speaker 1 She's also like a competitive shooter. She does like those competitive pistols.
She can also actually kill you. Oh, she's like a legitimate thing.

Speaker 1 She's like a legit assassin. She's a terrifying woman.
Damn.

Speaker 1 Hot.

Speaker 1 Hot and terrifying. Would you mind if your daughters did this? That's tough, huh?

Speaker 1 Rough.

Speaker 1 I think if I had sons, I'd make them at least learn how to fight. Yeah.
But I wouldn't want them to fight. Like, don't.
First of all, if if you're my kid, you're growing up with money. You're fucked.

Speaker 1 You're going to find some hungry animal that grew up poor.

Speaker 1 Unless you're a real complete psychopath and you can fucking rise past that, most rich kids are just not going to do well.

Speaker 1 You're not going to have that hunger. You know, when you've never had to worry about food and

Speaker 1 crime and you've never been beaten up and you've never been, you know,

Speaker 1 it's possible you could have a champion that came from a wealthy family, but I don't think I've ever seen it. No, it's impressive.
Tyson brings a champion. His life.

Speaker 1 The real killers come from. Christian McCaffrey, the running back.
His dad was an NFL guy. Yep, Grand Hill.
He grew up Grand Hills.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but he grew up with a dad that was like, this is how you play football. Yeah.
And made him a freak. I don't know.
I think in football it can work.

Speaker 1 I think football's a little different than fighting, though, because in football, there's a thing,

Speaker 1 you know, there's a play, it goes down, you do your best.

Speaker 1 You're not like duking it out in the fucking fifth round where your leg is imploding and your liver's bleeding and your fucking, your ears are ringing, and you're still trying to win.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That takes a specific type of

Speaker 1 poverty in your background. You can just fight growing up.
But what if you've got like a tutor for fighting since you were five? You know, these kids are taking jiu-jitsu classes.

Speaker 1 And I think that's where, I think that, I could be wrong. It could be where the sport heads.
To rich kids. Where like people with a train.
But boxing never did.

Speaker 1 But poor kids are going to train too, and they're going to be angrier.

Speaker 1 But if you start training jits at like five years old,

Speaker 1 you're going to be.

Speaker 1 a master at it anyway. Jits is different.
Just jits is different because you're not getting hit. But like

Speaker 1 boxing never got that. Like that's why there's no, I mean, now there's some white boxers, but like well you got like Tyson Fury, who's a fucking gypsy.
He's a gypsy. So like his whole family

Speaker 1 out since they were kids. Just retired.
He used to have Jewish boxers.

Speaker 1 He didn't retire. He said he retired.
No, he's not retiring. He does.
He's not ESPN today. No.
Did he today? Today he retired? ESPN. It said Fury says that's it.

Speaker 1 I think he's done that. Oh, is that today?

Speaker 1 Is that Jamie? Yep. What?

Speaker 1 I never write. Well, good for him.

Speaker 1 Good for him.

Speaker 1 Good for him. Good for him.

Speaker 1 It's been like three times today. Tyson Fury retires.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Well, one of the greatest of all time. Yeah, I don't believe him, says another guy.

Speaker 1 Well, he might come back. Like, if they offer him the Anthony Joshua fight, I know they talked about that.

Speaker 1 Didn't he retire before? Is that Bruce? Joshua or Tyson Fury. Yes, he did.
Yeah. But he retired when he was having real mental health problems.

Speaker 1 He almost committed suicide. Dude, Tyson Tafarari off a bridge.

Speaker 1 Oh, is that right? Yeah, he was losing his mind. Tyson? Yes.
Did you ever hear him talk to Ari Hilrani about like the he called him?

Speaker 1 They were interviewing him, and he was like, hey, today's the anniversary of when you first took the

Speaker 1 oh, yeah, it's really nice. The heavyweight Tyson.
That's a really cool speech. Yeah.
I mean, it's sad. It's sad, but he's like, how do you like it? He goes, honestly, it's pretty shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, when you beat, what's his name? Who's the Ukrainian boxer? Oh, Vladimir Klitchkov. Yeah.
Isn't that who he beat to get the title? The guy who's the mayor of Kiev. Yeah.
Is that right?

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Whoa. He's doing a great job.
Cool mayor. That guy's got a PhD.
Is he or is his brother the mayor?

Speaker 1 He's the mayor, right? His brother, Vitaly, was the mayor of somewhere else, too. Vitaly is also a politician.
Jesus Christ. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. And they both saddled up to go to war, too.
So did Lomachenko. Yeah.
He saddled up, too.

Speaker 1 Okay. He's the mayor of Kyiv.
Yeah. So what was his.

Speaker 1 So Vitaly's the mayor. So Vladimir, what is Vladimir's position? What does he do?

Speaker 1 So Vitaly's the mayor of Kyiv, and I think Vladimir is a politician as well.

Speaker 1 Isn't the Filipino guy a politician, too? Yeah. Yep, Manny Pacquiao.
He's a politician? Yeah.

Speaker 1 What? So what does he do?

Speaker 1 Does he have some sort of a... Ukrainian army.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 These are the guys of the real deal. Yeah, I saw him with a fucking

Speaker 1 machine gun.

Speaker 1 Terrifying dudes and

Speaker 1 phenomenal boxers, too. Especially the brother Fitali was an animal.
They're both animals.

Speaker 1 But he was more technical than his brother. His brother was a destroyer.
Just fuck people up, man. He was a giant dude, too.
And they're both brilliant. They both have PhDs.
PhDs. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you see this? What's this? Oh, here we go. I like it.
I like it. I already like it.

Speaker 1 So professional cross-lock

Speaker 1 played going. You can fight in lacrosse like you can in hockey.
No, you're not allowed. Who is this? They're fighting.
The referee's not doing shit. They wait till they go to the ground.

Speaker 1 No, they're fighting, dude.

Speaker 1 No, but they can't get it in because they'll get punched. They wait till it goes to the ground.
Oh, now they get it.

Speaker 1 That was one and done. But they let them fight.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's the same as hockey. They let them go into it on the ground.

Speaker 1 That's what I asked. Is it like hockey?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, look at this.
That's brutal.

Speaker 1 Toronto. Toronto versus Buffalo.
That's crazy. Oh, poor Buffalo guy.
If La Crosse does this, it might become better. That's how it starts like they're playing.
That's true. It might get off.

Speaker 1 He's got the gloves, too. Stepping up for his boy like hockey.
Man. Bro, that's crazy.
That was worse than those. So this is a new sport where you're allowed to punch in the face.
That's true.

Speaker 1 Because this was never the case in any other sport. Like, if this is basketball, they would have stopped this a long time ago.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 So they're letting guys box because this is different, too, because you have shoes on. So you can get grip and movement, and you can really punch hard.

Speaker 1 The thing about hockey is, like, you're hampering. You fall fast.
Yeah, you're flopping around in fucking skates. But he was probably disqualified forever after that.
I don't know, man.

Speaker 1 It looks like you're allowed to do that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it looks like you're allowed to do that because the referees didn't jump in.

Speaker 1 It's a penalty, but

Speaker 1 you're about to get sports. That changes sports.
yeah. Start throwing that into basketball.

Speaker 1 They used to. In the 80s, the NBA was all that.
Imagine all the police.

Speaker 1 People fucking punched Lambert. But you imagine all the time.
Lambert he punched all the time. Lambert.
Shout out to Notre Dame. But here's the thing: what do you allow to do?

Speaker 1 Like, are you allowed to leg kick? No. No, if you leg kick, Draymond found out you're not allowed to leg kick.
It's what? It's gay.

Speaker 1 Draymond found out. He tried to leg kick all the time.

Speaker 1 But if you're in a lacrosse game and you leg kick, you can't leg kick.

Speaker 1 Everyone knows leg kicks are gay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why are you laughing so hard? Because I know how much you love leg kicks.

Speaker 1 They hurt. Yeah, but I mean, if you're trying to hit me, why wouldn't I kick your leg?

Speaker 1 Who is that boxer that went against the game? We're going against the rules.

Speaker 1 We're not playing.

Speaker 1 Now we're fighting. I'm going to kick your fight.
Of course.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I had especially if I think you don't know what to do.
A Bellatour guy kicked me in the leg

Speaker 1 and he went in slow-mo, kicked me in the leg. It hurt for a week.

Speaker 1 Calf? No, right above the knee on the side of the thigh.

Speaker 1 Yikes. Fucked me up.
Yeah. And he just tapped it.
He had a couple drinks, and I was going, come on.

Speaker 1 Have you ever seen Alex Pereira like gently leg kick this lady? Yes. No.
She asks him to. She's like, just don't hit me hard.
And he gently taps her leg.

Speaker 1 She falls to the ground. Then she took a photo of it afterwards.
Her whole fucking leg was bruised. Wow.
How about that fucking Asian guy that was swallowing those? You see those? No homo?

Speaker 1 Oh, you see that? That guy in Korea. Yo.
Bro, that guy's an animal. Who the fuck is that guy?

Speaker 1 Who knows? Wait a minute. Like this fucking maniac.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 This is nothing.

Speaker 1 And by the way, that hurts like fucking hell.

Speaker 1 This guy's getting mad now. He's like, but he's not hitting them full blast, but he's hitting him pretty hard, man.

Speaker 1 She bangs. She bang.

Speaker 1 Look at this guy just dancing. That's crazy.
Look at that. He took it.
That guy's an animal.

Speaker 1 I swear they showed. No, they showed another one where he's like body.

Speaker 1 Look, he tells him to hit him again. And he hits him hard.
Watch this. Look, look, go ahead.

Speaker 1 He hits him pretty hard, dude.

Speaker 1 That's kind of crazy. Pereir's a good-looking guy.
He's a handsome fella, especially with the suits on. Yeah.
26 leg kicks. That is so crazy.
Now, watch this girl. Watch this.

Speaker 1 This was me at the wedding. That's when I got crazy.
He just touches her. Just touches her.
Bro, it hurts so bad. But wait for it.
Watch when she shows what it looked like afterwards.

Speaker 1 She shows what it looked like afterwards. Look at that.
Oh, my God. Isn't that crazy?

Speaker 1 Oh, man. He just touched her.
Just touched her. Now imagine that fucking dude.
Look, he just literally touched her. Now imagine that dude ate like 20, what of them? 27? 26.
27. That's crazy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He might be dead.

Speaker 1 He might have just been really good at putting on an adult. He might be Joe Biden.
It might have been

Speaker 1 Joe Biden himself.

Speaker 1 It might have been Joe Biden himself.

Speaker 1 There's people that are just built different, man.

Speaker 1 That's true. That dude is obviously just built different.
Something's going on. Leah Thomas.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 She goes up to the sky.

Speaker 1 That's a guy.

Speaker 1 I got one.

Speaker 1 That's guys.

Speaker 1 Pierre.

Speaker 1 You guys want to hear my impression of Frank Sinatra at a pen swim meet? Yes. That's Guy.

Speaker 1 There it is.

Speaker 1 There she blows. That's fun.
I'll do this one. No, I just did another one.
You do it. Are you going to to pee or am I going to pee? What are we doing here? I'm good for another 20 minutes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's almost 5 o'clock already. I say we keep it rolling.
I'm having a nice time.

Speaker 1 But you keep it all you got on the cuff. Like that song.
Keep it rolling, Joe. Keep on rolling.

Speaker 1 What happened to you, bro? It hurts. It's so cold.

Speaker 1 It's good now. Too cold.

Speaker 1 Give Norman one. Norman hasn't had one.
Stick with the liquor here.

Speaker 1 Shotgun cow and liquor. Yeah, Norman and I got a second ice cube.

Speaker 1 It's all right. Trick what you want.
Good rapper. True.

Speaker 1 What is your shirt, Ari? What is that? Is that from your special? From my special. Oh, that's you.
Dude, give me one of those. You got one of those for me? Stay positive.
Oh, nice.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would award for the show. Concerned.
Oh, okay. Stay positive? Yeah.
HIV.

Speaker 1 Why stay positive? Is that the name of a special?

Speaker 1 I hate his fucking positivity. The whole theme of the special is like fucking angry.
He's trying to get himself out of his anger. He's just so angry all the time.

Speaker 1 If he's not in here, he's trying to change. America's sweetheart.

Speaker 1 The whole theme is like, get off the news, live your life, touch grass.

Speaker 1 Come on from a guy with a severe social media addiction. I know, right? Kind of hilarious.

Speaker 1 Shut up, baby. That's Kyla.
That's Kyla.

Speaker 1 Perfect. Let's go.
What size? XL. Oh, that's too big.

Speaker 1 The back is for my closer.

Speaker 1 Felt this Holocaust immediately that died. XL.
That's what you are, right? Yeah, larger XL. I can wear either one of them.
That's nice.

Speaker 1 I want to wear it. Positivity special.
It's just like, guys, this shit's fucking. Yeah,

Speaker 1 nice. That'll go viral.
That's a putty.

Speaker 1 Nice. Jesus.
What a noangitan. Christ.

Speaker 1 The cocka. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 That is crazy. That's nice, Arrifa.

Speaker 1 ArtsFit nice in the next show. Yeah, I do.
Damn. That's crazy.
Available at ArchShafir.com right now. How many payers are you?com, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to pay for this special.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's got $85,000 worth of plans to cover. Netflix did not cover it.
Please help me.

Speaker 1 I love the trailer's like coming soon on Netflix.

Speaker 1 Netflix didn't cover the fucking.

Speaker 1 They didn't cover the plants. They didn't cover enough.
I'm out a lot, bro. I'm out of a lot.
At least they put that fucking special on. At least they put it up, and they're putting Jew up? Yes, nice.

Speaker 1 Are they? Oh, nice. Whoa.
Yes. Beautiful.
Like April or May or something. Yeah.
Netflix is taking some fucking chances.

Speaker 1 I think that fucking roast that Tom Brady wrote

Speaker 1 that turned it around, baby. That was the number one most watched thing on Netflix ever.
They must have been like, oh.

Speaker 1 yeah oh this woke shit what are we not really selling people want to laugh yeah fucking comedy coming together fucking fun have some actual fun for it ruled it ruled it was funny as hell it ruled oh my god I'm so sorry by the way that probably saved Tony's ass because then people say oh that's what he does all the time

Speaker 1 you asked Tony to do Tony at a fucking political rally yeah which is all you can do which I told him don't do it but he doesn't want to listen we have the same agent he was like I'm getting death threats from Trump guys.

Speaker 1 Like, if he doesn't win, I'm going to die.

Speaker 1 They might actually kill Tony. You know, they had stories already written blaming it on Tony.
Yeah. Already written.
I love those leaked stories that come out once in a while.

Speaker 1 And it's like, oh, shit, that didn't happen yet.

Speaker 1 They wrote the stories ready because they don't write the story based on who wins. They write stories like, if Trump wins, we're going to blame this.
Right.

Speaker 1 And if, you know, Kamala wins, we're going to blame Tony Hinchcraft. What happened to journalism? It's done.
The internet killed it. Clicks.
It's also the format sucks.

Speaker 1 The TV format's the worst. And then the news format, you want me to read paper? But also, they became so self-important.
It's the same people that gave Chappelle a 0%.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And it's like, oh, right.
You guys are trying to be part of the story instead of just reporting on it.

Speaker 1 All those little things just led to the end. And that led to the fire.

Speaker 1 A little bit. A little bit.
A little bit. A little bit.
I mean, you want to red pill people? Burn their fucking house to the ground. Ooh,

Speaker 1 and then watch the governor do a little shimmy when he talks about acquiring the land.

Speaker 1 A little shimmy about figuring out a way to purpose. What's his story?

Speaker 1 Where's Gavin Newsom from? Figure out a way to purpose. Satan is from hell?

Speaker 1 That's Christ.

Speaker 1 He's back in hell.

Speaker 1 Let me find out about this.

Speaker 1 Is he from Ohio? I don't know. I think he's from Northern California.
He was the mayor of San Francisco at one point. How long has he been in California? How long has he been the governor?

Speaker 1 Where did he go to school? Stanford? He's been the governor for a while. He's friends with a lot of people we like.
They tried to recall him. He's friends.
I know. What do you you mean to say?

Speaker 1 It's all

Speaker 1 he behind closed doors. I think he's like us.
I think he's a regular coach. He's a college basketball coach vibes.
Incorrect. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 We'll talk after. Senator Clara.
Yeah, from California. He's famous.
Listen, plump jacket. This guy.

Speaker 1 He's just a fucking rich person. I knew he was it.
I knew it.

Speaker 1 This whole thing has been preparing for him to run for president. He acts like a president.
He talks like a president.

Speaker 1 And if it wasn't for this past election, he probably would have ran for president. Now he's fucked.
But he thinks he's not fucked. So he's talking like he's got it all under control.

Speaker 1 He's going to change everything and make everything better. Click some early life stuff.
I want to learn about this, man. I want to know.

Speaker 1 They're talking about fast-forwarding the application process for all these people to rebuild their homes. Where are they going to get the money? Noosa's aunt was married to Ron Pelosi.

Speaker 1 An attorney for Getty Oil?

Speaker 1 Look at Jamie. Look at what James just thought.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy. Hold on a second.
Get a conspiracy theorist. Not actual note, dumbass.
That's all I can see. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Hard to tell. I don't know this one.
It's going to to be a good game. Went to a French-American bilingual campaign.
Come back to the top. I want to learn about this yet.
Redwood High School.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 He had severe dyslexia that still affects him. Our mother.

Speaker 1 Oh, dyslexia.

Speaker 1 It's like the people that we get to pick from. Yeah, that's the thing.
It's like there's no real options. Who wants to do that? Well, he got recalled.
He got recalled and they still won. Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, if they did it now, he'd probably lose. Yeah.
But look how many people in California this year voted red. Like a giant chunk of California turned a giant chunk.

Speaker 1 You compare the map from 2020 to 2024. It's like most of the state is red except for the high population centers.
All those areas down south, like near San Diego, all that shit went red.

Speaker 1 So it probably was going to get a DEI hire as your candidate. That's DEI.

Speaker 1 That's it.

Speaker 1 Jamie, tell us up some Jeremiah Love highlights.

Speaker 1 Put them on.

Speaker 1 What are you guys betting? What is the bet? I think it should be something not money-wise. Okay.
Embarrassing or like

Speaker 1 blow each other or something. Yeah.
Ass fun each other. No one wins.

Speaker 1 Drink out of Jamie's asshole.

Speaker 1 You're going to funnel the beer into his asshole, and then you have to funnel it back in your mouth. What the fuck? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe you trade jobs for a week. You'd do that.

Speaker 1 That'd be good.

Speaker 1 Jamie and Arena going, uh, Jamie on tires. Yeah.
Yeah. Jeremiah Love highlights.
Jeremiah Smith, you mean? Jeremiah Love. Your freshman, ultimate wide receiver in the country, 18 years old.

Speaker 1 No, Jeremiah Love. He's going to Ohio.
He's turning Ohio on Coward. He's trying to turn it around.
When's the last time Notre Dame beat Ohio Smith? Oh,

Speaker 1 shit. Because they haven't played for a while.
I know, but they played six times in the last 20 years.

Speaker 1 In the last 20 years, zero. Okay.

Speaker 1 Last five. 20 years?

Speaker 1 Probably like 94? 95. I think we won that one, too.
Have I always won 95? Rivalry Renewed. Wow.
That's what they call it. Have Irish people ever complained about that mascot? No.

Speaker 1 That's what's great about the Irish. Anyone else the Irish ever complained about? Hey, slavery.

Speaker 1 True, that's true. True.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that guy. That guy is ugly as shit.
He's complaining a lot about that.

Speaker 1 When I was a kid, all the Irish guys. They complain a lot about England.
About England. That's true.

Speaker 1 Yeah, could you play Kneecap and Jeremiah Love Highlights? And they love Palestine. What's Kneecap?

Speaker 1 Rap band. You're going to love love Nekapand.
Can you play Get the Brits out and we can drink a little? What's Kneecap? I got a band for rap band. They rap in Irish.

Speaker 1 They rap in Irish. Really? Whoa, I can't stand that.
I want to hear this.

Speaker 1 Like House of Pain. Listen to how good this is.
All right.

Speaker 1 You don't need to watch.

Speaker 1 Get the Brits out. I like the illustrations.

Speaker 1 We're on our mad one. Shout out, my boys, Kneecap.
Are they still around?

Speaker 1 It's your favorite Republican ootes.

Speaker 1 Every self vent that I choose. Two boobs in a paint that's not done.
Never you may never smell.

Speaker 1 Torch K touch after me. Young style for a different zone.

Speaker 1 Oh, bro, I'm putting this on the Spotify.

Speaker 1 I'm putting this on the list.

Speaker 1 You cannot say that

Speaker 1 the queen is a box.

Speaker 1 Go for a dance.

Speaker 1 Go for a dance.

Speaker 1 Go for a dance.

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 go for a dance.

Speaker 1 That's called Get the Brits Up. Get Your Brits Up.

Speaker 1 Got it. It's in.

Speaker 1 This hit rocks. It's on the page.
Oh, that's them, huh?

Speaker 1 That's terrifying. Oh, yeah.
No, they rule the Irish Guar. No, that's not true.
They're actually good. They're actually good.
Dude, they're pretty good. Guar is fun.
They're awesome.

Speaker 1 How do I not know about these guys? They're new. Let me hear what they sound live.

Speaker 1 Oh, same song. Go for a dance.

Speaker 1 These are tough people.

Speaker 1 Wrapping in a polo shirt.

Speaker 1 Brits out.

Speaker 1 Crazy.

Speaker 1 How many people you think live in Ireland? It's not that big of a place, but it has such a huge influence. Like, think about America.
Because they all came to America. Exactly.
But there's so many.

Speaker 1 There's a lot. You ever read Born Fighting? They don't love condoms.
Great condoms. About the Scotts Irish.
Scott's Irish? A lot of it. Well, it's Catholic.
It's Catholic.

Speaker 1 That's true. Supposed to have a bunch of kids.
And Protestants.

Speaker 1 See if they have any Philly footage. I was at their show in Philly.
Were you really? How do I not know about these guys? How come you never told me about them? They're new. They're the best.

Speaker 1 In Philly, in Philly.

Speaker 1 This is maybe not my best story. This is the last time I did cocaine.
Oh, come on. The last time? It was.
It was with these guys. It wasn't the first time.
the first time. It was with these guys.
So

Speaker 1 they have a movie

Speaker 1 and it's really good. But my girlfriend and I watched the movie and I was like, oh, fuck, I forgot I told these guys I'd go to their show tonight.
I was like, why don't you stay home and I'll be back.

Speaker 1 I'll probably be back by midnight.

Speaker 1 As soon as I got in the green room, they're like, hey, fucking do it.

Speaker 1 I was like, yeah, all right, I'll do it.

Speaker 1 And then we were out till I got home at like 5 a.m. and the door was locked.

Speaker 1 She got me.

Speaker 1 She got you. But she has to lock the door.
It's 5 a.m. It was a right.
Yeah. She'll be there.
You need to. What do you got to do? Go to sleep with the door wide open? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just so drunk ass shame can come home at 5 a.m.

Speaker 1 She could have left that. That was a Philly one.
That was an elevator. Yeah.
No, no, no. You got to bring a key, bitch.
Key bump.

Speaker 1 I said no. That's the first couple times.
But it was. That's ice.
Who's these bros?

Speaker 1 The guy was

Speaker 1 skirting about the snow. It's not even ice.
Snow. Is that the Philly place? Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was a good place. It was a great place.
Yeah. Never got any furniture in there.
Never got it? You have to?

Speaker 1 Do you like it when you go back for a little bit? You like it when you go back for a little bit? I loved it. I loved to go back to the shoe.
King.

Speaker 1 Dude, we went and did the 999, all of us, and we're walking up to where the Phillies play. And this is Shane now.
Yeah. And just walking down the street.

Speaker 1 Not that many people, when they did recognize, like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 He's the hero of the town. Philly rules.
Dude.

Speaker 1 It's the best. That's nice.
I do love Philly. I threw up in your toilet.
You did, and then you denied it. I blamed it on.

Speaker 1 I knew it was you, nasty ass. Obviously.
Who did you blame it on? O'Connor.

Speaker 1 O'Connor was asleep. And O'Connor was blacked out, and he was like, it might have been me.

Speaker 1 Possibly. Possibly.
Let's deny.

Speaker 1 That was the 999. That was tough.
Oh, my God. Wait, did we tell you about this? No, what happened? What's the 999? There's a challenge.
Go ahead. There's a challenge that no one should do.

Speaker 1 Help me out. Help me out.
I remember this one.

Speaker 1 It's nine hot dogs, nine beers, and nine innings. The baseball, yeah.
And the games move faster now. Yeah.
So it's tough. It's two and a half hours later.
But we got there early and we were like

Speaker 1 nine hot dogs during a baseball game. Shane hooked it up with the with the with the booze.
Yeah. Yeah.
We got the booze and the hot dogs stocked

Speaker 1 the booth or whatever. Yeah.
The suites. Yeah.
And that helped a lot because we can get 12 ounces instead of 16. God.
And no lines for the bathroom. O'Connor, we got there early.

Speaker 1 O'Connor had seven hot dogs done before before the national anthem.

Speaker 1 He just started powering. He was like, I'm going to handle this well.

Speaker 1 He was sick the whole game. In the third,

Speaker 1 he was fully asleep like a heroin addict. Wow.
And the eighth woke up, like, dude, you got the beer. He woke up and we were like, bro, you're so close.

Speaker 1 He got the beers easy, but we were like, bro, you're so close. Just eat three hot dogs right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He did it. Hot dogs.
Who did it? You failed? I did like 50. I couldn't eat the hot dogs.
Yeah. That's

Speaker 1 17 beers. Shockingly, Foley did not do it.
Where's the room? Really? Where's the space? Where's the space? Nine hot dogs. It's a fucking hole.
Are you allowed to pew?

Speaker 1 I said you're allowed. Colin pukes.
Get it out of there. Literally every single person.
Column pukes in the bathroom into the sink for no reason. Yeah.
Rather than

Speaker 1 stuffed there.

Speaker 1 No, no, he's just making bad decisions. He knows better.
He's nine beers.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Nine beers, you're going to make

Speaker 1 the beers is easy. For you.
Who did it? Nine beers during a baseball game is a three-hour game. Yeah, 15 easy.
I was being the goalkeeper. People give me beers.
I was like, nope, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Yep, counts.

Speaker 1 It was with Are You Garbage, Chris and Tommy. Oh, nice.
It was great guys. But

Speaker 1 seven dogs before the national anthem was.

Speaker 1 I watched him do it, and I was like, oh, Connor, what are you doing? You're starting too fast. You're going to die, bro.
They're not digesting it. You want to do it over the whole course.
Horrendous.

Speaker 1 Let your body break it down. He's not a big guy.
No, he's got abs. Does he?

Speaker 1 Wow. There you go.
Connor's a fucking beast. God.

Speaker 1 damn. When was this from? July.
Yeah. It depends on when you've eaten, though.
If I haven't eaten all day, I could eat. Oh, we didn't eat.
No one ate all day.

Speaker 1 Although Foley was sitting down hitting.

Speaker 1 He was doing chicken.

Speaker 1 There were some things in the box. He was also eating like a cheesecake steak.

Speaker 1 I think that's why I'm at Philly.

Speaker 1 I think I could eat nine hot dogs if I haven't eaten all day. The bun, though.
The bun is what gets you. The bun will get you.
That's what I'm doing. And you had to eat the bun.

Speaker 1 We're allowed to eat it. We have nine beers and nine dogs.
Well, when you see those dudes doing the hot dog eating competitions, no bun. They dip it.
No, they dip the bun. They dip the bun.
Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like they break it down a little bit before it gets in there.
23. That seems like it's rough.
I had two hot dogs right away. I was like, I forgot.

Speaker 1 I don't think they should be allowed to do it. I hate hot dogs.
They're just no, don't dip. I don't love some either.
Why are you dipping? Do it real. Who eats a hot dog that way?

Speaker 1 Eat a hot dog like an American. Fucking pussy Joey Chestnut.
And you should probably have some mustard on that thing. Joey Chestnut.

Speaker 1 What's the ass Joey Chestnut? What's the other guy? The Japanese guy. Konyashi.
Yeah, he quit. He quit the biz.
Couldn't beat. Couldn't beat him.
Couldn't beat Joey. His health was deteriorating.

Speaker 1 I'm sure. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Probably

Speaker 1 a million hot dogs. And he's not a big guy.
No, he's Japanese. He's stretching the shit out of his gut.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, that feet.
Oh, you got videos. How many hot dogs is that guy eating? 80.

Speaker 1 What's his record? He was up to. 6 million.
No, like, what is he eat? 63, 6 million. 63 hot dogs.
670 or something. Wow.
So what's Chestnut? He's bigger than that girl.

Speaker 1 Someone should think of a bucket full of hot dogs. That's what that is.
It's like a bucket full of hot dogs. 66.
Young chestnut. Did Chestnut win? Yeah, he's the current.

Speaker 1 The crazy thing is, these aren't big guys. No, no.
It's a gift. Jeez.
Have you seen some of the other shit they eat too, though? Look at the size of the stack. Look at the stack.

Speaker 1 Look at the stack. No, the one above that, Jamie? The one above that? Yeah, that one.
This is what Carter is hating. Look at the size of that stack of hot dogs.

Speaker 1 We're just eating hot dogs for the sport. That's fucking insane.
That doesn't even make sense. Like, how does it fit in his body? He can do it.
It doesn't seem like it would fit, though, right?

Speaker 1 Well, if we have fast metabolism, you know, some people have

Speaker 1 to make a space. Like, physical space.
They burn it. Like, where's the last hot dog? It's got to be like right here.
Is that his wife? She's pretty hot. His wife.

Speaker 1 There's a female champion. Yeah, there's a female champion.
Oh, yeah, they got a female division. Oh, I'd like to meet her.

Speaker 1 She can swallow a wiener. That's crazy that the females win it, too.
It's a belt, too. That won't fit.
Damn, you imagine dating a lady that was a fucking hot dog?

Speaker 1 I'd rather date a porn star. Jeez.
There's more fucking honor in that. Yeah.
You got to put mustard on your dick to get ahead.

Speaker 1 It's my wife. She was a hot dog-eating champion.
Jesus Christ. 51 this year.
51. 58.
What's the name? Oh, man. The woman ate 51 hot dogs.

Speaker 1 Who's Mickey Sudoo?

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. She's a beast.
Look at that. They used to have 30.
It used to be 30 and three quarters. They gave her a three quarters.
That lady got 39 and a half. 38 that year?

Speaker 1 That's like when you're five. I'm five and a half.
Imagine she didn't swallow. You're like, come on.
This is crazy, bitch. You ate so much ketchup.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So much ketchup. She won.
51 in 2024? Wow, that's a good one.

Speaker 1 Must be sick.

Speaker 1 How much took 10 minutes? She ate 51 hot dogs in 10 minutes. She was just 57 and 5 minutes at the end of the day.
He did not sponsor that.

Speaker 1 That was just for love. He just did it just to show off because he wasn't at that event.
Bro, that's more than 10 a minute. That's so crazy.
Oh, my God. That's crazy.
57 in five minutes.

Speaker 1 Just the fucking movement. McConnor's a pussy.
That's so crazy. What the hell? Is he swallowing everybody? Nine hot dogs in four hours will put you in a coma.

Speaker 1 Dude, we told Aaron Judge we were doing that.

Speaker 1 We told Aaron Judge, the MVP, that we were doing this. Oh, cool.
Cool, guys.

Speaker 1 We should see that. We should see that.
What? I want to see him eat 57 hot dogs. D.
with it. Pull it up.
Pull it up. I want to see how they do it.
Are they chewing? Barely.

Speaker 1 They slide it down. It's wet.
It's soggy. Do they throw up right away? It's like a comedy store waitress.
Are you allowed to throw up?

Speaker 1 Look at this. Look at this guy.
Look at that. He's

Speaker 1 dipping it and shoving him in his mouth. That is insane.

Speaker 1 The salt would kill you, too. Oh, yeah.
What do they win? Nothing. Money.
They win us talking about. What are the groupies like for this sport? Oh, imagine eating pussy, that guy.
American shirt.

Speaker 1 American flowers. Nice shirt.
Oh, in this case, he's doing it for Gary Busey. Oh, my gosh, this is so disgusting.
Every five he eats his five thousand dollars getting donated.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 The guy with the camera is like, I'm going to get barfed on.

Speaker 1 Did somebody say something about Gary Busey? Yeah, I thought that guy looked like him. Oh, bro, that guy's wild.
Have you seen his Instagram lately? No,

Speaker 1 you know, Gary Busey had a horrible motorcycle accident with no helmet on and shifted his skull. What? Like, one of his eyeballs is like down here, the other one's up here.
Is he normal now? No.

Speaker 1 No, that's when he became not normal. If you go to before that, like when he was on Lethal Weapon, he was a great actor.
He was in a bunch of fucking great movies.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was great.

Speaker 1 What was that reality show with him? No, but that was post, that was post-impact.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he almost died. He fucking hit his head on a curb.

Speaker 1 That makes sense. Yeah, yeah, look at him now.
Look at it. See how that left eye is lower than the right eye? Left eye Lopez.
Was that carrot cake?

Speaker 1 He's

Speaker 1 listen to him talk, though, too. He's just

Speaker 1 a little bike shot at me because it's so good. I don't want to eat it too fast.

Speaker 1 That ain't Gary Busey.

Speaker 1 You should run for president.

Speaker 1 Sounds like Joe Biden, for real. That's what I'm saying.
It is a baby quin.

Speaker 1 Oh, there it is. There's teeth.
That's Busey. He's out there.
I had a conversation with him on the phone once. A friend of mine was at his house, and he goes, hey, Gary Bucey wants to talk to you.

Speaker 1 I talked to him for like three minutes. It was just like rambling, just crazy talk.
Sounds about right.

Speaker 1 I think he was talking about Jesus. It was like a lot of nutty shit talking.
His son's around, too. His son's an actor.
Oh, yeah? Jake Busey. Jake Busey.
Oh, yeah. He's a great actor, man.

Speaker 1 He played that guy who was like trying to blow up the world in one of those movies.

Speaker 1 Oh, in... No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
He played the guy who blew up the space machine in Contact.

Speaker 1 What? You remember in Contact, the first one blew up, and then the other... The fucking watch had to go off.
Jody Foster? Yes, that movie. He blew up.
It was your fucking father the whole time.

Speaker 1 Remember, they were supposed to... There was this machine that lets them go to this other planet.
Remember, it spins around in a circle, it drops. That's him.

Speaker 1 He played the Christian preacher. Ron White.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What the fuck was that? Ron White. Ron White.

Speaker 1 He plays the Christian preacher.

Speaker 1 That's it. That's his son.
That looks like that. That sabotages the...

Speaker 1 He sabotages the space machine. Imagine your dad is.
Do you remember that movie? Yeah. That movie was fucking great.
I liked that. I saw it in the theater.
That's Carl Sagan's book. That's right.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Jokie Foster was all right. She was all right.
She was all right. McConaughey was good in that movie.
McConaughey is such a fucking beast. Yeah, he's in everything.

Speaker 1 Gee, look at him.

Speaker 1 He played a very good fucking psychopath Christian. Yeah.
Solid movie. He looked like a cult leader for sure.
Legit. What's that other one? Interstellar? Interstellar movie movie?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the other mechanics McConaughey movie. Fucking great movie.
Don't watch that on a plane. That turned me around on McConaughey a lot.
You didn't like him? I didn't like Rom-Con McConaughey. Wow.

Speaker 1 Tropic Thunder was the first thing that I was like, McConaughey's all right. What about the AIDS one?

Speaker 1 That was after Tropic Thunder. Bro, that movie fucked him up.
Yeah, it did. Physically fucked him up.

Speaker 1 When did Dallas Buyers Club? Was that before? That was after. Do you know that movie's about Vauci?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Come on.
That's what it's about.

Speaker 1 Get out of here. It's about suppressing therapeutics for AIDS because they wanted everybody to take AIDS to Dallas Buyers Club 2013.
Oh, he got way later. He got wrecked doing that movie, man.

Speaker 1 Because he had to become an AIDS guy, so he had to lose a ton of weight. Never really looked the same after even Wolf of Wall Street.
He got down to 135 pounds in five months. Oh, bro.

Speaker 1 Wolf of Wall Street. He still looks a little gone.
Nothing's worse than the machinist.

Speaker 1 Oh, nothing's worse. Christian Bale.
The amount of weight he lost for that is.

Speaker 1 No, he almost died. Yeah.
Yeah, that's like literally like starvation. Like your organs are failing.
You get down to that kind of weight. That was the craziest.
And the movie sucked. I know.

Speaker 1 Did it for a movie that sucked? And he's one of the greatest actors of all time. Didn't 50 Cent do that and the movie sucked? Yes.

Speaker 1 50 Cent godly. He did it too.
He did it too.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing: if you're getting that low, you don't got the energy to put in a really good performance. Right.
And then the script sucks.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You're right.
It's like remember when he hung upside down for the Super Bowl? What? That's a TMX. No way.
Yeah. He's a dime.
And then he got big again. Remember when he was in the Super Bowl?

Speaker 1 That's him. Remember when

Speaker 1 That's why he got big because he's like fuck this went the opposite way. I mean he got crazy.
He used to be ripped remember oh yeah 50 Cent used to be fucking jacked

Speaker 1 on stage He would look like an MMA fighter plowing Chelsea handler. He was on a liquid diet for nine weeks.
Yikes. He's doing liquid diet right now.
Hell yeah

Speaker 1 Jesus

Speaker 1 weird thing that like Robert De Niro started everybody off on you know remember he gained he gained all that weight for raging Raging Pole? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 That was like the first time an actor had ever gotten really fat for a movie. Yeah.
Matt Damon did it too. He got real thin for

Speaker 1 Liquid Courage. How about the lady from Courage Under Fire? The Monster Lady.
Oh, yeah. Getting ugly.
Oh, the hot sharpening. Charlie's the girl getting ugly for a role.
Shaved her eyebrows off.

Speaker 1 Got fat and shaved her eyebrows off. A serial killer.
Eileen Warno. Awesome.
That's it. Fucking great movie, though.
Yeah, it was. Shout out to my friend Patty.
Wow. Who put that movie together?

Speaker 1 Patty Jenkins.

Speaker 1 That's her her movie. She directed it.
She directed it.

Speaker 1 All right. And Charlize Throne fucking gained like 100 pounds from that movie.
That was crazy. Yeah.
She got super fat. He did it just for funsies.
Oh, no. This was one of the best ones.
Wow.

Speaker 1 What did he do it for?

Speaker 1 He got so sick of actors letting the character get in shape in season two because the actor gets like a personal trainer. He goes, no, in life, you get fatter.

Speaker 1 So he just lets Sonny for an entire season.

Speaker 1 What movie was this? Or what show was this?

Speaker 1 Oh, that's hilarious. He's a hunk because he was a hunk and then he decided to get fat.
Good for him. He was slightly a hunk, then he got very fat, and then he became a super hunk.

Speaker 1 And it's just him and Ryan Reynolds being hunks. Owning soccer teams.
Being silly hunks. Being silly hunks.
Which is the funniest guy. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The hunk guy.

Speaker 1 Everybody loves that guy. Hey, silly hunk.
At least Joe keeps his shirt on, usually.

Speaker 1 Most of the time. Wow.
Yeah, Van Wilder, based on Burt Kreischer. Isn't that nuts? That's so crazy.
Isn't that nuts? It's literally a movie based on Burt.

Speaker 1 It really is. Yeah.
Like, they wrote a story about it for Rolling Stone magazine. The original title was The Interruption.
Ah!

Speaker 1 Weakly!

Speaker 1 It reminds me of me!

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Secret time, secret time.
You guys have such a good break. Secret time.

Speaker 1 All right, you gotta go pee. Come on.
Nope. I'm gonna pee.
Damn it, I'm gonna pee for the third time. I did the third time.
Wait, the third time? That's the rice.

Speaker 1 Ah! That's a new one! That's the one you were waiting on? That's another thing. It's been six hours.

Speaker 1 The fact that you can still get one this many hours in. I was waiting for you to do your third review.
I know how long. I'm like, do another one.
No, everybody keeps pulling out these knives.

Speaker 1 I'm getting nervous. Sorry, sorry.
No more knives. That's Thrice.

Speaker 1 Every five minutes, Norma's pulling out a knife and no one's even noticing.

Speaker 1 Don't do it.

Speaker 1 Thanks.

Speaker 1 Thanks.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I just did something's burning.
That show's still going. How's it doing? It's about LA now.
It's doing great now that it's free.

Speaker 1 Now that it's free, the shackles it was in. That story.
Contract disputes. Nuts.

Speaker 1 That story is for Bert to tell, but for us to go, what the fuck? Wait, what? Yeah, we can't talk about it on the show, but

Speaker 1 off the air, we'll tell you the whole story. Oh, no.
And you'll go, what the fuck? Business fucking sucks.

Speaker 1 What do you think is cool? Sucks.

Speaker 1 It doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be.
It doesn't have to be that way. You're good at it.

Speaker 1 it you're good at like let's make it cool let's everybody pass around money the way you should that's why it's supposed to be

Speaker 1 everybody should be fine have a good time let's all fun have fun together it's not but that's not how it is everybody wants it all they want the giant chunk of it you know we were talking about uh the other day we were talking about um um festivals yeah you know these festivals they'll sell you know tickets for a giant arena and they'll take a giant chunk of all the money and they have all these comics up but everybody's there to see the comics but you are making a well, we have employees.

Speaker 1 Why do you have employees? Like, what is this? Like, what is your business? Your business is like selling other people's art at a cut rate because you get them all together because they're all here?

Speaker 1 Like, it doesn't make any sense. You know what it led to? The way cab drivers were so shitty, the Legend of Uber.
Yes.

Speaker 1 That led to Bert's tour. Uh-huh.
Right. Bert's, like, fun festival tour.
He goes, I'll just run it myself then. Cut you guys out.
They offered me one of those once, and it was like so ridiculous.

Speaker 1 You did one at toronto which one i think you did jfl 42.

Speaker 1 no i i headboard i no it was the jfl was going on and i did an arena i did it like with them so yeah yeah exactly but it wasn't the same thing it wasn't like what they do because What they were doing was like you would go and do one of those big shows with all these names on it and they would give you like, let's just say a number like X.

Speaker 1 And I was like, but how many of these people are coming to see me? Like you're going to put my name on the thing

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 you're going to give me a tiny amount of money in comparison to what I would make if I did the show and I could just do a show like this doesn't make any sense and it was all because they have employees like why yeah, but then they went under there you go.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, cuz it's like you can't that doesn't make any sense

Speaker 1 Because you get to a certain point when you're selling tickets like why would I not sell why would I not make money when I'm selling tickets for you? It doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1 But is there a thing where sometimes you do a fest and the fest helps you sell tickets? Yeah, maybe when you're coming up right?

Speaker 1 But once you already can sell out big places and they're asking you to sell out a big place, but they want the money, like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 1 This doesn't make any sense. There's like five people on this show that can sell out a 10,000-seat arena, and they're all getting a fraction of the money, and you guys are getting most of it.

Speaker 1 It's like there's a bunch of those things that happen and without names. Like, the South by Southwest was the craziest one.

Speaker 1 They offered to have me come down, and you know what they're going to give me? They're going to give me free tickets to watch the other shows.

Speaker 1 I'm not bullshitting. What about drinks? I'm not not bullshitting.
No, that's South Buck. No, that's Southbund.
No, they didn't offer me drinks. They didn't offer me drinks.

Speaker 1 They didn't offer me a hotel. They didn't offer me flights.
Damn. Places.

Speaker 1 No flights.

Speaker 1 Sorry, we already used flights.

Speaker 1 Use it again. It's there.

Speaker 1 But like those things, that's fucking crazy. Like, that's crazy.
Like, what is your business model based on? Like, your business model is based on selling tickets. So you have artists perform.

Speaker 1 You sell the tickets. You make all the money.
Hold on. He's going to hear us right now.
Fuck. He's probably in the lobby.
When he comes back, anytime you're quiet, he has to talk. Oh, he panics.

Speaker 1 Just be silent when he comes back. Just be silent.
Well, he panics if he doesn't think things are funny. He's there to go.

Speaker 1 Like, if you start talking about, like, fucking weird DNA shit or something, he'll.

Speaker 1 Hey, Pam. Wow.
Hey, Freddy.

Speaker 1 That's gay.

Speaker 1 He's the most successful Autistic Person in the world. How is his stack of notes looking? I haven't seen his ass.
How's his stack of notes? Just still sticking out of his ass like a tumor?

Speaker 1 He got a festering pus wound in his right cheek. Like, what is going on with your ass, Pocket? You're going to want to see Jeremiah Love score a touchdown versus Penn State.

Speaker 1 You think it's going to happen? Wait, no. Oh, hold on.
That was fun. Oh, look at this air.
That's insane. No, wait to see the effort.
Bro, that's insane.

Speaker 1 Wait to see the effort he put in to score the touchdown. So that show that again?

Speaker 1 Oh, it's crazy.

Speaker 1 But that leap right there. Look at that.
That is insane.

Speaker 1 He's got a hurt knee. Look at that.
Yeah, look at that. He's got a brace on.
His right knee is fucked up. He didn't get a lead with it.
That's so crazy. Wait till you see the touchdown he scored.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he did that all with his left leg. Yeah.
Like he's favoring his right knee even when he goes down for an extra two yards. I know, that was like a lossy yard.
Yeah, that was like two.

Speaker 1 Just give it up.

Speaker 1 But that's a fucking player you want on your team. He's the first player Notre Dame's had in a while that's like a complete mutant.
Wow. He's

Speaker 1 watch this touchdown run. Just watch the effort

Speaker 1 from the two. Irish trying to take the lead.
Anybody's game at this point.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow. I mean, fuck Penn State.

Speaker 1 Some child's getting fucked. Today.
Don't get me wrong, fuck Ohio State. Damn.
For sure. But fuck Penn State.

Speaker 1 We needed that win. Yeah.
That was my

Speaker 1 closest game to see. My whole childhood was on this game.
You know, I never went to see a live football game until I moved to Texas. I see them all the time now.
UT? Yeah, UT.

Speaker 1 I went to Dallas and I saw the Cowboys play the Jets. That's awesome, Cowboy.
It's fucking amazing. It's incredible.
Amazing. It's literally incredible.

Speaker 1 The tailgating at college is unbelievable. You got to get to a college now.
Oh, I've been to a bunch of UT games.

Speaker 1 I shot the cannon.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? I shot the cannon.

Speaker 1 I was so scared of that fucking cannon. It's so loud.
It's so scary. And they got a bull wandering around, like a real bull.
That's how crazy.

Speaker 1 I was afraid of the bull, too. I touched it like a

Speaker 1 University of Montana game. Oh, really?

Speaker 1 They were like, you can touch it. I was like, I went to Montana game.
We were going to tailgate hopping. And so I was like, we should do something.
It was the opening game.

Speaker 1 We just made 200 Jell-O shots.

Speaker 1 Oh, you tell me that. Walked around passing people.
The people that are into Jell-O shots could not contain their excitement. They'd be like, what the? And like, what's this for?

Speaker 1 We're like, for the whales. And they go, okay.

Speaker 1 Just to give out. Yeah, just to make up.
We'd make up charities

Speaker 1 to raise awareness for homeless moms. I'm like, nice.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And then we got into the official tailgate, and we got talking to it. Like, you can't pass out alcohol at a place where we're serving alcohol.

Speaker 1 We got kicked out.

Speaker 1 That is so fun. That is so fun.
People love jello shots. That makes sense.
Do they? Oh, yeah. Creek in the cave has jello shots now.
Oh,

Speaker 1 a red or a green. All right.

Speaker 1 Get out of town. Yeah.
Mothership's got to start doing jello shots. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh. What I miss.

Speaker 1 Ah, shit. I saw the eyes.
What? That's eyes.

Speaker 1 That's eyes.

Speaker 1 It's a new one. You got out of it.

Speaker 1 When you left, I was like, just be quiet, Markle. I hate it.

Speaker 1 Leave silence out there for you. I blew it.

Speaker 1 I felt like I don't want to do tricks when guys go pee. Are you guys going to go

Speaker 1 to Kill Tony tonight? Yeah. Who's the guest? I don't think I am.
Who's the guest on Kill Tony tonight? It's like we are. Protect ourselves.
I did the arena with Kill Tony on New Year's. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fucking amazing. The heat.

Speaker 1 I did the day before. I did the

Speaker 1 30th. The night before, the 30th.
He sold out two nights.

Speaker 1 Twice in a row. Yeah.
Two nights in a row. Two years in the arena.
Two in a row of doing that. Two years in a row, two nights in a row at the arena.
Mad-packed with fucking crazy fans.

Speaker 1 Dice Clay performed. It was amazing.
Wow. The fucking Kill Tony experience is so different.

Speaker 1 It's such a fun thing. It's a new show every time.

Speaker 1 It's a new show every time. And

Speaker 1 the fans are so rabid. They're so happy to be there.
It's fucking incredible. When he did MSG, all the comedy clubs in the city filled up with those fans.
They're like, well, I'll be right back.

Speaker 1 But we see the stamps and the sellers. And it was just like, you were a hero everywhere you went for like three days.
That's how it should be. You know, we could do that here.

Speaker 1 We could have Austin like that all the time. Keep expanding that.
I need to buy in a theater. I'm going to buy a theater.
You're going to do it? Yeah, I think that's the next move.

Speaker 1 I think the next move is to buy a big place where big names can come in for the weekends. You know, and just give them a sweet deal.
Give them a deal the same way at the mothership.

Speaker 1 Like, give them the most. How much would a theater? Like, what's that price? What's a lot of money?

Speaker 1 Ah!

Speaker 1 Oh, price.

Speaker 1 You got it in there! You got it in there! That was great.

Speaker 1 What's that price?

Speaker 1 Wait, I don't know. Oh, really? If you have a theater that can entice big name people to come in,

Speaker 1 you can only get such a high name to do a 250-seat room unless it's a weekday. Weekdays, it's easy.
Guys like to come and fuck around.

Speaker 1 Like, our Tuesday night shows are some of the best fucking shows in the world. Uber driver, he was like, You come a lot?

Speaker 1 I was like, I mean, I used to come once a year, but now it's like I come to a podcast. I'm like, may as well, my buddy built a place to to

Speaker 1 just stay a week. I've just got to get the greatest playground on earth.
When we were there the other night, that fucking lineup was bananas. I saw that.
Back-to-back, that was sick. That was crazy.

Speaker 1 It was Ron White, Theo, Shane. Who else?

Speaker 1 Who else was on the show? It was Brian, Segura. That's right.
Segura, Simpson, me, Tony.

Speaker 1 Fucking incredible show. Perfect.
No women.

Speaker 1 No, no, no ladies. But we have some funny fucking shits there, too.
The night before it was Whitney. Yeah.
Oh, there you go. Bro, Whitney's killing it right now.

Speaker 1 Something about having a kid made her extra funny. That did it to Louis.

Speaker 1 No, Louie said that. He was like, I had a kid, and I was like, I got to get to work.
Right, right, right. Same hour for two years.

Speaker 1 You can't dilly-dally when you've got mouths to feed that aren't yours. Exactly.
It gets heavy. You got one coming, right? Yeah, one week.
One week. It's like right now.
No, it's not mine.

Speaker 1 If it comes out black, you're cool. Drink this one.
You're free.

Speaker 1 That's true. What are you going to do?

Speaker 1 How nervous are you? How nervous are you? I'm a little scared, but I'm excited to meet you. Oh, yeah, yeah, we already discussed this.

Speaker 1 It's not interesting. Discussed it.

Speaker 1 Any retailer could have a kid. Crackheads have kids.

Speaker 1 And who are you doing it with? Your wife.

Speaker 1 Are you Shafir? With the fucking ninth inning. There we go.
Ninth inning.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That a baby.

Speaker 1 Ow.

Speaker 1 Easy. Come on.

Speaker 1 America Sweetheart on Netflix right now. America Sweetheart available right now.
Do you know what you're going to name the kid? Yeah, we're going Justy Smollett.

Speaker 1 I do. I can't say.

Speaker 1 Is it a boy or a girl? It's a boy. It's a boy.
You don't want to set your kid up

Speaker 1 for trolls when they're not even born.

Speaker 1 Privacy laws for the minors. Yeah.
Well, it's not usually privacy laws for everybody. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The laws are weird, man. This like idea, like, it's journalism.
Like, nah, no, no. You're just.

Speaker 1 Well, the weird one is when p someone buys a house, and even if they buy it under the LLC, immediately the house gets put up on the internet and they show it where the guy lives.

Speaker 1 This is the fucking plans of the house. Right.
This is the best place to stalk. These are the bushes where they can't see you.
Yeah, that's nice. It's weird.
It's weird. Everything about you.

Speaker 1 Wow, it's like we're moving into this place where no one's going to have any secrets anymore with all this encryption that's going to get broken because of quantum computing. We're fucked.

Speaker 1 So I think about it. So 2010 was the year we gave up privacy.
Yeah. Everyone started filming everything on your iPhone.
You had a camera on you. And we just kind of all agreed we're done with privacy.

Speaker 1 Well, it's going to come a point where encryption fails. Yeah.
And so all this iMessage shit, like everything's going to fail. It's a Black Mirror episode, isn't it? It is.
All secrets get out.

Speaker 1 Really? And then it's like, and it's like, there's, oh, no, it's Westworld. And then it's just like, it's just mayhem and war.
People are fighting against each other.

Speaker 1 You think it's going to be an answer? It's an Westworld season three.

Speaker 1 I think it's going to be an understanding.

Speaker 1 Not at first. Well, if everything gets out of the way, not at first.
Somebody fucks somebody's wife or girlfriend four years ago, all that gets out. Oh, it's a cellpogue episode, too.

Speaker 1 You tried even to do it, really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 people go.

Speaker 1 I swear to God, the cloud, there's an episode where everybody read everybody's texts.

Speaker 1 And then it's just

Speaker 1 we got to move our texts over to fucking WhatsApp and delete them every day. But if everyone's texts are out, no one can get canceled.
Yeah, but ours are worse. Ours are worse.

Speaker 1 We set the bar. Ours are pretty bad.

Speaker 1 Protect our pockets. The chain is fucking rough.
Oh, it's wild. Just the memes alone can cause real problems.
A couple of them.

Speaker 1 A couple of them.

Speaker 1 My whole algorithm right now is just Hitler playing basketball. Mine is Juice telling you what's

Speaker 1 Jamie. I saw that one.
Can you please put up a Hitler highlight video? It's about as funny as a guess. AI playing basketball?

Speaker 1 It's so good. It's him walking into the arena.
Him playing football is so good. What is it, AI? It's AI.
It's just the.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they just superimpose him onto the

Speaker 1 time because that's concerning. Does he win?

Speaker 1 They show him walking in the arena with a camera on it. And everybody goes crazy.
It's shitty. Is there a Hitler in the UFC one? Probably.
Yeah, there will be no. I've seen a lot of them.

Speaker 1 Because you mentioned that.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's so crazy. This is so crazy.
It does look shitty. It looks shitty, which makes it funnier.

Speaker 1 It has to look shitty. That's Hitler.
I've seen a lot of George Floyd versus Derek Chauvin.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Didn't he travel? I saw a guy at the park once playing.
It's a black guy playing with a clan outfit on. He was just dunking on this white dude.

Speaker 1 There's a Derek Chauvin versus George Floyd fight, and

Speaker 1 it's McGregor versus Eddie Alvarez. It's so funny.

Speaker 1 I've seen that nigga before.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 It's amazing. It was pretty funny.
What it can do now with those. Diddy and LeBron and David.
Did you see the video that Kill Tony had made?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, before the MSG show.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. Before the recent one.
Pull it up. Before the recent one, the New York show.

Speaker 1 The Doer brothers did it. You know, those guys.
Oh, yeah. Those guys are fucking incredible.
Yeah, the Door Brothers. They're incredible.
Well, look at this. It's so good.

Speaker 1 Jamie will find it. It's so good.
You watch it and you go, this is so wild. It's like William Montgomery's in it.
David Lucas is in it. It's crazy.
Damn. The guy blows his brains out in it.

Speaker 1 It's fucking wild.

Speaker 1 Well, that fucking Biden-Trump thing, you guys. Insane.
Is that 30 million views? What's this? Leave this. Give me the volume.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's Red Band.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Where's the volume?

Speaker 1 Hold on.

Speaker 1 Nick and Red Band rolls.

Speaker 1 Awesome. Muslim man.

Speaker 1 Muslim band.

Speaker 1 What are we doing? Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 The show's over. Are they putting like red room?

Speaker 1 All we know is red rum, red rum, red rum, red rum, red rum.

Speaker 1 All we know is red rum. Did they not put?

Speaker 1 What the fuck? They didn't act. These outed off of that.
No, this is all AI.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. None of these guys are really doing this.

Speaker 1 What? This is all fake. Yeah, it looks so good.
100%. Wow.
100%. 100%.

Speaker 1 I said, hey, said hey. Take my chopper everywhere.
That's bad. That's bad.
Get your ass out the car. You get it.

Speaker 1 This is AI. Yeah, it's all AI, man.

Speaker 1 Holy

Speaker 1 crap, holy.

Speaker 1 Look at this. Whoa.

Speaker 1 Hell, look at that.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 That's good. Oh, AI's gonna fuck us.

Speaker 1 Imagine another 10 years.

Speaker 1 I've seen that in real life. I've seen that exact piece.

Speaker 1 David Lucas looks like a bunch of stabs somebody.

Speaker 1 David Lucas won't leave a breadcrumb. Isn't this crazy? That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Whoa, bro.

Speaker 1 This is freaking me out. Isn't it amazing?

Speaker 1 That's amazing. This is not.
None of this was acted out. And imagine what this is going to be like in five years from now.
Exactly. In a year.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It looks really good. It looks amazing.
William's my favorite.

Speaker 1 Jesus.

Speaker 1 All we know is red rum, red rum, red rum. Hey.

Speaker 1 Damn it.

Speaker 1 They got me. They got you.
Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 1 Nigga, all we know is.

Speaker 1 I love Puerto Rico.

Speaker 1 I love Puerto Rico. He's dressed like Woody.
Isn't this amazing? Yeah, how about Trump throwing Tony on the door? Selling out Tony. Just selling out.
Trump Dog was just like, I don't know him.

Speaker 1 I don't want to know him. I don't know him.
But I don't want to know him.

Speaker 1 He almost lost the fucking election. He goes, I don't know him.
I don't want to do it. It wasn't cool.
It wasn't cool.

Speaker 1 What's he going to do? In the middle of that, you got to denounce it. No, I like it.
He got to denounce it. The vice president guy said.
He goes, I haven't seen it.

Speaker 1 But guys, shut up already with jokes. Oh, yeah.
J.D. Vance.

Speaker 1 I didn't know him, but I don't want to know. What were they talking about? Because he was like, why are we talking about this? Let's talk about it.
You don't put on homelessness? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, they were just trying anything. They were trying anything.
Internal polling, like, they were lying. Like, their internal polling is we're going to get wiped out.
And they were lying.

Speaker 1 And they were trying to make it look like it was going to be. Yeah, and they were going to win.
And so everybody would be excited. And they were asking for money the whole time.

Speaker 1 And then asking for money when it was over.

Speaker 1 But they were asking for money when they knew they were going to win.

Speaker 1 And then they were asking for money when they were losing.

Speaker 1 Mark my words. Louis

Speaker 1 asking for money the whole time. And then after they lost, asking for money.
Wait, mark your words what? He's going to do Kill Tony one day. Trump.
Donald Trump. I bet.
Trump is Trump.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He could do it.
Tony's like garbage, not special, but like clip, whatever set, was like, when he set it up, I was like, I just wanted Shane as Trump with Donald Trump.

Speaker 1 He's called it garbage special. Would have been cool.
No, but he called it that. No, that's what his title was.
His show.

Speaker 1 His special garbage special. Gene.

Speaker 1 I thought you were like, Tony's garbage special. I was like, what?

Speaker 1 Literally called garbage. All right.

Speaker 1 Garbage Island. The one that he released on Twitter.
Yeah. Genius.

Speaker 1 You're like, genius. What the fuck are you doing, bro? That's all true.
I don't like Tony.

Speaker 1 Trump could still do it. He could still do it.
He could do it. Especially if Kiltony keeps killing it.
And Kill Tony's going to keep killing it. Is that fun? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's also, it's like you realize what it is now. Tell him that's it.
That's what the guy does. Watch him in a roast.
He's awesome at it. Watch him do stand-up.
He's awesome at it. That's what he does.

Speaker 1 And talk shit about things. All the canceling helps the numbers.

Speaker 1 For him, it did. Bro, he went on stage in the middle of it all.
On stage, it was like fucking the Rolling Stones just showed up. It was nuts.

Speaker 1 He went on stage at the store, at the Mothership Brother, and they went fucking bananas.

Speaker 1 It might as well be.

Speaker 1 I call it the main room i call that other room the main room i never call it fast the reaction the comedy audiences give to someone who's like outed whatever you want word you want to use is like they're just like way top party yeah they're so in they know what's happening and they're like we don't like it you're our guy yeah

Speaker 1 they know what's going on it's like that cancel shit doesn't work anymore it's just fucking stupid especially over a joke like that like shut up i know over shut up but it was funny because he got canceled once and then he got over it and he's like bro i thought the first one was bad he goes this one was rough he said he didn't sleep until i endorsed trump he goes that was the first time i had any sleep in two weeks he lost weight whoa he was so scared he lost weight what what did he have to lose yeah he didn't have much to lose extra he couldn't eat said he couldn't eat it's blowing away in the santana winds

Speaker 1 he was like an ember he was like an ember taking out a mansion ember alert samural somebody's flaming sam morrell has some friend that lost an 82 million dollar house oh

Speaker 1 The most expensive house to ever burn in the fire. What friend does Sam More house house? I didn't even ask.
I'm like, if you want to tell me, you can tell me. I'm not even going to pry.
Sandler?

Speaker 1 He knows somebody like that. Jesus.

Speaker 1 Somebody had an $82 million house. It might be Sandler.
That is a good guess. He's friends with Sandler.
He is, yeah. If anybody's going to have an $82 million house.
It's the same.

Speaker 1 You see the conspiracy theories? Why does Tom Hanks' house not get burnt down?

Speaker 1 They did that in Maui, too. They did the same thing.
Why did this? Why did this? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Those conspiracitards,

Speaker 1 conspiratards are the best. And then they have an answer.
They're like, it's because of this. And they go, nah.
No, no, no. Deep state.

Speaker 1 Deep state. EMF, direct energy weapons,

Speaker 1 Russians, Chinese, deep state. It'll come back.
I mean, Katrina fucked the whole New Orleans up, and we're all back and running. It'll come back.
Yeah. It'll take palisades.

Speaker 1 But, yeah, man, it's not even like some homes. It's all the house.
How do you even get started with the Mexican going,

Speaker 1 build our house?

Speaker 1 No, I'm not. Bigger than Manhattan,

Speaker 1 larger than the size of Manhattan is burned. Wow.
Like by, I think, two and a half times. I think it's, but find out if that's correct.
Palisades is hard. I know it's what burned.

Speaker 1 Not just Palisades, but all the fires together is larger than that. Still, Manhattan's huge.
I mean, just to west middle. It's

Speaker 1 fucking huge. I know, but east to west.
If your old place to my place and then imagine going up to like

Speaker 1 old stand-up New York. Off.

Speaker 1 Like that had to be rebuilt. And the whole central park.
Crazy. That's crazy.
It's just Manhattan so dense with tall buildings in the same amount. The companies, the cherry rooms.
This is just

Speaker 1 residential homes, but the size of land is bigger than Manhattan. They'll never, I mean, how are they going to rebuild?

Speaker 1 More than houses.

Speaker 1 Also, they got to go through the Coastal Commission. That's unbelievably brutal.
What does that mean? The regulations. Yeah.
What does that mean? It's fucking brutal.

Speaker 1 They're still a pool. They'll fuck you.

Speaker 1 Imagine a new house. It's crazy.
Pretty sad. What's that lady? The fitness lady? Suzanne Powder.
No, the other one. Suzanne Powder.

Speaker 1 The dark-haired lady. Julian Michaels.
Yeah, Julian Michaels. Julian Michaels is just talking.
She was on a podcast.

Speaker 1 We said it took her, after the last fire, a year to get the permit to clean up after the last fire. There you go.
A year. She said she had dead animals in her.
In her clean up?

Speaker 1 She couldn't clean up the pool.

Speaker 1 She said there was animals that died in the pool because they were trying to escape the fire. What do you mean they couldn't clean up? They weren't allowed to clean up.

Speaker 1 You have to get a permit to clean up. What? Fucking government.
A year. Everyone's, it's the right, it's the left.
That's that commission.

Speaker 1 But that's that coastal commission.

Speaker 1 The coastal commission is unbelievably bureaucracy. Yeah, but that's the left, bro.
Too much government. Too much government.
But it's California is uniquely retarded. Yes, that's true.

Speaker 1 Especially the coastal area. Bill Maher's been bitching by that for 20 years.
It's uniquely difficult to build there. Like I had a friend who was building a house there.
He's like, don't do it.

Speaker 1 Don't ever build a house here. He goes, it'd drive you fucking crazy.
It took years and years and years to get approval.

Speaker 1 Yeah, live somewhere else to look up your ass with a fucking microscope with everything you're doing and they have the ability to do it so of course they act on that you know they have power over you they have power over these rich people so they flex and i'm sure there's a lot of biola moving around a little bit of this a little bit of that you want to go on a vacation

Speaker 1 you should move to mechanicsburg yeah it's the spot that's the spot especially if you're shane gillis

Speaker 1 i love passing that sign on the way to i don't know what club to pass mechanics

Speaker 1 It was me and Colum and Nate were driving. We're like, oh, wait, that's a real Pittsburgh.
That's it.

Speaker 1 It's not just from movies, but Pittsburgh. No, Mechanicsburg.
Mechanicsburg.

Speaker 1 Is Mike and the Mechanics of that?

Speaker 1 What's that? Mike and the Mechanics. Is that Mechanicsburg? Poison is from Mechanicsburg.
Hey,

Speaker 1 there you go. Jimmy Henson's from the University of Maryland.
We got Poison.

Speaker 1 That's something. It's pretty good.
Poison rules. Jamie, play a little poison.

Speaker 1 Fire it up. Is it 18 a Life? No, that's not.
What's Poison's big hits? Where are you from? Every rose has its thorns.

Speaker 1 Maryland's got stuff. Oh, Maryland's got a lot of box.
Edgar Ellen Stack.

Speaker 1 Baby Rose.

Speaker 1 Nothing but a good time.

Speaker 1 Keys, the one who's got a lot of people. Ain't nothing but a good time.
That's them too, right? Isn't that Dave Jackson?

Speaker 1 I think so, yeah. Was that from Maryland? Yeah.
Yeah. It was from D.C.

Speaker 1 Oh, D.C. Okay.
Just outside. That's different.
No, it's just outside D.C. in Maryland.
No. Well, it's just outside.

Speaker 1 It's just outside. Yeah.
It's just outside D.C. into Maryland.
Oh, Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Nothing, but a good time.

Speaker 1 That's mechanics for Pennsylvania.

Speaker 1 Just waiting to take a little there.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 I told you before. Interesting choice to play a better song in your music video.

Speaker 1 white dishwasher days. The old bosses.

Speaker 1 Great head of hair.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. No, that's all they did.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at that. Come on, bro.
That's what Mechanics Brook does. Kicks open the door to a fucking concert.
I don't want to wash dishes.

Speaker 1 And why weren't you washing it at all with that going on?

Speaker 1 Because he's trying to make it in the band, Ari.

Speaker 1 Got to pay for the van.

Speaker 1 Man, this was gay. It's so gay.
It's so gay. It's crazy.
They all wore makeup.

Speaker 1 This is Potato Lane screensaver. That's the black one.
That's by.

Speaker 1 That's by.

Speaker 1 How'd they stay so thin back then?

Speaker 1 It'll do it.

Speaker 1 Like, Iggy Pop still ripped. Isn't it crazy like how they used to dress? Like, the hair and everything? Oh, yeah.
Like, what happened? And Nirvana killed that, like a bullet.

Speaker 1 They're like, actually, you guys are super lame. Yeah.
Cut your fucking hair metal. When Nirvana came along, it just died.
Killed hair metal. Killed it.
Killed it. Never mind, killed it.

Speaker 1 You guys are phonies. Yeah.
Rightfully so. Rightfully so.
But it was just crazy the shift in culture from.

Speaker 1 This needed to stop.

Speaker 1 But you know what? Cocaine needed a little dose of heroin.

Speaker 1 That's a great quote.

Speaker 1 That's a t-shirt. Cocaine needed a little dose of heroin.
Yeah, because they really. They killed all the psychedelics, right? So the 60s were all the psychedelic.

Speaker 1 The 70s, everybody was just recovering. And And then the 80s come along and everyone's doing Coke and the music got awful.
Bravado music. It's just weird.

Speaker 1 Everyone's wearing makeup and they're all fucking dancing around with their tight pants on with their buttons. Eyeliner's had some gems.
Eyeliner

Speaker 1 was teased up hair. It was weird.
Even the cool ones like Kirby was still like, gay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was weird.

Speaker 1 Don't you.

Speaker 1 Fuck it up, boomie.

Speaker 1 Brain power. And then Iron Maiden.
Oh, Iron Maiden's killer.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 you get a lot of weirdness. How about the misfits? You get dudes dressed up like gay bikers.
Yeah. There's a lot of that.

Speaker 1 It's Pantera.

Speaker 1 Look at these fucking fruits. Fucking wine.
Pantera. Pantera, the glam metal.

Speaker 1 Bro, look at this guy.

Speaker 1 Pantera was fucking rocking the glam look. If you see all these guys on the side of the highway, you'd be like, oh, they're hooking.
It's so funny to be a fucking fat guy in the group.

Speaker 1 Like, guys, are you sure we all want to dress like this? I'm allowed. It's not fit to be.
You want to wear a a wet?

Speaker 1 Let's just dress normal.

Speaker 1 That's what those shirts come on. If you're a fat guy and you're glad, you better be playing drums.
Strokes are just a bitch.

Speaker 1 A fat guy would be like, Are you sure this doesn't suck?

Speaker 1 It was like, this sucks. How weird is this?

Speaker 1 There was a time where you dressed in a way that no one would ever dress in public, and it was cool.

Speaker 1 Well, the best was me and Diaz were at the griddle.

Speaker 1 You'd see those people on sunset at like 3 p.m. Damn, I I was like, three of these guys.

Speaker 1 The guy on the left is not that.

Speaker 1 The guy on the left is like, I would take. If you're doing Matt, the guy on the right is sucking your dick.
That guy was Olympic. He's jerking you off with those studs on his hand.

Speaker 1 What order of who you choose? I go left, right,

Speaker 1 left, middle, right, middle. I go now, it's different.

Speaker 1 That guy on the right, he beat the Olympic boxer.

Speaker 1 They got a fifth member of a whole bunch of people. That guy's boxing for Algeria now.

Speaker 1 I go one. Left, uh-huh.
Judas Priest was the craziest.

Speaker 1 One is high. One, obviously, one all the way left.
I'd go all the way to the right. All the way to the right.
Fuck, dude. That's number four.

Speaker 1 That's the guy that sucks your dick if you're not. No, no, no.
Third is second. Third is second.

Speaker 1 Which one could go trans the easiest? We've all fucked worse.

Speaker 1 I've always

Speaker 1 worse. Which one could go trans the easiest? Oh,

Speaker 1 lower left. Bottom left.
They're right at the head. They're not lower left.
Those are already. Yeah, Culture Club is there.
Look at their lipstick. That's so crazy.
They're wearing lipsticks.

Speaker 1 Look at the nails. And they're fucking

Speaker 1 more remote than we crazy. Who the fuck is Cry Tub? Who the fuck are these guys? I've never heard of them.
I've never heard of them. This is why they went too far.
They went too far.

Speaker 1 They went way over to being a girl.

Speaker 1 This went nuts. If you tried to do that now, people would think you're culturally appropriating trans people.
That's true. The rules of glam metal.
You know what's really funny?

Speaker 1 The straight girls who put fake dicks in their underwear and they get a lot of money on OnlyFans? They trick me. Oh, there you go.

Speaker 1 They're a poison trip. Yeah, those guys are crazy.
Poison tribute bands

Speaker 1 in the house

Speaker 1 you know how many i know where i had to shop through on amazon to bring out my fake dick or fake pussy on kill tony oh how many they have starter pussies for trans people oh you attach a pussy to your dick so it looks like you have a pussy

Speaker 1 that's what i had to find to get on kill tony

Speaker 1 oh yeah so there's a hole you can stick your dick in to hold it and it's got tendrils to like hold it in and so like you have a pussy what

Speaker 1 like a fleshlight that you strap on? Yeah, and then Harlow Williams figured it.

Speaker 1 But there was also a hole right through the bottom. Look at this dude on the left.
Cry tough. Double gin.
They're crying tough. Look at Anthony Kumio.

Speaker 1 They're all Kumio. Every one of these is Kumia.
That's Dave Portnoy. That looks like Rich Boss.

Speaker 1 The second from the right.

Speaker 1 He used to look like that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's definitely

Speaker 1 Jerry Curls. Yeah, this is a different band.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is in the early days.
This is a 1984. This is not the cover band.
This is a different band.

Speaker 1 This is the band band we were looking at.

Speaker 1 This is Cry Tough. Yeah, this is a demo track from 1984.
Let's hear it Bombo. Let's hear it.
Let's hear it. Bombo.

Speaker 1 Eyes of a Killer.

Speaker 1 Not bad. Got a little Zeppelin.

Speaker 1 This kind of music makes you shake your butt like this. Like Gavin Newsom.
Gavin Newsom, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, trying to appropriate some land.

Speaker 1 You ever heard Charles Manson's song? Yeah. It's good.
It's not bad. It's good folk music.
Charles Manson got together with Brian Wilson. Oh, yeah, Brian Wilson.

Speaker 1 He was threatening Brian Wilson's life. So he produced this for me? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He got in with them.

Speaker 1 Probably brought a bunch of the hippie girls around. When you guys fought over there, I don't know.
A while ago, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's fun. It's good.
It's fine.

Speaker 1 It's folk music.

Speaker 1 It's better than Bob Dylan.

Speaker 1 Bob Dylan sucks. Doesn't it smell like shit? Does anyone smell it? I don't smell it.
Let me hear some more.

Speaker 1 Let me hear some more of that Manson. He's not going to get any money from us.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Not bad. It's not bad.
Got a Neil Youngie. Frustration and doubt.

Speaker 1 Can you ever live without a bad thing? He's not bad.

Speaker 1 I was on a fuck Bob Dylan train for a while. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Then you start listening to some Bob Dylan. Here comes the story of the Hurricane Road.
Bob Dylan is great. Hurricane Reynolds is like my favorite story.
It's fucking great.

Speaker 1 The movie is a waste of time. I saw the movie.
Well, apparently they made a little.

Speaker 1 They fucked around with reality. Biopics always.

Speaker 1 Bob Dylan's still alive. We have Google.
Why are you changing the history? They added a Bricks. What do you call them? Biopics.
Biopics. Biopics.
No, biopic. Biopics.
Am I wrong?

Speaker 1 You guys are all wrong. You guys are all wrong.
It's a biopic. No.
They fucked around with the actual story. They added a batch.
You guys are the espresso. Yeah, they added the bag.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's biopic. And then the dummies took over and called it biopic.

Speaker 1 Chalamay killed it.

Speaker 1 I'll say that. It's biopic.
What's that? Chalamay killed it. Killed it once.

Speaker 1 He's Bob Billen. Oh, and then he killed it.
I didn't see it. He's great.
He killed it in a good way. Biopic.
It's just an unbiopic. Biopic.
Oh, then I'm wrong.

Speaker 1 Well, guess what?

Speaker 1 I'm wrong. All right.
Jamie. I would like to take this moment to apologize to you.

Speaker 1 Fuck you. But you know what?

Speaker 1 While you say something, Jamie. Go Irish, bitch ass.
Go Irish. Go Irish.

Speaker 1 And Free Palestine. All of this because of you, Jamie.
You did this. That's not right.
Jamie, what's the bet before we wrap this up? Push-ups.

Speaker 1 Why don't you guys pick stuff out of each other's hair? That's lies.

Speaker 1 Nah!

Speaker 1 I haven't done that one. That's good.
Okay. That was not bad.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Considering we're reaching for straws. We're reaching.
We're reaching. What's the bet?

Speaker 1 It's tough to say. I mean, we do have a very

Speaker 1 good one. Hold on.

Speaker 1 Who's that running back that punched his girlfriend in the elevator? Ray Rice.

Speaker 1 Jamie, what did you say? You have a what?

Speaker 1 We have an

Speaker 1 advantage in the.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I got one.
It's not fair. I got one.
I just bet straight up. Jamie? Really? If you lose, I got one, too.
If you lose, Shane has to take care of your dog for a week. Shane.

Speaker 1 If you lose, I don't want to take your girlfriend for a while.

Speaker 1 If Node Dame loses, I get your dog. No.
Oh, shit. Damn.
That's a spread. He might die in a week.
He will. He's already puggy.
But he said, if no Dane loses, I get your dog. He tricked you.

Speaker 1 Did you hear what he said, Jamie? No. He tricked you.
No, I wasn't saying yes to you. But he almost tricked you.
I get Carl. He almost tricked you.
He was like setting himself up to win if he lost.

Speaker 1 That was genius.

Speaker 1 There's not many bets I can win in this situation. Well, you got to bet like men.
30 push-ups? Like, bet even. Something like that.
That's too easy. Push-ups easy.
Why is this too easy?

Speaker 1 If you're talking shit, it has to be a bet bet. He's got to do a five-minute set.
Five-minute sets. Even meaningless sets.

Speaker 1 I like that. If you lose.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 he's got to take over the board for 20 minutes.

Speaker 1 Jamie, will you do a five-minute set if you lose? But I don't have any material. You can put something together.
So what? Neither do I. How much time do you need?

Speaker 1 We're all doing it together in five minutes. Have you seen Kill Tony? What's the equivalent of me doing that if we win? You kill Tony.

Speaker 1 You do one minute. Each of you do it.
What's the equivalent? I don't know. You have to see me working the board with the bottom.
Yeah, that's not the same.

Speaker 1 That's not the same. The equivalent R get you in a triangle.
I already got him in one. No, but from the back, real triangle.

Speaker 1 Everybody knows you didn't. Dude, you whimpered.

Speaker 1 Everybody knows I wouldn't whimper.

Speaker 1 You see a picture of him breaking my shoulder and giving a thumbs up, dude. Everyone knows I didn't whimper.
He tapped. He tapped twice.
And you went like with him, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, bro, your shoulders broke on their own. They were very brittle.
Yeah, they were fucked up.

Speaker 1 Did you get the stem cells in? You got to do that. We were all hurt after that for like a real week, just bloody knees.
Yeah, I wasn't sure. They like bled later.
Yeah, my knees were all scrapped up.

Speaker 1 Didn't care for it. Yeah.
To be honest, well, especially you. You've been through the staff.
You know what happens? You get infected. Oh,

Speaker 1 that's real. I don't know, man.
The Irish, everybody the whole time has been saying Notre Dame is going to lose every week. So go on even up.
But they're in the title game. 500 bucks, even up.

Speaker 1 What could you do? 500 bucks, Jamie? Five minutes set.

Speaker 1 He said it's fine. 5,000.

Speaker 1 Whoa, 5,000. That's more fun.
It's just as easy. Now we're talking about 5,000

Speaker 1 with the spread deal. Now we're talking.
Nope, denying that. Why? That's what the bet is.
If I bet online, that's what you're betting. You're not betting online.

Speaker 1 I don't want to get away with that, Jamie. It was 5,000 EVO.
No, even up. That's just a bad bet on my part.
I can place that bet online. If you're going to talk shit, you have to bet.
Yes, why?

Speaker 1 You have to bet like it's a real bet. Either going to mayors bet each other on the bush.
It has to be who wins.

Speaker 1 I'll bet against a real fan. I'll bet against Tony or Matt Rive.
Oh,

Speaker 1 come on, man. True.
The true Ohio State fans. How about 500 bucks? You don't think he's a real Ohio State fan? Even up when you go 500 bucks? Ohio State's represented by Tony and Matt Rive.

Speaker 1 Put some money up there. Even up? You won't go even up for 500 bucks?

Speaker 1 500, I'll go even. 500!

Speaker 1 I would add a zero.

Speaker 1 You should be a bit. I did.
I'm not afraid to do it.

Speaker 1 That's the point. I know.

Speaker 1 It's not fair. You're already conceding to defeat.
It's not a fair bet. Sounds like you're conceding to feet.
It's not a fair bet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but if you're going to talk shit, you have to take a not fair fair bet. You have to talk about a lot of people.
Not take a bet on a bad. It's a football game.
They start in the beginning.

Speaker 1 There's the same amount of athletes. There's not.
They bought more athletes. What do you mean? So is there more playing at one given time? Yeah,

Speaker 1 no, it's 11 or 11. 11 on 11.

Speaker 1 They bought more athletes because they have a sex offender's money.

Speaker 1 Lex Wessler Friedman? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 how much do you bet even on? Hold on. How far would you,

Speaker 1 what's his name? Wesner? What's it? Wexner.

Speaker 1 So he, what was his ties to Epstein? Epstein ran his money for a little while. Epstein ran his money.
He did his own. And then he controls

Speaker 1 most of, like, he paid for all your guys' libraries and shit.

Speaker 1 He donates a lot of money. He donates a lot of money.
Yeah, I'm sure. Who gives a fuck? I'm getting into the weeds here.
That's a bad academic going with it.

Speaker 1 I don't know if we're getting into the weeds. I'm just wondering.

Speaker 1 They didn't spend any money on their players. Nothing did spend money on their players.
They definitely did. Where'd they get their money?

Speaker 1 Just guys with good good education yeah

Speaker 1 sure catholic church catholic church oh

Speaker 1 where's that money oh

Speaker 1 god damn you boys

Speaker 1 thank spotlight church for the western civilization

Speaker 1 go ahead thank the catholic church for western civilization you peasants how dare you

Speaker 1 you know they're gonna let uh the gays be priests now is that right yep that's about that's wrong they've been the priests no but they allowed them It's okay now. Oh, really? Yeah, the prophets.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? The pope just made a ruling. The gays can be priests.
Whoa! I mean, most priests

Speaker 1 are gay. But the truth, the heterosex can't fuck either.
Yeah. So it's fine.
Yeah. Hey, look at me.

Speaker 1 Oh. Yeah, I was going to say, hold on one second.
I don't believe this. Wait, did he say that or no? Yeah.
He did say it. Yeah.
Pretty did, right?

Speaker 1 I think it's like one of them army things, like, don't ask, don't tell.

Speaker 1 No. Remember when that was cutting edge of liberal? Yeah.
Yeah. Right? Don't ask, don't tell.
Unless you're gay and you're cool. Yeah, that was Obama in the Obama administration.
Clinton.

Speaker 1 I believe it was Obama.

Speaker 1 I believe Don't Ask, Don't Tell was 2012. I thought it was Bill Clinton.
Pull it up.

Speaker 1 When was Don't Ask, Don't Tell? They were both against gay marriage. Right, they were.
Until 2013, so was Hillary. I think originally it was Clinton.
What year was Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Jamie?

Speaker 1 I think it was Obama. Pretty popular.
93.

Speaker 1 93. Okay.
Maybe that's Clinton. Oh, wow.
That is Clinton. And he was cutting edge of like, hey, gays.
God, I thought it was way later than that.

Speaker 1 That's pretty old. I got to be honest.
Don't ask, don't tell.

Speaker 1 I'd love that now.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I'd love that now.
Don't ask, don't tell. Fire it up.

Speaker 1 When did they call it Don't Ask? Fire it up. I don't want to hear about it.
Shut up. All you fucking non-monogamy people, too, shit.
Shut up. They repealed it.
They repealed it in 2000 and 1994. Whoa.

Speaker 1 Look at that. Repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
What does that say? Quick. Okay, so.
Until 2011?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was in effect until 2011. Interesting.

Speaker 1 That's who repealed it. Oh, then they just let Gays in.
And now they give you extra money for a sex change. What?

Speaker 1 I'll take some of that. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you could join the military and get a sex change under the Biden administration. Is that true?

Speaker 1 I'd cheat money. See if that's true.

Speaker 1 Pay for it? Yeah. See if the military will pay for your transition to the Biden administration.

Speaker 1 I'm actually all right with you. They were trying to do it to Illegal Amber.
If you get through boot gay, get your dick off. Go ahead.
You should get through my spots. If you

Speaker 1 put these boots on me for walking,

Speaker 1 run it down to Sinatra's daughter now.

Speaker 1 We gotta all the way there. I got lots of

Speaker 1 article from 2021. Whoa.
2021?

Speaker 1 $15 million. Not that much for them.

Speaker 1 Of the 243 gender reassignment surgeries performed on military personnel since 2016, 50 of them took place between 2016 and December 31st, 2017, and 193 occurred from January 1st, 2018 to December 31st, 2019.

Speaker 1 Through the first two years that President Donald Trump announced via Twitter that he would bar transgender individuals from serving in the U.S. military.

Speaker 1 Dave Smith has the best idea about that.

Speaker 1 Transgender shouldn't be in the military. And all the liberals are like, how dare you? He goes, oh, yeah, right.

Speaker 1 Because your stance should be transgender should also kill unarmed people in the Middle East.

Speaker 1 How about just don't kill? Right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You guys are getting it wrong. It's just weird if they're paying for their surgeries.
Yeah. Are their surgeries paid for by the military? Find out if that's the case.

Speaker 1 Of that 15 million, you missed that stat. 3.1 was surgeries and 11.9 was, or 11.3 was psychotherapy.
Oh. Wow.
Interesting. Which is also made-up gobbly gook.
It's trying to talk them out of it.

Speaker 1 Pentagon spent $11 million.

Speaker 1 Look at this.

Speaker 1 Pentagon has spent $15 million in the past five years to treat 1,892 transgender troops. How much is that per troop?

Speaker 1 How much do they pay for the regular troops, including $11.5 million for psychotherapy and $3.1 million for surgeries?

Speaker 1 That's wild. They did pay for the surgery.
That's wild.

Speaker 1 Removal of breast testicles, hysterectomies, and labioplasties. Creation or resurfacing

Speaker 1 the flesh around a vagina. Reshaping it.
Oh, I know. It's good for sharing.
That is a bunch of girlfriends.

Speaker 1 A couple girlfriends that you're doing list for it.

Speaker 1 Get a tune-up.

Speaker 1 A little tune-up. A little tightening.

Speaker 1 How wild is that? Russia must be laughing their fucking asses off.

Speaker 1 Lucy. They are.
Have you ever seen the commercials? The Russian commercials when they shit on America? No. So it's like, how many genders do you have?

Speaker 1 It's very funny.

Speaker 1 It's always just mocking all the crazy gender shit we're involved in. How long before that just goes away?

Speaker 1 It might. Yeah.
I think it goes away. It could be a fed.
Yeah, it was a fed. It drops down to the stable 1% that it's been forever.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Could happen.
Let's just report.

Speaker 1 I think it overreported.

Speaker 1 I think young kids growing up in it now are gonna well the problem is now they have these gender reassignment surgery centers that are trying to make money and they they're still open and if they're open they're gonna try to make money the covet testing they just they just ram kids through there they just give them hormones like yeah yeah you need it yeah they just they're trying to make a ton of money there's so many of them now if you go back to like 2007 and see how many gender reassignment surgery centers there were and now in 2024 it's bananas they just erupted like starbucks in the 90s i think the reassignment will end because it's like when they said like your dick doesn't make you a man so then like well you can be a woman with a dick right that's acceptable so like then just be that yeah some people have to reassign some people want to get snipped well that's just that's just cosmetic then

Speaker 1 It's your dick or your pussy is not what makes you a man or woman.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but someone you need.

Speaker 1 You need to affirm. You need to affirm.
Well, who cares? Notre Dame, Ohio State.

Speaker 1 Why don't you guys bet $1,000 even up? Nah, it's not money. Joe, why are you doing this to me? Because I want to see you pay out.

Speaker 1 It's literally like a title. Why'd you guys spend so much money on your team? Notre Dame spent $20.4 million side-revealed by quarterback Riley Leonard in eye-opening take.

Speaker 1 Side revealed? Really, all the teams that don't have to officially reveal their finances now. What does side-revealed mean? Yeah, this means nothing.
This is called literal fake news.

Speaker 1 What is this from? X. X is always right.
Yeah. What is this from?

Speaker 1 Community notes. Jamie.
Yeah. Check the community notes.
Jamie. Are you going to be sad on Tuesday? Oh, are we going to be sad if Nodame loses the national title? Will you be? You will be.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you this. I'm going to go down there.
I'm going to take my dad. I'm going to say I'd love Nodame to win one in front of my dad.
Oh, good. That'd be a little bit weird.
That sucks. I know.

Speaker 1 It'll be nice. Trade dads.
I won't rub it in. I'll tell you that much.
You will. What if you've already?

Speaker 1 What if you have to wear a shirt? Show your podcast. How about a shirt on your podcast? Do whatever it takes.
Yeah, okay. okay, that's fair.
Both of you. Shirt on the podcast.
Shirt on the podcast.

Speaker 1 What does the shirt? Five minutes set. What does the shirt say? No shirt.
Jamie is my dad.

Speaker 1 Maybe that. This is a 10-point spread.
Jamie is my dad. That's literally.

Speaker 1 Think of. Jamie is my dad.
It's not a bad shirt to wear. This is a big deal.
You get out of $1,000.

Speaker 1 What are the odds? The odds, what though, the odds would be great or small? No. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
But what?

Speaker 1 What the fuck was this? That was like the end of a pharmaceutical drug case.

Speaker 1 What the pharmaceuticals are. Definitely an animal.
I guess we'll see. Suicide thoughts.

Speaker 1 What is it? Plus $2.95. So that's like a UFC fight.
It got plus $2.95. Sometimes they win.

Speaker 1 Strickland versus Adesania. Exactly.
Fight math. But

Speaker 1 we're not betting even on that. I'm getting plus $2.95.
But it's not about the money.

Speaker 1 It's about the

Speaker 1 push to your team. It's about the optional.
It's a lot of money, Shane. If I was you, I would just throw that money down.
No, do the t-shirt.

Speaker 1 I'm afraid to throw the money down. Wear a note.
You're going to have a thousand bucks even up. You wear a note of date.
Thousand bucks no matter what. Jamie, thousand bucks even up.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, we got it. That's a date.
It's a thousand bucks. Incredible bet for Jamie.
I hate it. Incredible.
I hate it. Do the shirts.
Do something embarrassing if you lose. I want to see that.

Speaker 1 Pay a bunch of money. You still owe me a couple thousand hours.
You owe me. You owe me five bucks.

Speaker 1 You owe me $5,000 from Vegas.

Speaker 1 Really? What happened to Vegas? Yeah, that's where I

Speaker 1 didn't get a gap. You get all the windows? Nothing.

Speaker 1 I paid for this man to live. That's not worth it.
No gapooch. It's not worth either.
Jamie throw him a gapper. You freeze.
Jamie the mooch. What happened? He didn't throw him a gapper.

Speaker 1 We talked about it earlier.

Speaker 1 That would be like, I didn't have any money when we went to the casino, but that's not how it started. Sweet Jamie the Mooch.

Speaker 1 Wait, so you just took your piece of cheese and ran away? That's nice. No.
He took more.

Speaker 1 I gave him half the winnings. I gave him half the winnings, and you should not have gotten that much money.
You gave him half the winnings? Yeah. Oh, wait a minute.
Oh, all right. Yeah, he did.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, hold on a sec, guy. I thought he just gave you the money back, you son of a business.

Speaker 1 That's why it's been a thing for three years. No, but he was so.
No, no, no, you're wrong. Oh, yeah.
You're wrong. You got it.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 That's actually a lot. Jamie, you sat through four hours and didn't bring up that information.
It would have silenced him. A year and a half.
I know. No, Jamie,

Speaker 1 I stopped bringing up

Speaker 1 your game.

Speaker 1 He goes on the Flagrant podcast and starts talking shit. Sorry, I called you a mooch there, but everyone thinks.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, he gave you more than that gap.

Speaker 1 He didn't have to give you half the winnings. That's crazy.
A quarter of them. Because he could have lost it all and he would have to pay you that winning.
No, it wasn't just one gap or was it?

Speaker 1 What do you you mean? I had to keep doubling down because your hand. You want to explain what happened now or

Speaker 1 we're going to tell lies. Tell it up.
No, go ahead. Oh, that was.

Speaker 1 That's lies. It was a $1,000 hand.
$1,000 hand. Two Aces come out.
How much did I put up on the two ACEs come out? You got the Aces. How much did I put up on the ACE? I paid for that.

Speaker 1 You paid for the.

Speaker 1 The second time Aces came out, I didn't have enough to cover that one. I had $400.
I borrowed $600 from Shane. A fourth time, it happened again.

Speaker 1 How many times did you get ASIS? 20? Four and

Speaker 1 everyone at the table then bullies Shane into saying you have to pay the thousand.

Speaker 1 I did. And then we won all four hands.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And we're starting to collect the money because everybody else won too.
There's chaos at the table. I said, that's how I was going.
How much money do I get?

Speaker 1 And I gave him a stack of chips and I said, is that good enough? And

Speaker 1 then he turns into Shane. He goes, I don't know.
What are you getting?

Speaker 1 I didn't say that. Wait, $25K, though?

Speaker 1 Well, we only won $8,500, so I think I ended up giving him like $4,200. Okay.

Speaker 1 That's fair.

Speaker 1 I think it was fair. Bro, it's more than fair.
Why are you talking shit about that? I was just making fun of him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then he was just talking shit. You just lied.
I feel betrayed. I feel betrayed, too.
He gave you more than he needed to give you. No, crazy.

Speaker 1 You got the story wrong and said it, and I sat back and let you say it wrong. That's what CNN does.
Oh, my God. They do worse.
This is the real fake news now. Wow.
Jamie wins.

Speaker 1 Jamie wins, and I feel like he's going to win this bet, too. I feel like he's getting a thousand bucks, and you're going to have to wear a t-shirt as well.

Speaker 1 A thousand bucks in a t-shirt. Jamie's my dad, and

Speaker 1 Shane is my dad.

Speaker 1 I don't get the dad thing. What is the dad thing? I don't know what the dad thing is.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, no. What about Jamie is my or Shane's my bitch or something?

Speaker 1 Jamie's my.

Speaker 1 I am Jamie's bitch. There you go.
That's it. That's it.
That's a shirt. You make the shirt.
I'll get it made. Get it made.

Speaker 1 I'll just get it both made right now. I'll get it made on Timu.

Speaker 1 Timu.

Speaker 1 You guys would all turn on me, and that's fine.

Speaker 1 J-Mo.

Speaker 1 Whatever you're doing.

Speaker 1 Jamie, the show's not about you.

Speaker 1 The show's not about you.

Speaker 1 This is the longest you've ever spoken. I'll tell you.
Could you toss on Michigan-Ohio State highlights from this year, please? Oh, shit. Go Blue.

Speaker 1 They did beat Alabama, which is nice. Toss on Michigan-Ohio Stateless.
This is your team. I'll play Northern Illinois

Speaker 1 if you want to.

Speaker 1 That's name of the whole Illinois. Oh, this is fucking shit.

Speaker 1 This is getting nasty. Jamie got his nasty tone to his voice.
Did you notice it? He is a little nasty, fuck.

Speaker 1 He's thinking about the 4,200 bucks, and he could have given you $1,000 and been a good one. It's crazy that he kept it quiet that whole time, though.
He could have given him $1,000.

Speaker 1 You guys got to understand that. The extra thousand? It's all he talked about.
He pays the money back and gives you $1,000.

Speaker 1 I was happy. He didn't have to pay you that money back if he lost, right? I didn't care if you had to.
If he lost, he was going to pay you that money back. No, no,

Speaker 1 no.

Speaker 1 Wait, no, it was free. Wait, no, no, that's fine.
So I didn't say that. You gave it to him.
You gave it to him. So

Speaker 1 it wasn't a money. No, if you gave it to me, why'd you give you any money? was.

Speaker 1 What? If I gave it, if you gave it to me, why'd I give you any money? Because you did the right thing. Snippy.
That's something I've been doing. But he did

Speaker 1 the right thing, and you've been fucking with him this whole time. I've never fucked with him.
He went on complaining about it.

Speaker 1 Bro, come on, bro.

Speaker 1 You can bring it up. I didn't go on the Flagrant podcast and talk about it.
Jamie's been complaining about it ever since. I don't.
Ari, how do you feel about this? I feel a lot of people.

Speaker 1 I feel betrayed. It's like when you find a news story, it's like not the real thing.
Yeah, Vivermecton. This is a great thing.
So you guys think I'm the one who betrayed you?

Speaker 1 Oh, man. I couldn't do that.
I think you just cursed Notre Dame. I think it's going to be a blowout this weekend.
And then next Protect Our Parks, Jamie's going to just trounce you.

Speaker 1 I will not do that. He's going to

Speaker 1 be pissing your button. A lot of months from now.
And you're not even going to notice.

Speaker 1 You guys are terribly nasty. Obviously, you guys don't know how to handle booze, and you guys are starting to act like rotten fucks.
And that's fine.

Speaker 1 Whiskey business.

Speaker 1 Keep the risky business on us.

Speaker 1 Charlie whiskey though. Just take those old

Speaker 1 sheriffs. If you guys want to act like cunts, that's fine.
I'm having a nice time. I'm enjoying myself.
Jamie, can you put up Jeremiah Lovehaux? I think you guys need to bet $4,200.

Speaker 1 I don't mind that. $4,200.
$4,200 even up. I said five.
Yeah, but

Speaker 1 this is easy. The $4,200 is the right amount.

Speaker 1 But that's where you got it. What are you paying this guy a year? Give it to us straight.
$34,000. $34,000.
Jamie makes a good amount of money. Oh, really? More than Red Band? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's not what Red Band said. I don't know.
Well, I don't know what Red Band makes. I'm guessing.
Oh, I thought it made him years.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I'm saying, like, right now,

Speaker 1 like, Jamie makes more money. I know, you're rolling it.
Because Adam and Eve is not your main sponsor anymore.

Speaker 1 The Fleshlight? Yeah, Fleshlight. Yeah, it's Fleslight.

Speaker 1 We used to go to the mainstream. I saw some thread that was saying that

Speaker 1 my whole show is like a deep state operation. Thank you.
That's a good cost, though. And then some, oh, look at that.
And then someone was saying

Speaker 1 a deep state operation that was founded in 2009 by the Fleshlight.

Speaker 1 It's like

Speaker 1 Fleshlight. I like that.
Who's the game? Who's follow the money trail? It was touched by the Fleshlight. Look at the boys.
Imagine if the Deep State was so clever that they created this podcast.

Speaker 1 That would be a fucking genius move. Could you imagine? You just get a retard.
You're an industry planner. MMA commentator, and you still host Fear Factor.
Like, this is our guy.

Speaker 1 You're an industry planner. We're a comedian who says a lot of ridiculous shit.

Speaker 1 This is the guy.

Speaker 1 What's your factor? Slowly build it. What did you do?

Speaker 1 Burn yourself? Almost, and then I dropped it. Sorry.
It's funny you bring that up. You want a new one? You want a freshie? I saw that article.
I was sucking on that thing.

Speaker 1 There was an article on Joe was

Speaker 1 compromised in King State. Oh, really? And I was like, I almost, and you want to reply.
You're like, no, he's not. It's so funny.
That's exactly what they would say. Of course.

Speaker 1 You can't reply to those denying it.

Speaker 1 That's how you know the conspiratards have no boundaries. Like, everything's a conspiracy.
Like, they'll keep going forever. Nothing can just be legitimately successful.
No band. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, no, nothing. No movie.
No, no actor. For a reason.

Speaker 1 If you become a famous actor, for sure somebody fucked you. Yep.
You know, for sure. Big Jay had that joke in Dog Belly where he's like, try to defend that you're not racist.

Speaker 1 Like, no, my cleaners are an Asian.

Speaker 1 You can't do it. You can't do it.
You can't do it. Well, that's why they use that all the time.
They turn it on you, and you have to say, no, I'm not. And then you're already fucked.
It's unfair.

Speaker 1 Bro, you hate women. Wait a minute.
No, I don't. Oh, it's already out there.
Fuck a woman in the ass. It's already out there.
Oh, she loved it.

Speaker 1 Ask her. I'll show you the text messages.
The video of you fighting the guy on Fear Factor goes through my algo once a week. Oh, yeah.
Ready to go. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you actually fight him? No, there's a lot that was cut out of that, though. Oh, let's hear it.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 that guy had already, they had warned me about that guy because he had,

Speaker 1 yeah, he had did something to his wife, like physically. And they also, like, there was a counselor on another show who threw the counselor to the ground.
He was a violent guy. Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 And so when he was in my face, I'm like, this guy might hit me. And so I just decided to grab him.
But I pushed him away from me a couple times, and that's what they didn't show.

Speaker 1 He said something, and I pushed him away from me. He said, don't fucking touch me.
I go, what, bitch? Then I pushed him again. I go, what the fuck are you going to do? And I pushed him again.

Speaker 1 I'm like, all right, we're doing this. So I just grabbed the back of his head.
I'm like, I'm going to do one of two things.

Speaker 1 I'm either going to strangle him or I'm going to knee his fucking face into another dimension. So I just grabbed a hold of the back of his neck.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, if this guy hits me, I'm going to figure out what I'm going to do.

Speaker 1 If he hit me hard, I was going to knee his brains into oblivion. And if he didn't hit me hard, I was going to strangle him.
Thank God,

Speaker 1 family feud. So I was just holding him.
I was just holding him because it was like, it was too dangerous. He was screaming.

Speaker 1 He had already had a history of violence. He was in my face.

Speaker 1 I could get sucker punched like anybody else. And if you get sucker punched, you get fucked up.
Oh, yeah. You don't know a punch is coming.
You get rocked. You can get knocked out.
Wow. Anybody can.

Speaker 1 And if he knows how to punch, someone could just swing a punch. And just because you think you're a tough guy, you get hit in the jaw.

Speaker 1 So I i was like this is too close so i just like clamp i just grabbed a hold of his neck i'm like what were you nervous about your gig at all worried and sue i was never nervous you're in the moment anyway you're not thinking it out what's crazy is those dudes that think like if i was ever about to fight someone that was like a fighter you're too close and like push me away or like

Speaker 1 in any type of fucking actual cognizant hold I'd be like, I got to leave this guy.

Speaker 1 When you grab a guy's neck and he's never had his neck grabbed, you grab the back of his neck and clamp his forearms down on his neck like that and you realize you can't do anything

Speaker 1 feeling where you're like

Speaker 1 you go hey let's talk about this but I was yeah but I was like okay if I do this no one gets hurt but if I do this and he hits me then I have to do something yeah so that was what I did the best one I saw live was there was a heckler at the comedy store oh now we're talking Terrible ruined the whole show Rogan's on

Speaker 1 they run him out of there and Joe's just like, shots for everybody. He bought the whole place for shot.
It was crazy. Before we kick people out of the comedy store, I would buy the whole audio shots.

Speaker 1 He got like

Speaker 1 a bad feeling. It was like a bad feeling.
I was like, let's just buy everybody's shots. So the guy in the front patio comes up afterwards and is like, you fucking bitch.
And Joe was just so calm.

Speaker 1 You could just, you read him. You're like, you're not going to do anything.
And the guy was like, I'll fucking

Speaker 1 like, you won't, though. And then, I mean, whatever.
Yeah, whatever.

Speaker 1 We'd have to tell the whole story. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wait a second. You knew the guy wasn't going to do shit.

Speaker 1 You knew the guy wasn't doing his shit, and you just called him on it. It was pretty funny.
Man, a lot of shit went down on that patio. That was

Speaker 1 no crowd control. There was no crowd.
Murder went down on that patio. Yeah, a guy got shot.

Speaker 1 There was no crowd control. And so, like, there was no security.
Like,

Speaker 1 you had wild, crazy people that were drunk out of their ass looking to start fights. And there was no crowd control in the crowd.
They didn't show up. That guy ruined the entire show.

Speaker 1 And they never got kicked out. The early days of of the comedy store were crazy.
They were so crazy. There was no crowd control.

Speaker 1 So, if like a group of drunk guys started yelling at people, that was the night.

Speaker 1 They yelled at you for the whole night. They ruined the whole show.
And then you're like, can someone

Speaker 1 no one did anything? One of the best is Jim Payner was on stage once. He was a door guy, but he was doing a set.
And then some guy started heckling. He's like, hey, you keep shutting up.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm going to, someone's going to throw you out. He's like, who? He's like, me, as soon as I get off.
And then the guy heckled him again. He goes, I'm done.

Speaker 1 And he just grabbed the guy and pulled him out. He was wearing a store shirt.
He's like, so my job to throw you out.

Speaker 1 It was just so crazy because we had comics that were door people and some of them weighed 18 pounds. Me?

Speaker 1 You said to some guy, you had to heckle in the main room. And he goes, you got to go.
And then I was like, I guess it's me. And I went over there, like 130.

Speaker 1 I was just starting and I was like, you got to go. The guy goes.

Speaker 1 No. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 The comedy store was crazy.

Speaker 1 There's something about that place that just attracted the most psychotic people. Do you remember the fucking guy that you almost got sued by because I said that you were his lawyer? What?

Speaker 1 The guy was completely schizophrenic. And I told him, Ari is your lawyer.
Ari is going to handle you. And Ari starts saying, as your lawyer, I'd advise you.

Speaker 1 And so Ari starts giving him like a bunch of people.

Speaker 1 I'm your lawyer. And then in the conversation, you called me and goes, hey, somebody's going to call you.
You're my lawyer. I was like, what? He's like, wait, somebody's calling right now.

Speaker 1 He goes, you're my lawyer.

Speaker 1 With that as a directive. Ari came down and was like negotiating like legal points with this fucking completely insane person.
Just saying. Here too for.

Speaker 1 And then the guy says he's going to sue him. So he sends like a legal letter.
Oh, I had to actually get a lawyer to help me out. He got right back.
Oh, yeah, yeah. You know what he sued me for? What?

Speaker 1 All the riches in the world

Speaker 1 was on his document. That's pretty good.
That's pretty good.

Speaker 1 That's how you negotiate. That shit's the stars.
That stars. $98 million.
He said one of the other things.

Speaker 1 Who is it? Star Evil?

Speaker 1 $98 million. Fucking insane.
God, they really.

Speaker 1 He was like, Didn't you think it was Jesus or something? I thought he was Jesus, King of Kings. King of Kings.
I mean, I kept him on the line for about a year. Oh, was it? I kept talking to him.

Speaker 1 He'd call. Oh, yeah.
I'd be like,

Speaker 1 he wanted to sue the San Diego State Hospital, which definitely fucked him up. Definitely fucked him up.
He might have had a case here. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'd be like, you actually shoot contact the red lawyer because it sounds like you're messed up. Called Morgan and Morgan.

Speaker 1 Bro, there were so many crazy people there. God.
It would just attract

Speaker 1 the most bizarre people, and we would always talk to them. We would always be in the back parking lot with like completely insane people.

Speaker 1 complete lunatic no security you're right on sunset that was like the heart of it it was also the magnet there was something about that story

Speaker 1 made a deal with the devil and it was just like that's why that won't burn it's already been burned

Speaker 1 there's something about that place they tried to kill it with the fucking landslide they reinforced the wall i should keep it up there was a time where the back area was bowing so hard from the ground like it was so close to a landslide i wouldn't go in that back area wow i was like guys i would tell them when it rains don't go go back here.

Speaker 1 And you would see things go

Speaker 1 like a little mini landslide. Yeah, like that.
And rocks would fall. And the thing was bowing.

Speaker 1 Like, they had these big timbers, like these fucking beams, these pressure-treated beams, and they were bowing. And I was like, guys, don't be back here.
This is how people die. This happens.

Speaker 1 And I was telling the store, I was like, you got to do something. Like, this,

Speaker 1 they're harsh in my mellow, man.

Speaker 1 They didn't want to spend money. They didn't want to spend any money.
Landslides.

Speaker 1 I would not go back there. Landslides.
And when I would be back there,

Speaker 1 if I was feeling paranoid,

Speaker 1 I would fucking try to be close to the door. Like, if you heard something, you'd have to dive through the door.
I was like really thinking about it. They finally fixed that.

Speaker 1 They fixed it and reinforced the shit out of it. But it was like sketchy.
One time it did fall. Remember, there's a bunch of chunks that fell where the cars park? And then there's a lot of people.

Speaker 1 There was a hurricane. Not a hurricane, an earthquake one day.
You get out there. We didn't feel it in there because it's Satan.
And you get out, like, what the fuck happened out here? Yeah.

Speaker 1 We had a little mini landslide back there. I was telling them, like, one day, this whole fucking thing is going to come through.
Look what you're stopping it with.

Speaker 1 You're stopping with a couple of beams and some like rebar. Like, this is not going to hold this.
It was already going like this. Like,

Speaker 1 we were just animals.

Speaker 1 We were playing, Brody was playing drums, like, like, just like turned over trash cans, like playing drums. It was like 3 a.m.
Chairs. We were all out there, chairs and pails.

Speaker 1 And then somebody up there who bought a house, they're like, oh, Views of Suns didn't know this was going to happen. And then just goes, eventually, it's like 3 a.m.
And he goes, guys, keep it down.

Speaker 1 And Joe Rogan just has to go, keep it down. He goes, move!

Speaker 1 She lived behind the comedy store.

Speaker 1 Keep it down. You got to move.

Speaker 1 They were just like,

Speaker 1 living in a terrible spot.

Speaker 1 I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's not a place for a home.

Speaker 1 Well, comedy used to be so lawless and Wild West-y, and then it got weird rules. So many sites took place.
There's a lit hole in the sign back there from Kinnison. There you go.

Speaker 1 Kinnison shrugged the sign. Exactly.
And they didn't even fucking banner. him.

Speaker 1 They cleaned that bullet hole up, Ari. That's great.
They cleaned that bullet hole up. They fixed it.
Yeah, but they fixed the sign. No, a few years ago.
They fixed the sign.

Speaker 1 Why would you fix the sign? The broken glass was there because Kinnison shot through it. Leave it there.
What? Damn. It's still lit.
I didn't know they did that. Yeah, they fucking replaced the glass.

Speaker 1 Like, don't replace it. No.

Speaker 1 That place was crazy. It was so fun.
Imagine being there during the Kinnison days where they're all on Coke. Oh, my God.
Fucking in the back room. Marin said that he did so much Coke with them, he had

Speaker 1 voices in his head for a year. A year.
A year. Good lord.
A year.

Speaker 1 First podcast.

Speaker 1 Those voices. I remember a time before digital cameras, somebody was like, to dice, was like, can I take a picture with you? And he's like, sure.
Hey, Ari, you take the picture.

Speaker 1 And he gives me their camera like this. He goes, hey, Ari, you take the picture.
And he hands it to me. He goes,

Speaker 1 because he knew he wanted you to cut their heads off the picture. And I was like,

Speaker 1 and then he goes, did you get me in it at all? I'm like, no. And he goes, nice.

Speaker 1 Okay. I'm like guessing what he meant.
Who do this guys?

Speaker 1 Now, all that fucking guy does is take pictures.

Speaker 1 He comes sitting in the green room. He comes in.
Who are you? Are you the one that wanted the picture?

Speaker 1 His whole thing is performance art. Like, even back then, he was doing that.
He would go on for two people.

Speaker 1 He would say to the comics, he goes, watch how, come in, watch me, see how long I can go before I say anything. Wow.

Speaker 1 And so he'd go on, he goes, hey, put his thing down, tap his fucking cigarettes, didn't let him, just chewed him and then he goes So is that the you know

Speaker 1 when you're out there and the

Speaker 1 talk to the guy and

Speaker 1 You know you're tagging the thing and the

Speaker 1 for like six minutes just not saying anything.

Speaker 1 You just did a flight with him, right?

Speaker 1 I saw a video of you guys on it. I looked like me.

Speaker 1 It wasn't you.

Speaker 1 I thought it was you. Posted it as if it was me.
I totally got it.

Speaker 1 Where they going together. Yeah, some guy was just bugging some guy trying to get work done on a flight.
Yeah, I thought it was you. You bought bought a first class.
I mean, look, pull that up.

Speaker 1 It looks at the title.

Speaker 1 That's on my Instagram.

Speaker 1 That's fine.

Speaker 1 I've scrolled through in two seconds, but I thought that was you. Yep.

Speaker 1 What is he saying? What's he saying?

Speaker 1 I got it.

Speaker 1 I'm not her. We've been

Speaker 1 for a little bit. So, uh, no, no, I'm just,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 all good.

Speaker 1 I think probably

Speaker 1 just maybe aggregate your questions.

Speaker 1 Aggregate your questions. Some tech guy flying in to do the Facebook algorithm.
He's like, I got work to do.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 Like, I was all excited. The middle seat's empty, and then here we go.

Speaker 1 Dice.

Speaker 1 He's fucking with me. That's dice.

Speaker 1 not a good thing. But you know what a healthy ego you have to have.

Speaker 1 First guy to ever sell out Massive Square Garden. Sold it out like 100 times.
And here he is.

Speaker 1 Talking to people. He sold it a bunch of times.
Massive Square Garden. He did it twice earlier on.
Dice sold Mass of Square Garden a bunch of times. A bunch of times.

Speaker 1 First time to do it. Yeah, I think so.
But when Dice did it, no one had ever done it. No one had ever done it.
And he did it twice right away.

Speaker 1 And then in the middle of that, in the prime of his fucking career, he releases a two CD set of him bombing. It's him popping.
The day the laughter died. That's right.

Speaker 1 Dangerfields. Yep.
It was so, he was like, how do I follow the biggest album, baby, of all time? I go the other way. The other way.
Yeah. Yeah, just bomb on purpose.
Rick Rubin produced it.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 And Rick Rubin loved it. He was trying to do well.
No. But he was doing it to a crowd he knew wouldn't be.
No, no, no. He didn't have any material.
You need to go back and listen to that again.

Speaker 1 I gotta go. He had no material.
He had no material.

Speaker 1 He was just making things up while he was up there. This guy gets up.
You're about as funny as a glass of milk.

Speaker 1 Same fucking tourist.

Speaker 1 There's 20 people in the audience. And he's

Speaker 1 recording a two CD special. Whoa.
Back then, albums were what specials are. Yeah,

Speaker 1 more so. Oh, it was huge.
It was huge. But it was crazy that he did it.
Was it? I haven't heard it in so long.

Speaker 1 Is it enjoyable? No, it's horrible. Okay.

Speaker 1 It's all concept. It's all concept.
It's bombing. He's bombing.

Speaker 1 It's nonsense. And he's doing it on purpose.
Rock said it's his favorite album. Oh, well, it's just crazy because he's just, you can't believe he's doing it.
Right, yeah. It's like a bank seat.

Speaker 1 But it's this crazy. It's his favorite album because he's just had the balls in his prime to do something so insane, like as a piece of performance art.
Yeah, performance art weird.

Speaker 1 He just doesn't get the credit he deserves because so many people hated on him for a long time.

Speaker 1 They hated on him because of his success. They didn't like the fact that this guy was doing nursery rhymes and he was like selling out arenas.
They didn't like him.

Speaker 1 They didn't like that he was dirty. But it was, they were looking for excuses because before that, when he wasn't famous, they all would go see him.
They would all see him at the store.

Speaker 1 They all loved him. Everybody like dice is up and they'd all watch him and he would kill.
And then he got famous and they're like, what? I don't like what this guy's doing.

Speaker 1 It was like the first cancel culture. That's how it always is, that people are just bitter about someone's success.
It's like if they were open micros, they're like, no, that guy's great.

Speaker 1 But that they're theater acts, people are like, fuck them. Well, you remember when he did MTV and he got banned? Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 The same thing with Tony doing Madison Square Square Garden for the Trump administration. They asked Dice to do a fucking set on one of those MTV video music awards things.
And he did dice?

Speaker 1 And he does dice and they banned him for life from MTV. It was a big deal.
It was if he's like, the fucking tampons. Oh!

Speaker 1 And they were like, no!

Speaker 1 And so they told him not to do that material, apparently. Like, yeah.

Speaker 1 Of course he did it. Of course he did it, and he got banned for life.
And then everybody went on the I Hate Dice train. And comics, like professional comedians who were like,

Speaker 1 I must have, I guess. Now that I know, I know now

Speaker 1 that are like alt comics and the guys that weren't doing as well as him. Same kind of shit you always hear.
And they found some reason why he's everything that's wrong with comedy.

Speaker 1 You know, it was just, it was so dumb, man. It was so, it was so weird.
That is a bummer. But it's crazy to see people's arcs.
Like, look at Dice now. Look at Roseanne now.

Speaker 1 Where are we going to be? Dice is interesting, though.

Speaker 1 I was talking to him at the stand last week, two weeks ago, and it was like, of all the guys who started way, way back then, they all moved in, either quit or became actors or whatever.

Speaker 1 Dice stayed in stand-up comedy for 50 years.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. He did movies and TV.
He just did them. He never left stand-up.
He only did Ford Fairling. You know, that was the big one.
He did that one big movie, and it didn't do that well.

Speaker 1 And then he kind of just went to the movie. And then he's been in stuff.
But then he had a TV show. Remember, you had that TV show? Yeah.
Bless This House, I think it was called. Natasha Leggero.

Speaker 1 Was it Natasha? She's on. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's right. It was on Amazon.

Speaker 1 He's been in a lot of stuff. Jamie, you know,

Speaker 1 I was just looking at it.

Speaker 1 He's just in these.

Speaker 1 Ford Fairlines was his.

Speaker 1 But the Ford Fairlines was the big one. Oh, but this is like episodes of shows.
Holy shit. Dharma and Jim Morton.
I did that. Bro, you remember Dharma and Greg?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dice Undisputed, 2007. Tash.0, Blue Jasmine.
But what was the show that he did?

Speaker 1 Was it the Dice? No, no, no, no, the TV show.

Speaker 1 Was it called Dice? Yeah. Dice.
Yeah. Was it?

Speaker 1 I guess so. Wow.
13 episodes. It's actually great.
Dice is pretty good.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. I saw it.
It was good.

Speaker 1 1030 with Jim Norton. Bless this house.
That's it. Bless this house.
That's the show. Oh, that's the tried to do.
95, 96. That's dice?

Speaker 1 That's dice? He came back. He's

Speaker 1 the wife, and the wife tells him what to do. Wow.

Speaker 1 Was he in Rugrats? Did I see that? Yeah, he was in Rugrats.

Speaker 1 Bless this house. What the fuck? No, what is that?

Speaker 1 That's an old.

Speaker 1 Look at him. He's in a sitcom.
He really tried to just do straight-up sitcom. And he kind of changed his fucking act for a little bit.
Hear this. It looks like he didn't.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's enough. That's enough.

Speaker 1 That's just King of Queens. That's all of them.
That's all of the sitcoms.

Speaker 1 We don't want that. Remember Grace Under Fire? She was a pillhead.
Well, she went nutty and threw a drink in the face of Chuck

Speaker 1 Laurie. Chuck Laurie, yeah.
End of story for your career. That was it.

Speaker 1 Wrapped it up. That's why you never see that show in syndication.
Too powerful. She was a feisty cooperation.

Speaker 1 There was a few of those moments that happened with comics where they went nutty and then you never see that show again. Titus.
Chris Titus. Yeah.
Oh, is that right? Yeah, that show disappeared.

Speaker 1 What happened?

Speaker 1 What happened to him? He became like a quick. What is this?

Speaker 1 Congrats.

Speaker 1 Look here. Look here.
Look here.

Speaker 1 A dog? I don't like dogs.

Speaker 1 I probably saw this episode.

Speaker 1 How weird. Yeah.
Damn. Yeah.
Boy career though. What did happen to tell you? Show business is strange, you know? It is.
A strange fucking business. You gotta take what you can get.

Speaker 1 I think the strangest thing that I was ever a part of was when you were getting kicked out of your own show

Speaker 1 because you wouldn't do a special on Comedy Central. That's gold.
Isn't that wild? That was the wildest thing to be a part of because you were freaking out. You were explaining to me on the phone.

Speaker 1 You wanted to get money to pay the staff you were like i'm gonna pay everybody i'm gonna do it out of my own pocket and i said wait a minute what you know what i'll go and host it for free remember was that yeah they were like no i'm like what i said i would host it for free i said i would take over his job and i would host it for free i said i would do it for free they they wanted to punish him because he didn't want to do a special on comedy central because he got a netflix deal

Speaker 1 this is what netflix was popping off and comedy central is about and his show was one of the most successful shows on comedy central great show yeah this is not happening was one of the big shows it had billboards on sunset yep remember so wildly kicked off your own show yeah they're like now we can do this

Speaker 1 you showed integrity you showed integrity he wanted to get on netflix he was going to give all the money he was going to give all he was going to pay the entire staff he was going to go into debt to pay the entire staff because he knew that they were getting fucked they had all signed off for that so you know if you're a cameraman or if you're whoever the people that are working behind the scenes there's a whole crew of people that were going to be out money because of him he's like i'll pay those people.

Speaker 1 Five seasons they worked on that. They blackmailed me.
They go, either sign with us or these people all be out of work with two weeks to go. Good luck paying their rent.
How do you want to play it?

Speaker 1 And I'm like, you, wow. They said it that way.
Yeah. Motherfucker.

Speaker 1 I was like, I'm not prepared for this. I'm just right.
And not only that, but you were within your rights and your contract to do that special on Netflix. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was in his contract that he could do. I was allowed to do what he was.
It was like, I made one on my own. And like, we were

Speaker 1 imagine Netflix

Speaker 1 wanting an Ari Shafir special. But it was was one of the last nails in the coffin for Comedy Central because it was one of their best shows.
And Roy Wood did a great job.

Speaker 1 Roy Wood's hilarious. But the problem was everybody knew what happened.
And then I wasn't there editing it anymore. Yeah, but everybody also knew what happened.
They were all grossed out by it.

Speaker 1 They were like, what? Because you were real public about it. You did my podcast.
I should have talked more public about it. I could have stopped it if I went on here.

Speaker 1 I'd be like, hey, Via Comma's blackmailing. It wasn't that big back then.
It wouldn't have done it. It wouldn't have done it back then.
It wouldn't have had the impact that it would have.

Speaker 1 If you did it today, they'd be fucked. Oh, yeah.
I mean, it would kill their fucking career. It would kill the network.
And you and Roy were cool. You guys worked that way.

Speaker 1 Roy called me and said, no, what should I do here? What do you want me to do?

Speaker 1 Roy's the man. He goes, unless I get permission, I don't want to do it.
And I was like, no, we need to save people jobs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was the move. It was the move.

Speaker 1 But, you know, you showed so much integrity. That was a ballsy move.
Because most people, when the shit hits the fan like that and they're worried about losing their gig, they cave in.

Speaker 1 And you're like, uh-uh. I was cool.

Speaker 1 I was like, Mitzi made us poor for too long that I was like, well, I already have no money. Yeah.
And you could always tour. You always tour.

Speaker 1 You'd probably make more money doing stand-up than you would do in a show anyway. Yeah, you editing it was the secret sauce.
Yeah. Yeah, you were so dumb.

Speaker 1 They said we couldn't use comedian's input on their own stories.

Speaker 1 They were like, I was like, no, I'm going to let them tell me what they want out. And they go, no, no, that sets a precedent.
We can't do that. I was like, and then I go, oh.

Speaker 1 I'll just call them directly.

Speaker 1 So I called a mage. I'm like, what do you want? I'll just make them my notes.
Just show me what you want out and stuff. What a mensch.
No, you did an amazing job.

Speaker 1 It was a great show. And I was there when you developed that show.
Did it a true story on it? Oh, yeah. Is it a great one? The fuck, the woods, the Alabama Woods? It's a true story, too.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 That was a crazy one. Crazy story.
With who? Who is the fighter? I don't want to say.

Speaker 1 I didn't say on it.

Speaker 1 The guys had gone through enough.

Speaker 1 But when you, I saw you develop it at the lab, at the improv.

Speaker 1 I was like, what is he doing? I was like, what is he doing over here? What is Ari doing? He's like, storytelling shows? Like, what is this? It was weird. I was like, Comics have cool stories.

Speaker 1 I know, but it was like you had a vision and you started piecing it together, and then all of a sudden, it's on fucking Comedy Central. I'm like, Look at Ari.
Like, this is crazy. You pulled it off.

Speaker 1 Do you ever feel like, hey, why am I so judgmental? Why am I judging him for trying a story show? And then it blew up. Yeah, you go, hey, what's he doing? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, for sure. But, you know, in the beginning, it was a month-the-month show.
It wasn't that much. I was like,

Speaker 1 plenty of. You see your friends doing dumb shit.
Sure. You go, what the fuck is he doing? And nine times a day.
Ari gave me the worst advice of all.

Speaker 1 Ari gave me the worst advice ever. He's like, got to edit your show.
Yeah, we're way too long. We're two hours.
No one's going to listen. You guys are my advice.
No one's going to listen.

Speaker 1 You have to listen to the show. It was a fun live show.
We had fun every time.

Speaker 1 No one would do it. And then eventually it was like, I guess, TV.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude,

Speaker 1 you fucking killed it. And you should bring it back.
Someone should. Netflix should do it.
Maybe I bully them too. Ooh, I like it.
They should do it. You should bring back.
This is not happening.

Speaker 1 Why not? Do you have the name anymore? Who owns the name? Neither one of us owns the name. It's both of us.
Like, if we do anything with that name, how about you call it this has happened?

Speaker 1 This is still happening? Yeah. Wait, who's neither one of us? Neither Comedy Central nor me can go without the other.
Well, just wait a year. Comedy Central's.
Yeah, they will be for sale.

Speaker 1 You could probably buy it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they got burned up. What are they now? They're like all

Speaker 1 but they're not even South Park anymore, right? South Park's on who's Paramount, right? South Park's on who's Daily Show.

Speaker 1 What's left? Daily Show isn't showing Comedy Central either. It's

Speaker 1 a prediction. It's Comedy Central production that's on Paramount Art.
So what is on Comedy Central now? Old reruns. Of the office.
Of the office is signed for Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Wow.
Damn.

Speaker 1 It used to be the spot. It's sad.
The Chappelle show. It's sad.
It was a great outlet for Company. It was a great sketch, if not the greatest South Park.
Tosh Point Overall. Second best sketch over.

Speaker 1 Isn't that crazy?

Speaker 1 Money appeal. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was a more improved version of it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Kind of amazing when you think about their downfall.

Speaker 1 It was big. You remember they wanted to do like an app? Like, we'll do your special on their app.
Oh. And everybody's like, who's going to get it? Why would they not let Joe Rogan just hope?

Speaker 1 It was like Rogan, Segura, Chrysler, they'd all host Ali Sadiq. They're like, no.
Anyone we suggested, they're like, no. Yeah, we said we'd host it for free.
Wow. Save money.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You don't have to pay the fucking guy hosting it. They were so butthurt.
Oh, dirty pool.

Speaker 1 So dirty. That's so dirty.
So dirty. Yeah.
What a dumb fucking thing to do. They fucked themselves up.

Speaker 1 Soda wore an Ari Shafir shafir shirt on that on that season because he was on a contract with comedy central because i can't pull out but i'll wear a shirt that says you yeah so crazy soda's the best soda rules

Speaker 1 did you make any money on that show at least i did back then but all right it was a big fucking show you remember the the stern crazy stern debacle yeah

Speaker 1 Stern's shit. Who's this guy? Nobody knows him.
And Ari stands in front of his billboard on Comedy Central. No one's heard of you.
And then tells him to fucking go to Netscape Navigator to look it up.

Speaker 1 I I know you old people don't understand Google. Jamie, help me with that video.

Speaker 1 It was early Jamie. I was like, can you help me make this?

Speaker 1 It was genius, bro. Because you were kind of kissing his ass while you were doing it.
Mr. Stern, I meant no disrespect.

Speaker 1 He called you an old man at Blowy. Blowy and Clinton Sticks and their old man came.
He spent a half an hour talking about you like he was going to ruin you. And you fucking owned him.
It all helped.

Speaker 1 And then he never talked about you again. Yeah, I think his staff was like, guy.
Bro, you should.

Speaker 1 Not the staff, the fucking internet. Like, the beating that he took from that was, it was like such a checkmate move.

Speaker 1 Because the photo of you standing in front of a billboard on something, the odds of it happening while it's a billboard. That is huge.

Speaker 1 That's like karma.

Speaker 1 Why was he going at you? I said something about.

Speaker 1 Radio is dead.

Speaker 1 He did it on my podcast. He went off.
He was saying something. I was like, fuck him.
Fuck Stern. He's out of touch.

Speaker 1 Him and Clinton Smith should go blow each other's wrinkled dicks in their old man camps. Yeah, that's what he said.

Speaker 1 and then and then right at the time he was saying podcasts are not the future you got to do radio yeah and it was like bro it's okay you're out of touch you got to be a broadcaster you got to work your way up 30 minutes he spent on me he thought that was real back then that's funny they all thought it was never gonna go they thought the podcast thing was just a what are these guys wasting their time all right now so funny look at them now what are these

Speaker 1 on some radio show he had they had an ad for like me undies or something and burt was like how much do you make for that the guy's like i do okay and he goes let's because i have them too as a sponsor.

Speaker 1 And he goes, okay, how much do you make? Same time. Bert loves that.
Same time. So they go, okay.
And then at the same time, he goes, one, two, three, go. And the guy goes, $75.
And Bert goes, $3,500.

Speaker 1 And he goes, what? And he goes, $75. What?

Speaker 1 He goes, yeah, CBS is taking all your money. Louis did that to Schultz.
You see that episode? Yeah. Louis did a flagrant.
He was like, because Schultz just put out a special behind a paywall.

Speaker 1 And he's like, you did that. I got the idea from you.
and I made a ton of money. And Schultz's like, well, what did you make? He goes, you go first.
And Schultz goes, five million.

Speaker 1 He goes, that was stupid. You shouldn't have told me.
Because Louie wouldn't say. Wow.
But he made way more than that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you, well, also with him, like, that was the only way to see him because it was in like the height of it.

Speaker 1 So like the thing about people wanting to rebel against cancel culture, they had to go to his website to get it. He was always the first that, Louie.
That time. And then like the early time, $5.

Speaker 1 No one else had the success. He had it with that first one.
Yeah. Yeah.
Genius. A million dollars in like a day.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Genius. Genius.
And he's self-funded.

Speaker 1 He made it so easy to get, you'd be better off buying it than stealing it. And also, he realized from that point on, like, hey, like, I'll just do all my own stuff now.

Speaker 1 That way they can't just take it away from me. Yeah.
Like, I'll always have a direct connection to my fans. He always had email lists.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And his email list, he writes things.
It's like, it's good. Yeah, he gives you a newsletter.
Yeah, but it's funny. It's like,

Speaker 1 it's genius. Even his TV show was different.
He's like, I don't want notes, so I'll take less money. Yeah, and he fucking edited it all in a little MacBook.
Edited his shit.

Speaker 1 Edited it all in one of those little tiny 14-inch MacBooks. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's a different breed. And now, you know, like, you can't fuck with him.
He can do whatever he wants now. Like, he's basically got his own fan base.
They all got to leave him alone. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Kind of amazing. He's got new material of killing.
He's always killing. He took about a year off, right? Yeah.
Took a year off. What, that time?

Speaker 1 Just chill out.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 After the garden. Yeah,

Speaker 1 he's like, I'm not doing stand-up anymore. Every time I talked to him, I was like, well, since you're a former comic, you wouldn't understand.
He's like, shut up, Ari.

Speaker 1 He doesn't need a

Speaker 1 sculpting class going, loser. He did love that.
He loved that sculpting. He loved sculpting.

Speaker 1 Hilarious. All right, boys.
I finally have to pee. All right.
So let's wrap this up. That's unbelievable.
Yeah, I've gone five and a half hours without peeing. Solid.
Good. Did we do five and a half?

Speaker 1 At least. I think we did.
130. 130 to

Speaker 1 five for sure. Go watch.
That's Ari's Special. Go Ari

Speaker 1 It's on Netflix right now. Go bigger.
America's sweetheart. $85,000 worth of plants.
Watch it all the way to the edge. Can't watch it.
Watch it all the way through. They wasted $85,000, huh?

Speaker 1 No, he spent it. We could have gave that to us.
Look at it. It's beautiful.
It's the fire. America.

Speaker 1 What do they do with those plants after? Just throw them out, garbage.

Speaker 1 The flowers in the park. The stuff.
You saved the part.

Speaker 1 X-ray. That was the biggest part we left.

Speaker 1 All right. Praise Allah, folks.
Bye-bye. Don't make me drunk to the restores.
We'll be at the rabbit.