#2256 - Protect Our Parks 14

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day! Hey! Mazel tov! Hey! Queep it up! All I've been doing is sending Ari, my algorithm is flooded with Jewish stuff.
I know. My algorithm is flooded with like Jew rules.
It's just rules from like low level influencers in the Hasidic community. It's crazy what you're like.
I get so many of them every day. So I send them to him.
What are the rules? Oh, it's all like, are you allowed when you're frying pan? When you use your frying pan for eggs? Are you allowed to use it for me? Say you go on vacation and your pot isn't kosher. What can you do on the Sabbath? You gotta take it to the ocean, throw it in the ocean.
They're throwing the fucking pots in the ocean to make it kosher. You have to let go of it.
You have to let go of it. They have a rule.
You have to drop it in the water and let go of it. Are they following these rules? Oh, yeah, those people are.
And it's also funny like you click on the link he sends you and the first thing you hear is With the weather Yeah, they don't really control the weather obviously Hurricanes wouldn't hit Florida Good point. They barely get their pots kosher.
Yeah, no they make them hit Florida's they get their wills

It's hilarious that some people are saying climate change. This is climate change That was a whiny liberal this is climate change Borderline Jew.

No, no.

I'm doing a New York thing.

I'm doing a New York thing.

Then I'm doing the Jew.

When I talk like this, this is a whiny liberal.

It's fucking... I'm doing a New York thing.
I'm doing a New York thing. Then I'm doing the Jews.

When I talk like this, this isn't whiny liberal.

It's fucking climate change.

Wake up.

No, it's arson, you fucking idiots.

I think it's Mr. Beast.

He's setting up a new video.

That's a strong accusation.

Bold.

No, no.

Just kidding.

But they've been trying to get rid of the homeless for a while.

Bro, the homeless are doing it. Well, they're flammable.
Everyone is. But they're more inclined to use fire to get their anger out.
That's true. Yeah, Schilberman actually caught people lighting things on fire.
He filmed it. He put it up on his Instagram.
Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the middle of the firestorm, people were lighting things on fire to contribute to the fire.
Wow. You've got losers.
You have 100,000 losers that are just camping on your street. What do you think's going to happen? What do you think's going to happen when the people with the houses are in jeopardy? What do you think is going to happen when these people that are living in $50 million houses and you're camping out a block away, which is exactly what's going on over there.
And the looting. And the looting.
Well, they looted people's houses when they found out that places were getting evacuated. Swarms of organized gangs were showing up.
This lady said 100 guys showed up in front of this house and she thought they were helping our neighbor move. They just broke down the door and started stealing TVs, stealing everything.
If the house burnt down, that's kind of a win-win. If the house burnt down, but what if the house doesn't burn down? You just stole all their shit.
Yeah, right. Yeah, it's like you can't do that Of course you can't.
Obviously I'm not actually defending it. Obviously.
But I see their point too if I was super poor. Yeah If I was super poor and were living in the fucking hood, and then someone came along and said, they are evacuating these fucking communities anyway, man.
Fuck it. Let's go get paid.
Like, let's go get paid. Yeah, the house is going to burn down.
They're going to get insurance. And if you live in the way and you get caught, they just let you go.
Yeah. That's true.
They just let you go. And then didn't Biden say he's giving full coverage for this one? How can that be? That's so much money.
The same thing is forgiving college deaths. He just says it.
Yeah, yeah, exactly. We're going to cover it.
Not going to pardon anybody. He also said he could have beaten Trump.
He said that, too. It's crazy.
In a fight? No, no, in the election. Oh, wow.
I could have beat Trump. Oh, yeah, he said he could have beat him in a fight, too.
That would be great. Imagine those two fighting.
How much would you pay? It'd be just like the Jake Paul Tyson fight. To be there, that'd pay some.
I'd pay. Same amount of power.
It'd be so sad. Yeah.
Trump would get him, though. Trump would fall off.
Oh, 100%. Trump would tackle him.
Oh, 100%. Trump would bite his face off.
He would grab his thumbs, shove them into his eyes, and bite his face off. Yeah, Trump would be a nasty fuck and bite his face off Totally different kinds of humans.
Yeah, that's true He's used to like Secret Service around him his whole life. Trump is a psychopath.
Yeah He will throw those thumbs right as fucking eyeballs like the mountain did to the gay guy Was it that Steven Seagal movie too where he did that was it Who did with the Jamaicans? Who was that? Steven Seagal movie, too, where he did that? Was it? Who did it with the Jamaicans? Who was that? Cool. Steven Seagal movies.
Yeah, he had a movie with the sword fighting. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He eyeballed those guys. Did he eyeball the guy? Man.
Listen, man, if you watch the UFC, eyeball pokes, even to the most badass fucking dudes in the world, are devastating. Crazy.
Like, a nut shot is way easier to recover from than a fucking hard eye poke. That's true.
It is to see them all tough and then go Yeah, we have my eye yeah, but it's just so crazy. We still have this you still allow fingers my eyeballs is totally unnecessary This doesn't contribute to fighting have a fingers free don't have to John Jones? No, no.
They need a glove that covers the fingers.

It's real simple.

And then you have thumbs still, but you're going to eliminate the amount.

There it is.

Hey.

Ari called it.

Ari called it.

That's what Trump would do to Biden.

It's so fake.

It looked so real back then.

That was 1990.

That stuck with you.

I saw that. That's crazy.

What was he fighting?

Predator?

No, these were Jamaican drug dealers, I think., it's a good movie Alien Romulus the new alien movie. I went on a little vacation and I watched it on the plane Oh my god, you gotta be careful though Plane movies seem better than they are It gets you.
Every i'm on a plane i go that movie was fucking incredible yeah i go home and show it to someone i cried watching home alone on a plane every time your emotions go up yeah you're about to die yeah i watched rudy once i was like fist bump yeah oh yeah mccusker mccusker walked by me and i was watching guardians of the Galaxy and it was at the end when it was just aliens. One of the guys dies in it and then it's just a bunch of aliens show up and like celebrate his life.
Yeah. And I was sobbing and he walked by and it was just aliens like...
Do you guys... Are you guys old enough? What's wrong with you? Are you guys old enough to remember when they would just show a movie on a plane? Yes, one movie.
Yeah, I know you're old

It's starting now Yeah, you would have to pay for headsets. Yeah, I mean if you were cheap you just watch the movie with no sound Like you have to pay for those stupid Disposable headsets.
I don't even know if you're allowed to use your own didn't they have like a special jack? No one had their own But back then people had Walkmans.

Walkman had a little headphone jack.

Special jack.

It was a three-thing jack.

Yes.

That's right. They fucked you.
And you tried to put your thing in, and it would go. Yeah.
You could sort of hear it. That's right.
Now I'm remembering that. We were more of a community back then.
We ought to watch the same shit. Why do the headphones that give you suck? Not only do they suck, but you're only renting them well no i mean the ones now keep mine the dispose they hand out yeah they hand out shitty disposable ones which i know that is why they suck but they've got to be able to make them better yeah they're too loud the planes are loud so you don't have the noise cancellation you're still getting like the yeah they break in and make an announcement that's at level 70.
Oh, my God. Here's the question.

Here's the real question.

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See their website for the details. How bad is it to have little electronic things in your fucking ear? I do it all day every day day.
Yeah, I know, right? Yeah. I've done quite a bit.
Yeah. How bad is it for you? I mean, it can't be good.
No, it's terrible. Well, fine.
It's like smoking. Like people talk about, but it's one of those things where it's like hotly debated among even conspiracy theorists.
Like some people say it's going to kill you and other people is going to say, where's the bodies? No, but your hearing goes down, right? I don't think so. Well, your hearing definitely goes down if you hear loud things.
But if you have it low, you know, at a reasonable level, and you have it in your ear, the real question is, what's the electrical shit doing to your head? Oh. What's the EMF frequency doing to your head? Yeah, who the hell knows? I'm going to let it ride on it.
I'm going to let it ride. I'm going to see what happens.
I like headphones. Well, they've been saying this.
Fuck it. They say that plug-in ones are better than the wireless.
That makes sense. Plug-in ones are okay.
I can't live without these. They're so good.
They're the best. They're so good.
Right in your pocket. Yeah, but they've been saying cell phone gives you cancer, the balls for years, all that shit.
Yeah, I talked to some dude who had ball cancer, and he told me that he got ball cancer on his right ball because that's where he kept his phone. And we're just looking at each other, and I'm like, huh.
Not an update of points. I'm not sure if that's real.
Was that Lance Armstrong? No, it was a regular dude. Oh.
He's a normal man. I would imagine Lance Armstrong.
I mean if you you just, I'm not a doctor, obviously, but if you spend that much time with your nuts getting smashed by your whole body while you're pumping your legs up and down, that's got to be irritating. And if your nut hurts and you're Lance Armstrong, you're going to keep pumping.
Yeah. You're going to keep pumping.
Plus the roids or whatever. I don't think, I think it's more of, well, I bet it's a bunch of shit.
I bet it's a bunch of shit. I bet it's the amount of time on a bike.
Yeah. Right? That's got to be brutal for you.
That's why I stay off those fucking things. Yeah, stay away.
All right. Smart shit.
I got a Peloton. I was like, I'll do it twice.
Again, I'm not a doctor. But for a regular person.
It's drier laundry. For a regular person.
Let's find this. Like, let's find this out.

Let's Google, is there a higher rate of testicular cancer among cyclists?

It's like CTE of the sack.

You're just constantly pressuring it.

Yeah, you're getting hammered.

Your balls get dumb.

Your balls freak out one day and hit your wife.

You both just kill a cop. You're going to make retarded kids with it.
It's bad sperm. Your balls are getting smashed all day on a hard seat.
It's not even a comfortable seat. No.
Remember those seats we had when we were kids with the back to it? Oh, yeah. Sit on a bike.
On a bike. You remember that, Ari? Running a hula hoop down the street with a stick? Okay.
Does cycling increase risk for testicular or prostate cancer? Good. I'm not alone in my concern.
Yeah. So it says professional cyclist.
Number of studies have looked into the link. The findings to date are inconclusive.
There's a question comes up often. Well, the thing is, it's like how many of those dudes are like yeah how many dive how many are getting cancer compared to like regular people just give me the data google is it the same that a lot the amount of activity they're doing also like counteracts cancer stuff oh right of course of course that makes sense putting D.
Maybe it does up until a point, like Tour de France. Like, I read an article where they were explaining, and a doctor actually told me that, he said this is true.
You're better off doing the Tour de France on steroids. Of course.
He said it's actually healthier for you to do it on steroids. What? I said, how? And he said, because it's so hard.
Your body gets destroyed.

And a regular immune system, a regular endocrine system, just can't keep up.

Just can't keep up.

You almost need blood doping.

You almost need EPO.

You almost need steroids.

Damn.

The problem is the guys on the street dressed as Lance Armstrong who think they're on the road.

Oh, they're a real problem.

It's a real problem. They take over the whole lane and they're going five miles an hour there's tight shorts yeah the shorts the pointy helmets well the thing is when they get a group of them together and they act like a gang and they take over the whole lane yeah guys go to the side I'll be real kick patient and oh yeah you know but I want to go to work I have stuff to.
And I could kill you so easily. Distance cycling is the most...
Our highest rated endurance. Whoa! Soccer's got to be up at eight.
Okay. Eight? Boxing's 8.6.
Interesting. Depends on who you're boxing.
Swimming? Wow. Huh.
I don't know. How are they proving that? Because where's wrestling? Yeah.
Where's wrestling? If you don't think wrestling is in the top you're out of your fucking mind. It's way down there Fuck off.
What is it? Wow, figure skating. Endurance? Listen to me.
Fuck off. Basketball is ahead of wrestling.
Fuck off. They play longer.
There's no chance. Shut your fucking dirty mouth.
And American football should be up there. Yes.
Too many breaks. There's a lot of breaks.
It doesn't matter if there's a break. It's fucking grueling and it's three hours.
Soccer's above both for sure. Soccer? Soccer for cardio fitness.
Soccer makes sense. You never stop.
You do stop. They walk around a lot.
But no one's punching you in the body. Water polo.
That's nice. This thing's way harder than those.
Way harder. Because you're getting endurance while you're getting pummeled.
I see.

And then wrestling, a guy is clening up with you 100% of the time have you tried to you you just wrestle we wrestle sometimes no It is so hard to do and Olympic wrestling like those guys are the fittest athletes on earth They're animals those guys their strength and conditioning routine is fucking crazy when daniel cormier was telling me about this russian dude that he could not beat he's like we're so lucky this guy never fought he goes because i forget the dude's name like ramzat some crazy ass name he said his strength and conditioning coach he couldn't break him he just kept giving him more to do and he wanted more and he was like what Fuck, man. He goes, I was trying to break him.
He goes, he couldn't break him. He just kept giving him more shit to do, and he wanted more.
And he was like, what the fuck, man? He goes, I was trying to break him. He used Daniel Cormier's routine.
He just kept adding things, and this dude just wanted to keep doing more. He said he would have beaten all of us.
He said we would have never been successful if this guy fought in the UFC. He needs a Junta to overthrow.
See if you can find who that guy's name is. But he's an animal.
Who's that new guy, Beat O'Malley? That guy's pretty vicious.

Oh, Marab Dwarvesh.

He's fighting this weekend against the toughest guy he's ever faced.

He's fighting Umar Nurmagomedov.

Umar is Khabib's cousin, and he's a fucking savage.

Yeah.

But he's different than Khabib in that he's a striker.

He's got wicked wrestling and wicked submissions, but he started off as a kickboxer.

His fucking kicks are nasty. I want to know who kicked Khabib off that plane.
Wait, what? Isn't that crazy? I don't know what happened. What happened? Some lady came up to Khabib when he was on the flight because he was in the escape row.
What flight? Whatever it is. He was on a...
What airline was it? It wasn't Alaska. It wasn't Alaska.
Okay. Frontier.
Frontier. So there's a video of it.
It's crazy. He's telling her, you know, I can do this.
I'm by the state. Like, I understand English.
I can speak English. And they kick him off the fucking plane.
Because he couldn't do the exit row thing? Bro, it's crazy. Oh, the verbal response.
Why is he flying Frontier? The lady comes to me with questions that was very rude from the very beginning. He's saving up his money, man.
That's why he's not fighting anymore. He doesn't give a fuck.
He doesn't care, man. That guy drives a Toyota.
Oh, interesting. Even though I speak very decent English and can understand everything and agree to assist, she still insists on removing me from my seat.
What was the base for that? Racial, national, or other one? I'm not sure. But after two minutes of conversation, she called security, and I was de-planed from this aircraft.
After 1.5 hours. I boarded another airline one and left to my destination

I did my best to stay calm and respectful as you could see in the video But those crew members could do better next time and just be nice with clients pretty calm

Very calm way to say he had to work so hard at the English on that tweet. Yeah

To be like I can't I wish I was on that plane. I wish I was on that plane.
Maybe she was just a Conor fan. I wish...
Maybe she thinks Jon Jones is the goat. She's like this Khabib talk.
Fucking Aer Lingus. Yeah, she's like, fuck off, I'm a Jon Jones fan.
The goat talk is between those two. It's weird when these super mercenary killers just can't win.

He's like, I gotta just get off the plane.

I can't beat you up. Some lady.

Yeah, some lady.

He has control over him.

Meanwhile, he can beat up everybody on the planet.

It's really crazy.

When you watch it, remove from the whole plane.

Yeah, you can play it if you want a little bit.

Wouldn't he just switch suites with somebody?

Damn.

She's saying they're not comfortable.

What?

He should have just started swinging.

You know?

Too bad she's not trans.

Wow, I don't get it.

This is crazy.

I mean, didn't Mike Tyson hit a guy on a plane?

Yeah, but that was a different situation.

The Mike Tyson guy was a drunk guy that was fucking with Mike Tyson.

She deserves it.

At this point, he's like, yeah, call a supervisor.

He'll have my side on this.

Well, not only that, he was calm and respectful. He obviously speaks English, and he knew.
Yeah, he said, I'll assist, yeah, call the supervisor. He'll have my side on this.
Well, not only that, he was calm and respectful.

He obviously speaks English, and he knew.

Yeah, he said, I'll assist.

I'll open the door.

Fucking white ladies.

People are crazy.

I sit in that fucking row.

They put fucking slobs in that row.

Yeah.

Who gets so fucked?

Well, you would love to be on that flight.

Go, ma'am, do you know who that is?

Yeah.

Like, do you know who that is?

Like, just let me tell you who that is.

Let me Google him real quick.

He's the eagle. Yeah.
Jesus Christ. The only reason he's not killing you right now is because he's not in his own country Yeah Imagine if she did that in Dagestan They'd throw her in a hole They got a hole just for liberal ladies It's so weird Pile them up It's fucking Sp weird to see them off the light.
Honestly, we're laughing about it. It's fucking Sparta.
They probably got a couple holes filled with people. In Dagestad, like, no, that's a nice hole.
Bro, if you live in a place where war was recent, they don't, they have no room for horse shit. You know? If you go to those Chechnya-type places, like, there's no room for horse shit.
No. No room for horse They're going old-school there.
They kill gay guys. They did wild.
Yeah, they do wild shit, right? I think it's illegal. Yeah, there's countries where it's illegal to be gay.
They'll kill you paradise Why are you gay but you know it's crazy? are transgender. Legit had a question.
Didn't understand it. That makes no sense.
Who says I am gay? You are gay. You are gay.
It's weird to go to the other. This episode is brought to you by Paramount+.
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Have Khabib just had an airport? Is this the guy? Oh, here we go. Gay rights activist.

Mr.

Should I call you Mr.? Pepe Julian Onzima.

Thank you for coming in.

Thank you for coming in.

Good morning.

Morning to you.

Why are you gay?

Says I'm gay.

What?

You are gay.

Is that Karen Bass?

You are transgender.

You are transgender.

And you're gay rights activist

and unoutspoken lesbian?

Homosexual?

How can I describe that?

Now we're looking at a raging debate.

Some raging debate.

Is this going to sound gay to me?

That's actually like an impressive activist.

It's a should someone be gay.

The lady?

Yeah.

I mean, she's in a country where people are like, what the fuck's wrong with you? She's like, we're just trying to get some rights. Yeah.
She's not tweeting about it. She's going there.
It just shows you. Like, Uganda.
You can complain all you want about America. You gotta be kidding me.
She's gonna be gone to the middle. They're gonna throw her off a building.
Yeah, literally. Yeah.
There's parts of this world. Transcanda.
What I was saying about places where you can't be gay, like heavily Muslim places. My friend Evan, the Black Rifle Coffee guy, you just met him the other day, Evan Hafer, he was telling me a story on the podcast about how many guys over there fuck kids in Afghanistan.
He said it's unbelievable. But it's not gay.
We were just having this conversation boys Boys and girls girls get married off when they're like nine years old 80 year old man. It's crazy Well, that's in the Quran you're looking at a part of the world that like don't never went through the enlightenment You know you're looking at a part of the world that's been war-torn and, like, sort of separate from—they're like old-school people.
This is like a window into the past. Oh, yeah.
You can look at it in 2025, and it's a window to probably how the whole world behaved a thousand years ago. Why aren't more people mad at that? Yeah, they didn't— Why do we get yelled at for saying homo or whatever? Because they don't publicize it.
So it's not something that gets discussed until someone comes on a podcast and talks about it or you go serve over there overseas Most guys don't know yeah my friends who've gone there and experienced it say it's it fucking truly Curdles your blood. They just all have their boys all all over the place and open open everywhere so to them they're like leonardo can't do anything they're doing anything wrong there's videos of boys titanic is number one film there's videos of boys like dancing for old men like sticking their ass out and twerking for old men it's crazy they film it whoa see diddy we hold him to the fire he's just muslim that's just normal over there Epstein it's not even regular epistan.
It's not like regular Muslim. It's like there's something Ancient about what that is.
Oh 100% Islam is not really it's middle-eastern that middle-eastern. Yeah It's just this part of the world It's not my dick Dave Chappelle is Muslim right yes that that area how do you how can you be Muslim and drink though? That's not my dick.
Dave Chappelle is Muslim. Right.
But yeah, it's that area. How can you be Muslim and drink, though? It's a good question.
Can you be Jew and not throw your pan in the water? Yeah, you're just not the best Jew. You gossip? I don't know.
You're still Christian. Bro, the best was Borat song, Throw the Jew Down the Well.
So my country can be free. And that bar would be like, free.
It's a catchy song. It's an easy sing along.
Throw the Jew down the well. Bro, that guy, he was an animal.
He was an animal. He was an animal.
Oh my God. The running of the Jew was such a great opening.
He came back and did a one like years later. He took a long time off of Borat, let it kind of go away, you know, so a bunch of people don't know what it is.
And then he pulled it off again. Yeah.
He did a Bruno one. Bruno was the funniest fucking thing, dude.
Is that right? Because that one bombed, I think. Yeah.
Bruno was hilarious. It was so funny.
I never saw that one. Go and get at wrestlers.
Love it. I'll watch him play and cry.
I can't wait. Guy's so courageous.
Yeah. The balls it takes to pull that off and make it that funny.
Although Borat too, he's kind of shitting on a lot of poor people and it got weird. Yeah.
I don't know if you saw that one. Yeah.
But, you know, you take your swings. Yeah, sure.
Sometimes you connect. Sometimes you're shitting on poor people.
Yeah, I guess guess so it used to be okay to do that like sam kenison's best bit was the bit about uh starving kids in africa oh my god it's so funny fucking bit was so good oh where there's food hey come here that's sand yeah you know it's gonna be 100 years from now fucking sand we got deserts in america! We just don't live in them, asshole! Oh, oh! Yeah, George Carlin saw that and was like, that guy's good. Which, gotta be a great feeling.
Because he had that preacher thing, you know? He had that preacher thing that he brought to stand-up. And it makes you realize, like, God, all these alt guys who get mad at people, like, putting out effort.
Like, you're being silly. Whatever's the best way you can get that idea out.
For Kinison, imagine him doing his shit deadpan. Like, shut up.
Shut the fuck up. It's part of his fucking primal anger.
Same thing with Hedberg being weird. It's like part of delivery.
Yes. Same thing.
And the heroin. They asked him, Kinison, like, how don't make fun of women, you don't make fun of men? He goes, a man has never made me want to drive into a tree.
He died by a drunk driver? By a drunk driver. By a drunk driver.
Yep. Isn't that crazy? Well, I always remember his bits.
You know, when I was in high school, one of my friends killed somebody driving drunk. Really? Yeah.
Yeah. He wasn't a good friend of mine, but as a kid a kid I went to high school with.
Ted Kennedy? I would say hi to him. He's a nice guy.
He fucked up. He got really drunk one night, and he crashed his car, and he killed his friend.
And so Kennison used to have this joke where he would be like, he goes, we're going to drink, and we're going to drive, and we're going to pull it off. You know why? Because we do it every fucking night.
But to me, this was like- That was like well this was Kinison When he was doing like an impression of Kinison like Kinison is a cautionary tale Yeah, yeah because Kinison was the best on earth for like three or four years the best on earth But the partying and the fame and it all went away if you're a you're a stand-up comedy fan I implore you this is what you do you go listen to louder than hell It's hard to find because it was so homophobic Wouldn't sell it for a while. Yeah.
Yeah, it's so homophobic, but please it's art watch that listen to that and then watch his HBO special they're both fucking great. They're both greats.
Two amazing hours. Then watch Have You Seen Me Lately.
Then watch the one he did after that. That was tough.
They're so bad. They're so bad.
He's playing rock and roll music. He's got a bandana on.
He's so fat now. He's so fat.
He's like a ball. He believed his own hype too.
He really bought into it. He was selling that instead of being Sam Kinison.
So it's like he got to the dance, and then he was selling I'm Sam Kinison instead of the fucking insight. Yes.
And the comedy. It was just too much party and too much blow, too much food and drink.
He had girls on leashes in the beginning. It was silly.
Oh, god damn. Yeah.
It was silly. It just became so dumb.
Makes you think, does the Middle East love 80s comedy? It's just Eddie Murphy like, these faggots, and they're like, yes, yes. They probably do.
This is relatable. Yes, but not if it's boy, right? Yeah, it's like those – here's the thing about Kenison, though.
This is what people have to kind of understand. Untilison and Dice come along no one selling out arenas.
This is a new thing But did Kinison do arenas? He did pretty big places because I saw him at Great Woods Great Woods in Mansfield, Massachusetts find out what the capacity for that is Never heard of Great Woods. I used to work there.
Oh Yeah, I was a security guard there. Ralph, he opened for him once.

He won a contest when he was a kid.

Wow.

When he was just starting.

He was 17.

Won a contest.

He got to open for Sam Kennison.

Hold on.

That's a fact.

Would it be?

Hold on.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Would it be better just not even look it up?

19,000.

Okay.

So he played in 19,000.

Oh, yeah.

That's an arena.

No, no.

That's the X-Infinity Center.

That's different.

Oh.

It says it expanded.

Oh.

Okay. So it used to be 12,000.
So that's where I I saw him so I saw him in a 12,000 seater That's crazy, but when I saw him it was when he was already declining It was the or the material was just not I didn't engage with it at all like the first thing I thought was genius I saw the HBO thing. I'm like this is the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life And then when I saw him live I was like, oh is like this is missing stuff.
It's like missing of in. It's not funny.
It's missing right It's like a lot of hype, but it like he was just partying man Yeah, and you know he just became bigger than life and then probably didn't have any friends Ralphie Mary Shares a story of Sam Kennison jump-starting his career. There you go.
Wow. That's crazy.
So it is true. Yeah.
He said he came in and they were all darted up like they were doing blow. And they were like, hey, you're that kid? Okay, I'll meet you in a second.
Close the door. We're doing things.
I'm just thinking about the numbers. How can Ralphie Mae – what year was Ralphie Mae 17? Because I was 21 in 88.
And so how much – when did Ralphie open up for Sam it has to be around then because Sam was dead Yeah, nice Sam was dead in what was he dead Jamie I do something 91 or 90. I was in New York So it had to be 92 92 yeah, yeah That's about So he has to be opening up for him somewhere in the night.
I didn't know that Ralphie had done comedy that long

Yeah, he was good. He's a good comic.
Yeah. Yeah, that was that's way crushed.
Oh, yeah, the stool

Such a friendly dude, too. Yeah, such a sweetheart.
Also, he was so fat that he could do the N-word. Scott and Southern.
You got it worse than me. It's like Big Pun.
Big Pun, everyone's like, you can say it. I'm going to take that name.
Big Pun. Little Pun.
I think in New York, Puerto Ricans get a pass. They do.
I think real paid the way. Yeah.
His Wikipedia says he won a contest open for San Francisco. Oh, wow.
How could I be right? Damn, he was only 45 when he died. That's uncomfortable.
Ralphie was only 45 when he died. Playoffs.
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Damn. I know this is off topic.
Google how much Big Pun weighed when he died. You're never going to guess how fucking big he was.
Really? Did he bust through it? It was hilarious. Tell me.
Now just guess. I'm not a good guesser.
420.

Yeah, I guess you've...

Hey, wait, can you show a picture of Big Pun?

Yeah, that's better.

I could give you a roundabout from a picture.

Fat Joe and Big Pun together on the red carpet.

It's one of the funniest pictures you've ever seen.

Fat Joe lost weight finally, huh?

It's like, how are these guys cool?

Yeah, he lost a lot of weight.

Oh my God.

That's hilarious.

Damn, big and tall store.

Killed it.

Okay, his knees have to be screaming in agony.

Which Spider-Man villain does it look like?

Oh, yeah, Kingpin.

Kingpin, yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

Damn.

He's got the Doc Ock glasses.

Also, when you're that heavy, do you really want that much weight around your neck?

That's nothing at that point.

It's an extra quarter percent.

It's like riding Free Willy at that point.

Okay. Numbers.
So much fabric. How much do you think he weighs? Five? The one on the left? I'd say 580.
600. 600 minimum.
Big ton. Check it out.
698. Wow.
Whoa. That looks like a 600 for me.
Yeah. He put one foot on two different scales.
698. And they both went over the total.
Yeah. Bro, that's so dangerous.
And he was like the best. Was he? You ever watch him? No.
Big Pun? Old Big Pun is like. Oh, his raps are phenomenal.
He was like the best rapper. Really? Phenomenal.
Yeah. He's phenomenal.
That's actually in a Vinnie Paz song. He says Big Pun was the best.
Yeah. Yeah.
The Italian boxer? No, Vinnie Paz, the rapper. That's the answer.
Oh. You know Vinnie Paz, the rapper from Jedi Mind Tricks? I know the boxer.
best. Yeah.
Yeah the Italian boxer. No Vinnie Paz the rapper.
Oh, you know Vinnie Paz the rapper

from Jedi mind tricks bro. Yeah, just play it for a second.
Give me a little bit. It's so good.
Is he still alive?

Maybe not live. He's probably a little.
No, bro. He's fucking phenomenal.

Rap live kind of blows. Got a little help.
It doesn't. It's just a different thing.
He's a little out of breath. Yeah, he's a little out of breath, but it's real good.
I'd be out of breath. You ever try to sing that song? Jamie, pull up cheesesteaks from Vinnie Paz.
You guys never heard of Vinnie Paz?

He's from Philly.

Do you know him? Yeah, I know of him. Bro, give me the video for Cheesesteaks.
I thought he was a boxer. There was a boxer from Rhode Island.
Yes. But this is a friend of mine.
That's why he likes Big Paz. Bro, this guy is good.
This one song will turn you into a Vinnie Paz fan. Look how beautiful Philadelphia is.
It had a moment. Wait, can you go back a second? This is all pre-pandemic.
This is where I called that guy a faggot. He said I was a piece of shit.
Right? Right there. That was the light.
I was racing to that light because helium's right here.

Yeah.

I was racing to that light, and I saw that guy the whole length of that bridge.

Is that the train station?

Right, his bike down.

That's the 30th Street station.

That's 30th, yeah. Yeah.

This is before Trank. Looks like Patton Oswalt.
He does. He does.
That's Patton Oswalt's very violent cousin. Good dude, though.
He does. He's really good.
Patton Oswalt's very violent cousin. That guy's got some bangers, man.
He's got some bangers. Yeah, I like him.
There's a few rappers out there that don't get the respect they deserve. That dude has some bangers.
He's got some great fucking songs. Oh, yeah.
Is he Puerto Rican? No, he's Italian. Oh, he's Italian.
Damn. I think almost a Tyler.
He might have some other stuff in him, too. That's got South Philly written all over.
Yeah, Philadelphia. Here we go.
A giant boxing historian, too. Controlled opposition.
Dead on. He is comedian Patton Oswalt.
That's hilarious. He really does.
He's like his Tyler Durden. Well, if he wore a fat suit, then you would have to wear a fat suit.

There you go. Which is crazy.
Nailed it.

Yeah, a lot of comedians become rappers. That's always a bummer.

Oh, Tom McCaffrey.

Joe DeRosa.

Joe DeRosa's rapping?

Is he? He's got a band.

He's got a band band. Sagal is a

rapper. Sagal is actually kind of good.

Sagal is kind of good. There's a couple out there.
It's all words. It's lyrics.
You know? It's jokes. That's so funny.
Lil Wayne has some lyrics where you're like, that is super funny. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Danny Brown.
Danny Brown stuff is fun. Danny Brown's hilarious.
There you go. Definitely.
Put you out like Hannibal Buress. The Drake Kendrick beef had some very funny.
Yes. Yeah.
Yes. Drake said to Kendrick, he's like, is, when you put your hands on your woman, is it self-defense because she's bigger than you? It's very funny.
He made fun of being tiny the whole time. Then Kendrick called him pedophile and kind of won.
What are you doing, man? We're having a good time, man. Take it easy.
Slow down, boys. Jesus.
Drake won. That escalated.
I don't know. I stand by it.
The best was the, whatever, the original, like, diss rap from What's-His-Name that Kanye put him onto. He's like, you have a child you do not take care of.
Oh, fucking What's-His-Name. Pusha T.
We're going to out the snakes. Pusha T.
Goddamn, that went hard. Not the best song.
Yeah. I don't know it.
None of these diss tracks you can really rap, like, dance to. You could with, well, yeah, you can't.
That's why Kendricks was so good. Because he made it like a pop dance song.
Well, the number one was Nas and Jay-Z. Ether, yeah.
Bro. Which song? Jay-Z.
It's called Ether. Fucked up.
He got the greatest lyricist of all time angry at him. Oh, boy.
And he wrote a song where he cooked Jay-Z for like five minutes.

Really?

So how long that song is, he cooks him.

It's like, and sometimes he's not even rapping, he's just talking.

He's like, you're an ugly fuck.

Yeah, bro.

It's so good.

He is ugly.

That's how it starts.

It's just like the first verse.

Fuck Jay-Z.

All right, all right.

Read the lyrics.

Why don't you play it?

What's up?

Why don't we play a little bit of it?

Fuck it.

Let's play a little bit of it.

The beginning's hilarious. Are we going to lose the rights to YouTube? Yeah, we'll probably have to.
What's up, guys? you on put

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the

the the the the the the What's up? Fuck it. Let's play a bit of it.
The beginning's hilarious.

Are we going to lose the rights to YouTube?

What's up, guys?

Hey, yo. I know you ain't talking.

Ether.

Give me a little.

He went a hardcore Christian.

It starts off with gunshot.

Uh-oh.

Oh! Uh oh. What's the results? Not positive.
Who's the best? Pop, knives and big. Ain't no best.
East, west, north, south, flossed out. Greetings.
I embrace y'all with napalm. Blows up.
No guts. Left chest, face gone.
How can I be garbage? Send me autos at your cottage. Burn it at the side of your dome.
Come out of my throne. I got this.
Lock since 9-1. I am the truth.
I can't keep up with these blacks. I can't.
It's so quick. I'm trying to hear it, but it's...
I listen to a rap song like 10 times. Me too.
I'm an old honky. I gotta see it written.
Yeah? I can't follow along. I'd like to see it written.
A lot of lyrics. I'm just like, I gotta see it on paper.
It's actually what I want to start doing. I was watching...
You gotta see it on paper? Yeah. I agree.
You're missing half the thing if you see it on paper. You miss one line, then you miss another one.
You guys are so white. You ever watch Black Eyes Gear, white music for the first time? Yeah, I love that shit.
I might do that with you guys. Let's do it.
You listen to rap and you guys both go, what? I'm in. Have you ever seen the YouTube channel? What's he saying? Have you ever seen the YouTube channel Tribal People? Uh-oh.
Easy. There's channel called Tribal People Try, and they try Kentucky Fried Chicken for the first time.
No way! Unbelievable! They try all these different foods. They get Sprite, they're like...
And then I heard it got demonetized. It's too racist? I think they felt like they were taking advantage of those guys.
Well, we're helping them. We showed them Sprite.
I don't't think these guys even know what the fuck YouTube is. These guys are legit tribal people.
He's got some sort of a connect with them. He gives them a bag of rice, and then he's making millions of dollars off YouTube.
I don't know if that's what's happening. He got the rice.
But I would wonder. That's right.
I would hope they have some sort of a deal with those fellas. But either way, it and blankets.
Channel. It's fun watching people that have never experienced like American culture try a ding dong.
You ever see fat black chicks try Jewish food? No. What? They try like mozzajal.
Like, oh, not bad. Good cracker.
Oh, no, I got a good one. You guys want to hear my impression of Frank Sinatra giving tribal people rice? Sure.
That's rice. I like it.
Oh, my God. It's so corny.
It's not bad. Matt Rive.
Oh's rice. I like it.

Oh, my God.

It's so corny.

It's not bad.

Matt Rive.

Oh, my God.

Matt Rive.

He's the Asian version.

You're doing a Norman before.

But you, like, set it up and everything.

It was beautiful.

You, like, created the environment for a Norman?

Yep.

I wanted to hear it.

I was on board.

Thank you.

You created an environment for it.

You didn't just do a Norman.

A Norman's like a response. Like, you made Rome, and then you made your own Norman.
Have you seen Matt Rice? He's the Asian comic doing arenas. He's doing only cloud work.
I heard he got his jaw done. Thank you.
Matt Rice. Matt Rice.
Where you from? Oh, no!

You get out of Neverhood.

You must buy something.

I bet you want to suck my dick.

You want water?

I don't get out.

All right, this is living.

This is not bad.

Boy, you're about to get an influx in Texas with the fires.

It's about to get a triple the size over here. Oh, you're going to with the fires.
It's about to get People that we can get more comics. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, somebody lost our new spaces Looking at new things. Well Whitney's about to have no home She was thinking about Texas anyway, but it was very close to her house her Posts are getting a little unhinged well she's got to get over here.
First of all, she's already unhinged. And then she's in the middle of a war zone.
Like, you've got illegals lighting fires that are causing $150 billion worth of damage. If someone dropped a bomb on the Palisades, it wouldn't have done as much damage.
True. Except it would have killed more people.
Yeah. Damn.
But if they evacuated the area because they knew a bomb was going to hit and the bomb did that, that's just like a bomb. Yeah.
And if there's human beings that lit those fires and caused that to happen, which it seems there are, it was literally like they had a bomb. It's just we don't think about it that way because it's not an actual bomb.
Yeah, it's slower. Free Palisades.
Free Palisades. It's looking for a drum bomb.
Bro, it's not even out. That was great.
It's not even a little out. Is it going strong still? Going strong.
Oh, it's still going, baby. They said the winds are going to get to 70 miles an hour tonight.
It's weird seeing rich people get fucked. Because they always get away with it.
Because they can have a private jet or private security. You can't have a private fire department.
Well, they actually can. You can.
I didn't know that. Kanye had one that set up at his house in Calabasas Yeah, because when I got evacuated in 2018 I know that people in Hidden Hills, which was down the road from me not too far from where I was living People in Hidden Hills were the really rich folks the celebrities had private fire departments So you hire someone to and protect your home exclusively.
Just die there. Go down with the ship.
Crazy. Pay homeless guys.
You got to put the fire out. Can't leave.
My friend Bud. You got nothing to lose.
My friend Bud has never evacuated. He lives in Bell Canyon.
I evacuated three times. He does not evacuate.
He stays at his house with a fucking garden hose. And he it to the bitter end That's the one thing I would I would I can see staying for a hurricane and be like we're gonna sit here and drink.
He saved his house Yeah, really? Saved his house With a garden hose. Yep.
Holy shit. He got a bunch of hoses and he fucking saved his house.
He kept the fire from getting... The fire destroyed the entire Like he lives on the edge of a canyon the entire Canyon was gone and he saved his house.
Didn't you drive home once where the fire was on one side of the highway and not on the other? One side of the highway for an hour. You could feel it? Well, you could see it.
It was coming down like snow. Like, the ashes were dropping like snow.
And I saw a dead guy. Saw a guy who was trying to run across the road, and he got hit by a car.
Oh, God. Yeah, I always saw, like, his leg.
My friend saw him get hit. Yeah.
Yikes. I saw him as I was passing.
I saw his leg. It's one of those weird memories where it's like, did I just see that? What did I just see? It took me a while to...
Your mind's like, don't let that in. What did I see? I saw a guy get his head smushed.
Really? He was a tow truck driver. He got out to change it, and a truck hit him.
And I was like the first car to drive past, and there was just a guy without a fucking head. Whoa.
We saw a guy at the Hyatt, the Andaz, the front pat. We saw it just like you look, and he was like there in the air.
And then you see a bounce. Oh, my God.
No way. Is there a bounce? Off the Andaz roof? One of the balconies.
These have balconies facing sunset. What is that, Brody? Cut that.
Oh, you son of a bitch. That was where the guy during the strike committed suicide.
That's right. From up there, yeah.
That's right. That's right.
Oh, no, you son of a bitch. You ever seen a Verizon men? That is a crazy story.
The story of the strike when you realize that at one point in time they were getting no money. No money for comedy.
No money. Leno saved it.
And then they're like, finally, we get $15. Did Leno save it? Yeah, he pretended to get hit by a car.
And they were like, all right, what are we doing? A guy died. Leno got hit by a car.
Let's pay for real yeah i didn't pull it up that's crazy leno we talked about last time but another comical injury he said he got hit by a car he's beaten like rihanna he's like getting half black up eye patch yeah he fell down a hill getting burned on fire something's up he doesn't he looks unhealthy like a woman in the Middle East yeah the thing about injuries like that when you get that old Yeah, like they take years off your life. Oh if you fall down a fucking hill.
Yeah, that's when you have

Maybe he's dating Nancy Pelosi's attacker

So he's just getting beat up all day long. He also doesn't do squats His ankles the resiliency of a popsicle stick You know you take a wrong step and that shit's gonna snap off and you're gonna go for a tumble Yeah for a walk is that older you gotta work out.
You really do you might hate it Yeah, you hate it. Who cares just fucking it so you don't die.
Do it so you don't fall in the tub.

Yeah.

You know?

Like, for real.

You got to be able to stop yourself from falling.

Oh, yeah.

Like, the deceleration.

You have to have the ability to do that.

I haven't fallen in a fucking tub in a while.

I feel like I...

Because I haven't stayed in a shitty hotel.

With a tub?

When you have to stay in those shitty...

They're, like, slick.

They are slick.

Yeah, they're slick.

They're angled.

UFC canceled a fight once because a dude was cutting weight in the bathtub and he blacked out and banged his head. Whoa.
So it finally brought the agreement. Jay Leno getting hit by a car.
By Biffman. Did he pretend? Yeah.
Okay. He faked it.
Sort of, sort of, sort of. The two jumped out of the way, but there was a loud thump and Leno crumpled to the pavement.
Mannered freaked out, running inside the club to confess his sin.

Leno, for his part, moaning on the ground.

Dreesen kneeled next to him.

He's falling down.

Afraid his pals badly hurt.

Jay, can you hear me?

Jay Leno opened his eyes and winked.

Oh, the picture moves.

That was pretty cool.

So he did do that.

Hey, guys.

I got hit by a car.

They had leverage.

That guy jumped off the Hyatt.

But isn't that crazy?

To try to hit the store. Realized a half second out.
I heard that guy sucked. Yeah, for sure.
But that's the problem. Wait, what happened? When a guy committed suicide and he sucked.
He crossed the picket line. He was a comic.
He was like, come on. He goes, I'll perform.
You can't have comics perform. I'll perform for you.
You'll be loyal after I'm gone. And Mitzi was like, thanks for your service, but we have good lineups now.
So he jumps off the Hyatt in the air and goes, oh, I'm never going to hit the store. Didn't even make it to the belt.
He tried to kill himself on the store. Try to hit the store.
And then that's not how. Personally 9-11.
That's a dude who doesn't understand physics. That's a guy who thinks he can fight.
What a terrible last name. A guy who doesn't know how far he can jump.
Or do comedy. I can jump 48 feet.
Or do comedy, right? It's the same mindset, mindset right we all know those guys who bomb they get off like a good crowd

And you're like you should be killing yourself. What are you talking about?

Yeah, there's a lot of weirdos like that man

ill people

So the guy didn't get booked so he tried to jump off a building onto them, but the thing is the guy was terrible severe depression

Yeah, even if he was good. That's no reason to kill yourself.
No, it's not. But it's like this whole idea, like, oh, he killed himself for the strike.
No. No.
He was just nuts. He was just a crazy.
Just a nutty dude who wasn't good. You're blaming it on that thing.
How many guys, when you started, were just like on tilt? Just a little, but they would do real good sometimes. You're like, maybe.
Right. Maybe he's going to all kind In the same boat having sort of similar sets That there's a few of those guys like maybe that's almost worse because it keeps them in Yeah, you know, it's real weird when you get an email from one of them fellers.
Oh Want you want to open for you? I get those like yeah You ain, hey, you ain't done comedy for a decade. They make it so uncomfortable.
A decade. You're like, all right, I'm already bringing an opener.
And they're like, what about an MC? I'm like, oh, shit. And you've got to scramble it to find an MC to come.
And they go, fine, I'll just do a guest set. You're like, fuck.
No, I hate a guest set. I'll just do a guest set.
And bring a camera crew. bring a camera crew.
There's no way. And do 20 minutes.
And bring friends into the green room and hang out all night. Fun time.
The invasion of your privacy. Just because you're being kind.
That's the worst. No guest sets.
No guest. You're a grown up.
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Some of them are like, such pressure. Such emotional pressure.
We are still friendly. They prey on that.
That's why you have to have like a level of separation like an Adam egott in your life

It's a love to see Joe Rogan go Adam won't let me have you on my show. I'm sorry But it's Joe Rogan the way it works The only way it works is Adam, you know, he just what he wanted to get the job He's fucking miserable He's pulling his hair out crying Oh, that's just because he's a joke.

I don't know.

I throw the pot in the water. Gaza.
What kind of prayer do I have to make over the sink? Adam has been happy since he stopped eating donuts. Adam's fine.
Fatim was the best Fatim. No.
He was dying. He was dying at one point.
Fatim eating it. Fatim eating it.
He's bleeding for some reason. Talk to him about it.
Yeah. What? Listen, he needed to clean his diet.
He's got a period. Yeah, he was having a period.
There you go. He's becoming a woman.
I think he had a butt period a lot. Yeah, a butt period.
Is that a hemorrhoid? No, I think he was having like internal butt periods. Oh, really? Yeah.
It wasn't good. He's better now.
He's better, yeah. You know, he's a worry wart.
He's a worry guy. You know, he worries about shit.
Oh worry guy he worries about shit and he's passing it on to his dog you ever meet his dog shaking we take a drive to the woods and the drive he's like slobbering I can't take this hell as soon as he's out he's like oh nice woods it's the meanest thing I do but I'm always like dude your dog. It's the meanest thing you can say to somebody.
No, I love him. If a dog's never driven and then you drive it, you have to drive them when they're little.
Yeah. He did.
Couldn't take it. How old was it when he got it? Puppy.
No, remember he would bring it. He brought it to a Vulcan and shit.
It would come into the room and hide under the table. That's when it started.
I was like, stop bringing this fucking dog around. It's a rescue dog.
Is it a rescue dog? What kind of dog? Pug? It's like a Dalmatian. It's like a Dalmatian.
Cute little dog. It's named Dice.
It's a good dog. That's fun.
It is a good dog. I feel bad making fun of a guy's dog.
His dog's named Dice? Yeah. That's cute.
And it's a Dalmatian, so it looks like a Dice. Oh, I didn't even catch it.
You've tried that with me, too. Your dog sucks.
I'm like, that's retarded. That's cute.
And it's a Dalmatian, so it looks like a dice. Oh, I didn't even catch it.

You've tried that with me, too.

Your dog sucks.

I'm like, that's retarded.

There's no part of it that's like negative. You've got a great dog.

Say your dog's awesome.

It's very funny, though.

Your dog's a sweetheart.

It kills people.

That's nice.

No, don't say that.

That's nice.

Yes.

And you can't say it about a kid, but you can say it about their dog.

Yeah.

You can get away with it. Your kid sucks.
They go, yeah, whatever. You can say it about a kid.
Yeah. You can say it to a kid.
You can say it to some guys. Some guys have just had enough with their sons.
Like, enough. He's fucking enough.
He's 26 years old. Get out of my fucking house.
You can tell that guy's kid sucks. That's true.
Like, your kid sucks. He goes, right? What have you noticed? That's the weird thing about today.
Like, there's a lot of 26 year old dudes living with their parents. You got that right.
When did you guys leave? That's nuts. 28? 23? I was 20.
18. 18.
Out of the house. Not talking about college.
Gone. Yeah, 20, I was out of the house.
And they wanted me out of the house when I was 18. I went back

after college for a year. Oh, no.

That's hard. No, it was a good year.

Really? Yeah, it was nice. Just drinking

with Phil every day? No, I was just reading

and jacking off in the basement.

It was great. In the quiet room.

My parents were like, you gotta get

some kind of a real job.

And you didn't. No.

You figured out a way to disobey them. disobey them I get it.
I know I was fighting. That's all I was doing so I was fighting right out of high school So like I just I didn't want to go he's fucking bartender So I understand why they wanted me out of the house like you're living an unrealistic Looky great is that like the least impressive skill of all time like some Yeah a drink by spitting bottles in the air and also Whoever wants it if you see them doing like just make the trick.
I just want to drink yeah I don't need a witty bartender right now if you really that funny you should go to stand up The rude bartenders. Oh, that's the drink.
I just want to drink. Yeah, I don't need a witty bartender, right? I mean if you're really that funny you should go do stand-up.
What's up? The rude bartenders are the worst. Oh, that's the worst.
What do you want? Yeah, we don't have that and then they walk away. What the fuck was that? Yeah, especially like if you're a good tipper.
You're like come on man. Don't make me not tip you.
I want to tip you well. I want I want you to have a good experience here.
I don't want this to be bad for you. I'm a standoffish bartender.
A buck for a beer, though. Sassy, fat whitewater.
Can we get rid of that? Open a beer cap. A buck? A buck is a max.
A buck is too much. I know, but if he's whipping me up a Mai Tai.
You can't think. Look how happy he is with himself.
Shut up, bro. You can't think that anything you're doing in a bar is like paying for things in a store.

Yes.

You can't think of it that way.

You're paying for this experience of being in public, and this dude, this is his job.

It's not supposed to be reasonably priced.

I'm okay with $1.

When it starts to be like a $12 beer, and it's like, no, you don't get $2 for this.

I leave $100.

Really?

What?

Yeah, I get a beer, I leave $100.

Come on.

Yeah, I'm not kidding.

I don't care.

Jesus.

He's giving money.

Are you going to notice it, or is he going to notice it?

Thank you. I leave $100.
Really? What? Yeah, I get a beer, I leave $100. Come on.
Yeah, I'm not kidding. I don't care.
Damn. Are you going to notice it or is he going to notice it? Are you going to notice if you have $100? You're not going to notice.
$100 from anyone in this room, it's like it doesn't exist. Oh, I'll think about Norma.
Norma's crazy. That's crazy.
He's fine. $100? $100 you don't know exists.
What? You might know $1,000 exists, you might know $10,000 exists. But if you look at your bank account, it's $100 this way or $100 that way.
It makes zero difference. Yeah, that's for one time.
We're in bars every night. How often are you doing? Good point.
That's $700. We work a lot.
We spend a little money. Yeah, we'd spend $8,000 by the end of the night.
We'd do it. Buying the drinks.
Yeah, good. Perfect.
Did you guys get after it last night? A little bit. I did.
Me and DeRosa and Matt Edgar went out.

You had your show

at the Mothership last night.

Yeah, 5 o'clock show.

Killer.

A good friend of mine.

Oh, you know Lucas,

the guy who made our suits.

He went to your show last night.

Oh, I love that guy.

That's from David August.

He's a beast.

Yeah, he's the best.

He's the best.

Man, love that guy.

Straight suitor.

Straight suitor.

Straight suitor,

sorry to deflect.

Sorry.

That needs to back up

and play again.

You're a talker, are you? Step on everything like a bad drug dealer. The suit was good.
Mine was a little small, and I said, Brad's tire. Hey, was Vegas better when the mob was running it? Yeah, right? Oh, everything was.
New York was. Yeah.
We got ladies on fire in the train. Yeah, it seems like New York was a little better when the mob was running it than when the Democrats are.
I'm just saying. Yeah.
Like, the mob would have done something about the fire in the train. There was a street in the East Village where, was it the Hells Angels

that had their headquarters?

Yes, they did.

Like 8th or 10th.

On 6th Street.

Yeah, the safest block in the country.

Oh, yeah.

You couldn't do shit.

No.

Well, that was always the thing

about if you lived on Staten Island

or if you lived out...

That's where all the cops live.

Yeah, or if you lived where,

you know, fucking when

What's-His-Face was alive,

John Gotti was alive.

Like, his neighborhood was super safe. Of course.
Nobody's breaking's nobody's breaking into anything no and you get a turkey on thanksgiving throwing those butter balls out yeah but at what cost i like the turkey thing they all do the turkey thing and act like they're innocent now that's a good move that's a nice move they go look i gave the whole neighborhood turkey yeah they go oh all yeah, the murders. Yeah, we'll forget about them.
How many turkeys? So, let's see, you live in a neighborhood of 100,000 people, and you give out free turkeys. How many turkeys do you think you're really giving out? Probably.
It's a photo op. So, probably like 50.
Families, five. How many turkeys do you have to buy? Because if you run out, people are going to get mad.
They're going to talk shit. I went to John Gotti's turkey thing, and they were out of turkeys by 1230.

1230?

Where's my fucking turkey, you dago bastard?

All right, you got off the Jews at least.

Now you're going with the Guineas.

You son of a bitch.

It's all pesky.

Where's my fucking turkey?

The people relying on those?

Crime's been up this year, but I'll tell you what.

Might get a free fucking turkey out of this whole thing. We're going to eat good here at Thanksgiving.
The protection racket. Yeah, that's how they get you.
We'll help protect you. We'll protect you.
That's what the United States government's doing. So the entire citizens of the United States.
Yeah, homeowner tax. It's protection.
We got you. You've got to be careful about China.
China wants to steal your data. We've got to get rid of the TikTok.
The TikTok is stealing your data. Does China want to fight us? Why are we trying to fight China? Because we're stealing China's data and they're throwing drones over New Jersey.
It's a war. It's a war.
Why are we at war with them? I don't know. We're not.
They're communists. I don't think they are.
Oh, I thought they were. No, they're not communists anymore.
I think they're allegedly, but they seem politically communist. They appoint their own government.
It seems like they're about that money right now. It's about that money too.
It's a weird sort of a merger, which makes it very difficult to battle with because you have a dictatorship that's connected to a thriving economy.

Tell me this.

TikTok, they're stealing your data.

But isn't it also all the American companies?

I'm listening.

What are you, some kind of communist?

Ari, whose team are you on?

You know what team Ari's on.

Oh, yeah.

The Hades, IDF.

Free Palestine. I'm on Team Green.
You know what they need is Xi Jinping to visit L.A. They'd clean it up in a day.
Isn't that funny? They would get it done. They did it for China when they came to San Francisco.
Crazy. Yeah, that's right.
Did you see Gavin Newsom's latest speech where he was talking about doing something with the land. Have you seen that, Jamie? Gavin Newsom.
Jamie, have you seen it? Did you see Danny Polish at the deepfake of his speech? No. Danny Polish at the deepfake.
Yeah, that's so funny. Just making him say dumb shit.
He tricks me a lot. He goes, we put fire R-tardent on.
That's crazy. Yeah, that Newsom's a lot of water.
See if you can find this video, because what's really weird is he does a little dance with his shoulders when he talks about it. Watch this.
This is so crazy. Great hair, though.
Listen to this. I was just talking to Josh Green, the governor down in Hawaii.
You had some ideas about some land use concerns he has around speculators coming in oh yeah i do that when i pee so we're already working with our legal teams to uh to move those things forward and we'll be presenting those in a matter of days not just weeks legal teams what is that man but look at this like the thing in hawaii has been a disaster for the people that lost their houses. No one's rebuilt.
No one's rebuilt, right? So he's talking about that and talking to the governor who's obviously mishandled that. It's also like, what's the real answer? It's like, it's fucked.
But hey, what is this? I don't know. What is this? It's a fun thing he picked up.
What is getting excited about it? Yeah, we're talking about some speculation, some land. That's like a lady thing.
He's dating somebody new. He can't hide his excitement for the possibilities that they might acquire some of that land.
What does that land become now? How many of these people are going to be able to rebuild? What happens with the Coastal Commission? What happens with all the insurance companies that decided to cancel their fire insurance? So what happens what happens with all this is not as simple as anybody thinks any fire would be like you get your insurance money and you rebuild. You don't rebuild somewhere that's bigger than Manhattan.
They lost what's larger than Manhattan. And also insurance is not going to pay.
It's too much. It's as little as possible.
It's going to take forever. How are they going to have the money? How are they going to have $150 billion? State Farm.
But that's the amount of money they require. So was the government going to do it? Is the Biden administration going to step up? Like they did for Ukraine? They spent $175 billion on Ukraine.
How much are they going to spend on the Palisades? And if they did it for the Palisades, the Hollywood Hills are going to be like what the fuck, dude? What about us? What about us? What about all these other fires? What about North Carolina? North Carolina, people are waiting in line for hours for propane because they don't have gas. They're trying to stay alive because their fucking heaters need gas.
No propane, no gain. But yeah, you're right.
Hey, Katrina, I was in Katrina, I was in New Orleans It was the same shit Yeah, but this is crazy If they bail out the Palisades, that's crazy If you don't bail out Maui And it's a year later And you decide you're going to bail out the Palisades So they're kind of stuck Because all they would have taken is $5 billion And they accidentally paid an extra $ billion to ukraine they're like don't worry just a mistake there's an accidental six billion to help maui yeah rebuild entirely so for five billion dollars they didn't everyone could have got their home back and everything could have been settled and no nothing's been done but yet we keep sending money to these. Well, how come these countries throw us a buck every now and then?

All we've been doing is paying their buck for the last 78 years.

Here's the thing.

Even if you're supporting the idea of sending money to Ukraine, I'm not arguing against that.

I'm saying they accidentally sent $6 billion there and no one cared.

And they didn't send $5 billion to Maui.

Right. And they could have.
Also, just get it's not actually you're not shipping a big thing of money Just like I think you're wiring Oh really? It's like big cash Just buckets of money We should buy Greenland Isn't that what Trump's trying to do a lot of resources over there? Let's get it. Well if global warming hits We got a sweet spot.
I like it if global warming really takes off Get some Greenland going. You know how many people live there? 56k.
We can kill them in an hour There's only 56,000 people there? The whole island. Really? Yeah.
Wow. Give it a goog.
What are they like? I don't know. It's a lot of weird things.
Let's hang out with one of those guys drunk. Their houses are weird.
What do you think they're like? They're like shacks. Colorful shacks.
They probably smell like old hot dogs. Yeah.
Pull it up. The reindeer they've been fucking.
Yeah. What have they been eating? What kind of fermented shark meat? It's got to be inbreeding there.
Oh, easy. It's got to be inbreeding.
Oh, it's a cute little town, actually. Yeah, nice colorful shacks.
That is adorable. Where's the bar? Show me the bar, because there's got to be a bar.
Oh, they all hit the wall. It's got to be a good bar.
You live in a good bar. Or a really bad bar.
Some real fisherman drunks. I mean, how many times does everybody date everybody else's ex in that town? Everybody.
You just got to get over it. Yeah, you got to get over it.
You just got to move on. It's like high school.
You just got to get over it. That's not very good She's dating him now Yeah, what do they do for electricity? I'm fucking What do they do is it Norway that they have a dating app? They won't let you fuck your sister I was in Iceland.
Yeah to know if you're True they tried they tried giving out the Middle East and they were like no we like it. They have to call it'sative.
That was a conversation that Gavin McGinnis and I had on the podcast at one point in time. He was talking to me about the numbers of people that are inbred.
I think it was in Palestine or Pakistan. Palestine's one of them.
It's like 40%. Israel's one of them.
Definitely. No? You guys do some breeds.
What are you talking about? You breed in Brooklyn, I'll tell you that. Not cousin.
Do they in Brooklyn? Inbreeding? Oh, yeah. Really? It's bad.
It's like Jews. Is that true? I looked it up.
In Israel. Look up the numbers.
You can look it up. Let's take a look at Brooklyn.
Serious huge. Serious huge.
Palestine's huge. Afghanistan's huge.
You're deflecting away from the- Israel? Israel just magically is not one of them? It's not magically. They're all Europeans that live there.
Inbreeding rates in Israel vary by population group, but the highest rates in the Arab Bedouin population. You guys are close to the Bedouins.
But that's the Arab. You're not following.
Right. Israeli Arab.
Israeli Arab. Okay, so Jewish population is only 2.3%.
Yeah, the Palestinians are like 40. Look at that.
Israeli Arab population is 25.9%. 25.9.
Not close, right? Wow. But that's a crazy number.
But look yeah the palestinians like 40 look at that israeli era population is 25.9% not closer

But that's a crazy number, but look at the bedouin population. It's 44%

Wait, what's what's a

Look at that 44

percent which is high has resulted in a high prevalence of genetic disorders and infant mortality

Don't you love AI this is what I love about AI. It has to tell you sometimes.
Before they catch it, when you ask it questions like this on a giant podcast, before they catch it, it gets out there. And the AI just tells you.
And then everybody's like, oh my god, what did they say? We didn't say shit, we read something off the the fucking AI That's what we did. We're talking about real data.
Oh, yeah But that's the thing it's like people that live in liberal areas like Silver Lake and the fucking In the East Village, they don't realize that there's parts of the world that are really, really, really fucked up right now.

Really fucked up. And you can't make

this place like that place. Because

you won't survive with your blue hair.

You won't survive with your fucking nose

post that makes you interesting.

That fucking stupid bull

ring you have in your nose. You're not going to survive.

That's what they did with all the people that kicked out of their neighborhoods.

Yeah, you're not going to survive with your they-them

pronouns. They're throwing you off a roof.

You're going to be thrown off a roof.

It's like the rich kid

Thank you. That's what he did with all the people that kicked out of their neighborhoods.
Yeah, you're not going to survive with your they-them pronouns. They're throwing you off a roof.
You're throwing off a roof. It's like the rich kid who's like, fuck you, mom, but you got it made, kid.
I'm going downstairs. Meanwhile, the migrant kid's like, I love you, dad.
Don't leave. I think we need to take an opposite approach in this country.
Instead of letting all the fucked up people in, what we need to do is spread the good. Buy all the other countries.
Slowly. Greenland, start with Greenland, then we buy Mexico.
Guatemala's probably for sale. Find all their doctors, bring them in.
He wants to take over the Panama Canal. Fantastic.
Let's buy Panama. That way you don't have to worry about taking over the Panama Canal.
We'll get Elon involved. I don't mind the canal.
That was... Come on, man.
We built it. We could sell a hock to a coin.
Well, I think they built it, but we made them build it. Did you just see the other idea about the Gulf of Mexico? You know, you can't drill in the Gulf of Mexico.
There's a law. Is that right? But here's the thing.
Change the name to the Gulf of America. Now you can drill.
Is that why he wants to do it yeah I thought I'd change it and I was like he wants to drill an eighth grade level Gulf of America fifth graders idea of like that should be Gulf of America and Canada's a new state apparently it's fucking genius Trudeau resigned yeah I mean it's fucking what he's doing is kind of crazy he's not even in office yet and he's like fucking I'm getting out he's doing is kind of crazy. He's not even in office yet.

And he's like, fuck it, I'm getting out of here. I don't want this fight.

But he's not even in office yet, and the whole world is like shifting.

All the social media companies will do it all.

Look at Facebook.

Look at Zuckerberg.

He's like an MMA fighter now.

Yeah.

But they were just doing what the other people wanted.

Whoever's in charge are like, sure, sure, sure.

Yeah, now they're away.

Yeah.

And now, okay, sure, we'll do it your way.

It's a little shifty. As long as we can make money, we don't care.

But you're like, are you going to flip back if something flips back?

Who are you? We're going to keep stealing data.

They're going to flip back.

I think most people found out

about it because of the Twitter files, and then

the outrage was so high, they were worried

about losing in the next election.

And I think they realized that probably lost

them this election. So,

when things like that happen,

there was a point in time

during the Obama administration where they were talking

Thank you. And I think they've realized that probably lost them this election.
So when things like that happen, you can you can like there was a point in time when during the Obama administration where they were talking about us going to war with Syria. Do you remember that? Ten times.
Yes. We kept saying no.
We said we got to overthrow Assad. And they go, America said no.
And then they go, actually, we got to help Assad because of these other people. And America's like, no, we've just done with these.
He made, there was a press conference. And the press conference was so rejected.
It was so wildly rejected in the public that the Pentagon shifted course. And they decided not to attack Syria.
It was like a big, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a big thing in the news.
We had eight wars going on. And they're like, the country was like, we're not doing this one.
And obviously I have a cursory understanding of the entire conflict. I have a very, very small understanding of the conflict conflict but the reality is like if things get too Rejected of too many people like fuck this.
Yeah Well, I think that's probably what happened with all this Twitter shit when they got those Twitter files And they found out the FBI was suppressing real information And then they found out that you know when Zuckerberg was on here and he was talking about the Laptop they were telling him it's russian disinformation and they were telling him to they told him to remove that meme you know that meme of leonardo dicaprio pointing at the television screen in 10 years like did you take the covid vaccine if so you may be eligible for a class action lawsuit and it's like it's Once Upon a Time. Yeah, yeah, it's a classic meme.
He said, take that one down. They asked him to take out a meme.
Clearly not really. Do you know the meme? Do you have it, Jamie? Because I have it on my phone.
Great meme. By the way, how about Trump and O'Biden having a full-on hang fest? Obama, yeah.
What did I say? How wild was that? Oh, yeah, you're right. Obama.
The black guy. How wild was that to watch, though? It is a little disappointing, though, because both those guys benefit so much on every American on both those sides hating each other.
I know. And then you see them together, and they're like, ha-ha, we get along.
Well, you know what it's like? It's just like Clinton and Trump at the old parties. They're all just friends.
They eat at the same dining hall. Yeah, they're all pieces of shit.
You know what it's like? It's like when guys fight, and then the fight's over,

and they talk so much shit about each other before the fight,

and then they hug.

Then they hug it out, and they're all emotional.

That's what it's like.

Yeah, except they're not fighting.

They're talking about... Yeah, we're professional.

This is like...

Yeah, but the other guy's like,

this is Hitler, and I need to have a revolution to fight him.

And then, hi, how you been?

And then you get done, and you go, hey, where are you seeing this?

Yeah.

It's so fake.

He was saying that neo-Nazis and white nationalists were very fine people Remember that yeah He's like I had to say it. I get it.
I get it. You had to say it Yeah, they just sit down and they work it out.
But meanwhile the rest of us my you know Neighbor has a fucking science is real flag. Yeah You know black lives because these guys that's what they.
Because these guys, that's what they're putting out there. It's causing division.
And you have a, yeah. Joy division.
Well, it just makes you realize this is the reason why cults exist. Because it's really easy to shift someone's opinion about things.
It's really easy. Most people are really weak.
Yeah. And they're also all looking at the fringes of each side.
So like the shit they're complaining about, like 90% of the people on that side doesn't they're like yeah we agree with you. Yeah 90% yeah it's nuts.
It's just weird that it works so well. It really does work and people make it their whole personality their whole identity and then if you push back they hate you.
He's Hitler and I'll sit next to him at Carter's funeral. We'll joke around together.
Meanwhile Biden's asleep. You see him fall asleep? Fully fell asleep.
There was a picture of like three or four of them. Pull it up.
But my favorite part was when Kamala Harris shows up and she fucking stink eyes both of them. Yeah.
She stink eyes Trump and Obama and then sits down and doesn't say hi or shake their hands. Nice.
And then looks over and sees that Obama and Trump are talking to each other. And she goes like.
She's like... She rolls her eyes and she's with her husband and her husband's...
That's like when Shane was talking to Chappelle or Louis and people were like, fuck, I gotta be nice to you now. Bill Clinton was there too.
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He was checking out Kamala. He's like, hey, nice rump in that pantsuit.
You are half black. I'm going to go out with a bang.
Watch this. Look at her face.
Look how angry she is, dude. Look how angry she is.
It's unbelievable. I mean, it's like, look at Obama and Trump.
Just no one looks at each other. You sit next to him.
Yeah, that's what she said. She guided him over.
He has to sit wherever the fuck she tells him to. He's the white Chris Brown.
Look, they're looking at each other. Trump is like, maybe we'll take him.
Look at Trump. He's just holding it.
George Bush's wife. I want to be on what she's on right now.
Look at George Bush's wife. She's so happy.
Right now she's seeing elves and angels. She's got the handmaid's tail outfit on Melania.
Melania's like, I can't fucking believe I have to be first lady once again Man, Jimmy Carter That fucking fentanyl, it'll get you He made it to 100 though That's true Conala knows she's on camera too, she's gotta act more pissy But look at them just talking to each other Look at the honker on that guy in the back, Jesus She's gotta be able to hear them That's a beak, that's a lobbyist Yeah, what if Trump is just going You can tell by his beak Smart hear them. That's a beak.
Yeah. That's a lobbyist.
Yeah, what if Trump is just going, look at her up there. You can tell by his beak.
Smart cocaine borderline. Anti-Semitic borderline.
And meanwhile, he's right near Pence. Pence is still born.
I think he shook hands with Pence. Damn.
Which is why. Who did, Trump? Yeah, Pence literally called him Hitler.
Oh, shit. Almost.
That was his vice president, too. What did Pence say? It was the worst thing Pence said about it.
But Pence definitely said he shouldn't be president. Yeah.
And then he won again. And Pence said, shut up.
Yeah. Now you gotta shut up.
You gotta shut the fuck up and you gotta shake his hand. You lost.
Deal with it. I saw Pence announce.
I was watching the news live when Pence announced his presidency. It was great.
Really? It's like on Hannity. He was a guest on Sean Hannity.
They did it like he was about to announce, and they're like, we got to take a commercial break. Then he comes on.
He's like, I'm going to run for president. There's like 12 people on bleachers like.
He's like, bro, you lost. Damn.
You just lost. I can't because I'm still on the fence.
Did you ever see the conversation he had with Tucker when Tucker was talking about the problems that America has and he said, that's not my concern?

Did you ever see that?

I've seen it and I feel for Pence on this one.

It seemed like a misstep.

Oh, it was.

He just said the wrong, he phrased it wrong.

Yeah.

But it's the worst thing you could possibly say.

I just saw what I was about to say.

This is what he did.

He reacted to an attack.

So the attack was on him. Yeah.
And so his reaction, because he's a guy who likes to be in power That's not my concern like his reaction is to shut you man people so he said it's not my concern That's not my concern like he's trying to shut him down, but he's doing it a stupid way. Yeah He's trying to exert his authority.
I was the vice president. Let me tell you how it works.
Yeah's not my concern. My concern is shit.
After he said it, he probably was like, shit. He's too religious, that guy.
Pence. Yeah, he was obsessed with no abortion and you know, can't go anywhere than my wife.
I don't mind that. That's a nice...
He was like, I'm not going to dinner with a lady unless my wife's there. And everyone was what are you sexist it's like no that's a somewhat valid elevator with one especially in his business yeah i mean his business they're they're sneaking whores in all the time a doctor needs a female nurse in there with them yeah so like they're sneaking in people to try to like they have Chinese ladies who are banging these dudes

They try to be fired how quick

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Turn out to be so would you not get a nine-and-a-half on an elevator with you and all of a sudden she just on her knees like

Oh

You don't send a nine-and-a-half because they don't believe them. Yeah, you send in a six with cocaine cute seven

Yeah, I'm six. He's got some cocaine

Some pouty lips I think they're all freaks and I think it's it's just Slow to be revealed because they're all like guilty of it Like when you hear a guy like Clinton get busted or JFK like this is not a normal I mean this is a this is like it's probably prevalent in the entire group of people When you talk to people that are like congressmen you talk to people that are honest like look there's a lot of freaks There's a lot of people that are partying. Yeah, you're doing wild shit You know I didn't do a wild shit.
They were doing showbiz type shit, but they were presidential candidates Especially get that big like I never got the chance to do this I was finally invited. I'm 16.
Let's go. I was finally at Bohemia Grove.
I was a dork my whole life.

Yeah. We're presidential candidates that big like I never got the chance to do this

Dork my whole life. Yeah Gorbachev fucking stain I couldn't wait to get some clam

There's a dude in a dress he weighs a hundred pounds. You're just gonna get him to suck your dick

You don't know that fire it up that fucking mirror on the walls a two-way one

Yeah, I mean that's a guy laughing watching The oral office and it's all diddy's mansion it got burnt to the ground That's true. Baby oil goes up baby.
Yeah, yeah, it's an accelerant started the fires in California.

It's probably not baby lube.

It's probably lube, and I bet lube burns forever. Oh, yeah.
I bet lube is like lava. Grease fire.
Just burns forever. It's probably some sort of synthetic shit.
When are we going to get the real dirt? All I got is a hallway beat up on video. But I need Bieber's crying, J-Lo's nervous, Jay-Z's gay.
If I had to guess this, what I would say. There's a lot, apparently, of famous people involved in this, which means there's a lot of accusers and there's a lot of money that people won't get if these people go down.
Right. So if you're a lawyer, if you're a lawyer and you're involved in this whole thing, the move would be like we could go public with this and this would be the end.
That is not our interest. Yeah.
Our interest in is a settlement. And then next thing you know.
Keep money off. Yeah.
Someone. Or, yeah.
Who's really good at basketball or fucking someone. Maybe.
It's all maybe though. It's all maybe though Everyone left the parties early every time It'll be like Epstein though.
It'll be the same thing. It'll be like nobody ever gets in trouble Did you see that prosecutor though? The guy who said there's some very famous names and you will be stunned at what you'll see What on Diddy or Epstein? Diddy Yeah My people will not let those names come out But.
No. If the videos exist, you don't think that somehow or another this guy's got it in the prosecutor's office? Epstein's never did.

But no one talked about the names and there was a video and it was going to come out.

It was like they kept quiet about all of it.

They never released the names.

They never said there was a video.

No one confirmed anything.

It was all just rumors.

They just waited until he stopped asking.

And then they're like, it went away.

And Colleen Maxwell just went to jail for what?

Recruiting.

For what?

For who?

For what?

For who?

Who was there?

What'd you do?

What happened?

Picked out 15-year-olds from high school.

And where'd they go?

I think they killed them.

Who were they?

No, no, no.

To who?

Like, if you're going to put someone in jail. If're going to put someone in jail if you're selling pussy.
So let's say you're selling cocaine. You sold cocaine, who'd you sell it to? I sold it to this guy.
Okay, well, now that guy's in trouble. That's how it usually goes.
And you find that guy, who else? If you sell underage prostitutes, you're going to jail for selling underage prostitutes. To who? Who'd you sell them to? Well, that guy gets in trouble, too.
Automatically. That's why you kill Epstein.
That's why you kill Epstein. You blame it all on him.
How good must she be at keeping secrets? She's pretty good. She's rare for a woman.
We're all surprised they didn't kill her, right? Yeah. They, like, barely arrested her.
Wasn't she, like, not in jail for a while? She was in a cabin in New Hampshire. They found her in a cabin.
In America. Yeah.
She was like an episode of a fucking CBS drama. She was hiding in a cabin in the woods.
Really? She was on prison break. Is she still there? No.
She's in jail. She's in jail.
Oh, she is in jail. But she's in a jail where you get to do yoga, you finger yourself, you watch TV.
Yeah, it's like a fruity jail. Oh.
Like an easy jail. I wish she'd start a podcast.
How great would that be? Oh, that would be great. I would listen.
Tales of the Island. Yeah.
Giselle Maxwell or whatever. Put that on Gas Digital.
How have they not killed her? How have they not? She's in prison until July 17th, 2037. Oh.
That's when they're going to kill her. Low security federal prison in Tallahassee.
Low security. Tallahassee.
That's nice. It's not bad.
Drop a rocket ship down in the middle of the prison yard and escape. He's going to beep her out.
Yards, we'll be able to do shit. Put a force field around a rocket.
Pull up her news. You guys are ridiculous.
About as good as Demi Moore. Demi Moore.
she's that hot. She kept it together.
How old is she? Demi Moore is on all kinds of creenochrome and tea. Creenochrome? Whatever it is.
She's harvesting the... Do you guys get questions about Hollywood parties now? I have to tell people, like, I don't even know anyone who was not invited to those.
Yeah, right. There's levels of Hollywood.
It's not all of us in.

It's Matt Reif and those guys. He ain't invited.
He's not even invited?

It's high levels.

I got roped into going one to one night

with Chappelle.

The only time I've ever been in a real...

We were at the comedy store and Dave was like,

Come on, Joe, I gotta go to this party.

I was like, Alright, let's go.

We drove my Porsche up into the Hollywood Hills. It was like I was seen in a movie.
Two comedians having fun, leaving the comedy store, driving up to the movie. We're going to Naomi Campbell's house.
Whoa! Or some guy's house who was having Naomi Campbell's party. And we're on an elevator, this little outdoor elevator with Demi Moore and some other lady.
And it's an outdoor elevator. You're sitting in a cart cart and it's like taking you up the side of the hill and as we're going up the side of the hill we look at this they had a party house so they had a regular house and a party house and the party house was so high up the hill that there was like a 50 foot gigantic photo of a naked Naomi Campbell wow like one of her modeling.
And then you go up there, and it's like fucking Lenny Kravitz and all these famous people, like just famous everywhere. Yeah.
It was weird. It was so, and at one point in time, Naomi Campbell, she had a book of all her modeling stuff, and there was so many photographers there.
At one point, she just starts posing. And it's like snapping pictures.
So you're at her party, and all these cameras are going off and she's posing you're just watching it all bizarre and then me and dave are hanging out and dave goes man i never want to be that famous dave i go i got news for you you're the most famous person here he goes no i go yes yeah you're the most famous guy here and the most talented and we were just we're both laughing ladyitz is pretty talented, too. Ah, he had one hit.
Oh, he's got some bangers. Dave can do a monologue right there on the floor.
He's got Mama Says. He's got Fly Away.
He's got some bangers. Fly Away, that's a nursery rhyme.
Also, American Woman was a cover. I know, but he's got bangers.
He's good. I mean, he's good, and he's hot.
He's a fucking punk. I agree.
Chappelle is more talented, but no need to be disparaging about Mr. Pagnes.

No, no.

I'm just saying it's just funny.

These comedians show up, and they can do a couple hours.

They got albums.

They can do a riffing sesh, crowd work.

She can pose.

What does she got?

She can pose.

She can pose.

She can be pouty.

She can be pouty on command.

It takes you a while.

Exactly.

We didn't stay long.

Then we left when we went back to the store, and they were like, wow, that was it was like eyes wide shut party i talked to you after that yeah we talked i think it was that one oh yeah for sure and i was like are they all like rotten and you're like yeah they've gone sour as a comic you go to those part you feel like a gargoyle you know like i'm so ugly compared to these oh yeah beautiful people you can't talk to them regular no fuck around no way the thing is like if you go and you talk to a bunch of celebrities the odds are they're gonna be more guarded Than even regular liberals Well you got regular liberals and then you got celebrity liberals like they have to be careful of every thing they say They have a couple of drinks in them and you got your phone out and you start recording them saying something crazy It could could ruin their life. Oh, yeah.
Like, what do you think about these immigrants? Who isn't it? They're not even paying for our veterans. Oh, yeah.
I fucking, you know, some of them are okay, but most of them are. Yeah, yeah.
Next thing you know, it's over. Well, they're cooking for them and shit, too.
That's like their chef. Yeah, right? It's so funny to see a celebrity take to Twitter, and you're just like, his agents failed him.
Woo, you fucked up. Well, you get it, though.
Or a football player. The agent can't watch you 24-7.
They want to keep going to these parties. Yeah, like a Kimmel type.
You know, he's got to play ball. Yeah, those parties suck after a while.
Stink. They suck.
They stink. You go to, like, two, and you go, all right, I get it.
No beer pong. No beer pong ever.
beer pong ever. No comedians.
If you found a comic, if it was Mark Maron at that party, you'd flock to him. Who's grilling? I don't like you.
I know I don't like you. Mark, who's a comedian that's doing better than you that you hate right now? Let's talk about it.
Let's talk about it. Please, go public with it.
But you know, if you're at the airport and you see a comic, you're like... Sick.
Yeah, like, come on, let's talk. That's the best.
Even if you don't even like them that much. It's like, you like them way better than these regular idiots.
I was hanging out with Jake Johansson once, I was emceeing in DC Improv. He's a clean guy, and we were talking about hookers in Tijuana, and he goes, listen, that's not my world at all.
I'd rather be here with you guys talking about that than with my wife's dumb friends talking about garbage. You just ratted that point out.
Sorry. You just got it.
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Don't miss it This is gonna be wild download Call of Duty Warzone for free and I'll see you in Verdansk rated M for mature He got in a fight from years ago You don't have to worry about his wife or his wife's dumb friends. His wife.

I've been sitting here waiting for one.

I've been waiting.

You're going in the chamber.

I got news for you.

His wife and their dumb friends are never listening to this podcast.

There's zero chance they're listening to Protect Our Parks.

Well, clean comics are always the wildest.

You see a clean comic at a party?

Flock to that motherfucker. Cosby, he's got some stories.
Cosby's gonna go nuts. Cosby partied.
Find John Heffron and get him some out of it. Oh, man.
Let's go. You ever get drunk with Regan? It's wild.
I'm not gonna say anything, but it's wild. Regan's an animal.
He just gets drunk. He's not like...
Well, he's a fun guy to talk to. He's having fun.
He's having fun to talk to is what he's saying. He's not saying hookers.
No, I know, but I'm saying it started with Cosby. Not start firing.
You're right. He one-upped everybody.
Well put. Regan's way worse than Cosby.
He's a sweetheart of a guy, too. He came to my show in Philly in October, and then he came to the bar with us after.
That's so cool. He's the man.
Super nice guy. He is the man.
Me and DeVito were having a sober month and then he was going to come in Kansas City. He was like, hey, I got an early show.
Can I come hang out? Do you want to drink? And we were both like, we're drinking, right? Yeah, we're drinking. That's a sick move to go to the theater, the arena there and then just find out who's at the local club.
He did it to me. I was like, I'm gonna go drink there.
It's awesome. It's awesome.

Keep the bar open. And if you find a fun dude who's in town, it's great.
It makes the

experience of being in town so much better. And the

club is like, yeah, come on in,

sir. I was bombing at the Charlotte

Comedy Zone. Bombing.
There's 12 people

there. I'm headlining.
It was horrible.

And I heard one cackle in the back. And I was like,

well, at least I'm killing with that guy. You know, that whole thing.

And I get off and it's Regan. And he like let's go drink and we went out all night.

Make you feel so good. Huge.
Yeah that's hilarious. That was like 10 years ago.
The late night midnight

shows those were always death. Yeah.
Those were always death because people were so hammered by

the time they got there and they're half full but then the club's greedy and they just want to

curtain off the back. You're going well into the show.
The third show you're repeating jokes. You don't remember what the fuck you're talking about.
Did I say that? You have to have like a very

We said... and they just want to curtain off the back and have a third show.
The third show,

you're repeating jokes.

You don't remember what the fuck you're talking about.

No.

Did I say that?

You have to have like

a very set order

if you're going to do

two or more shows.

Easily.

There's too many heck,

you know,

I did it this last weekend.

I was like,

like the last show

of the set,

it was just like,

no way have I said this.

And then you start laughing,

you're like,

are you laughing at me?

Yes.

Yes, exactly.

Did I repeat that

and you're laughing at me?

Will you tell me?

It also looks the exact same too. Like from your perspective, it's just a light in your face right yeah right you can't really see anyone well the problem is when you're doing long sets too it's like long sets are like a zone you get into and when you're in the zone you're you're kind of like you know you're kind of like riding it right you're kind of like riding the show which joke do i feel like right none of us have scripts, so it's like there's no order.
You're riding with it. You're fucking around.
You're riding with it. And so you forget where you are on the ride because you're on the ride again.
Yeah. Is this the first part of the ride? Have I done that bit yet? Oh, my God.
I'm so out of order. And it's later in the night, so I've been drinking, too.
So now you add that to the mix. Now I'm shit-faced.
Yeah, like the time we went back to the mothership. I was hoping you forgot about that.
Oh, how could I ever? You threw up behind the stage and went to sleep. Yeah.
You went to sleep a foot away from your own puke. The levels you'll allow when you're drunk.
It's like, it's fine. It's fine.
This is a good spot. I went to the club the next day, and I was like, sorry, I puked.
They're like, yeah, we know. And some guy's holding a mop.
I was like, ah, I set up an edible arrangement. The edible arrangement was very thoughtful.
Thank you. It was really nice.
Horrible. Somebody had to clean that shit up.
Yeah. Well, it's a fun place to work.
Yeah, it's a great time. Other than that.
I found the nook. I found the puke nook.
I feel. If you're going to puke anywhere, you want to go in that little weird closet.
That little... Yeah, right where everyone has to stand before they go on stage.
She used to smell what happens when it goes wrong. Have you ever had a puke on stage? No.
Never? I had to piss on stage once so bad that I had to like get Jay to come back up at Bell house

I was like five five minutes. I was sick on stage one and I was doing a show and it was coming up and I had to swallow

Oh, no. Whoa.
Yeah. I was like, oh, no.
Yeah, that's terrible

I swall I got lucky I pulled out of it and I made it but I was like this could be so rough

I might vomit on stage because I was I knew I really should be at home in bed But I like was already out. Well, then were you listening to your act? I did this I did the second I did the second set and I was like oh my god.
I'm gonna puke like yeah, wow this battle's doing oh You know that feeling if you're reading in a. Like if you're in the backseat of a car and you're reading and you're like, oh no, oh no.
The watery mouth. The watery mouth.
Yeah, like where it's coming up and you're like. Because your body's freaking out.
It's like, why is this motherfucker moving when we're still? Yes. This is crazy.
If you don't see the outside and see the line of the road and engage it, that's why people get seasick. Like, why are we moving and we're still? You must be drunk.
You must have food poisoning. Get rid of whatever the fuck's in you.
Let's get it out now. We've all had the shitting on stage where you have a turtle head going and you're really just tightening that rump.
I feel like it goes away, though, as soon as you get on stage. You get a little fight or flight, but every now and then you're just like, oh, I had a crazy meal.
I had oysters in the green room, and you're like, ooh. I had oysters in the green room.
Yeah, once you go on. When do you order oysters in the green room? I order everything on the menu.
It's free food. It put up a photo of me doing my Comedy Central.
Stop bragging. A half hour.
A while ago, but I have a crazy virus, and I was shitting myself on stage, like gurgling.

While you were doing the special?

My big taping.

It was like the biggest I've ever done.

Half hour special, whatever.

Oh, man.

I want to see this.

I look so fat.

I'm sweaty.

I had H. pylori.

You get that from eating ass.

Yeah, you consume feces.

First of all, congratulations.

Thank you.

It was a fat...

What was his name?

Hey.

He said fat.

I was like, I got to get it in quick.

It's all about timing.

We'll be right back. First of all, congratulations.
Thank you. It was a fat.
What was his name? Hey. He said fat.
I was like, I got to get it in quick. It's all about timing.
It was John Panette. Oh, wow.
You're doing sick. I'm wearing a ton of makeup, but I'm like bloated.
You look like a chubby. I was the same weight I am now, but just that.
I'm so fat and sick. You look like a little boy.
Yeah. So were you sick days before as well? Yeah, but they're like, we're not changing it.
This is when you got to do it. Look at the neck, everything.
I mean, I look like Ralphie Bay. You actually look cute.
You look like you want to pinch your cheeks. Cherubic.
Yeah, Cherubic. That's the word.
Like I want to pinch your cheeks. I don't even know what year ago that is.
Hey, have either one of you guys seen a drone? You guys are each couple of those. Oh yeah, I've seen them all the time.
I've been looking for them. You've seen them? The ones that everybody's complaining about? Yeah, they're all over Jersey.
Like what did you see? They're like the size, they're huge. They're like as big as a car.
Real. And they're black with a ton of lights on them.
Really? And they just whiz by quick. As big as a car.
Yeah. Wow.
I did the comedy dojo in Morris Plains and they're all over. Oh, the Tripoli spot.
Yeah. And Joey Diaz is there all the time.
Yeah. That's where Joey Diaz has been working out.
There you go. Joey Diaz is coming back.
We're doing a fight companion for the Sean Strickland-Drekus Duplicy fight. When's that? That's in February, February 8th, and Joey's going to be on fight companion.
Oh, great. Hell yeah.
Yeah. I'm sorry, motherfucker.
Eddie Bravo had to go teach something. He's got something going on, and Brian Cowan's not going to make it either What's he teaching? English? Jiu-jitsu, motherfucker I thought he was at the community college That's one of the best jiu-jitsu coaches on earth How dare you? He's got a hundred schools Eddie Bravo has a hundred jiu-jitsu schools I'm a 10th planet white belt Is Eddie brought any problem yeah he's been running 10th planet since

2003 how many

Yeah, what color 21 fucking years that's why

Bought Ari a year's worth of jiu-jitsu for Christmas. Yeah.
He got pretty good. He swept me once.
Ari legitimately swept me. He caught me slipping.
I got a little too confident. Bro, you must have destroyed him.
No, I was happy. I did destroy him.
He destroyed me. He was like, good job.
You're going to pay for that now, but good job. I didn't do it extra.
I never hurt him. I never destroyed you, destroyed you.
No, not like that. I never really went full blast on you.
Shigeki was the one. There's just like 5'2 Japanese guy, brown belt at the time, and I made a mistake of getting his back.
Oh. And he fought me off, and then he tapped me 34 times in 18 minutes.
What? Shigeki was an animal. Holy shit.
Good guy. Super nice guy, but he was an animal.
Sh an animal should decky should get He's one of those guys like you would never think he's like five foot three you'd never think you'd like no I'll fuck this guy up. I'm gonna throw this battle for my life with that guy We would hold it we would battle to the death to like it was for my life like it was dangerous Chinese He was dangerous Japanese Japanese He'd catch you you in arm bars transition to a leg lock.
He'd be fighting off a choke and like whoo You get out of that role. Thank you.
Oh That was good. That was good.
That was good. There's a few of those guys that he had Eddie Bravo had some assassins there But Ari got pretty fucking good.
He was tapping people, But when you swept me that one time, I was like, this motherfucker.

I'm Mikey.

I got to go for it.

And you couldn't take rock before. He caught me slipping, and he exploded.

He exploded with a butterfly sweep.

That's Mike.

He snatched an overhook and went right into a butterfly sweep.

I was going over.

I was like, this motherfucker caught me.

And he just makes it.

He puts it in your head where you're not even thinking about it.

You just go.

Yeah.

I got Shane.

I got Shane for a second. No, you didn't.
I tapped you no chance You don't think I would tap you? I did. I'm trying go I did we could go to the maps right now I got you in an arm triangle.
Yeah, we had to start with you on my back sitting down. You're 700 pounds I know I got you in an arm triangle.
you guys were old, Ari would get you. You did tap.
Big pun.

He'll get you. I got you twice with an arm triangle.

You'd eventually get tired and he would catch you in something

you wouldn't know what it was. He was more tired than I was.

I was for sure. Well, he's definitely out of shape.

He's old. But if he just lies there and takes

his time. Wait, you're saying I did not tap you

twice with an arm triangle? With an arm

triangle? Yeah. I don't think so.

Remember this position? Remember going like this?

Is that when we started with my arm like that? First and second time. You were hammered.
You were hammered. Hold on.
Every single time we had to start with him on my back. You made us start with him literally arms around me on my back.
I made him start with this is an over-under from the back. That's what it was.
Like an Eddie Bravo tournament. The Eddie Bravo Invitational, when it goes into overtime, you have two positions you you can start from you can start from the back or you can start from spiderweb.
It's an even position Yeah, no, no, no, no, no Shut up Joe! Highly disadvantageous position. I think I turned around and started punching you for real.
Well, yeah, because you were doing MMA and then everyone was like stop. You're like Lewis.
You're like Jiu-Jitsu to MMA because you want to Well, yeah, I don't know what the fuck would do. You'll be rolling with Lewis.
Let me tell you something. If when Ari was training, he would have got you.
Oh, I'm not allowed to punch? He would have fucked you up. No, he got a lot of punch.
Oh, well, I don't know any of the moves. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, I could lay on him and hold his arms down.
And you did. Yeah.
For a little while. You got me more than I got you.
No, you will stop before I stop on that. Oh, gas.
Interesting. Yeah of my early tournaments at Eddie Burrell.
We don't like you guys to be fully drunk. We did this.
We did it. I know, but we should film it.
And I was killing him. But we should start from a neutral position.
Slap hands. No, just for fun.
I'll tackle it. I'll kill him on that.
What are we talking? Why are you guys saying this to me? I tried it twice. Did you get you riled up? You did that twice? Yes! With arms and arms.
What do you mean that, you fucking moron! That's twice! And then I tried to do it the third time and you already knew it. Had you ever done jujitsu at all? No.
Before that one day? Nothing? No, no fucking. Walking around with your friends, rolling around, trying to choke each other? You did football.
Yeah, it was very different. Yeah, I was just...
Hold on a second, why are you guys pretending that something happened? He got you two taps! No, no, no, no, I'm not saying! That was slow. and tele it.
Wow. That could be fun.
This is intense. We can do it.
Bro, I want... Oh, that was slow.
Intellectual. You ever think about getting back to it, Ari? I think about it, but I break easy.
Yeah, but if you just get yourself in a little bit of shape before you do it... Just got to get on a treadmill.
That's a bigger thing. Well, start doing...
Just got to walk to my car once in a while. Well, you got in really good shape when we were doing Sober October to oh yeah Got in very you got ripped you got a six back gotta have a reason you are lean now

Yeah, Ari had to have a competitive when you're a gaming weight. I liked

I already

nice

Ari did it with with will to know Zempick

Yeah, there's a cheat code now a lot of people are thin

Long line of Holocaust survivors I'm talking about Ben Legitimately This is his fucking dad His dad's a legit Holocaust survivor Is that right? Is your dad going to do the podcast? He could, we'll talk about it later We kind of went away with COVID and stuff Would Yeah. Would you approve of that? That was the Germans.
That's right. The Germans.

No!

It's never going to end.

Third Reich.

Oh no.

I'm stuck. Oh my god, I'm out of breath.

Mentally, I'm stuck on this.

This is awesome. I love it.

I'm just now, I'm like, how far can he go?

He can never stop. I think it'll surprise us.
I mean, Third Reich was crazy. That's pretty good.
That's Reich is great. That's Reich.
Reich's peak. Great coffee.
That's Reich. Six million beans.
I was watching. I don't know, Jamie, have I played it before these Scottish guys with Tourette's on here? Oh, that's great.
It's like my favorite fuck This is just a fun thing You ever see purple bird alarm? I like people with mental diseases and speaking in tongues. I was watching it first off Scottish is the funniest possible accent There's a documentary.
I think it was National Geographic a long time ago And I watched it when it came out. Y''all, these guys rule.
Hold on. This isn't it.
They all dress like you. Yeah, I know.
I went over there. I was like, these are my people.
I am Scottish and Irish, obviously. Hold on.
We'll find one. Oh, no.
Different one. These are the guys, though.
You're Irish, though, right? Yeah. Are they going to yell out? Is that what happens? There's three dudes.

Hold on, Jamie.

Find the one where three dudes link up and go on a trip.

Is this like a long documentary and is like a section of the documentary?

No, the whole thing's hilarious.

It's just a different video.

Oh.

Yeah, if you type in Scottish Tourette's butt.

I did that in that documentary.

Find a link on your phone and send it to him.

Jamie, let me see it.

I mean, obviously the highlights.

I swear I can't help it.

Hold on.

Go to YouTube.

Go to that one.

Four minutes.

I swear I can't help it.

Funny.

No, hold on.

Funny highlights?

Well, those are also hilarious.

Okay, let me hear this.

Here's something.

Let me hear something of it.

I'm trying to hold the end. Hold hold it and chugging.
Fuck off. Thank you.
Work is a ten minute walk away from his home. Hey! Oh my God.
It's never nice shit to you. We feel some kind of harmony.
Hold on. There's a connection somewhere.
There's one part, though, because the whole point of it is these three guys link up that have it severely.

Right.

And they're like, we're going to go, we're going to start a commune.

Not a commune.

We're going to find a place where we can chill out in wilderness.

They go to a lake.

Scream at each other.

All they do is they play a game where they're trying to hit each other in the nuts with a ball.

Wow.

So funny. They're having pub quizzes and stuff at the center.

Something like playing charades.

Charades.

Let me hear a little bit of him talking. I want to hear him figure out.
I'm never ever the person that stands up and has to act out what film it is or whatever. Because I can't keep it to myself.
I'll stand up and I'll say, Jaws! And I'll go, right, that's my turn. I didn't get a word of that.

He said, I can't do charades because I'll just go up there and say the answer.

He goes, like, what movie is it?

He goes up and he goes, Jaws!

We're going to crash!

What?

We're going to crash? Hey!

The border between England and Ireland.

Wow.

The border between England and Ireland.

Wow. Hold on.
Holiday. I Type in holiday.
I'm a chicken. Bam, I'm a chicken.
These three fucking rule, dude. Paul doesn't just tick around Carol.
He constantly ticks around their children. Hold on.
He ticks around the kids is hilarious. That's dangerous.
There's no flies there. This is National.
It's funny that they swear. Hold on, Jamie, this is the best part of the whole thing.
Right here. He taps him on the head.
What? Stop! You'll never have a... That's so good.
That's good stuff. I want to find a crab.
You've got him in your pants, you c***er. It's probably cool that they get to hang out together, though, right? So they don't care.
No. That's like the only time they could be here.
Yeah, they should have a podcast, right? That would be hilarious. Try to hit each other in the nuts with a ball.
No defending. From behind.
That's a weird choice. They got long balls.
They're playing like a really serious, sad

music moment.

And then they cut to what they're doing.

I thought you guys might enjoy these guys.

These guys rule.

Couldn't find the right clip.

They killed it.

Yeah, that was pretty good.

Alright.

That's nice.

That's Geek. That's the last one.
Oh, man. I can't believe you guys said Ari fucking tatted.
That's so crazy. Twice.
Twice. Norman, I'm certain you don't remember.
I have no idea what you guys are talking about. I don't know if I was here.
I remember you jumped on everybody. You jumped on the whole pile of people.
Norman did. That was when you were killing him.
You were killing him with an arm bar. Then I jumped on to try to help.
I held on way too long. I was like, Joe, Jiu-Jitsu's gay.
Fuck you, pussy. I got a photo.
That's how long. I fucked my shoulder up.
Well, you wanted to play football. You were trying.
Yeah, I thought I was doing good with the pushing. Yeah, but the problem with that is I want you to push me.
Yeah, you just pulled me. Yeah, I'm like, good.
I arm dragged you. I'm like, this is fun.
It was fun. I had a good time.
It was pretty ridiculous. Until I punched Ari.
We got all scratched up. Everybody got their knees all scuffed up and their elbows all fucked up.
On a carpet. Carpet burn.
Yeah, meanwhile, we have mats here. We're too drunk to get to the mats.
25 beers. I'm sorry.
In the lobby. We were too drunk to make it to the mats.
The best part, though, is you guys are going at it like crazy, and Carl is just like... He doesn't have a minute of it.
That's literally like pretending to drive a car when there's a car right next to you. Right.
We were like, nah, we can't make it into the mats. It's too far.
That's like 20 steps away. It's too far.
It's like when you fuck a girl in the bathroom the bed's right there but you couldn't hold it Yeah but that's fun something exciting Let's see what the sink can do Yeah let that sink in Sink and hold you up But if it doesn't that's a real problem If it breaks That's why I never get up there When a girl takes me to the bathroom I never jump on the sink I've pissed in the sink at least a thousand times in my life. Oh, yeah.
How many times have you pissed in the sink? Oh, yeah. More often.
Yeah, I've pissed in the sink many times. There's a lot of people who don't like that.
They don't need to know. You run the water.
I like it. They don't need to know.
I love it. I like it.
I piss in the shower every time I get in the shower. Same.
Of course. Every time.
Oh, yeah. Every time.
Every time. Every time.
I was in Philly no, no. But I went to Wells Fargo for you, and we went to the 676ers locker room.
All the urinals start up here. It's crazy.
Oh, the giant guys? Yeah, then John Stockton comes for a visit. He's like, what the fuck, man? He's white.
I think I might be one of those Scottish guys. He's got a done-to-one.
He's white. Gr Groundskeeper, the best thing about pissing in the shower is when you don't even acknowledge that you're pissing.
You're just washing yourself and peeing at the same time. You let it flow.
God, it feels good. Like our ancestors used to do.
They used to just pee. They didn't hold it in.
Why would they hold it in? But even a dog bends. In the shower, you're just letting it nice.
Peeing in your own backyard feels good. You feel like an American.
I pee in my own backyard. Whenever I take my dog out to pee, I pee.
That's nice. I pee all the time outside.
That's nice. You got it.
You still got it. It still counts.
You had like a half a second delay. It's like the five second rule where you drop food.
Oh, that five second rule really helps. You're hungry.
I'm just thinking about all the ass that Norman's eating and think about how ridiculous it would be to not eat food off the ground. Facts.
Yeah, you got to do it. Yeah, eat fucking leftovers at restaurants.
I ate yours when you went to the bathroom. Why not? At breakfast.
Norman would just see like at the cellar stuff coming back and he goes, whoa, whoa.

I'm telling you. Give me that.

It works. This has never not worked for me.

You go up to a table that's been sitting there for a while

at a restaurant. You go, you want me to clear this out of the way?

And they go, oh, please. And you just take their wings.

It's never not worked.

And you just eat their wings? Yeah, it's wings.

But then they find out that you're not

working there. It doesn't matter.
They run out

of the way. They probably watch.
That guy just took our wings. He's eating them.
Yeah. They've never questioned it.
They just run away. That's so weird.
How many times have you done that? Geez, a dozen. Norman is the biggest Jew I know.
A dozen. That's so crazy.
Is it because you don't want the food to go to waste or you're hungry? Both. But you have money.
I had no money back then. But now it's just a rush.
But now you just do it for the goofs. And I had no food in my house as a kid, and I think it fucked me up.
Also, it's right there. It's right there.
When we were at Bonnaroo, and Norman went off to hang out, have some fun somewhere, and then came back. There was a staff party, crawfish boil.
Comes back three hours later. It was like, ah, what a crazy night.
Look at all these unused heads. Just sucking out crawfish.
Sucking the heads. Like Lily Phillips.
Sucking the heads is delicious. Oh, yeah.
You got to suck the heads. You got to do it.
It's all the flavor. Prawns, too.
You get like a big juicy prawn and you cook them in garlic and you suck the heads. You've gone from shrimp to prawn? You've gone elitist.
No. Shrimp's great, too, but prawns are a different animal.
What's the difference? They're longer. It's weirder looking.
They're kind of cool. Prawns, they have like a long shelly head.
Fucking whiskers. Whatever those things are.
You suck on that head and get that brain juice. I never sucked it.
Brain juice. I thought it was the same thing.
I did the same thing. You know when you have peeled shrimp, when you have to peel it? Yeah.
I don't peel it. Just just eat it? You eat the shell, yeah.
Damn. You do it with peanuts.
So you eat ass. Who doesn't? Who doesn't eat ass at this point? I grew up in a time when nobody ate ass.
That's true. Because back in my day, nobody shaved.
It was chaos. That's nuts.
That's porn's biggest victory. Porn's biggest victory over culture is shaving a pubic hair.
Hear, hear. I used to do a joke about it, where if aliens came and they were studying the development of the human race They'd be like what happened to pubic hair like what there's no documented like direction Nobody told people to do it.
It's not a public health concern Nobody like issued some sort of a statement that you should start shaving your pubes right everybody when they started seeing porn They all started shaving their pubes great also kind of taught them how to give head to Yes, they're getting a little rowdy with the head It's ladies do to porn when they get a little rowdy and they start gagging because of porn now every girl does that right I've used porn to watch how to eat out maybe get some tips I think they're exaggerating. I was talking to our friend Whitney Cummings was explaining.
I never get there yet She didn't know she wasn't she was the one the gagging conversation. She was saying that she went down to this guy.
She started gagging and he was like, stop, stop. What are you doing? Yeah.
Good for you. Yeah, it's overkill.
It's overkill. You're just showing you're enthusiastic.
I did a joke in my special about that. Oh.
I've had girls get like, yeah. I'm like, this is, you're like, don't.
Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Fucking lie.
Yeah, yeah, fucking right. Isn't it because they think that you want that? No, I think that's porn.
I think it's porn swap. Right, right, right.
When girls give a head, now they're like. But isn't it weird? It's because it started out just people having sex.
And then once people saw people having sex, they're like, let's kick this up a notch. Yes.
I like that part. Yeah, why don't you tie each other up? Why don't you do this? Why don't you do that? You remember that one guy that got arrested? Ron Jeremy.
No, no, no. He went to jail for, there was something about the way that they tried him in Florida.
He was famous for horrible stuff. He would open up girls' buttholes and pee in them.
Oh, yes! Rocco Sofretti? No, no, no, no. He was an American guy.
He had a cowboy hat. I know what you're talking about know you're talking about very disgusting style of porn that it was the idea of like these things keep

Accelerating getting more and more deviant because people get bored max hard

So that guy wind up because they tried him in Jamie's corny ass new

That was back when. Typical Buckeye.
That was back when.

Typical Buckeye.

Typical horny ass.

Championship Buckeye.

His championship week.

You guys are ready to show the throats.

He fucks a Buckeye.

Jamie's ready.

Cuckeye.

You can't hear it.

You can't let him do that.

You guys have to bet.

You have to win your money back that he stole from you He stole from me That's what I said The money he stole from you Oh H J-Mo pull it up That's your job You have to pull it up Jamie pull it up Jamie borrowed money from Shane And didn't give him a cut Didn't give me a cut. Oh really? What do you got to give him a cut of the winnings? Give him a gapper don't you know what a gapper is son? I know a gaper No a gapper like so let's say if if you and and Shane are playing pool and you're gambling and you don't have any money, you say, can you give me $100? Yeah, of course.
I give you $100. You win $300 off of Shane.
You throw me $50. You throw me a gapper.
You give me the money. You give me a little bit.
You give me a piece. You give me a piece of the action.
That's right. You were going to have to pay me $100 back anyway.
So it was like, you know, I gave you the $100 so you can get an action. So even though you really technically only owe me $100, if you want this to keep happening in the future, you throw me a gapper.
So you throw him $50. I like it.
I do have an important question. It's a free $50.
An important question for the podcast. Jamie, who's the Uh-oh.
Who's the Epstein pedophile that paid for Ohio State's roster this year? This is information I mentioned to you before, so I don't know that that's even true.

Whoa!

Jamie always takes the establishment position.

Who's the Epstein guy?

Do you want to talk about the Catholic Church?

Lexner?

Whoa!

Lex Wexner?

Jamie.

That's his name.

Now, Lex Wexner, what did he do and why does he pay for your entire roster?

And most of your campus? He donates a lot of money to Ohio State. Yeah, what did he do, though, that's suspect? He's a big businessman.
I don't know what he did specifically. Did he do anything weird? I don't know.
Did Jamie have the insinuations to make? No, I mean just insinuations. I have no idea what he did.
I don't know either. Google him.
Do you want to go on Reddit? Just Google him. See what he did.
Jeffrey Epstein worked for him. Jeffrey Epstein worked for the guy who paid for your roster.

Oh, boy.

Interesting.

It's disgusting.

You're going to get a head coach spazzing on you again.

Well.

Oh, boy.

Interesting.

Ryan Day can spaz all he wants.

Lee Saban is the goat.

Interesting.

Ryan Day, born on third, thinks he hit a triple, can talk all the shit he wants.

Born on third.

Wow.

Third Reich. Wow.
Oh, you missed it. Yes.
We got it. No, but if we do bet, we're definitely using the spread.
What's the spread? We're not going Moneyline on this. Why is that? Ohio State's favorite by 10.
Yeah, but you can't do that. You're afraid? You already think you're going to lose? No, you can't ask for a spread.
Well, if we go Moneyline, I'm getting the spread. What? Shane would be happy if Notre Dame loses by nine.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You won't bet 50-50? Probably not on this one.
Because you're okay? Do you know how many Notre Dame fans are so upset with you right now? I'll only bet with real fans like Tony Hinchcliffe. Wow.
Wow. The true Buc fans.
Ouch. We're in Texas gear at the Texas Ohio State game? This is outrageous.
Where is this game taking place? Pull that up. It's Atlanta on Monday.
Pull that up. Are you guys going? I'm definitely going, yeah.
Jesus Christ. That'll be fun.
I'm able to go. Bring my father.
Tony's gone. Big Phil? Phil made it to week one, and then he had a heart attack week two against Northern Illinois.

That put him in the grave.

Is he all right?

He's back.

They rebound.

He's been training consistently to get to this game.

Hell yeah.

Notre Dame.

See, I get plus 280.

Why do you favor by so much?

You can go Moneyline.

Fight night.

The Moneyline's ridiculous.

If you guys are men, you gamble. Whoa! Put the money down, you quips.
You bet $100, he bets $100. Oh yeah, deal.
JMO, you're broke. How much were you thinking? I thought it was my house.
Deal. What were you thinking? What were you thinking? What were you thinking? $100 is great.
He thought it was going to be a matter of money that mattered to him. How about you do $100? That's what he did to bartender.
That Gucci shirt you bought. Yeah, do $100.
Whoa, what is he getting on he getting on your shirt? The shirt you took the picture with Trump with? He's talking shit on my shirt. That photo with you.
I sent you guys that the other day. That shirt's nice.
That shirt's nice. You bought that shirt just to go to the fights.
Gucci? Versace. Versace.
Do you have that shirt, Jamie? We need the photo of that shirt. I don't know, but he does have a ponytail Yeah, JMO's clinging to that air Yeah, yeah Jamie I sent you the the Leonardo DiCaprio meme too Please I haven't seen that one This is the one that you get banned All right You get banned from fucking Twitter for this one.
Or from Facebook. Yeah, Shane's blurry.
He's been drinking. He's so fucking blurry.
Trump's pretty tall. Yeah, Trump's a big fellow.
Trump's taller as shit. And he's old, so he probably used to be taller.
That's true. Oh, thanks.
Well, Barron's like 8'9". He's a giant.
Barron. He's fucking.
He's a fucking giant. He's huge.
He's the one who told him to come on here. Yeah.
Well, and Dana White. And he's probably not done drugs.
Dana White's the guy who got him on here. Legitimately.
Did you hear a loved one take the vaccine? Maybe. And they took this down? That's not even fake news.
That's an in the future idea. It's clearly a joke.
Isn't it crazy, though? Kooky. They took that down.
Kooky times. Well, they didn't take it down.
I should say the government told Facebook to take it down. It was one of the things that Zuckerberg talked about.
He's like, what the fuck? We're not going to take down humorous memes. This is crazy.
And that's when they started bringing him to court, and it got ugly. They had to, like, remember? Yeah.
And he was drinking water like a lizard. Yeah.
I'll give him credit for that, because the amount of fucking photographers in front of him. Did you ever see that? Not just that.
Like, he's freaking out. Like, you're literally talking to the government who are thinking about shutting you down.
Yeah. And then that one guy was like, are you worried about the weight of all the data sinking an island? Jesus Christ.
He was like, what? You think data weighs something? Megabytes. Oh, my God.
Yeah, right. And he was like, no, I'm not worried about that.
How about dudes were asking him were asking him why am I talking to this guy do you run weren't dudes asking him like Google questions yeah he runs Facebook like it was the whole thing was like so unlike they were unprepared yeah right a few of them but that's the thing about being like a congressperson like how many of them are like I don't care. I just care about logging.
How many congresspeople are there? I have no idea. AOC? How many, Jamie? 435.
435 congresspeople. That's a lot.
Have you seen that one wacky lady with the crazy glasses from Connecticut? Is that what she's from with the blue hair? Taylor Greene? Where's that lady where people were bringing her up? was I gotta forget what the ridiculous argument she was making about

Which never was like who is this crazy lady miss Rachel nutty equity?

Argument but with these bananas glasses on mmm like a character who's a hot lady battling the trans in there

She's battling, we're done with trans, baby. Well, the thing is, there was a first openly trans congressperson, and she was saying that person's not going into the women's room.
Oh, right. Yeah.
And then the trans lady was like, I just won't. And everyone's like, how dare you?

That's the crazy lady.

Look at that lady.

That's hilarious.

Look at that lady.

She sits on a plane.

She looks like a macaw.

You got to listen to some of the things that she argues.

Some of the things she argues is hilarious.

Wow.

She's like fully, fully woke.

Like with her purple hair.

She's like deep, deep in the trans.

Like an art teacher.

She probably put a mask on the moment she was done.

I'm amazing she doesn't have a mask on when she's up there.

Thank you. Like with her purple hair.
She's like deep, deep in the trance. Like an art teacher.
She probably put a mask on the moment she was done. I'm amazing she doesn't have a mask on when she's up there.
I see people with masks on every day. Still in Tejas? 100%.
Every day. Every day.
I see them every day. Did I send that to the group test? Yeah, you said that.
That's so funny. That guy's killing me.
Who? There's an account of this kid that's like, we need to be wearing masks at all times. Don't even't even talk about that kid.
He'll kill us. That guy seems really nutty.
Yeah, that guy's fucked up. He's had five years of remembering to mask up.
Really nutty. Yikes.
Yeah. Well, I mean, there's a lot of people like that.
They cracked. They cracked.
See the video of the guy driving over a Trump sign? Then he got the flat tire. Yeah, because they put nails on it.
You see the video of the guy who wired his Trump sign with electricity No They grab and they get zapped. Fuck! That's genius.
The guy who ran over it was like I fucking hate this bitch And the wife's like why'd you run over it? Yeah, he blamed it on that guy. Yeah, people are so nuts.
They suck Ay-yi-yi. I saw a video this lady she hit and run this other lady and She's running away and the lady catches up to her and she's filming her and she's screaming Don't you have a fucking heart? I'm broke and she starts screaming and like pulling her fucking shit out of her glove box It's all chaos Yikes some people are just Yeah, people and Trump being president like ultra cracked them Yeah, because they were told that this is gonna be the end of all their freedoms.
They're gonna get locked up No, one's gonna be trans they're gonna throw gay people off the roof Shane's got the glasses on it's not Norman Norman went for it. Let's do it I told myself I'd do it at 3 p.m.
Get crazy. I was at a bar with DeRosa last night Matt Edgar What do I see on top of the shelf behind the bar? DeRosa's like, let's do shots.
I'm not doing shots. DeRosa loves shots.
Loves shots. Loves ruining her night.
He loves talking you into it. And I was like, I will, though, have a beer the right way.
And I looked up behind the thing. No way.
This fucking thing is up there. Fuck it.
Get me that funnel. And the bartender goes, what funnel? And I'm like, that American flag, that American eagle.
Wash it out. Give me that.
He didn't? He didn't let you funnel? No, he didn't wash it out. You don't want to wash that.
He brought it over. No one's out there eating ass.
You can wash it out? How'd you know that? The bartender's like, how'd you know that? And I'm like, I just know things. He said, bro, I put that on the map.
Yeah. And you better believe it.
I am that eagle. I'd love to see what the sales did with this show on that thing.

Oh, it probably went through the roof.

At Freedom Funnel. Big Spike.
It had to go through

the fucking roof. That Spike.

That Spike. Do you know how many fucking

smelling salts we sold? I was waiting for Spike. I thought we were going to talk

about the COVID.

You think I had Spike ready?

I had Spike in my head.

This show has been a giant boon to the smelling salts market. That's true.
The smelling salts market has gone through the fucking roof. Yes.
It existed before. Daniel Boone.
It barely was around. Nobody cared.
Nobody cared. Now kids are doing it when they work out.
You see those videos? Yeah. Some kid can't lift the bar and he's like, ah! Wow.
Yeah. It works.
It works. You see those videos where they're giving them to strangers? They go to Walmart

and they're like, here, try this.

And then people are like, is that fentanyl?

What the fuck did you just give me?

It's kind of sad, actually.

I'm okay.

If Joe wants it, that'd be fun.

I'd like to do it from far away.

This is a strong one, too.

I can smell it from here.

Good lord.

It's like my ex. What do they smell like, though? Jesus, this is a strong...
I can smell it from here. Oh, my God.
Good Lord. What are they...
It's like my ex.

What do they smell like, though?

I'm getting...

Oh, Jesus.

This is strong.

Ready?

Here we go.

God!

Burns!

Bernie Sanders.

Hey, by the way, how about these parks in L.A.?

We're protecting them, huh?

Yeah.

They're on fire.

We're here to help.

We have protected them.

I think we're protected. Got a whiff from here.
We're here to help. We have protected them.
I think we protected them.

Got a whiff from here.

Get in there, Norman.

Get a big whiff.

Come on, man.

He's cleaning in.

It hurts.

Oh, that stings.

What do you guys enjoy about that?

Give it to Shane.

Like a puppy around a clown.

Give it to Shane.

Give it to Shane.

He's going in.

He's going in. He's going in.

Take it.

Get in there, son.

Oh, this is going to suck so bad.

Let's go.

That hurts.

So bad.

Burns bad.

Nose hairs.

Goggles.

Golly almighty.

Get in there like a man.

Like a man.

Hold on.

I got a little there.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll get a big one.

Theo took a huff the other day.

A dab will do you.

There you go.

You barely got any. Fuck you, Joe.
I do you. There you go.
You barely got any.

Fuck you, Joe.

I got a piece of it.

He knows you're right in there, son.

He turned pink.

Wow.

Ari, get that beak in there.

If you can see my eyes,

you'd know I got it.

Oh, my God.

I can tell that when you got it.

Get in there, Ari.

Get that schnoz to work in.

Yeah.

Is this dangerous at all?

It's kosher.

No, it's good.

With that nose.

It's kosher.

I checked that guy.

Here, hand me a beer first. Kosher.
That guy on that video said it's kosher because I threw it in the ocean. Remember when we could just do blow? Yeah.
The old days. We still can.
Oh! He got it. That was a big one.
Oh, he took it. That was a whopper.
He took it on the chin. Oh, man.
Brian Simpson still has the best reaction. Really? Brian Simpson took his headphones off and ran out of the building.
Pull it up. It's like sour.
It's like Blackpool when they laugh or see magic. Jesus.
Or when they're at Walgreens. Or see magic.
Lock up the deodorant. See magic's playing at Kiltony's band.
Oh, man. That was fun.
That'll wake you up, man. You get a hangover, that'll cure it.
They used to give it to fighters. Watch Brian Simpson here.
Oh, I can't wait. Oh, man.
The rest of this episode will turn into me smelling stuff. Bro, this hurts from here.
Oh, man, Joe. Oh, God.
It really is. Brian has no idea yet.
The work of the devil. Here we go.
Get the camera on him. He didn't even take the headphones off.
He just ran away with them on his head. Wow.
That's a great impression of his dad. It's still burning.
Got the fuck out of there. Brian's the man.
We lost him. Brian is the man.
Brian just did a show with me. He was in Dallas or San Antonio.
He killed. That WAP bit is one of the best bits.
It doesn't get the credit it deserves. It's one of the best fucking bits I've ever heard in my life.
It's such a good bit. No, Wet Ass Pussy.
The Wet Ass Pussy song. It goes into the England Empire.
It's such a good bit. It's long.
I'm never having a song about wet pussy. Such a well-crafted bit.
It's so good. It's one of those bits where you see, that's a piece of art right there.
He takes you on a journey through history. And then he ends it with a bang.
With jokes all the way through. He's such a funny guy.
He writes, but he effortlessly kills more than anyone I've ever seen in my life.

Effortlessly kills.

I think he was high as fuck.

We did San Antonio's.

Think.

No, but I know.

I was with my.

Think.

Was he on stage?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So everybody else is like nervous.

And then you look over and you see him and he's.

High as a kite. Barely see his eyeballs.
And he gets on stage and he's no problem with silence, just talking. Yeah.
And then killing. Like everybody else would get up there and be like, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Right. No, he's composed.
He's composed. He's great.
Military man. Such a fun guy too.
Such a good dude to hang out with. Yeah, he's fun.
One of the best green room hangs. And when you crack on him, he laughs hard.
That's the key. Like a dude who can take a joke.
Some guys are really good at dishing him out. I can take a joke, but Ari did not tap me twice.
Just for the record. I definitely remember you whimpered.
Oh, I do remember the whimper. I'll remember you a little nasty ass jumping on this.
I'll remember you faking you cocksucker. I got right on top.
You tried to save me from Joey Rogi's, but there's nothing we could do. I didn't even notice I was up there.
I was like a chihuahua. He's a problem, dude.
Yeah, you got some real beef on you. Well, that was a moment where I had to show Shane what the fuck was up.
Whoa! There was some alpha going on. You got a little crazy with the football stuff.
Yeah, but there was no... I was 100% aware of what was going to happen.
There was no part of it that was like... Oh, you had a gleam in your eye.
I thought you could take him. With Joe? Yeah, for a second.
You're like, I got this guy. Hold on a second.
He's 4'8". Hold on a second.
Hold on a second. We've had this conversation, I think, every protecto party.
Yeah. Every time you two have no clue how life works, and I'm like, I think the three of us could take him.
Yes. I'm the only one every time that says he would literally kill all three of us.
I know he would. I'm instigating.
I got him in a chokehold once. You got him in a chokehold? Funzies.
It's just funzies. Look at the arms.
The arms are pretty big. Look at the thighs.
Weak ass. Compared to a lot of dudes I am.
That's the thing. There's a lot of dudes I know that can fucking murder me easy.
That's what's uncomfortable about being around the UFC. Yeah, too many murders.
Get delusional. I know a 135-pound dude that could fucking take your life.
What was up with that last fight where Herb Dean kept calling it. He kept being like like stop work work, and you're like the O'Malley fight.
Yeah, I don't know what was up with that Yeah, I don't get the guy in trouble. No, I mean I think he's getting instruction from someone Who's telling him to keep the action moving when fighters go to the ground? They're not doing anything keep the action moving.
I think I don't think that's Herb's call I think someone's directing him because one of the things that – and I think, by the way, I always say Herb is the gold standard. He's as good a referee as ever existed.
There's him. There's Mark Goddard.
There's a few guys that are right up there that are elite. You see them refereeing a fight.
They're going to handle it. It's going to be perfect.
It's just like it a tense job Yeah, and if people are breathing down your neck saying to keep the fights moving You know what's he said something to the something along the lines of if someone would like me to just let them Fight out on the ground no matter what I wish someone would tell me that That means that someone's probably told him yeah to keep the action moving That's they want yeah, they want it to be more entertaining. They hate those fights.
You know who probably told him that? That's White. Oh, yeah, he hates a fight like that where there's no action.
The guy just takes the guy down and hits little punches. He hates that shit.
Even if you're winning, he wants guys to go for the finish. He wants guys to fucking brawl.
He wants it to be exciting. Yeah, I guess.
He wants it for them, too. He's like, look, you want to make money in this sport? You've got to leave the fans wanting to see you fight again.
And that's true. And the difference between a guy who's a champion who can make good money versus a guy like Conor McGregor is Conor McGregor gets people excited about seeing him fight.
He puts asses in seats. He knocks people unconscious.
So when you see that guy fight, you know you're going to see some wild shit. Either he's going to win or he's going to lose, but it's going to be a fucking brawl.
This guy's never been in a boring fight in his life. He knows how to promote.
Except when he beat up that old guy. That guy didn't really deserve that.
Yeah, that guy swallowed that punch, too. Yeah.
Well, it was not much of a punch. It was more of a smack.
Yeah. I give you a smack.
A little smack. Who the fuck is that guy? I give him a smack.
That guy you hit probably had a drunk chin. So like a pub in Dublin.
A pint is 70 years old. He's been knocked around a million times.
Hey, I remember the war. Those Irish people, but they're still fighting.
Bro, I was reading about France in World War I and World War II. France lost 25% of their men in World War I and another 25% in World War II.
25%. 25%.
25%. You guys watch the Chamberlain thing on Netflix? It's great.
What, Neville? What is it? Wait.

Neville Chamberlain?

No.

Yeah, yeah.

The British guy.

Churchill.

Churchill.

Oh, what did I say?

Chamberlain.

Chamberlain.

Yeah, but that was the guy before him.

Oh, sorry. You figured it out, though.

Thank you.

You did the Mark Norman Norman.

But, yeah, the Churchill doc is incredible.

Sipping.

This is going to change.

Ron Howard did it.

Yeah.

They bombed the shit out of Dresden.

Dresden?

Is that right?

Yeah.

Okay.

They just bombed, like, killing civilians, like the IDF.

That was Slaughterhouse-Five.

That's Kurt Vonnegut.

Dresden.

That's right.

It's a good time.

It's kind of crazy when you think about how that was not that long ago.

No.

And these people lost 50% of their men.

Wow.

Yeah.

Fuck, man. Isn't that wild? Fuck.
And now we have people doing it again. They're saying, let's do it again.
And they would just bomb London randomly. Like, Hitler was like, oh, you're going to push back on me? Just go blow up buildings in London.
And they knew the codes. They couldn't say, let's stop this bombing, because then they'll know we have the codes.
They just had to try to evacuate the right people at the right time. Crazy.
They were sleeping in the subway. Does it keep calm and carry on? Yeah.
But then the FDR kind of shit on Churchill. Yeah.
And then he made friends with Stalin, who was a big fucking liar. Well, what was the...
I just watched it. You would know this this better than most DeStefano was trying to explain this

Him and Giannis were on

That Churchill had a wild idea

To invade Russia

At the end of the war

I think at the end of the war

It was Churchill

He recognized the Soviet Union

Was like a major problem

They got rid of Churchill as soon as the war ended

Basically

He lost after that

Even after he won the war

He lost the new election

I'm sorry. a major problem.
They got rid of Churchill as soon as the war ended. Basically.
He wasn't a peacetime guy. He lost after that.
Even after he won the war, he lost the new election. He wanted to fire it up again.
He wanted to fire it up again. I think Patton was ready to go into the Soviets.
And Eisenhower. There was a lot of people that went...
It's Batman vs. Superman.
You can't allow this guy unchecked. You can't allow Russia unchecked.
Operation Unthinkable. That's not a good title.
Two related possible future war plans developed by the British Chiefs of Staff Committee against the Soviet Union during 1945. The plans were never implemented.
The creation of the plans was ordered by British Prime Minister Winston Churchill in May 1945 and developed by the British Armed Forces Joint Planning Staff in May of 1945, the end of World War II in Europe. One plan assumed a surprise attack on the Soviet Union or Soviet forces stationed in Germany to impose the will of the United States and the British Empire upon Russia.
The will was qualified as a square deal for Poland, but added that does not necessarily limit the military commitment. The assessment signed by the chief army staff on 9th June 1945 concluded it would be beyond our power to win a quick but limited success and we would be committed to a protracted war against heavy odds the code name was now reused instead of instead for a second plan which was a defensive scenario don't throw it don't throw it Don't do Defend a Soviet drive towards North Sea and Atlantic Ocean and withdrawal American forces from the continent Jesus that's fucking terrified.
Yeah, that's terrifying. It was it was uh these motherfuckers love war.
Oh Yeah, that's their business Union was Yeah evil well also they lost a lot of people during the war and they were a little bitter about that. And they knew they were about to get the nuke.
Oh, yeah. And it was like, now America's the only one with the nuke.
And they got a bunch of those rocket scientists from the fucking Nazis. And if we get it done now, we're the only ones that ever have the nuke.
Right. The crazy thing was the rocket science.
They're rocket science They're like listen I know you're a Nazi, but who knows we need it. We don't care come on over What's the lady that wrote the Jacobson any Jacobson and just listen to Paperclip book and it's like Terrifying Terrifying The nuclear one's the scariest The nuclear one's the terrifying one Operation Paperclip's crazy too because she delves deep into those things but the nuclear one's like oh my god This is the Russian version of it Ooh A secret Soviet operation in which more than 2,500 German specialists scientists, engineers, technicians who worked in several areas from companies and institutions relevant to military and economic policy in the Soviet Occupation zone of Germany and Berlin as well as around 4,000 more family members totally more than 6,000 people Were taken from former Nazi Germany as war reparations to the Soviet Union It took place in the early morning hours of October 22nd, 1946, when MVD, previously NKVD, and Soviet Army units under the direction of Soviet military administration in Germany, headed by Ivan Serov, rounded up German scientists and transported them by rail to the USSR.
By rail. Yikes.
They didn't have any use for this.

Much related equipment was also moved,

the aim being to literally transplant research and production research centers,

as well as a V2 rocket center of middle work from Germany to the Soviet Union

and collect as much material as possible from test centers,

such as a Luftwaffe Center, Central Military Aviation Test Center at, say that word, what's that word? Erpro-Bungstel. Erpro-Bungstel-Recklin.
Recklin. Taken by the Red Army on 2nd of May, 1945.
Fuck. What type of German goes and works for the goddamn Soviets? Nazis.
They're just taken away. Say what you will about National Socialism, but at least it's an eth Some cubes in here That CIA guys yeah ice cubes, please.
There's ice in there young guys That's why I pass it to you. He poured it into his glass'm going to take all of it.
Don't drop it back in now. Your dirty fucking hands have been on all your ass.
It's all yours. It's been a while.
You're disgusting. Pervert.
Freak. You got a few.
We'll get some more. Sniff these.
Hey, I'm scared. Okay.
The whole fucking Nazi scientist thing is wild. They just accepted those guys.
You go to Alabama, it's all Braun. That guy Braun built everything out there.
It was like gold. Like golden land.
That kind of thinking was too important. We need the gold, we need the Nazis, bring the scientists over.
What town is that in Alabama? It's got a club there. Huntsville.
That's it. It's all Nazi now.
It's like Nazis and black people. That's it.
It's town. Yeah, it's an urban club in the middle of the smartest.
Every single comedian that goes there must do the same joke. I did it.
I did it. I was like, you guys have fucking Nazi.
Are you fucking southern fucking morons? Yeah, rockets going up. I know.
I got 10 minutes out of that. How about that one? They had that rocket factory in Florida that was run by a Satanist.
What? Houston Rockets. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
An open Satanist. They're in the middle of the whole fucking rocket development program.
Yeah. This guy was, he ran this place that's now like one of those haunted places where people go to visit.
And if you go there, there's like spray paint all over the place and like devil signs and shit. Oh, nice.
People have gone there and like tried to find ghosts. Jack Parsons.
Jack Parsons. Wow.
So this guy, see if you can get an article on him. Sex cult, Andrew Christ.
Oh, yeah, this guy was like literally one of the fucking main rocket engineers. Are there any cults that like sex cults? Guys are so horny.
So horny. Practiced the occult and led a sex cult.
He was also one of history's most important rocket scientists. There you go.
Is that the first time? Fucking freaks. Fucking whack off, you idiot.
Well, let the guy cook. Let him cook.
Let him cook. These brilliant people are all twisted.
Back then. Look at Diddy.
Back then, all those scientists were getting crazy pussy. They were all wild freaks.
They were banging their graduate students. Oppenheimer.
Oh, yeah. They were all banging everybody.
That whole movie. Just fucking every other scientist's wife.
That's true. There was.
I thought we'd already done it.

We did wife, yeah.

Dude, do it again.

He was a good look for the heaps.

But I went for the Jews.

Yeah, yeah, he did well.

Fucked, fucked hard.

Killed a lot of people.

Great joke.

Did a lot of fucking.

Great joke.

Feynman fucked a lot too, right?

Fucked a lot of Asians, like a Jew.

I think Feynman's into pussy too.

They were all chasing tail.

Turns out dudes like pussy.

Well, that was the thing about scientists. Never.
They were like rock stars back then. Yeah, well, Einstein.
Well, he was a little old. That's fine.
Stein. But, yeah, he was a little old.
That was part of why those guys wanted to be famous. Sure.
They wanted to be intellectually famous and be the big man on campus that all the ladies loved.

Neil deGrasse.

It's still happening now.

It's still happening now.

All these guys become...

All the scientists?

Elon's got a lineup.

He's got 74 children.

They just weren't fucking because they couldn't.

And now that they can have Instagram accounts, they're fucking.

Yeah, they're probably fucking.

Oh, yeah.

Neil deGrasse is up your anus. Hey.
A lot of black holes. Oh, Jesus.
Quasars. There we go.
Put a ring on it, Saturn. Oh, no.
Jesus Christ. No.
That sucks. I've been drinking.
So when you saw these drones, did they make any noise? Not really. They were so high up.
But how could you tell how big it was? It was really high up. I mean, it was pretty fucking big.
You couldn't miss it. And they were fast as shit, too.
Really? If you missed it, you missed it. Wow.
Yeah. And it looked like a UFO.
It looked like an SUV with lights on it on the bottom and propellers. What was the shape of it? Kind of a...
Sorry. A little semen.
You know, kind of like a rectangular, black rectangular with lights on it. And you could see the propellers? Oh, yeah.
Wow. But they were quick.
They were moving. The thing about these things is they're able to stay up in the sky for five hours at a time.
Five hours? The only guy, my nephew, bar mitzvah, 30 minutes. Yeah, that's most of the ones that we have in America what I didn't get your own that's that fucking freedom bone I got your ass I'll do another one yeah become a legend fucking bizarre that that kind of just went away well Trump said he's gonna say what they were but then it kind ofizzled.
Just say it. Well, he said they know what they are.
And when I get into office, it's one of the first things that I'm going to disclose to the American people. Yeah.
What do you think it is? I heard they're missing weapons. What? I heard that.
I heard that one. They were scanning the sky.
They were looking for a radioactive signal. There was some guy that was a drone manufacturer in America.
we played his video and he was saying that they do have the capability to look for gamma radiation and that there was a nuclear warhead that was unaccounted for yes they were worried that someone slipped it into the country but that's we've been diving down that rabbit hole doesn't seem like that makes sense all of them be doing that and why not just say that's what they're doing? Yeah. I don't know.
Because then people would freak out. They always go with that mass hysteria reason.
I never buy it. Well, here's the other thing.
If they don't have to tell you, why would they tell you? They don't want to. Because it just makes more work for them.
And this isn't mass hysteria? I guess it's not. It's not.
Yeah, just minor hysteria. No one really cares.
There's so many things going on simultaneously. I'm sure it's something else.
There's two fucking wars. There's a ship blowing up in Syria.
Oh, yeah. Things are happening left and right.
Syria, they lost their government. Oh, my God.
That guy fled like Ellen. Did he die? They killed him, right? We're trying to figure out if his plane blew up.
We heard his plane blew up, and then we heard it didn't. Did you see this clip with Nancy Mace? His plane went off the radar.
No. Talking with Tim Pool.
She says that they're going says to disclosure and that there's two kinds that they that they don't know what it is Well click on that shit because this is Shane's girl He loves her. Oh, she is pretty What's the company full screen? Oh, it's a government agency that Investigates you a piece they investigate a lot of other things as well, but they'll be I am told this starting this year starting this year.
Oh, and all my senators in a gamer chair. That's where you know things are good.
And they will explain how they've been debunked. I've been briefed on this.
And then some of the ones that are unexplained, they will also release to the public. They're also going to...
I didn't know what the hell that meant. What's she saying on this one? Classified information you can't talk Is that

Why are you skipping ahead?

Because they're giving their idea

What they think it is

Mark Agnon

Let me hear what she says

The government is going to start putting out

Some of the information on which ones

They have debunked and how they debunked them

Because I think that information would give more trust

In the process too with the government

Because I don't trust them

At this point any government

Thank you. debunked and how they debunked them because I think that information would give more trust in the process too with the government because I don't trust them.
I don't trust at this point any government agency because we've been lied to for so long by all of them. But then while they do that, they're also going to release information on what is unexplained.
What's the company? Arrow. It's a government agency that investigates UAPs.
They investigate a lot of other things as well, but they'll be doing this, I am told, starting this year, starting over the next couple of months, start releasing information on videos and photos that they have debunked, and they will explain how they've been debunked. I've been briefed on this.
And then some of the ones that are unexplained, they will also release to the public. So I think that's a great first step in some transparency.
Have you ever met any of the Arrow? Beautiful eyes. Not bad.
Old Macy. Isn't it interesting, though, that a congresswoman can go on an internet show and say, I don't trust anybody in the government now? And everybody's like, right, right.
That shit never happened before. I know, but now it's like, oh, you can't be saying that.
You're the government. But here's the thing.
But she's a representative Like she's not like someone in the deep state. She's not someone working for the military industrial complex, right? So but you never saw that on any television show in the past meet the press would never say not a chance in hell They edited out and the congressperson would never do it.
They would never say that The world is I don't trust government agencies the world fucking different. It's fucking different.
Yeah, well, she's on a podcast. Politicians are on podcasts.
It's all kooky. Well, people are...
It's probably millions of people watching her on Timcast. Oh, for sure.
Versus, you know, you go on CNN, you get five minutes, and 35,000 people are watching it. You know? Right.
That's real. Those are real numbers.
Damn. Yeah.
It's... The world has fucking changed, man.
It's flipped. And then this time around, here's what's really crazy.
So many people are trying to go to the inauguration. Like, everybody wants to go there.
Really? Yeah. Celebrities want to go there.
Business people want to go there. It's a totally different vibe.
Because they don't want to take pictures? It's not. I was thinking about going with AB.
It's not the best guy to go with. Best Twitter follow out there.
Cracker of the year. Let's go.

Best Twitter follower out there.

Easily.

Hilarious.

Yeah, Jamie told me

about him first.

I was like, what?

It's as funny as it gets.

He's fucking hilarious.

He's supporting the Irish

quite a bit.

Is that right?

How do you feel about that,

Jamie?

Well, that C-T-E-S-B-N

shit is hilarious.

Whatever you need.

I mean, as long as

it's not Lex Waxman.

Are you guys betting

or not?

I'll bet him a hundred bucks. You gotta bet a thousand.
Jamie, a hundred bucks? Let's go higher. Yeah! You got the cash, Arena? Come on, tires.
That's tires. You look a little nervous.
I'm not nervous. You look like when Ari was choking you.
Oh! You're going to take it twice. That's twice.
We already did it twice. That's the second time we did that.
That's twice. That's okay.
That okay That's okay You gotta be able to reuse them with this You have to We gotta find a fresh one You gotta grab them wherever they are They're like Pokemons No I'm not nervous, go to be a great game. Let's do 500.
Jamie, 500? Five even. You guess? No, no, no.
You've got to do it. Jamie, what do you want? You guys have no idea how much of an advantage he has.
It's not money. It's something embarrassing.
But you make way more than him, so we've got to even it out. It's minus.
I mean, he's... Yeah, but he doesn't spend it on any more than video games.
He makes 100 grand a year. I don't spend it at all.
He intentionally bought a dog that doesn't eat a lot. Jaymo's frugal yeah J-Mo He's not frugal at you.
He's got a nice car you piece of shit. We got a Tesla.
We got a Hyundai from 1987 Got that my last son did Lex get that we that plaid wexner in the right name He got that plaid what's his name? Elon doesn't... Les Wexner? Les Wexner? Les Wexner? Les Wexner?

Yeah. That plaid.
Wexner? I'm not saying the right name. He got that plaid.
What's his name? I know. Elon doesn't...
Les Wexner? Les Wexner? Les Wexner? Les Chester. Ari, how come you still haven't bought a nice car? Why are you hurting my feelings? It's in New York.
Why are you hurting my feelings? When I get out of New York, I will. Come and move here so you can get a car.
Done. Get a space laser.
If I buy you a car, will you drive it? Oh, yeah, okay? Your special comes out. Yeah, my specials out for that.
Oh, that's right! Yeah, right now. If you move here, I'll buy you a dope car.
What's it called? You two? Hold on a second. Hold on.
You make more money than him. Yeah, you make a lot more than me.
Hold on, you make more money than him. Well, I helped you pick out your car.
I told that fucking salesman to shut the fuck up.

I'm like, let me sell this shit.

You pick that white thing out?

I love that car.

It hugs you when you make turns.

Oh, that car's so beautiful. It gives you a nice hug that your father never gives you.

He got the Mercedes S-Class.

It is a beautiful vehicle.

That's a Nazi car.

It's an amazing vehicle.

True.

It's so well engineered.

When you're in that thing, you just float over the bumps.

It's nice.

It's such a good car.

It's nice.

We've done it before. We've done it before.
You to keep going. Pokemon cards.
Take them when they have them. Look at that.
Ari, why'd you do it in that jungle? Well, there was all these empty fucking... Ari, this is outrageous that you did this.
Tell everybody you spent on plants. Tell everybody out there in the public.
You're an asshole for this. How much did you spend on plants? You frugal my dick.

$85,000.

You spent $85,000 on those plants?

That's insane. It was a bargain.

I like it, though, dude. It's a total new look.
Original.

Yeah. Dude, I love it.

This better be funny. Oh, it's not funny.

If you bomb in the jungle...

What are you, Vietnamese?

Does it have anything to do with the theme

of what you're talking about? He's in the shit. Nice.
I saw it last night at the creek. You have the best backgrounds.
You did the candles in your last one. Oh, that's right.
Yeah, my backgrounds are boring as shit. I just have a career in comedy.
Great background, bad jokes. Good backgrounds.
That's what you want to be known for. I think we can all agree the worst background was Aziz.

When he had that background sideways, we could see people walking around in the background.

See people walking around. Distracting you.

Spike Jones directed it.

They tried to get wacky.

They filmed him from the side where you could see the people mulling around backstage.

Like, what are you doing?

Imagine performing, too, with someone who's in your face, and the crowd has to see a guy

circling you with a camera.

With a steady cam.

You have to ignore it.

Yuck. Yuck.
Anyway, my new special's out right now, America's Sweethearts on Netflix everybody. Check it out.
No diss on Aziz. I like Aziz.
It's not that. It's just like filming it like that.
Why would you do that? Aziz is cool. That fucking R.
Kelly bit, that R. Kelly bit is a banger.
His R. Kelly bit.
I don't know that one. Oh, it's great.
It's like his early days. Like when he's first popping.
It's a great bit. It's a great bit about In the Closet.
The whole fucking In the Closet video series, which is amazing. I've never seen those.
I'm joking. We've done it 20 times.
Oh my God. You ever see him singing in jail? No.
He looks like he's having a good old time in jail. They all love that R.
Kelly's in there with him. He's singing with these dudes.
Oh, hell yeah. Well, P.
Diddy's in there now. It's basically the barbershop.
Just having a good time with some fellas. You know, Luigi's in the same jail as P.
Diddy. No.
That's crazy. Olive oil meets baby oil.
Blah! We're going to talk about this Luigi guy. How many panties does Luigi get in the mail? Oh, I sent one.
Ask me how many beers I've had. Shane, hold on.
Hey, Shane, how many beers have you had? That's five. I didn't see it.
I didn't look in your eyes. I still was waiting for it.
Whatever lead you need, I'll give it to you. Guess when you thought thought it was over.
Let's go on the whole run. You've got to set some of them up if you want to keep it rolling.
You've got to set some up. I'm going to get another beer.
This joke has to come out before I get another one. It's a chess move.
I didn't even want the ice. I just wanted to say it.
That's ice. How's the border looking? That's ice.
That's ice. Yeah, think about being like hiding.
Shit, there's spotlights of one guy going, that's ice. You see the one guy that they arrested in California, they arrested him.
He had a blowtorch in his hand. The neighbors arrested him.
The neighbors grabbed him. They called the cops.
They arrest the guy, and then they let him go. Damn.
I need to let him go. There's no evidence that he was doing it.
I read they didn't let him go. He just didn't get charged with arson.
He got charged with no one else. Because he didn't do it yet.
He had something else. He had a fucking blowtorch in his hand.
I was thinking about it. Well, he was an illegal.
Is this guy the guy that had been deported already and came back in? That was the guy who lit the lady on fire on the subway. That's right.
He kept coming in and out. Yeah, he had been deported.
The fact that there's... The guys that are doing this are illegal immigrants.
It's very funny to work your way the whole way to get here. And then just set a lady on fire.
Well, you're acting like it's hard to get in here. It's pretty hard to fucking get in here.
For some people, but I think a lot of people are just... Well, how many people died in the Palisades fire? And that was arson.
100? 200?

Instead charged with felony probation violation.

Her?

Investigation remains active.

No, that's a lady.

Oh, she's Choi.

It could be Choi.

Dominic?

Dominic Choi?

Is her name Dominic?

Dominique?

No.

I think that's a...

Who's that lady?

A neighbor.

She has citizens arrest.

So she made the citizens arrest.

Renata.

Yeah. Cramp Granata.
Bro. They've got video of people lighting the fires.
Yeah. They've got video from the sky.
Are these copycats now? Everyone's just trying to do it? I don't know if it's organized or not because the way they're doing it is very clever. So they're doing it in the correct place that you would start a fire if you wanted the wind to blow straight through the Palisades.
God, I need those people to be on camping. It's not like an idiot who just lights a fire that's near it.
They're lighting a fire with the wind blowing in the exact direction, and they did it in specific strategic locations, if it's all arson. It was done very strategically.
Because the way it burned through the city, the fucking videos are insane. On the hills, too? The way it lights up on a hill, it just goes so fast.
There's 100 mile an hour winds, Ari. Like trucks fell over on the highway.
You see the highway? No. People were driving by the highway and there was fucking 18 wheelers just tipped over all over the place.
Yikes. Yeah, that's how bad the wind was.
This one says the guy, he said he was trying to smoke weed. Oh, yeah, with a blowtorch.
I mean, that's how they do it now. I heard it was a butane torch, which he smoked absolutely.
He couldn't afford a lighter. Hey, buddy, a blowtorch is more expensive than a fucking lighter.
I didn't see it. It wasn't a blowtorch, but it was like a...
Imagine saying you couldn't afford a lighter. You can go into a restaurant and get lighters for free.
Or just light it off a house. No, you need a torch to do dabs.
If you're a dabs guy, you need a torch. He's a dabber.
He's coming from Mexico to dab in America. Well, Louis is from Puerto Rico.
That's America. Yeah, good point.
Sort of. It's America where you don't pay taxes and you can't vote.
Oh, shit. Yeah, a lot of guys go over there.
You know, that's the scam. That's like the Peter Schiff scam.
You go over there. If you live there like 51% of the time or whatever it is, like there's some number, you don't pay taxes, so you don't pay federal income taxes, and you can't vote.
Is that where the Paul brothers are chilling? I don't need to vote. Are they? Big Buckeye fans.
Yeah. You got a lot.
Yeah, that's why they go over there. They go over there for tax reasons.
Oh. It's like a Swiss bank.
Like, Peter Schiff talked about it on my podcast and a bunch of fellas hopped on that bandwagon. I was like, ooh, nice, I'll do that.
Yeah, because he was explaining why you should do it. That's kind of why we're in Texas.
He's like, we have an amazing year instead of Woodland Hills. Yeah, but listen, Texas has very high property tax.
Yeah. Like, you wind up paying.
That's why you rent. You wind up paying.
Yeah. If you want to rent, you can do it.
Yes. Florida, no income.
Yeah. Here, too.
Same, too. Oh, really? No income tax.
What? Yeah, but we're saying that, like, property tax. No.
Why the fuck do you think we all mean to this? Yeah, that was the reason. Oh, I thought you just loved Tony.
Yeah. You want flying cockroaches?

Flying cockroaches.

They have those here?

Yeah.

And there's a lot of Christians here.

That's Christ.

Yeah.

Good to have you back.

The guy you killed.

Bro, right when we thought we were over.

That's Christ is great.

Yeah, it's a classic.

Now I'm upset that I haven't got one in.

Come on, Rogo.

You gotta think. I plan ahead.
There's not a lot of those words left. Yeah, start rhyming in your head.
That's what you think. They're out there.
Then it comes up. I thought that was a lead up.
Oh, I wish. Oh.
Bro, I was watching this video with this lady who is in the middle of surgery, and she gets a call from United Health seeing if the person who is undergoing surgery needs to stay over. Why does a person need stay in the hospital she's in the middle of doing surgery and she does this video she goes okay I was just in the middle of surgery I had to stop scrub down take off my stuff answer the phone because United Health was trying to figure out if the person who I'm operating on right now needs to stay why they need to stay in the And they can't just get an assistant to do it.
They just try to fuck you. Insurance is out.
This is why I don't have any. Well, here's the thing about the Palisades.
The Palisades is going to be crazy because a bunch of those insurance companies, they stopped fire insurance. They all bailed off.
Exactly. Yeah.
So it's like, how many of those houses are ever going to get rebuilt? Who has the money? Well, the Hiltons. So they'll be bailed out to still be crooked? Well, here's what's probably going to happen.
A bunch of people are going to step in and offer them pennies on the dollar for the land because they don't have anything anymore and no one wants to be there anymore and you can't afford to rebuild. There's going to be a ton of people that can't rebuild.

Yeah.

Take the money that you get in, and just get out.

So let's say you rebuild.

You spend a few million dollars to build a fucking house there,

and then you can't get fire insurance on that house.

And then next year it happens again.

What if it happens again?

It happened in 2018.

It happened just six years ago.

Remember those crazy videos where they're going up to 405,

and it looked like Armageddon?

I heard a lot of it was because the last two years were so flush. They They called up the drought in LA for the first time in 20 years.
And they go, so there was so much shruggery. That died, those died, and then now that's all like burning.
Yeah, well they didn't clean it up. They didn't clean it up and the fucking reservoir was empty.
And then the utilities don't help. The reservoir, like 11 million gallons, was just sitting there empty.
Damn. The whole thing is so mismanaged and so insane.
And then on top of that, arson. And then also those winds.
And the way they deal with crime. The people, it was climate change.
The fucking climate hasn't changed since 1877. They've never had wet.
We got good rain. Two years.
It filled up everything. And they were like, great.
The drought is over. Scientists called the drought over in L.A.
for the first time since I've lived there. I remember that.
And it was like, nice. And then that made a new problem.
They didn't do anything. Well, here's the thing about raining.
When it rains, then it means more vegetation. So then when it dries up after the rain, you're extra fucked.
Because now you have extra dry shit. Get a two-month dry period, you're fucked.
Yeah, dude. I got evacuated three times.
Wow. I've been there.
Yeah. I've been there where the fucking two houses in front of my house burnt to the ground.
My neighbor's house survived, my house survived, but on our street, there was like four or five houses that were gone. Dude, I was in Cuba when they had to evacuate people.
Me and Bobby there. Hurricane came.
It was so orderly. Really? They had three people rush to the hospital.
That was the only pregnant lady and two old people. And these are hobbles.

But these are hobbles. The Red Cross goes

door to door and says, you come, you come, let's go.

And everyone just goes. Red Cross

does it. I think so.
That's what they said. In Cuba.

Maybe I'm wrong.

I think so. Interesting.
But then they just

go door to door. But they've already mapped out which ones

have to be evacuated. Like, you're going to a gymnasium.

Let's go, let's go, let's go. Everybody's completely

forgotten about North Carolina. I know! They got 750.
This is the thing about the Epstein Island, Trump assassination attempts. Like, everything.
It just goes away. The fucking news cycle's so fast now.
I know. It's our brains are gathered.
It's so TikTok'd. Yeah.
We're all TikTok'd. Good verb.
TikTok'd. tick tock brain.
Who Elon said he might buy, which you got too many things,

Elon.

Take a breather.

Let him buy it.

Let's fucking go.

Let him buy it.

Wow.

That's a lot of platforms,

Elon.

I love these circular ones.

You want a circular one?

Yes, please.

It is nice.

Here we go, baby.

Let me touch it

because you touched the ice.

Yeah, we don't have

any attention span anymore.

It's fine.

Jeez.

Yeah, well,

how about the lesbian

running that fire department? Yeah, she's doing a great job. That's dyke.
No, he got one in. He got one in.
God damn. You're next, JoJo.
I've got nothing. We need one.
How did I not get that one? Jo, when it gets in your head, sit on it. Be ready.
I'm going to leash. Sit on it like a bad cock.
I'm going to hold on to Sit on it like a bad cock. Like when there's a heckler and you're like, oh.
Wait till they say something again. I got you with your dumb head.
You're going to get one while you're commentating. Do one.
We're supposed to commentate. That's right.
I'll do it. I'll do it.
I'll do it. Get one.
I'll see you later. That's fine.

We might not even have the fights in L.A. next weekend.

Oh, they're supposed to be there?

Yeah, Dana's talking about maybe moving it to Vegas if the fights, if the fires get worse. He said right now we're still scheduled to be in Los Angeles, but if the fight, if the

fires get worse, they'll move it to, they move the Rams?

Yeah.

Did they?

France playoff game.

When was that?

Oh, that's right.

Two State Farm Stadium.

Well, I was wondering why the fuck they said that. Two State Farm Stadium.
Yeah. What day was that that what day was it supposed to be tonight oh yes Dave like this is all conspiracy so here today's Monday the fights are Saturday so we don't know also like just move it right just move it just move they're going through shit yeah and I'm sure some people want the vice but also like dude they're dealing with shit right Yeah, there's it.
Right. Just move it.
Just move it. They're going through shit.
Yeah. And I'm sure some people want the fights, but also like, dude, they're dealing with shit right now.
Yeah. Yeah.
There's no one there. Just move it.
You'll come back. Also, if you're going to move it, move it now.
Move it right now. So people can get hotel rooms and all that shit because you got to go to Vegas.
Can't be there anyway. You got to get flights.
Yeah. You might get kicked off like Khabib.
Yes. Yes, Stringill.
That's flights. Vegas and Utah and San Diego are about to get an influx of people.
Oh, they're coming here hard, too. I bet a lot of people are going to rethink it.
Florida. People got to rethink a lot of things right now.
San Diego underrated. San Diego is a great city.
What do you mean underrated? This place is the best. It's the best.
This gets lost in the SoCal argument they always talk about about it's a great town. It's a great town.

L.A. weather without the cunts.

Get hookers with one little passport.

I thought about abandoning L.A. and going down to San Diego.

I was like, they have the fucking comedy store in La Jolla.

I can work out of there.

I can work out of there.

Norman's going to be there.

I'm doing my special in San Diego later.

San Diego's the best.

Great comedy town.

Yeah.

Good people.

First place I ever did an arena.

Good burritos.

Good burritos. Great Mexican food.
We did a 420 show there, and I was like, can we do an arena? The first place I ever did an arena. Wow.
Nice. It's a great fucking town.
It's also a military town, too, so people are a little bit more fucking ... They got their shit together.
Right. Yeah, there's no acting.
There's no auditions. Yeah, exactly.
exactly they're so oddly conservative they had to sue the city

to get medical dispensaries open

Jesus

whoa

yeah they're like

if it is medical

you have to provide a couple of these

that's so ridiculous

and all the Christians

and the conservatives

are like

we don't want this here

well it's the military

they don't want all the soldiers

getting hammered

fucked up on hash

and fucking machine gun

in the wrong plane

that's what they're worried about

reefer madness

they're worried about

the propaganda

they distributed themselves. I'm so high.
Well, when you've got a bunch of people who don't get high talking about what happens when you get high, you've got problems. But they got it, though.
Yeah, they got it. Okay.
Yeah. New York's got mushrooms.
You see that? That's crazy. On the ballot? No, we sell mushrooms legally now.
That's wild. Yeah, they're at bodegas.
Not legally. Not legally.
To get over those people getting lit on fire. There's packaging on mushrooms.
It's crazy. They're not trying to hide it.
It's about to be legal. Yeah.
The way they're packaging it, nobody's concerned. So it's not legal? No.
Oh, it's not? No. Well, these bodegas are going for it.
Yeah, but also the bodegas that sell weed that they can't.

They go, hey, do you have any marijuana?

They go, wait here, I'll come right back.

And they go next door.

Like, that's not legal.

Damn.

But it's great.

They're hiding them in the fucking basement with the Jews.

They're hiding my citrus skull in Queens.

When the Jews have the tunnels.

Oh, really?

Oh, yeah, that's where they put them.

They're making dispensaries.

That's the best place to make mushrooms.

That's true.

No sunlight.

Kingpin show? It's humid. Kingpin.
You see that Kingpin show? Penguin. Sorry.
Penguin. Penguin's in there.
Penguin's good. Penguin's great.
Colin Farrell. Gilder.
Fucking amazing. He's the name.
Hard to believe that's him. One of yours.
You ever see him talking in an Irish accent with the fucking suit on? Yeah. He's thanking everybody.
Thank you for the fucking great show. It is kind of sad.
That's how scared we are making a new show that we're like, this is tied to Batman, but has nothing to do with Batman. We have to get him in with the Batman.
I think it'll eventually have something to do with Batman because at the end of it, spoiler alert, remember they throw up the bat sign at the end of the show? Yeah. Fucking dark series though, huh? Great.
Great. Great.
Great. You would think.
I'm not watching a show about the pain.

Is it one or two?

Exactly.

Yeah.

But he's so good that it carries him.

What's going on?

How many is this for you?

This is my first one.

No, you did one before.

No.

Oh, okay.

I'll get back to it.

Are you trying to get that twice again?

No, a different one.

It's a different one.

After he gets this down, we're going to ask him more about that bet, Jamie.

Ooh. J-Mo is very confident with this moolah.
This is great. This is the life.
He should be confident. He's a fucking eight and a half point favorite.
That's crazy. How's it like working for Bud Light? Are you enjoying it? I enjoy it.
Bud Light. Fuck! That's the easiest one.
That's a fucking super easy one. Bud Light.
No, it's been awesome. Those guys rule.
Yeah, you brought Bud Light back. You really did.
Bud Light's okay again. I never left, bro.
Kid Rock drank a Bud Light on this podcast. It's over.
We gotta get Dylan Mulvaney on here. Let's hear her side of it.
Is it true that that person became a man again? I have no idea. I genuinely don't know.
That was a TikTok thing. Is that right? I don't know.
It's going to happen. I mean, if...
Who knows? Fucking Zuckerberg made that transition. She's next.
Give me a beer. Absolutely, buddy.
Thanks, brother. Yeah, they must love these shows.
I mean, this is a giant commercial. Honestly, I think that's how it happened.
Oh, for sure. Coming on here with Joe.
Yeah, and Joe being like, if you go back to the first couple, Joe's sitting there going, Bud Light should sponsor you. Yeah, that's right.
Think about the amount of millions of people that have seen you drink 50 Bud Lights in a show. Bud Light gave me a commercial once.
Responsibly.

Responsibly.

Bud Light gave me a commercial once.

I had to play a carpenter, which even though it fits, doesn't fit.

Jesus Christ.

And I was like, hey, I'm not right for this.

I play HR guys.

And they go, we had a massive campaign with Carlos Mencia, and we felt bad, and we wanted to just give you money.

Really?

Yeah.

They should have given him money.

He's the one out of it. Yeah.
I'll take it it see what I mean? Bud Light rules that's hilarious are they back? I know they lost their billions I don't know everybody's drinking or not I did a comedy tour with Charlie Murphy and John Heffron that was a Bud Light tour back in the day I get off overalls. Look at this fucking guy.
Why do I have overalls on? I'm a carpenter. Oh, that's hilarious.
This is back when you could have white people in a commercial. He said he would give me a Bud Light if I carpeted the house, and I went nuts.
There's no trans people at all in that commercial? No, no interracial couple. Nothing? What are you doing in the ceiling? What was that? I put carpet in the ceiling.
I wanted Bud Light so bad. Who are you as a carpenter? That's horrible casting.
Yeah. I mean, look at this guy.
Yeah, it was bad. It really was reparations.
I guess so. That's hilarious.
I was like, I've done a bunch of these. This one doesn't make sense.
Yeah, but hey. That is so hilarious.
That was back when they paid moolah, big bucks for the commercial. It was not bad.
It kept me in business for a while.

Mailbox money.

Ari was getting in business for a long time by winning poker tournaments.

No way.

You play?

Played in Commerce, Hollywood Park.

When Ari, frugal Ari, back in the day, when he was making money, he started making money playing poker.

But Ari was super successful with these fucking poker tournaments.

I found out a key secret that

Mexicans that get drunk on payday

are not the best statisticians.

So you get in there

A little secret of the pros.

But you would play like it was a job.

Oh yeah, I'd get in there. Also, once I

was just starting to get high, I could see

through people. Man, you're like a vampire.

You've had nine lives. Yeah, when I'm high, I would just

see it. You see the fear.
I just know what you have.

I just know. I wasn't good

like, you know, real pros, but

Thank you. people.
Man, you're like a vampire. You've had nine lives.
Yeah, when I'm high, I just see it. You see the fear.
I just know what you have.

I just know. I wasn't good like, you know, real pros, but

in like minor pros.

You can throw those guys off by sucking.

Dude, I read a book

of Poker Tales once. I was in the World Series, Cashed,

World Series, main event. Did you really?

Yeah, and some guy, I was

playing against a pro, and so there's

5,000 people in there, you know, and you're playing

a pro, everyone knows. That's a legit guy.

And I just read this Mike Caro's book of poker tales, which is hilarious because there's a whole section on race. That's a whole section on race, which doesn't apply anymore, but it's in there.
And one was if you look at someone's chips, that's because you have a strong hand. And you're looking at those chips like those are going to be mine.
This is good stuff. Was bluffing.
Knew that guy. Knew that tell.
And as I was bluffing, I just glanced at his chips real quick to give him a fake tell. And he's like, nah.
He read me, but he didn't read me. Well done.
So you did. You faked him out.
Yeah. You double faked him.
Yeah. And did you win? I cashed.
How much? It probably won like five, six, seven grand. I don't know.
Damn! I cashed early. That's huge.
I was up a lot. Yeah, for sure.
That's fun. Holy shit.
That's fun, though, that you pulled that off. This is crazy.
You can win like 15 grand. If you won a commerce tournament, you can win like 15 grand.
It kept me. And then you had to get a walk to the car.
Is there an advantage to having a little performative? Like you could be performative. Yeah, people talk a lot.
They're bluffing. Old white dudes who bet back at you, just get out.
They're just looking to play. Right.
They don't want to take chances unless they have it. Leave them alone.
How about that? Yeah. Bravado is like, hey man, are you going to call or not? Oh, yeah, now.
What was that? You go to the shades? Did you say that to them? Did you talk shit to shit to them no i just called and then just knew it do you ever talk shit no not there no really i'll just be happy i just be fun talking shit is an extra element of talking shit at a poker table is crazy dude we had me and me and laurence are my agent one time we were playing in the world series and we're there's like there's big breaks every like five hours you can go for an hour go have whatever and i'm like fuck we're both complaining about bad beats. I'm like fuck this fucking sucks.
This guy called me all the way down to the river hit a two on the river. Fuck him.
Right then one of those guys in a wheelchair those all heads you know. He wheels by and we're like this fucking sucks.
Ah life's pretty good. Things are alright.
Things are okay. All heads.
That's my insurance. America's Sweethearts on Netflix right now.

Messages like that.

$80,000 in plants.

$85,000 in plants.

I never want to hear you talk about fucking money.

How much did the candles cost?

The candles cost less.

Really?

5,000 candles.

One for what?

Yeah.

A dollar a candle?

It was a lot.

They're all a lot.

I don't have kids.

How much did the candles cost?

I remember being less. We were spending more than the fucking candles.
Man. Really? You had audience plans.
But the candles, you got to keep redoing, too. You got to keep redoing them.
So you have to hire handlers. And then they burned out faster than we thought when the AC was on.
You had to keep my career. There were 24-hour candles.
We put them in. She tested them.
It was like, 24 hours. You're fine.
And then in the room, the AC was on. They turned into four-hour candles.
And we had to source 5,000 candles overnight on a Saturday. Whoa.
Man. What's with you guys and candles? You guys.
What's with you guys and Nobel Prizes? Constantly setting the curve. What's with Germans and engineering? What's the reason for that? Why were they so good? I think they have no fun over there.
They're all business. Their cars are great.
You think it's a meth thing? They're all doing meth, right? Well, their porn is weird, too. That's a meth thing, too.
Oh, guess this. I found this out today.
What's the number one city in the country for drug abuse? Drug abuse? Wait, per capita or totals? Yeah, yeah. Like totals, like percentage of people that are abusing drugs.
But major city. Otherwise, it's going to be some minor town.
I'm going Salt Lake City. Nope.
That's a big one, though. A lot of meth there.
It's going to blow you away. Hold on.
Let's all guess. It's going to be some...
Springfield, Missouri. Nope.
Montpelier. Nope.
Phoenix. Ah, I mean Coke.
Coke and meth. Oh, Coke.
They were talking about Coke and meth. They were talking about the percentage of the population that does Coke and meth.
I thought you meant, like, degenerate drug addicts. Well, it's the...
Apparently, it's because that's the trafficking route where the coke comes across the border. Right.
Because, you know, it probably comes through the bottom of Arizona and shoots through Phoenix and everybody gets coked up in Scottsdale. Yeah.
They got a lot of money out there. They love coke and herpes.
Oh, they love coke out there. Oh, yeah.
Well, coke makes you forget about herpes. Like, who cares? Yeah.
We have Coke. She's got Coke and herpes?

Like, good. Fuck it.

I only have herpes.

Those cougars out there, they're all in golf carts and fucking dentists with fake tits.

It's a great place to be divorced.

If you want to get divorced and you want to party.

Open carry, too.

Let's fucking go.

You want someone out of the house.

I'll pick you up.

Free wings.

Let's go.

Yeah.

That's nice. Yeah, this is nice.
I like talking about this. It's a fun place.
It's desert, though. It's a nice idea.
They don't have any comedy clubs, though. What? Phoenix? Phoenix does.
Phoenix does. Phoenix does.
Scottsdale. Oh, and Scottsdale.
It was just there last weekend. Yeah, Scottsdale is one, though.
Do they? Yeah. Omaha ranked as the worst city for drug use through the United States.
Oh, come on. This weighted system.
What's the weighted system? Highest drug rate. They are fed.
They had Phoenix at the top for cocaine. Yeah.
Take cocaine out. Just put heroin in meth.
Yeah, heroin was Omaha. Yeah, but what's the number? Go to the numbers.
Go back up. It didn't have numbers.
Cocaine is best, by the way. Cocaine is back.
See, this is what I'm talking about. Scrolling out.
People have used meth 15%. Hold on.
Jamie, go to that chart. I'm trying to show you what it says.
Jamie, just go to that chart. Make it bigger.
Phoenix, number one. 15%.
Of the one 15% of the population See what it says? See what it says? This is what it is. It's number one.
It's Phoenix. This is population that have used Wow, that's just meth and cocaine.
That's whites. Isn't that crazy 15% 1,500,000 We're three hours in.
We're repeating. 63 people and 15% of them are doing meth.
That's wild That wild that's a lot of people that is good it works 15 percent of them yeah there's people listening to this on meth right now look at substance use estimated by city number one albuquerque marijuana oh yeah alphabetical look at this 61 What's the lowest percentage of marijuana users? Denver, 64%. Look at all the percentage of marijuana.
It's so crazy. Everywhere it's like 60 plus percent.
San Fran, 54. That's low? Wait, what? That's ridiculous.
They're lying. What? San Fran's lying.
No way. Omaha's up there.
Literally no way. Do not trust.
They're lower than Wichita. Shut the fuck up.
Zero chance. It's San Fran.
They're known for it.% fuck off this data is bullshit you ever done it you ever done meth no didn't you do it accidentally once yeah you clean what's it like you start cleaning things yeah I mean it makes you really horny it just heightens everything really paranoid really horny really you want to do shit it's like Adder. Is it the same as Adderall? Do you have the same feeling? Yeah, but it's times a thousand.
A thousand? Maybe not a thousand. Times a hundred.
Whoa. Yeah, it's a good time.
What's this? Makes ballplayers immortal? What is this? It's a drug. Oh, it's called Greenies.
What? Greenies? Yeah, they did it outlawed until 2006. Is that the Doc? It's some form of like...
...meth and Adderall sort of Hudson Dexedrine oh yeah that was acid wasn't that like he didn't know that he was gonna have to play yeah yeah balls showed up Johnson on acid something dark holiday doc of the Bay and it was one of the first animated stories. It was so well animated.
It was a great story. Doc Ellis.
Doc of the Bay. And it was one of the first animated stories.

It was so well animated.

It was a great story.

Doc Ellis.

No hitter on acid.

Ellis Island.

I wonder what that was like.

He was hitting people.

He was throwing walks.

What's he?

Yeah, it wasn't like a perfect game.

No.

It wasn't perfect at all.

But nobody hit him.

That's crazy.

So he was walking people.

Oh, really?

Hitting people. Oh, so everybody makes it seem like it was a crazy.
So he was walking people. Oh, really? Hitting people.

Oh, so everybody makes it seem like it was a perfect game.

It was still great.

It was incredible.

It was great.

Can you imagine?

We've all done shrooms or been high on stage and had to pull it together for an hour.

This is a fucking Major League Baseball game.

Right, but he's only doing one thing.

20,000 people watching it.

One thing, though.

No one's watching back then.

Fourth inning that Richard Nixon was the home plate umpire. Oh never mind.
I take it back Wait what I try I started having a crazy idea in the fourth inning that Richard Nixon was the home plate umpire And once I thought I was pitching a baseball to Jimi Hendrix Who to me was holding a guitar and swinging it over the plate That's insane Just dealing. By the way, in 84, you got real acid.
That strikes. Oh, yeah.
Ah! Yes! That's a new one! Yes! That's a new one! Yes! Yes! That's incredible. They don't have full footage of the game.
Oh, how come? How do they not have footage? They didn't record everything back then. Oh, that's true.
They didn't broadcast it.

Right, right, right.

They didn't broadcast every game.

You got to film everything.

That's Rife.

The olden days.

That's Rife.

He films everything.

I'm friends with Matt,

so I'm not talking to him.

He's a nice guy.

Now it's like a Scottish Tourette's tick where I'm sitting around my house

and I just go,

Matt Rife. Yeah.
It's going to be. And people are like, what the fuck? He is killing it.
Oh, yeah. He's a good bro, too.
He's a good guy. He's a good bro.
Very good guy. It's a whole new kind of comedy.
Yeah. You're talking to the audience always.
Always. Always.
I feel like that could bite you in though. Casual.
It can, but it hasn't. It hasn't yet.
If you're good at it,

you can keep doing it. I mean, I know

guys who do a lot of crowd work and they'll

do shows and the crowd's yelling shit and they're like, this is the

stand-up portion. And they have to wait

and the crowd's like, oh, we don't care about this.

They don't care. We want to hear you talking to us.

No, but that happens to everybody. I'll go up there

and people are like, dude, Trump!

Right away. No matter what.

Remember when

Chappelle's show was on, Chappelle had a real

All right. Where are we eating tonight, huh? Science is nice.
Steak? A little bit of meat. Let's celebrate my new special, America's Sweetheart, on Netflix right now.
Is it out right now? It's out right now. Guys, watch it.
All the way through. Is it out right now or is it out tomorrow? It's out when this is out.
Okay. He says some crazy shit.
Is it out like midnight tonight? Yeah. January 14th.
Let's go. Some real ballsy material here.
They fucking listen to you. I like to fuck around.
Almost. When did you film that, Arie? What? When did you film it? Dude, I tried to get a Kanye song.
How much? That's why I asked each of you. $500 million.
How much? Dude. He's only one of your people.
I'm trying to appeal to a sense of there's a whole thing about how we should respect kanye's music and not listen to his fucking tweets and i'm like maybe i can appeal to that modest mouse was like we'll be cool if you want to but kanye's people will go first of all are you not referring to him as ye in this uh yeah yeah and i'm like oh this is lost you have to refer to him as yay in your special i'm like well i'm talking about kanye and just yeah maybe just like i'm sure they want I'm going, oh, this is lost. You have to refer to him as Ye in your special? I'm like, well, I'm talking about tweets.
Can you pick the Kanye and just cut? Yeah, maybe. I'm sure they'd want me to re-edit it.
Just like have Ye, have it say Ye. Ye, not Ye? Have a little blurb where like Kanye.
Ye. So if you just cut it out.
Yeezy. Yeah, but if you just like, he calls himself Ye, right? So if you just like cut off the con and have like a dead, like no air.
Sure. I'd say that's not worth the song at the very end.
It'd be funny. What song are you going for? What? Which song? Black Skinhead.
Yeah, I knew it. That's a great fucking song.
My whole tour. When all that anti-Semitism was happening, Christine Oakerson called me.
She goes, hey, I know. He's supposed to be anti-Semitic, but have you heard Black Skinhead? It.
Fucking great. It does.
It does. Bro, no church in the wild? He's got some banger songs.
I'm a monster? Come on. Flashing lights.
Bangers. His new album is fucking amazing, too.
He's a killer. He's a fucking killer.
Yep. The Jungley song in that new album is so fucking good.
The crazy thing is he goes on conservative podcasts podcasts and he wears like a fucking stocking over his face. Alex Jones was the funniest.
Have I talked about that on here at all? I think he's done more than one of those. He texted me.
Yes. Did I talk about that on here? Say it again.
So I was on a flight back to New York when he was on Alex Jones saying he loved Hitler. And I was just watching it on the flight.

With the holy Bible.

Hand on it.

And then I landed in JFK and the first text I got was, yo, it's yay.

And I was like, this is one of my friends.

They're fucking with me.

No chance.

And then I get a phone call that's like, do you want to fly to Miami right now and do a sketch with Kanye?

And I was like, I don't know, man. He just said he loved Hitler.
Today. Earlier today.
I just got done being cancelled. Give me a couple weeks.
The idea for the sketch would have been incredible. I think it was me as Trump and him as Kanye.
I know. I should have done it.
I regret it. You can do it later.
You can do it now. You can do it tonight.
I would love to do it if he ever wanted to. It'd be the funniest thing ever.
As long as you refer to him as Ye, he's the best. He's awesome.
He really is. He's awesome.
Everyone lost sight of it. If you want a great artist, you're going to get a crazy person.
Exactly. Period.
Whether it's Kinnison or Kanye or fucking Jimi Hendrix, they're out of their fucking mind everyone That's a giant bit in my special Van Gogh everyone forgot Van Gogh was cool. What the fuck bro? Hilarious, I love that he does that like yeah, you can't say shit.
He's an artist. Yeah, he's a wild man Wild dude, you know that you want those songs.
That's you get yeah you don't get those songs from some fucking polly ever see genius on uh on netflix i loved it it's the it's so nice it's really well it's just a documentary one of the guys that came up with the maid while he was kanye was coming up old footage it's like through the wire you forget about it's like a great song. It's like really nice.
Him and his mom in his mom's apartment. Yes.
Yes, in Chicago. She's like, oh that's great Kanye.
It's just like he's in my notes. It's amazing footage.
I'm gonna put this in my notes. You never saw that? No.
Oh, it's a classic. No, it's really really awesome.
Really good. Makes you love Kanye.
Yeah, he's just like a little scared boy. Yeah.
I was just like, what do you want from him? Just listen to the music. I think they want him to stop shitting on Jews.
Yeah, man, listen. He's having fun.
He's having fun. I forgive him.
I forgive him. It's fine.
Now it would be nothing. You can ski and listen to it.
Now everybody's doing it. Yeah, he just was too early.
That's true. Yeah.
He did it too early. He's ahead of his time.
They're keeping notes. You better be careful.
I've never said anything bad about the Jews. Every few the Holocaust numbers come up They're running the score up a little Every few years the Holocaust numbers Trying to get those numbers raised It's not too late 7.4 Which is a weird Either way it's weird They had blacks, retards, and gays Gypsies Catholics, not a big deal You don't hear us, belly aching Yeah, they were inclusive.
Hey, they had blacks, retards, and gays on that. Gypsies.
And gypsies. Hella gypsies.
Catholics, not a big deal. You don't hear us.
Belly aching. Yeah, they were inclusive.
I think they killed like seven of us. Seven.
Twelve. I was in Slovenia.
I heard somebody doing a tour, and they were talking about Nazis, and they were like, you know, a lot of Slovaks also were killed, so in some ways, it's worse than the Jewish part. Everyone's like, bro.
Jesus, bro.

Hold on a second.

I think Slovakians?

Yeah.

Yeah, they got fucking murdered.

How many?

Less than six million.

No, I think it's-

More?

If you go into the Balkans and all that area, they got fucked up.

Damn nice.

Real bad.

Balkans are wild, too.

Again, those people-

They're nuts, people.

They're like, women can't drive. Is that right? They just got through the war.
Stopped. Oh, yeah.
Half the cars work. In general.
Garrett. I mean, sure, they probably let the women drive now.
But, you know, it's like those hard, war-torn. Yeah.
That's the reason why the fighters that come out of there are so fucking scary. Of course.
Like Marab. Marab Wabishwili.
No. Terrifying guys that have been through Chechnya, those Chechnya dudes, Dagestan dudes, those are hard people.
Do you ever have to have somebody tell you how to pronounce someone's name? Yes, I fuck it up all the time. Like over and over.
Some of them are ridiculous. Some of them I get during the weigh-ins.
They don't look anything like what they sound. Really? The weigh-in is my most stressful time in all of commentating the agree I'm not sure why because I have to remember all these fucking names and they're hard dude Sometimes I have to write them out phonetically some of them don't look anything like the way These they got like an o with a line through it doesn't work Just have someone say it.
It's so loud in that thing and there's people and you know and you're yelling it over a microphone I can't hear them tell Sometimes they'll correct me, and I'll have to say it the second time I say it right. But they don't look anything like what they sound.
Yeah, with respect to the name. Especially like Russian names.
Yeah. They're crazy.
They must get that, though. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Backwards forward. Every few weeks, I forget how to say Khabib's last name.
Nurmagomedov. Nurmagomedov.
Yeah, when you're drinking it. Nurmagomedov.
Nurmagomedov. I fucked that up.
I fucked that up. I fucked it up.
It's impossible. Real bad ones.
It's one of those, like, there's so many... Wait, is that a clip? Oh, yeah.
I think I've seen that. I fucked his name up so bad.
My mouth didn't work right. It's a tough name.
My mouth just didn't work right. But he's fighting for the title this weekend.
Khabib? Umar is. Oh, Umar.
Umar is fighting Marab. Marab Gavishwili.
Yeah, that's crazy. Oh, boy.
If it happens, I mean it happens I mean where's it gonna be if they move it to Vegas is there a place that's open I guess like where do they put it? Yeah, it's like the pearl it's just to have it. I mean is the T-Mobile even available like Jamie on a Saturday What's that the T-Mobile this Saturday night? Where's T-Mobile? Can you cancel one of your shows? Are you in Vegas this weekend? No.
Wherever you are, it's like it's very soon.

You can do it here. Give them the arena.
Come on bro. It seems like they don't have an event booked unless there's private events but nothing until the Monday.
Somebody's bar mitzvah. So a week from today.
Some bitch Jews bar mitzvah. So they do have it open.
That's Rabbi. That's Wexners.
If there's a 70 mile an hour win tonight They said the Lakers and Clippers were supposed to start playing again and they're playing where the Clippers or the fights are where the Clippers play. So if they play tonight.
They have separate stadiums now? Are they going to play tonight? Yeah. That's a tough time.
They have separate arenas now? Yeah, new arena. A giant new arena.
They should. It's like they've lived in a shadow for too long.
Good name for a rabbi. Clippers.
Not bad. Cut that dick off.
Who has more holidays? Jews or trans? Trans have holidays? What are you kidding? Trans Remembrance Day? Trans Visibility Day? Look at that screen. That giant screen that goes around the whole thing.
It's like the biggest LCO. It's in and out.
Inside and outside. Where is this? Is this the sphere? Right next? Wow That's you know fucking you gotta go there that was Sure, what about the homeless thing right here? They said it's quite a man.
All it's just ones from the bottom all the way to the top Yeah, you have to be know like they're not gonna allow any opponents fans to us at Jeremy What my team Why won't they let opponents fans sit there? It's home home field advantage.. Oh.
Wow. That seems dirty.
Yeah, the Yankees, when you buy Yankee tickets, if you had an LA credit card, they're like, you can't buy these tickets. Really? Yeah.
They were like, we want home. I'm like, I live in New York.
I'm a Yankee fan. That seems so crazy.
Jesus Christ. That seems crazy.
Steve Ballmer's place. You get to make the rules.
I guess. I guess.

Hold on.

What were we talking about?

Jews?

Wait.

Before that.

America?

UFC?

Yeah.

UFC.

Yes.

I had a thing on UFC.

Oh, the female fighters are getting hot.

You like them?

Yeah.

Which ones do you like?

Well, I don't know their names.

I don't watch.

But I see the weigh-ins.

Damon weigh-ins.

Hold on.

Pull up some female fighters. Damon weigh-ins.
Hold on. Pull up some female fighters.

Damon weigh-ins.

Underrated.

Valentina Shevchenko's hot.

What's her name?

Valentina Shevchenko. Pull her up.

She's the 125-pound champion.

A little fat for me.

Paige.

She doesn't fight the UFC anymore, though.

She was doing bare-knuckle boxing.

I was like, Jesus. I'd bare-knuckle her box.
Raw dog. Jesus Christ.
She'd kill me. Oh, yeah, she'd kill all of us.
Bare-knuckle lady is hot? That's crazy. Yeah, she was fighting bare-knuckles, and she was hot.
Give me a photo, J-Bo. She fought another hot lady bare knuckle, Rachel Ostovich.
Yeah? It was the hottest fight of all time. Really? Is Paige the one that got kind of mentally fucked up from that Connor throwing the thing at the bus? No.
Who was that? I don't know. It was like...
It might have been Rose Yamanu. Maybe Rose.
Rose. She might have gotten fucked up.
That's Paige. Wait.
She fought bare knuckle. She fought a couple of times.
Oh, yeah. She's cute.
Doesn't really look great in beat up. Bare knuckle? Where's she from? Well, beat up.
Nobody looks great, Ari. Utah, maybe? Yeah, duking it out bare knuckle.
I kind of like her beat up. Jesus Christ.
That's such a crazy way to make a living. She's got rib tits.
There was a bare knuckle fight this weekend that was so fucking bloody. For her pleasure.
go to the Jackson wiggle John Twitter page wiggle John They post a clip from this bare knuckle fight that was this past weekend. It was so horrible This guy's face was was just a tomato.
Just a big red just wound. And he was still fighting.
Jesus. Look at his face.
Oh no! It was like Hellraiser. Is that Jamie fighting him? Bro, this fight is crazy.
It's me and Jamie after the last fight. But meanwhile, with that blood, he drops this fucking guy.
Oh, he won? I don't know who won. I just saw this clip.
I didn't even know the fight was going on, but this guy's face is a mess. In the UFC, this is stopped.
Nah. By now, it's not stopped? If it's a woman.
He's still going. With that much blood? Renee Aldana, her face was fucking horrible.
His face looks like period sex. Bro, these guys are both just duking it out.
And every time you're getting hit, you're hitting by bones. So bad.
But look at that guy's eye just blew up from that last punch. I mean, this is fucking horrible, dude.
Oh, yeah. Good Lord.
Look at this. I mean, this is the guy with the fucked up face.
Just drop that guy. Everyone's cheering with their...
Oh, my God. It's so primal.
Did he win? Is that the end of the fight? Is that the KO? Where's he from? Bro, that is crazy are these gentlemen's names? We should say their names. Does it say? Cody East and Dylan Rush.
They're probably American. Fuck, dude.
Albuquerque, of course. 17% of that audience.
Do not piss test these gentlemen. You want to fight on Matthew if you're in fucking iron knuckle boxing.
That guy's... do you know how hard it is to fight with a face that's that broken?

I mean, every time something hits you, it's just like jolts of electricity going through your skull.

Look at the beginning of the fight and the end of the fight.

Fucking insane.

Oh, you got a hand in the guy.

And he won.

Fucking insane.

That's pretty terrible.

Now imagine if that was Paige Van Zandt.

Still would. Still would.
Of course what I'm saying? Of course you would. Of course you would.
Stitch her up. Put a towel down.
Stitch her up. Let's go.
Put a towel down. Like period sex.
Exactly. Who was the other one you said? Can I hunt you? Valentina Shevchenko.
Shevchenko. She's hot.
Pull her up, will you? Sloppy jalopy. We lost Ari.

Chibchenko.

And the chick she fought, Alexa Grosso, the former champion.

She's hot, too.

Oh, jeez.

Bring her all in.

There's a lot of very pretty fighters in the UFC now.

There's Valentina.

She's very pretty.

Yeah, very pretty.

What are you talking about?

Yeah, that's great.

I like the rock.

She's sculpted.

Very ripped.

Very ripped, dude.

She'll fucking kill you, too.

But not too ripped.

She'll fuck you up.

She's also like a competitive shooter.

She does like those competitive pistol events. She can also actually kill you, too.

Oh, she's like a legit assassin.

There's like nothing you can really do.

She's like a legit assassin.

She's a terrifying woman.

Damn.

That's wild.

Hot and terrifying.

Would you mind if your daughters did this? That's tough, huh? Rough. I think if I had sons, I'd make them at least learn how to fight.
Yeah. But I wouldn't want them to fight.
Like, don't. First of all, if you're my kid, you're growing up with money, you're fucked.
You're going to find some hungry animal that grew up poor. Right.
Unless you're a real complete psychopath and you can fucking rise past that most rich kids are just not going to do well yeah you're not going to have that that hunger you know when you've never had to worry about food and crime and you've never been beaten up and you've never been you know yeah you it's possible you could have a champion that came from a wealthy family but i don't think i've ever a— Tyson Brady's a champion. His life.
I know, but like— The real killers. Christian McCaffrey, the running back.
His dad was an NFL guy. Yeah, Grant Hill.
He grew up— Grant Hill, too. Yeah, but he grew up with a dad that was like, this is how you play football.
Right. Yeah, right.
And made him a freak. I don't know.
I think in football it can work. I think football's a little different than fighting, though.
For sure. Because in football there's a thing, there's a play, it goes down, you do your best.
You're not duking it out in the fucking fifth round where your leg is imploding and your liver's bleeding and your ears are ringing and you're still trying to win. Yeah.
That takes a specific type of poverty in your background. I was just fighting growing up..
But what if you got like a tutor for fighting since you were five?

You know, these kids are getting jiu-jitsu classes.

I think that's where, I think that I could be wrong.

It could be where the sport heads.

To rich kids.

Where like people with a train, but boxing never did.

But poor kids are going to train too.

And they're going to be angrier.

But if you start training jits at like five years old.

Jits is different. You're going to be a master at it at 18.
Jits is different. Jits is different because you're not getting hit.
But like boxing, boxing never got that. That's why there's no, I mean now there's some white boxers, but like...
Well you got like Tyson Fury who's a fucking gypsy. He was a gypsy.
So like his whole family have been duking it out since they were kids. They used to have Jewish boxers.
He didn't retire. I thought he retired.
No, he's not retiring. He did.
He's on ESPN today. No.
Did he today? Today he retired? On ESPN it said Fury says that's it. I think he's done that once or twice.
Is that Jamie? Wow. I'm never right.
Well, good for him. Good for him.
Good for him. It's been like three times today.
Tyson Fury retires. Wow.
Damn. Well, one of the greatest of all time.
Yeah, I don't believe him, says another guy. Well, he might come back.
If they offer him the Anthony Joshua fight, I know they talked about that. Didn't he retire before? Is that Bruce in the lift? Joshua or Tyson Fury? Yes, he did.
Yeah. He retired when he was having real mental health problems.
He almost committed suicide. He almost drove his Ferrari off a bridge.
Whoa, is that right? Yeah, he was losing his mind. Tyson? Yes.
You ever hear him talk to Ari Hillrani about the, he called him, they were interviewing him and he was like, hey, today's the anniversary of when you first took the, you ever hear that? Oh, yeah, it's really nice. The heavyweight title.
That's a really cool speech. Yeah.
I mean, it's sad. It's sad, but he's like, how do you like it? He goes, honestly, it's pretty shit.
Yeah, when you beat, what's his name? Who's the Ukrainian boxer? Oh, Vladimir Klitschko. Yeah.
Isn't that who he beat to get the title? The guy who's the mayor of Kiev. Yeah.
Is that right? Oh, really? Whoa. He's doing a great job.
Cool mayor. That guy's got a PhD, I think.
Is he or is his brother the mayor? He's the mayor, right? His brother, Vitaly, was the mayor of somewhere else, too. Vitaly is also a politician.
Jesus Christ. Yeah.
That's crazy. And they both saddled up to go to war, too.
So did Lomachenko. Yeah.
He saddled up, too. Whoa! Look at that, guys.
He's the mayor of Keeve. Yeah.
So what was his... He's the mayor.
So Vitaly's the mayor. So Vladimir, what is Vladimir's position? What does he do? So Vitaly's the mayor of Kiev, and I think Vladimir's a politician as well.
Isn't the Filipino guy a politician too? Yeah. Yep, Manny Pacquiao.
He's a politician? Yeah. What? So what does he do? Does he have some sort of a army.
Whoa. Yeah.
These guys are the real deal.

Yeah, I saw him with a fucking machine gun.

Terrifying dudes.

It's because they're serious.

Phenomenal boxers, too.

Especially the brother, Fatali, was an animal.

They're both animals.

I mean...

Yeah.

But he was more technical than his brother.

His brother was a destroyer.

Just fuck people up, man.

He was a giant dude, too.

And they're both brilliant.

They both have PhDs. PhDs.
Yeah. Did you see this? What's this? Here we go.
I like it. Let's see it.
I already see this. Professional lacrosse.
Let's see it. You can fight in lacrosse like you can in hockey? No, you're not allowed.
Who's this? The referee's not doing shit. They wait till they go to the ground.
No, they're fighting, dude. I know, but they can't get it in because they'll get punched.
They wait till it goes.. Now they get it.
Yeah, but that was one and done. But they let them fight.
It's because they're all Canadian. That's the same as hockey.
They let them go on the ground, then they break it up. That's what I asked.
Is it like hockey where they let them fight? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, look at this.
That's brutal. Toronto.
Toronto versus Buffalo. That's crazy.
Oh, poor Buffalo guy. If lacrosse does this, it might become famous.
It starts like they're playing. That's true.
It might get huge. Take it off the gloves, too.
Stepping up for his boy like hockey. Man.
Bro, that's crazy. That was worse than those Duke lacrosse teams.
So this is a new sport where you're allowed to punch in the face. That's true.
Because this was never the case in any other sport. If this was basketball, they would have stopped this a long time ago.
Oh, yeah. So they're letting guys box.
Because this is different, too, because you have shoes on. So you can get grip and movement.
And you can really punch hard. The thing about hockey is you're hampered.
You fall fast. Yeah, you're flopping around in fucking skates.
But he was probably disqualified forever after that. I don't know, man.
It looks like you're allowed to do that. They fought man-to-man.
Yeah, it looks like you're allowed to do that because the referees didn't jump in. That's true.
It's a penalty, but you're in that game. That changes sports.
Start throwing that into basketball? They used to. In the 80s, the NBA was all that.
Imagine if they allowed it. People fucking punch Lambeer all the time.
He punched all the time. Lambeer, shout out Notre Dame.
But here's the thing. What are you allowed to do? Are you allowed a leg kick? No.
No, if you leg kick, that's gay. Draymond found out you're not allowed to leg kick.
It's what? It's gay. Draymond found out.
He tried to leg kick all the time. But if you're in a lacrosse game and you leg kick, you can't leg kick? It's gay.
Everyone knows leg kicks are gay. Why are you laughing so hard? Because I know how much you love leg kicks.
They hurt. If you're trying to hit me, why wouldn't I kick your leg?

Who's that boxer that went against the UFC guy?

We're going against the rules.

We're not playing this game anymore.

Now we're fighting.

I'm going to kick your fucking leg.

Yeah.

Especially if I think you don't know what to do.

A Bellator guy kicked me in the leg, and he went in slow-mo, kicked me in the leg.

It hurt for a week. Calf? No, right above the knee on the side of the thigh.
Yikes. It fucked me up.
Yeah, and he's just tapping. We had a couple drinks, and I was going, come on.
Have you ever seen Alex Pereira gently leg kick this lady? Yes. No.
She asks him to. She's like, just don't hit me hard.
And he gently taps her leg. It hurts so bad.
She falls to the ground. Then she took a photo of it afterwards.
Her whole fucking leg was bruised. Wow.
How about that fucking Asian guy that was swallowing those? You see those? No homo. Oh yeah, that guy in Korea.
Yo. Bro, that guy's an animal.
Who the fuck is that guy? Who knows? Wait a minute. This guy.
This fucking maniac. Whoa.
This is nothing. And by the way, that hurts like fucking hell.

This guy's getting mad now.

He's like, I'm in harder.

But he's not hitting them full blast, but he's hitting them pretty hard, man.

It's moving up, though.

She bangs.

She bangs.

Look at this guy just dancing.

That's crazy.

Look at that.

He took it.

That guy's an animal.

No, I swear they showed another one where he's like body shots.

Look, he tells him to hit him again. And he hits him hard.
Watch this. Look, go ahead.
He hits him pretty hard, dude. That's kind of crazy.
Pereira's a good-looking guy. He's a handsome fella, especially with the suits on.
Yeah. 26 leg kicks.
That is so crazy. Now watch this girl.
This was me at the wedding. That's when I got kicked.
He just touches her. Just touches her.
He touched her. It hurts so bad.
But wait for it. Watch when she shows what it looked like afterwards.
She shows what it looked like afterwards. Look at that.
Oh my God. Isn't that crazy? It hurts so bad.
Oh man. He just touched her.
She just touched her. Now imagine that fucking dude.
That's crazy. He just literally touched her.
That was something. Imagine that dude ate like 20 what of them?

26.

27.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

Wow.

He might be dead.

He might be dead.

He might have just been really good at putting on an act.

He might be Joe Biden.

He might have been Joe Biden himself.

He might have been Joe Biden himself.

There's people that are just built different, man.

That's true. That dude is obviously just built different.
Something's going that are just built different, man. That's true.

That dude is obviously just built different.

Something's going on.

Leah Thomas.

Yeah.

She shows up to the swimming pool.

That's a guy.

We got one.

We got one.

We got one.

That's guys.

You guys want to hear my impression of Frank Sinatra at a Penn swim meet? Yes. That's Guy.
There it is. There she blows.
That's fun. Do you want to do this one? No, I just did another one.
You do it. Are you going to pee or am I going to pee? What are we doing here? I'm good for another 20 minutes.
It's almost 5 o'clock already. I say we keep it rolling.
I'm having a nice time. I'm having a great time, but you got on the coffee.

I like that song, Keep It Rolling.

Joe, Joe.

Keep on rolling.

Ow.

What happened to you?

It hurts.

It's so cold.

That's good now.

Too cold.

Give Norman one.

Norman hasn't had one.

I'm sticking with the liquor here.

Shotgun.

Coward is.

Yeah, Norman and I got a second ice cube.

Sorry, trick what you want.

Good rapper.

What is your shirt, Ari? What is that? Is that from your special? It's from my special. Oh, that's you.
Dude, give me one of those. You got one of those for me? Stay positive.
Oh, nice. Yeah, I would have wore it for the show.
Not too late. Okay.
Stay positive? Yeah. HIV? Why stay positive? Is that the name of the special? I hate his fucking positivity.
The whole theme of the of the special is like fuck the news he's trying to get himself out of his anger he's just so angry all the time if he's not in here he's trying to change America's sweetheart is the whole the whole theme is like get off the news live your life touch grass I think he's coming from a guy with a severe social media addiction I know right kind of hilarious that's kind of hilarious. Thank you.
And a baby.

That's Kyla.

That's Kyla.

Thank you.

Perfect.

Let's go.

What size?

XL.

Oh, that's too big.

The back is from my closer.

About this Holocaust I made that died.

XL.

That's what you are, right?

Yeah, larger XL.

I can wear either one of them.

That's nice.

That's how I want to wear it.

Positivity special.

It's just like, guys, this shit's fine.

Oh, hell yeah. Kanye is.
Nice. That'll go viral.
That's a fatty. Jesus.
What a no-wang-a-tan. Christ.
The Congo. Oh, my God.
All right. That's crazy.
That'll sell some tickets for you, Ari. That'll sell some shirts.
That is an XL. It fit nice in an XL.
Yeah, dude. Damn.
That's crazy. Available at ari-shaffier.com right now.
Ari-shaffier.com, ladies and gentlemen. How me pay for this special? Yeah, he's got $85,000 worth of plants to cover.
Netflix did not cover it. Please help.
I love that the trailer's like, coming soon on Netflix. Yeah, right? Netflix didn't cover the fucking...
Fuck, no. They didn't cover the plants? They didn't cover enough.
I'm out of a lot. I'm out.
At least they put that fucking special on. At least they put it up, and they're putting Jew up? Yes.
Are they? Yes. Whoa.
Yes. Beautiful.
Like April or May or something? Yeah. Netflix is taking some fucking chances.
I think that fucking roast, that Tom Brady roast, that turned it around, baby. That was the number one most watched thing on Netflix ever.
They must have been like oh Yeah, oh this woke shit. What are we not really selling? Yeah, I laugh Yeah, fuck yeah, sports comedy coming together fucking fun have some actual fun from it's ruled it ruled it was funny as hell It ruled oh my god.
I'm so sorry by the way that probably saved Tony's ass Because then people say oh, that's what he does all the time You asked Tony to do Tony at a fucking political rally. Yeah, just all you can do which I told him don't do it

Yeah, but he doesn't want to listen we have the same agent

He was like I'm getting death threats from Trump guys like if he doesn't win. I'm gonna die

All right, they might actually kill Tony. No, they had stories already written blaming it on Tony

Yeah, already written. I love those leaked stories that come out once in a while and like oh shit.
That didn't happen yet

We pre- internet killed it. Clicks.
It's also the format sucks. The TV format is the worst.
And then the news format you want me to read paper? But also they became so self-important. It's the same people that gave Chappelle a 0%.
And it's like, oh right, you guys are trying to be part of the story instead of just reporting on it. All those little things just led to the end.
And that led to the fire. A little bit.
A little bit. A little bit.
A little bit. I mean, you want to red pill people? Burn their fucking house to the ground.
Oh, ain't that the truth. That'll red pill people.
And then watch the governor do a little shimmy when he talks about acquiring the land. A little shimmy about, well, figure out a way to purpose.
Where's Gavin Newsom from? Figure out a way to purpose. Satan? From hell? Yeah.
That's Christ. What's up with that boy? He's back in hell now.
Let me find out about this man. Antichrist.
Is he from Ohio? I don't know. I think he's from Northern California.
He was the mayor of San Francisco at one point. How long has he been the governor? Where did he go to school? Stanford? He's been the governor for a while.
He's friends with a lot of people we like. They're all friends.
I know. What do you mean a lot of people we like? It's all, he, behind closed doors, I think he's like us.
I think he's a regular guy. He puts all college basketball coach vibes.
Incorrect. Oh, yeah.
We'll talk after. Santa Clara.
Yeah, from California. He founded Plump Jack.
He, this guy. Billionaire.
He's just a fucking rich one. I knew he was it.
I knew it. Rich kid.
His whole thing has been preparing for him to run for president. He acts like a president.
He talks like a president. And if it wasn't for this past election, he probably would have ran for president.
Now he's fucked. But he thinks he's not fucked.
So he's talking like he's got it all under control. He's going to change everything and make everything better.
Click some early life stuff. I want to learn about this, man.
I want to know. They're talking about fast-forwarding the application process for all these people to rebuild their homes.
Where are they going to get the money? Newsom's aunt was married to Ron Pelosi. An attorney for Getty Oil? Look at what Jamie just said.
Jesus Christ. Oh, boy.
Hold on a second. Get a conspiracy theorist in here.
Not actual no-day, you dumbass. That's all I can see.
I don't know. Nope.
I can tell. I don't know this one.
It's going to be a good game. Went to a French-American bilingual Catholic school.
I want to learn about this. Redwood High School.
Jesus Christ. Redwood the Red now.
He had severe dyslexia. It still affects him.
Our mother. Oh, dyslexia.
It's like the people that we get to pick from. Yeah, that's the thing.
It's like there's there's no real who wants to do it well he got recalled he got recalled and they still won really they're like

yeah people yeah if they did it now he'd probably lose yeah but look look how many people in

california this year voted red like a giant chunk of california a giant chunk you compare the map

from 2020 to 2024,

it's like most of the state is

red except for the high population centers.

All those areas down south

like near San Diego, all that shit went red.

So probably you get a DEI hire as your candidate.

That's DEI.

That's it.

That's it.

That's close.

Jamie, toss up

some Jeremiah Love highlights. Oh shit.
Put them on. What are you guys betting? What is the bet? I think it should be something not money-wise.
Okay. Embarrassing.
Oh, yeah. Blow each other or something.
Ass fun each other. No one wins.
You have to drink out of Jamie's asshole. You want to funnel the the beer into his asshole and then you have to funnel it back

into your mouth.

Maybe you'd trade jobs for a week.

You'd do that.

That'd be good.

Jamie in the arena going,

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires.

Jamie on tires Ohio on you. He's a coward.
He's trying to turn it around. When's the last time Notre Dame beat Ohio State? Oh, shit.
Because they haven't played for a while. I know, but they've played six times in the last 20 years.
In the last 20 years, zero. Okay.
Wow. 20 years? Probably like 94.

I think we won that one, too.

Have Irish people...

You guys won 95.

Rivalry renewed.

Wow.

That's what they call it.

Have Irish people ever complained about that mascot?

No.

That's what's great about the Irish.

You know what else the Irish haven't complained about?

Slavery.

True.

That's true.

Or England.

Yeah, that guy.

That guy is ugly as shit.

He's a good guy. Small, little midget.
When I was a kid, all the Irish guys? They complain a lot about England. About England? That's true.
Yeah, that guy. That guy's ugly as shit.
He's a small little midget. When I was a kid, all the Irish guys.
They complain a lot about England. That's true.
Yeah, could you play kneecap and Jeremiah Love Highlights at the same time? And they love Palestine. What's kneecap? A band.
You're going to love kneecap. Rap band.
Can you play Get the Brits Out and we can drink a little? What's kneecap? I got a book for you. It's a rap band.
Irish rap band?

They rap in Irish?

Yeah.

Really?

Whoa, I can't understand that.

I want to hear this.

I want to hear this.

Sometimes they roll.

Like House of Pain?

Listen to how good this is.

All right.

You don't need to watch.

Get the Brits out.

I like the illustrations.

We're on our mad one.

Shout out my boys, kneecap.

Are they still around the Brits?

Back in the news.

It's your favorite Republican hoots.

Every so vint that I choose.

Oh, bro, I'm putting this on the Spotify.

This shit's nice.

I'm putting this on the list.

Is that the queen?

The queen and the bra?

Yeah, that is the queen. Lizzie's in a box.

Lizzie's in a box.

Go for a dance.

Go for a dance.

Go for a dance.

What's the song called?

That's called Get the Brits Up.

Get your Brits Up.

Got it.

It's in.

Shit rocks.

It's on the spot.

Oh, that's them, huh?

That's terrifying.

Oh, yeah.

No, they're Irish Guar.

No, that's not true.

They're actually good.

They're actually good.

Dude, they're pretty good.

Guar is fine.

They're awesome.

How do I not know about these guys?

Let me hear what they sound alive.

Go for a dance. Oh, same song.
what they sound alive. Go for a dance.
These are tough people. Rapping in a polo shirt.
Brits out. Crazy.
How many people do you think live in Ireland? It's not that big of a place, but it has such a huge influence. Like, think about America.
It's because they all came to America. Exactly.
But there's so many. Yeah.
There's a lot. You ever read Born Fighting? They don't love condoms.
Great book. Oh, about the Scots Irish? Scots Irish.
That's a lot of it. Well, it's Catholic.
Yeah. It's Catholic.
You're supposed to fight. That's true.

You're supposed to have a bunch of kids.

And Protestant.

Look at this.

See if they have any Philly footage.

I was at their show in Philly.

Were you really?

How do I not know about these guys?

How come you never told me about them?

They're new.

They're the best.

Who are you talking about?

In Philly, this is maybe not my best story.

This is the last time I did cocaine.

Oh, come on.

The last time?

It was.

It was with these guys. It wasn't the first time.
It was with these guys. It's not the last time.
This is the last time I did cocaine. Oh, come on.
The last time? It was. It was with these guys.

It wasn't the first time.

It was with these guys.

It's not the last time.

They have a movie, and it's really good, but my girlfriend and I watched the movie,

and I was like, oh, fuck, I forgot I told these guys I'd go to their show tonight.

I was like, why don't you stay home, and I'll be back.

I'll probably be back by midnight.

As soon as I got in the green room, they're like, hey, folks, we can do it later. I was like, yeah, all right, I'll do it.
And then we were out until I got home at like 5 a.m. and the door was locked.
She got me. She got you.
But she has to lock the door. It's 5 a.m.
It was a right, yeah. She made the right move.
You have to. What are you going to do, go to sleep with the door wide open? Yeah.
Just so drunk-ass shanky. Go home at 5 a.m.
It was an elevator. She could have left in the lot.
That was the Philly one. That was an elevator, yeah.
No, no, no. You got to bring a key, bitch.
Key bump. I said no.
That's the Philly place? The first couple times, but it was these. That's ice.
You can't say. It was these bros.
The guy in a fucking ice mask. You guys skirt about it.
It's snow. It's not even ice.
Snow. Is that the Philly place? Yeah.
That was a good place. It was a great place.
Yeah. Never got any furniture in there.
Never got it? You have time. Do you like it when you go back for a little bit? You like it when you go back for a little bit? I loved it.
I loved going back to Philly. Dude, we went and did the 999, all of us, and we're walking up to where the Phillies play.
And this is Shane now. Yeah.
And just walking down the street,

not that many people,

when they did recognize him,

like, what the fuck?

He's the hero of the town.

Philly rules.

Dude.

It's the best.

That's nice.

I do love Phillies.

I threw up in your toilet.

You did, and then you denied it.

I blamed it on O'Connor.

I knew it was your nasty ass.

Obviously.

Who'd you blame it on?

O'Connor.

It was O'Connor.

O'Connor was asleep.

And O'Connor was blacked out and he was like, it might have been me.

Possibly.

That's the night.

That was the 999.

That was tough.

Wait, did we tell you about this?

No, what happened?

What's a 999?

There's a challenge.

Go ahead.

There's a challenge that no one should do.

Help me out.

Help me out. I remember this.
It's nine hot dogs, nine beers, and nine innings. The baseball, yeah.
And the games move faster now. Yeah.
So it's tough. It's two and a half hours.
But we got there early and we were like, all right. Nine hot dogs, nine beers? Nine hot dogs during a baseball game.
Shane hooked it up with the booze. Yeah.
We got the booze and the hot dogs stocked for us. Not the booze.
The booth or whatever.

Yeah.

The box.

Yeah.

That helped a lot because we can get 12 ounces instead of 16.

And no lines for the bathroom.

But O'Connor, we got there early.

O'Connor had seven hot dogs done before the National Anthem.

What?

He just started pounding.

He was like, I'm going to handle this well.

He was sick the whole game.

In the third inning, he was fully asleep like a heroin addict. Wow.
And the eighth woke up like, dude, you got five beers left. He woke up and we were like, bro, you're so close.
He got the beers easy, but we were like, bro, you're so close. Just eat three hot dogs right now.
Yeah. He did it.
Hot dogs. Who did it? You failed.
You did like 15 beers. I couldn't eat the hot dogs.
Yeah. Foley lost 17 beers.
Shockingly, Foley did not do it. Where's the room? Really? Where's the space? Where's the space? Like nine hot dogs.
It's a fucking pile of food. Are you allowed to puke? I said you're allowed to puke.
Colum puked. Get it out.
Literally every single person. Colum puked in the bathroom into the sink for no reason.
Probably couldn't make it. Stuffed it up.
Probably couldn't make it. Yeah.
No, no, he's just making bad decisions. He knows better.
He's the nine beers. Yeah.
Nine beers, you're going to make bad decisions. The beers is easy.
Who did it? Who did it? Nine beers during a baseball game is a three-hour game. He had 15 easy.
I was being the goalkeeper at people giving me beers. I was like, nope, not done.
Yep, counts. It was with the RU Garbage, Chris and Tommy.
Oh, nice. It was wonderful.
Yeah. Seven dogs before the national anthem was.
Jesus Christ. I watched him do it and I was like, O'Connor, what are you doing? You're starting to do fast.
You're going to die, bro. They're not digesting.
You want to do it over the whole course. Horrendous.
Let your body break it down. He's not a big guy either.
No, he's got abs. Does he? Wow, there you go.
Connor's a fucking beast. God damn.
When was this from? July? Yeah. Depends on when you've eaten though.
If I haven't eaten all day, I could eat nine. Oh, we didn't eat.
No one ate all day. Although Foley was sitting down hitting.
He was doing chicken wings for the reason. There was other things in the box.
He was also eating like a cheeseste stick. I think it's while I'm in Philly.

I think I could eat nine hot dogs if I haven't eaten all day. The bun, though.

The bun is what gets you.

The bun will get you.

And you had to eat the bun.

It's the nine beers and nine dogs.

Well, when you see those dudes doing the hot dog eating competitions, no bun.

They dip it.

No, they dip the bun.

They dip the bun.

Right.

Yeah.

They break it down a little bit before it gets in there.

That's 23.

That seems like it's cheating.

It's rough.

I had two hot dogs right away.

I was like, I feel it.

I don't think they should be allowed to dip.

I hate hot dogs.

They're disgusting.

No, don't dip.

Thank you. They break it down a little bit before it gets in there.
That's 23. That seems like it's cheating.
It's rough. I had two hot dogs right away.

I was like, I forgot. I don't think they should be allowed to dip.

I hate hot dogs.

They're disgusting.

No, don't dip.

I don't love them either.

Why are you dipping?

Do it real.

Who eats a hot dog that way?

Eat a hot dog like an American.

Fucking pussy Joey Chestnut.

And you should probably have some mustard on that thing.

Joey Chestnut.

Fucking pussy ass Joey Chestnut.

The Japanese guy.

Kubiashi.

Yeah, he quit.

He quit the biz. Couldn't beat, uh, couldn't beat Chestnut.
He couldn't beat Joey. I think his health was deteriorating.
I'm sure. Probably ate a million hot dogs.
And he's not a big guy. No, he's Japanese.
So he's stretching the shit out of his gut. Oh, yeah.
Ugh. Yuck.
Oh, that fiend. Oh, you got videos.
How many hot dogs is that guy eating?

What's his record?

He was up there. Six million.

No, like what does he eat?

63 hot dogs?

I think he got to 70 or something.

Wow.

So what's Chestnut?

He's bigger than that.

I want you to think of a bucket full of hot dogs.

That's what that is.

It's like a bucket full of hot dogs.

66.

Young Chestnut.

Did Chestnut win?

Yeah, he's the current champion. The crazy thing is these aren't big guys.
No, no. It's a gift.
Have you seen some of the other shit they eat too? Look at the size of the stack. Look at the stack.
Now the one above that, Jamie? The one above that? Yeah, that one. Look at the size of that stack of hot dogs.
We're just eating hot dogs for the sports. That's fucking insane.
That doesn't even make sense. Like, how does it fit in his body? He can do it.
It doesn't seem like it would fit, though, right? Well, if we have fast tabulism, you know, some people have it faster than others. But no, I mean, space.
Like, physical space. They burn it.
Like, where's the last hot dog? It's got to be, like, right here. Is that his wife? She's pretty hot.
His wife There's a female champion? Nice! Oh yeah, they got a female division. What? I'd like to meet her.
She could swallow a wiener. That's crazy that the females went too.
It's a belt too. That won't fit.
Damn, you imagine dating a lady that was a fucking hot dog champion. I'd rather date a porn star.
There's more fucking honor in that. Yeah, you gotta put mustard on your dick to get ahead.
It's my wife. She was a hot dog eating jam.
51 this year. 51! 58! Oh man, the woman ate 51 hot dogs.
Damn. Who the fuck is this record of 76? Who's Mickey Sudo?

Jesus Christ.

She's a beast, dude.

Look at that.

They used to have 30.

It used to be 30 and three quarters.

They gave her three quarters.

That lady got 39 and a half.

48 that year?

That's like when you're five.

I'm five and a half.

Imagine she didn't swallow.

You're like, come on.

This is crazy, bitch.

You ate so much ketchup.

Yeah.

You ate so much ketchup.

Damn, she ate 51 in 2024?

51?

That's so Nike.

Wow, that blows.

I must be sick.

I'm so sorry. bitch you ate so much ketchup yeah Be sick 10 minutes she ate 51 hot dogs in 10 minutes 57 and 5 minutes

Bro that's more than 10 a minute. That's so crazy.
That's crazy.

57 in 5 minutes.

Just the fucking movements.

Connor's a pussy.

That's so crazy.

What the hell?

Is he swallowing everything?

Is he chewing?

Nine hot dogs in four hours will put you in a coma.

This is crazy.

Dude, we told Aaron Judge we were doing that.

We need to watch this.

We told Aaron Judge, the MVP, that we're doing that.

Oh, cool.

Cool, guys.

We should see that.

We should see that.

What?

I want to see him eat 57 hot dogs. It'd be hilarious.
Pull it up. Pull it up.
I want to see how they do it. Are they chewing? Barely.
They slide it down. It's wet.
It's soggy. Do they throw up right away? No.
It's like a comedy store waitress. Are you allowed to throw up? Look at this.
Look at this guy. Look at that.
He's just wolfing. He's just dipping it and shoving him in his mouth.
That is insanity. He's doing it.
The salt would kill you, too. Oh, yeah.
What do they win? Nothing. Money.
They win us talking about it. What are the groupies like for this sport? Imagine eating pussy, that guy.
Nice shirt. American flag shirt.
Nice shirt. Oh, in this case, he's doing it for charity.
It's like Jerry Busey. Oh, my gosh.
This is so disgusting. Every five, he eats his $5,000 getting donated.
Oh, man. The guy with the camera is like, I'm going to get barfed on.
Did somebody say something about Gary Busey? Yeah, I thought that guy looked like him. Bro, that guy's wild.
Have you seen his Instagram lately? No. You know, Gary Busey had a horrible motorcycle accident with no helmet on and shifted his skull.
What? One of his eyeballs is down here. So is he normal now? No.
No, that's when he became not normal. If you go to before that like when he was on Lethal Weapon.
He was a great actor. He was in a bunch of fucking great movies.
Point Break. Yeah, he was great.
What was that reality show with him? No, but that was post impact. He almost died.
He fucking hit his head on a curb. That makes sense.
Yeah. Look at him.
See how that left eye is lower than the right eye? Left eye Lopez. Was that carrot cake? What's he saying? That's a lot of folks.
Listen to him talk, though, too. He's just...
I don't want to eat it too fast. And this is actually...
That ain't Gary Busey. Yep.
He should run for president. Sounds like Joe Biden for real.
That's what I'm saying. It is a baby squid.
There it is. There it is.
That's Busey. He's out there.
I had a conversation with him on the phone once. A friend of mine was at his house, and he goes, hey, Gary Busey wants to talk to you.
I talked to him for like three minutes. It was just like rambling.
Just crazy

talk. Sounds about right.

I think he was talking about Jesus. There was like a lot of

nutty shit talking. His son's

around too. His son's an actor.
Oh yeah?

Jake Busey. Oh yeah, he's a great

actor, man. He played that guy who

was like trying to blow up the world in one of those

movies. Oh, in...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He played

the guy who blew up the space machine in Contact. What? You remember in Contact? The first one blew up and then the fucking watch had to go off.
Jodie Foster? Yes, that movie. He blew up It was a fucking father the whole time.
Remember there was this machine that lets them go to this other planet. Remember it spins around around in circles, drops through.
That's him. There it is.
He played the Christian preacher. Ron White.
Who the fuck was that? Ron White. Ron White.
Yeah. He plays the Christian preacher.
That's it. That's his son.
That sabotages the space machine. Imagine your dad is Is Gary Vucey Do you remember that movie? Yeah That movie was fucking great I liked that I saw it in the theater That's Carl Sagan's book That's right Yeah Jodie Foster was alright She was alright She was alright McConaughey was good In that movie too McConaughey's such a fucking beast Yeah he's in everything Gee look at the chompers On that guy.
He played a very good fucking psychopath Christian. Yeah.
Solid movie. He looked like a cult leader for sure.
Legit. What's that other one? Interstellar? Interstellar is so good.
Yeah, the other mechanic. McConaughey movie.
Fucking great movie. Don't watch that on a plane.
That turned me around on McConaughey a lot. You didn't like him? I didn't like rom-com McConaughey.
Wow. Tropic Thunder was the first thing that I was like mcconaughey is all right what about the aids one uh that was after trope bro that movie fucked him up yeah it did physically fucked him up when did dallas buyers club was that before that was after do you know that that movie's about voucher shut up yeah come on that's what it's about yeah get out of here it's about uh suppressing therapeutics for aids because they wanted everybody to take AZT.
Yeah. Dallas Buyers Club, 2013.
Oh, yeah. Come on.
That's what it's about. Get out of here.
It's about suppressing therapeutics for AIDS because they wanted everybody to take AZT. Dallas Buyers Club, 2013.
Oh, that's way later. He got wrecked doing that movie, man.
Because he had to become like an AIDS-y guy, so he had to lose a ton of weight. Never really looked the same.
Even Wolf of Wall Street lost. 50 pounds.
He got down to 135 pounds in five months. Whoa.
Bro. Wolf of Wall Street, he still looks a little gaunt.
Nothing's worse than The Machinist. Oh, nothing's worse than that.
Christian Bale. The amount of weight he lost for that is...
No, he almost died. That's literally like starvation.
Your organs are failing. You get down to that kind of weight.
That was the craziest... And the movie sucked.
I know, that's the worst part. And he's one of the greatest actors of all time.
Wait, didn't 50 Cent do that and the movie sucked?

Yes, he did. 50 Cent got like...

Really?

He did it too.

Here's the thing.

If you're getting that low, you don't got the energy to put in a really good performance.

Right.

And then the script sucks.

Cutting weight.

Yeah.

It's like, remember when he hung up upside down for the Super Bowl?

What?

That's like DMX.

No way.

Yeah.

He's a dime.

And then he got big again.

Remember when he was in the Super Bowl?

That's him?

Remember when he had to hang upside down?

That's why.

He had to hang upside down for like 40 minutes while he was waiting.

But that's why.

He got big because he's like, fuck this.

He went the opposite way.

I mean, he got crazy.

He used to be ripped, remember?

Oh, yeah.

50 Cent used to be fucking jacked.

He used to be on stage.

He would look like an MMA fighter.

Plowing Chelsea Handler.

He was on a liquid diet for nine weeks.

Yikes.

I'm doing liquid diet right now. Hell yeah.
Jesus Christ. I.
He was on a liquid diet for nine weeks. Yikes.
I'm doing liquid diet right now. Hell yeah.
I'm getting weight on a liquid diet. That is a weird thing that Robert De Niro started everybody off on.
You know? Remember he gained all that weight for Raging Bull? Oh yeah. That was like the first time an actor had ever gotten really fat for a movie.
Yeah. Matt Damon did it too.
He got real thin for Liquid Courage. How about the lady from Monster? Courage Under Fire.
The monster lady. Oh yeah.
Getting ugly. Oh yeah.
The world getting ugly for a role. Shaved her eyebrows off.
Got fat and shaved her eyebrows off to play a serial killer. Eileen Wuornos.
Awesome. That's it.
Fucking great movie though. Yeah it was.
Shout out to my friend Patty. Why? Put that movie together.
Patty Jenkins. Oh, okay.
Yeah, that's her movie. That's her movie.
She directed it. She directed it.
All right. And Charlize Theron fucking gained like 100 pounds for that movie.
That was crazy. Yeah.
She got super fat. He did it just for funsies.
Oh, no. This was one of the best ones.
Wow. What did he do it for? He got so sick of actors letting the character get in shape in season two because the actor gets like a personal trainer.
He goes, no, in life you get fatter. So he just ate for an entire season.
What movie was this? No, it was Sonny. Oh, that's hilarious.
He's a hunk. Because he was a hunk and then he decided to get fat.
Good for him. He was slightly a hunk.
Then he got very fat and then he became a super hunk. And now it's just him and Ryan Reynolds being honks.
Owning soccer teams. Being silly honks.

Which is the funniest guy.

Yeah.

The honk guy.

Everybody loves that guy.

At least Joe keeps his shirt on usually.

Most of them.

Yeah, Van Wilder, based on Burt Kreischer.

Isn't that nuts?

Isn't that nuts? It's literally a movie

based on Burt.

It really is.

They wrote a story about it for Rolling Stone magazine. The original title was The Interruption.
Ah! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Secret time, secret time, secret time.
You guys have such good birds. Secret time.
All right, you got to go pee. Come on.
Nope. I'm okay.
I'm gonna pee for the third time. The third time? Wait, the third time? That's the race.
That's the new one! That's the new one! That's the new one! That's the new one! That's the new one! That's the new one! That's the new one! That's the new one! That's the new one! That's the new one! That's the new one! That's the new one! That's the new one! That's the new one! That's the get one this many hours in. I was waiting for you to get started with so long.
I'd do another one. Norma keeps pulling out these knives.
I'm getting nervous. Sorry, sorry.
No more knives. That's the rice.
Every five minutes, Norma's pulling out a knife and no one's even noticing. Don't do it.
Thanks. Thanks.
Oh, my God. I just did a something's burning.
That show's still going. How's it? It's about L.A.
now. It's doing great.
Now that it's free. Sorry.
Now that it's free, the shackles it was in. Contract disputes.
Nuts. That story's for Bert to tell, but for us to go, what the fuck? Wait, what? Yeah, we can't talk about it on the show.
Sorry, geez. Off the air, we'll tell you the whole story.
Oh, no. I don't know anything about this.
And you'll go, what the fuck wait what yeah we can't talk about it on the show but off the air we'll tell you the whole story oh no I don't know what the fuck business fucking sucks everybody you think is cool sucks it doesn't have to be that way it doesn't have to be that way you're good at it you're good at like let's make it cool let's have everybody pass around money the way you should it's supposed to be everybody should be fine have a good time let's all have fun together it fun together. It's not...
But that's not how it is. Everybody wants it all.
They want the giant chunk of it. You know, we were talking about...
The other day, we were talking about festivals. Yeah.
You know, these festivals, they'll sell, you know, tickets for a giant arena, and they'll take a giant chunk of all the money, and they have all these comics up, but everybody's there to see the comics but you're you are making up well we have employees why do you have employees like what is this like what is your business your business is like selling other people's art at a cut rate right because you get them all together because they're all here like it doesn't make any sense you know what led to the way cab drivers were so shitty that it led to Uber? Yes. That led to Bert's tour.

Uh-huh.

Right.

Bert's fun festival tour. Right.

Because I'll just run it myself then.

Cut you guys out.

They offered me one of those once, and it was so ridiculous.

You did one at Toronto?

Which one?

I think you did JFL 42.

No, I had one.

No, it was the JFL was going on, and I did an arena. I did it with them, sort of it wasn't the same thing it wasn't like what they do because what they were doing was like you would go and do one of those big shows with all these names on it and they would give you like let's just say a number like x yeah I was like but how many people are coming to see me like you're gonna put my name on the thing and you're gonna And you're going to give me a tiny amount of money in comparison to what I would make if I did the show.
And I could just do a show. This doesn't make any sense.
And it was all because they have employees. Like, why? Yeah.
But then they went under. There you go.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Because it's like, you can't. That doesn't make any sense.
It's management. Because you get to a when you're selling tickets.
It's like, why would I not make money when I'm selling tickets for you? It doesn't make any sense. But is there a thing where sometimes you do a fest and the fest helps you sell tickets? Yeah, maybe when you're coming up, right? But once you already can sell out big places and they're asking you to sell out a big place but they want the money, like what are you talking about? This doesn't make any sense.
There's like five people on this show that can sell at a 10,000 seat arena right and they're all getting a fraction of the money and you guys are getting most of it it's like there's a bunch of those things that happen and without names like the South by Southwest was the craziest one they offered to have me come down and you know what they're gonna give me they're gonna give me free tickets to watch the other shows I'm not bullshitting about drinks? I'm not bullshitting. No, that's South By.
That's South By. No, they didn't offer me drinks.
They didn't offer me drinks. They didn't offer me a hotel.
They didn't offer me flights. Damn.
There's no hotels. No flights.
Sorry, we already used flights. Use it again.
It's there. Keep it going.
But those things, that's fucking crazy. That's crazy.
What is your business model based on? Your business model is based on selling tickets. So you have artists perform.
You sell the tickets. You make all the money.
Hold on. He's going to hear us right now.
Fuck that. He's probably in the lobby.
When he comes back, anytime you're quiet, he has to talk. Oh, he panics.
When he comes back, just be silent. Well, he panics if he doesn't think things are funny.
He's going to go. Like, if you start talking about, like, fucking weird DNA shit or something, he'll, like, Hey, wow.
Hey, fatty. That's gay.
He's the most successful autistic person in the world. How is his stack of notes looking? I haven't seen his ass.
How's his stack of notes? They're still sticking out of his ass

like a tumor?

They get a festering pus wound in his right cheek.

What is going on with your ass pocket?

You're going to want to see Jeremiah Love score a touchdown

versus Penn State. You think it's going to happen?

Wait. No.
Hold on. That was fun.

Oh, look at this air. That's insane.

Now, wait to see the effort. Bro, that's

insane. Wait to see the effort

he put in to score this touchdown. Show that again.
Oh, it's crazy. That leap right there.
Look at that. That is insane.
That's so impressive. He's got a hurt knee.
Look at that. Yeah, look at that.
He's got a brace on. His right knee's fucked up.
He didn't get a lot of touches. And he led with it.
That's so crazy. Wait till you see the touchdown he scores.
Yeah, he did that all with his left leg. Yeah.
Like he's favoring his right knee even when he goes down. For an extra two yards.
I know. That was like a loss of yards.
Yeah, that was like two. Just give it up.
But that's a fucking player you want on your team. He's the first player Notre Dame's had in a while that's like a complete mutant.
Wow. What's wrong with his knee? Watch this touchdown run.
Just watch the effort. From the two, Irish trying to take the lead.
This is anybody's game at this point. He handed it off to Love, who stays on his feet.
Love is in the end zone. Wow.
Wow. I mean, fuck Penn State.
Some child's getting fucked today. Don't get me wrong, fuck Ohio State.
Damn. For sure.
But fuck Penn State. We needed that win.
Yeah. That was the closest game of the playoffs.
My whole childhood was on this game. You know, I never went to see a live football game until I moved to Texas.
I see them all the time now. UT? Yeah, UT.
I went to Dallas and I saw the Cowboys play the Jets. Awesome.
Cowboys stadiums. It's incredible.
Amazing. It's so fun.
Also, tailgating a college is unreal. Yeah, you gotta get to a college game.
Oh, I've been to a bunch of UT games. I shot the cannon.

Oh, really?

I shot the cannon.

I was so scared of that fucking cannon.

It's so loud.

It's so scary.

And they've got a bull wandering around,

like a real bull.

I touched the bull.

I was afraid of the bull, too.

I touched it like an autistic man.

University of Montana game?

Oh, really?

Like an autistic man.

And they were like,

you can touch it.

I went to a Montana game.

We were going to tailgate hopping, and so I was like, we should do something. It was we should do something we just made 200 jello shots walked around the people that are into jello shots could not contain their excitement what's this for for the whales.
We'd make up charities to raise awareness for homeless moms.

Nice.

Okay.

And then we got into the official tailgate, and then we got talking to it.

It was like, you can't pass out alcohol at a place where we're serving alcohol.

Oh.

And we got kicked out.

It was so fun.

Oh, that makes sense.

It was so fun.

People love jello shots.

That makes sense.

Do they?

Oh, yeah. Creek in the Cave has jello shots now That makes sense.
Do they? Oh, yeah.

Creek in the Cave has jello shots now.

Oh!

Get over.

Get yourself a red or a green.

All right.

Get out of town.

Yeah.

Mothership's got to start doing jello shots.

Yeah!

Uh-oh.

What'd I miss?

Oh, shit.

I saw the eyes.

What?

That's eyes.

That's eyes. Fuck.
It's a new one. You got out of it.
It's a new one. When you left, I was like, just be quiet, Mark.
We'll hate it. Yeah, we're going to leave silence out there for you.
I blew it. That's eyes.
I don't want to do tricks when guys go pee. Are you guys going to go kill Tony tonight? Yeah.
I don't think I am. Who's the guest on Kill Tony tonight? It's us.
We are. Protect our brothers.
I did the arena with Kill Tony on New Year's. Yeah.
Fucking amazing. The hebe? Fucking amazing.
I did the day before. I did the night before the 30th.
He sold out two nights. Twice in a row.
Yeah. Two nights in a row.
Two years in a row of doing that. Two years in a row.
Two nights in a row at the arena. Mad packed with fucking, two nights in a row at the arena Mad packed with fucking crazy fans Dice Clay performed It was amazing The fucking Kill Tony experience is so different It's such a fun thing It's a new show every time It's a new show every time And the fans are so rabid They're so happy to be there It's fucking incredible When he did MSG, all the comedy clubs in the city Filled up with fans.
They're like, well, I'm here with Tony. Let me see the stand.
Let me see the cellar. And it was just like, you were a hero everywhere you went for like three days.
That's how it should be. You know, we could do that here.
We could have Austin like that all the time. Keep expanding.
I need to buy a theater. I'm going to buy a theater right here.
You're going to do it? Do it. I think that's the next move.
I think the next move is buy a big place where big names can come in for the weekends. You know? And just give them a sweet deal.
Give them a deal the same way with the mothership. Like, give them most of the money.
How much would a theater, like, what's that price? That's a lot of money, Ari. Ah! Oh, price! That's a good one.
He got it in there. He got it in there.
That was great. What's that price? Like, I was like, wait, I don't know.
Oh, right. If you have a theater that can ent that can entice big name people to come in.
Yeah. You can only get such a high name to do a 250 seat room unless it's a weekday.
It's easy. Guys like to come and fuck around.
Our Tuesday night shows are some of the best fucking shows in the world. My Uber driver, he was like, you come a lot? I was like, I mean, I used to come once a year, but now it's like I come to a podcast.
I'm like, may as well. to come once a year But now it's like I come to a podcast like may as well my buddy built a place to

Just stay awake the greatest

When we were there the other night that fucking lineup was great. I saw that back that was crazy

It was Ron white Theo Shane who else?

Who else was on the

Segura that's right Segura Simpson. Fucking incredible show.
Perfect, no women. No, no ladies.
But we have some funny fucking chicks there, too. The night before was Whitney.
Oh, there you go. Bro, Whitney's killing it right now.
Something about having a kid made her extra funny. That did it to Louie.
No, Louie said that. He was like, I had a kid, and I was like, I gotta get to work.
Right, right, right. It's been the same hour for 10 years.
You can't dilly-dally when you've got mouths to feed that aren't yours. Exactly.
It gets heavy. You've got one coming, right? Yeah, one week.
One week. It's like right now.
No, it's not mine. If it comes out black, you're cool.
I'll drink this one. You're free.
That's true. What are you going to do? It's like a mad race.
Yeah, what are you going to do? How nervous are you? How nervous are you? I'm a little scared, but I'm excited to meet the little guy. Oh, yeah, we haven't discussed this.
That's not interesting. Disgusting.
It's sick. Any retard could have a kid.
Crackheads have kids. Jamie.
That's true. Yeah.
And who are you doing it with? Your wife. Ari Shafir with the fucking ninth inning.
Here we go. Ninth inning.
A little rally cap.

Yeah.

That a baby.

Books.

Ow.

Easy.

Come on.

Talk to her.

America's Sweetheart on Netflix right now.

America's Sweetheart available right now.

Do you know what you're going to name the kid?

Yeah, we're going Jussie Smollett. I do.
I can't say. Is it a boy or a girl? It's a boy.
You don't want to set your kid up for trolls when they're not even born. They're going to have some privacy laws for the minors.
Yeah. Well, they should have privacy laws for everybody.
The laws are Yeah. The laws are weird, man.
It's like ideal. It's journalism.
Like, no, no, no. You're just.
Well, the weird one is when someone buys a house. And even if they buy it under an LLC, immediately the house gets put up on the internet.
Yeah. They show up where the guy lives.
This is the fucking plans of the house. Right.
This is the best place to stalk. These are the bushes where they can't see you.
Yeah's not weird to know everything about you wow it's

like we're moving into this place where no one's gonna have any secrets anymore with all this

encryption that's gonna get broken because of quantum computing we're fucked so think about

it's a 2010 was the year we gave up privacy really start filming everything on your iphone you had a

camera on you yeah just kind of all agreed we're done with privacy well it's kind of become a point

where encryption fails yeah and so all this iMessage shit like everything's gonna fail it's a black mirror episode isn't it it is all secrets get out really it's like and it's like there's oh no it's westworld and then it's just like it's just mayhem and war people are fighting against each other uh you think it's gonna be that season three i think it's gonna be an if everything's out. Not at first.
Someone fucked somebody's wife or girlfriend two years ago. All that gets out.
It's a South Park episode. You tried even to do it? Really? Yeah.
I think it's... Which one? I swear to God, the cloud.
There's an episode where everybody read everybody's texts. And then it just came out.
We got to move our texts over to fucking WhatsApp and delete them every day. But if everyone's texts are out, no one can get canceled.
Yeah, but ours are worse. Ours are worse.
We set the bar. Ours are pretty bad.
That protect our parks. Shane is fucking rough.
Oh, it's wild. Just the memes alone can cause real problems.
There's a couple in there. There's a couple in there.
There's a couple in there. My whole algorithm right now is just Hitler playing basketball.

My is Jews.

Telling you what's acidic.

Jamie.

I saw that one.

Can you please put up a Hitler highlight video?

It's about as funny as a guest.

AI playing basketball?

It's so good.

It's him walking into the arena.

Him playing football is so good.

What is it, AI?

It's AI.

It's just the, yeah, they just superimpose him onto Patrick Mahomes.

Does he win all the time? Because that's concerning. Does he win? They show him walking in the arena with the camera on him.
And everybody goes crazy? It looks shitty. Is there a Hitler in the UFC one? Probably.
There will be now. I've seen a lot of.
It's because you mentioned that. Oh, this is so crazy.
This is so crazy. It does look shitty.
It looks shitty, which makes it funnier.

It has to look shitty.

I've seen a lot of George Floyd versus Derek Chauvin.

He totally traveled.

Oh, my God.

Did I saw a guy at the park once playing?

It's a black guy playing with a Klan outfit on.

He was just dunking on this white dude. Hold on.

There's a Derek Chauvin versus George Floyd fight, and it's McGregor verse Eddie Alvarez.

It's so funny.

Damn, it's so crazy.

It's pretty funny.

What it can do now with the...

Did he and LeBron in jail together?

Did you see the video that Kill Tony had made?

Oh, yeah, before the MSG shows.

Fucking...

No, no, no.

Before the recent one.

Pull it up.

Before the recent one. The New York show.
Those guys, the Doerr brothers did it? You know those guys? Oh, yeah, before the MSG shows. No, no, no, before the recent one.
Pull it up. Before the recent one, the New York show.
Those guys, the Doerr brothers did it. You know those guys? Oh, yeah.
Those guys are fucking incredible. Yeah, the Doerr brothers are awesome.
Look at this. It's so good.
Jamie will find it. It's so good.
You watch it, you go, this is so wild. William Montgomery's in it.
David Lucas is in it. It's crazy.
Damn. A guy blows his brains out in it.
It's fucking wild. Well, that fucking Biden-Trump thing, you guys.
Insane. Is that 30 million views at this point? Let's see this.
Give me the volume. Oh, it's Red Band.
Oh, gross. Where's the volume? Nick and Red Band rules.
Oh, man. Muslim band.
What are we doing? Uh-oh. The show's over.
Are they putting like two... Red rum? All we know is red rum, red rum, red rum, red rum, red rum.
Did they not... What the fuck? They didn't act these out at all for them?

No, this is all AI.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

None of these guys are really doing this.

What?

This is all fake.

It looks so good.

100%.

100%.

100%.

Whoa.

This is AI?

Yeah, it's all AI, man.

Holy, holy, holy.

Look at this.

Whoa.

She's the girl, too.

I know it.

Oh, look at that.

Whoa. Whoa That's good Oh AI's gonna fuck us Imagine another 10 years I've seen that In real life I've seen that exact face David Lucas He stabbed.
David Lucas won't leave a breadcrumb. Isn't this crazy? That's crazy.
Whoa. Bro, look at this.
This is freaking me out. Isn't it amazing? That's amazing.
This is not, none of this was acted out. And imagine what this is going to be like in five years from now.
Exactly. In a year.

They call your bitches pussy-ass mother.

Yeah.

Nice.

It looks really good.

It looks amazing.

William's my favorite.

Jesus.

Hey.

Damn it.

They got me. They got me.

They got you.

Oh, Jesus.

Nigga, how we know it.

I love Puerto Rico.

I love Puerto Rico.

He's dressed like Woody.

Is this amazing?

Yeah, how about Trump throwing Tony under the bus?

Selling out Tony.

Just selling him out.

Trump dog was just like, I don't know him.

I don't want to know him.

But I don't want to know him. I mean, he almost lost the fucking election.
He goes, I don't know him, I don't want to know him. But I don't want to know him.
He almost lost the fucking election. He goes, I don't know him, I don't want to know him.
It wasn't cool. It wasn't cool.
What's he going to do? In the middle of that? You got to denounce it? Yeah, yeah. You got to denounce it! The vice president guy said, he goes, I haven't seen it, but guys, shut up already with jokes.
Oh yeah, J.D. Vance.
That would have been a cool way to do it. I don't know him, I don't want to know him.
What were they talking about? Because he was like, why are we talking about this? Let's talk about homelessness? Yeah. Well, they were just trying anything.
They were trying anything. Yeah, of course.
Internal polling, like, they were lying. Like, their internal polling was, we're going to get wiped out.
And they were lying. And they were trying to make it look like it was going to be.
Yeah, and they were going to win. And so everybody would be excited.
And they were asking for money, like, the whole time. And then asking for money when it was over.
They were still asking for money. But they were asking for money when they knew they were going to win.
Let's still get those texts. And then they were asking for money like the whole time and then asking for money But they were asking for money when they knew they were gonna win those texts

And then they're asking for money when they know they were losing up

Mark my words

For money the whole time and then after they lost asking for money wait mark your words what he's gonna do kill Tony

One day Trump Donald Trump. I bet.
Oh, yeah

He could do it. Tony's like garbage

Not special but like clip whatever set was like when he set it up. I bet.
Trump versus Trump. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He could do it. Tony's garbage, not special, but clip, whatever set, when he set it up, he was like, I just wanted Shane as Trump with Donald Trump.
It's called garbage. It would have been cool.
No, he called it that. No, that's what his show was.
His special was called Garbage. Easy.
I thought you were like, Tony's garbage special. I was like, what? Literally called Garbage.
All right. Garbage Island.
The one that he released on Twitter. Yeah.
Genius. You're like, what the fuck are you doing, bro? That's our friend.
I like Tony. Trump could still do it.
He could still do it. He could do it.
He could do it. He could do it.
He could do it. He could do it.
He could do it. He could do it.
And Kill Tony's going to keep killing it. Trump likes that fun.
Yeah. It's also, it's like you realize what it is now.
Tell him his kids either. That's what the guy does.
Watch him in a roast. He's awesome at it.
Watch him do stand-up He's awesome at it. That's what he does and all the shit about things all the canceling helps the numbers I'm sure damn it did bro He went on stage in the middle of it all on stage It was like fucking the Rolling Stones just showed up.
It was nuts He went on stage at the store at the mothership brother and they went fucking bananas Might as well be it's it's calling the main room I call that other room I never call it the reaction the comedy audiences give to someone who's like Outed whatever you want word you want to use is like they're just like wait Yeah, so it they know what's happening and they're like we don't like it. You're our guy.
Yeah, yeah They know what's going on. It's like that cancel shit doesn't work anymore

It's fucking stupid especially over a joke like that. Yeah, shut up

I know shut up

But it was funny because he got canceled once and then he got over it. He's like, bro

I thought the first one was bad. He goes this one was wrong

He said he didn't sleep until I endorsed Trump. He goes that was the first time I had any sleep in two weeks

He lost weight. Whoa

He was so scared. He lost weight.
What did he have to lose? Yeah. He didn't have much to lose.
He had extra? He couldn't eat. He said he couldn't eat.
He's blowing away in the Santa Ana winds. He was like an ember.
He was like an ember taking out a mansion. Ember alert.
Tony's flaming? Sam Morrell has some friend that lost an $82 million house Expensive house to ever burn in the fire what friend of Sam? That's what I didn't even ask I'm like if you want to tell me you could tell me I'm not even gonna pry Sandler He knows somebody like that Jesus Somebody had an 82 million dollar house. It might be Sandler.
That is a good guess. He's friends with Sandler.
He is Yeah, if anybody's gonna have a82 million house. You see the conspiracy theories? Why does Tom Hanks' house not get burnt down? They did that in Maui, too.
They did the same thing. Why did this? Why did this? Yeah.
Those conspiratards are the best. And then they have an answer.
They're like, it's because of this? And they go, nah. No, no, no.
Deep state. Deep state.
EMF, direct energy weapons. Russians, Chinese.
Deep state. It'll come back.
I mean, Katrina fucked the whole New Orleans up, and we're all back and running. It'll come back.
Yeah. It'll take 10 years.
The Palisades? But, yeah, man, it's not even like some homes. It's all the houses.
How do you even get started with a Mexican going, build our house? Bro, it's bigger than Manhattan. Larger than the size of Manhattan is burned.
Like, by, I think, two and a half times. I think it's, find out if that's correct.
Palisades is that big? I know it's what burned. Not just Palisades, but all the fires together.
It's larger than that. Still, Manhattan's huge.
Manhattan's not that big. Fucking huge.
I know, but east to west. It's 14 by 2.
And then imagine going up to like old stand-up New York. All fire.
Yeah. Like that had to be rebuilt? And the whole Central Park.
Yeah, it's crazy. Just Manhattan's so dense with tall buildings in the same area.
The Rodney's, the Cherry Room. There's no way.
Residential homes, but the size of land is bigger than Manhattan.

They'll never.

I mean, it's going to be a decade before they even start on some of the houses.

Also, they've got to go through the Coastal Commission.

That's unbelievably brutal.

What does that mean?

The regulations.

Yeah.

It's fucking brutal.

Try to build a pool.

They'll fuck you.

Imagine a new house.

It's crazy. Pretty sad.
What's that lady, the fitness lady? Suzanne Powder. No, the other one.
The dark-haired lady? Julian Michaels. Yeah, Julian Michaels.
Julian Michaels was just talking. She was on a podcast.
We said it took her, after the last fire, a year to get the permit to clean up after the last fire. There you go.
A year. She said she had dead animals in her pool.
A woman can't clean up? She couldn't clean up the pool. She said there was animals that died in the pool because they were trying to escape the fire.
What do you mean they couldn't clean up? They weren't allowed to clean up. You have to get a permit to clean up.
What? Fucking government. A year.
Everyone's, it's the right, it's the left. It's all of them.
But that's that coastal commission. The coastal commission is is unbelievably.
That's the left. Yeah, but that's the left.
Too much government. Too much government.
But it's California is uniquely retarded. Yes, that's true.
Especially the coastal area. Bill Maher has been bitching by that for 20 years.
Uniquely difficult to build there. Like I had a friend who was building a house there.
He's like, don't do it. Don't ever build a house here.
He goes, it's driving you fucking crazy. It took years and years and years to get approval it lives somewhere else just look up your ass with a fucking microscope with everything you're doing and they have the ability to do it so of course they act on that you know they have power over you they have power over these rich people so they flex and i'm sure there's a lot of bail moving around oh yeah you want to go on a vacation I want to borrow my yacht.
Why don't you borrow my plane? You should move to Mechanicsburg. Yeah, that's the spot.

That's the spot. Moving around.
Oh, yeah. Just a little bit of that.
You want to go on a vacation? Oh, yeah. You want to buy my yacht?

Why don't you buy my plane?

You should move to Mechanicsburg.

Yeah, that's the spot.

That's the spot.

Especially if you're Shane Gillis.

I love passing that sign on the way to I don't know what club.

You passed Mechanicsburg. Pittsburgh.

It was me and Colm and Nate were driving.

We're like, oh, wait, that's a real place?

That's it.

It's not just from, like, movies?

What, Pittsburgh?

No, Mechanicsburg.

Mechanicsburg. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Is Mike and the Mechanics in there? What's that? Mike and the Mechanics? Is that Mechanicsburg? No, Poison is from Mechanicsburg. Hey! Are they really? There you go.
Jim Henson's from University of Maryland. We got Poison.
That's something. That's pretty good.
Poison rules. Jamie, play a little Poison.
Fire it up. Is it 18 and a life? No, that's not.
What's Poison's big hits? Where are you from? Every rose has its thorn. Every rose has its thorn.
Every rose has its thorn. Maryland's got stuff.
Oh, Maryland's got a lot of rocks. Edgar Allen Foe.
Jackson. Dave Reef.
Wait, who's A has its thorn? Keys. The one who wrote Dash Mantham.
Ain't nothing but a good tongue. That's them too, right? Isn't that? Dave Chappelle? Dave Chappelle, yeah.
He's not from Maryland? Yeah. Yeah.
He was from D.C. Oh, D.C., okay.
Just outside. That's different.
No, it's just outside D.C. in Maryland.
Well, if it's just outside, it's not Maryland. Everything's just outside, yeah.
It's just outside D.C. into Maryland.
Oh, okay, okay. Ain't nothing but a good time.
That's a mechanics word in Pennsylvania. Just waiting with a thing called?

Oh, no.

Uh-oh.

Interesting choice to play a better song in your music video.

That's bold. Bosses.
The old bosses. You either get your foot in gear or you're out of here.
Get it? Move!

The old white dishwasher days.

The old bosses.

Great head of hair.

Oh, man, that was all they did.

Yeah!

Look at that.

Come on, bro.

That's what Mechanicsburg does.

Kicks open the door to a fucking concert.

I don't want to wash dishes.

And why were you washing it at all with that going on? Because he's trying to make it in the band, Ari. Got to pay for the van.
Man, this was gay. It's so gay.
It's so gay. It's crazy.
They all wore makeup. This is Mateo Lane's screensaver.
That's bye. That's bye.
How'd they stay so thin back then? Heroin. I'll do it.
Iggy Pop still ripped. Isn't it crazy how they used to dress? The hair and everything? Oh, yeah.
What happened? Nirvana killed that like a bullet. Actually guys are super lame.
Yeah. Cut your fucking hair.
When Nirvana came along, it just died. It killed hair metal.
Killed it. Killed it.
Never mind killed it. You guys are phonies.
Yeah. Rightfully so.
Rightfully so. But it was just crazy, the shift in culture from...
This needed to stop. Well, you know what? Cocaine needed a little dose of heroin.
That's a great quote. That's a t-shirt.
Cocaine needed a little dose of heroin. Yes.
Yeah, because they killed all the psychedelics, right? So the 60s were all the psychedelic. The 70s, everybody was just recovering.
And then the 80s come along and everyone's doing coke. And the music got awful.
Bravado music. It's just weird.
Everyone's wearing makeup and they're all fucking dancing around with their tight pants on with their butt. Eyeliner, bro.
Eyeliner

and teased up hair.

It was weird. Even the cool ones like Cure

was still like, hey.

It was weird.

Don't you

forget about me.

Forget about me.

Crazy.

And then Iron Maiden.

Oh, Iron Maiden's killer. So you get a lot of weirdness.
How about the misfits? You get dudes dressed up like gay bikers. Yeah.
There's a lot of that. Co-op things.
Look at these fucking fruits. Fucking YMCA.
Pantera, the glam metal day. Bro, look at Pantera.
Pantera was fucking rocking the glam look. If you see all these guys on the side of the highway, you'd be like

Oh, they're hooking

It's so funny to be that fucking fat guy in the group

Like, guys, are you sure we all want to dress like this?

I'm allowed

It's not fitting

You want to wear wet?

Let's just dress normal

If you're a fat guy and you're a glam bag, you better be playing drums

Put that guy behind the symbols The fat guy would be like, are you sure this doesn't suck? How weird is this? There was a time where you dressed in a way that no one would ever dress in public, and it was cool. Well, the best was me and Diaz were at the griddle.
Look at that! Caution tape. You'd see those people on sunset at like 3 p.m.
Damn, I would fuck with like three of these guys. The guy on the left is not bad.
The guy on the left is like, I would take. If you're doing Matt, the guy on the right is sucking your dick.
That guy was an Olympic, and he's jerking you off with those studs on his hand. Hey, what order of who you choose? I go left, right, left middle, right middle.
I go, now it's different. It's's a different one now.
Oh, yeah, that guy on the right, he beat the Olympic boxer. They've got a fifth member of a whole lot.
That guy's boxing for Algeria now. I go one, three, two, four.
Judas Priest was the craziest thing. Three, two, four.
One is hot. Obviously one all the way to the left.
I'd go all the way to the right. All the way to the right? Fuck, dude.
That's's number four That's the guy that sucks your dick if you're on meth No no no third is second Also I fucked way worse Which one could go trans the easiest? We've all fucked worse We've all fucked worse Obviously we've all fucked worse Which one could go trans the easiest? Oh Lower left The right left They're knocking at the door Lower left is already a girl Yeah culture club is there Look at that's so crazy. They're wearing lipstick.
Look at the nails. And they're fucking...
That is so crazy. Who the fuck is Crytop? Who the fuck are these guys? I've never heard of it.
This is why. They went too far.
They went too far. They went way over to being a girl.
Crytop. If you tried to do that now, people would think you're culturally appropriating trans people.
It's true. The rules of glam metal.

You know what's really funny?

The straight girls who put fake dicks in their underwear and they get a lot of money on OnlyFans.

They trick me.

Oh, there you go.

They're a poison tribute band.

Yeah, those guys are good.

A poison tribute band.

Shut up, dude.

You can't spread poisons in the house.

If you have a tribute band, you're real.

Damn.

Poison tribute bands.

You know how many underwear I had to shop through on Amazon to bring out my fake dick or fake pussy on Kill Tony? Oh, how many? They have starter pussies for trans people. You attach a pussy to your dick so it looks like you have a pussy.
That's what I had to find to get on Kill Tony. There's a hole you can stick your dick in to hold it, and it's got tendrils to hold it in.
And so you have a puss. What? Like a fleshlight that you strap on? Yeah, and then Harlow Williams figured it.
But there was also a hole right through the bottom so he just cried tough. They're crying tough.
Look at Anthony Cumia. They're all cool me up.
One of these is cool me up. That looks like Rich Voss.
Second from the right. Voss used to look like that.

Yeah.

He used to have a bird.

He used to have Jerry Curls.

Yeah.

This is a whole different band.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ross in the early days.

This is a 1984.

This is not the cover band.

This is a different band.

This is the band we were looking at.

This is Cry Tough.

Yeah, this is a demo track from 1984.

Let's hear it.

Let's hear it.

Let's hear it.

Let's hear it.

Let's hear it.

Eyes of a Killer. Not bad.
Got a little Zeppelin. This kind of music makes you shake your butt like this.
Like Gavin Newsom. Gavin Newsom, yeah.
Yeah, trying to appropriate some land. You ever hear of Charles Manson's song? Yeah.

It's good.

It's not bad.

It's good folk music.

Charles Manson, he got together with Brian Wilson.

Oh, they worked together?

He was threatening Brian Wilson's life.

So like producers for me?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He got in with them.

Like, you know, probably brought a bunch of the hippie girls around.

When are you guys fart over that?

A while ago, yeah.

It's good.

It's not bad. It's fine.

It's folk music.

It's better than Bob Dylan.

Bob Dylan sucks.

This is fun.

Does it smell like shit?

Does anyone smell it?

I don't smell it.

Let me hear some more. Let me hear some smell it.
Let me hear some more of this.

Let me hear some smelling salts.

Let me hear some more of that manson. He's not going to get any money from us.
Yeah. That's not bad.
It's not bad. Kind of Neil Young-y.
It's not bad. He was a big race war guy.
I was on a Fuck Bob Dylan train for a while Yeah Then you start listening to some Bob Dylan Here comes the story of the hurricane Hurricane is a fucking great I will say that movie is a waste of time I saw the movie Well apparently they made a little They. Wait, Bob Dylan's still alive.
We have Google. Why are you changing the history? They added a guy...
What do you call them biopics? Biopics. No, biopic.
Biopic. Am I wrong? You guys are all wrong.
You guys are all wrong. It's a biopic.
No. They fucked around with the actual story.
They added a bad cop. You guys are the expresso.
Yeah, they added a lot of shit. Yeah, it's biopic.
And then the dummies took over and called it biopic. Chalamet killed it.
It's biopic. I'll say that.
It's biopic. What's that? Chalamet killed it.
Killed in what? Timothy Chalamet? He's Bob Dylan. Oh, did he kill it? I didn't see it.
He's great. He killed it in a good way.
Biopic. It's just an un...
Oh. Biopic.
Biopic. Oh, then I'm wrong.
You are wrong. Well, guess what? I'm wrong.
All right. I'd like to take this moment to apologize.
Jamie's little nasty ass will do that. Fuck you.
You know what? He's little nasty ass. You know what? While you say something, Jamie's a bitch ass.
Go Irish. Go Irish.
Let's go. There you go.
And free Palestine. All of this because of you, Jamie.
You did this. That's not right.
Jamie, what's the bet before we wrap this up? Push-ups. Why don't you guys pick stuff out of each other's hair? That's lies.
Haven't done that one. That's good.
Okay. That's not bad.
Consider we're reaching for straws. We're reaching.
We're reaching. What's the bet? That's tough to say.
I mean, we do have a very real. You guys are doing something like real.
Who's that running back that punched his girlfriend in the elevator? Ray Rice. Jamie, what did you say? You have a what? We have an advantage in the...
I don't know. I got one.
It's not fair. I got one.
To bet straight up. Jamie, if you lose...
I got one, too. If you lose, Shane has to take care of your dog for a week.
Shane, if you lose, he's going to take your girlfriend for a week. If Notre Dame loses, I get your dog.
No. Oh, shit.
Dang. That's a sprint.
He might die in a week. He will.
He's already puggy. He's already barely alive.
He said, if Notre Dame loses, I get your dog. He tricked you.
Did you hear what he said, Jamie? He tricked you. I wasn't saying yes to him.
But he almost tricked you. I get Carl.
He almost tricked you. Carl.
like setting himself up to win if he lost. That was genius.
There's not many bets I can win in this situation. Well, you gotta bet like men.
30 push-ups? Like bet even. Something like that? That's too easy.
Push-ups? No. Why is this too easy? If you're talking shit, it has to be a bet bet.
He's gotta do a five-minute set. Five-minute set at the mothership.
Ooh, I like that. If you lose.
And then

Shane loses, he's got to take over the board for time.

Will you do a five-minute set?

Jamie, will you do a five-minute set if you lose?

I don't have any material.

You can put something together. So what?

How much time do you need?

We're all just put together five minutes.

Have you seen Kill Tony? What's the equivalent of me doing that

if we win? Do Kill Tony!

You do one minute. Each of you do it.
What's the equivalent? I don't know. Yeah, that's not the same.
It's not the same. You have to let Ari get you in a triangle.
I already got him in one. From the back, real triangle.
Everybody knows you didn't. Dude, you whimpered.
Everybody knows I wouldn't whimper. You can see a picture of him breaking my shoulder and giving him a thumbs up, dude.
Everyone knows I didn't whimper. He tapped.
He tapped twice. And you went like a...
With him, yeah. Yeah, bro, your shoulders broke on their own.
They were very brittle. Yeah, they were fucked up.
Did you get the stem cells in there? No. You gotta do that.
We were all hurt after that for like a real week. Just bloody knees.
Yeah, I wasn't short. They like bled later.
Yeah. My knees were all scrapped up.
Didn't care for it. Yeah.
To be honest. Well, especially you.
You've been through the staph. You know what happens.
You get infected. Oh.
That's rough. I don't know, man.
The Irish, everybody the whole time has been saying Notre Dame's going to lose. Every week.
So go up. Even up.
But they're in the title game. 500 bucks.
Even up. What could you do? 500 bucks.
Jamie? Five minutes set. He said it's fine.
5,000. Whoa.
5,000. That's more fun.
Now we're talking. 5,000 even up? 5,000 with the spread.
Deal. Now we're talking.
Nope. Deny the spread.
Why? That's what the bet is. If I bet online, that's what the bet is.
Don't let him get away with that. Jamie was cheap.
5,000 even up. No.
That's just a bad bet on my part. I can place that bet online and say, no, they money on.
If you're going to talk shit, you have to bet. You have to bet like it's a real bet.
Either going to may or just bet each other on their fucking sportsbook. It has to be who wins.
I'll bet against a real fan. I'll bet against Tony or Matt Rive.
Oh. Come on, man.
The true Ohio State fans. How about $500? You don't think he's a real Ohio State fan? Even up when you go $500? No.
Ohio State's represented by Tony and Matt Rive. Put some money up, J-Mo.
Even up? You won't go even up for 500 bucks? All right. 500, I'll go even.
500 bucks. I would add a zero.
You should. I did.
I'm not afraid to. I know, but.
That's the point. I know.
You're afraid. It's not fair.
You're already conceding defeat. It's not a fair bet.
It sounds like you're conceding defeat. It's not a fair bet.
Yeah, but if you're going to talk shit, you have to take a not fair bet. I'm not talking shit on...
It's a football game. They start in the beginning.
There's the same amount of athletes. There's not.
They bought more athletes. What do you mean? So is there more playing at one given time? Yeah, they...
No, it's still 11 on 11. 11 on 11.
But they bought more athletes because they have a sex offender's money. Lex Wessler, Friedman? Yeah.
So how much will you bet even up? Hold on. How far will you go even? What's his name? Wessner? What's it? Wexner.
So what was his ties to Epstein? Epstein ran his money for a little while. Epstein ran his money.
He did have the Curious Secret.

And then he controls most of our- like he paid for all your guys like libraries and shit. He donates a lot of money to a lot of stuff.
He donates a lot of money. Who gives a fuck? Getting into the weeds here.
This is about academics. I don't know if we're getting into the weeds.
I'm just wondering regular questions. You're also acting like Notre Dame didn't spend any money on their players.
No, they did spend money on that place.

We definitely did.

Where'd they get their money?

Just guys with good education.

That's a lie.

Sure.

Catholic Church? Catholic Church? Oh! Where's that money? Goddamn, you boys should thank the fucking church for the Western civilization. Go ahead.
Thank the Catholic Church for Western civilization, you peasants.

How dare you?

They're going to let the gays be priests now.

Is that right?

Yep.

That's wrong.

They've been the priests.

No, but they allowed them.

It's okay now.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Catholics? What do you mean?

The Pope just made a ruling.

The gays can be priests.

What?

I mean, most priests are gay.

True.

But the heteros can't fuck either.

So fine.

Hey, look at me.

I was going to say, hold on a second.

I don't believe this.

Wait, did he say that or no?

Yeah.

He did say it.

Yeah, pretty did, right?

I think it's like one of them army things.

Like, don't ask, don't tell.

Remember when that was cutting edge of liberal?

Don't ask, don't tell. Just don't tell us you're gay and you're cool.
Yeah, that was cutting edge of liberal? Yeah. Right.

Don't ask don't tell.

Just don't tell us you're gay and you're cool.

Yeah, that was Obama.

No.

Clinton.

Clinton.

Clinton.

Clinton.

Clinton.

Clinton.

Clinton.

Clinton.

Clinton.

Clinton.

Clinton.

Clinton.

Clinton.

Clinton.

Clinton.

Clinton. Clinton.
Clinton. think originally it was Clinton.
What year was Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Jamie? I think it was Obama. I'm pretty pop.
93? Okay. Really? Yeah, that's Clinton.
Oh, wow. That is Clinton.
And he was cutting edge of like, hey, Gaines, just shut the fuck up. God, I thought it was way later than that.
That's pretty old. I gotta be honest.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I'd love that now.
It's now known. I'd love that now.
Don't tell. Fire it up.
Fire it up. When did they call it fired up when did they call it i don't want to hear about it shut up all you fucking non-monogamy people too shut up they repealed it they repealed it in 2000 in 1994 whoa look at that repeal of don't ask don't tell that was quick okay so until 2011 and it was in effect until.
Who repealed it? Oh, then they just let gays in. And now they give you extra money for a sex change.
What? I'll take some of that. Oh.
Yeah. Yeah, people, you could join the military and get a sex change in the Biden administration.
Is that true? Hachimaki. See if that's true.
Does that pay for it? Yeah. See if the military will pay for your transition.
They should get an education. I'm actually alright with that.
They were trying to do it to illegal amity. If you get through boot camp.
Get your dick off. You should get some nice boots.
If you get these boots on, I'm made for walking. Nah.
You're running around to Sinatra's daughter now. We've gotten all the way there.
We went all the way around. This is an article from 2021.
Whoa! 2021? $15 million. Not that much for them.
Of the 243 gender reassignment surgeries performed on military personnel since 2016, 50 of them took place between 2016 and December 31st, 2017, and 193 occurred from January 1st, 2018 to December 31st, 2019. The first two years that President Donald Trump announced via Twitter that he would bar transgender individuals from serving in the U.S.
military. Dave Smith has the best idea about that.
Him saying, transgender shouldn't be in the military and all the liberals are like, how dare you? He goes, oh yeah, right, because your stance should be transgender should also kill unarmed people in the Middle East. How about just don't kill? You guys are getting it wrong.
It's just weird if they're paying for their surgeries. Are their surgeries paid for by the military? Find out if that's the case.
Oh, that 15 million? You missed that stat? 3.1 was surgeries, and 11.3 was psychotherapy. Oh.
Oh. Interesting.
Which is also made up gobbledygook. It's trying to talk them out of it.
Easy. Pentagon spent $11 million.
Look at this. Pentagon has spent $15 million in the past five years to treat 1,892 transgender troops.
How much is that per troop? How much do they pay for the regular troops? Including $11.5 million for psychotherapy and $3.1 million for surgeries. Surgeries? That's wild.
They did pay for the surgeries. That's wild.
Removal of breast testicles, hysterectomies, and labioplastlasties Whoa! Creation or resurfacing the flesh

around a vagina

Reshaping it

I know a bunch of girls to share

I know a bunch of girls that need that

I had a couple girlfriends that you didn't list

Get a tune-up

A little tune-up, a little tightening

Labia venora

How wild is that?

Russian must be laughing their fucking asses off

They are, you ever seen the commercials?

The Russian commercials

There's a... up a little tightening.
How wild is that? Russian must be laughing their fucking asses off. They are.
You ever seen the commercials? The Russian commercials when they shit on America? No. It's always like, how many genders do you have? It's very funny.
It's always just mocking all the crazy gender shit we're involved in. How long before that just goes away? The gender stuff? It might.
I think it goes away. Could be a fad.
Yeah, it was a fad. It drops down to the stable 1% that it's been forever.
Yeah. Could happen.
I think it over-reported. I think young kids growing up in it now are going to...
Well, the problem is now they have these gender reassignment surgery centers that are trying to make money. And they're still open.
And if they're open, they're going to try to make money. It's like COVID testing spots.
They just ram kids through there. They just give them hormones.
Like, yeah, yeah, you need it. Yeah.
They're trying to make a ton of money. There's so many of them now.
If you go back to like 2007 and see how many gender reassignment surgery centers there were, and now in 2024, it's bananas. They just erupted like Starbucks in the 90s.
I think the reassignment will end because it's like when they said like your dick doesn't make you a man so then like well you can be a woman with a dick right that's acceptable so like then just be that you don't have to reassign some people want to get snipped well that's just that's just cosmetic then it's your dick and your pussy is not what makes you a man or woman yeah but right so someone you need to affirm you need to affirm well who cares no name ohio state why don't you guys bet a thousand dollars even up that's not money why are you doing this to me because i want to see it's literally like a title you guys spend so much money on your team notre dame spent 20.4 million side revealed by quarterback riley leonard in eye-opening take side teams that don't have to officially reveal their finances what does side revealed by quarterback Riley Leonard in eye-opening take. Wow.

Teams that don't have to officially reveal their finances. What does side revealed mean?

Yeah, this means nothing. This is called literal

fake news.

What is this from? X. X is always right.

Yeah. What is this from?

Jamie. Check the

community notes. Jamie.
Are you going to be sad

on Tuesday?

Are we going to be sad if Notre Dame loses the national title?

Will you be? You will be.

I'll tell you this. I'm going to go down there.

I'm going to be sad on Tuesday? Are you going to be sad if Notre Dame loses the national title? Will you be? You will be. I don't know.
I'll tell you this. I'm going to go down there.
I'm going to take my dad. I'm going to say I'd love Notre Dame to win one in front of my dad.
Oh, good. That's weird.
That sucks. It'll be nice.
Trade dads. I won't rub it in.
I'll tell you that much. You will.
What if you have to wear a shirt on your podcast? That's not bad. I'll do whatever it takes.
Yeah, okay's fair. Both of you.
Shirt on the podcast, shirt on the podcast. What does the shirt say? What does the shirt say? Jamie is my dad.
Maybe that. This is a 10-point spread.
Jamie is my dad. That's literally...
Jamie is my dad is not a bad shirt to wear. No big deal.
You get out of $1,000 that you're going to have to pay. All right.
What are the odds? The odds, what though the odds be greater, small than the ordinary one ever. But.
What? What the fuck was that? That was like the end of a pharmaceutical drug campaign. What though? Side effects include all the other.
Diversion, diarrhea, and anal bleeding. Yeah, I guess we'll see.
Suicide thoughts. What is it? Plus 295? So that's like a UFC fight.
The guy's plus 295. Sometimes they win.
They do. Strickland versus Adesanya.
Exactly. Fight math.
But we're not betting even on that. I'm getting plus 295.
But it's not about the money. It's about the push to your team.
It's about the, like, I support my team. A lot of money, Shane.
If I was you, I'd just throw that money down. No, do the t-shirt.
I'm not afraid to throw the money down. Wear a Notre Dame shirt.
A thousand bucks even up. You wear a Notre Dame shirt.
Jamie, a thousand bucks even up? Okay. Okay, we got it.
That's it. Incredible bet for Jamie.
I hate it. Incredible bet for Jamie.
I hate it. Do the shirts.
Do something embarrassing if you lose. I want to see that cash.
A thousand bucks and shirts. You still owe me a couple thousand.
You owe me five. Oh, my shit.
You owe me $5,000 from Vegas. Really? What happened in Vegas? That's where I...
He didn't get a gapper. You get all the winnings now? He had nothing.
I paid for this man to live. That's not how it worked.
You get a mooch? It's not worth it either. He didn't draw him a gapper.
You freed him over, kid. What happened? He didn't draw him a gapper.
We talked about him. Jamie's a mooch.
That would be like, I didn't have any money when we went to the casino but that's not how it started sweet jamie the mooch you just wait so you just took your piece of cheese and ran away that's nice no i he took more than i gave him half the winnings i gave him half the winnings and you should not get that much money i thought you gave half the winnings yeah oh wait a minute oh all right yeah yeah oh hold on a second i thought he just gave you the money back you son of a bitch that's why it's It's been a thing for three years. No, but he was so upset about it.
No, no, no, you're wrong. Oh.
Yeah, you're wrong. You got it.
That's what I'm saying. That's actually a lot.
Jamie, you sat through four hours and didn't bring up that information that would have silenced him in the very beginning? I brought it up for a year and a half. I know.
No, Jamie. I can't stop bringing it up.
What a war here. He goes on the Flagram podcast and starts talking shit.
Sorry I called you a mooch there, buddy. Everyone thinks it's something there.
Meanwhile, he gave you more than a gapper. Shut up, Jamie.
He didn't have to give you half the winnings. That's crazy.
A quarter of a top. Because he could have lost it all and he would have to pay you that money back.
It wasn't just one gapper, was it? What do you mean? I had to keep doubling down because of your hand. Do you want to explain what happened now? Did I? We're going to tell lies.
Tell it up. No, go ahead.
Oh, that's lies. It was a thousand dollar hand.
A thousand dollar hand. Two aces come out.
How much did I put up on the thousand? Two aces come out. You got them.
I split the aces. How much did I put up on the thousand? I paid for that.
You paid for that? The second time aces came out, I didn't have enough to cover that one. I had 400.
I borrowed 600 from Shane. A fourth time, it happened again.
How many times aces four in a row everyone at the table then bullies shane into saying you have to pay the thousand i did and then we won all four hands wow yeah and we're starting to collect the money because everybody else won too there's chaos at the table i said that's mine how much money do i get and i gave him a stack of said, is that good enough? And? And then he turns into Shane and he goes, I don't know. What are you getting? I didn't say no.
Wait, was it 5K, though? I ended up, well, we only won 8,500. So I think I ended up giving him like 4,200.
Okay. That's fair.
That's a good mensch. I think it was fair.
Bro, it's more than fair. How are you talking shit about that? I was just making fun of him.
Yeah, and then he was just talking shit. You just lied.
I feel betrayed. I feel betrayed, too.
He gave you more than he needed to give you. I'm crushed.
You got the story wrong and said it, and I sat back and let you say it wrong. That's what CNN does! Oh, my God.
They do worse. Who's the real fake news now? Wow.
Jamie wins. Jamie wins, and I feel like he's going to win this bet, too.
I feel like he's getting $1,000, and you're going to have to wear a T-shirt as well. A ZOO.

$1,000 and a T-shirt.

Jamie's my dad, and Shane is my dad.

I don't get the dad thing.

What is the dad thing?

I don't know what the dad thing is.

Just fine.

No, no.

Jamie's my dad.

Jamie's my bitch or something.

Jamie's my pimp.

I am Jamie's bitch.

There you go.

That's it.

That's it.

That's a shirt.

You make the shirt. I'll get it made.
Get it made. You'll get it made.
I'll just get it both made right now. I'll get it made on Timu.
Timu. You guys would all turn on me, and that's fine.
Jamie. Whenever you're done.
Jamie, the show's not about you. The show's not about you.
This is the longest you've ever spoken on the show Jamie, could you toss on Michigan-Ohio State highlights from this year, please? Oh, shit Go blue They did beat Alabama, which is nice Toss on Michigan-Ohio State, could you? That's not your team, I'll play Northern Illinois highlights if you want Whoa! That's not even the whole Illinois Whoa, this is fighting This is getting James got a nasty tone to his voice. Did you notice it? He is a little nasty.
He's thinking about that $4,200 and giving you $1,000. It's crazy that he kept it quiet that whole time, though.
He could have given him $1,000 and it would have been good. You guys got to understand.
The extra $1,000 pays the money back and gives you $1,000? He should have been happy. I was happy.
He didn't have to pay you that money back if he lost, right? I didn't care at all. If he lost, he was going to pay you that money back? You care.
No, no chance. How much of that Versace shirt? That was free.
Oh, no, that's free. You gave it to him.
You gave it to him. So it wasn't a loan.
If you gave it to me, why'd you give you any money? I was... What? If you gave it to me, why'd I give you any money? Because you did the right thing.
Snippy! I gave you that money for free. But he He did give the right thing and you've been fucking with him this whole time

I've never fucked with him, he went on complaining about it

Come on bro

You can bring it up

I didn't go on the flagrant podcast and talk about it

Jamie's been complaining about it ever since

Ari, how do you feel about this?

I feel betrayed

It's like when you find out a news story

It's like not the real thing

So you guys think I'm the one who betrayed you?

Oh man, I couldn't care less

I think you just cursed Notre Dame

I think you just cursed Notre Dame. I think it's going to be a blowout this weekend.
And then next Protect Our Parks, Jamie's going to just trounce you. I will not do that.
He's going to piss in your butt light. It's going to be months from now.
And you're not even going to notice. I would never.
You guys are turning nasty. Obviously, you guys don't know how to handle booze, and you guys are starting to act like rotten fucks.

And that's fine.

Whiskey business.

You did the whiskey business on us.

Kind of the whiskey business. Just take those off.

It's all off the show.

You guys want to act like cunts?

That's fine.

I'm having a nice time.

I'm enjoying myself.

Jamie, can you put up Jeremiah Love Hines?

I think you guys need to bet $4,200.

I don't mind that. $4,200 even up.
I said $5. Yeah, but $42.
The $42 is the right amount. He can't take any money anywhere else.
But that's where you got it. What are you paying this guy a year? Give it to a straight.
$34,000. Jamie makes a good amount of money.
Oh, really? More than Red Band? Oh, yeah. That's not what Red Band said.
I don't know. Well, I don't know what Red Band makes.
I'm guessing. Oh, I thought you paid him yearly.
Yeah, but I'm saying right now, Jamie makes more money. Jamie, you rolling in.
Because Adam and Eve is not your main sponsor anymore. Ah, Fleshlight.
Yeah, Fleshlight. I saw some thread that was saying that my whole show is like a deep state operation.

Thank you.

That's a good loss, though.

And then someone was saying, yeah, a deep state operation that was founded in 2009 by the Fleshlight.

It's the fleshlight fans. I like that.

Who's good to gain?

Who's follow the money trail?

It was such a fleshlight.

Imagine if the deep state was so clever that they created this podcast. That would be a fucking genius move.
Could you imagine? You just get a retard who was an MMA commentator and used to host Fear Factor. Like, this is our guy.
You're an industry planner. A comedian who says a lot of ridiculous shit.
This is the guy. Who just slowly build it.
What'd you do? Burn yourself? Almost, and then I dropped it. Want a new one? You want a freshie?

I saw that article.

There was an article that was Joe was compromised

in deep state.

And I was like, you want to reply.

You're like, no, he's not.

That's exactly what they would say.

You can't reply.

That's how you know the conspiratards

have no boundaries. Everything's a conspiracy.
They'll keep going forever. Nothing can just be legitimately successful.
No band. No nothing.
No movie. There must be a reason.
You must have done something. If you become a famous actor, for sure somebody fucked you.
Yep. For sure.
Big Jay had that joke in Dogbelly where he's like, try to defend that you're not racist. It's like, no, my cleaner's an Asian.
You can't do it. You can't do it.
You can't do it. Well, that's why they use that all the time.
Of course. They turn it on you and you have to say, no, I'm not, and then you're already fucked.
It's unproblem. You hate women.
Wait a minute. No, I don't.
Oh, it's already out there. I fuck a woman in the ass.
It's already out. She loved it.
Ask her. I'll show you the text messages.

The video of you fighting the guy on Fear

Factor goes through my algo

once a week. Oh, yeah.
Ready to

go. Yeah.

Did you actually fight him? No. There's a lot

that was cut out of that, though. Oh, let's hear it.

Well,

that guy had already, they had warned me about that

guy because he had, yeah, he

did something to his wife

like physically. And he also

like there was a council on another show. He threw the

Thank you. That guy had already, they had warned me about that guy because he had, yeah, he did something to his wife, like physically.
And he also, like, there was a counselor on another show. We threw the counselor to the ground.
He was a violent guy. Uh-huh.
And so when he was in my face, I'm like, this guy might hit me. And so I just decided to grab him.
But I pushed him away from me a couple times. And that's what they didn't show.
He said something. And I pushed him away from me.
He said, don't fucking touch me. I go, what, bitch? Then I pushed him again.
I go, what the fuck are you going to do? And I pushed him again. I'm like, all right, we're doing this.
So I just grabbed the back of his head. I'm like, I'm going to do one of two things.
I'm either going to strangle him, or I'm going to knee his fucking face into another dimension. So I just grabbed a hold of the back of his neck, and I'm like, if this guy hits me, I'm going to figure out what I'm going to do.
If he hit me hard, I was going to knee his brains into oblivion. And if he didn't hit me hard, I was going to strangle him.
Thank God you didn't host a family feud. So I was just holding him.
I was just holding him because it was too dangerous. He was screaming.
He'd already had a history of violence. He was in my face.
I could get sucker punched like anybody else. Sure.
And if you get sucker punched, you get fucked, you don't know a punch is coming you get rocked you can get knocked out Anybody can happen to me and if he knows how to punch someone could just swing a punch and just because you think you're a tough Guy you get hit in a jaw so I was like this is too close So I just like clamp I just grabbed ahold of his neck. I'm like what? Were you nervous about your gig at all worried soon? I was never nervous.
You're in the moment anyway. You're not thinking it out.
What's crazy is those dudes did think I'm like what we're nervous about your gig at all worried soon I was never nervous you're in the moment anyway you're not thinking about what's crazy is those dudes that think like if I was ever about to fight someone that was like a fighter too close and like push me away or like in any type of fucking actual cognizant hold I'd be like I gotta leave this guy alone when you grab a guy's neck and he's never had his neck grabbed You grab the back of his neck And clamp your forearms down on his neck like that And you realize you can't do anything You have this feeling where you're like Hey let's talk about this But I was like Okay if I do this no one gets hurt But if I do this and he hits me Then I have to do something So that was what I did the best one I saw live was there was a heckler at the comedy store oh now we're talking terrible ruin the whole show Rogan's on

they run him out of there and Joe's just like shots for everybody bought the

whole place it was crazy before we kick people out of the comic store I would

buy the whole audience shot he got like a feeling I was like let's just buy

everybody shot the guy in the front patio comes up afterwards and is like

Thank you. When we kick people out of the comedy store, I would buy the whole audience shots.
I was like, this is a bad feeling. It was like a bad feeling.
I was like, let's just buy everybody's shots. The guy on the front patio comes up afterwards and is like, you fucking bitch.
And Joe was just so calm. You read him.
You're like, you're not going to do anything. And the guy was like, oh, fuck it.
He's like, you won't, though. And then, I mean, whatever.
Yeah, whatever. We don't have to tell the whole story.
Hold on a second. You knew the guy wasn't going to do shit.
to tell the whole story yeah you knew the guy wasn't gonna do shit you knew the guy wasn't gonna do shit and you just called him on it it was pretty funny man a lot of shit went down on that patio that was no crowd control there was no crowd murder went down on that patio yeah I got shot but there was no crowd control and so like there was no security like you had wild crazy people that were drunk out of their ass looking to start fights. And there was no crowd control in the crowd.
Bookers would show up. That guy ruined the entire show.
And they never got kicked out. The early days of the comedy store were crazy.
There was no crowd control. So a group of drunk guys started yelling at people.
That was the night. They yelled at you for the whole night.
They ruined the whole show. And they're like, can someone? No one did anything.
One of the best was Jim Painter was on stage once. He was a door guy, but he was doing a set.
And then some guy started heckling. He's like, hey, you keep shutting up.
Someone's going to throw you out. He's like, who? He's like, me, as soon as I get off.
And then they got heckled him again. He goes, I'm done.
And he just grabbed the guy and pulled him out. He's wearing a store shirt.
He's like, that's not my job to throw you out. It was just so crazy because we had comics that were door people, and some of them weighed 18 pounds.
Me? You said to some guy, he had a heckle in the main room. And he goes, you got to go.
And then I was like, I guess it's me. And I went over there, like 130.
I was just starting, and I was like, you got to go. The guy goes, no.
Oh, damn. The comedy story was crazy.
I got nothing. There's something about that place that just attracted the most psychotic people.
Do you remember the fucking guy that you almost got sued by because I said that you were his lawyer? What? The guy was completely schizophrenic. And I told him, Ari is your lawyer.
Ari is going to handle you. And Ari starts saying, as your lawyer, I'd advise you.
And so Ari starts giving him legal advice. I took a look.
You said, I'm your lawyer. And then in the conversation, you called me.
Hey, somebody's gonna call you. You're my lawyer.
I was like, what? He's like, wait, somebody's calling me right now. I was like, you're my lawyer.
And then you go, I know. And that's the, with that as a directive.
So Ari came down and was like negotiating like legal points With this fucking completely insane person You're too four And then the guy says he's gonna sue him So he sends like a legal letter Oh I had to actually get a lawyer to help me out You gotta fight back You know what he sued me for? All the riches in the world Was on his document That That's pretty good. That's how you negotiate.
Shoot for the stars. That or $88 million.
He said one or the other. Or $8 million.
Who is it, Dr. Evil? That was fucking insane.
God, he really... He was like, didn't he think it was Jesus or something? He thought he was King of Kings.
King of Kings. I mean, I kept him on the line for about a year.
Oh, it was nuts. I kept talking to him.
He'd call. Oh, yeah.
I'd be like, he wanted to sue the San Diego State Hospital, which definitely fucked him up.

Definitely fucked him up.

He might have had a case there.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm like, you actually should contact the red lawyer, because it sounds like you're

messed up.

Call Morgan and Morgan.

Bro, there were so many crazy people there.

God.

It would just attract the most bizarre people, and we would always talk to them.

We would always be in the back parking lot with completely insane people. Complete lunatics.
No security. You're right on Sunset.
That was like the heart of us. It was also the magnet.
There was something about that store. Mitzi made a deal with the devil.
It was just like, that's why that won't burn. It's already been burned.
There's something about that place. They tried to kill it with the fucking landslide.
They reinforced the wall. Oh, keep it up.
There was a time where the back area was bowing so hard from the ground. It was so close to a landslide, I wouldn't go in that back area.
I was like, guys, I would tell them, when it rains, don't go back here. You would see things go, a little mini landslide.
Rocks would fall, and the thing was bowing. They had these big timbers, these fucking beams these pressure-treated beams And they were bowing and I was like guys don't be back here.
This is how people die This happens and I was telling the store. I was like you got to do something like this They're harsh on my mellow man.
They didn't want to spend money. They didn't want to spend any money Landslide I would not go back there and when I would be back there If I was feeling paranoid I would I would fucking try to be like close to the door like if you heard something You have to dive through the door.
I was like really thinking about it. They finally fixed that They fixed it and reinforced the shit out of it, but it was like sketchy one time It did fall remember there's a bunch of chunks that felt where the cars park and then There was a hurricane an out there.
We didn't feel it in there because it's Satan. And you'd get out and like, what the fuck happened out here? Yeah.
We had a little mini landslide back there. I was telling them, like, one day this whole fucking thing is going to come through.
Look what you're stopping it with. You're stopping with a couple of beams and some rebar.
Like, this is not going to hold this. It was already going like this.
Also, we were just animals.

Brody was playing drums, just like turned over trash cans, like playing drums.

It was like 3 a.m.

Chairs.

We're all out there.

Chairs and pails.

And then somebody up there who bought a house thinking, oh, Views of Sun didn't know this

was going to happen.

And then it just goes, it's like 3 a.m.

And he goes, guys, keep it down.

And Joe Roke, as I go, keep it down, goes, move! You can't live behind the comedy store. We're not changing.
You can't live behind the comedy store. You gotta move.
They were just like. You live in a terrible spot.
They thought they were going to get us so sorry. I know.
This is not a place for a home. Well, comedy used to be so lawless and Wild West-y, and then it got weird rules.
So many places to fuck at the comedy store. There's a bullet hole in the sign back there from Kinnison.
Kinnison shot the sign. Exactly.
And they didn't even fucking ban him. They cleaned that bullet hole up, Ari.
That's great. They cleaned that bullet hole up.
But they left the hole. They fixed it.
Yeah, but they fixed the sign. No, a few years ago.
They fixed the sign. Why would you fix the sign? The broken glass was there because Kinnison shot through it.
Leave it there. What? Damn.
It's still lit. I didn't know they did that.
Yeah, they fucking replaced the glass. Don't replace it.
No. That place was crazy.
It was so fun. Imagine being there during the Kinnison days where they're all on coke.
Oh, my God. Fucking in the back room.
Marin said that he did so much coke with them, he had voices in his head for a year. A year.
A year. Good Lord.
A year. That's the first podcast.
Nah. Those voices.
I remember a time before digital cameras, somebody was like, to Dice, was like, can I take a picture with you? And he's like, sure. Hey, Ari, you take the picture.
And he gives me their camera like this. He goes, hey, Ari, you take the picture.
And he hands it to me their camera like this he goes hey Ari you take the picture and he hands it to me he goes because he knew he wanted you to cut the heads off in the picture and I was like this and then he goes did you get me in it at all I'm like no and he goes nice how am I guessing what he meant who did this dice now all that fucking guy does is take pictures that's true I. I'm sitting in the green room.
He comes in. Who are you? Are you the one that wanted the picture? His whole thing is performance art.
Like even back then he was doing that. He would go on for two people.
He would say to the comics, he goes, come in, watch me. See how long I can go before I say anything.
Wow. And so he'd go on.
He goes, hey. Put his thing down.
Tap his fucking cigarettes, didn't light him, just chewed him. And then he'd go, so is that the, you know, when you're out there, talk to the guy, you know, you're taking the thing and for like six minutes, just not saying anything.
You just did a flight with him, right? I saw a video of you guys on flight. This guy looked like me.
Oh, my bad. It wasn't you? I bought it.
I thought it was you. I posted it as if it was me.
I totally bought it. What picture is this? I was like, where are they going together? Yeah, some guy was just bugging some guys trying to get worked on on a flight.
Yeah, I thought it was you. He bought a first class flight.
I mean, look, pull that up. It's a spitting image.
It's on my Instagram. I scrolled through in two seconds, but I thought that was you.
Yep. What's he saying? What's he saying? ...with me, and she does, like, everything I need, like, with the phone and, you know, like, the Netflix.
You know what I mean? I got it. You know what? I'm not her, and we've been...
This poor guy. We've been doing this for a little bit.
So... No, I'm just...
You know. All good, man.
I think... Just maybe aggregate your questions.
Aggregate your questions! Some tech guy. Flying in to do the Facebook algorithm.
He's like, I got work to do. Damn do Damn, I was all excited the middle seats empty and then But you know like what a healthy Dalmatian first guy to ever sell out Madison Square Garden sold it out like a hundred times and here he is A hundred times.
Talking to people. He's told it a bunch of times out Madison Square Garden.
Sold it out like a hundred times. And here he is talking to people.
He sold it a bunch of times. Madison Square Garden? Dice sold Madison Square Garden a bunch of times.
A bunch of times. But first time to do it.
But when Dice did it, no one had ever done it. And he did it twice right away.
And then in the middle of that, in the prime of his fucking career, he releases a two-CD set of him bombing. It's him bombing into a club.
The day the laughter died. That's right.
You can hear Ice. Danger Fields.
Yep. He was like, how do I follow the biggest album maybe of all time? I go the other way.
The other way? Yeah. Yeah, just bomb on purpose with Rick Rubin producing it.
Let me show you what stand-up is. Whoa.
And Rick Rubin loved it. He was trying to do well.
No. But he was doing it to a crowd he knew wouldn't like him.
No, no, no. He didn't have any material.
You need to go back and listen to that again. He had no material.
He had no material. He was just making things up while he was up there.
This guy gets up. You're about as funny as a glass of milk.
Some fucking tourist. There's 20 people in the audience.
And he's recording recording a two CD special Whoa back then albums were what specials are yeah more more so it was huge It was huge, but it was crazy like that He did it was it I haven't heard in so long was it enjoyable or how it's horrible It's all concept it's bombing he's bombing it's nonsense and he's doing it on purpose rock said it's his favorite album oh well it's just crazy because he's just you can't believe he's doing it right yeah it's like a banksy but it's this crazy it's his favorite album because he just had the balls in his prime to do something so insane like as a piece of performance art performance art weird he just doesn't get the credit he deserves because so many people hated on him for a long time They hated on him because of his success They didn't like the fact that this guy was doing nursery rhymes and he was like selling out arenas. They didn't like They said like he was dirty But it was they were looking for excuses because before that when he wasn't famous they all would go see him They would all see him at the store.
They all loved him. Everybody like, Dice is up.
And they'd all watch him. And he would kill.
And then he got famous and they're like, I don't like what this guy's doing. It was like the first cancel culture shit.
That's how it always is. That people are just bitter about someone's success.
It's like if they were open micers, they're like, no, that guy's great. But their theater act, they're like, fuck them.
Well, you remember when he did MTV and he got banned? Uh-huh. Tony's doing Madison Square Garden for the Trump administration they asked dice to do a fucking set on one of those MTV video music awards things he did dice and he does dice and they banned him for life from MTV it was a big deal it was if he said fucking tampons oh and no! Wow.
They told him not to do that material, apparently. Like, yeah.
Of course he did it. Of course he did it.
And he got banned for life. And then everybody went on the I Hate Dice train.
And comics, like professional comedians who were like doing. Comics went against them? I must have, I guess.
Now that I know what I know now, they must have. All the guys that are like alt comics and the guys that weren't doing as well as him, same kind of shit you always hear, and they found some reason why he's, everything that's wrong with comedy, you know, it was just, it was so dumb, man.
It was so weird. That is a bummer.
But it's crazy to see people's arcs. Like, look at Dice now, look at Roseanne now.
Where are we gonna be? Dice is interesting, though, though. I talked to him at the stand last week, two weeks ago.

And it was like, of all the guys who started way, way back then, they all moved in, either quit or became actors, whatever.

Dice stayed in stand-up comedy for 50 years.

Oh, yeah.

He did movies and TV.

He just did them.

He never left stand-up.

He only did Ford Fairlane.

You know, that was the big one.

He did one big movie, and it didn't do that well.

And then he kind of just went back. And then he's been in stuff.
He did that TV show. Remember he had that TV show? Yeah.
Bless This House, I think it was called. Natasha Leggero.
Was it Natasha? She's on it, yeah. It was on Amazon, I remember.
He's been in a lot of stuff. Jamie.
I was just looking at it. One item of cool.
He's just in these. Ford Fairlane was his thing.lands was his thing.
But the Ford Fairlands was the big one. Oh, but this is like episodes of shows.

Holy shit.

Dharma and Greg.

I did that.

Bro, you remember Dharma and Greg?

Yeah.

So he did Dice Undisputed, 2007.

Tosh.0, Blue Jasmine.

But what was the show that he did?

Dice.

Dice.

No, no, no, no, the TV show.

Television.

Was it called Dice?

Dice, yeah.

Was it?

Wow.

13 episodes.

I guess so.

13 episodes.

It's actually great.

That's just pretty good Really? Yeah I saw it It was good Wow I'm talking about Jim Norton Bless This House That's it Bless This House That's the show Oh that's he tried to do 95, 96 That's Dice? Yeah That's Dice? He came back He's a wife And the him what to do. Wow.
Was he in Rugrats? Did I see that? Yeah, he was in Rugrats. Bless this house.
What the fuck? That's not it. That's an old sitcom.
He was in a sitcom. He really tried to do straight up sitcom.
And he kind of changed his fucking act for a little bit. I hear this.
It looks like you didn't. Yeah.

I'm looking for a piece of celery.

All right.

Oh, that's enough.

That's enough.

That's just King of Queens.

That's all of them.

That's all of the sitcoms.

Yeah.

We don't want that.

Remember Grace Under Fire?

She was a pill head.

Well, she went nutty and threw a drink in the face of Chuck, what's his name?

Lori.

Chuck Lori, yeah. End of story for your career.
That was it. Wrapped it up.
That's why you never see that show in syndication. Too powerful.
She was a feisty coos. There was a few of those moments that happened with comics where they went nutty and then you never see that show again.
Titus. Chris Titus, yeah.
Oh, is that right? Yeah, that show disappeared. It buried that fucking thing.
What happened to him? He became like a cool, tough... What is this? Future Guys clan Rugrats.
Rugrats. Ah! Let me hear it.
Let me hear it. Let me hear it.
...a service. If we can't fix it, it's time to nix.
A dog? I don't like dogs. I probably saw this episode.
It's probably... How weird.
Yeah. Damn.
Yeah. Voice over.
What did happen to touch? Show business is strange, you know?

It is.

It's a strange fucking business.

You gotta take what you can get.

I think the strangest thing that I was ever a part of was when you were getting kicked

out of your own show because you wouldn't do a special on Comedy Central.

That's gold.

Isn't that wild?

That was the wildest thing to be a part of because you were freaking out.

You were explaining to me on the phone.

You wanted to get money to pay the staff. You were like, I'm going to pay everybody.
I'm going to do it out of my own pocket. And I said, wait a minute.
I'll go and host it for free. Remember what was that? Yeah, they were like, no.
I said, I would host it for free. I said, I would take over his job and I would host it for free.
I said, I'd do it for free. They wanted to punish him because he didn't want to do a special on Comedy Central because he got a Netflix deal This is when Netflix was popping off and Comedy Central is about and his show was one of the most successful shows on Comedy Central great show Yeah, this is not happening was one of the big shows.
It had billboards on sunset. Yep.
It's so wild It kicked off your own show Like now we do this it you showed integrity. You showed integrity.
He wanted to get on Netflix. He was going to give all the money.
He was going to pay the entire staff. He was going to go into debt to pay the entire staff.
Because he knew that they were getting fucked. They had all signed off for that.
So if you're a cameraman or whoever the people that are working behind the scenes, there's a whole crew of people that were going to be out money because of him he's like i'll pay those people five seasons they worked on that they blackmailed me they go either sign with us or these people all be out of work with two weeks to go good luck paying their rent how do you want to play it and i'm like you wow they said it that way yeah motherfucker i was like i'm not prepared for this i'm just writing not only that but you were within your rights and your contract to do that that special on netflix Yeah, it was in his contract that he could do it was like, I'm not prepared for this. I'm just writing dick jokes.
Not only that, but you were in your rights and your contract to do that special on Netflix. Yeah.
Yeah. It was in his contract that he could do that.
I was allowed to do what he wrote. It was like, I made one on my own.
And I'm like, we want it. Imagine a Netflix wanting an Ari Shaffir special.
But it was one of the last nails in the coffin for Comedy Central because it was one of their best shows. And Roy Wood did a great job.
Roy Wood did that. Roy Wood's hilarious.
But the problem was everybody knew what happened. And then I wasn't there editing it anymore.
Yeah, but everybody also knew what happened. Right, it lost his coolness.
They were all grossed out by it. They were like, what? Because you were real public about it.
Oh, yeah. You did my podcast.
I should have been more public about it. I could have stopped it if I went on here and be like, hey, Viacom is blackmailing me.
I wasn't that big back then. It wouldn't have done it.
It wouldn't have done it back then. It wouldn't have had the impact that it would have.
If you did it today, they'd be fucked. Oh, yeah.
I mean, it would kill their fucking career. It would kill the network.
And you and Roy were cool. You guys worked it out.
Roy called me and said, what should I do here? What do you want me to do? I'm not going to do this again. Roy's the man.
He goes, unless I get permission, I don't want to do it. And I was like, no, we need to save people with jobs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was the move.
It was the move. But, you know showed so much integrity That was a ballsy move because most people when the shit hits the fan like that and they're worried about losing their gig They cave in yeah, and you're like, uh-uh I was poor for too long.
Mitzi made us poor for too long that I was like well I already have no money. Yeah, and you could always tour You could probably make more money doing stand-up than you do in a show anyway anyway.
Yeah, you editing it was the secret sauce. Yeah.
Yeah, you were so dedicated to it. They said we couldn't use a comedian's input on their own stories.
What? They were like, I was like, no, I'm going to let them tell me what they want. That's insane.
And they go, no, no, that's a precedent. We can't do that.
I was like, and then I go, oh, I'll just call them directly. So I called them each.
I'm like, what do you want? I'll just make notes. Yeah, just show me what you want out and stuff What a mensch no you did an amazing job.
It was a great show you and I was there when you developed that show You did a great story on it. Oh, yeah a great one the fuck the woods the Alabama woods It's a true story too.
That's great. That was a crazy one crazy story without who who is the fighter? I don? I don't want to say.
Okay. I didn't say on it.

Leave the guy alone.

The guy's had gone through enough.

Okay. But when you, I saw you develop it at the lab, at the improv.

Before you see it.

I was like, what is he doing?

I was like, what is he doing over here?

What is Ari doing?

He's like, storytelling shows.

I was like, what is this?

It was weird.

It was like, comics have cool stories.

I know, but it was like, you had a vision and you started piecing it together. And then all's on fucking Comedy Central.
I'm like look at Ari like this is crazy You pulled it off. Do you ever feel like hey, why am I so judgmental? Why am I judging him for trying to story show and then it blew up? Hey, what's he doing? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, for sure.
But you know in the beginning so what the month show it wasn't that I was like also plenty of you. see your friends doing dumb shit.
Sure. You go, what the fuck is he doing? Nine times out of ten.
Well, Ari gave me the worst advice of all time. Ari gave me the worst advice ever.
He's like, gotta edit your show. We're a phase too long.
We're two hours over. No one's gonna listen.
Two hours over my advice. No one's gonna listen.
You gotta edit your show. It was a fun live show.
We had fun every time. People would do it.
And then eventually it was like, I guess TV. Yeah, dude, you you fucking killed it and you should bring it back So much should Netflix should do it.
Maybe I bully them too. Oh, I like it.
They should do it You should bring back this not happening. Why not you have the name anymore? Who owns the name? Neither one of us own the name.
It's it's both of us like if I'm doing anything with that name How about you call it? This is happening. This? Yeah.
Wait, who's neither one of us? Neither Comedy Central nor me can do it without the others. Well, just wait a year.
Comedy Central's. Yeah, they will be for sale.
You could probably buy them. Yeah, they got burned up in the fires.
What are they now? They're like all South Park. They're just a production company.
They're not even South Park anymore, right? No, South Park's on Hulu. Paramount, right? South Park's on Hulu and Paramount.
Daily Show? What's left? Daily Show is not on Comedy Central either. No? I think it is.
It's a Comedy Central production that's on Paramount, on Hulu. So what is on Comedy Central now? Old reruns.
Of The Office? Of The Office and Seinfeld. Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
Wow. Damn.
It used to be the spot. It's sad.
The Chappelle Show. It's sad.
It was a great outlet for comics. If not the greatest, South Park? Tosh.0.
Yes. Second best sketch over.

Workaholics. Isn't that crazy?

The deal.

Yeah.

That was a more improved version of it.

Yeah.

Kind of amazing when you think about their downfall.

It was big.

Remember they wanted to do like an app?

Like, we'll do your special on their app.

Oh.

And everyone's like, who's going to get your app?

Why would they not let Joe Rogan just, it was Rogan, Segura, Kreischer, they'd all host Ali Sadiq. They're like, no.
Anyone we suggested, they're like, no. Yeah, we said we'd host it for free.
Wow. Save money.
Yeah. You don't have to pay the fucking guy hosting it.
They were so butthurt. Oh, dirty pool.
So dirty. That's so dirty.
So dirty. Yeah.
What a dumb fucking thing to do. They fucked themselves.
So did network. So to wear an Ari Shafir shirt on that season because he was under contract with Comedy Central because I can't pull out, but I'll wear a shirt that says you.
So crazy. So does the best.
So do rules. Yeah, he rules.
Did you make any money on that show at least? I did back then, but. All right.
It was a big fucking show. remember the the stern Stern debacle yeah

It's very shit. Who's this guy nobody else and Ari stands in front of his billboard on Comedy Central No one's heard of you and then tells him to fucking go to Netscape Navigator to look it up I know you old people don't understand Google Jamie help me with that video Jamie I was like can you help me make this It was genius because you were kind of kissing his ass while you were doing it.
It was early Jamie. I was like, can you help me make this? It was genius.
Because you were kind of kissing his ass while you were doing it. It was amazing.
I meant no disrespect. It was amazing.
By calling you an old man and blowing him and Clint Eastwood's dicks in our old man camp. He spent a half an hour talking about you like he was going to ruin you.
And you fucking owned him. It all helped.
And then he never talked about you again. Yeah, I think his staff was like, guy.
Bro, you should not. Not the staff.
The fucking internet. Like, the beating that he took from that was.
Yeah. It was like such a checkmate move.
Because the photo of you standing in front of a billboard on. The odds of it happening.
Who is this guy? That is hubris. That's like karma.
Why was he going at you? I said something about. Radio's dead.
He did it on my podcast. He went off.
He was saying something. I was like, fuck him.
Fuck Stern. He's out of touch.
Him and Clint Eastwood should go blow each other's wrinkled dicks in their old man camps. Yeah, that's what he said.
And then right at the time, he was saying, podcasts are not the future. You got to do radio.
And it was like, bro, it's okay. You're out of touch.
You got to be a broadcaster. You got to work your way your way up 30 minutes he spent on me he thought that was real back then that's funny they all thought it was never gonna they thought the podcast thing was just a what are these guys wasting their time i know so funny look at him now look at the best is burt kreischer on some radio show he had they had an ad for like me undies or something and burt was like how much do you make for that the guy's like i do okay and let's, because I had them too as a sponsor.
And he goes, oh, okay, how much do you make? He goes, same time. Bert loves that.
Same time. So they go, okay.
And then at the same time he goes, one, two, three, go. And the guy goes, $75.
And Bert goes, $3,500. And he goes, what? He goes, $75.
What? He goes, yes, CBS is taking all your money. Louis did that to Schultz.
You see that episode? No. Where Louis did a flagrant.
He was like, because Schultz just put out a special behind a paywall. And he's like, you did that.
I got the idea from you. And I made a ton of money.
And Schultz's like, well, what did you make? He goes, you go first. And Schultz goes, five million.
He goes, that was stupid. You shouldn't have told me.
Because Louis wouldn't say. Wow.
But he made way more than that. Yeah.
Well, also with him, that was the only way to see him. Because it was in the height of...
So the thing about people wanting to rebel against cancel culture, they had to go to his website to get it. He was always the first step, Louis.
That time, and then the early time, $5. No one else had the success he had with that first one.
Yeah. Genius.
A million dollars a day yeah oh yeah genius and he's self-funded he made it so easy to get you you'd be better off buying it than stealing it and also he realized from that point on like hey like i'll just do all my own stuff now that way they can't just take it away from me yeah like i always have a direct connection to my fans he always had email lists yeah and his email is he writes things it's. It's good.
Yeah, he gives you a newsletter. Yeah, but it's funny.
It's genius. Even his TV show is different.
He's like, I don't want notes, so I'll just take less money. Yeah, and he fucking edited it all on a little MacBook.
Edited, shot, casted. He edited it all on one of those little tiny 14-inch MacBooks.
Yeah. He's a different breed.
And now, you can't fuck with him. You can do whatever he wants now.
He's basically got his own fan base. They all got to leave him alone.
Yeah. Kind of amazing.
He's got new material. Killing.
He's always killing. He took about a year off, right? Yeah.
Took a year off. What, that time? Just chill out.
No, no. This latest time.
After the garden.

Yeah, he said, he's like, I'm not doing stand-up anymore.

Every time I talked to him, I was like, well, since you're a former comic, you wouldn't

understand.

Shut up, Ari.

You just needle him.

How's your sculpting class going, loser?

He did love that.

He loved that sculpting.

He loves sculpting.

Yeah, hilarious.

All right, boys.

I finally have to pee.

All right.

So let's wrap this up.

Jesus, that's unbelievable. Yeah, I've gone five and a half hours without peeing.
Solid. Do we do five and a half? At least.
I think we did five. We did five, for sure.
Go watch an Ari special. Go watch Ari special.
It's on Netflix right now. Go bigger and blacker.
America's Sweetheart. $85,000 worth of plants.
Watch it all the way to the airport, Ari. Even if you can't watch it, watch it all the way through us.
You just wasted $85,000, huh?

No, we spent it.

We could have gave that to the fire.

To the fire, to the sweetheart.

What do they do with those plants after?

Just throw them out, straight in the garbage?

The flowers we gave to the staff.

We saved the park.

That's right.

That was the biggest park we had.

All right.

Praise Allah, folks.

Praise Allah.

We may be drunk, do the restores.

Love everybody.

We'll be at the Ryman.