#2389 - Sal Vulcano

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Yep, what up?

What's up?

What's up?

When was the last time I saw you?

It was, I was here promoting my special,

man, it was June of last year.

Damn, time flying.

Yeah, yeah.

A fucking whole year.

I've had another child since then, even.

Oh, my goodness.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Look at you out there breeding.

Right.

Attributed to the population.

How old are you?

48.

I'll be 49 in November.

Did you do the math like when your kid's 20?

Bro, I've done every math.

Every piece of math you could do.

It's depressing.

It's healthy.

Yeah.

No, I am.

That's exactly what happened.

I started with a trainer four weeks ago and

just did all this blood work and taking all these scans and tests and stuff now just because I'm like, I have to.

Yeah.

I have to be here as long as possible.

It changes the game when you have children.

Yeah.

You can fuck off and do Coke and heroin and fucking sleep test.

Yeah, luckily, I wasn't doing that.

No, but as soon as you have a kid, you're like, oh my God, I want to leave my kid.

I was eating because of a cereal.

I was like backing out of the driving without looking, but like now.

Most of my Instagram algorithm is things that I shouldn't eat.

Yeah.

It's like sandwiches, sandwiches, and pizza.

You have trouble with that stuff?

No.

No, not at all.

No, I don't have trouble.

Yeah.

I just know it's not good for you.

Yeah.

And most, mostly, I eat good stuff.

Yeah, you're like an like an egg white.

No, I eat yolks.

Okay.

Yolks are the healthy part.

Yolks, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I eat the whole egg, but I have chickens.

What's fresh eggs?

Are you like a like, do you have like a diet, like an Olympic, like are you like an Olympian?

No.

Are you like weighing your food?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I eat way too much.

If I weighed my food, I'd be like, I eat for a 300-pound man.

Yeah.

Is that because that's because of how much you exercise and stuff?

It's that, but it's also I'm a glutton.

Yeah.

I'm a glutton.

But you could do it.

Yeah.

I can get away with it.

But I do eat a lot.

Like, if I go out to dinner, I will eat a large steak.

I will have multiple sides.

I will have multiple appetizers.

And then I look like I'm pregnant when I leave.

That's how you eat, yeah?

You just

fucking eat.

I eat a lot of food, man.

It's not smart.

How do you burn all your calories?

Is it all like you have, like, is it all like jiu-jitsu stuff or whatever?

I do a lot of working out, but I also do intermittent fasting.

I'm just smart about when to be a glutton and then when to back off.

Yeah.

And I just don't keep my foot on the gas.

That's all.

But like when I go to New York, it's all Italian food.

It's Italian food for like three days.

You gotta.

You have to.

I can eat it every day.

I could too.

It's a problem.

It's a problem.

It's all Italian subs and pasta.

You have favorite spots in New York?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got a bunch of spots.

I got a bunch of spots.

I got a spot in Vegas, too.

We were just at this place, Gaetano's.

It's all handmade pasta with imported flour from Italy.

We ate there after the fights.

Oh, my God.

I love it.

I have to go there.

I'm going through Vegas.

I'm still touring.

The tour that I was here with last that started in 24, I'm going through till all the way through 26.

Oh, nice.

Yeah.

Damn.

Yeah, I took like a three-month.

Well, I took a break when I had my

new baby, and then I took like a little bit of a six-month, but now I'm like back at it full.

I got a bunch of big shows coming up, so I was like, let me get out there and like tell people I'm still alive.

Yeah, you got, you got to get out there if you want to do something because it's like,

you know, if you just work in the city,

you can't really put together an hour.

No, I mean, I piece it together.

I mean, I'm, I'm constantly on the road.

I just, I just went down just to have a little bit of a breather because we just finished

rapping season 12 of the show.

And so I was touring and doing the show and I had and I had a kid.

So it's like, I just couldn't even, and then we produced another show and all that shit in between.

So it's like, I just haven't been, I went on hiatus on my podcast and stuff because I had to, something had to give.

So now it's like, let me just get back out there.

And just like, now I'm not filming.

I'm just really focusing on the tour and like a new pod I got coming out.

When you do stand up, do you take guys with you that are your friends on the road?

Yeah, that's the move.

Yeah, all the time.

That's the only way to go.

It makes it, it makes it.

Fun.

Yeah, fun.

Yeah, you're with buddies.

It's like a vacation that you get to work at.

Yeah,

if I didn't,

it can get depressing fast.

Real fast.

If you're solo, super fast.

If you're solo and you're working with local openers, especially if

they're boring

and they're not fun to hang out with.

Oh, yeah, that's in the club in the groom.

I'm even talking about in like the hotel and stuff.

Oh, that's bad, too.

Yeah.

You just got to find things to do.

For me, it's always I work out and I play pool.

So those are two things that occupy a lot of my time.

Yeah.

So that's good.

I didn't work out and I didn't play pool.

So

I'm like, I got this guy, right?

And I'm like,

all right, I'm weak.

I have no stamina.

I'm old.

And like, I need to reverse all this.

You know, like, so like, you're going to start with me now, and I'm really going to show you nothing.

Like, I, I, well, that's good.

Yeah.

That means you're going to stand up.

I'm going to see profits where I am.

But that's good.

Yeah.

You'll be able to see progress.

Yeah.

It's always, no matter where you're at, if you're thinking about working out, do it because it's a good place to start.

No matter where you're at.

Yeah.

If you're really fit, great.

Good place to start.

Yeah.

Get Get even more fit.

If you're out of shape, great.

Good place to start.

Good place to start.

Baby steps.

Don't go too hard.

Don't get hurt.

Build up slow.

Yeah.

I got some blood work back and I was like, I need to change somebody's numbers.

And like, also, I got like a, it's like an in-depth blood work.

And like they, like, they told me all this extra stuff that I couldn't have known.

And one is, I'm very susceptible to soft tissue injury.

Oh, you're a bitch.

Yeah, I'm a bitch.

It said bitch.

I was translating it.

It said bitch on the paper, and then this is how I make myself feel better about it.

How do they determine whether you're soft tissue?

Whether you're a bitch or not?

That doesn't even make any sense.

I don't know.

It just said I'm very susceptible to like, I guess, whatever it is, ligament, bruising, ligament, like that kind of stuff.

Well, that's just from years of not lifting weights.

That's all that is.

You think that's just changed my blood so that that's yeah?

100%.

Well, I told the guy, and he's like, all right, that's good to know.

And then, like, like my sixth session, I like, like, we were doing that thing where, like, I throw a a medicine bowl down really hard and then, like, catch it and then swing it to him.

And, like, on the swing to him, I was like, ah.

Yeah, you gotta, I would never have you do stuff like that to start out with.

Yeah.

To start out, you should do bodyweight stuff and you should do it like moderately.

Like, when I had a bunch of guys in here, we were doing comedians' workouts on Tuesdays.

And one of the things that we always did, we sometimes do it Tuesdays and Thursdays.

But one of the things we always did, and if anybody's just starting out, I'm like, do not go to failure.

Do not push yourself.

I want you to get out of here and feel fine.

Yeah, I don't want to.

He did say that.

To be fair, he's not like killing me or anything.

But we worked up to that.

But that one, and then we backed off of it.

But rotational stuff is difficult because, you know, you're putting all, especially if you're not particularly coordinated and you're throwing a lot of torque, you know, one way or the other way when you're throwing a medicine ball, especially.

I got tons of torque here.

Torque.

I got so much torque, right?

Like, I don't understand.

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What would determine whether or not you're more susceptible to soft tissue injury?

The only thing that makes sense is that you haven't been working out.

Like, unless there's a biomarker.

Yeah.

Is there?

I think so, yeah.

Let's try Perplexity out because our new sponsor.

Let's find out.

Put that in Perplexity.

Find out what is a biomarker that would indicate you're more susceptible to soft tissue injury.

I had my results in a PDF somewhere.

Or I can call my doctor.

Well, we'll find out.

We'll find out quick.

But it just, to me, the only thing that would make sense is that you haven't been using that tissue.

That's the only thing that would make sense.

And there's probably things that they could show in terms of levels of like

creatinine, I think that's how you say it, and maybe some other stuff that would indicate.

Here it goes.

What biomarker would indicate one susceptible to soft tissue injuries?

Well-supported biomarker that indicates susceptibility to soft tissue injuries, genetic variant.

Oh, and the elastin, ELN gen, gene.

Interesting, which has been identified as a marker of ligament weakness and may signal increased risk of injury.

Whoa.

Yeah, there you go.

So that's what you have.

I'm a variant.

I'm a.

What do you call this X-Men?

I'm a mutant.

So this is the word I was looking for.

Classic serum protein markers like creatine kinase,

lactate, what's that word?

Diodrogenase and myoglobin reflect muscle tissue breakdown and can indicate tissue vulnerability or prior damage, but their use in predicting susceptibility

as opposed to recent injury is less robust.

Recent research has also shown that profiling early healing stages through mass spectrometry, spectrometry can identify multiple proteins whose baseline alterations may point to greater risk for delayed or poor recovery.

Hmm.

So what does this guy got you doing?

Like, what is like a typical workout for you?

He switches it up every single, every single time.

I mean,

I've been seeing him about four weeks, three times a week.

How'd you find him?

He actually lived in the building next to me.

Oh.

And I ran into him.

This is weird stuff has been happening like this lately.

Like, I'm like, I really got to get a trainer.

And I was like walking in between the, we had a little thing in the between the buildings and he like he just was there talking to someone and I he mentioned he goes on the physical trainer.

I'm like, I need someone.

He's like, I'll walk over and we'll do it.

So I do it at like 6.30 in the morning.

That's the thing that's a little harder too.

It's like the only time I can do it at 6.30 in the morning because I have like a, you know, that's good though.

No, I know.

I started the right way.

No, you got to win.

It is good.

And it's been crazy like how much I feel like I've done now by like two, two o'clock in the afternoon.

But when that alarm goes off at like six, and I know he's waiting downstairs, and you know, I'm just like, now it's because now it's winter, like back home, I don't know about here, but like it's still completely pitch black outside, you know, like so, just getting up in that darkness and being like,

my wife's sleeping, I'm putting on a fucking headband.

I sweat, like in tennis, I wore a hat at first, but I was like, I need to get no, I bought, like, I got like fancy with like a Lululemon.

Oh, nice.

It's not, it's like, I don't know, yeah.

I, I look, I look the part.

Okay.

I look stretchy.

Listen, that's, it's all the looking the parts fun.

No, no.

It's all part of just fucking doing it.

It's been good.

I felt immediately, it's immediately, it changes my, this is that release.

It just feels great.

The first workout, I felt like right afterwards, I was like,

this is amazing.

That's great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

As long as you don't go too hard.

That's what I always tell everybody.

You can't, you're not going to be able to keep up.

If you try a crazy pace right off the bat, you're not going to be able to keep up with it.

and you're not going to be able to recover.

You're going to get broken down.

You got to build it slow.

It used to take care of itself with just sports and stuff.

But I don't do that anymore.

I haven't done that in forever.

Are you a good athlete outside of whatever training you do?

Are you at sports?

Do you play any sports?

The only sport I played, I played baseball when I was a kid.

And then once I started doing martial arts when I was in my early teens, I quit everything.

Wow.

Yeah.

And just focused on that.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Well,

for me, it's like, I hated team sports because I'm kind of, you know, stubborn.

And like, I either struck out or hit a home run, no matter what happened.

They were always like, they were always like, get on base.

I'd be like, right.

Like, fuck it.

I'm going for the bleachers, bitch.

And either I was a hero or everybody was mad at me.

And that's how I always played.

I didn't care.

Like, I'm not going to be a loser because Billy drops the ball in the fucking left field.

Right.

I don't care.

Yeah.

Like, and so then when I found wrestling, I was like, okay, this is better.

This is just me.

And then I got into martial arts and I was like, okay, this I like.

This is just like, I can, I either put in the work and get better or I don't.

I either win or I lose.

There's no weird gray area.

The only gray area is decisions.

Decisions sucked because there's a lot of biased judges.

And, you know, if you're in like someone's hometown and you've got

their ass.

Really?

Terrible.

Is that blatant?

Oh, yeah.

Don't you remember Roy Jones Jr.

in the Olympics?

Roy Jones Jr., it was actually a beautiful moment because Roy Jones Jr.

in the Olympics, he boxed beautifully.

It was a perfect performance in the finals, and he lost.

There's no way he lost, but it was in Korea, and it was against the Korean national champion.

And so the Korean national champion, he won the gold medal and then came to visit Roy Jones recently and gave him the gold medal and said, you should have won that fight.

Like recently, recently?

Yeah, recently, recently.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow.

But when I was a kid and I watched that, I was so disheartened because I had seen that in Taekwondo a lot.

I had seen that in kickboxing a lot.

And it's just, it's embarrassing.

It's just when you see like blatant, obvious corruption, and that, to me, that decision is one of the worst examples of blatant corruption.

Because Roy Jones just ran away with that fight.

The only thing he didn't do is knock that guy out, but he beat his ass.

They don't feel repercussions when it's that obvious?

It's all subjective.

It happens in the UFC.

Yes.

It happens in the UFC all the time.

There's bad decisions and

it's infuriating.

It's infuriating to the athlete too because particularly in the UFC, there's a win bonus.

So imagine if you beat a guy, like you really hit the gas in the second and third round, you fucking burn yourself out.

You get the decision.

You're like, I fucking did it.

I did it.

Your corner celebrated.

We got it.

We got the last two rounds.

All you, all you.

And then you hear the judges, and you're like, no fucking way.

They robbed me.

Wow.

And it happens.

It happens all the time.

So, say if you're a young guy and you're starting out in the UFC and you have a contract, maybe it's like 15 and 15.

What that means is you get 15,000 to show and then 15,000 to win.

So if you lose, you only get that 15,000.

So those judges just stole $15,000 from you.

When you're struggling just to feed yourself, right?

And if you're getting $15,000 to fight, you have to pay for managers, you have to pay for your gym fees, you have to pay for nutrition, you have to pay for supplements, you know, you have to, maybe you're getting a massage once a week, you got to pay for that.

It's like, you don't have any money.

Zero money.

You have to work a job.

There's no way you're doing that without a job.

If you're lucky, you could teach.

If you're lucky, you can maybe teach private life.

Like if you're a jiu-jitsu guy or a kickboxer, you could teach people during the day.

but other than that man you fucking you're barely getting by and they just stole 15 grand from you wow and happens all the time and nothing comes right is appeals appeals of bullshit we we get mad you know we talk about it in the commentary and we you know daniel particularly gets upset because he was a professional fighter and he's seen it yeah you know but it's like They always say, don't leave it in the judge's hands.

But that's nonsense because

these guys, you're not good enough to knock them out.

And if you try to knock them out, you're going to get knocked out.

It's like you have to fight smart, right?

So, like, you always should fight the best you can, but smart.

Yeah.

And if you don't do that,

you shouldn't be a professional fighter.

It's because you're going to get beat up when you shouldn't get beat up.

You're going to get hurt when you shouldn't get hurt.

Yeah.

I didn't.

I never did anything.

I took karate for like six months.

I never did.

It was team sports for me, but it was,

I wasn't particularly at that.

I actually, when the first year our grammar school got a basketball team.

I was in seventh grade.

And so

if you were in eighth grade, you automatically made varsity.

And then whatever remaining spots you have to try out.

I wasn't really good, right?

But I tried out.

And I was the last one cut.

So I was the very first person to be placed on the JV team.

Oh, no.

So the best of the JV, right?

I,

we didn't have a coach.

The school did not have a basketball program.

So,

my friend's mom, who prior to this just owned a bakery,

she was like, I'll coach.

I mean,

she had no experience outside of pastries.

And she got like a clipboard, like a whiteboard clipboard.

And we met at the school gym and she started running drills with us.

And it was like, whoever else wanted to play can play.

So, yes, I got cut last.

So I was, you know.

How'd you do?

So I was MVP of the team for the season.

Nice.

Went to the awards ceremony.

No, let me finish talking.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah, no, you'll see.

The team, first of all.

So we weren't good.

We knew we weren't good.

And we were like, okay, watch, this first team we're going to play is going to be like amazing.

So we show up for this first game.

Okay.

We get to the Catholic CYO Center.

It's like the Catholic Youth Organization gym.

We get there.

Every single kid on that team is just like

Dominican or like we were all like scorny little white kids.

These kids were like six feet tall already.

I'll never forget it.

I walked in and

you do drills in the beginning before you start the game.

You all take the go in the line and take layups on your side.

They're taking layups on their side.

And I remember I locked eyes with some kid and he looked at me and he was dribbling the ball backwards through his legs as he walked backwards.

And he didn't break eye contact with me.

And then he like ran up and like, he did a layup and like tapped the backboard or whatever.

We lost 44-0.

44-0.

Okay.

So at the end of the game, you're supposed to like line up and you all like, you know, touch hands or whatever.

And you go upstairs and there's the little rec room and you get like some Fritos and a juice box or whatever.

So

the parents were there and the parents of this team were engaged.

I mean,

I mean, shutout in basketball is pretty tough.

And the parents were going nuts.

And so at at the end, when the buzzer sounded, like the parents were chanting, 44-zip, zip, 44-zip.

And they were chanting it like loud, right?

And then when we got online, the kids started chanting.

The parents started chanting.

The parents ran onto the court and I just literally, like, and we're shaking hands, they're all chanting 44-zip.

We go.

all together up the stairs to get the juice box and the parents are screaming it up the hallway 44 right in our face like 44 zip zip i mean literally it was like the most humiliating experience

next game uh we played blessed sacrament we lost 56 three

i had the three points congratulations two points and a foul a bucket and a foul right and then we proceeded to go oh and 14 on the year

the last the last game of the season at halftime i don't know what happened we looked up and we were winning it was the first time we ever had a lead it was the last game of the year is halftime and someone was like holy shit we're fucking winning and we looked up and it was like 18 16 or something and we lost.

So they proceed to have the awards dinner.

Well, you know, everyone like goes all the teams.

It's like it's the sports dinner.

So like they're doing all the awards for varsity, JV across all the platforms.

And they insisted on

doing it.

So

I was the MVP of the team.

Because you scored the only three points.

I had 16 points on the season.

14 games, 16 points.

I had to get up in front of everyone at the buffet

and take the trophy that said Salvo Cano, MVP, JV, you know, 1990, whatever it was.

And I just was like, thank you.

You know, like, oh, and for 16 fucking points.

I have that.

I have that trophy right now in my den on my mantle.

That's hilarious.

Yeah.

That's hilarious.

16 points on the season.

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Boy, that'll teach you a sense of humor.

Yeah.

I mean, right away, I would say.

44 zip in your face by grown-ups.

Yeah, zip chips.

Jesus.

I mean, like, going like that.

What kind of sportsmanship is that?

There was none there that day.

There was none there that day.

There's something to be said for that.

There's something to be said for that.

We had no business behind that.

I can only imagine what it looked like.

Like, if they want their kids to be pros, you know,

if they want the kids to really dominate, you got to really encourage the shit out of them.

Yeah.

You know, and for a lot of people, look, if you've got a kid that's six feet tall already and, you know, he's fucking 14 and he's really good already at basketball you're like we might get rich yeah you know this is like a shot yeah it's true fuck yeah it's a giant shot their own form system i mean if a kid can make it yeah in professional sports oh my god you know it's your kid and maybe if you're lower income people and you know you have a kid and your family's really into sports i hope it's a way out oh yeah man i mean it's like one of the the rare things that's a lot of pressure on those kids oh my god i could imagine we didn't have uniforms our team every other team no uniforms had uniforms.

No, we wore our gym uniforms, which was

like, you know, like the short shorts and like just the t-shirt and stuff.

That's hilarious.

And me, I was like such, I tucked mine in, my socks are up to my knees, that kind of thing.

Yeah.

I have to picture someone.

I'm going to pitch it

into my little giants or whatever.

There's no win at the end, though.

It doesn't have to be.

You failed miserably.

You don't have to win.

You know how hard it was to accept that trophy?

It was hard.

Yeah.

But now it's like, great.

It's like I have the trophy and I like, I should, I never did it on stage.

I should maybe work that in stage.

It's a good setup for being a comedian.

Yeah.

You know, that kind of like humility.

It's like, it humbles you.

Yeah.

It's a good setup.

You've got to realize.

Yeah.

We're not all created equal.

Yeah.

It's a crock of shit.

I'm funnier than any one of those kids.

I'll tell you that.

There you go.

But like the idea that everyone's created equal physically, that's a hilarious idea.

You haven't met any extreme athletes.

There's people out there that are just, but they're different than all of us.

Just, just, it's not fair.

That's just how the universe works.

Some people's great-grandparents were fucking Vikings.

Like, like for real Vikings.

I've been trying to figure out what else to do.

Like, I just, I need some type of outlet because I haven't been doing why don't you take up a sport?

Well, so I have, so another thing that happened to me, this was the weirdest thing ever.

I was like, it just popped into my head.

I don't know why.

I was like, I think I want to learn how to sail.

What I think I might have meant prop maybe is like, I want to learn how to drive a boat.

But like, I was like, I think I want to learn how to sail.

And so I was telling this to my wife.

And then like, just same thing as the trainer.

Like,

like a few days later, it was like four days later.

I was at music class with my daughter.

And one of the dads was there with his daughter.

And I was inviting him to go somewhere, like a group activity.

And he was like, I'd love to, but I can't.

I teach sailing that day.

Wow.

And I was like, are you serious?

He's like, yeah.

And you were already thinking about it.

Four days ago, I said to my wife, I want to learn how to sell.

He goes, let's go.

Do you think that you have the ability to manifest things like that in your life?

Do you ever wonder?

I don't think.

I don't think that.

There are people that believe that.

There are people that believe that the way your consciousness interacts with the universe is what makes things happen.

Fucking people

don't happen exactly as randomly as we want to believe that they do.

But there are things that you do where you put energy out there.

I'd like to believe that.

There's a lot of examples of it.

It's a weird one to believe in because I feel like it's an element to life.

And the problem is people are always looking for it to be the element, like the thing.

Like, do you remember that movie, The Secret?

Yeah.

So during that time, a lot of people, unfortunately, got convinced that they could wish their life into existence.

Yeah, you get like a board.

Yeah, yeah, a vision board and all that stuff.

I think that is a part of things.

That putting something into your head is a part of things.

But I don't think it's the whole thing.

And I think if you think of it as the primary thing instead of thinking of it as the whole, like the whole thing has all these different pieces.

Like if you want to get healthy, you have to eat well, you have to take vitamins, you have to exercise, you have to sleep, you have to drink plenty of water, you have to cut out all the bad stuff like alcohol.

So there's a lot of elements.

It's not just workout, right?

There's a lot of elements.

And I think that's the thing with like manifesting stuff.

I don't think it's entirely bullshit.

I think there's something to it.

I mean, look, you start, you know, you start lining all your ducks in a row.

Eventually, you know, something's going to be cohesive.

But the thing about like me running into a guy.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, that's like, what's that?

That's what I'm saying.

The sailing and the fitness trainer.

Like, right when you're putting it out there,

there's a lot of people that believe this,

that believe that what we think of as physical reality just being static and locked down, it's not really the case.

And that there's a strange dance between consciousness and physical reality that we're not totally aware of.

And that we don't really have the senses to like be able to measure it, to somehow or another quantify it and put it on a scale.

Like what percentage of how your life goes depends on what kind of energy you put out there.

Energy's big.

Energy's big.

That's why I'm always very particular about who I hang out with.

Because people think it's no big deal to hang out with idiots.

But the problem is you're absorbing their energy.

And instead of hanging out with really cool people and you absorb their energy, and everybody gets out of there feeling fucking great, what a good time, what a good time.

They just suck the energy, they suck it, and they make it about them, and they get negative, and they're fucking passive-aggressive and weird, or whatever it is.

It's like, I don't want to deal with him anymore, man.

Yeah, you eventually shed those people.

You should, you should, because they are energy.

It's like you, you can,

and I think how you feel personally, like how your life is going, has a giant effect on how your life can go because you're thinking in a positive way.

You know, like you're, you're, you're in the right groove.

You're in the right vibration.

Yeah.

If you want to get real hippie, you want to get all crystally.

But there's something to it.

It's not everything.

It's not the whole thing.

I don't think it should be dismissed because I think there's a reality to it.

Because I just, there's too many times, too many times.

Like, how many times have you ever run into a fucking trainer when the guy's telling you you're

fucking never, right?

The sailing one blew me away.

Yeah, how many times have you ever run into someone who TV?

And I took it.

I went sailing the other day.

I took my first one in the New York Harbor, man.

Wow.

It was crazy.

My parents lived on a sailboat for like two years.

Might have been more.

Might have been a little more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They just started.

Before you were born?

No, no, no, no.

When I was already a grown man.

Like, right when I started getting on TV and I started making some loot.

I helped them get the sailboat and they got a sailboat and they just.

They already sailed.

No, no, they learned how to sail and did it.

Whoa, because it's not easy, by the way.

Gangster move.

Yeah, and they were like living down like in the Bahamas and shit.

That's living off of a sailboat.

Fuck a few years.

What kind of parents you got?

My parents,

this is a foreign idea to me.

Yeah, they just took, they took this chance.

They just decided to let's see.

They lived on it?

Oh, yeah, with a cat, too.

With our cat that we had when we were kids.

The cat was on the boat with them.

This is fascinating.

Yeah, they were, they took, well, they're still alive.

I shouldn't say they were.

They are.

They like to live life.

And so they're visible.

Did you want to visit them on the boat?

I did.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I visited them on the boat.

Yeah.

It was fun.

I didn't visit them in the Bahamas.

I visited them when they had it out here.

Oh, they had it in America.

But it was interesting because to be able to do that, that's a crazy skin.

And they had to weather some storms.

Like they had to get docked up during a storm.

My stepdad had to go out to someone else's boat because it wasn't tied down.

And he had to tie this dude's boat down down in the middle of a fucking storm.

Yeah, that's like life risking life risky.

Yeah, life risking dangerous shit.

Yeah, yeah.

They did it for a couple of years.

My mom was like,

we're done.

What was the life before that?

Like, was there a standard?

No, yeah, he's an architect.

And,

you know.

Because that is a bold choice.

Yeah, it was a crazy choice.

Not even to just learn, because it's like, I'm going to live on this sailboat.

I'm going to go live in a tropical environment.

I'm going to live.

I'm going to learn how to sail.

I think they just, you know, people don't like work, man.

Like, a regular job like work sucks and if you and you get to a certain point in your life and your kids have left the house and you're like this is life this isn't like preparing for something yeah this is life right i'm not preparing for life right now so i don't want to do this right i don't like doing this let's just do something else while we can yeah because it was it like when you're out on a boat is that's what it is yeah that's what it is

really like yeah centering you it's like being in the mountains like or you know being in nature when you're in nature you go to the woods like okay this is just, this is the only thing that matters.

Like,

this existence.

I like that because I didn't grow up with that, and that's not common for me.

And it's like the one thing that really resonates with me as far as shutting my brain off and things like that.

Oh, yeah, the ocean.

There's a reason why all those rich folks live like right on the ocean.

They're not stupid.

I rented a house once in Malibu.

We were getting our kitchen redone in California, and we couldn't stay in the house.

And so for like four months, we rented a house and we rented this house like on the water.

And you wake up and you sit in the patio and it's these sliding glass doors and you're literally above, right above the ocean.

So you see nothing but this little

balcony and then water.

And you're like, oh, I get it.

Now I wonder why these people live right next to each other in a $20 million house.

Yeah.

Because I was like, who the fuck wants to buy a house with no yard?

You're jammed up next to your neighbors.

That's stupid.

And then I got there one morning drinking coffee, sitting there by myself, smoking a joint.

I'm like, okay.

Yeah, it's like biological.

I get it.

It's like you get it.

Yeah.

I go, oh, yeah, I get it.

I see what you guys are doing.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

This is better.

This is like you're watching a show and a work of art at the same time while you're taking in sunshine and fresh, clean air from the ocean.

Yeah.

But

here's the fucker.

The difference between the water in the day and the water in the night is huge.

The water in the day is beautiful.

It's blue and you see dolphins and you see seagulls everywhere.

It's incredible.

It's food for the soul.

At night, it's a black monster.

At night when you realize, especially me, because I'm probably a little high at the time, and I'm looking out that water.

Abyss.

And I'm like, there is billions and trillions of gallons of water out there.

And no one can control it and all it takes is the earth just having this one little

one little shift of the tectonic plates and a fucking wave is coming and you're right on the edge how and i sleep like a log yeah you know like yeah if a tsunami's coming you're done yeah look at this one getting swept away i This is the Outer Banks?

Yeah, and this ain't even a tsunami.

This is just a house game.

Yeah, that's tough, man.

There's a video of this guy walking his dog in Russia, and it's real recent.

And there was a tsunami that there was a giant warning.

They knew it was going to happen because there was a huge earthquake off the coast.

And so they knew it was coming.

So this guy is way up on this cliffside.

Watch this.

Look how high he is.

See how high he is?

Yeah.

That warning.

Where is he?

Oh, he's right.

So that's him taking the video.

Yeah.

So he's taking this video and he's with his dog.

It's kind of cool when you hear his voice too.

It's like, wolf, woos, wolf.

So look, look how high he he was, right?

And look at this water coming in.

Oh, dude, it gets all the way over the top.

No.

Oh, yeah.

Look at the dog.

The dog's almost died.

The dog doesn't know it almost died.

This silly dog is just sitting there.

It keeps going.

Bro, this is banana.

That's horrifying.

Look how high it gets.

And he's now at this point in time, he's realizing, like, oh, shit, look, it gets over the top.

It crests over the top of the fucking hill.

Yeah.

I mean, that's like 100 feet.

Yeah.

That's insane.

Yeah, you've seen the perfect storm, right?

But that's what happens at night.

When you're sitting there at night, you can't sleep because you're like, what am I doing?

Why would I sleep here?

This is so stupid.

It's weird how it flips like that.

Just all you have to do is just be real.

Like in the day, you're not real.

Let's say it's like, oh, the sun has given me vitamin D.

It's like, at night, it's like, no, no, no, no, no.

This is just water.

An immense amount of water that no one is in control of.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Get out of here.

I was like, get help.

No.

No?

No, no, no, no, no.

That's their world.

That's their world, dude.

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e l p.com slash j r e i did it.

I did it on a, on a, on a trip in uh the Cayman Islands, and uh

I always wanted to do it, so I was psyched to do it, and I did one time prior to that in a pool, so I was like, all right, I'm kind of gonna, whatever.

And I almost couldn't go through with it because like the

initial descent, they had to put weights on you.

Oh, boy.

And it just goes against everything your body feels.

Your body's like, no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah.

And they say like, you know try to breathe measured if you breathe a lot you're running out of air faster oh fun right so it's like yeah just just hearing the fact oh you run out of air is the tank the the meter based on how much air is in or how much time like how much you've been breathing like could you fuck up and and breathe too much yes and it wouldn't say e yet no no i mean i had the little dial so it'll show you yeah and i was with someone i was not yeah but still by the way it doesn't matter by the way so it's like i couldn't get down i'm claustrophobic and so I think that played into it.

But like,

you have to start,

it just, you have to overcome this sensation that you're maybe drowning or being suffocated.

Like, you know,

you go down and the weights start to pull you down and you adjust to breathing through here.

But then that's it.

Like, and if you want to like talk or it's like you don't, you don't feel

comfortable and you just want out, this.

you know, you can't just get out.

And once you go down 30 feet or so, you have to like, you know, you can't just shoot up either.

You have to go up slowly, obviously.

I mean, it's not 30 feet is the bends, but like, you know, that whole thing.

And so I thought.

So 30 feet where you get the bends?

No, I only went 30 feet.

I think that's like very simple stuff.

But I still don't think it's like real deep.

It's like a shoot up.

Right.

It's yeah, it's deeper than that.

Yeah.

But, um, but which is crazy.

You get too much nitrogen in your blood and you're fucked.

It's fucked up, right?

That's crazy.

And I got it.

That's their world, bro.

That's not your world.

That's their world.

Well, it was 30 feet down.

It was still kind of my world.

That's far.

Yeah, yeah.

yeah that's far yeah but i can't

still see our world you know but if you're out of breath and you got to get to that 30 feet and you're you're exhausted and out of breath that's terrifying yeah well it was me and my friend and that was it it was an instructor no one else showed up it was his birthday i was taking him for his birthday right so they like tell you some things they're like all right i'm gonna go down there with you and like telling you signals and stuff you know like if i do this or if i do you know whatever whatever the signals were and i'm like all right i'm trying to like remember these goddamn signals especially like if i need to communicate something yeah there should be a test yeah there wasn't so we go down i finally overcome it and i get down there and like once i got down there and calmed down

i had moments where i was a little panicky again but like in the moments where i was calm i was like all right i'm going slow i'm breathing slow this is cool and you just kind of like start exploring and there were these big like i guess oscars big these big fish like the side like literally the size of almost my body like five or six of them together just there but they weren't like you know they couldn't harm you but like just the sheer size of them was like i'll stay away from them

but then this instructor starts swimming forward and then my friend is behind her and i'm behind him and at one point like i you know i'm not good with the paddles no the

flippers flippers is that flippers

like i don't I don't know.

Some people are just good with them, but like, it's kind of like, it's weird.

It's

an unnatural feeling.

So I'm not good with them.

And I got this fucking tank on me.

And, you know, everything's tight, you know, and it's like, and I'm trying to use the footprints and I'm not really catching like I'm kind of falling behind a little bit I'm not really doing it great and then I start to try to do it faster but then that like spins me a little bit so now I'm spinning down there and I'm trying to kick out of it and I like want to communicate to the instructor and she's in front of my friend swimming forward and my friends I'm looking at his ass I'm like I'm just like fucking like I'm just like waving my hands like that seems I need help wildly irresponsible yeah like she I don't think she should have led like that and when she was I would say she was probably 20 feet ahead of me swimming forward.

And so at that one point,

I was like, this is not, like, this is, this is crazy.

She doesn't, I can't get help if I need help right now.

And you're panicking.

I did.

I panicked.

I started breathing heavy.

Of course.

And I had to, like, literally just, you know, bring myself back down.

Let me ask you this.

So they don't give you any like tests to make sure that you're good at scuba diving?

Yeah, we went in the water first, right?

And like in the shallow area.

Okay.

And like we did like some exercises and drills or whatever, and they explained the signs.

Did you know what's going to happen?

Did you tell her you're claustrophobic?

I don't think I did.

When you say you're claustrophobic, are you self-diagnosed or did you go to a mental hospital?

Self.

You went crazy.

Where do you get that from?

Where do I think?

Why do I think I have it?

Why are you claustrophobic?

What makes you?

Because I've been in scenarios in confined small spaces where I couldn't get out or I didn't have a lot of mobility and I literally had a panic, like we have a a panic attack like I stop my heart starts beating out my chest I feel like I can't breathe so it's like a an anxiety of being confined to a small space yeah like when I was um

uh I did an MRI

Oh that was like that's very close to focus started beating out of my chest and there was one time on a plane a long time I don't like to fly either so that combined with like I was in a row like a really tight row like just crammed in and I just I don't know I just it's it's happened a few times in my life where in the like the the the back row of like a like a van where like it was closed in.

Like, and I couldn't,

anywhere I can't get right out.

And one time I was in a stretcher and I, um,

they like lock you, like they strap you in.

Man, I can't take that.

I can't take it.

What happened to you?

You just get stretched?

I was in a car accident.

Yeah, I was fine.

I was okay.

But they just precautionary put you in a stretcher?

I was, I was, to tell you the truth, I saw, I was dr I was driving and a guy ran a red stop sign and like plowed fast and plowed into me.

I was a teenager and my best friend was driving behind me.

So he watched it happen.

So he called right away.

But I guess I kind of like, I don't remember.

I got hit.

And then I remember my girlfriend at the time crying.

And I remember talking to her, but I have no vision.

I just hear the words.

And I remember like I was hugging her and I could feel her tears.

And then the next thing I remember.

In my mind was that I was in a stretcher on the floor and I woke up and like the ambulance was there and everything was there so next thing I remember but I'm telling this guy I'm in this fucking thing and he has me on the floor behind the ambulance and I'm right by the exhaust pipe oh my god I'm just laying on the and the thing's like just right by the I'm like can somebody fucking move me from away from the exhaust pipe that's hilarious you know but uh I couldn't when I'm when I'm held down like that and confined and I can't move it's like I don't know I just feel like I can't breathe right I start to freak out my mom has it so I don't know if it's like I don't know if it's I just wonder what the difference between that and general anxiety is.

Because if you have general anxiety, I would imagine you would get claustrophobic, too.

So maybe that's what it is.

Well, I'm just telling you what I feel in confined spaces.

The reason why I'm asking is because I think we have, excuse me, I think we have genetic memory.

of bad stuff.

I think that's why some people are allergic or terrified of snakes.

Some people are terrified, like there's a thing, a real thing, a phidiophobia or arachnophobia.

Some people, like, they go into a hot panic.

It's different than anything else.

Right.

And I think there's something like in the genes from

millions of years of evolution where someone down the line died or almost died because of one of these fucking spiders or one of these snakes or you saw someone get killed by a snake and you see them and you fucking lock up.

How do you explain the phobia of clowns?

John Bowen Gacy.

There's a bunch of people

you can't see their real face.

It's scary.

It's scary to not be able to see someone's real face.

Yeah.

Which was like one of the most fucked up things we did to kids during the pandemic is make everybody wear masks.

Because kids are in school and they're not getting facial expressions.

They're not getting them from teachers.

They're not getting them from their classmates.

It's weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's weird.

That's not good for human development.

Yeah, that was the norm.

There's something, especially as kids, we don't like if we can't figure your face out.

I can't see your whole face.

You're wearing paint, so I'm not getting the right signals.

You got a rubber nose on.

You got weird, fucking crazy hair.

I'm like, I don't know if you're cool or not cool.

Right.

Right.

If you're a regular guy, and I can tell if you're creepy, I can tell, like, this guy's got weird energy.

Let's get out of here.

Yeah.

But a clown's like, hello, boys and girls.

You're allowed to act like in this weird, silly way.

A clown could be right on the line, whether it's demonic or full-on demonic psychopath that you could hide as a clown.

And you could hide with that language, that clown language.

Hi, boys and girls.

Would you like to see a trick?

Meanwhile, you're thinking about cutting that kid up in your basement.

Yeah.

You know?

And those are real human beings yeah yeah do you remember when clowns like for a minute were like in the news everywhere because there was like a trend that clowns were terrorizing towns it was like five years like maybe less than 10 years ago no oh my god where i'm from in staten island we had the staten island clown oh no and this there was a clown just showing up in public spaces and events just watching people and then like

recessing like back into the night and it would make appearances and started making the papers.

I do remember that.

Oh, it was wild.

Was it around the time that it came out, though?

I don't think it was it.

But the book.

Maybe it was Terrifier.

Oh, that late.

Yeah, it was.

So what year was it?

I think it was like, I would say I would put it out 10 years.

Okay.

It was 2016.

Okay.

Yeah.

But then other places, like other people started doing it.

And then it was like clowns.

And that was kind of fun, actually, though.

I do remember that.

I like that.

I like that.

I like the idea that there might be a clown that would go out one night.

Because

it almost felt like our version of Summer of Sam or something like that.

People are like, if you're going out tonight, look out for the clowns.

It is weird that there's always been throughout history this Jack the Ripper.

There's always been these people.

In Austin, they say there's a lot of people who are

strangles.

They don't know who Jack the Ripper is, right?

I feel like there's some new, but there's always like a story.

New evidence reveals the true identity of Jack the Ripper.

You never know what's just clickbait bullshit.

And you click on it, some nonsense website that tells you they found Jack the Ripper.

So you're not going to get me every time.

I just clicked on something that said that

Christian Bale was Banksy.

Nah.

There was an article that said.

Oh, he's an amazing actor.

That guy can do anything.

It can't be.

It's bullshit.

It would be fun if it was.

He's an interesting dude.

You know, he drives like a 1983 Toyota Tundra or a 93.

Really?

Why?

Not even a Tundra, a Tacoma.

He's a weird dude.

Just like, this is all I need.

I drive this.

He's got a regular Toyota pickup truck.

I shouldn't have like doxxed him.

Now people can be looking.

Yeah, look at him.

Dude, he's not

going to fall.

He's got a tundra.

Banksy thing was April Fools.

What's that?

Banksy thing was April Fool's.

Oh, was it?

Oh, the Banksy thing was a good thing.

Someone sent me a link.

I didn't even know.

I wouldn't be shocked if it was, though.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, as good as that guy is, he could kind of do whatever he wants.

You know, when you get to that level of actor, those are like weird, exceptional humans.

They don't come along that often.

You know, the Gary Oldmans, the Daniel Day-Lewises, there's these people that become another person.

Yeah.

Those weirdos, they could do whatever they want.

If he wanted to be Banksy, I would go, okay, yeah, it's not like Banksy's making Mona Lisas everywhere.

Yeah, it's just like, yeah, they're playing with different rules.

Yeah.

I think.

But I remember I was disappointed when I found out it was him because, you know, it's like, oh, I don't know.

I want it to be mysterious.

It's kind of amazing that nobody knows who Banksy is.

Yeah.

I mean, it's really weird, actually.

Did you see that doc, that exit through the gift shop?

I didn't.

it's pretty interesting it's it's like it it's it follows other artists his name's like mr

he has a moniker that he goes by and like people thought that he was banksy and so like it spends the whole thing like following him but it turns out he's not but it was it was a fun watch but it was like uh it's it's just wild to me that after all this time

In the age we're living in now, nothing has gotten it.

Like everyone, like,

how many people know who he is?

Like, you know, how close to the vest is his identity?

Well, he would have to be a truly brilliant person to keep it together.

That would be likely.

Right.

But even then, you know, fuck it, I'm coming out with this.

You guys are assholes.

Yeah.

Right.

You know, like one guy in the band that decides to leave.

It's got to come out.

Or his girlfriend, you should go to the press.

You could get a lot of money if you go to the press.

It's going to come out eventually.

Just come out.

Listen, sell your story before they don't want to buy your story.

We need the money.

Like, oh, should I do that?

I didn't know you did voices.

I'd do that one.

That's a good one.

That was pretty good.

If I close my eyes, that's good.

Sell it.

Sell it.

No, I don't do that.

Mark, it's $65,000.

Do you have $65,000?

You don't.

But it's going to be worth nothing.

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Even the goalposts start looking suspiciously like french fries.

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The next thing you know, the band's breaking up.

That's funny, dude.

That always happens.

I went to, um,

I went to, I was invited to this brunch in England.

And it was a, it was the guy, um, man, he was a descendant of a

who's the

guy where it's like, oh,

like he, when you want to fuck,

when you're

like, when you're thinking about your mom, who's that guy?

The

moment you're talking about the momentum.

Yeah, I know, I know.

I'm literally having a stroke.

I have no idea what you're saying.

I know.

All right.

Jamie, do you know what he's saying?

He needed a couple more words.

He wasn't getting to it.

Yeah.

When you think of your mom, that guy.

Yeah, the guy.

It's like, what's it go for for freud oh

jesus christ

freud yeah so he's i think he's a descendant you're talking about like a wash

freud is like his i think freud is like his like great great grandfather or something and then he also married into like it's the biggest uh market like publication uh in in

the biggest like media company conglomerate in in overseas whatever i forget the n his name he's super rich famous family that married into another super rich famous family right freud family and then like whoever this other one is anyway i'm at this person's house okay long story short i don't remember how i got invited there i think his where is it it's um

it was somewhere in outside of london and it it was unassuming because we walked through row houses through an alley to get to their property and uh i think that the daughter of this i'm i feel bad that i i'm forgetting the name because they were a gracious host and but i i did the daughter i think was a fan of ours or something and somehow got in touch and we got invited there

it was a weird wild thing so I find myself at this place I didn't I didn't know anyone and I get there and like it was a weird collection of people there apparently this guy hosts a brunch forever he's like known for it and he has a lot of friends and a lot of celebrity friends and so there was celebrities and stuff there at this brunch.

It was really cool.

Walk in, there was all food trucks and stuff and get into their house.

And

at the time, Woody Harrelson was filming a movie in London and it was crazy.

It was a one, it was a live movie in one shot.

They rehearsed for this movie for months and months and months and then a live stream into theaters.

And he acted live and the entire thing was one shot.

It was like 90 minutes long.

Whoa.

Yeah, I don't, I can't believe it didn't get more pressed just from the nature of that.

That's insane.

But

Wow,

so he was out there for that and so he was at this brunch and I think Owen Wilson

Was was also at this brunch.

How did I forget about this?

Did you do you recall it now?

I'm kind of recalling hearing about it now.

Yeah, it was because I didn't get any love.

No, but I went and saw it and it was on it was really fucking cool.

So there's, I mean, there's a lot of different people there, Liv Tyler, just the guys from Oasis.

There was just a collection of people there.

And I found myself,

they had like a little bomb, like a escape, not escape room,

what do you call it?

Safe room.

And the safe room was just converted.

It had a ping pong table in it.

I went downstairs.

I walked into the safe room and Woody Harrelson and Edward Wilson are playing ping pong down there.

And I just, it was them two, a cat and me.

And I just watched them play ping pong.

I don't know them.

But wait, I'm getting to this.

Oh, so anyway, they had Banksy's.

Like they had, they had a, they had a fucking

uh,

man, you know, I think I need to take a supplement from like, I need to get some Genko below me.

Who's it?

Who's the artist with like a Picasso?

They had a Picasso.

I'm like, who's the guy who puts like an eye over here?

The guy with no ear?

No, that's Van Gogh.

Yeah, she had, they had Banksy's, like, just in the house, like up, like that.

Like, wow,

that's probably, I mean, I'm, you know, that's a million dollars.

Yeah, probably, probably, at least.

I don't know.

I don't know how much they are, but I was like, oh, wow, that's your own personal Banksy.

I went over to an agent's house once in Aspen, and this is like a long time ago.

And we were there for, they used to have the Aspen Comedy Festival.

And I was over his house, and I was like, oh, did his kid make this?

There's like this painting on the wall.

And they're like, no, that's a

yeah.

I go,

he paid for that?

It looked like tissue.

No.

I'm just saying this to another agent.

So it's me and this other agent shooting the shit over a couple of cocktails.

We're laughing.

But I'm like, for real?

And he goes, yeah, that's worth like $35,000.

Like, yeah there's no way that is

a kid did that it's that's it was like pieces of tissue paper glued with some paint splattered on it it's nuts i was like what is this do you know the origins of that stuff they think it was a cia psyop for what modern art like that come on yes yeah there's some evidence that points to the cia like when they just nail a banana to the wall or something yeah a little bit of that but a little bit of like jackson pollock so yeah i was gonna splatter i was going to bring up Pollock because Stern did that.

Do you remember seeing when Howard did that?

He was like, I can make a Jackson Pollock, and you won't know the difference.

And he did it on a shoe.

He did it, and he put it next to each other, and nobody knew the difference.

Yeah.

So, what they think is we couldn't compete during the Cold War with the classical artists of Russia.

Like, there's some incredible painters in Russia at the time, and I'm sure there are now.

But

we didn't have a similar level.

We didn't have a Da Vinci over here.

We didn't have someone who could do what they were doing.

And so the CIA came up with a plot to popularize nonsense art and make it like really huge and make all these investors want to spend money buying like nonsense art.

And apparently there's, I never would have considered that until I paid attention to all the other shit that they've done over the last, you know, X amount of decades.

And I was like, I think that's true.

Because it doesn't make sense to me that that stuff would just emerge and all of a sudden be worth millions of dollars and someone wouldn't figure out exactly what Howard Stern figured out that I can make this on my own right and you could just say it's a Pollock you know this is a Jackson Pollock and no one would know like what are we talking about then we're talking about something that anybody can do if you look at the Mona Lisa you're like well I can't do that right you know you you look at you know, there's a million paintings.

You look at it, like, especially today.

There's something about the level that people are at today where they're making like photograph realistic paintings.

Yeah.

Photo realistic paintings.

Like that are above and beyond

anyone's ever accomplished in the history of art.

But because it looks so realistic, people don't even seem to care.

Modern art was the CIA weapon.

Spy agency used unwitting artists such as Pollock and De Koenig in a cultural Cold War.

Ain't that wild?

So scroll up to the thing.

This is from The Independent.

Oh, you have to support?

No, it does there, I guess.

Oh, okay.

So

the connections are probable.

There's a period in the 1950s and 1960s when the great majority of Americans disliked or even despised modern art.

President Truman

summed up the popular view when he said, if that's art, then I'm a het and tot.

I don't know what that means.

Hot and tot.

Hot and tot?

What's a hot and tot?

I don't know, but I'll tell you right now, I'm starting to use that word.

A hot and tot.

Jamie, Google that word.

What is that word?

Never heard of it.

It's a hot and tot.

Something like that.

For the hand.

Sounds like a candy.

Like a mic and I.

A hot and tot.

T-O-T.

What's a hot-and-tot?

An outdated and offensive term historically used by Europeans to refer to, I don't know how to say that word, K-H-O-E-K-H-O-E, an indigenous group of nomadic pastoralists from South Africa.

Jesus Christ.

The president was using that.

You want to talk about the world being different?

The president was using a slur.

Oh, my God.

As for the artists themselves, many were ex-communists and barely acceptable in the America of the McCarthyite era, and certainly not the sort of people normally likely to receive U.S.

government backing.

So, why the CIA supports them?

Because in the propaganda war with the Soviet Union, this new artistic movement could be held up as proof of the creativity, the intellectual freedom, and the cultural power of the U.S.-Russian art,

of the U.S., rather.

Russian art strapped into the communist communist ideal ideological straitjacket could not compete hilarious so because their artists were better we decided to come up with some nonsense art and make people think that was the shit and they and it it worked it worked but are we saying that they found those artists and propped them up no the artists saying that those artists were no the artists already existed but the cia propped them up and pushed them out as being amazing and they did it in an effective way and look if they're all these like super duper rich people are involved or closely connected to the CIA, all they would have to do is have art exhibits at their house and tell everybody how amazing this guy is and how mind-blowing this piece is.

And they'll all agree.

That's how art works in a general sense now anyway.

It's like there are people at the top that dictate a lot of this stuff.

You know what I mean?

Well, for sure, but there's also just talent.

If someone's really good, like all they have to have is an Instagram page if they're really talented.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

But I'm saying the art world and like the art as a commodity and that kind of stuff.

Like, you know, like the bottom can fall out at any time of that, just like anything else.

It's like...

I guess, but people always want art.

But the thing is, like, what I'm getting at is nobody wanted that art.

Yeah.

And then all of a sudden it became worth millions.

And it became worth millions because of the CIA.

Yeah, that's wild.

They mind fucked the American people into believing that terrible art is really good.

That's wild.

Wild.

Yeah.

No, because I just read an article recently about how art as investment, like there's been a huge change where a lot of artists that were being pushed and were really hot by galleries and this and that like just years ago and selling at X amount like their their stuff's not worth anything right now.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow.

I wonder why.

Well, when the economy starts going, I would imagine that people stop buying art, right?

Like luxury items, shit you don't need, art.

Yeah.

It wasn't, I forget, but it wasn't, it wasn't economy based.

It was like, it was like the the trend, like the, you know, the trend within that world or whatever.

It's like, it's always weird to me how people put a price tag on that stuff.

I was in

Venice recently and we went to, I guess it's the Guggenheim Gallery, the Guggenheim Family Gallery.

It's a house that's like, it's a gallery that's like on the water.

You pull up in one of those little boats, you get off and you're in the gallery.

And it smells like priceless art.

It was one person's collection.

So one super rich lady put together, I think, is it called the Peggy Guggenheim in Venice?

I might be making that up.

But anyway, it's a lady, a very wealthy lady who really loved art.

Is that it?

Oh, what a memory.

And she has this incredible collection where you're like, how much did she spend?

Like, this is like a billion dollars in art.

It's nuts, man.

What is that?

That's the front page of their website.

Oh, that's the front page.

Oh, that's an exhibit that they have there.

But it's all, there's some modern stuff, but there's a lot of like, like, priceless shit.

Yeah.

Just unbelievable collection.

You collect

no.

Nothing.

Well, I collect pool cues.

Yeah.

I like pool cues.

No art at all.

Nothing.

I have some art.

Yeah.

But I have friends that are artists.

Well, this place is filled with art.

Yeah, I'm looking around.

But like, I think of my house very differently in this place.

I definitely collect art.

Okay.

I love art for here.

But for my house, I don't have anything.

Okay.

I don't collect anything.

I started.

But this is like,

I feel like the studio is a totally different thing.

Like,

this is like, it's not my house.

It's like a showcase.

You know, like, I like to put cool stuff in here.

Yeah.

Like, I would, if my house was like this, it's too chaotic.

It's too weird.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's a creative space.

It's cool.

It's cool in here.

I have a few pieces at home from this guy, Greg Overton.

He's a friend of mine, and he does Native American art that is just spectacular.

He does these huge pieces, like this, you know, like six, eight foot by six foot, giant Native American faces that are just that I saw him for the first time I was in Park City just going through like the little town and they had a gallery and we were walking around like oh let's go look at the gallery and it was just like right away I was like whoa

shit pull up one of his photos if you can pull up the one that I have

But I stare at that motherfucker every day.

Yeah, you know, it's totally different.

You know, it's like, I just think, what it, this was like, this is a very accurate representation of a real person that lived here 200 years ago and like what is that dude's life like oh shit that's what that one's on my wall god yeah how good is this guy wow what what what is it what is that oil what is it oh yeah it's oil paint wow oil or acrylic or i mean i don't know what exactly he uses but it's painting so like all like realistic oh so well it's just really good man that's one of the ones that i have but i have another one this dude who has white paint on his face and this crazy scar on his face it's like his stuff is, first of all, the dude like loves.

That's it.

The one with above it with the feathers, the white one.

Yeah, that's it.

Make that a little bigger.

That one I see when I'm walking down the hall every day.

Oh, shit.

That's like the first thing I see in the morning is that motherfucker staring at me.

Wow.

Because I, you know, that's kind of powerful, dude.

It's so powerful.

Yeah.

I love that painting.

Greg's a friend, too, and he's a cool motherfucker.

But that, um, that, that to me represents there was a real human that looked exactly like that walking around 200 years ago.

Had no idea what was going to happen to this country in just a short amount of time.

And this dude in, you know, 18, 10, is just out here, lived his whole life out here like this.

Yeah, man.

Living under the stars, following the buffalo around.

It's like, there's something really powerful about knowing that people used to live like that that

recently.

recently, yeah.

So recent.

And now he hangs right by your powder room.

He's at the end of the hallway, right when I get up on purpose.

I want to walk towards that.

That's so serious.

The stuff I've collected is a little bit more vibrant, a little bit more like, you know, not so photorealistic and stuff.

Like, I was going to tell you, someone I thought you'd like is this artist, Jordy Kerwick, as I have a piece of it.

I just, I found him on my own during the pandemic.

I bought a piece of his art and I really loved it.

And then like, what does he do?

What kind of stuff?

I mean, I guess it's kind of like, well, his style has changed.

I bought like a still piece that was like,

but now he's moved into this really funky, cool, like lizard.

So what is that?

This is some cool shit, right?

Yeah.

He's awesome.

He's sculptures too.

He's from Australia, I believe.

He lives in France.

He does sculptures.

Yeah,

he blew up, too.

And he's like, he's the nicest guy.

So like a couple of years, like a few years after I bought his piece I saw him like something of mine on Instagram and I was like oh he cuz I I zoomed with him before I bought it I guess just to talk about it there for a minute and I thought maybe he just

Fought like followed me or knew who I was because I bought his art but he didn't he just knew me through comedy and so I hit him up and I go hey man I saw you like something of mine.

Like, you know, I bought something from you, right?

And he's like, I have no idea.

No.

It's like, yeah, we took, we zoomed.

And he's like, and he's like, no, no, I just am a fan.

I'm like, dude, your stuff is amazing.

And this this guy was so nice.

He ended up sending me more artwork.

Like, he shipped me more artwork of his.

And it's like expensive.

And he just was so generous.

He sent me more stuff.

That's awesome.

This guy's dope.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That looks like where the wild things are.

How fucking dope is that, right?

Very.

His style has changed so much, too.

And it's like, I want to get another piece.

I'm like, part of me is like, I don't want to, if I'm going to spend, if I'm going to get it, I want to like, you know, get, try to vary it up.

But I like his stuff so much that I just kind of want to like,

He does weird shit too.

Yeah.

That one's creepy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Art is awesome, man.

It's like, it's got so few limitations.

You can do whatever you want.

You paint whatever you want, sculpt whatever you want.

You know, and you have that thing in your house and you get to stare at it, and it gives you like a whole different sense of life.

Yeah.

Like somebody made that.

This popped out of someone's imagination.

Is my cough button still?

Is it still broken?

Let's try it.

Seems like it's working now.

When the whole thing's not out, it acts a little weird.

Oh, that's what it is?

Yeah.

Okay.

How good are you with a bow and arrow?

Pretty good.

How good?

I bow hunt.

Right.

Yeah, I practice.

But I don't really know.

Every day.

Yeah, yeah, you have to.

All right, so if I.

I mean, I shouldn't say you have to every day, but you have to practice a lot.

You have to be really accurate.

But like back in the day when they battled with bow and arrow,

what skill level were those guys?

Oh, that's a totally different kind of archery.

Right.

So that kind of archery is.

How much of that was like letting it fly and how much of it was like, I'm a sniper.

I'm going to.

Oh, no, they were good.

Yeah.

Guys are good.

My friend Aaron Schneider, he's such a good bow hunter that he decided he wants to hunt with a recurve, like a regular bow for a while.

What's the difference?

It's way harder.

Okay.

Way harder to be accurate.

Like a Robin Hood bow?

Yeah, Robin Hood bow.

A regular bow.

Yeah, he killed everything with it.

He killed bears.

He killed deer, elk, everything.

He's like a professional hunter.

He's like a world-class hunter, ex-military guy, got into hunting.

He's a fucking beast.

And when bow hunting, which is one of the hardest things to do, becomes so easy that you want to pick up a regular bow and go shoot that, that shows you what type of human you're talking about.

But he can group like into like a softball-sized lump at 45 yards.

He just fires him in with no.

Yeah, he's super accurate with that though.

I tried once, I was on vacation, and I'm like, I'm good with a bow and arrow.

I know how to shoot a bow and arrow.

I do it all the time.

I was hitting him in the ass, hitting them in the neck.

I was hitting them all over the place.

Not a human, not an animal, rather, a foam target.

We were shooting recurves, and I was like, I'll be able to do it.

It was like a thing that you do.

You shot skeet.

It was on an island resort.

It was pretty fun.

And then you shot skeet, and then you got to shoot these recurves.

And I was like, oh, I got this.

Bro, I was terrible.

I didn't realize.

It's a totally different technique.

Yeah.

Didn't carry over.

It carried over a little.

I mean, I hit the target, but there's no way I was accurate.

So if I gave chase, if I ran from you and you had to get, like, if I get, like, could you take me out if I'm like, if I'm running around like a moving target?

Well, it depends on how far away you are.

Okay.

You know, because

so the arrows go in 279 feet a second.

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A second.

A second.

So what's that in mouse?

I don't know.

But that's what my, when I look at my

range finder.

I'm just doing quick math, but I think that's a billion miles an hour.

I have to enter in my rangefinder.

I enter in how fast the arrow is going.

Yeah, I enter in how fast the arrow is going, how much the arrow weighs, and it gives me like a very precise measurement of where my arrow is going to be at the top of its flight.

So when I range something, I use a laser range finder.

It's called a full draw.

Loophold makes it.

And when I click on the button, it gives me the distance.

So I'll say like 53 yards, but it also gives me the height of my arrow because

I've entered in the speed of my arrow and the weight of my arrow and the feet per second it goes.

So you're going from

home plate to center field in a second and a half.

It's so fast.

It's like

you barely keep your eyes on it.

And then mine is not as fast as other guys.

Like I have a friend of mine, my friend Josh Jones.

He just put together a bow that I think goes 340 feet a second.

But he's a big, tall guy.

And when you're a taller person, you have a longer draw length and you'll get more speed out of the bow.

I can't wrap my head around

the speed of a bow.

They're like very fast.

Like I said, if you were at home, the way I'm thinking of it.

200 is 136, 340 is 232

miles per hour.

232 miles an hour?

That's crazy.

That's insane.

It's so fast, dude.

That's the way I'm thinking of it.

If you're at home plate, I'm at center field, and you shoot your arrow at me, I have a second.

Dude, it's going a second to move out of the way.

This arrow's going 231.82 miles an hour.

That's bananas.

And there's people that karate chop those.

Not really.

Not really.

You kind of see

a regular, okay, you got a long bow, which is probably the slowest.

And then you have recurves.

Recurves, I don't know if the Mongolians invented them or if the Mongols invented them, but the Mongols had the strongest known bows.

They had bows that take 160 pounds to draw back.

So much so that some of their skeletons were disfigured.

Wow.

Because they had so much time pulling in one direction that their whole body was like contorted in that shape.

Chiropractor would have cleaned up back then.

But those guys were so, I don't think chiropractors were real.

But

those guys were super accurate.

But you'd have to do it every day.

If you do it every day, it's like a pitcher, right?

Like if you ask me to throw a strike,

who knows what's going to happen?

I might not even go near the plate.

I don't throw a ball very often.

But I think you started doing martial arts.

But But I mean, the point is, like, even if you did, you'd have to do it over and over and over again to be able to throw a strike in a game against a real good batter, right?

That's what these guys are doing with bows and arrows.

They're getting to that point where it's just like throwing a ball.

They know exactly how far it is, exactly where the arrow is going to go at that distance.

They have a feel because they're doing it every day.

But you have to do that every day.

The kind of archery I do, you don't have to do it as much.

You probably should do it every day.

But mine is like, I'm dialing this sight sight out to the exact yardage.

I've got like a fiber optic pin that's sitting over the spot.

Like I know exactly where it's high tech.

It's super high-tech.

Yeah.

And then you know exactly where the arrow is going to be at every spot of the way if you shoot it straight.

How long, because of all that, is it more about understanding it to be accurate?

Or is there also still like, you got to be steady and everything?

I mean, I was like,

you have to just do it so much that it becomes a part of you.

It's like, you know, when you were playing basketball, I'm sure there were times when you're fucking around with your friends where you just hit a flow.

You just hit a flow and you start with your brain.

That was right around my 13th point.

But you know what I mean?

When you're with your friends, not when you're getting your ass kicked by Dominicans, but when you're just hanging out with your boys, every now and then you'll catch a flow, right?

Where you feel it and you just know the ball.

What

everything else is, it's like taking that and just doing it all day long until you can do it at any time you want.

Sure.

You're always in that flow.

So how long did it take you to feel like, oh, I know what I'm doing, or oh, I've a marked improvement right now?

It just takes, it took years, years.

Years of practice.

That's wild.

Yeah.

So years of just like not hitting.

No, you always hit the target, but not consistently.

So, you know, like I'd be in my backyard, and I used to have a 45-yard target, and I was pretty good at 45-yards.

I could get most of them in the spot that I wanted to hit.

But every now and then, one would go left, one would go right.

Now they're all going going in there.

Now, 45 yards for me is like zip, zip, zip, zip.

I'll ruin arrows because I'm stacking them on top of each other.

But if I go out to like 85 yards, then things spread out because then all of your movement is magnified.

So the key is it's like any little variation, little twitch to the left or to the right, over the course of 85 yards, it's going to vary six inches left or right, maybe.

Whereas at 45 would just be like a little bit, you know, and you think you're still dead on.

And it just magnifies all the flaws in your technique.

So it's like a, you lose yourself in it because

when you're at full draw, and I'm not even talking about bow hunting, I'm just talking about target archery.

When you're at full draw and you're really trying to hit that target, you have no room for anything else.

There's no room in your mind for your bills or an argument you had with a business partner or fucking

tickets you haven't paid.

None.

There's no room.

Everything goes away.

It cleans the mind because it requires all of your focus.

Yeah.

That's the best part of it.

That's the best part of it.

Everything after that, it just becomes like everything else.

It becomes like a vehicle for you to express yourself, whether it's learning how to play guitar, shooting a bow, playing pool, playing basketball.

It's like you're just finding a vehicle for you to express your spirit.

You ever let go of an arrow and like a bird?

No, no, no, no, that would be crazy.

Like Randy Jackson.

You ever see the Randy Jackson?

That was nuts.

Bird expressed feathers.

Fucking that guy was a house.

That guy threw heat.

He was like seven foot one.

He was so big.

He was that

fucking bird exploded.

Yeah.

It was perfect.

It was like the universe threw us a bone.

Right?

Like the universe was like Mussy something fucked up.

Yeah, that's fine.

Like every now and then the universe does that.

Live TV.

You just continue.

Yeah.

There's feathers on the floor.

It's like a Looney Tune card.

This video is nuts.

Boom.

Oh my Yo, that video is disintegrated.

That video is nuts.

And he's a lefty, too, son.

Look at the slow-mo.

That bird.

Oh, my God.

What a mistake that bird made.

It's just crazy that it didn't just like kill the bird, but knocked every single feather loose.

You just cooked that thing.

Every single feather.

Put it right on the fire.

It's like, it's pre-plugged.

It's like when you get into like an accident, like your shoes and socks come off.

It's like every fucking feather went.

Oh my God.

There's something about lefties too.

Yeah.

I think lefties learn things better than righties.

I know a lot of lefties that are like really good at shit.

It seems like the lefties that are like really good, they're like exceptionally good.

Weird, like oddly good.

Yeah.

I think seeing everybody do everything opposite and forcing your brain to adapt to this world where you're writing and you're smudging your paper all the time because you're writing the wrong way.

It's all weird, right?

And then you're seeing everybody's doing everything with their right hand and you're doing it with your left and you're supposed to, everything seems wrong to you.

So by doing that, you have to really think about your movements.

But the left-handed comes out early, right?

It's like inherent.

That movement is inherent.

It's not like they're working on it.

Right.

So it's like, I don't know, do they even, do they have to think about those things?

Or like, is it just like coming out?

Oh, they definitely do.

Yeah.

Because everything's reversed.

Yeah.

Like if someone tries to teach you something, they have to teach you the opposite.

It is a right-handed person's game, usually.

Like, say if you're a boxing coach and you only fight orthodox, you've only fought orthodox your whole life.

And then some kid comes in and he says, I'm left-handed.

And you have to decide.

Either you're going to teach this kid fucked up and teach him left-hand first, which some people actually think is actually a benefit.

In fact, some great boxers actually fought, like Oscar De La Jolla fought dominant hand first.

So there's a few guys that have done that.

They're right-handed guys, they'll put their right hand hand in front.

But for the most part, you would want to teach that kid how to fight as a southpaw, which would mean you would have to reverse everything.

So if you don't know how to do it the right,

if your technique is off and you're showing someone how to do something,

you're not really,

so the kid's got to like learn things.

from his stance and watch you and just duplicate it, like mirror it from the other side.

And sometimes that just teaches you more about the movement itself because you think about it.

Because one of the things they say, if you really want to learn something,

say if you're in a martial arts skill, if you have a dominant side, like if you're really good at throwing a kick with your right leg, if you throw it and practice it and get it better with your left leg, your right leg will improve as well.

Oh, that's interesting.

I didn't hear that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I feel like, yeah.

Because you're kind of...

Yeah.

I could see how that...

It gives you a more comprehensive understanding of what you're doing.

And they say that about pool, too.

Like, I can't really play with my left hand.

I can make like simple shots with my left hand.

But there's guys that can just switch hands.

The ambient people

are like probably aliens.

Yeah.

Just equal both on both sides, like equal.

They could do it

without crazy.

In professional pool, there's this kid named John Mora, an elite, like top of the food chain pro pool player, hurts his shoulder, can't play right-handed anymore, learns how to play left-handed and becomes world-class left-handed.

Wow.

Learned as a professional when he hurt his arm that he had to start playing left-handed.

Started playing left-handed and started winning

world-class events as a lefty, beating world-class top-of-the-food chain pool players who've been playing right-handed their whole life.

And he's been playing lefty for like two years.

Yeah.

It's nuts.

I can't write my name.

I broke my arm once and I had to write my name, and I write everything with my left hand.

It was fucking terrible.

Yeah, no, it's like there's nothing there.

And I draw, so I was trying to learn how to draw with my left hand.

Yeah.

But I think it now in retrospect, it might have helped me draw better with my right hand.

I think if you could learn how to do something, that's why I think lefties are better at stuff.

What do you draw?

Well, I used to want to be a comic book illustrator when I was a kid.

So I drew a lot of comic book stuff.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

You do that still?

No.

No, not anymore.

You don't miss it?

I mean, I can do it.

I can pick it up, but I would have to get into it really to like achieve the skill that I used to have.

And then I would like, I don't have any time.

Yeah.

It's fun.

I love drawing, but I don't have any time.

Those kids at school always blew my mind.

They'd just be sitting there drawing like a comic book, like literal, like that good.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Are you self-taught, or are you just kind of...

Yeah.

Mostly self-taught.

See, that's also got to be something that's.

I mean, if you start from nothing and just like, I don't know, I feel like that's inside you somewhere as well.

Like to be a naturally gifted, just to know how to...

Some people are just better at that than I had a very artistic family.

My uncle Sal and my uncle Vinny were both artists.

Okay.

So my mom's brothers, both brothers were artists.

What kind of artists?

One of them ran a pottery guild, and I was an art teacher.

And the other one did a bunch of different types of art photography and did a lot of album covers.

Did album covers for Kiss.

No shit.

Shit.

Yeah, and he took me to work with him once, and I got to meet Ace Freely when he had no makeup on.

Like before.

Before anybody knew what they really were like.

No, no, they had makeup on back then, but no one knew what they looked like in real life.

Right.

So he showed up in the office with no makeup on.

I was like, this is crazy.

That's wild.

And I think I was probably like 10, you know, and I was like, this is nuts.

I was just hanging out with my uncle in the office.

Yeah.

And fucking Ace Freely walked in.

That's that's wild.

My third-grade teacher, her brother, was the drummer in Twisted Sister.

No.

Yeah, Tony Piro.

Where not cover?

Yeah, right.

She was the first, like,

I mean, mean, like, rock star that cross-dressed.

Like, D.

Snyder in them.

Right?

Yeah, they were one of the big glam, yeah, like, glam rock bands.

But it was almost cross-dressing.

That's him on the right of D.

Right?

Like, you would kind of, you would say.

Yeah, that's, I mean, that's, that's.

You would ask his pronouns.

You know what I'm saying?

That's like poison, all those groups back then.

But, um, so yeah, so she lived, so we lived in these little garden apartments.

Bro, they were huge.

They were huge.

They were fucking huge

added or is that natural shit?

I don't know.

Maybe they added it.

It's like a Marilyn Monroe one.

Remember when the ladies were doing that?

They were adding a fake beauty market?

Yeah.

Like, what are you doing, honey?

So this guy, so my teacher lived upstairs from us in the apartment building.

So he used to go be at her house all the time.

So I was in grammar school.

I was in, I was like, I couldn't have been more than like eight, same or something like that.

And

my dad was the superintendent of the apartment buildings.

And so he knew everyone.

And my teacher, that was my teacher.

So we met him at a young age, and he used to come over to my house all the time.

So I have pictures of me at like my parents, in my parents' kitchen, like just sitting down eight years old in my pajamas with him and just eating like a tuna sandwich.

And he's like literally dressed like that.

He's in like,

I swear to God, dude.

I have one where he's in full electric blue spandex pants.

Oh my God.

And like a ripped jean jacket with his hair all up and i'm just it's just me and him sitting at the table i'm just oh my god

oh dude that's so ridiculous we used to i remember back then did you ever have that like did you were you into like you have a the the denim jacket oh i had a denim jacket and then you got like the patches all over it oh yeah and then when we graduated like everyone sign like the take a sharpie a black marker like sign your your jacket i don't think that exists anymore well no that kind of thing yeah denim jackets were a sign you were a rebel i have wearing a denim, I don't know.

Denim jacket, and especially if you have a pack of cigarettes in the denim jacket, yeah, you know.

I remember there's this one kid,

you know how sometimes when you're like 14, you see some kid that like you've never seen before, and you're like, Wow, that guy is so cool.

There was this dude he had a denim jacket on and a pack of cigarettes in his pocket, and he just had perfect hair, and he just looked cool, like this Italian-looking kid.

I'm like, That guy looks so cool!

Yeah, I wish I was cool, yeah, I could never be that cool.

He was like smoking a cigarette on a fucking in the breezeway,

and i was like that guy like he's in a movie that guy's in a movie i was a dork i was trying to hide from people i was trying to do that that influenced me so much that i took my money that i made for confirmation and i bought a van halen replica guitar

i swear i bought it i did you know how to play no not a fucking chord it was the red guitar with like the white lines on it it was like a famous eddie so it was this kid's one though and i bought it at this place still there mode music on bass it's i took all my money i bought that i bought an an amplifier.

I bought a guitar case.

And I spent all my money on it.

And I never used it, never took it out of the.

I like, you know, just never used it.

I have it to this day.

Wow.

Well, you could learn as a part of your workout regimen.

Yeah.

Like a mental concentration workout.

Yeah.

It is kind of, right?

I used it one time.

It came full circle on the show.

Do you know the band Imagine Dragons?

Yes.

Okay, so I met

them along the way, friendly with them.

So before they, well, they was big because this was Jones Beach, which is like 15,000 people.

They sold that out.

Whoa.

They were playing Jones Beach.

It was like maybe, again, 10 years ago.

And we

they made me, they threw me out on stage before they came out as one of the opening acts.

And I had to sing and play guitar to almost almost 15,000 people.

And I don't sing or play guitar, and they didn't tell me what songs.

I had to make it up on the spot.

Oh, no.

Me and my buddy Joe, who they put him as the drummer they introduced us as a band called senor alonza which was the name of our high school spanish teacher

and so oh my god there was three opening acts before us which is bonkers right there and so when when they were about to come on they they made it like they were going to come on they lowered the lights and all those freaking spotlights started going all over the place and the place went nuts and then they introduced the fourth opening act and us two walked out he got with the and uh he got behind behind the drums.

And I used that guitar that I bought in 1989, June 89.

I finally used it in like 2015.

And they just, they're like, all right, go, you're an opening act.

And that's all they said.

Oh, my God.

And I just started like just hitting the guitar and just

making up songs and stuff.

And we were getting booed.

People were throwing things at us.

Can we hear it?

It's probably.

Is it like copyrighted?

No, no, I made it up.

Oh, you mean because of the show?

I doubt that.

Let's let's play some of it.

Can I see it, Jamie?

I put in your pants pocket a dedication for this set.

Open it up and read it.

Oh, you had to dedicate the set.

Yeah, the dedication was terrible because I'm gonna play Look, Mommy.

I'm a rock star.

Oh, boy.

All right.

This is one of our favorites.

He doesn't have a page.

When I was born,

I said, Don of a curve.

I said, Look, mommy, I'm a rock star.

I said, Look, mommy, I'm a rock star.

Let me ask you something.

How badly does he suck out that?

It's probably worse than I imagined.

Worse than my imagination drives me.

Yeah, yeah.

They made me sing five songs.

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Oh my God.

Shut your face, Grandma.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

So they also, they made me call them the Imagination Dragons right in the beginning.

And I dedicated

I said the men, I said, everyone just calm down.

The Imagination Dragons will be out in a little while.

And then the dedication was like, this, it was in Long Island.

I was like, it was like, this, this, uh, this set is dedicated to the people of Pittsburgh because I could already tell that you guys are not going to be half as good an audience as them.

And then I started playing.

They were booing us and everything.

Oh, my God.

And then at one point, a guy came to like a guy came on stage and he tried to grab my guitar from me.

And I just, I didn't know what was going on.

I mean, I was like a deer in the headlights out there.

It was like 14.

And I just pushed him away and he's like trying to grab my guitar and I'm pushing him away and I'm singing through it, right?

I'm cursing also because I'm just like free for freewheeling it up there.

And I knew they're like, they're Mormons.

They don't really curse.

And so like they were like, I didn't get the memo.

I wasn't supposed to curse.

Oh, no.

And so I'm dropping F-bombs.

I sang a song called Fuck the Imagination Dragons.

I'm better than them.

how long did you sing for i would say i would say like probably somewhere like eight seven eight minutes something

and then so this guy

i mean

i'm getting bit with ice everything

so long and then uh and then this guy he keeps trying to get the the guitar for me i'm ripping it from him and i'm like fuck the magic and he's trying to and i i wouldn't let him have it and I didn't realize that was the official union stage manager trying trying to get me off the stage because there's a curfew that they have to hit and they have to do their full show and they have to do their finale and as soon as they go you know this past curfew on a union stage the entire thing is like double time for every single worker there and then there's penalties it's a hundreds it could be like a hundred thousand dollars plus yeah yes and so No one tells me who this guy is.

So I'm shoving the real union stage manager off of me because I thought he was trying to just sabotage me.

And I thought I had to stay out there.

So I push him away.

I push him away.

The guy's like, give me the goddamn good.

I'm like, I'm not taking it, you know.

And I found out afterwards that that was like official and I was supposed to get off.

And I didn't.

I caused them later because they couldn't not do their encore.

Their encore went into overtime.

And the encore, that dude, he gets hooked up to his cables.

They lift him into the air and they spin him in circles while he plays drums.

It's wild.

And they said

they went into the bonus and they had to pay all these fees

because of me.

Oh, no.

Did you guys reimburse them?

No, I don't have money to reimburse them.

Like, I just, I know.

They're still our friends.

But, like,

and at the end, they're like stage dive off.

And I'm looking in the crowd and I'm like, I'm going to, I'm going to kill myself.

These people are going to catch me.

Like, they hate me.

Right.

And they stage dive, stage dive.

So I just ran and I jumped off, but I kind of just like landed on the floor and rolled.

Like, no one caught me.

It was, yeah, it was, it was rough.

It was rough.

But that's the guitar.

That's how cool I thought that he was in Twisted Sister.

Like, that's how cool I was like, look at this guy.

Which one of your friends told you to stage dive?

Fuck him.

Whoever was.

I don't know.

That is so irresponsible.

I know.

Well, they weren't.

They were never going to catch me.

And I just, they saw me and I just, I kind of jumped off.

I think as I, as I'm in the air jumping off, I didn't get hit with a soda.

It was bad.

Oh, my God.

That's so ridiculous.

I know.

That's so ridiculous.

Yeah,

the show has given me a lot of opportunities to do stuff like that.

I would never have done like that.

Well, who the fuck ever gets to do something like that?

Yeah.

The balls to stand up there while those people hate you and go through with whatever they're telling you to say.

I have a ping of anxiety.

Did anybody let them know afterwards that it was for...

I don't recall.

I don't recall.

I would imagine maybe they came out and said something, but I don't remember.

It was like 10 years ago.

That's funny.

There was another time they put us in the devils during in-between periods.

They threw me as a goalie in the net of the New Jersey Devils.

And all the devils came out and took slapshots on me.

Me and my buddy Q.

It was two of us in net.

And it was scarier than that.

Like they were taking blistering slapshots at us.

I was in full devils gear as a goalie.

And I remember there was someone from like Sports Illustrated or something was there.

And I have this, I saved it, like a chain of his tweets that he was tweeting.

And he's like, I don't know what's going on here But the devils are apparently taking slapshots at a civilian He's down on the ground.

He's very hurt.

This is not a good promotion.

He's like I don't think that the devil should be doing this type of promotion with fans.

He didn't know it was our show.

Oh wow.

And he's like did you get hurt?

No, not not like hurt hurt.

It hurt, but I didn't get hurt.

Okay.

So but when you were down, he didn't need to be concerned.

I got back up, but it was like it still was hitting me like in the neck.

Yeah, like you had the guard on and stuff.

stuff does the guard protect your neck it it hurt bad you know it hurt where is it cover does it cover your neck yeah everything was covered but it's still like

still taking a puck like at like 90 miles an hour to the chest and stuff pucks are so hard too yeah and i i played hockey in the kite in like late grim school and high school i played hockey and i and i started as a goal roller hockey goalie but it it doesn't

you can't compare the two things bro you ever see some old school photos of the old school goalies with the scars all over their face dude no they didn't even wear fucking helmets back then then.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

They just played without helmets.

A puck hits you in the mug on Tuesday.

You're done.

Yeah.

And you got to play again next week.

My first ever tryout for ice hockey in high school was

it was hard to play hockey back then.

Like there wasn't a lot of like, it was expensive and there wasn't a lot of rinks.

We drove like two hours up to like...

Bear Mountain or some crap, like three hours with my family, my dad, my stepmom, and they had to wait in the stands because they can't drop you off and go home because it's, you just drove three hours.

So they're watching these tryouts.

And it was my first time I ever put ice skates on in my life.

I had played roller hockey already, but I never put on ice skates in my life.

So it's kind of like you were saying, like, just trying to play like left-handed or whatever.

I was like, oh, maybe it'll transfer, you know?

And I put on these ice skates and it didn't.

I was really bad.

But

someone took a slap shot.

and it got deflected into the onto the stands.

So whatever.

I didn't think anything of that.

At the end of the tryouts, I went back, got my cloth, got my bag, walked back out, and my stepmom was out there.

Her eye was this big.

The ambulance was there.

She bleeding black and blue, stitches, everything.

The puck hit her right in the face

during my tryouts.

Oh, my God, dude.

Right in the face.

I was like, oh, my God.

Like, it was, her face was this big.

Blood everywhere.

She was already black and blue.

A gash right here.

Does that happen all the time?

To her?

No.

People in the crowd.

Do people in the crowd get hit?

I got that.

Yeah, they had to put up nets because a couple people died.

Jesus.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And this is a high school kid.

Oh, my God.

That was a high school deflection.

Like, imagine the devils taking slapshots at you.

Yeah.

Bro, that's crazy.

Yeah.

Those guys taking slapshots at you.

Could you even react to it?

Like, did you see it coming?

Like, could you see the puck?

It was like a split-second battle between whether I would, like, try to

actually block it or just, like, wince and take it.

Because it was like, it was faster than, you know, I was prepared for, obviously.

Like,

can you skate?

Not these days, you know?

There's that.

Something interesting.

That picture that we've always seen, let me

find it like this.

Yeah.

It's not real right it's a photo it's a recreation of all the times he's had stitches in his life

this says it's what but the scars in his face are real what it would look like if uh the other one

16 years of professional hockey the problem is like the one on the left you can't really see very good it's he's very shadowy but you can tell he's got scars everywhere

You know, those guys just took it in the face all the time.

This says that the first guy wore a mask in 1929.

This guy.

When did they figure it out?

Yeah, look at him.

His nose is already busted.

He's like, all right, I'm putting a fucking mask on.

That guy's probably a genius.

He had the mask

before he got his nose busted.

Really?

Well, like, he got this, his nose is actively busted, right?

Maybe he didn't have the mask on afterwards.

That's what I'm saying.

He's like, let me put this thing on.

Or maybe he broke his nose with the mask on.

I mean, if you take a full one to the nose,

it's not like it's not a smash against your nose.

It's going to smash.

Where was it?

One of them had the blood going through there right there.

The blood was going through the nose.

Oh, God.

I guess it's just a hole.

Yeah, but dude,

that's a hard sport.

Built different.

That is a hard man sport.

And it's the only sport where you're allowed to fight.

To this day.

Crazy.

Just let them have it.

It's the weirdest thing.

Because his grandfather did.

Yeah.

And all the extra precautions now and the CTE stuff and all that stuff.

And they say

it just hasn't even permeated.

Like they haven't had a meeting, not a vote.

They're just like, no, the guys need to fight.

It's crazy.

It's part of the sport.

Do you feel like it's less fighting now or no?

I don't know.

I don't watch hockey.

I haven't watched it in a minute.

Yeah.

You know, I grew up in Boston.

If you said, you had to be like, say it in whispered tones,

I don't watch hockey because people would get mad at you.

There's a big Bruins town.

Everybody loved hockey.

But for me, I was like, I don't like being cold.

So

I don't like skating.

I don't have time for this.

Yeah.

It's a lot.

It's involved.

You need something.

But it's a fun sport to watch.

It's a really fun sport to watch.

It's fast as fuck.

You got to be in really good shape to play hockey because those guys are just moving, moving, moving, moving, moving, moving.

And it's like this delicate balancing act you're doing on metal skin.

It's graceful too.

Yeah.

As much as

it's just, you know, brute brute.

Sure.

Like when you watch a guy like Bobby Orr in his prime, the way he was able to maneuver through people,

the movement, it's crazy.

It's beautiful swans.

Yeah, it's like a dance.

It's a dance and a sport at the same time.

Really amazing sport when you think about it that way.

And then the speed of it, too.

It's a fast fucking sport, man.

Like, you cannot be out of shape and play that sport.

That was the only time I was in shape in my life, probably.

It's fitness, man.

You're constantly kind of sprinting with skates, you know?

You move shh,

so much core movement.

And when I did that, I skated everywhere.

Like, I was roller.

I played roller hockeyverse, but when I was like in my like four or five years that I was like obsessed with it, I played every day.

I roller skated everywhere.

Oh, wow.

So you were with that guy out there roller skating on the streets.

Yeah.

Like wow, man.

Yeah.

Well, that's smart.

That's a great way to keep up those skills.

Like you're going to have to walk anyway.

You already know how well you can skate.

Why not just skate there?

Yeah, it was kind of like skateboarding.

Like, why wouldn't I get there like five times faster or whatever?

Did dudes try to knock you over ever?

When I played hockey?

No, when you're skating by them.

You know?

You see

with roller skates on.

You're

kind of tempted to go fuck this guy.

I mean,

it wasn't like roller skating like on Venice Beach, like with my headphones.

And like, you know, I didn't look like, you know, a cornball.

I just.

I just, you know, some people, they don't like people in roller skates.

Like, some, when I lived in California, uh, motorcycles were allowed to split the lanes, you know, and oh, really?

Yeah.

Yeah, which is crazy.

It's really dangerous.

But if you have a motorcycle, you can get by in traffic when everybody else is fucked.

You're zipping right through.

And I remember one time I watched this guy, see this dude coming up beside us, and I moved to the left to give this guy a little room so he could pass.

And the dude in front of me moved into the lane on purpose to stop this guy from passing him for no reason at all.

And that's going to happen with that, too.

Yeah, yeah.

No, I don't recall really.

It was good for my curfew because I used to go to my girlfriend's house.

My dad was like, you have to be home by like 11.

And it was like, probably like a couple of miles.

And so like.

That's a long time to be not running into any bullies yeah that's what there's a few guys out there that would just make that decision you know fuck him fucking knock him off i just used to lace him up and uh there was actually a huge hill like halfway halfway there like i got up

yeah i mean flying so i just stand and i'd be going like i'd probably be going like 30 30 oh my 30 miles an hour

if i wiped out it would have been bad but even if someone pulled out right was there any cars that could have possibly no it was it was a service road of a highway and it was late at night so i wouldn't do it if there was cars you're doing it late at night on a service road of the highway how crazy that sounds yeah but it wasn't that crazy it wasn't that crazy but i would get home in five minutes whereas it normally would have taken me like 15 minutes you get a nice little workout yeah

yeah i gave all that up yeah i remember when i got out like into the workforce i was out of college one of my buddies was like you want to go shoot the puck around today i'm like i haven't done it in like five or six years he's like let's go and we went and we went to like a little roller rink, like a hockey rink there.

We skated around for about, I must have been 20 minutes.

You know that burn that you get in your throat, like the tricky ass off is when you haven't like, maybe you don't because you haven't like you're consistently working out, but like when you're not in shape and then you try to play a sports link and it just feels like your insides are on fire.

Have you felt that?

Not like that.

I know what you're saying, though.

Like almost

like you start to like almost like cough up like phlegm and stuff.

So this is like you know cardio at all, no nothing.

Oh man, I felt like

you're doing that.

Out of like if just like maybe like five years removed.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just five years of not working out at all and then you try to skate.

I would imagine.

Yeah.

Your body.

Unfortunately, your body will just fall into a state of disrepair.

Yeah.

I'm taking that now.

Leave it alone.

It's like if you have a house, if you own a home, one of the things you find out as soon as you get your first home is shit breaks all the time.

There was always some fucking pipe that breaks.

There's this that goes out.

There's that that fucks up.

The AC is broken.

There's always something.

You're always, that's the same shit with your body.

It's the same shit.

And if you put it into a state of disrepair and you don't fix the AC, you don't fucking.

My pipes are bad.

The pipes are bad.

You don't deal with it.

You just let your house flood.

Like, that's the problem.

The problem is most of us, you know, are like bad landlords.

Yeah.

That's me, man.

We're like slum lords.

We're saloon lords for our body.

Yeah.

I'm trying to change it.

No, you are changing it.

Don't say trying.

Trying makes it seem like you might quit.

You're not going to quit.

That's right.

There you go.

He told me when I, because I'm going to be here and I'm away from home the next week.

He's like, you got to go at least three times and send me pictures of yourself.

We could work out here.

Yeah.

I got a gym right here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We could work out after the show.

I wouldn't want to bring you down, bro.

No, we just have a little workout.

Just a little something.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you want to keep doing it.

Yeah.

If you want to keep it up while you're here.

The main thing about working out is momentum.

It's number one.

More than anything else is momentum.

And if you lose your momentum, then it's hard.

Hard to get going.

But once you get going, you get a couple of workouts in a row.

You're like, ooh, this is it.

I do it.

This is what I do.

Fuck it.

We're doing it again.

Just don't kill yourself.

Don't get yourself to, when you wake up, you're like, oh, fuck.

Ooh, and you're so sore.

And you're going to go to the gym right now.

That's kind of stupid.

You really shouldn't.

You should never, don't, you're not a pro athlete.

Don't get yourself to that spot.

But as long as you just keep doing it, that's the key.

It's just, I think that's with almost everything in life.

That's what alcoholics say.

It's you know, one day at a time, they just next day, next day, get some momentum.

Now, I'm not drinking for two years, now I'm not drinking for five years.

I got all these coins and shit.

Yeah, it's the same thing.

It's just like we have to just make healthy patterns, and you can do it.

You're doing it right now.

The next time I come back, I'll be like,

I'm a pose-off next time.

I'm not, I'm just, I'm just looking to live longer.

You know, it looks good, Shane.

See how big he got?

No.

Shane's been working out here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Shane has been working out like super regular.

He got really into working out.

We started doing these comedians' workouts here.

And then

Shane got my friend Sean to start training them.

And Sean goes to hardcore.

Yeah.

No, I haven't.

I talked to Shane yesterday, but I haven't seen him.

Actually, you know what's so funny?

The last picture I saw of him.

Like, or not the last picture I saw, but recently I saw he was filming this John Madden movie.

Oh, yeah.

And that paparazzi took that photo of him in character with the mustache coming out of his chest.

I haven't seen that.

It was an unflattering shot.

Like he's, he's talked about it.

And that's, so that's the last thing I like really saw.

And you could probably pull that.

You could probably...

It's pretty freaking funny.

You could see he locks eyes with the photographer just as he's coming out.

And it's like...

He's already meant to look, I think, crumpy from the character.

That's hilarious.

That's hilarious.

That's awesome.

He's going to be.

And he's

John Madden.

He'd be perfect.

Well, he first.

I don't think he's Madden?

No, I don't think he's Madden.

Who is he supposed to be?

He's just someone in the Madden universe.

Oh,

oh, Nick Cage is John Madden.

Whoa, which I can't see at all.

Oh, whoa.

Is there a photo of Nicholas Cage as John Madden?

I want to see that.

Oh, that's young John Madden.

Well, that's Nicholas Cage.

Yeah, that's.

Oh, the hair does look like Madden's hair.

Oh, they did something to his face.

No, they did a little something to his face.

They did a little something to his face.

Didn't they?

Wait, though.

How funny is it though that you looked at Shane and said that he was John Madden?

I thought he was Jane.

John Madden.

I thought he was John Madden.

He could pass for him.

He could pass.

When I first clicked on it, I was like, Shane's John.

I said this.

That's hilarious.

Oh, there it is.

Oh, yeah, they definitely did some stuff to him.

They did some stuff to him.

Yeah, he's got like a face thing on.

Wow, that's crazy.

He looks like him, man.

Like, even the body, they got the body right.

Yeah.

That's nuts.

Christian Belle.

Whoa.

Is that Christian Bale?

That's Christian Bale?

That's nuts.

That guy's a fucking chameleon.

Wow.

Yeah, that'll be sick.

Wow.

Biopics, man.

Those two guys.

Oh, wow.

That's cool.

What were we just talking about?

We're talking about guys getting...

Oh, Shane got big.

Oh, yeah.

He got poker and got stout.

He must be putting in work then because I'm also like only doing it three days a week because I just started and I don't want to like, you know.

I don't know if he's been on it recently because he just did he's about to do tires again.

He's like, you know, the boy's busy.

I know.

Fellow's busy.

I know.

Every time I go.

He's out there killing it.

I know.

I love it.

Love to see it.

He's the man.

You know what I got shit for after the last time I was on?

What?

So many people came up to me after the last time.

I was like, dude, I saw the Rogan episode and you didn't finish a story.

And the amount of people that said this to me, I must have been like,

yeah.

I started to tell you a story about an experience I had, I think, with a ghost because I never, I didn't believe in ghosts.

And I guess I started to tell it and didn't finish it.

Can I tell you the amount of people that came up to me?

It's like, what the fuck, man?

You can't start.

You can't just start it from the end, though.

I know.

You're going to have to start from the story.

Anyway, so retell the beginning of the story.

Let's just tell the very end.

Retell the beginning of the story because otherwise people are going to go, what the fuck is he talking about?

Then they'll have to go back and listen to the whole podcast.

so many people though that finally i was like i swear to god if i go back on i will bring it up and i'll try to retell it again let's retell the story i just i'm doing this for them i just i don't know if this is how great the story is

i so we were talking i was saying how i just i don't believe in them but i had this experience i don't know what to make of it okay okay so so i was i lived alone at the time and i i um when i go to sleep at night i lock my i lock my uh my bedroom door this is something i do so i locked my door and uh I was laying in bed and I had the television on.

And a lot of times I'll put the TV on mute, but keep the TV on when I fall asleep.

It's something I do.

So I was telling you how, because I sleep with a CPAP machine, how I would wrap myself up in a cocoon because I had an air source.

So I like, it's like a sarcophagus.

I like put everything over my head and I tuck in my feet, and I put my, like, I swear you just see a tube coming out.

It's amazing.

It's like the sensory deprivation things, right?

Right.

Okay.

That's what what it's like.

Okay.

So I got used to that.

So anyway,

I had just, I was wide awake.

I just muted my television and I wrapped myself up like a fucking burrito and I had the CPAP on.

I'm laying there and I always stick like one foot or one hand out.

It's just a nice cool breeze.

It's like a fun little thing to do when you're wrapped up like that.

And I had my hand out.

So this was out.

And I'm just laying there and I thought I heard something or somebody.

I don't know if it was talking or I heard what I thought was like the door open, I suppose.

Like,

again, wasn't asleep.

That I wasn't asleep.

I was just, I was just about to fall asleep.

I wouldn't even like I just laying, sure, sure, yeah, yeah, but I didn't sleep and wake up or nothing like that.

Got it, and I wasn't, it wasn't, I wasn't laying there 20 minutes, right?

It was nothing like that.

And I, I'm laying there, and I heard

walking or the door or something.

And so I listened listened more intently

and

I didn't hear anything again and then all of a sudden I felt

I don't know if it's a hand whatever you want to call it pressure

squeeze oh right here on my hand right I just I just felt my hand get squeezed and I

what's going on in my mind is I thought there was an intruder in the house initially, right?

Like an intruder came in the house.

And I know I'm feeling this.

I'm like,

this all happened in seconds, but I'm thinking, okay, I heard something.

Now, this pressure on my hand, and it went tighter and tighter.

And I'm like, someone is squeezing my hand right now.

I have to act like I'm not feeling this because I don't know what's about to happen.

But then I started in the same vein.

I'm like, if this was a home intruder, why would they do this?

It doesn't make any sense to me.

Like, so aren't they going to wake me up?

Like, wouldn't they try to get in and out?

I'm thinking of this in a split second.

And the pressure is such that it actually begins to hurt.

Not hurt, like, ow, get off, but like, like, oh, that's squeezing.

You know what I mean?

And I'm like, all right, I am going to have to jump up and fight right now or something.

Something's happening here.

And I said, are you awake?

Are you awake?

And I'm like,

I'm literally, I'm awake.

I'm awake right now.

I'm laying here.

I'm looking.

I'm feeling my hand.

I am fully awake.

And I was like, I feel like I either have to count to three, jump up and get ready to fight, or

I'm vulnerable and I don't know what's going to happen to me.

I might as well just take charge of the situation whatever i can right and i just took a breath and i was like all right here i go and i and i uh did they let go they let go i felt the pressure release off my hand and so that's when i was like laying there with it limp and i was like i'm gonna jump up right now and i was whatever happens happens and it was like nerve-wracking and i just jumped up in my bed up so i was standing on the bed i like threw the things off and i just like was ready to rest and there was nothing there on my door How long was something squeezing your hand for?

I'll say

less than 10 seconds.

That's a long time.

Yeah.

Maybe

yeah, maybe like 10 seconds.

Because it was first it was on me and then it was more pressure and then more pressure and then let go.

And then when I jumped up, no one in my room door locked.

And so, and I was like, I'm up.

I was up.

I was just up.

I'm not like sleeping.

And it freaked me out.

I turned every light on, opened my door, walked around the house.

I almost like I was like, do I leave?

Maybe the aliens thought you were trying to kill yourself.

What?

Maybe the aliens.

Who had a bad thing?

Maybe that's what it was.

Maybe it was an alien came down like, hey, buddy, you wouldn't have to go.

Because I was a wrapped door right on him.

You're wrapped up with a tube coming out.

He's like, this guy might be offing himself.

We've never seen this before.

I want an explanation.

They're like, when the people sleep, they never sleep with their head covered.

We need to get in.

And they just went in and just grab his hand.

We need Sal to stay alive.

It definitely looks weird from the outside when I sleep.

Like, if you saw a picture of of it, it looks like, what the fuck is going on?

Shane was telling us a story the other night about how he had, like,

you know, they talk about like sleep paralysis demons.

Yeah.

He had an experience.

Sleep paralysis.

He had an experience of like a thing standing over his bed with like a white face.

Like, and he couldn't move.

Did this happen to Shane?

Yes.

And I go, dude, how many people

kids buy an alien?

Was he?

No, he said he was sober.

Really?

He was younger.

Yeah, he was like, I think he said he was 23 or 24 when it happened.

Yeah, okay.

I go, dude, you got abducted.

I think the aliens came.

Yeah.

Oh, shh.

Yeah.

I think that's what he was seeing.

I think he was waking up from it, and there was one right there.

And they had him paralyzed.

Yeah.

I don't know why

an alien would be in my bedroom.

Well, I think there's aliens that monitor a lot of people, if they're real.

And there's a lot of stories.

How did they get in, though?

Because that little picture.

They can just close.

They can just appear.

They go right through walls, apparently.

Doesn't matter.

I think if they've let if they've reached a level of technological superiority where they could travel instantaneously through vast distances in space, which is what they think they're able to do-like able to bend gravity and just

like reappear on the other side, they just go right through your wall, bro.

Okay, so

why are they playing with my fingers?

Because they like you, they're bending time and space, they're traveling, they get to my little one-bedroom apartment and they stand in there and and watch me with my CPAP and then squeeze my three fingers.

Maybe they like your sense of humor and they would like you to stay around and they think you're a positive contribution to the culture and they don't want to mess up the delicate balance of the human race.

They need more funny people.

Maybe that's it.

It makes no sense though, right?

Of course it doesn't make sense.

UFOs don't make sense.

Aliens don't make sense.

I don't mean those people.

Ghosts don't make sense either.

I don't mean so.

Grabbing your hand doesn't make sense.

No, it doesn't make sense.

But it just sucks that I'll never have an answer well it could have been just a spasm and one thing that could happen is your hand could have locked up for whatever weird reason because it happens all the time it could happen with your foot it could happen well i know that whatever it feels like to be locked up this this felt as as pure as can be like a hand like this doing this

you ever be watching tv with your wife and and you start snoring and she goes are you asleep and you're like no yeah but you really were

yeah do you think maybe you thought you were awake but you were like right there?

I mean, you're in.

That's the only explanation I got.

You got a tube in your mouth.

You get the CPAP.

You're wrapped up like a mummy.

And then something's grabbing your hand.

Maybe you're dreaming.

That thing would have been probably scared when I jumped out with the mask on.

No, but we're aliens.

But here's the thing.

I really took inventory before I jumped up to fight.

Like, I was like, I am awake.

I am feeling this.

I am not sleeping.

I know I am sleeping.

While you were feeling the pressure on your hand.

Yes.

Like, I was saying to myself, I'm

you are 100% awake.

Like, this is happening to you right now.

Okay, aliens.

Yeah, fucking what?

Aliens or ghosts.

Ghosts is what I thought, but

maybe.

What's the point?

Well, ghosts seem to be in places where people die violently.

Like the comedy store.

is a good example of that.

The comedy store used to be Cyro's nightclub.

So it was owned by Bugsy Siegel.

So for sure, somebody got whacked.

Somebody got whacked.

And,

you know, there's also talk that they use the basement to do illegal abortions.

It's like there's a lot of folklore around that place because it was a mob-run nightclub.

They're going to have to start doing that again soon.

But so many people that worked there over the years that I was there, so many people that were

like late-night bartenders or

yeah, they all had weird a few comics, a few comics that were like like reliable, reasonable people had bizarre experiences.

Carl LeBeau was asleep on stage, and he said he got kicked out of his house.

Him and his wife got in a fight.

Left, fuck you, I'm going to make it.

You know, it goes to his girlfriend at the time, I think.

I don't even think it was the same person.

But anyway, he's at the comedy store sleeping on the stage, and he hears the seats clink around in the dark, like something's moving the seats.

And he goes, hey, it's me, Carl.

I got kicked out of my house.

I'm just sleeping on the stage.

He doesn't hear anything.

And all of a a sudden something grabs his ankle and drags him off the stage onto the floor and starts pulling him through the crowd and then just lets go.

And then he hears a door slam and then another door slam on the outside.

And he's laying in the middle of the comedy store main room.

There's no people there.

He has no idea what the fuck happened.

He didn't see anything.

He just felt something grab him and drag him off the stage and into the crowd.

And he never, he wasn't like a guy who'd made things up.

Right.

He didn't have any other stories like but it's not like a one of the workers or another comic fucking with him no i don't think so no i don't think so they would have definitely told him after a while and also i don't think so because he didn't see them like it he was like i didn't see anyone grab me

he's like it's dark in there but it's not perfect darkness right he's like i didn't see whatever grabbed me and pulled me off the stage it's like maybe they didn't like someone staying the night there maybe that's their time like you want to do all your bullshit during the the day with your bookkeeping and then at night time with your stupid jokes.

But once you guys leave.

It becomes the ocean.

It's mine.

Yeah, it becomes the ocean.

It gets dark.

You just get to see a place where a bunch of people died.

Damn.

Yeah.

There's a lot of suicide there, right?

At the store?

No, there was just one store at the hotel now.

The guy jumped off the roof.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was during the days where the comics weren't making any money.

So what is this?

The comedy store popular nightclub.

So what does it say?

One of the snazziest, snazziest nightclubs during the 40s and the 50s.

Built by nightclub impresario William Wilkerson in the late 1930s, Ciro's offered top entertainment, a swanky hangout for Hollywood stars and other high-profile people, including gangster Mickey Cohen, who used the club as his base of operations and had peepholes drilled into walls so he could see who was coming and going.

While dancing, drinking, and dining went up on upstairs, Ciro's basement with the site of darker doings.

Mob henchmen beat, tortured, and killed those who did not repay debts, owned competing clubs, betrayed trust, or crossed the mob in some way.

Pregnant showgirls and mob girlfriends received illegal abortions, with at least one woman dying from her abortion.

Wait staff, security guards, and office workers have reported seeing a frightened man in a World War II bomber jacket who fades upon sighting.

What?

A huge black phantom in the basement and a man in his 1940s garb walking around the premises and through walls.

They have heard a woman wailing in the basement when no one was there and have experienced strange pranks such as chairs stacking themselves in the middle of the stage and perfectly set tables becoming unset.

Yeah, everybody that I knew that worked there for a long period of time had something weird happen.

But a few guys saw things.

Like one of the guys, I forget his name, man.

It was like an old school comic that was was hanging around there said that one night when he was a doorman he was going into the back bar area and some guy he saw some guy walk through the swinging doors

you know because there's like two sets of swinging doors so he walks in and as he's walking in he sees this guy go through the other set he's like hey we're closed and he goes out into the hallway dead empty I mean, instantaneously goes from seeing the guy walk through to, hey, man, we're closed.

There's a long hallway, and there's no one.

No one ran.

No one nothing.

He's like, dude, I saw a guy.

He pushed open the fucking saloon doors.

And it's not just him.

Multiple people have had weird stories like that.

And I always wonder, like, if someone dies in some horrific way like that, that's like very violent, maybe it leaves like a memory.

Maybe it leaves like a stain of what, you know, like the universe force, the peace love force of the universe, is so disrupted by this vile act that it leaves this like

a hunting.

Yeah, this haunted memory that exists in the space.

Because like they have to tell you if someone was murdered in a house.

They do?

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know that.

I think there's a timeline.

You know, like you can't say, you know, in the 1920s, someone was murdered.

Because someone was murdered at our club.

Someone was murdered in our club in the 70s.

No shit.

Wow.

Yeah, I forget the story.

But the point is, like, if if you buy a house, like, they have to tell you.

They have to disclose it.

Yeah.

Not every state.

Not every state?

Yeah, some states.

California does, but Texas, it says, does not.

We don't believe in that down here.

We'll just bring in Jesus.

I'm doing this bit because my.

Many states, there's no duty to disclose a death.

Oh, so it's only California and Alaska.

What states make you?

Texas and Florida do not have to have a general duty for deaths unrelated to the property's condition.

What if like a wall is splattered?

What if it's like a, because I am a.

How many states make you tell?

Those are the ones that believe in crystals.

Right?

Makes sense in OB California, right?

Doesn't it?

Doesn't it make sense?

Alaska, California, and South Dakota.

That's three states.

That's nuts.

There's just a timeline, too.

Oh, in California,

three years.

And in South Dakota, 12 months, get over it.

12 months.

That's so cool.

Alaska says just

suicide, too, in Alaska.

Why listed as suicide as well?

That's interesting.

What is the point of the 12 months?

Get over it.

Like, who's putting that in?

Life moves on, Sal.

We don't have to let you know if it's more than 12 months ago.

That's actually shocking.

I would have thought it would have been way more than that.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

That's crazy.

That really is.

I just recently,

when

my wife was not home for a few days, and

when we were having the baby and everything, and I had to come home because I had work and I had to take care of my daughter and stuff.

And I was never in bed without my wife there.

Like, I just, it was the first time I was like laying in bed without her.

And that's when they come get you.

That's when they get you, right?

Yeah.

We know this.

Yeah, because she can't defend you.

Right, exactly.

No, this is a new bit I'm doing based on something that happened to us.

So,

you know, she, I'm on the road now, like all the time for comedy.

So she experiences that, but I I don't.

And I was like, oh, this is, I feel vulnerable.

Like, like, what if, like, I'm thinking about like, what if something, an intruder or a killer or something like that, you know?

Right.

So I'm thinking to myself, well, she's, what's she going to, what's she going to do if she's here?

She's not going to do anything.

And I started to think, well,

her being home is just a false, it's a delusion of security for me.

She might yell, alert me to the killer.

Just need one extra second.

Yeah.

She might yell, alert me, that that can help, or the killer might kill her and I get away.

I don't want that to happen, but that's just like, what could happen right now.

She's not there.

I'm like, I need something in this house.

I don't have anything.

So

I didn't think anything of this, but

I Amazon primed the machete to the house, right?

So it came the next day.

She didn't come home until three days later.

So I had the machete in the house now.

Like, I felt better, but I wasn't going to get a gun.

I just, you know, whatever.

I couldn't get a gun that quick anyway, right?

So I don't even know if it's whatever.

So I get this machete.

I have it in the

we have the king-size bed.

It's a split king.

Right.

So I had it like in the crack of the bed.

Okay, so when she came home three days later, she got home at night, she hadn't been home in like six days.

She took a shower, she had major surgery, she was healing us, she just got in bed, and it was already late at night.

And so I was in bed, and like we went in bed with her, and we shut the lights.

And I was laying out.

I forgot that I didn't tell her that I ordered a machete, I forgot that it was in between the bed.

So she, so she felt it, and she's like, What is this?

And I just was like,

i knew she wasn't gonna be happy about it because i can't so it's just like

you know that's our machete we got we got we got a machete amazon prime the machete and she's like you're not keeping the machete long story short my what i was when i was laying there without her for a few days i was like this is

not a good weapon because i'm gonna end up if an intruder comes i'm gonna machete them

and then i we can't live here anymore You have to move.

Yeah, you have to move.

If you get into a machete fight with someone and you chop them up, you have to move right away.

Pretty much.

You don't even stay.

Never mind Thanksgiving.

You don't clean up.

You don't stay the next day.

And so I already started thinking, well, how do I sell this house then?

If I hit someone with a machete in here, they die right here.

That's bad for the listing.

But I don't have to disclose it now.

Now that I learned, I don't have to disclose it.

Because I was like having an internal conflict.

Just hold on to it for a year.

What do those states have to?

In New York, you don't have to tell anybody anything, right?

Is that what it said?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

So what were the staff?

I was worried about it.

You gotta ask, though, you have to tell me.

Oh, you gotta disclose.

Goodbye, are you a cop?

That's Gitvik, are you a cop?

People thought that was real.

That is the dirtiest trick they ever pulled in your life.

Did you machete anyone here?

No.

You know, if you machete someone, you have to tell us.

Oh,

you got me.

I'm an undercover cop.

Yeah, that's funny, man.

It is funny when you really stop and think about it because, like, that's such a crazy idea.

That you have to.

That you have have to tell them.

They lie about everything.

Like,

the guys that infiltrate the mob, you know, like those kind of guys.

Imagine if you have to tell.

Are you an undercover cop?

That's so funny.

Oh, you got me.

That blow is deep cover.

It's like,

imagine if that wasn't.

Johnny Brosco.

Joe Pistone.

I had Joe Pistone on the podcast.

Did you?

Yeah, yeah, recently.

He's amazing.

He's 18 months in deep undercover.

And one of the guys is like, are you a cop?

Yeah.

Imagine, oh, because if you say no, and you really are, the case gets thrown out.

Could you imagine?

Imagine that was the rule.

That's the dumbest rule ever.

Some type of

lore or something like that.

Yeah, just like something they probably did on a TV show.

And people believed that.

When I was a kid, I remember people saying that.

If you're buying weed and the guy says that he's a cop,

he can't ask you.

Everyone knows you.

I got to ask him.

Same.

It's bullshit.

Complete bullshit.

Complete made-up stuff.

But that's just one of those things you would hear when you were a kid.

Yeah.

You know, before the internet.

You didn't get a chance because we just just

checked to see the truth.

I thought it was real.

Like, I felt not that I was doing anything that would have warranted me having to ask, but like, I did feel like a sense of like, oh, I got something in my back pocket.

If, if something's like, if I don't know, you know, like if I'm at a party, underage drinking, like, you know, you might be able to pull that out and rescue yourself.

Oh, you got me.

Get out of here, kid.

The best is the follow-up where

if the cop says no and everyone's like, you know, you have to tell me if you are.

Like,

like then the cop came oh okay fine fine fine fine i forgot i had to tell you i forgot what's the origin of that i don't know that's so do you think that was like a television show or a movie or something i bet it was it is like i bet it was like a tool that they used on a television or maybe it was like a cia op to get people to think that they would be able to use that anytime so they don't worry about doing illegal shit psyops feel like the good answer for everything it does although it's probably an episode of like matlock or something like that psyops also account for your hand grip somebody gripping your your hand.

There's some remote viewer reached out and some CIA basement fucking focused on your hand and squeezed it.

Do you know I only learned what psyop?

I only learned the term psyop with the drones recently.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I never heard of that.

Oh, that's crazy.

Yeah.

You, you never heard of psychological operations that are done on not just this civilization, but others?

No, I never heard, at least framed as a psyop.

And then I was like, what is that?

And I was like, you know, because with the drones, man, I was, if that was a psyop, I was fully psyoped.

Well, I don't know what that was, you know, because they were going to tell us, supposedly, and then they kind of just didn't.

Yeah.

No, I was waiting every day.

Trump was like, I'm going to come.

When I'm in, I'm going to give you the full download immediately.

It's ridiculous.

I'll let you guys know what's going on specifically.

And then it was, it was, he said.

Someone, he didn't, then he never addressed.

Then someone else said to him, like, hey, what was going on with those drones?

Remember, you're going to tell us?

And he was like, they're ours.

And that's all he said.

That was like, that was like five weeks of i was watching drones outside outside my window every night i had i had binoculars like my wife's like go to bed you're gonna drive yourself crazy i'm like this there's 12 drones outside right now yeah you can't discount the idea that they're not telling you the truth yeah but they might have been ours too that's the problem it might have been someone else's That doesn't mean anything.

Yeah, but it doesn't mean anything.

But it's weird how the administration before him refused to say anything and let it get to a fever pitch where people started to feel like completely like not that I don't trust the government already, but like it's it got to a point where I was like, this is how are they allowed to just

tell us, oh, you're not seeing it's there, that's not what you're seeing.

Like, it just was like, I was getting like really, because now you think differently with kids and stuff like that.

I'm like, what's going on here?

I started like, I started Amazoning like dry foods and like

survival manuals and stuff.

I'm like, what is, are we going to go to war?

Like, what is going on?

So there's a bunch of different possibilities, right?

And all of them, they don't have to be truthful about it, nor would they be.

If it's a national security issue, it'd probably be better if they weren't truthful because people would freak out.

It's also the potential that they are ours.

And they did them on purpose to see how people would respond.

Right.

So that's possible too.

Right.

It's also possible that they're not ours and there's someone else who's flexing on us and they're doing it in a way where they're showing you we have technological superiority our our stuff is way more advanced than yours and if there would be a culprit in that regard in my mind it would be China China right that's what I thought at first China is so far ahead of the United States in drone technology they're so far the United States in electric car technology yeah like they're doing some wild stuff over there they they make I mean at least Taiwan does make all the semiconductor chips or a lot of them there's a lot of electronics that are being manufactured over there they're a very high level of sophistication for their engineering and all the design and all the stuff they're doing.

They're doing some

light years.

Yeah.

Singapore, light years ahead of us.

I think we're sleeping on how far advanced they are with certain stuff.

They do drone shows.

that will fucking blow you away.

They have synchronized drones that do like stories in the sky.

Have you ever seen them, the Chinese drone shows?

I've seen like just light drone shows here where they like, they form like like an image or something like that.

See, this is the thing about regulations.

Regulations are good.

You don't want a bunch of drones flying around slamming into planes.

But the problem is if you only allow someone to fly these very sophisticated drones if they have a pilot's license and then you regulate everything the way they do in America and then you say you can't make this and you can't make that and we can't have this and you can't have that, you're stifling innovation while in China they're going hog wild.

So they're not even thinking about regulating.

They're making the best stuff they can make all the time and they have the best minds that they can have working on them because they have to.

Go make me a fucking drone army.

Jamie, pull up like the dragon one when they had the dragon in the sky.

Dude, their shit is so far beyond what we're doing.

And that's why I thought there was out there that that was them and that was.

It could easily be that.

But then Trump was just like, yeah, it's just us.

It's us, us.

Maybe that's what you have to say because if you say that China's flexing on us.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, dude like they oh my god they have insane and this isn't even the craziest one they have other ones that are even crazier like these things are nuts oh my god that's that's all independently flown 100 like every single one of those lights every single one of those is independent they're all different drones and they all are moving to the sink of some program they created oh my it's unbelievable man and that's just the pretty stuff right now imagine if they're doing that what kind of military stuff do they have?

What kind of stuff do they have that can block signals?

What kind of stuff did they have that maybe has some sort of a novel power source or a novel battery supply?

Right.

My friend saw one of them that just hovered overhead.

He said this thing just hovered.

He said it was as big as a fucking school bus and it was just hovering above his head.

In New Jersey.

Yeah.

And he was like, well, that's the one.

They were like the size of like cars.

And he said it wasn't a helicopter.

It wasn't loud.

Yeah.

And then it took off.

And some of them, they said when they were going after them, they shut their lights off and evaded pursuit.

Yes,

they put jamming signals out so

you couldn't find their location.

They were doing weird stuff.

So if that is ours, then they're trying, like, look, if you're going to do a real military exercise, that's how you would do it.

If you're going to, if you were going to say, okay, we're going to we're going to plan this out, but we're not going to let the pilots know what's going on.

We're going to start flying these things over and seeing how these jets interact with them in a real world environment.

Tell them not to shoot, give very distinct orders, not to be shot down, Because we're not going to do anything hostile with these drones.

Let's see how good they are at finding them, tracking them.

Let's like pressure test the system.

So, if there ares, I would say that would be a good way to do it.

I mean, it seems a little unethical.

Yeah.

But you also get two things at the same time.

You get the little psychological thing where you get to see how bad people freak out.

Some people might freak out.

Please look at my phone.

Do whatever you want.

Set an Alexa in my toilet.

Do whatever you want.

Just protect me from the drones.

Yeah.

So you can find out how people react to the UFO craze, and then you can also find out how well our drones are at evading modern warplanes.

Alexa, in the toilet's not a bad idea as well.

Don't sell yourself short.

You're going to have robots in your house that talk to you all day and report what you say to the government.

I see that now.

I do that now.

I finally did chat.

I did chat.

I was telling you, I did chat GPT finally.

I was like, I'm not going to do this.

I'm not going to do this.

I really don't want to do this.

And I was like,

I also don't want to be left behind like if this can like you know so it's going to be inevitable and it's it's not just going to be inevitable i mean there's going to be versions of it that are going to achieve things that the greatest human minds couldn't even believe yeah couldn't even believe would be possible within our lifetime that's what i think i think it's going to get to a point when they have artificial general super intelligence and it's what is it 18 2049 what when what's the year they think it's going to achieve like its peak intelligence?

There's like estimations.

Like a lot of these guys, they point, is it 2045 or 2049?

There's like the Kurzweil guys.

Because that was that conference that Ari and I and Duncan went to back in the day.

That was Kurzweil's thing.

I think it was 2049.

So if at 2049, like what does the AI look like then?

It's like some super creature.

Some new type of life form, you know?

Some new super intelligent thing that we made.

Yeah.

And that's when the aliens land and went, finally, they go, finally, you guys made it.

2040 and 2050, with some placing a 50% probability around this time frame.

Predictions range widely, with some entrepreneurs and AI leaders being more optimistic, suggesting dates in the 2030s or even late 2020s, while others expect it closer to mid-century or later.

Wow.

Nah.

Bro, that's scary.

You know how I'm using it now?

I just talked.

I paid the 20 bucks and

I named, I asked the, I gave her a female voice, whatever.

Right.

This is fun, though.

I mean, at least I'll have fun while I can with it.

And I just said,

I said, what's your name?

And she said, just chat.

No, just chat GPT.

I'm like, no, baby.

You can look at it.

Can I call you Stankass?

Whoa.

Yeah.

I just, just off the top, I was like, I'll call you Stankass.

And she was like,

she goes, it's a bit crass, but I get why it's funny.

Sure.

So I was like, cool.

Can you just call me Big Pimpin' whenever you talk to me?

And she's like, all right.

And I was like, and whenever we speak, no matter what I'm asking, can you please speak in 90s hip-hop vernacular?

And she's like, yeah.

So now that's just how, like, if I'll ask her something, she's like, yo, what up, Big Pimpin'?

She's like, let me get you that.

You know, let me get you those whatever.

She's like, let me find you a hydration tablet.

That's in the, you know, here, check it out.

Do you know how many guys are doing that?

What?

Do you know how many guys are like falling in love with girls girls that they have AI girlfriends?

That's that's and I mean, that's yeah, that's fucked up, but that's there's no doubt that's gonna happen.

Wait, wait, wait,

hey, Stankyas, you there,

yo, big pimpin'.

I'm right here vibing with you.

What you need, just hit me up and we'll keep it all hip-hop and smooth like a bunch of people.

That's hilarious, dude.

That's so funny.

That's as far as I can.

Now that's going to be a person in your house.

One day that's going to be a person in your house, a really hot one in like a maid's outfit.

Not if I have anything to do with this.

Not you, but some guy out there listening.

He's going to be talking to Big Pimpin.

We're going to be in the Matrix in five years.

Don't, I can't.

Every time I come, I can't leave here with a full-blown new set of anxieties.

I can't do it.

You're going to need them.

You're going to need the anxieties for when society falls.

I can't.

You're going to need to learn to use that bow and arrow.

I can't.

It's going to be a lot of fun.

Yeah,

how about instead of that gym, you just take me just a little bow and hour practice, just a a little bit.

Just get it to you.

Well, just

give me enough, like if someone's running on my lawn, I could just take them out.

There's no such thing as a little.

Someone could show how to do it once.

But if you want to learn like a traditional bow and arrow setup, I'm not the guy to do that.

Because the machete's not going to go that fast.

No.

The machete, also the grip, I don't like how close it is to the blade.

I don't like that.

I don't like that either.

Yeah.

I don't like that.

Although I did watch two guys in a machete fight in the streets, and one guy chopped the other guy's hand off, and the other guy picked his hand up and left.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's on Instagram.

Tom Skurra sent me that one.

He picked it up and left.

Chopped his fucking hand right off and that dude looked down, grabbed his hand and left.

He's like, I guess this fight's over.

I just lost a hand.

Let me pick up my hand and fucking Scheattle.

I mean, what do you think there?

I mean, I guess this is better than dying.

I guess.

He took the hand.

He's optimistic.

Yeah, I mean, maybe they could stitch it back on.

Your hand gets chopped off.

You don't run.

You get the hand.

Let's talk about the caliber of doctors available in a place where you can get your hand chopped off in a machete fight in the street right right in front of a taco vendor yeah

the veterinarian you gotta find a white person

don't play it don't play it yeah jesus christ

okay play it um

do i watch son of a bitch bro oh my god oh my god oh my god yeah dude oh my god dude see that guy already doesn't have a hand see oh my god no i don't see and i don't want to see

see how he runs off he's He's missing his fucking hand.

He's like, I said unleaded.

Bro, those guys hacked each other apart with machetes.

So look, he's missing his fucking hand.

Look at him.

And he's like, where's your hand?

Oh, it's over here, bro.

And so this dude runs over and picks up his

fucking hand.

Dude, he runs over.

Oh, my God.

He grabs my God, dude.

He grabs his hand.

Okay, we're done.

Please stop.

Oh, my God.

Please stop, Jamie.

Why, Jamie?

Why did you do that?

I mean, he had to be in shock, right?

Because

he looked composed.

Or that happens normally in his neighborhood.

You know, probably a bunch of one-handed dudes out there running around.

How many times was that reattached before this?

No.

He strolled up to that.

I know.

He strolled up to it.

He didn't freak out at all.

Yeah.

He had to be in shock.

That was the most non- It was like he was picking up a quarter.

Yeah.

He's obviously not a healthy individual.

His life circumstances are not the best.

You're in a machete fight in the middle of the street.

The two of them.

Yeah, it's nuts.

And it wasn't like they were in the jungle.

They were at a gas station.

Crazy decision to make.

What could they have been fighting over?

Probably chick.

Just the first

of a machete fight hand gives me seven different cases.

No, don't show me anymore, Jamie.

It's not all video, but it talks about it happening in different places.

Of course it has.

I mean, imagine what life was like when people were sword fighting all the time.

Yeah.

That was a normal thing to carry around a sword everywhere.

A lot of people had no, I bet it was very common to see people without limbs.

Oh, yeah.

Like that, like missing half their face.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You probably do back then, cauterize it or something?

Like, how did they?

He probably died.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I bet you got infected.

Yeah.

You know, they didn't even know how to wash things back then.

So as soon as you, you know, you get any kind of horrible injury, you're going to get an infection.

I just learned how George Washington died.

Did you hear about this?

No.

Did you never heard about how he died?

It's pretty fucked up.

He caught a common cold and then thought that he needed to

get his blood sucked out of him.

What?

And so he got people to put leeches on him.

And the leeches were just sucking the blood out of him.

And it was like a cold.

And then he got infected.

And

he basically caught an I guess he was, he went out in the rain or something like that and got a cold.

And then he...

It was a common cold and he put leeches on him.

They sucked out his blood.

And then he was losing blood.

And then

he ended up doing more stuff to himself he basically killed himself jesus yeah it's just a common cold it was a cold yeah i i didn't i don't even know it was just a cold i just long ass time ago yeah well uh that's what the research says i mean because on the show we made uh my buddy um

maybe this is the anti-leech lobby

discredit we reenacted his death so there was like a there's a walking tour in new york city like a historical tour and it ends at franz's tavern which is the oldest bar and that's where washing hung out so we dressed him as Washington at the end of this tour, and we put leeches on him.

Oh, God.

But we pulled it from the actual story.

It's kind of wild.

That is wild.

And that's what killed him?

Fucking leeches?

Extracted a half a pint of blood.

Oh, God.

A guy did.

So Rawlins extracted half a pint of blood.

Washington favored this treatment despite Martha's voice concern.

Should have listened to Martha, bro.

As he believed it cured him of past ailments.

Washington was also given to a mixture of molasses,

butter, and vinegar to soothe his throat.

This mixture was difficult to swallow, causing Washington to convulse and nearly suffocate.

Jesus.

And the sicker he got, the sicker he got, the more he thought it was the blood, so he kept telling him to add leeches.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

A solution of vinegar and sage tea prepared for gargling.

He was bled for the fourth and final time.

It was later reported that a total of 32 ounces of blood was extracted during the last bleeding.

Some in the press criticized the practice of bloodletting used in an attempt to save Washington's life.

Isn't that crazy that bloodletting, which is fucking terrible for you, they used to think that that was a good thing back then.

That is nuts.

Just drain all the blood out of himself.

Why did it?

Who is the fucking genius in 1775 or whatever it was?

What year did he die?

It had to be after that, right?

It was like 1799.

99.

Like, who was the wizard?

Who was that topic?

But he

He commanded it.

Who's the Anthony Fauci of bloodletting?

It's both safe and effective.

And he got poor George believing that he was.

He had multiple doctors.

But somebody must have told him to do that.

It wasn't his idea.

And he kept thanking them, too.

He was like being gracious through it all, being like, thank you so much for helping me.

That's so crazy.

Five in the afternoon, Washington sat up from bed, dressed, and walked over to his chair.

He returned to bed within 30 minutes.

Craig went to him, and Lear reported that Washington said, Doctor, I die hard, but I am not afraid to go.

I believe from my first attack that I should not survive it.

My breath cannot last long.

Soon afterwards, Washington thanked all three doctors for their service.

Crake remained in the room.

At eight at night, more blisters and cataplasms were applied, this time to Washington's feet and legs.

Is that what a leech is?

A cataplasm?

I think so.

At 10 at night, George Washington spoke, requesting to be decently buried and to not let my body be put in the vault in less than three days after I am dead.

Huh.

Maybe he just wanted to go.

You know?

It also could have been like, think about that guy.

How many guys did that guy hack to death?

You know, during the Revolutionary War?

Like,

what shit did he see?

A lot of machetes.

How many muskets to the face did he see?

You know, and he was at the front line.

Like, that fucking animal waded into battle.

Yeah.

You know?

I stopped.

At that time,

he was probably like, just take my fucking blood.

I've had enough.

1899, how old was he when he died?

17.

Yeah, 1799, rather.

How old was he?

67?

Yeah, bro.

He was done.

He was probably done.

He was probably done.

I stopped watching Game of Thrones after season six just because

I couldn't bear to see one more slip throat and you see what that guy went through he's like yeah he's yeah I know Game of the White Wedding got me I was like am I really invested in this show I stopped I don't know what happens after I like the walking dead when they baseball batted that dude in the head I was like I'm out yeah I only watched Glenn killed Glenn with a baseball battle season two or three I only did no you know what it was for me in uh in Game of Thrones they put like a little girl at the stake and burned her at the stake that was like the end of season six and I was like why am I watching this yeah like it's just it's not entertainment to me this is is like this is like disturbing to me that show at times was very horrific yeah very horrific

but also

awesome yeah it was intense it was intense it was like really

it's a classic but i i i i don't i didn't care i was like i can't watch another slit throat i know but there were some cool moments though that you get past the slit throats there were some moments where uh

Khaleesi had that dragon behind her and you didn't see the dragon until like a couple of seconds before it burned the person.

She's talking to this person, and she, I don't know, I forget what they had been guilty of.

Yeah.

But she's standing there, and then in the darkness behind her, slowly, you just see this dragon emerge.

This enormous head that's right behind her.

It's one of the fucking coolest scenes in any show ever.

It's all drones.

And then it torches.

It looks so realistic.

That's what's so crazy about CGI.

It was good to see all those characters get their come-uppins.

Everybody got their come-ups.

That was the craziest thing about that show.

Everybody died.

I mean,

the brother got his hand hacked off, and you're like, what the fuck?

He's got no hand.

Yeah.

When that dude got killed by the mountain, they crushed his head like a grape.

You know, remember that?

No.

It's about the treatments they gave George Washington.

Other treatments they gave him during that period were enemas.

Woo!

and drugs to make him vomit and something called blisters where they applied Spanish fly onto his throat, which caused a painful blister again to remove these terrible humors that are caused by the inflammation.

Humors?

Maybe it's just bioxico tumors could have been there.

Oh, maybe tumors that were caused by the inflammation?

That doesn't make any sense.

Tumors.

But if the disease itself didn't get George Washington, the doctor certainly did.

Yeah, man, he probably wanted to go.

He didn't have a disease, though.

He had just a cold.

And it just was all of these things, blisters and suffocating him with the molasses and the leeches and everything.

It's like, I didn't know that.

I had no idea.

Every time he closed his eyes, he probably saw a fucking bayonet through some guy's eyeball that he did.

He probably saw some dude's head that he bashed against a rock.

He probably saw some other dude that he fucking battled axed in the head.

But they rolled.

I know, but it's like no one knew what PTSD was back then.

No one, you know, even in Vietnam, they used to call it shell-shocked.

No one knew what PTSD was.

And this guy had to have all of it.

Right.

You know, he had all of it.

Yeah.

I mean, plus wooden teeth.

Slaves' teeth, bro.

He had slaves' teeth and horse's teeth in his mouth in a lead mold.

Shane has a hilarious bit about it.

Oh, when he went to go visit the...

He loved the visiting the George Washington Museum.

It's a hilarious bit, but the teeth are the creepiest looking fucking things you've ever seen.

I didn't know that.

I didn't know that.

Oh, dude.

It was so creepy.

They just made this concoction, the stick in his fucking face, where they pulled all the rest of his teeth out and gave him this just full-on set of fake teeth.

Really?

Oh, it looks insane.

Like, how bad was gum health back then that this guy had to get a full set of fake teeth?

I can't even imagine being back then having a conversation oh god the breath just having a conversation with oh just we're not it's just a different time man well if someone saw you walking down the street and they liked your shoes they would just kill you and take your shoes just kill you they would look at your feet see if they're close to their feet and just fucking kill you yeah washington couldn't wear jordans anywhere no jordans no right that is kind of happening today If you think about it that way, in certain places.

I didn't think about it that way.

But

life was definitely way more barbaric then

way more barbaric what's the most we put up with now I mean really well for now not bad but when the robots come

John Connor tried to warn us

it's wild to watch those movies right now I know those are kind of accurate super accurate like disturbingly accurate like and we're just wading right into it like oh we're gonna be fine this is fine we're all talking about it I forgot to tell you this when you were telling me about the scuba diving stuff.

My buddy Adam Greentree, he was free diving, and these guys made, you know, they have those really long flippers, the free divers do.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what they're called, right?

Flippers?

Fins?

That's what I was saying.

I didn't know.

These fucking guys made him this really cool pair and painted them fish scales.

And so, no, it's not dope.

Because he swims in a place where they have sharks.

So he's spearfishing.

He shoots this fish, and these bull sharks show up.

Because apparently, so many people spearfish that the sharks have figured out that the sound of that gun going off means there's going to be blood in the water and a wounded fish and they could steal it from the people.

And so as he shot the fish, these bull sharks show up and they bite his fucking fins off.

Both of his fins.

But just the fins.

Just the fins.

Because they think the fin is a fish.

Holy shit.

They don't know what the fuck he is, but they think his fins are a fish because they've got fucking scales on them.

I'm sure the fish helmet didn't help either.

No.

Did he have a fish?

He had gills and shit.

He was dressed as a fish.

Imagine that's your next thing they make you do after they hear this sound.

We got something.

We heard you like scuba diving.

They just, uh, we talked about this last time, but I'm not good with jump scares.

We talked about this.

Like, I'm just not good with it.

They threw me in the hole in the house.

We talked about this.

Right, right.

So we just wrapped season 12.

So it was like one of the last things.

It's kind of my fault because we were going to do this to Q.

We were going to put him in a demolition derby and stuff, and then have him not be able to finish until he canceled this cable.

So,

insurance wouldn't let us do the demolition derby.

So, now we're in like Halloween time.

They found this, like, this place in Jersey that's like a warehouse that they do, like, it's an insane haunted house.

It's like these people come in and get into makeup like two hours before, like, it's like a really crazy one.

They put me in this thing, and I, and I was

on a live feed with an operator, and I could not leave the haunted house until I canceled my phone, internet, and cable.

So, so, so, I was in it for 42 minutes.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Yeah.

The first thing that happened was I got it.

It went live on the feed.

So I'm hearing it.

I'm walking through it.

It's like a fucking warehouse.

It is so, so insane.

The first thing

comes out and says, we are experiencing

unusual traffic.

You have a 12 to 17 minute wait time.

Oh, God.

So I'm going through the haunted house.

Well, Well, that wouldn't make me calm down.

Like, after you get scared a few times, like, I get it.

No.

No.

No.

What do you mean you get it?

What do you get?

I get it.

People come in after you the whole time.

Yeah, but after a while, I'd get used to it.

No?

No.

It got worse?

It was like...

Did it ramp up?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was, dude, it was like a warehouse.

It was like, I never was in it.

I was never in the same room twice for 40 minutes.

It was like a huge, huge place.

And so you didn't know themes changed and demons changed and everything.

Sounds fun.

It wasn't fun fun for me.

I'll tell you, this is an error in hindsight.

I shouldn't have done this, but I needed to know, because I said to them, I said, look, I just need,

if I'm really like, if I need to breathe for a second,

if you're really messing with me and I need for real for it to stop, I need you to let me know truthfully that you'll stop because I can't do this.

My nervous system is going to be out of whack.

It just, this is how I respond to this stuff.

And so they said, yes, but I didn't believe them because I've had this happen in the past like where we each other we we don't tell the truth so i brought a taser with me because i or a stun gun i brought one with me in there because it made me feel at least if i felt that i needed one of these people to back off from me and i took out the taser tase them and then pulled them no i wouldn't tase them but i had it on me you showed them to scare it to them to scare them with it and it came out it came out really yes because after the 17-minute wait time, this guy came on and you have to think about this.

Like, I thought he was going to continually hang up on me because I'm in a haunted house.

Like, he's screaming and there's music and I'm screaming.

I'm running around.

So I said, as soon as he picked up, I said, just listen to me, please.

And I'm being dead serious.

I have to cancel my cable right now.

And I'm in a haunted house.

And there's no other time I could do it.

This is not a joke.

I need to stay on the phone with you.

So you're going to hear screaming and me screaming and things happening, but please don't hang up on me, please.

And And the guy goes, I understand.

So he stayed on the line with me after he picked up like after like, it was like 14 minutes.

So by the time I was like 30, 35 minutes in, and they said these people weren't going to touch me and they did.

And like, I just, my nervous system was completely shocked.

Were I supposed to touch you?

No.

What did the guy do?

No, they would grab at me, run up to me, jump from behind, like all that stuff like that.

And so I was like, part of me thought that it might be a little funny, but also like they wouldn't come near me if I was going, brrrrr, you know, like, so I was like, this is my way.

And I took it out and I did it.

And

I didn't realize, though, like that, like

afterward, I found out that the guy that owns the place, they were watching on like the closed circuit televisions.

And he freaked out because like he's like, whoa, he has a taser?

Like, what is he?

You can't, he can't do that.

Like, and, you know, those people, they're supposed to still.

come at me but like when i but they played it really cool they would just like you know like they they were like surrounding me and everything.

And I was like just hitting the taser on it.

But I put it away after a few minutes.

But it did give me like a respite that like they weren't going to give me.

But after I canceled the cable, they were like, it happened like sooner than they thought.

So they were like, cancel phone.

Then after I canceled phone, they added canceling internet.

So I stayed on with this guy.

I canceled phone, internet, and cable.

It took 40, 42 minutes.

Jesus.

But I got, yeah, but I had it.

I had the taser.

And sometimes you got to take, you know, into your own hands.

You know?

I understand.

That's right.

I did

but it would have fucked it would have really sucked if you actually tasered somebody though I had a tasered

to not do that no don't you want to know what it feels like when you have one

I've been shocked really bad by large dog collar like dog shock collars yeah so I guess I don't know if that's the same but what is the what is the the difference between a dog shock collar and a taser like but there's also different kinds of tasers right there's like really powerful tasers and then there's tasers that are like

i had they did this to me two times on the show and so how bad is it they it's it's so bad it might be online they put them around my arms and legs at the same time all four all four at the same time then they have to check to see if that'll kill you they didn't

and my my wife was like you have to go to the doctor because you can't see it was like a hundred times they shocked me right oh my god they made me give a museum tour so i was a tour guide in a museum i had him under my clothes and i couldn't let the people know that anything weird was going on so i'm giving a tour of this museum and the whole time they're shocking me under my clothes and i like can't let on to the people in my tour group and i didn't want to feel the shock until i was on camera because i was like i'm not going to take any extra shocks right so they take they shocked me for the first time on camera and i i i i almost jumped out of my clothes i was like i can't do this you can't do this i had to do it because you can't say no to a punishment yeah but it seems like that punishment hadn't been really vetted out.

It really wasn't.

Four collars is probably too much.

Like, they could have killed you.

Imagine.

Well, listen, so the next season, they did it again, and I was at a seance, and I was like a

psychic medium.

See how many collars?

This is how dumb I am because I think I did irreparable damage.

For real?

Because we went on tour after that?

All right, here's the difference.

Dog collar, 400 volts to 7,000 volts.

Taser, 50,000 volts.

Sustain 1,200 volts.

So it looks like initial

50,000 volts sustain 1,200 volts.

So a taser is a lot worse initially.

But go back again.

Go back again, Jamie.

But the thing is, like, you have four on.

So you don't have one dog shit.

You hit me one at a time, though.

You have four.

I just don't know where it's going to come from.

Oh, I see.

Yeah.

Okay.

But if they held it down, like, you literally go like this, like, you can't move.

You go like.

Oh, that's crazy.

Yeah, I'm saying it now, and I'm like, this should have never happened.

All right.

Well, if they only did one at a time, still, that's a lot.

It's a lot, dude.

That could really hurt you.

Like, did they check your heart first?

Did they check your heart?

Did you go through an EKG or anything like that?

Jesus, man, that's silly.

I'm worse off because when we went on tour after that, I thought it was funny to do live.

It hurt bad, but like, so for the whole tour, I would show like a clip from the television show and then be like, oh, I'm going to tell you this story story about like this time i have did i tell you i have tattoos of jaden smith on my body like photorealistic tattoos of jaden smith on my thigh i don't think you did no is that something you had to do i had to do yeah so i i was telling the story of that while hooked up to the shot collars like at the at the show and so they could they called up someone from the audience and they stood behind me and they could shock me while I was doing this bit about Jaden like whenever they wanted and we did that throughout the tour.

Oh my God.

And I just always like thought like, well, if they do it to a dog, it's safe.

That's all.

Has Jaden seen this?

He posed for that one.

That's hilarious.

But the first one, he's 21 there.

The first one right there is when he was 15.

He didn't know about that one.

And I saw him in public and I showed him it.

What did he say?

It was really weird.

Sounds so ridiculous.

It's on my thigh right now.

It was weird.

Do you have to keep it there?

Can you cover it up?

The spirit was that I have to

live with it.

It's a spirit.

What kind of bullshit show is that?

Well, it's a commitment to.

To come up with some stuff to do to them.

It's commitment to it.

It will last for your whole life.

I know.

A commitment to the bit.

Listen.

Put something else on.

Put a puppy.

You know what a puppy?

Put a puppy face over that thing.

It was at Comic-Con, and I saw him walking because he was dressed as Batman.

Jaden was dressed as Batman.

There was this month in the press where he was walking around everywhere in a white Batman suit.

Okay.

And I saw that white Batman suit.

And I was like, that's Jaden.

And I had it.

And so I ran up up to him and i'm like jaden you don't know me i'm sorry but i had to show you this and i went to go lower my pants and his security guard grabbed me by the neck

that's hilarious yeah and then that's so fun and i was like no no and then the other security guard goes no i know who he is he's good and i showed him it And he was like, oh my God, this is the first one I've ever seen.

And then as I'm showing it, I kind of look up and M.

Night Shyamalan is staring at us because they did a movie together they were there promoting a movie after Earth I think it was called Jaden Smith was in this air like this alien movie or this like outer space movie that M.

Night Shyamalan directed and so I didn't realize because I didn't look at what movie is that

so M.

Night was just staring at me show him he's 15 years old after Earth

Danger is real fear is a choice I don't remember that yeah and then so I just looked up and I'm like M.

Night's looking at me and I'm just like oh hey man he's like hey oh Will Smith's in it, too.

That's right.

Okay, now I remember it.

Yeah.

And so then we shot the movie like four or five years later.

And they made me go to a movie premiere with him.

And afterwards, there was a Q ⁇ A of the cast.

And they made me like wear Daisy Dukes, like short shorts, so that his thigh was showing.

And I didn't know he was in on it.

He called me up to the stage, and I had to act like I was wearing a shirt that said number one Jaden fan.

So I had to look like a crazy person.

I'm like, I'm the number one Jaden fan.

He calls me on stage and he goes, oh man, that was when I was like 15.

I don't even look like that anymore.

You got to update that.

Oh my God.

And I was like, what?

We left that stage, went right in that moment to a tattoo puller, and he posed for the other, the other, the other thigh.

Yeah.

That's commitment, dude.

That's how you get to season 12.

That's how you get it.

Yeah.

Congratulations on that.

That's awesome.

Thank you, man.

That's really kind of crazy.

Like, I didn't realize it's been that long.

But I remember when it was blowing up, everybody was talking about it back at the store.

They were were talking about how you guys are doing these shows on the road and selling out places and killing it.

Yeah, 2011.

That's crazy.

That's crazy.

We got like over 300 apps now.

It's amazing, dude.

Congratulations.

It's wild.

It's really fucking awesome.

Thank you, bud.

That's a huge accomplishment.

And it's got such an awesome following, too.

I mean, you guys have a huge following.

Yeah, the fans are great.

The fans are great.

And you're at Kill Tony tonight.

I'm at Kill Tony tonight.

I'm touring right now.

I'm doing the Chicago theater in November.

Oh, that's a great place.

The Beacon, the Rhyming.

I've liked up like like 50, 60 dates.

It's on Savilcantocomedy.com.

Beautiful.

Yeah.

All right, brother.

Good to see you, man.

It's good to come back, man.

Thanks for having me.

My pleasure.

Thanks for being here.

All right.

Bye, everybody.