6 Psychology Tricks That Will Make You Successful

Why do some people get completely ignored while others seem to attract success without even trying?

It's not money, it's not being the smartest person in the room, it's respect, and most people have no idea how to earn it.

Look, respect is one of the biggest reasons I've built what I have today, and because of that, I want to share with you the six tricks that helped me go from nerdy and awkward to respected and successful.

If you do these, I guarantee it'll make people treat you completely different and lead you to real success.

Welcome to the Martel Method.

I went from rehab at 17 to building a $100 million empire and being a Wall Street Journal best-selling author.

In this podcast, I'll show you exactly how to build a life and business you don't grow to hate.

And make sure you don't miss anything by subscribing to my newsletter at martelmethod.com.

Starting with trick number one, speak now, not later.

Most people don't say anything.

Think about it for yourself.

Has anybody brought something up that you did six months ago and you're like, what are you even talking about?

If a new friend does something that's not cool, like didn't show up for a meeting or showed up late, say something.

You don't have to be rude.

You don't have to be angry, but not saying anything is teaching them that it's okay.

So what I would invite you to consider is get comfortable with hard conversations.

The way I do that is, number one, is I reframe the fear.

I don't say I'm confronting somebody or I'm being rude or I'm being direct or whatever.

I just say I'm being clear.

Wouldn't that be a great way to communicate in a clear way?

Second part is I look at it as building the muscle.

See, if I wait until it's a massive problem, then I didn't build the muscle.

If I address it when it's a level two, not a level 10, then it becomes a lot easier for me, especially as bigger things happen in my life.

And I know that the size of the problems that I can deal with is the size of my life.

If I can only deal with little problems because I'm scared to like hurt people's feelings, then I won't be able to create a big life.

The third is to avoid emotions.

I don't get mad.

I don't get rude.

I don't get heated.

I just tell them about the practical outcome.

Like, here's what we need.

I'm not pissed off at them.

I just ask them for confirmation.

Here's what the agreement.

This is what you did.

In the future, could you do this?

My friend Jefferson Fisher has this great framework about the frame.

This is the conversation I want to have.

This is the intended outcome.

Is that okay?

And so it's like when you're giving somebody feedback saying, I'd like to talk about your performance in the meeting yesterday.

My goal is to get us on the same page that you'll always show up early and be prepared.

Is that okay?

And they go, okay, well, you just sold them on the frame of having that uncomfortable conversation with the outcome baked into the agreement that they didn't even realize they did.

This is ninja stuff.

Be sure to check out his pod and book.

He's got some great stuff.

It sounds so subtle, but if somebody acts a certain way the first time they do that, say something.

Here's the way I see it.

You teach people how to treat you.

I have a guy, Coop, on my team.

I love him.

But man, he likes to talk.

And it was so funny that I brought it up the first time I did it.

He said he'd work on it, brought up second time, whatever.

He said he'd work on it, third time, fourth time, fifth time, seventh time.

I love him though.

It went so far that I actually bought him a shirt that says verbose because I'm like, bro, enough's enough.

It's a joke, but I'm serious.

Every comment you let slide, you're essentially teaching people what they said is okay.

If you avoid short-term discomfort, you just create long-term dysfunction.

But most people are actually disrespected because they're afraid to offend people, which brings us to trick number two.

Stop being so nice.

I'm not talking about being a jerk.

Just stop trying to please everyone.

Stop trying to get everyone to like you.

I pride myself on trying to be accommodating and jovial and nice to everybody.

And it bit me in the butt.

I was talking to my coach the other day and he said, hey, we have an issue.

I said, what's that?

He goes, everybody I ask about you, they all say great things.

That's not good.

Okay, why?

Because if everybody likes you, it means you're not saying anything.

And for you to accomplish the goals you've shared with me, you will not be liked by everybody.

It's impossible.

The frame that I have adopted is I'd rather be a good man, not a nice man.

And there is a difference.

The challenge with that is being nice keeps people comfortable, not accountable.

This is how I've learned to do this.

First off, Learn to give feedback without sugarcoating it.

Like my buddy Coop, I was very clear.

Hey, Coop, can I give you some feedback?

He He said, for sure.

I said, a lot of times when you're in meetings, you repeat the question, you add a bunch of extra stuff, and it takes you 20% more time to communicate, which is wasting 20% of the rest of the people in that meeting.

Those are very expensive meetings.

And he understood.

And I said, cool, can we work on this next time?

He said, for sure, awesome.

No problem.

See, if you're unwilling to give direct feedback, you're robbing people of their ability to improve.

And learn to say no without guilt.

I truly believe no is is a complete sentence and it ends with a period.

You don't have to always give a reason for why something doesn't work for you.

Sometimes no is the response.

Sometimes saying I'm overcommitted, I'm not available, I appreciate the invite, but I'm not going to be able to make that happen.

Thank you so much.

It means a lot.

Unfortunately, I'm already tied up.

Whatever you need to say, but being direct and kind and saying things like no is totally fine.

If you want to be respected, if you're always saying yes to everything, then the person is going to think that you always have the time.

People that have clear structure boundaries in their life, I respect them because they know what they're after.

I don't want somebody that bends their desires based on everybody else's requests on their time.

I want the person that has a clear agenda for what they want to create and they know when and how to say no.

Most people that always say yes and then regret it and stress themselves out and show up at a dinner party they don't want to be at, they're trying to be nice to everybody.

Being kind sometimes is being kind to yourself and saying no no is where we start.

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Now let's get back to the episode.

Sometimes people get overlooked before anything even comes out of their mouth.

Which brings us to trick number three, respect your looks.

It does blow my mind how some people take no consideration in how they're communicating their seriousness about their life to other people.

Neglecting your looks is like printing a book with no cover.

Whether you like it or not, the cover sells a book.

It tells you what's inside.

It gives you a sense to judge what you're going to learn from that book.

It may be right or wrong.

It doesn't matter.

Humans judge other people based on their looks.

And if you walk around disheveled and not taking care of yourself and you're trying to to get other people to take you seriously, it's not going to happen.

I started off as more of an introverted programmer and there was kind of this like neck beard nerd look.

And then I realized that as I got into like meetings and serious conversations with other entrepreneurs that have built really big businesses, that like I had to look the part or nobody would take me seriously.

Your appearance shows the level of respect you expect.

I was speaking with Sal Frasilla at an event and he shared this quote that really resonated with me.

He says, I don't care what you have, I care about how you take care of what you have.

When Sal said that, it actually made me reflect because sometimes I can be a little abusive with my cars.

I got a few and I just like to drive them and I might put them away wet and, you know, not worry too much about cleanliness.

And it made me realize that I needed to change my attitude to take care of the things I have.

Think about your body.

Like I've said this several times, the bicep vein is the McLaren of the body.

It communicates trust.

It communicates that you're somebody that has discipline, that trusts that when they say they're going to do something, they do it.

So ask yourself, do I look the part?

But if you don't align your voice to your appearance, you'll never gain respect.

Which brings us to hack number four, speak with strength.

If your GPS voice was extremely shy and lacks confidence, would you follow its directions?

I work with a lot of young folks and it's like,

turn it up just a little bit if you have an idea speak share it be confident it's not scream it's not cut somebody off it's just don't talk as if you're second guessing what you're saying it's fascinating to watch people in life they can't stare you in the eyes they can't talk to you clearly and then they wonder why nobody takes them seriously You don't take yourself seriously.

If you sound unsure, no one will follow, even when you're right.

So I'm going to share with you what I learned from some of the world's best speaking coaches on how to speak with strength.

Number one, complete sentences.

Don't trail off.

I'm the worst at this.

I'm creating content and my team's like, Dan, you didn't finish your thought.

And I'm like, I'm so sorry.

Because I just like to talk and sometimes I realize I'm not saying the word.

Number two, drop qualifiers.

Stop saying maybe, I hope, kind of, I think, because you're communicating lack of confidence by using those words and what you're saying.

The third is speak with certainty.

Should, could, would.

The problem with those words is they have expectation of failure.

Think about it.

You're giving yourself an out.

You're not really confident.

Maybe it'll work.

It could work.

It should work.

Not how we communicate.

Let's do this.

We're going here.

I'll see you at 5 p.m.

sharp.

Number four, offer decisions instead of questions.

For example, we're doing this instead of should we do this?

People want to be led.

Like, I don't know about you, but I just want to be told, like, where do I need to be?

When?

Don't tell me it's up to me or maybe it'd be great or no, no, just tell me.

And you tell me clearly, I'll be there.

Number five, use pauses.

Silence after a strong point

creates gravity.

My buddy Malt taught me this.

He goes, communicating is more about the pauses in between what you're saying than actually what you said.

He It says like music.

Music is only created by the silence in between the notes.

If all the notes ran really fast and it would just be like meep

versus come out to meet you.

I'm not singing.

Anyways, he sang me that song to make his point.

It was very awkward because it was just him and I.

But silence is a powerful tool.

Before we get back to the episode, if you actually want to know what my real life looks like and see the people and the businesses and the companies I buy and my family and just like how I make it all work.

Go follow me on Instagram, Dan Martell, to Elza Martel on Instagram.

It's where I show the behind the scenes, the real deal, real time.

I'd love to see you there.

Have an amazing day.

But we don't just speak our words, which brings us to trick number five, lead with your body.

I started this thing years ago.

When I run on stage, I jump up in the air and I smash my feet down.

I don't know where I did it first, but then somebody said, that was really cool.

You should do that every time.

But I do it for me.

I do it to anchor myself.

I do it to communicate that I take this very seriously.

I do it to communicate.

I don't take myself that seriously because oftentimes I hurt my heel.

My whole philosophy is that if you have the privilege of being on a stage, then you have to use your body to command your presence.

Because here's a fact.

Your body speaks before your mouth ever does.

This is how hard it was for me.

I had to buy a posture machine for my shoulders to pull my shoulders back because I coded

for so many years that it like caused my shoulders to round down.

And then I was tall, I'm 6'3, and I always worry about making people feel nervous around me.

So I like play small and I had to work on having my posture back.

And now I communicate certainty by my body language.

So here's how you lead with your body.

You ready for this?

First off, shoulders back.

It also affects how you speak.

It affects your energy.

It aligns everything.

It's actually very powerful.

Second is head high, chin up, make eye contact with the person.

Don't be creepy and be like, hey, I'm staring at you.

I'm not breaking eye contact.

Here we go.

We're doing this.

Oh yeah, okay, I'm winning.

I guess they're respecting me now.

No, that's awkward.

You're allowed to look away and look back again.

Don't just stare blankly into the freaking night.

The other one is smile.

Always.

I'm a big fan of smiling because I know how big my stature is.

I remember one guy worked for me, Matisse, and he's massive, 268,000 pounds of pure muscle.

He would love that I say that.

And he never thought that he might want to smile when he walks in a room because he literally looks like an ogre.

He was wearing one day, he was wearing like this beanie and he has beard going on and this tight shirt.

And I was like, bro, everybody in that room thought you were going to kill them.

Could you potentially smile next time?

He's like, oh, yeah.

I'm like, yeah, bro, smile once in a while.

Fourth is to anchor your feet.

Don't rock back and forth.

See, a lot of people do that because it's a nervous tick.

Stand there in your power.

Anchor your feet.

The other thing is to walk with purpose.

If you want to communicate something you're sharing, then use your body language to emphasize the story, but don't get into this nervous tick situation where you're moving without purpose.

But gaining respect isn't just about one interaction or the first impressions.

Which brings us to trick number six: be yourself everywhere.

I believe people respect The Rock, Jellyroll, Gary Vee, Oprah, Richard Branson, because they're the same person in every scenario.

And it's wild for some people to think they're not because they play different characters depending on who they're talking to.

They project the way they are to other people.

I'm telling you, the most successful people are successful because they're authentic.

They are who they are.

Go back.

Okay, I just want you guys to all feel really good about yourself.

If you want, go back and watch other videos.

I tried to play a part, a character that I wasn't.

Button shirt, super smart, very articulate, never made a joke.

Here's a problem.

I wasn't who I am.

And I would rather be hated for who I truly am than adored for someone I'm not.

So here's how you can be yourself everywhere.

My buddy Chris Harder has this great quote that says, sooner or later, you'll get caught being yourself.

So you might as well be yourself.

My other philosophy is that you don't want to dim your light if you're too much because it hurts other people's eyes.

Like be who you are at the fullest.

That person will find the other people that love that version of you.

And those people will lean in and be like, I found my person.

And you will just have a much happier life because you will be friends and attract people that you enjoy talking to, not that like you for a version of you that you're not.

And look, if people think you're too much, politely ask them to go find less.

So I understand

being somebody that other people respect is tough because sometimes you'll come across people that just disrespect you.

I want you to understand is the more consistent you are around these tips and tricks, the more over time people will adjust the way they show up for you.

They'll adjust the way they treat you.

They'll adjust the way they think of you and how they introduce you to other people that sets the foundation for you to be somebody that they respect because you're consistent, you got a big heart, and you're authentically who you are.

But if you struggle with feeling ambitious but lazy, click here and I'll see you on the other side.

Thanks for listening to the Martel Method.

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