Brutally Honest Advice for Young Men

There's a lot of bad advice out there for men on the internet, and it frustrates me because being the father of two boys and running one of the largest youth programs for young men in my city, I've seen the results of every kid being one caring adult away from becoming a success story. So I'm gonna explain principles, although some are controversial, that are important for any young man to understand.
Welcome to the Martell Method. I went from rehab at 17 to building a $100 million empire and being a Wall Street Journal bestselling author.
In this podcast, I'll show you exactly how to build a life and business you don't grow to hate. And make sure you don't miss anything by subscribing to my newsletter at martellmethod.com.
Number one is you're responsible for your life. No one's going to do it for you.
No one's coming to save you. No one's going to give you anything.
You work or you suffer. It's your reality.
I have a lot of kids, 18 to 20 year olds that are reaching out, messaging me, asking me for a job, but they never ask themselves, maybe I should do the job first. Maybe I should present my skills.
Maybe I should be an example of what I'm doing. It's almost like they want me to save them.
You have to take control of your life and do the work before anybody's going to pay you for the work. I think most kids are taught this in school.
They're taught if I can just show up, sit in a classroom, not even do the work, I'll get a passing grade. There's this new rule I found out in one of my kids' schools.
They don't fail kids anymore. It's like not a thing they do.
They'll give them extra support. They'll keep them around for the summer, but they don't fail kids anymore.
And then they come into the job market wondering, how is my employer going to train me up and give me all the skills that I need to do the work? If you want to be in sales, if you want to be a video editor, if you want to be a marketer, go learn the skill, show that you've got it. You can do it.
If you think somebody else is going to do it for you, you're missing the plot. Which brings us to number two, which is do what's unpopular.
If you want an extraordinary life, you need to be extra. It's very simple for me.
Whatever your friends are doing, you have to do the opposite. It sounds crazy, but if your friends are going out on weekends, do the opposite.
If your friends drink all the time, do the opposite. If everyone around you is watching TV after school instead of working on bettering themselves, do the opposite.
There's no way that you're going to be somebody that stands out by not doing things that stand out. So if you look around and everybody's doing the same thing, you're doing it wrong.
It reminds me of this quote, which is that the extra mile is often empty because very few people are willing to do it. It's your opportunity to differentiate yourself.
If you want a life that's different than everybody else's, your parents, the people at school, your friends, honestly, you have to act different. You have to make different choices, which is the premise of doing something that's hard because you're going to go against what is the norm.
People are going to judge you for it, but that's actually the right way to go. And eventually you'll find people that are also doing it and it makes it less lonely.
But at first you have to be willing to do things that other people will not understand. People shy away from it because it requires you to feel lonely.
It requires you to feel confused. You're like, I hope this works out.
Think about going to the gym. Like if you're tracking your macros, if you're tracking your training and you're being disciplined and you don't miss what you committed to, which nobody does, you're going to have results.
Very few people have life works the exact same way. Before we get back to the episode, if you want to jump start your week with my top stories and tactics, be sure to subscribe to the Martell method newsletter.
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Which brings us to number three, which is begin with the end in mind. In the book, Thinking Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, the first chapter is all about having an aim, a focus, a target, a primary aim, something that is so clear that when I wake up, I know, did I make progress towards that? The truth is, is most adults do not have a vision for their life.
They don't even have a vision for their week. They don't even know why they do what they do.
If you want to separate yourself, then choose to have an aim. And again, you're going to be like, well, I don't know what it is.
It actually doesn't matter what it is, it's that you have it. So take 15 minutes and write it out.
Think about the city you wanna live in, the family you wanna have in the future, the lifestyle you wanna live, where do you wanna travel? Dream a little bit. Give yourself permission to write things on there that actually scare you, that freak you out, that you have zero idea how you're gonna to do, trust having direction is the right move to be successful.
And for those that like really feel stuck and you're like, I don't know if I could do this. My only question to you is, has anybody in your circumstance ever made it? If anybody in your city that looks like you, and maybe not even in city, maybe just somebody in your specific situation, if they've ever made it, that's proof that you can do it as well.
Use that to build the confidence. Use that to learn how they did it.
Go find it. I remember one time I woke up and I was like, who are the successful people in my state? And I found out there were three billionaires that lived in my state.
All of them, when I reached out to them, took my call. All of them.
They weren't on Instagram. They were hardly in the news and it took some work.
That to me is your opportunity. Most people that have had success, the reason why is because they came from a place that was so bad that they had to work so hard to become a little bit of a success story, a little bit more, a little bit more.
They've been doing it for so long that you see them today and you're like impressed, but it's just because they've been at it for decades. Which brings us to number four, which is stop asking your parents for advice.
It's a flawed strategy. And I love you parents.
I know that your intentions are to love on your kids and be the best role models for them. But the truth is, there's a good chance that you watching this, or if you're a parent, your kids want more than they've experienced in their current life.
And the fact is, it's unlikely that your parents will be able to give you the right strategies, the right advice to get there, because if they did, they'd have it. Instead, they're going to give you the exact same advice that they would use to get the life they have, which is not what you want.
And I know that sounds harsh, but stop caring about what your parents think. Your parents just don't want to see you hurt.
They don't want to see you fall off that bike. They don They don't wanna see you kicked out of university.
They don't wanna see your heart broken. So they try to protect you.
It's natural. Trust me, I have two boys.
I'll probably do the same thing to them. But I've told them from the beginning, if you wanna do something I haven't done, don't ask me for advice.
It's the wrong strategy. I will help you find those people.
I will put you in a position to talk to those people. But anytime you hear me giving you advice, it's flawed because I've never done that thing.
So for example, my son wanted to start editing videos. I was like, dude, go talk to somebody on my media team.
Like I'm not the person. Talk to Sam.
Talk to Nick. Go learn the skill of approaching a stranger and asking them for advice.
Because the reason why we turn to our parents is because they'll always give us advice. That's easy.
Life of success requires you to do hard things. So don't take the easy route, especially when it's for big things like what university should I go to? Should I start a business? What should that business be? You want to get around people that have been there, done it, and they can give you the blueprint and it makes it easy.
And best of all, it gives you the confidence, which brings us to number five, which is no one cares about your story until you win. So go win.
When I left rehab after being there for 11 months and being a complete failure up until that point at 17 years old, I had one mission to go win so big that all the doubters couldn't doubt me. Because at first I wanted to tell everybody how incredible sobriety was.
I wanted everybody to listen to me. And the truth was, is I hadn't done anything and it made me mad.
But could I really blame them? Why would they listen to me? I hadn't done anything because I've been sober for a few months. Like that's not impressive.
Some of us get frustrated because people don't believe in our dreams. They don't believe in our potential.
They are so negative about what we've done. We're trying to tell our story.
We're trying to teach other people how we've had a little bit of success and we get upset, but you haven't done anything yet. Go win.
It's right or wrong. It doesn't matter.
Nobody's going to care about you, your story, what you've done until you win so big people can't ignore you. Which brings us to number six, which is do what's hard for an easy life.
There's a quote by Les Brown that says, if you want your life to be hard, do what's easy. If you want your life to be easy, do what's hard.
Most young people are trying to do things that feel right, that are easy. The problem with that is that there's no reward on the other side of it because if it was easy, everybody would do it.
The concept of delayed gratification is the idea of being willing to be consistent for long periods of time without ever seeing proof that what you're after is materializing. It's like going to the gym.
You gotta choose your heart. Go to the gym, choose your heart, develop your muscles.
Those muscles have to come on the backside of you pushing yourself. When everything in your body says stop, you keep pushing.
You know, in life, there's this thing called eustress and distress. Eustress is you deciding to create an environment where you're pushing yourself long distance running, working out, starting your business.
Distress is when the world happens to you and your perspective is that's not fair. I can't believe this person or this situation happened.
See, the more we put ourselves in a position to do hard, when hard happens to us, it's easier. It's such a massive idea.
Most adults don't get this, but I want to ask you, how much can you sacrifice for tomorrow? How much are you willing to delay? How much are you willing to push? Can you dedicate yourself to a thousand days of being better? It's less than three years, but you'd be surprised on the other side of that

commitment, how different your life would look. Before we get back to the episode, if you're

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It would mean so much. Let's get back to the episode, which brings us to number seven, which is don't rely on others for your happiness.
You know, when I started trying to get my fitness together, I was frustrated because people around me didn't really support me, but I honestly couldn't blame them because I didn't have proof of being consistent. It was yet another fad diet, another challenge, another race.
And I used to get mad because how could the people that love me the most not support me in something that was going to improve my life? And then I realized this, if I could get to a place where nobody has to change for me to win, then all of a sudden I won't be emotionally distraught if those people didn't support me. And how crazy is that? If I can get to a place where I'm like, I understand why they don't support me, but I'm okay with it and it doesn't affect me.
And that philosophy allowed me to not only get in the best shape of my life, absolutely shredded and jacked and working on being even better. I did it in a way where I didn't create emotional shrapnel for people around me.
There was no arguments with other people. There was no debating my position.
I just decided to do me. And the more I've shared this with other young men and just said, look, I get that you don't feel supported by your parents.
Here's the reality. Nobody has to change for you to win.
They don't have to change themselves. They don't have to understand who you are.
They don't have to support you. You can go out there and be the example.
Because here's what I've learned. When we're the lighthouse, when we are the example of what's possible, and we can do that for long periods of times, those people that judge us, that didn't support us, they eventually become our biggest fans.
And when they're ready, they're gonna turn to you for advice. May never happen, but the day it does, it'll change your life.
What's funny for me is when I started to try to be successful, I kept looking for the easy thing. The first time I started a company, I wanted the bank to finance it.
I wanted employees to come and help me. I wanted my family to understand and maybe even help out.
But unfortunately, they didn't. And I realized that I was always looking for easy when the truth was, is the work was the work.
The work instilled the worth in me to develop the skills to become more. That was actually the big unlock.
On the other side of that, I knew that I didn't need anything else to become more successful. Which brings us to number eight, which is stop wasting your time when it's the only thing you have.
This one is going to be controversial because you might be thinking, well, I'm doing the thing I'm supposed to be doing. I'm watching this video.
I'm motivating myself. I'm reading my books.
Look, vaping, porn, addiction, vices, drinking, smoking, all that stuff. Yeah, stop that.
Hanging out with people you shouldn't do. yeah, stop that, that's the easy stuff.
I actually think some people are addicted to motivation porn. I think some of you just sit here on YouTube and watch a bunch of content to try to get going, but instead of doing the work.
So your time is limited. You don't need six hours of podcasts.
You don't need to buy another thing. You need to do the work.
You need to push your life forward. You have to sit down and measure.
You have to look at your calendar and go, where am I spending my time? I wasted a decade of my life doing things that didn't actually make anything better because I was trying to not feel, not be honest with myself, not do the work. There was no improvement in my life.
And some of you guys might say, well, that, but it sounds like fun until you reflect on it and go, yeah, that was wasteful. The addiction of being addicted to motivation and shelf help is because it feels good and it feels right.
But if you're honest with yourself, it's not moving anything forward. Waking up early tomorrow morning and attacking your work will always do more good for you than waking up early and scrolling motivational TikTok or Instagram, because that's just you lying to yourself.
That's you saying, well, I'm learning and I'm using my car for education, all things I've told you, but not to the extreme, not to the point where hours go by and nothing got done.

Treat your time like gold.

Spend it with people that inspire you and do the work.

Use it to provide value to other people

because in doing so, it's gonna come back.

Which brings us to number nine,

which is become obsessed with investing in your skillset.

The world rewards value.

You have to create value in the world. I got lucky when I was 17, I discovered computer programming and I did nothing else than write code and build software for five years, heads down, became my new addiction.
But looking back, I think a lot of it was just distraction because it's not just about the high value skill, even though you got to go in and become a master at it. You also need to get around other people.
You also have to understand marketing. You also need to learn how to talk.
You need to communicate. Instead of writing code 16 hours a day, could I have done 10 hours and six hours of other soft skills, work on my emotional intelligence? Could I have gotten a lot further? 100%.
But what I know is you have to do things and get to a place where it's remarkable. Other people have to remark on how good it is.
If nobody is impressed with your work, it's not there yet. You can tell yourself, your friends can tell you, but I'm talking about a stranger saying what you just did is impressive.
And also invest that time in learning the other skills that amplify the core. What I would recommend you do today is when you start, just decide to be the best in the world.
I know even saying that for a lot of people, like confuse them. It's like, I'm just a kid.
How can I be the best in the world? Like the best in the world are these people and this person, this person I follow. I get it.
And I'll get to that in another point, but just the decision and the focus back to the primary aim, that's how we become great. That's how we become extraordinary.
It's how we become remarkable. So make the decision, even if you have no proof and push forward.
What's crazy is that the difference between good and great is oftentimes like only an extra 10 or 15% more. You think about it, it's the difference between losing weight or not losing weight by giving up your weekend.
You can go Monday to Friday and eat really well. And then Saturday, Sunday, give away all your gains because you ate bad.
You could show up and do all the work, but miss that last 10, 15% and not get the result. It's interesting that it's such a little bit of extra effort that could mean two or three times more opportunity in your future.
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Now let's get back to the episode. Which brings us to number 10, which is work harder on yourself than you do at your job.
Now, I know you don't wanna get fired, but I tell my team this all the time because I understand the truth in it all. If they work harder on themselves than they do on the job, it turns out they'll be better at the job.
And the cool part about this is that it's selfish. They want to be better.
They want to improve. They want to grow.
They'll be able to do that because their improvements help their job but it also helps their future personal development is way more important than personnel development you think your boss is going to send you away on training and that's going to make you better learning how to be more productive learning how to use your calendar right learning how to write things down to prioritize a list of tasks towards your goal that is is awesome. That will make you better.
Because if you work on yourself and become better, it will make you better at your job. Your energy, your fitness, your communication skills, your ability to manage stress, all of these skills that make you better will make you better at your job.
Which brings us to number 11, which is understand what you're good at and what you suck at. When I was young, I thought I was great at coding.
Actually, because I didn't talk to people. I didn't get any feedback from anybody if I was good.
And then I started in business and it was really tough because I wasn't that great at coding, which meant my code was buggy. And I wasn't good at the other skills that were required to actually grow the business.
So I decided to actually focus on marketing and sales. And I hired people that were better at me at my weakness, which was code, which is kind of funny, because it's the thing that I fell in love with, but I had to be honest with myself.
Rule number one of improving yourself in life is know your strengths. What are you good at? What are you above average than anybody else? And then also know your weaknesses.
What are the things that you're not good at that you don't enjoy doing that you suck at? And try to find people that play at the things you work at. Use that concept to your advantage.
Get on a team where you fill a hole that they need and they're helping and supporting you in a way that's just unstoppable and stop avoiding what you're bad at. The worst thing you could do is not be honest with yourself

and put yourself in a position where through brute force,

you could probably kind of stick around

and be somewhat successful, but hate it the whole time.

Get feedback, be honest with yourself,

invest in the things that you're great at,

because that's way easier,

and just mitigate the downside of your weaknesses.

And you don't have to hire people.

You can just find friends and ask them for favors. You know, like I hate doing bookkeeping.
I have a friend that's an accountant. Hey, could you do my books? You don't like doing marketing.
That's easy for me. Let me write you your Facebook ads and like just bartering, trading, being around people that support you like that.
It's an unfair advantage for you. The reason you should double down on your strength is developing something you're good at is 10 times easier than trying to get good at something you suck at and don't want to get good at.
You can do it. I mean, most people can develop and grow.
It's just to get good at it, the effort isn't worth the squeeze. Because if you do it right, you shouldn't be putting yourself in positions where you're not going to be able to succeed.
All the people you follow on social media were smart enough to find people to support them. Period, full stop.
You may not know who they are, but I guarantee that they have a team and they might have really senior people, other people that could even run their company that they partnered with to be able to allow them to go shine their light, doing the thing that they do better than anybody else in the world so that the other person could take care of all the areas that they're weak at,

but make sure it doesn't become a problem.

Which brings us to number 12,

which is stop being so critical of yourself.

I've got this guy on my team and it's hilarious because no matter what somebody says

or posts on Instagram or shares anonymously,

he defaults to thinking it's about him.

And it gets him into a headspace

where he has a negative downward spiral.

And until somebody stops him

or has a conversation with him

Thank you. He defaults to thinking it's about him.
And it gets him into a headspace where he has a negative downward spiral.

And until somebody stops him or has a conversation with him,

or he shares it out loud,

he will allow himself to go into a dark place.

And the crazy part is,

is nobody's ever said anything about him.

He's the nicest guy.

He's so smart.

Yet he just believes that all the bad stuff

that people are talking about

might be directed towards him.

In life, we can easily put ourselves in a negative spot

by focusing on something negative.

Thank you. just believes that all the bad stuff that people are talking about might be directed towards him.
In life, we can easily put ourselves in a negative spot by focusing on something negative. And it's called ruminating, where you've had something happen to you weeks ago.
When you think about it, it makes you feel bad, makes you feel sad, it makes you feel less about yourself. It's all up to you to decide what you want to focus on.
So lift your head, stop looking at your feet. Eyes up on the horizon.
Stop looking down. Realize that 99% of stuff that happens out there, even if you were involved, is not about you.
It's about the other person and the stories they tell themselves. So Tony Robbins says this thing all the time.
If you're in your head, you're dead. It's not about you.
Get out of your head, focus on how awesome you are, and get back to work. Which brings us to number 13, which is don't compare your level one to somebody else's level 23.
Back when I started, I would see all these young entrepreneurs further along to me, sold their company for 100 million at 23. This other person, super successful.
And here I am comparing myself to these other entrepreneurs going, man, I must suck. I am so slow.
Why am I not figuring this out faster? And I was beating myself up. Or I'd see this person on the internet that's 35 that's way, way, way further ahead of me.
And then I heard somebody say once, they said, you got to understand that in business, there's entrepreneurial ages. And there's some people, their age is one years old and other people, they're 15.
And when you start off, it doesn't matter how old you are, but if you're starting off young and this is your first year at it, you gotta understand you're at year one of your entrepreneurial age. And if you're comparing yourself to somebody else that might be similar age or a few years ahead of you, but started 15 years ago, then you're comparing your age one to their age 15.
Do you know the difference between a one-year-old baby and a 15-year-old? Think about it. It's massive.
Somebody has been doing something like legit in business and people don't realize like eight-year-olds start businesses now. So you might meet somebody who's 21 that's absolutely crushing it, but they've been doing it for a decade and you just started and you're gonna beat yourself up over it.
You're gonna feel bad about not being further along. There's nothing to compare about.
There's nothing to compare to. You are not them, they are not you.
You are living your own journey, your own existence, your own reality. And if you allow yourself to just be okay with that and have some grace, it'll actually make you feel a lot better.
I don't focus on other people, I focus on me. I focus on who I was yesterday and am I better today? That I can control.
Can't control the weather.

I can't control the politics.

I can't control the people around me.

Think about it. Every time you drive,

you trust the person on the other side of the lane

to not cross the lane and smash you head on, right?

Like I don't control a lot of stuff, but I control me.

And I choose not to compare my journey

at whatever level I'm at,

whatever entrepreneurial age I'm at

to somebody else's further along.

So for what it's worth, if you look at where I'm at, I've been doing this for 27 years. It's not even that impressive.
Imagine what you could do in 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, if you went all in on you, but it's going to require consistency. Thanks for listening to Martell Method.
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