Comedian Ari Shaffir Drinks & Answers Tough Questions: YES or NO

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Is this gay? Buddy, there's only one right answer. It's not straight.
Wow. Now, I am fine with that being gay.
Yeah. Because gay means happy and delightful.
No, it means lame and retarded. And that's what that was.
Hello, everybody. I'm Michael Knowles.
This is Yes or No. Very exciting.
Nice. Welcome to Yes or No, the bibulous battle to discover who knows whom better.
My guest today is comedian Ari Shafir, whose new Netflix comedy special, America's Sweetheart, is out now. We'll get to see a teaser later.
How do we play? I will ask Ari the yes or no question. He will select his answer away from my prying eyes.
Then I will guess how he answered. If I guess correctly, I get a point.
If I guess incorrectly, I lose a point. No matter how I guess, I will probably drink.
Then it's Ari's turn. Neither of us has seen the questions beforehand.
The questions cover various and sundry topics from the philosophical to the anatomical and everything in between. Whoever has the most points wins.

The stakes could be higher.

Let's get started.

Ari, thank you for being here.

That was great.

That was great.

That's a fancy-looking drink.

It's a godfather.

It's the Padron in South America.

I've got a martini, though.

I don't know.

I think someone slipped a Mickey in it.

It's kind of fizzy.

Yeah, I don't know.

I rarely see a bubbly martini.

Okay, I always say chin-chin to your health. Bubbly martinis, you can't really cheers them.

Okay, that's good. I always say if you win, you get to drink.
If you lose, you have to drink. Okay, yeah, I want to stumble out of here.
Do you believe that to be a real comic, you cannot be offended by anything.

Do you believe that to be a real comic, you cannot be offended by anything? Do you believe that to be a real comic, you cannot be offended by anything? They're good and shuffled? Yeah. Okay, so that's your guess.
Okay. To be a comic, you cannot...
I think you're going to say...

It's tough, you know?

Actually...

To really understand the question.

You have to figure out double negatives.

What the other guy's going to do.

I think you say...

No.

A comedian can be offended by some things. No, right so there are some limits yeah who says you can't be offended this is sometimes you hear this oh pure beautiful comedy you someone can walk up and call your mother a whore and you have to applaud them for it or whatever oh we just prefer people not be offended but you can get offended just like leave yeah it's all right yeah you can be offended yeah my friend made a joke about 9-11 and there was somebody in the audience he goes my brother died 9-11 and he was like oh this is never going to be for you yeah you gotta go out you gotta get out of here we're all gonna be enjoying this it's just you're not gonna enjoy this there's no you're not gonna you can't tailor that joke to that guy.
Comics get offended too.

At lame jokes.

Comics get offended because of how lame they are?

Yeah, sometimes it's like,

you see it roasts, that's the best.

You see it roasts, somebody makes fun of you,

but they'll do something bad,

but then you know you're on camera,

so you're going to go,

yeah, that's offensive.

When it includes you too.

You're part of it. You're sullied by it.
I don't mind bad jokes, as long as I don't have to be part of it. you two.
You're part of it.

You're sullied by it.

I don't mind bad jokes as long as I don't have to be part of it.

All right, now you're up.

Okay.

Take your game piece away.

Damn, nice.

I'm kind of pissed.

Okay, production value on this is wild.

You guys can't see it.

I thought these were going to be printed on here.

It's just a piece of paper tape.

That's brand name Scotch tape.

It's not even a full tape. They really narrowed it.
Like, Jews and... Okay.
Jews and Palestinians could solve their differences by bonding over their mutual love of digging tunnels. This is a comparison I have made a lot of times.
And by the way, Mexicans, you're invited to the table. Jews and Palestinians could solve their differences by bonding over their mutual love of digging tunnels.
Yes or no? Could Jews and Palestinians solve their differences by bonding over their mutual love of digging tunnels? Yeah, that's a lot to the question. Could they solve those differences? Do they both love digging? What if they both don't? I still, I guess they could.
Okay, I've got my answer. You either think that they could solve their differences through that.
I think you're, I don't know enough about you. I think you're the kind of guy who says, get them to the table.
We can work anything out. So I'm going to say that you say, yes, they could solve those differences.
There it is. We got a game.
They could because the other thing is right, right now, we're thinking two-dimensionally. You know, we're thinking, but really, what if you change the direction of the tunnels? So, like, for instance, the Palestinians are digging tunnels into Israel.
What if they dug them into Egypt or something? The Palestinians get their tunnels. The Israelis get rid of the Palestinians.
Yeah. Everyone's happy.

Everyone's happy.

And then they can have

like a guest speaker,

like someone from Vietnam.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like we should have

lots of barbecues

we had down there.

You can really doll it up.

You guys are just using it

for transport.

You can live in these things.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's beautiful.

Yeah.

Okay.

A homeless person

started the LA fires.

Hmm. Okay.
A homeless person started the LA fires. The only way I could really know is if I'm the one who started them.

And then it would be, am I homeless or not?

Really Cartesian.

Yeah.

Okay.

Let's see.

A homeless person started part of the LA. Put these here.
These are the ones. Okay.
Yes.

Oh, I don't know, but I believe it was PG&E.

You did, yeah. With their constant lack of safety measures.

Did you think it was PG&E or even like Newsom himself?

Oh, Newsom went in there and just started fire.

Yeah, basically, yeah.

Burned it all down.

It could also have been a fat chick who's learned to be okay with her body weight,

having her thighs go together so fast that eventually it will start. Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. With jorts or something.
It just creates a friction. Yeah.
But she could have a home. She could be housed.
Oh, right. Exactly.
Yeah. I really don't know.
I don't know. Yeah, it's funny though.
Everybody went right to like, who did it?

Like, hey, go help them though first.

First time I ever went to LA, I went up.

I said, I want to see the Hollywood sign.

I love cigars.

So I go up.

Went up there for the first time.

Did you?

I lived there for 12 years, been back for 10,

and I never was up there.

It's like New Yorkers with the Empire State Building.

If you're there a lot, you don't go.

But I went up and I said, that's really cool.

And you know what?

I'm going to smoke a cigar.

And all these, they're screaming at me. What don't go.
But I went up and I said, that's really cool. And you know what? I'm going to smoke a cigar.
And all these. Oh.
They come by. They're screaming at me.
Yeah. I said, what's the matter? They hate smoking? I was like Steve Martin in The Jerker.
This guy hates cans, you know? And I'm smoking my cigar. And then I realized it's because it can burn the whole city.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can't smoke cigarettes in your car on the way up.
The window's up. Yeah.
They're like real strict about it. Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Did they find out who actually started it

or is it just a bunch of theories?

No, it's going to be like

Notre Dame Cathedral.

They're going to,

we're going to be like,

it was, wasn't it the Muslims?

And they'll be like,

no, it was, you know,

just a random cigarette

or something.

No one's going to ever

find out ever,

but it was probably the homeless.

I will say,

it might not have been PG&E,

but PG&E has started

over 1,000 fires in California.

So why would you think it's not?

Yeah, you're right.

That's called a lead, boys.

The world would be better if everyone had at least one psychedelic trip.

Now, what do I know about Michael Knowles?

Is he straight edge?

Michael, before you answer, I'm going to tell you something. Okay.
Do you believe in God? Do? I do. God makes things for reasons.
We can't know them all, but he makes things for a reason. Yes.
Why would he make mushrooms if he didn't want us to take it? Answer your question. Wow.
It's a lot to think about. It's kind of leading the witness, you know? The world would be better if everyone had at least one psychedelic trip.
I got to say yes. You'd be crazy not to think that.
It would obviously be better. There's only one acceptable answer, Nils.
Could I please have my point? That's crazy. That's crazy.
How would it not be better? How wouldn't it be improved? Here. You talk to God.
He said, pick up the phone. I want to talk to you.
But he also created like, you know, I don't know. Avocados doesn't mean I want to eat them.
They're no good. But he made them.
Everyone had access to avocados. It wouldn't be better.
Yeah, but now they won't because Trump is slapping tariff signs. You think it wouldn't be better though? No, because I'm going to quote Paul McCartney here.
Okay. Paul McCartney gave this story he said john said he said john said you know if if you have some lsd then it'll rewire your brain and i thought you know well my brain's all i got you know i don't want to lose my brain man you know and that's kind of how i feel i was really uh tempted by psychedelics yeah because listen back in my wayward youth man i had a few puffs of devil's lettuce every so often, you know, a couple of jazz cigarettes, but I had a bunch of friends that got really into acid.
Yeah. And the thing, and mushrooms and what, but this is the thing though.
Yeah. All it takes is one, man.
And then I take a, I take some tab of acid and then I think I'm a banana and start peeling my skin off. Only for like 10 hours.
Is it? It's not forever. What's it like? It, it, you just, you remove yourself from your ego.
Yeah. You get to view the whole world without like connection to it.
And so you can look at yourself with like, oh, that's a guy who's just going through this. And you're not like trying to defend your own actions.
So you're like, oh, that guy should like tell his friends he loves them more. That guy, meaning you.
You, you you know a little bit about lots of people but you know the most about yourself yeah but because you're like trying to defend your actions all the time yeah i don't know if that's the ego or whatever but like then you don't you know improve because but if you can like you ever play golf yeah play best ball i don't know both you hit a shot then you decide which. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Everyone ends up, there's some point in the golf course where you hit one here in the sand close and I hit one further away in the fairway. And we both argue about which one's ball is better.
And you're both defending your own ball. Yeah.
But if you looked at it with like, I don't know, here's two balls, we'd agree. Would you agree? Yeah, you'd agree.
That one's better or that one's better. But because you're looking at your own thing, you want yours to be better.
So with mushrooms, it takes away the ability. Did you find, this is my big objection, mushrooms.
I've had friends who got into psychedelics, and one thing they tell me. One, though, one.
One time. Okay, one.
Psychedelic. Yeah, okay.
One thing they tell me is, you know, man. I've heard this from multiple people.
I mean, I'll talk the same way. You know, man.
Oh, you know, man. They'll say, I just, I felt so much more at peace with myself.
Yeah. I wasn't so worried about, like, sin and guilt and shame.
Yeah. But, man, I think guilt and shame are great.
Yeah, okay. I'm very pro guilt and shame.
My superpower, I don't like super,

but I read not to be able to feel shame.

So I could just do whatever.

It's good for a comedian.

Yeah, exactly.

Karen, you got it.

Yeah.

All right.

Is this racist?

And now we're going to watch a video.

This is, hold on.

I need help to build a deck. Yes.
They think they're coming over to my house. Yeah, a long time ago.
What they don't know is that we're not going to my house. We're going somewhere else.
I'm not gonna ruin the surprise, but we'll be there in a minute. I remember this video.
Yeah, it was earlier. Pre-YouTube for youtube oh boy was this like ebaums world or something i am a long time ago i didn't realize i was in the presence of royalty.
Yeah, thanks. This is every 14-year-old boy's first foray into the internet.

That was an amazing bit.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was pretty funny.

It was out there.

We did it for National Lampoons, and then it was right at the beginning of E-Bounce World.

Yeah.

And somebody ripped it to the internet.

YouTube.

It was early, early YouTube.

So people with no contact were like, what the F is this? That was a great bit. Yeah, thanks.
Thanks. Okay, I think you'll say it's racist.
Yes. And here's why.
Not what you're thinking. Here's why it's racist.
It was just a racial joke. Those people all got, you know, gave them all 50 bucks.
That wasn't actually a... A sting operation yeah it was a it was a library in that night um it's because i still have that shirt that was over 20 years ago and i'm a jew who still has an article of clothing from 20 years ago and that is racist not against the mexican not against the mexicans in the last place you'd look anti-semitism yes yeah i remember I remember watching that the time.
I thought, this is a very anti-Semitic video. So obvious.
Wow. Amazing.
That would have got me a lot of death threats. Did it really? Oh, yeah.
My friend Duncan Dressel put up, it was like early internet, man. It was so fun.
And he just put in artistic terrorism was his website. He put in like, hey, prank call my friend Ari Shaffir.
This was before that came out. call my friend ari shafir best one you record it i'll give you 20 bucks and so then that came out everyone started googling me i used my real name dumb and uh and then the first thing would come up was like ari shafir with phone number so i would just start getting phone calls like i'll build a deck in your ass homes it was so great so great.
I'm like, what is this?

Wow.

Fast forward to the Trump era, you know?

You're on the winning side now.

It's got new life.

You're right.

Nice kids like it.

Oh, here we go.

Oh, this is great.

Is this gay?

Dump, dump, dump.

Wow. Buddy, there's only one right answer.
Yeah. Now, hold on.
I got to guess. I got to guess.
Be be a man own up to what you did own up to your crimes own up to your crimes and the production value all of you were part of that it's obviously gay it's so it's so freaking gay it's good oh my god it's not straight wow now wow how did you not get deported from a from a music town for that i'm gonna tell you though i am fine with that being gay yeah because i want to reclaim the word you know gay means happy and delightful and right now like for instance have you heard this term the whoa no it means lame and retarded and that's what that was well but even i was thinking about this the other day i was thinking about this so so gay you is happy. I can't even look at you.
No, listen, I don't. My shoes are brown.
I'm not even wearing the suede ones now. You're not wearing socks.
Yeah, well, I'm still not wearing socks and I can do a little pot of beret. But I, the, so you ever heard of the woke, right? Have you heard this new phrase, the woke, right? I love it.
It's referring, it's like the fascist. It's Karen's on the other side.

But if it means that the extreme, edgy, hip,

that means that woke is the new based,

which means woke is the new based,

which means straight is the new gay.

And then I was even thinking the etymology of the word.

Can I use a naughty word?

There's a lot of dancing around in apology.

Can I say it?

Maybe they can bleep it out.

The word, etymologically, it's related to fascist, like bundle of sticks.

Okay.

So basically.

But it means I'm different now.

Well, that's what I'm saying.

Can we reclaim the word?

Like instead of being based, straight, patriotic, should we be, is it now cool to be woke, gay? No. woke gay no no sexual no nothing to do with that that whole thing was gay the production value was gay the little wink thing was gay the thinking you're awesome that was gay that was from start to finish gay i could see someone goes hey how about we do a take where you get on the table it's gay they're for suggesting it.
You're gay for doing it. That's gay.
I'm out of here. Here's my only defense.
My only other defense. Throw yourself at the court and the mercy of them.
They initially wanted me to wear a turtleneck, too. So that's a little straighter than that.
Yeah, thanks for fighting back. Alright, well, I take my licks.
And by the way, I'm not gay, even though my boyfriend is. All right? Don't forget that.
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Marriage is full. Marriage has failed because of lack of communication.
Oh, my God. This whole thing is gay.
It's okay to break up our text messages. Now we're back to normal.
Yeah. Okay.
No, I'm not really bad. This is a game within a game.
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If you go to dailywire.com slash shop today. If you play these on mushrooms, it'll hit far harder.
It'd be great for your relationship. Yeah.
Oh, these are pretty fun. There you go.
We'll give you a great discount on that. 10% off for you, my friend, my friend.
We're going to history. Oh.
Okay, I've got one for you. I mean, did Ben Shapiro see that? He directed that, actually.
He wrote it. We've overcomplicated cancel culture.

It's not about the left or right.

It's really just Kobe Bryant fans.

Wow, that's your answer.

I say...

Should I get one of those martinis?

I kind of want a godfather.

Yeah, let's swap these.

I'd get a godfather. I'd get a little backup godfather.
I gotta catch up. I say you say yes.
No, there is no cancel culture. It's a geezer term.
That's about five years ago. Literally nobody's talking about it anymore.
Why did it end? Because like every word, you guys expanded it so much. Expanded it so to where it has no meaning anymore.
Nazi, fascist. It doesn't mean the same thing.
So you have different people arguing about different meanings. Yeah.
So, like, is this guy a Nazi? And he goes, clearly, yes. A Holocaust survivor's son.
He's like, clearly, no. Right.
And we'll never communicate. We're talking about different things.
Right. And that's what happened here.
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
It was that you'll never have have ability to work again some people say that other people are like are you losing work over it yeah other people like is it just mean you got in trouble so we're all talking about different stuff so they just kind of went away just do your work yeah yeah i agree even i think 15 years ago people just feel like you're a racist or whatever it's like no i'm not no i'm not man seriously and like, you're racist. It's like, no, I'm not.
No, I'm not, man. Seriously.
But now, you're racist. Sure.
Who even cares? Whatever. It's the dumbest issue in America, and we're constantly talking about it.
Okay. You're up.
I'm giving you that. I'll admit when I'm wrong.
Let's go. I'll admit when I'm wrong.
Yeah. And I'll admit when I'm gay.
Yeah, great. That's great.
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Do not miss out. Being a female comedian isn't hard.
Oh, boy, this is going to go somewhere. They're like, why would you not go to the Pillow? And they offer me this.
They're like, are you sure? I'm like, what do you mean? Why not? What would they make me say on camera? Being a female comedian is not hard. You just need to be hefty, dykey, or Jewish.
Wow. Wow.
Oof. Hefty? You didn't shy away from dykey, but you shied away from fat.
By the way, the twist of orange in here, whoever made this, that's a solid, that's great. A lot of people missed that.
That's an impressive drink. Okay, I've got my answer now.
I'm going to say, what would you say? It's not what I'd say. Not what you'd say.
You have no ownership of this opinion. How well do you know stand-up? I heard you didn't know who Nate Bargatze was until a week ago.
I heard the name. He's the number one grossing comedian in the world.
So you don't know anything about comedy. I know the beginning and end of comedy.
Yeah. Norm Macdonald.
That's all I know about comedy. I'm hoping you're going to say, ah, man, yeah.
I don't know. I think you're going to say yes, but I don't know.
Hold on. I'm not saying this yet.
It is, oh, there's more to it than that. Because what if you say yes, and then I say no, and then you look like you think it.
So you don't watch any stand-up? I watch some stand-up. Just Norm? Just Norm.
Clips on Reap. Yeah.
No, some other guy. Sometimes.
There's definitely more to it. I think you're going to say yes, but there's definitely more to it than that.
It's just my opinion. It's just your opinion.
Yeah. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and you say no.

Come on.

You knew the answer. I knew it.

You knew the answer.

There's so much more to it.

Please.

It's not that easy.

Let me tell you.

You still have to write good jokes.

You don't think I know

fat, lesbian, Jew comics.

There's so much more to it.

You still got to be able to write a joke.

Would you say at least

that is the minimum condition required?

No, you can be hot now, too. Everything's different.
different dane cook changed everything it's not for dorks anymore there's like attractive people come into this i hate it this was a calling card and now it's all different these people like have nice hair they got look like you all right it's so much harder that you know that was not that's that's another old one that's another old that's not my opinion 10 years ago term actually yeah the guy whose opinion that was he wrote an essay in vanity fair yeah he's been dead for like 10 michael hutchins it would christopher hitchens christopher hitchens his view was that they have to be hefty dyke years it was a long time ago after that started so let me just tell you what happened who were the after that started yeah a bunch of women who hadn't even started yet got into stand-up not because of that but it so these 15 year comics that are now like running the world yeah we're post that who because i could name i could name some exceptions to the world but exceptions prove the rule yeah who are the female comedians who are funny who are actually funny yeah and they can even be tv comedians they They don't have to be just standing, who don't fit one of those three categories. Hefty, Adrian's fat.
Michelle Wolfe. Michelle Wolfe.
And you would say she's funny? Oh, yeah. She's great.
Really? Yeah. She was like the best female comic in the world at some point.
She was definitely famous. No, you see her Netflix stuff.
Yeah. Her stand-up.
Really? Okay, I'll take your word for it. She goes after White Chicks so hard.
Really? She speaks for all of us. Because we can, you know how they're like, well, you can't say that about black people or the military because you're not in there.
She's the White Chicks going, you have to calm down. She was all of us.
Yeah. Okay.
She's a great example. Okay.
Yeah. yeah there's there's so many i was cumin i there's just like a ton in new york it's it's like all right when i used to work at the comedy store people would call in i'd work the phones they'd be like is jim carrey gonna be there i'm like no they're like how about eddie murphy i'm like no and then it was like how about this and it was like hey listen anyone you've heard of is bad now yeah it's not a current stand-up comic the real stand-ups are like in yeah in it now yeah of course but i also know a

lot of like lesbo comics that are really funny but that's not the requirement but no jewish

that's a geezer you don't know any that's a geezer take okay look i'll have i get it you're just not

around stand-up i'll have to i should have gone yes i should have known that would be the take

i'll take the points that's fine by me yeah yeah okay there is there's a video to be played

Thank you. on stand-up i'll have to i should have gone yes i should have known that would be the take i'll take the points that's fine by me yeah yeah okay there is there's a video to be played it is absolutely wild times it really really i was there for this and really i was this is the only trump rare that you will play a homosexual comedian on this's literally a floating island of garbage in the middle of the ocean right now.

Yeah.

I think it's called Puerto Rico.

Okay.

All right.

Don't need rules.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's one of my best friends.

Technically speaking, is Puerto Rico, in fact, a floating pile of garbage?

Now you're not getting... Now I have to guess how you would guess.
Is technically so. So we're talking geology here.
Yeah, dude, I'm already Jewish. You don't have to try to educate me.
Okay, all right. So the answer you would say is yes.
No, it doesn't float. Oh.
What? That's crazy. Do you think, oh my God, that's so sad.
Buddy buddy do you think islands float oh i'm really sorry no it goes all the way down yeah it's just garbage to this to the seabed yeah he i was it was the only trump riot how was it well so the way they played it you'd think he was doing a buddy routine with trump on. That was like six hours before Trump got there.
Sweet. So he goes, he gets there, and he does this whole 30-minute thing about it.
And he gets there, and he goes, hey, I'm here. I have these notes I wrote on this tiny piece of paper because I can't let the lady next to me see what I'm writing on the plane.
And he goes, do you have the teleprompter? And they go, no, it's too late for that. He goes, oh, all right.
Well, I got to memorize these jokes real quick. And they go, when am I going? They're like, you're going first.
and he goes do you have the teleprompter and they go no it's too late for that he goes oh alright well I gotta memorize these jokes real quick and they goes when am I going they're like you're going first and he goes he goes oh that's no way I'm a dirty comedian he goes I don't go first at night it's like nude it's nude what a terrible order he said he saw afterwards everyone coming in with like all the tweets were coming in like how dare this guy and he go and then he looks up and there's a magician on stage he goes why is that guy not before me you're doing like painting wrong order yeah so how did it go it so i had just gotten there you got to figure out he's playing at this point it's a madison square garden 80 is empty because people aren't getting there for four more hours so i'm there at this point i mean there are still a lot of people there's still probably i don't know two thousand three thousand yeah but you know 25 000 see you by the way the last time he was there yeah performed for a sold out match for his show yeah yeah so it's like different vibe he's going into this jarring thing but i thought it was so great it reminded me of it or were you kind of glancing at it yeah i mean I mean, I was there. I was like getting my whatever hot dog and a drink.

But I was listening to it.

I was like, oh, this is different.

And it reminded me.

I remember Jon Stewart reacted to Clint Eastwood doing the empty chair bit at the RNC.

And everyone was piling on Eastwood.

And Jon Stewart said, oh, man, I loved it.

It was so refreshing.

It was so different than anything you hear at these.

Yeah, try something. I thought it was great.
I thought it was so funny. I had friends there.
They'd go like, no, you did well. Yeah.
And then just not really mic'd for. Yeah, yeah.
No, in terms of the, like, just the people sitting around me in a largely empty stadium. Yeah.
They loved it. I mean, that was a straight send-up job.
That's just like, that's political people suck. Yeah.
They were just like, let's just offer this guy up. Who cares if it's true or not? Let's just misrepresent what happened for our own personal game.
It's all Game of Thrones, right and left. You guys are all doing Game of Thrones stuff.
Also though, that joke. Yeah.
Do you know any Puerto Ricans who were offended by that joke? No. Well, I make a point to not be around.
No, no. Any Puerto Ricans.
No, no. I do.
I do know. I do know what.
His father was stabbed. But forget that stereotype.
But Luis Gomez. But no, no, none.
Also, there's almost no undecided voters at that time. And they try to broaden it from Puerto Ricans to all Latinos.
Yeah. And other Latinos are like, you know, a lot of us hate each other.
Most of us, actually. Yeah, yeah.
You guys are acting like one unit that's all going to be offended by humor it was so dumb it's so like it really made me hate all politicians that they'll do this to my industry yeah take it out of context and intention like offer someone's whole life up yeah of course but because you got to figure at that point the it was two weeks before the election so the dems were like well whatever we're gonna treat that guy like he's Trump's vice president. You know, he's the running mate.
Exactly. It's funny.
I talked to some comedians got upset about it. Really? And I tried to reach out to them like compassionately.
Like, you know, not like publicly just like. They got upset by the joke or the fact that he did a gig for Trump? Yeah, that's what it came down to.
Yeah. They're like, it's racist.
I'm like, it's not. It means this and this.
And also he's like tony's like obsessed with the refuse problem in puerto rico they actually have abandoned the nation state i don't know what you call it even i'm also living in a very liberal area and uh when trump said that puerto rico is not part of america and everyone's like all the liberals like that's is that wrong yeah it's crazy how dare you like they were just out right then that's it's an protectorate is it a principality i don't but um so that but they see him as hitler as adolf yes yeah and it doesn't matter what the joke meant to them yeah you're trying to get hitler back in in charge of the united states of america right so to them it's like joke work joke not work What does that have to do with it? So you can't get through it. Same thing, they're speaking different languages.
He could have gone up and said, why the chicken crossed the road, and you would have had half the country furious at him for it. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, exactly. Why are you even there? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can't even hold the door open for that. Yeah.
I mean, and imagine if they really believe that. It's like the guy who shot up the, who brought a shotgun to the pizza gate place.
Yeah, right. He really thought he was trying to free kids.
Yeah, right. Like you're doing the right thing morally.
Yeah. You were just misinformed.
Yeah, the premise might have been a little skew. And when they told everybody, this guy's a racist, he's trying to get Hitler elected.
They're kind of doing the right thing. If I had to be compassionate.
Yeah. They're like, oh yeah, that's bad.
Yeah, they're like the guy who shot up the pizza gate place. Yeah, that's exactly it.
Yeah. That's a compliment, I think.
Yeah, I don't know. People who shoot up abortion clinics do.
They really think it's murder, so it's like, I get it, but don't. Yeah, you may.
I want to, yeah, here we go. I got you some olives to snack on.
Ooh, snacking olives? Are those luchies? Yeah, okay. Thank you, sir.
This is good stuff. Wow.
So I had that i traveled all over i was in ecuador for like six months or the pandemic industry was done yeah why not yeah gathering was over um and padrones is huge in south america are they really yeah named after the godfather a lot of italians you know made it that way after a certain global conflict down to Argentina and those areas. Oh, wow.
Oh, maybe. That might be it.
Okay, you're up. I'm feeling the tension now.
Now I'm going to play the game. This network is great.
Was this a tad transphobic? Play it. If it is false, then for the good of society, and especially for the good of the poor people who have fallen prey to this confusion, transgenderism must be eradicated from public life entirely.
The whole preposterous ideology at every level. Transphobism should be, trans, transism.
Transgenderism should be eradicated. Transgenderism.
Was this word tad? Was it a tad? Tad. Was this a tad transphobic? Okay, I'm going to...
And I'll put my answer... A tad.
A tad. A tad.
I know as Yost, you want to be like, not at all, but was it a tad transphobic? Okay, I've got my answer, though. It's got to to be a minimum a tad not even not even a smidgen i know you wouldn't even get a tad because to be phobic to be phobic it has to be an irrational fear but that was a very rational statement phobic is irrational and irrational like arachnophobia is the rational fear of spiders so you say it's a fear of spiders.
I believe it has to be irrational. Like I can't be lion eat my face phobic because a lion might eat my face.
You know, I think it's got to be an irrational. What can you be phobic of? You can be phobic of spiders.
So what would that be? Phobic of like dangerous spiders. That would be reasonable, I guess.
Common sense. Okay.
So I think. Got me on the phobia.
Because. Got me on the phobic.
Yeah, right. It's got to be reasonable.
But it's definitely not. It's not pro.
Homophobic is not a fear of gays. It's a rational fear of gays.
Now, I have a very rational fear of gays. Like that they might, you know, make my style better or, you know, yeah, like decorate my neighborhood.

You're a good style.

Thank you.

Well, you saw the video earlier. Damn.

So, yeah.

I should have known how you were going to.

Yes.

There was no way you would have said that.

That was wrong.

Okay.

You're up.

Phobic is irrational.

Is that true?

Can we look that up?

Yeah.

I want to recount on this.

This is a rapid fire round.

I will read three questions, one after the other. You will have 30 seconds to answer all three.
The clock starts now. Are some religions better than others? Yes.
Yeah. Do ghosts or other supernatural entities reveal themselves at cemeteries? Yes, sometimes.
No. All right.
For RFK Jr. to make America healthy again, he needs fat shaming to come back.
To make America... Does he need that in order to make America healthy again? You know, obviously.
That's obviously he does. Obviously.
He can do it another way too. It would help.
It would help. He could, yeah.
Wow. All right.
This godfather. He can do it other ways.
Rapid fire. Boy, buddy.
Please don't put me in trouble. Is Louis C.K.
overrated? No, he's not. No, he's not.
He's not overrated. Wow, it's all right.
It's fast. Do you think Diddy killed Tupac? No.
It's more than likely, yes. Yeah, probably.
I thought he had him killed. I don't think he did it yes republicans should forgive bud light no transizer bush needs to be made an example i should just i should not i'm answering my own answers all right wait so hold it i need a napkin i'm sorry down one look at this disaster well because how are you supposed to move fast with a martini glass it's the least least functional glass in the world.
Yeah, you got a good one. That was so great for the back half of the game.
Yeah. Final question.
Both answer. We're not in a rush, right? We're not in a rush.
Okay. Do you think President Trump will make it to the end of his term? I mean, this asks a lot of questions.

One, about the state of health care for elderly people in the United States.

Also, what happened to American marksmanship?

It's been on the downturn.

So that's another extenuating circumstance.

And Iranian marksmanship.

Yeah, and access to golf courses seemed pretty easy.

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe they should have more security on those.

So you think, or will he just be like, actually, this sucks.

You guys suck.

Thank you. Yeah, and access to golf courses seem pretty easy.
Yeah, yeah. Maybe they should have more security on those.

Do you think, or will he just be like,

actually, this sucks.

You guys suck.

I'm out.

Also possible.

I could have easily said, I'm going,

nope, not doing that.

I'm done.

I just want to see if I can win.

Give me that pension.

Yeah.

So, Will, do I think you think,

and do you think I think, that President Trump will make it

to the end of his term? What does the Daily Wire think? Specifically me? Yeah. There might be different opinions of the Daily Wire.
You're Italian. I'm Italian.
Can I ask a second true or false question? You may. For not points? No.
You ready to tell the American public that your original name was Cannolis? It was anglicized at Ellis Island. It was initially Michael Chocolate Sprinkle Cannolis.
Yeah. And you just changed the spelling.
I did. I did.
I did. But it is cannoli.
If you look in the old parish register in Sicily, it's chocolate sprinkle cannolis. Okay.
K-postrophe-N-O-W-L-E-S. Cannoli.
Yes. Yeah.
Okay. So will Donald Trump make it to the end of his term? What do we think that you'll say and what do I think that you'll say? You got your answer.
All right. Yeah.

Wait, wait, wait. This is for game.

This is for the game.

This is for game.

Do I think,

you think,

Donald Trump

can make a key

into this term.

I mean,

they're coming after him hard.

Got an option game left.

Mm-hmm.

You think that guy,

he's dead now, right?

But do you think

that guy is like

in heaven or whatever

in hell? Which one? Jimmy Carter? The first one. That got his ear.
Biden? Oh, that guy, he's dead now, right? But do you think that guy is like in heaven or whatever in hell?

Which one?

Jimmy Carter?

The first one.

That guy got his ear.

Biden?

Oh, that guy.

Yeah, that guy.

He's like, oh, wait, I got him votes?

Yeah.

That might be the...

I'm dead and I got him votes.

Yeah.

The most meritorious thing that guy ever did.

Okay.

I think you're going to say yes. We're both right.
Okay. Wait.
So we tie. It's a tie.
It's a tie at zero. It's a tie at zero.
Which is really what politics is all about. When you don't get anywhere ahead by engulfing yourself in this negative.
Yeah. You're all tied at zero.
Both right and left. Go outside.
Talk to your to your friends call your mom do something of merit yeah certain roses smell well other smoses smell terrible yeah what roses smell terrible well none smell terrible this is such a good metaphor for politics yeah we've been for like an hour yeah we did accomplished. Nothing was accomplished.
Nothing happened. I know somebody that was setting up a provisional government in Afghanistan in the army.
Yeah. It's been a year.
It was there, stationed there for one year. Yeah.
And they had to negotiate on what's the percentage of Shiites, percentage of Sunnis, or percentage of, there's another group. Whatever, like the, I don't know.
The ones that live, know the ones who live like yeah I think it was

the orthodox

orthodox Jewish

and they had to like

no no we should

have a higher percentage

we should have a higher

percentage no that

should be lower

and then finally

finally after almost

11 and a half months

agreed okay these

are the percentages

like fine

okay

have a weekend

on Monday

we're all gonna meet

it'll be a first

convening and they go

I'm not sitting in the

room with a Shiite

and you're like

oh and then his tour

was over and nothing

was accomplished

I'm not sitting in the room with a Shiite.

And you're like,

oh,

and then his tour was over and nothing was accomplished.

And we're getting there.

You know,

whether it's the joys of stereotyping

or the beauty of drug addiction,

Ari Shafir focuses on the positive

in this darkly uplifting special.

Check out this tease

for America's Sweetheart.

People are going to get killed. So who better than a child? They don't contribute to the GDP like at all.
Guys, I'm joking. I hope you understand that.
When you couldn't kill Asian people for three months four years ago, I've been having so much fun. I've been shoplifting, like, a lot.
Black people, you gotta be white someday. It rules so fucking hard.
Oh, it's the best. Black people, honestly, I hope you get white privilege someday soon.
But until that happens, man, you make excellent decoys. If I'm at CVS and three brothers walk in, I'm like, it's go time.
Nice. Nice.
Thanks. Good promo.
Nobody plays this stuff. Having not won or lost this game, I was feeling totally neutral.
But now I feel actually a lot better. I can't wait for that special.
Yeah. Watch it.
It's fun. It's about ignoring politics.
Good. Finding better things to focus on.
Blessed you to be avoiding.

I'm trying to fight back.

All the nonsense.

That's great.

All right, thank you, sir.

Thanks, Michael.

It was a pleasure.

It was cool.

Yeah.

All right.

It's a great piece.

And guys, everyone in the audience,

you're going home with a yes or no card game.

You're going home with a yes or no card. You get one card from the game.
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