The Moth Podcast: A Family Circus

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Speaker 2 Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

Speaker 3 I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

Speaker 4 He's going the distance.

Speaker 6 He was the highest paid TV star of all time. When it started to change, it was quick.

Speaker 2 He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Speaker 1 Now? Charlie's sober. He's going to tell you the truth.

Speaker 3 How do I present this with a class?

Speaker 7 I think we're past that, Charlie.

Speaker 3 We're past that, yeah.

Speaker 8 Somebody call action.

Speaker 1 AKA Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

Speaker 9 Do you want to hear something fun?

Speaker 4 Yeah, do you want to hear something fun? Yeah.

Speaker 9 So when I'm testing the equipment, the question I always ask every single time is, what did you have for breakfast? So, what did you have for breakfast?

Speaker 10 I had

Speaker 11 muffins.

Speaker 4 Oh muffins?

Speaker 9 What flavor were they?

Speaker 4 I don't think banana chocolate chip. Banana chocolate chip.

Speaker 7 That sounds really really good. I wish I had banana chocolate chip muffins for breakfast.

Speaker 12 Welcome to the Moth podcast.

Speaker 13 I'm Kate Tellers, your host for this episode.

Speaker 8 A little bit ago, we had a Take Your Child to Work Day here at the Moth.

Speaker 14 There were about seven children in total, including my two little ones.

Speaker 8 And I had a lot of fun planning.

Speaker 14 I even made tiny lanyards for them.

Speaker 13 They sat in on a casting meeting, got pizza, and the kids learned a little bit about the intricacies of podcast making. I learned

Speaker 15 about podcasts and that the thingy, the circle thingy, is there

Speaker 15 so that the P-words like Peter

Speaker 15 don't sound weird.

Speaker 8 Overall, Overall, it included lots of the delightful mayhem that is parenting.

Speaker 13 As I said during Take Your Child to Work Day.

Speaker 16 Just for anyone that's contemplating being in a parent, sorry, Anna.

Speaker 16 Just noticed that I sort of took the lead on every part of today except for the podcasting part, and that's all that anyone remembers.

Speaker 8 Sometimes the role of being a parent is less visible.

Speaker 12 Kudos to Mark, our podcast producer, on an amazing workshop.

Speaker 8 What a truly fun day.

Speaker 13 So in this episode, we've got two stories about the somewhat overwhelming side of being a parent.

Speaker 8 The family circus, if you will.

Speaker 8 First up, we have Mary Lee Carroll. She told this at an LA Story Slam where the theme of the night was juggle.

Speaker 12 Here's Mary live at the mall.

Speaker 17 I have nine brothers and sisters and when I was really little My mother would not make friends with any other lady unless she had at least seven kids

Speaker 17 because she didn't want to know anybody who had free time.

Speaker 17 So that's how come her circle of girlfriends, and there were only six of them, but between them they had 50 kids.

Speaker 17 So these ladies loved to have lunch together on Friday afternoons, and I would love it when they would meet at our house because I would kind of watch from the other room.

Speaker 17 And they would laugh and drink sherry and smoke their cigarettes and eat delicious food.

Speaker 17 And they would make all these ridiculous crafts for the Christmas bazaar at school, like, you know, spray-painted macaroni for ornaments. And they would really make

Speaker 17 years and years worth of wreaths out of twisted tin can lids. And they made so many of these wreaths that they called themselves the can cutters.
And the can cutters met for years and years.

Speaker 17 And

Speaker 17 I, in my innocence, thought it must be really fun to be the mother to a lot of children.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 17 25 years later, I leave the workfield and I am at home with two small children, like a baby and a toddler.

Speaker 17 And I am so overwhelmed and so out of my depth and so disorganized that I thought, how did they do it?

Speaker 17 And I was doing all kinds of ridiculous things like if I drove the car home, by the time I unloaded the car and unloaded the babies, I'd be too exhausted to go back out and close the doors to the cars.

Speaker 17 And the car would just sit there with the doors open all day long. Or

Speaker 17 I'd have to move the dirty dishes out of the way for a place to eat tonight's dinner.

Speaker 17 Or one time I even drove home from the supermarket with a whole bag of groceries on the roof of my car because I had been too stressed out trying to get the babies into the car after one of them had a giant tantrum in the store, so loud, kicking, screaming, and I'm sweating and embarrassed.

Speaker 17 And all these old ladies gathered around me to watch me deal with this

Speaker 17 and say things like,

Speaker 17 children are such a blessing.

Speaker 17 And

Speaker 17 an obstinate child is a sign of intelligence. And

Speaker 17 they grow up so fast, don't blink, you'll miss something. And

Speaker 17 it's like, oh, come on.

Speaker 17 All I could see was 18 more years of this.

Speaker 4 And so

Speaker 17 I knew I needed help. And I knew I needed some wisdom.
Like, how did my mom and all of her can cut her friends do it?

Speaker 17 The way they would laugh, they would shriek with laughter, like, you're killing me.

Speaker 17 and and I think where I thought how did they do it and I thought well of course all the can cutters were dead and now I know why they all went to early graves but

Speaker 4 but

Speaker 17 one of them one of them was still alive Her name was Dorothy and I thought I just need some advice.

Speaker 17 I need somebody to tell me how to do this better. And so Dorothy had had nine children.
She's really old now. And I called her and I said, can I come talk to you?

Speaker 17 And she said, of course, dear, come over. And I thought, I was so excited to talk to Dorothy.
I thought, she is going to give me the secret to how to get on top of my situation here.

Speaker 17 And so she welcomed me in. We settled ourselves with a cup of tea.
I was very excited because I was at the foot of a master since she wasn't my own mother, mother, but she was a master.

Speaker 17 And I said, Dorothy, how did you guys all cope with so many children?

Speaker 17 And she said, well, you know, we had each other. And I said, oh, no, I know, I know.

Speaker 17 You had each other. And she says, no, that's more than it seems.
And I said, I know, but you didn't have disposable diapers, you didn't have housekeepers, you didn't have preschools.

Speaker 17 And I said, how did you actually get it? She says, well, we had each other. And I said, Dorothy, I need more than that.

Speaker 17 And she looked like far off, like her eyes went back over the years. And then I thought, okay.
And then she leaned in next to me. I thought, okay, here it comes.
Good, okay, good. So I leaned in too.

Speaker 17 And then she took her old no-nonsense finger and she pointed it at me like this.

Speaker 17 She says, that five o'clock cocktail, if I couldn't get my five o'clock cocktail, it was like one of those kids was going to die.

Speaker 17 Dorothy, no, it's got to be something besides that. And she says, no.

Speaker 17 And so going home, going home, I thought, oh my God, there is no secret here. There's just, there's just me and 20 years of chaos.

Speaker 17 What am I going to do?

Speaker 17 And then

Speaker 17 the best advice from the wisest old woman I know was like, get some friends and get some gin. And so,

Speaker 17 but I will tell you, what actually happened to me was that, I don't know, I must have blinked because Suddenly like they were in school and then suddenly they all had their driver's licenses

Speaker 17 and then suddenly one lives in San Francisco, one lives in New York, and one has babies of her own.

Speaker 13 So that's it.

Speaker 12 That was Mary Lee Carroll.

Speaker 8 Mary is a grandmother, a writer, and a storyteller. She calls herself a world traveler, but has never lived further than a mile from where she was born.

Speaker 14 Her latest book, Across the Street, Around the Corner, just came out, and she is an award-winning author of two previous books.

Speaker 14 I want to take a minute to shout out to the vital parenting tool that is the text thread. Since having children, I've become a part of several.

Speaker 8 My friends, who I knew before they were parents, my friends that I made because we are parents, my sister, who I text about literally anything.

Speaker 13 This is the place where we can ask the important questions.

Speaker 10 These are real.

Speaker 12 Like, help, I locked my children in the bathroom.

Speaker 13 Who is hosting Thanksgiving?

Speaker 8 But what are we going to do about the patriarchy? And help, the school just called to tell me my child stuck a pencil in her butt.

Speaker 10 And so on.

Speaker 13 Up next is P.T. Smith.

Speaker 10 He told this at a Denver story slam where the theme of the night was blessings in disguise.

Speaker 12 Here's P.T. live at the mosque.

Speaker 4 I was born at St. Joseph Hospital, Denver, Colorado, the east side.

Speaker 4 I was raised in five points, and I love my neighborhood.

Speaker 4 See, in the 90s, it was kind of crazy. The news and different people made it seem like it was a dangerous and harsh place to live.
And don't get me wrong, there were extracurricular activities.

Speaker 4 But it was home for me.

Speaker 4 And I felt safe. I felt known.

Speaker 4 See, the reality is, in my hood, I knew the rules. And every hood comes with rules.

Speaker 4 Like, for instance, mind your business.

Speaker 4 If you hear a noise in a dark alley, that is between that noise and that dark alley.

Speaker 4 Another rule that maybe you're not familiar with is you should be aware of what colors you're wearing and where you're at.

Speaker 4 Now, you may need a hood specialist help help on this one, so you should maybe acquire one to help you out with like your color palettes, okay?

Speaker 4 Know that black is always a good choice.

Speaker 4 My favorite rule, super random, super specific, is if someone comes up to you and says, Hey, it's a nice pair of shoes, what size are they? The only acceptable response is, Your size, homie.

Speaker 4 I'm just playing, don't do that.

Speaker 4 You see, in a hood, if you know the rules, in general,

Speaker 4 you're going to be okay.

Speaker 4 And so I wasn't fearful of any hoods.

Speaker 4 Well, except for one. See, there's only one hood that

Speaker 4 struck fear in my heart, made me feel despair, made me feel sadness, inadequacy,

Speaker 4 and that hood was fatherhood.

Speaker 4 See, yeah,

Speaker 4 I grew up

Speaker 4 knowing my dad, but not always being raised by my dad. And so I was super uncertain and insecure when it came to this idea of fatherhood.

Speaker 4 And most of the kids in my community experienced, or at least a lot, experienced the same thing.

Speaker 4 And so when my wife told me she was pregnant with our first child, At first I had the same emotions that any new parent is going to have. I was excited.
Man, I was feeling the good nervousness.

Speaker 4 I'm thinking, I'm going to raise the hell out of this child, okay?

Speaker 4 But shortly after that, those feelings started to fade. And other ones came in of

Speaker 4 what do you think you're about to do?

Speaker 4 This idea, this reoccurring dream and thought that you're gonna fail this child

Speaker 4 because you don't know what to do.

Speaker 4 So I decided to do some research to figure this thing out. And I started with the local community, right? So at the barbershop, I was asking some folks that I knew had kids.

Speaker 4 I'm like, hey, man, what's the rules? Like, tell me about this whole fatherhood thing. And I got some of the stupidest answers I've ever heard.
Okay. All right, you ready? Here's the two.
All right.

Speaker 4 One was,

Speaker 4 don't let your son get both ears pierced.

Speaker 4 Another one was, if you have a girl, you should invest in a lot of guns. And I was like,

Speaker 4 These are not helpful. So I was like, I'm going to go to the experts, right? I'm going to read some books on parenthood.
I'm going to read some books.

Speaker 4 And so the first book I tried to read was Gentle Parenting for Dads.

Speaker 4 And I'm not hating on gentle parenting,

Speaker 4 but I was not parented gently.

Speaker 4 So it really didn't match up. So I was like, all right, look, I'm running out of options.
This kid is going to be here real soon. What am I going to do?

Speaker 4 And I can remember the day that we went to the hospital with my wife. She was going into labor.
And I thought, hey, labor could take a while. And so maybe they have like a class here that they give

Speaker 4 to dads

Speaker 4 because they're not going to just give you a kid, right?

Speaker 4 Turns out if they did, I would have missed it anyway because my wife's labor was actually really quick.

Speaker 4 Actually, so quick that when the doctor got in the room, he had time to take off his coat, wash his hands, scrubs, gloves, and then he like one hand caught

Speaker 4 my son as he was being born, which made, I'm like, man, you should, you might play on Sundays.

Speaker 4 And it was really amazing. It all happened really fast.
And then like time kind of slowed down. And I seen he's like making this like twisted face as he's looking at my son.

Speaker 4 And he looks at the nurse and he's like, you need to get this kid to ICU. He's not breathing well.

Speaker 4 And y'all, time stopped and my heart froze.

Speaker 4 Because I wasn't even sure I wanted to be a dad because I didn't know if I could do it. I didn't know the rules.
Even being in that room, I felt nervous. I didn't know what was going on.

Speaker 4 And so they swaddle my son and they put him in this like little glass case on wheels and they roll him out and I look at my wife and she looks at me like, go after them.

Speaker 4 And so I'm running behind the nurse, y'all, and I'm praying. I'm praying as hard as I've ever prayed in my entire life.
I'm like, Lord, I will do anything.

Speaker 4 If this kid needs my heart, he can have my heart. If he needs my eyes, he can take my eyes.
I will do anything. Just let him be okay.

Speaker 4 And we get into the ICU room, and it turns out that my son just has a flair for the dramatics because he was breathing fine.

Speaker 4 And so they swaddle him back up again, and they let me hold him for the first time. I'm looking in his eyes, y'all, and I realize that

Speaker 4 fatherhood doesn't need to come with rules. It actually only needs to come with one thing, and that's love.

Speaker 4 Thank you.

Speaker 10 That was P.T. Smith.

Speaker 13 P.T. is a proud product of the hood he grew up in and now serves the youth and young adults in his community.

Speaker 8 He is most proud of being able to have an amazing marriage for the last nine years and being the father of Pierre, seven, and Miss Parker, three.

Speaker 12 Before I leave you, remember how the kids at the mosque's Take Your Child to Work Day were learning about podcasts?

Speaker 8 Well, stick around for the credits.

Speaker 13 You might hear some fun new voices reading them. That's it for this episode.

Speaker 8 From all of us here at The Moth, however, you parent or do not parent, we hope that you can find beauty in life's circus.

Speaker 11 Kate Tellers is a storyteller, host, senior director at the Moth, and co-author of their fourth book, How to Tell Her Story. Her author writing has been featured on Nick Squeenies and the New Yorker.

Speaker 11 She is also our mom. Mommy!

Speaker 11 This episode of the Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Jeanesse, Sarah Jane Johnson, That's My Mom,

Speaker 11 and Mark Salinger.

Speaker 15 The rest of the Moths leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Christina Norman, Jennifer Hickson, Meg Bowles,

Speaker 15 Kate Tellers, Marina Cluche, Suzanne Rust,

Speaker 15 Brandon Grant Walker, Lee-Ann Gulley, and Aldi Kalta.

Speaker 18 The Moth would like to thank its supporters and listeners. Stories like these are made possibly by community giving.

Speaker 18 If you're not already a member, please consider becoming one or making a one-time donation today at the moth.org/slash giveback. All moth stories are true, as remembered by their storytellers.

Speaker 4 For more

Speaker 11 about our podcast and for information on pitching your own story and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.

Speaker 11 The Moth podcast is presented by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at PRX.org.

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