Making Everything Possible: The Moth Podcast

moth is supported by AstraZeneca. AstraZeneca is committed to spreading awareness of a condition called hereditary transthyroidin-mediated amyloidosis, or HATTR.

This condition can cause polyneuropathy, like nerve pain or numbness, heart failure or irregular rhythm, and gastrointestinal issues.

HATTR is often underdiagnosed and can be passed down to loved ones. Many of us have stories about family legacies passed down through generations.

When I was five, my mother sewed me a classic clown costume, red and yellow with a pointy hat. It's since been worn by my sister, three cousins, and four of our children.

I'm so happy this piece of my childhood lives on with no end in sight. Genetic conditions like HATTR shouldn't dominate our stories.

Thanks to the efforts of AstraZeneca, there are treatment options so more patients can choose the legacies they share.

This year, the Moth will partner with AstraZeneca to shine a light on the stories of those living with HATTR. Learn more at www.myattrroadmap.com.

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Welcome to the Moth. I'm Peter Aguero.
I've been a part of the Moth for a long time. About 2007, as best as anybody can tell.
I've told stories at SLAMs. That's how I started with the Moth.

And I've been an instructor in the EDU program, the community program. I host main stages and slams all around the country.

Today, I want to give you a taste of why I've been part of the moth for so long. These are stories that will make you laugh, make you cry.
In the best case scenario, man, both.

First up, I'm going to share a story that I told when I was hosting a main stage up in Tarrytown, New York.

Yeah, I'm not going to host the Moth podcast without putting one of my own stories first. Come on.
So here I am. Me,

live at the moth.

As I was making my way on my trusty bicycle up the Empire State Trail

the other day,

I was

looking at my hands. On my knuckle of the index finger on my right hand, there's a Y-shaped scar.
It's tiny. It's very faint.

It's old now. It's almost as old as me.
And

when I was four years old, I got the scar. And that day I woke up

and I felt great. Do you remember when you woke up and you felt great?

The sun is shining through my bedroom in my little South Jersey Rivertown

house.

And I can, just, my head's not pounding. I didn't say anything stupid the night before.
I Didn't flirt with somebody who wasn't my wife.

It was, you know what I mean? I felt like a million dollars. And I can hear footsteps coming up the steps, and I knew it's my mom coming to wake me up.

So I pretended to fall back asleep because on Saturday mornings, this is the way that she would do it. She would come up and sit down,

and she did. And she sat on the edge of my bed and she reached over.
And my mom had just been going to nursing school. She was studying to be a nurse because that's what you do in nursing school.

And she reaches over and she starts starts to fold my ears

fold them up and she says she whispers and says

your ears are made out of cartilage and if I fold them they don't hurt it's just folding the and I just reach up and I grab her ear and I twist it and I say does this hurt

It was, you know, the first

intentful time that

a son will hurt their mother by accident on purpose. It happens a lot after that.

that's why every mother's day card when it says happy mother's day from your son is always an apology uh and so that's just the way it goes um so she says uh would you like to go on a treasure hunt and of course i'm for uh and she hands me uh a brown uh piece of paper it's all rolled up and uh there's a ribbon and i untie it and i open it up it's this crumpled up uh map of our house in black marker.

And I don't see on the back that it says Acme. You know, it was the shopping bag.

But it looks like a treasure map that she had found somewhere. And so I follow the dots, I get up out of bed, I spring out, and I go downstairs, and I follow this map out to the front porch.

And at the front porch, underneath one of the chairs, is another rolled-up little piece of paper. And it tells me another clue.
It tells me to go down in the basement.

I go down to the basement underneath. The house is totally silent.

And my father and my sister aren't there. I'm four years old.
I don't know everybody's business, so I can't tell you where they were. That's lost to time.

And from the at the basement, at the base of the stairs, another roller piece of paper. That sends me outside to the giant maple tree.
I go to the maple tree. There's a spoon and some disturbed dirt.

And I dig in that little disturbed dirt. And I pick up another little piece of paper.
And that sends me to the dining room.

And under the dining room table, as I'm going through the house on this adventure, running.

around pretending I'm some kind of treasure hunter pirate my mom is like peeking around the corners and she's watching me do this and she's got this big grin on her face.

And eventually, it sends me back up to my room, to the closet in my room, and in my closet is another

brown paper shopping bag that's folded over with the black marker. It looks like it has wood grain on it, like a treasure chest.

And I open it up, and inside there's two things, a small little velvet box and a box of Duncan Heinz devil's food cake mix. And my mom says, you want to make a cake?

Absolutely, I want to make a cake. So we go downstairs and she cracks the eggs and she adds the oil and

adds the mix. And she lets me help with the mixer.
It was everything was avocado green in 1980. And it was those Pyrex clouded,

those Pyrex bowls that were like painted green on the outside with flowers and mushrooms because it was from the 70s. Everybody like flowers and mushrooms, if you know what I mean.

And then the inside was white. And then you're mixing it up, and then it would chatter up the side of the bowl.

and you felt like the most powerful kid in the world at least I did and we make the the bowl and as we're we're taking the the cake and we're she's helping me scrape it out of the bowl into the cake dish she starts to tell me about her brother her brother Gregory that she loves so much And Gregory was her big brother and he was amazing.

He was so smart. And he went into the army and when he got out of the army, he got a job with RCA and that was a big company.
And he ended up going to Greenland to do work for RCA.

It was the first person in our family since they came from Poland to leave the country again and be allowed to come back. And like,

it was, and I never knew Gregory because she told me when Gregory was at that time, you know,

he was in his 30s before I was born, about five years before I was born, he got melanoma. She told me, she explained what melanoma was.
And she explained that at that time,

there was a mole. And then once there was this mole,

they couldn't do anything about it. And

less than a year later, he was gone.

So, as the cake is, she's telling me this as the cake is baking, and as the cake comes out of the oven, we let it cool, and as the cake is cooling, she shows me how to make this purple cream cheese icing, and we're gonna put it on there.

And then she says, You wanna open up the box? And in the little velvet box is a tiny little pen knife, like a small little fold-out pen knife from a World's Fair.

And she says, This was Gregory's knife, and I think he would have wanted you to have it. So in 1980, it was okay to give a kid a knife.

That was nobody, a lot of flowers and mushrooms, if you know what I'm saying. Like it was like, there was no problem with that.
So I'm so excited.

She's like, well, the cake has to cool down before we ice it. Why don't you go outside and play?

And so I did. I'm with a knife, and I'm out there, and I'm fighting with the pirates again.
This knife is this big,

but I'm having the best time. I can't believe it.

Not only did it belong to gregory uh but it was it was it was now it was my knife and it was just unbelievable and and she had told me i forgot to mention that she had told me we were making the cake because today would have been gregory's birthday and she said that it was it was my gift i got to have the gift today so it's like i'm singing happy birthday gregory and i'm done all this then i see a branch that fell from the tree a little small branch so i start what do you do with a knife you whittle so i take the that's right i didn't know what whittling was what's the point You make a toothpick.

I have no idea. I only saw it in cartoons.
I take the branch and I take the knife and I start cutting

toward, and you see that what happened on the third strike, that knife stuck directly into my knuckle of the knuckle of my index finger on my right hand.

I screamed because I had a knife stuck in the knuckle of my little baby hand. And I

flipped out. There's blood everywhere.
I thought I was dying. I ran ran inside and there's just what looked to me carnage, flaps of skin.
I thought my finger was gone. I'm crying.

My mom, who was studying to be a nurse, she calmed me down. She cleaned off my finger.
She cleaned it off. She put neosporin on it.
She put a little band-aid on it. She kissed it.

She cut me a nice piece of cake and a big cold glass of milk and she put me in front of the television and she said, you enjoy. And and I did for about an hour and then I realized the knife

so I ran back outside and I looked everywhere

everywhere and it was gone now I don't know what I believe in you might understand that I don't believe in much you probably figured that out

from my own loud context

throughout the last hour and the knife was gone so I don't know what happened you know maybe someone came by and picked it up, but it was small. No one would have found it.

It was maybe, maybe Gregory said, No, that's not from my nephew. He, from wherever he was, he came down and got it and took it.
Or maybe it just fell in a bush, and maybe I just never saw it again.

And either way,

you know, my mother got to pass on what she had been holding on to a long time, was the spirit and the love of her brother.

And then I had to let go the idea of having a knife at four years old. And that was okay because the knife was gone, but I will always have this little Y-shaped scar.
Thank you very much.

All right, after the break, we'll have two stories from two storytellers that aren't me.

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Hey, it's Christopher Kimball from Mill Street Radio. Sounds like I'm bragging, and I am.
We're the number one most downloaded food podcast in America.

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You'll hear about smuggling eels on the black market, the secret intelligence of plants, and insider tips to eating in Paris. And every week, listeners call in with our toughest culinary mysteries.

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Welcome back. Our next story is from Callie Toll, who told us at a Portland Grand Slam where the theme was Fall from Grace.
Here's Callie live at the mall.

So I'm 16 years old, and I'm certified in artificial insemination in cattle, sheep, and swine.

Right, not only that, but I work with a company that certifies ranchers and cattle hands in certification for artificial insemination in these animals.

And it's safe to say that I was pretty fucking hot to trot.

I mean,

I'm out there teaching these adults how to create life,

right?

So part of my responsibilities are taking care of the animals we'll be working with, and part of my responsibilities are working with teaching and tutoring in our practicals for these courses.

So in our January class, when the team showed up with the cattle that we'd be working with,

And we were unloading them into the space, they pointed to this Brahma cow. Now, Brahma cows, they're the pretty ones with a big hump on their backs.

And the full-grown Brahma cow is going to weigh about 1,500 pounds. And they said, watch her.

She's a caution.

And then they said, she's a bad cow.

I didn't believe in bad animals.

I fully understood that there are times when animals behave in ways we don't want them to, we don't expect them to, and we don't ask them to.

And that at times can be dangerous, but never does a bad animal it make.

And so I resolved myself, I'll decide for me if she's dangerous or she's just difficult. And I unloaded the 20 cattle herd and put them where they belonged.

The first morning of class, I went out to get the cattle to bring them in. There were 20 of them and I was on my own bringing them in.
And it was bone cold, folks.

The mud was about three, four inches deep.

And I was on my own bringing these cattle back in, and I looked up and I noticed that some of the cattle hands and the ranchers had kind of filtered out to watch me bring them in on their own.

And that was about the time that this Brahma cow started to give me some grief.

And I did the thing I did back then, unique to me, which was I started doing jumping jacks. That may sound funny, but when cattle don't know what's going to happen next, they shy away, right?

They don't come towards it. So it was doing two things for me, right? She's going to shy away,

and I'm going to stay warm.

And I hear this laughing off to the side. And so I decide to, while still doing jumping jacks in the freezing mud, just look over and acknowledge the adoring crowd.

And as I do, I get this flicker of a change of expression on their face.

And then my whole world is pain.

and as my mind grapples to figure out what's happening to me I'm actually flying upside down facing the opposite direction over the back of this cow she had taken her pole so that's the very top of her head and cuffed me right in the abdomen and flung me like a ragdoll

Still trying to understand what's going on, I hit the mud on my head and my neck, and I fall to my back. And instinctively, I'm flipping to get onto my my stomach,

trying to catch a breath, trying to get on my feet. I crawl and scramble, and that's when I realize I've been knocked out of my boots.

And I stand up, and I can feel that freezing, cold mud seeping into my socks, and I look up just to try to get my bearings.

Pain

again.

This time she hits me from the back, and she sends me flying forward, landing on my stomach in this deep, freezing mud.

Only now I'm in the middle of the other 19 cows who are starting to become reactive and they're afraid because the cowboys are screaming and they're jumping over the railing to try to come and help me.

And I managed to get on my hands and knees, and she's behind me, and she's striking at the backs of my legs with her hooves, and she's ramming me again and again with her pole.

And my whole world just becomes mud and pain. And things start to get very primal.

And I stop registering each individual individual injury as cattle step on my hands and they knee me in the face with their legs as they're trying to get out of the way. And I chance to look up,

and there is this cowboy,

like a superhero,

running across the tops of the backs of these cattle all around me. He's parkouring.

Each cattle is reaching one foot at a time on one cow as he lands directly in front of me and he scoops me up and that's when I can see that the cattle hands and the cowboys are trying desperately to create a safe path for him to get me to the railing when that Rama cow breaks free again she's got this vendetta I will never understand and she's coming for me and the cowboy this time he gets me to the railing But my hands don't work.

I can't make a purchase to climb. My feet don't work.
They're bare now, and it feels like needles are driving into my hands and feet. And I try to bear my weight to climb, but I can't.

And as she approaches, this cowboy summons some kind of superhuman injury, energy, or maybe he has it. I don't know.

But he pushes me up over the six-foot railing and I just land in a heap on my side on the other side of the gate, him quickly following.

I curl up in a ball. My whole world is just confusion and freezing fucking pain and just start to cry.

One of the cowboys I worked with brings his truck around and he picks me up and he puts me in the cab and he turns on the heater and he calls my mom.

My mom comes to get me, takes me directly to the hospital. Shockingly, there's no broken bones,

but the internal bleeding and the bruising on my arms and legs has actually caused anemia.

And I'm watched closely as I make a full recovery to a full blood cell count.

You might wonder, so I'm going to tell you guys. I still don't believe in bad animals.

I have learned, however, to hate a warning when given.

That was Callie Toll. Callie is a credentialed veterinary technician who has spent her life taking care of animals and the people who love them.

The only thing she enjoys more than sharing her stories is hearing yours. We've got one more more story for you, but before that, I wanted to talk a little bit about why you are the moth.

I already told you about my experiences with the moth as a host and a teller and an instructor. There's a bunch more people here who bring the moth to life.

Some names you've heard before, many you haven't. It's easy to think that all of us are the moth, but really, it's you.

You think back to how the moth got started with a bunch of people sitting on a screen-dimmed porch in Georgia telling each other stories and the holes in the screen let the moths come in and they would collect around the light while these stories are being told.

I mean, you are the moths and you're here gathering around these stories and you're here with us because we believe that everyone has a story to tell.

We believe that everyone's story is worthy to be told and we want everyone to tell their stories. You know, what it does is it fosters empathy for other people.
It helps us to listen.

It's so rare, you know? It helps us to understand that our own experience is not the only experience. None of this exists without the people who listen, and that's you, and we are so grateful for you.

So you, listeners, you, arguably, are actually the moth, and we need you now.

Making a gift directly to the Moth today will ensure that stories from our live events and workshop programs are free and accessible across the globe.

Donations received now provide a critical foundation for us to kick off the new year on solid ground. Please visit themoth.org or text GIVE25.
that's G-I-V-E-25-78679, to get started.

Thanks so much for your support of The Moth. Up next is Tom Rich, who told this story at a Boston Story Slan where the theme of the night is haunted.
Here's Tom, live at TheMoth.

Toward the end of my senior year of high school, something happened that haunted me for over 30 years.

From a very young age, age, I was really good at

math.

Probably didn't expect me to say that.

I was at the top of my class every year and it was my favorite subject. So it was no surprise when at the end of my senior year of high school I was selected as my school's representative at a

statewide math competition.

The first

step in that competition was an an interview with three professors from the local university. That morning, I drove out to the site with my two close friends who were actually competing

in different subjects.

We got to the site. I walked in the room, sat down.

They asked me a question.

I knew the answer, but all of a sudden, words were not coming out of my mouth. Every word was a struggle.
After about a minute of struggling and weird facial contortions,

one of the professors pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil and said, here, why don't you write down your answers?

And that's how the rest of the story went. Well, this was a humiliating experience that I was deeply ashamed of.
On the ride home, my other two friends were in a great mood.

They had aced their interview, and I sat quiet. I didn't say anything.
When I got home, I didn't say anything to my parents. But more importantly, that was terrifying.
I had struggled with

stuttering since the second grade. But up until that point, the consequences were merely being teased, which isn't fun, but it

didn't seem to have any impact on your future. But here I was with a chance to really do something, and I failed.

And as a result, I lost all confidence about speaking in front of people and really being put in any situation that I did not control. And I started saying

no to opportunities.

Through my 20s, 30s, and 40s, I never regained that confidence. And I said the minimum amount.

When I got married, I said exactly two words.

But saying the minimum

amount meant that every time I had to make a phone call, introduce myself, or speak in front of people, that high school interview just was hovering over me.

And then about 12 years ago, something happened.

It was on a Sunday morning, and I was

at my Unitarian church that I had been attending for several years. And we'd come to that point in the service where anyone could get up and

talk about what was on their mind.

And it was sort of a spur-of-the-moment

thing. But I got up,

I walked over to the microphone,

and I said,

Last night, I watched the movie, The King's Speech,

about King George VI of England and his struggle with the stuttering. And that was an incredibly emotional movie for me because that's something that I have struggled with.

And I had never had an honest conversation with more than two or three people

about that.

Well, at that moment, I started to find confidence and I started saying yes to opportunities. I said yes to being on the board of my church.
I said yes to joining the

board of our local refugee assistance program. And just last year, I said yes to leaving my not-so-fulfilling job and finding something new and more meaningful.

And then the more that I did that,

I came to realize that that high school interview no longer haunted me. Thank you.

That was Tom Rich. Tom lives in Massachusetts with his family.
He credits his spouse, Suzanne, for helping him find his voice and encouraging him to give live storytelling a try.

Listen, this is important. We believe that stories bring us together.
It's why we host slams and main stages and teach storytelling to students and community groups.

It's why we produce this podcast and the Moth Radio Hour. And we can only do all of that with your support.
So, thank you. Thank you for listening.
Thank you for being the Moth.

Please visit themoth.org or text Give25. That's G-I-V-E25-78679 to make a donation today.

That brings us to the end of our episode. Thank you to our storytellers for sharing with us and to you for listening.
From all of us here at the Moth to all of you at the Moth.

Have a storyworthy week.

Peter Aguero was born and raised in the wilds of South Jersey. He's been working with the Moth since 2007 as a storyteller, host, instructor, and staff clergy.

He makes his home in Queens with his wife, Dr. Fine.

Callie Toll's story was coached by Chloe Salmon. This episode of the Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin-Janess, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Zollinger.

The rest of the Moth's leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Christina Norman, Marina Cluché, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardinale, Caledonia Cairns, Kate Tellers, Suzanne Rust, and Patricia Uregna.

The Moth Podcast is presented by Odyssey. Special thanks to their executive producer, Leah Rhys-Dennis.
All moth stories are true, as remembered by their storytellers.

For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.