Finding Soul: The Moth Podcast

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Wayfair, every style, every home. The moth is supported by AstraZeneca.
AstraZeneca is committed to spreading awareness of a condition called hereditary transtheritin-mediated amyloidosis, or HATTR.

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However, my kids just started writing theirs and they know that mommy is up here advocating for their adulthood. To learn more about HATTR, visit www.myattrroadmap.com.

Welcome to the Moth. I'm Suzanne Rust.
A few days ago, we shared a Moth radio hour all about shoes. But on this episode, we're going to be talking about a different type of soul.

Yes, we're going from the soul of your shoe to the soul inside you with stories about connections, bonds, being there for the people we love, and all the things that make you you.

First up, we have Heather McGee. She told this at a Chicago Story Slam where the theme of the night was baggage.
Here's Heather live with them all.

So when I was a teenager, I had so much social anxiety, like crippling.

I was from a really big family with a million brothers and sisters, so you might be surprised to see that as a characteristic of me. But we were a fundamentalist.
I was homeschooled.

We were very isolated. I lived out with the cows and cornfields.
Now my mom was a real teacher. She actually gave me a great education being homeschooled.

However, she also knew I wanted to go to college. And to go to college, when you have a million kids, you don't have a lot of money.
I needed scholarships.

And if I was going to get a scholarship, I needed to go to a traditional school. So when I turned 14, my mom enrolled me in a regular high school.
This was terrifying to me.

Going to the lunchroom and figuring out where to sit was the most horrifying thing to me every day.

I spent the entirety of my high school experience being scared to be seen or heard or have to interact with anyone while getting an A-plus in every class.

So anyway, when we got to my senior year, I found out we were taking a senior trip to Spain for 10 days.

And to someone who had only been to the Super Walmart in my tiny town, this was both thrilling and really overwhelming.

I also didn't have a suitcase, and I didn't know how I was gonna get that suitcase, because we didn't have the money to get a suitcase.

So I was really worried about this, and I brought it up to my granny. Now, my granny was not a part of our fundamentalist religious community.
She was the opposite. She wore Betty Boop sweatshirts.

She wore cheetah print. She wore a t-shirt that said, I'm sexy.

And she was in her 70s. So anyway, I was really worried about this and I explained my situation to my granny.
She was like, oh, I've got a suitcase. You can just take mine.

She pulled it out of a closet and I about died.

Because what she showed me as an incredibly shy person who was about to go on the first big trip, first trip of her life with a bunch of classmates who I desperately wanted to impress, she pulled out the loudest, hugest pink tie-dye, hard side suitcase that anyone has ever seen in their life.

And it wasn't just pink on the outside. It was pink on the inside with a lovely shade of Pepto-Bismol.

And it was also loud in an actual way. There were some clips on it that when you locked it and you had to punch it to make it close made the loudest noise you have also ever heard in your life.

I was mortified, but I was also too shy to turn my granny down and I needed a suitcase, so I took it.

My entire mission in life at that time was to blend in with the wallpaper, and I knew me and that bright pink suitcase were going to Spain whether I liked it or not and I would be seen and heard also whether I liked it or not.

So I showed up at the airport with my big pink suitcase, relegated to my fate.

I channeled the power of my granny as I loved that monstrosity across the floor to the ticket counter, got on that plane, got myself to Spain.

We were going to a few different places, so I opened it, closed it. Those clips got louder with every time I opened and closed it.

And I was shocked on that trip because it turns out my classmates thought my suitcase was cool.

They liked the color because it stood out. They thought the clicky, loud locks were hilarious.

And you know, as we were going from place to place, I think I started to take on the power of that suitcase because I started to feel proud. Nobody else had a suitcase like this.

Their suitcases were black, they were brown, they were gray, their locks were quiet.

You know, and I I just really took that in and I started thinking about what this pink suitcase actually meant. You know, my granny lived her life at 100%.

She had so many friends. She went on big trips.
She was the kind of person that bought a crazy pink suitcase. She was in a choir.
She taught me how to dance in her living room.

She lived life to the fullest at every moment, at every second. But it hadn't always been like that.

When she was 18, she married my grandpa, and my grandpa proceeded to spend the entirety of his life trying to kill her.

He put her head in the oven more than once, sent her to the hospital more than once. I think the day that my grandpa died is the day that her life really started.

And when I got back from Spain, I was standing at the airport waiting for my baggage clean for my bag. That total ugly suitcase came out of the chute.

But this time when it came around the carousel, instead of being embarrassed, I picked it up proudly. And now when I think about it, I see it as, I think about as more than just a pink suitcase.

It was a lesson that my granny taught me that I pull into my own life about how don't let the bad things in life keep you from being your wildest, boldest, pinkest self.

That was Heather McGee. Heather is an Emmy and Cannes Lion Award-winning founder and host of the Happily Never After podcast, which takes a look at how life's endings can lead to a new beginning.

She is currently working on her debut memoir about growing up in a fundamentalist Christian sect.

We asked Heather if, looking back, she had any more thoughts about her grandmother and getting to see her in a new light.

She told us that her granny went through so much in her life, courtesy of the domestic violence suffered at the hands of her husband.

Heather's grateful that after her grandpa died, she was old enough to bear witness to her grandmother's resurrection and blooming into the life she always wanted.

She taught Heather a lot about resilience and how the worst thing that happens to you doesn't have to define you. After the break, another soulful story.
Be back in a moment.

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Welcome back. We've got another story about soul for you.
This one focusing on being there.

Ashley McElvey told this at an Atlanta Story Slam where the theme of the the night was big breaks. Here's Ashley live at the mall.

So Eric and I had been together almost 10 years when we got engaged. We had lived in three different houses in two different states and we would have eloped, but my brother had eloped.

And so when I got engaged, my dad said, you know, you guys can do whatever you want about a ceremony, but your mom and I would like to be there. I'd kind of like to see one of my kids get married.

And I was like, Jesus Christ, dad. Obviously, we're going to plan a wedding.
But I didn't.

I didn't plan a wedding. I just found it so overwhelming, and I could not think about it at all.

And so Eric and I had been engaged for about three years when my parents drove out from Arkansas for a visit to tell me that my mom might be dying.

So she had had cancer before and she goes in regularly for scans and checkups. And they they'd seen something on the scans that had been concerning.

And now my parents were sitting in my kitchen saying that October would be a really good time for Eric and I to get married. It'd be really great if we could get married in October.

And it was mid-September. And so

as soon as they left town, I just started to panic Google like

small wedding, tiny wedding.

And this phrase popped up and it was micro-weddings. And I was like, that's what I want.
I want a micro wedding.

And so I called a friend of mine and I was talking to her about it. And I said, you know, here's the thing.

No matter how small the wedding is, there are just like all these decisions that need to get made.

And I'm a little bit of a control freak and I feel like if there are decisions that need to be made, I need to make them.

And on the other hand, I don't care about any of this and I just need it to get done.

And she said, do you really not care? And I said, I really don't. I said, if it is a good, nice time and a lovely wedding, that's great.

And if it's a shit show, Eric and I will tell stories about that for the rest of our lives. So like, I'm good either way.
And she said, I think you should make the fewest decisions possible.

And I realized that was correct. And there's this place called Sweetgrass Weddings, and they will do as much as you ask them to do.
They did everything but buy my dress, basically.

And I called them, and I was talking to them about our situation, and I really liked their vibe. And I said, be honest, like, can we even get married in October?

And she said, well, do you want to get married in a barn or a barn or a historical building? And I was like, ooh, historical building, please. And she said, yeah, you can get married October 24th.

And I just said, let's do it. And I sent her a check and I wrote some deposits.
And we emailed out wedding invitations because we did not have time to wait for the Postal Service.

And everything was happening all of a sudden. So people were starting to RSVP and they were buying plane tickets.
And my mom called and she said, I have some good news.

She said, they did a different kind of scan.

And it looks like,

I don't think that my mom is a liar. I think you guys think that, but she's not.
I don't think my mom's a liar.

And she said,

they think it's going to be scar tissue and they think that I'm going to be okay.

And I was so happy and I was so relieved.

And then I just said, I just planned a wedding in six weeks

and she said I know I feel so terrible I feel so bad that we rushed you into doing this so quickly and like I almost didn't even know if I should tell you and I was like oh my god like

always tell me when you're not dying like I always

I always have time for it and I said no it's fine Eric and I are gonna get married and you're gonna be okay and it's great and

And it's going to be great. And on October 24th, I went to the venue and I was going to see my wedding for the first time.

And I started to get a little nervous

because I don't really like weddings or ceremonies or things that involve like a lot of fuss. But I also know that like

planning a big event and celebrating a thing and like fussing over details is like how you show that things matter. And now that I know my mom is going to be okay,

like I'm starting to realize how much this really matters to me. And I walked in and it was perfect.
It was vibrant and colorful and lively and a little weird and a little irreverent.

And it was just great.

And after the wedding, people kept saying, like,

oh my God, it just felt so much like you and Eric, which was exactly what I wanted.

And I could not have planned anything half that good. And my parents were there.
My mom was there. And Eric's parents were there.
And my 90-year-old grandmother was there.

And our 10-year-old nephew was there.

And it was a great day, and I could have never planned it, but I could make it happen once I had the right motivation.

That was Ashley McElby. Ashley has always loved a good story.
She lives in Atlanta, where she has performed at the Moth and Story Collider.

She and Eric recently celebrated their fourth wedding anniversary, and her parents are happy and healthy in Arkansas.

If you'd like to see a photo of Ashley's wedding, we'll have a couple of lovely pictures on our website at themoth.org/slash extras.

That brings us to the end of our episode. Thank you to our storytellers for sharing with us, and to you for listening.

At the Moth, we think that every story has soul, and if you have been moved by a story this year, we'd love your support. It makes everything possible.

Please text GIVE25 to 786-79 to make a donation to the Moth today. From all of us here at the Moth, we hope you have a soulful week.

Suzanne Rust is the Moth's Senior Curatorial Producer and one of the hosts of the Moth Radio Hour.

In addition to finding new voices and fresh stories for the Moth stage, Suzanne creates playlists and helps curate special storytelling events.

This episode of the Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Janess, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Sollinger.

The rest of the Moth's leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Christina Norman, Marina Cluche, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardonale, Caledonia Cairns, Kate Tellers, Suzanne Rust, and Patricia Oreña.

The Moth podcast is presented by Odyssey. Special thanks to their executive producer, Leah Rhys-Dennis.
All moth stories are true, as remembered by their storytellers.

For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.

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