The Art of Power, Seduction, and Mastery — with Robert Greene

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Episode 355. 355 is the country code for Albania.
1955, Disneyland opened in Anaheim,

California, and Albert Einstein died. What did Albertbert say after sex that seemed fast to you oh that's good that's good go go go welcome to the 355th episode of the prop g pod what's happening uh am, I'm trying to be humble about this.
I'm on a big fat fucking yacht in Ibiza. I had never been on a boat or a yacht or whatever you call these things until about five years ago.
And I went on one and okay, I get it. I get why people want to be rich.
I totally get it. I was invited by some friends.
Oh my God, is that a nice way to spend a week? So anyways, I'm back on the boat until this whole, all this shit comes crashing down again. But anyways, in today's episode, we're speaking with Robert Green, an author who writes about strategy, power, and seduction.
Keep me on the boat, Robert. I'm only on for seven days.
Daddy wants to be on eight days next year. I've wanted this guy on the pod for so long.
Robert's written seven international bestsellers, including The 48 Laws of Power, The Art of Seduction, The 33 Strategies of War, Mastery, and The Daily Laws. We discussed with Robert how to build power, the roles we all play in daily life, and how to find your life's task and achieve mastery.
Really enjoyed this conversation. This

guy, I found him on TikTok, and I just found myself, every time I see him, he has such a clear,

puncturing way of talking about the dynamics of relationships and power. So,

here's our conversation with Robert Green. Robert Green, we were saying off mic, I have been trying to get you on this pod for six months, and I feel like I knew you before you were famous, but unfortunately, you're now famous, but I'm still really happy that you're here.
Welcome. Thank you so much for having me, Scott.
My pleasure. You kind of pop up and you give this really thoughtful advice from someone who's led a pretty robust and experienced life, probably with some ups and downs.
I would just love to get your origin story. I don't actually know much about you.
Well, I don't know how far back I should go from Los Angeles. And basically, I knew from an early age that I wanted to be a writer.
I just couldn't figure out what was the right form of writing that fit me, that suited me. So after graduating university, I went to Berkeley and then to the University of Wisconsin in Madison.
I got into journalism. I lived in New York for four years.
I worked at various different magazines, like Esquire Magazine was my first job. And I hated journalism.
It was a terrible fit for me because I was a classics major in university. My subject was ancient Greek and Latin.
And my time frame is like in thousands of years. And I like books that last hundreds of years, writing that has ancient and wisdom that lasts.
And here journalism was like, you'd write something and then the next day it was completely forgotten. It just went against all of my instincts.
So I got out of journalism. I lived in Europe for about five, six years.
I backpacked. I had jobs in Ireland.
I had a job in London. I worked in a hotel in Paris.
I taught English in Barcelona. You name it, I did it.
And I tried writing novels and that failed. And finally, I came back to Los Angeles where I'm from.
My father wasn't well. I got a job in Hollywood thinking Hollywood was the answer for me.
Screenplays and working, you know, the glamour and all. And that was the worst fit of all because you have no control.
You have no power as a writer. You have like 800 people coming in after you and changing everything that you write.
And it's kind of a soulless world, and I just hated it. Then I got the chance.
I was in Italy for one of my thousands of different jobs. And I met a man who's a book packager.
He asked me if I had an idea for a book. And suddenly, I was very depressed.
I was in my late 30s, and I just felt like my life wasn't adding up to anything, and I just kind of spouted out to him all of this stuff that was brewing inside of me about power, about history, about Louis XIV, who I was reading a lot about, about Machiavelli. I kind of improvised the 48 Laws of Power, and he got so excited.
He said, I'll pay you to live while you write this book, and then I'll package it. And that's sort of my origin story.
And it's been an incredible journey since then. That's the professional side.
To the extent you're comfortable, it sounded like you had a life that didn't foot well to long-term relationships going around the world, kind of doing what you want to do. Talk about that side of your life.
Well've been in a relationship we're we're now married we've been together for 30 some years so um i have had a relationship prior to that i had many different relationships because i as you said i travel a lot um and i don't have any children my children are my seven books, I consider. I have cats.
I'm a big animal lover. I don't know.
I don't know what else would you want to know about the person side. It's not very exciting.
I just live in my house and I write. I find you such a fascinating person.
I was just curious to kind of get some of the pillars there. You write a lot about, I would argue, you're kind of the premier thought leader on the concept and the term or the practice of power.
And that's where I'd like to start. Can you define power? Well, there are many ways to approach that subject, but the way I like to look at it is there's much in life that we have no control over, practically almost the entire circumstances that we have no control over.
But there's a small margin that we can control, and particularly in dealing with people, because we're a social animal and power is a social game. It's not a game of algorithms, etc.
It's a completely social game. And people are very complex and people are very difficult.
And so power is an ability to understand people's psychology and to move them in the direction that you want or that you need them to move in so that you don't have all of this friction in your life. You don't have all of this resistance.
you know how to get people to do things that are in your interest, but they don't even realize they're doing that in your interest. So it's increasing that tiny margin of control that you have over life from like 1% to like 2% or 3% or 4% so that you have a sense that you can control events in your life.
And a lot of that has to do with controlling yourself with power over yourself. If you're somebody that can't control your own emotions, a lot of the laws of power have to deal with that.
So like always say less than necessary. Learning how to talk less in the right circumstances.
Learning how to manage your appearances. A lot of it has to do with self-control.
So that's kind of my long-winded answer about what power is. You speak about how we're all born actors and how part of being a social animal is basically being an actor.
What did you mean by that? Well, for thousands of years, it was the governing metaphor for human life was the theater and acting, particularly like in the 18th century, where everybody thought they were an actor. When you entered the public realm, you were an actor.
We've kind of lost that idea. Everything now is all about being authentic, etc.
But if you look at children from a very early age, children are continually acting. They're continually putting on the mask that they need to get what they want from their parents to please them or to have a fit or whatever.
They're consummate actors and they love play acting and role playing. So it's something that's bred in us very deeply.
And when you're in the social realm, people may not like to hear this, but you're never ever completely yourself. You're always putting on a role.
You don't talk the same way to your father as you do to your children. You don't talk to your boss the same way that you talk to people who work for you on and on.
So in every situation in life, unconsciously most often,

you're kind of crafting how you behave, how people see you, according to the people that you're with. You are an actor.
Some people are conscious actors and they're better at it. Most of us are unconscious.
We just sort of drift through life, kind of playing the role that we think is proper and often making a loss of mistakes. But we are all continually acting.
Even in the moment where you're thinking you're being 100% yourself, there's still an element of acting when there are other people involved. So how would you coach a young person, a young man or woman who thinks, okay, I buy into this notion that we're all playing different roles in different environments to maximize success and reward in those environments.
What do you think is the right training for someone who can establish that social capital faster than their peer group? Well, you have to be self-aware. First of all, you have to be aware of the concept.
So a lot of young people aren't aware of that concept. They think that what matters is just being themselves.
That's just why they get in a lot of trouble. They post things on social media, not realizing that it's going to become public.
People are going to read and they're going to see things about your character. They don't want to be exposed.
So you have to be aware of the phenomenon. That's rule number one.
And once you're aware of the phenomenon, then you realize that people judge you on appearances. Unfortunately, that's just the way things are.
And so you have to manage those appearances. You have to craft them for each particular audience that you're dealing with.
So when you're in the work world, you have to create the mask, if you want to call it that, that fits that environment. Now, yes, you can be creative.
You can be a weirdo. You can dress differently, particularly in the world today.
But still, there are social rules. Still, there are rules.
Still, there are things that you have to conform to. You can't completely be yourself.
You know, I remember I went to Microsoft once to give a talk and everybody there was kind of dressed alike, really buttoned down. And then I worked at American Apparel.
I was on the board of directors there and everybody was, you know, completely dressed differently. And if you look like somebody that dressed in Microsoft, people would have laughed at you.
You were too straight, right? So every place that you deal with has like kind of rules about how people look, how they dress, how they behave. You have to learn how to fit into that environment.
So you have to be self-aware. And you're not the same way when you're at the work world, when you're in the social world.
You kind of change, you shift the mask that you're wearing. But you're aware of the fact that people are judging you on appearances.
And then based on who you're dealing with, because that's just the culture, you're dealing with individuals all the time. You have to kind of be sensitive to who that particular person is and their insecurities and their problems.
And you have to kind of craft the role that you're playing, the acting that you're doing on their personality, their quirks, their tastes, their personalities. It's just a matter of being aware and observing.
If you can become a social observer, if in any environment you can pay deep attention to the people around you and get a kind of an intuitive sense of who they are and what their tastes are like, then you'll be a very successful actor in this game. It goes to one of your themes, and that is a fundamental thing that people need to understand is that people have egos.
Talk a little bit more about that insight and what we see in business and politics or even our personal lives and the role that understanding everyone has an ego plays. Well, you know, everybody has one, as you say.
And a common mistake is to think that somebody who's very powerful, for instance, like your boss, doesn't have an ego because they're so, or doesn't have insecurities. Of course, we know they have an ego, that they don't have insecurities.
That insecurities are very much tied into their ego. So the more ego that you have, the more insecurities that you have.
And so law number one is never outshine the master. So if you try so hard to please people in the company or in the group, the person above you is going to think that you're trying to outdo them, that you're better than they are.
You're triggering their insecurities that's part of their ego, and you're going to be in trouble. And so you have to realize that everybody around you has these insecurities, has these egos.
And instead of inadvertently tripping on them, inadvertently triggering them, which is what a lot of people do in life, you have to be aware that the person you're dealing with has these insecurities, wants to be appreciated, wants to be validation. The great American psychologist William James said that validation is the single greatest human need.
People have this deep desire to be validated for who they are, for the work that they do, for their values, etc. That's a very important part of their ego.
So being aware of that and being aware that you could be inadvertently offending them in some way will really improve that, just being aware of their particular insecurities. And law number one is law number one because I violated it prior to writing the book several times.
And I've accumulated stories from almost everybody that I've dealt with in my life, podcasters, et cetera, people who've come to me for advice. And every single person I've talked to has had stories like that, where they inadvertently made their boss or somebody around them feel insecure and then paid a price for it.
So just be aware that everybody has this, everybody has their insecurities. And the more you can pay attention to that, the less turmoil and drama that you will inadvertently create in your life.
And that really hits because I think a lot about addiction and I think everyone has a certain amount of addiction. And I've recognized that I'm addicted to the affirmation of strangers.
That I think that's probably a component of my success, but I try and modulate it. That if you're too concerned about what people you're not gonna meet, and not concerned enough about the people in your life, you have an issue.
So you suggest that power is a skill, something you can learn. If someone is listening right now and feels powerless, stuck at work, lacking influence, kind of what you described in your late 30s, what's sort of the first mindset shift or kind of cognitive behavior or what actions would you suggest such that they feel they have more agency, more power to get unstuck? Well, I mean, it depends on the circumstances, obviously.

So if there... Do they feel they have more agency, more power to get unstuck? Well, I mean, it depends on the circumstances, obviously.

So if their problem has to do with their career and their job and they're not going anywhere

and that's the source of their powerlessness, then I go back to something that I wrote in

my fourth book, Mastery, and figuring out what your life's task is, what you were meant

to create, what your destiny is, and the career that actually suits you if you're young enough

Thank you. book mastery and figuring out what your life's task is, what you were meant to create, what your destiny is, and the career that actually suits you if you're young enough to make that change.
And heading in the direction that you were suited in is a great source of power. So the feeling I had that almost made me quite suicidal when I was in my 30s was I was powerless because the career choices I had made weren't appropriate for me.
So that can be a major source of powerlessness. The other thing is to just become much more aware of the people around you.
So what's happening in the world today is everybody is turning inward. Everybody is becoming not an introvert, but they're becoming much, much less observant people because they're so locked in their virtual worlds.
They're not paying attention to the kind of nonverbal cues that people are giving. And so the main thing is for power in the social realm is you want to turn that around and put less attention on yourself and more attention on the people that you're dealing with and be excited about that.
So in order to understand the social game, which is the source of power, you have to kind of want it. You have to kind of love being around people and love observing them.
But today, people have become very inward. They're not observing enough, and those kind of skills are degrading.
And when you don't have social skills, when you don't know how to say and be the right kind of person in social situations, you're never going to have power. So it's a matter of becoming a consummate observer of people that I think is the main thing that will turn you around.
Now that's easier said than done, but you have to kind of take baby steps in this. You can't transform yourself overnight into a great social observer.
You have to put yourself out there more in the world. You have to get outside of your virtual worlds.
You have to actually go to bars. You have to go to clubs.
You have to mingle with people. You have to become more social.
Social is a skill. And if you develop

that kind of skill, then the power game becomes much smoother for you. And you understand how to

deal with difficult people, because there are a lot of toxic people out there. You're observing

and you understand the nuances of all the different people that you're dealing with.

So those are some of the things that I would recommend.

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And I worry that there's just millions of young men who aren't developing any social skills other than video games. And if they don't establish those skills by the time they're 30, it's going to hurt them in a lot of dimensions.
Do you have any thoughts on, other than just obviously being more social, do you have any thoughts on government policy or general changes in our culture to help younger people get more socialized and develop those skills you're talking

about? I don't know if there's necessarily a program, a government program that would cover it because as you say, it is a cultural problem. It's more a matter of technology is really at fault here.
So for instance, when it comes to dating, and I hate sounding like I'm somebody so old that I'm kind of preaching from another era or something, but in the era where you just date by swiping on a phone, you're not going out there, you're not putting yourself out there and having that possibility of rejection and having to deal with people in the flesh and seeing them and having eye-to-eye contact

and having to kind of impress somebody for the first time without, you know, it takes a lot of guts to do that. So technology is a lot of the problem.
And so my advice, particularly to young men, is to try and go on a diet, to try and reduce that, and just tell yourself quite simply that if you don't do this,

if you don't get out of your pornography,

your pornography, your video games, your addictions to your phone, and stop spending so much time on them, then you're messing with your own brain. And by the time you're 30, you're going to have lots and lots of problems.
It's really holding you back in life. And so if you are ambitious, like I was when I was younger, if you're not ambitious, then none of this advice will have any impact on you.
But if you are ambitious, realize that you're sabotaging yourself. You're holding yourself back.
And so I don't think any program will help on that level because the tech companies have so much power, they have so much money that they're not going to disarm themselves. They're not going to agree to any of these things.
It has to be up to you as an individual to make a decision that this is destroying my brain. This is destroying my life.
It's not making me a social animal, right? And so I have to let go of it. You can't go cold turkey.
You can't suddenly throw away all your technology. It has to be, as I say, kind of a diet.
You have to go say, all right, I'm going to reduce it for an hour. I'm on the thing for like four hours a day.
I'm going to try and reduce it an hour, slowly, bit by bit by bit, and I'm going to force myself to go out in the world. It can't be something that somebody foists upon you.
It has to be an individual decision. Of course, if it gets some momentum and you see your friends doing this, I think then maybe it could turn into a kind of a cultural movement.
And my hope is, because we are humans, because we're animals at heart, that a point will be reached where young people will be really fed up with this and will have a hunger for more social interactions. I might be

being a bit Pollyannish there, but I think a point like that could be reached and then it could turn

into a cultural movement. I hope so.
Let's move on to seduction. Speak about the differences between

cold seducers and warm seducers. A cold seducer is generally a man, but it could be a woman.
In the past, courtesans were cold seductresses, and the coquette is a typical cold seductress. But a cold seducer is basically able to control themselves to a high degree, their interest is either they want

something out of the other person. For a man, that will generally be sex back in the day, back 100 years ago, and it still persists today to some degree.
For a woman, it could be getting money, right? But they want something out of it or marriage or whatever it is. And so their heart isn't really into it.
They're in there for something else. And so in order to do that,

in order to do that, in order to make that successful, they have to be very good actors. Because if somebody is trying to seduce you and you detect that there's a manipulation involved, if you detect that they're cold, that at heart they're after something, after they want sex or they want money or they want marriage, it's very hard for you to fall under their spell.
So the cold seducer is a bit of a paradox because they know how to make it seem like they're interested in you. They know how to make it seem like they love you and they draw you into their world.
And when they get what they want, then that's the power that they have.

Whereas a hot seducer is somebody who is genuinely, absolutely seduced first by the

other person that they're seducing.

And those are kind of the best seductions.

So you fall in love with somebody, you're so interested in them, but they're not maybe

interested in you.

Now, in order to get them to like you or to love you, you have to seduce them. You have to draw them into your world.
You have to go through some of the things that I talk about in the book. But you're emotionally engaged.
You're hot. You're after them.
You want that. And once you get them involved, then that kind of back and forth of both of you being kind of emotionally engaged creates a really beautiful dynamic and things can proceed.
But it all comes down to what you're after and the level of emotional engagement that you have with the other person. I love that.
We talk a lot about that sexual desire, while it's been pathologized, can be a wonderful thing that can turn you into a better man. make you want to be kinder, make you want to be more successful, make you want to groom, make you want to dress better, make you willing to take risks, make you a better man.
We're pivoting around, you had a lot of books we want to touch on here. You said in your book, Mastery, where you said it was a way of showing there's more to success than just power and seduction, that real fulfillment takes

time and depth. What were you seeing in society that made you want to deliver this message? Well, I was seeing the fact that we live in a culture that's so technologically proficient that people weren't paying attention to what actually made success in life, which is your brain.
And the brain is this insane instrument.

It's incredibly powerful, incredibly complex, incredibly beautiful. And it has a certain kind of inclination, what I call a grain to it.
And when you work with the grain of the brain, I'm sorry for the priming there, but when you work with it, amazing things can happen. You can flourish.
You can become very creative. You can reach that level of mastery.
And my worry and my concern was that with technology, people are relying so much on other things that they're not, they think everything is easy. Everything can be fast.
That if I want power or success, I can hack my way to it. I can get into cryptocurrency, and in a month I can make a million dollars, and then I can do this, I can do that, I can do that.
All these illusions. Whereas the truth of it is, true mastery, which is a beautiful thing to attain in any field, is something that lasts for 10, 20, 30 years.
And it takes time, and it takes effort. It takes years of work.
It takes a point of an apprenticeship of maybe the proverbial 10,000 hours, although some of that has been debunked. But it takes a lot of work.
It takes a lot of effort. And people don't want to hear that.
They want to hear that I could do it in four hours a week. I could master something.

I want a hack.

I want a drug.

I want something to give it to me quickly.

So my concern was people don't understand how the human brain works.

It's so simple that when you spend time learning something, something that you love and that interests you, amazing powers start emerging from that.

What do you think separates, in addition to the 10,000 hours, someone who's a real master versus just average? And how do you think young people can try to sort through a lot of the, sort the signal from the noise and find something that they have the potential to be a master at? I think mastery creates reward. I've always found, don't follow your passion, follow your talent, where you can develop mastery.
Help young people. A lot of people will say, how do I find my mastery? Well, the first part of your question, I mean, some people will spend 20,000 hours, just put a number on it, and they don't end up becoming a master.

So this man wrote to me, said, I've been a painter for my whole life. I've been painting for 40 years.
I'm in my 50s now, and I'm not a master. So Robert, that debunked your idea.
And what I tell him, my answer to that is, it's not a question of hours. It's a question of intensity.
What makes a master is somebody who by the time they're 25 have put in the amount of work that you put in by the time you're in your 50s. Because the human brain is most creative and most fluid when you are younger.
And when you, so you want to build those hours in that intense practice and discipline when you were younger, because that's when you were most creative. So that by the time you have put in a lot of hours and things start clicking in your brain, you're 29, you're 30, the brain is fluid, things are happening, you've got energy, amazing things will happen.
It won't happen. It can't happen, but it won't be as likely to happen when you're in your 50s and 60s.
You're more set in your ways, you're more rigid, your brain is slowing down. So it has to be a function of intensity.
But when it comes to finding your life's task, which is the first chapter of mastery, and quite frankly, to me, it's the most important thing in life, even in power of all the books that I've written, it's the most important thing for anyone to find in life. Because when you find out what you were meant to create, what your task is, what you say your talent lies in, there has to be, of course, an element of love in it.
The whole world just opens up, right? You will gain power. You will find, you will be good in the seduction game.
Men or women will come to you because you have, you're moving in the direction that your brain wants you to move in. You're learning quickly.
You're becoming creative and you fulfill, you know, your dreams from when you were younger. I think the worst feeling for people that I've found, the most tragic thing is to get into your 50s and tell yourself, God, I could have been something else.

I went down a wrong path. I could have found what I wanted to find.
And I didn't do it because I

listened to other people, because I was more interested in money than I was interested in

mastery. And it's a regret and it's too late at that point.
So it's a function of emotional, and we talked about this in seduction, it's almost the key for everything, is your emotional engagement. So you're not going to learn, you're not going to put in those 10,000 hours or whatever it is that's required if you don't actually love or have some degree of interest

that's very deep and profound.

So if you're told to become a lawyer because that's what your parents told you to do,

but it doesn't connect to you emotionally, you could spend 100,000 hours as a lawyer,

but you're never going to reach a point of mastery because it doesn't connect to you.

The brain learns fastest when you're in love with what you're learning. So you've got to figure out what that is.
And it's a process. It's not easy.
It's not like I could give you a formula to tell you how to do that tomorrow. You have to go through a process of introspection.
You have to look at things that really, really, truly excite you. The great psychologist Abraham Maslow talked about impulse voices in infants.
Infants have these voices inside of them say, I like this food, I don't like that food. I like this activity, I hate that activity.
It's not something that they can verbalize. It's something very deep inside of them.
And all of us have these impulse voices when we're very young, but we stop listening to them as we get older and we lose touch with what we really like and what we really don't like. We're listening too much to other people, particularly in the era of social media.
So a lot of figuring out your life's task is getting rid of all that noise,

of getting rid of what everybody is telling you.

It's getting rid of what the culture is telling you.

It's getting rid of what people in social media are telling you.

And it's listening to yourself and listening to what you love.

I mean, I could go on for hours and hours,

and I wrote a book on it about your life's task,

because there are other things I could talk about,

but I don't want to take up all our time. But the main thing is going into yourself and not listening to other people that will help you get there.
One of the things we talk a lot about here is storytelling, and you're such a great communicator and storyteller. What advice do you have for someone who wants to develop their skills as a storyteller? Well, I'm glad you brought that up because I take that very seriously.
It's what I work the hardest at because it is my belief that a book or any kind of idea, people are resistant to. There's so much pain involved.
I've got to read 30 pages. I have to listen to somebody on a podcast.
It's too painful. But when you tell a story, all of those resistances go down, and people want to enter into it, and they want to hear it, and they want to hear what the ending is.
They want to hear what the moral of the story is. It's a brilliant way to seduce people into your idea, to trick them into it in a way.
And so this kind of storytelling that I do is you don't want to be overwhelming people with fancy words, right? I hate people who overwrite. I hate people who think that they're so clever that they can be all into like the language itself.
You must think that a story is a form of communication. You are communicating something through your story.
The idea, the premise, the thesis, whatever it is that you're trying to communicate. Get rid of all that extra verbiage and be direct and tell the story in a plain pared down fashion.
To me, it's much more powerful. Then keep aware that in each paragraph of your story, people are either engaging or they're disengaging.
You want to keep them moving inside that story, almost like a landscape that you're leading them through so that they don't deviate and go off and are bored. So each moment you have to think, am I engaging the reader?

Am I making them want to go on?

How do I do that?

How do I create suspense?

How do I make them feel

that there's something coming up

that they want to keep finding out,

but that in the end isn't what they expected

because the surprise or the unexpected

is the most powerful form of storytelling.

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Make time for you time. We're back with more from Robert Green.
On the Diary of the CEO, you said you've come to terms with your own narcissism, irrationality, grandiosity, and aggression. All under the auspices of talking about masculinity.
What did that process teach you about what it means to be a man in today's world? Well, I grew up in a different era. Now, my father, because our fathers have a big influence on our concepts of masculinity, and my father, he was a very quiet man.
He wasn't boisterous. He wasn't out there.
He wasn't like performative masculinity, which is what we see a lot of nowadays. He was very quiet.
He was a salesman. He worked at a job for 40 years of his life.
He was very solid, but he was really good with people. And so my idea came from him, which is a kind of a quiet strength, a kind of calmness, a kind of the ability to not get freaked out about everything, to not be so emotional and yelling, and to just be calm and centered and kind of infect other people with that calmness.
So my idea of masculinity had very much to do with him. And then, of course, from that, there were icons in the culture at the time, like a person like John F.
Kennedy, who had this kind of quality, that charisma, very calm, but very confident, kind of projected it. And it was very, very, to me, that was kind of my icon of masculinity growing up, even though I was like five or six years old at that time.
But he had a huge impact on the 60s. So these icons, these role players play a huge part in forming your idea of what it means to be a man.
And today, the role players, the people, the icons that we look up to don't have those qualities at all. They're very performative.
They're very emotional. They're very aggressive.
They're about being in your face. It's kind of this idea of the more I show how aggressive and masculine I am, that is how masculine I am.
But it's a farce. It's a total con game.
The more people, this is what my father told me, the more you're out there aggressive, pushing, the more you're revealing your deep, deep insecurities. You're actually a little baby, a little child inside of it.
You're not strong. You're not calm.
You're not centered. You're not masculine.
You're performing what you think it is, but you're not feeling it. And when it's the Andrew Tates of the world and the others, whose names I won't mention for reasons, I don't want to get in trouble.
You know, if those are all of your icons, then you're lost because you think that that's what

matters. And the problem is, is it's going to cause you so many issues in life because it's a quality that in the end puts people off.
It might work here and there in some environments, but you're going to be offending more people than you're getting allies on your side. So So, I don't know if I'm answering the question or not, but the problem for us today is these icons that we have.
We don't have anymore. They're kind of calm, quiet, centered, kind of rational sort of icon of masculinity anymore.
To me, if I think of a movie, because I love watching old movies, I think of Gary Cooper in High Noon, one of my favorite movies. And he has to face all of these stressful situations, these people trying to kill him.
He's got really good values. He's there to protect other people.
He's going to get rid of these horrible people who are invading this town. But he's not hysterical.
He's not violent. He's just doing what he needs to do to get the job done.
We don't have those anymore in our culture, and it's really, really sad. It's really depressing.
I don't know what I could do personally to bring that back, but I think that's the source of the problem. Did I answer your question? You did your best, but this is a difficult question to answer.
I'm writing a book on masculinity and trying to outline an aspirational vision of masculinity without it digressing into something that feels sexist or misogynist, that tries to take the best of what the Gary Cooper masculinity, but also evolve it, the world has changed and that there's some wonderful things about the progress women have made that we we don't want to diminish and we also don't want to don't want in any way not acknowledge the immense challenges women still face but but there is a notion that the way i see it the far right wants masculinity to be cruel and coarse the far left wants masculinity to act more like a woman. And there's got to be something different than both of those things.
Definitely. I completely agree with you.
But one thing that you mentioned there is part of that masculinity is being very respectful of women and not feeling like they're this inferior species that you need to protect them and control them that that certainly doesn't work in our era but that's never was to me that kind of icon i'm speaking of masculinity but to create something that's not on the right or the left it has to be your things like your books will help a lot um i find though that things, which, of course, I'm going to be slightly guilty of here, doesn't really work so well.

So you have to find ways to kind of seduce people into other roles and other ways of being, which is why I say if we had people in our culture that would kind of embody this new 21st century form of masculinity.

It would really help if we saw those kind of figures in our films, our television shows, and the books that we read, or whatever our culture is. It would really help.
But we have the opposite. We have the rap stars.
We have the politicians. We have the movie actors.
It seems all about just being cruel, if you say. So I'm a bit pessimistic about this in the present.
Maybe you can help me. Maybe your book will help.
It seems like a lot of young men are really struggling and lost. What advice would you have for younger men or parents or single mothers of younger men who are struggling? Do you have any sort of best practices around coaching young men?

well i have mentored a few and there are a couple that i'm dealing with right now and it's very difficult because the culture is against them and i try to first of all i think the example that you

set as a And it's very difficult because the culture is against them. And I try to, first of all, I think the example that you set, as I said with my father, the kind of calmness, the energy that you have is very, very powerful.
It communicates in a very direct way. So if you're saying that, you know, truly being masculine is having a degree of self-control, but you don't demonstrate that self-control, then they get the opposite lesson from it.
So you have to display these values. But in one particular instance, to deal with kind of like a cultural issue, this is a young man who's incredibly bright, incredibly ambitious.
And I, first of all, tell them that ambition is really good because a lot of young men don't have enough ambition. And ambition is a very much testosterone-driven masculine trait that's actually extremely positive, as long as it's channeled in the right way.
He has a lot of ambition, and I completely, completely enforce that and confirm it.

So that's a very positive value.

But some of the issues are he's trying to do so many different things.

He's got so many different games going on at the same time.

And I see a lot of young men who do have this kind of quality, this kind of ambition.

They think that they can do like seven different kind of hacks where they're going to get power and money etc tied hustles yeah hustles and i say no you know i'm trying to tell them no that's that's a that's a recipe for disaster because you're not going to develop enough skill in one of them and what is the common thread of all these things i keep trying to come back to it and i can't really that common thread. The other thing that happens a lot is they're in such a hurry to make a lot of money.
And it's kind of, I don't know if it has to do with Andrew Tate, but it's kind of that cultural thing that making a lot of money shows that you're masculine because now you've got that fancy car that you can impress women with, and you've got the clothes, etc. that's that's going to lead you down the wrong path so it's not money that matters it's not making a lot of money it's developing yourself it's developing your skill and getting a lot of knowledge and and taking being patient just be patient that's another trait that that I think could be one of these.

You know, the part of the problem here is that when you say that they're masculine, you're saying that women aren't that way. And I please, that's a real false form of reasoning about what I'm saying.
I'm not implying that women are impatient or that women don't have self-control. We're just talking about qualities that I think are masculine virtues.
but being patient, being willing to take your 20s and not make a million dollars, but actually develop yourself and develop skills and develop your character and develop discipline is much more important than six or seven figures. So a lot of it for me in dealing with young men is calming them down, making them patient, and making them grounded in certain values that have kind of been lost in the 21st century.
Values of doing things a bit slowly, values of taking your time, values about, you know, being considerate of other people and not pushing them around, being empathetic, things that are kind of lost. So I do mentor young men and I recognize very deeply the problems that they're dealing with.
And I probably would have shared these problems if I had been growing up now. You've been very generous with your time, so I'm going to wrap up here with just a quick lightning round.
Oh dear, I hate these. There you go.
Sorry, boss. Best piece of advice you've received? Well, best piece of advice was I was in the 90s.
I was in a very depressed part of my life, and I was trying to have it both ways. I was trying to have my cake and eat it too.
I was trying to be creative and in the movie business, and I was trying to make a lot of money.

And my girlfriend at the time, who I'm still with, she said, Robert, you have to choose.

You can't have both.

You have to choose doing what you love and being creative, and then maybe money will come.

Or you have to give that all up and just make money.

She was right.

And I erred on the side of doing what I love and being creative, which was writing the book book that i wrote and then all the money came in so that was the best advice i was getting the last piece of media you streamed or read that kind of moved you or resonated oh wow i i i've been reading um uh i've been reading a couple a lot of articles about um kind of what's happening in the world right now, things in the Atlantic Monthly, which I subscribe to, which has a lot of very interesting thoughts, not all of them, but very interesting thoughtful articles, and I was reading one by, I forget her name, Anne Applebaum maybe it is, She writes some very brilliant stuff, and she's kind of diagnosing the authoritarian turn that America is taking, but that it's part of a global trend. And I love people who kind of connect what we're living through now with kind of history, because I think history tells us more than we think about what's happening in the present.
So I was very impressed with that article. This should have been a longer conversation.
We're going to try and sum it up into a quick, crisp answer. Current state of power, autocracy in the world right now and in the U.S., do you think it gets gets worse? Well, it's, it's certainly in a very bad state right now.
Um, and, uh, but if you read a lot of history, like I do, things turn and it's, it's hard for us to see in the moment. And there've been other moments like this, they're very chaotic and people freak out.
We're going through a freak out right now. So things could very well turn in five or six years.
And particularly if this economy crashes and we go through very hard times, there could be a turn towards something else. And I'm not giving you a short answer, but I'm reading right now about the French Revolution.
And the French french revolution nobody expected it nobody thought it

was coming it was a complete shock in a matter of two months the whole thing fell apart these

things can happen very quickly and i think they will something like that not the french revolution

something similar could happen in in five or six years to throw that out if you could go back and speak to someone you've lost, who would it be and what would you say to them? Oh, God. The two people I've lost the most was my father.
And I would tell him that, you know, he was alive for my first book, so we saw that success, because he was getting kind of worried about me. And I would tell him, Dad, you didn't believe in me all of these years.
I mean, you were very loving and all that, but I could sense that you were doubting. And as it comes out, I've made more money than you've ever made in your life.
I'm not bragging, but because I stuck to my goals and my desires and what I love, I ended up being very, very successful. And I have you to thank for that, for the patience that you disciplined, that you instilled in me.
I think we should leave it there. Robert Green is an author who writes about strategy, power, and seduction.
He has written seven international bestsellers, including The 48 Laws of Power, The Art of Seduction, The 33 Strategies of War, Mastery, and The Daily Laws. He joins us from his home in Los Angeles.
Is that correct, Robert? Yes, I am. Los Feliz.
So I can't tell you just how impressed I am with you. And I just think you're doing such good work.
And I love how measured you are. I don't know if you are.
You strike me as kind. You strike me as trying to help people.
You strike me as fearless. I really do.
You're a real inspiration for those of us out there trying to be fearless, have an impact, have a footprint, trying to help people. I think you're just fantastic at what you do, and you're doing great work.
It was really a pleasure. Like I said, you have been, I can check off the top of the list of who I wanted on this podcast.
Really appreciate your time. Wow, I'm really honored to hear that.
Thank you so much. That means a lot to me, and I really look forward to seeing this book that you're writing.
Thanks, Robert.

This episode was produced by Jennifer Sanchez. Drew Burrows is our technical director.
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