How Much Money You Need to Be Happy, Returning After Parental Leave, and Imposter Syndrome

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This is the part of the show where we answer your questions about business, big tech, entrepreneurship, and whatever else is on your mind.

If you'd like to submit a question for next time, you can send a voice recording to officehours at profitgymedia.com.

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What a thrill.

First question.

Hey, Prof G,

long time listener, first time caller, and as an American living in London, I also want to say it's been really great to get your insight on life abroad.

My question is around building wealth.

You talk a lot about how money can bring happiness up to a certain extent and over a certain threshold, it doesn't make you any happier.

But it seems the more I get smart about investing and learn to save and just generally provide for my family and my future, I become a little bit more obsessed with money than I'd like to be.

And it also seems that in order to become truly wealthy, like you said in the past, you do have to kind of be obsessed with it.

You have to learn how to build money and talk about money and think about money.

But the more I think about money, I find the less happier it makes me.

How do I strike a balance?

And is this something that you advise?

Do we all have to be economic animals to use a word that you've used before?

And is there a way to become comfortably wealthy in this world without being overly obsessed with it?

Thanks for all you do again.

Thanks for your response.

Oh, gosh, we're going to need a bigger boat.

I would argue you are where you're supposed to be, or you are what is expected of you.

You sound like a young man.

First off, I think men should take economic responsibility for their household, or assume that they're going to be the economic

driver of their household.

And sometimes, quite frankly, that means getting out of the way and being more supportive of your partner if he or she happens to be better at this whole money thing than you.

My partner was working at Goldman Sachs and I was starting my business, making a lot more money than me.

We had two babies at home, struggling to feel economically secure in New York.

But being economically obsessed or focused is probably a better word, I think is very important for a young man.

You are going to be unfairly, disproportionately evaluated based on your economic power.

I have two addictions.

I'm addicted to money and I'm addicted to the affirmation of others.

I think it's important to do an assessment of your addiction.

Addiction is an instinctual response to things that are traditionally there's a dearth of, whether it's salty, food, sugar, and money.

And my addiction to money and the affirmation of others has haunted me for a long time.

I didn't grow up with a lot of money.

I very soon figured out that if I wanted my mom to have the health care that she needed, I would need to make money.

I figured out that being more interesting to other men and more attractive to women meant making a lot of money, and I became obsessed with it.

And quite frankly, it cost me my hair, it cost me my first marriage, and it was worth it.

In a capitalist society, money offers you opportunities, better health care, better health, more opportunities for your kids.

So I'm not sure being obsessed with it is a bad thing at your age.

And this notion of balance, and this is kind of where your question goes, how do I maintain balance?

I think balance is a myth.

I think you just kind of decide when you're going to have balance.

I have a lot of balance now because I had almost none when I was your age.

I just worked all the time.

I worked for 25 years.

And by the way, it's not necessarily the right way.

It's my way, but it may not be the right way.

This is what it means to be economically secure.

You can easily easily cover your living expenses and

your burn at some point, rich, going from economically secure to rich, is your burn is less than your passive income.

So you get to a point where you have enough money in the bank, where assuming a 6% return, that covers your burn.

So, what people constantly focus on is how much money they make.

Well, no, it's not even that.

It's how much money you save and have invested that's spending off passive income.

And what people really don't focus on is how much they spend.

My father, between his Royal Navy pension and Social Security, made about $48,000 a year and spent, I think, $42,000.

And he's rich.

Didn't need to, you know, anything he did was not about money.

I have another friend who is, and I use this example a lot, the head of a large division, 1,200 people of a bulge bracket investment bank, makes between $3 and $10 million a year, sometimes $1,200 or $15 million.

And between his ex-wife, his NetJets card, his home in the Hamptons, his master of the universe lifestyle, which he believes understandably is entitled to, hasn't been able to save a lot of money.

And there's no way he's close to the passive income required for his burn.

So economic security is a function of your ability to save money, not even necessarily how much you make, but how much you save, and then your ability to manage your burn.

I don't think it's unhealthy to be obsessed.

Now, in terms of day-to-day,

what I tried to do when I had little kids was have blocks of time where I tried to put the phone away and try to be focused on the family and the kids, but also also having alignment with your partner.

All right, we are going to sacrifice some level of economic trajectory to spend more time with the kids and each other.

So that means we need to lower our burn.

I think where there's misalignment sometimes is one partner believes.

You know, I used to have a lot of tension with my partner.

I'm like, no one's going to pay me $3 million a year to come home and stare into your fucking eyes and hang out with the kids all day.

If that sounds angry, I used to get very angry that I was working so goddamn hard for our family, I thought, and any like amount of shit that I wasn't spending enough time with the family, it's like, well, connect the fucking dots.

There's that anger again.

There's that anger again.

But as I've gotten older, I realized, okay, at a certain point, the whole reason you want economic security is to free you up from the anxiety of relationships.

And what would be a tragedy is to get to any reasonable semblance of economic security and not take advantage of that and enjoy time with your family.

And also, at the end of your life, you're going to be totally focused on what was good or not so good about your relationship.

So money is just a means to an end to take stress out of those key relationships.

So one, along the way, trying to find blocks of time during the day or during the year, I have someone very close in my life that has been working on a project for so long and is constantly not making trips.

And I'm

okay.

At some point, you realize you're going to drop dead and all you will have done is like not done shit with your family such that you could, you know, try and get this economic security that just always seems to be, you know, just outside of your grasp.

So, making a practice, whether it's date night, night feedings with your kids, just certain times where you are going to be really engaged.

So, what do you want to get to?

You want to get to that point where you can sit down and evaluate what is really important to me.

And, spoiler alert, it's relationships and finding the time and the energy and taking some of that capital out of your work life, which is a position of privilege which most people never get to, and focus on what's really important.

Anyways, my brother, trade-offs and alignment with your partner.

Thanks very much for the question.

Question number two.

Hey, Scott, Ashley here from Sweden.

I'm really loving the podcast.

Thank you for all the work you do supporting young men.

It's been really eye-opening to listen to the podcast and listen to your speeches over the years.

And it's given me a lot of nuggets of wisdom that I try to spread and share as much as I can and live by myself.

I'm coming to the end of nine months of parental leave.

It's one of the luxuries of living in Sweden.

I have loved it.

It has been wonderful.

I would do this all the time if we could economically afford it.

And I'm sure a lot of others would.

I'm not nervous to go back to work per se, and I'm not work shy in any way whatsoever.

I have a good job, good salary.

Everything ticks along as it should.

But I am lacking a sense of motivation or purpose, I guess, in this example.

I think it's just because of changing context and coming from something so meaningful to something that might take me a while to get back into.

What would be your tips for me settling settling back in?

I appreciate you don't know anything about the role itself, but what would be your tips to really stand out again and make myself relevant after this long break?

Thank you so much.

Such an interesting question.

And the honest answer is I have no experience here.

I didn't take two weeks off in a row until I was like 45.

So you've kind of gone into a different ecosystem and developed a different set of skills.

And now you've been asked to kind of go play, you know, you were an F1 driver, then you went and became a tennis star.

And now you got to go back to being an F1 driver.

So it's going to be, it's going to be an adjustment.

You know, I'm not sure I have any real insight other than try and get into it, realize it's going to be difficult, try and have an honest conversation with your partner around what's easy or not so easy.

But the reality, whenever we have someone go out on maternity leave, I say there's a one in three chance, and there's data here that after six months, they decide they can't.

They want to be at home and they leave, especially if they're fortunate or blessed enough to have a partner who's doing well economically.

That doesn't happen as much with men.

I don't think they feel the same pull.

Now, that's not to say all men.

Everyone's a little bit different.

But what would be my advice?

I don't know.

You know, try and be patient with yourself, forgive yourself, realize it's going to be an adjustment.

You know what I would say?

I would say people remember the beginning and the ends.

Now, what do I mean by that?

When you come back, I would make a real effort the first 30 days to kind of really bring your A-game, work really hard, take people out to to coffees, reestablish your brand, really kind of come to play.

It's a bit of a reset button.

The Etch of Sketch has been shaken over the last nine months.

People sort of forget you and your brand, and they won't remember how you show up, at least initially, the perception of you.

So I would really write down, okay, what do I want to change about my perceptions at work, my strengths, the way I equip myself at work, and use this as an opportunity to try and really reestablish and strengthen your brand because the first 30 days back will have a disproportionate impact on people.

Also, not as relevant to you, but relevant to young people, people also remember how you leave.

I always said if you walk out the door, go to another job, really resist the temptation to stick up the middle finger or not bring it.

Do everything you can to be gracious and really leave on good terms because people remember how you leave.

I remember working at Morgan Stanley and our most talented analyst left after three years and said some unkind words or which were probably true about her bosses.

And I thought, three years working her ass off and her brand is basically dictated by the fact she was a bit of a jerk on the way out the door.

Anyways, my only advice here: write down what you like about your brand at work, what you don't like, what you're going to improve, and try and really cement those associations, those aspirational associations in your first 30 days back and realize it's going to be an adjustment.

But Jesus Christ, nine months off?

Let's all move to Sweden.

Jesus, good for you, man.

Good for you.

Anyway, sorry, not more insightful here.

Thanks for the question.

We'll be right back after a quick break.

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welcome back our final question is from reddit prov wfls says

Hi, Prof.

G.

You often speak about your upbringing with a single mother and how it affected you early in life.

I come from a similar background and have been able to find professional success after some early missteps in life.

Today, I find myself in my first corporate role where I am often in rooms full of executives and more senior managers.

As I navigate this, I notice that most of these people are much colder and more serious than I'm used to, and I sometimes have trouble engaging with them.

That has led me into what I will call class-based imposter syndrome.

I have the feeling that I am not adhering to some unspoken cultural norms that more wealthy, educated people can instantly pick up on.

Am I overthinking this?

What was your experience like as a successful person with a working-class background?

And do you have any thoughts on how I can overcome these feelings as I adjust to this new role?

Thanks, Dan from New York.

Dan, imposter syndrome is something we all have.

Every context I've ever been in,

whether I, you know, I fooled them getting into UCLA, I fooled them getting a job in Morgan Stanley, I fooled them getting into graduate school.

That's just natural.

And you should have a little bit of imposter syndrome because if you're not in rooms where you sort of don't deserve to be in, you're not trying that hard.

The last thing you want to do is be overqualified or the most qualified person in the room.

I always joke that if I'm, you know, I need to be the oldest and least best looking or ugliest person in any room I want to be in.

You also want to be a little bit intimidated.

And everyone, not everyone, but the majority of people who get into UCLA or end up in a job or end up in a conference room with senior level executives feel a little bit like they fooled them unless they're arrogant or associopaths.

So that's a natural inclination.

What you generally find out is that there's a reason you're there.

And

I do think it's a little bit different for a man.

And that is, I think that corporate America is so sick of the underned privilege that men have garnered for the last, you know, several thousand, much less several decades in the U.S.,

that there is...

I find generally speaking, when you're in a new environment, you want to try and listen a decent amount and choose your words carefully.

I just think an economy of words, especially among men right now, is really appreciated, who tend to, at least in the meetings I was in in the 80s, 90s, and odds, dominate a conversation.

So

how do you get past this?

You kind of do the work.

And that is, Muhammad Ali used to say that all his fights were won outside the ring, that it was training and he hated every minute of it.

But it's true.

We see the 100-meter dash, right?

But Hussein Bolt trained for 25 years and was in the gym and eating the right foods and stretching and doing all this work, such that that, whatever it is, nine or 10-second race would look amazing.

I would say that for the first six or 12 months, until you're really confident about

what you're saying in these meetings, that the way you show up is by training like crazy.

And that is really show yourself outside of those meetings.

And that is a certain level of work, certain level of decency, be seen as a team player, constantly advocate for others and compliment others and share credit.

And observe, kind of read the room for a while.

Whenever I go into a new setting, what I have found out, and one of the mistakes I made as a younger man, was I assumed that I found out that I was smarter than I thought, and they weren't as dumb as I had hoped.

And that is, I'd make these big sweeping statements and insights and then realize, like, okay,

that's just not accurate, or they already thought of this.

Let me rewind.

It's natural to have imposter syndrome.

If you have imposter syndrome, it means you're in the right room because you're in a room of impressive people.

They have you there for a reason.

In terms of the first six months, 12 months, listen more than you speak and also do your training and your stretching and your weightlifting and all of your eating well outside of the room, which is work hard, advocate for others, be a great team player.

And then you'll kind of, you're going to find your spot in those meetings and know when you can add value and know when you can't.

And try and not give into the inclination when you're first in a senior meeting of trying to show how smart you are and watch yourself speak.

I do that all the time.

And that is, I say shit in board meetings where I say it because I think it'll make me look smart as opposed to, does this really add value?

Are people going to learn from this comment?

Or am I just trying, am I just watching myself speak?

Trying not to watch yourself speak.

Generally, say when you're curious or you want questions or have something to contribute

and do your training

outside of the meeting.

But imposter syndrome, that's just a healthy part of meaning you're making progress and you're ambitious.

Thanks for the question.

That's all for this episode.

If you'd like to submit a question, please email a voice recording to officehours at propgmedia.com.

Again, that's officehours at propgmedia.com.

Or if you prefer to ask on Reddit, just post your question on the Scott Galloway subreddit, and we just might feature it in an upcoming episode.

This episode was produced by Jennifer Sanchez.

Our assistant producer is Laura Jannair.

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Thank you for listening to the Prop GPod from Prop G Media.