Unmasking Leadership Myths: Lessons from NCIS Special Investigator | Rebecca Fitzsimmons

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There's not some secret code or hack that successful people do than others.

It's insight without action.

It's useless.

It's knowledge is great, but it's not power.

It's potential power.

I know a lot of things, but I'm not doing it.

I'm not living it.

I'm not executing, moving.

What good is it?

Let's go.

Yeah, make it look, make it look, make it look easy.

The Ryan Hanley show shares the original ideas, habits, and mindsets of world-class original thinkers you can use to produce extraordinary results in your life and business.

This is the way.

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the show.

Today, we have a tremendous conversation for you, a mind-blowing conversation for you with Rebecca Fitzsimmons.

She's a former NCIS special agent, now turned holistic leadership coach.

And what holistic means is not just approaching the technical or business aspects of our leadership, but also looking into our mind, our body, and how that plays a role in our success as leaders.

I guarantee at least one of the ideas that Rebecca shares is going to get you tilting your head and jotting down notes because this one is filled with value.

And I mean filled.

This is one of the best leadership conversations that I've ever had on this show.

So just get prepared for that.

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I love you for watching this show.

I love you for listening to this show.

I love you for being part of this community.

And my ask

is that you share the show.

If you enjoy this content, if Rebecca brings value, if our conversation brings any kind of joy or value to your life, please share the show.

It means a tremendous amount to me.

I love you for being here.

Let's get on to Rebecca Fitzsimmons.

Rebecca, hi.

It's great to have you on the show.

Wonderful to be here, Ryan.

Thank you for having me.

Yeah,

in researching what you're doing, I love kind of your approach.

I love how you weave dogs into your work.

I think you have this unique style.

But

I guess, you know, and this is probably where a lot of people start, but I'm just so interested.

How do you become an NCIS special agent?

Like, how do you, how does that career path take shape?

Yeah,

so for me,

it started with my degree, which is in forensic and investigative science.

And as a part of that program, I had to have a mandatory completion of an internship requirement.

So I was kind of looking at, you know, crime labs and traditionally where you think, you know, crime scene investigation, things of that nature.

And I had a buddy who's now an FBI agent say, hey, Rebecca, Rebecca, have you heard of NCIS?

You'd be great.

And I'm like, what's NCIS?

Because this was before the TV show.

Yeah, yeah.

And I looked into it.

I'm like, oh, I can weave in, you know, my crime scene investigation and forensic science and that analytical nature with all of the other amazing things, that investigation, that curiosity, and all the things that I leaned into.

So that was kind of the beginning of the end, so to speak.

So I applied.

I got it.

I had an internship at the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland.

Absolutely loved everything about being a special agent and supporting our warfighters and the global footprint.

And my spirit is very adventurous.

I want to travel.

I want to see the world.

I love our country.

I love our military.

So that's how it kind of molded and took shape.

And a couple years later, I was an NCIS agent traveling the world.

And it's been amazing.

It's been amazing.

They make TV shows about you.

They do.

They do make TV shows about us.

And I try not to watch it, but, you know, it's all good.

Yeah.

Do you, is it hard?

I mean, have you ever watched the show?

Like, is it hard to not like pick apart reality from

what's in the show?

Yeah, for sure.

I mean, and I will say the show and the producers are amazing.

I've had the opportunity to consult with the show because they mirror our criminal investigations and other things to make it as real as possible.

So I have a lot of respect for them, and I've met some of the actors and actresses.

So, it's been wonderful.

But I would say, yeah, it is kind of funny when you watch NCIS or any type of show that has a crime scene investigation.

And I laugh because I'm like, wow, I wish I could get results back within three minutes.

Or, you know, I wave my wand and everything is, you know, solved within, you know, how long are the shows?

45 minutes, an hour.

That would be nice.

But that's not not reality.

So it's lighthearted, but I do enjoy watching it every now and then.

What was it originally drew you to the investigation process, law enforcement in general, and just being in that world?

Oh, great question.

I haven't been asked this in a long time.

My uncle and aunt were in law enforcement in my very tiny town in northeastern Ohio.

And I always had so much respect for what they do.

And it wasn't really until kind of, as I indicated earlier, when I was in college and that internship that really showcased everything that I was interested in and my skill set, what I was really good at.

I'm a very curious person, very inquisitive.

I like to ask questions.

I like to learn.

I like to lean in.

coupled with helping people.

And it's, you know, very my one of my core values and things that, you know, my North Star in life is I love impacting others.

I love supporting and helping them.

And if I can do that for victims, if I can do that for our country, I would be so honored to do it.

And I don't come from a military background.

My parents aren't in the military.

But having that ability to support

specifically the Department of Navy within CIS, so our United States Marines and our sailors and the United States Navy has been so transformative in so many ways.

Yeah.

I was

one day away from signing a contract to become a nuclear engineer for the Navy.

Wow.

I,

back

when I was in high school, we took some, like, there was some test that we took, and I don't know if it's New York-specific or whatever, because I grew up in New York.

that we took some test and however I scored in the math and physics portion put me in some level that then I started being recruited.

And

I was like,

I was very interested.

And I went way down the path.

I took a couple more tests and scored into the program.

And basically the guy shows up and says, the recruiter shows up and says, look, we want you to become nuclear engineer.

It's going to mean 10 years, but you come out, you know, X level officer and here and blah, blah, blah.

And all that sounded great.

I mean, I was super into it.

But I also wanted to play baseball in college.

And this is like the decisions we make at 18.

This is why, like, when people say 18-year-olds should be making important decisions, this is like not,

my life story and trajectory is a case study in this.

So, I,

so he comes, I said, you know, I'm like, I think I'm going to do it.

Like, just give me two days.

And he goes, okay, I can give you two days, but like, we got to start shit.

You know, I got to start locking people in, whatever.

Sure, that was partially sales tactic.

But

long story short, in those two days, I get a full scholarship to go play baseball at the University of Rochester and at 18 I was like okay

six foot four in a submarine for nine months at a time for four years or play college baseball for free and 18 year old

went that way

I'll be honest with you I I have a lot of regrets that I didn't serve because I have a lot of the same feelings towards our country and that kind of stuff.

You know,

outside of, you know, enjoying the the work and challenging you and feeding into some of your natural tendencies or curiosity learning leaning in, like, what did kind of KPMG makes the difference by creating value, like developing strategic insights that help drive M ⁇ A success and embedding AI solutions into your business to sustain competitive advantage or deploying tech-enabled audits to deliver more accurate and transparent outcomes.

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Just being part of the discipline regiment of the military, has that

transitioned into your life today?

Because I know for some people that I know that have been in the military, they go the opposite way, right?

They're like, screw this.

I'm not living that life anymore.

And for others, it then becomes just embedded in who they are.

So I'm assuming I know the answer, but I'm interested.

Yeah, great question.

So for me, yeah, it definitely helped mold and shape me into the human, the leader, the professional, the everything I am today.

And I would say mostly, and it was really

probably a result of all the different duty assignments I've had.

I was not so traditional in that I worked across all disciplines in NCIS.

So I worked in criminal investigations, I worked in counterintelligence, I worked in counterterrorism, and I did that around the world, living in Italy, all over the United States.

And by virtue of that, I had such an opportunity and privilege, I'm going to call it, to work with so many different teams, so many talented special agents and intelligence specialists and you name it.

And it was, it forced me to do different things and learn different things and develop different skill sets and refine the ones that I had.

And through all of those experiences and even post-NCIS and the private sector and certainly within my business, the same thing kept coming to the surface.

And that was holistic leadership and mindset.

That was the undeniable truth and the trajectory to success.

And so having that, and I call it a victory mindset, and this is what I train my clients on.

And there's four components of that victory mindset and leaning into that and training my teams and building those resilience and grip muscles.

And it always led to success, no matter.

the person, the industry, the level.

And so that is why I am so very passionate.

It is the essence and the spirit of why I've launched my business, tactical harmony, and that's why I'm here today.

So my gratitude is immense.

Yeah, no, that's amazing.

And maybe you could break down the four factors that you talked about because

to me, and this is why I love having individuals like yourself on the show who really value them to mindset.

You know, when I talk to any

leaders or anyone who reaches out to me, I always tell them no one, no strategy or tactic is the reason a company failed.

A company failed

the vast majority of the time.

Really, I think it's edge cases that ever have a tactical or strategy issue.

It's the leader or leadership team did not have the right mindset to build the right culture, to make the right decisions, et cetera.

That's where this all stems from.

Like, if you come back to it, it's not because you ran this ad campaign or you bought this new technology, which is where we spend all our time.

So, I guess maybe before you give your four, why do you think so

it seems to to be coming back a little bit, but so few people actually take time out of their day to work on their mindset.

They give it lip service, but they don't actually work on it.

Why do you think that is when, I think everybody nods when we say mindset is what matters most, yet we put so little work into it.

Why do you think that is?

Yeah,

great question.

And I...

completely agree and align with everything you said.

It super resonates with me.

And it really is 80% mindset, 20% strategy or mechanics.

That's success.

There's not some secret code or hack that successful people do than others it's mindset and working on themselves but i think really it's insight without action it's useless it's knowledge is great but it's not power it's potential power and i think that's something that tony robbins has said

it is potential power because if i know a lot of things but i'm not doing it i'm not living it i'm not executing moving

What good is it?

And so I feel like a lot of people, it's really aware, it's lack of awareness.

Or maybe if they're aware, they could be a little scared of it.

Like, ooh, I have to be alone with my demons, or I have to confront something in myself that I haven't healed.

I don't know how that would look.

And that's the exact thing, that limiting belief, that fear, that's what's holding them back.

And it'll manifest in such incredible ways.

It could be physically, it could be mentally, it could be you feel stuck or maybe you have a short fuse, you're frustrated with your team or your loved ones.

There's a million ways it can manifest.

But I would argue with any one person, it always comes back to mindset and looking within and examining all parts of yourself, mind, body, and spirit.

So then you are leaner, stronger, better, and faster.

And then you are the better professional, the better leader, the better mom, dad, sister, brother.

And so it really is that beautiful threshold of, okay, I got this.

I know what I need to do.

And then doing it.

And that's where I come in.

I push them over that edge.

Yeah, that's, it's funny.

I was talking to a guy who's been a very successful consultant for a long time.

He's a friend of mine.

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And

we were just rapping about stuff one day.

And he looks at me and he goes, you know,

people pay me to be the bad guy.

And I said, what do you mean?

And he said, people pay me to come in.

And whether I'm working specifically with an individual leader and I'm, you know, yelling, I'm doing air quotes for those who are just listening, but, you know, yelling at them to push them to where do they need to go, or I'm helping them make the tough decisions that they don't want to make inside their business.

He's like, basically, people pay me money to be a bad guy.

And I was like, I don't know that I love the idea of a coach being a bad guy, although I understand where it's coming from and think it's funny.

I was like, but it really is kind of if we don't have someone in our lives, right?

Whether it's hiring someone like yourself as a coach or a mentor or accountability partner, doing it on our own is very, very difficult.

And I think

so many people are scared to ask for help.

Do you find that?

And how do you get people over that?

Like if someone feels like they need you, but they're really struggling, you know,

how do you help them understand that it is okay to ask other people for help?

Because that's where I see a lot of people get stuck is they try to do it on their own.

Nobody, nobody successful that I know does it on their own.

No one.

I agree completely.

Yeah.

You need, the coaches need coaches.

The mentors need mentors.

And we all need to look ahead at someone that's ahead of us to save us time and years of needless struggle or pain.

And I really lean into, hey, I've been there.

I'm not just saying the things and lip service.

You know, I'm walking the walk.

I'm talking the talk.

And I can specifically, specifically remember one time where I didn't ask for help.

And it was this high-profile

investigation and task force that I was running.

And it took me a long time to ask for help.

Was that my ego?

Was that I was just, you know, doing the next thing that was in front of me and focusing on, you know, the tactics and getting the things done?

Whatever it was, is that that's a failure.

That is not something that I'm proud of.

And the moment I asked for help, I was able to get the breath of fresh air.

I was able to do more.

I wasn't risking any operational risk or anything of that nature.

And so, so often people think they can do it themselves or they could label it.

And this is where I see it.

They're labeling it as, oh, that's weak.

Well, I don't need help.

I don't need to read the book, hire the coach.

And I would lovingly tell that person that nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

And what the meaning that we give anything, that intentionality, as soon as I'm labeling something, then I'm putting it into a bucket in my brain.

And our brains want to do that.

They want to keep us safe and the known and the familiar.

So love you, brain, for that.

But having that radical awareness and keeping myself in check, I'm going to know better that, hey, if I'm labeling something in a certain way, I need to check myself.

And I need to do that because I love myself and I have discipline.

And I'm going to make sure that whatever is happening, whether it's, I'm doing air quotes, good or bad, it's going to serve me.

It's either a lesson or it's a blessing.

It's going to build my character, right?

No bad days, character building days, or it's something like, hell yeah, I crushed that project or I crushed the whatever it is.

And I'm going to repeat that because that was a successful strategy or a successful mindset hack, whatever it is.

So, you know, success really does leave little breadcrumbs or clues.

And we should all lean in from it and not, you know, try to go it alone.

Where do you fall on like the concept of manifesting and

maybe positive affirmations talking, you know, just being optimistic with yourself?

I was not a believer for a long time.

I thought it was just nonsense.

And then

I started journaling in a time when I was really struggling to make a decision.

I just was just having a hard time making a decision.

I started journaling for whatever reason.

And in the journaling came like a lot of positive.

And it was like almost like I was...

It was like I was tricking myself to believe something

that was very positive.

I mean, it was a good thing.

But like, I,

do you believe in that?

Do you think it's a good practice?

Like, where does that fall in this, this positive self-talk, like almost convincing yourself that you're capable or whatever?

Oh, yeah, 1,000%.

And I think people call it different things, manifestation, law of attraction.

I mean, there's a lot of different terms people can use.

But the short answer for me is yes.

So thoughts really do become things, right?

Like what we think, we become, and we're looking through that lens.

And if we're not paying attention to our thoughts and we are truly the creators of our reality, everything around us is a crystallization of what we created, we have to start with our thoughts.

But beyond that, it's thoughts coupled with a feeling.

So I can say, I'm so great.

I am a magnet for abundance.

And all those things are great.

And we should say that because what we're doing is we're imprinting our subconscious.

And subconscious mind, different than our conscious mind it's always listening it has no sense of humor so it's your blueprint everything is imprinted on you so yes I think that's important but we need to couple it with that emotion and that feeling that we want so raising your frequency raising your energy is truly important for peak performance.

You need to raise your energy.

I do that by doing a quick workout or some push-ups or squats, which I did before this call.

Anytime I have have something big or important in front of me, I'm going to raise my energy and I'm going to talk to myself in a way that's empowering and that's going to get me from where I am to where I want to go.

And for the listeners that may be familiar with Dr.

Joe Dispenza, he really leans into this as far as your thoughts and your feelings create your state of being and it really creates this Wi-Fi signal.

So I can think things, but when I'm coupling that with an amazing high energy peak state, I'm going to collapse time and get that thing to me quicker.

I'm going to have more clarity.

I'm going to feel damn good when I'm doing it.

And you kind of create reality instead of waiting, instead of being reactive, you're really proactive.

And another thing that you had mentioned regarding journaling, I

dismissed it for so long.

I'm like, I'm not going to journal.

That and gratitude practice, those were the two.

I'm not going to do this thing.

I don't know.

But then when I started to do it, that intentionality for both gratitude and for journaling, it changed the game for me because I was rewiring my brain in a different way.

Neurons that fire together wire together.

I'm relearning.

I'm bringing that deliberation, that intentionality so radically different while raising my frequency and my vibration by being so.

incredibly freaking grateful for everything for the for the failures I'm doing here quotes for the things that I've learned for the amazing things that have happened to me and it really changed the game for me.

So I really leaned into those in tactical harmony.

Do you have a process for that?

Is it random?

Is it like morning pages?

Is there, and I know this is kind of a hyper-tactical question, but I'm always interested in kind of where people's brains go.

I've always been very freeform or like morning pages kind of style, just like barf.

barf the thoughts out of my head that I wake up with.

But I have other friends who use more guided methods or, you know, bullet bullet point methods or whatever.

So what, how do you, when you're kind of journaling or getting these thoughts out of your head, do you have a specific process?

Yeah, I would say a little bit of A, a little bit of B.

So I mostly lean into free form.

I really tune into my intuition and

the wisdom within.

So what is feeling right in that moment might look different from day to day or even hour to hour.

So I really lean into that.

But there's also, you know, a lot of questions that I could ask myself because I really believe the quality of the questions we ask ourselves determine the quality of the answers that we get.

So if we're asking the wrong questions, we're not going to get the right answers.

So I really lean into, you know, honest, raw look within.

So I am having a meaningful exchange with my journal.

And then when I review it, it's giving me the feedback because I truly believe that all answers lie within.

which really leans into the mindset.

So then, you know, my what and why are super powerful.

The how is going to come.

The strategy, the how, how to develop this, how to launch a business, that's going to come because I have such a fierce knowing, a fierce internal knowing.

And one thing that I do before journaling is every single morning, and I normally journal in the morning as well,

I raise my frequency by gratitude.

So before my feet hit the ground, I and especially as I'm coming out of, you know, certain brain waves when you're sleeping, and that's when you're most susceptible and you're most programmable.

Is that a word?

Programmable?

So I'm coming out before I hit beta, which is your analytical state.

So I'm, you know, I'm coming from theta to alpha.

Immediately I anchor into gratitude.

Is it the smell of coffee brewing in the morning?

Is it the love I share with my husband?

Is it being an entrepreneur and all the lessons I learned?

Is it I love my dogs, which I do, and I'm so grateful for them.

And then you feel it, biochemistry, like you're releasing those chemicals.

I'm programming myself.

And then I'm setting these powerful intentions for the day.

I'm going to have a great day.

That's how it works.

And so I do that before the journaling.

So my energy is up and it's more successful.

How do you respond to someone who hears all that and says, that sounds amazing, but I'm too busy, too stressed.

I have six kids.

My job.

forces me to work odd hours.

Insert excuse because I had this conversation.

And here's the context of this question.

I was talking to my kids the other day about

specifically in the context of their baseball that they play

and versus video games.

And I said,

you can optimize your fake life or you can optimize your real life.

And that's your choice, right?

And

I think that translates to so much else.

Like, for adults, that's more like they,

you know,

they fall fall into these I'm not gonna work out because I'm stressed I'm gonna you know have three drinks every night because I deserve it for how hard I worked right and you're taking these and the equation is these short-term little hits versus what you are describing is the same feeling if not better but it's long-term and that trade-off and and this is a time this is the question that people have been asking for for for ages so i don't expect you to have maybe the the all end all answer but but i'm interested in your take on

how do we start to move away from making these short-term pleasure decisions to to get to doing things like what you just described which does take work and commitment and discipline but gets you so much farther over the long term how do you make people see that gap yeah this is a an incredible

incredible question and yeah i could speak to hours for this and there's a lot of strategy there's a lot of things to implement But really, it's like you don't, like the price you're paying for that small hit, that small whatever it is, it's like, but then when you get the bill from regret, and I think there's a famous quote out there for that, that's a big thing, right?

And I think often we don't want people to get to that point where they're drowning and they're rock bottom and then they have to do something.

So that's a lot harder.

And a lot of people have to reach that.

point, that destination point in their journey to get to be like, okay,

I need to do something different.

Like something's got to give.

So there's a lot, there's a lot of strategy there and a couple of things.

It's really time management.

So like, as you said, you even said the word, it's an excuse.

It's an excuse because if you're what and why you're powerful enough, you're going to do it.

And that's where discipline comes in.

And that, I define that as the ultimate expression of self-love.

I love myself enough that I'm going to PT physically train every day.

I love myself enough that I'm going to take the time, the five minutes to meditate or the 10 minutes to go within and make sure that I'm good to go so I'm actually going further faster and sustainably which is a key

if they knew that hey this is a good one is leverage if you have enough leverage on yourself or someone you love you're gonna do it if I were to say Ryan and this might be a little harsh but sometimes you need to be very direct and bold to get someone's attention hey I know you say you got all these things and you you know there's not enough time and you know I do call BS on that because you could get up earlier and you can do these things.

But if I were to say, like, I'm going to take, you know, your loved one and they're, I'm going to hurt them within 30 days if you don't do X, Y, and Z.

And you say you want these things and you're giving me every excuse not to do it.

You would find a way to do it.

You would never subject your loved one to any kind of harm or pain because that's leverage.

So what I do is I find what that leverage, what that motivation is, what that source of truth is for that person that can look different for everybody.

And you threaten it because people want to either move toward pleasure or away from pain so finding that balance and you get enough leverage they start to do the thing and they're like oh wow i'm feeling better oh wow you just got to push them over that initial ed that threshold of where they haven't crossed before and they're going to immediately see results immediately that's how the game works there's no secret code and so it's really getting them past right up here to that point because when they start moving they're like oh this wasn't so scary as the narrative that i created in myself.

Oh, she was right about all these things, right?

And so, that's where I lean into is the time management, the leverage, what their core values are, what's motivating them to kind of push them over the edge.

Because the best time to start was yesterday.

The next best time is today.

And we're already thinking about it, we're too late.

So, creating that sense of urgency can also be very helpful for people to support them.

Now, I see the NCIS special agent tie-in.

In order to get you to do this this thing, I'm going to go kidnap your kidnap your spouse.

You won't get her back until you actually take this action.

You know, it works.

It works.

Like, think about it.

Like, if someone threatened my husband and I've been like delaying doing the thing,

my ass is going to move.

Like, I'm going to do it and I'm going to do it amazingly.

And it's like, you just need that, you know, push over the edge.

I know it sounds harsh, but

you're not going to, trust me, the people that listen to this show, you are not going to offend them.

But there's some of the shit that comes out of my mouth.

So

I have this,

it's actually, it's going to become a TED talk, but I have this theory that I've been working on.

Because someone,

I was at a conference that I was speaking at, and there was another speaker, and they were talking about fear of failure.

And I thought they did a great job.

Except

I was never convinced that failure is what people are actually concerned about.

In my mind, I think failure is a glossing, a

shiny sticker on top of what the real problem is, which is a fear of status, right?

The reason I don't want to get in shape is because all my buddies have beer guts and they like to drink beer on Thursdays and we crack jokes about the new beer or whatever we're drinking.

And man, if I stop drinking so much and get in shape, now now I'm gonna be different than all my buddies and that may sound crazy to people at face value but when you really dig into the mindset this is what holds people back my you know I my parents always wanted me to be this thing they put you know an engineer and they put these expectations on me etc but I want to create YouTube videos for a living

What are they going to think of me?

What are my parents?

What are my siblings going to think of me if I give up this life as an engineer and become a YouTube YouTube creator because I've always been artistic, right?

It's this, it's not that they're worried about not being successful as a YouTube creator.

They're worried about what the people in their space will think of them when they make this move.

Like that's that's the thing that

they're actually scared of, not the failure.

Okay, and my point in saying all that is

So much of this is being able to get rid of

the outside voice's impact on your inside world.

How do you work with clients to be more true to what's going on inside of them versus the inputs they're getting from all these other people

towards their action, if that makes sense?

And do you believe what I just said?

Does that make sense what I just said?

Yes, a resounding yes.

I actually just did a podcast on this on my tactical harmony podcast.

So yeah, I completely align with this.

And I think, and this is where being inquisitive and really digging in, you start to peel all these layers back like an onion and you start to get to the really the core and the truth are people afraid of Philip yeah sure you know maybe on the surface but as you said there's all these other elements to it and

people's opinions of you people's anything thoughts of you that's a projection of their reality That's a projection of what they hold dear or what they don't like or their insecurities, which is usually the case.

And so

when I have a lot of most of my clients, um well i'm worried about what someone thinks and what about my husband or my you know i'm doing this thing but my my loved one isn't aligned or what would my parents think i totally get this because my uncurrent unconventional path from ncis to the to a tech company i mean i could have let other people's thoughts hold me back but i didn't because i knew what i wanted to do and i knew how i wanted to serve and so your create whatever anyone believes in you god creator gave you your vision it's in your heart and mind.

Nobody else's, right?

Like I'm not in yours, you're not in mine.

And so we're doing ourselves a disservice if we don't move in alignment with that.

And if we don't move in alignment with that, we're going to feel some sort of discord or lack of harmony in our mind, body, and spirit.

And that's where holistic leadership comes in.

Because if I don't know myself radically and I'm not moving in alignment with what I give a damn about and what I hold dear, I'm going to feel a little stuck or frustrated or something might feel off, insert whatever feeling.

And so freeing yourself, freeing yourself from other people's opinions and projections, because that's what it is, will give you that ability.

It frees up that energy to then move in alignment with it with what is important to you.

Because what I'm thinking about, when I'm focusing on, I'm giving my life force or my energy to, and that thing is going to expand.

If I'm thinking about what I don't want, that shit's going to expand.

That's going to become everything that I see.

If I'm thinking about what I want relentlessly and I'm disciplined, right?

I got my self-love that I'm going to do the thing and I'm going to do it every single day and I'm going to move that ball down the field every single day in micro actions, then I'm going to be in alignment with my true self, my authentic self, because I'm not going to give it my energy away like that.

I'm very radically aware of that.

And I'm not going to let anyone live rent-free in my head because you're renting space to other people.

And so when people start to reframe it, Ryan, to answer your question, the, you know, how do you get past that?

Reframing how you're thinking about it, reframing, does it matter?

Like when you're, I call it the rocking chair test, you're, you know, 90 some years old and you're sitting on your front porch and you're in your rocking chair and you're looking back at your life.

Is that person on your journey, is that really going to matter?

Are you going to have that bill of regret?

Like, oh.

Why didn't I start the business I wanted?

Why didn't I ask the girl?

Why didn't I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?

Whatever it is.

You don't want to have those feelings.

So do the damn thing now and you realize how insignificant other people's thoughts and projections are of you.

Yeah.

I,

when my kids asked me about

hell, because my kids go to Catholic school,

and they asked me, Dad, do you think hell is really a fiery pit down below?

And I was like, no, I don't actually believe that.

I was like, what I believe it is, is you get a snapshot when you die of what you could been if you lived the path that God put you on

and what you are.

And hell is the distance between those two things.

And

I just,

like, it's so clear to me that

we have so much more potential than we give ourselves credit for.

And I love conversations like these because

I vigorously take notes.

I know I'm not supposed to as a podcast host.

If I I was a good podcast host, I wouldn't take notes.

But there's so many ideas in here that to me are the there.

It's like I feel like we have a set of tumblers to unlock this version of ourselves.

And everybody's set of tumblers is different.

For you, it might be your curiosity, right?

That's a big tumbler for you.

When you really tap into your curiosity, bam, you're closer to being that person.

For someone else, it might be...

Discipline's a bigger tumbler, right?

They're all different things.

But it's figuring out what these things are for us.

And to your point, and why I love your message of action, is the only way to figure it out is to do shit.

Like, fuck around and find out is an epic meme for a reason.

Because it's like literally how we figure everything out in life.

And we just, we get so hesitant and fearful.

I want to spend the remainder of our time together digging into some of the core principles of this idea of holistic leadership because I also know you have a book coming out soon and want to make sure that everyone everyone knows about that and if there's a place for them to get on a waiting list or something for that.

So maybe just dig us into this.

I know we've talked about a lot of the mindset pieces, but any of the pieces that you feel we haven't touched yet and maybe just a high level idea of where this came from for you.

Yeah, no, thank you.

I appreciate that.

And yeah, so I want to define holistic leadership because I think a lot of people may misunderstand what it means.

Like you hear about holistic and you're like, oh, isn't that like doctor, naturopath?

Yeah, that's part of it but when you pair it with leadership on those two very important words it's it's a game changer so holistic leadership the essence is a whole person approach to influence and inspire your life as well as others lives because i really truly believe it starts with you it's every it's self-leadership it's personal leadership if you can't lead yourself you can't lead others.

And this pertains to leadership in the traditional sense of the word.

I'm a business leader.

I have a team.

I have direct reports, subordinates, but it's also leading your family, leading your children, leading your relationships.

And I think so often, again, we put it into a bucket, but I'm here to expand your thinking of that.

So if I uncover all parts of myself and I'm so radically aware socially and, you know, my self-regulation, my self-awareness, which is emotional intelligence, and I also am doing that with you, my self-my relationship management and my awareness of you.

I'm going to have a more meaningful life.

I'm going to have a more meaningful relationship.

I'm going to be a better leader at home and at work.

And so that really does implement a no stone left unturned approach because you're uncovering all parts of yourself.

You're not ignoring one thing.

And then you are able to go a lot faster.

And so for

part two of your question for my book,

so I derive wisdom from unconventional places.

I absolutely love this.

I think that goes into my curiosity.

I'm a dog lover.

I absolutely love dogs.

And so my book is called Unleashed, Holistic Leadership Insights Derived from Our Canine Companions and how they organically display these things in everything that they do, from expressing gratitude to mindfulness to you know, discipline and grit, adventure and curiosity, love and connection, all the good things in life, all the things that we need as humans to be more powerful and to step into that next level of who we are meant to be.

Dogs are doing it naturally.

And so, I weave in all of these things into my book to really awaken that leader within, but awaken you to the possibility and the things around you.

So, that is the essence of Unleashed and of holistic leadership and how it can utterly transform your life professionally and personally.

Yeah, I love that concept.

I think

we often, you know, you see leaders who maybe do a good job for a period of time in their business, but then they completely neglect personal relationships, personal health, personal energy, any type of relationship to God, etc.

And

that great leadership can't last.

You know, you know it's in there, but something always ends up coming out if we don't take care of both sides of the equation.

I think a lot of people who have, who live, we'll call them

externally successful professional careers and

very poor like personal lives,

they would say that

they couldn't spend time on themselves because

they have to get the business successful.

So how do you work through, I hate the word balance, so I'm going to use the word harmony that it takes to navigate both.

I love that.

Yes, Tactical harmony.

That's why I call it harmony, which balance is a part of that, but words mean something.

They also carry energy.

Everything is energy.

Emotions, energy, and emotion.

Everything is energy.

So when we're looking at the word balance, it would insinuate, well, it has to be balance, 50-50.

And I call bullshit on that because there's going to be weeks, months, even years where I'm like.

full court press on my my work,

my business, whatever that could be professionally.

And then there could be times and there will be where it's more on my personal life and my relationships and my loved ones and my parents or whatever it is and so having the harmony between the two is the goal and it is an art and it's going to look different a little bit every day it's going to look different between me and you but when you start to do those things self-leadership one as a leader you're setting the tone you're setting the example others are watching you whether you realize it or not everyone's watching and psychologically or they're paying attention and they're gonna you know mimic what you do so if nothing else do it for other people which you know goes into the leverage but it's time management and I know that's a term that we all say but it really is because where I place my time and this goes into habits that's my energy that's my life force if I have a habit of working out in the morning or you know I have a habit of brushing my teeth or eating my break like I'm in this routine but if you switch it up

Heads up your body's gonna throw a temper tantrum.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, I haven't seen this movie before.

What are you doing?

And And then that's your job and your mind to make sure, like a wild stallion, you are taming it.

No, I'm in control.

I'm going to have you sit down and meditate.

I'm going to have you sit down and do the damn thing.

Because when you start doing the damn thing, whatever it is, that action, you get feedback.

You can't get feedback if you don't move, if you don't execute.

Because feedback is a gift.

And it's like, oh, wow.

I'm going to adjust.

I'm going to adapt.

I'm going to pivot.

But you can't get that unless you do the damn thing, right?

So there's a lot of things to unpack there, but those would be my initial thoughts.

Are there any like current,

I don't want to be delicate with this, unless you go in the right to go in a direction, whatever it takes, wherever you want.

I struggle with our current societal normalization of ideas like mediocrity and average.

And the book that I'm working on that I told you about with my friend, it's called The Civilized Savage,

From Mediocre to Mastery in an age of cultural conformity.

And our whole premise is that we have normalized a lower baseline of

what is okay.

And it's on all of us and the whole context of the book is we walk through these 10 lessons that

his great-grandfather talked to his grandfather who taught to his father that then his that has passed down through his this Italian lineage these ten lessons that have allowed him to live a very disciplined, highly successful life and whatever, right?

And like

what are some of the things that we can be looking out for maybe in today's ecosystem, marketplace, society, however you want to go, that can keep us from living this life?

Like what are some of the ideas maybe that have become normalized, et cetera?

Yeah, this is a great question.

You're asking such amazing questions.

I love this.

I would say to people, again, and raise their awareness is we always fall to what our self-worth is.

If I think I'm only good enough to do X, Y, Z, that's what I'm gonna do.

And it's your self-worth.

And I know people use different words and I actually don't like this term, like imposter syndrome.

But like, who am I to start a business?

Who am I to, you know, sign up for the Iron Man, whatever it is that you might wanna call in?

Well, you're gonna fall to what you think you can.

So a tactic that I always share is you got to raise your standard.

If you're good, well, good's not good enough anymore.

Look around.

Look how many successful people there are, right?

So then you need to raise it, you know, from good to excellent.

Okay, well, there's a lot of excellent people.

Raise it from excellent to outstanding.

You raise that standard because

how close you are to hitting your goal.

It can be just a couple millimeters.

I mean, look at, you know, surgeons.

Like if they were one millimeter off, like, you know, plastic surgery or whatever you do, you know, whatever kind of surgery, like it's so precise, but you got to raise your standard.

You got to do the thing because you are so close.

And people, again, they create this narrative and they romanticize the outcome, but they don't do the damn work.

They don't do the execution.

They get you there.

So I can romanticize all day.

Great.

Awesome.

But if I'm not executing, I'm killing my dreams, my goals, my desires.

So raising that standard.

It's and I think also another tactic here, Ryan, is people think it's got to be this big thing.

Like they start at the finish line instead of starting at the start line.

I'm not going to go from zero to running, you know, a marathon, we'll just say, you know, if you're doing 10 push-ups, okay, great.

Tomorrow, do 11

and then do that for a week.

And then the next week, I want you to do 15.

Like it's those micro action, it's that small incremental step.

Every single day and it's consistency.

So, you know, I don't get a six pack by going to the gym once a week.

I do that consistently.

I show up.

I have the discipline.

I have that victory mindset.

I love myself enough to make it it happen.

And then I'm going to get the results.

100% I'm going to get the results.

Or I'm going to get the feedback where I need to adjust my strategy, adjust my mindset, and only made possible by moving and taking that inspired action.

Yeah, the statistic, the statistic, sorry, my allergies are crushing me today and I'm

butchering some words.

Statistic that James Clear had in atomic habits that if you get 1% better every day, you are 37x better at the end of the year that is so incredibly powerful and like if you only saw that stat from that book the reading the entire book is worthwhile because what it shows is exactly what you just said

everybody can get one percent better each day like you said it's one more push-up right that's technically 10% better than the day before you go from 10 to 11.

so you know these little it's just

give me Ed Milette wrote a book called the power of one more

and and It's a it's a really good book although you can and there's tons of great stuff in it although you can kind of get the idea just from the title

And Ed Milet's fantastic great podcast

but this this idea of like

Like you said just just give yourself one more you don't have to go to 20 20 might be the goal, right?

But what we do is we go well today.

I could only get to 11 so I'm a failure.

I suck.

I'm no good.

I only got to 11.

I should be at 20.

My buddy John's at 20.

He's doing 20.

I should be doing 20.

And because I'm only doing 11, it's like, yeah, but if you just think about it one more each day, in 10 days you'll be there.

It's just nine, you know what I mean?

It's nine more days of work.

Just nine more days and you'll be right with your buddy.

What's nine days in the course of your life?

It's really nothing.

And that concept,

to me, is the difference between the people who get to where they want to be and the people that don't.

They take these little tiny bites.

They may have the big goal.

They may do the press release on the big goal.

They may stand on stage and talk about the big goal.

But in their life, it's this tiny little bite, tiny little bite, tiny little bite, tiny little bite.

It's absolutely fantastic.

What is one question that you had wished I had asked during this podcast?

Oh, goodness, you asked all the questions.

Let me think.

Gosh, we covered such amazing ground, and I want to just express my appreciation for that.

Maybe

I can share the four components of victory mindset.

Yes.

I can do that.

Would that be okay?

Yeah, let's make sure.

Let's let's give them a tease and

we can drive them to find out more about you.

Yeah, so just real briefly, victory mindset.

And I believe this is a key code to success, y'all.

So tune in.

Number one is discipline, which I already talked about.

You know, that ultimate expression of self-love.

So really thinking about you love yourself enough to make the thing happen.

Number two would be

the second component of that would be integrity, which we touched on a little bit is that living that authentic life.

I know myself so well that I am living a life that matches that.

I'm not worrying about what other people think because we know comparison is a

thief joy.

Like you're stealing my joy when I'm comparing myself, right?

And I'm giving my power away at my energy, which we touched on.

So when I'm living a life that is authentically aligned and aligned with my values, I call this soul-aligned ambition.

Everything that I do is a manifestation, crystallization of what, who I am and what I was put here to do on earth.

I'm going to feel great.

Abundance is going to flow.

And I don't just mean financial.

I mean emotional, spiritual, mental abundance.

Abundance in all forms is going to flow.

So having that integrity and that honesty with your life is huge.

Third is taking inspired action.

So not just any action, inspired.

And by that, very simply, I mean I'm not just doing something to stay busy because I can be busy and not making progress all day, but I'm doing things that are actually getting me the results.

I'm doing the things I'm paying attention to my inputs, right?

Usually, it's like 20% of your inputs give you the 80% of your results, the 80-20 rule.

The Pareto principle is I'm paying attention to that.

So, I'm doing those things and I'm doing more of them to get me whatever I need and my results personally and professionally.

And the fourth component component is grace.

Grace with yourself, grace with your creator, with God, grace with others, because perfection is not the goal that doesn't exist.

It's like the lowest standard.

It's progress.

It's doing the thing.

It's having like Kaizan, which is a Japanese term for continuous incremental improvements every single day, as we talked about, leaning into that consistency, but knowing that some days I'm not going to hit the mark.

Okay, cool.

What did I learn from it?

Right.

I'm going to be selfish.

And I think selfish gets a bad rap.

I'm going to be selfish because I want to know what I can do to get better, stronger, leaner, faster.

And then I'm not going to make that mistake again because I'm going to fail forward and I'm going to grab.

I call failure.

It's my favorite F word.

One of my favorite F words.

So I'm going to learn from it.

I'm going to grow from it.

And that's part of the journey: is that sometimes we're given opportunities that could piss us off and frustrate us.

But that's the thing that we need on our journey to build the muscle that we need on our trajectory.

And we may not know it at the time.

This isn't fair.

Why is this happening?

But then I build that grit, resilience, or whatever I need.

And then five, ten years down the road, maybe it makes sense.

Oh, I've seen this picture before.

I got this.

I can figure this out.

And I can be a blessing to others and have that beautiful exchange.

Because I believe it's a spiritual game.

And so, victory mindset, those four components, is something that, you know, has truly transformed my life and everyone around me.

Yeah, my favorite one is grace.

Because I think that

we just,

to me, it's the difference between how like exactly the way you said, it's the difference between framing something bad as a lesson or as some scar that we have to carry around.

And

we just, we're not good at it in general.

It doesn't seem, it doesn't seem like an intuitive quality.

It seems like something we have to learn.

And the more we show grace, I feel like it gets passed along.

I've just seen that in different communities where

when you're graceful to yourself and to others, that tends to spread.

That's a concept that spreads.

And that's wonderful that it's part of your victory mindset.

Rebecca, this has been a tremendous conversation.

I appreciate the hell out of you and what you're doing.

I love this work.

Do everything we can here at the show to support you.

We'll have links to all your stuff in the show notes.

Where is the best place for the audience to connect with you deeper and get more involved with your world?

Oh, great question.

Yeah, I would say my website, tacticalharmony.com.

It has all the ways to reach me.

It has my Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, all of the things.

And so tacticalharmony.com has my services, every way to reach me.

That's where I will be advertising my book

a couple of months.

So yeah, I appreciate it.

And before we end, Ryan, thank you for everything that you do.

I am a huge fan of your podcast.

I love the work you're doing.

It's spreading such incredible messages and helping and serving others.

And I am honored to be here.

I'm grateful to be your guest.

So I'm very blessed.

So thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.

Oh, that means so much.

Thank you.

Let's go.

Yeah, making it.

Make it it.

Make it look easy.

Thank you for listening to the Ryan Hanley show.

Be sure to subscribe and leave us a comment or review wherever you listen to podcasts.

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