3 Hard Truths the Military Teaches About Success | Will Grimes

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Don't try to heal my scab. And I know I left way more on the table than I should have.
And I like that that's a scab because brother, ever since then, I've been balls fucking deep in anything I've ever done let's go

yeah

make it look

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This is The Way. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the show.
We have a tremendous conversation for you today with Will Grimes. Will is a former Marine, worked in special operations, and we talk about how he took both the beats in his personal life as well as the lessons learned in his military career and applied those to his business life in so much as rapidly building a seven-figure business in the real estate industry, both as an actual real estate investor and now as a real estate agent coach.
He's also the host of an incredible podcast. Will is a dynamic dude who just drips one-liners, big ideas.
You're gonna love this show.

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I love you for listening to this show. Let's get on to Will Grimes.
Let's start there, man. You're turning 40.
You told me before we went live that things are starting to hit your brain. You're starting to think about things a little differently, you said.
And I agree with you. It kind of is your first adult birthday in which you're like, I'm not a kid anymore.
Not old, but I'm not a kid. So what, what thoughts are creeping into your mind? What's going on with that? Yeah.
Are we starting right now? Or do you have an intro? Yeah, yeah, no, we'll go right now. Cool.
So, well, the main thought that I have, man, is I feel like, so growing up 40 was like, I thought it was over, right? Like we all probably grew up like you're 43. So we grew up with baby boomer parents.
You work somewhere for 25 years and you retire. Like 40 seemed old.
40 seemed like you're, they kind of are what you are. And if you ain't happy by now, you ain't going to be happy, you know? And I feel like for me, I'm just now putting fucking colors on my shirt, man.
Like, and I feel like I'm just now getting into a great level of self-awareness, great level of understanding what I'm good at, what I'm not good at, who I like, who I don't like, what I like, what I don't like, where my skillsets apply, where they don't. I feel like I'm just now getting to like a great level of understanding all that.
And as I'm approaching 40, I feel like I'm starting to put them all together, if that makes sense, right? Like my 30s, uber grind, not like I knew who I was, but not as a business guy, man. Like I did just under a decade in the Marine Corps as an infantryman.
I spent a little time under Special Operations Command. So there's certain identities and there's certain proficiencies there.
But then, man, I was a cop for a while. Medal of Honor recipient as a cop.
They call it the Guardian Angel Award. So I was this thing.
And then, like, my 30s, when I decided to leave the police department and get into real estate, a lot of that applied to managing people's stress and leading them. And, dude, I was great at leading other.
My 30s was leading other people. And managing client emotions.
And just all of those great things. As I'm approaching 40, I feel like all of that work helped get me to understand myself better.
And you'll see a lot of it, man. A lot of people know the right answers for everybody else.
And a lot of times you might have a good opinion. They just can't seem to do it for themselves.
Yeah. Yeah.
Like use the gym for an example, dude. There's a gym on every corner.
And if you ask anybody, regardless of their fitness level, Hey, how do you get in better shape? Everyone to a decent level can talk about eating healthier, eating less, exercising more. Hey, what kind of workouts should I do? Like, Oh, cardio is good for your heart.
Like they'll have a good understanding, dude, better than most people might think. Right.
It's not about like knowing or having the resource. It's about getting yourself to do it.
Yeah. And I feel like 40 is, man, you're just, you're starting to take some of your own advice and you're starting to really like protect your time.
And you're not trying to fit in with all the cool kids anymore anymore and you've kind of found your tribe and not that you're not open to new friends, but you just know the type of people you gravitate to and you don't necessarily have to pick fights or defend your case anymore. It's more so just, I think it's a lot more internal conversation.
I've gotten a lot more quiet, even though I'm running my fucking mouth on a podcast right now. I feel like I'm, I really enjoy solitude.
You know what I mean? And I feel like it comes natural because you tend to have a lot more self-reflection as you start approaching 40 for me. Yeah.
So I call your forties, uh, the GNF era of your life. GNF give no fucks.
Cool. So, uh, one of my, one of my audience members i you can't see it back here because it's blurred out but uh uh made me like this little wooden you know he made it in his wood shop or whatever and it's just the letters gnf and it sits back there as a reminder but um you know you hit a certain point where and you said it like you stop caring necessarily what people think it's not and and i try to explain this because i've had a lot of people online push back on me when i share this message like well the fact that you're saying you don't care means you care it's like no that's that's that's not what i'm trying to convey yeah and i'm also not saying that we shouldn't be aware of what people think of us.
Right. There's this there's this thing where, like, you know, and I think a lot of people take Gary Vaynerchuk out of context, who's a big who pushes this concept quite a bit.
Right. They're like, well, you know, I just don't care what people think.
And I'm like, nah, that's the wrong way to look at it. The way that we have to approach this, I think, this particular mindset is be aware of what other people think.
It's okay to listen to people, to what people say, but do not base your life on what other people say. Do not base your decisions on what other people say because someone could have a critique of you that helps you improve who you are.
Maybe something you're missing. Maybe something there's a blind spot in your game that you're not seeing.
And maybe it's some random commenter. Maybe it's a friend.
Maybe it's an enemy, right? Makes a comment or a critique about something you're doing. And if you're not aware of that, you can't take it in as a data point.
But I do think in our 40s, we start to say to ourselves, okay, who do I want to be? Who am I? What, what makes me who I am? And we start to be able to filter where in our teens, we obviously can't. That's why peer pressure in our teens is so, is so relevant.
And I think that plays into your twenties. I think your thirties, you start, you start that disconnection, but there's something about our late thirties, early forties, where we go, you you know i'm this person that i don't care that so and so doesn't like me or i don't care that this person disagrees with my take this is who i am i i do you know what it comes from man it comes from intent yeah like i'm not mistake free and i'm not free from people maybe misinterpreting something i do or something I say.
But the ones that are closest to me that know me, they know that my intent is good. They know that regardless of my background, dude, my intent is never to hurt or harm.
I'm a super funny guy. I love humor.
I literally fall asleep. When people ask like how I sleep so well, I literally fall asleep to Cat Williams.
Okay. I fucking giggle myself to sleep, dude.
I love comedy. But it's like, no matter what you do, everyone's going to see it from the lens that they're looking through, correct? So if you please this person, you're not pleasing that person.
If you're pleasing that person, then this person's not pleased. Or if you make sense to this person, this person won't see it.
But okay, so try to have it make sense for him, but then he's not going to make sense of it. It's never a win across the board.
What matters is

your intent, right? And like, it's, it's such an important word. And people that know me closest

that understand me, like they know my intense good. And I do care about what people think

when it comes to my inner circle, right? Like my family, my wife, my kids, my business partner,

who's my best friend. They know my intent is never to harm.
So when they've got corrections for me,

I'll see you next time. circle, right? Like my family, my wife, my kids, my business partner, who's my best friend.
They know my intent is never to harm. So when they've got corrections for me, I'm all ears because they have permission to give that to me because I also think that they know me well enough to have context on why I would do something in the first place.
Folks online or folks that just don't know you so well, even if their intent is to like help you, they just don't necessarily understand everything that's going on or why you're doing what you're doing. And hey, no harm, no foul.
Like unsolicited advice is probably the worst type of advice. Correct.
But for me, man, I think we stop giving a fuck, you know, in the nature of what you're talking about, because the better you get with yourself, the less you have to prove to others. When you're younger, you don't even necessarily know who you are yet.
So you're proving yourself to something or someone because it validates you for you. But when you understand how to validate yourself for you, because you're doing what you say you're going to do, you're losing the weight you say you're going to wait, you know, you're, you're going to lose, you're, you're training the way you say you're going to train.
You're approaching your your business and your family the way that you say you're going to church because you said you were going to go. You're giving your kids more time because that's what you said you had to work on.
And when you start being true to your own word to yourself and the voice that's inside here that you have the conversation with, when you start being true to that guy or that girl in here, you just require less validation from the outside world because you don't need it from there anymore. When you don't know who you are and you're not even having that conversation yet, then typically the validation comes from the outside, which is why you keep trying to prove yourself to them.
How do you develop that self-awareness? I think you have to fuck up enough, dude. I've gotten in fights with friends and not felt good about it.
I've bitched somebody out at a stoplight and not felt good about it.

You know, I've, I've bitched a Marine out and not felt good about it.

And even dude, here's where I got as well, man. Like I think the beginning is you jumped the gun and you think you're right and you're

not, and you bitch somebody out or you make something an issue that didn't have to be

an issue.

And that doesn't feel good.

And you're like, man, I gotta, I gotta correct that.

But then, you know, the last phase, probably two, two years ago, even when I had the right

Thank you. And that doesn't feel good.
And you're like, man, I got to correct that. But then, you know, the last phase, probably two years ago, even when I had the right to bitch somebody out, even when I was in the right, it still doesn't feel good to throw it.
Because after the fact, you don't feel any better. And what I started recognizing was making things issues that didn't have to be issues or a bigger issue when it could have just kept been kept to a minimum or just chewing someone out.

Even when you were right,

I didn't feel good after. And it's like, man, that's what they mean about protecting your energy.
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I mean, we're at 450 homes this year so far. Like, we do a lot of business, man.
We have a lot of people that work for us. And I got to it, man, about 2 years ago.
This is not the Marine Corps. You don't have to be here.
I don't have to be here. If I have to chew your ass or ride your ass like a marine, I'm not gonna.
I'm just

gonna... you don't have to be here.
I don't have to be here. If I have to chew your ass or ride your ass like a Marine, I'm not gonna, I'm just going to move on.
Yeah. I mean, cause like, dude, this isn't, this isn't 18 year old Marines that need culture shock and an ass chewing to wake them up and grow them up because we're preparing for war.
That's not what this is, but it takes time to really grow into a different, more effective leader. Right.
Does that make sense? And there's like this hierarchy. Like in the military, what I had there was you're picking up rank.
Like when you pick up sergeant, that was like your first adult rank in the Marine Corps. The way Marines treat you, the way your higher-ups treat you, especially in the infantry community.
If you had a battalion commander who's in charge of 500 people still yelling at an individual Marine, it's like, no man, he has more command presence than that. He's got more leverage with leaders around him than that.
If he's got a problem with something he sees a Marine do, he's going to go get that Marine's platoon commander and he's going to handle it diplomatically. And it's like, at some point as we grow older, the hard part in business as entrepreneurs, and the hard part is just up is we're not getting promoted.
Nobody's pinning sergeant on me. Nobody's pinning gunnery sergeant on me.
Like you have to just come to these, these self-reflections on your own and realize, man, I'm disrespected now. I'm this big in business.
I've got three kids. I'm this age.
I'll people handle me and appreciate my command presence. When I walk, it's like, I don't have to be the enforcer anymore.
Like let these young bucks who's in her twenties and thirties, like prove themselves and figure themselves out. I should have a more effective way to lead than just that guy I used to be right.
Like you got to find a better way. And I think it's just through self-reflection and not feeling good about just chewing someone's out you know man that didn't feel good change it but i think it's the conversations and just we all do we know us yeah we might not admit it you know when you don't feel good walking away from something yeah do you think to me so much of the mistakes that we make in our lives has to do with ego, right? And the role ego plays in how we operate ourselves.
And one of the biggest changes that I saw through my 30s are I could write multiple books on all the mistakes that I made in my 30s. I mean, just, you know, just, you know, I had the position of my dreams at a company I enjoyed that, you know, I had a 27 person team working for me, 23 people working for me at the time, everything was great.
And then I got fired. And, you know, I look back at that thing.
And okay, so there's that thing. And then, you know, this happened and I started this and this, and you know, and you look at, and like all of it, to me, self-reflection allows you to break apart your ego.
And when your ego starts to break apart, it opens up that awareness, right? Like if we haven't dealt with our ego, because the thing that to me, the thing that makes me yell at somebody is my ego. I got I got to teach this person how to do this thing.
Right. And it's like, wait a minute.
Well, is that what that person needs? Are they going to respond well to that? Is that what's best for the company? I think it's it's it's ego for sure. But it's not so much getting rid of your ego.
I think it's just understanding where to place it and how to express it. So for example, you know, like when you start looking at like Marine Corps infantry stuff or professional sports, like when Mike Trout goes to home plate, that dude openly says, I'm in there and I'm the best in the world at this.
And this is what I do. And I'm the best in the world.
And here's how I'm going to perform and he's like hey man if you don't think that way you're in trouble and then one would say ego has to be involved in there right of like being able to now you got to work hard and prepare hard and have a certain level of result to even tell yourself that and halfway believe it when you're at home plate in a major league baseball game. But I think it's in a moment where it's not only okay, but he's also expressing in a certain way.
He's not boasting. He's quiet.
He's not boasting at the plate. Mike Trout doesn't flip a bat.
Mike Trout doesn't rub shit in people's face. He's not boasting, but internally, he's got control of that ego.
He's got control of that fucking lion that's like, hey, man, I'm the fucking best at what I do. And the only expression of ego you're going to see is when I hit this fucking bomb or when I hit this double in the bottom of the ninth to win the game.
So I think it's like, man, you know, because people say like, you know, kill your ego, kill you. And it's like, I've never been a fan of all or nothing.
I've never been a fan of all the time or never. Cause I don't think it's a proper answer.
I don't think there's a blanket statement or a fix all of get rid of something completely. No.
And some of ego feeds confidence, right? Like you've got to have some ego and pushes into the hard work that you do that then creates a result that then says, hey man, I am good at this and I can do it. Like I tell you what, buddy, like when I was a cop, if you saw the calls we went on, if you don't have a little bit of ego, a little bit of chip on shoulder that says when I boot this door, I'm the guy that needs to be booting that door.
Buddy, I don't know if I'm saving you. If you're in a bad spot, right? And I'm the guy that's supposed to come help you.
You better hope I got something like that that says I can do it. But I'm not running my mouth or boasting.
It's internal and I'm focused and I'm intentional and I'm exactly who I need to be when I need to beat it. And I think that's where you start getting mature.
I think that's where, you know, like the conversation of being an alpha, right? Like everybody wants to be a fucking alpha nowadays. Let me tell you something, dude.
I've been around all of them. I served with giants and alphas come in all personality traits, you know, right? And like everyone thinks, okay, it's Will, it's the

quietest guy in the room, right? He's like the real alpha. No, not necessarily.
There's some

loud mouth dudes that love talking shit and bussing balls and they're the alpha in the room.

That's just their natural disposition. Some people are naturally just more quiet and are some of

those guys hardcore. Yeah.
But there's also some guys like a Conor McGregor that runs his mouth,

but that's what feeds him.

And until Conor made over $100 million

and got distracted,

Conor was the fucking guy.

And you're never gonna stay the guy forever.

But using him as an example,

that's how he fed the inner Conor

that got him through the challenges.

And dude, I'm telling you, man,

at the highest level,

some guys are quiet,

some guys are humorous, some guys are certain ways, but when it comes down to the moment of when they have to perform, it's not a lecture, it's not a boast, it's not a flip, it's intentional. I feel like alpha, right? Like as men, as we wanna be alpha as women, you're included in this as well, but speaking from a place of fatherhood and being a man per se, it's like, I need to be exactly what I need to be, when I need to be it, beyond rapport without failure.
If that means I need to be compassionate, I better be the best at it. If that means I need to listen and be nurturing, I better be great at it.
If that means I need to be dangerous, I hope you have no question that I better be that beyond rapport without failure.

If I need to be funny and enjoy a moment with my friends and not take things too serious.

So dude, I think it's really the culmination of how well you can take every trait, ego, being humble,

every trait, and then every piece of like what makes you and what your natural disposition is and where you enjoy based off where you're at. Like, I think it's about putting everything together and just being effective at who you need to be when you need to be it.
What I just heard you say was all of these traits are tools that we pull on when we need them. And I think, dude, you know what? Not to cut you off.
You know what it is? If we, as we, as we grow into maturity, if we haven't developed other tools, we tend to pull the ego out a lot more. If all you got is a hammer, you're probably going to be a hammer, right? So I feel like as we mature, we develop more tools and we just tend to put the ego away a lot more because we're more precision.
Now we're more developed. We've got more tools to get the job done and we don't always have to rely on this thing.
Yeah, guys, I want you to go back, rewind, listen to this quote from Will. Be who you need to be when you need to be it.
And I think about this, I think about this in my own life, right? Like I'm a speaker, I'm a podcaster, I'm a coach. You know, I do, I actually act as a fractional CMO for a company that I

really enjoy in the AI space. I have these different hats.
And if I were to take my coaching

hat and bring that to my keynote speaking, that performance would not be what it needs to be.

And, you know, I played baseball, college baseball. Actually, one of my questions that I had,

which we can talk to or not, was I was this close to going into the military. I came from tiny little nothing town.
I had two good parents. They were divorced, but we made nothing.
My dad was a mechanic on the railroad. My mom was a receptionist.
So I was taught, like you described, hey, get the safe job, go work for the big company, get the 401k, everything will be fine, whatever. And I fought that for so long.
And I had an opportunity because I scored really high on a math and physics test. The Navy recruited me.
They wanted me to become a nuclear engineer. And I went way down that rabbit hole to the point where I was in the final.
I took a final test, which I passed. And the guy had the contract and was sitting at my kitchen table.
Again, 900 people in my town, middle of nowhere, no idea what my life was going to be. Just wanted, my only goal in life was to get the fuck out of that town.
Like I just knew intrinsically that nothing happened there and nothing good would. And here's this guy sitting across from me and he hands me this contract, and he's like, you know, we want you to come work for the Navy, go to, I'm not sure if I would have went to Annapolis or where I would have went, but I think actually the nuclear program is in Texas.
And he starts describing it to me, and my hesitation, you know, he goes, I go, well, what does this look like? He you know, he explains it for years. He goes, then you do, you'll have to do two tours on a sub.
I said, what does that look like? He goes up to 12 months in a sub. Now the doors are what? Five, eight tops, right? So I'm six, four.
I don't look like it on a podcast, but I was like, I wasn't super happy. So I said, give me a chance.
You know, just, just give me a couple of days to think about it. He said, fine.
And in those two days between when I had to make a decision, I got a full scholarship to play baseball. And I chose that path because I didn't want to have to duck for the rest of my life.
But my point in saying all that is, you know, all these experiences, I think when we hit going back to the 40s thing, when we hit our 40s or whatever that moment is for us, I think what we're able to finally do is look back at the previous 40 years of experience and see those decisions, not as wins or losses, but simply as lessons that we then can apply. And I don't know that we have that.
Maybe some people do. There's always exceptions.
But I think that for most of us, there's like this switch that flips. And all of a sudden it goes, you know, because there's part of me.
Dude, I'm conservative. I tend to be pro-America.
I'm a patriot, almost every charity dollar I give goes to veterans. I mean, there's a big part of me that wishes I had that experience in my life.
I do. I would have loved to have served my country.
You know we're the opposite, right? What? You know we're the opposite, right? No, no. And I'm glad you're talking about looking back at the past 40 years for, you know, for lessons.
So for me, dude, like I was a baseball guy.

I'm not 6'4", I'm 6'0", but I'm left-handed

and I threw the ball 91 out of high school.

I practiced hard at practice.

I didn't do any extra Kobe Bryant shit.

I was chasing girls in high school,

hanging out with my girlfriend.

But when I was a good kid, when I was at practice,

I practiced hard, but I wasn't going above and beyond

and neurotic about it.

And I went down and played a little bit of Juco during a fall season you remember fall ball you and I come from a similar era well I had an opportunity to walk on with um one of the organizations with the Marlins and I had no idea what pro baseball looked like buddy and it and it was not what I thought it was and it dude I was around for five minutes and it threw me for a spin and it it just wasn't what I thought I had a buddy pass away in Iraq and I took the out from baseball and I joined the Marine Corps yeah and it's not some heroic shit oh your buddy died so you're gonna go defend your buddy it was like no man it was I was scared I was lost I had no idea how to mentally prepare for like this professional level of baseball and when my buddy died it bothered me a little bit but bit, but really it just, it asked me, well, it bothered me. Don't get me wrong.
Yeah. But it really forced me to ask myself, like, what are you doing? And are you even happy with what you're doing? And I want to be a part of something bigger than myself.
And it, you know, I think all young men do in baseball didn't feel that way. I should not have tried to go pro that quick.
I should have done better with the Juco thing and get picked up after two years of juco or transfer to a university and start as a junior and really develop I didn't understand develop I just dude I just the ego of baseball right yeah getting there as soon as you can and no idea what that looked like and you know I had a great career in the marine corps right but a lot of buddies man not a lot but a couple have tried to give me outs and they say, well, dude, that's a hard world. Like, man, I'm sure you played well, but you still could have gotten hurt or maybe you just don't get picked up because, and they're trying to rationalize my exit.
And it's like, listen, man, don't try to heal my scab. Okay.
Like I like that that's a scab and I know I left way more on the table than I should have. And, and I'm judging myself at 39 to 18.
Okay. And I understand the difference of looking back.
I'm not, you know, but I know I didn't give it my all. Yeah.
I know. I didn't even understand what, you know, and like, and I bounced and I liked that.
That's a scab because brother, ever since then i've been balls fucking deep in anything i've ever done and i don't leave anything left on the table and where i learned how to do that in the first place was the marine corps i learned a certain level of work ethic i learned what it meant when you when we say we want to be a part of something bigger than ourself what the fuck does that even mean because guess what it means nothing about you man i want to be a part of something bigger than myself and be a part of a team cool but if it's somehow fulfilling you individually first it's you're missing it yeah it's sacrifice it's commitment it's doing the right things doing the right thing is always the right thing it's dude it's fucking hard brotherhood is hard commitment's hard doing hard shit when you, like, dude, it's, and I learned that.

And I, and that's where I really started to understand, again, commitment, having core

values, standing for something, what hard work actually looked like.

And I had none of that.

Don't get me wrong.

I wasn't a bad baseball player.

I trained hard.

I was a good player.

I was good to my coaches. I wasn't even 70% of what I could have been putting into baseball.
And that's okay. I just, you don't know what you don't know.
But I'm okay. Like when we talk about lessons looking back when we're 40 and looking back, right? I'm okay that I know I could have gone further.
I'm okay that I know it could have been really cool. Because it's like I need that to pick at.
I need that fucking scab because that scab is what gives me the perspective on don't ever let that happen again. Yeah.
I'm listening to your story and it's funny. Obviously we've had different journeys, but I'll tell you that the, this idea of, of, of having that scab or that scar.
So I tell you from my own baseball journey, right? Like I, got i got two i got offered two tryouts with the pirates twice once my junior year once my senior year and i missed on both and what and the reason i missed on both is because while i was a hell of a hitter and you know i was a catcher and different stuff i different stuff. I had all these credentials and I had stats to back me up and I could do.
I still chose drinking beer and chasing women in college over getting myself in the physical shape that I knew, especially. And this is, you know, and again, I'm talking to you using these as lessons.
My junior year, I get this trial with the Pirates. I'm jacked out of my mind.
I get there. I'm ranked in the top three hitters, which actually one of my other teammates was ranked ahead of me.
He was two. I was three.
Out of all the hitters, out of all the people that show up, 100 guys show up. We're two and three in hitting, right? They got me playing third.
Great. You know, no problem there.
All good. Come back.
Don't get picked up. And the coach says, you're not fast enough.
Okay, right? Nah, that's fine. What I never did was fix that problem.
That's an easy problem to fix. There's a million ways to get faster.
And I didn't need to be the fastest, right? I was a power-hitting right-handed hitter who could catch and play third. So, like, there's no reason why.
I don't have to be Eli De La Cruz. Don't need to be him, right? I just need to be able to run a little bit faster to get down to first because there's certain marks you've got to hit.
You hit a ground ball in the pros, you've got to be able to get to first base. But I never fix that problem.
I show up the next year, have the same results in every category except for running.

The coach looks at me and says, hey, you know what that is?

What they were looking at was they felt like you would hit your max capacity.

Yeah, he's as good as he's going to get.

And when they see that you're at your max capacity, you may know improvement.

It's like, well, if you're not improving here, how are you going to handle a bigger league when it's a harder game to play?

So it felt like whether it was mental or physical, for whatever reason, if you're not showing improvement, then you're at capacity. So why would you go higher if the game is going to get harder, but you're not getting better? It's just that's math in itself.
And this is and this goes back to the very beginning of this conversation. At this point in my life, I now use that as fuel for everything I do.
That will not happen again. If we, if we get done with this podcast and afterwards you were like, dude, this part was great.
This part was great, but geez, this little section here, you kind of mess that up. Here's how I tweet that.
Boom. That shit never happens again.
Right. I fixed that problem.
That never happens again. And that has been how I've been able to be successful in the second half of my career was taking that not as like oh what was me I could have been you know I could have played in the pros I definitely could have played in the minors if I got my shit together but I was 20 pounds overweight right and it is worse in college you're okay yeah but you know you know what I'm saying like I know what you mean like dude this is this you know I teach this a lot when I coach people don't change until it's too painful not to.
Yeah. Okay.
Like it's okay to have a relationship with your pain. It's perspective.
It helps fuel it. If you want to be a victim mentality and drown yourself and wear your high school letterman jacket and tell everybody who you used to be fine.
You're using your pain differently there. Right.
Like, but if you learn how to use your pain and identify with it and realize that it's okay, it can be that fuel source, right? And believe it or not, it can actually be a fuel source better. They, they, I can't remember who did the study.
Some, some Ivy league school did this study with mice. They put a mouse in a container and they like strapped something to it.
So when it would try to approach the exit, it would be pulling, it'd be pulling weight. How hard can it pull? So they showed it the exit.
They measured the pull. Cool.
Then they put cheese in front of the exit. It pulled a little harder.
Cool. Then they put a cat behind it and it pulled the hardest.
It didn't pull the hardest for the cheese. It didn't pull the hardest for the big house and the dream and the vision board.
It pulled hardest away from fear. Yeah.
So having a relationship with your fear, as in my fear of like just never wanting to not give it like, dude, I'm okay if something doesn't work out. I'm good with that.
I'm not okay if I'm committed to it and I didn't give it my all because now it's like, well, did it not work out because you're not good enough or it's not your thing or because you didn't put enough effort into it. And I just don't like the unknown of that, right? So that's, there's a fear there.
There's a healthy level of perspective and fear with that. That's a harder driver than me dreaming about some fucking yacht or some fucking vision board that, not that those aren't important if they work for you.
Great. But the relationship with reality, the reason why I think the mouse moves is like the reality of what that cat's about to do to it is significantly more powerful than getting a full belly worth of cheese.

Same thing with us.

The relationship and reality of our pain and just not wanting to go back to something, it's a lot more tangible.

It's a lot more relatable because we went through it versus some dream we've never got to that we keep writing about in our fucking gratitude journals every morning it's just man i just i don't think it's as tangible as our pain let's spin this into the into business context and you started our conversation again before we went live you said i love talking about what actually works and i i mean dude it just we've only been talking for a half hour, but I, I just, I'm so with you there. I'm so, I get, I get frustrated because people come to me, like where I help people is between lift off and escape velocity.
That's where I help entrepreneurs is when they hit, they get off the ground and they get stuck. They're in that middle zone and they don't know how to get to that place where their business really ramps.
And every time, almost to a T, one of the problems that they're facing is they've read some fucking book or they follow some freaking person who just spouts all this cliche nonsense or has all these obscure ideas on how things are done. and they refuse or just aren't aware enough to your word to boil it down to the shit that actually makes progress what are those things for you well dude i'll tell you what that's the cheese so people think so like for example dude like when i started real estate i don't military don't police work i helped a buddy with with a fitness startup.
We grew 14 stores in two years, franchises and crush, right? Awesome. I get into entrepreneurship and like I was making good money at this fitness company, but I wasn't good with money.
I had two stupid cars. I was spending every dime.
So when I left that company, I went broke quick, got rid of my apartment. I had to sell two cars off and I'm sleeping in my buddy's mom's pantry the fucking y2k pantry you remember y2k the the original pandemic right i'm like buying toilet paper and castle dude and by the way if you're an emotional eater don't sleep in a pantry okay that that was me right i'm like eating fucking 20 year old fig newtons at night but you know like i'm sitting there and like i'm driving lift at.
If you guys go back to my Instagram and scroll to the bottom, you'll see me driving lift at night to make a buck while I'm studying for my real estate license during the day. And I'm grinding and I'm motivated and I'm good there.
Right. Cool.
A couple of years later, I'm, you know, I'm making over seven figures, two and a half years later. And my buddies, uh, it's right around like Thanksgiving.
My buddy, he's in Mexico with his family for a couple days, still working, doing this thing. I was waking up.
I was getting my mandatory work done. Cool.
And then halfway through the day, I'd catch myself. I had this huge beanbag in my living room, right? This little house we were renting and I'm making significantly more money than my bills require now, okay? And I'm sitting on, I'm laying on this beanbag watching EXPN.
Cool. Second day happens.
Why am I, but same thing. Third day, I go to sit down, I turn it on.
I'm like, I'm comfortable. I'm good enough.
I fucking felt it. That's more dangerous than the pantry, dude.
Right? Like, it's not the start where like, I'm fucking broke. I'll do whatever it takes, I've been here before, I've worked on before, like, let me just, let me just put a ton of effort and attention behind this, that's the romantic story, that's the romantic story, that's the one I talk about on stage, that's what people like to hear, the reality is, beat my fucking dick off halfway through the day watching ESPN on a beanbag because I'm my bills and my like no like my financial situation no longer required all of me.

We're renting this home for twenty five hundred bucks a month.

I got a truck for five hundred a month.

Like, and do we're making over seven figures?

There's no pressure.

And I go and I understood, like, I'm not stimulated.

I'm good enough.

I'm bored.

I'm comfortable.

Right. Like, dude, within within three months, we were in a $3 million home and it's not for the material of a $3 million home.
It was understanding. I need a certain amount of acquired and mandatories because that's the fuel.
That's what like, Hey, Will, what do you do when you get up in the morning and you don't want to? Well, I got kids and shit to pay for, man. That's a gas line for me, right? I don't have a morning I don't want to get up.
I don't have a morning I don't want to get up. I don't have a morning I do want to get up.
I don't have either conversation. Every morning, I'm, dude, I'm just getting up and I'm getting after my day, but there is something about my ambition for business and serving and helping people, and I like to live a nice life, and I like the things that I have, but it's not, and you don't, dude, you don't see me posting a lot.
Like you don't see me posting my Lamborghini or the, the, the big, like you don't see a lot of that stuff on my social. I'll show it if I happen to be in my car and cool and people like seeing it, but I'm not boasting about it because I don't, I'm not using it for the accolade of social.
I have those things because I'm a car guy or I'm a house guy and I enjoy what I have, but I also understand it's this fucking gas line that keeps me straight with myself, dude. And that probably goes back to the whole Marine Corps thing, man.
Like if I don't have a mission, I'm digging holes in the backyard and jumping the fence and doing weird shit with the neighbor's dog, right? Like I don't need that much. I need a mission.
I'm like, dude, I'm service. I need to serve.
I need a mission, but I also enjoy my stuff. And I just realized how that stuff also serves like a gas line, right? So dude, realizing that myself, like when you're coaching these guys that are, Hey, they're off the ground now and they can't get to that next level.
A lot of times it's not resource. It's not how to.
It's you're good enough. And my buddy Ben Newman talks about it.
Ben Newman's a great coach and he's been the mindset coach for Alabama football for a long time. He just parted ways with them.
But he talks about how do you respond after a win? And a lot of times he talks about that with his athletes when they're in their third year in the NFL. And you got your little teeny tiny rookie contract.
You go crushing the league for three years and you're the man now. You're Mahomes.
And now you're making 100 million. How do you respond after that contract? How do you respond after that win? How do you respond after you're off the ground and now you have this intermediate, high beginner, intermediate level of success and you're making a couple hundred grand as an entrepreneur or you're you're making a big check as an athlete like where you respond there that's where you're going to figure out like do I really want to do this and take it to the next level and I better figure out why and brother I have a why but I also have a lot of really nice shit that needs to get taken care of and it feeds me both from an ambition standpoint and from a practical reality standpoint.
And for me, dude, I need both. Do you think, so if I'm listening to this and I hear you, I'm like, shit, this dude's got drive coming out his ass.
Is that intrinsic or can it be learned? If I'm sitting here saying, man, I just don fire. I'm just, I'm a different kind of guy than Will.
Yeah. But I want that.
Is that something that I can learn? Can I, is it a discipline or is that just intrinsic into a person? It's learned, but you have to create discipline with it, right? Like I think, I think learning something in discipline there, they're not two in the same, but one goes with the other. You have to apply discipline to actually learn something at a high level of really creating like different habits.

But for the sake of a podcast and having people for a couple of minutes, here's what I would say.

Change your expectation of what shit should feel like. When I'm talking about my morning and like getting up, like, well, Will, what if you don't want to get up? I don't allow my emotions to have

majority vote in making a decision. I haven't wanted to go to the gym for probably a year.
Like, dude, we got so much stuff going on in business, and it's fun, and it's dynamic, and it's, we're playing chestnut checkers now, and there's so many conversations or hopping on podcasts and building my brand like I'm doing with you. The last thing I want to do is fucking squats, bro.
But the fact that I don't want to do it has zero to do with whether I'm actually going to do it or not. And then when I'm at the gym, I don't have this expectation that I'm supposed to feel like Rocky in the movie.
And I'm just like the endorphins and the sweat and the fucking chicks checking me out. Like I don't have this expectation that that's what it's supposed to feel like.
It's going to feel like whatever the fuck it feels like that day. And I have a lot more better days and not so good days, but it doesn't matter if I'm in the gym and I feel like shit.
I just like, I don't have an expectation of what it should feel like. I have an expectation that it's getting done.
So when you change your mindset of what things should feel like, it actually makes it easier to do. When you watch all these Nike commercials of runners in the rain and it looks amazing, so then you go run and it starts raining and you're like, wait, I'm heavy because my clothes are soaked and I'm in sweats.
So now I'm heavier. I'm slushing around.
I can feel my heavy fucking feet hit the ground. I can hear and feel my heartbeat because I'm a shitty runner.
Brother, it feels nothing like a Nike commercial. But if you put that expectation in there, then when you're not feeling a certain way, you must be doing it wrong or shouldn't be doing it all.
Because, dude, I'm just on a runner. I'm just on a runner.
I'm a big guy. I'm just on a runner.
That's what happens. If you, if you eliminate expectation of what it should feel like and just let it feel how it feels and knowing that as you continue, it gets better.
But even though it's getting better, who cares? and I'm just right in the middle dude like

when you eliminate the expectation of that believe it or not it makes it easier to go do the run

yeah because you're like yeah it's gonna suck or maybe it's not gonna suck it like it doesn't it

doesn't matter you're just thinking about you're thinking more about the trail or the run or the

time that you're gonna do you're not thinking about the emotional tank you're trying to fill

so I coach uh my I have two kids 10 and 8 they both play baseball uh and my older son is like

Thank you. tank you're trying to fill.
So I coach, uh, my, I have two kids, 10, 10 and eight. They both play baseball.
Uh, and my older son is like, loves it. He's, he's all the way in the younger one.
We'll see. He likes football more, which is fine.
Cause I played football in high school too. And frankly, I would have played college football first, but I got three concussions my senior season.
And my doctor was like, yeah, your career is over. So that so that that uh unfortunately happened but um but my older son the other day um he wanted to hit so we went down to the fields and i'm throwing him balls and he just was off he was you know i just wasn't hitting well you know what i mean we're like we're working on it whatever but in general i think it was below what he wanted and i could tell he was upset and i looked and I said, bro, the win is not that you're smoking balls all over the field.
We're fucking here. Like the win is that we're here.
How many other kids? I go, look, there's seven fields. There's one other father-son way over there.
Two. We're one of two here right now getting working.
Getting working. Everybody else is playing Fortnite or doing something else.
The win was that we came here and you got swings in, not that you loved every swing that you took. That's not the victory.
And that mentality changed. I picked up that mentality wherever I picked it up.
I don't know, somewhere five, ten years ago, I didn't always have this mentality. But that was one of the true course corrections in the success that I've had in my own life has been the idea that, like, I cold plunge.
So I had a similar situation where about six months ago, I've been a seven-day-of-work physical activity guy, not always at the gym but physical activity guys seven days i just need it from my mental always and then i just hit this moment comfortable as you said i started to feel comfortable was in great shape and i just stopped wanting to go to the gym and i started making excuses work this podcast here this client whatever and i stopped going and for two months i was like maybe once a week and i started to hate the way i felt so i said fuck it i went built a gym in my garage bought a steam room bought you know i always had the cold plunge and now i get up in the morning and i'm doing something every day physical sometimes i'll just do 200 pull-ups who you know whatever and then i hit a steam and i get in that cold plunge and I have friends that are like why do you get in it he's like you know do you love the cold punch I'm like no I don't love the fucking cold have you ever been in a cold plunge it's terrible every time no matter how many times you go in you know I know you know Frisella I don't know him personally but I listen to the show he talks about it all the time look look yeah there's a sauna yep see the sauna. Yep.
See the sauna? See the cold punch? Yep. There you go.
Yeah. Guys, for you listening in audio, we just got to look at – I love that steam room.
That's the next level for me. But mine's like a corner unit.
Whatever. It doesn't matter.
It works. But my buddies are always, like, talking about this cold punch.
It, like, fascinates them that I do this. And Andy does it now as well you were just mentioning any for so yeah and he says it all the time he's like we've been on his podcast before and yeah i listened to that episode i listened to when it first came out it's fucking awesome uh yeah i i and he says it he's like i don't want to do it the reason i do it is because if i wake up and do it every day, then I know I can then do all the other things that I don't want to do during the day.
And that's what it is. That's the way to use it.
Some people, they have this morning routine for the sake of a morning routine, and all they are is routines. Yeah, yeah.
And I don't get it. For me, I like as much as I do this stuff, the sooner I can close the gap between waking up and at the gym, the better my day is going to be.
If I start making fucking calls or taking a call or something, it's like, then I start getting into that conversation. And then the pre-workout that's in my body starts fading and it's not good.
And I know me and I still make that mistake sometimes, but for me, it's like point A to point B before I get to C and D and E and F point A getting up to, to get into the gym. Like that's, that's a measure of my day, dude.
And I, and I, and I got to have it. And that's what I mean about like finding what actually works for you.
My, my business partner sold his cold plunge. He's in great shape.
He's shredded. He's like, dude, it was fucking with him.

He was like doing it too much.

And if he didn't do it, was he feeling bad?

And it's like, dude, if it doesn't serve you, it'd be okay to say that. Me, from my past and how neurotic I get, dude, that thing was as cold as it got.

And I was in there, I think, for 22 minutes.

I started just going here, dude.

I started going like, oh, I bet I could just warm this water up. I'll be in here so long.
Right. And it's like, Hey bro, not fucking healthy.
Like don't like three minutes and get the fuck out. And like, but it was like, yeah, like I'm just going dark with it.
Cause I'm testing myself for the sake of something. It's not necessarily healthy.
So it's like, cool. So back off of that and But again, we're getting into the whole self-awareness thing of the maturity.
Something can serve you. Just make sure you don't abuse it.
Or if it stops serving you, identify that. And if you try something and it never serves you, it's okay to not be in the cool club and not have a cold punch.
Who gives a fuck? But find what does work you yeah like it's not about whether you do the

thing it's about what is your thing yes and you can say with integrity that it actually does help you right dude couldn't agree with you more this goes all the way back to to the gnf philosophy your thing could be cold plunges and that's amazing the lesson is not cold plunges The lesson is find the thing that to me, it's so people I'll get pushed back. Hey, I can't work out in the morning.
My kids, I get that. Do something hard as soon as you possibly can.
That could be the really tough text message you have to send to a family member. The cold calls, you don't want to do it.
Yeah, the cold calls. The call to a customer who's upset.
The tough conversation with an employee where we fuck this up is when we just let it drag and we give it space and all it does is feed. No matter how mentally tough you are, the more space you put between that hard thing you need to do and when you wake up in the morning, just just your body gets tense anxious and you never perform as well bro this i can talk to you for a freaking i could talk to you for two more hours this is amazing i i want i would love before we go i'd love just just like someone's listening here you've said some amazing things some quotes i've written down we're gonna we're gonna i'm gonna i'm, I'm going to, I'm going to push these out.
I'll give you credit. These are awesome.
I freaking love them. I wrote down, uh, who you need to be when you need to be it, change your expectation with how things feel.
I freaking love that. Like when, what is, what is one core idea that you haven't shared that you think is necessary for people to wrap their mind around to get shit done? I'm curious.
I'm curious, man. Like all of my friends are not all of them, but a lot of them are eight and 10 years older than me.
And clearly, right? Like as I'm talking to you about being 40, we talked about it prior to the podcast. I'm talking with my buddies when they turned 40 and how they compartmentalize it and what was different about it.
What was not different about it? Not to the number we're still super young but the point is like how am I going to get shit done in my 40s is really like well the better I can become with myself the more effective I'm going to be so I'm curious amongst other successful guys what's working for them so I can then create my formula and I can try things and maybe it'll work maybe it won't work but the point is like you know what's thatizen, I think it's Japanese. It's just ever evolving, man.
Yeah. Ever evolving and having the self-awareness of it doesn't work.
Cool. If it does great implement it, but just constantly seeking improvement.
And I don't, I don't mean like becoming stressed about it. I don't mean, you know, like killing yourself over it, but just understanding that, you know, constant improvement and dedication and commitment to self and to self growth ultimately is what indirectly affects everything, man.
But I like the word curious versus grind or fucking hustle or whatever romantic shit's out there. It's like, because you don't have, like, I don't want to attach a certain emotion or tempo to something.
Everyone's different. The word curious is great because you can be curious at your own pace on what that looks like and how you make that effective for yourself.
But ultimately it does, man. It boils down to just, just being curious about your evolving, about how you evolve.
Will Grimes, where do we get more of you? Will underscore Grimes on Instagram, man. Throw me a DM.
I dare you. Throw me a follow, throw me a DM.
So I'll actually see the DM. I'll, and if you have questions for me or if you need something for me i i respond i

run my own account i will respond to you appreciate you bro you're a friend of the show anytime you want to come back anything the audience can do we're here for you man wish you nothing but the best dude we love to have you on ours on day one dollar zero as well like i'm sure you and i'll connect on instagram after this show let's connect and see if we can't get it figured out love it Let's go.

Yeah, make it look, make it look, make it look.

Thank you for listening to the Ryan Hand. Can't get it figured out.
Love it. Let's go.

Yeah.

Make it look.

Make it look.

Make it look easy.

Thank you for listening to The Ryan Hanley Show.

Be sure to subscribe and leave us a comment or review wherever you listen to podcasts. Ain't anything for me.

I never switched to no change in me.

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