How To Shift Your Money Mindset To Unlock Financial Freedom | Anas Bukhash

Speaker 2 I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy.

Speaker 2 And if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life, and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy.

Speaker 2 I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money this moment moving forward.

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Speaker 2 You live in Dubai, a city of wealth and of extreme luxury, but you also grew up in America.

Speaker 2 So you have a mixture of American values and Dubai culture that you live in, and you are surrounded by and have interviewed some of the wealthiest people in the world.

Speaker 2 And I'm curious, what is the difference that you've learned from

Speaker 2 Americans and those who live in America who think about money

Speaker 2 versus business and those who think about money in Dubai? What is the difference in the mindset?

Speaker 1 What I think, and these are all all just perspectives. I don't know how accurate they are, but I feel in the US it's a bit siloed, like each to their own.

Speaker 1 Like you don't have this unity in between each other and you're a go-getter and you want to just make as much as you can. And I don't know, I don't find that cooperative feeling as much.

Speaker 1 Maybe now versus 50 years ago it's different.

Speaker 2 So it's more like single-minded, competitive. I'm going to get mine.
I'm going to compete against you.

Speaker 2 That type of thing?

Speaker 1 Probably. And in Dubai specifically, because also each place in the region is different, in Dubai there's a crazy level of entrepreneurship.
If you actually, if whatever anybody now is watching,

Speaker 1 whatever you Google, can you believe that the UAE has done all of this in 50 years, which is younger than our parents?

Speaker 1 People sometimes criticize the UAE or Dubai and they say, ah, it's this or that, it's fake or no.

Speaker 1 No, that do you actually realize how many years years we've built all of that? It's very short, so it's a very entrepreneurial city.

Speaker 1 In Dubai, a lot of people come there, whether from the US, from the UK, from Europe, from Asia. That's where they start their careers because they create a business.
And don't forget it's like raw.

Speaker 1 So when Lewis has an idea and you come and pitch it in the UAE or in Dubai, you probably are the first one. It's not like it's a thousand years old and many people thought and built those businesses.

Speaker 1 No, you might be. So all of my startups are technically the first of this kind, really.
Not because I'm a genius, it's because it's a young country. So I have an idea, I started and it does well.

Speaker 1 So very entrepreneurial.

Speaker 2 What is the, for a lot of people who've never been there, they think of like it's

Speaker 2 maybe it's superficial or maybe those who have visited it's very superficial. There's luxury everywhere.
It's an excess of money. It just seems like it's just unlimited.
Like it just keeps coming.

Speaker 2 Does that help or hurt values within the communities there by having that much money? Or what does that do to values or communities?

Speaker 1 I think it's an inaccurate perception.

Speaker 1 Do a lot of rich people move to Dubai? Absolutely, because Dubai has provided so much. Like it's, you know, you leave your car keys in the car.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Your doors are generally open. And it doesn't happen by coincidence.
It happens because the level of security and the level of effort that the government is putting is immense.

Speaker 1 Like the other day I was walking with somebody who was just coming for a week and she goes,

Speaker 1 can we walk here? And I'm like, yeah.

Speaker 1 And for her, it was shocking because she's like, in Europe, I can do this walk at the end of the

Speaker 1 night. Yeah.
And no way.

Speaker 1 For me, it's a no-brainer, but for her, it's a brainer.

Speaker 1 So I think the level of safety and the level of logistics and the level of ease to build your business and all of that and the network you build in Dubai.

Speaker 1 Well if you think the world has six degrees of separation between any two people, I think in Dubai it's two. Really? Between you and anybody it's probably to max.
So your network there is crazy.

Speaker 1 So that's why the rich people are moving. The schooling is great, the logistics is good, the quality of life is good, safety, which is quite undervalued, is so important.

Speaker 1 So that's why you see a lot of rich people there. But it doesn't mean there are no middle class and low income people.
Everybody, there are all kinds of people.

Speaker 1 Now, to the second part of your question, how has it affected maybe culture?

Speaker 1 The interesting thing about Dubai has always been a trading city. Even my grandfather, when he was there, it's where people used to go to the port, sell carpets, sell spices, sell gold.

Speaker 1 So it's always had a lot of people, different nationalities. So we're quite accustomed to that.
But you still feel a sense of value and togetherness, which I love. Like, I don't want to lose that.

Speaker 1 So...

Speaker 2 What is the mindset about how to generate wealth? How is it different with people in Dubai then versus in America from your experience? How do they think about money differently?

Speaker 2 Is it scary? Is it something they're anxious about? Are they holding on to it?

Speaker 2 Are they thinking, I'll spend it, invest it, because I'm going to create more of it?

Speaker 1 That's also a good question. I've lived in the US, and in the US, I feel,

Speaker 1 I do feel, and I hope nobody gets bothered with it, the American dream is quite just a dream. Like, I do think 1% make it, and they make it big, probably the best in the world.

Speaker 1 If you make it in the US, as the 1%, yeah, but the 99% who come with the American dream, I don't know if they ever achieve their dream because I see them hustling so much just to live okay, not even wow, not even really comfortable.

Speaker 1 It's like, I'm doing two jobs and a part-time and my wife is doing this and my son. And you're like, all of you are working for this level.
So, I always found that marketing-wise, it's great.

Speaker 1 You know, you think, I'm going to come and build this life, but I do think that has shifted.

Speaker 1 Now, you come to the region, I've seen a lot of expats come to the UAE and Dubai, and they actually live the dream.

Speaker 1 They come, they build a business, it could be a chocolate business, it could be a specialty coffee, it could be whatever, textile, and suddenly they have 16 branches.

Speaker 1 So, how we look at money is not out of fear because it's contagious when you live in a very entrepreneurial city.

Speaker 1 If you go to New York, it's a bit different than going maybe to Dallas or to Wisconsin.

Speaker 1 It's very contagious in Dubai that everybody's coming up with an idea. So it's competitive, but if you're entrepreneurial,

Speaker 1 it's pretty a good place to be. And I've seen people, like even my best friend is from Boston.
So a few years ago, I kept telling him, come with your wife, come to Dubai, trust me, trust me.

Speaker 1 And I had to nag for years.

Speaker 1 eventually he did and it's for him you can ask him it's the best decision he's ever made his kids all go to a good school he has a beautiful villa has a nice car has a great family and it's safe and he's built a business as a consultant now so it's not like i'm selling something i've seen it happen he's making more money in dubai now than in america for sure really yeah

Speaker 1 is there

Speaker 2 Do people talk about money differently though? Is it like an open conversation?

Speaker 2 Because I feel like a lot of people live in fear around money or it's taboo to talk about sometimes or it's hard to get in America sometimes.

Speaker 2 They see a few people, the 1% getting it, and they're like, okay, maybe it's possible for them, but not for me. How's the conversation around abundance and money different in Dubai?

Speaker 1 I think when you live Lewis in a city where you see people make it, and when I say make it, it doesn't mean you have to be a millionaire.

Speaker 1 You could just have $10,000, $20,000, but you're happy with it. So even the idea of wealth and abundance is a subjective thing.
Some people don't want a million dollars.

Speaker 1 They just want a quality life where when he wants to buy a t-shirt, he buys it and he doesn't need to do three jobs to do that.

Speaker 1 And I think that's the difference here. It feels they put so much effort just to live okay,

Speaker 1 keep up in the rent and payments and bills. There there's more of a direct correlation as, okay, Lewis came to Dubai, he worked this much, he will get the return on investment.

Speaker 1 Here I feel you work this much, your return on investment investment is like, ah.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 1 I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.

Speaker 1 But that's the perception I get. I haven't lived here for a while.

Speaker 2 How did you, I mean, when you grew up here though, what was your perspective around money growing up in the States? Did you guys do you did your parents talk about it openly?

Speaker 2 Was it a free-flowing conversation? Was it, hey, we don't have a lot of it, so don't go spend this, we can't buy this. What was that conversation like?

Speaker 2 And did it shift when you started to go to Dubai more?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 on a tangent, the idea of discussing money I do think is quite taboo in Arab and Asian. Like you don't sit on a lunch table and talk about it.

Speaker 1 If you read the book Rich Dad, Poor Dad, he had that contrast. One of the fathers is like, oh, it's the devil talk.
You don't talk about money on this table.

Speaker 1 And then another father is like, no, we talk about money.

Speaker 1 So I never came from a culture where you talked about investments and, oh, we should invest in stocks and we should do this and don't put it in this account. Never.

Speaker 1 So financial literacy was extremely poor for me and for a lot of my my generation. You just don't talk about it.

Speaker 1 You just put your money in the saving and get your 1% per year, which is probably the most silly thing you could do with your money.

Speaker 1 If now today we are more educated, we're like, no, move your money, keep something, but move it, put a bit here, put a bit there, get some,

Speaker 1 make your money work. Don't let it just stay in a bank.
So that was never discussed. That's the question.

Speaker 1 And when I lived in Boston,

Speaker 2 that was when you were in Boston.

Speaker 1 No, that was ever, always.

Speaker 2 Yeah, your parents never did.

Speaker 1 And I don't think they had the financial literacy to teach us.

Speaker 1 And if you don't have the conversation, you never improve. You never debate, you never discuss which stock you should go to.
So we didn't have that.

Speaker 1 But in Boston, I was on a scholarship and Boston is expensive. Very.

Speaker 1 So I was just trying to manage my. I've been independent since I was 17.

Speaker 1 So yeah, just how to...

Speaker 1 I remember Lewis,

Speaker 1 we didn't have nice clothes when we were students and

Speaker 1 my roommate was chunky, he was big, and I was so skinny. I was like, like half of this.

Speaker 1 And I was like, man, there's this store. We need to go.
I don't even promote them, but it's just a designer.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, we need to get a t-shirt, but it was expensive for us. It was so expensive.
Now it's not. But you look at it, we're like, we can't buy anything from there.
So I'm like, you know what?

Speaker 1 Why don't we buy one t-shirt like in the middle, the size, somewhere where it looks like you're wearing spandex, and for me, it looks like I'm.

Speaker 1 And we share this. We literally share like he's this big and I'm this small.
But we both paid for it and it was really nice to have but it just didn't look good on any of us. Right.
But that was how

Speaker 1 I think it's beautiful that you work towards then earning your money that so you can live well.

Speaker 2 When did you start to think about money differently?

Speaker 2 Because it sounds like you grew up where it wasn't talked about, your parents didn't talk about it and you weren't allowed to have open conversations.

Speaker 2 So when did the shift happen for you where you said, I need to learn about money differently to be able to run my business or to be able to raise the kids I have or whatever it might be?

Speaker 2 What year is that? And when did it start to unlock where money flowed to you?

Speaker 1 The problem is I'm very ignorant when it comes to investments and I'm teaching myself.

Speaker 1 So real estate is something that My grandfather did very well, God rest his soul, and we never learnt how he did it.

Speaker 1 He didn't teach you guys? No.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I think with me, because I'm a purist when it comes to my entrepreneurship, I follow my passion. And when money comes, it comes.

Speaker 1 And the good thing is, if you're usually good at what you do, it eventually does come. But it doesn't mean you're being smart.

Speaker 1 Because you could, let's say, you suddenly make, the first time you open the podcast in six months, you make $10,000, buy new cameras, get the sound engineer, and suddenly you're back to zero.

Speaker 1 So you need to realize, okay, if I'm ill, how am I making money? If you're sleeping as Lewis, are people purchasing my book? Are people purchasing a course?

Speaker 1 And that's who I think I started to think more like that in the last

Speaker 1 five years or so, where how can I have passive income? And even I was talking to my brother the other day and he's like, yeah, this year has been challenging. We need to restructure, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 And I told him, you know what? His name is Harath. I'm like, Harath, even if you take out $1,000, $5,000, whatever, every month, just put $2,000 somewhere.

Speaker 1 Put it in crypto, put it in realistic, anything. One of those are going to hit.
But I don't want it in the bank.

Speaker 1 So let's start. And he's good with crypto and we're good with stocks.
So

Speaker 1 it doesn't have to be a big one. So this is something also for the audience.
We don't have to feel crippled. You could put $100, you could put $500.

Speaker 1 But that times 12 months is something.

Speaker 1 And that in five years is something else. And I think we need to do that more.
We're so afraid and we keep things in their saving because we're like, oh, rainy day. Yeah, but keep something

Speaker 1 as security, what will make you live maybe for three months. After that, move everything.
Let it move.

Speaker 2 Sure.

Speaker 1 And that's what I'm trying to do now.

Speaker 2 I mean, you've interviewed a lot of, I think you've interviewed some people in the royal family, right?

Speaker 2 Have you interviewed some people in the royal family

Speaker 2 in Dubai? Correct.

Speaker 2 What is the difference between those who grow up in wealth versus those that don't grow up with money?

Speaker 1 That's a great question.

Speaker 2 Because a lot of people in the royal family or the you know the children of the royal family, they grew up in wealth.

Speaker 2 It's just around them. Is there a difference in the way they think, the way they act, the way they move? Do they have an entitlement? Are they more humble?

Speaker 2 What is the difference between growing up in wealth versus not?

Speaker 1 It's a very good question. And of course you have all kinds of people.

Speaker 1 You know, some rich families, the kids

Speaker 1 take take it for granted, they don't feel the value of money. And some, they suddenly have a business acumen and a finance acumen.
And the ones I was lucky to befriend,

Speaker 1 they don't feel inferior to money.

Speaker 1 I think a lot of us that we came from a modest background or a simple background,

Speaker 1 it's like it's a taboo, it's like, oh, how can I get it? you know

Speaker 1 but when you when you think it's just a tool and like it's a mindset it's kind of a confident mindset. You know, when you feel you can't get the girl or you're already losing,

Speaker 1 so you walk up to the girl, you're already feeling inferior or insecure or you're trembling,

Speaker 1 that energy doesn't welcome the best looking or the smartest girl, for example.

Speaker 1 But if you're like, I think it's worth a try, you know what, I think I have the right confidence, let me have a conversation. Very different response.

Speaker 1 And I think their confidence towards money because they've lived it is a bit different for somebody who's like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 And I really believe law of attraction only works not by what you write down or what you say out loud. I think it's a law of attraction is based on conviction, inner conviction.

Speaker 1 And if your inner conviction is clear that you actually, Lewis actually inside believes he will have the best-selling book next year, for example, you truly think, No, my book, I wrote it so well, it has a definite chance for it.

Speaker 1 Then you have a chance. But if you're like, it's not that good.

Speaker 1 Well, you say it's good to everybody, but internally, and the same goes to how we look, and the same goes to how we feel about our brain, our self-esteem, and what we think we're worth.

Speaker 1 So if you look at your relationship with money, and you truly think, I'm talented, I'm working hard, and I'm pretty sure I can

Speaker 1 one day have

Speaker 1 like a private jet. I think I can have a private jet, or I think I can have a million dollars, or or.

Speaker 1 You truly believe it, I do think if you then you add that with the work, it will equal manifestation.

Speaker 2 For someone though, watching or listening that's saying, well,

Speaker 2 it's easy to have conviction when your parents are wealthy and you grew up in wealth. But if I didn't grow up in wealth or I have a more of a modest upbringing like us,

Speaker 2 how do I create a conviction inside of me that I feel comfortable around money and I feel comfortable money is coming to me if I don't know how to handle it?

Speaker 1 On the first part, I will contradict the two.

Speaker 1 So some,

Speaker 1 let's say a wealthy kid who his parents pass away, he inherits all the money. How many blow out all the money? A lot of them.

Speaker 1 Because that, you see, so it doesn't guarantee sustainability, doesn't guarantee profitability for the long run. A lot of wealthy kids,

Speaker 1 they just don't know the value of money or they're not financially literate to know how to keep it. Now, dad had a lot of money.
He's the one who made it. And now I don't know how to make money.

Speaker 1 I lose it all. I throw it all away in five years.
A lot of even professional athletes or whatever, as soon as they stop, whoop, all the money goes.

Speaker 1 So it's never a guarantee if you were born into wealthy or stay wealthy.

Speaker 1 Who made you wealthy? You need to learn from that person.

Speaker 1 Now

Speaker 1 with

Speaker 1 us to, for somebody that comes from a more modest background, I do believe in small wins.

Speaker 1 You know, it's like

Speaker 1 Confidence is a muscle

Speaker 1 and if you train it, it's gonna get strong and if you stop training, it's gonna wither away, and then you have to retrain it.

Speaker 1 Maybe the second time you retrain it, it's quicker to build because you have the body memory. And I think the same confidence for me has always been departments in your brain.

Speaker 1 So when we say somebody is confident, it's a very blanket statement. It's quite inaccurate.
Yeah, but he's confident in what?

Speaker 1 Oh, he's a great public speaker, so he's very confident in public speaking. But maybe he's very not confident in relationships.
Maybe he's very insecure as a father.

Speaker 1 So we cannot just say somebody's just confident. It's a very delusional way of giving that sticker away.
So I like to see it as departments. And how do you build these departments is by practice.

Speaker 1 A bicycle. The first time we tried to get on a bicycle, we were so insecure, we're so fearful.
We put those two small training wheels on the side, then you remove one.

Speaker 1 But eventually, you even do it without even holding the handle. You're so good at it.
And even if you stop for a year, the next time you quickly pick it up. So I I believe that's my advice is trial.

Speaker 1 So when you try, you're like, man, Anas, I invested in five stock, they all flopped except one. It's not bad, you know? I think this is why when I did the research on this one, it kind of worked more.

Speaker 1 And suddenly you're getting 1% confidence, 2% confidence, 3%. And suddenly you're at 70% confident.
And now you know your sh ⁇ . You know how to.

Speaker 1 And I think that's so important.

Speaker 2 It's interesting because I was looking at an office building a couple months ago. and

Speaker 2 one of the units I was looking at to rent out,

Speaker 2 the broker, I was like, I feel like I need some upgrades or whatever.

Speaker 2 Would the owner put money to invest to upgrade it?

Speaker 2 And she was like, whatever you need done, she will do because she has owner's guilt. And I go, what do you mean? She goes, well.

Speaker 2 She got handed this building, this big building, and she's got a portfolio of like massive real estate portfolio that she didn't create.

Speaker 2 It was like her father passed away and gave her all the properties. So the broker is like, whatever you need, she's going to do it because she feels guilty.

Speaker 2 And so she'll invest in like just making it nice for you, not trying to make the most money from it, but just like, I'm already making so much that I didn't create.

Speaker 1 It's an imposter syndrome.

Speaker 2 It's kind of just like, yeah, I'll do whatever to just to make people happy type of thing.

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Speaker 2 Do you notice that as well in Dubai with like children of the royal family who've been handed a lot of money?

Speaker 2 Do they have this kind of guilt for receiving it or they have a different level of confidence?

Speaker 1 I don't know many in the royal family,

Speaker 1 but the ones I've met are really impressive. Really? I swear.
How does that mean? Like, just the level of sophistication,

Speaker 1 the level of knowledge and well-traveling, that's huge, you know, when you're well-traveled or when you're well-educated.

Speaker 1 And when you, Louis, when you're born, and I hope I don't sound too biased, but I'm a big fan of my own country.

Speaker 1 And the writing is in the pudding. Like you can see, it's actually a great country.
So

Speaker 1 when I see how

Speaker 1 the leadership that made the country a united Arab Emirates, how they were visionaries, like literally Louis, with everybody watching, can we, if anybody told us 60 years ago that this piece of desert is going to be one of the most sought out countries in the world and best cities to live in in the world, nobody would have believed it.

Speaker 1 Not you, not me. Nobody, nobody.
But you had visionaries. And if somebody is going to watch this and yeah, of course you had oil money.
How many countries in the world have oil money? A lot.

Speaker 1 Where are they?

Speaker 1 Not too well.

Speaker 1 That's my point.

Speaker 1 Some of them have corruption, some of them they just don't know how to use it or invest it in their people.

Speaker 1 You know that one of our leaders, God rest his soul, he's the founder of the UAE His name is Sheikh Zayed Allah Hamamu'a. So Sheikh Zayed,

Speaker 1 when he was taking the leadership, I'm told that he went to families telling them, and listen to this, he telling them, I'll pay you if you send your children, your boys and girls to school.

Speaker 1 Not you pay to go to school. No, I will pay you.

Speaker 1 I will reward you if you send our children to school. And we call him Baba Zayed, which is like the father Zayed, because he was literally a father to a lot of people in the country and outside.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Like I've been to Comoros Islands, which nobody probably knows where it is.

Speaker 1 And I saw, I was in the car because I was with UNICEF, and we're going across this island, and I see a small school and a certain Sheikh Zay school for children. I'm like, he even has a school here?

Speaker 1 So he was very, even in the US, he did a lot, by the way, a lot for the hospitals and for a lot of the charity.

Speaker 1 So coming back to the idea, if you have a leader who is investing in these people and paying them, like please send them to school, please. Because he knows in 20 years

Speaker 1 those kids are the next wave.

Speaker 1 So, I think when you say petrol money, it's one thing, but what are you doing with it?

Speaker 1 For example, Dubai doesn't have petrol.

Speaker 1 But look at Dubai.

Speaker 1 Number one income tourism.

Speaker 1 Look at that. Like, that's a huge achievement.
People might not, people might think Dubai is still running on oil. No, Dubai is about tourism.
Really?

Speaker 2 Absolutely. How much does it bring in a year with tourism?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I can't make up those.
I'm sure we can find them on Chat GPT. But

Speaker 1 just in the last two years, I was talking to somebody in the tourism.

Speaker 1 In the last two years, we have increased only Dubai 400,000 new people.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 And they're not low-income. These are families that are bringing money and investments in the city.
I know Miami, I heard Miami is doing very well also in the U.S.

Speaker 1 And there are certain cities that are providing a good place for families to come and just settle.

Speaker 2 That takes extreme vision for someone like that to say, okay, we are in

Speaker 2 a plot of sand. There's nothing here.
There's no infrastructure. There's no plumbing.
There's no roads. There's no nothing.
It's just sand, desert, and heat. And Dubai is hot, man.

Speaker 2 It's hard to freaking live there.

Speaker 1 And the summary.

Speaker 2 It is, oh, it penetrates your soul, that type of heat.

Speaker 1 It's just so different, Louis. Even the ruler of Dubai, he decided to build a port when nobody, they're like, why you want to build such a big port? And he's like, we should build it.

Speaker 1 And everybody didn't agree or didn't see it. That is one of the most important ports in the region today.
Like when you think of it, like it's easy not to say, yeah, of course you should build a port.

Speaker 1 No, no, like back then, why would you?

Speaker 2 Right. No one was going there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But you know, when you have, that's beautiful.

Speaker 1 Like I would love to sit on a dinner table and listen to people like that that had, and we have them across the world, whether it's a Muhammad Ali or a Gandhi or a Mandela, you have visionaries.

Speaker 1 And they saw something that they didn't need to do, because some of them are already wealthy. They're okay.
They don't need to do it. But there's a passion in the people.

Speaker 1 And I think if you invest in the people, you never go wrong. Never.

Speaker 2 That's true.

Speaker 1 And notice all the names that I just said. They all invested in their people.

Speaker 2 So how is the conversation around money today there? Are people talking about it openly or is it still taboo in conversation?

Speaker 1 Not taboo at all. Really? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Now people talk. They do.
I think the internet also helped a lot.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Investments and people, how they use their money. It's in my family it wasn't, but I know even in Asian families, usually money won't be discussed much.

Speaker 2 So when you're around the royal family or you see them, they're very sophisticated. They're very well traveled.
What else do they have? They're very well educated.

Speaker 1 Very.

Speaker 1 And again, because we have this lineage, right? If you start from Sheikh Zayd and Rashid, who are the founders, and then you take that teaching.

Speaker 1 and how they approach the country and how it was so important that the people are happy. For example, as an Emirati, we get land for free.
We get a loan to build. We get an interest free.

Speaker 1 We get

Speaker 1 education for free. We get,

Speaker 1 what else? There is a loan to build and loan for weddings. A loan for weddings? Yeah, so you can actually get married.
Really? So they set you up. How important?

Speaker 1 Like it's not so, they will set you up, they'll support you where it's really important to set you for life.

Speaker 2 How important is marriage and family in

Speaker 2 Dubai or in the UAE?

Speaker 1 It's huge. Why?

Speaker 2 Why are they investing in people getting married?

Speaker 1 Because one, you want your people to grow and you want to build family units that are really strong.

Speaker 1 And I think maybe we're generally in the modern world, we're undermining the value of strong families. It's so beautiful.
Like I work with my brother. He's my business partner in Oliver.

Speaker 1 And my mother brought us up so well. We have such a solid unit.
Like me and my brothers are all buddies and we all trust each other. You can't beat that.

Speaker 1 Like you can't find a business partner if he's also competent. And your brother's competent, you always wanted a brother.

Speaker 2 He's your blood.

Speaker 1 But if he's not competent and someone else is, then you don't use him. Like I do think to be a great entrepreneur, you should be ready to fire your mother.
Wow.

Speaker 2 It's tough.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that's what it takes. You can't be like, oh, but you know, that's my buddy.
That's my mother, that's my brother. No, you have to, as an entrepreneur,

Speaker 1 you have to be very

Speaker 2 productive. You got to put the best person in the position to help you grow.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So I'm lucky with them.
And coming back to your point, marriage and good units and good families build a society. And if the society is built on ethical, good value people, good mannered people,

Speaker 1 good units, you have a very strong society. In Europe today, maybe in America, and a lot of places in the world is very disintegrated.
Like when you said Annas, you were... I lived both.

Speaker 1 I lived the American life and I lived the UAE life.

Speaker 1 And I love some things in both and I don't like some things in both. So I try to merge the most of everything.

Speaker 2 What are the things you loved about both and things you don't love about both?

Speaker 1 Okay, so in America,

Speaker 1 I really liked

Speaker 1 just the people are really nice. I love that.
And I loved my college years. And it was just really

Speaker 1 good formative years for me. What I didn't like is the family values I felt were very weak compared to where I come from.

Speaker 1 Like if you just see your family once a year or a Christmas or a Thanksgiving, for me that was sad. Like I'm like, you're missing out guys.
Like this is so important.

Speaker 1 We go once a week to our families or we talk to them. It's such a strong unit with your brothers, your siblings.
So that I didn't like.

Speaker 1 And like I said in the beginning of the interview, like there's not much unity between people.

Speaker 1 Now back home,

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 we moved so fast. Maybe before it was more rigid.
now we're so open to the world, so now we're great. But a lot of topics like the money was taboo, culture,

Speaker 1 openness to the world. Now Dubai is one of the most modern cities.
But one of the beautiful things for me that I don't want to change is the good mannerism.

Speaker 1 I don't think, Louis, you've been to the UAE you've been to Dubai, it's very difficult to find an Emirati who wouldn't treat you with good hospitality, good mannerism, and just be nice to you.

Speaker 1 So that's really nice and how you're warm with people.

Speaker 1 If you just say, oh guys, I'm hungry, they'll all invite you. Wow.
Whether he has money or not, he will invite you. Yeah, it's in our culture.
And I remember, for example, in a neighboring country,

Speaker 1 my dad was in Amman. So he went to the mosque to pray.
And he went to the small town in Amman.

Speaker 1 Very, very, like a farming town maybe. And he just went for prayer, like let's say afternoon prayer.
And at least three guys in the mosque, they're like, your lunch is with us.

Speaker 1 And he's like, no, no, with me. And they're like competing who would invite my dad.
And I found that quite sweet. Like, you don't see it in a lot of places in the world.

Speaker 1 They truly mean, it's not like they're just being nice. They really want to take care of you.
And he's like, listen, if you don't have a place to stay, our house, we have a guest room. And it's.

Speaker 2 Why is that?

Speaker 1 You're brought up like that. You're brought up to be nice to other people and hospitable.
And you represent your culture, your religion, and your country that way. And I love that.

Speaker 1 And I think the world generally needs a bit more of that. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hmm.

Speaker 2 What are the values you've learned through

Speaker 2 prayer that have allowed you to create more prosperity?

Speaker 1 Hmm.

Speaker 2 Do you pray frequently?

Speaker 1 I do.

Speaker 1 I used to do it much better.

Speaker 2 You're a bad prayer.

Speaker 1 No, I don't think there's such a thing as a bad prayer. I was brought up in a very

Speaker 1 conservative family. My dad is religious, my mom,

Speaker 1 and I think there's a lot of beauty to prayer, Louis.

Speaker 1 Let's talk about it from an objective point of view. When you're a busy person

Speaker 1 and in Islam there are five prayers and I think Christianity I think you can pray five a day right? Yeah. At different times.
And I think in Christianity it's flexible.

Speaker 1 I think on Sunday you go to the church. And different religions have different practices.
But the idea of prayer, that you have to pause,

Speaker 1 I think that's really important. Like today we talk about meditation, we talk about leave your phones.
So imagine you're in a religion where five times a day you need to take a five-minute break.

Speaker 1 It doesn't take long. And you go and you pray and you take a spiritual connection or a pause, literally a pause.
I think there's a beauty to that. It teaches you time management.

Speaker 1 It teaches you prioritization. It teaches you to take time for yourself.
And it's also our prayer is a bit of movement, so there's a bit of stretching. It's like yoga.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I think there are a lot of pros and discipline.

Speaker 2 One of the things I love about the five times a day prayer,

Speaker 2 it's probably a lot easier to let go of the past. If someone, if you got into an argument with someone and you're feeling frustrated or resentful about something,

Speaker 2 If you're praying about it five different times a day,

Speaker 2 you might be able to let that go quicker. You know, from one prayer to the the next.
Hopefully you could let it go.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying everyone can, but that type of practice of forgiveness, of reflection of, okay, how do I want to show up with these next five hours or next four hours until the next moment?

Speaker 2 I didn't show up well. I reacted to my neighbor.
I screamed. I honked

Speaker 2 in the car.

Speaker 2 Okay, how do I be better these next few hours?

Speaker 2 I think that five times a day gives you, hopefully, a moment to reflect and say, I got to be better. Let me go apologize to the person I just did this to.
That's not okay.

Speaker 1 Even, you know, in our prayer, we have something called wudu, which is like you have to just wash your face and your hands. Just that interesting practice calms you.

Speaker 1 Imagine like literally you're really pissed off, you're stressed at work and you're like, okay guys, let me just go pray and come back. And you have to go wash and you wash your face.

Speaker 1 Just that interesting practice calms you down, by the way. You cleanse yourself.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so then you go and pray and now you're forced to be good and nice and pray because you need to disconnect from the stress you just had in the meeting or an argument with your partner.

Speaker 1 So suddenly you're pausing now.

Speaker 1 And I think that that's where I agree with you. When you pause, you regulate.
I remember, by the way, your answer on AB Talks.

Speaker 1 I asked you a question, I said, Louis, if you could teach every child in the world one thing only, what would you teach you? Your answer is one of the best answers I've ever had on the show. Truly.

Speaker 1 He said, emotional regulation.

Speaker 1 And I think a prayer or a disconnect allows you to regulate before you just fight and cause something that... It's like when you're arguing, you go for a walk and then come back.

Speaker 1 So there is a lot of blessings to that.

Speaker 2 What season of life

Speaker 2 were you making the most money? What year did you bring in the most money from your businesses?

Speaker 1 I have four businesses at them. I used to have six.
I have four now.

Speaker 1 But the funny thing is each one does better in different years. This year, the hair salon is like...
Hair salon? Woo! Yeah, it's doing well.

Speaker 2 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 I got to come and get a haircut in Dubai.

Speaker 1 It's a good one. And I got inspired by New York loft style salons.

Speaker 2 Oh, they're nice. Yeah.
They're nice.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 a lot of your business ideas, you just visit America, you see what's working, and you say, oh, we don't have this in Dubai. Let me bring this over.
And it's going to crush.

Speaker 1 Actually, two. Two of the six were because of an American idea.

Speaker 2 That's smart.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 If it's not there, but you know it does well somewhere else, then hopefully the first one was artificial grass football or soccer fields.

Speaker 1 Wow. You didn't have to.
So I played it in Boston, we played and it was air-conditioned. I'm like, oh shit.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 In Dubai with our weather, air-conditioned, but turf with cleats. Yeah, with snowbrands.

Speaker 2 Soft turf with like rubber.

Speaker 1 Exactly. And I wrote it, and we were the first in the UAE, and it went from one or two pitches.
I think 26, 28 pitches. Wow.

Speaker 1 Indoor?

Speaker 2 Indoor. Indoor.
So it's AC. That's what I was going to say, because you can't have grass there.

Speaker 2 You'd just be watering all day long.

Speaker 1 Not a smart thing to do.

Speaker 1 Well, that's cool. That depends.
Each year, some of the businesses do well, some not.

Speaker 2 What was the year that you made the most? You don't have to say how much, but what year?

Speaker 1 What year?

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 maybe two years ago, three years ago, we did great and all.

Speaker 2 How much were you praying? leading into that year

Speaker 2 i don't pray for money i'm not talking about money money, I'm just saying how much were you praying?

Speaker 1 Spiritually?

Speaker 2 Yes. Not like give me more money, but how much

Speaker 1 every day. I think it's important.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 were you doing it more before that? No. No.

Speaker 1 I'm a consistent guy.

Speaker 1 Like even every night I will journal. And in my journal, you'll see my gratitude.

Speaker 1 what I did today, kind of like a diary, and what I'm happy that I did and what was quite cool.

Speaker 1 And part of my, this is like, it's not a secret, but I don't usually share this, but part of it at the end, I will write, like,

Speaker 1 they call it affirmations. I don't like the word affirmations, I think it's over trendy, but I think it's important to write things that you want to do or get.
So I do that every day.

Speaker 1 And you know that what's the funny part, Louis, if you, any of you watching, do this, go back at the end of the year. And you'll see, you'll be shocked at how much of it actually happened.

Speaker 2 Of what you write down, what you want to create.

Speaker 1 What actually happened. Like you said, you're going to do all of this in the beginning of the year.
You'll be shocked what happens at the end of the year.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like I do that and I'm like.

Speaker 2 Check, check, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's pretty cool.

Speaker 2 You got married young, 24.

Speaker 1 Correct.

Speaker 2 Married for nine years,

Speaker 2 then divorced, then separated for the last 10 years?

Speaker 1 Nine, ten years, yeah.

Speaker 2 What did you learn about yourself through getting married in your early 20s, getting divorced in your early 30s, and being

Speaker 2 not married for the last 10 years, but co-parenting, what have you learned about yourself from the whole process?

Speaker 1 I learned that I don't advise people to get married young

Speaker 1 because it's very formative years in the modern age. Maybe back in your dad's time, my dad's semi-was a bit different expectations and criteria.

Speaker 2 Get it worked with my parents when they got young too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know maybe if it worked because maybe the expectations and criteria of marriage was different 50 years ago or 80 years ago.

Speaker 1 Today I think because you want them to be proper companion and really get you, like we were talking also about your relationship, you need that proper partnership because they kind of wear more than one hat, not just the mother of your kids or just your wife, it's your go-to, your advisor.

Speaker 1 So I learned that young marriage, in my opinion, young marriage has two advantages. I used to say one.
It's two. One, that if you have kids, the difference in age between you and your kids is small.

Speaker 1 So you become buddies, which is pretty cool other than that i never had anything i didn't think it was positive but the second one that i recently added is you're ignorant and when you're ignorant you don't overthink things so for example today at at this age i know how expensive it is to have children

Speaker 1 and now if i get married i'll be i'll really be careful how many kids you would i would have right but when you're 24 you figure it out yeah like you have kids and you're not over you just do the bungee jump you know know, you're not so scared.

Speaker 1 So I think there is some advantage that, not recklessness, but that like, I don't know, but I'm going to find out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we'll make it work.

Speaker 1 So that's with young marriage. And I think that's what I learned.
And I think it's such formative years.

Speaker 1 When you're in your 20s, you think you kind of know, but we were different people at the end of the marriage, like literally.

Speaker 1 It's like you become another human. So for me, especially the 20s, if your trajectory is 10 degrees to the right and hers is 5 degrees to the left, you multiply that by 5 years

Speaker 1 and that's just trajectory. I didn't even talk about speed.

Speaker 1 Imagine, at some point one of you is looking at the other in the rear view mirror, at another point you don't even see them anymore. So I do think we change a lot.

Speaker 1 And as I always imagine the dolphins, you need to swim like the dolphins when sometimes you're a bit front. They're a bit behind, but you're kind of still in harmony.

Speaker 1 And if there's no harmony, you just grow apart and you fall out of love and you just change.

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Speaker 1 So that's, I think, on the young marriage. Co-parenting has been great.
I was, this I would give advice. Oh, they say when you marry, you marry a family, especially in our world.

Speaker 1 I think you do. You marry the family.
Yeah, you don't marry only the person. Marriage.
You marry the family because your children, Louis, will also be brought up in their household

Speaker 1 with her mother, with her father, with her siblings, with her auntie, her cousin. Especially the children gravitate to the mother also.
So it's not like only your wife is bringing him up or her up.

Speaker 1 So I knew the value also even more of my in-laws when when I divorced because they're till today they're great. And till today I speak to my stepmom, I speak to my ex-wife and they're lovely people.

Speaker 1 They speak highly of me, I speak highly of them and I realize how important and one of the best decisions I've made was to marry into their family. Really?

Speaker 1 Because when you're divorced then it's like when you let somebody go in your business. A lot of them are not nice.
Because

Speaker 1 the benefit is gone. The contract or the agreement is gone.
So now they don't have anything with Lewis. They can say he was a bad boss.
I can't believe that

Speaker 1 they can do everything. Just blame you.
But if they leave and say, man, Lewis, one of the best periods of my life, great leader. I learned a lot from him.

Speaker 1 Now, I always say, judge people on how they leave.

Speaker 1 And I think when I left that family, they've been class. Wow.
So that's helped us a lot in co-parenting. And we have two beautiful boys, so we're always in touch about them.

Speaker 1 And what was your third question about

Speaker 1 now?

Speaker 1 You said you're divorced.

Speaker 2 You've been

Speaker 2 not married for 10 years now. What have you learned about being divorced and then single essentially for the last decade?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's been I don't know if I'd get married again. Why not? Now I'm more open to it.

Speaker 2 If marriage is the fabric of your culture and your country, you're getting me now. Why would you not want to be in alignment with the values of your country and culture?

Speaker 1 Now I am more.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 And to be honest, I wasn't so much. Maybe it is the trauma, maybe it is

Speaker 1 just trying, I was so focused on my businesses and it had actually paid off.

Speaker 2 You got results.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I think now I'm more open to the idea that, you know, in the last stretch of your 30, 40 years of your life, I'm 43 now, let's say another 40 years if we live healthily, hopefully.

Speaker 1 you start to think, okay,

Speaker 1 companionship is actually nice. Intimacy is actually nice.
And that's what I'm trying to teach also my son. So with my son, I told him when we talk to our children, we say also Baba.
And said,

Speaker 1 it's funny. I don't know how in certain cultures we also say to our, so they say Baba to you, but you also say Baba.
It's weird, but it's in our culture.

Speaker 1 So I was like, Majid his name, I'm like, Baba, listen, I don't want you to be brought up like the pop culture that we were brought up in.

Speaker 1 We were brought up with music videos and so many women and masculinity was defined by the quantity not the intimacy and I said that's how we were brought up in school in high school and college that's what we taught you see movies you see videos you see music and that's what you're taught as a man I you have a lot of women you're a really masculine guy and I told him I don't want you to I had to uninstall a lot of that programming from my brain, which still today is a process.

Speaker 1 But I told him, I don't want you.

Speaker 1 I would love for you to have lived the life where you come and tell me dad I fell in love three times in my life the fourth one was my my love of my life and I married her I'll be so proud of you rather than you telling me I went out with 40 girls right like okay what does that even mean like do you want me to clap that you because if you're charming yeah you probably go on yeah yeah but that's not the goal the goal is can you be intimate can you be vulnerable can you build the honest clean not cheating or fighting fighting or toxic?

Speaker 1 Can you build something healthy? I'll be so proud of you if you do that. And I want to instill that in my sons.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Did you feel shame or

Speaker 2 some type of trauma when you went through the divorce based on cultural norms? Was there anything there or did you feel at peace about it?

Speaker 1 Divorce is not as

Speaker 1 scary as when my mother got divorced. When my mother got divorced, it was difficult for her, really tough.
She went through a hard time in the society.

Speaker 1 Now it's way more open, but now I feel also some people are just too easy with it. Like they don't even wait.
I don't like when people give up too easy.

Speaker 1 Like in six months you're divorced, what does that even mean? What did you even do?

Speaker 1 So I didn't face backlash from my society,

Speaker 1 but I'm sure there is some trauma somewhere.

Speaker 1 You know, when you build, when you invest nine years of your life with someone and you build a family with them, you can't be a robot and just think everything is fine. It's not.

Speaker 1 And I think somewhere in your subconscious you're like, okay,

Speaker 1 anti-vulnerability,

Speaker 1 anti-commitment, anti-intimacy, yeah, all that stuff. And because I'm also a control guy and control is you stay on the surface.
Yeah, you don't go deep. You don't go deep and that's not great.

Speaker 1 You have to and vulnerabilities is bravery. Vulnerability is courage.
And to say

Speaker 1 I'm gonna try, if it works, it works. That's scary.

Speaker 2 Have you started to tap into your vulnerability and or open your heart more since then yeah in the latest years in the last two years maybe first eight years no no all surface all control make sure everything's safe for you

Speaker 2 really yeah how did that feel versus opening your heart more in the last couple of years the thing is look people talk about um

Speaker 1 it like it's black or white. We're very binary as humans.
And not everything. There is a beauty to everything.

Speaker 1 If you don't have anything serious and you're a person who's working a lot and you're working hard and you're enjoying your work, and when you meet someone, you meet someone, but maybe it's surface.

Speaker 1 There's a beauty to it. Let's also not be foolish and say that, oh no, that's so sad and depressing.
It doesn't have to be.

Speaker 1 And also,

Speaker 1 if you decide to be intimate, there's another richness to it. The surface-level relationship,

Speaker 1 let's not call it ugly or disgusting because it's just hating on something that maybe somebody's not too

Speaker 1 excited about.

Speaker 1 Maybe we'll call it a very light sweetness to it. Light, but it's not rich, it's not enriching, it's not full of good ingredients.

Speaker 1 And maybe it doesn't feed the soul as much as maybe it will quench your thirst, but not proper.

Speaker 1 Now, intimacy, if done properly, and I think you're one day we need to sit and learn about your intimacy,

Speaker 1 I think once you hit that correctly, that's a different flavor.

Speaker 1 That is like you're like you can't go back to being casual or surface

Speaker 1 because you just experienced companionship, you experienced pure love. That's beautiful, but not common.

Speaker 2 What do you think it'll take for you to fully be intimate and allow for

Speaker 2 yourself to open your heart and be deeply in love?

Speaker 1 I think inner work, I don't think it has much to do, I do believe there are certain, like you met

Speaker 1 Martha, right?

Speaker 1 She was a key to Lewis. She was one of the keys to your heart.
I do believe we have keys around the world. I don't believe one soulmate.
I believe soulmates.

Speaker 1 I'm a probability guy.

Speaker 1 But is the probability that you're going to meet more than one in a lifetime? I don't know. Even if it's 100,000 around the world,

Speaker 1 it's you and your fortune, right? So when you meet one of those keys, I think you need to invest in that one at least. Now, there is the key to Lewis's heart.

Speaker 1 But also Lewis, if he doesn't work on himself, he's going to throw that key out. He will not know how to deal with it.
So to answer you, I think a lot of it has to be inner work.

Speaker 1 If your inner work or your inner awareness, and I don't want to sound it like too tick-tocky.

Speaker 1 No, when I mean inner work, I mean proper. Like you talk to a proper therapist, you learn about yourself, you see your patterns, you see how you deal with people.
Who are you actually attracted to?

Speaker 1 I was talking to my therapist about something very interesting, and it's I think a Carl Jung

Speaker 1 teaching and the idea is each of us has an inner image of the gender that you're attracted to. So I have an inner image of the girls that I'm attracted to that I'm not consciously aware of.

Speaker 1 So if you ask me as Louis Annes, which kind of woman is the ideal woman, I'll give you the Shapilla. Like, I want two, three job descriptions.

Speaker 1 I'm so clear, I know what they want, and she's this, she's sophisticated, well-traveled. I'll say everything.

Speaker 1 All the perfect things that probably anybody would say. But then you come and x-ray my track record, and you're like, Annas,

Speaker 1 you usually are attracted to somebody not exactly like what you just said. Maybe it's like 30%, but 70% is not what you've been preaching.

Speaker 1 And then Anes, as me, I have to actually see, I'm like, oh shit.

Speaker 1 My inner image of a woman, what is it? Is it aligned with what I'm telling Lewis verbally and consciously? And as long as they're very different,

Speaker 1 you're going to be screwed. We talked about how also you were attracted to certain women that are not good for you.

Speaker 1 So that's a pattern. That's your inner image of the girl that Lewis likes.
And it's like a Velcro.

Speaker 1 So girl after girl is passing you, but one of them sticks. And you wonder why that one.

Speaker 1 Why of that age and that personality and that look and that person.

Speaker 1 You start to see what's going on and then you have to understand why. So that's the inner work I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 When you understand your inner image of the person or the woman that you like should be actually aligned with what you'd actually see on paper.

Speaker 2 What's the inner work you've been looking at that you've been most afraid to address?

Speaker 1 I'm not afraid. That's the cool thing.
I actually am not. I'm a trier, I'm a curious human.
So

Speaker 1 the funny thing is in my show, A.B. Talks, we talk a lot about mental health and all of that, and I never had a therapist, although I talk

Speaker 1 a lot about it,

Speaker 1 because we were brought up, like we talked earlier, in a very reactive way. Like when you're in depression, you should get a doctor.
When you're devoid...

Speaker 1 No, you should see therapy as preventative maintenance, not reactive maintenance. Like going to the gym, even if you're in great shape, you have to maintain it.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, okay, I did first therapist, didn't work. Second, nah, it felt like homework.
Third one,

Speaker 1 third one clicked that I look for. He's in New York, and we just met recently, in person, finally.

Speaker 1 And I'll bring out my notes, Louis, and I'll be like, oh, really? Okay. And it's it's so fun to talk to him because he has a great mind.
And I told him, listen, I don't want to vent.

Speaker 1 I'll vent for a bit, but I need a brain. I don't want to lie down on a sofa.
And I talk already. I'm not a guy who is like introverted with my feelings.
So I've done that.

Speaker 1 I need the brain that challenges me, asks me the right questions. So with him, I haven't been afraid.
I'm just curious. And I can talk about, man, I don't know how to build culture at work.

Speaker 1 And we'll talk about that that week. The next week I can say, you know, I really miss love.

Speaker 2 You miss love. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And we'll talk about that. So it's beautiful to you don't have to be in a very bad place just to talk to somebody.

Speaker 1 And you start, and if some an outsider looks at Louis or Annes and says, let's look at your pattern. What's going on? You're like, man, I'm so frustrated every day.
Why are you frustrated, Louis?

Speaker 1 Business, blah, blah, blah. Okay, well, let's dig in.

Speaker 1 And you start to see. And he compared my approach to business and how I approach relationships.
I never combined them. Wow.

Speaker 1 He compared it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He showed me the symmetry.

Speaker 2 What's the similarities of how you approach business and relationships?

Speaker 1 One of it is the

Speaker 1 control.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm not a controlling person like, where are you? Who are you? I don't care about all of that. I love giving freedom because I also appreciate it for myself.

Speaker 1 So I can't preach what I don't practice. But surface-level relationships, control.

Speaker 1 You know, treating it like it's another meeting in your day.

Speaker 1 It's not a meeting, relax.

Speaker 1 Relax. You don't have to go see them if you're feeling bad.
You don't need to be a pleaser sometimes. And you're not a pleaser at work, so don't be a pleaser elsewhere.

Speaker 1 And you start to see and you build your childhood also. Because a lot of how we are is our relationship with our mother, our relationship with our father.

Speaker 1 They say that you replicate the love language of the same gender parent and you want the same love language as the opposite gender parent.

Speaker 1 And when you think of it, like, okay, Louis's mom, even if, let's say, your mom wasn't expressive, but you're finally attracted to non-expressive women because it's familiar, it's your comfort zone.

Speaker 1 But that doesn't mean that's what you need.

Speaker 1 So if you start to backtrack your childhood, your parenthood, your good relationships, by that, you start to see what's going on, what are you attracted to and

Speaker 1 what are you doing wrong?

Speaker 2 What's the biggest lesson that you've learned about yourself in therapy?

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Dissecting

Speaker 1 why I am the way I am.

Speaker 2 That's been your biggest lesson? Learning how to dissect why you are the way you are.

Speaker 1 Because if I ask you, Lewis, why are you such a go-getter? Why are you so competitive? Why are are you such a...

Speaker 1 You're like, I've been this way. This is me.

Speaker 1 But why?

Speaker 1 What happened at home? What happened in school?

Speaker 1 You know? Were you bullied? Were you not? Were you the popular guy? Were you a person that identifies your value just with how good-looking or how strong you are

Speaker 1 in a game, in a football game? Is that your worth? Where's your brain?

Speaker 1 What are you attracted to? Why do you need people to like your images and pictures and comment too much?

Speaker 1 You start to

Speaker 1 understand, for example, I am

Speaker 1 were eight boys and one girl but my parents divorced and married and had more kids. But from my mom and dad were three.
And we're so different Louis.

Speaker 1 And I told David the doctor, I told him I don't come from a

Speaker 1 like a really poor background. I come from a comfortable background, modest and comfortable.

Speaker 1 But I behave like somebody who came from nothing. Like I know I have the drive of somebody that is so driven, so passionate, but my brothers don't.
And I don't mean it as I'm making fun.

Speaker 1 No, it's maybe it's better. I don't know.

Speaker 1 But why am I wired this way? What happened? So that's a good question. What did you learn? We just started this, like two weeks ago.
But it's interesting. I'm the eldest.
So that we started there.

Speaker 1 I'm the eldest.

Speaker 1 And he said something along the lines. I don't want to quote because I don't want to say it wrong.

Speaker 1 But something along the lines that when you're the eldest, I was alone in Syracuse with my mother and maybe I started to, maybe, we still didn't reach there, but maybe I started to connect achievements and good deeds and good actions with pleasing my parents.

Speaker 1 Like, oh, they're happy now. I need to do more.
Oh, they feel I'm a good guy, I'm a good boy. And maybe, this is just one theory.
We still started, so, but it's pretty cool. Wow.

Speaker 1 And I think being the eldest has a lot to do with it.

Speaker 2 What do you think is your biggest block from allowing you to love deeper

Speaker 2 and feel freer

Speaker 2 that you haven't yet figured out through therapy?

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Speaker 1 Vulnerability. I think it's hard.

Speaker 2 It's hard for you. But you have a show that's all about vulnerability.

Speaker 1 It's easy to listen to vulnerability, not be it.

Speaker 2 It's easy to ask the questions and hear someone else, but not be it. Interesting.
Of course.

Speaker 1 It's easy for you to tell me to go to the gym 10 times, but you go 10 times. Right.
It's much easier. And I do respect uh vulnerable people.
I do appreciate and admire.

Speaker 1 And that's what we need to push ourselves, especially as men, Louis. When you really do I've I've seen a lot of research and studies on men versus women.
For example,

Speaker 1 there is this I shot an episode with a psychotherapist about this. Did you know that

Speaker 1 parents tend to be

Speaker 1 much more

Speaker 1 loving to daughters than sons?

Speaker 1 So when the daughter falls and scratches her knee, like, oh darling, are you okay?

Speaker 1 Your son goes, dad, he's like, it's okay, it's okay, get up, you're fine. Look at that.

Speaker 1 They could be six each, six years, six years.

Speaker 2 You're training and conditioning them.

Speaker 1 You're telling him, stop crying,

Speaker 1 keep your emotions down, stop yapping. And the daughter, like, come here, let me clean it.
And I'm not saying all families are like that, but it's a... quite typical approach.

Speaker 1 Even if I was a dad, probably I would have done that by default. But then you think about it, like, if he wants to cry, let him cry.
If he feels hurt,

Speaker 1 treat it like you would treat your daughter.

Speaker 1 And I understand the world can be tough, and you need the men to be men and strong and responsible, but they don't have to be suppressing emotions and getting angry or becoming toxic eventually. So...

Speaker 2 Do you still suppress your emotions?

Speaker 1 Less, because being a father makes your heart softer.

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 1 you sit me on a plane with a nice movie, I'll probably tear up for sure. Especially on airplanes because of the altitude.
There's a whole research on it, by the way. Really?

Speaker 1 Because I always used to tear up on planes, and I'm like, there's something with planes. And I actually researched the high altitude.
Really? The oxygen, yeah.

Speaker 1 You could watch an ad and be like,

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 2 I watched a movie a few months ago, and I cried like three times. And I'm like, people next to me must be thinking I'm crazy.

Speaker 1 Man,

Speaker 1 that's interesting. And I will look forward to you being a dad.

Speaker 2 I know. I'm excited.

Speaker 1 I think you'd be a great dad.

Speaker 2 I feel like I would have been terrified in my 20s.

Speaker 2 I think I would have, I just don't think I would have done a good job. I mean, maybe I would have stepped to the occasion, but I didn't have any money.
I didn't have a job.

Speaker 2 I think I would have just been terrified. I wouldn't have been a good husband.

Speaker 2 Maybe I'd have been a good dad, but I wouldn't have been a good husband, I think, because I'd be out trying to make money. And then coming home and thinking about the kids.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't have known where to put priorities into. priority needs to be with your partner, I believe, before the kids.

Speaker 1 100%.

Speaker 1 Because they're going to grow up and leave. Exactly.
Which they call an empty nest. Exactly.
And you're with the partner who you probably neglected for the last few years. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 And they're going to resent you and be frustrated the whole time.

Speaker 2 So I think that's the key. And finding a

Speaker 2 other what it is, like, do you know who Cesar Milan is, the dog whisperer? No.

Speaker 2 He's at a big TV show in America where he trains, he's a dog trainer. Okay.
But

Speaker 2 his whole thing is he doesn't train dogs, he trains humans. So it's all about kind of rehabilitating humans on how to be a better leader in their life so they can lead their dog.

Speaker 2 Because most dogs lead the human.

Speaker 2 They're leading the way, they're pulling.

Speaker 1 The guy I got to train my dogs trained me.

Speaker 2 That's what he does. Yeah, you've got to train you on how to be more confident, more assertive, all these things, right?

Speaker 2 Better relationship with yourself so that the dogs are going to look up to you and say, oh, he's a leader, not me.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 Anyways, he said, you know, in America, we have it all wrong.

Speaker 2 In American families, when he's training mothers and fathers, right?

Speaker 2 And he said he usually goes, the priority is, you know, mom first, then

Speaker 2 dog, then kids, then husband.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 2 the husband is like, you know,

Speaker 2 what's in this for me if I'm the last person here and I'm always and I'm out hunting and provider, I'm working my butt for this family and she's putting the dog ahead of me, you know, it's like

Speaker 2 so. And I'm sure the woman probably feels last in some cases too, but he was explaining how you've got to have the parents, you know,

Speaker 1 first priority, then the children, then the dog.

Speaker 1 If we're competitive as people

Speaker 1 and as men, the competition, the true competition, should be how can I win over my woman consistently on a long run rather than jump to twenty women.

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 1 If we really again, we're probably competitive me and you. We really think about it.

Speaker 1 If you're charismatic, you're well spoken, you're good looking, you're healthy, you're well off,

Speaker 1 anybody you'd be pretty good at. Probably any first date.

Speaker 1 Probably the tenth date. Because you're an impressive human, you worked on yourself.

Speaker 1 but is that really an achievement or is it that when you find somebody really good and you keep her loving you

Speaker 1 and not going routine and boring or neglecting or no keeping her really loving you even after 60 years he's like man this guy is just unbelievable that's way harder by the way way harder than winning over ten random people and at the surface level What do you think it's going to take from you to be able to create that in a relationship in your life in the future?

Speaker 2 Because you've lived a life now of 10 years of singleness, of you know, in a way, selfishness of not having to obviously show up for your ex-wife in certain ways, but it's not as invested in a partnership that you would have right now.

Speaker 2 Correct. You're not set, you show up for your kids, all these things, but you're not in an intimate relationship where you're committed.

Speaker 2 What do you think it's going to take from you to be able to fully commit in a relationship and go all in

Speaker 2 and keep winning her over every day for years.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like your questions, Louis.

Speaker 2 Because it's probably been a pretty good life over the last decade.

Speaker 1 Freedom.

Speaker 2 I don't have to surface level. I can have fun with people.
I don't have to fully commit. I don't have to open my heart.
I don't get hurt. I'm in control.
I end it when I'm done.

Speaker 1 Like I said, there's a beauty to all scenarios,

Speaker 1 but there is also delusion.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 when you don't know otherwise, you think that's it. You know, there are a lot of nice quotes on this, but none of them are popping in my mind.
But

Speaker 1 it's like when you haven't been on the other side of the hill, you think that's the hill. That's the world, right?

Speaker 1 What is that saying about the fish? Like...

Speaker 1 The fish thinks this is like something

Speaker 2 I need to search this one.

Speaker 2 It's the only amount of water in the world.

Speaker 1 Yeah, something like that, you know, that you think this is it. So when you have been used to

Speaker 1 diet relationships or lightweight,

Speaker 1 you think this is life and it's nice and whatever, and because you don't know elsewhere, you have no contrast or no benchmark. But when you try intimacy, which I have tried once in 10 years,

Speaker 1 you realize the beauty.

Speaker 1 of intimacy. And once you know you can't undo,

Speaker 1 it's like you have a tough man,

Speaker 1 literally in anything in life. You could go on a certain airlines and you think that's the airlines all of your life.
You're going that this is the standard. You don't even feel bad.

Speaker 1 The moment you try a really good airlines, good service, everything, you're like, oh, now you can't go back.

Speaker 1 So the thing with intimacy is similar. The moment you have a serious relationship or a healthy one or pure love, It's very difficult to go back to superficial love or superficial liking.

Speaker 1 So to answer you what would, and it's a bit different for me, Louis, because thank God I was blessed to have a good ex-wife. I was blessed to have children.
So I don't have the peer pressure now.

Speaker 1 I have to just try this marriage thing. I don't have that peer pressure which a lot of societies and cultures give you.

Speaker 1 Secondly, a lot of them get married for kids. I don't, if I have kids, great.
If I don't, it's okay. So suddenly, In my subconscious, I don't have these drivers that a lot of people don't admit.

Speaker 1 Like today, even Gen Z, if I'm not mistaken, they're getting married earlier than Zambia.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because I do think it's the social media, like, oh, he proposed and I posted it on TikTok and it flew. And they love the fantasizing idea of it.
So

Speaker 1 my point is that I don't have those peer pressures. So now the criteria is only

Speaker 1 proper compatibility and companionship.

Speaker 1 And to answer you, you need the key that we talked about, a really good key, that when Louis or Annes is vulnerable and he's giving his love language, there is an ROI.

Speaker 1 You feel love too, so your love tank is also filling.

Speaker 1 If you always just give and you feel their love language is just not translating or vice versa, it's not a good relationship.

Speaker 1 And I think that's when you're like, let's say I give you a bit of me and I get a nice hug back or like a really good love language that I love. I'm like, ooh, that's cool.
Okay, one more.

Speaker 1 Now I'm becoming more vulnerable because there's a return. You know what I mean? And then you're like, okay, now actually it's safe.
Yes. And I think this is where you'd be willing.

Speaker 1 With the right partner and the right intention internally,

Speaker 1 you can, and especially if the love languages are compatible. I think that's so important.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is fun, man.

Speaker 2 I've got two final questions for you.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 But I want to make sure people go follow you over on Instagram. You've got millions of followers on Instagram.
You've got a massive YouTube show as well.

Speaker 2 Where should we connect connect with you the most? Where are you the most? Is it YouTube? Is it Instagram? Is it

Speaker 1 Instagram? I use personally. I like that platform.
YouTube is my main hub for the interviews. Okay, cool.

Speaker 2 It's the same name on us.

Speaker 1 On us.

Speaker 2 On YouTube and Instagram.

Speaker 2 We'll have that linked up. We'll check that out there.

Speaker 2 How else can we be of service to you today?

Speaker 1 How can you be of service to me? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just appreciate you, Louis, as a person.

Speaker 1 You're a good good person.

Speaker 2 Thanks, brother.

Speaker 1 From what I feel as well. I can't x-ray you, but

Speaker 1 I do feel that. And I'm happy for you.
And I'm happy when I see your partnership. And I see how you're such a student, Louis.
I love that. You're curious.
You want to learn.

Speaker 1 You want to be a better human. And I like people like that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know? Very similar.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we are.

Speaker 1 So I don't want anything. I think your company is nice

Speaker 1 and you're a good person. So it's nice to see Bob.

Speaker 2 Good to see you, brother. I got two final questions for you.
Tim.

Speaker 2 Before I ask them, I want to acknowledge you also for your evolution. I think

Speaker 2 being a successful business entrepreneur, leader, you know, you have a massive following. I think you talking about, hey, I've lived a pretty good life, but I've also been holding back in my heart.

Speaker 2 in certain ways that could expand me emotionally and help me evolve as a human.

Speaker 2 I think it's powerful for people to hear because living in Dubai, you could have anything you want at any time, you know,

Speaker 2 whether it's girls or whether it be food or opportunities, like you can have it all, it seems like,

Speaker 2 which can be fun and tempting, but also is it always fulfilling? Is it going to allow you to fully dive in and expand your inner world in that? lifestyle.

Speaker 2 So you talking about this and you diving in with a therapist finally, I think it's a good thing. And I acknowledge you for taking that on.

Speaker 2 And I'm excited to see what you create with your heart moving forward. But you deserve to feel the expansive love of feeling fully emotionally safe within a relationship.

Speaker 1 And I think you've reached that

Speaker 1 new person in life. And I love that.

Speaker 2 I feel like I wouldn't get married if I didn't feel that way. At this age, I would just stay single forever unless I felt emotional safety.

Speaker 1 I learned something recently. A friend taught me this.

Speaker 1 She said, Do you want to know

Speaker 1 if you're in a good relationship it's when your nervous system is at ease around that person yeah that's how I feel and that's why I'm telling you

Speaker 1 I've never had this much peace of mind and I was talking to another friend recently about

Speaker 1 her relationship and her love life and she was confused and all and I told her you want one way to measure if you're in a good serious relationship and anybody can do this

Speaker 1 watch how many times per week do you lose your peace peace of mind.

Speaker 1 If it's once a week, it's too expensive.

Speaker 1 If it's once maybe a month, once every two months, that's normal. We're human, we argue, we...

Speaker 1 But if you're losing your peace of mind often,

Speaker 1 there's something off. Something's off.
So I really believe that you...

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 the video that always tends to go viral

Speaker 1 is when

Speaker 1 I talk about, and probably you can relate now because it seems like you're in a good relationship. I say when a woman or a man is truly in love and feeling safe, they turn into a young child, a kid.

Speaker 1 The girl, no matter how strong she is on the outside and how independent and a leader she is outside her

Speaker 1 home, she wants to come home and be a princess.

Speaker 1 The boy being tough and this decision maker and whatnot, he wants to come home and just be a little naughty mischievous little boy and he can be silly with his girl.

Speaker 1 and you and you really we all have to monitor which relationship made us feel that way because that's true vulnerability that you're just you're you you could be silly sarcastic you you're not judged you're not shamed you're not trying to be the specific image that they want you to be yeah so bad relationships have a lot of shaming

Speaker 2 you know good relationships have celebration hard as that yeah that's beautiful man i want that for you uh final question my man. What's your definition of greatness?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 that's your question. Every episode? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yours is how are you really, right?

Speaker 1 How are you really doing? Yeah.

Speaker 1 My definition of greatness.

Speaker 1 I think success is a very subjective thing.

Speaker 1 People think it's one. It's money, cars, life, family, kids.
People think success has one definition. It's very wrong because some person just loves to bake cakes in his small cafe

Speaker 1 and he has his two kids and he finishes and that's his best success. That's his greatness.
And we have no right to say, oh, that's not great. He should have a tower.
But he doesn't want a tower.

Speaker 1 He's okay with his small coffee shop. He's happy.
So then we have to decide for each person that success is subjective. What is yours? What is yours? It's very different.
For me,

Speaker 1 my only... I don't know if it's a fear, I don't think it's a fear, it's a concern, is I'm not afraid of death, but I always hope not to die before achieving a good level of my potential.

Speaker 1 At least 80%. Then I can go.
But

Speaker 1 my greatness is that if I feel,

Speaker 1 of course, other than being blessed with my great family and my health, and my country and the life I've built for myself, other than that, I do want to elevate mindsets.

Speaker 1 That's my goal, is to make, to provoke thought, to make people consider, to make people think twice. Maybe they'll still disagree with me, but I made you think.
I made you consider something else.

Speaker 1 And if I can do that, and you can do that, and people can do that, we're elevating the next hundred years.

Speaker 1 Even after this little interview that we're doing, and yours on mine, and

Speaker 1 0.1%.

Speaker 1 You did something. You changed somebody's way of thinking.
And imagine we multiply those kind of conversations across years.

Speaker 1 years we are elevating the next generation of our kids to have different ways of looking at life and hopefully a much better advantage than we did

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 that's greatness that's on that thank you man appreciate it brother you too

Speaker 2 I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness.

Speaker 2 Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links.

Speaker 2 And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts.

Speaker 2 Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review.

Speaker 2 I really love hearing feedback from you, and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward.

Speaker 2 And I want to remind you: if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something

Speaker 1 great.

Speaker 2 The School of Greatness is sponsored by Capital One.

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