Episode 169: SS Pendleton & SS Fort Mercer

Three, two, one, mark.

Okay, good.

Good enough.

Fuck me.

Oh, November.

I'm good.

I'm good.

The damp has gotten to me.

Last words.

The rising damp has made it to your lungs.

My final words will be,

it'll probably go away on its own.

It's fine.

I don't mean to be a bother.

Yep.

Yep.

Yeah.

That's what it sounds like a bother.

I'm looking like I'm going to be on course for that.

I think so.

This podcast

has a massive international following, and some of you might not be familiar with Britain.

Let me just explain how I explain Britain, how I just explain Britain in the way that I do to other international people, like my wife's family and others.

Imagine Britain is like the sponge that you leave by the side of the sink and forget about and don't squeeze for a week.

It smells like that.

It's got about the same consistency, smell, and texture, and moisture content.

And what it does to your lungs is what is this?

Yes, is that.

This is not why.

It's not because the country has sick building syndrome.

I live here.

I'm adapted to that.

I'm like one of those bacteria that grow on the inside of nuclear reactors.

No.

What happened is I went to see the Glasgow premiere of The People's Joker.

Fantastic film.

Vera Drew for president.

However, and I will say, I will preface this by saying it was worth it.

I believe that seeing The People's Joker got me the People's COVID.

I mean, you're not, you're not, you don't sound like Jordan Peterson.

That's the thing.

Fuck all.

Fuck all.

Okay.

So I've established a pretty Peterson in the opening minutes, which is that making me laugh is quite painful.

Well, I got to say,

I want to gripe about something.

Having spent, you know, about

almost a month in the British Isles plus Ireland.

in the last year.

Can you guys have a fucking dry toilet floor?

No.

Is that ever?

What a sentence.

The only one was in County Kerry.

That's the only place in the entire northwestern archipelago of Europe, whatever you want to fucking call it, that I encountered a dry toilet floor.

I'm someone in like a kind of small minority here, and that I can objectively compare the two, and all I can say is that women's toilets are worse.

Oh, dear.

I completely buy that.

I have heard that's a common experience.

Yeah,

I had to clean toilets at one point in my life.

And yeah,

that's a true statement based on my limited experience.

Women are fucking nasty.

Girls are gross.

That's why we don't let them in the treehouse.

No girls allow.

Cook grunt fuck the day.

Congratulations.

I'm going to give you a merit pass.

Everyone listening to this, this is Nova like 30% from illness and has destroyed all of us before we've even started the podcast.

This is going to be Nova's Flu Game.

This is going to be the best podcast he's ever recorded.

Yeah, exactly.

Nova's going to hit a no-hitter on LSD.

Hit your no-hitter on LSD.

It's a lot easier

to go over five on LSD, I would imagine.

to

10,000 Problems podcast.

Yeah.

Fucking Smites on Ricky Sancho's Ross Spots.

Oh my God, shut up, Smike Leiner.

Anyway, it's a podcast about sports engineering with slides.

I'm Justin Rozniak.

I'm the person who's talking right now.

My pronouns are he and him.

Okay, go.

I'm November Kelly.

I'm the person who's talking now.

My pronouns are she and her.

I love sports engineering because we're going to find out why all the jerseys are fucked up now.

Yay, Liam.

Well, it's Fanatics' fault, but hi, yeah, yay, Liam.

My pronouns are he, him, death to rights to Ricky Sanchez.

And we have, uh, yes, well, Gare's Your Problem, a podcast entirely about Gareth Dennis.

I remember the joke.

I have to be sheepish again, but fakely this time.

Oh, no, it's not that.

It's not that.

Yeah, my name is Gareth Dennis.

I am your temporary also co-host.

My pronouns are he, him.

And we have a guest.

Yeah.

The one you bring on the ruin, everything to just make chaos.

My name's Tom Payne.

You may know me from 10,000 problems podcast.

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Go again.

Okay, well.

Yes.

All right.

Hello, I'm fucking Tom Payne.

I'm saying this for the third goddamn time.

My pronouns are he, him.

And we're here to talk about the retroactive, the case of Hassan Reddick, maybe the first retroactive Heisman.

We're all wearing Hassan Reddick jerseys.

That's true.

I don't know why you gave me this.

It took a lot of foresight to mail this to me.

It was the

shame was the dead drop I made in Glasgow

must have been intercepted by Neds.

I still can't believe you were in Glasgow and I fucked up arranging to do anything.

Like,

that's like going to be a source of deep shame to me, is to think.

Well, you'll make it up by shooting guns at Buckscamp.

How about that?

Hell yeah.

Which we're going to do

in the course of the well, there's your problem.

Northeast Corridor.

We probably can't say Northeast Corridor.

They don't have that fucking trademark, do they?

Northeast Corridor.

Yeah, no.

Trademark it now.

Trademark it now.

Which we're going to promote some more.

May 1st, we're going to be in Somerville, Massachusetts.

May 2nd, we're going to be.

Go ahead.

Okay.

May 2nd, we're going to be in New York City, New York.

May 3rd, we're going to be in Washington, D.C.

May 4th, we're going to be in God's own country, Philadelphia,

Pennsylvania.

Possibly some other dates because Somerville is sold out.

By the time this goes up, Somerville or Boston will be, the second show will be on sale.

We could say that.

Tickets, hopefully, available.

Yep, yep, yep.

My physical appearance at all these is contingent on me surviving whatever the hell kind of COVID this is and on the United States Customs and Immigration Service.

However, I hope to.

I'll be very excited if I do.

We got some things planned,

not least me going out to Bucks County to shoot bottles and cans off a fence.

Did the fucking Zencast

I'm gonna I'm gonna redacted your fucking offices and all your friends keep going if uh if if the audio recording of the man in front of you uh I don't know what else we can do

um drops out pick up the recording and keep going

uh I've got the lounge music play the WTYP lounge music playing in my head right now that's that's uh that's the current situation we'll be right back

yeah uh yeah so I guess we just rely on the local for now and I'll attempt to investigate um what the hell is going on at the end of this recording.

Yeah.

I mean, it still shouldn't just...

It's no one's fault except Zencasters, really.

This shouldn't be.

It shouldn't be this unstable.

If Zoom can do it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

Entry sensor open.

Oh, shit.

Don't worry about that.

You're getting killed.

Yeah.

No, I'm not getting killed.

The guy who just came into my lab is about to

meet an untimely demand.

I'm doing the Kamala Harris thing of being like, I use you know, I keep a Glock or whatever.

I have a Glock.

No, it's a Remington 870 because I'm an adult.

Hell yeah.

Liam's about to exercise Castle Doctrine.

So, anyway,

so now that we're 20 minutes into technical difficulties, but theoretically going now,

yeah.

Are we giving Hassan Reddick a retroactive idea?

Fuck you, Notre Dame.

I barely know what any of those words mean.

Devin Fisher, you just need to take up their mics, Devin.

Move, but no.

Let's get a dog gam.

Let's do the dog gam news.

Yeah, okay, that's fine.

The dog games.

Like 1950s pin-up, like anthropomorphic dogs layer.

It's the news.

It's the dog gam news with the damn dog gam news.

Oh, please, sweet, merciful God, let this egg.

This is the last episode before the election happens, but will be released after the election is over.

We have to go hog wild here and tell people all kinds of awful things, make terrible predictions.

Let's go.

I hate this fucking election so much.

My phone's been unusable for four months.

It was already unusable, dude.

Yeah, but it's worse.

I'm fascinated to even consider the phone situation you have going on.

It's like stuck in high contrast text and the keyboard's massive.

I don't know how to do it.

Why do you do this to technology?

I'm envisioning

a kind of screen crack, the likes of which has never occurred in any other piece of glass anywhere in the world.

Just got its first crack like a month ago.

He's good about that.

It's just that like he uses his phone in a manner divorced from reality, right?

Where he's just like, yeah, like I see him go on Twitter and I'm like, okay, that's a normal fucking thing to do.

And then he brings up his keyboard and I'm like, man, I'm out.

I'm good.

Like,

there's no life form on this planet or any other that could understand what the fuck is going on here.

This cannot be my homeboy.

Look, I just wanted to talk about the election in Pennsylvania.

It's been miserable for everyone.

This is the worst thing you can experience.

I understand there is an election going on in parts of the U.S.

that are not Pennsylvania, but I also understand that that doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

You, as a Pennsylvanian,

your vote counts for like 50,000 votes in Manhattan or like 75,000 votes in Wyoming.

So every single canvasser, every single phone banker, every single like everything in the country is aimed directly at you.

And you just get a barrage of mailers.

And

it's like

such a fucking relief that this, this, this comes out after the election.

And so for worse or more worse, it's over.

And I don't have to tell people to like vote or not vote.

People are still going to get mad at me anyway, regardless of what happens.

But like, I don't have to have a take because either everything continues to be bad roughly at the rate that it was or it's worse.

So, yeah, great.

Fantastic.

Yeah.

As I say, as a Bucks County resident who is basically my camp, my vote is going to decide the election, so you can praise me for that.

But I'm just waiting.

and you're voting for Jill Stein.

Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

I'm just obviously, I'm just waiting for

Dr.

Brother Corner WS, of course.

No,

I'm waiting for to look out my window and see the fucking Bucks County courthouse on fire.

Yeah,

I'll just know it's go time.

All right, that's it.

I mean, they've been setting ballot boxes on fire already, so like it's a short, it's a short one.

We'll do that if Trump, that's Trump.

Trump is suing Bucks County.

Like, when I, when I see my county and fucking Elon Musk is tweeting about, tweeting about it, I, I am, I can't say what I want to say right now, but didn't, did, didn't, I mean, possibly relatedly, didn't you guys, and by you guys, I mean Bucks County, try to kill him and miss?

Like, no, that was Butler County.

That was Butler County.

That's out by

one of those, yeah.

Uh, it's not out past like listen, man.

If it's like North Carolina, if it's West of York, I don't give a shit about it.

Yeah, it's not

Les County Dauphin, you know, Dauphin County, Dauphin, Dauphin County.

You know it.

I know you know it.

Yeah.

Welcome to

the bit of Pennsylvania.

The bit of Pennsylvania having a timeshare with Quebec.

We're in a condominium with

St.

Pierre and

Nikkei on it.

That's why Wildwood exists.

All the Kevin Coix can come and ruin my fucking beach.

I will say,

I am.

Should be no surprise who I'm voting for.

I'm

of course.

But

I am so goddamn sick.

And I know people are going to be in the comments like, it's the most important.

I know how important this election is.

Shut the goddamn hell up.

Stop calling my cell phone.

I read about it.

My shit is fucking in the box.

Please stop.

Yeah, don't bomb calling my phone ballot boxes.

That's federal, baby.

The U.S.

Postal Inspection Service can't wait to nail your dick to the floor.

Don't stop emailing me.

Stop calling me.

Stop emailing his wife.

Stop texting me.

Stop emailing my wife.

Stop.

Stop.

This period of you mattering to federal politics has to end.

Yes.

I think we just need, we need to flip a coin and determine whether Pennsylvania is a red or blue state and just be done with it.

Because no one wants this.

And the thing is, it's like a traveling roadshow.

It's going to go on to the next swing state.

It's going to be.

I mean, it already is in like Wisconsin and Georgia and Michigan.

But, you know, if the demographics hold, then, you know, after whatever kind of like Trump-gutter damerung, it'll be like fucking South Carolina or whatever, you know?

Virginia.

Yeah.

So it never ends.

It never fucking ends unless Trump wins and the, you know, the world does, in fact, end.

The Trump Guttermong, or whatever you fuck you say it, that's a great mod for HOI.

No, it's not.

I will say

on

one small little nibble of good election, Sarah Trumper Dammerung.

I'll fight you.

Sarah McBride, the first openly transgender member of Congress, if she wins, is running in Delaware.

And she runs an ad that's the only good political ad, which is all the unions who back her.

And my favorite one is the last one.

It's the sheet metal workers.

But she's like, Sarah's endorsed by like teachers, like nurses, you know, all these, all these union workers.

And then they go, sheet metal workers, like really loud directly into the mic.

That's just the three like guys in their 50s being like, sheet metal workers.

And it's the only good bit of politics I have.

The last three guys in America who know how to make this specific shape of sheet metal,

they're all woke, is the thing.

You wouldn't have guessed, but they are.

The good news is when the three of us single-handedly push Jill Stein over 5% of the popular vote, owing to our oversized Pennsylvania voting power,

the Green Party will get federal matching funds and immediately tear itself apart, much like the Reform Party did.

Razzie did.

Oh, you stupid asshole.

Provisional Green Party, the original Green Party, the

real IO, the real Green Party.

The Real Green Party, yeah.

The workers, the Workers' Green Party.

Brackets, Roz.

Yeah.

Oh, that's when I run for Green Party.

Listen, you're fresh, folks.

It's fucking,

it's amazing because, like I said, we are.

I cannot think of the last time I saw an ad that was not for either draftfucks.com or

a political ad.

I'm just like, I, I, I, I just want, not a big fan of Bob Casey, but I do want him to take Dave McCormick out back like a dog.

See, I didn't put, I didn't put an actionable threat, I didn't put an actionable threat.

I'm sure, I'm, I'm, I'm sure that, like, Gareth will agree with me on this one, but eat like a dog for a nice game.

That's it.

That's what I'm doing.

I hope we have a nice time.

I can say that.

That's not actionable.

Even from outside the U.S., this is both exhausting and terrifying to watch.

And I simultaneously simultaneously feel that this election has been going on for 18,000 years and also

like a minute.

Genuinely, I feel like there's only like 13 sleeps until we find out who the new president is.

Shit has got me fucked up psychically.

So at a state level, okay, loads of activity.

Fine, fine, fine.

But the thing that struck me is how low energy it feels from the leadership of both

you know, potential.

Trump has PTSD.

He has trauma.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Yeah, Yeah, we should be sent into that trauma.

No, it shouldn't.

That's right.

Yeah, I want to do.

I hope he gets some exposure therapy for it.

Carla,

she's just kind of

not around.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's just baffling.

Tim Walls is doing is doing Twitch streaming, which, I mean, I don't recommend that shit for anyone.

Gamer, e-girl,

Tim Waltz went.

Adult, so I'm a little bit more.

Yeah, I mean, hot touch stream.

Waltz was doing great until people started giving him advice.

Yeah, geez.

And you know who those people were

later?

The fucking Labour Party from Britain.

We came over here and we were like, listen, you got to do two things.

You got to get much weirder about trans people and you got to wet every bathroom floor.

Yes.

It's like let every like uh you know lift every voice and sing wet every bathroom floor and slip.

I don't even know if the bathroom floor joke.

It's in this version of the podcast that we've recorded six times already.

I have no idea.

I don't know.

I don't do these jokes for them.

I do these jokes for us.

And you know what?

I'm glad of it.

You know what?

I'm going to end this news segment by

simply saying that I look forward to the WTYP episode on liberal democracy.

It'll be a bonus.

Look forward to that one in the future because my God.

I'll just say, I'll just, I would just like to say, County Carrier, come here.

We have the driest jacks in all Ireland.

Oh, that was dreadful.

Liam, how's your Irish accent?

Liam, how's your Irish accent?

How does it do?

How's it going over there?

I'm going to salt my own people.

I'll fucking do an accent, buddy.

Fiddly deep.

Yeah, this will be the accent.

This is the accent that I put on when I wanted.

What's the nuclear self-holocaust button, I guess?

This is, I think a lot about

the Sinn Féin guys who had to come over to the U.S.

to raise money for more car bombs or whatever, and they had to put up with this shit every day they were there.

I still remember

like a flashball memory, me sitting next to Gareth and me doing,

you know, and just to cringe on his face.

It was, it was, it was like, it was like I genuinely harmed his soul.

And we'll have to do it again.

Anyway,

no,

let's put the Electoral College and its insanity to one side because I'm sure the result will happily represent the majority of the American people.

And will be accepted non-violently by

Trump's people.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

In other news.

Donald Trump, I think the first time he's been happy in his life was working in McDonald's.

This is the second time.

The first time was when he had the hamburgers.

When I had the hamburgers for the big football players.

Oh, yeah.

When he had the tricks,

Donald Trump, Donald Trump just wants to live a kind of like suburban existence.

All the times when he's happiest have been this,

the also fast food connected football player burger thing.

Talking about musical theater, talking about Arnold Palmer's Dick.

Talking about fashion.

he yeah when he sees a big guy in the audience oh yeah oh yeah

and i i think the most the most like elegiac trump quote is when uh he he was looking at some trucks and he said i could just take one of those and just drive off into the distance my life my life used to be great

get get this man a heavily financed Ford pickup truck and a job managing a McDonald's franchise.

You think Trump could drive a semi?

You think Trump Trump could be an owner-operator?

I do not think that, no.

I don't like this American Truck Simulator deal.

I don't like it.

It's like Trump fisting out like a fucking Siegfried Sassoon fucking ass poem.

Just really

Trump has a future in rapid logistics because if he becomes an owner operator while president, the Secret Service will have to clear away for him the whole way.

Where's this McDonald's?

It was this weird Potemkin McDonald's because it wasn't open.

It was only open for him to work there.

Yeah, it's the fucking fan of Silver McDonald's of goddamn Bucks County, Pennsylvania.

Please leave.

This is already surreal.

I can't imagine how much more surreal it is to see Trump at like my McDonald's.

Yeah, well,

I'm no fucking lower county.

Yeah, that's it.

Knowing that if you order a mcflurry there his hands may have been on the like mcflurry machine imagine we're big enough to hold the cup you know it's it's so far as the street behind my house blocked off by mike pants joe biden And as of last week, Tim Waltz.

I just imagine, you know, the lower part of Bucks County being settled by William Penn.

He's really trying to find his green country town and in the state to escape away from the madness and have religious freedom.

And, you know, two, 350 fucking years later, you got a guy like, look at these amburgers.

They're so good.

I didn't know they made them back here.

It's like the end of from hell.

As he's signing the treaty, he gets a flash forward into the future.

The 21st century, for better or worse, I have delivered it.

That's why he went back to fucking England.

He's like, fuck this shit.

I don't see what's going to happen.

I need to go back to somewhere where the bathrooms are wet.

Are the bathrooms wet

in Buckinghamshire?

Oh, almost certainly.

We'll fight them in the puddles.

Home County's bathroom?

No.

Yeah,

that's it.

At a pub that you have to drive to and drive from.

The wet bathroom line was there during World War II.

We'll stop the Germans by having a wet bathroom.

They will not be able to advance any further than this line.

No, let's be quiet.

I must cleanse this bathroom before we advance any further because it is disgusting, and if you leave it, it is going to get moles.

Oh, see, I was thinking

about it.

I was thinking the only other nationality.

I cannot see the book when I'm talking about it.

The only other nationality that is

not a wet floor would be the Germans.

Surely, you know, they're into that kind of mucky shit, you know.

No, no, I mean, because they're like, they're like, everything has to be

everything has to be completely sterile, like all the time.

Except when they're doing sex stuff, and then, you know, they get pissed and pooped on.

You know what I mean?

I am so glad, Roz, that it was you who took us there.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Should I bring out the Sechwin sauce?

Do we want me to bring out the Sechwin sauce?

I didn't know that.

I didn't see the German folks.

I didn't know Trump was German.

I haven't seen that.

I haven't admitted, yeah.

Because of the P-type,

which is real world, the P-2016.

2016 liberals would become 2016 liberals.

That's the funniest possible take.

November surprise, I guess.

I don't like calling it that, but like late October surprise would be P-tape real.

I would get the hat back out.

I would get the hat back out and I would wear it all day.

The only thing that makes that slightly less German is I think the video was allegedly filmed in Moscow, which no German has ever set foot on.

Sure.

That's a good point.

It's a good point.

scoreboard baby yep count the rings my favorite my favorite part about this was trump being so happy to find out that a mcdonald's no human hand touches the fries

oh that's right yeah he's just he he has this gift for the poetic yeah you know in anything he does he's like were he not the awful awful human being that he was he could have been our like civilization's homer you know i was about to say i i'm no hand touches the fries is like wine dark sea.

Within it, it evokes a whole way of not just of seeing the world, but a whole method of being, you know.

Yeah, oh, for a muse of fries.

Sing Muse of the Bucks County McDonald's.

All right.

A McDonald's first stage.

Trump's to act.

Depends on when the presidents behold the swelling scene.

Then should the warlike Trump, like himself, assume the port of Mars and at his heels?

I don't remember the rest.

Yeah, so this guy's president now, maybe.

50-50 chance.

Yeah, 50-50 chance.

Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe, listen,

either way, he's getting punished.

They're taking him out of the McDonald's and they're either taking him to prison or the White House.

And he hates both of those things.

Every political prediction I've ever made is wrong, so I'm going to say he wins.

Okay, yep.

Yeah.

I'm holding you to this.

Devin, please put up either like, you know, confessing that the

sound drop of all the kids cheering,

like

crying, laughing emotes if

Justin is right, or like various womps and like

buzzers and so on, if

Justin is wrong.

And drop the Eagles' fight song if Civil War starts.

This is my fight.

That's what the fight song is, right?

Down the road to Victor.

Yes.

All right, all right, all right, all right.

Listen, that was the dog gum news.

It's a shame about the Civil War.

You know, fewer listeners to hear all this.

Well, hopefully, hopefully, none of them are going to fight after.

I'll be fine.

None of them are going to fight.

Hogs, rise up.

Prove me wrong, listeners.

I think it would be cool if I

hauled off and got killed in the Second American Civil War.

One of these weird guys who went to fight in the first one.

I just end up face down in a ditch in

Kansas or whatever.

You could be like Giuseppe Garibaldi and

Kamala Harris, please,

I will fight in the American Army, but you have to make me the Army Chief of Staff.

I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to do the like, getting uh Polish citizenship.

Like, the like August Willik thing of being like, I'm going to raise a regiment of like communists, uh, and then, you know, I also will be a communist, and I'm going to fight for a bunch of like the slightly less worse, uh, like, you know, American libs.

And I'm going to be like, you guys should look into this communism thing at some point.

And they go, yeah, yeah, sure.

I do look forward to if the, if, Kamala Harris wins, the uh, the absolute dunks we're gonna get from the resist lib uh wine moms.

Oh, that listen, I will allow myself a brunch, I will be brunching with them.

Yeah, you have a couple brunches, yeah, that's a good idea.

Bossomless mimosas.

Oh, we're not allowed to have that in Philly except in very specific circumstances because the people

ruined everything.

Technically, if I have mimosas, they're not bottomless, but like, you know, is this a free sovereign system

or uh

yeah, yeah,

everyone's a fucking top at this goddamn brunch.

Yeah, that's why I was.

Yeah, that's why it was.

Yeah.

That's all.

So I'm just confused because I've spent all day watching my wife dom Lord Hendy.

So I.

Anyway.

Oh, wait.

It's the fuzz.

They're after us.

That was a perfectly timed

sorry.

All right.

How is vote for?

Yeah, sorry.

There's pictures on screen.

And what's wait, on the left, there's Liberty ships.

We're looking for the audio we just listeners.

The USS we built this yesterday.

Hell fucking yeah.

The USS John W.

Brown, the USS John E.

Brown, the USS John A.

Brown, like it's just in a row.

Yeah, the USS Aaron A.

Aronson, and then it goes all the way through.

These ships are famous for their build quality, I believe.

Although, that's foreshadowing.

We fixed it.

We fixed it.

We fixed it.

The fucking SS Richard Montgomery is still down there.

It's still down there.

Future episode.

Future episode and then slightly later in the future, much longer episode.

Yes.

And we're looking looking at two aerial photographs, right?

Blackmore aerial photographs.

They look 40s-y.

Yeah, Tom, you wrote these slides.

You're going to have to leave us here.

I did.

So, how is Boat formed?

Is the question.

How is Beth?

How is Bodhi formed?

Are we sitting criss-cross applesauce, everybody?

Owl snuggled up.

Yeah, let's do this.

Ow, shipyard, get pragonert.

The zoomers will not be getting that one.

So this is

riveting stuff.

We're going to get there.

We're going to talk about rivets.

Whoa.

We have it, but I'm

the COVID variants in my brain are funny.

They are.

Yeah,

you got the chuckle strain.

So, how is Boat formed?

Boat is formed at Shipyard.

And we have two shipyards here that will be relevant to the subject of this episode.

Because we just fucking faked you out.

It's not about Hassan Reddick, you fucking losers.

Wow, I was about to say.

It is.

It is.

Well, he comes to the play.

You know what?

Someone finds a connection between these two ships.

We're going to be talking about the SS Fort Mercer and the SS Pendleton.

Two ships.

And two boats.

Two ships.

A likened dignity.

I like in make as well.

Wait a minute.

If we're talking about two ships, then we usually only talk about one event.

Does that mean the two ships become one seven?

Oh, okay, right.

I don't like where this is heading.

Yeah.

No, the two ships actually become three ships.

Yeah, and it actually does happen.

Okay.

Oh, dear.

Now there's two of them.

Star Wars.

Yeah.

Yeah, so boats reproduce asexually.

That's only kind of true.

If some of the Rivet Gun guys are fucking each other, then

I'm going to give you a hot rivet.

All right.

Keep it together, goddamn it.

Jesus Christ, yeah, it's already like an hour.

And we're on slide four.

So on the left is Swan Island Shipyard in Portland, Oregon.

So that's where the Pendleton was born.

And on the right is

Chester County at the Sun Shipbuilding and Dry Duck Company.

Hey, we talked about that shipyard before on the episode we did on.

What was the first one you had me on?

Yeah, El Faro.

El Faro.

El Faro.

Yeah, El Faro was built there too, but later on,

um, yeah, so so we see the uh, I don't know if those are actually the ships, but uh, that's where they were born.

And what kind of boat were they?

Next slide:

a type T2 SCA1 tanker, yes, of course, a type T2 SCA1 tanker.

We have talked about that.

I was just about to pilot

four rolls off the top, and have we, and uh, yeah, so so

uh, Gareth, you were spot on, 1940s kind of reminds you of Liberty Ships.

Yeah.

They were built at the same time.

Oh, okay.

By similar hull patterns and stuff?

Yeah, so they were designed to be rapidly produced.

If you played Hearts of Iron 2, the good one,

that's like your serial production, right?

You're trying to make a lot of them quick.

Yeah.

Blast from the past.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So designed to transport oil.

and oil accessories rapidly across the ocean.

Yes.

because uh you know hey

germany ain't gonna bomb itself yeah you you need a lot of that stuff you know so yeah it's like it's it's it's it's the idea is we're just making this shit quick and it's not supposed to be a particularly amazing vessel the yeah us we built this yesterday yeah combination wartime economy and jobs program because we love fdr

yeah you've ruined everything man if fucking shouldn't have changed his vice president um but uh yeah so built at the same time time as Liberty Ships had some of the same problems.

Okay.

Oh.

Yeah.

So they were built out of ass metal.

And

oh, yes, ass metal.

And what?

Yeah.

And what ass metal does,

Rise, click the first animation.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that's the Schenectady.

Obviously, asses have cracks.

Yeah.

So

someone took this thing to a chiropractor.

Yeah.

Como sedice

Schenectady.

Yes.

Schenectady.

I gotta get to Schenectady.

If I don't get to Schenectady in the next 15 minutes, my heart's literally going to explode.

I gotta get to the wall there.

I loved that fucking movie when I was a kid.

Yo, but Cranksha, Crank, we ain't gonna make it on Tom.

Crank, yeah.

Yo, Cranks, Cranks,

we gotta stick to drive faster.

We gotta get us up there.

Helenio is set.

Cranks, we can't stop to fucking steal the car batteries.

We gotta go.

Oh, no.

Think of all the lives wasted.

All the catalytic converters left on Skullen.

I like how Jason Statham's guy in this crank guy in this instance.

He's he's,

you know, I can't do the voice.

He's got the thrill of stealing the catalytic converter.

Um,

uh, instead of fucking the woman,

yes.

Raising me a heart rate by stealing the catalytic converter.

I like how we're making Nova 2 voices while

I am light-headed.

No, but we are

ill and we are working you harder than ever before.

It's cranky.

And then this other one, Cracks, if you click on it, I put their names on there.

This is another great name.

Hold on.

Let me see.

I don't know if the animations translated to PowerPoint.

God damn it.

I saw it movie

software we use.

You mean the annotation?

oh the annotations excuse me oh my god

click to pull up image oh right go to the next one yeah oh now the arrow's in the wrong spot

you can still kind of see

ross press e

oh right yeah

this is gonna be an all-timer for all the wrong fucking reasons

they asked for me to come back they asked for me to come back and specifically be with lamb on this and this is what you fucking get

So this is the, I don't know, Ponte Gansett?

Some fucking.

It's the ass crack joke again.

It's split in two.

Boats are typically not supposed to be.

Yeah,

generally they don't just split in half at the dock.

Yeah, they only do it when they're very distressed.

And

Roz.

Ooh, big stretch.

And Roz, you know more about this, but apparently it's something to do with metal fatigue.

Yes.

All right.

So I think a good place to start here is to talk about joining two pieces of metal together.

There's two ways to do it.

There's riveting.

Well, there's three ways.

There's actually several ways to do it.

Fuck the two, I damn you.

The two ways we're going to talk about today are riveting and welding.

What a riveting

topic.

Well, we made that turning.

Fuck you, Tom.

Fuck you.

So older steel ships.

It's a very welding topic.

Yes.

Older ship.

I'm going to steal myself myself at this point.

That's what it is.

Okay.

Older steel ships were built from overlapping metal plates, which were riveted together, right?

You see this here, right?

In between World War I and World War II, this began to change.

Welding was the new thing, right?

Welds aren't necessarily inherently the superior form of joining two metal plates together.

You know, even today, you'll have steel bridges that are largely held together with bolts instead of welds.

Why do you do the change, right?

And a big part of it is that riveting is very labor-intensive.

You need four guys to install a rivet, right?

You have the warmer, the catcher, the holder, and the basher.

Yeah, so much for reproducing asexually.

Jesus.

Tag yourself on the basher.

So, okay, what you want to do is picture a Looney Tunes cartoon where, you know, there's like,

you know, in the construction site, right?

Exactly.

Just keep going.

The warmer,

the warmer heats the rivet in a furnace.

He gets out a big set of clamps and he throws the red hot rivet to the catcher.

That sounds like it fucking sucks.

Yeah, you can see like old newsreel footage of this.

I've seen it in the like old footage of the like Clyde shipyards, and it is crazy the number of rivets that are just being like flying around

red hot at head height.

Yeah, I mean, that's let's be honest.

You guys, I you guys thought MLB was losing ratings before.

Well, now what we're gonna do is introduce extreme baseball,

Aaron Judge.

Good luck to you.

Trying to wrestle the red-hot rivet out of the out of the catcher's hand.

People often talk about

old-timey times and the fact that health and safety gone mad and then everything, men were harder back then.

But if you ended up with one of those hot rivets, you know, you misjudge it, and one of those hit you in the head, it didn't hit you in the head, it hit the floor, and your head was merely a brief obstacle that has now a hole in it.

So, um, yeah, that's a shame.

Yeah, no, not good.

Also, a little thing to talk about.

So, people often, you know, when ships got hit icebergs like the Titanic, you know, riveted ships, it wasn't so much that the metal tore, but that actually you end up with these metal plates buckling and the rivets popping and water kind of seeping through the gaps between plates.

Just a little uh

factoid there.

Look back at the 20-hour Titanic episode.

We will talk a bit about different failure modes for these different things in a moment.

So

the thrower throws the red-hot rivet to the catcher.

The catcher hands it off to the holder.

The holder puts the rivet in the hole, and he holds it there with another special tool.

Then on the other side of the steel plate, the basher hammers the other end of the rivet from the other side, creating

a seal on both sides, right?

That sounds unbelievably fucking miserable.

Yeah, in this process.

I'll imagine you have to do this like tens of thousands of times or hundreds of thousands of times.

I couldn't do this once.

I'd be bricked.

Not bricked up.

I would have been bit with a brick.

Yeah, it would have been hard as fuck.

No, no, no.

No, the rivet goes in the hole.

You know, sometimes you can get away with skipping the catcher if the furnace was close by, but not often because the furnace is heavy and hard to reposition.

Yeah, this shit sucks and it takes forever.

On the other hand, a riveted panel looks cool as hell, and they fail

much more noisily, which is very evocative for your movie or whatever.

Between the wars, we developed this new process for joining metal parts, which is welding.

Welding can be done by one guy with an arc welder.

You just position the pieces next to each other and melt them together, right?

It's fast.

It's easy.

You just need one guy, and that's very important during the war since manpower is short and time is of the essence.

USS, we welded this yesterday.

Exactly.

You know, how do we weld those stuff?

Sweet Jesus.

Occasionally, like, I'll do some shit like, I can't sleep, so I'm going to get really into something specific.

And I've seen some, because of this, I've seen...

Some welding gore in my time.

You can fuck up a weld in some really fun ways.

Oh, yeah.

If you want to see some of that, just look at the vehicle ends of the class 800 family IETs running up and down the East Coast mainline.

That welding is fucked.

Conversely, you can look at, you know, go on fucking R slash welding or whatever.

You can see some very like, very clean welds, very like, you know, beautiful, smooth welds.

And I'm like, damn, that's crazy.

I'm just imagining like a trad guy, like, no, you have to use the rivets.

That's how the Vikings built their worship using the Clicker method.

You can't weld it, that's decadent.

Give me one second here.

I have to use the restroom.

I know it's only been a bit.

I'm sorry, but it's been

like an hour.

It's fine.

Right, it's calligraphy corner again.

Nova, how's the uh, how's the calligraphy going?

Uh, actually, really well.

So, I um, I got set a brilliant challenge recently because I, the kind of like letter calligraphy that I mostly do, um, is um, uh, it's called um, text to ours quadrata, right?

It's pretty simple.

Um, and uh, I got asked if I could do something in this uh this script called rotunda um which is like uh a lot more sort of curvy what the hell

i think someone's riveted panel just failed was that a gong yeah um yes i i i i got asked to do this like uh rotunda thing and it is hard as fuck like i'm having to learn basically from scratch um you gotta like twist the pen as you're finishing like uh downstrokes it looks great but like i mean mine doesn't mine looks like absolute shit because I you know still learning it but like

it's it's been it's been a really interesting thing to like change up all the ways of like doing this and that's one of like I don't know a bunch of different kind of black letter scripts to do so like if I master this you know fucking inshallah

I got more so you know you just have to if you

twice if you if you want to then yeah post post them on on the old on the old Twitter I'd be welcome to see that that's uh yeah I mean I the thing is i i'm always a bit of a perfectionist about this stuff it's the same with the photography if people are wondering why i haven't posted any like film photography recently it's not just because i'm uh you know i have adhd and i've moved on to a new hyper focus or whatever it's just also because like i don't want to i don't want to no shit leaves the shop right i don't want to put out stuff unless i like it and with the calligraphy there's a lot of stuff where i'm like this is this is okay like it's

a judge

thing but yeah like you're doing it for enjoyment and and and for the challenge but uh

it's not good enough yet.

I mean, give it time.

There we go.

The hogs love call free corners, so there we go.

No, I'm here.

Oh, yeah.

I thought, Tom, you've been replaced by ominous piano music, which is

if you have a piano in the room, I could start hitting it ominously.

Don't do that.

Oh, I poor Devin.

Devin

welds are strong.

They make the whole damn ship one big piece of metal.

Metal flexes, so in terms of expansion and contraction, that's fine, right?

Or is it?

What if it does that on a cycle a bunch of times?

Well, you'll see right here, this is a cross-section of a butt weld.

So much for reproducing asexually.

Yeah.

A butt weld is when you put two pieces of metal next to each other and you weld them together, right?

No response to that.

That's okay, legit.

Cool.

This is where this shaded area here is where the metal has been heated to a point where it changes its properties, right?

The heat-affected area.

Yes,

and this can be good or it can be bad.

And especially if you don't know what you're doing, it's bad.

Oh, I'm bad.

I'm sure I'm right.

I'm currently holding my PWI understanding rails and rail welding book just for the benefit of listeners.

I may need Gareth's help here because this is not my area of expertise.

Studying the blade over there with the

studying the ryle.

Yeah.

Also, because I changed the background to black, all the words that are supposed to be here are gone.

Okay, so metals, they're the meat and potatoes of the periodic table.

High milkshake.

Are they gone?

Okay.

So a lot of chemicals, they're made out of, you know, these tightly bonded molecules, but metals are just this big party of atoms hanging out swapping electrons, right?

Oh, I saw the

polycule.

That's why they call them transition metals.

Watch and go.

Blue game shit, Nova.

Blue game shit.

That was a pulled-up jumper from 50 Foot.

Yeah, I was amazing.

This is why alloys of metals are described in percentages and not chemical formulas.

There's not like a steel molecule.

No, these aren't crystals.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, that's all I'm still.

That's I

can give more metal chat, but no, other one, crystals.

Everyone in the middle

of crystals.

Metallic bonds form atoms into large crystals of relatively uniform patterns, but with discontinuities between them, right?

I just really like the idea of like now we know that these are crystals, like your kind of wine mom, like setting out a bunch of healing crystals, but they're all little steel I-beams.

Yeah, exactly.

Gotta leave the I-beams out for George W.

Bush on 9-10.

Those are the crystals underneath New York City.

How did you know on the subway?

How did you know about that?

Oh, they told us to stay home, dude.

You guys gotta get the secret Jewish Cabal cell phones.

Is that the Obama phone?

But

it's a Blackberry from like 99.

It's only a map.

Windows phone.

Oh, hey.

Listen, Windows Phone was unfairly multi-productive.

I had a Windows phone.

It was a perfectly fine operating system.

Perfectly fine.

Listen, it was 2006, dude.

All right.

The first iPhone didn't even have a chicken.

Getting a message not to come into work today on my Microsoft Zoom.

The problem is, you don't know if Hezbollah has an Uno reverse card situation for those.

They literally did.

The reason why I found this out, the reason why the Pedro attack went off like it did is because, and I found this out in

a book by Ronan Bergman, I I want to say,

that Unit 8200,

the Israeli SIGINT agency, they got entrapped like this in, I think, the 90s because Hezbollah left a cell phone full of explosives for them to find and they brought it into their

exploitation area.

Yeah,

and they killed like two people or blew a guy's hand off or whatever.

So yeah,

this was the Uno reverse card.

Well, I call it the UNO reverse card because it's the Unobomber.

You just got to hope that Hezbollah doesn't have a second Uno reverse card.

Yeah, exactly.

And just keep dealing the reverse card.

So on a Windows phone, it'll just like you'll just start a blue screen instead of blowing it up.

Yeah, maybe

in the late 2200s, we're trying to charge their Samsung Galaxy.

So the Note 7.

The billion-dollar nugget.

Anyway.

No, no, no.

I've seized control of the radio station.

these

crystals affect the mechanical properties of the steel they can be controlled in a number of ways through production through adjusting the level of carbon in the steel adding metals other than iron reducing or eliminating various impurities and also crucially controlling the rate of cooling uh this is this this is where you get all the different like alphanumeric codes for different kinds of steel that knife people go absolutely nuts about and being like yo your your your pocket pocket knife that you only use to open amazon packages sucks dick because it's 410 hc or whatever as opposed to my my giga chad 81 zf4 full folded 10 000 times you can cut straight

around for for for clarity you can have exactly the same alloy composition in in a and yes rail steel i'm the rail guy i'm always going to say rail stuff uh you can have rail steel it's precisely the same uh chemical composition so the same alloy percentages but depending on its heat treatment you can end up with completely different crystalline structures.

So, for example, most rails out there have perlite as the steel alloy crystal structure, but if you heat treat them specially, you can have what's called bainite, which is much, much stronger and resists scratching

ionite.

Yeah, exactly.

Merely adopted the West Coast mainline.

I was born on it.

Molded by it.

It's probably molded by a rolling machine, though, actually.

Well, yeah, but

I was trying to think of a Raz al Gould/slash roll joke.

Someone else better than that.

Raz al Gul.

Yeah, that'll do that.

My leave decent impression I can't do that on the air.

Wait, you did the other one earlier.

Right, it's not the accent.

No, you didn't.

Jesus.

If, for instance, you're rolling out a big steel beam from a hot billet and you allow it to cool very slowly, you get very large crystals that results in a steel which is very ductile or like easy to deform right in other words um that's desirable usually in like structures like buildings and like bridges and so on because of things like thermal expansion uh cyclical loading you want things to be able to bend a little bit you know in like or like in an earthquake or with any kind of like wind loading so on and so forth it's better to have something that bends and you know if if it bends really badly you can look at it and say hey there's a problem there you can

fix or remove it.

They have a surgery for that.

Yes, exactly.

Exactly.

That's why they call them transition muscles.

You're trying to get those transuranic metals, you know what I mean?

Oh, yeah.

No, I mean, you know, I've never subscribed to this philosophy.

So like, what if I want a steel that is as rigid as possible because that makes it more stronger?

Oh, we'll get to that in a second.

You know, if you cool it down very quickly,

you know, you'll have something that shows no signs of problems and then shatters catastrophically.

Oh, no.

Oh, that sounds bad.

At least it fails in a way that you're aware of it, you know, very much so when it happens.

Yes, instead of being able to correct the problem, it just happens and you die.

Yeah, exactly.

It saves everyone a lot of work, apart from the guy who has to clean up the remnants of you.

Yeah.

So, yeah, if you want a steel that's very hard, like a chef's knife or like a sword, some kind of big block of metal.

You want a machine with like a bridge port or CNC or a lathe or something, you want to take a different approach, and that's going to be rapid cooling or quite a bit.

Oh, like quick, yeah, that's why, and that's why you'd fucking dump it in like oil or water or whatever.

So you can't look quick.

It's not just a look fucking badass,

yeah.

I thought it was, and I've watched like every season of Forged and Fire.

No, it's it's it's very important you cool it as quickly as possible because, okay, so we see up here, this is a slowly cooled steel uh under under a microscope right you can see this very consistent grain here with the crystals um and this is rapidly cooled down here and it's a big mess of shit going all different directions my

my favorite forged and fire thing sorry is um

the first host that they had fucking will wheaton or whatever the fuck his name was was like will wheaton Yeah,

he was a troop.

He was like a like an operator, but in the Air Force or whatever.

Anyway,

they did like a military special and you know, where like one of each branch like forges a knife or whatever.

And when the first guy who I think was a Marine like loses and eats shit because, you know, he's made a knife out of like crayons and banging two rocks together.

Will Wheaton goes,

I would never ask a member of our like armed forces to surrender his weapon,

like leave with honor and it's like okay man

I love that shit did they have a coastie on and if so did they make like the

dive knife with the blunt tip so you don't accidentally stab yourself when you're trying to disentangle your from a line

I'm gonna look this up sorry Justin I it's Will Willis but I'm gonna yeah we'll leave it at

Will Weeks

wearing that weird fucking sweater from Next Generation.

Yes.

That's, you know,

he's serving.

I I was just gonna say, the zebra and the non-zebra patterns here

are actually the, I think they are the crystals I talked about.

I think the top one is definitely Perlite, and I think the bottom one is actually banite, as

steel crystals.

I believe that is the case.

Yes,

I glanced over the Wikipedia.

I was just like, I need a refresher on this.

And then I do.

So as best I can tell, they had like one

coastie on Forge and Fire, but not in the military episode.

So what even is the point?

I know.

I wonder what he means.

It's a guy, a trans guy, actually.

Oh,

cool.

I got it right by accident.

Yes.

Yeah.

I'm not going to get canceled again on this show.

Does not say, though.

So, I don't know.

Could have been on anything.

So, this crystal formation results in these high internal stresses.

You know, it results in all these crystals at odds with each other.

They resist deformation because because they're all fighting each other, you know?

Isn't that like the left?

Yes, exactly.

Exactly.

The top is

what we got to do.

It's like lipsteel.

It's lip steel.

Lipsteel.

Libsteel.

The bottom is democratic centralism.

Yeah, exactly.

It's going to break before it bends.

Remember that time when that

salon just exploded with no more?

So this is good for...

So for context, this is good for lots of applications, as Roz was saying.

For example, for rails, where they're being inspected very regularly by automated trains, you can predict when they're going to do the breaky-shattery thing.

And so you can exploit these properties for either for chef's sushi knives or for having really good wear resistance on shallow curves on high-speed rails.

I see.

They are of my philosophy.

They make it more rigid.

Yes.

And this process can be reversed through something called annealing, right?

So let's say you take your chef's knife that you spent, you know, $90 on, right?

And you accidentally leave it in the oven somehow.

You heat it up and you let it cool down slowly.

Congrats, you have a useless hunk of metal that's going to be defeated by three small onions.

You have unheat-treated your knife.

Yeah, exactly.

You used to be able to fix NVIDIA graphics cards by baking them.

Yeah, the temperatures involved aren't hugely...

Yeah, they're not massive.

We're talking a few hundred degrees Celsius, not like,

you know, we're not talking like crazy furnace temperatures here.

Yeah.

So the metal reverts to these large crystals that it naturally wants to form.

The thing's not, the knife is, you know, not going to hold an edge anymore.

So don't do that.

You can, you can bend an edge over on a tomato or whatever.

Yeah.

That in turn can be reversed through cold working, right?

If you're bending or folding or otherwise loading this ductile ductile steel over time, it develops small discontinuities in the crystals.

We know this is stress-hardening, sometimes that's desirable, sometimes it isn't.

And you can develop various alloys to affect the structure of crystals.

Most impurities result in more imperfections in the crystal structure and then more hardness, right?

Ambient temperature can also affect the brittleness of steel.

That's important.

We're going to get back to that one.

I just want to point out, I will have to mute myself in a second because I have to, I am on the third floor of my house where I live.

And my wife is,

it is my job as the man to get the food.

So I will have to get the food, bring it to my wife, and then come back to record the thing that pays the rent.

Modern love.

Modern love.

Beautiful.

I love my wife, and she is the littlest baby.

But yes, continue.

So anyway, anyway, that's my imperfect understanding of metallurgy.

But we have to talk about it in a wartime era.

Oh, dear.

You've got all of this, but a bunch of racism tacked onto it for some reason.

And less.

They were calling these different types of crystalline structures by like different slurs.

Oh.

These are.

You'd just be like, hey, why is this steel?

Yeah, exactly.

Grandma, we don't use that anymore.

Come on, though.

Put the nutcracker down.

Or the blacksmith hammered in this case.

So, big steel mills, they're spitting out as much steel as possible.

There's manpower shortages.

Not all steel is what we would now know is like good quality, or at least of structural quality.

A lot of it is coming out of the mill with like high sulfur content, low manganese content.

This is stuff that's great for machining, not so much for structures, right?

These

components like sulfur disrupt the crystalline structure, structure, meaning the steel becomes harder, but also more brittle.

Sorry, I was going to say, fun fact, Nazi Germany, they ran out of manganese.

Oh, dear.

Yeah.

That's gone poorly.

No one's paying a lot of attention to this when they're building Liberty ships and associated ships because they're not really designed for long-term use.

And also, sort of the knowledge of what alloys need to be used for this application isn't there yet.

And welding is a very new technique at this point.

Americans, you're so funny.

You're just like, yeah, I reckon we'll win the war in six months, and who cares anyway?

Yeah.

It's built 5,000 of these.

And this steel worked fine in riveted ships, so why wouldn't it work in welded ships?

Sure.

So, you know, combine everything we just learned.

Older ships were riveted.

Those rivets, while hot themselves, did not significantly heat the metal around them when

two plates were joined.

Now the ships are being welded.

That requires melting the very metal they were made of, but also introducing new metal into the joint.

The result here is, you know, you've got continuous crystal discontinuities at each joint.

The properties of the metal changed and it caused some weak points, right?

You have a ship hole that is one piece of metal, but it's one really fucky piece of metal with a lot of weird areas in it.

No.

Yes.

I'm going to put my Ben Shapiro hat on.

Is Is it possible that maybe that, in fact,

the problem was that the rivets were being done by women who, in a traditional Judeo-Christian context, would not be allowed?

I'm not even going to continue that one because

the ships were actually made of weldings.

I immediately go to Kermit, which then just takes me to thinking of Jordan Peterson singing, It's Not Easy Being Green.

It's not easy being green.

Jordan D.

Peterson here.

But then also Miss Piggy smacking Jordan Peterson at Jordensen.

Jordan Peterson in face of the music.

Jordan Jordanson.

George Jordensen.

That's a fucking Norwegian guy.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's the fucking,

oh, Jesus.

Kurt Vonnegut, but.

Well, anyway, Miss Piggy can smack him all in the mouth.

Like that.

Yeah, she's waking him up from the fucking, you know, benzo coma.

Yep.

So anyway, owing to all these factors, that's how the SS Schenectady split in half at the dock in calm waters in Portland, Oregon on the 16th of January, 1943.

This crack was heard around the city and was heavily reported on despite wartime censorship because it was in the middle of the goddamn city and everyone could see it.

Yeah.

Put a top over it like when a plane crashed.

I love how much this is just like there's a model ship made out of like Rye Vitas or something, just made out of like crackers, and it's just been snapped by just a guy.

It's just like the boat has snapped.

It's not like, oh, there's some like difficult to see in a photo warp here.

It is literally boat snap, which is

yeah, front fell off.

That's it.

It was like that when I got here.

This this ship was completed, went out to sea trials, came back to port, then split in half.

And presumably, since this is, you know, wartime production, you're just like, well, I guess we got a bad one.

Another 5,000.

Yeah.

They can't all be winners.

So the cause of the fracture was not known.

They blamed it on faulty welds for several years until a woman.

A woman.

A woman outside of the house.

Yeah.

Named Constance Tipper.

Oh, wow.

Did a study on Liberty ships in the 1950s.

Me Me trying to give a fake name to a waitress.

Ron Mexico and Constance Tipper.

So Constance Tipper had a very long and productive career in which no one took her seriously on account of being a woman.

Same.

Good thing I'm a comedian.

She was once invited as a featured speaker at the Royal Society.

Because they only saw her initials and didn't realize she was a woman.

No one CATA could ever possibly be a woman.

They let her give the speech and then wouldn't let her come to the dinner afterwards.

Fucking

what is going on over there?

Yeah.

Nothing good, I'll say that.

That's like the Romans.

One of my favorite historical facts is that Etruscans were relatively egalitarian.

And the Romans are like, well, I say these women are at dinners reclining with the men.

They must all be whores.

You know, like, that's.

So they just had to stereotype that Etruscan women are all whores because they dared dine with men.

Like, you know, have you ever seen a Etruscan like statuary?

It looks fucking weird as hell.

Like,

evil-looking statues.

Don't know why.

There's also a great vase of a guy fucking a goat, too.

Civilization is

discontented.

Fun fact.

They did great art back in the day.

They did.

They really

influenced right there.

Yeah.

See, that's the traditional art that we're trying to bring back as part of the traditional architecture movement.

Goats being fucked.

Put them on the doorways.

Okay.

That's how you know whose house it passed over.

Okay.

Yeah.

Etruscan statues.

Look at the way they do the faces, right?

It's like, fuck, they look like elves or something.

They don't look like they've got like, yeah.

Fun fact, Brad Lidge, the pitcher who got the last out when the Phillies last won the World Series in 2008, is now an e-truscologist.

And no one in Italy knows who he is.

Yeah, no one in Italy knows who he is.

One Italian baseball fan being like, yo, oh, Jesus, Puka Dio.

You can hit this guy over here.

He threw the ball very hard.

I understand the Italian Baseball League is dominant in the Italian baseball championships, which I can't recall the name of.

I was going to say European, not Italian.

And said Italian twice.

I didn't mean to say that.

Giuseppe Garibaldi be like, I really love the idea of this guy and his PhD thesis or whatever being like, in in many ways, the Etruscan culture was also balling out of control.

Anyway,

Constance Tipper essentially invented modern metallurgy, especially with respect to crystal structures and things like that.

You know,

something about women and crystals.

Yeah.

Women know about the crystal.

She knows about the crystals.

I can't fault that.

Women, they say she knows all about the crystals.

They won't tell you this anymore.

Oh, my Trump's not really coming out today.

You know, a lot of times, especially before the war, the co-authors on her papers took a lot of the credit or got a lot of the credit.

It was oldest time.

Yeah.

She determined

the cause of these cracks was not the bad welds as suspected.

The welds were actually perfectly fine.

It was the metal itself.

The metal was just bad, and that meant, okay, it would tend to snap around the discontinuities, which are the welds, right?

But you couldn't weld it better to make it better.

The weld would just do that.

Essentially, when the temperature dropped below a certain point, this steel turned into effectively cast iron.

Oh, great.

As mesh.

Yeah.

Yes.

Another interesting thing is these sort of cracks that were forming around the welds were also happening on riveted ships.

But

because in rivets you have holes, I'm drawing some holes here.

Oh, yeah.

If the little crack started to form, it just went to the next hole and then stopped.

Yes.

As opposed to a welded ship where it just, the crack just immediately, you know, went the whole way through.

Interesting tidbit, both on ships and bizarrely aircraft.

If you have a fatigue crack, one of the ways to stop the growth of the fatigue crack, and this may exist in aircraft, well, it certainly exists in older aircraft flying around 20 years ago.

It probably exists in Boeing aircraft today.

You can drill a hole where the tip of the crack is, and that will slow down the, well, stop the crack growth, at least for a bit.

It does mean that there's a hole in your ship and or aircraft, but that is one of the ways that you stop fatigue crack.

It saves weight.

Yeah, exactly.

At speed.

It works on bridges, too.

Yes.

It works on pretty much everything.

Stress concentrations are weird.

They are.

Yeah.

How do we make this stronger?

Remove material.

So Constance Tipper went on to develop a test for temperature,

you know, to find out the temperature where metal turns from ductile to brittle.

We now know this as the Tipper test.

You know, it's required for any sort of material that's expected to be exposed to low temperatures.

you know, like a boat or an airplane or an airline.

What is it?

What do you do to test the thing?

I don't know.

I kept trying to figure this out through several sources, and it's like, I don't know.

Good thing it's not a sort of widely available piece of information.

I assume you have to go to college to figure it out.

Just going back in time, you know, Connecticut, Yankee, and King Arthur's court, you're getting really specific about it.

And how do you perform this tipper test?

I don't know.

Yeah,

I often consider if I were in that situation, like, do I actually have enough knowledge to survive?

I mean, if you got metallurgy, I'm going back in time and giving

fucking Harold Godwinson

like really fucking good, I don't know, what's a good medal we should give him to fight the Normans?

I don't know.

Look, I mean, if I just knew

how to do,

if I knew how to do the Bessemer steel process, I'd be set.

I think if you give me a, I've said this before, you give me a full-sized full-sized Glock with that magazine capacity, I can make people think that I have an infinite number of shots and that's going to get me through my lifetime.

We get to the whole like, you know, post-Alexandrian period where my like generals are fighting over my territory and eventually they figure out that they've used all of them and then things get fucky, you know?

Yeah,

I think in a Connecticut Yankee

Housecourt sorcerer and I cast 40 Smith and Wesson hole in your torso.

I'm just the thing, the thing about the Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's court is he was defeated by Merlin.

I'm just now imagining Harold Gonwinson with the Glock like in Pulp Fiction, and he's like,

How would you say it?

Segist

on Yan.

Segist what?

Harold Gobinson inexplicably played by Samuel Jackson in this.

What wouldst thou say in?

What a language.

Sayest thou what in Normandy?

My understanding of the tipper test, by the way, just bringing this back on course, is that

you just reduce the temperature and then whack the metal.

And then once

that's the tipper test,

that's really underwhelming.

That sounds like

a lot of times it's pretty simple, like that, yeah.

Vona BS die on

big burger.

I don't know.

My old English pronunciation is.

It's better than yours, so fuck you.

I was my ass there, and I wasn't even involved.

Oh,

I'm an innocent bystander here.

I was talking to the listener.

This is an interesting episode, and that we've discussed the mechanism of failure up front.

But now I have to hand it back to Tom

for what happens.

So we have this war.

Yeah, we talked about it a little bit.

This guy, Adolf Hitler, he's fucking

fan.

He got a lot of fans on X, the everything app these days.

He was just up to all sorts of bullshit.

You know, just a real, like, him and his, you know, pack of rogues just running around getting up the hijrinks.

Tried to change the German system of typefaces.

Yeah, and also changed trackage to some weird wide version.

Fuck those guys for that alone.

Getting so mad that your font is Italian in origin.

Well, you're not using runes.

Oh, guess where runes come from, motherfucker?

They came from the Etruscans.

And where were the Etruscans?

Make it

Italy, dumbass.

And where did the Etruscan?

Where did the Etruscan alphabet come from?

Okay, it came for the Greek alphabet.

Where did the Greek alphabet come from?

It came for the Phoenicians.

And where did the Phoenician alphabet come from?

Fucking Egypt.

That's all I'm talking.

Yeah, so fuck you, Hitler.

You still should have some fonts.

No, this is not a pro-Hitler cop podcast.

Hitler banned from the Dahfont.org forums.

Hitler, not allowed in the treehouse.

No, no, no, no.

So, so

we have here a picture of a sort of dames and fellas celebrating the edge of the wall.

Some fucked up haircuts here.

Yeah.

I got to say, though,

sometimes the World War II gal haircut does do it for me.

There's something.

Not any of these, though.

The weird sort of overcoming the ball is a little bit more difficult to think of the current name of the 40s bulb.

Hallow.

So we win the war.

These ships that we built,

basically disposable ships that we built

out of ass metal.

Yes.

Yeah, built by Lodge.

Ass metal with butt joints.

Yeah.

I bought a T2

at the store at the Cracker Cracker Barrel.

Yeah,

the Euros won't understand that.

You can buy cast iron pans at the fucking Cracker Barrel general store.

Yes.

So Cracker Barrel is a country restaurant

cheese.

We'll take you to a Cracker Barrel, Gary.

Yes, please.

Do they have a train above my head again?

Because I enjoyed when I went to the supermarket without a train above my head.

Oh, yes, Wegman's.

Yeah, we went to Wegmans.

The Wegmans.

You got to go to the Wegmans, too.

They have good cheese.

Yeah, they have pretty good cheese selection.

Lots of cheese.

Yeah.

Keep her moving.

All right.

So,

so, you know, obviously, you know, America's going to demobilize, stop building weapons,

find a peacetime economy, the peace dividend, build, build a, maybe we could scrap these vessels, make shitty homes for white veterans only.

No, no, no, no.

We're not doing that.

Oh.

Those are still good ships because they're still floating.

And we can make money by selling it to

private interests, which I said for a notebook would be a good name for a late 70s porno.

Yeah, I'd watch that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just did a little bit of like jazz piano on the soundtrack.

Yeah.

Ooh, is that a crack in your hull?

Oh, doctor, I think I need a new ass.

This one has a crack in it.

I get a hot ribbon.

meeting.

Some butt welding.

Oh, boy.

No, no, we're going to sell in the private interest.

So let's take a look at what happened.

So let's click the next slide.

That's the Fort Mercer.

She did not serve in World War II.

She

flat feet.

Getting really insecure about it, buying a bunch of nine line shirts.

Yeah, I was, you know,

I was an operator, but I never deployed.

By the way, I'm on my like third divorce, but still care about traditional values.

Yeah, yeah, I would have fucking enlisted, but as soon as that drill instructor would have got my face, I would have fucking punched him.

You and every other dude from

I don't fucking, I didn't graduate.

The school of hard knocks is where I'm from.

All right.

Fucking trivial real life.

I too went to Father Judge.

You know, I dropped out Father Judge second year.

It was too hard.

Fuck you.

Yeah, so she was completed by

A War After the Month.

Wow.

A month after the war's end.

And then

she was sold to the Trinidad Corporation, which is a part of the Barber Asphalt family.

There are a lot of weird trumpets on the rear part of this vessel.

What?

Well, we do have the diagram in a couple of slides.

Yeah, okay.

See, back in the day, you used to be able to get all types of shit from your barber.

Now it's just skin fades.

I imagine that these are.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I enjoyed that.

I enjoyed that.

I'm sorry, I stepped on that joke.

It's all good.

I imagine there's.

Barbaras Asphalt is like the new version of being tarred and feathered.

Barbara Asphalt, I hardly knew her.

I imagine there's some.

I forget what the term is for that, but it lets air in, but won't let the it's like a ventilation system on the back, probably.

Yeah.

So her career up until the incident was unremarkable.

It's like your 30s.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So so we're going to leave the Fort Mercer now.

Imagine the Fort Mercer, as you will.

She is steaming north from Norco, Louisiana, laden with oil.

Well, yeah, with oil, with a destination of Portland, Maine.

So we're going to leave her there.

Let's go to the next slide.

All right.

The Pendleton was surprisingly hard to find.

Almost identical ship.

It's almost as if they're the same class of ship, yeah, yeah, almost, yeah,

sick paint job on this one, though.

Oh, and that will come out.

That's important to know, yeah.

We got we have the fucking like we have the murdered out Pendleton, yeah,

yeah, just fake tags on the back,

the Coast Guard pulling her over because you have an illegally dark tint.

Um,

again, it's got the uh teletubby ass uh ventilation uh petal thing going on

and they seem to be in like all random directions.

Yeah,

maybe it's just aesthetic choice.

You're going to get some airflow in or out of that, I guess.

So she served in World War II.

We know of at least one Atlantic convoy that she was part of, but did not have a spotless career.

There was a few incidents.

Foreshadowing.

Yeah.

So in 1947,

while still in government service, there was cracks noticed.

Not a big, large crack, but a crack was noticed.

And then they installed these cracker rusters.

And this is common with these, with this model tanker, and also with the Liberty ships.

So they would, with this ass steel, basically failing in parts, they would then take a strip of stronger, high-quality steel and like band it on the inside.

They were called cracker resters.

Hmm.

Did they drill the hole?

Because drilling the hole would be a good idea.

I'm actually not too sure.

Yeah, a bit like a double-plate in aviation.

Just straight through, and it's leaking, and you're like, listen, it could be a lot worse.

That's why you have a bilge pump.

Yeah, exactly.

These things always leak.

Every boat leaks.

They're all full of piss water at the bottom.

Yeah.

Like English bathrooms.

Exactly.

Yeah, exactly.

Just a lot of people.

Why do you think we rule the waves?

I thought those ships were made out of oak.

Oceans are now bathrooms.

They already were.

Yes.

Keep for enjoyment, not for employment, man.

Now, I'm trying to see here if the Pendletons were rich.

It's a joke I remember.

Genie comes to two guys who are fishing in a boat in the middle of a lake, and the guy wishes, I wish this whole lake was beer with his last wish.

And the other guy turns to him and says, You stupid asshole, now we have to piss in the boat.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

In 1948, the Pendleton was sold to the National Bulk Carriers.

Again,

a nice, straightforward company name.

We don't have this.

They don't make them like that anymore.

I'm sure there are like 45 similarly named companies that owned like

two ships each and was like, we're bulk national carriers.

We're American bulk carriers.

National Bulk Carriers of Delaware.

This is kind of crucial, though.

So in 1951, she ran aground in the Hudson River.

Don't want to do that.

And she ran aground between the number six and nine tanks.

We'll get to the diagram in the next slide, but note that for future reference.

And she sat

for a day

with the weight on that section until she was refloated.

That is my, by the way, my favorite genre of dumb boater accident is getting, is like, getting

running aground,

especially like at high tide.

Yeah.

Um, like, then you're just fucked until like the next neep tide comes along or, you know, king tide or spring tide, something that comes along that actually will let you float.

Uh, but yeah, no, so she was up for about a day.

Um, and I have a question for everybody.

Is a ship designed to float on water with a

relatively balanced distribution of load along the hull?

Or perhaps are ships designed to sit partially aground with stress unevenly distributed on the hull?

Yeah, like kind of like a seal.

I was going to say, like a seal.

You know, they haul out, they have a rest, you know, they get both the young.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So follow, it turns out it's probably not a good idea for the ladder.

Oh, oh, okay.

It turns out, actually, yeah, the weight has to be distributed properly.

Yeah.

It's almost like that's an incredibly important part of how ships are made.

Although in high school, I did run a racing shell aground, and then with my fellow scholar, we managed to get it back in the water before the coach noticed and got mad at us.

Sweet water, the Anacostia.

Yep.

With 10,000 gallons of sweet crude.

Yeah.

It was a very big

Valby skull.

Brawls did exon Valbees.

Yeah.

On the Anacostia, no one would have noticed.

Actually, it would have made it nicer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It doesn't smell like shit anymore.

No, it smells like delicious sweet crude.

Texas tea.

We got

so after this, they inspected the vessel and found that there was a crack in the bulkhead between the number four, a triple crack in the bulkhead between the number four starboard wing and center tank.

This crack was not repaired.

That's three more cracks than you want, folks.

You got to drill three more holes.

Cracking time.

Save triple the weight.

Cracking grommet.

What a cracking crack.

Let's crack on yeah

uh see it was involved in the distribution of cracks to

the ci we've ex we we've exhausted this joke let's move oh no that's i i mean just

salty oh he's getting salty um salt pouring through the crack

oh god devin's gonna have us hanged for this

In

January 1952, the Pendleton pasture Coast Guard inspection.

Hooray.

Yeah.

That crack.

Pretty cursory inspection.

Coast Guard's never done that before.

We definitely did not talk about that on the El Faro.

This sort of cursory.

It's fucking fun.

Looks fine.

Yeah.

Looks good.

Looks good to me.

Don't you got to get into all the containers?

The guy with the confined spaces training, he's fucking sick today.

And I'm just filling in.

You know,

it's good.

All right, next slide, please.

So, here we have

the

outboard profile in the whole plants for the T2.

So, you can take a mental note where the zone of the cargo tank six to nine, that sort of area

where

the wrapper?

Here is nine.

That's where it was sitting.

Nice.

I've drawn a VHS tape.

Yeah, yeah.

Damn so fine.

Give it to me, suck it to me one more time.

Yeah, and uh, all right, and you can also point out it where the where the uh the tanks are it's not that crucial um on the overhead diagram um but what i do want to point out is sort of if you will divide the ship into two halves and i think that was the problem right well

wow

there's your problem uh in the back

wow wow a celebrity yeah

i can't believe when they said well there's your problem they problemed over the place um

Probleming off the walls, on the ceiling, probleming out the window, down on the street, probleming off the buildings.

So the back, the stern of the vessel has the boiler room, has the engines, has a power plant.

And the bridge is forward.

Just make another mental note of that.

So

it's like a

Great Lakes freighter, though the pilot house is not all the way at the bow.

It's sort of amidships.

I believe it's the word.

Yeah.

I know boats.

The only thing I know about Great Lakes Frasers is the one song about the one being doomed, which, you know, is that what the one is.

Is that the one the legend is told about that?

Oh, yeah, the one by Arthur Anderson.

Yes.

It's that lake they call Gitchigumi.

Yes.

Yeah.

Which that episode is coming eventually.

Stop fucking emailing me about it.

The John Munson, the,

I don't know any other Lakers.

I'm unrelated to Josh Munson.

Yes,

the famous Laker, LeBron James.

Yeah, you're not doing that episode until I can finish learning the guitar.

We're going to have a first live

WTYP unplugged.

Were we talking about LeBron James?

No.

Well, that's your problem from LeBron James.

Oh, that charter school motherfucker.

You're going to have it on for a different reason.

So we leave the Pendleton right now.

She's steaming north from Nolins with a load of kerosene and heating oil bound for Baston.

That's out.

Baston.

Shipping up to Baston.

One could say.

Boston, man.

Shipping up Guthrie wrote that song.

Man.

Woody Guthrie.

Also,

I can't believe I have to do this for work and live in this world where Donald Trump is president.

I just.

Oh, fuck.

I had a joke.

Never mind.

Continue.

Hi, it's Justin.

So this is a commercial for the podcast that you're already listening to.

People are annoyed by these, so let me get to the point.

We have this thing called Patreon, right?

The deal is you give us two bucks a month.

And we give you an extra episode once a month.

Sometimes it's a little inconsistent, but you know, it's two bucks.

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Join at patreon.com forward slash WTYP pod

do it if you want or don't it's your decision and we respect that back to the show

all right next slide uh refavore i'm gonna hedge my bets here thank god that you know uh donald trump isn't president but it sucks that i have to do this for work oh it sucks it sucks so bad I mean, you are on the verge of death, and you're putting up flu game numbers, so I'm very proud of you.

Thank you.

So we have up here on this slide, we have a chart, two charts.

It looks bad, Tom.

Yeah, well, you know, I can tell it looks bad too.

And thank, because I got a C-plus at Meteorology 203 at Penn State.

I can actually read this.

Garbage school for garbage.

It looks like there's a low pressure zone heading into Hyannis.

That's going to bring some significant storms into the area.

And also, it appears that there's a

freezing just did that temperature over there.

Yeah, there's that freezing.

The weather nerds are going to make fun of me.

It's an iso height, isoline.

I don't know.

There's a certain pressure height.

Depending on how far off it is, it basically is a good predictor of the weather's going to be freezing.

The precipitation is going to be freezing or not.

Anyway, let's look at the left.

Would 1950s Jim Cantori be in Hyannis right now?

Sure.

During the like 1940s CGI storm surge where it's just like all practical effects and they drown a couple of weathermen.

Yeah, they actually drown Jim Cantori.

He's getting ready to teach JFK Jr.

how to fly a plane in fog.

At the same time.

At the same time.

So, Rob.

You could do Chapaquitic without even going off the bridge.

Jesus Christ, Roz.

You kind of said that unintentionally.

Look at the Biden gadence there.

I have no idea.

I don't know.

Drive off the bridge.

Don't even got the ship.

Don't even

drive off the bridge.

The water comes to you.

All right, Jack.

Yo, it's hedging my bets again.

Yo, it's so crazy that Biden's president still somehow.

Well, speaking of Joe Biden,

there was a Joe Biden riff.

I had delete it from this slide.

Raz, can you say

the bolded date?

The which?

The bolded date.

The bolded date.

In the notes.

The bolded date.

Sunday, February 17th, 1952.

All right.

See you on the line.

Hedging my bets again.

It's cool that Jill Stein is president.

It's really cool that Dr.

Brother Cornell West is president.

I, for one, am

pretty excited that the Pennsylvania National Guard was able to secure the

I-76 corridor,

keeping the crucial Pittsburgh to Philadelphia

pipeline intact,

you know, logistics corridor following the fall of Oslo.

To the J.D.

Vance Catholic Integralist Brigade.

It's really cool that Sherelle Parker is now a president of the independent Pennsylvania Commonwealth.

No, that's not really.

Imagine.

Imagine her wearing the Zelensky fucking

Z-Modern chip.

That guy's ahead of his time.

Every leader is going to be wearing those in A24's Marvel Civil War.

Guaranteed.

Somehow, Sherelle Parker gets a Maz and just is DUIing her way through fucking West Philly.

That's right.

Look, I got stuck in the community.

It's going to be Parker versus Fetterman.

I'm going with Parker.

Yeah, I'll.

Yeah, they can't find a quarter that big enough, is that?

Put the gun in my mouth now.

Imagine that coalition.

It's like the scene from Downfall where they're all like Fetterman.

Fetterman's losing his mind.

Send the Parker, the Parker Brigade.

There is no Parker Brigade.

All right, so weather.

So we have what we call here a surface weather analysis chart.

And it's for the morning of the 17th.

So you see there's a

1,004 millibar low off of Delmarva.

And imagine with you will, in Scranton, there's a

sleep little Joe Biden.

My Joe Biden's turning into Obama for some reason.

You really are the party of you today by yourself, Tom.

Yeah, it's so crazy that Obama's president again.

I didn't think that was possible, but I was asleep in a screen.

It was so.

So, I'll see you Joe Biden.

That's actually my Joshua.

Was that your Obama?

No, that's my Josh Shapiro.

Okay.

The merger of Joe Biden and Obama.

I am so fucking tired of Josh Shapiro.

Yeah, this is just going to be, I think I've killed Gareth, but I think at some point when this just becomes an all-Pennsylvania politics podcast, I just, I fucking hate Josh Shapiro.

I don't want to go on record as saying that shit when he runs in 2028 and he's just like, oh, hi, I'm the dorky little guy that ruined the fucking Amtrak.

Man, me, me, me, me.

And I killed Septa all by myself, and I fucking suck ass.

I'm Josh Shapiro.

Bookmark this podcast.

It's so crazy that Josh Shapiro is a warlord of Pennsylvania.

I will personally make sure he has enough time to prevent, have a good time to prevent that.

Could have taken

a lot of time.

presidential assassin, every presidential candidate got assassinated simultaneously.

Yeah, well, it's really crazy that Liam is president right now.

I hate to tell you,

I'm president again.

No, not

you, Gilt.

Come back to the hole, you go.

Yeah, it's crazy that Jimmy Carse is president again.

I can't do that one.

Fuck it.

Get off.

Brackets inaudible.

That's what it deleted.

She said Jimmy Carter, and you went to Dixon.

Yeah, because I can't do a Carter.

Yeah.

Neither can he at this point.

Lyndon Johnson comes back from the grave.

Oh, yeah, but

I can do a Johnson.

It's just to me.

That's me slapping Jumbo on the desk.

All right.

Oh, no.

Does he masturbate?

What is he doing?

I mean, yeah.

So whether.

Sword.

LBJ masturbating by slamming his dick against the resolute dance.

Bring Dantu for a check.

Who's the situation?

Bring it a second.

I'll get some come out the song bitch out.

Bring it the fucking British ambassador.

I want him to see this.

Get a fucking kick out of this.

That was the last thing that went through JFK's head after the bullet was that realization that he would be replaced by LBJ whipping his dick on the resolute deck.

And then he went to like Catholic hell.

Oh, this is all timer if for nothing else for the flu game numbers.

Oh, man.

Oh, my tummy hurts.

I tell you what, you can

believe this fucking shit was underwater?

I can't do a good Texas accent.

Also, you said the most silly water I've heard in my entire life just there.

That's what we're just saying.

Just like getting a letter,

robo-signed by LBJ.

It's like, sorry, your son got owned in Vietnam or whatever.

And you're like, why does this have a dick print slapped into it?

Who was the British ambassador to America back then?

Kim Philby, probably.

I don't know.

Some kind of like...

Got it.

Some kind of freak show.

Get dang old Kim Female in here.

Look how big this dick is.

Look at a hitting desk.

All right, how about that?

I'll tell you what.

President Boonhauer.

Delightfully gauche.

I dare say.

Tim Kim, you got dang old dicks that big down all over Britain town.

Fuck it.

Are you trying to do angel?

No, I'm doing Boomhauer.

It's only takes sex.

I mean,

old dang old Boomhauer.

Dang old dick.

We go slip, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slip.

Get Dangle pregnant, man.

Dangle this three months.

Call me three months later.

Dango will bring the shopping.

Dang, dang, old, we're gonna

take up.

We're gonna take a handle on it.

Dang, slap, slap, slap, slap, slip.

I was feeling delirious before

Dangle Franklin.

John Franklin died.

Now I'm just turning back into Obama.

I don't know if it's because I'm sitting down weird.

I can't get the chest

projection for my Obama.

Let me be clear.

Let me be clear.

Let me be clear.

I would like to apologize.

I would like to apologize.

No, why am I doing it fucking wrong?

God damn it.

Okay.

Okay.

Obama announcing that the U.S.

is going to like come to terms with its troubled legacy by, you know, convening a new thing to try and buff the dick imprint out of a residential desk.

Hillary.

Oh, no.

Monica, get in here.

We're going to put another dick print on the desk.

Italian Bill Clinton.

Why is my Bill Clinton come up with Italian?

I don't understand this.

Oh.

Oh, oh, salty.

I'm about to come into the desk.

I come into the white office, and the president needs to head to the dick it out all over the desk.

So, um.

Sorry, Roz.

Let's talk about the weather.

You asked me to be on this fucking podcast.

All right.

Actually, you did.

This is entirely new.

Can you guys just get to the fucking weather already?

Please.

I just want to know how to read the chart.

Okay, well, now I can't count for weather on the eights.

Yeah, we're W, news radio.

1060.

Yeah, okay.

Tell me about the

Italian.

And then you just fucking Italian.

We have had, I have had enough of Italy and Italians.

I keep telling

the thing, the thing is, right, for as far as as I know, I have zero Italian DNA or heritage, and I and I'm proud of that.

Yeah, you say that in every conversation.

I do.

I lead with that.

It's like, there's no way that's possible.

Like, everyone's a little bit Italian.

Unfortunately, Corinne is a little bit Italian.

So when I have children, they're going to be at least partially Italian, and that brings great shame and dishonor to my bloodline.

My like 1% Etruscan kids.

Oh, my God.

It's got to be like a quarter I don't call it

an algebra, man.

How do you say it?

Razna.

Razna.

Get back to the weather, Tom.

This is your job.

Yeah, this is Tarkin Super Bus with the weather.

All right.

So, so, so we have, we, I didn't, I didn't even do the fucking Joe Biden where he's sleeping.

He's sleeping in Scranton.

It's snowing outside.

He's very cozy.

He's 10 years old because Joe Biden was 10 years old in fucking 1952.

He's dreaming of his move to Delmarva.

He's dreaming about beautiful women's hair.

He's going to get our Red Ryder Carbide Action BB gun with

the scope and the thing that tells time.

I fucking hate that.

And so

this low-pressure system's formed off Cape Hatteras, and it's

moving up.

So the Pendleton's moving up the eastern seaboard.

The Pendleton is experiencing the weather the entire way.

So they have like a real shit ride of it.

The weather keeps getting worse on the 17th as the 17th wears on they reach the outs the outskirts of bass and habit

and they can't find boston light so what do you do when you have bad weather on a boat before gps was invented um you're going to just be like it i'm gonna stay out at sea and wait till this whole thing blows over

i think if i'm outside boston harbor i just start shouting slurs until somebody calls back i agree with you the loran c radar um the operator is just a fucking guy from Southeast yelling slurs.

Yeah, it's just my dad.

It's not yelling slurs.

It's just about the Cuban Revolution.

We've developed, we've

on the news today, the boys have developed a new type of guy from Boston who could say slurs with accuracy up to one half arc minute.

Just dead, Evil, I think.

And that's how Mark Wahlberg was invented.

So

they laid a course out to keep her off of Kate Cod, facing into the wind of weather, sort of lying to standard procedure.

It still is.

It's the best thing you can do when you can't find a safe harbor.

And Cape Cod

is not a particularly,

it's somewhat treacherous, right?

The East Coast of the United States has a lot of shallow water.

It's a gently sloping shallow, so it sneaks up on you.

But further north, which you get to north of Long Island, right, there's a lot of like, little you know, because of the glaciers and all that kind of stuff, there's lots of little like, you know, rocky seamounts and stuff like that so um it's not it's not a like a smooth if you're thinking of if you're someone from philly it's not like a jersey shore perfectly smooth coastline um you can blame the laurent head ice sheet for that um so at this time and i do yeah um fuck you greenland uh the only

uh during this time uh also the fort mercer was steaming north now she's a little further south um but she's experiencing the same weather big strong ship uh weather storms before she's still making way for portland um but but again by sunday evening the weather's getting pretty bad and she starts lying to in the wind uh just trying to ride it out and it's nothing that I mean these ships are designed to go to go across the ocean they're they're designed for for for this weather um they're not you know metallurgy aside metallurgy aside right on paper they're not they're not like ships that like that that suck they're not well they've been built across the atlantic right and the atlantic is famously um

uh how can we put this not uh not a walk in the park right it's not the walk in the park yeah it's yeah, I'm not trying to do some Pacific Ocean where it's nice and peaceful.

I'm trying to do the Atlantic.

That's where that's, you know, remember when the oceans were hard.

Yeah.

Atlantic actually comes from the Latin for you will get your aspirator here, as opposed to Pacific, which is like Latin for like chill.

Yeah, yeah.

But the Pacific is very calm until it isn't.

The Atlantic wants to kill you all the time.

Yeah,

the Pacific in Latin, man, that just, Pacific is just like, dude, we're going to, we're going to keep out, we're going to chill, we're just going to relax.

And the Atlantic is, I don't know, do meth.

Yeah.

So, so she's trying to write out the worst.

So if things start to get worse,

we're say the date.

Monday, February 18th, 1952.

So, and you can see on the right, this is the weather.

That was a good thing.

I enjoyed that a lot.

Yeah, they.

Thank you.

I'm now looking at your John Maddening where you're drawing the pressure.

line like it's a movement line or the iso height it's okay oh is that is that wrong i don't know no you wait, hold on, because I'm looking to the real tiny version of it.

Oh, no, that is the movement of the low.

You're right.

So that's the movement of the low off the coast.

And we have what's what's now basically a really it's a classic nor'easter.

It's a really strong nor'easter.

It's a 977 millibar low.

There's getting Portland, I think, has the it still stands as like the fourth most snow they ever got.

For those who are not in the know, a nor'easter is a particular type of storm that hits the northeast of the United States during the winter, delivers a lot of snow

offshore, a lot of rough seas and wind and so on and so forth.

They're great.

I love when we get like four feet of snow.

It's fantastic.

They're awesome.

And this is sort of a classic

Nor'easter that

forms off of Carolinas and moves up the coast.

Just what I was saying.

So certainly in the second picture here,

where you've got this formation of the wind, I mean, the wind runs sort of

along the isobars, right?

So you get, so you've, and in this case, you're going to have, well, wait a minute, let me get this right.

It'll be anti-clockwise winds spinning out.

Winds counterclockwise in freedom words.

Yes.

Yeah, sorry.

Counterclockwise.

And yes, so that's blowing off the coast for where, like blowing from the coast onto the sea for where

two hero ships are at this point, right?

Yeah, so on the south side of the low, you would have like wind being pulled in from like the

land, and then on the northern side of the low, we're coming in from the sea.

Yeah, and you can see the frontal boundary there.

Um, friction doesn't means that it doesn't, and the Coriolis effect means it doesn't perfectly line up, uh, but yeah, it's generally blowing in counterclockwise into the low.

Um, it and um, it's an extra-tropical cyclone, which um is a typical that's what a nor'easter is.

Sometimes though, they do become uh semi-tropical, uh, subtropical.

Sorry, is the word for it.

In this case, regardless of the classification, it is, it, it would, would be classified as a tropical storm.

That's how strong it is, possibly even a low category one.

We just don't have the thing, the, the, the data.

Um,

these weather maps were, were people at the National Weather Service drawing them, right?

So before you could fly, that feels good as hell to be a meteorologist.

Yeah.

Oh, I mean, yeah, it's a sick job.

You get to draw all day and be like, ooh, it looks bad.

Damn, hope this one doesn't hit Tampa Bay.

It didn't hit Tampa Bay.

Yeah, it might rattle my drawing table.

You have to pretend that you're like, man, yeah, I don't want this to intensify to a really cool, big storm because people will die.

That would be horrible.

I don't, yeah.

You'd hate to have to draw one of those.

Really cool ones that's like big.

And also, if you notice that the the iso lines there uh the tighter the the isobars are um the the faster the wind and the steep because the steeper the pressure gradient yeah so um people in britain should be familiar with this because most of our weather comes from weather patterns that look like this like pretty much all of our weather does these these move offshore and become european windstorms

and they give them stupid names like storm storm frankie no that's a recent gimmick

we haven't always done that that's a recent thing weather weather alert red or whatever you guys use over there i remember i remember first time that I'm like, oh, you have a red alert.

I was like, for what?

Is it the Dukes?

Wind, wind.

You might get like a, you know, some roof slates knocked off.

No, I was actually.

Oh, my God.

We're going to get two inches of rain.

Yeah.

I got

that's one inch more than we usually get each day.

The toilet, the toilet, the jacks are going to be soaked.

Daddy Katakari, the fucking jacks are going to be fucking soaked.

So

we pride ourselves on our dry jacks down here in Dingle.

Shouts out Dingle.

One of the few places I've shit my pants.

That was the 10,000 losses.

I shit my pants on the Great Blasket Island.

And all I got was this lousy change of pants, which I had to wipe my ass away.

And then

dispose of in a protected

environmental area.

Digging a grave for your pants with a trowel, like your wild campaign.

Reading my pegsayers,

you know, story of the Blasket Islanders.

Just throwing a pair of shit-covered Levi's into a protected watercourse and calling it good and leaving the country the next day.

Doing a prayer nude from the waist down.

That's how my Celtic ancestors did it, Roz.

Why is that guy covered in brown wad?

Oh, it's not woad.

That's going to be too many hallucinated mushrooms that go to berserker rampers.

All right, weather.

Jesus, this is going to be an eight-hour episode.

Sorry, Devin.

Yeah.

We're already at two hours.

Holy shit.

So this is a bad storm.

It's blowing about 30, 35 knots inland.

The cutoff, I always forget it, cut this part out.

Yeah, that should take this episode down to a minute, you know, like seven, seven.

34 knots.

That's what I thought it was.

I wanted to double-check.

34 knots is the low end for a tropical storm.

64 knots is a hurricane.

Tropical storm in February, not very common.

So it wasn't a tropical storm, but it was tropical storm strength.

And

out at sea,

the lack of friction, where winds could just blow over the fucking ocean,

60, 70 knots

gusting into the 70s

and seas building to 50 feet.

Fuck that.

I don't want to do that in a ship that isn't made out of cast iron.

No, that's insanely.

I wouldn't want to do that on a fucking oil rig.

Like, that's bad.

So, like I said, this nor'easter would be considered probably a

strong tropical storm.

So

we have, what ends up happening, there's a phenomenon that happens here.

This low deepened 27 millibars in 24 hours.

So that means, yes, folks, we have just experienced explosive sound.

Explosive cyclone.

Rap, rap, rap, rap, rap, rap.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

Is this what is also sometimes called a bomb cyclone?

This is a bomb cyclone dude.

Sick dog?

Yeah.

Thank you for Pennsylvania.

I believe since it's near Boston, it'd be wicked.

It's a wicked cyclone.

Yeah, wicked cyclone.

Lean to the Boston boys, please.

It's just my dad.

Explosive cyclogenesis.

What more do you fucking want?

Leave me alone.

There I was.

It was March of 1968, and

I was high as a kite in the Massachusetts State House.

I don't remember much of it.

I was doing research on Canadian Phillips Award.

Let me tell you about Cuba for the next four and a half hours.

Let me tell you about Metacomp.

Yeah, literally fucking that.

That was my whole childhood.

Surprisingly Hebrew-sounding name for a Native American.

Maybe the Mormons were on this something.

Was it Reformed Egyptian?

So crazy that Mitt Romney is.

Yeah, he's president of the New England Commonwealth.

He could be president if you voted for him.

So, Devin,

in post, can you add like a cool announcer guy

reverb FX thing when I say explosives like

Genesis?

Yeah, leave that alone.

Leave that that one.

Explosive cyclogenesis.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday at the municipal arena.

Gravedigger is facing off against explosive cyclogenesis.

Having to throw away my jeans after I experience explosive cyclogenesis.

Tough out here.

Bomb cyclone.

So, yeah, so real shit happened during the night.

Next.

Yeah, you had to throw out your pants.

Yeah.

If you think I had to shoot my pants, I was on an island.

What do you think these guys did?

All right, let's go to the next slide.

Bring me my brown pants.

Bring me my.

Now I can tell, like, soil by stuff.

Yeah, I love that part of Master Commander where they bring the wax tarpaulin drawers

for the guys who shit their pants fighting the Ahla.

So

may I just say yeah

so this is from the pretty mid movie The Finest Hours of which I probably should say this is beginning um the this this uh this a lot of my shit is based on the book um and it's a couple other sources online but the finest hours is a good book the the movie's mid uh it's got chris pine uh it's got a shoehorn it's got a shoehord love interest because you can't have a uh

you can't just have guys on a fucking boat see that's why master commander did it well it's guys on the boat there's no romance

you fucking guy

Sometimes it's just guys on the boat, you know, you know,

or it's guys on the subject.

None of these guys like the

wives, though.

Women around.

None of that shit.

Real, real, you know, it's just real fucking sacred band of thieves type shit.

Real just

boys, men

being

just men, just hanging out with the bros.

That's what we're trying to do.

All right.

So this is from the movie, but the movie.

Again, nothing sexual.

Nothing sexual.

Man, nothing sexual.

No.

It's got to be a bicep.

No.

Come hang out with us in our party tank.

This is when you have fucking five hosts with ADHD.

Not a single one of us is neurotypical.

No, no, no.

That's correct.

No.

Especially, especially now.

I I haven't had a drink in like two weeks.

This is pure.

This is

pure Tom.

I haven't had a drink in like two seconds.

Oh.

I don't think so.

You got a sponsor.

Milkshakes your sponsor for that.

Yeah.

The cutest sponsor ever.

So

the CGI is actually pretty good.

on this one uh in the movie um i i watched it the first time i had covid um all right All right.

So the Pendleton is lying to trend hold position of weather.

As you said, try and do tact, tried and true tactic.

The most important thing, though, is

keeping an eye on the leashore, where the wind is blowing you into, any land that the wind might blow you into.

And this is still a concern even today.

Doubly a concern back when navigation was whipping out the chart and doing some dead reckoning.

Maybe have some Lauran C.

They don't have GPS.

They have a compass and

they have dividers and they have,

a fucking sextant.

Yeah, and you're doing this in the bridge that is currently being

fucked around by God,

like Neptune.

It's a giant unseasoned cast iron pan.

You're in the lodge cast iron.

They're both the cute little mini ones you get at the

paint on it, so I guess it's enameled.

That ain't gonna save you.

But you can use soap on it.

So when this

the 17th uh

as the sun sets things are shitty but manageable by by midnight things are still kind of shitty but the waves are as the book describes the size of small buildings

by morning the seas are so bad that the crew are forbidden uh to go on the weather deck you cannot leave yeah um because there is you are fun fact you are exposed to weather on the weather deck um just yeah you do not want to know what's going on the poop deck.

What is

wet?

It's where the jacks are.

That's where I am.

What is the weather deck?

Just the deck, like the deck that is exposed to the atmosphere.

Okay, so is this like the lower parts of the ship in the middle?

It's any deck that's exposed to weather.

It's a fancy way of saying outside.

Yeah, you're not allowed to go outside, right?

You can't.

Okay, I see.

You might have a safer, more enclosed deck.

Actually,

Tom is fucking idiot.

It's the weather deck is actually, you know.

Sound off in the comments.

Tell me how much of a fucking thing is.

Yeah, go

in the comments, everyone.

Yeah, if you've made it this far.

Yeah.

Well, this is the thing.

They self-select.

The ones who make it this far are the ones that

are true.

I noticed that this one has all the Teletubby airlet things on the CGI.

So yeah, shout out to the CGI people.

Yeah, how about that?

Hey, it looks better than a Marvel movie.

Yeah.

This isn't a Disney production, though.

What?

Yeah.

Sorry.

So by early morning, right, it's that bad.

And the leash or is coming closer.

The Pendleton is not able to.

And this is where like lying to the formula lying to, right?

You want to be making enough forward progress.

You're not getting pushed as a leash or you don't want to be going so fast.

You're going to ride the waves poorly.

And at this point, you can't go fast enough to outmaneuver the weather without like shaking the shit out of everybody and getting some nasty slams.

Or having the helmsman literally, and I don't even think you can do it.

You're on a power boat, you can, you know, go up and down on the throttle

as you take C's.

In this case, right, there's a lot of.

The engine response time is not quick enough.

So it's not gonna.

It's too, yeah, it's not a fucking, you know,

it's not an outboard motor.

Yeah, it's not a fucking Mercury 150.

Yeah.

So by 5.50 a.m.

in the morning on Friday, Monday.

Just say 5.50 a.m.

I put that in there just to annoy you, Lynn.

I know you did.

Oh, deep cut for the

courses.

The Pendleton took a wave so hard that she was clovened in twain between the number six and number nine tanks.

Ah, nice.

I would hate to take a wave so hard I was cloven in twain.

What?

Between the six and nine decks.

What is, yeah?

One of the things that is sort of scuttlebutt

is she might have like bottomed out.

And

daddy.

No, I would hate

be pushed into shallow waters.

We're talking like 34, 30-foot waters where the trough, you actually get this phenomenon where like the trough of the wave will actually take the ship and slam it into the seafloor.

Because, yeah, because I suppose the water might be like 15 feet if you've got shallow area, the water is only 15 feet deep, the boat's just going to slam straight through that.

So, one of the one of the

there's just no decisiveness.

The people on the ship report that

it was like the ship got picked up by God and slammed into the water.

Fuck that.

Yeah.

Running aground where you're not expecting to run the ocean.

Yeah.

Because that's right.

You can actually typically.

There's a video game called Sailwind that has a pretty realistic water component, and then that can actually happen to you in the game.

And people complain on the form, like the Discord.

They're like, oh, this is, no, actually, it's realistic.

It can happen.

But we don't know that.

But the movie Interstellar, also very realistic in this sense.

And

there's no way to determine for certain if that actually happened

based on what happened following this.

The stern of the ship, as I mentioned, contains power plant engineering propulsion.

That was still afloat.

Because of the Titanic, we have a much better watertight compartment design.

So they were able to slam all the bulkhead doors shut.

The stern is afloat and power.

The bow

was not.

The bow

is just bobbing in the fucking ocean.

The front fell off.

The front fell off.

One problem.

People in the stern, they're alive.

Oh, wait.

So that implies there were some people in the bow.

There were nine people in the bow.

They had the radio in the bow.

Ooh.

But they don't got electricity.

Or a floating vessel.

Right.

It's gone poorly.

It is still floating.

Oh, okay.

Oh, God.

But it's, but it's got no propulsion.

It's very weird to think of it's very weird to think of two halves of a ship still being able to successfully float.

But

the thing is very, it's kind of cool, but right, they were still...

I mean, the ships were not horribly designed in the sense.

So they were still able to...

The people in the stern were still actually able to maneuver a lot.

Bloody hell.

Yeah, in reverse.

It was easier to go in reverse.

Yeah, because the front fell off.

The front fell off.

The stern had no radio so the people in the front got all the radio and no power the people in the

plus the people of boston can't even hear you shouting slows after the storm yeah fucking marky mark can't pick it up um

uh

there was no way for either section of the ship to call a mayday they're

they're

absolute nightmare

does a really good job showing that the ship split and just the faces on the guys are like

what the fuck?

You don't expect your ship to split in half in just one go

to where still splits in half and you haven't died.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And

damn, I still have to do the survival shit.

God damn it.

And you just take me out of this.

That's the most, the most Roz reaction you can have in any kind of emergency situation.

Why have I exactly been killed instantly?

No, I'm still alive.

I can still get out of this somehow.

Damn it, I was out of the side.

I should say

it was difficult.

Yeah.

It's not the despair.

I can take the despair out of it.

I didn't want the hope.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Hit me with something.

Come on.

Oh, my God.

You just have to move closer to it.

Once it gets beer,

strategically important locations.

So

I'm not going to kill myself, but something should do it to me.

Come on.

You want to get taken out in the explosion with the fireball at least or just be pulverized by the shockwave, right?

Yeah.

That's not happening on this boat.

And even if the Pendleton had had the radio,

the Coast Guard's pretty busy because something else.

Why?

Let's see.

Next slide, please.

No, Gareth, that's not the Loch Ness monster.

That's Cape Cod.

I was going to say, I did think that was a Diplodocus in the thumb.

Stealing South Coast Valor, having a chatham, although I assume you're pretty cool.

It is Chatham.

It is Chatham.

In New England, they do tend to say a little closer.

But every town in New England is either like Penobscucoba's set

or like Cuntingham.

Yeah.

It's framing ham.

It is frameling ham in England.

We'd all drop the owl.

Balwitch.

I really enjoyed the Lib Dems winning here annotation.

I love this.

This is from the Boston Globe, too.

Yeah, so shouts out.

Don't copyright strike this.

So at 8 a.m.

in the morning on the 18th, the Fort Mercer crew noticed a slight crack on the starboard side.

Now, unlike the Pendleton, the crew of the Fort Mercer was able to radio for help.

And the message was actually widely received.

There were vessels out.

It's the 18th.

So the storm, it's picked up by the Coast Guard Cutter Eastwind.

And the Eastwind was out because it was looking for a fishing boat.

that was overdue and never came back.

It had an Italian name, too.

I can't remember what it was, Pasolina or something like that.

The fucking MV Italian Bill Clinton.

Guillermo.

What is it Guillermo?

No, that's Spanish.

Yeah.

The Guillermo del Taro.

The Guillermo del Taro.

What if Bill Clinton was Italian?

I'm not even going to try that.

All right.

He's falling asleep.

Keep it moving.

All right.

I'm not falling asleep.

I'm fine.

I just went to go grab a beer out of the fridge.

So i am sweating like a goddamn pig right now um

it's podcasting too hard so the east wind the east wind was about 150 uh miles away looking for this uh the the italian fishing vessel

is probably out of new haven or something like that and um

it was looking like the good pizza there it is it was looking grim uh

they

didn't really find anything and kind of like a sad aside is they only ever found bits and pieces of that boat

sort of a Yeah, don't go out in the fucking storm.

Have you learned nothing?

Did you guys not see the perfect storm?

What was he going to say?

You say that's no talkie?

The perfect storm?

It's set in the future.

Guy who looks exactly like me getting swept off the weather deck.

Is that good?

So the skipper of the Eastwind decides to move.

All right, we're going to go to help the Fort Mercer.

They know it's going to take about three hours to get there.

And

the Fort Mercer at this point is reporting 68-foot waves.

That's taller than my house.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's taller than two of my houses.

Enjoying the specificity of 68 feet of light, do you send a guy out that account

in the book?

Would you recognize this wave if you saw it again?

And it's in front of the usual suspects.

He's got his fucking like

his arm extended with his fucking.

All right, so degrees here.

All right, that's 25.

Let me take out my sexton.

Let me take out my sexton.

Ah, shit, it hit me the fucking eye.

Go again.

So

it weathers fairly well

until about 11.40 a.m.

And at this point, the crack starts to rapidly expand.

And by noon, the ship splits in half.

Oh.

Wow.

Yeah.

Well, yeah.

So we got two fucking ships split in half.

No, we have four ships.

We have four ships.

Now we have four ships.

Yeah.

No, we have four ships.

We have the reverse ship of Theseus here.

I believe this is, again, mitosis.

Ship of Mitosis.

Yeah.

Theseus is flat.

That's a kind of a sick band name.

They were able to prepare ahead of time.

The bulkheads are sealed off.

But again, the same situation.

The stern of the Fort Mercer has all the power, propulsion.

The bow has the command, the radio, and no energy.

In in this case the the fort mercer's bow first it floats away it it takes like two two bangs for it to really split in half it was like getting pulled apart so like got pulled apart once and then another wave pulled it pulled it completely separated it and the the bow again bobs away forward and then the waves start pushing it back and for some fucking reason the fort mercer engine uh they shut it down and the guys in the stern are like yo yo turn the engine back on and they slam, they slam the fucker in reverse so that the bow,

I guess the Fort Mercer bow is trying to reconnect and they back the fuck out.

Ghosted?

Yeah, they ghosted their own guys.

All this is going on.

Fake friends never believed in magic until I saw my dog turn into a snake.

The last thing you want to do is go down in history as the only ship that collided with itself.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That would be quite funny.

And

in this case, still no one knows about the Pendleton.

Next slide, please.

All right.

So news of the Fort Mercer spreads, the Coast Guard activates for a response.

So there's a bunch of cutters all over New England.

Those who don't know, a cutter is a Coast Guard vessel 65 feet length longer.

So they're the bigger ones they can weather.

Most of these are like decommissioned or former destroyers that were turned over, either turned over by the Navy or the Coast Guard used them in naval service during World War II.

You know, like destroyer escort type of vessels.

The rescue to red of the fort mercer was on so the coast guard's like gets fucking send them all out whoever gets there first so it's a race the east wind is sort of like the mobile command post there even there even is a uh usns ship a united states uh naval serve naval ship which is not to be fused with a us it's uh part of like the the merchant marine uh at the time i think it was the military transport command that's military sealift command yes yes it's a predecessor the mts it's naval ship yep yeah uh so the the the shorts it's called the short spice i like it when they name uh boats after knots or like knot related things it's kind of cute um

and

so it just becomes a matter of time right the the cutters they're very seaworthy but they are slow now the fort mercer was in range of several coast guard stations And in the interest of time, it was decided that we're going to get the 36-foot

motor lifeboats up and ready.

Oh, God.

Now look at this 36-foot motor lifeboat to the right.

They are.

The motor lifeboats are the coolest shit the Coast Guard does.

Besides,

the helicopters.

I think

that's jumping onto the moving drug submarine.

There's no roof on this.

That's okay.

Oh, but a tall palpina.

Yeah, because I was going to say, the UK equivalent of this does have the orange, the famous Coast Guard orange boats that are, I'm going to be quite honest, are based.

They are very cool.

They have bimini tops, so they have like collapsible tops.

Yeah,

I was just like, my, my immediate was like, oh, is this thing gonna get swamped?

Um, you know,

well, so funny, you should say that.

Uh, so what's really cool, it like the RNLi, uh, their lifeboats as well, they're designed to be self-right.

Yeah, you cannot, you cannot get these upside down, yeah, if you try.

They are cool as shit.

Uh, the, the, if you go look up, there's some great like early to late 2000s compilations of the guys off um off of Oregon doing taking their 47-foot motor lifeboats out and trying to flip them to uh let the bodies hit the floor.

Um

just

you're fucking saving guys, you dumbasses.

Why are you doing it?

You know, there's some fucking coast who's like, dude, this is gonna be so fucking tight.

This is gonna

hell of a song.

Because all these, because you know, because what you actually have is like army guys doing war crimes compilations to that song.

And the Coast Guard's like, now we're we're going to try to flip our boat as hard as possible.

So fucking fine.

While they're sitting at the top, so they get, because they have to train to get used to, like, you know how

people will flip their kayak?

You have to learn how to write your kayak.

Which is, to me, is it

an anxiety-inducing idea?

Yeah, simply don't get in the kayak.

No, fuck kayaks.

They offered me this one time, and I'm like, fuck that.

I'm going to get in the sailboat.

And then I flip the fucking sailboat.

I understand it is possible to write yourself in a rowing skull, but I was terrified to try and do it.

Especially since it was right under the Pennsylvania Avenue Bridge, and I was like, I'm going to knock my head on the ground if I try and flip this thing.

I don't want to know what's under the water unless I can.

It's slimy.

See about

slime-covered murder weapons.

I have inadvertently flipped at that location, and my foot touched the ground, and it was not, it did not feel nice.

never slightly

exactly.

I have done snorkeling where I didn't realize there was a shipwreck underneath, and it was like far enough down, it was in the gloom, and that scared the shit out of me.

Fuck, fuck being underwater.

I like being on top of the water.

I like being on top of the water.

Very nice.

Being under the water, now we were not supposed to be in that realm.

It's not our realm.

No, no.

Leave that to the fish.

And billionaire sparrow.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, no, the mist of billionaires.

So

they're like, all right, guys, you got to get into the lifeboats.

Let's get these ready.

You guys might be able to make it there in time because these can haul ass.

And

then the Reaster is throwing waves twice their length.

That's not.

I've been in like six-foot seas on a boat.

That fucking sucks.

Yeah, it doesn't sound like fun.

No.

So they.

Two foot on a river sucks.

Two feet sucks.

Yeah, two feet fucking sucks.

This is the old school Coast Guard era.

They're fucking soft as shit now.

They got like a risk management model.

They talk about, they have like safe words.

They talk about, are we green?

Are we amber?

Are we red?

Same.

They, you know, hey.

Do we have the personnel?

Do we have the equipment?

Back then it was like, you got to go out, but you don't got to come back.

That's literally the unofficial motto of the Coast Guard up until

Woke ruined it.

And

remember when the seamen were hard?

Well, that's a confusing sentence.

Yeah.

So the crews, there's the two closest lifeboat stations,

the two closest lifeboat stations are Nantucket and Chatham.

And they're told to get ready.

Chatham has two, and it's kind of weird.

Chatham Harbor,

it's like on a neck called Tom's Neck, which is kind of cool.

It is.

And on one side is Chatham Harbor, the other, the other side is Stage Harbor.

So they got one in Stage Harbor, one in Chatham Harbor.

And the reason is

the geography of the southern part of Cape Cod,

was it Montamoy Island?

Stage Harbor can come out when there's an eastern, like you can go out of the west side, the southwest, and go around Montamoy Island where you don't have to cross like a shallow bar to get out to sea.

And

the Chatham Harbor, if the wind is blowing from the east, you're going to go over Chatham Bar directly into the face of the wind with

breaking seas.

So it's like depending on where the wind is blowing, you could send out one from the other.

So they get these boats ready to go.

The Antucket lifeboat leaves first around noon.

Remember, they're still heading to Fort Mercer.

We don't know about the Pendleton.

And then the Antucket lifeboat gets its shit wrecked and they go and they turntail to the Pollock pollock rip lighthouse the only uh light ship um and it's called pollock rip because um no one told the polish guys that it was a light ship not a lighthouse so you know um

yeah um so so they like their crew gets banged up they get there's like lacerations and so they they're like we're tying up to the fucking light ship and we're just chilling there like we're We're not coming back yet.

We went out.

We're not coming back yet.

Like, it's like, you know, come back with your boat or on it

sort of attitude.

Uh, so they want to wait till things get a little nicer before they go back out.

Um, at this time, uh, a little bit later at 12:30, um, the Coast Guard, uh, uh, the Stage Harbor lifeboat, part of the Chatham

lifeboat station, um, 36383, coxsoned by all-time name guy Donald Banks.

Why?

He does.

Fuck yeah, he does.

That's a mouse name.

I have a question.

He's the coxswain.

And

presumably, he calls the strokes.

yes and it's got a i would assume a some kind of reciprocating engine 95 horsepower two stroke uh engine guessing sounds like that sounds like a lot of coal

yeah

yeah

going off yeah uh

uh

yeah single engine too i believe uh i i recreated this in uh the game stormworks which sucks don't ever play it

yeah

They sold me all this.

It's build and rescue, and then it's like, we've got guns and zombies now.

You can go to space.

I want to build a fucking Coast Guard boat and rescue people.

No, the reason why Stormworks sucks is because they expect you to design like a diesel engine from first principles out of Lego.

All right, but I like that part.

It's a great game that isn't very good.

Yeah.

There's some great, every single aspect of the game is half-baked.

Oh, it's just half-baked.

Yeah.

The learning curve is very, very steep.

I learned learned how to do logic gates because of it.

That was kind of cool.

So

I feel bad for my wife.

What's Tom doing in the fucking going to the computer for 12 hours?

I'm learning Logic Gates.

I'm building a boat in the game.

Look at the motor revs, and I have limiters on it so it doesn't spin around the dial.

Yeah, because you actually have to do shit like that.

That game sucks.

Don't play it.

It's a bad game.

I play it all the time.

Don't put yourself in my space.

He's hopping out of a session of Factorio.

yeah i see you've been on the i see you've been on the the mountain blade banner alert subreddit um

this game sucks 700 hours um

i too play civ 4 yes continue uh so so donald bangs god i love that name he bangs his way out of uh stag stage harbor not stag harbor stage harbor for the fort mercher stern they gotta go all the way around the island montamo island uh they find out their radio is defective they can receive everyone no one knew how to make a radio back

no no like everything

swiss cheese theory here right much much like steel radios in the in those days depended on crystals literally the crystals yeah no i know and the crystals were

the crystals were invented by a woman so it's like a bridge too it's like a bridge too far the fucking uh yeah you got woke radios so but then you could fix it like a child could fix it then that's the other thing but um

so

uh they may they also make the way the Pollock Rip Lighthouse, light station, light boat, not lighthouse, light ship.

It's there on the left.

Light ship, yes.

It's there on the left.

It was still afloat in the era of digital photography.

And they use their radio to let Chatham know.

It's like, we can only receive signals.

So I can hear you, but I can't.

They popped in the

chirp.

Oh, shit.

The chirp chirp on their Boost Mobile.

Yeah,

all right.

Next slide, please.

We're making our way.

We're making progress.

All right.

So this becomes like a pretty region-wide Coast Guard search.

The weather still sucks, but it's starting to get better as the day wears on.

And it's clear enough that the Coast Guard can send some good old PBYs out.

The Catalinas.

Yeah, lovely.

I love the Catalina.

Nice.

They're not going to land on the ocean, obviously.

But they're sending out the coordinated search from the air.

So they arrive on scene around 2 p.m.

And they discover the Fort Mercer Stern.

So they're the first to see it.

And you can see the Fort Mercer Stern on the right there.

Jesus.

Yeah.

There are tons of photographs of these

ships if you look them up.

I found a lot of these on some Scandinavian guy's website.

Ooh, don't ask too many questions about Scandinavian guy.

And this is something odd.

So

Chatham Lifeboat Station has a radar in a watchtower to look out on the water, which is not very common anymore.

I guess it must have been left over from World War II, but

the radar was down for U-boats and shit.

Yeah, the radar was down in the morning, and they finally got it working.

And they turn it on, and they see two objects about five miles off the shore.

But the Mercer is 20, is 32 miles off of the shore.

And so the guys in chat are like, what the fuck is going on?

Who is out in this, in this weather?

So

they radio the PB PBYs and say, hey, can you go do a swing by?

Apparently, they can't see shit.

They're like fighting the wind.

Because this is like the era of mechanical linkage.

This isn't like a fucking Airbus fly-by-wire, which I literally could fly.

Thank you, Flips.

It's a little joystick.

I know how to program the computer now.

I know how to do the knives.

I played Microsoft Light Simulator.

I can fly an Airbus.

I have the fly-by-wire A320 with the

die-by-wire.

Oh, that's right.

All right, Boeing.

Come on now.

Yeah.

So the PBY gets there like two hours later, and they're like, there's a T2 tanker.

The bow is off the Pollock Rip, like off Pollock Rip, not too far from the light ship.

And he goes, the paints, that's not the Fort Mercer.

It's a dip.

Someone has repainted the shit in the store.

Because the bow, they hadn't found the bow yet.

So they're like, what the fuck?

That's a and then he swoops down low enough and sees the pendleton on the bow is like are you kidding me

there's two of them what the

so so the

the the the the coasties are like there's two t2 tankers that have fallen apart how could this have happened how could this have happened um

why didn't we listen to the lady yeah

why were we sexist pricks?

We should have let her at the dinner.

Yeah.

So

the first ship on scene is the short splice.

And

ironically, a boat, a ship named after

a splice in a line, doesn't have the equipment, nor really the capability to maneuver safely close to it.

So they don't really do anything.

They decide, we're just going to, if anyone decides to like jump off, we'll come in and pick them up.

But we're just going to keep an eye on things.

But yeah,

there's two, there's two, there, there are now, you know, Mr.

President,

a second tanker has hit the Polygrip Lighthouse.

I don't know.

We now have four tankers.

Yeah, we have four tankers.

Yeah.

Next slide, please.

All right.

And in case you were like, where is my fucking geographic reference?

Here we go.

There's another one.

This one, I forget what newspaper this one was from.

But I love a nice, a nice hand-drawn diagram in a newspaper.

Yeah, that is very nice.

It is nice.

There's nice hand lettering here and everything like that.

It's cool.

The different

italicizing for for like islands and then the font for bodies of water.

Love it.

Look on the right-hand side where the Pollock Rip Lighthouse is.

That's where the bow of the Pendleton is to the northwest.

All right.

So

while we've realized that there's a fucking bow of the Pendleton, a woman living in Chatham

hears the slurs finally.

And she hears

Dago.

Wah.

And she hears seven of them and she gets up and looks out the window and she's like, Holy shit, there's a boat there.

There's like half of half a ship.

And she calls it, Olak, wah, wah.

And just imagine the guy standing there, like going in circles, like spit standing in place, spinning.

So if there's a Doppler effect going on, and that's that's how they can tell how far away it is.

Oh,

lock.

Irish.

All right, how about that?

Yeah, see,

this is still highly classified outside of the war thunder forums, but this is still how all military radar works.

In those coming at the F-35, there's like three of these going at any one time.

There's much worse than that in there.

We're only saying the ones you can say in polite society.

Yeah.

The anti-Italian ones, yeah.

And Polish.

The Irish have become president, so we can't really say that one.

Not yet.

It's 1952.

Oh, no, I guess Biden.

I guess Barack Obama is this count.

JFK, dude.

Come on.

Nah, I'm going to go with Obama.

This is a pig.

Bapist.

I'm going to go with that.

Barrack Obama.

Barrack Obama.

The Barrack Obama Toll Plaza.

That's a real thing.

For fuck's sake, keep it moving.

So,

okay.

So they confirm, they actually sent.

they said, all right, they send a duckboat on land.

What?

To go drive and take a look and see, is there a boat?

Is there a ship there?

And they're going, and the orders are, well, if you could take it out, and they're, no, we're not taking it out.

So they drive the duckboat back

and they, they get, they get the, the, uh, CG36500 ready to go.

For those of you who are not aware, the, um, the duckboat is an amphibious vehicle, um, which

is used for military purposes.

It's like a big bus.

Listen to friends of

this podcast, too.

Friends of the show,

Beyond the Breakers, where I was on the talk about the Philadelphia duckboat incident.

Yes.

Because you did murder a lot of people.

And there's a great episode on the Dave Matthews tour bus

dumping its

effluent tank onto a passing duckboat full of people.

people um all right anyway so uh chatham's chatham gets sands up the lifeboat all right we're gonna get ready to go out um the timeline gets weird here all right so the the three while this is going on uh donald bangs boat makes their way to the pendulum's bow they find no sign of life then they're ordered to go to where the pendulum stern is so they make their way to there now around sunset which at this time is about 5 20 p.m

uh the 36 36500 departs Chatham Harbor.

Now, you can see on the chart here, if you go look on a modern chart of Chatham Harbor, it's one of those charts where it's just blue with no depth indicated.

It just says variable.

The Chatham Bar is one of the most treacherous bodies of water

on the East Coast.

It is infamous.

The guys, there's a reason the lifeboat station's there.

Because dumbasses take their boat out and they get swamped.

You can see it shallows up fairly quickly.

The chart here I got from the CG36500's Facebook page.

And

I guess it's the people who restored it, but the

chart there is from the 1950s.

So it's relatively true to the time period.

And

the

you can see that

it's got to come out in real shallow water, 10 foot breakers.

It's going to suck.

The coxswain of the

CG36400, big dig Bernie Weber,

he kind of, the movie shows him as like being like this resolute, brave guy.

And he apparently was like, please fucking call me back.

Please fucking call me back.

Please fucking call me back.

Please call me back.

I hope that they, if they ever do a biopic of me, that's how they do me as well.

It's just like any, the experience in which I was mostly crying and shitting on myself, they're like, forwards, onwards.

Yeah, right.

Doing the charge of the light brigade in the background.

Yeah, I got you.

This was the bravest podcaster who ever lived.

Yeah, it's much like we're having to cut out all of me complaining about the running time of this.

Yeah.

Please, no, I was brave the whole time.

Please Sabaton, write a cool song about me.

So.

Yeah, it's called like strength of determination.

It's 11 minutes long with bad Latin.

Novemberis dominatis.

You know, in oceanum perditum uh

yeah

um

i was trying to do a power uh swedish parametal riff um

good enough yeah uh so

this this this begins probably one of the coolest parts of coast guard lore the movie uh the finest hours focus on this you can again read the book the book does a good job of kind of taking the timeline it's it it it splits it it splits it up like tolkin does once once the once the fellowship breaks um so you have part of the book focuses on bernie weber he could be like the sort of frodo character um one of them focuses on uh what's the guy's name dick dick dick buck uh um

uh what's

donald bangs

he can be he could be like um you know aragorn and company uh running the the to rohan anyway um so so it takes it in like chronological order, but focusing on each group.

It does it really well.

Next slide, please.

All right.

Here's Big Dick Bernie Weber.

That's what he looks like.

We like a powerful man with a near Unibrow.

He is not

scared of everything except tweezers.

Just scared of nothing except tweezers.

Scared of everything except tweezers.

What a life.

I had to get my

unibrow waxed before a wedding once.

Oh, bro.

Just having

your pair of like self-soothing tweezers with you all the time.

No, no.

I got my pair of weighted tweezers for when

I'm getting overwhelmed or

I'm getting overstimulated by all the other scary things around me.

Sometimes that's just how it is on this bitch of an eye.

I gotta tell you, I've worked in those classes where they're like, oh man, you're scared of everything.

I really feel bad for you.

Not Chris Pine.

Not fuckboy Chris Pine.

Way too hot.

Way too hot.

He's got those Liv Tyler lips.

Hey, Liv Tyler, what's up?

It's not going to work, Tom.

You're married.

I would get all passed for Liv Tyler.

Probably.

Good for you.

Probably.

Keep it moving around almost three goddamn hours.

I just have a safety third.

I'm getting hateful messages from my wife.

We're getting there.

We're getting there.

You got two more nights of this, Liam.

So

around, so it's nighttime,

and they make their way across Chatham Bar around 6 p.m.

Please note this is what True Sigma on his grind set looks like.

So

crossing the bar in this point, I mean,

so there's a reason that crossing the bar is a euphemism for dying in nautical parlance.

This is a treacherous bar he's got to cross.

What do you have to do to

cross the bar?

It's a lot of studying.

You've got to basically gun it and sing Rock of Ages.

I was thinking, put on the 11-minute long Sabaton song.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, about Nova, yes.

The rude sandstorm.

One time I was, I was, my wife heard me listening to Sabaton out loud and she's like turn that off this is music that diesh listens to uh you know

it's making me anxious

song the black banners of coruson

uh

yeah uh fucking saboton do a song do a song about piss be granddad um

all right all right we're almost there we're getting close it's called honor of combat

you know he says Iron instead of iron.

So they're gunning it to get over the bar and it requires like timing it.

This is where the scene, the movie, the movie doesn't kind of, it flows weird.

It doesn't really show like the effort in, I think, in a really realistic way.

It doesn't show like the wave sequence.

There's too much time between the waves.

A rogue wave breaks the fucking window and shatters the glass all over their fucking faces.

And it blows the compass out.

No toughened glass.

Get shredded.

So they have no navigation.

You're not going to whip out a fucking chart and sextant on your boat in, you know, 10, 15 foot breakers.

Wow, that's cowards talk.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You have fucking Joshua Slocum just like shaking his head sadly from heaven.

Like fuck it.

Back in my day, you know, we used to have the row of the boats out by hand.

Which is true.

So they nearly capsize.

At one point, they say there's a 45 45-degree angle.

It's a self-rating boat, but I'm not sure how good the self-riding is in the breakers.

So Bernie's like, fuck it, send it.

But it doesn't move.

The engine dies.

The boat flipped.

Not flipped.

The boat capsized so hard that the engine was starved of fuel.

So they send the engineer down there to...

As this boat is like bobbing in the breakers to go fuck, he's going to prime the goddamn engine.

um and he's he's he's getting slammed into the thing it's hot um he eventually gets the motor running um and they've they again send it fucking full throttle they make it across the bar they're covered in blood like that

sucks um next slide please all right so bangs returns to the pendleton's bowel while this is going on after a cutter one of the cutters that responds reports signs of life's on board one of the survivor jumps uh but is unable to be rescued they lose him in the dark.

So,

yeah,

um, that's the only person who was ever seen alive from the Pendleton, and he wasn't seen alive for long.

Double oof, yeah, man, fucks up the like extreme difficulty parkour jump.

And this is the this is this is a photo taken after she she uh ran aground and came to a stop.

Um, you probably could have lived by not jumping, it's possible, yeah, yeah.

Uh, but when they finally get on board, everyone's dead.

Uh, hypothermia, They had no

death.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, next slide.

That's horrifying.

It is horrifying.

This is the Pendleton Stern.

The CG36500 is able to meet up with it.

Now, this is on its side.

It was not on its side where they come to rescue it.

It's bobbing in the ocean.

Bernie is able to time his vessel.

And do you see that little ladder?

The Jacob's ladder hanging down the side?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's how they got off the ship

into the 36-foot motor lifeboat.

Everyone except one guy is able to make it off the stern.

It's kind of sad.

He was the ship's cook.

Shouts out to Tiny, the fat guy, kind of given, you know, the era of giving the ironic nickname.

So R.I.P.,

by all accounts, like a, like a friendly, funny guy.

He was not able to make it down the ladder.

He fell off the ladder.

That's That's not good.

Yeah.

And you could see just in this situation, imagine trying to make that jump down the side of a boat.

I've been alongside

a 200, what is it, 287-foot ship

in a 25-foot boat while in the Delaware Bay.

That was intimidating.

I can't imagine doing that in 50, 60-foot seas.

Yeah, I've been on ladders on the sides of buildings.

They're not even moving.

And I'm like, this is unpleasant.

I am not doing well here on this ladder.

So

these guys are getting hypothermic.

The crew of the boat, Bernie's crew, is getting hypothermic.

They don't have the neoprene dry suits, right?

You're wearing like 15 layers of wool.

Exactly.

Yeah, World War II leftover shit.

And they're getting cold.

The station says, All right, go to the east wind, um, and dump off the uh, the guys there and go to the Pendleton's bow and try and get those guys.

Bernie says, There's no fucking way in hell I'm doing that, and he goes back to Chatham.

Uh, he does get almost like discharged for that because he did right, he disobeyed a direct order, but he was saying, I'm not killing these guys, these guys, we're gonna die.

Like, if I die, these guys aren't, they don't know where we are, we don't have any fucking compass.

Like, some Coast Guard Stalingrad shit.

Yeah.

Yes.

All right, next slide.

I'm sending in more lifeboats.

Here's the Fort Mercer.

So the Fort Mercer is a little more fortunate.

The Mercer's,

you have the bow there and you have the stern on the right-hand side.

The Fort Mercer crew is able to be rescued by the Eastwind and a bunch of other boats

acting in unison.

I think you see one of the cutters there patrolling nearby it.

Overall, this was a success as a rescue.

And I know that it's weird that this has like got a mostly happy ending.

Most of the disasters you guys have are pretty fucking depressing.

And like the Al Faro was really sad.

Merchant Free Enterprise, very sad.

So this one, it's sad.

People died

because of shitty engineering, but

the Coast Guard fucking nailed this despite all odds being against them.

Right.

no one in the pendleton battle was found alive um so uh yeah that fucking unsurvivable yeah yeah um all right go next slide

so this is the cg 36500 uh now restored um they actually there's some cute pictures out there uh they gave bernie the helm and let him drive it around again um

yeah uh so

After the rescue, Weber's a fucking hero.

Even though he almost gets like discharged for that, the Coast Guard very quickly realizes this guy's a fucking

he's badass right and he exemplifies the values and i'm sure there's a little bit of good pr for the coast guard in there too right

they're going to give him the gold life-saving medal which is basically like the highest medal you can get for a rescue and the rest of the crew is silver and he's like fuck that Give them all fucking gold.

You don't, you don't either, I will refuse the medal unless you give everyone the gold.

Hell yeah.

So

he stood up for his crew.

Great example of crew research management resource management here.

Yeah, sort of 1952, it's that CRM, crew resource management or crew receive medal.

Hell yeah.

Still cooking.

Yeah.

So,

you know,

it's sort of that

old school naval, like

the U.S.

Navy, what the Coast Guard's not part of the Navy, but the sea services of the United States

being the closest thing to like an aristocracy in a way in the American military, very, very nepotistic, very, you know, about higher.

Senior service.

Yeah, the senior service.

You know, he, he kind of stood up for that.

They wanted to make him an officer.

He's like, nah, I'm good.

I'm just going to be a, I'm going to be a, you know, an NCO.

Yeah, yeah.

Some people be a normal guy.

Real words.

I don't want to join your weird club.

The movie has a whole love plot where like he's like trying, talking to a girl over the phone and stuff like that.

And he marries the girl.

He has a happy, nice life.

They do send him on a weird goodwill tour,

where at later on, they send him to Vietnam and have him drive a riverine patrol boat and like have him

shoot.

So he leaves the Coast Guard.

He's like,

I did this to save lives.

I don't want to drive a fucking, I don't want to be in a brown water navy shooting people.

Very weird.

This country is bizarre.

The fate of the rest of the sort of the boats.

So the

Fort Mercer.

All right, let's go to the Pendleton first.

The Pendleton,

the Stern still lies off Montamoy Island, right?

It was never recovered.

The Pendleton bow, though, was towed to Philly and scrapped in the Delaware River.

So yeah, go

must have made it that far.

We killed it and ate it.

So the Fort Mercer, though,

becomes two boats.

The Stern was towed and given a new bow.

And Christened the Santa Jacinto.

It's a great Peter Gabriel track.

It is, actually.

The San

Jacinto splits in half in 1962.

Do they turn it into two more boats?

Every boat.

The flotilla of Theseus.

They rebuild it and

they renamed it to the Pasadena.

Wow.

After a famously indivisible system.

She was scrapped in 1983.

1983?

Do you just know that when they scrapped her, the first thing that happened was it split in half?

And I think she was scrapped in Bangladesh.

Oh,

at to a lang.

Well, a lang is India.

Yeah, broken up there.

I guess they used a shitty fucking sulfur fart steel for something else.

It'd be kind of interesting.

A rage up in a lang.

Yeah, it'd be kind of interesting to see the track that hopefully wasn't put into like a beam for a building.

Oh, that's a diet.

It's 100% became a beam in a building.

Yeah, in Bangladesh, yeah.

Turn into razor blades.

And now it's in the.

So you can have your own piece of the Fort Mercer because you're one of those weird

safety razor guys.

No, you live in an old-fashioned house that has like the razor blade slot in the back of the medicine cabinet.

Yeah.

I used to be one of those guys.

So

yeah, next slide.

No, I'll put this in here because I figured you would appreciate the breakdown here.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

So, and looking at the name tag, I don't, I think, is that

Commander Yiff?

I don't know.

It could be almost anything.

I'm enjoying the sort of like Maryland state flag

rank chevrons.

While also commander with basketballs on the collar.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

You know, that's a chief passive officer commander of the basketball division.

I figured the

big fan.

Big, big fan.

Thank you.

I figured the hogs would also like this too.

Tom Place.

What do we learn now?

Tom Place.

What do we learn?

I don't know.

A crew resource management or whatever they call it for for boats is is important.

They just call it resource management on the Coast Guard for some reason.

Oh, risk management.

My bad.

Just RM.

It used to be called TCT.

Did we learn anything about boats?

No.

I believe what we learned is that the progress of science is good because now we don't have boats that randomly split in half because we didn't know you were supposed to make...

very hard steel.

You were supposed to make more ductile and flexible steel.

Listen to women.

That's what we've learned.

Listen to women.

That's what we've really learned today.

Listen to women.

Unironically, actually.

Manganese is important.

You guys were saying it ironically.

Interesting.

We'd go.

Manganese is important.

Well, in that case, why isn't it woo manganese?

Oh, good point.

Good point.

Someone in the

metallurgy engineering class dropped that one.

Dropped that one for the one woman in the class

the one woman in class who is going to revolutionize the field yes yes yes

um yeah so that's the story of coast guard's greatest rescue it's pretty cool um

watch the movie read the book read the book read the book the book's good read the book um there's some good interviews out there with bernie weber uh he's pretty candid about he just you know fuck i gotta do this

shit

i i that's that's real heroism is when you're just like yeah, I don't know, like, fuck.

And then you do the thing, it turns out if I don't do this, people are gonna die.

Yeah, I'm gonna die.

I'm probably also gonna die.

Might as well do it a way they're gonna make a Sabaton song out of it.

Well,

we have a segment on this podcast called Safety Third.

Dear November, Liam, Justin, and Gareth.

Almost.

Almost.

No guests?

Please don't use my real name, but my pronouns are they and them.

What does it say on there?

Frankfur Jones?

Oh, shit.

Don't use the real name.

No, don't use the real name.

Love your podcast and was delighted to hear you talk about HF in the most recent episode.

As I have been meaning to write in for a while,

I thought you might like to hear some horror stories of mine having worked with hf for a decade no point of order point of order not point of order we're not talking about high frequency radio no we're talking about high frequency no hydrofluoric acid oh hydrofluoric acid's not good hf radio is cool no it's bad yeah hf as an acid is not cool it's the kind of thing that like melts your bones oh yeah yeah oh fuck that yeah it turns into goop i like bones i'm a paleoecologist sick sick worth all the years of school to be able to say a a sentence like that, I bet.

So I'm someone who uses pollen from the sediment record to understand past vegetation and climate change.

Awesome.

Amazing.

One of the ways we process sediment to get the pollen out is using HF.

Nope.

Nope.

HF.

Pollen's getting the worst chemical in the world.

Well, one of them.

Pollen doesn't care about HF.

It's pretty indestructible.

But HF does a good job of dissolving sand in our sand.

Oh, so you dissolve everything around the pollen.

Pollen doesn't have bones, so I guess.

Yep.

Second most cool

related feel to this is paleo-tempestology.

That's another cool one.

Ooh.

That makes sense.

Is that about weather?

Yeah.

Historical, horrible weather, I would imagine.

Unfortunately, this means using HF in a university context where health and safety has often not been updated since the 1970s.

It's really funny for a lot of stuff.

It's like, well, where do I go to learn to use this safely?

Oh, the most dangerous place you can use it.

Right.

A fun fact is the last safety training I had, the trainer said, yeah, people love to say it dissolves your bones.

And at this point, I thought, oh no, I've been sold an urban myth.

But then he continued, and it absolutely will, but you'll be long dead of heart failure before that happens.

If you get an area of skin the size of your palm exposed to HF, you're basically a dead man walking as it will spread and cause a chain reaction with the calcium ions in your body, destroying your nervous system.

No, not my ions.

New fear unlocked.

It's that and the deer.

Maybe we can turn them against each other, you know, just fire HF at

HF at some deer.

Just an HF.

That's how we're going to...

Giant like water gun.

That's how we're going to solve chronic wasting disease.

If that doesn't denature a prion, I don't know what the fuck will.

Are there bones in the prion?

De-inventuring deer at scale.

I like it.

It was like the deer never existed.

Dear deer is like a giant, giant vad of

dissolved deer.

The deer dissolved.

Eric Adams dissolved Eric Adams' rat bucket.

Dude, I heard heard that the Maryland Death Fest year dissolver.

Anyway, here's some fun stories of my time using HF in academia across different countries and institutions.

Number one.

One time a lab that was using HF was discovered to have glass sediment traps under the sinks, meaning the HF remnants were slowly eating their way through them.

Ooh, I don't like that sentence.

Number two,

HF has to be transported double containered.

So, bottles inside plastic sealed boxes.

A delivery guy once delivered a single bottle of HF to an administrative office

with his bare hands, where it sat naked on the floor of the office, with the nice administrative ladies working around it.

Oh, God.

I turned up in full PPE to remove it to some concern.

Yeah, I bet.

I mean, that must feel pretty good to enter the situation in your fucking hazmat suit.

You know, this is the thing.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I have to do this.

This is triggering me like when I worked in a redacted factory and

a pregnant woman was smoking cigarettes by the hydrogen and oxygen tanks and refused to believe me when I said, you know, that's rocket fuel, right?

Yeah,

people are so goddamn dumb, it hurts my head.

Go ahead.

Number three:

The time we lost nine liters of HF.

What?

What?

Enough to sort of like, you know, how many deer can you dip in that?

Feeling a hot tub with a it's like how you buy a chest freezer in Pennsylvania.

It's like how many deer you could fit in there.

We are the dumbest state, and we're gonna decide the election by the time

you dissolve in this.

I mean, ultimately, infinity.

It was eventually located in a chemical store that was unventilated in a high shelf.

HF should always be stored on the lowest shelf in a metal cabinet by a window that got baked by the midday sun.

It was not double contained, and it was stored with a load of other chemicals.

Oh, good.

The head of chemical safety for the university and I, who was a postdoc on about £10,000 a year salary,

were the only ones present trained to handle it.

So we went in wearing our PPE.

By the way, for those of you who are not familiar with that, it's personal protective equipment.

The last barrier in a safety situation like this.

Ideally, you do other things before you have to don the PPE.

We're wearing the PPE and ventilators to remove it from the cabinet.

I was so convinced that the bottles might have corroded to the point of failure that I told all the technicians waiting outside who had never heard nor were aware of the dangers of HF

to just run

if anything happened and call the fire service and we would be as good as dead.

Jesus.

I think the PPE at this point has to include like a pistol so you can just dome yourself off.

Roz is something that's going to kill you.

I'm so glad that my OCD is specific.

One of the subtypes of it is I'm afraid of chemicals.

I'm not going in the chemical room without knowing every chemical and having the material safety data sheet.

Fuck this.

Yeah.

What's the MSDS for hydrogen fluoride?

It's like it's a pirate flag.

It's a long

either long or very short.

It's a term, like a business card.

Yeah.

When we lifted the bottles up, the metal underneath had visibly started degrading.

See the photo.

You gotta put the yuck sticker there.

Hold on.

Yes, I lost my every time time I

do an annotation now, the PowerPoint scrolls up on the notes.

When we lifted the bottles.

When we lifted the bottles up, the metal underneath had visibly started degrading.

See the photo, which you can show if you like.

All the glass bottles in the cabinet had been etched with frosted patterns due to the HF fumes.

Fuck that.

Yeah, look kind of cool.

I never want to see that ever again.

Number four.

Look at this.

The one lab I worked in, HF used to be stored in a wooden, unventilated cupboard under some stairs.

Much like Harry Potter.

Yeah.

I and a copy.

My colleague and I

won't stand for grammatical errors in safety third submissions.

My colleague and I

essentially forced our boss to purchase a chemical storage cabinet for the lab.

A few months later, the building building suffered a huge fire, which burnt the cupboard, but the storage cabinet in the lab was safe.

Had that cupboard still had large quantities of HF and other chemicals in it, I honestly think there could have been emergency service lives lost.

Yeah, no kidding.

Bloody hell.

In summary, I now try to use other techniques for processing pollen samples, but there is always the possibility.

Wait, there's another way.

Are you going to have to use the death acid?

But there's always the possibility that HF might be.

There's two ways of doing this, right?

We can use HF or ordinary dish soap, but it takes like five minutes longest.

We could distill water.

Yeah, just a little spray some distilled water on that.

That's good.

Time is money.

Time is money.

Oh, and we neutralize it with slaked lime.

So,

for fuck's sake.

Calcium hydroxide.

You have to be careful what you use as some cause

problematic gases to be giving off.

I mean, oh, that's what happens when I eat a trend.

Join the chemistry department and die a death unheard of since 1918.

This is not the chemistry department.

This is the paleoecologist department.

Join the paleoecology department and experience a sort of paleo-mortuary situation.

Thanks for making a great podcast.

Best from a paleoecologist wondering how the fuck they are still alive.

Yeah, thanks for saving all those firefighters' lives.

Yeah.

That.

All right.

That's fucking.

That was safety third.

Jesus Christ.

Shake hands with Dean.

Oh, I know what that is.

Our next episode will be on Chernobyl.

Does anyone have any commercials before we go?

Hope we got them the first time.

Yeah, probably should have put them up front if you want people to hear them.

I was about to say, I was about to say,

we still do have the thing at the

free library, which I'll put in the middle.

We gotta write that next week.

Yeah, we gotta do that.

This is we're delirious.

Yeah, and this, and we gotta just say fuck it and export the locals to Devon right now.

Yes, exactly.

Go listen to them.

10,000 losses.

10,000 losses.

It's a lot shorter.