Episode 1655 - Rich Aronovitch

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Lock the gate!

All right, let's do this.

How are you, what the fuckers?

What the fuck, buddies?

What the fuck, Knicks?

What's happening?

I'm Mark Marin.

This is my podcast.

Welcome to it.

It's called WTF.

Yeah, we're in the home stretch here.

So if you're just getting on board, you got a lot of catching up to do.

Yeah, there's about 1,600, some odd, but you know, take your time.

It only took us 16 years to get here.

For all those of you who are just always here, welcome.

How are you?

How's everything going?

I'm on the verge of being ecstatic.

Something happened.

Something happened like literally.

like 20 minutes ago.

I'm not sure how it happened.

We don't always know how these things happen.

But it's a fear.

You fear it happening.

So I got out here to the studio and I was going to, you know, use the restroom.

And I'm looking at my phone.

I was going to sit down.

That's probably TMI, but I was going to, yeah, I was going to do some business.

And, you know, I don't know where my phone was situated or how I was holding it or whether it was in my pocket or not.

But I just, I heard, I was turning around.

I had my pants up.

They were undone, but they weren't down.

But I was getting ready and I heard that

plunk, the plunk of a fucking iPhone going in the toilet, and I fucking just snapped it out quickly, clean toilet, snapped it out quickly before it even submerged.

So just one end of it went in, but sadly, the charger end.

But I got it out, and I dried it off, and everything seemed to be working okay.

And I've got to give a shout out, I guess, to Otterbox.

Holy shit, Otterbox Drop Plus.

That is the case that was housing the iPhone when it went into the the toilet, but I think it's going to be okay.

Is that fucking crazy?

I grabbed it before.

I hope I'm not talking too soon because I went up and I got one of those aerosols, spray the air out things, and I sprayed out the holes, the speaker holes.

The speakers are working.

I sprayed out the air.

I aerated the plug hole.

I checked all the buttons.

The screen is scrolling.

And

only that end submerged a little bit for a second.

It's all a fucking takes, though.

You know how it goes.

God damn it.

I'm supposed to leave town.

Now I don't even know if I can go if I have to get a new iPhone.

So I plugged it in and it looked like it was charging.

But then all of a sudden it said, cannot charge.

Do you want to go to emergency charge?

And I'm like, I didn't even know that was an option.

But if you can emergency charge, why can't you just charge it?

So then I freaked out again and I ran back up into the house and I sprayed more air in there at all different angles to the point where I was almost running out of air.

And it seems to be charging.

But you know how this goes, man.

You've got, when you get these fucking phones and you drop them

or break them or get them in water, it's like, oh, it seems to be working.

And then like two hours later, it's like,

nope, sucker, stupid.

Go spend a fortune on another iPhone.

But I don't know.

I'm telling you, man, Otterbox, this is not a paid promotion because that would have cost, well, I don't know.

It's actually probably cost more than an iPhone to get an ad on here.

But whatever the case, I have an Otterbox Drop Plus, but it's looking good.

Fucking nuts.

I can't deal with my fucking cat Charlie anymore.

I can't deal with it.

Anyway, Rich Aronovich is on the show today.

Now, Rich, I've known for a long time, kind of.

He was a young comic when I was in New York.

He lived around the corner from me.

And I've seen him over the years, but it's been a long time.

It's got to be, geez, man.

When the hell was that?

20, 25 years ago, I met Rich.

He was having some trouble.

I helped him out, and he definitely sort of credits me, and we'll talk about it, for helping him get sober, which is what we do, is we do that for other alcoholics.

And oddly, I think the way the

I...

you know, I had him on the

show today, but I'm not sure how it really happened.

I think he reached out to me, and then I was having sort of a basic kind of sobriety crisis.

And there's only a couple of people I call for those, just two, and I didn't feel like talking to them.

So I thought, let's see if Rich can handle it.

And we kept it on the level, straight sober talk.

I wasn't going to drink, but I was having some ism shit.

And he talked me through it.

But

look,

I've known him for a long time, and he just popped up and said, hey.

And I'm like, yeah, sure, there's another guy like that that's coming up in the next couple of months, Dustin Chaffin, who actually opens for Nate.

He's another guy I knew 20 years ago in New York when he was a kid.

And he's sober.

And Rich and Nate actually were roommates, I believe, at one point.

Anyway, so is Dustin.

These guys are coming.

They are the generation between me and the young'uns.

And they're.

They're popping up.

So Rich is on the show today.

His most recent comedy special is called Rich Aronovich, the artist.

You can watch that on YouTube.

He's a funny guy.

He's a lively guy.

We had a good talk.

So look, I um,

well, let's talk about this.

Marishka Hargotay is Monday's guest, and I highly recommend you check out the documentary she made before listening to our talk.

Seriously.

It's called My Mom Jane.

It's about her mother, Jane Mansfield, but also about a lot more.

There's some real twists to this story, and it's a great doc.

I found it moving, surprising, and it was great to talk to her.

You can watch it on Mac starting tomorrow, June 27th.

So do that.

Do a little homework.

Do a little homework.

Yeah, so the phone is still charging, still charging.

So that's good.

Well, maybe we'll see how this all works out, how we get through this conversation I'm having with you now.

Is there stuff I need to talk to you about?

Yeah, kind of.

Fucking Charlie, you know, I'm supposed to take a little trip out to new mexico to see my dad and charlie just gets a whiff of it he knows that i'm gonna go and

okay i've had a lot of cats i know when a cat has a uti i know when a cat has crystals but my cat this cat charlie to be honest with you he just likes pissing in things all right sometimes i have a a pyrex measuring cup, a large one that I use to pour the water for my cone coffee in.

And a couple of weeks ago, Charlie somehow managed to piss in the measuring cup without getting pee anywhere else.

And he also likes,

if there are clean frying pans on the stove,

he'll pee in those.

And then I've got to have grates all over my sinks because he likes peeing in sinks.

If the dishwasher's open, he'll pee in there.

But he's not.

doesn't seem irritated.

He's not like peeing out of the box randomly.

He picks receptacles, but maybe someone will contact me and say, dude, you got to bring, you got to get him checked.

He's probably got UTI.

But, you know, he's eating.

He's not sick.

He's not licking down there.

I don't know.

Oh, fuck.

Do I?

But all I know is I'm about to leave, and he pisses right in front of me near the water.

And then he starts beating up on Buster.

And it's like, come on, dude.

Just fucking get it together.

I think I might just have to put him in one of the other bedrooms for the entire time I'm gone.

Because I can't have Buster all freaked out.

Anyways, no one is more tired of talking about Charlie the asshole than me.

And maybe he's eating fine.

He doesn't seem to be in pain.

He's not crying.

He is peeing in the box still.

I don't think he's sick.

He has a thing for peeing where it's wet or peeing in pants and occasionally a Pyrex pitcher.

The fuck?

So, yeah, I got to deal with that.

And

look, I'm annoyed.

I'm annoyed.

I don't know what to tell you.

All this shit goes down before I'm about to leave.

Drop the fucking phone in the toilet.

Cat beats up on Buster, pisses right on the floor in front of me near his water.

He likes to wet.

He likes the wetness.

I don't know what it is.

I don't know what it is, but wet surfaces and pans and a Pyrex pitcher.

All right, what else is going on?

Kit had a hell of a day yesterday.

Apparently, she was in the dog park with her mini bull terrier, B

the Beezer,

and there was a fracas.

Some shit went down at the dog park.

Apparently, some woman's dog,

someone brought an unfixed female dog to the dog park, which apparently is not allowed.

And then

as the story was told to me,

some woman's dog, a male dog who was neutered, just started humping this dog because, you know, the smell's a smell.

And, you know, old habits die hard.

Is that die, I don't know.

Don't die easy, whatever.

So apparently this male dog got a whiff and started humping on this

woman's dog, young woman, who seemed a little little out of sorts.

And the woman said, look, your dog's beating up on my dog.

Your dog's fighting my dog.

And the other woman's like, no, that's not what's happening.

I think you know what's happening.

I'll just get the dog off of your dog.

And she's like, no, he's beating up on my dog.

And then just starts yelling at this woman and then takes the top of one of those retractable leashes and pops this other woman right in the head.

And Kit's like, what the fuck is happening?

Runs over there to try to settle things down and to break it up.

And then, you know, apparently Kit gets pulled into it, gets pushed on the ground, gets up, takes a pop at the woman beating the the other woman up, and then it was just, no one would let up.

Finally, people came around with cameras, and I guess the woman who was hitting everybody jumped in her car and then tried to run over some people and peeled out.

This is like, this is the kind of thing you only see on Instagram reels.

Wow.

I'm waiting to see it.

We're all waiting to see it.

But they had to wait.

The woman who got hit in the head wanted to file a police report.

And Kit was

pretty shaken up, obviously.

And we talked about her for a while, but I think ultimately what bothered her the most is that after all was said and done,

she doesn't feel like she knows how to throw a punch.

So I guess the arc of this story is, and the big payoff, is that I think she's going to go learn how to throw a punch.

I don't know if there's just basic learn how to throw a punch classes, but there's got to be.

So that'll be interesting.

She's pretty scrappy already, pretty angry little fucker kid.

And now if she knows how to throw a punch, poof, watch out.

But, you know, sometimes silver linings.

She's already tough.

Now she's going to learn how to fight.

Anyway, look, I feel like I'm saying anyway a lot today.

I think that's all I got.

I'm happy you guys are here.

This is a fun talk with Rich.

We go way back.

He knows things about me I didn't know.

I'm going to hear some of those things.

And now you will too.

Okay?

So,

Rich Aronovich, his comedy special, Rich Aronovich, the artist, is available on YouTube.

And this is me talking to young Rich.

When did you get here?

I got here yesterday.

Yeah?

I was in Vegas.

At the cellar?

Yep.

How was that?

For the most part, it was good.

Yeah.

There's a weird thing with a guy that I was working with,

and so it was in my head a little bit.

Oh, yeah?

I mean, without mentioning names, what could this weird thing be?

When I quit,

I got, so I hit a bottom in like 06 with my drinking and other stuff.

Yeah, I was there for that.

Yeah, was I?

Yes, we were in a car in Queens.

Yeah.

And we talked for many hours.

So I always have a...

How did that unfold?

Because, you know, I've been in touch with you over the years and oddly.

What's that?

Oh, that's my phone.

What was that noise?

Never heard that one.

That was the meditation I was trying to do before I came in there so I'd get out of my head.

So that was the little chime?

No, it was like

a meditation thing.

Oh, so it guides you?

It guy talks?

No, no, it just goes,

it's like this.

It just does that.

It just does that, so that you think you're in like

in a meditative state, so that I'm not listening to

the ticker of news, of bad information that's going across my mind at all times.

You're not enough.

You'll die out.

Internal fake fake news.

Yeah, you're awful.

You're terrible.

You're unlovable.

Yeah.

Well, you know,

now that you mentioned it, you don't think any of that's true?

No, I think all of it's true.

I think that's the problem.

I think all of it's true.

Why do we insist that we're wrong?

I mean, that's the question.

Like, yeah, I never thought of it until now that you're supposed to have all these, you know, I'm too hard on myself.

Well, maybe I deserve it.

Yeah, I'm not sure.

But then there's part of you think that you do deserve it.

Then exterior forces or people say, like, why do you do that to yourself?

And as if that's not some self-regulating mechanism.

I mean, don't you think Michael Jordan was too hard on himself?

And look what it got him.

He was the best.

Okay, so he was satisfied.

So you're on the Jordan trajectory?

No, no, no, not at all.

No, no, no.

I'm not even close to that, please.

But I'm saying that there is a motivation that might let you work hard.

If you're applying it to a skill set,

I suck at basketball.

Correct.

Right.

As opposed to I suck at everything.

Correct.

Right.

Right.

So like.

So walk me through.

You live down the street.

I live close to you.

You offered me a ride home.

Oh, so that was when I was there doing break room live.

I think it was, well, I don't know.

So 2006.

I think 2006, maybe five.

It's funny, I came in here with the preconceived notion I wasn't going to talk about this, and it's the first thing that comes up.

Boy, I'm in control.

Yeah, I mean, why wouldn't you talk about it?

I don't know.

So, yeah, so you sat, we talked for hours.

I knew you before, right?

I knew you from the Lower East Side rooms, from the surf reality.

Right, you you were just this kind of, you know, hyper

kid with a jufro

and a dream.

And very intense.

And you had a bunch of roommates out, but you lived near me, like literally blocks away, right?

Yeah, I don't know if I was living, because I lived with Dustin Chafe and Nick Novicki and Nate Bargatzi.

I don't know if that was that time.

But that was the same apartment, though.

That's your timeline.

That's my timeline.

I don't know when it was.

No, you know what?

It probably wasn't.

It was probably before then.

Because I knew Dustin.

Yeah.

I don't think Nate sort of arrived on my radar.

i didn't know yeah he's later you know he was later in your life in your in in i think you were gone when he came oh really i think so because dustin had that horrible room over in midtown somewhere right that

it was like a room in a place he had a lot of rooms yeah he rented a lot of stuff he's a hustler guy's a hustler and he used to do that rocking thing with his hands hey you know like

every delivery he'd like oh yeah yeah kick back yeah he was yeah throw his hands up back then i don't think he's doing that anymore but he had like a

physical thing.

Yeah, he had a physical thing that he was doing on purpose.

On purpose.

Sort of like, yeah.

Cowboy boots.

Yeah, yeah, he had a cowboy hat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like, come on, man.

And he had that thing going on.

And then,

yeah, you drove me home and then I was.

From the Lower East Side problem?

Probably from the Lower East Side.

Because you were exuding some problem.

You were probably looking at me and being like, I see myself years ago.

Yeah.

And you were like, this sort of identification.

You were like, I get that angst and that turmoil.

It's very relatable.

And then we talked about it.

And then I started to justify, like, well, yeah, I mean, it's okay to be, you know, self-medicated all the time.

I mean, look at this guy.

What were you doing?

I was smoking a lot of pot from the minute I woke up to it.

Sure, yeah.

And if I ran out, I would smoke resin.

And then if I ran out of that, I would just drink.

It didn't matter if it was 10 minutes.

That was the day.

This sad moment with you and the bong scraping a little pipe, huh?

Yeah, it's, it's very, I used to get, I used to watch intervention.

No, I did, it just, it just gave you something to do.

Yeah, kind of.

Yeah, yeah.

I would pretend like it was hash.

Right, right.

You get the resin out of the, what we use in a bong or just a pipe?

Pipe.

Yeah, so you have a bong and whatever.

So you scrape the resin out and you get like one little

wad of resin, then you stick that on top of a little pot and you think it kind of crackled and it sounded like tears, which was appropriate.

Come on, yeah.

Yeah, but well, good.

So it was just mostly pot?

Yeah, mostly that.

I mean, but it got out of control.

I mean, it went down.

No booze?

Oh, yeah, booze, too.

I mean, I would wake up on a bare mattress going, I'm not going to do this again.

I'm not going to do it.

And your clothes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

And then I would get to, and the next day, like this.

You're going to make that bed.

Yeah, I'm going to make that bed.

Like a bare mattress.

No, not even a sheet on it.

Yeah, no.

Just a bare mattress.

And then I would say, I can't do this.

And then I would do it again that night.

You know, I'd say, because I'd walk in and the bar do slide a drink in my hand.

Yeah.

And that was it.

That was the big benefit of being a comic and a regular at a club is that they would enable your alcoholism for as long as you wanted to go.

Yeah, oh, yeah.

And it was quote-unquote free, but you tipped and you paid a lot of money for that free.

It was terrible.

No, I mean, it wasn't terrible.

It was great.

Sometimes.

I mean, you know, like the free, I remember Catch Rising Star in Boston.

Like, it was in, it was in Cambridge, and every comic came in from their One Nighters or Road gigs and just converged on that place at like midnight or 12.30 for the drinks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was the best.

We used to hang out at the Bagget Inn underneath the Boston Comedy Club.

Oh, yeah, that place.

What was the guy's name?

Tom?

The guy who ran the place, the Irish guy?

There was like Ronan.

You couldn't understand a word.

Was it Ronan?

I drank with that guy for years.

I never understood one word he said.

Blanky guy?

Yeah.

Hi, Arrow.

What do you do?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, but I was right there.

Well, he was.

Your mom weren't there.

And you're like, yeah.

What?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

And you're like, great.

Yeah.

And you're like, good.

Can I have my medication now?

And he did the bar upstairs, too, at Boston Comedy Club.

I think it was like they ran that whole business downstairs.

They used to have hippie music downstairs.

Yeah.

In that deep, there was a deep room and there was a stage at the end.

And I used to play harmonica with some of the guys there.

Oh, yeah.

So I'd hang around.

Sure.

You're a regular.

I was a richer.

Yes.

It was bad.

Yeah, you were destined to still be that guy.

You're right.

Even though the club doesn't exist, I'd still be there.

Because you see those guys, you know, in New York, like, oh, that guy's still here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, are you that guy?

No, no, no, no.

I was on the road to be that guy, and then I got a ride home from you.

You decided that wasn't a good life career plan?

Well,

it became painfully obvious because what happened was I it went out of control, and I feel like I was low blood sugar.

Like, if I went, I don't need to eat, I'll just drink.

I was a maniac.

I mean, just out of my mind, more so than normal.

Yeah.

And so one night, um, I this the ride night?

No, no, this is before this is before,

this is before the ride.

I can't remember the trajectory, but I remember I started to realize this is getting out of control.

Sure.

And

I knew I kind of had a problem and things were bad.

And then at some point, I don't remember where, I remember the seed was planted, like, hey, you might have a problem.

So I'm driving you home.

So you drive me home.

And what do I say?

You sit in front of a thing and I say, you know, I don't know if I have a problem.

I mean, look, it works for this guy.

And you go, that hack?

Yeah.

It was a guy.

I'm not going to say his name either.

But and then there was another guy.

And you sort of of had an answer for all of my lies,

my justifications.

You sort of said this, and then there was some, there was something in the way that the message hit me with what I would say was with depth and weight, where I went, it wasn't like you need to, it's like, I, this is what's going on for me.

Yeah.

So it had a relation where I.

We weren't having that conversation for no reason.

Correct.

It was like a real, a real connection I felt.

And then

I let the heir of a meter maids tires as a Canadian citizen.

One night I came home, they're writing, you know, they're giving me tickets.

I get my car towed, and I was just, I was like, look, I have the quarters here.

And they said, once I start riding, I can't stop.

That's right.

And I went around the corner.

Their car was there.

And so I lit the air of four tires.

Yeah.

They chased me up my apartment.

They came in.

Yeah.

They

got arrested.

I went to, and I got charged with a felony.

Yeah.

As a Canadian citizen, that's a, that's, you get kicked out of the country for life if you get convicted.

You would now.

You might still.

Yeah.

But they might come back.

Now, yeah, I became an American.

So they, um so i had a problem so i realized okay now now it's definitive now it's like okay this is yeah i'm in jail i'm in jail and like if i yeah i'm not gonna last i'm not with the cute you know the cute ones i'm with the like the like really scary people like you spent a hard night where in uh county or rikers you didn't go to right i didn't go to rikers i was in the queens precinct i was in queens at the precinct yeah because i looked across it said misdemeanor and i said hey man what did it say about me it goes felony and i went i got a problem so i made the one call to uh to my sister, who's a lawyer, who got me a lawyer.

And I started going to court.

And

my lawyer was like a big deal.

He was a big machr, as they say.

And he was able to sort of kind of, you know, control the narrative.

And they go, I embarrassed my competition.

So he's not just going to say, all right, it's a first-time offender.

Knock it down.

Let's get out of here.

He wants to, you know, he's coming after me.

And I go, should I get a different lawyer?

He goes, no.

He's coming after you.

The prosecution.

The DA?

Yeah.

He hated my lawyer, so he wanted to punish me.

That's always good.

That happens in divorces, too.

It's not about you.

It's about this

cockfight between.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

So I have court.

I'm months in, and I have court the next day, and it's my birthday, and I've stopped drinking.

I have stopped drinking.

I'm not doing anything about this.

Is this after our talk?

After our talk.

Oh.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Our talk planted the seed.

I'm about to get kicked out of the country for life.

Maybe I'll get it.

For letting air out of a meter maid's tires.

It's like Cool Hand Luke for like cutting off the heads of parking meters

on a work farm.

Right.

Chain gang.

Exactly.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Yeah.

So it's the night before I have court at like eight in the morning in the middle of Queens, and it's my birthday.

You had to hit, right?

Well,

this is what I was dealing with in Vegas.

So there's a guy who used to, I went to South Africa and did a festival with him and a bunch of guys.

And they were pranking me the whole time.

I mean, just all the time.

You were sober or not sober?

No, no, no.

Oh, yeah.

No.

And so I was definitely the weakest gazelle.

And they were, and this dude, he knew I wasn't, he knew I had a problem.

He knew, and he put a

shot in my mouth.

Yeah.

He put it up to my lips and he said, we're all drinking.

Come on, it's your birthday.

I can't, you know, this, but I didn't really have any kind of defense against that.

So I just went,

this the night before court?

Yeah.

Okay.

So then it was one, and then it was like another, and it was, they were all drinking with me a lethal amount of alcohol.

I mean, lethal.

Like, like, we're talking like 18, 20 shots with three drinks.

And then the last drink was just like pure Tabasco.

Yeah.

And they showed me that they were drinking sprite with a splash of Coke, and I was the only one drinking.

Oh.

Why did the Tabasco come in?

I don't know.

Just to make me throw up blood?

I have no idea why that was.

Throw up blood?

I'm pretty sure.

All I know is I blacked out and I woke up with my glasses wrapped around my face, like where?

On my bathroom floor.

And I was like two hours late to court with 75 missed calls from my lawyer.

Come on.

And

somehow he, because he did know the judge,

he was able to get me out of, you know, immediately,

you don't show up, you're done.

Yeah.

So he was able to make some excuse and yelled at me like I've never been yelled at before.

And I remember kind of having a conversation with him going, like, dude, I know you don't understand the nature of what it means for me, but like, you knew of this and I think it's kind of cruel.

And like, it kind of sucks you did that.

That was what he yelled at him?

He yelled at me?

No, no, no.

The lawyer said.

No, no, the comic who put the drink in my

it's kind of a shitty thing to do.

Sure.

It's not like, it's not fun for anybody.

And you still resent that guy.

I didn't.

I let it go.

But then he brought it up again and said, oh, I can't make you drink.

And then I was like, oh, here we go again.

And so then my mind started working and grinding on him.

But I mean, like today.

Today we're good.

Because at the end, he said, I'm sorry.

You know, I realized.

I go, I don't mind, like, but without you, I don't have, you know, I got away, but there was a real consequence.

Yeah.

And it was just for you to get a goof and playing with my life.

It's kind of like, I don't need you anymore.

But But did you tell him I got court tomorrow?

Yes, yes, yes.

He knew all the information.

I said, I can't have court.

Yeah, but, you know, idiots will be idiots.

Friends will be friends.

You're like, let's fuck with this guy.

Yeah, absolutely.

And I, and, and I know.

You're a clown, Rich.

I am a certified clown.

I'm a loud mime.

Yeah.

And it's like, let's, let's make that guy all silly.

Yeah, no, oh, definitely.

I mean, I.

So how'd your lawyer work this out?

We eventually, what happened was he waited.

He said, I'm going to delay and watch.

They're going to get, we have a right to see the evidence.

But if I keep playing with the court, by the time I do it, they're going to fix it, they're going to put the air back in there.

They claim like I broke a window and I didn't do stuff.

So I go,

I'm going to ask to see the evidence.

They're going to realize they're dead to rights, and then they're going to plea out.

Right.

It's exactly what happened.

He asked to see it like eight, ten months later.

They said, uh-oh, let's make this a violation, do community service, pay a little fine.

No felony.

No, no, no, no, not even a record.

Oh, the only record is me talking about it now.

You did

community service?

Yeah.

How'd that go?

Demoralizing.

What did you have to do?

I picked up trash on the side of the road in an orange vest.

Oh, really?

So you had to meet a bunch of other cool guys?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you all suited up.

Yeah.

And you walked along the BQE or what?

Somewhere in Queens with the stick and the

trash bag.

That's not bad.

It was for a week.

I think it was only a week.

I had to do community service once because I got cocky.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I had a buddy in high school that was constantly getting speeding tickets.

And he'd always, he had a lawyer and he'd go to court with him, you know, and try to get out of them.

You know, he's just a kind of a fuck-up.

And I remember I got,

I wanted to follow his lead.

I got a speeding ticket or something, right?

And so I got, I used his lawyer, you know, and we went to court to get me out of it so I wouldn't get lose my license or I don't know where I was at with all that.

But the judge happened to be the father of a couple of kids I knew.

And one of them I was, I kind of bullied.

And

this guy was not going to put up with any of it.

Like, I think he knew me from his kid.

You know, there was two brothers and one of them, a couple of Jewish kids, Randy Bear.

I can't remember if I knew him from camp.

or I knew him from school, but this judge, their father, was like, you know, no, I'm not letting you off.

It's going on your record.

You're going to get the points.

You're going to pay the fine.

And you're going to do like 30 hours of community service.

So I had to, I was, I used to vacuum the halls at an old folks home.

Mm-hmm.

That was mine, which is not terrible.

That's a little weird because, you know, old lady would come out and go, will you do my apartment?

But that's funny because I was picked on as a kid.

I was the, you know, I was one of the, I think, three Jews in my school, and I grew up where David Duke got elected.

So I would go to Jew camp like you, and I would be the bully.

I would be the alpha.

Isn't that interesting?

Well, I wouldn't call that the alpha.

I'm sorry, the olive.

Yeah, the

you were the olive.

I was the olive.

Yeah, you weren't the bet.

Yeah, that's right.

I wasn't the

bet.

Bet maybe.

Yeah, the bet guy.

You know, I was like, always doing, like, like you said, I was doing clown.

I was doing, I remember I was like seven years old and they,

and I did the talent show and I memorized a Rodney Dangerfield book and put on a tie.

Yeah.

And so I did it.

I remember at camp?

At camp.

And I remember like I finished and they erupted and I was like, oh, I like this.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, okay, so go back.

So you do the trash collection and then when, how does this lead to you finally not drinking?

After I had, you know, sort of drank again, it was on for a while and I had gotten to a point where I thought no one knew.

So I was like hiding and drinking sort of by myself.

How's your career going at this point?

Oh, phenomenal.

Yeah.

I'm working at a Ha Comedy Club in Midtown where I'm ha, yep, seven shows a night, every night.

Yeah.

The same,

you know, the audience.

I had a woman throw up at me during the show.

Oh, really?

And the owner handed me a mop.

That's how much they had our back.

So I was, you know, mopping and telling, trying to tell jokes.

I swear on my kids' life.

That's exactly what happened.

The first two rows bailed, and so I was still trying to do jokes while I was mopping up.

Yeah, during the show.

During the show.

The show must go on, Mark.

That's a unique night.

Yeah.

So when people are like, you know, can you handle it?

Yes, I can handle it.

Yeah.

The only thing I really can't handle is when they're talking to them, each other.

Yeah.

When they're not paying attention.

When they're not paying attention, I can't.

Yes.

That hole needs to be filled with your eyes and ears.

You can yell at me.

But as long as you're giving me attention, I'm good.

Positive or negative.

Really?

Do you deal with the negative, Ari?

Yeah, I don't mind.

I'm okay with hecklers.

I don't mind hecklers.

Hecklers.

Yeah, okay.

So, so, all right, so that happened.

So what's

the moment you get sober?

So um, I, I see

Jessica Kirsten and I are like best friends, you know, and uh, I see her on her birthday walking away with all of her friends to go celebrate, and I'm not invited.

And I'm smoking a cigarette outside the Bagged Inn, and I just felt that low, that moment of just like.

Was she sober yet?

Yeah,

she couldn't be around me, and I was, I was sick.

And, uh, and so I just remember that feeling of just,

I'm just like the hole in the donut.

You know what I mean?

Sure.

I've heard that one.

Yeah.

That's the shell.

Yeah.

Exactly.

I'm just like, I'm like, an energetic shell of a man.

Yeah.

So then I start, you know, at some point I'm hooking up with this girl.

I'm the cheat.

You know, she had a boyfriend.

I'm the cheat.

And then I stumble into her apartment unannounced at like one or two in the morning.

Drunk?

Yo, yeah.

Yeah.

And boyfriend's there?

No, but he's texting.

The new guy is texting who I think she's with.

And I get loud and I scream and yell at her and I leave and I fall down the stairs.

Or I got beaten up by a one-man guy and I'm in the back of an ambulance and I have no idea how I got there.

I was in the ambulance?

Yeah, I ended up in the back of an ambulance.

You don't know if you got beat up or fell down the stairs?

No clue.

I just know like part of my body was really not good.

So I figured I might have fallen down, like

woken up in the act of an ambulance.

Yeah.

And I went, okay, I'm going to die.

I got to stop this.

Go.

You know, I'm going from like, maybe I'm going to get kicked out of the country.

And then the new bottom is, okay, you're going to die.

So I was like, all right, I'm done.

And then

I haven't put anything anything that changes my mind since that two days later.

How many years is that?

16, going on 17.

Really?

Yeah.

It's been a long time.

Yeah.

Took an ambulance and a jail.

Yeah.

And

a lot of bad feelings.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What is it?

It's jails, institutions, or death?

Death, yeah.

And then.

And then there's one other one?

No, that's it.

It is?

Okay.

Yeah.

And so they, then at like 87 days, I wasn't doing anything, and they said, don't make any big changes.

So I moved to California.

Wait, you mean the recovery thing?

Yeah, whatever.

First 90.

Yeah.

90 and 90, don't make any changes.

Yeah, the people were saying don't make any changes.

So I moved to California.

You were here?

I was here.

Not only was I here, Mark, I started, I realized there was no money here.

So I was doing like every job to try to make my rent.

I had like an $800 up room in Studio City.

Yeah.

And I was like, I got to do it.

So I started selling knives at Costco.

You were that guy?

I was that guy.

You're probably good at that.

Well,

I remember I was in the middle of a pitch.

I was in the middle of a and you walked in

and I was in the middle of these knives are good for cutting chicken bone hand bone lamb bone and also

and I see you and I ducked under the table.

So you see me

I'm not why would I make this up?

And so I hit them.

They're like looking and they're like, where'd that guy go?

And I just disappeared because I didn't want, I was so embarrassed about having to sell knives.

I went, if anyone reckon, oh, it's Mark!

And I ducked under the table.

I went to a hotel once for a meeting and Sebastian was my waiter.

And he handled it well.

And

look where he is.

You should have just manned up and

said hi to me and acted like, you know, this is just what I'm doing right now.

And you might be on a different.

I was out of my mind.

I was, you know,

I was like, you know, I wasn't sleeping for the first six months.

I didn't sleep.

I used to watch that show 24, and I knew how many hours I'd been awake by how many episodes I'd watched.

Oh, my God.

So what were you doing out here?

Were you doing spots?

So I was just trying to get healthy.

I was just trying to get away from the heat because I had a lot of bad reputation stuff.

And I was like, I don't want, you know, I'm just getting away from it.

You were a guy who

was around

and

aggravated, intense, once drunk.

And then you got sober and you realized like, oh, they're all still kind of mad at me.

Well, I would, yeah, I mean, I would hear stories about me where they didn't know was me.

They were telling me stories about me to me.

Oh, because you were a blackout guy.

Well, yeah, no, but they didn't know what my name was.

They go, You heard of this guy?

Yeah.

I go, Yeah, I've heard of him.

And he already did this and that, you know.

And I was like, Yeah,

I know.

Yeah, okay.

And I was like, This is not good.

So

you were such a dick, but you're not really innately a dick.

Oh, I was sick.

Sure.

I was,

you know, I was.

So, how long do you last out here?

Salam Knives?

Five.

I didn't do it very long.

I ended up touring with a guy for a while that was

awful.

Yeah.

Yeah, really bad.

I don't want to, you know, I don't want to say his name, but it was, uh, and he's a guy just in fear and whatever and, you know, unhealthy.

He was an unhealthy guy, dry guy, very unhealthy.

Uh-huh.

And you were just doing road gigs with him?

I was doing road gigs with him, and I was working a little bit at this, you know, Z Club and whatever, and a little bit at the store.

This was when Tommy was booking.

Yeah.

Hey, buddy, get here at eight.

You're going to go on in a few.

Yeah.

Meaning, you know, I'm waiting around till like one in the morning.

For what,

like a showcase spot?

Yeah,

you know, I thought, you know, I'd take a look at you?

No, he passed me, but then he didn't, you know, he would just have me come around.

So you're passed over there?

Not anymore, I don't think anymore.

Well, once you passed, you're past.

No, I passed when Tommy was there.

So what?

I passed when Mitzi was there.

Yeah, but people have heard of you.

No.

You're the who's who of comedy.

I'm the who's that of comedy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, so

it doesn't matter.

I'm never out here.

I mean, I would like to go on there, but whatever.

So,

so, yeah, so I was doing spots and stuff.

I think Mitzi would have liked you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You were like a lively Jew.

Desperate, lively Jew.

Desperate.

You don't know the level.

I was thinking about getting a haircut on the way over here.

This is a podcast.

It's not even video.

Exactly.

I'm thinking about what should I wear?

I'm like, it's a podcast.

Yeah, so it was, so then I literally, it was fine.

I liked it.

And then one day I was.

I was started to tour with Jim Brewer, and that was cool, but I was a lot of East Coast, East Coast, and I was flying.

And then one day I lost

the manager and the agent and the girlfriend and like everything within two weeks.

And I went, oh, I hear the message.

And I just moved back across the country and I've been

great ever since.

But where'd you grow up?

I grew up in New Orleans.

In David Duke, country.

With David Duke.

First met her until I was 10, where

I used to get off the bus and they would beat me up for killing Jesus.

These three guys, yeah, and they used to throw eggs at our house

during Passover and they would put swastikas on my dad's building and they would threaten us.

Well, now that's uh you know

accepted material now it's a mean behavior yeah yeah uh but you weren't you were born in Canada yeah I lived there for 10 months so wait what is

your dad's from where my dad was actually born in Italy his parents were running out of Europe they had a gnarly you know my grandmother fell alive in a ditch with her family murdered and she survived but she waited the Nazis yeah and my grandfather was in love with her so he waited for her because he he paid off the soldiers to say he was like this big big musician actor guy in Vilna in Vilna Poland and so he said tell me when they're going to invade and they're like they're going to invade and his family wouldn't leave they didn't believe him you know um so he left so he left he left his family to die and then he went to go get my grandmother and they had lined her up in a ditch and he thought she was dead but he had to know so we waited and until the soldiers got drunk they celebrated they got wasted and passed out and then he found out she was alive and this was where this is in poland yeah and then they started running out oh he went back after they went through the town.

Yeah.

And then, you know, they were all dead in the ditch because the Nazis killed them.

Yeah, but my grandmother fell alive.

She was crazy.

Yeah.

And so he grabbed her and

their story's nuts.

Yeah.

I have it on, I just recorded it before she passed away.

From her.

Yeah, from her.

So he finds her, and then what are they?

Got to pay off people to get out?

No, they started traveling on top of trains to get out.

Yeah.

So they would, and

they would, you know, every time they got caught, they would either go to a death camp or or a work camp.

So my grandfather in another language would be like, what are the buzzwords?

Like, so if it's comic, it's like stand-up, punchline, segue.

So he would drop the buzzwords when they interviewed him to make sure.

And then he'd figure out what the task was in line to survive.

So he could just go to work camp.

And when they went to death camps, when they were supposed to go, he would say, we're going to our death.

Smell that's burning flesh.

He would spend the whole time breaking open the train and said, we got to jump.

And he would grab my grandmother and he would jump out of the train and no one would ever go with him.

Because that happened more than once?

I I don't know how many times it happened, but enough where I heard about it.

Yeah.

Crazy.

Yeah, this is an uplifting podcast.

What am I doing?

So they made it to Italy?

So at some point, they made it to Italy.

Which wasn't as fascist?

Well, it was because my grandmother, they had a kid during all this while they were dying.

His father?

No, his older brother.

Yeah.

And then they realized they were Jewish, and some soldier grabbed the kid and killed the kid in front of my grandmother.

God.

Yeah.

And your next comic.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, this is good stuff.

I think we should put a laugh track in this.

Yeah, we're like an 80s sitcom laugh track.

No, but so now they just got your father?

So now they have my father, and he's in Italy, and then they moved to Canada because they had a cousin that lived there.

So they're like, okay, we got to get to Canada.

That person, and they ended up hiring him to

help them out.

And they asked my...

my grandfather, my grandfather.

They made it to Montreal somehow.

Oh, yeah.

And then they said, all right,

we're we're they're in like the plastics and and they used to like sell stuff to the farmers they said all right so you're gonna dig a ditch because we digs dig a hole or something my grandma i'm not digging nothing no what i don't no holes no i'm not digging like that means a lot that's not yeah that's not just a hole it's a whole thing that's triggering that's yeah that was triggering isn't it yeah they used to say back then

it made me feel uncomfortable the ditch made her feel uncomfortable so he uh he fired him and he opened up next door to him and ran him out of business which is kind of crazy your grandfather yeah it was kind kind of crazy he had some despiteful guy well he I think he had a little justice a little chip on his shoulder really from the Holocaust yeah and he yeah and he used to what's weird was

my uncle used to tell me he used to like they wouldn't eat they would eat like one meal every day or two and they'd feed my kid my my father but then you know they had another kid and they'd feed them and they would barely eat and they'd work 20 hours a day and whatever oh my god and they would charity would come by and my grandfather would give to charity even though he was charity but he would give to charity and he kept saying govide you know that kind of thing oh yeah yeah.

Insane to believe in God after all of that.

He somehow had faith.

Well, what's interesting, I think, about faith is that either it seems insane or it seems necessary.

I mean, you are alive.

And they loved me because I was the name.

That's why I never changed my last name.

The worst name in show business, Aronovich.

I think it's pretty good.

Oh, thanks.

Because your first name's Rich.

Well, it's Richard.

Yeah, I know, but Rich Aronovich.

I said that to my girlfriend.

She couldn't stop laughing.

She goes, what is that, a stage name?

Yeah, who are you talking about, Tamar?

Rich Aronovich.

She's like, oh, I like that.

It's short for Rich Aronovich.

Well, there's some guy who she deals with at work.

I think his name is Bob Bapadopoulos or something.

And she just likes

the alliterative nature.

Yeah, for sure.

It's fun to say.

Rich Aronovich.

Yeah, it's good.

What are you going to change it to?

Rich Aaron?

Right, Aaronson Ross.

It's all Jew.

Yeah, it's all Jew.

Yeah, yeah.

Lip Schultz.

I'll change it to Lip Schultz.

Jeffrey Ross.

That's Jeffrey.

It's his original name.

So I didn't change it because I thought, you know, I was like, the name is that, like, that's the survival name.

So your dad grew up in Canada.

Yeah, he grew up in Canada.

And he's got, you know, he's got stuff from this.

I mean,

we get into a line at the bank.

I remember being a kid watching him start to just have this internal turmoil with like a bead of sweat going down his head because he was taught, don't get in lines.

You know, don't trust government.

don't trust uniforms.

There's a lot of stuff where it's like you go, whoa, there's, you know, that he grew up with.

Yeah, that he saw.

Even in Canada.

Well, he's, you know, I'm pretty sure he has memories of my grandfather screaming in the middle of the night from bad dreams of stuff that happened to him.

Yeah.

You know, and being alone, like that isolation, because they had to survive.

So there wasn't a lot of upbringing.

And so he's, you know, he functions as he's got, you know,

and he has a younger brother?

He's got two younger brothers and he had a younger sister who passed away.

Oh.

So why does he go to New Orleans?

They were in Montreal,

and they were worried about the French and English was really tense.

They were worried about, uh-oh, something's going to happen, you know.

Like

a war or something.

Because of the, that Montreal wanted to

succeed.

Well, you know, there was a lot of language tension.

Oh, right.

Yeah, but they wanted to.

Exactly right.

The Quebec wanted to succeed.

It looked like it could be Civil War back then.

So

my mom's dad had a brother in New Orleans, and he moved down there.

So they sort of left to go

meet, you know, sort of happened.

Your mom's Canadian, too?

Yeah.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah.

Otherwise, if she wasn't, I wouldn't have had to get in my citizenship.

You can't get dual?

Yeah, and I can't.

Yeah, I have dual.

You have dual?

Yeah.

So you don't,

in order to become an American citizen, you don't have to.

I revoked my Canadian citizen, but I crossed my fingers, so it didn't count.

No, when I became an American, you're supposed to ⁇ I think Canada was ⁇ but you're supposed to revoke all allegiance to any other place.

I don't know what that was.

I think, you know.

But you've tracked you still have Canadian?

I have a passport that's Canadian, so I'm assuming.

An up-to-date one?

I think it expires in.

When did you become an American?

2015,

right before Trump got elected.

Good, right.

Good timing.

Such great timing.

Right under the wire.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Got to do this now.

Yeah, I'm like,

something's,

but nobody, you know, nobody thought he was going to win back then.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, so New Orleans,

like what

it was David Duke's district?

Yeah, where he got elected.

If you don't know David Duke, he's a former grand wizard of the KKK.

Yeah, we know him.

He ran for president.

He ran for president.

He won

the district I was in and lost the governorship by about 2%.

It was really close.

But why that area?

That's just where we happen to live.

I mean, my parents didn't have a lot of money.

There are Jews in New Orleans.

There are Jews in New Orleans.

They worked very hard, my parents.

Yeah.

They ended up

doing mortgages and loans and they did it with morality, which was unheard of.

So they would do stuff like they would go, we're closing a loan.

This is a tax I don't collect.

This doesn't mean anything.

This is like three grand in BS fees that everybody, 100% of the people you'll go to loan to, they pocket.

We're not going to pocket it.

Just send me two friends if you know anybody.

And they would have the loyalty of BS fees.

Oh, that's nice.

And then before Katrina, the government said, look, we want to fix up the lower ninth ward.

We'll sell you these houses subsidized.

You can renovate them and rent them.

So my parents went, we can lower crime in this area because we'll give them central air.

Yeah.

And we'll give them washer and dryers.

Because the crime spikes in like August because it's so hot.

They all end up buy the laundromat, you know, and it's, it's tense.

And so they go, we can lower crime.

Let's do this.

They finished the reservations, and then two weeks later, Katrina just took everything out.

So they didn't make a penny from all that money they put in there.

And

so they ended up moving to Northern Virginia by my sister.

After Katrina.

After Katrina, yeah.

But you grew up your whole childhood in New Orleans.

Yes, my whole childhood in New Orleans.

I was going to, yes.

How do you avoid the accent?

At one point, I started, I had a neighbor that I loved, and I started, you know, a mimic.

So I started mimicking his accent, like not realizing it.

I just took it on.

And my father said, if you have a New Orleans accent,

people will treat you differently.

Yeah.

You won't, you will be unemployable.

You're not going to have, you know,

you're not going to go to a doctor who's like, hey, how you doing, darling?

You want me to get you some surgery?

You're not going to, you're going to think they're stupid.

So you can either stop talking like that or you can't see the neighbor.

Yeah.

So I said, all right.

Lose a friend.

You lose lose the friend or the accent.

Pick one.

So I lost the accent.

And you had to consciously figure it out.

But you don't think you had it to begin with.

You just think you're not.

I think I

started to, and then he shut it down.

But it's, New Orleans accent does sound a little Brooklyn-y.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, a lot of.

There's got to be a lot of different ones down there.

Because you got kind of a Frenchy.

You got the Cajun.

There's no real French.

It's Cajun and Creole.

Yeah.

You know, Tibeto Bujo right there?

Yeah.

Cono Gombo Yaya.

Yeah.

And my dad had to have a secretary translate because he couldn't understand them.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

So

they put him on speaker and they would say something and then he would take it and put it on mute and she go, what do you say?

And then he would be a little bit more.

But what are the good things about growing up in New Orleans?

There was awesome food, awesome

camaraderie.

Like there was a small town feel.

There's really great music stuff to do.

I was able to go out at 15.

You could get your license at 15 and go to bars at 15.

The drinking age was 18 there.

So I had an old fake ID of a guy that I would get in anywhere.

Yeah, I had one.

I had a fake ID.

And we drove at 15 too, in Albuquerque.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But this is when the kids weren't beating you up?

No, I mean, there was so, yeah, no, this wasn't when kids were beating me up.

That was when you were very young?

That was when I was very, yeah, yeah.

Very young.

Yeah, those guys, they, they really, I mean, it was pretty great, but they were taught, you know, they were taught I was the enemy.

Jew.

Yeah, Jew.

Did they, and they, they egged your house and everything else?

Yeah, I remember during Passover.

Yeah.

And it was like, all right, ready to eat the eggs.

You know, it hit the window.

But it wasn't that timing, but it was like, yeah, they literally would throw eggs at our house and like just.

But did your parents have problems?

I mean, yeah, my dad had a swastika.

I remember going into his office and I saw someone spray-painted a swastika on his

kind of his building and whatever.

But yeah, and

one of the things I'm always like, you got to behave extra.

You got to tip extra because they're going to leave and go, you see what they do?

So,

yeah, that's, I mean, so I, you know, I grew up with a mistrust and a,

you know, I feel like a round peg and a square hole kind of deal.

Sure.

But what happens?

How do you get out of there?

You mean how to, I went, I went to, you know, Jews don't send their kids to rehab.

They send them to Israel.

So I went to Israel for 10 months.

You were already fucked up?

Oh, yeah.

I started

about 16, it took off probably about 17, 18.

Yeah.

And so my parents didn't know what to do with me.

So they said, all right, I was, here's this program.

You go to Israel for 10 months, you volunteer, you learn stuff, and you get college credit, and it's a lot cheaper.

So you were pretty Jewy?

Yeah, I was pretty Jewy.

Your folks were?

Well, when my grandfather died, my dad didn't believe he was sick.

He thought it was a manipulation to get him to go back to Canada.

Yeah.

So

he had

cancer, and we didn't believe him.

He died really quickly.

And my dad,

like, just, he didn't know how to process the emotion.

So it came out through We Became a Kosher Home.

Oh, really?

We started going to synagogue.

We would, Friday Friday night, we would sit around and read these stories of stuff.

And it was quite nice in some ways.

I know it's born out of pain.

A lot of, I mean, most of my Judaism is born out of pain.

It's out of like negative, like, oh, you know, don't let them get you.

It's not, you know, there are some beautiful things within all religions, including Judaism.

You know, you just have to sort of melt away.

So you kind of got

like walked into the tradition and all that stuff.

Yeah, but then when I went to Israel, the first thing I, it completely did the opposite.

Well, was it a kibbutz situation?

Well, I first place was a, I was in, uh, a, I was in a development town where they taught, like, there was either, it was all the new immigrants from Ethiopia and Russia.

Yeah.

So I was volunteering, teaching, uh, you know, I was at the zoo and teaching English to these kids who didn't speak, you know, there was no language, there was no way to speak.

So I learned Hebrew pretty quick.

Yeah.

You know, because I looked apart.

That means I forgot everything.

I know how to curse.

I remember very little.

That means what you just said means I forgot everything.

I forgot everything.

Oh, all right.

Yeah, so I forgot everything.

But I remember it was like the second week we were there, and Hezbollah, we were going camping for my birthday, and Hezbollah started shooting rockets into our campsite.

Yeah.

So there was like a terrorist kind of thing going on, and alarms, and bomb shelters, and running out, and freaking out.

And then, like, you know, anyone, and the doors were all on off, like they were like, so they'd slam constantly.

So I kept hitting the ground.

Yeah.

So, like, twice a day, you'd go, and I'd hit the ground, think it was another bomb.

You know, I just, I was nuts for a couple, for a while.

Yeah.

And it was interesting.

I became very,

you know, scared.

But I realized after that, I went, oh, I'm not, I'm going to pursue my dream of being a clown.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, becoming a comedian.

That was when I decided.

When you were in Israel.

Yeah.

So, but you were there for 10 months?

Yep, 10 months.

Did you move around?

Yeah, we started in a development town.

Then I went to

a learning place in Jerusalem.

We learned a bunch of stuff where, you know, you had three college credit.

Then I went to a moshav, which was fascinating.

It was a Yemenite and Moroccan moshav.

What's a mashav?

It's okay.

The difference between a kibbutz and a mashav.

A kibbutz is like everything's communal.

It's like total hippie.

Yeah.

It's like our dollar, not your dollar, not mine.

It's our dollar.

Mushav is like they share the same equipment, they share the same land,

but they have their own kind of money.

So it's like, it's like kibbutz light, I would say.

Yeah, yeah.

And really fascinating different cultures.

Yes.

You know, they cooked for you.

And they were just.

All Jews, though.

Yeah, all Jews.

But

I had a lot of contact with a lot of

Arabs and Palestinians and people that were just living peacefully amongst each other.

But this was the year that

the first peace process happened.

So it became the violence, which was like, you know, kind of in the territories of them, it sort of all went into Israel.

So it got really nuts.

There was like a big bus bombing.

I almost was on that bus kind of deal, and a guy got beheaded on TV live.

And

my friends were at a restaurant.

A guy got on their table and started spraying people with machine gun fire yeah just crazy stuff just crazy stuff what made you decide to do comedy in israel um

well i this is what happened so i i just there was like a talent show at the end of the whole thing and i decided i was gonna for my high school i was gonna do it and i bailed i was too scared i didn't have anything so i called in sick to my first performance to do stand-up yeah so then i went to you know right at the end of my senior year so then i went to israel and i did it for my friends it was and of course it's my friends so i'm getting like you know and then I come back, and then that summer, I'm like outside of this place called

in New Orleans called Movie Pictures, where they serve alcohol and you can drink and watch T, you know, watch a movie and smoke cigarettes.

And I'm bored with the movie, so I'm outside and I'm making this guy laugh.

And he's like, hey, you know, we have a contest.

It's an improv group.

So if you tell a joke and you win, you come back and open for us.

And I think I'm a comic because I did it one time.

So I'm like, okay.

So I go and I tell the street joke.

I win.

And I started doing stand-up in New Orleans.

And two parts of that story.

The guy was Ken Jung, you know, the guy from the hangover and math singer.

He was a doctor.

He was, exactly.

He was doing his residency in New Orleans.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

So he was the guy before he was anybody.

You know, he was like, you know,

and that was the guy.

He was in an impart group.

And then the, and I started doing under the name Smooth Daddy Johnson because I thought I'd get a laugh before I got to the stage because I was like 19.

Yeah.

You know.

And what was your act?

It was horrible.

It was, I had boxes, like I put hats under a box, and I would play a character and tell jokes in that character.

Of the hat.

Yes.

So like, yeah.

And then, and then one of the, um, I had my friend underneath, so I'd have the audience pick the hat and give it to me, but in one of them, it was someone's head, so they'd lift up the box and he would scream and yell at them.

I mean, it was like, it was like

vaudeville shtick.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

But I was 19.

I didn't know what I was doing.

I was just trying to, you know, getting laughs.

Yeah, I was just trying to get laughs in any way possible.

I played harmonic.

I played the circumcision blues.

And I played guitar.

I played, I thought it would be funny to play the Two-Life Crew song, but like really acute, you know, hey,

we want some pushbacks.

And just the ladies, you know, that kind of thing.

Yeah.

You would have a field day.

No Holtz barred.

You just kind of did everything.

Yeah, yeah.

I was just, you know.

How do you do the thing with the head?

The stage?

So

you have like a tablecloth, so it covers all the way.

Oh, it's on your table.

Yeah, it's on a table.

So all of the backs are on the magic trick.

Yeah.

So you go, oh, pick a box number.

And that would be the whole set.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then, so another set was the guitar stuff?

Well, it would, it would, yeah, it would be like, yeah, exactly.

I went from there, and then I went and moved to New York.

I started doing a, I did a, the New York Comedy Club at the time was like the Walmart of comedy.

It was like Walmart's place.

All right, on 24th?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I did a comedy.

Comedy rooms, the one that sat like four people.

So I did a comedy contest and there was no judges.

So because I said to the guy, I go, hey, did you like my set?

He goes, yeah, I go, did you like the part with the glove?

He goes, it was great.

And I was like, there's no part with the glove.

So my act became the comedy contest.

when did you decide you were ready for New York?

I didn't.

I majored in theater.

I went to Emory.

From there, I was doing, so I went to Emory.

So, yeah, yeah.

So this is what happened.

So I,

so from New Orleans, I did comedy all that summer.

Then I go to college and I go, I need stage time.

So I'd run around campus, go, guys, did you hear that Smooth Daddy Johnson's going to be at the depot?

And they're like, who?

I'm like, you haven't heard of Smooth Daddy.

This guy's an amazing comic.

He's doing a free show.

You got to show up.

Then they'd show up and it was me.

And they'd already made me be like, oh, this guy.

And I would bomb, but I would kept doing it.

I would go to the Uptown Comedy Corner

in Atlanta.

Yeah, it's an urban room, all black.

Yeah, and they would say, If he's not funny, Earthquake, I think, was hosting.

So, if it's not funny, boo him.

And I got booed off stage for years.

I mean, I didn't do well once, not one time.

I tried everything.

I tried the characters, I tried doing straight.

I tried, I mean, booed off for years, and I kept going back.

I didn't, it didn't phase anything.

Oh, so Emery's, okay, so you were in Atlanta?

I was in Atlanta, and I remember my friends came and saw me.

You didn't go to the comedy club there?

Well, no, I did.

They wouldn't, the punchline didn't, they weren't having me.

I don't remember why.

I was like, no, let me go to the hardest one where they, you know, they, and so my friends came and saw me, and they, after they went and bought me like a

frosty.

And I'm like, what's this?

They're like, are you okay?

And I was like, yeah, yeah, this is just to get better.

Like, I'm, this is what has to happen until I get good.

So

you were a confident tanker?

I just knew that at some point it would click.

You know, I had this like belief that, like, okay, we'll try this.

Okay, that didn't work.

Or we'll try this.

Something will click.

Are you doing everything?

I'm doing everything.

It's the jack of all trades.

It's not good.

It's not a point of view thing.

You're just

point of view.

Yeah.

You're just putting on hats.

How much point of view can you have when you're pretending your name is Smooth Daddy Johnson?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I have no idea who decides to do that.

Me.

Yeah.

A 19-year-old who thinks they're going to be a star?

Right.

So then

I go to, I start my major in theater.

The director brings me to New York to

do an internship at the performing garage of the Worcester Group.

Oh, the Worcester Group.

Yeah.

So I'm like, you know, I'm like.

It's like what you were doing could almost fit the Worcester Group.

Yeah, totally.

Totally.

You just did it a little bit ironically.

You could probably do it.

Yeah, totally.

Like if I did it not knowing how bad it was.

If you did it seriously.

Yeah, like if I was like, yeah.

Not yeah, like, no, you're presenting it all.

Yeah, exactly.

Seriously.

Not trying to get laughed.

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

The head.

And I did, and then I was supposed to be in there for a sublet for like a month, and I stayed for 10 years.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I just, I go away.

And you graduated?

Well, I barely graduated from college.

I mean, barely.

I was very close to failing.

What did you learn at the Worcester Group?

I just was an idiot.

I don't know.

I learned, I mean, I got to see some really cool experimental theater.

I learned that I'm not an actor.

That's what I learned.

Was Falden Gray still around?

No, I think, no, it was Willem Dafoe.

Willem Defoe was a business.

He would come back?

Yeah, he was around.

I remember the first time I got a message for him, I was so excited because I was like, you know, I was like, Mr.

Dafoe, you have a message.

He's like, yeah, put it on my desk.

I was like, oh, yeah.

It makes a lot worse.

Couldn't charm Willem.

I couldn't either.

I had him on the podcast.

I couldn't get through.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, he seemed very sort of mildly upset with me the whole time.

Well, you're doing great with me.

Yeah.

I'm feeling very charmed.

Yeah, well, good.

That's not a stretch.

Yeah, I'm hiding under tables if you walk in.

I'm just waiting for you to break into the hat thing.

Yeah.

So then, yeah, so then I lost the name.

I started hustling.

I was in, I would hand, all those idiots that are handing out flyers, and that's my fault.

I was the guy who, I was at the, I used to, first I went to Boston?

Well, I started at Standup New York.

I was the manager.

So I'd wear like a fake.

Wait, you've got a job as the manager of Stand-up New York?

Not manager.

These guys were handing out flyers before you.

Well, okay, let me explain.

So the, yeah, for sure.

But what happened was I was, I got a job for $10,

and they would um they'd say okay you seat people and bring them their food and then stand up new york yeah when carrie's still there yes okay yes remember carrie hoffman of course who's this guy yeah oh he's your client okay put him on yeah yeah so um so what i do is because i was like okay if they think i'm the guy handing them the food and seating them they're not gonna laugh at me so i put on a fake glasses and a hat with a fake ponytail and i'd switch shirts.

I had like a disguise when I sat them.

Yeah.

So that they wouldn't know that that was the door guy.

But they just know that guy's odd.

No, they didn't.

they didn't.

I would be totally just when I sat him, I was odd.

The ponytail and the makeup was that good?

The glasses were that you were fooling everybody with your hat?

I was.

I was.

I had these glasses and ponytail with a hat.

And then when I took it off and went on safe, they didn't recognize that that was the guy that just sat him.

It was a different guy.

So you did well then?

I wouldn't say well.

I was doing check spots.

And I was,

I think Brad Chackman goes, you're funnier than your material.

But then I went from there.

I met Louis Schaefer.

Remember Louis Schaefer?

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

So he had me bark and he taught me

at the Boston Comedy Club down in the village.

So he taught me these skills and then I brought it to Times Square and I started producing a sketch and improv show.

For Ha?

Yep.

And then I started doing stand-up and it was like Fleet Week and we realized, okay, we do another show.

Okay, I'm going to do another show.

You started a sketch and improv show?

Yeah, originally.

You always had a lot of hats.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes, that's right.

A lot of hats.

Outfits.

Outfits, yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

Clowns.

Clown.

Yeah, clown.

So

clown.

I feel like I saw you once in a clown outfit.

Yeah, probably.

I wasn't very good.

I took again.

Did you do juggling?

I can vaguely juggle.

I can play harmonica.

I can play guitar.

I can, you know.

Yeah.

I can make sounds.

I'm like the white Michael Winslow.

You know what I mean?

I can.

If I had no shame, I'd probably be you.

Yeah, shame.

I have no shame.

Yeah, there's not a if I can get a snicker, I'm like, I'm in.

Yeah.

Anything.

Any shame, but not in terms of what you do comedically.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm pretty, yeah.

It's very hard.

It's really weird to have.

I can play harmonica.

I can play guitar.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can wear a hat.

I just couldn't do it on stage.

Right.

Yeah.

I lost all that.

I shedded it away.

I just do.

How long did that take?

It took a minute.

I don't know.

I saw the special.

It looks like the opening is.

Well, that's the clown.

That's the

like me, like me, like me, like me.

Was that the character?

What was your name?

No, the dancing sort of thing happened during the pandemic.

Someone challenged me to the TikTok challenge.

I was like, what is this?

Yeah.

So I go on TikTok and it's like these young girls and the side boob and the butt cheek doing the dance challenge.

And I think it's ridiculous.

So I go, oh, you want a dance challenge?

So I put on a bikini to make fun of it.

And then I started, it blew up.

He loved it.

And then I was like, oh, great.

So then I was like,

well, I had nothing to do.

So I was, you know, I started getting outfits and dancing in the, I was in the kitchen.

Yeah.

And people loved it.

And, and I remember I was like, all right, this is, this is really bad.

Like my parents sat me down to have like an intervention.

They did?

They were like, you got to stop doing this.

It's mortifying.

Because you're using your real name.

Yeah, exactly.

And so, and then, uh, and then this woman said, look, my sister's really sick.

And instead of being scared, we're just laughing at your videos.

Yeah.

And then I was like, that's when you start visiting hospitals?

No, that's when I was like, are you going to buy my t-shirt or or not?

No.

Your sister has to pay up front.

No, then I realized I was helping people.

Like, I was like, okay, this is a bad time.

Everyone's scared on both sides.

And like, I'm just doing this dumb thing to make fun of TikTok, but I now became the problem.

But like, it's helping people.

So I went, all right, I'll do it.

And then I realized it.

It really

exploded.

So I went, all right, well, people, I can get, I can manipulate them into my stand-up by getting, oh, it's the dance guy does stand-up.

That was the plan.

And then you can alienate them with the stand-up.

Then I can alienate them with the stand-up.

Yeah.

Like, this isn't a fun guy.

Yeah, this is exactly.

So the beginning of the special is sort of a nod to that.

And then, like, I'm transitioning into this is who I really am.

Yeah.

And then, and then I put out the special, and now it's, uh, it's doing what it's doing.

And I'm, you know.

How's it doing?

It's, um, it's doing okay.

Plodding along.

It's plodding along.

Listen, I'm every time I look at the numbers or the likes of the comments, I'm dead in the wall.

I'm dead.

It's not, there's never a point where.

What's it called again?

It's called the artist.

It's ironic.

The artist.

I don't think I'm an artist with the hats and the kazoos and the big shoes and the spitting flower.

No, it's the artist.

No, it's all straight stand-up.

Yeah.

It's like 20 minutes, right?

No, it's 33 minutes.

I broke it into two.

Everyone said it's too long.

So I took the first.

I went, oh, great.

Let's make it two specials.

So there's another one?

There's one in the yeah, ready to.

I'm going to see how this one does, wait a few months, and I'll put out the other.

You launch the second half?

No, it's not a half.

It's just its own separate thing.

Oh, is there more outfits?

No, no, there's no outfits.

Okay.

Yeah,

there's no outfits.

Dancing guy again?

No more dancing guy.

So the second guy?

I think I talk about that.

I don't know if I talk about the dancing guy in this one or

how I got into the dancing thing.

Oh,

I don't think you did.

No, so then it's on the next one.

So that's the thing, man.

People are doing 33-minute hours.

Well, I did it.

I shot an hour and whatever, in 10 or an hour and 20 or whatever, and I went, cut this, get this.

And then once I put it all together, everyone I talked to said, no one's going to watch an hour.

So I said, oh,

all right.

I don't know why people say that.

Because I think the attention span has

a window.

But is it true?

It's all based on algorithm.

So in a general sense,

they can make these statements because they can see when people stop watching it.

But that's not all people.

For sure.

But it's a ratio game.

But I mean, this idea that we all have to accommodate

people's inability.

I mean

the Brutalist was nominated for an Academy Award.

That's three hours.

And that's why I didn't watch it.

Not unlike my stand-up.

But you're also, I mean, you're coming from a different time where they had hour specials and there wasn't social media and people.

No, I understand that, but I do believe, and I'm not advising you to do anything other than what you're doing, but I just feel that there are adult people that, if the show is engaging, can watch an hour of stand-up.

I agree with you.

But that means that the next one, I have to write an hour.

Now I have to write 30 minutes.

That's a lot more.

You have to do the job?

You have to do the job.

But I'm not.

You have to create a new hour every year or something?

As you can hear from this interview, I'm not prolific.

Yeah.

No, I mean, obviously, I'm writing now.

Yeah, I mean, I watched the special.

I'm like, I did that joke in 95.

No, you did?

It's just one.

Really?

Yeah.

It's okay.

You know what?

It happens.

No, no, I'm not upset about it.

And it's not.

I'm now upset.

I'm definitely going to be thinking.

This is the only thing I'm going to think about when we leave for sure.

Really?

Oh, it's going to eat me alive.

First of all, there was not one point you went, I liked it.

No, no, I like this special.

You're a fun guy.

Okay.

You're a funny guy.

Wow.

Fish caught.

Did you see that me just put the hook in the water?

No, no, no.

I had no choice.

Look,

I knew what I was expecting, and it delivered.

Secure clown.

Diplomatic compliment.

That was exactly what I expected from you.

Mark, you can't hate me more than I hate me.

I don't hate you at all.

Okay, good.

Never have.

Yeah, but

I'm concerned about, I haven't,

I'm oversensitive.

So I'm concerned about your opinion of me, that person's opinion.

I want people to like me, obviously.

Why would I be in these houses?

You should call the next half hour that.

Yeah.

I want people to like.

I want people to like me.

How do you feel about your time here?

Are you going to leave feeling okay?

I'm going to be a little, I'm going to be a little, I'm going to be a little bit in my head.

About what?

About the joke that you had in 1995.

I wasn't going to tell you.

That's going to kill me.

But that happens.

No, I know what that.

I don't care.

No, no, but this is.

I had a situation where you stole it.

Yes, I don't care.

I know you didn't.

You know, maybe watch my 95 HBO half hour, but that's, you know, but do that.

when I was two.

Yeah,

I really, I am really with that kind of stuff.

To me, it's sort of like it's it's a general joke, you know, in a way.

It's not a point of view joke, it's not about me per se, right?

And that's just, you know, that's uh, you know, everybody can do that.

It looks happened.

Like, sometimes I'll see somebody.

Everyone talks about the same thing.

We're both Jews, that's all.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Which one was it?

Huh?

Which one was it?

It's just a line that

I used to do a joke where

it was about being in the South, and I used it as a tag.

I'd pull it up without a whole bit attached to it,

where it would just be like, I would say I'm a Jew, and I'd say

I was down South once, and I said that, and I heard the guy in the audience go, I knew it.

I knew it.

Did I have that I had that in there?

Yeah.

Was that in there?

Well, it's not quite like that but it was i knew it it was after you do this sort of like uh i need time to run the banks and you have baby bib bib bib and then you know and then it was like you know uh yeah i knew it yeah it's it's it's easy it was a throwaway yeah yeah oh yeah yeah it's not a problem yeah okay that's not a big that's not a big deal no it's not a whole okay i don't need to obsess on this and start

hire a therapist and do an intake and say you know i'm the original easy jew joke and i'm sure that a jew did it before me too yeah yeah

yes

All right.

So that's, that's like probably a throwaway.

It was an improv.

I don't need to overthink it, is what I'm getting.

You didn't steal a joke.

Okay, good.

And it's not the same joke.

People, you know, there's people that are nuts about it.

I got, you know,

someone and I had a similar kind of thing, and I said, look, we got a similar thing.

I'm just letting you know.

I never saw you do it.

It's on my special.

Da, da, da, da.

And they forgot about this.

Oh, it's all good.

And then months later, it comes at, you know, coming at you.

So that's because someone got in his head.

Yes, exactly right.

Someone came in and said, this guy stole from you and then they came in for guns ablaze and i go hey man we had this conversation and i would i respect you as a comedian as a person but it's it's out already it's not like i can cut it it's too late and it's what is it it's one day that i have a joke now that like i i i've been doing it for a while and it's it's kind of a throwaway but it's definitely a joke and i can't remember

Like you don't know after a certain point whether someone saw you do it.

And you know, it's just one of those things.

You know, and any special is not going to hinge on one line, whether it's a throwaway or what.

But if it's a signature piece.

Right.

You know, so that's why I try to do long-form personal stuff.

Right.

Because anytime you're talking about external things,

you know,

you're in that pool of people who are reacting to news or information.

You know what I mean?

Like, I don't know.

I don't know anything.

I didn't even register that those ladies went to space.

But, you know, people were doing material on it for a week or two.

I don't give a fuck.

Right.

You know, so I try to keep it as personal and cringy as I can.

You still cringe.

Yeah, a little bit.

So they, yeah, so then when, and then when, and even if I'm doing personal stuff, so I'm going to talk about my kids or whatever.

People have stuff about their kids.

And so we're kind of pulling from saying, I don't know.

I mean, you try to be as original as possible, but

it's nearly impossible.

I mean, nobody has got something that hasn't been touched on.

There's thousands and thousands of comedians.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You just can't.

Anytime, like

there are conversations about people stealing things and then

in the community, it seems that it seems to have sort of simmered down.

But the jokes that they're always accused of stealing are like that joke?

Right.

I've heard nine people do that joke.

Right.

And there's also like reputation.

I mean, at some point you go, okay, when someone's a known clippy person, we hear about it.

Yeah.

You know, you know who's kind of clippy and who you got to be careful of.

I guess I don't hear about anything anymore.

I just see people that do a similar joke.

I'm like,

I got to get rid of that joke.

Or, you know, whatever.

Back in the day,

I used to do a joke about smoking sections at airports, and I was on a show with a guy who also had one.

It was a different joke.

I'm like, you're middling for me.

Could you not do it so we don't double up?

But I don't care if you do it.

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, again, not stepping on pun, you know, if you're opening.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I don't even, I don't really always know that anymore.

You know, I don't even, it all goes away, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah, that, that whole thing.

I mean, there's other insecurities, you know.

You know what I mean?

You have other stuff.

Well, unless like it's like you, it's a, it's a topic that's a little off-road and it's a little surprising and they're doing it too.

You're like, oh, fuck.

You know, that's just bad coincidence.

Yeah.

But I mean, look, you know, I try, since I'm obviously desperate to do well, which hurts the writing tremendously

because I'm trying stuff and I go, ah, it didn't work.

You know, and then tried again.

What happened to the guy that used to do black clubs?

Right.

Yeah.

Right.

What happened to him?

Yeah.

He started tasting laughter and went, oh, I like that better.

I like success better.

Where's the courage for that guy?

No, I'm doing stuff like, and I sandwich it between stuff that I protect it.

But it's just

everyone does.

You need to do that.

Yeah, yeah.

But I, you know, it's, it's hard.

And then also, like, I'm doing some stuff that I don't know what's offensive or not.

Like, I'm growing up in New Orleans where my parents are like, look, you know, tits are over there.

You know, they, they, we, they, we, I joked about the Holocaust to to my grandparents who survived the Holocaust.

So there wasn't a whole like sensitivity thing going on in our house.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Well, no, I mean, it seems, that seems to have turned.

I mean, if you can shoulder the reaction, I mean, you kind of, I think you kind of talk about that.

Yeah.

Do you make fun of

the sensitivity of something?

Yes.

Yeah.

It's interesting.

We did the show in Vegas, and then after I talked to this audience member who was,

you know, this guy had a great,

it starts one way.

It's a good, it's a really good bit about trans.

It starts one way, so it seems like it's right wing and then it turns left wing.

But she turned off.

Her brain just went melted on the beginning and didn't hear.

I go, actually, and then I'm like, why am I fighting and defending someone else's bit?

Yeah.

But it was sort of like, it was frustrating because it was like her emotions were the most important thing.

And that was all that there was.

My question is, is like, why is anyone talking about trans people?

Yeah.

Well, because it's, it's, I guess it's, I mean, I'm not, but it's topical.

I guess I have a bit about it, like a little bit.

Well, I mean, if you want to disarm, you know, the weird kind of

full momentum of the right-wings

scapegoating of them or targeting them, I mean, that seems like a good thing to do.

But it's just like, I would see people at the comedy store, I'd see two or three people like on stage and be like, I guess I got to do my trans joke.

It's like, you don't.

Right, right.

I mean, why are you letting your mind be dictated by right-wing talking points if you're

not going to push back on it.

Like if you're just kind of making a joke and you think it's okay, but the joke doesn't end

with the point being like, why are we talking about this at all?

Then why do it?

Right.

Well, I mean, yeah, I mean, there's some people that like they go, they look at the trending topics and try to write jokes about it.

So that may be their motive.

Trevor Burrus: But that's the thing is,

these people that are free thinkers, it doesn't seem that way because they're just regurgitating

ideological talking points that have spread throughout every level of society.

So that's not free thinking at all.

You're just acting on the behest of this propaganda, right?

And it's the same with people who do like, you know, crowd work

on Instagram.

The only reason that people do that is it interfaces perfectly with TikTok and Instagram in terms of the way the timing works.

So you're not even free thinking at all.

And first of all, crowdwork, you know, on some level, and I'm not saying you, but it's like, you you know, a high school student can do that.

Any fucking idiot can do crowdwork.

Well, they'd be able to do it on a.

Well, fine.

What I'm saying is the reason it's popular is because it's short bursts that kind of make it seem like it's happening in the moment, and it fits perfectly with the new platforms that distribute comedy.

Well, it's also you can't keep up with the demand.

I mean, how are you supposed to put out three, you know, well-crafted bits a week and not have them come to your show and know the punchline before?

What I'm saying is that...

So you can just crowd work and they go, oh, they're coming.

But the demand is created by a corporate platform that is dictating how you structure your art.

Correct.

And you can say, either, screw this, I don't want to be part of it, and then not sell tickets.

No, I get it.

So, but when you sell tickets, you're expected to do the fucking dance for the people that you have to pretend like you want to talk to so you can get your little needs met.

Yeah.

What just happened?

Is that about me?

What did I do?

What was the question?

How did I like my time here?

It was great till just now.

I think you mix it up pretty good.

I just think, you know, I think crowd work is a skill and you do some of it, but it's usually transitional.

Yeah, it's right.

So, like, what I try, because I host a lot at the cellar.

So, I try to like, you know, very little at the beginning, just to get it sort of like the room settled.

Sure, sure.

And they feel like it's a unique experience.

And I definitely leave in some material

because I don't want the next comic you know it's a it's a disservice to the show if they think it's a conversation yeah it becomes a heckle fest it's not fair to the comics behind you you know I try to think of that like I always try to save material for like when they drop the the checks or when they um do last call at the seller yeah that's when I'm supposed to that's that's the okay this is your job is to eat to take that don't bring someone up to yeah don't bring someone up to murmur.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got to talk.

That was the funny thing about being a headliner is that like you'd always have to deal with the checks box.

Again, it's right as you're setting up your closer.

Yeah, yeah.

I learned to do like loud.

Like I go, okay,

do a sound effect joke.

Do something loud.

Well, I've got to the point where I'm like, oh, you just get the checks.

Well, let's just take a break.

Everyone good?

Okay, let's go.

Any questions?

Do I have the attention back?

All right, here we go.

That's when you do the crowd work, Mark.

Oh, my God.

There There was a club that, you know, I lost my mind.

They had

the pay machine system.

Oh, yeah.

Which is fine.

You know, it makes it, it's actually, I see how it's effective, but this particular bunch of machines that they were using beeped.

So

it wasn't just a checkspot.

It was just like random, like, Dave,

and I'm like, what the fuck has happened?

Has anyone brought this up to the owner?

I mean, that's ridiculous.

That's got to drive you crazy.

Well, no, they fixed it, I think.

Because I lost my mind.

You You brought it up.

Did you say it in a nice way?

I don't have to say anything in a nice way.

I know how to do that.

But I said to the owner, I said, what are you doing?

Because for me, it's like, I get this as a business.

But the implication of the fundamental disrespect for the comic was sort of like, you're overlooking that part?

You're going to have the chirping machines all over the room through his entire closing bit.

Can't you put it on vibrate?

Well, that's right.

It was like some new system, and apparently they fixed it.

But like when I was there the first night, I was like, I go off my mind.

So then they had to do it the old way, where they take the checks to the bar and pay.

You're the jerk.

Who gives a fuck?

See, that's where I want to get to.

Who gives?

Well, I mean, look, I understand it's a little extra work for the servers, but ultimately, in terms of the show, like if you're going to have a situation where people are supposed to respect the show, which is getting harder and harder in some ways with comedy, always has been.

And I understand the relationship between, you know, we're we're just selling drinks.

I get all that, but you're still running a nightclub that is about the performers, at least

a quarter as much as it is about making money,

right?

And we can abide by rules, but like, I'm just sort of like, you know, dude, you know what I mean?

It's a good club.

And, you know, I like working here.

But I mean, that's crazy.

But this is why, aren't you doing theaters?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But this was just what I was working out.

I was just working out.

So you were doing like new stuff.

Yeah, I I do clubs, and I don't mind doing clubs.

I like doing clubs.

But I just couldn't understand it just for other comics even.

It wasn't even about me.

I don't care.

I'm not going to be back here for a year.

Right.

But I mean, I said to the other comics, I'm like, how long has that been going on for?

And they're like, yeah.

And I'm like, no one says anything.

And they're like, no.

They're too afraid.

Right.

It's a supply and demand issue.

Oh, you're a problem.

Next.

Right.

It's sort of like, okay, we can go work somewhere else.

But like, to me, it's like, come on, man.

You know, give us a shot.

You know, give, you know, we need, yeah, whatever.

It worked out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How'd you think I did on the podcast?

When?

Just now.

In the last 10?

He was wonderful.

It was a very nice conversation.

And then he got squirrely.

He kind of got in his head.

There it is.

They got trapped in

that news ticker.

Came back up.

No, no, it was great.

You feel good about it?

I think so.

Well, I'm not going to turn the mics off until you sign off on it.

Oh.

Oh, oh, really?

Yeah.

That's interesting.

Then what do you do?

You do like a little recap when I leave?

No.

I had a wonderful time.

No,

I'm going to send the file to my producer.

He'll trim it up and tighten it up.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

And then you can cut out the part where...

Which part?

All of it.

Yeah, sure.

We don't have to put it up at all.

Wait a minute.

You can just say we did it.

I'll use it as a credit.

And people go, I can't find it.

I'm like, yeah, we decided not to air it.

You know what I like about your podcast is there's no.

Do you listen to it?

Oh, yeah.

I listened to it.

It's funny because I have a friend who said,

you got to listen.

They wanted to give me advice.

And I said, you can't, you don't tell, don't, no, no.

I can't hear any.

Anything you're going to say is going to be stuck in my head the entire time I'm talking to Mark.

So I'm not listening to whatever.

Don't, no, no.

I know you, no, but let me just say this one.

Nope, you can't.

This is what's known as a boundary.

Respect it or I'm hanging up.

I can't hear whatever you're doing.

People were giving you notes on that.

They want to give me on how to do this.

And I was like, I'm just going to, I've known this guy a while.

I think it's going to be okay.

I said, it's going to go the way it's going to go.

No matter what you say, if you have control issues,

keep it at your, you know what I mean?

Just leave me alone.

And so, and so then it started making me get in my head.

I go, well, what kind of advice?

So I should probably listen to a few episodes.

And I love it.

And so I.

Did you just start listening to it?

No, I listened to it.

Once a week.

I listened to it way before.

And then I was like, but I want to see how it's changed.

Sure.

It hasn't changed much.

It hasn't changed much.

And

I like it because it's a very honest conversation.

You get in there.

Yeah.

Well, I will say this, you know, in terms of

this happening, it was funny because it was a very funny moment, what it was like a month ago.

And I was like, I was having a real, they don't happen that often, and I usually have other people to call, but I was having a real spiral of a certain type that, you know, I decided, you know, like I need like pretty basic,

you know, detached recovery talk

from someone I know.

Right.

And, you know, I went through my phone.

I'm at A.

No, no, no.

I don't know how to not, it's not, I don't want to make it an insult, but I just decided, like, that guy is not in my life.

You know, he's a program guy.

He owes me.

I sat in that freaking car car in Queens for an hour and a half.

I changed that guy's life.

Yeah.

He's going to be the guy.

Well, I text you every year.

Every year.

Every year, at one time a year, I text you and thank you.

Yeah.

It's very nice.

You text me.

And it's motive-free.

Yeah.

No, no, I know.

I never go, I'm going to, I'm going to.

Because that's, you know, when this, so you called me.

I think you talked about this on Nick Thune's episode.

Oh, did I?

Yeah.

Yes, you did.

Okay.

Because I went, I think he's talking about me.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And you were going through something and you called me and we had some nice you yeah there was a lot going on yeah it was just a multi-level kind of uh spiral but i i get spiral well no i know we all do but like i needed no no not everybody not people that don't understand in the right rooms yes you know like it was basic stuff like you know i you know i couldn't get back into the present i wasn't gonna drink but i needed to to sort of like you know just

you know talk to another uh alcoholic who not who knew enough about how to program talk And it's not just sort of like think, think, think, or first, think, third, do what's in front of you, but it is kind of.

Look, you.

Look, you know, you got a brain for it, and I got a brain for it, but I'm not living in that brain as much as I used to.

I, you know, look, all I, the thing that I realize what gives me most joy in this world by a billion percent is when I'm just with my kids being a dad and it's all service, but it doesn't feel like service.

It's just, you know, sitting there entertaining, helping them, instead of feeding them, walking, doing all that stuff.

So I realized like that is the juice.

That's the thing that really, all this nonsense.

I don't want to ruin that.

No, I don't ruin that.

Exactly.

I don't want to ruin that, but that is the most natural thing I've, I did not want to be a dad.

I was afraid to be a dad.

It is by far the,

I am,

I love being a dad.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

I didn't think I was capable.

I didn't think I would be able to do it.

I didn't think I'd know how to hold my kid.

I mean, I am like super dad and I love it.

It's to me, it's more like all this other other noise that I'm like, the specials got to do well.

People got to go watch it.

I got to go.

None of that matters.

It's like I'm right there in that moment and they're moment to moment.

There's no future.

There's no past.

It's like,

they're right there.

Not until later.

Not until later.

I mean, right now, exactly.

But all I have is now.

This is all I have.

I have right here, right now.

That's it.

So when I get home, it's going to be me and them, and that's it.

And then the morning, it's going to be me and them.

And then they're not going to care.

I'm going to get out of here.

What about the mom?

What about the mom?

Is she there?

Of course she's there.

I'm in service of her, too.

Okay.

And she's in service to me.

Cut her out of that hole.

No, but I'm just saying, like, it's a different thing because that's a complicated,

yeah.

Yeah, it's a more complicated.

This is just, you know, I'm daddy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, and that's.

In that hole filled, that's why you have kids.

It can be very entertaining.

They do think I'm funny.

I'm not going to lie.

They do.

They do.

But they're also very funny.

You should tell them to click on the, you know, that they watch your specials.

I'm going to have to hide this episode from them.

There's a lot of talk we're going to have to have.

How old are they?

One and a half and four and a half.

Yeah, I think by the time they find it, it'll probably be helpful to them.

It'll probably answer a lot of questions.

It was fun, man.

It was good talking, Ian.

Thanks for helping.

Do I plug Rich's funny until they find it?

Okay, great.

There you go.

That was fun.

Some good sober shit.

His comedy special, Rich Aronovich, the artist, is available on YouTube.

Hang out for a minute, folks.

People, we've got some outtakes on the Full Marin this week.

You can hear some additional stuff from my monologues, plus segments from Seth Meyers and Megan Stalter's interviews that didn't make it into the finished episodes.

I get actually nervous to do podcasts.

You do?

Yeah, I

don't know.

I always,

I feel like I get too comfortable, say too much, then I'm begging people to take stuff out.

Do you have to beg or do they just do it?

They usually just do it.

But I start going like, why did I say that?

I got too comfortable.

I gave too much away.

Oh, really?

You mean like about yourself?

It'll be like, it'll be like, oh,

it'll be either gossipy or like

myself or something that I'm like, people could take that the wrong way.

Well, it's funny because I've been doing this a long time and that is usually the reason.

Why people want stuff taken out is because they said something about somebody.

It's never like something about themselves, usually.

It's always like that might not land the right way, and I didn't mean it to be that.

Well, it's never, I'm also never talking bad about a person.

It's usually like, oh, I did a brand deal and they cut my hair too short or

something like that.

And that's the big worry.

All day you're like, oh,

am I not going to be able to sell that stuff anymore?

Yeah.

And it's like, they don't even work with me anymore.

Yeah.

Why do I care?

I hope it didn't hurt that brand,

that corporation.

To get that episode and all the bonus episodes we do for the full Marin, sign up by going to the link in the episode description or go to WTFPod.com and click on WTF Plus.

And a reminder before we go, this podcast is hosted by ACAST.

Don't tell anybody, but this is a little TS.

Boomer lives, monkey and lafonda cat angels everywhere.