Episode 8: How To Surround Yourself With People That Raise You Up

Speaker 1 Hello and welcome to the UCAM podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Jolly Jarvis, and today is episode eight.
And today we're going to be talking around creating a reality that serves you.

Speaker 1 I so often speak to people who they don't have friends or relatives who have run their own business. They are starting on this crazy journey and they haven't got a point of reference.

Speaker 1 They haven't got that those individuals around them to bounce ideas off to really get where they're coming from and a lot of them they're like you know what yeah my friends my family they're really really supportive of what i'm doing but the problem is is that they don't really understand and so there comes a point at which you know it they struggle to relate to it however hard they try and it's very very difficult for people to give you advice when they haven't been there and so it becomes particularly in the early days it can become a really big deal that you feel quite isolated you feel quite alone and you don't feel like the people around you are in a position to really get where you're coming from go understand what you're going through and support you and advise you with that you know understandably that leads to a lack of clarity a lack of confidence and you know you become uncertain over the best move to make we all do however good we are you know you've got that level of uncertainty and trying to figure it out where do I go next what is my next best move and to be able to speak to somebody who understands that and can if nothing else it can provide you with more confidence so that you are in that position where you feel more able to make a decision um and in you know carry on and implement it even though it might end up being the wrong decision it's something that it's actually taking action and it rather than sitting there and and procrastinating and and being sort of paralyzed to make any sort of decision there's also that sense of loneliness uh when you are working on your own like literally on a day-to-day basis you can be at home on your own and depending on what it is that your business does but in the early days when you don't have that many clients you can be on your own and you can have that physical sense of loneliness in that there's nobody else around and you're at home during the day on your own but also again that sense of detachment from the the norm and what everybody else is doing And it's really interesting.

Speaker 1 Lots of people talk to me over, I don't want to fail. People are waiting for me to fail.
And, you know, there is that mix of awe, but also that expectation of failure.

Speaker 1 The amount of people have said to me, oh, you know, I dread people asking me how my little business is going and things like that, because people are waiting.

Speaker 1 When are you going to get a proper job again?

Speaker 1 People are waiting for that kind of sense of reality. Some of it is those individuals' baggage and them feeling like they couldn't do it.

Speaker 1 So therefore, it helps them to feel better if you're not able to do it either.

Speaker 1 But also, you have got the fact that they just don't understand it and they're not able to sort of relate to the situation that they're going through.

Speaker 1 So when you find yourself in that situation, you find yourself feeling isolated, you find yourself feeling alone and with people not getting you, what can you do?

Speaker 1 Because you really do need that energy around you. You need that sense of, you know, this is possible,

Speaker 1 you know, seeing is believing and all that. And so how do you go around creating an environment where actually you do have people in your world?

Speaker 1 And particularly when you're starting out on a budget, I'm going to come on to more paid options later.

Speaker 1 But, you know, from starting out on a budget, how do you surround yourself with people who are already doing it well i had a friend um a good few years ago and when he was saying that you know he's a very successful business person and people were saying to him you know how how have you got so successful and he was like well actually i got into helicopters and i surrounded myself with people who were also into helicopters which is not a cheap hobby and so he said you know these people all had their own businesses and when I'm surrounded by that many successful people, it would have been really difficult not to succeed.

Speaker 1 And so taking that idea in mind, along with the fact of, you know, you are the sum of the five people you hang around with the most, et cetera, et cetera, but you know, you are the outcome of your environment.

Speaker 1 And so how do you level up that environment so that it can help you level up in your business? Well,

Speaker 1 one of the key things you can do is find someone or some people that you admire and you follow them. Immerse yourself in their world.
And I'll come on to how you can do that in a minute.

Speaker 1 But the reason why, you know, it's somebody you admire, somebody that you would like to be, somebody that you would like to be doing the actions they're doing now is because when you set yourself off on somebody else's trajectory you know that what they're doing now is is kind of what you're aiming for so if they're jumping around on social media and you're like you know what I'm not that kind of person if they're doing lots of vulnerable posts and there's lots of drama going on for them and you're not a very dramatic person and you certainly don't want to be showing all your vulnerability online to make sales then they're probably not the right person for you.

Speaker 1 And so look at somebody who is marketing themselves, who is showing up in a way that you're like, you you know what? If I was showing up like that, I'd be proud of myself.

Speaker 1 And that is the kind of person that you then want to start immersing yourself in their world. And what I mean by that is, you know, follow them on social media

Speaker 1 where you can do some of their courses, be in their groups, do some of their trainings free or paid or whatever.

Speaker 1 But just be around that person and absorb that information and that reality that they are creating.

Speaker 1 Social media has never, you know, there's never been a better time, thanks to social media, to be able to do this, to be able to to be so close to individuals that were used to be in like what magazines and papers and they used to be at a real um distance and you were very very detached from them now you can really get behind the scenes you know people are sharing stories you can see inside that person's house you can really begin to imagine and and kind of level up with what is normal what is real and obviously the people around you the people that you have been um you know they've been your peers um they've been your equals people tend to be quite critical, and that's something you want to be mindful of in the process.

Speaker 1 Is you know, oh, who do you think you are? And oh, you're getting ahead of yourself, and oh, that's not reality, that's not us.

Speaker 1 They're all kind of words and phrases which will bring you down, not lift you up.

Speaker 1 And you know, whether you're delusional or whether actually you're onto something, um, it's actually a happier place, whatever that is.

Speaker 1 And so, you know, if that's what it takes to feel happier, um, is to, in their eyes, you know, be

Speaker 1 delusional or to to aspire way beyond your station then then so be it um if it if it can make you happy if it can make you feel positive and so seeking out those individuals you've also got yes absolutely social media you've also got podcasts you've got audiobooks okay so it doesn't have to be just one person i would encourage you to have a collection of people who you would like if you were to design your you know those ridiculous questions where they're like you know if you were stuck on a desert island what's the three people you'd be stuck on a desert island with cetera?

Speaker 1 Who would be your desert island people?

Speaker 1 And then follow those people on their social media. Pick somebody who's got a podcast, for example, or audio book or audio books so that you can immerse yourself.

Speaker 1 There's nothing, I find it really, really powerful to listen to somebody talk through.

Speaker 1 For me, it's a lot more powerful. It brings things a lot more to life.
I feel like I know them better and that they're talking to me more when I'm hearing them.

Speaker 1 speak rather than reading something that they've written and that is just me but it does for me bring it to life and it makes me feel more real i'm not kidding myself that my kind of ideal people um are in my world and are actually talking to me but actually i'm able to tap into that and your head does does does process what you tell it and so it has got that environment where you know so and so speaking to you i remember a few years ago i listened to dawn's friend dawn french's um autobiography and it was on a cd that is you know this is how far it's gone back and i kept saying oh yeah who told me that oh yeah Dawn French told me that and everyone was like you've spoken to Dawn French and I was like this is a an English comedian for those of you who are based in the US and elsewhere and and I was like well no she didn't but her audiobook did and so you know over time you're taking on those nuggets like somebody has actually spoken to you like you've had a conversation with them so seek out those people ideally who have been there done it because those are people which are in the same place as you who are potentially also in a position where they're the first ones to do stuff there's a great sense of camaraderie there but they're not easy people to help you level up because they're going through the same struggles as you, and so there is nothing more bonding than struggles, but it doesn't necessarily help you see the wood for the trees, it doesn't necessarily help you see your way around the problem, and that can very quickly become actually something which chips away at your positivity because they're pointing out the same problems, and it feels like those problems are there for everywhere.

Speaker 1 So, you want examples of where those problems don't exist, or where that person has a handle on those problems and is getting by, you know, despite them

Speaker 1 so another option as well as individuals is also to get into groups of people in the same position or ideally ahead of where you are so it is so much better to be a little fish in a big pond surrounding yourself with people who are making what you want to make in a day and in a year and they're making it in a day or they're making it per hour okay that opens up your brain so much more to the possibilities it's like this person is you know, they're pretty normal.

Speaker 1 And that's the thing is we put these people on those pedestals, but when you're actually in those environments, in those groups, and these people are sharing their kind of scenarios with you,

Speaker 1 you know, they might be talking technicalities and marketing approaches and, you know, software and everything else that you have no idea what they're talking around.

Speaker 1 But you over time, you will begin to understand what they're talking around.

Speaker 1 And it just being around those individuals who are doing that, who are making that, who they're making it look effortless to do what you know you're aspiring to do in a year and so being around that is it could be really positive and get your brain thinking actually this is possible okay not only that but in groups like that where people are they don't have to be miles ahead of you they don't have to be earning in a day what you want to earn in a year but they have if they're that step ahead of you and they can offer you decent sound advice and people are fundamentally helpful and you know as long as you're not um being disrespectful with their time and um expecting too much from them, you know, they'll be more than willing to provide their opinions.

Speaker 1 The problem is, is they can get to a point where there's too many opinions, and that would be when you'd look to rationalize down and be like, actually, whose opinion in this group do I actually respect?

Speaker 1 And who do I want to be replicating with their approach towards things? The other thing is raising expectations. And so, when you are around those people, you expect more.

Speaker 1 And so, I had a conversation with some of my guys actually at the quarterly planning recently where I said, you know what, there is absolutely no reason why you should not be generating.

Speaker 1 I think we were looking at like 4k a month, and I was like, there's no reason why you shouldn't be doing that.

Speaker 1 And so, just raising that expectation and somebody saying, you know what, that is more than possible, can really help. Another thing is networking.
So, I've talked about online stuff, but actually,

Speaker 1 there is a world offline as well.

Speaker 1 I do know that exists.

Speaker 1 And so, you know, networking in person can provide you also with that human contact and make you feel a lot less isolated a lot less lonely um i would strongly advise like breakfast meetings meetings which don't take up the whole day because those are the individuals who are you know getting on it doing the networking building those connections and then getting on with their day because they have a business to work through okay and the other thing is the support buddies if you can find somebody who um is looking for accountability and and wants a bit of support as well again ideally you want that person to be slightly ahead of you,

Speaker 1 but obviously in that partnership, you're going to be the person who's slightly behind them.

Speaker 1 But some people, you know, they're willing to take on a buddy role because they want to develop their own leadership skills, etc, etc. So, you know,

Speaker 1 don't write it off. Always have a conversation with somebody and see if they'd be open to that.

Speaker 1 If it's somebody you really rate and you would enjoy keeping each other accountable for, you know, with people who are that bit further ahead, it may be a project, it may be a side project, it may be another business that they may look to to get you keeping them accountable with the other thing is obviously mentors

Speaker 1 which I've used a lot of mentors I'm obviously a mentor myself but somebody who's been there done that not only can give you the confidence and conviction but they can also

Speaker 1 they can also inspire you with the journey that they have been on so having that person's eyes on your business their feedback on what you're doing is invaluable I know that isn't open to everybody, but when you can look to invest in that individual or those individuals that have inspired you, that you feel drawn to, and that you would like to

Speaker 1 follow in the footsteps of. So, and think around mentors, think about who you would like as a mentor, and look at what options are available.

Speaker 1 There's nothing wrong with having something to aim at, okay?

Speaker 1 So, the aim with all this is to let in that positive, to show yourself what is possible and limit the negatives, okay so you are going to get people who are this is terrible now I mean gosh you just have to be on social media for five minutes for it to be like this platforms dead this is dead this doesn't work anymore and you know there's so many people sharing these things it's very easy to let that in whereas focus in on the positives obviously don't go into rant things blindly um but absorb the positives and look at the negatives you know on their merits um and let those go um raise your expectations really believe and show yourself seeing is believing.

Speaker 1 So get yourself in a position where you're seeing that your expectations are very, very achievable and that those individuals are doing it. And there's absolutely no reason why you can't too.
Okay.

Speaker 1 The other thing is...

Speaker 1 getting yourself

Speaker 1 providing yourself with that inspiration and also tapping into your creativity so you know i've been watching the olympics because that's what's on at the moment and you know that i find that really really inspiring.

Speaker 1 Those people are athletes. They are not business owners, but just somebody so committed and taking action and doing something that means so much to them for me is really, really inspiring.

Speaker 1 So, you know, think about what inspires you, what motivates you, what makes you feel like you're not alone in this and makes you feel like it is possible.

Speaker 1 The also, the other thing is, because everyone loves like a comeback story or, you know, somebody who's against all odds pushing through as the underdog so think about that and surround yourself with some of those stories also from a creativity point of view so you know having a creative pastime can tap into your creator creativity when you're tapped into your creativity you see more opportunities in your business you're able to produce things for your business which will help it to market itself better etc etc so you know do bear that in mind um you want to look at um

Speaker 1 how you can nurture your creative side even if you know you're not the most creative of people. It is hard to stay positive, right?

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say to you, you know what, do these things, and you're never going to have a bad day, you're never going to doubt yourself, you're never going to think, what am I doing?

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 it will make it easier. The more you exercise that muscle, the more positive it will be.

Speaker 1 What you're doing here is you're giving yourself the best chance of being positive, of staying in that constructive mindset, which will help you to run your business better, to see opportunities, and to show up with energy okay also on that note diet exercise and self-care are so so very important if you're not looking after yourself if you're eating rubbish then you know you are what you eat if you don't exercise then you know you're not keeping yourself you're not releasing the right sort of endorphins you're not giving yourself that best opportunity to be healthy and then show up for for your business in the right way so that self-care giving yourself time out i'm regularly talking to clients about timeout and it is really important that you don't just run yourself into the ground.

Speaker 1 It is not achievable to do, you know, 17, 18 hour days and all those other things that people seem to wear as badges of honor sometimes.

Speaker 1 It's about looking after yourself so that you have the sustainability because you're in it for the long run.

Speaker 1 And that's the thing here is you need to have sustainable actions in place and processes in place to help you stay top of your game and do your very, very best.

Speaker 1 And that's all we can ever want and aim for. So, that's it for me, guys, this week.
I hope that has been helpful.

Speaker 1 I hope it's got you thinking about how you can be around people more, who can lift you up, who can give you the environment which will nurture your dreams and create a reality that serves you.

Speaker 1 If you have enjoyed this episode, then please do rate this podcast, please do follow this podcast, and I would always, as always, love to hear from you. Please do contact me at sarah at youcan.online.

Speaker 1 If you'd like to be on the show, if you'd like to nominate for somebody on the show, or if you've got any feedback, that would be fabulous. So that's it for me, guys, this week.

Speaker 1 Have a great rest of your week, and I will speak to you again next week. Bye for now.