From Chaos To Clarity: Using Your Values To Drive Your Day

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hello guys and welcome to the YouCan podcast. On this episode of the podcast I am joined by Amanda and Amanda is actually a lady that I've been working with for some time and she's one of those mysterious people who as you get to know her more and more she keeps just dropping weird and wonderful facts into the conversations.
And Amanda owns a number of businesses, which I'll let her introduce in a moment. But the more I got to know her and we were talking through things, I was like, how does this woman have enough time to do all these things? And that is when we kind of really got talking and stuck into what it is that she does.
So I'm going to pass it over to Amanda. Amanda's going to introduce herself and what she does.
And then we're going to be talking around your priorities. Great.
Thanks, Sarah. So excited to be here.
Yeah. So a little bit about myself.
So I work full time. I'm a mom.
I have one son who's just he's in middle school. He's almost about 12.
And obviously I have a husband too. But in addition to, as you mentioned, the work and the school and the parenting and the family stuff, I do have a number of businesses too.
So the primary one I have right now is Mom Tasking Masters, is helping busy moms get out of overwhelm and into joy by creating more time, really shifting people's perspectives on time. A lot of time management things there.
I'm also a Reiki practitioner. And I also have a couple other little side hustles.
I have an investment real estate portfolio as well. So I do, as you mentioned, manage a lot of things in the household.
You do. And so one of the things that we kind of got onto and one of the things that

you actually introduced first on your one of your courses is the idea of actually understanding your

values and when we started to sort of look when I actually delved a little bit more into what that

involved um we started talking around actually it it's understanding what what's your key kind

of focus is isn't it and from there I know you can dip the whole background on you can is is actually the whole the whole kind of name was you can have it all um because you know you regularly get told you can't you can't have it all you can't do everything you can't have this and you can't be a parent and do really well in your career and all these kind of things and I was like actually you can and then my thought process behind you can is is that it is about understanding what is it do you do want and and when you want it all it all is understanding what is all uh because you you can't do everything all at the same time and so it's understanding okay where are my priorities what am I wanting to achieve right now? And where is my main focus? And then when our conversations came around, you got onto the fact that actually you can look at it in a much more sort of practical way than that. And so, you know, share with us what it is that, you know, you tend to take people through and what sort of process you do.
Yeah. So like you said, people don't think they can have it all.
And that was one of the things that really got me to start my business was people always asking me, like, how do you manage all that stuff? Like, how are you so involved? Because I also volunteer at school. And how do you have the businesses? And how do you work full time? And it really is around understanding what's important to you, right? Like, what are your values? What are your priorities? And that is something that I walk people through as sort of the initial steps is identifying, you know, what do people really value? Because sometimes people think, you know, I, you know, I think I know what my values are.
But until they go through the process of really thinking and evaluating what those values are, sometimes they're doing things because they think that's the right thing to do. Like they've heard from their parents or from society or from their friends and neighbors, like these are the things that you should be doing.
And until you really sit down and think about, you know, what is it that I truly value in my heart versus, you know, what I'm thinking I should be valuing um and then really aligning how you spend your time and aligning those that time with your values then you can really see you know I can really fit it all in because the things that are important to me are the things that I'm going to spend my time on yeah and it's a then it's a conscious decision isn't it you know rather than being I've got this to do and that to do and the other two you're straight away thinking back to because I get clients to look at okay what's the main goal here and it's like okay what's taking you nearer towards that goal and then sense checking activities when you're doing them of actually is this getting me further towards this or is this a nice little distraction and it's very similar with yourself isn't it that it's that ability to send check is this activity one of my main priorities is this what I'm focusing yeah and that that is something so once I help people identify their values and I and have them do an assessment there's there's a it's actually there's an easy online assessment that people can take um it's the Demartini Methods Values Determination Process on their website. It's free for people to take.
And they get a really nice little report. It takes about an hour to go through because they really have you think about all the different components of your life and how you spend, whether your time or your money or what fires you up, what you're passionate about.
And it really goes through all the different areas of your life to identify what your true values are. And then, yeah, once they identify what their true values are, I do have them go through the process of, you know, how am I spending my time? Look at all the ways I'm spending my time and are all those things aligned with those values? Because if they're not, maybe those are things that they can let go of.
I know we've talked about you know or like some things that people do that you've seen on social media like rebinning things like let me dump a box of cereal into a plastic container um let me make things really really pretty yeah and me sucking girls with sweets in nice little rows that I'm never going to say in nice little rows right so it's sort of those things like things you see on social media oh those things look cool maybe I should be doing those but are those things that you actually truly value so that's really the thing right it's like assessing the things that you're doing and whether or not they make sense for you personally not things that you've seen on social media that you think other people are doing that are cool that you want to sort of do too and that's makes sense doesn't it because it's a lot around your motivation so it's like okay what is the motivation behind this and I think we do a lot of stuff because we think well if we do this this makes me a good parent whereas it's actually like what's your definition of being a good parent and what does that look like and what you want to get out of being a parent which I think even just taking stock and thinking around those kind of things isn't something that you do on a regular basis whereas you're doing all these little micro decisions all the time aren't you of I'm going to do this and I'm going to prioritize that and I'm going to rush around doing these 101 things and it's like well actually how many of those things are important to you and are you going to regret not doing in the longer term um another thing that

you kind of brought up which I found really interesting was when you feel overwhelmed

so when when a person feels overwhelmed um that is because they aren't living to their true values

that's right yeah yeah when a lot of times when people feel overwhelmed it's because they they

feel like they have all these things all these to-dos right there's like I've got all these to-dos

I don't know how to, I don't even know where to start, because I don't even know how to prioritize things. And it really is, you know, if you take a look at all those to do's, like the rebinning, and the maybe I need to, you know, redecorate my living room and change all the pillows, so they're matching the season, and all those things things it's sort of like where did those things come from I didn't even know till you used as an example that people did that like people actually do change their pillow covers like that they do and then but then it was really interesting because then you're like people change their pillow colors and then that covers and I was like do they maybe I should be doing that should I be doing that is that one of these things and then I was like ah that's that's the trap isn't it is you know cushion covers do not matter to me but yeah for some people they do and then it's living right so it is yeah so then you feel overwhelmed because you're doing the stuff because what and that stuff doesn't really give you fulfillment does it and so that's why it becomes just another exactly yeah when you have all these things on your to-do list and if you're not looking at them and thinking, you know, is this, does this align with my values or not? Then you just feel, you do feel overwhelmed.
And then when you're able to, you know, sit back, take a look at your to-do list, what are the things that actually truly align with my values? Focusing on those things only. And then, you know, you feel a better, a greater sense of joy, right? Because you're actually spending the things on time on the things that you actually feel are important.
I mean, one of the other tools that I share in figuring out what are the things that I should be doing and things that I shouldn't be doing or things that I can put off as the Eisenhower matrix. And it's a productivity tool that I share a lot.
And it's like a four quadrant thing. And you really assess what things know, what things are important, what things are urgent, those are the things I should be doing now.
If they're important, but they're not urgent, maybe those are things that I can plan off for later on, I'll schedule those out, put them on the calendar for maybe a week or a month down the road. Things that are not important, but maybe urgent, like, you know, maybe it's doing the dishes, because you don't want your dirty dishes to stack up, maybe consider delegating those things.
Like, maybe you have a child that you'd like to teach some life skills. And it's sort of like, maybe I can delegate that to somebody else.
So really, there's a lot of things I think people don't realize as their kids age are capable. And it's not like you're giving them tasks to do just to do to get them off your plate, but you're really teaching your kids life skills, right? Like, what are they going to do when they

move out? How are they going to manage a household if you're not spending the time to teach them and

allowing them to practice those things? And then the last quadrant is if they're not important,

not urgent, really think about like, are those even things that you should be doing?

Think about eliminating those things. So that's one of the other tools that I teach my students.
Right definitely and kind of going back to the whole kids thing because I saw recently there was I don't know if it was Harvard or Stanford they did a study and they were saying about actually how much happier and more successful children are who were contributing to the household at a younger age And it was really interesting because the study went on to say the impact of actually introducing it later. And if you start enforcing it when they're in their early teens, having not expected them to do stuff before, they actually resent it and it actually has a negative impact on their ability to do stuff going forward as an adult.
And also the of success which I found really interesting um my kids have had jobs since they were around well my youngest was about two when he got his first task because the other ones were that bit older um and they're very very simple stuff to start off with but it is that non-negotiable this is what we do you know we all get dressed over morning no one complains about that anymore because that's just what we do and it's just building in those other activities so it's just yeah yeah and it all um it's just something that yeah and then it also empowers them right like sometimes you don't think that they're capable of something but teach them and have them try it out and see and they they feel that empowerment like wow I have this I have this responsibility. And they're contributing.

They're also contributing, like feeling like they're contributing to the family.

Like everybody has a task.

Everybody contributes to the household as a family.

So they feel like, you know, they're part of the team.

It's like you create that sort of team environment in the home where everybody, right, everybody contributes something.

They all feel like they have a responsibility. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. Yeah.
No, that makes a lot of sense so so in your family how long have people had how old how old was your your your child when you started introducing tests was it something that you did from the beginning or did they get yeah I actually started it pretty early on um I was actually helping having him help me in the kitchen whether like at a really young age I want to say I looked it up the other day he was like 15 months old when I first started him helping out with things he could he could walk right and you know and and so yeah I was helping helping him, just not like fully taking on tasks, but just helping out. Like, you know, one of the big things I really encourage him, and especially because my husband doesn't know how to cook, I kind of really wanted him to understand like the cooking skills really, really early on.
And so that he would sort of develop a passion for it. And he really is a huge foodie now at 12.
But like I started having him help me out with just baking cakes, like just mixing thing ingredients in a bowl at like 15 months old. And he really had a lot of fun.
And it did kind of cause a little bit of a mess in the kitchen, he had flour in his hair. But it was a fun activity.
And, and you get to eat the cake at the end. And that's something that they, you know, they see and it's like something they're like, wow.
And it is that sense of pride. It is.
Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is that sense of pride.
I have Fridays off with my youngest and I find that we've been doing baking, we do baking. And yeah, I'm in the mess.
And then I'm like, I'm not sure that there was actually that much flour in that because most of it came out the mixer um but it is that sense of you know like afterwards he like presents it to the other two when they come back from school and you can see that sense of achievement that he's managed it and there is the kind of accidental learning with the numbers and things like that with the weighing out and stuff and obviously you're talking them through it but they kind of you can see as they get that bit older they've got that bit more of a grasp of it um and it's kind of all that stuff you learn in a classroom very measuremented kind of begins to take take like the shape in real life of okay I can see how this could actually be useful um so no definitely that makes sense and and I guess you know that that's the kind of stuff that you're you're planning in and you're finding time for because you're not doing some of the other tasks yeah yeah I mean any any household tasks that I feel like it's something that he should learn for his life right like how to you know how to do laundry what's the importance of maybe separating colors or um you know how to turn on a machine what are the settings and what do they mean and why you would choose one setting over another for certain types of clothing? So things like that, just like little things like you don't even maybe think. Like how to read a laundry like a label on it, on your clothes, because they have those symbols and people don't always know what they mean.
Like, can this go in the dryer? Can this not go in the dryer? Like there's those weird triangles and circles and not a lot of people know how to read those things. Right.
So it's all the little things. It's all those little details.
Like what can I teach my child for future, you know, for their adult life? And, and yeah, it can start really young. And then as they get older, they can do more complex tasks.
And so, I mean, I think I taught him laundry at like four or five. And, you know, now he's very capable of doing pretty much everything at 12.
Everything, which is really nice. Right.
But that's the thing. And again, that goes back, doesn't it, what your priorities are? And it's like for you, you know, that's being a good parent that's being there for him it's not it's not it's not exciting stuff you're not going out anywhere or doing anything fun whilst you're doing that but it doesn't have to be does it it's it's all those little bonding moments um in sort of everyday life it is so I think yeah you know I think sometimes yeah for sure for sure we can give ourselves a bit too much of them yeah and you're right it is a little bonding moment like teaching them things like that it is it's you know it's like one-on-one it's intimate and then we still of course we still have the fun stuff we still go out we still have fun he's a big fun person you know he loves the escape rooms and all the things so yeah obviously we're planning outings and things like that but yeah at home it's it is teaching a lot of those life skills that, you know, they're not going to learn in school.
And how if you don't teach them, how are they going to learn those things? You know, you hear these days where there are kids that are leaving the home, and they really don't know how to do a lot of things on their own, because they weren't taught those things. And that's why I feel like it's so important.
And And that is, you know, that is one of my values. One of your values.

Yeah, it's good.

It's good it's good so I will share with um I'll put in the show notes that link that um you've shared before um with me on for the the finding your values that is definitely something worth doing because I think you can then sense check and kind of refocus your activities.

Because I think it's not a kind of do once and put the side, is it?

It's something that you've kind of... It does.

It does for sure.

Yeah, it does for sure evolve, especially as your life phases change, like as your kids

age, like, you know, as school-aged children, maybe you do want to volunteer and be involved.

And then as they become teenagers, they're going to want you to be less involved, right?

It's not your decision, but it's theirs.

But yeah, as things shift, your life changes, your priorities will change. And like we said, when you start to feel overwhelmed again, then that could be a symptom of your values have shifted and you haven't reevaluated how you're spending your time.
And so, you know, whenever you start to feel overwhelmed again, if you've, if you've gone through the process and you've been happy and all of a sudden you're feeling overwhelmed, take, reevaluate your values and see if those have changed because that could be the cause of that new, that overwhelm, overwhelm coming back again. Yeah.
And I guess that the lack of fulfillment, that could be another thing, couldn't it? That if you're getting less fulfillment from the activities that you're doing, that's another indication. You don't have to go as far as be overwhelmed.
It might just be the fact that you've got a kind of hankering for something a bit more than what you're doing. That can have that sense of, you know, you've lost your purpose.
Oh, for sure. Yeah.
And if you feel like you've lost your purpose, that that's, you know, that's, that's when you're feeling sort of awful, like there's like, you're, you're lacking a direction. And so yeah, read, read, taking a look, taking a look at your values, you know, what is it that you feel is your purpose? Or if you've lost, or if your life change phase has changed to where you're, you know, no longer caring for your kids, where a lot of for a lot of parents, right, a lot of moms, it's like when your kids are growing, they are like, they're a huge part of who you are and what your purpose is.
And when they age to a point where they don't need you anymore, you can feel that like loss of purpose. And then, you know, how do I find that? And what do I do to find a new purpose and bring that joy and fulfillment back to my life life so that's another case of getting that that questionnaire back out and running through those questions and then and seeing yeah so so would you say like yearly how often would you say to actually revisit like and check in with what um I mean you can do it annual sometimes you can do it earlier than that I mean it could be a shift from like schools ended and now you're like, what do I do now? Something, things have changed.
And so maybe it's, you know, maybe it's twice a year or it could be annual. It really depends on what you're feeling inside yourself, right? Like how are things feeling for you? so definitely when something yeah life changes when the structure of your life changes

and then potentially sense checking it another kind of yeah on a kind of set time each year kind of idea yeah yeah I think it that differs for probably each person and what do people do yeah no that makes sense and what can people do if they want more information if they want to find out more about you um and the support that you provide where can they go so my website is momtaskingmasters.com but i also have all well i have all my social links on there too um so people can find me um on all the socials as well brilliant okay well thank you so much amanda thank you so much for having me great thank you well that certainly gives you through for thought doesn't it so thank you very much amanda for your insights if you enjoyed this episode as much as i did then please do subscribe and follow us so that you are kept up to date with when the next episode launches and also please do leave us a review it really does help the show so that's it for me guys this week i will speak to you again next week where i will be doing a solo episode talking around what is wrong with coaching, why the business coaching space is

broken and how it is affecting your business. So until then guys, have a great rest of your week.

Bye for now.