Heather Monahan, Overcome Haters and Build Unstoppable Confidence | Leadership | YAPClassic

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yap gang welcome back to the show and if you haven't figured it out already i'm a big believer in confidence having high self-confidence and self-esteem is truly a superpower in my book confidence is how i got here and it's the key ingredient in so many stories of success. But confidence doesn't always come so easily, and in this Yap Classic, we're gonna learn some proven strategies on how to build your confidence like a muscle from best-selling author, entrepreneur, and confidence creator, Heather Monaghan.
Heather is the host of the podcast Creating Confidence on our very own Yap Media Network. And I spoke with her in this conversation in 2022 for episode 182.
Now, if you don't know, Heather is my first client at Yap Media. She's still my client.
She actually pushed me to start my company. She's one of my mentors.
We're great friends. And so she always gives me amazing, actionable advice.
And in this conversation, we talked about how to slay our haters,

tackle toxic environments, overcome negative self-talk, and live without lanes.

Yeah, bam, I left that conversation feeling more confident than ever,

and I know you will too.

So listen, learn, and then go forth and conquer.

Hi, Heather.

Welcome to Young and Profiting Podcast. Oh my gosh.
Hi, Hala. So happy to be here.
Heather, you're my friend. So this is going to be really fun.
I love having my friends on the show. So for those who don't know, you originally joined us for episode number 56.
I was like a baby podcaster then. And little did I know that after meeting you, that you would actually accelerate the trajectory of my career.
And you are known as the confidence creator. You're a top LinkedIn influencer.
You're a bestselling author, a keynote speaker, an executive coach. You're also one of my personal mentors.
And you were actually my first client at Yap Media. You were the one who set everything off.
So I'm super excited to talk about your latest book, Overcome Your Villains. But first, I wanted to share a story with my listeners to kick this off because I think they've heard me talk about this a lot.
But essentially, you were my first client. You actually met me.
And I remember you were sort of like hounding me on LinkedIn. And you were like, oh, my God, teach me how to do your videos.
And I kept being like, no, Heather, like I have an executive job at Disney. I just have a volunteer team.
I can't help you. But one thing led to another and you ended up being my first client.
And you were the one that gave me the idea to start my side hustle, Yap Media, which has now generated over $4 million in revenue. I have 60 employees.
I have a podcast network. It's like my whole life, I feel like took the path that I was supposed to take, but you accelerated it for sure.
So I always tell the story and I think a lot of my loyal listeners know it, but I'd love to hear it from your perspective. Like, what did you think of me when you first met me and like, what made you kind of push me and give me that kick? Okay.
So the way that I remember was, I don't know how we got connected, but you had me as a guest on your show and you and I just hit it off. Like how you have chemistry with somebody right away.
Like I knew I loved you and then your father passed away right during that time. And so I just remember my heart was breaking for you and I was so worried about you and just reaching out to you to make sure that you were okay as someone who would just shown up in my life that I cared about.
And I just wanted to know you were okay. And so that's why we started talking more than just around the podcast or whatever initially.
And so I got to know you better and better. And during that time, we would have different conversations.
And I would say, Paul, I love your content. You're a marketing genius.
Gosh, can you teach me sometime how you're doing this stuff for the podcast? And you would, the weekend set up calls with me and you're so detail oriented. You'd be sending me calendar invites for Saturday at 4 PM.
And you and I would get on these Google meets and you would go through all teaching me just out of the kindness of your heart. Oh, Hey, Heather, this is like this tool that I'm using.
And this is this tool. And this will help you with editing and teaching me all this stuff.
And finally I was like, I can't do all this stuff. You just do it for me.
I need you to do this for me. And you were like, I can't, I'm so busy.
Like the only time I have time is on the weekends that I can't, I'm working around the clock at Disney. And I'm like, you know what? Just freaking leave.
You need to leave that job and you need to go all in and jump into this. This is a business for you.
It's crystal clear to me. Like I saw it so clear.
I saw your potential so much greater than what you were. You didn't view it at that time.
I could see it. And so I said, I just know that if you make the leap and you jump in, the business is going to come.
And for everybody listening right now, that's a really important moment for anyone. Because number one, you had the courage to make the leap, which is critical, but you had the willingness to believe that potential was within you.
Now, I will add that I'll never forget, one day I was at the grocery store, I was at Publix in Miami, and you called me and you're like, we had been talking about this for a little while about leaving. Like it didn't happen overnight, right? This was a few months.
I was doing it for like six months before I left Disney. Right.
So there was months leading up to this, right? She didn't just quit on a whim, but I'll never forget I'm in Publix and you call and you were frantic. And I said, what's going on? And you're like, I don't know.
Like I'm feeling guilty. I kind of sort of had it.
Like you started having the conversation that you might be leaving. You kind of like floated it out there.
And then you were getting feedback like, no, you can't, you know, you can't leave. And, and you started panicking and questioning, am I making the right decision? I'll never forget.
I was getting my son pasta sauce to make him pasta that night. I was like, Stan, and I put it down.
And I was like, listen to me right now. This is the right decision for you.
Do not let them put fear into your mind. Do not let them make you feel guilty.
Do not let them talk you out of this. This is about you putting yourself first and taking the leap.
I believe in you. I know you can do it.
Go. And you did.
And I'll never forget that. And I was so glad I picked up in Publix.
Oh my gosh. Thank you guys.
You don't understand how there was my angel when my dad was dying. Like, I swear, I feel like you came right in the moment when he started to get sick.
And then you were so caring and kept following up on me. And at the time, like I didn't have any other mentors.
I was at Disney and it was a total boys club. And like, even like my higher ups, even though I was a great worker, they weren't supportive.
And so you were like this little angel for me. And I'm so thankful.
Thank you for everything that you've done for me and for getting me to start my company and then getting me to quit my job and everything except both times it was like major acceleration. I would have, I feel like it would have taken me another four years had I not met you.
So thank you, Heather. Well, listen, everybody comes into someone's life for a reason.
It's up to you if you accept it or some people close the door and push people away. But I'm grateful for you because not only I was grateful to be able to have that opportunity to be there for you when you needed me, but then listen, you've repaid me millions of times over and the work that you do for me and the favors that you've done.
So it's like in any relationship, there's two sides of that road, right? And it's like, when you need me, I'll be there. And I know that when I need you, you're there for me too.
So I'm grateful for you. 100%.
And because you've done so much for me, I'm always thinking like, well, what can I do for Heather? Like, how can I make like, I'm like trying to make you all this. Now you're signed to my podcast network.
And I'm like, how can I make Heather rich? We love that. Oh my gosh.
I love it. Okay.
So let's talk about, so you coach dozens and hundreds of people. What are some of the things that get in their way? So for me, I was scared of entrepreneurship because I had all these like bad experiences as a younger girl with entrepreneurship.
So what are some of the other things that people encounter when it comes to like not being able to follow their dreams? Typically, it's a story that you're telling yourself. Like, so I don't know about everyone who's listening, but I'm sure there's a story somewhere that you might not even be realizing that you're telling yourself.
For me, mine was, I had a sister who was really smart. She was a smart one.
And so I would tell myself the story that I need to stay in my lane. I'm really good in sales and sales leadership.
That's all. I need to just focus.
I'm lucky that I'm good at this and I should be grateful for it. And that's my story I need to hang on to.
I personally had to be willing to let go of that story to say, wait, maybe I'm just a talented individual that can show up in different places and try and test different things and trust that right path is going to unfold for me. And that for me was like a big leap of faith.
And I run into so many people, whether I'm coaching them, whether it's on the podcast or whatever on DMs, hearing that people are, it's so clear when they're, they to some story that's not serving them at all. And it's just a matter of letting go of that story and taking a chance on themselves like you did.
Yeah. And something that you just mentioned reminded me of something that you always say is like, live lanelessly, like have no lanes.
What's the importance of not like settling for just one lane? Because there's so much more potential for everybody out there. For a long time in my life, I lived a very linear path.
And for many of us and anyone listening right now that is in corporate America, nothing bad about corporate America. There's great things out there.
But sometimes we have our head down just in that industry, just in that role and just that title or just that company. It's really important to pick your head up and say, let's start talking to people outside of this industry.
Let's start talking to people who have very different backgrounds than me. Let's start opening our minds up to what other possibilities and potentials are out there.
And I'll tell you for 20 something years, when I was in corporate, I spoke for free everywhere as part of my job, had no idea there was a speaking business because I hadn't opened up my mind to it. I hadn't been speaking to people in that industry.
And I used to say, people would say to me, you're a gifted speaker. You're so lucky.
And I thought, yeah, great. So what? It's not like that could pay the bills for me.
And my mind was closed. I was just looking at this one linear path in front of me.
And it wasn't until I decided to blow up those lanes and just go out and see what I could find that I ended up finding a speaking business and ended up right when all these different doors started opening. So that's my want for people is that they pick their heads up and start living lamelessly.
It's so true. And I think that it's more difficult when you're doing good.
Like, for example, I had like an executive job at Disney. So that's why I was so blind to my opportunities, because I was like, well, what do you mean? I could just stay here and become a CMO.
And it just will take me 20 years, you know, if I just stay here and keep working hard. And you don't realize that there's something better if you were just to open your mind.
And once you do believe that life is limitless, you start to see all these different opportunities, just like you came in my life and we're like, holla, it's right here. Just take the jump and go for it.
So I'd love to learn more about your career journey in case you guys haven't listened to episode number 56. I want to hear your milestones, Heather, because I know that you were stuck in a corporate job for many, many years.
And you could have been an entrepreneur and been a speaker way earlier. So talk to us about your journey and what kind of triggered you to go off on your own.
Yeah, my whole life and career was in corporate America. And that was truly the only when I was younger.
I'm 47. When I was younger, there weren't people in the entrepreneurial space.
Nobody did that, right? Like Gary Vee didn't exist back then. And so there was never messaging that, oh, this is an opportunity for you.
The messaging was always nine to five, corporate America, figure it out. So to me, my goals were always very linear, clear that this is where I want to be successful and this is what I'm going to do.
So I never thought about possibilities outside of it. I just thought, get to the C-suite, right? That's what I wanted to get to.
So I got to the C-suite. I was in the media business for 20 something years.
I was named one of the most influential women in radio in 2017. And then literally a month later, I was fired unexpectedly when the CEO I had worked for for 14 years became ill and he elevated his daughter to replace him.
That was the end of my corporate journey. Wow.
And so like, I just want to highlight something like you were the darling of the radio industry. Like Heather was on all these magazine covers.
She was speaking everywhere. She's gorgeous.
If you guys aren't seeing her on video, like she's absolutely gorgeous. What were some of the things that this lady did to you that made you realize that she was like your villain? Okay, so what's funny, it's more the way that I responded that now that like when I reflect on it, I remember she wasn't very nice to me, obviously.
Like, you know, you have great chemistry with some people you don't with some. She and I were very different.
So I used to think, okay, that's all right. But then I started thinking, Holland, this was a red flag.
And for anyone listening, think about this in your life. I was dialing myself down.
I was like, I shouldn't wear my hair down today because she rolls her eyes when I have my hair down. Okay.
I'll put my hair in a bun. Oh, I shouldn't wear a dress.
I'll wear a pantsuit. I started changing very slowly and quietly who I was in hopes it would appease her and make her feel better.
That is the wrong move. Being a B-rate version of yourself is never the answer.
And if you are with people who do not appreciate and celebrate you for who you are, you are in the wrong room and you got to find your people. Yeah.
And 100%, especially you, you like, you love to dress up and that makes you feel confident. So essentially you were making yourself unconfident and smaller for this woman.
Bingo. That's exactly it.
Right. But I, at the time I remember I would talk myself into it.
Like Heather, you have such a big job. I'm a single mom.
I have so much responsibility. You know, I had built this massive team.
I was responsible for hundreds of millions of dollars. I would say to myself, okay, take your ego out of it.
Like I would convince myself this was the right thing, but it was wrong and it never felt right. And the thing is your intuition is always gonna steer you right.
You gotta dial up that voice, journal, do whatever it takes to spend time alone, go for a walk and things through. How do I feel when I'm around these people? If you're feeling full of self-doubt and questioning yourself, you are either doing the wrong thing or you're around the wrong people.
That was the key to me. I ended up actually, my back went out.
Like I started losing hair. Physically, I started responding in a very negative way because at that point in time, it was like the universe hitting me over the head to say, you got to get out of this situation.
Yeah. And it actually forced you out of the situation because you didn't leave.
You ended up getting fired. Do you ever regret like, man, like I wish I just left on my own accord.
Are you just happy the way things turned out? I mean, listen, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Getting fired is one of the biggest punches in the gut when you're type A overachiever, right? Like I, that was really hard.
Yeah. I could know everything that I know now 10 10 years ago, I would have quit 10 years ago and gone into the speaking business 100% because I'd be 10 years ahead of where I am, but no, I didn't have that knowledge.
And I guess things have to play out the way that they're meant to. So listen, the one great moment about getting fired that I love, I'm so proud of, and I wish we all had a movie of this so that we could watch it right now.
Cause I would be cheering younger HM along in this. That day I walked in, that woman was full of joy.
She was so happy. She was standing.
She was power posing. She asked me to sit, right? Like these are all games people play when they're trying to intimidate.
And so I sat down, she was standing over me. She's a very tiny petite woman.
She had me sick because I'm much bigger than her. And so I'm sitting down and she passes two pieces of papers in front of me.
I'd seen the movie before, right? I knew it was about to happen. And she said, I'm going to send this memo out.
And it said, Heather's been fired, or I'm going to send this memo out. And it was a beautiful letter about like how amazing I was.
And I was moving on to this new journey, right? And your ego saying you want the beautiful letter, but she says, you know, in order to get the beautiful letter, you're going to get a very big check and you have to sign this. And it's this massive document, which is basically a gag clause.
And in that moment, it was like, that was my snapping moment. I just remember looking at the papers, looking at her, looking at papers and thinking, I didn't write these memos.
I'm not signing these memos. And you know what? Like, I'm going to suck all the power out of this room.
And I stood up and I smiled and I said, I didn't write the memos. I'm not signing them.
There's nothing else to say. I'm on my way.
In that moment, everything changed. And her face went from a giant smile to, I mean, red, like she wanted to kill me because she wanted to control the narrative.
She wanted to be holding the pen, telling the story and crafting it the way she saw fit. And when I didn't sign that, I could walk out and tell my true story.
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Heather now has a podcast called Creating Confidence. I would highly recommend it.
We'll put it in the show notes. You guys got to check it out.
She wrote a number one bestselling book called Creating Confidence. Now she has overcome your villain.
She's spoken everywhere. What made you feel like you needed to write this book? Oh my gosh.
Responding number one to questions people ask me, right? So people will ask me, how did you get to the C-suite? How did you do this? Like, I want to let people know, listen, if I can do it, you can too. Let me give you the, I'll give you the cheat sheet, right? Like don't listen to the BS other people are saying who haven't done it.
Let me break it down for you in the simple steps. One of the big things that I realize now, looking back on my career, my life, nothing amazing happens until you overcome that villain.
For you, the villain was the corporate job and the security and the safety. That was your villain in the moment.
For me, my villain was myself and my negative self-talk and dialing myself down. I had to overcome myself in order to step into my possibility and power.
So I started thinking more and more about, listen, no one's ever going to reach their greatness. No one's ever going to achieve the potential success that's out there for them until they deal with that one nasty villain.
Everybody's got one. And it's about not just acknowledging it by overcoming it.
Yeah. And I love what you're saying.
You're saying it's not just only other people. It can be yourself.
Sometimes your biggest villain is actually yourself. So the big idea in this is if we don't control our villains, they're going to control us, right? They're going to control our lives, whether that's ourselves or that's other people who are our villains.
So let's talk about how to move beyond these negative people and situations. You have a three-step process to overcome challenges.
It's called the BAC process. It stands for belief, actions, and knowledge.
Can you give us like the one, two-minute high-level overview, and then we'll go deep on it? Yeah, I'll give you a real quick. I'll use myself as an example because it's the easiest to understand.
Okay, so when I got fired, the belief I sat with when I immediately got fired was I've lost everything. I remember walking out and I'm like, I've lost everything.
So when you're in that moment and challenge hits, pump the brakes and say, okay, what's the belief I'm holding? I've lost everything. Now dial that down to the most simplistic shred of fact you can find.
So as I dialed it down, I thought I didn't lose my network. I didn't lose my expertise.
I didn't lose my friends, my health, my family, my business acumen. Wait a minute.
I didn't lose anything. I lost a paycheck.
That was fact. I did lose a paycheck.
So suddenly going from I've lost everything to I lost a paycheck. That really helped to close a gap for me to say, well, I've gotten paychecks from other places before.
When you start dialing that belief down to the most simplistic shred of fact, you're gonna get your head in a much better space. Number two, immediately take action.
And this is where a lot of people get held up. Lucky for me, this is like my action is my wheelhouse, right? So I went immediately to LinkedIn and I put a post up.
So take messy action.

I didn't write some long, beautiful post.

I just put out there, hey, Ben Fire, need your help.

Like I'm raising my hand.

Here I am, right?

So take messy action.

Done will always be better than perfect.

And then three, knowledge.

You want to surround yourself and curate the knowledge that you're accessing and allowing

into your life.

So that great example of this is landing on the Elvis Duran show. someone who's light years ahead of me, much more successful than me, speaking truth and life into me, telling me, Heather, you're writing a book.
Had that man not said that to me that day, I don't know where I would be right now, right? So be really mindful about the people you're accessing information from and never take direction from people who haven't been where you are going. I remember you were telling me that story.
I just want to like touch on that a little bit. So Elvis Duran, he's this huge radio personality.
Heather was live on air and he just announced that she was writing a book and she had no plans for a book. He just said it.
And then that was it. Then you became a bestselling author.
It's like, it's sort of like what you did to me, like when somebody just believes in you, and then he just gave you all that accountability in front of other people. Exactly.
And that's the thing. And this is important for everyone listening.
Like whenever you feel something like you want to speak a truth into someone, do it. Your words are so powerful.
You can change the trajectory of someone else's life. So whatever thoughts come into your mind, it's something positive or encouraging that you can give as a gift to someone.
Give that gift because that man totally changed the trajectory of my life, my business life, my personal life, everything by speaking a truth and a belief he had. I had never considered writing a book, but when he had such a conviction and a belief that I could do it and that it was going to be great, I bought into it and I Googled, how do you write a book? I love that.
So while we're on the topic of kind of helping other people, because there's people in our lives and we want to influence them, we want to help them as well. And sometimes it can be really hard to give advice.
And Amy Moran gave you advice before your TED Talk, and she gave you this like sandwich technique to give other people feedback. Could you share that with us? Oh, yeah, sure.
So the sandwich technique is, it's a really helpful one. Anytime you're leading teams, you're mentoring people or developing people.
Oftentimes, people have a hard time taking criticism, right? Like they shut down the minute they hear, oh, that's not so good, or I wouldn't do it that way. They can't hear any.
They're not going to process anything else. So a great technique strong leaders use very often is they lead with something positive, right? So let's use the example of when I was giving my TEDx talk.
My friend Amy Warren has over 21 million views on her TEDx talk. So she's been where I wanted to go.
So she's the person I chose to tap for advice on my talk. And so when I shared it with her, she came back at me and said, listen, wow, you're an amazing speaker, Heather.
Like she's leading with praise. I love the whole concept.
It's so unique. The idea is incredible.
I love how you position A, B, C, and D. Now a sandwich is in the middle is the meat, right? So now here's where the constructive criticism and real impact is going to come, right? She's like, however, I didn't love, you didn't pull me in the way you usually do in the beginning.
And I think that there's something bigger that you could come up with that would draw the audience in quickly in a different way. I'm not sure what it is, but I challenge you to find out what that is.
And then let's go back to the bread in the sandwich, right? And then she closes with how she is so certain I am going to kill it, that my top will be just as successful as hers, that she can't wait to support me and closes with a really powerful supportive gesture. So the sandwich technique is all about lead with positivity, praise in a true and honest way.
The middle of that conversation is where you're gonna give the constructive criticism and feedback and then close with encouragement and positivity again. I love that.
I can't wait to use that because sometimes I feel like I'm too blunt with my team. And as I become a leader and have less and less time, I feel like I'm just always giving negative feedback.
But if I could just pause, make sure I see something positive, then give criticism, then say something positive again, they'll always have like a great feeling about me as a person and just your relationships, I'm sure will be better, especially as a leader.

Oh, my gosh. I'm going to go find you like a little sandwich and send it to you so it can be on your next computer.

A reminder. A sandwich magnet.

Yeah, I'd love that.

So let's talk about negative self-talk, because like we mentioned, we can be our own villains.

What should we do when we're having negative self-talk?

First of all, stop, right?

So one of the things that was helpful for me

is just to pause and say,

ooh, gosh, this is like an old way I used to speak to myself.

I don't do this anymore.

I'm noticing, just be aware.

You wanna be self-aware.

But this was a huge one for me.

I remember thinking, would I ever speak to my son like this? No, of course I wouldn't speak. I wouldn't say you idiot.
I would never talk to my child like that. Right.
If you don't have a child, think of someone that you love in your life that you want to encourage and envision them and speak to yourself the way you would speak to them. So let's use an example.
Let's say I blew it with some presentation or whatever, you know, and I'm beating myself up afterwards. I become self-aware and say, okay, I'm gonna pause for a minute.
This is an old way I used to behave. It wasn't helpful.
So how can I change it? And then I picture my son and I picture he blew a presentation. And so now I talk to him and I say, listen, sweetheart, I know it seems like the end of the world right now, but I promise you this is temporary.
And I promise you, you're going to get better from it. And we're going to practice more for the next one.
And I promise that this happened for a reason. And this is steering us to a new and better place.
And suddenly I start feeling better because I'm real, like I'm coaching me the way that I would coach him. Right.
And suddenly I feel more positive and I start believing in myself. So whether you need to carry a picture around of that person or carry a picture around of you as a younger version of yourself, and you're coaching that younger person, but it's all about being aware, giving yourself the grace and then rewriting that narrative in the moment.
I love that. I think that is such great advice.
And if you don't have a kid, you can think about like coaching your little sister or your best friend or just anybody that you love and care about. Like you've got to have self-compassion and talk to yourself as if you love yourself, you know, otherwise you're going to carry all this negative energy and it's never going to do you any good.
So I want to take us back to when you were a chief revenue officer at a public traded radio company. You worked for a very successful CEO and he had a house party one day and he brought you to his new mansion he bought on the Gulf of Mexico.
And you were so amazed by this beautiful house until one of your coworkers said, this is the house that Heather built. And we were just talking about how we can be blind to our own surroundings.
And I feel like this really like drives that point home. So how did that statement affect your beliefs about your future? Oh my gosh, that was a big, it's such a weird how you can have big moments at any point in time and you never know when something's going to hit you.
But I had been at this company, like I said, for 14 years, right? We were doing in excess of $200 million annually. My job was I was responsible for all revenue and for the revenue team.
And so when we walked in and he had just bought, this house was like $35 million. P.S.
I don't live in a $35 million house. So yeah.
And so we, soon with the podcast, holla, we will. So I walk into this party and someone was making a joke, you know, it was being funny saying like, oh, this is the house that Heather built.
I'm the one that's responsible for making the money for the company. But when he said it, you know, people were laughing like, oh, that's cute.
That's a cute, you know, that's funny, cute, whatever. I got pissed.
I'm like, wait a minute. If this is the house that Heather built, why isn't Heather fricking living here? Like I'm the one out on the planes every week.
I'm the one out cutting these big deals, building these teams. Why isn't it my house? So I left that night, not happy, but more challenged to say, why isn't it my house? And then I remember thinking, okay, this is back when I worked for the CEO that promoted me three times, not the one that fired me.
It was her father. And I remember thinking, and he had shared this with me a few times, his story.
His story was he had been a principal and an educator and did not have a lot of money, had a lot of kids, not a lot of money. And so secretly and quietly at night, he started working at a radio station.
Then he built up enough money to buy that one radio station. And then he advanced that radio station, he built enough money to buy another radio station.
And then there was this huge crash in the nineties and everyone said the internet is all there is and radio is gone, which was not the case, but he couldn't see into the future. He wasn't getting any loans from companies and he didn't know how he was going to pay his debt and go on.
And I remember him saying that he had to walk on the beach alone at night to say, I can either double down on this right now and take the biggest risk of my life and go all in on what I think is going to pay off tenfold, or I can fold up and sell for pennies on the dollar, lose everything and go back and be a principal again. And everybody was selling their radio companies because they were trading for pennies on the dollar and all of his friends sold.
And he doubled down and bought and bought and bought and leveraged everything he had and went into massive debt and it paid off huge. So I remembered that story walking out there and I realized, yes, I do all the work.
Yes, I close all the deals. I make all the money, but I've never done what that man did.
I never took that massive leap of faith like you eventually did, like I eventually did after I got kicked out, but that was the missing piece. So until you're willing to take that big risk, you're never really going to get that great reward.
We'll be right back after a quick break from our sponsors. Hello, young and profiters.
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Hello, young and profiters. So I've got this business trip coming up.
I'm heading out to Chicago for about a week for a conference. And I'm excited about all the meetings, the deep dish pizza, maybe a little sightseeing if I can sneak it in.
But you know what I'm really excited about? I'm thinking about hosting my Jersey City apartment on Airbnb while I'm away. And honestly though, I'm so busy with my company and podcast.
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Find yourself a co-host at airbnb.com slash host. All I keep thinking about is like you were allowing that job to control you.
Like that was your villain. The paycheck was your villain.
That lady was also a villain because she was like blocking you. But really, in the grand scheme of things, it was you, like you said, it was yourself that you had these limiting beliefs and you were letting your villain control you.
This story also reminds me of something that Ed Milet shared with us. So you're also friends with Ed Milet.
He came on the show and he was talking to me about how he likes to step into his dreams. So when he and his wife were first coming up, they were pretty broke.
They used to save money. And once a month, they would go to a very fancy hotel and they would get super dressed up and he would go golfing and she would wear a pretty dress and they would pretend to be rich for a day.
And he says that that's what really pushed him to realize that he wanted to accomplish these dreams. So I'm sure seeing that huge mansion, you were like, whoa, like I'm playing like way too small.
Do you believe in manifestation? Like, do you visualize? Like, tell us about your top tips for that. Oh, my gosh.
You already know. But yeah, huge.
I completely do. And to Ed's point, I was at his house.
He now lives in that multi, multi-million dollar house on the beach, right? Like he's living that dream that he manifested at a younger age. And it is true.
I did not know this when I was younger, but literally your words are your wand. Like whatever you speak, you are putting it, speaking it into existence.
So instead of being the one to say, I'm such an idiot, oh, blonde moment, which is something I said many times in my career. Now I speak, I'm kicking ass.
I'm going bigger. I'm going for more.
And those doors start opening. Whatever you speak will create some type of movement or opportunity in your life or hold back for you.
That choice is up to you. So now I take my time to, when I was interviewing Sarah Blakely live on stage, I was really nervous before taking that stage.
So for a week leading up to it, every night I would lay on my floor, I would close my eyes and I would see her smiling at me. I would see me smiling at her.
I would see us taking the stage. I would see a standing ovation.
I would see what I wanted to put out into the universe, into the world, and that energy that I wanted to have. And yeah, I was nervous as all get out when I took that stage.
But because I had played it through my mind so many times, it went amazing. Even though there were lots of mistakes and bumps that occurred, it didn't matter because I had this vision of what was going to happen.
And it happened. And it was the same way with my TEDx talk.
I was so scared. I was so nervous taking that stupid little red circle.
And I'll tell you, because I had envisioned it and played it through my mind so many times, it didn't matter the amount of challenges that occurred that day. And there were plenty of them because I had this vision that I hung on to and it manifested in the end.
I love that. So I had one of my first speaking engagements.
I did it at MIT and I had insomnia that night because all I kept doing was replaying a very good job of me saying this speech. But then I ended up doing a great job.
And I was even though I had insomnia because I I feel like I was just visualizing the whole night. And I didn't have much time to prepare.
So my body was like, you need to visualize all night and you'll worry about sleep later. So I totally agree.
Sometimes when you just see yourself on stage, and you imagine it going well, it usually always does turn out okay, which is just so interesting to me. It's science back.
There's so much science that points to that you're priming your brain for something. I mean, Olympic athletes use this when training, right? Tom Brady will talk so much about this.
Anyone who's extremely successful on some level is using visualization, whether they realize they're doing it or not, and just be willing to give it a shot. And it doesn't have to be for a TED Talk.
It can be for a presentation at work next week. It can be for asking somebody out on a date, right? Like whatever it is that you're feeling a little bit of angst or anxiety that you want to happen, start envisioning happen and watch how it manifests.
Yes. And we can't just dream.
We've got to do, right? So the second part of your Bach method is actions. Now, we love actionable advice at Young and Profiting Podcast.
And you say that we can track our progress toward achieving our goals by using a 30-day grid. Can you explain what a 30-day grid is and how we create one? Yeah.
So I liken it to weight loss, right? So if you want to lose 5 or 10 pounds, you need to know what your baseline is that you're starting at, know what your goal is, get a picture of that goal, right? Like if I want to lose weight, I'm going to get a picture of me in a bikini when I'm younger and I'm like looking like I'm killing it. So you know what you're chasing after.
And then you want to weigh in every day and track the progress and action steps you're taking to help you achieve your goal. You want to tap somebody to hold you accountable, right? These are all like basic steps.
So, but it doesn't just have to be for weight loss. It can be for this idea of, I want to be a more confident version of myself.
Or I have, for me, when I got fired, I have no idea where I'm going so that my baseline was like, okay, we're at ground zero right now. At the end of 30 days, I want to be feeling like a much more confident version of myself and having some idea of where I'm going.
This is truly what I did do. And so I created a vision.
I actually have a life-size cutout of myself that I put up in my living room so that I could, cause I'm super confident in that picture. And I wanted to see it every day.
Like, Hey, I'm coming for you, girl. I've been there before I'm coming for you.
And so I would keep that visual. And then every day I would chart my action steps that I was taking to create opportunity.
But the other really cool thing, I'd also practice gratitude and I would do it on this grid as well and encourage everyone to do that. Cause it just helps your mind shift to what is possible.
What is good instead of what is so hard as we all have challenges, but staying focused on the positive really will help you build momentum. And so then I would start tracking the amazing gifts that started showing up in my life, like Elvis Duran, like all these different people who started showing up that I didn't know were coming a week before.
And then when you start seeing that, oh my gosh, I wonder what's going to come next week then. That just helps you build more and more momentum.
And then the more momentum you have, the more action steps you take, the more things that you do that create more opportunity and it feeds on each other. And before you know it, you're living the life of the life-size cutout that I have in Deliveroo.
I love that advice. Something else that you say that's really interesting is you said that we should put a song behind our goals.
What is the power of putting like music or having a theme song surrounding your goal? Oh my gosh, so funny. So my whole career was in the radio business, right? So I've read so many research papers and white papers in regards to the impact music has on the mind.
And there's a reason why McDonald's has a jingle. They want you constantly to be thinking about that, right? So pairing an action step or a statement or an affirmation with music is only going to further ingrain it in your mind and frequency cells.
So the thoughts that you hold more often are the ones that are going to impact you in a positive or a negative way. So why not be the director of your own at home movie here that you're running around with all day long? For me, I chose a song by Kendrick Lamar.
I love myself. I chose a visual and this is back to the media business, right? You want to pair a visual with an audio jingle or song with messaging.
In my idea, I wanted to be more confident. I wanted to be like that best version, that 10 plus plus of myself.
So I got that visual. I started running the Kendrick Lamar song all the time in my head.
And then I started stating this, fear is a green light that means go and go faster. And whenever you feel it, Heather, you're moving into it.
And so like those three things, I just made part of my daily routine. And I will tell you within 30 days, if you practice this, you will see a profound difference in whatever it is that you're going out there trying to achieve.
You're going to see that you will be achieving it. I certainly believe it.
So let's take a step back because we all have goals, but we need to be making sure that we're working on the right things. And you have a great actionable piece of advice because you say when acting on something, you always ask yourself, what's the grief to gross ratio, which I thought was super interesting.
I've never heard this before. So talk to us about this little framework to help you make sure you're working on the right things.
I came up with this back when I was in the media business. We'll use my old job for an example, right? So I could add more people to my team to accelerate revenues.
I could create new business contests to have people focus on bringing in new business. I could train the existing team up.
I could personally go after the largest clients in the country and close the biggest deals myself, right? There's so many different things that you can do in any job to have bigger and more profound impact and more success. So you have to start taking a step back and observe the entire landscape and say, where is my time best spent? We need to be strategic here.
I don't want to be running around like a chicken with her head cut off, darting on to the left and right. No, where can I have the most impact and where can I do it seamlessly and most effectively and efficiently? And so I started looking at things as, okay, if there's going to be a lot of grief around this.
So for example, going out and interviewing hundreds and hundreds of people to find one good candidate, that didn't sound like the best grief to gross ratio for me. So I started thinking, and this is years ago, right? This is, I guess, probably six years ago.
This is why I launched my personal brand six years ago. I started thinking, how can I flip the current? Instead of me chasing people, how do I get people to start chasing me? And so six years ago, I launched a personal brand to attract people into my life that might be like-minded, that might be looking for ways to elevate themselves, get tips.
Those are my kind of people. I wanted to pull that current towards me so that those people were constantly applying for the jobs that I did have available.
And that grief to gross ratio was so much better than the way I had been doing it before. Yeah.
I have to say, you're a very go with the flow type of person. You're one of my clients, right? I've been working with you for over two years.
You are not an annoying client at all. There's some clients who don't let us do our jobs.
They want to be social media managers. They want to write the copy.
They want to give so much feedback. But you're so much more of the person where you're just like, you're the expert.
You do it. I'm going to do what I'm good at.
And you do what you're good at. And I feel like that works so well because you like, don't you feel like that's just such a better way to approach things like not to be micromanaging people? Well, here's the thing.
That woman that ended up firing me, she was a huge micromanager. So in my opinion, this is my how I see things like there are certain qualities I admire in people and there are certain things I don't.
And I think it's good to reflect on like that. Listen, she's super organized.
I'm not. And that's like good for her.
I wish I had that. Right.
So there was things that were great about her too. But I do remember this nasty, like coldness I felt about her that she was always questioning, always will show me the speech before you take this date.
Why do you care what I'm going to talk about when I'm talking to a sales organization has nothing to do with you? All, you know, asking for control. And I remember learning from what I didn't like about her leadership, that that lack of control and her trying to control it showed up to me as weakness.
And I see that as a weakness in people. When you want to grab hold of something so hard, it's because you don't feel really confident in you.
So to me, why would I hire you and your team if I don't have trust and belief in you? And then how could I ever think you're going to show up as the best version of yourself as a media expert if I don't empower you to go out there and do it? You're not going to be the best. And I'm going to be the one sabotaging you and setting you up all because I'm insecure and I'm a control freak.
No, thanks. Exactly.
Let's stay on action. Let's talk about asking because this is really important.
You're never going to get what you want if you don't ask for it. And you are like an expert when it comes to pitching.
So let's talk about the ways that you've pitched yourself in the past. You've got some really great stories about pitching yourself and then some tips you have to pitch ourselves.
Oh my gosh. All right.
So always put yourself in the other person's shoes. That's the number one most important thing.
You're solving a problem for them. So I'll use the example.
When I went to a publicly traded company, they didn't have a VP of sales position. And I saw as soon as I got to the company, I'm like, oh, there's so much lack in different marketplace.
I saw the solution. I knew what the solution was for their problem.
They didn't know they had a problem, but I saw it. So now I had to put myself in the shoes of the decision maker and think, okay, what are his holdbacks? Fear of change, fear of failure, right? I had to think through all those challenges.
So put yourself in their shoes, see what pain points they're going to have, see what fears they're going to have and address all of those in your pitch. So then you make it really easy for them to take hold of the idea and make it their own.
So I went into the pitch, always go face to face. Don't do it on zoom.
Don't do it on email. Don't do it on the phone.
You're very easy to say no to in those situations. It's much harder to look someone eye to eye and say no to them.
So if something's important, pitch in person. And I did my homework.
I got to the meeting. I made the pitch.
And he said no. And I learned such a big lesson that day.
I ended up, I went back two weeks later and I was going to resign. I was going to take another job.
And he said, hang on a second. He excused himself from the restaurant, came back five minutes later.
I said, where did you go? He said, oh, I had to call my father to get approval on the position, Heather. Yes, we're awarding you the VP of sales.
And I learned this powerful lesson that even if you think someone's a decision maker, qualify it. Qualify it ahead of time so you don't waste your time or their time or make a misinformed decision.
Yeah. And I have to say, asking is so powerful when it comes to just like leveling up in your career.
I feel like so many things I've gotten was because I asked for even the cover of podcast magazine. I was just supposed to have a regular interview.
And I remember at the end of the conversation, I was like, so am I going to be on the cover? And he was like, maybe. And then it happened.
You planted the seed. I put it in his ear and he was like, well, I guess this is the best article she could be on the cover.
And that like totally accelerated my career. And if I hadn't asked that, I don't know if they would have like really thought about me or considered me.
Of course not. You put it out there and that's exact same thing that I did.
I had Gary be on my podcast and at the very end of the episode while we were still recording, I said, Gary, now, do you think that your audience could benefit from a story like mine and some of the tips and techniques that I can teach people how to bounce back from adversity? And he's like, absolutely. I said, well, then I need to be on the show, right? I just showed up and asked.
And then he put me on a show and right. But it's all about having that willingness.
You have to be willing and allowing for someone to say no, knowing that's just part of the journey. And that, you know what, it's a numbers game.
And you're just going to keep asking, bringing value. And those right doors will open and see what happens.
Exactly. You just have to realize that the worst they can say is no.
But if you don't ask, and by the way, they'll say no, but it will be in the back of their head. And they'll know that you're available and wanting of that opportunity.
And people love to help. Like at the end of the day, people like to help other people.
Well, most people. I mean, we're going to keep a couple of caveats.
There are some really bad villains, but screw those people. All right.
So let's talk about knowledge. That is the third part of the Bach system.
It's the information and skills. We need to be more effective people in every aspect of our work and personal lives.
So this has actually been a hot topic for me on the podcast lately, because I find that I've been finding more and more young people who don't have skills or knowledge. And they want all these opportunities.
They want a great job. They want to make money.
They want to be an entrepreneur, for example, but they have no skills. So talk to us about the importance of getting knowledge and skills and some advice you have for my young listeners.
I mean, listen, here's the thing. Nothing is going to replace hard work.
And I know it would be beautiful if something could and there was a magic wand, but there isn't, right? Like competency builds confidence and competency comes from showing up and learning, right? And doing the hard work and making the business trips and like being in these meetings where you're asking and being told no and no and no, and you're refining your process and you're learning and you're understanding. You've got to immerse yourself in the suck.
It sucks. I did not like being an account executive when I first started in the radio business.
I did not like being a first time author, having no idea how to sell books, but I had to stumble through the suck to start figuring out what did work. And that's what so often today, because of social media, because so many people only

post the highlight reel, the people think, oh, she just stumbled out onto that stage

and gave a great TEDx talk.

Oh, hell no.

I pitched for a hundred times.

I was told no a hundred times for TEDx before I landed a TEDx, right?

And then I worked for months on that speech that took 10 minutes that people just think I strolled out for on a Saturday, right? Like people don't see the work that goes in on the back end. So the most important thing is pick your head up.
Like you were saying, ask for help. Sometimes you're not going to get it.
That's okay too, but you need to ask, ask. And when you don't get it, start self-teaching.
We live in an incredible time. You want to learn from Ed Milet, go put on his YouTube channel, go put on his podcast.
You want me to mentor you go turn on my podcast, right? There's so much content and information out there. You can teach yourself anything.
Last night I went into the kitchen. My son was in the oven.
I'm like, what are you doing? He said, I just made banana bread. I'm like, well, I don't know how to make banana bread.
He's like, well, you need to watch TikTok, mom. You can teach yourself anything if you have a phone or a computer.
So I just see it as a weak excuse that people are being lazy if they don't want to build their skillset. Like knowledge is everywhere.
It's up to you if you're going to access it and run with it. I completely agree.
I feel like almost everything I learned was on the internet for free. I did go to school.
I got my MBA. I got this and that.
Everything that I use today is either something I learned on the job or something I learned on the internet. And there's no excuses.
Just work hard, get the experience, and take the time to learn. I think that's the other thing.
People want to spend time watching TV, scrolling on social media. You've got to take the time to learn to read and to level up your knowledge on your specific niche or industry.
Well, I just want to say one thing to that point. You did a lot in academics before and people are going to say, oh, that's why she got Disney.
Here's what I want to say is I'm coaching a very senior level executive at a fortune 10 company. She's amazing.

She never went to college.

And for a long time, that was her hold back.

This woman makes millions of dollars a year.

And she would say, I can't pitch myself for that because I don't have the pedigree.

I don't have the Harvard MBA, right?

Here's the thing.

Instead, what she leaned into on the knowledge side was her experiences, her network with

where she spent her time. So your knowledge doesn't have to look the same way somebody else's does, right? Like I have a bachelor's in from Clark university, and then I have a ton of networking and experience on the job, right? Your formula can look so different than anybody else's.
Yours can be entirely self-taught. Don't let any of it hold you back.
It's just about immersing yourself in the place that you're supposed to go, doing that work that is that right fit for you at the time. That is such an excellent point.
Okay, so we're gonna wrap this show up. I always ask the last two questions.
I ask everybody the same questions and then we do something fun at the end of the year. So the first one is what is one actionable thing that my listeners can do today to become more profiting tomorrow? Ask for help.
Find someone out there in your world, in your sphere of influence, and reach someone who is where you want to go and send them a note and ask them for help. You never know what doors you could open.
I love that. And what is your secret to profiting in life? To me, it truly is mindset over everything.
Like you hold the key to unlocking the door to yourself. You hold the key to going bigger.
There is no one holding you back. It is all on you.
So unlock that door and go for it. Awesome.
So Heather, tell us where we can find Overcome Your Villains. Tell us about how we can find your podcast and learn more about everything you do.
Oh my gosh. Go get the audio book, Overcome Your Villains.
It is top charts on Amazon right now. I narrate it and I go, I riff on live on every single chapter.
It's so, it's my favorite. I'm super proud of it.
Go check it out. My podcast, which is with Hollis Network is Creating Confidence with Heather Monaghan.
I'm at Heather Monaghan on all social media. And I would love to hear from you.

Guys, Heather is amazing.

Heather changed my life.

I hope you guys enjoy her content as much as I enjoy her.

Thank you so much for coming on the show.

Thank you.