D'Arcy Carden Returns

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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dak Shepard and I'm joined by Monica Mouse.
Hi. Hi.
Monica Lion. Monica Lion.
Monica Jersey. Mouse with the heart of a lion.

Our friend, Sweet Darcy Cardin, is here today. Miss Darcy.
What was her robot's name? Her robot. On the Good Place.
Oh,

Janet. Janet.
Yeah. Sweet Janet.
Yeah, Darcy's a good buddy. She's just the funniest and loveliest lady.
Yeah, she's super fun. This was a great chat.
She is an actor, a comedian, an improv genius.

Yes. The Good Place, a League of Their Own, Barry, Broad City.
Nobody wants this.

And currently on Apple TV Plus, she is on Loot, the endlessly funny show with Maya Rudolph and my good friend Nat Faxon. Please enjoy Darcy Cardin.

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He's an object.

He's an checkstone.

He's an object.

Is it intimidating? Take it in. I mean, it's so.
I feel like I was in.

No fucking joke last time.

No,

you get

not a joke. Just it was

not done. I feel like there was a bathroom with a door not on.
Oh, that's a good one. That's right.
That's right. That's right.
This is like. But that was done.
That was done. Yeah.
Darby. Darby.

Darcy.

Yeah, does that happen often? My husband calls me Darby all the time. Oh, really?

Okay, so that should have been offensive, but it's worked out. Jason calls me Darby all the time as a nickname and will say it in front of people and I can see like a look of panic on their face.

Yeah, like, have I been saying it wrong?

Does he ever call you Darbles? No, but I want you to. I'm going to.
I think you're going to. I really want you to call me Darbles.
Darbles. Darbles, how are you? Darbles is good.

Yeah, Darbles is cute. It sounds like a friend of Bam Bams or Pebbles on the Flintstones.
Yeah. Well, your hair looks gorgeous.

You're shooting right now? Yes. Okay.
Shooting a travel show. Oh,

Kristen mentioned this, but it's not anywhere to be found in my research. Yeah.
Is it

a secret?

Maybe. Should I sell it? Absolutely.
We love TV.

What?

HGTV. I thought you said she TV.
She She TV, I'm starting a new channel.

I don't want to offend anyone, but HGTV could be called She TV, right? I think it's a largely female. I bet it is.
I should do some looking around.

Kind of like ID, is that a network and it's only murder stuff? Is it? I think it is a network called that. Yeah, you know.
It is. I know that.

I want to take five full minutes to just look at everything. Okay, take it all in.
Okay, just silence. HGTV also has some home flippy stuff and construction.

They had, what was that show with Magnolia? Uh-huh. You know, husband-wife team.

Joanne

Gaines. And hands.

Chip gains. I met her.
Yeah, she's out and about. In Waco, Texas.
She did the factory for the diapers. Oh, yeah, it was really cute.
Yeah, she seems cool. I think they're all set up in Waco.

Okay, back to your show that's on HGTV. Home and gardening television.
That's right. Gardens, home and gardens.
Anyway,

we're not allowed to talk about it. No, I mean,

what's the premise? We are checking out vacation rental properties. Let's say they are very unique.
Okay. It's funny.
We're in it right now. So there's been no talk of talking about it.
Yeah.

So I don't know what I'm really allowed to say. It's like a one-inch.
But

you're not in a Star Wars prequel. I thought you were going to say, you're not in a Star Wars house.
I'm like, we could be. Oh, yeah.

I'm co-hosting it with Sherry Cola, who you know from Kristen's show. That's right.

She plays the Rob.

She plays the Rob. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. She's Rob.
Okay. And you guys are old friends? We met on the set of Nobody Wants This.
Season one. And already are traveling together and staying in

themed home.

You get to know someone hella well. Oh, you know? Do you both have BDP? Because that sounds very close.
Borderline personnel. I don't.

BPD. BPD.
Boogie Dome Productions.

The people that do our hair and makeup are Steph and Emma, people from Good Places. It's such a family, good vibe.
Tarcy, your character, Ryan, Ryan, is on the floor. Do you know Robin? Sorry.

Do you know Rob independently from here? We go to the same concerts. Oh,

shit.

Then you guys have an intimacy we don't know. We do.
Yeah. That's the part of Rob.
That's the Venn diagram part that none of us overlap on the music. I overlap.
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So we're kind of like, hey, we're at that show.
We're at that show. Oh, they're playing at this place.
You know,

because I'm just kind of young and cool. Like, yeah, you definitely are.

It's also, you have a pedigree. Your father owned a very prominent bam.
That's right.

Is that what it's called? Bam. Bam.
Good job. Thank you.
I did not write that down in my notes. That's seven years old.
Good job. That's it, really? Well, I think we interviewed you

seven years ago. That also was.
No.

Yes, 2018. That feels like three years ago to me.
Yeah.

Because the COVID years, they disappear. I agree.
I can't believe that was so long ago. I can't either.
Sherry Cola has, I assume, an improv about checking in on you.

She's checking in on you and she's like, do you need me to make you a plate? Oh, yeah. And I thought that was so funny.
Yeah. And it's because you guys are BFFs and now it all makes sense.

Our friendship comes from that show completely. A lot of texties and DMs and stuff, but we spent time together on that show and really formed a bond.
And are you traveling all over the country?

Let's see what we've hit so far, if I can remember. And I can't.
Okay. That's fine.
Arkansas, Missouri. Wow.

Alabama. Kansas.

Great. Tennessee, Texas, Oklahoma, Idaho.
So it's a Bible Bell. Is it called touring the Bible Bell?

No, it's not. And I don't think that was necessarily on purpose.
And when you went to Missouri, were you in a haunted house in the Ozarks? We haven't done a haunted house yet.

Because we just had an expert on, and there's a whole town that caters to everything's haunted, and they host like a zombie festival. Where do you guys land with?

Does that excite you or does that freak you out? Neither. Okay, you're like,

I wish I got either scared or excited. Right.
I'm more scared than not scared, but when you're in New Orleans or something and people want to go on a haunted tour, I'm not so moved to do that.

But because of the fear. The fear would be a helpful reason to not do it, but I kind of just don't care because I'm a little bit like, I don't believe in it.
Yeah.

But you're afraid of believing in it. That's how I am.
Like, I don't with the question. Right, right, right.

And you never know. Right.
Okay. We shouldn't go here.
But the way some people feel about religion, about God, if they're like, maybe I don't believe in it, but just in case

I do. Yeah.
That's how I feel about ghosts. Yeah.
Where I'm like, I don't believe in it but just in case they're real maybe i please don't come

yeah no okay but to really get into that yeah the god one has a clear incentive like i don't really believe but i'm making enough space that if there is i get to go right to heaven right is the ghost thing to appease their egos like i should believe just enough so i don't offend them if they do want to haunt me i want them to be friendly yes

under personal proved you were real babe yeah you want to see real yeah watch this blood come out of your eyes backwards that this guy we had on doesn't believe in ghosts, but saw one.

I feel like a lot of people say stuff like that. Maybe we shouldn't believe because if we believe, then they will come over.
They're like, hey, I know you believe in me.

As opposed to us not believing. And then they are like, we're not dealing with that.
I believe in scary movies, if that makes sense.

Scary movies freak me out for my entire life more than like a real ghost would. Yeah, yeah, totally.
What the hell does that mean? Do you love horror movies? Do you watch them? I don't.

I wish I did, but I don't. But the ones that I've seen, which are pretty tame, they're like in the M-Night Shyamalan world, or like

a thriller or like a mid-somar or something like that. You know,

I can't handle it, but those images stick with me for my life. There's an image from signs of like an alien on a roof that somehow has connected with my brain when I wash my face.

So when I wash my face every night, I have to open my eyes pretty quickly, or I'm going to start seeing that alien.

And now it's going to just connect. This is a little OCPD.
Okay, go on. OCDP.
No, but OCPDD.

Obsessive, compulsive.

No, I think it's OCDP.

Okay, obsessive-compulsive disorder plus primary? Primary, primate. No, I think it's obsessive, compulsive personality disorder.
Okay, I'm going to go. Hold on, hold on.

O-C.

Hold on, hold on. I wish it was.
Who do you think is going to be better about saying letters in the right order? Wow, she came for you, brother. What does OCDP stand for? Here it is.

O C D P stands for Orange County Drum and Percussion. Yeah, that's what you meant.
That's what I said.

Obsessive, compulsive personality disorder. Personality disorder.
You know, the exact thing I just said. No, you need a P.
Personality disorder. OCPD.
Okay.

Crazy. Wait, what happens when you guys disagree? I mean, I know you don't.
I'm just having fun. Oh.
Oh, you didn't think it was DP? I don't really care. I'm not really saying you're wrong.
Okay.

I'm just having fun with OCDP. Okay.
Well, it's OCPD confirmed CPD. That feels a little OCPD.
I didn't know this. It's a little obsessive that you have

the alien view every time. And I understand.

And then you have to open your eyes. It's almost the compulsion to make sure he doesn't come.
Right. That's a hug.
I wish I didn't have that.

We had an expert on, and my understanding of when you add P is people who go, oh, I'm OCD because I like everything straight. That's not OCD because it's not in violation of your core values.

You do think things should be orderly and straight. OCD is, I'm afraid I'm a pedophile.
I'm afraid I'm going to kill my baby. I'm afraid I'm going to rape someone.
It was like really intense.

They're mostly those fears that you're some kind of monster, that you're not.

I had a friend who was always afraid he had left his stove on, would travel away from home and would have to come back home to make sure that the stove was off. Yes.

And we were told that's the one you see in movies and TV a lot, but that percentage-wise, that's not the bulk of OCD.

The bulk of OCD is people thinking they're these bad things that they don't want to be. So they're in total discord with their values.
Yeah. Whereas OCDP is the house should be neat.

Sometimes when people say that they have OCD, I'm like, no, everybody has that. The thing that you're saying, not that you're saying, but the thing that you think you have, everybody has that.

We just got into this recently. We did.
We did. Do you want to invite her in? Yeah.

But I don't want her to feel trapped because it is sensitive and we just say everything. Yeah, right, right.
So you can say if you don't want to go here. You can say pass.
You can say pass, but ADHD.

Oh, interesting. Yes, yes, yes.
Everyone has ADHD now. And I am like, but probably not.
Right. I totally get that.
We are all told by TikTok, Instagram, whatever, all of these things. Yes.

So much of what I think we think ADHD is is just phone stuff. Society making us scroll.
Right. That's interesting.
Because also, do you have it? No. No, you don't.
I know you don't.

And Dax says he thinks he might have it. And I think I might have it, but I think I'm also, he's about to be like, but I've been saying it for years.
I've been saying it before it was a trend.

I mean, that's fair. My mom and I always say undiagnosed ADD since I was a kid.
Why not just get it diagnosed? P.S. Most comedians are ADDs.
Right, right, right. Get real.

We're talking to a very over-indexing group to begin with, I think. But my take was more like, well, let's just be honest.
Everything's a spectrum.

And the point where they say it's a disorder versus not a disorder is arbitrary. They could have moved it four degrees to the right or the left.

So, yeah, it's a spectrum and we pick a point on it where we go, now it's a disorder, not like you can't actually get through school. Well, that's a disorder.

You can't hold down a job, but I have a really hard time in school and I'm just barely getting through. Maybe that's on the other side.
So, my thing is like, who cares?

I meet people all the time that say they're dyslexic. I'm pretty sure they didn't have eight weeks of testing at UCLA like I did.
I don't really give a fuck.

I know what they're trying to tell me about themselves. They have a really hard time reading and they're probably smarter than their reading ability would be congruent with.

So, yeah, I get what they're trying to say. But I also get that it's annoying people self-diagnose, but I'm more interested in why that bothers us.
Right.

I think sometimes, oh, God, 500 million streams, good job. We have got to move that.
That's a great note.

Well, I'm just upsex. It only represents Spotify.
Right. You're like, we're at a paleo.
I know. I actually should feel really good about it, but I always want to correct people.

They're like, we have a balloon. It's so funny.
Like, we got this a lot of years ago. Yeah,

we should put a quote on it.

What if I put a little sign underneath them that said this is one-third? Yes. You think this is impressive?

Crossing out the three out of four or five. Depending on low my self-esteem is right, right?

I do think that some of it is like if you yourself have ADHD or dyslexia and you know what you've struggled with and then someone's like, I have it too.

It's a little bit like, man, you doing your job. But again, let's think about like, so that's a great starting off point.
That's the obvious.

So what's going on is that I think we all have this policing nature that we don't want anyone to get sympathy for something they don't deserve. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

I think that's at least one of the big buckets of why it's triggering. So then the question is, why do we care if someone gets sympathy for something they don't deserve sympathy for?

Why does that affect me? Does that lessen your struggle? Or is there a finite amount of sympathy in the world and they just took it? Now I won't receive it.

I think that's true.

If Darcy has gone through something pretty singular and unique, but then everyone says that they've also done that, it does probably limit my sympathy to her because I'm like, well, everyone has that issue.

So why are you complaining? And she kind of deserves to complain because it really happened to her. But let's put it this way.
I say I'm molested. Yeah.
And you go, well, I was molested by my parent.

Well, that's worse. So what are we saying? And I shouldn't have said that because it's less than yours.
As long as one exists that's worse than yours, you shouldn't ever kind of acknowledge.

So yeah, maybe I'm a four on the ADHD spectrum and someone's a nine. So a four shan't ever speak of it because we're protecting the nines.
What's going on? And then also, what is sympathy?

Not to say, what's the point of it? Cause you want to feel seen and heard, but what is sympathy? What does it do for you? Yeah.

I think it is, oh, this person cares enough about me that they feel sad on my behalf. Empathy towards me.
They understand me. They're feeling for my plight.
Yes.

It's important to them that I'm happy and flourishing. And when they find out I've had this setback, it kind of hurts them.
It affects them. But again, there's an infinite amount of that.
Right.

It reminds me, did you ever have the Warm Fuzzy book as a kid? Did you have that? I don't know. I don't think I did.
It It was a book my mom swore by as our favorite family book you read at night.

It's about a little land where everyone's born with a warm fuzzy bag and then you give your warm fuzzies out.

And then a man comes to town and he sets up a kiosk and he's selling cold pricklies and he lets everyone know, you know, that you have a limited amount of warm fuzzies. You can't give them all out.

Start using these so you don't use up your warm fuzzies. But the warm fuzzies were infinite.

And now everyone starts trading these cold pricklies because they think there's a limit on the warm fuzzies. What a good thing.
It kind of ruins the whole town. Yeah.

Of course they find their way back to warm fuzzies.

Oh my god, thank God, thank God, thank God. Oh my God, I was about to lie to you.
She was going to have nightmares about that. I'm washing my face.
I see these little cold pricklies.

And then I guess maybe another legit fear would be like, oh, if I acknowledge this person's thing, are they getting off the hook for responsibilities?

Like, is this an excuse they're going to be using going forward? So then maybe there's some kind of reciprocity driving it.

Again, I just think it's more interesting what's really angering or rubbing people the wrong way about it. And I experience it too.
I'm not above it. Right.
I think people also just

don't want to be around people complaining all the time. Yeah.
I guess it depends on how much they're leaning in on. Right.

When somebody is telling you something personal and it's maybe out of 10 and I have experienced it out of five, I do resist saying my thing.

It's a tricky balance of wanting to be like, I see you, I hear you. I've experienced it.
And, you know. Yeah, I can think of the worst time I saw this.

A dude in my meetings son had died as a young adult of cancer.

And then another man in the group was then explaining in his share how he knew what he was going through because he had had testicle cancer that he beat really quickly. And I was like, oh, boy.

That's a great example. But then we get into specifics, which we would all agree.
If someone's sharing a really

heartbreaking and setbacky story that their condition created, duh, you shouldn't compare it to your four.

But if you're just talking about having some of the attributes of ADHD, which I have a ton of, I'm not trying to trump someone's bad, then why would anyone care? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Case by case?

Case by case.

Case by case is a great way to end a conversation. Almost anything.
Case by case? He's like, no, you guys.

What else?

I will say, since we had the argument, I was like, maybe he does have it. Oh, I started seeing you through the lens of having it.
Right. And I was like, oh, maybe.
Right.

What opened me up to the notion was Gabor Monte is an expert on ADHD. Have you ever heard his name, Gabor Monte? He's this incredible man who was working with heroin addicts up in Canada.

And he's just a pioneer in all these wonderful. He's a very Esther Perel type character.
And I was walking him to his car and he just said, have you ever been diagnosed with ADHD? You're like, sir.

I think that was very, you know, if I ask a guy, has he ever identified as an alcoholic? That guy might want to take a look at himself if I'm asking that. And he's an expert.

One of the premier experts in ADHD. I just went, he didn't say that out of the blue.
Yeah. And so have you checked into it? No.
Right. I don't need to, right? You're living great.
That's not, okay.

Then we're circling back to my thing where I'm like, but if you're doing good, what's the point of looking for, quote, problem? Right. So great.
So I think this is where we have a misunderstanding.

I'm never excusing anything I do with this ADHD thing. I'm only talking about my ADHD nature, which is like I try to brush my teeth.
I can't do it.

It pains me like crazy to stand in front of the mirror and brush my teeth. The second I start brushing them, I go to my closet to do a task, to multitask.
And then I get distracted by that task.

I'm no longer brushing my teeth. Do you do this with your brushing your teeth? Not brushing teeth, but so many things.
So many things, right?

It's like I physically can't stand in front of that mirror and do it. Well, that's weird.
I can do a lot of things that require willpower.

I have this very outside sense of justice, which Timothy told me. So I do too.
It's not because you have one thing. I'm saying here are the list of things that are normal for ADHD.

And I have a lot of those things. And I haven't used it once as an excuse for anything.
I use the time thing as an excuse in a way where I'm like, I'm a piece of shit. Being late? Being late.

You were early today. Yes, I was.
Yeah. Well, I missed you guys.

And I live really, really close.

I live in the backyard.

But I blame it on ADHD or time blindness. I mean, the amount of times I've said to my husband, I have time blindness.
Like, I have it. I have that condition.
I need you to help me. Yeah.

You see, that one does trigger me because, again, it's an excuse for being late. It's an excuse.
I also think I have it, whatever that means, whatever that means, whatever that means.

But I also know I could correct. I'm going to say that I got this from my dear sweet mom, who's time blind or whatever we want to say.
Love you, Lori. Love you.
You know, you have this.

I'm not talking challenge. You know you have this.
You'd admit it. Wouldn't panic about being late until we were late.
And then the panic would be at a 12. It's like the science of time didn't exist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we'd be late and then we would all panic.
But maybe yours is nurture, then, not nature. Oh, interesting.
You grew up in that house. That's right.

Then you are used to behaving like that. So, of course, it's not like in my genes.
Yeah, I don't know. Maybe, maybe.
I bet it is. Yeah.
Also, I could just correct it.

And I do correct it in certain ways. Having a clock in the bathroom has changed my life.

So I was hearing Trevor Noah speak recently. He's ADHD.
I don't know officially, or he declared it but he said for an adhd person like himself

there's only now and not now right right so his example was we're going out to eat at 730 that's not now that's not now so i'm not even think about that and then his friend starts getting ready at 645 he's like what are you doing well i'm getting ready for dinner when's dinner so that's not now i guess i accept that that's how he's computing time and yeah no wonder he's never prepared for anything because you can only do it when it's now yeah but again then i think you need a system, which is like, oh, dinner's 7:30.

So alarm at 7 to get ready. Exactly.
You have to ready. Because I'll never feel like it's time to get ready.
Yeah. Husband Jason is the complete opposite.
Early. He's got it all together.

Conscientious.

Yes, exactly. Handsome, as we've discussed.
Yes, very handsome. So we do time check, or he's allowed to say time check, or I'm allowed to say time check.
And it's not like a nagging thing.

I love that. Will you deliver it to me? Time check.
If I'm getting ready, or I'll say, give me time checks throughout. Like, we're getting ready.
We have to leave at seven.

you can time check me for the next two

i have to do this with kristen i have to virtually stay in the same room as her when she's getting ready i have to sit on the bed and like just monitor how deeply lost she's getting in it me too me too sometimes jason will be like nope don't put me a scun nope you know that's gonna get you off track focus on what you're doing is he a burger he's a cancer i've realized he's my dad

in like a way that i'm down with yes because i love him he's my best friend he's hot as hell hell yeah i also love my dad like they're two different things hot as hell

is hot as hell though isn't it

but i realized recently we have really fallen into he's my dad he protects yeah i bet we fought against it for the first few years of our relationship and i think now we've either accepted it or like made it work for us like it and are you his mom about some things maybe that's just being married i don't think it's easy for the person who's similar to the parent to be able to see it would he say that you're like his mom?

No, I don't think he would. I'm baby, he's daddy.
Okay.

He's daddy. Okay.
It's not that he's like your sister. No, he's not like my dad.

Sorry. He's not like my dad.
He is my daddy. He's father-like.
Yes. Yeah.
Okay. This is kind of hot.
Is it? I think so. Well, whatever it is, it works for us.
Oh, my God.

I'm not trying to be like daddy. I'm not trying to be like, oh, he's my daddy.
I'm saying like he takes care of me. I'm baby and he's daddy.
You feel safe with him.

So, yeah, he's everyone gets to design

own thing and no one needs to have an opinion right right you're going on how many years we are going 20th year yeah like maybe 18 19 wow what year is it yeah dude 20. good

congratulations

how old were you when we got together yeah 20 23

is there any party that's like man i wish i would have done it a little later no honestly i was never hoping to find the one at that early of an age right at all from a child knew that i didn't want that yeah i wanted to be free and live my life and be like a slut.

Yeah.

So your oats. You sow my oats is a better way of saying it.

It's almost like we couldn't deny it. In fact, we did push against each other in the beginning.
We were like, this is too real and you're too young. Let's not do this.
Is he older? He's older. Yeah.

How much older? Four years. Is that right? That's nice.
That's on the low end. That's good.
I like that. Yeah.
We just kind of couldn't deny it. We tried to deny it.
Do you guys have hall passes? No.

We're so chill. Okay.

You're never watching a show and you go like, John Locke or John. No, John Locke from Lost.
Love John Locke. No, Locke from the movie.
Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy.

You're watching Gangland or whatever it's called. You're like, mob land.
Yeah, I want a weird night with this quiet guy

who like intimidates me.

Yeah. That's not taboo.
Yeah. Not at all.
For some reason, since the beginning, also, our relationship. started off as almost like instant best friends.

We could not get enough of each other and we weren't hooking up. And so all of that stuff was already out there.
Now, I do think it's safer for the wife to do it than the man to do it. He can do it.

He loves Rachel Weiss. Oh, that's his.
But I mean, so do I. You kind of look like her.
So I can't. Hey, Monica.
I see it.

I see it. I cry.
We have a problem here. We have to say.

Okay. Because

you can't have hall passes

when you have the ability to actually meet the person. The point of hall passes is invented on friends, a show I love.
Me too. I'm like you.
Just say no. You are.
Yeah.

The Jennifer Hanniston episode was really special, you guys. She was special.
She was really special. She was so special.
I'm so happy for you. Thank you.
She likes you so much.

Oh, I like her so much. Yeah.
That is meant for people who will not really run into this person.

You guys could be friends with all these people.

Yeah. So you

agree. The hall pass of it all, unless then that's just, you can play your own game however you want to decide.
That's right. you get to decide.
Yeah, that's right.

But I do think if you're playing hall pass games and you're a guy and you want my advice,

I think you need to be smart about it. Right.
I think you're free to say, like, I want to see Taylor Lauttner in a towel. I'm going way back to make it innocuous.

Remember when older women were like way into Taylor Lauttner? Yeah, this was a cultural phenomena. Women were taking their daughters to those movies.
I like movies.

And they were like screaming when his shirt came off and stuff, which, again, I support. Totally.
It's so inappropriate.

But of course, women aren't generally predators so that's why it's fine but anyway so you're probably safe to go like lotner lotner lotner

but he shouldn't say like sydney sweet right right right right sydney is a tricky one you'll know in two years oh that's

i just am obsessed with short and sweet sabrina carpenter's album from august of 2020 right you're just discovering it on a level that i haven't been at

oh my god i love that wait you love her i love her i just i love when delta on sun i was was going to say, you got to see her live. I'm love sick.
It's not fun. Yes.
Not over her.

Over watching this little girl at her first concert sing all the high

songs and dance. This is her girl.
Lincoln's Got Taylor and Delta Sabrina.

She's so

funny.

Yes, and clever. And she gets it.
She's really ahead of the job.

She's funny. She's funny.

She did a great job hosting SNL. She's really legit funny.
She funny. She fun to me.
I love all these little pop girlies. I I know.
It's fun. Yeah.

But yeah, one of the songs I can't stop listening to over and I've been listening to all day, every day for a week. What is it?

Don't smile. Okay.

Do you know that one? I probably do. I probably do.
Okay. But you just love it and you can't stop listening.
Don't smile because it happened, baby. Cry because it's over.
Great twist she does. Right.

Oh, wait. So her.
So good at the twist. So good at the twist.
I do know the song. You're supposed to think about me every time that you hold her.

You gotta see how it's like.

Don't even try to pull off. You got a sick voice.

She couldn't even get it out. Wait,

what was I supposed to say? You were supposed to say you sound amazing? It was like you're on the verge of saying something. You wanted to give a comment that you could.

No, you did. You hit all the notes, brothers.
No, you did. You did.

She always has a celeb in every concert. Arrested.
Did she ever arrest men or is it always women? I think it's women. She arrested the guy on Stariant Night Live that has the character

Domingo. She did arrest Domingo once.
It feels okay. But yes, I think it's first of all, I'm one of 12 dudes in an audience of 22,000 people.
Right.

It does feel like if you were there, everyone would be like, whoa.

And in fact, I almost wanted to apologize for being there because all these people are wearing their nighty gear because that's her aesthetic.

So it was like all these girls in these nighty outfits. And I'm like, I know they would have felt better if just there were none of us were there.
Yeah, yeah, no dad's.

Luckily, there was like a holding Delta's hand, so I hope it buffeted. Yeah, Yeah, you weren't there.

I didn't think about that part. Yeah.
Well, there's a panther in the hen house. That's what it felt like.

But there wasn't because I was just thinking,

yeah, yeah. She's so cute.
She arrested Dakota and L fancy funny.

Come on.

I love it for being too hot. Also, I feel like I remember that you don't love concerts.
Am I right about that? Yes. In general, what happens is I, again, this, now I'll say OCD, but it's not.

I start obsessing about how long it's going to be. Okay, you want it to be done.
I don't even know if I want it to be done. It's just not knowing.
It's a control thing, I think.

I'm like, how long will this be? And how many encores? I can't stand on. You know what? I wonder if this would help you.
You can go to, I want to say it's like radiofm.com or something.

You can just Google this, but you can Google SetList. Set list FN.
What is it? Set list FN. Set list FM.

You guys are such nerds. I love it.
And you can Google the set list and then you would know exactly. You'd be like, okay, they're on the fifth song.
I have 10 more, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It might help you. Yes.
I just start feeling a little confined. I go to so many concerts.
I go to too many concerts. Too many.
One a week? Honestly, no, but could.

This is a weird thing that I get, which is while I'm watching the concert, I'm enjoying it so much that I start fixating on that I have to come back tomorrow.

Oh, and then I'm like missing the concert. Right.
Because I'm like, do I have time in my schedule? Should I get tickets now? Yeah. I got to see this again.
That song's done now.

I want to see it again tomorrow. I get that.
That's atticty. That's me.
The second I enjoy something, my fear of it being gone is so overwhelming. I have that hardcore at concerts.
Yeah, interesting.

I do feel a little addicted to concerts because I kind of can't resist them. Even if I'm like spending too much money or canceling plans, I'm like, I have to go to this.
It takes over your life. Yes.

I think this is a good addiction. It's not about it.
It's not very harmful. Did you see any of these last few Beyoncé concerts? I did.
No. But I feel like you should have.
I love Beyonce.

I know you did. I would have loved to have seen her.
You would have loved next time she comes, go. I've never missed her in LA in the last 13 years.
How long are her?

Three. Yeah, it was three.
Three hours.

She's got a lot of songs. She does.
And it was, it was

incredible, Monica. It was incredible.
I had just gone to Renaissance, and then I feel like Cowboy Carter came right like a day later. And I was like, I can't do this again.
It's too expensive.

I just saw her. And then I went and I was like, you idiot.
I know. How could you have ever missed this? It was incredible.
Yeah.

It It does feel a little life-changing to see someone at the top of their game. Like, you're like, that's not a person.
How's she doing this? She is on a different planet.

My favorite performance I've ever seen in my life. I wasn't there, but just watching it was her Beyonce on American Idol singing OnePlus One.

Stay tuned for more armchair expert,

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You know what's funny? Maybe not. I have a playlist on my phone for songs to make me cry for acting.
Oh, great. Great.
And that's on that. Is it? It's so beautiful.
Wait, what else is on there?

I can't tell you all my singers. No, I want to.
I want to. I'll send it to you.
Okay. It is kind of.
I'd like to have a good cry. I'm crying every time I listen to say,

I can't do it again. No, I don't.
We've now done it. Oh, I have so much anxiety now.
Don't smile. I'm saying that you're going to say it, but it's

don't smile. Okay.

What just happened? I'm crying every time I hear that song, but she's had to tell me the name of my favorite song like three times and she's bailing out. You know, it's hard hard to remember her name.

And I'm saying it's circular because I'm nervous. She's going to say it before I can get it.
Yeah, exactly. I thought you wanted me to say it.
You look at me. Right.
Yeah. You're like, don't say it.

I got it. And then you're like,'Sirit's a single thing.' Okay, I won't say it again.
I mean, I might not get it too. Well, then, you know, the thing we're, you know, he's dealing with.

Have you guys ever been on a set where that happens with somebody's lines where they like can't get the line? But you know it. And then, no problem, let's take it again.
Chill out, everybody.

We're good. You're fine.

And then you can just feel like when it comes to that moment, that they're they're they're searching they're searching they're searching and then it's sort of like falling down of it's hell and you just want to be like

just relax you start sweating it's hell well billy crude up just told a story on the show this week which was he got in that situation with tom cruise and mission impossible because they had rewritten the scene rewritten the scene he got it that morning it was like a huge monologue oh my god and he just couldn't do it yeah and tom was like you ever work with cue cards billy we're gonna work with cue cards today okay let's go and then immediately had cue cards and he was holding them in front of his face and looking amazing yeah mom was and did it work problem solver yeah i saw it i had no idea that was being read from

i love a problem solver i do too

let's just do it and also desanctifying demystifying the whole thing where it's that's not precious you got to get these words out yeah what's the most scared you've ever been acting do you recall

scared scared scared that episode of good place that we were in together the janet's episode yeah was sort of overall scary that was definitely the most pressure i've ever had because of the words are what you were supposed to convey that you were afraid you couldn't convey.

The words, playing all the different parts. Yeah, for that episode, Darcy was every single character.
So it was like nailing the impressions. It was a very important episode story-wise.

It felt like the weight of the show was on my shoulders for one episode, and it was a lot of pressure. A show that I

love with all my heart. There was no part of me that was like, eh, whatever.
It was like, I'm going to kill myself to make this right. Yeah.
You know? Yes, I must rise to

a great episode. So do you got nominated, babe? I got nominated, babe.
Did they say, babe, a specific episode, babe? Okay, I didn't get nominated for that episode. I got nominated the next year.

Okay, probably they were like, we should have nominated for that episode.

It's always like these award shows are always a year behind.

You're seeing someone that's got best actor for that year. They were okay, but the year before they were brilliant, then he got overlooked and everyone acknowledged it.

I feel like Denzel has famously, maybe he won for Training Day, maybe, which he was amazing in but i feel like whatever was the year before that was the real one his best that's why people think timothy chalamay is going to win this year gotcha because last year he did not win for a complete unknown right right right and who won oh adrian brody won right for the brutalist right

say

say say thank you oh oh oh no don't cry don't smile oh say thank you

Monica, say thank you.

And I was like, for what? What did I do? Literally adding

even what we were talking about. Say thank you.
It's gone already. Oh, my God.
Oh, that's hard. That's it.
Maybe then for me, 280 something. Say something.
Say anything. What is it? Don't style.

Don't style. Isn't it a hard title?

Say anything. John Juza.
Yeah.

That's crazy.

Okay, so that was a scary one. And then I shot something this summer.
It's called The Five Star Weekend. And the cast is like.
Chloe Seveny. Chloe Seveny.

Way to say her name correctly. Good job.
Thank you. I've got a heavy word.

A had a crush on her back when she was in all those Harmony Crane movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was like, oh, this girl's so punking. Cool.
She really is.

But then this year at the Emmys, she did not win. Right.
And I happened to be seated directly behind her. So I handed her $20.
Oh, I see. It was a consolation prize.
You know what's funny?

I almost texted you three. Oh, you did? Because I saw that you were right next to each other.
And she left our set in Nantucket to go to the Emmys. Oh.
And so I was really day-to-day with her.

So I was almost like, you love her? I love her. Her fashion is off the chart.
I went thrift shopping with her one day. I did not.

And I was like, I think people would pay, this would be like a charity thing. A million dollars to go thrifting with Chloe Seven.
Yes. Yes, yes.
Love her. And it was Jen Garner, who we love.

Just too much. The best.
And then Gemma Chan. and Regina Hall, Timothy Elephant, who was just here, who we love so much.
Loves so much. He charmed the fuck out of all you ladies.

Well, yes. He charmed the fuck out of my husband.
He's charmed.

We're going to dinner with him on Friday.

I love him and his amazing wife. They're just cool.
Are you guys going to the Soho house? We're going to a place called Darling. Oh, okay.
I've been. All that is to say, it's a drama.

It's a comedy drama. I actually don't know what we're calling it yet.
Is it on ID network? It's on ID. It's on.

No, it's on Peacock. There's a lot of emotion.
And I'm a comedy girl. There was certain scenes.
I don't know if you'd call that scared, but it is that thing where you're like, you better bring it.

You got to show up. You got to show up.
And there's no way to not. You have to.
You know, it's funny.

okay i'm gonna pivot to this amazing show i'm so lucky to be a part of loot yes okay there's a scene where my character's crying so i listened to my little playlist got the tears ready and then we did one take of it it's me and maya and i'm like well that wasn't fun I want to have fun.

I can just, I don't want to say fake it, but what are you doing when it's full, broad comedy and you're crying? You are allowed to sort of handle it a little bit.

My day on set with Maya and not being stuck in a corner by myself, listening to my playlist, is more important to me than if these tears are real or not. Yes.

I'm remembering one scene I had to do where it was a crying scene. This is years ago.
And I'm looking down and I can feel the tear roll down my cheek. And I can also feel that my hair is covering it.

And I was like, motherfucker.

Yeah. Like, I would never, the character would never move her hair.

So you can see. So that would be hilarious.
So this one is just for me, I guess. Yeah.

Do you cry in real life? I do cry in real life, but honestly, for weird things. What makes you cry? A lot of times it's music.

My grandma died last year, who I have an incredible relationship with, love all the way up and down. When my mom told me that she died, I think I went, okay, okay.

No, that's good. I said.
What the hell kind of reaction was that?

Right. Like, no tears, just like, no, it's actually okay.
And see, I want to see that in a movie

because that's what really happens in real life. And it reminds me of things in real life.
Yeah. It's weird.

Well, it's your brain trying to tell yourself it's good, it's okay, you don't need to freak out, you don't need to die because this is happening, it's actually good.

And just the notion that you connect with things when you hear them also, it can take months to understand someone died, even if you were there. For sure.

This is so cheesy, but Grandma Lila, she watched Jeopardy every night, as maybe everybody's grandma does. And I got to be on Jeopardy two weeks after she died.

But she did know she knew I was going to. Okay, she couldn't stay alive for night.
me. I know, I know, I know.

Grandma.

Grandma? They were disappointed in her.

Come on. She's so selfish.
But it was one of the things that when I realized when my mom told me, oh, no, I told her that you were going to be on Jeopardy. That's when I lost some of them.
Of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Yes.

For some reason, the Jeopardy thing was really connected to her. So everything about that was really emotional.

All right, we're going to talk about Lou, but there's two things I want to talk about that happened in the last seven years that I would like some info on. Okay.
One One is a Thanksgiving play. Yeah.

You were on Broadway. I was on Broadway.
First of all, incredible. Did you ever have your eyes set on Broadway? I had my little kid eyes only set on Broadway.
Oh, okay. Wonderful.

And then when I was in college, right out of college, those years, I was doing a lot of regional theater, community theater with people that had been on Broadway, maybe five years older than me, so still young, but people that had been on Broadway and they'd been in this show and they've been in that show and then they come do this show and we we do the show together, and we're all on a show together.

I'm going to move to New York, and you guys are on Broadway, and I'm going to be on Broadway. It was just like, that's the path.

Yeah, yeah, and I see it because we're working together, and that's where you are going to go next.

And then when I moved to New York, and it wasn't like that, the first two years of living in New York, I hadn't discovered UCB yet, and so it was just auditioning for plays and not getting them, and auditioning for like student films and getting them, and them being weird.

Yeah, going to someone's apartment for a casting.

I had this very clear realization. I went and saw a musical called 42nd Street Tap Dancing.
There's in my mind, a hundred cast members. I don't know if it's 40 or whatever.
It's just full of dancers.

Sea of dancers.

And I remember thinking the girl in the back row is so much more talented than me. And I can't even see her in the back row.
And she's on Broadway. Right.
So I was like, this is not my skill set.

And so I need to find something else. Knock, knock comedy.
Right, right. Okay, so exciting to get it.
So exciting. And then the premise is really funny.
I'm really sad I didn't see it.

Kristen told me she did see it and and that you were spectacular and she loved it. Went Nate Burgers afterwards.

But it's about four white teachers that put on a elementary school play about Thanksgiving with an attempt to make it politically correct. Yes.

And then somehow you do get someone that's posing as Native American. Are you?

Yes. So I come in as the actress that just answered the casting call and she can play everything.
She can play a doctor. She can play Native American.

You know what I mean? She's not smart at all. she was a dummy okay but also lovable but also bad but also i love her and she was vaguely puerto rican well she's vaguely me she's just like

she could be anything she's like a little

ambiguous yeah and that's all part of the play and it was written by larissa fast horse who's the first native american woman to ever write a play on broadway and has had so much success since then and before then she's amazing they sort of realize that the three people who are putting it on who are katie Finneran, Chris Sullivan, and Scott Foley.

Do you know any of these actors? Yeah. So great.
Amazing. And they are sort of as woke as can be and like really trying so hard to like do the best job.
And is it just going to be a genocide play?

Is that what it is? But at first, it's not. Once we sort of realize it's celebrating the same old colonial,

I'm like, this is two years ago. What was this play about? I did

100 nights of it, but we decided to put on a real Thanksgiving play. Once they realized that I'm Greek or whatever it was, you know, that's what it was.

Then we decide to really put on what it was really like. And it's really graphic and horrible.
Yeah, not fun to watch.

And we do that. Every night, I'm covered from head to toe in blood.
All four of us are. Oh, wow.
And you would come off stage and jump right into the shower. It was really fun.
It's also really funny.

It was fun to do a Broadway play where the audience was laughing from the beginning to the end. Yeah.
I don't associate Broadway with comedy all that much. Right.
It was a struggle.

I'm used to doing improv where you never do something twice. Yeah.
Or TV and movies where you kind of don't do something twice. Yes.
Especially if you find something funny.

You better hope you didn't find it in rehearsal because it's really hard to do that thing again.

I think we're scarred by the training we have, which is I'm allergic to the second time, which is a terrible quality. I'm fucking allergic to it.
That's exactly how I feel.

Even if I improv once and it's great and they want to get another camera, I'm like, well, I don't want it anymore. I know, I know.
It feels so false.

And I'm working with three actors who have done a lot of theater, TV too, mostly TV, but they've done more theater lately. They were more ready for this than I was.

And I remember doing something in a rehearsal that made the producers and director laugh. And then we were going to do it again.
And I got a note that they loved that.

And I was like, is it cool with you guys if I don't do that again until opening night? And they said, no. Yeah, they want to see it.
Yeah. You have to.
We have to timing.

So that was a really fun experiment that I ended up loving. I want to get back there.
Okay.

And then the other thing, this one confuses me because this is, again, this is around the time that Sabrina put out short and sweet, yet it's still not on TV.

But you and Forte did a show in Australia. Yes, we did.
Where is that? And what's going on?

ID. So ID, it's on sheet TV.
V-ID.

Actually, this is called Sunny Nights. Yes.
It's directed by the great Trent O'Donnell, who did some good plays. Kristen knows him.
Also, maybe did Colin from a Count. Yes, you sure did.

Greatest show. We love the show that people have not seen.
And you got to watch it. You must watch it.
Do people ever look down the barrel on this show? Oh, you got to watch Colin from Accounts.

Watch it or watch out. Exactly.

Will and I play siblings. We shot it not this past summer, but the summer before.
Wow. Short and sweet debut.
Yes. August.
It's the same exact timing.

So, this actually will really work well for you. It comes out in Australia in December, next month.

This month. Right.
Yeah. So it's coming out on stand TV TV in Australia.
And I know there's a lot of armchairs in Australia. There are.
Yeah.

That's great. You know why there's good people down in Australia? Down in Australia for sure.
It premieres on Boxing Day. And that is December

26th.

And then it will be streaming in America at some point soon. And I can't wait to tell you about that.
Yay. Yeah, I can't imagine a more explosive duo than you and Forte.
This is a dream. Dream.
Okay.

One other question I wanted to explore before we do Luke is anything on earth.

Because when you were here last time, you had filmed a couple, but you didn't have your full arc yet on Barry. You start being on Barry in 2018.
We interviewed you in 2018.

Okay, here's the weird thing, and you guys know this being in this biz. I auditioned for Barry the week after I auditioned for The Good Place.
Whoa. There you go.
Or the week of or whatever.

It was that pilot season, which we used to have. And Good Place was 16 to 2020 to remind people.
So we shot The Good Place one week. We shot Barry the next week.

And then it didn't get picked up for a year. Oh, wow! And then I think it didn't come out for a year.
What I thought might be interesting is this is something that you two share.

Yes, we do, which is a transition from nanny to see.

Oh, that's right! Because you were haters, nanny for a long time, long time, yeah. So, what was that transition like?

And did it have any growing pains or did you have internal things that were fucking with you?

Yeah, Bill and Maggie Carey, who he was married to at the time, I nannied for them for years and years and years. And Bill was on SNL, and Maggie was making comedy movies and TV.

And I was just sort of like chugging away at UCB. Yeah.
It was,

it's funny. I was about to say it was tricky.
And then I'm like, no, it wasn't tricky. And the reason it wasn't is because I didn't ever bring it up.

If they didn't know I was doing UCB, they wouldn't have known. And Bill, we did a show together, One Random Ass Cat, which is UCB's, what did we call it? Like our flagship show.

It would be a bunch of improvisers and then probably a celebrity guest that would come do monologues. That was like the first time we had sort of gotten to work together in that way.

And it was really positive. But were you nervous going into it? Like, oh, he knows me as this.
Or were you like, wait till he sees the skill set? I hate to say that. It was a little bit of both.
Yeah.

It was cool. I know.
It was a little bit of like, this is my world. Yeah.
And I feel good in this world and I know what I'm doing.

And not to say that you don't have good shows, bad shows, but I was, I think, more excited. Well, when you're nannying, you are quite literally in their world.
Yeah.

So if he enters your world, that's fine. And it was really fun.
They were so good to me. I love them so much.

We're still really in each other's lives i went to their daughter's 16th birthday the other day and oh isn't that tough isn't that wild

i know i know i mean i was nanning for them up until like a few months before the good place what have you said a few months ago

well i would though i know i would i know i would

when the audition for barry came along tell me if this resonates i almost called bill and said let's just not no no no you don't have to do this this is so nice but no no no no no let's not don't do me the favor do me the favor it's gonna be so awkward when i see you next time and I didn't get it.

Let's just not even worry about it.

You didn't do that. I didn't do that, but I really thought about it.
And I almost was like, should I?

I don't know what the right answer was, but I did the audition just because it was such a good script and it was so fun. And he was so wonderful about it.
He texted me that day. Like, you got it.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Was he in the audition? No, but he watched it afterwards.
Okay. So that's helpful.
I feel like when he's in the audition, I mean, I auditioned in front of Dax for commercials. Okay.

And a bunch of other people. I was hoping you would tell a different story, which is I just offered you a role.
I didn't make you audition. Oh, yeah.
No, that's a separate.

I'm talking, this is like years ago, right?

Yeah, but it is weird. And also, we were just already such good friends.
I mean, it'd be different if you came up together in the same acting class or something like that.

But I think that's more special because I was directing it. Yes.
Yeah. You were directing it and you were there when I walked into the audition.
And it's like, this is so strange.

But weirdly, I was like, I've done like 40 commercials. I feel fine about this.
Right. And it was a little bit like, I'm fine.
That's doing this. It was almost beneath you.
Yeah, yeah.

The actual spock was like an industrial buyout he won. So it was actually below you.
Jim, was that your first time auditioning for Dax? Well, I had already just hired her for chips.

That was horrible. Yeah, yeah.
Because then I didn't even know. Right.
I was so excited. I was so flattered.
This is before I was nannying. I was just babysitting.
Okay, okay, okay.

I knew he was working on chips and he said, I wrote you a role. Yeah.
And I was like, huh?

What? Yeah. I mean, you know, you know what it's like to be auditioning and not getting anything.
And someone wrote you a role for their movie. I was shocked and I was so excited and so happy.

And then I was like, oh no, I know. I know.
I know. Oh, no.
And I only let him down. Totally.

This is like something that I think I really appreciate that Bill did, which is after the fact he said they almost named the character Darcy.

I don't think it could have been an offer because I had done hardly anything at that point, but the pressure. So anyway, I didn't know that until later.

But going in a little bit, not blind, but he's not in the room. He's related.
He's not making the decision. Yeah.
I think feeling like someone's doing you a favor is complicated.

Yeah, it is complicated because it's so nice. I mean, it's the nicest thing that can happen in this business.
And

then you feel like, oh my God, they put themselves out there and I don't know how to act. Right.

I'm no longer

forgot last week. Yeah, that's how it feels.

I totally agree. It's so funny.
I read something years ago that Allison Jan insists on, I don't know if she still does, but insists on auditioning, even with an offer.

She's like, let's work together first. Yeah.
Make sure. Yeah.
Bill never, ever for one second made me feel like it was anything but earned, you know? He just was really good.

Really, really good to me. Now, did you, though, transfer effortlessly into peer? No.
Do you still feel this original dynamic? We have such a long history of me being his nanny.

I don't know if that'll ever fully go away. It's been 16 years now that I've known him and that we've been so close.
So we have totally moved into real friendship, almost like in a family way.

But there is always this sort of thing of, I don't mean to say like boss. It's not even that.
It's just, I'll never let go of the fact that I was nanny for so long. I can easily access it.

I could easily sort of tip into like assistant.

feeling you know what i mean like let me get that for you or whatever which he would never want but that's just sort of the foundation so interesting i don't have that. Yeah, good, good, good.

But only because we work together every day still. I think if we had not, like if we worked together and then I didn't see you, I think that would be easier for me to slip back into that.

I think I have more of that with Kristen. Oh, funny.
Where, like, I do sometimes feel like, oh, I'll just take care of that for her. I know how to do that.

But since we continue to work together and build this thing, it's harder for me to slip into like,

oh, yeah, when I was afraid of the sponge, because I heard you hated the sponge. That's like so form wet sponge in the sink.
Just squeeze it before you put it back.

Then you don't have to throw it away every three days because it smells like mold. I love it.

It's just funny because, like, I remember Carly saying when I was like training, she was like, just so you know, Jacks hates

when the sponge is left in the sink. So it just makes

people in the house or yelled at people. But that's her job to teach.
Like, don't do that. That's a house rule.
And I just remember being like, the sponge. I I was so aware of it.

And now thinking about that girl and that guy,

it's so funny to me. It's so normal that it almost hurts my feelings.
And once in a long while, it'll happen. It's fun to watch when it happens.
It happened when you watch without a paddle.

Like she watched without a paddle this year in preparation of us doing a 20-year anniversary show with Seth and Matt. And she had never seen it.
Yeah.

And so she watched it and then she came in and her reaction was just really funny and genuine. She was like, I forgot you're really funny.

Like, I forgot you're a comedic actor that I saw who I thought was funny. Right, yeah.
You're so used to your partner. Yeah, exactly.
The person who can't remember the name of his favorite song.

That's what you have to deal with. Don't smile.
Good job.

You got a way of getting there.

I think it's good. You wouldn't like it if Nick came in every day thinking you were.
Not every day, but I did like when you thought I was talented for a day. I was like, oh, that feels really nice.

That is so married couple.

That's so great. I'm just like her dad.
You don't give a fuck about your parents. You're just like, yeah, whatever.
They don't have feelings. Yeah, but every now and then you go to their work event.

You're like, oh, people respect him.

Oh, my God. Good job, Dan.
He's actually in person. Yeah, he's his own life and feelings.

Okay, Loot. Wait, real quick, we have to touch on handmade sale for just a second.
Yes, he was in handmade sale. Well, that was another one.
She is such a fucking

monster. I'm an actor.
Unbelievable. Did you have scenes with her? We had scenes together.

Did she fuck you up? Yeah, you did four episodes or something? I think I did four episodes, maybe three. Wait, did she fuck me up as an actor? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
She's like maybe the best.

And I thought that before I met her. And then getting to see her do it.
She's so fucking goofy in real life. That to me is even more of a testament to what an amazing actor she is.

That's not her at all. And she's that goofy the second they yell cut.
And before. God.
Have you had Bradley Whitford on? Yes, a long time ago.

I love to hear him talk about her because they've worked together since the West Wing days. And he's like, she's a machine.
She's like a different beast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She is really

incredible. The rest of us can.
And then she directed the last two episodes, and she's such a good director. And Dowd, who plays Aunt Lydia.
Oh, yes, yes. Getting to do a lot of scenes with her.

I don't know if I've ever got to go to be on a show that was an enormous favorite. Well, it's happening this year, actually.
I'm doing something that I love the first season. I know.
I'm so excited.

So, that's so fun to get to have Aunt Lydia talk to you in that bitchy. Yes.
Yeah. Yes.
Oh, my God. Literally, we text each other this a lot.

I'm saying something to her in the show where I'm like trying to distract her and I'm lying to her. But I say something about I needed to clean something up with a mop.

And the way she responds is a mop, like in a very Aunt Lydia way.

To have and out as Aunt Lydia look you up and down. Tear you in half.
It feels really good. Oh, wow.
And she's also the sweetest, sweetest, most wonderful darling woman.

I commend the casting, though, because they cast Darcy and Tim

regarded so highly comedically that they brought him for the end of the most intense show that's been on TV in the past decade, probably.

That whole group, the showrunners, everybody, the writers, they all were very confident. I didn't feel like prove to us that you can do this.
They really made me feel good. It was amazing.

But it was really special. I can't believe I got to do that.
It was like, I got to shoot some guys in the face.

Badass. So fun.
Okay, loot. Loot a toot toot.
I watched the first episode you're in, which is already out. Oh my God, what a delight.
You're so fucking funny. Thanks, Dax.

You come in as a vaguely Italian

ambiguous yet again, but hardcore. What's your first line to her? Buenosera.

And that's your name. My name is Luciana, but I don't think Buenos Sera is like correct

Italian. I think it's a little Spanish.
And that was sort of the point. There's a lot of bad Italian.
Oh, I love this. You're super fake Italian.
Yeah.

And then, though, it already aired, so I'm going to say. I play Adam Scott's girlfriend, and Adam is Maya's ex-husband.
He's like a billionaire. Okay.

And she got $87 billion from the divorce with Maya. And she's trying to give it away.
It's not going well. And he's not.
He's just living the billionaire life.

And he has this new Italian girlfriend who's like really changing his life. And Maya's still very hurt by him.
Yeah. There's some real feelings there.

At the end of the episode, you find out that I'm not really Luciana from Italy. I'm Ashley Kate.
Ashley Kate

from, I want to say Delaware. Your accent is so bizarre.
Baltimore, Delaware. Were you coached through? I was coached.
Is that easy for you? That's so hard for me. This is the funny thing.

I love accents. Italian, I don't have.
Well, you did in the show. Oh, I worked really hard.
Okay, you nailed it. I'm really leaning into the, it's bad.
It's okay. That it's bad.

It's part of the character. And then this sort of like Baltimore, Delaware accent, I don't have.
And I worked my buns off. Do you watch videos on YouTube? I watched videos on YouTube for The Italian.

So my best friend, Brandon Scott Jones, he was on The Good Place and now he's on that show Ghosts on CBS. He's great.
Amazing. Anyway, he's from Baltimore.

My best friend.

Baltimore. This is going to mix up.
Don't smile. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's from Baltimore. So he always, our whole friendship has.

fallen into this great accent that I love so much that I make him do like a party trick, but I don't have it. And I always remark on how hard it is.

And then Sudie Green, who's an amazing, hilarious comedian and actor who writes on loot and used to write on SNL, she's from Delaware. I might be wrong about that too, but in that area.

So both of them would leave voice memos saying every line. Oh, great.
Every line like I was learning a new language. And then I just tried to match it.
I love that. It was really hard.

And I feel like I got it. It's excellent.
It's so funny. And it's so weird.
And you're right. That pocket.
Also, I was watching Task and they're nailing this Pennsylvania pocket. It's so hard.

It's just really random words, right? I would almost like write a new alphabet, things that made sense to me, almost like it was music or something, but it's not in me. Well, you're hysterical.

And then I love Adam so much. I don't know that anyone plays douchey as good as he.
He's so good at it. And it's fun, you know, after inhaling two seasons of Severance now, it's nice to see him.

I mean, I love him in Severance. He's literally one of the best performances.
Incredible, incredible. He's another monster.
Blown away by him. But it's so fun to see him kind of go back to douchebag.

Yes. And this is such a particular kind of douchebag on the show.
Her character, who he's in love with, has given him a makeover. He had his nostrils permanently flared.
Right.

And he has jeans with a ton of zippers on him. Right.
So many zippers, too many zippers. Getting to work with Adam for a little bit in the Good Place was so fun.
And then getting to do this with him.

Getting to work with Maya Rudolph in this way, you guys.

Was she not in any place? She was in Good Place. She was so great in Good Place.
And we got tons of amazing stuff to get to do together. We got to dance together.
We had so much fun.

We had too much fun.

I mean, couldn't get through a scene. And then to get to play with her on loot in this way, where I almost can't explain how much of a dream it is.

When she was on SNL and I was in college, that is a written-out dream in my diary. Yeah.
Like, there was something about Maya when I first watched Maya on SNL. I don't even know how to explain this.

It's like I saw my family. I connected to her so hard that she made me feel like I belonged or like I was not as weird as I thought I was.

I just connected to her in a way that I had never connected to her. She has a level of playfulness

that is pretty unparalleled. Speaking of nannying and Bill and everything, there was one of these kids' birthday parties where she was there.
And this is years ago, years and years and years ago.

I love her so much that. I left.
Yeah. I had to let go.

I couldn't meet her. And I felt this way when she was put on the good place where I was like, I don't want this.

I don't want my favorite. She's my favorite.
I can't meet her. I can't work with her.
Not ready. Yeah.
She couldn't have been better. She blew my expectations of her as a person.

I just feel so fucking lucky that I got to do this with her. We really tell each other that a lot, which is nice.
It's not just like, oh, this is a fun day at work.

We kind of like hold each other, like stare into each other's eyes. She sometimes will call me her weird sister.
Like, you're my weird sister in a way that.

I'm like, if you told an 18-year-old Darcy that. I know.
Do you think you're living in a sim? It does feel, that's what I mean. Maybe more than anything.

I'm like, this one, this is like, I wrote this down. Yeah.
Yeah. I get to be in three episodes.
I don't know if I'm allowed to say that, but there I go. Who cares? And that's just a good day.

Those were good days where I'm like, my life is good. I am happy.
I'm laughing. I'm fulfilled.
I'm around amazing, creative. hilarious people.
I just felt really lucky.

Something just really hit me on that show. That's beautiful.
Okay. Well, so everything's going perfect and it's going to be a great next year.
So you don't need to worry at all. Okay.

But we need to be ahead of schedule and you and Belle need to chat once a month about what you're going to do again.

It seems insane that you guys aren't plotting what you would come back together on at some point. We do plot it, but we're bad at following up.
You might need a non-ADHD person involved.

Yeah, it's like you're time blindness. It's actually funny.
If we went through our text messages, it would be like, read this script. And then it would be like a month later being like, I read it.

Did we talk about it yet? So much of that. You got to get an alarm spell in like the time.
Yes, you know. You need to invite.
Oh my God, you're actually right.

Someone with a different neurodivergent skill set that will level out. I love her so much.
Yeah, she's very lovable. Well, I love you, Darcy.
Everybody watch you unlute.

Everybody keep your eyes peeled for Sunday nights and the five-star weekend. And does your ID TV have a title? It doesn't have one yet.
Okay. She show on she TV.
She's showing on

SheTV. Thank you for having me.
I love sitting with you guys. I love you.
I love talking to you. Thank you for having me.
I'm so proud of you. Okay.
Come back.

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert.

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He is an arm care expert, but he makes mistakes all the time. Thank God Monica's here.
She's got to let him have the facts.

This is a dangerous food item to eat right before we record. Yeah, it's sticky.
Because look what could happen.

Hey, Monica. Oh.

What's on this side?

Yeah, that looks. Do I look hillbilly-ish? Yeah, you do.
But it kind of matches your shirt. My whole vibe.

And your whole vibe.

None of this seems on brand. I think I could pull off a missing tooth up front.
Well, you have.

Oh, no, you don't. You just had a gold one.
You remember the only thing I have bulletproof is my teeth. I know.
So wild that you're so obsessed with your teeth. You're not obsessed.

You're careful with your teeth. You're scared of them falling out.
And yet, you shaved one of them down a little bit. And I'm just surprised you did that.
I was

swept away. I did.
I should have like,

I should have brought an advocate with me. Yeah.
I was like, hold on,

do we want this permanently? Yeah.

But I didn't. And I'm also really good at when I make my bed, I can lie in it.
Peace. I know, but do you feel you got taken advantage of? No, no.

I don't. Not in this case.
Okay, that's good. Yeah, just lying in your bed if you've made it.

Is that the same? Yeah, if you make a bed and you lie in it. This is one of my pet peeves.
Okay. And I know it's definitely childhood.
I think it's how we were raised. Like, yeah, that's it.

Just deal with it. Right.
There was a lot of tolerance for whining about stuff.

And I'm that way and I like it. And when people are like, when they can't just accept.
Yeah, just get with the program and deal with whatever thing it is. Sure.
I get a little judgy. Okay.

Well, it's like I call it a pet peeve. I think you'd call it a pet peeve.
Okay.

Just deal with it. I want to, sometimes I just want to yell out loud.
Just deal with it. Yeah.
It's funny, though.

I do think it's funny because we, I think we all feel that way. Like, just, just, this is, just get on.
There's just different things we have on the bus. Different things.

I think there are things that

at the airport, like, yeah, TSA, they're always there. Just deal with it.
It's fine. It is the way it is.
Just do it. And I've learned a deal.
Sure. I'm just, you know, we all have our things.

This isn't a good one, but yeah, my food comes fucked up. Well, whatever.
It's food. Sure.
You know, people are like, I asked for light mayonnaise and this is medium mayonnaise.

I have, I'm like, oh, boy, I wish I weren't at a table with you. Wow.
You are being judgy. I am.
And I think it's because it comes from, I would have been very shamed if I acted that way. Growing up.

Oh, man.

Yeah. Okay.
But my kids demand satisfaction. You know, they they grew up in a different household than me.
All right. Also, okay, lime mayonnaise and medium mayonnaise is one thing.
But what about if

they give a chicken sandwich instead of a burger? Chicken's great. No.

I think you should get the menu item. Yeah, you should.
I ordered lasagna. Well, you got clams.
Sometimes that happens. And then

you're allowed to be pissed. I guess you're right.
I guess all the lines in the sand are arbitrary. Yeah.

But like, if I just, if I buy something and i get home and i'm like yeah that didn't turn out

you're not i'm just like that's your fault just deal with it you should have been able to tell if you let someone grind your tooth down like just that happened it happened yes i'm not gonna cry over spilled milk we know i once cried over spilled milk yeah But you think it's probably equal across, like everyone just has their zones.

Yes. Yeah.

I want there to be people that are more tolerant than do. I know you do.
But you don't think that's no, there are. There are some people that are just like,

thanks for the sustenance.

No matter whatever. Do not care about anything.
Yeah. I put my dad almost in that category.
Yeah. And I enjoy being around him, I think, for that reason.
It's like, I ordered milk.

Good to the glass of sand. Yeah.
He's like, that's fine. Yeah.

Some people are like that. You are not.
And either am I, and neither is anyone we know, really,

besides my dad.

So, you know, it's okay. We all have our things.
No, we should aspire to be a shoke, though, in the sitch. I think it's okay to care about some things.
Okay. Yeah.

I think it's all right.

You have family in town, and there's a little girl in the house. Oh, there is a little girl.
And she's so cute. And you came down the stairs and she said, hi, Uncle Dax.
I know.

And she's only met me like three times. It's really cute that she calls you Uncle Dad.
I know. I don't really get called Uncle Dax.

it was the first time i've ever heard the first time i've ever been called like no my certainly my brother's children they call you uncle dad they did when they were little oh they did okay because i've never called my aunts

oh you haven't uh-uh i did call my aunt lily my dad's sister who passed away this year

gee i called her aunt lily but everyone else was not was called by their name and i don't think they liked it they thought it was disrespectful well i was gonna say what's interesting when the little i know about the Indian culture is it's all about aunties and uncles.

It is. And are they not saying auntie and uncle? Or are they? They are.
You just, you went to the bathroom.

Yeah.

Yeah. Actually, when I was there for the memorial, people were, they, people were calling me.
Auntie. Some of them, yeah.
Oh, really? And then also, there's a

the language that my parents speak. Well, they don't, but you know, where they come from.

The language they could. Yes, my dad speaks it.

It's called malayalam

and the the word for sister is chaichi cha chi so my dad called

um my aunt lily chai chi but normally you would say like

lily chai chi and then if there's another sister that carly chechy yeah so but he just had one sister so he just called her he got to just say chechi there was only one but when i was there a lot of people were calling me monica chai chi And did you feel honored and respected?

I had to learn all about this because I was like,

why are they calling me that? I'm not their sister, so I don't get it. But then it's not that literal.
No, it's much looser. They hold it.
Family. They hold it with a loose grasp.
Everyone's family.

Yeah, that's nice. It is nice.
And in general, can like you just like... I got the feeling from watching Husson stand up that he could just go up to any Indian woman and call her auntie.

Like if she was older, like it would be a sign of respect. Probably.

Yeah, I think so, actually.

okay okay i mean maybe maybe they have to be kind of loosely related but maybe not yeah i don't know it seemed i was trying to read between the lines and i was like i think you can just roll auntie out as a term of respect period it is very interesting being around that side of the family which is rare because they are more um involved in the indian culture than my family is and my dad but seeing my dad kind of does code switch when he's there obviously right right um but even sometimes i'll catch him i'm like he's rogue yeah like he's he's the one he did something different he's an anarchist he's punk rock i should say ask him about shaving his sides he might be up for it i'd rather not his hair's okay

give him a haircut next time he's around oh but his hair's do you think he'd feel homophobic about me touching his hair

no he doesn't he doesn't have any feelings of homophobia no okay again he doesn't he would if a random man started crossing his neck, he would have

okay. I think he'd be like, he'd probably just be like, what is that person doing?

No, I think he'd be like, what is that person doing? But he wouldn't think it was homophobic. Okay.
He doesn't care about stuff. I don't know how many times I can say it.

But if he was being hit on by a man, would he notice? No. He wouldn't notice.

Even if it was shirts off and they were kissing. Well,

don't make my dad, don't do that to my dad. He's in India right now.
He is.

So I had to, I had to reach out to a friend today, a friend of a friend. Okay.
Because I needed help with some publicity. Oh, okay.
Yeah. I have, I'm going on Kimmel tonight.
Right.

And I aim to show a clip of hit and rock, which is proving harder to do than one would think. Huh.
Oh, everyone's going, rights, rights. Like, who? Open Road owned it.
They sold. It's like.

The company that owned the movie has been sold 20 times. Right.
Don't you own the rights? I wish. That's crazy.
No.

So I had to call my friend Callie over at Netflix.

I sent her a text. I was like, hey, sorry to bother you with this.
You work in marketing at Netflix.

Like, I'm trying to get Netflix to send a clip over of this movie and you guys have it currently licensed. Can you? Did she? She's on it.
She's working on it. Oh, my God.

My sweet Callie. That might make you giggle.
Yeah.

God,

she created Train Dreams Dreams and

wrote and directed Train Dreams. She's getting you out of this pickle.
She's busy.

We'll see. She's working on it.
Yeah. She's also not in publicity.
She's in marketing. Very different division.
She said, this isn't really my thing, but I can call some people.

Yeah, she's going to pull some strings. Yeah, hopefully.
Callie's coming over tonight. Oh, she is.
Yes. What timing? Exactly.
Because today...

Is Mon's giving. It's Tuesday? It's normally Monday.
I had to push it because we had to add some recordings recordings yesterday. Yeah, we had a bonker's day yesterday.
Yeah. So it's today.
Okay.

Okay. Is that why you wanted to go early? Yeah.
Okay. So I have to get this turkey in the oven at one at the latest.
Okay. And I still have to cut up some shallots.

Isn't Lincoln going to go throw it in? Maybe. Send her in the room.
Listen to cuts some shallots. She's a good cutter.
And put some thyme in. T-H-Y-M-E.
Right. And thyme.

And it does take some some time yeah i am a c i am a ch

i am a c h r i s t i i n i have the l o r d and me h e a r t and i love them and i l o v e love them all the t i m e time you know that can you believe i know that how do you know that i don't know these songs

the songs get in there i think i'm going to learn it from the hansons

They have heard them sing that, but I've never committed that to me. You don't even know any lyrics.
You can barely spell those words.

The real hard part is spelling Christian. Do you think now you should believe in God? Because that's shocking.
God did intervene and allow me to spell his followers' name correctly.

You want to hear it one more time? Sure. I am a C.
I am a C-H. I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-I-N.

I have the L-O-R-D in my H-E-A-R-T and L-O-V-E love them all the T-I-M-E time.

Wow. That's a tongue twister.
Can you try it?

Okay, sure. I am a C.
I am a C. I am a C-H.
I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-A-I-N.

Is it A-I-N or I-A-N?

I-A-N. Okay, so he had a misspelling.
I don't have the Lord in my heart. That's one misspelling.

I thought that's how it was spelled. That's what I'm saying.
It gets really hard. Okay, I am a C, I am a C-H.
I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-I-N.

I have the L-O-R-D in my A-E-G-A-R-T.

And I

L-O-V-E.

Love him all the time all the T-I-M-E time.

Really good. You lost the rhythm a little bit there.

You got off rhythm, but you did a really good job. Rob, do you want to try it? No, thanks.
Okay.

Okay. So, Mons Giving is today.
So, I have this turkey. I have to make a stuffing.
I'm making a

just with the two of you? This is crazy. Me.

I know, but just for you and Callie to you? No, no, no, no.

It's getting sad a little bit.

Hey!

This is a ton of food for two girls. That's all right.
I just imagine you two girls sitting down and be like, oh, we got a lot of work. That's so bird.

You know, her and I used to go to all time and get the ribeye, the huge steak. Yeah, the 96 steaks.
And we'd eat it all. Now, no, so this is three years running.
Yes.

And I would do it for the people who I don't normally do Thanksgiving with. So Anthony and Allison, Jess.
Trent and Megan.

Nope. Rachel.

Anna. Anna.
Jess.

I said Jess. Yes.
And Callie and Max. So, okay.

So it's six or seven people. Okay.
Squash gratin, stuffing. Oh, wow.
Green bean. So I'm bitch.
Half kind of green bean casserole, but it's not casserole. It's like fancy.

Now you're going to bring all this

rubbish to our Thanksgiving.

I'm making, I am making the potatoes for our Thanksgiving. Okay.
Okay. I asked if she wanted me to make anything else because I have other stuff, but I'm not bringing the leftovers.
That feels weird.

I mean, I can't. I bring a bunch of old leftovers.
Well, Thanksgiving leftovers are notoriously amazing. Better.
Yeah, better.

Turkey,

cloud potatoes.

I made gravy already. I made cranberries already.
I had to make the stock from scratch. Whoa, this is crazy.
Is there any other, there's no other holiday you celebrate three times? No, there's not.

Like you could have potentially gone three. You may still yet go three times.
I'm going to. Tuesday, Wednesday, and you could bank.
You could find one Thursday for Thursday.

I'm doing a brunch, so, but I don't know what we're gonna do.

Tally.

Again, well, you guys are gonna be. I'm gonna be so full.
I know, I can't wait. It's just like a little turkey.
Speaking of fat, okay, go. I've gained,

well, now I'm back down a little bit, but I just blinked. Okay.

And I went from 196 to 212 by the time I got home from Texas. So I gained 16 pounds in about nine, 10 days.
Whoa.

I have that kind of body. Like, I do think I could blink and be 275.
We have to do raised to 270. 16 pounds in 10 days is a lot.
That is a lot. What do you think? Steven?

I'm back down to 207. Huh.

I mean, I... It's as simple for me as I like, I forget to take my Metamucil for a day.
Okay.

And then I had an early morning for something. And then I just did one day.
I didn't poop. Just one day, though.
And then the next day, it's like, it's a joke of a poop. Like, it's a little bit.

So you're a little constipated. I think I have like 10 plus pounds.
And then I think that then creates a bunch of water. Sure.
Bloat. Bloat.
Sure.

All I know is I got home from Texas on Saturday night and I hopped on the scale. I said,

wow, we've almost gained 20 pounds last 10 days. Wow, that is fast.

I can pack it on and then I can really lose it pretty quick too. But you also were traveling, so you weren't working out? I did not work out,

but I also was like on a set for 12 hours walking around and being kind of busy. So I bet calorically I spent the same amount.

Very normal for me. I'll just do this.

One time got on a cruise ship and seven days later, you recall I got out was like 22 pounds heavier. I can just.
I think I have a lot of real estate to spread it around. Well, you're very tall.
Yes.

And wide. Yeah.
Well, you're not wide, are you? His shoulders are pretty wide. His His shoulders are wide.

But they are pretty wide. Pretty thin.

I mean, if you look at me from sideways, I just look normal. Yeah, you don't look thick.
Oh, no, fuck.

Unless you gain 15, 20. I will be thick by the end of this holiday.
You are, you know, you are thicker with your muscles. You don't look so

thin anymore.

I mean, you're talking like five years ago? Or are you talking last week? No, I mean, like, your muscles are huge.

You have huge muscles. You do.

Everyone knows that. I know.
That's, that's we could. So you, it's like my blampers.

We all know about your muscles and my blampers. In fact, nobody knows about my blampers as we just learned.
One person didn't know about your blampers, and my hunch is he did know about them.

He didn't. He didn't.
No, I could tell he didn't know. He was not going to look.
Yeah. But the muscles is an interesting thing.

Let's talk about it. The muscles are just a result of the way I like to work out.
I mean, in truth. But you also, you want to be big.
You've said that. I wanted to be bigger and I got bigger.

There are moments where I go, you're starting to look stupid.

You know, like there's, you can look too much. I, even for me, you can look too much.
Really? Oh, yeah. Okay.
Like, I don't want to look like a bodybuilder or a UFC fighter. Okay.
Right. Yeah.

I mean, I, yeah.

You,

you agree. Yeah, I agree.
Yeah. It's just the result of what I like to do.
Yeah. Like I like to lift weights for an hour a day.
Yeah.

And ride my bike. And I feel great.
Yeah. And I feel strong.
Yeah. But I don't necessarily

want to look big.

You, you could lower the weights, right? No, because the whole point, I still have to exhaust myself. That's the more reps.

But yeah, you can do more reps and less weight. But that's the same, you get the same gains.
Like Like when your kids are snuggling you, do they ever like hit their head on your muscle and say, ow!

No, never, never. They really? They still like my nook.

They will comment that when they're laying on my chest, it's like they're on two pillows. Like they're up kind of high.

Right. They're up.
They like it. But they still feel soft.
They still, yeah, yeah. Okay,

inviting and soft. Because sometimes when I hug people with big, and

you're an extremely good hugger. You're like known for your hugs.
Sure, it's my calling card.

And, you know, you are at risk because sometimes people who are too muscular, I have, I don't like hugging them. It's like, it's like hugging a redwood.
Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't feel cozy.

It's not warm, fuzzy. It's cold, prickly.
Yeah. Anyways, I'm aware of it, but I don't really, I'm also not going to do anything other than what I do.
Great.

But I just, for anyone who's like, does he realize he might look too big? I do. I think you don't.
but here's one thing I'll say about some people who are getting very, very, very big. Okay.

Maybe, yeah, you're hitting it on the head, by the way. I see pictures of other guys, and I'm like, I think I'm that big, and I don't like how they look.
That's what's really happening. Yeah.

But a lot of it is, they're much shorter. Yeah, yes.
I think if you're really bulldoggy, that's not a look for me. Sure.
But I, I

okay, yes. And what happens, though, is when you have to wear something high neck

where it's buttoned up top. Yes.

It still, it kind of gives that illusion of a shorter person because you're only seeing, you're not seeing down here.

And so you're just seeing the neck and the neck is thick. It's stockier.
Okay, right. And so

then it looks like, oh my God, like he must have been 16. So they're so muscular.
Like their neck is huge. Yeah.
I don't think I'm there, but I think I know what you're saying.

Yeah, I just noticed it. Yeah, yeah.
When you put a tie, it can look like, oh, this does, none of this fits. Yeah, it's squeezing.
Constricted. It's squeezing.

It makes it's an uneasy feeling when you're viewing it.

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We are supported by Hill's Pet Nutrition. Something we celebrate here on Armchair Expert is that we all have juggles, struggles, faults, and flaws because we're human.

Those of us with pets know this all too well. We are their whole world, and that can be a lot of pressure.
Things are just going to go wrong sometimes, and we can only plan for so much.

Pet parent guilt is unavoidable. Yeah, like when you left one of your dogs when you went traveling, you probably had guilt.
I did.

Whiskey wasn't fit to make the trip, but I was relieved that he's having such a great time with Peggy at home. But yeah, because you're only human, there's hills.
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Find the right food at hillspet.com/slash dax.

But then I love that, but then, and then I also love the other side where it's like I was on set and all these guys, they just can't come. They kept coming over, feeling my muscles, and I love it.

I love being touched by people I like. Yeah.

Do you like physical? You like when you're talking to someone and you like the person. Yeah.
You like when they touch your shoulder and touch you and stuff?

I like that. I'm very physical.
It depends on who it is. Okay.
I don't think I'm carte blanche, but

if I like you and know, feel close to you, then yeah. Yeah.
Um, we saw wicked last night. Yeah, you saw wicked in a huge group of people.
Yes, I passed. You passed.
Are you going to see it?

I don't know. You're not sure yet.
You saw the first one?

I saw the first one because we were interviewing Cynthia. Right.
So we all went together. All went and

now remembering. Yeah.
Yeah.

I liked it more than the first one. I really, really loved it.
Yeah. But it was a chaotic day.
It was a maximum chaos day. Yeah.
We had a blood draw in the morning, 11 vials again.

Then we went in 11 a.m. recording.
We had a guest. Then we had a one-hour break.
In that one-hour break, I did the pre-interview for Kimmel. Then we came in here and then we had a very iconic guest.

And

then the second we walked out, I walked in the house and there were 13 people in the house.

And it was make sure everyone's eating.

This movie's long, figure out how we get all these people to the theater, pulling cars out of the garage, moving things around, total chaos up to the moment of departure, home alone, thought for sure we definitely were going to leave someone at the house.

And then went and

had a delightful time. Great.
But I think that's the most amount of things I did in one day on quite some time. Okay.
Got my new heavy weight. Sure.
Sure.

Okay. I have an update too.
Okay, Greg. Two updates, actually.

One is I have bad news.

Oh. I'm not going to do a gift guide this year.
Oh,

my God, Monica. But, but.
You know, I had a hunch this was coming. This year, I.
Can I make an overall prediction about you?

And me. Okay.

You're just too fried. I'm fried.
You're fried. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm fried too.
I'm fried. You're too fried.
I had this weird feeling.

I was like, because I was having the fried feeling laying in bed going like, I've got to start Christmas shopping. Yeah.

But I feel so, I, I just, because I've been shooting things and doing this, I just have felt like, I don't have time. I know.
And I've been laying in bed going like, I gotta get it.

And I was like, God, I wish fucking Monica would get that Christmas guide up in November. And then I was like, I don't think she's going to do it this year.
Okay, listen, couple things.

One, yeah, I'm fried.

When the the year is supposed to be slowing down it's actually speeding up yeah yeah i we have to get a little bit ahead yeah we also have um mons giving thanksgiving all the things travel all these things and

and then yeah then and bethstead which is doing so well i'm very very happy and thank you for everyone for listening please keep listening and spreading the word but like that's taking up some energy the extra only extra energy is now there yes And

I don't think

I have to be inspired for the gift guide. It doesn't make sense if I'm just like,

what should I put on? 13 items. Yeah, then people aren't getting a good gift guide.
It has to be real. Welcome to our world, which is why we need you.
That's how we feel about presents all the time.

None of us inspiring. I'm not like, oh, that's perfect.
That doesn't happen for me. So it's literally just like, I got to fill slots.

Okay, but I'm going to throw you, I'm going to, I'm going to throw you a bone. Okay.
I'll receive it.

So I'm not doing the gift guide, but what I will do from here up until Christmas, I guess, or for the next few weeks, on the fact checks, I'll give a couple items. Okay.
Okay.

And so check into the fact check if you want my gift guide items. And also you're, you're now the first to know these items.
I'll be able to get it before they're sold out. Exactly.

Okay. So I'm going to go ahead and give you you something now.
Okay. Okay.
So there's a brand. It's called Tecla.
Tecla Fabrics. Okay.
Okay.

It's a, I really, really like this brand. They have

pajamas that I really like, but also towels. It's like a homeware store.

You guys have it in Nashville. Oh, we do? Yeah.
Your Nashville house has Tecla towels. Oh, we have the towels already.
Oh, shit. Well, get them for somebody else who doesn't live there then.
Yeah.

Okay. Yeah.
See, so they're kind of, there's like striped ones that are really beautiful. Those do look familiar.
And I do love the texture of the towels in Nashville. They're, they're really good.

I mean, I really like their sleep.

I have a

pink striped pajama. that I really like and they have shorts and stuff.

So I feel like if you go to tecla you can get some towels tech l a te k la t e k l a okay okay and there's a there's a limited edition

and there's a robe that looks really cute on the limited edition so you might need to hear this you need to get that fast it's called the gentlewoman gentlewoman okay be nice to me i'm trying to give you some help free tip um yeah so tecla great brand go there buy some stuff That's all I have for today.

Okay, great. Those will get the ball rolling.
All right, let's do some facts. Okay, great.

What are you laughing at?

So we're doing facts for Darcy and peek behind the curtain. PB walk.
Nope.

P.

This is what Rick Glassman can do so well. It's so speedy.
Yeah. P B T C.
P B T C. We just interviewed Darcy.

One second ago. Just once she's still here.
She's in the house chatting. She is.
And when that has to happen, when we have to do a quick turnaround,

Rob has to take down the facts

while we're recording because

I can't go back in time, you know, whatever. I can't edit it.
So he has taken down the facts today. Okay, great.
And the first fact is...

Do you feel really busy on those days, Rob, or is it manageable? It's a little busy because I'm also trying to find the answers to the facts. Sure.

And listen for new ones. Yeah, it's manageable, though.
Maybe Ovadhd. Maybe.
Ding, ding, ding. Okay, so the first fact is Dax's favorite song by Sabrina Carpenter is.

Say please.

Don't smile. Yeah.
How do you feel about 2026 coming up?

Well, I think I feel good. Yeah.

I feel, we like, you like round numbers. I play a game, as you may or may not remember.
Yeah. I like even numbers.
Yeah. Not round so much.

I like round features. That's what you're confused about.

But

I play a game because I hate odd numbers. So this year I focused on the fact that I was 50.
Yep, exactly. Despite the fact it was 2025, which is not great.

Although better than most odd numbers because it is divisible by many things.

And it has a five, which 50 has a five. There's some good symmetry there.
There's some cohesion. Yeah.
So now I'm going to shift and focus on it being 2026 and not 51. Right, sure.

And for me, there's only a 24-hour window where these these aren't both at play. Right.
So there'll be one day, January 1st.

In fact, that should be the best day of my year because it'll be an even number 2026, and it'll be 50 an even number. Yeah.
I don't focus enough on that.

Probably because sometimes it goes against last year. It's probably the worst new year.
And it was the worst New Year's. I had that terrible flu in Mexico.
That's right. You almost did it.

I was puking all day long in Honda Saint. And that's because it was the worst day.
And I had a fever.

I didn't even put that together till now, but now I understand it.

Okay, ID TV. Is it only true crime? No.

The network ID is not only true crime, although that it's, although that is its primary focus, it also features other crime-related programming, such as investigative news, documentaries, and some non-fiction crime dramas.

It's called investigation discovery. That's what ID stands for.
So investigation's pretty baked in. It seems like it.
I think my mom watches a lot of ID TV. I think a lot of older women watch ID TV.

She loves a turkey crime.

Yeah, Fixer Upper was the show that Joanna and Chip Gaines had. Oh, great.
It was a big, I watched it a lot. You did?

I've never gotten sucked into a makeover show. Yeah, that

tracks. I mean, you have, you have

for cars, a car makeover show, Top Gear. Well, that's not a makeover show.

But there have been makeover shows in the past. I did like Pimp My Ride or Ride Car.
There was a Chip Foose one where he would design a dream car for a very deserving person. Uh-huh.

And that show that Robert Downey Jr. was on

where he did electric conversions. Yeah.
Yeah. Downey's Dream Cars.
Downey's Dream Cars. DDC.
Okay. Does Sabrina Carpenter ever arrest men at a concert? Yes.

Oh. Carpenter has arrested men at her concerts, including celebrity guests like

Corey Fogelman.

Fogelman? Fogelmanis

from Girl Meets World. I think they were on it together.
They were on it together. Great.
That makes sense. Marcelo Hernandez, SNL, Domingo.
Domingo. And Joe Keary from Stranger Things.
Oh, great.

Okay. What did Denzel Washington win an Oscar for? What came out the year before that was making up for it?

Denzel Washington won the Academy Award for Best Actor in 2002 for his role in the 2001 film Training Day. In 2000, Remember the Titans came out.
Great movie.

I can't say, though, that I think his performance in Titans is better than Charlie Day. On Training Day.
Me either, but maybe it was, it was like,

oh, he might win for Remember the Titans and he didn't. And it's like, oh, here he is again.
He has to win. Yeah.

Darling Restaurant is in West Hollywood and it's a Nashville chef.

Oh, now I'm more interested. Really? My neighbor.
Oh, they went. You like the steak burger.
They only make 24 of them every night

and then they sell out of them.

Is that the one in Nashville? No, that's the one here.

I got to go. I got to get one of those 24 burgers.
I'm getting one.

And Rob wrote very good exclamation points. Very good.
Not great, Rob. No, it's great.
I loved it. Okay.
Did you have one of the burgers? I did.

Is it as good as Emily Burger?

They're different. They're different.
What's on it?

Let me see if I can find a picture of it.

Does it have caramelized onions? Caramelized. That's what I say.
You know, it's like caramelized. I see caramelized.
You're one of the people that says caramel when you talk about a caramel.

I guess I am. Yeah.
So then you say caramelized. Wow.
That's how I... Actually, now I've just...
Figured out how to prove whether or not it should be caramel or caramel.

I never knew. But now, caramelized sounds so bad that it could only be caramelized, which means it's got to be caramel.
It doesn't sound so bad to me. Caramelized? Caramelized.
Does that sound right?

To you be honest, Monica. Obviously, it sounds right to me if that's what I'm saying.
Well, I say stuff all the time at some points out, and I go,

oh, no, yeah, that does.

You can have both. It's caramelized onions, caramelized onions.
To me, caramelized onions. I don't, I think that sounds

just as good, if not better. I say caramelized.
Yeah. You guys are from the Midwest.
It makes sense. Caramelized.
I've never heard that in my whole life.

Thank you for introducing me to that pronunciation. You're welcome.

Caramelized.

I think it's fine. It sounds right to you.
Again, obviously it sounds right to me. I know.

Because

that's how I say it. Right.

Oh. Oh, shit.
That burger looks delicious. Okay, so it's a thick guy.
It's a soup can style. A dad burger.
What's on the bottom? Girthy and narrow. It's just like a mayonnaise.
Oh, my God. So sorry.

Paste.

Boy, look at the edge of that bun has just been cooked to perfection. Oh, my God.
This bun is so cool. It's two top buns.
You're right. Two top buns.
Wow. That's the only tricky thing about...

So when you're gluten-free and you're eating burgers. on their own all the time like I am or on a bed of lettuce, I think you get actually a better idea of how good the burger itself is.

So often you think a burger is great because the bun's great. That's great.
It's such a big part of it. They can tip it.

So like they've taken the time to grill and butter that bun and you're right away, the burger is going to taste so much better. And the cheese is a huge factor.
Yes.

Like people who are laughing at it. That's what's a little unfair about my crowning of Emily Burger being the best, although I stand by it.

It is also the only burger I eat the bun with. That's like my one that I make an exception for.
True. Because it's it's a pretzel bun.
So good. Fuck me.

Now, hold on. Okay.
So some people say

caramel, right? Yeah, that's you. Wait, I say, yeah, that's what I say.
Yeah. Because you're like, oh, I want some, some of those caramels.
Yeah.

And I would say I want some of those caramels. Yeah.
But now I think actually it

I think maybe caramel is what southerners say. So then why am I saying? Caramel.
Yeah. It makes sense that they would say caramel because it's lazier.
Well, that, I mean, no, I'm from the South.

That's what happens. We shorten things up and make it like, you know.
Yeah, but I'm just going to, I'm going to push back in the same way that AAVE was defended successfully academically,

which is lazy is a pejorative.

You could say efficient. Well, you know, we speak more efficiently.
We're molested, so you get to talk about that. And I'm from the South, so I get to say it's bad.

Okay, but I was just defending you guys. I know, but I don't think it's bad.
I just think it's like, you know, lazy speech. Yeah.
In a fun way. You could be more efficient.
So, God.

Because they tried to label African-American vernacular English as lazy. Right.
And they're like, no, no, no. Let's remember what the point of communication is.

Conveying a message successfully to someone else. That's happening.
Yeah. And it's being done differently.
It doesn't make it lazy or bastardized. Do you say the nut that is in pie often?

Well, I intentionally say it a certain way. Okay.

Again, my producer friend, who will remain nameless, I don't want to name drop.

We were in the hot tub with the kids and we were talking about them.

My kids have accidentally said the wrong pronunciation of words that I say intentionally wrong. Oh.
Debris. I never say debris.
Right. Because it's spelled debris and it sounds funny.

Yeah, you think it's funnier. And poor Lincoln was reading out loud in class and pronounced something debris and then was

embarrassed.

And then had to say, sorry, my dad says to bris, I know it's debris, blah, blah, blah. Oh, God.

But my producer friend said, my father did that non-stop. We have so many words that we say.
So I will say pecan pie. Yeah, that's how you say it.
But I say pecan. Your natural is pecan pie.

And Detroit is pecan. Okay.
But I'll say, ooh, I want some pecan pie because it's more fun. Yeah.
And it and it's not lazy. It's kind of longer.
That's what caramel. That's why I'm getting confused.

Yeah, pecan caramel. Caramel.
Sometimes there is caramel on a pecan pie. Can you even say pecan? Pecan.
Good job. Pecan pie.
That sounds not tasty. It's not as, you're right.
It sounds appetizing.

And either is caramel. Like, ew.

I actually am not a fan of caramel. I don't like it.

You don't? And I don't know why. Caramel.
No, I'm saying the thing. Oh, I love caramel.

I love it. So you say salted caramel pie.
I say, I love giving all your caramels and I'll spread them all over myself. Oh my God.
You ever have caramels eaten off of yourself? Okay. Nope.
Okay.

I'm right that the southern pronunciation. You ever fall down in a pecan pie, get all over your toast? Okay.

And then one of your friends has to get it off with our mouths. Ew.

Oh, my God. Okay.
Yes, the southern pronunciation of caramel is typically caramel, which is a three-syllable pronunciation.

This is in contrast to two-syllable pronunciation, Caramel, which is more common in the West and Midwest.

Okay. How many people are in the 42nd Street cast? Varies, but typically features a large ensemble.
The 1981 Broadway Revival is noted for having a cast of nearly 60 people. Holy smokes.
So she was

60% correct.

She was, yeah, that's right. That's exactly right.
That's it for Darcy Facts. Thank you, Rob.
You got it. Thank you for taking those down.

And thanks, Darcy. Yeah.
All right. Love you.
Love you.

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Guess what? It's Mel Robbins. I'm popping in here taking out my own ad.

Holy cow, Dax, Monica, and I, I don't want this conversation to end and I'm so glad you're here with us. And the other thing, I can't believe, Dax loves the Let Them Theory.

He can't stop talking about it. I hope you're loving listening as much as I love having you here.

And I also know since you love listening to Armchair Expert, you know what you're going to love listening to? The Let Them Theory audiobook. And guess who reads it? Me.

And even if you've read the book, guess what? The audiobook is different. I tell different stories.
I riff. I cry.
You're going to love it because it's going to feel like I'm right there next to you.

We're in this together as we learn to stop controlling other people.

So thanks again for listening to this episode of Armchair Expert and check out the audiobook version of the Let Them Theory, read by yours truly. Available now on Audible.

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