Lisa Kudrow

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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert.

I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Miniature Mouse.

By Monica Geller. How's the song go? Did I have it? Not really.
You can't trick me into singing. It's not really right, but it's close.
It's close. It's close.
It's close. Yeah.
Our first friend. What's the chorus? Just give me the words.
I'll be there for you. Thank you.
I'll be there for you. Even my arms are so true.
What's the second part? That was it. That was it.
What's happening with you? Hearing the song come out of my mouth is very disruptive. Well, we're just.
Disregulating. Okay.
Can we please. Friends.
What if I thought at some point they scream friends in this song? Our is here this is very important maybe that's why i'm getting upset yeah you're getting nervous because it's such an honor and you're afraid i'm gonna anger our lovely guest lisa kudrow you can't she's a groundling improv genius she knows how to party and get down and play she sure does she was awesome i love lisa kudrow, that's our guest, Lisa Kudrow. I said it seven times.
She's an award-winning actor, a producer, friends, da-da-da-da, friends. The comeback, Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion, Web Therapy.
I was on that. Who do you think you are? And okay, her new show, I say from the bottom of my heart, is delicious.
I can't wait.

You're going to love it.

I know.

I told you, it's very murders in the building with apartments.

Oh, the murders in the building.

I know.

I'm so excited.

Yes.

It's really, really great.

She's fantastic in it.

Please enjoy.

Guys, this is a huge deal.

I know.

I feel very grateful.

We're seven years in and it's our first friend.

It'll come up in the episode, but I want to say it now. We did almost have a friend, David Schwimmer.
Yeah. And he had to cancel because he had a really bad ear infection.
Yes. And Robbie Wobbs said he had Schwimmer's ear.
Yeah. It's really good.
It's a great joke. It bears repeating twice.
Okay, please enjoy Lisa Kudrow. We are supported by Discover.
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Yeah, you should. Is it nicotine gum? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. You know, I love nicotine.
I'm on all kinds of variety other than smoking. What? I do the mints, the lozenges, and then I do a little spray.
Do you know about the spray? I don't do it, but my husband does. Oh, he does.
You get it here? It's fucking pricey. Because, yeah, they're European, right? Right.
That's it. That's it right here.
Yeah. That's it.
So exciting. I'm just so happy I'm not getting judged for still using nicotine oh no no no because most people say well you got to get off that why yeah because they don't know yeah they're just thinking of smoking which yes you should get off smoking and i chewed tobacco which of course you should get off of that but nicotine's fine that's what my research.
Yeah. We've had many doctors confirm that on here.

Yeah.

Oh, good.

Right.

That's not the problem.

It was the delivery system.

That's the problem.

Tobacco is the best delivery system.

Yeah.

The dosage was really perfect.

How long did you partake in that delivery system?

20 years.

Nice.

Yeah.

And then 20 years of this.

I'm 20 years on this too.

Yay. We both quit at the same time.
I quit in 2005. Yeah, me too.
I did the full body scan recently and I was just bracing. I'm like, you know, dude, you smoked pack a day when not drinking and several packs when drinking a day.
That's a bad combination too. Oh.
That's so bad. It is.
You can't get enough of them in your mouth when you're drunk. I know.
Well, it's just two lung irritants and throat irritants. It's so bad.
It's a real fuck you to that whole system. Yeah.
By the way, this is why I'm no fun at a dinner party. Why? Because I get like, oh no, that's terrible.
Two irritants. Did you read the study on...
I think that's part of your charm though. Oh yeah.
No, it is. I watched a ton of interviews with you today.
I think that's a very charming part of you. Now, back to you and I trying to not perform anymore.
Oh, right. My therapist would say to me, hey, sometimes, and I'm only asking you to do it 10% of the time, sometimes watch the show.
It's a good show. You don't always have to be the show, but I'm still controlling.

Some of my performance out of my controlling nature is yours that way. I'm not sure.
Or I don't want to know. Maybe more to the point.
Maybe I am. After Friends, I did two different shows that was basically just me.
So I did have to think about, Oh, what's wrong with you?

Coming from the most quintessential ensemble. And to me, that has nothing to do with it.
Right, right, right. Coincidence.
By the way, maybe it does have nothing to do with it. Yeah.
Yeah. And maybe it does.
Do I have to know? Wasn't the working title, though, of one of the shows, Now It's My Time to Shine? That was another show. That was a third show.
There's a third show. Still in development.
In development hell. But my controlling part is I get anxiety that if it's left to some non-professionals, that this thing's going to go in the ditch.
It's like if I get on an elevator with four strangers, I think, well, I'm the one with improv training. It's kind of on my shoulders to make this experience less awkward.
Or is it also their expectations from this group of me? Yes. So to me, that is very actory or entertaining person who's trying to please or fulfill expectations.
I know there's a part of me that just wants to play too. So if I am in a gathering where there are funny people around and they're doing bits, I want to participate.
I also want to see if I can keep up or I'm a little competitive and I think I can do better. I can beat this.
I want to see if I can win at this game. And you still feel that way.
Yeah, sometimes. And then there's plenty of times where I do feel like, go for it.
Yeah, I'm tired. Especially if it's a bunch of stand-ups.
Stand-up comedians. That is a different vibe though, doesn't it? Yes.
Because you and I are both from the groundwings. Yes.
And we're both improv people and sketch people. I often feel, and this is too critical of stand-ups, but it's like, are we playing or am I hearing six minutes of your stand-up right now? Is this interactive or am I the recipient of pre-planned something? Right.
And it can get mean if I overstep. I'm inviting some hostility potentially if I question or compete.
Oh, sure. Yeah, but it's worse for you because you're a woman.
A woman. That's true.
Do you also think people, because of the TV show, they don't know what you can do. They think, oh, you can read a script in a funny way, but they don't know about your background.
They don't know about the pedigree. Yeah, they don't.
About my huge standupup career before. No, and I did not have a stand-up career ever.
But you're a groundling. Well, some people know they don't care because it's not stand-up.
By the way, have you noticed, to me, stand-up comedians are so much more serious than comedic actors. They want to analyze comedy and pick it apart and talk really seriously about what they do.
Yes. I definitely think there's a strata of dysfunction that the result is comedy.
And I think improv artists are like a seven on that scale. Right.
And I think standups are generally a 10. They got some fucking shit to work out and you're going to sit here and listen to it.
Were you a groundling? No, I didn't make it. I was in a Sunday company for a year and was kicked out.
And I just recently got over that wound. I mean, truly, maybe like six years ago.
I was never a crowd pleaser. I don't even know how I got into the main company because I didn't do the kind of stuff audiences liked.
So I think it would be helpful for people to know within the groundlings, when you're in the Sunday company or the main company, you can be an inside favorite. There's always a couple people in the group that they're clearly the funniest by our definition, but that's not to say they kill the most.
In fact, it's almost assured that you won't kill if you're the favorite among us. Whoever was the most offbeat and weirdest and most esoteric would make us laugh the night you'd put up all the sketches because it was refreshing and novel.
I don't know if I fit that category either. Who were you there? What kind of things were you doing? I did your favorite actress on a talk show.
It became a character I did in the comeback. Yeah.
This HBO show. But I loved that character monologue.
I loved doing those. What about improv? Yeah, but not game improv.
I liked I did this thing, Transformers, where it's sort of longer form and you do a scene and then it gets silent, whatever. I guess it's called miming to people listening who might not know.
But whatever space work you're doing, it starts transforming as a group. You're all in sync and you turn it from bailing hay to a rodeo lasso or something.
Right, right, right. And then your new characters.
They were really good improvisers in that. I was really happy.
I was the only girl. Well, let's back all the way up.
Mom was a real estate agent. When I was in high school, yeah.
Okay. And dad was a doctor and he specialized in headaches.
Yes. What would that make him by training? Was it an internist? An internist.
Yeah. I can only assume knowing that you ended up working with him for so long.
Were you guys besties? Did you have a great relationship? Yeah. Very close.
And you have an older sister and two brothers. Just sister and a brother.
Oh, I got that wrong. Okay.
Sister and a brother oh i got that wrong okay sister and a brother

and you went to vosser vosser is that how you say it vassar you made it fancier i mean it is fancy but you made it maybe back in the day they would say they went to vassar janine's going to vassar in september and we're thrilled about it she absolutely aced her interview I was thrilled to go to Vassar.

I thought, yes, I'm going to be a lady.

Only ladies go to Vassar. I thought, yes, I'm going to be a lady.
Only ladies go to Vassar. And I get there and I find out, oh, these were like the wild ones.
Really? Really? What do you mean by that? Like the Kennedy type people who partied and had yachts and stuff? Very artistic and sort of rebellious and went their own way. You know, we're not mainstream.
It opened in 1861, which is the start of the Civil War. It was a women's college.
I think the first to offer science for women to learn. That's too dangerous for women.
Women should not be trusted with science. No, that's a terrible idea.
So you you already are gonna have a lot of people who are sending their daughters there who are not in the mainstream it was it all female when you went there no when did it switch to co-ed 1969 perfect year for that i think the first year of graduating class of men was like 72 three four okay four. Okay.
And when you went there, you majored in biology. I presume you were going to be on a medical track? Yeah, I was pre-med.
So had you done any acting in Encino? In junior high, I did. Because I liked going to summer school.
I liked having something to do. And I took a play production thing.
And we wrote sketches. And it was so fun.
And I could do it well. But why not stick with it in high school? No.
That is not something that if you're going to be an adult, you do. I decided.
Oh, right. It was too frivolous.
Yeah. Okay.
You also went to high school with Eazy-E. Oh my.
I did? You went to the same high school. What was it? Taft? What was it called? Yeah.
How many years apart? No, it's at the same time. What? How could I be the one telling you this? Because I don't know.
You don't know about yourself, do you? I don't know about myself. You're going to enjoy this.
I also don't know who that is. You don't know who easy he is.
This is so charming, too. This is great.
He's one of the members of NWA. Oh, wow.
Yes. I'm disappointed you didn't know he went there, because I was under the assumption he lived in Compton.
Their hit song was Straight Outta Compton. But he's going to school with you out in Woodland Hills.
Out in Woodland Hills, yeah. Maybe he got bussed there or something? Maybe.
I don't know. What's his name before it was Eazy-E? That might help us.
I know. What if I go, oh.
Yeah, exactly. I slept with him in 11th grade.
Okay. Okay.
No help. By the way, no, I had three friends in high school.
Who were they? Well, maybe four. You were smarty pants? Like, what was your strata in that? Your first year in high school was sophomore year.
And for five minutes, I thought, okay, I'm going to try to be a cheerleader. I'm going to try to be part of

everything. So I went to all the rehearsals and I learned the thing for cheerleading squad.
And then I didn't realize to try out that's in front of whoever shows up and wants to watch. And I just went, oh no.
Well now, no, I do not want to be a cheerleader. And then you have to run and be elected and you have to campaign.
I'm out. Not for me.
No. Because you're shy? It was too embarrassing.
Nothing good is going to come of that. You're very tall.
I am very tall. I don't know.
How tall are you? How tall are you? Like five, eight, five, seven and a half. That's tall.
That's not that tall. It's not that tall.
I take back my whole thing. I look gargantuan.
No. I just wondered if, I think sometimes it's rough being tall when you're a girl in high school and boys are like 5'4".
They haven't grown. It can be hard.
Or you're an actress and you're the only tall actor. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You and I are built for each other to be in a scene together. I'll make you look like tiny little girl.

I know.

I just worked with Ray Romano.

And I didn't know he was that tall because of Brad Garrett.

But he's like 6'2 or 6'3.

This is a phenomenon.

I've noticed it elsewhere, right?

I remember the first time I met Andy Richter in real life.

And I went, what?

You're 6'3?

But he's next to Conan.

His whole career, yes. Oh, my God.
How tall do you think Andy Rector? He and I are the same right. Definitely 5'5".
Right. For sure.
Yeah, with heels. And that can happen.
Yeah, Brad Garrett is a monster. He's very, very tall.
But Ray was on Paranoods, so I'm hip to the fact that he's probably 6'1 or 2 or something. Sorry, 6'1 or 2", yeah.
Yeah, 6'12. We'll back check it.
We'll get his exact dimensions. 6'1.2.
Okay. So in high school, you had three friends.
Four. Four.
You just added one. And other friends.
Did you feel self-conscious that it was only three? Now you just made it four real time? I felt bad that I left out one of them. Michael? No, I'm thinking of the girls.
There were four of us. So I had three friends.
Wait, one, two, three. No, four.
There were five of us. I am fun at a dinner party.
I've been to one with you. I doubt you remember, but I've been to one with you.
Which one? We were at Adam Venet's house for dinner one time. Oh my God.
With my ex-girlfriend, Bree. Oh, so it was a long time ago.
20 years ago.

Okay. Tell me.
It was outside? Yeah. At his nice big mansion.
Yes. And Jim Burroughs was there? Was he? I wasn't hip enough yet to have known who Jim Burroughs was.
And somebody showed up a little late with a woman. I don't know if you'll clock this too.
Maybe you won't. But this woman who I just went

what

the hell

what version Why is this happening right now? Like, how does that exist? Like, did it look like a sex worker? This person that was just sort of. High end, I would have been.
And then I saw that person a few years later on one of the Housewives. Interesting.
On a show. And I went, okay.
Interesting. But I can be sort of judgmental and someone comes in you're just like riffraff you know yeah yep bogey is what we say oh you do my wife and i'll go bogey six o'clock riffraff's a bad word i think yeah you think it's got like a bad historical i think so like racist or something oh hope not.
Well, then what can be bad about it if it's not racial? Because I know I've seen things. Yeah, words are canceled now.
We have to look it up to figure it out. No, but even like back then, I saw it in an old movie where it's like, oh, they're an actor.
All actors are riffraff. And then it came up in something else.
And so I was like, don't say that. That's a horrible thing to riffraff it doesn't sound like really bad it doesn't okay use we got clearance what's the origin everything's good oh fuck we don't care about that is that referring to any ethnicity or anything yeah then we're fine my only memory of who was there is you oh wow yeah i remember brie and i driving home and we were like i can't believe we met lisa kudry oh yeah we couldn't believe we were at a there is you.
Oh, wow. Yeah, I remember Bree and I driving home and we were like, I can't believe we met Lisa Kudrow.
Oh, how fun. Yeah, we couldn't believe we were at a dinner with you, to be honest.
So I don't know other than Bennett, who was there other than you. And Chuck Lorre was there too, I think.
Oh, wow, Dex, you missed a lot of people. I think this is a different part.
How many times do you have dinner over there? I don't think so. Just once? I don't remember that many times.
Okay. But, okay, so for people who don't know, when you're on a set and you're filming the ADs, if someone wanders into the scene, that's not background hired to be in the scene.
Like you're filming on a sidewalk in downtown LA and everyone that walks back and forth has been hired. But if a civilian wanders in, they go, Mike, go to three.
Yeah. There's a bogey.
They always say there's a bogey and that's a civilian that's wandered into the professionals okay god that's funny chris and i are big on bogey you got three bogeys you're somewhere and you just think oh my god some civilians have entered the wrong door or something so unrelatable i don't think this well i think everyone can relate to people being at a party that doesn't seem like they know anyone. That's all it is.

Well, that happened here.

So for Halloween, Dax has a big hayride for this neighborhood and he takes it all across

the neighborhood.

It's very sweet.

Oh, that's nice.

Thank you.

But two of our friends who have a baby, they came back early and they were sitting here

and there were some bogey slash riffraff that were just hanging out at the house.

No one knew who they were for like 35 minutes. They were just chatting with me.
That would make me very nervous. Yeah.
And in their defense, it was a very permeable. Please let's hear their defense.
Okay. And then my anxiety will go away.
We got a food truck and invited everyone to come to the driveway and have a hamburger on Halloween night. You invited everyone.
That's right. But now there's a little bit of a permeable.
Is that the right word? There's an an impermeable border like that's not an invitation to inside my house that's the driveway where the food truck is so it sounds like people decided let's also get into the house they crossed the line luckily i was just driving the hayride and i missed it so okay great yeah okay back to you and your friends i'm working on the in defense of it was the burger hey you invited me over for a burger how I? No, but there were people in the house. So they went in.
Then we're like, I guess this is. Like other people are in.
I guess it's inside and outside. I'm getting chilly.
Yep. Should we just go inside? Should we go inside where these other people are? This is clearly a haunted house situation.
There are probably bogeys too. Yeah.
You were there inside. No, I was out in the hayride.
But two of our friends came back early because they had a baby. So they then later were like, this is so weird.
Right, but they were inside. Yeah, they were inside, but they're allowed.
We were out of the house. I'm just trying to say that it's all fine.
It's okay. It's okay.
No one meant any harm. No.
Mostly it's good people in the world. Let's just keep telling ourselves that, right? And at some point, we're all going to die anyway.
And it's all going to be okay. Yeah, we'll laugh at all this in heaven.
We just leave the house for two hours and the house is wide open. So people probably fucked in our bedroom.
We're not doing that anymore. Let that be the worst thing.
Did you pine for popularity? Did you care? Were you the kind of student that you had your thing? You were focused. I'm going to be a doctor.
I don't give a fuck about all this frivolous crap. Or did you want way more friends? No, that is how it was.
Because junior high, I thought, oof, we're all supposed to be popular. That's supposed to happen developmentally, right? See, again, why I'm not fun at a dinner party.
Because you want to get into the science. Because I want to get into the evolutionary.
To be fair, you're a biology major. It's in your history.
Yeah, you're generous. You and I would be cutting it up like crazy because that's all I want to talk about too.
I don't know if you've ever heard this show. That's all this is.
Yes. Why do you think that happens? Right.
I must know. I can't feel comfortable until I understand why it happened because then I can predict what's going to happen.
That's all I really want to do. And that, yeah, is very important evolutionarily.
Modeling, playing out scenarios, having a plan. The world is scary if we can't do that.
Right. Don't we all do that? No.
Happy people do not do that. Do you think? I don't know.
Yes, to just be fine with what is. And then something comes up, you'll deal with it.
I can be that person sometimes. Very happy when I am.
But today, I mean, I have to say it's election day. So everything is just like, all right, what's going to happen? What should we prepare for? Oh my God.
Yeah. There's a level of intensity.
Yeah. There's a baseline anxiety.
Yeah. I can feel it walking around the world today.
Like, whew, everyone's a little on edge. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
Anyway. Okay.
So great. So I'm delighted to know that you didn't really covet that.
I'm going to focus on getting myself to where I think I need to be. And that is college, somewhere on the East Coast and not here in Southern California.
I relate to that greatly. And I also remember from Polar's autobiography, those moments you have in your teenage years, and for mine, it was literally in a mirror where I go like, OK, here's the situation.

You're not a babe.

I wanted to look like all these other boys.

We're just going to bet on our personnel.

Like a real let's talk about the game plan here.

Those moments happen in teenage years.

It's really adorable.

I wish I could like see kids doing that in the mirror.

My head's full of 10 different things.

You walked in today and I went, Jesus, he looks so gorgeous. Oh my God.
Oh my God. Thank you.
Yeah. I think I'm way better looking for sure now than I was.
It happens with men too, by the way. Have you seen The Substance? No.
What is that? Okay, a movie, you gotta see it. Is it scary? Nia? Yeah.
Then I will not see that movie. Do you want us to just tell you everything that happens in it? Not if it's scary.
But it's about aging, really. Women aging and how they get sort of cast aside.
Let's hit you with the premise. Yeah.
She's an aging actress. She finds out there's a thing you can shoot in your body.
And then for two weeks, you'll be your 20s self. But you have to return to your old self for two weeks.
And you go two weeks, two weeks, two weeks. And that's the substance that makes you young again.
And of course, when she's her younger self, she don't want to play by those rules. She doesn't want to go back.
Is she back in time? Nope. She takes this shot.
She becomes young again for two weeks. And then she has to go through a procedure to go back to being old for two weeks.
Oh, and she says, no, I don't want to go back to being old.

And you pay a heavy price for that.

And you end up kind of destroying your older self.

It's very, very good.

And so feminist, it's nuts.

But this whole thing of he comes in, he's gorgeous, he looks better.

And we do that for men.

We allow men to age and think it's attractive.

And it's not the same for women. I think you and I could have a conversation that no one was allowed to have.
About? There is an evolutionary reason for that. It's like both unfortunate and it's not out of nowhere.
Right. Dudes can have kids in their 90s.
Look at some of our famous directors. It's true.
Right. Women can't and shouldn't.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't know that we have that awareness.
So you got to like fight through all that. Because it's not just about procreation anymore.
No, we don't even need each other anymore, which is a whole new interesting dynamic. Oh my God.
And it's scary. That's the chilling, terrifying thing.
By the way, you know, the movie here, Tom Hanks, Robin Wright, Robert Zemeckis. It's going through time and they shot it and they could actually shoot the scene and then look at the playback of them as younger.
And it's ready for them to see. Whoa.
And they wanted to make this movie for the rest of their lives? Well, and all I got from that was, this is an endorsement for AI and oh my God. It's not like, oh, it's going to ruin everything, but.
But maybe. What will there be left for, forget actors, but what about up and coming actors? They'll just be licensing and recycling.
We'll be watching new Brando movies. Yeah.
And then set that completely aside. What work will there be for human beings? Yeah, we've talked a lot about this.
Oh, you do talk about that? Oh, yeah. And then what? So there'll be some kind of living stipend for people? There'll be no work.
How can it possibly be enough? Let me attempt to make a glass half full. Look it, I'm shaking.
I know you are. I don't know if it's chilly in here or...

There's a blanket.

Are you cold?

Are you cold?

Maybe.

Feel free to use either of those blankets.

Oh, can I do this for you?

Because I've done it one other time.

Oh, yeah.

And it made you happy?

Okay.

Or I'm just getting old and I need a shawl.

It gets a little chilly.

That's nice.

He likes to wrap people in like a burrito.

You go like this.

Okay, now I can't. You can change when I leave.
Okay, thanks. But I just do that for now.
I just won't gesture anymore. Oh my God, you look so cute like a baby.
Okay, this is great. I just took you back in time without AI.
This is like night time now. 99.
Put her to sleep. Stay in your bedroom tonight.
Put her to sleep. This is a drag.
This isn't working out. Okay.
Maybe this is crazy glass half full. And I think it's very unlikely.
Oh, please tell me the full part. So you and I will have experienced, and I already know you have your arms completely wrapped around the experience because I've heard you talk about it.
I wrote down a quote from you today. It said, oh, let me just read it because it's so good.
That's the healing power of fame. Everything will be fixed now.
You're talking about getting the dream and your thought is everything will be fixed now. That's the fallacy.
Yeah. Right.
Okay. Because you said that's the healing power of fame.
Right. Suggesting like, yes, that there would be a healing power of fame.
It would fix everything. And it doesn't.
It doesn't. But I think in that for me is the greatest gift I've ever been given because I at least got to go like, okay, great.
That's not it. What is it? And it sent me on a journey of figuring out what it is.
And if I hadn't been given the gift to find out it was blackluster or that it was empty, I would have never stopped believing that that would have been the fix. So currently, everyone in America thinks, if I didn't have this job and I didn't have money problems and I didn't have that, I would be fixed.
And so we'll give everyone that. You don't work, you don't have money problems, fucking robots are doing every single thing.
And then three weeks after that, they turn that light switch on. Everyone's gonna be like, yeah, I'm miserable.
Why am I miserable? And then we all start the path. That could be the outcome.
How's that glass half full? That sounds so depressing. Because everyone will actually try to confront the real angst of being a human.
The real purpose. Other stories we've told ourselves.
So it's because we don't have this ski boat. We don't have this pair of shoes.
It's an equalizer. That's for sure.
So what you're saying is, so people will... Be miserable.
Be miserable, but then what they're going to see is being here on this planet in this life is about something else. It's not about what I do.
It's about who I love and who loves me. It's about connecting.
It's about being part of a community. But a community doing what? Meeting in the yard, I guess.
Painting. It doesn't have to be for a result.
The domestic robot will do that better. Oh, it will be better.
The artist robots will do it better. You're right.
So I guess it can't be about being the best. Takes that off the table.
I have a solution. Hiking with friends, playing pickleball, playing cards, being social and enjoying the big gift, which is like other people.
Right, but haven't you been on vacation and after a week? You get itchy. Okay, now what? Well, because you and I are doing the same thing at the end of seven days.
Like I'm a piece of shit because I haven been productive and if i'm not productive i have no value like that oh you don't what's your issue here's bored yeah everyone needs an occupation i don't mean the professional occupation i mean purpose you need something to occupy your time and you need to decide what's fulfilling and what isn't again, we're so distracted by the immediate needs that are on everyone's plate.

Make my rent, feed my kids, all this stuff.

But you're saying that'll be solved.

And I'm saying, I don't know what government can afford to solve that on a satisfactory

level.

Currently, we can't.

We're just imagining a future where the robots actually do do every single thing.

They grow the food and there's just a surplus of all things that are needed.

And they manufacture phones.

They build houses for everyone.

Oh, OK.

So that's where we're at.

Thank you. Imagine in a future where the robots actually do do every single thing.
They grow the food and there's just a surplus of all things that are needed. And they manufacture phones.
They build houses for everyone. Oh, okay.
So that's where we're at. This is Yuval Harari, Homo Deus.
It's all been solved. We're all a leisure society.
Now what? So I think now what would be Great Depression for months. Population decline.
Sure. That's a terrible joke.
Because it's not funny. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, get in touch with this hotline.
Yes. That's right.
We'll put that in the show notes. In the show notes.
So is that possible? Does it give everyone the gift of not needing all the stuff? I'd need to see an episode of that. Maybe there was one on Star Trek or a good writer is going to have to play that out for me to see.
I'll get back to you. Okay.
So now back to graduating, going to Vassar, integrated in 1969 for men, 1861 for females. It started.
I just learned all this from you. How the fuck do you get into comedy? Did you know you were funny throughout all that seriousness? Yeah.
Do I need to relieve you from that? I was able to do it myself. Okay, good.
I'm like Harry Houdini. Somehow I was able to score my hand under the loose blanket.
It felt like watching Houdini for a second. That's why I offered assistance.
I saw your hand moving around a ton under there. Like, oh, fuck, she's trapped.
I can't. I had a feeling.
I need my gum. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.
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By the way, do you wear a lot of shawl collars or whatever this would be, Monica? This is a very cute look on you. It is a nice look.
Good dress. Yeah, the fact that it's like pinstriped up top and then straight.
Oh my God. That's very cute.
Legend has it, your brother's friends with John Lovitz. Yeah, I grew up with John Lovitz.
He and my brother, best friends. And he grew up in Encino as well? Tarzanic.
And he was at our house all the time. And he said to you what? I let him know after college I decided I should try acting because I always was interested, but threw it away.
After I graduated, I realized, wait a minute, don't have any regrets later. I know you plan to get married and have kids and all of that, but you might regret not ever even trying.
So know for sure why you didn't pursue acting. So I let Lovitz know after I graduated because he got on Saturday Night Live.
And before that, I thought, oh, it's only a magical few that are touched. Certainly no one who looks like me.
But I saw him just pounding away forever in college. He was a theater major.
He wanted to be an actor. And oh, dear God, how's that? It's so hard.
And then he got on Saturday Night Live and I thought, oh, it's his reality. I wonder if I should try.
So I let him know. And he said, go to Groundlings.
That's where I learned the most for acting. That's been the best preparation.
I wasn't allowed to even audition because I called them and said, John Levitz told me to call, which may have been like a fucking guy got on a Saturday night line. Okay, well, when's the last time you performed or acted? And I said, junior high.
And I said, great. We're sending you someplace else.
Oh. See, Cynthia Segetti, who taught improv and she had a class.
She taught at the Coronet Theater. Oh, no kidding.
Where they do Largo now. Yeah.
The other person in that class was Conan O'Brien. He also was sent to Cynthia Segetti.
Oh my God. And by the way, I've told this before, but I was going to quit.
I went to one class of Cynthia's. Conan wasn't there.
Everyone there just felt like, oh, not for me. You didn't get a good vibe.
These are actory people. I thought comedy would be less serious and phony.
They were really overdoing it with emotional adjustments. I was like, this is just embarrassing.
This is like cheerleading. You've been embarrassed for people for quite a long time.
And I didn't want to be part of that. It's an embarrassing endeavor, to be honest.
Well, in a great way. When? So the next week I was like, do I go back? I should go.
Just go. Come on.
And I was a little late and they were already up there doing lift a disc or space ball or whatever it was. Now throw it and you're angry.
Everyone's angry. Angry now.
People are throwing it and And they were like, so embarrassing. And then there was Conan.
I didn't know him.

It was. And you're angry.
Everyone's angry. Angry now.
People are throwing it. And they're like, grrr.
So embarrassing. And then there was Conan.
I didn't know him. He was really tall, red hair.
And he was throwing it. And he was angry.
But he wasn't making a meal of it. I got it.
And then Cynthia said, good commitment. And I went, that's what commitment means? I can do that.
And so I just made a beeline for him when it was all over. And, you know, like, hi, I'm Lisa.
Yes. We're going to date shortly.
Pretty soon we will be dating. Not really.
Best friends. For how long? You did date though, right? Eight years.
And then tried that for after eight years of three months. And then no, that's an ill-fated plan.
It worked out. Well, clearly, but not in a romantic sense.
I mean, it worked out. We weren't supposed to be.
Yeah. No, of course.
I'm only saying if you've been friends with someone for eight years, I always have a hard time understanding that transition into dating. Obviously, there's probably success stories.
You think it's too friend zoned by then? Yeah, just that's an interesting transition after eight years. Like generally your first kiss is quite exciting, whereas opposed to like we've been hanging for eight years.
Now we're kissing feels a little bit awkward. No, still exciting.
Okay, great. Yeah, because it's a completely different relationship and we're better as friends.
So that was just a weird blip. Because I can relate to that is so embarrassing.

When I really think about the times I've done it,

I feel like it's because, well, first of all,

I'm allergic to earnestness.

I don't know if you have that.

It feels so cringy to care.

But now I can see that as that's actually a beautiful thing

that people care and throw the thing with such fervor, even though it's embarrassing. I can see that now is cool.
Do you think you have that? I'm afraid to care that much because then there's a possibility of getting rejected. No.
If the praise is coming for like indicating anger or, oh, I'm sad. I'm not buying it.
It's bad. Right right you were like bad as being rewarded the teacher is really just trying to make people feel safe and comfortable right and so for me it was well how will i ever be able to trust her i'm gonna think i'm great and then i'm gonna have horrible habits i just going to become good at being bad.
That's not what I am hoping to learn to do. You need the truth.
And then I need an example. I learn best by example.
So what does it look like when you're doing it right? Because Robert De Niro isn't doing space ball or lift a disc right now for me to see. And Conan was doing it right.
Yes. He told the cutest story.
Oh, you're marked that. I'm going to save that.
When you were on his show. Okay.
I'll just say it now. But you telling him how thrilled you were to meet Matthew Perry and how hysterical he was.
You were going on and on about how special and funny he was. And he admitted to you when he interviewed you.
He's like, I just started feeling like, who is this guy? And why is cordero thing oh sure kristin and monica love gene cordero his name is eugene i started calling mean gene cordero that's not his name but because i'm threatened by how funny he is and they would just regale all the time how funny he was okay yeah well because conan was was yeah i mean has always been yeah and that's not a lie. The funniest person I'd ever met.
Yeah. Ever.
Well, you stumbled into one who historically will go down as one of the funniest people ever. Yes, of all time.
You just ran into him at an improv class. That's so bizarre.
Yeah. And we'd go to parties like, well, he's the best to bring to a party because he makes everyone so comfortable.
He so hilarious and he's i think one of the smartest people i've ever met that was my hunch is i bet sure you were attracted to the comedic ability of him but i imagine how brilliant he is is what really yeah made you want to be friends and oh yeah eventually lovers as we discovered for three months three hot steamy. You then started going through the actual program at the Groundlings.
Yeah we got accepted into paying them money for the basic class. We were allowed to do that but we weren't in the same class and everyone knew we were close friends.
I always suspected that had something to do with if people thought there was anything good about me because I sort of had Conan's endorsement and he was already really respected. He was going to get in.
He left, right? Third level or something. He was in the advanced class.
Is that called third level? I don't know. The advanced class.
No, I think that's fourth. And from there you get voted into the Sunday company.
And you do two sort of showcases. After that first performance in that advanced class, he and his writing partner, Greg Daniels.
What? Yeah, you didn't know that? I don't think I knew that. Or did I? Oh my God.
You fucking dumbass. Can we just do this whole thing about Conan and Greg? No, but they got invited to write on Saturday Night Live.
Oh, it wasn't Simpsons first? It was Saturday Night Live first? Saturday Night Live. So they had to go to New York.
Wow. And that's why Conan wasn't a groundling.
On this episode, we answer the burning question, why wasn't Conan a groundling? Wow. How far into the main company before you got an audition for SNL? I didn't get an official audition.
I was just told Lorraine Newman had seen me at the groundlings and she thought I was good. Was she a scout for SNL? No, but she let me know.
She let them know to pay attention or come see me. They were coming out to look at Julia Sweeney.
And I think she was letting them know, look at her too. So you knew that before the show? Before the show.
Did that that make you nervous it made me nervous because that was going to be life-changing were you focused on being on snl was that something you wanted to do i wasn't going to say no but it wasn't your only you wanted to act and be in things i thought i should probably be on a sitcom i mean i worked out getting any auditions or anything at that point at all. And Saturday Night Live was good, too.
Duh. You know? Oh, my God.
You'll take it. It's one of the coolest.
It's like joining the Beatles or something. And I remember calling Conan because he was writing there.
And I said, can you put in a good word or anything? He was like, no, because that's a different no. It might make it go worse for you that's the real answer also he may have known they're kind of like a julia sweeney that's kind of the entire story so you didn't fly to new york and do the whole thing no they were in the audience they were in the audience and i thought i'm having it they're here to see me too right right right were there any dudes that went to snl while you were there no but i'm usually wrong.
I don't'm having it. They're here to see me, too.
Right. Right.
Right. Right.
Were there any dudes that went to SNL while you were there? No, but I'm usually wrong. I don't remember things well.
I just know. Yeah.
Julia Sweeney. That's all I know.
That's who went to SNL while you were there. But I know because I was a groundling.
I voted in Will Ferrell. Oh, get out.
It's so weird to think of him in the Sunday company. It's almost like he's too much of a God to have possibly done that.
Was he outrageously good as we came to know him on SNL?

Yeah.

That wasn't even a question for anyone voting.

Everything you need here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Will Ferrell.

Okay, you're on Cheers in 1989.

Yeah.

You are?

Congratulations.

Did you know this?

No, I did, but I don't know what year.

Okay.

Were you in the growlings when you were on Cheers?

Yeah. Wait, was I? No.
You weren't. That's why I got voted in.
Oh, because you were on Cheers? No, I was in a play Ladies Room. That Robin Schiff, who was a Groundling, she wrote it.
It was really successful. And then I got to be in a movie, Teresa Russell, directed by Sondra Locke.
I got cut out of it, but it was not comedy either. And I got to audition for so many things.
Because of a sketch? Oh, wow. A play.
Ladies Room. I don't know about Ladies Room.
It was a play. Okay.
Where you play. At the Tiffany Theater, which was the Equity Waiver Theater in LA.
And it ran forever. And it was me and this girl, Christy Mellor, who was also in the Groundling program.
Wait, Christy Mellor? Christy. Oh, not Christa.
Christy Mellor. And at first, the characters were called Airhead 1, Airhead 2.
We were a total of like five minutes in and out of the stage. Then the play is backed by Aaron Spelling and Douglas Kramer.
And they give the characters names Romy and Michelle. Stop.
Oh, come on. I was about to say Airhead 1, Airhead 2, Romy and Michelle.
Yeah. So they made it later into the movie.
But years later after Friends. So much later.
Oh my God. So much later.
There's a bad pilot with Romy and Michelle that Spelling Kramer made.

It's not great.

Okay.

Because I realized I kept saying so bad and that's unkind.

Right.

Everyone tried their hardest.

Sure, sure.

That's in between, I imagine, Cheers and Friends.

You do two pilots between Cheers and Friends.

Oh my God.

That's before Cheers. This is before Cheers that you made a pilot? Either right before or around the same time, because I knew one of them, I wasn't a SAG member.
So you had to get two jobs. I had to get Taft, Hartley, and then join or something like that.
So it was Cheers and Roaming Michelle, but it was called Temporarily Ours. Wow.porarily Yours.
That's why I got into Groundlings. Because you had done.
I was ready to hand it over to, I think because I was friends with Conan. I think it's because you were good.
Can you not just take that? I think you're a fraud. I'm with you on this one.
No, it's not that I think I was bad. Could you be misled by the fact that you were with Sweeney on stage? Yes.
I mean, I do know peers thought, that's funny. But I was not a crowd pleaser with the groundling audience.
I wasn't doing like fright wigs and blackened teeth, you know. Right.
Yeah, you were embarrassed by that. I wasn't.
I mean. I would have been.
I did one sort of like that.

If people could see your face.

One time.

You're almost throwing up.

You're kind of holding back a moment.

One time.

But I was trying to be clever, by the way.

Pat Sajak had a late night show.

Oh, yes.

For a minute.

A talk show. For a minute.

And he was going to start having sketches.

And so they wanted groundlings to come do sketches.

So they came to watch a show.

And the director of the main company at the time, I was smoking and I was going to go get cigarettes. He goes, let me walk with you.
I was like, no, I didn't think he liked me at all. All right.
And we're walking. He says, so Pat Sajak, people were out here and they watched the show.
So they liked Julia, of course, Sweeney. I went, yeah, yeah.
He said, and I don't even understand any of this, but you. Oh my God.
And he really did say it like that. Cause I remember thinking manners at least.
But all right. I went, huh.
I think he said, this is crazy. I said, yeah, wow.
That is crazy. Jeez.
You know, having fun on stage is really contagious. Yeah.
I skipped one part and I just need to know because selfishly I'm left-handed. So a lot of the work, you did a study with your father for eight years.
And part of the study was to see if left-handed people had cluster headaches at an inordinate rate. Close.
Okay. Yes.
And. Yeah.
You were born in 1983. Yes.
And also I was not. Yes.
And I could see how you might be confused with that because an eight and a six have circles in them. That's exactly right.
And that is why I was a fine improviser. Very good.
Anyway, it was to see if there was any association between hemispheric dominance, handedness, and headache types. So it wasn't just cluster headache.
My understanding is that your right hemisphere controls your left hand. Yeah.
So did cluster headaches show up more in the right hemisphere over the left hemisphere? Was that discovered? No. Okay.
It was just to see if people who were right hemispheric dominant had more cluster headache, but it was every headache amongst all headache types. But the answer was no.
Okay. That's what you found out.
Now, let me ask you this. Because headaches were such a topic in the house, it would have given me a self-fulfilling prophecy that I was going to get headaches.
Did that happen to you at all? No. I would have been overly concerned about headaches because this is the primary concern of my father.
No. He was concerned, not concerned, but he was interested in headaches because he got almost every headache type.
Oh, he did. What is the explanation? It's a complicated explanation that has to do with, if it holds, it's his theory, which was impressive because he had the first working theory, that it had to do with some damage to the hypothalamus.
Mostly men had cluster headache and that the damage may have come from burning the candle on both ends was his theory at the time. But I don't think stress brought on the cluster headaches.
I think it was a circadian or circannual rhythm thing for episodic cluster and people who had it chronically all the time. Could those people discover a pattern or were they completely random? Well, the pattern had to do with the light changing.
A lot of them are hormone related too, right? Migraines, but not closer headaches. Those females skew, don't they? Yeah.
Which would make sense. But there are men who get headaches.
Well, young men. And then as you get older, if I'm remembering it right, because I worked there for eight years, guys get older, their headaches go away.
They go away. Because my daughter has a lot of headaches.
I don't know about a lot. She has more than average.
Is she adolescent? She's a woman. No, she's 11.
But they're hormones, maybe. She's 11 and things are starting to happen.
Sorry. No, I mean, I'm sorry about my headaches.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at me.
Now it's like, no, no, no joking.. No joking.
This isn't funny. Everything's very serious.
Come on. I would have been happy to have a good time with you, but you brought up headaches.
Yeah, I had them when I was younger, but I don't really have. If I have one now, it's very, very rare.
And I'm so grateful because they're fucking miserable. They are.
But they've got good treatments now. Yeah, I know people, they do injections when the shit hits the fan.
Yeah. There's those migraines, you know, like hemiplegic migraines, or I don't know, maybe they don't call those anymore.
But half of the face or body gets paralyzed. And the scary thing is when it happens, you think, I think you got to get a brain scan.
Yeah, it's strobe. It's happening, but it's not.
Whoa, is that like there's too much electrical activity going on? My brother's a neurologist and he now is the headache specialist.

And he had just explained it.

And now because of my age, I don't remember what he said.

Right.

But that's a joy because he can explain to you all over again.

I bet he loves explaining it and you'll love learning it all over again.

This is very symbiotic.

I don't know if he does.

He does.

Okay.

How cool for him.

You said he's a man.

He loves to explain things.

Trust me.

As I explain this to you right now, I know the same tickle he's getting.

That's a man. He loves to explain things.
Trust me. As I explain this to you right now, I know the same tickle he's getting.
Oh, my God. Got meta.
Oh, my God. We're the worst.
Cannibalistically meta. Okay.
I want to talk about this kind of interesting and sim-like. Your life is a sim for sure.
You meet Conan on your first day of, do you believe in the sim? What does that mean? Simulation. Simulation, right.
What do you mean? Like, do you think you're living in one? Do you think you have a carcass somewhere plugged into a computer and it's giving you this experience? I do now. I mean, you should.
I did it until today. You should.
That's all it took. It's a simple explanation.
I heard it once. You've experienced a lot of one of one things.
I think if you have a lot of suspicious stuff happen in your life, you're probably more prone to think like, what's going on? We don't really believe in the sim, but also we 30% do. We play around with the notion that we're plugged in somewhere.
I'm processing everything you're saying and trying to figure how it's the same as the way I see things. Because I do think that there's too much we don't know.
So it could be that. It could be God.
It could be anything. Something stinks.
I don't know if something stinks. I think that what stinks is that we require to measure it, see it, describe it, define it.
We need to know. You're using science words.
Yeah. In order to accept it.
Yeah.

When the one thing I learned from science and scientific method is there's more we don't know than we do know. So just because you can't doesn't mean it's not happening.
We have the tiniest sliver of data, really. We're so limited in our senses.
We have these five. And if you really ponder it, if no one had sight and you didn't have sight, it's completely unimaginable.
Nobody could expand their fucking imagination enough to imagine what sight is or hearing or taste or touch. So, yeah, conceivably, there's like 12 other ways to observe reality that we just don't observe.
That's what I think. There are things we can't explain that we've just known.

Well, let me ask you this.

Have you had those moments?

Because you've had a very exceptional life and you go like,

well, how do I make peace with this?

This is an abnormal amount of, you know.

Of success.

For me, I would call it like luck.

Or things I couldn't have imagined.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, okay.

Here's the thing.

When there was no way I was going to be an actress and I was in college and my plan even on graduation was I'm going to go to graduate school and study evolutionary theory.

Not going to be a doctor.

That's fine.

I'd come home for spring breaks and I'd be driving around in LA and you'd hear on the radio a commercial for a new sitcom or a sitcom. And they're promoting it with their best joke.
I have huge quote marks. I'm waving like a lunatic.
Look at your pelican flapping its wings. I'm driving along and I'd hear that joke, which would just be like, well, that's what she said last time.
And I think, oh think oh my god why do they have to like hit it so hard can't they just throw it away well that's what she said last time and then and then and then the thought was lisa please remember to throw it away when you do it oh and i went what I'm not doing that. Right.
But you always were. And then other things like that.
I'd watch David Letterman and watch someone who was being very, very phony. You know, that's not the way they talked.
Not really. No.
Oh, I love that. I love that.
You know, like that kind of thing. And I thought, oh my God, Lisa, when you're on Letterman, please try to be yourself.
I'm like, yeah. Wait, when am I going to be on Letterman? For what? The latest evolutionary theory? Am I going to come up with some world altering? The fifth tallest biology graduate from Vassar.
Put your hands together for the fifth tallest. I don't know how to explain those things.
I'm feeling very seen by the notion. And this is a terrible thing to admit, but it has been a great source of confidence for me.
I watch stuff and I think, well, that's not very good. Maybe I can do it.
So much of my propulsion has been seeing something. I don't think it's very good.
So then I think, well, shit, then I think maybe I could do it. Oh, you think oh you think that's what I was experiencing yes I don't you would go to an improv show and you go

like that's not very good I have so much fear that I'm not good enough but when I see something bad

it would weirdly encourage me and go like no no this might be doable and so you're hearing

shitty acting on the radio and something in you tells you I know that's not good that's weirdly

confidence building does that make any sense to you it does but you don't relate to it

Thank you. radio and something in you that tells you, I know that's not good.
That's weirdly confidence building. Does that make any sense to you? It does.
But you don't relate to it. I don't feel like that was that part of me responding.
It felt like it was someone else saying, Lisa, when you do it, but it wasn't a voice. It wasn't anything else.
It was a thought in my head, but to respond to it, like, wait, what are that mean right sometimes i just know what i know although now i'm feeling like an idiot no after talking to you that oh yeah she studied science and she thinks that something in the

cosmos is talking to her but it did feel like such a strong feeling that shouldn't rationally be there

yeah and you kind of would listen to it which is good i didn't i rejected it yeah until

Thank you. It did feel like such a strong feeling that shouldn't rationally be there.
Yeah. And you kind of would listen to it, which is good.
I didn't. I rejected it.
Yeah. Until Lovitz.
And it was very practical. I'm 22.
I don't have a mortgage. I don't have any responsibility.
Now's the time to try that. And you don't want to have any regrets.
I'd forgotten about those other things. Now, this is a childhood question.
It's related to the truth. And it's related to watching the people be phony.
Now, it could be as inane as you're a younger sibling, I'm a younger sibling. My older sibling tried to deceive me all the time because that's how it works.
Right. You're the least competent person in the household.
So you have the least respect. Yes.
And everyone's getting something you're not getting all the time and you want to fake it like you are. Do you relate to that observation, which is it's very important to you to know what's real and what's not? Ooh, I used to.
And do you think that's childhood stuff or just your biochemistry? I don't know. Things shift and change in me all the time.
what's important, who I am, what kind of mood I'm in, either very analytical or I'm very like,

you know, it doesn't matter. It's okay.
You'll rise to the occasion. I feel like a different person.
And Diane Keaton once said to me a long time ago, something like, oh, I was 25. I was a different person.
Like, well, don't you feel like you're the same person? No, I've been so many different people. Right.
Of course not. We've all been so many different people at different times.
Yeah. And if you like Buddhism at all, which I'm very newly into reading about.
Yeah. We are a product of whatever context we're in.
We're not even the same person throughout the day. You go to the grocery store and shit's popping off and there's an argument over here and there's some version of you that's there that's not the version of you at dinnertime later.

Or just some important beliefs shift.

Yeah, sometimes you care a ton about something

and then other times you're like,

I don't even care about that.

It's also good.

You don't want to be so stuck

in the thing you were saying when you were 16.

We're supposed to evolve.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, not being married to all these cornerstone beliefs

we think that define us.

Malcolm Gladwell says, hold your opinions loosely. I agree with that.
But what about core beliefs? Beliefs and opinions are different, aren't they? Values and opinions are different for sure. Would I be right in guessing the permanence of the role as mom is something unique? It feels like bedrock to me.
There's a higher order. Something shifted in the list of priorities.
And you can feel it's permanent. And you're like, oh yeah, there'll be no wavering.
And this is a unique feeling. Other than when you get a tattoo and you go like, okay, put it on.
You go like, yep, well, that's a permanent decision. There's very few of those in life.
Yeah, I don't have any tattoos. I'll give you one.
Because I don't like permanent decisions. Except for my son.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, so I just wanted to point out this Jimmy Burroughs thing, because this is another simulation-y kind of thing. You go to Cheers, and a very cute conversation with you and Ted, talking about you being there all week and just staying on set the entire time to learn what was happening.
Yeah. But Burroughs, of course, is directing that show.
So you have some experience with him there, and then you get cast in Frasier. Right.
They made a mistake. And then they corrected the mistake.
And what happens? As a lead? Series regular. She was playing Frasier.
Yeah, yeah. You're set.
Oh, you're Frasier. Yeah, she was original.
Remember, they made a mistake and then they corrected it. Like, no, let's stick with Kelsey.
I mean, he's already established on the other show. She's made 11.
It was a funny idea. No, the Roz character.
I mean, they, I think, had Perry Gilpin in mind when they wrote the part. And she and I were the ones that went to the network.
And I just sort of changed their mind for a minute. And that was a mistake.
They reversed course. How deep into the process did you get before you were replaced?

A couple of days before shooting.

I don't know, halfway through the pilot week.

For sure for you at that moment, career-wise, he's coming off of cheers.

This is just, this show's going to work.

Right.

You must have been like, okay, back to the, everything's about to be fixed.

Right.

What was the heartbreak of that?

Was it devastating?

How'd you handle it? I did think I might be one of those people for whom this isn't going to work out. Am I? I am.
Am I, though? I don't know. How did you find your way back to some level of confidence? Grief starts to wane.
Time passes. Yeah.
And I would just get up every morning and walk. And then at the end of the walk, I lived near Michelle Richard at the time.
It was a great little cafe and they had pan au chocolat. And I'm going to have one of those at the end of my walk.
And as I'm out there walking, the sun is bleaching my hair and it's getting a little lighter. So I'm getting some lighter highlights.
And I'm just in every way lightening up. And I have friends that I'm talking to who are saying like, oh my God, you're leaving the house.
That's amazing. To me, it was support and encouragement.
Like, well, you're doing great. Look, one door closed, another one opens.
And then I think it's that one thing that I was told that it's, then what else will you do? And I could always just go back to school, get caught up in whatever's happening in evolutionary biology, take whatever classes I have to take and just continue on that path. And that was never an option.
I knew I wasn't going to do that and that this is really what I wanted to do. Yeah.
How long between getting fired again by Jimmy Burrows before Friends? A year. I don't know.
I'm bad with this. Maybe people know this.
I didn't know any of this. I find this really fascinating.
So you auditioned for Friends and Jimmy Burroughs is going to be the director. And your last experience with him was that you were fired.
Right. That's scary.
And I really thought I'm not his cup of tea. Yeah.
He doesn't like me. I'm not for him.
How much of a say does he have in things?

Right.

You know, and it seemed like, oh, maybe a lot.

And so I had to audition.

I auditioned for just Jimmy.

One of my auditions was in a room, just Jim Burroughs.

And I'm doing the audition and he says, no notes.

And I walk out going, that either means I give up.

She's hopeless or it was perfect. I have no notes.
And then it's, I'll find out soon. It doesn't matter.
What can I do? It's over. Yeah.
I don't know how many years ago this was. Less than 10, I think.
And there's something for Jim Burroughs, like a special something. And I think it's even broadcast.
And the six of us cast members are with him. That's where I I said like yeah well I had an audition remember the audition we all had the round with just Jim just Jimmy and everyone no I didn't have that he took one look at a tape of them and they're like oh yeah that's him that's right I was the only one it's a blessing he didn't know that until 10 years thought, this is that crazy insecurity.
You think he needed to see you because it didn't work out on the last thing. Yeah, that's just part of the audition process.
It's just part of it. Everyone did this.
Why don't you calm down? Yeah, you're talking yourself out of being crazy. Yeah.
You're like, you're not even that important. None of this matters that much.
You've made this something that's not. And in fact, they did need to check with Jimmy.

You were spot on.

Is it all right?

Because we think she's pretty good.

And then this crazy thing happens in the table read.

The table read.

For friends.

Did it?

Where he suggests you.

No, not the table read.

One of the rehearsals.

For the pilot?

For the pilot where Rachel is about to cut up credit cards and we're all sitting around the kitchen table.

And he thinks, oh, you know, it'll be fun. At least get under the table.
What? Oh, God. What do you mean? Let's sit under the table.
And I'm climbing down. I'm just like shoving myself under the kitchen table.
And I said, I can't see anybody. He's like, yeah, but it's funny.
That's all right. Oh, boy.
And when I heard you retell this before, you're feeling right because I don't belong here.

You don't think I belong here.

And now you're physically.

Removing me.

Putting me where it's now visually obvious I don't belong here.

Right.

It was like a very triggering.

Well, yeah.

Confirmation that he hated.

Oh, my God.

He doesn't want me in the scene. Because one of the issues with the character, it's like, how do we let the audience know why they're friends with her? Right, right, right.
Because she's so different. Yeah.
And I don't know that this helps that. So we do the run through and David Crane, who's so nice, he's like, okay, that was good.
Lisa, it's funny that you're under the table. I don't know that works and I'm thinking he thinks this was my idea oh no oh no he thinks it's my idea on top of it not working it was my bad idea and now this is so stressful they won't be able to trust any of my instincts yeah yeah and then Jimmy, no, that was my idea.
Okay. Thank God.

I went, oh, thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. He's like, we were just trying it.

This is a turning point though. She doesn't have to do it.
Yeah. In his book, he wrote,

like she needed to trust me. So I needed to show her.
Like it was all calculated?

I don't think the whole thing. What do I know? Okay, I didn't know I was the only one auditioning for him.

What the hell do I know?

I thought a ghost from the past came to tell me to be an actress.

For people who don't know, Jimmy Burroughs is, by all accounts,

the very most successful director to ever be in television by a landslide.

Every show you ever loved, he directed either the pilot or the whole thing.

And still...

It's impossible.

Yeah.

Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

When you're not pleasing this person, it couldn't get worse.

That's right.

You got to trust that he's right.

But he'll be the first to say, it's just a pitch.

50% of them don't work.

Right, right, right.

Wow.

So that was a turning point.

And then things got better.

And as you said, you grew to absolutely love him, right?

Well, yeah.

Then he was so fantastic because I did this show, The and asked him to be jimmy the director because it was him yeah yeah to act and he did it had he ever fantastic i think no wow he was himself yeah it was so great now let me ask you this because you do it so gracefully, and it appears to me that you

don't ever mind it, but it occurred to me, there are things that I got sick of talking

about.

What is just your overall feeling about talking about friends?

It's a blessing.

Was there ever a period where you're like, please shut up about friends?

No, because I'm too grateful.

Well, that's nice, though.

I should have been grateful for all the things, but sometimes it took me a while to be grateful.

That's all right.

Okay.

You forgive me? Well, I hope you do. Are you going to fire me from this table room? But is part of that because the experience itself was so fulfilling? Yeah, it was great.
We really did get along. It's that thing that you were talking about at Groundlings where you can read when people are having fun.
That show is so special in that way. We also worked hard at being friends.
That six-way relationship took some work and we did it. What did that look like? Just like going out for dinners and stuff or being social? Really talking things through.
If someone said something or did something, it didn't get too big because it was, can I talk to you? Usually not me because I had to learn to be, can I talk to you about something? Yeah. Because I never knew that was allowed, but I saw it modeled really well by Courtney and Jennifer and Matt.
Yeah. Communication, like rule number one in any relationship.
Yeah. And respectful communication.
So knowing you were entering the situation where this guy was going to direct you who had fired you recently, what was your confidence level going into that?

Cautious.

Now, this maybe is a rude question, but was it at all on your mind that you were the oldest member of that group?

Yeah, by a year.

I know, but in your 20s, that feels like something.

Right.

Well, I was 30.

Right.

30 or 31?

31.

He's like panic on your face. I was 30 and a half.
Okay. Okay.
30 and a half. Right? Yeah.
Oh, well, I can tell you. I do math very well.
No, I was because I was 94. May of 94.
July is my birthday. So I wasn't 31.
I was 30. Yeah, you're 30.
Oh my God. It's this kind of detail that is fascinating.
Now it means nothing. But when you're 30 and this is your big shot and you've been chipping away and it's hard and you got fired before.
The stakes feel so fucking high. You don't know at that point you're going to follow Seinfeld, do you? Or do you? Like, do you know this thing's going to be given the best shot imaginable? No.
Shooting the pilot? Yeah, of course. They hadn't picked it up.
Yeah. No, they hadn't picked it up.
By the way, here's what a bad judge of is a show going to be successful or not. I was like, it's cute.
Right. I mean, it's not Seinfeld.
It's sort of groundbreaking comedy. I'm just glad it's on NBC because I've got a recurring role on Mad About You.
I got to protect that. Yeah.
And you were playing your own twin. I didn't know that until today.
That's because when they put us on, they put us on right after Mad About You. It ended up being such a great crossover, though.
Okay, good. We have kept it from you until this moment.
I don't think we can go on. And you've done a great job.
Thank you. If Monica has a religion, it is friends.
Oh. She talks about it every fucking episode.
Even yesterday, I was thinking, I was like, are we going to even talk about it? Oh, my God. What do you want to say? I don't know what to say because I don't think there's any way for me to really tell you how important it was to me.
I mean, we have a stanzi in there of Matt Damon and me. It's Matt Damon and friends.
It was Goodwill Hunting and friends that changed my whole, whole life. Oh.
I had every episode VHS taped. I myself vhs taped i had a color-coded system i had 31 tapes oh my god the night of the finale i had a ap test the next morning couldn't care less about the ap test was up till like 3 a.m watching the letterman or whatever you guys did that night and rewinding it.
Oh my God. No, it was like a once in a huge.

Who knew there'd be an internet and then you can think about it and it would present itself

to you again.

Exactly.

You couldn't miss it.

You could not miss it.

Hence the must see TV.

You really, if you didn't see it, you're fucked.

There's never going to be something like that again.

You're absolutely fucked.

Your life's over.

If your fucking timer on your VHS didn't go off as planned.

Oh my God.

Yes.

What a nightmare.

That was Sopranos for me.

So special.

And it was funny.

This is a chance. Yeah.
And I imagine it's because I was in my 20s trying to be an actor and something about that is something maybe I wanted. And I don't know.
I have no explanation for why. Can I offer something that would have been me had I not been on the show? Yeah.
Well, if absolutely everybody loves it, it might not be for me. Thank you.
You think you're different. I've got a different sense of humor.
A thousand percent. There's first why didn't I give it a shot? But then once it was off to the races, I could never join on late.
I was too punk rock in my own mind. I was in middle school and I was trying very hard to be like everyone.
Right. Everyone was watching Friends.
And I think it was like, I like this thing that everybody else likes. I'm like everybody else.
And I'm also going to like it. Time's like a gajillion.
I'm going to like it the most. I'm going to know everything about it.
I'm going to be perfect at liking this, which I did do. It's so true.
I had the luxury of, I looked like everybody. So all I wanted to do is be different.
And Monica was different. And all she wanted to be is like everyone else.
So it was like anything anyone was doing, I was out. I still have to tell myself you're acting like you're 12 years old right now.
And it okay to like something everyone likes yeah i only watched everybody loves raymond during coven there you go and then i watched big bang theory and went oh my god that sheldon's the best character i've ever seen in my whole life right right there's a thing about being in the cool club that gets in your way i don't know if it was the cool club when i was. I wasn't watching anything.
I was working and was the only one to get married and have a kid. Season three, you had a child? Yeah.
Was it? Yeah. We'd get together and watch the episodes and stuff.
And then like what you were saying about you have a kid and everything shifts, everything drops about 10 pegs on the list of priorities because it's that transition also into being a parent. I don't transition well, so it takes up a lot of my attention.
And then also that was around the same time I started getting cast in movies while I'm doing Friends and I'm a mother for the first time. And it was just a little too much.
That's a lot. So I wasn't watching anything.

I was done with the what's groundbreaking comedy.

And the other big shift for me

was after 9-11,

I'd be driving back from Warner Brothers.

Oh, that was 9-11.

Yeah, we were at Warner Brothers.

And people used to stop at a stoplight

and go,

ah, you know,

look at you.

Look at you. Look at you.

Look at yourself in the mirror.

It's you.

And after 9-11, I don't know why this always makes me want to cry too.

They'd pull up and I'd look over and they're looking at me and they weren't like, ah, they

just mouthed, thank you.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Like very somberly.

And that's when it really sunk in. I couldn't watch CNN anymore because all it was, was who died.
Who was in New York? Who was near the towers? Who was in the towers? Everyone knew someone in the towers. And I had this weird dissociated event.
I was watching Will and Grace and i went oh yeah oh thank god i went oh

wait but it's in new york oh god who did they know in the towers and then went oh no no i'm in tv i know they shot this before 9 11 so it hasn't happened yet and then i went no this isn't real it will have never happened here. Yeah, yeah.
And it was like, oh, thank God. Thank God I can go somewhere.
That didn't happen. And that's when any kind of comedy, snobbery, any of that melted away forever because entertainment is important and it's providing a huge mental health service and it is important.
I agree in having done some things that weren't my comedic tone and to see how appreciated there are by people and recognizing like, oh no, everyone's entitled to laugh. Everyone deserves a laugh.
There's no hierarchy. There's no great comedy and bad comedy.
If you make people laugh, that's it. And also, why did I want to do this anyway? For me? No, because when people are laughing and enjoying themselves, it's something you're doing.
That's what the thrill is. Sorry, you keep going like trauma style, but additionally for me, that's when I'm safe.
If all the men in the room are laughing at me, no one wants to fight. No one's hitting anybody.
We're at peak safety when everyone's laughing. That's the personal level, too, for me.
Probably is hard to see it as a gift, but I think it's really hard to understand the integration your stuff has in people's life. It's too abstract.
I don't even know that it's even healthy to know it. But to be given that moment at the light, that weirdly is kind of helpful in computing what it really means.
You're not at work feeling special. You're like, oh, let's go out and save the world tonight.
No, but we were always aware there's the task at hand. We got sort of over publicized.
What is overexposed? Yeah, saturated.ated. I couldn't think of overexposed.
Yeah, that's all right. You got there.
You got there pretty quickly, actually. You're being a little hard on yourself.
It took about one second. It should have taken a fraction of it.
You know what it is, is I think your obligation is you do want to honor those people. And part of how you honor them is accept what they're telling you.
Yes. Also, we were overexposed.
Everyone was excited at the network, at the studio. We were on every talk show.
And so then it just became the joke. Matthew Perry was the first one who said, we feel like we need to get the word out that we're on, which was insane.
And so then we were asked to do some commercial or something else. And we just went, we're so overexposed.
And how are we going to fix this? And then it was, we don't need to fix it. They're still watching the show.
We just need to focus on the task at hand, which is doing this show and doing it the best we can. And the writers and producers feel the same way.
And there were conversations just about, I don't know, is this getting a little too weird? You know, like with the writing. But everyone just got refocused on.
Make it good. Yeah.
Don't forget what this is all about. Being great at that taping.
Let me just scan here. Okay.
I'm getting shaky. It's too much energy.
I'm talking too much.

No.

I'm like convulsing.

Is it the nicotine?

No, she hasn't had nearly enough is my argument.

Yeah, you need to steady yourself.

Well, I can't chew and talk.

Yeah, you can.

Yeah, do whatever.

We edit.

Okay.

Come on now.

What the hell is that?

I'm going to be really rude while you reload.

I'm going to go pee pee.

Is that okay?

Yeah.

Potty right there.

You want to get out of here? I want to pee at some point. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, go ahead. Are we together? Can you pull your husband so you can go together? That would be so weird.
We didn't have a door on that for many, many, many years. It was wide open.
So you got the door. Why do I feel like I was here before? You've never done it.
Were you in Scientology?

No. The guy who used to live here was a big Scientologist.
And he had a podcast? No, his daughter lived up here. And she had a podcast.
Yeah, she did. She had a cat podcast.
I'm just remembering doing a podcast and it was, yeah, you can use the bathroom. And it's like, this is a It's deja vu.

Oh, ours wasn't a curtain.

It had nothing.

A precognition.

That's right.

Of post-cognition. And it was, yeah, you can use the bathroom.
And it's like, this is a curtain. Maybe it's deja vu.
Oh, ours wasn't a curtain.

It had nothing.

A precognition.

That's right.

Of post-cognition.

Like your cosmic voice. Mm-hmm.

That told you.

I feel like an idiot.

No.

What do you mean?

I do believe sometimes things just make themselves known to you.

Obviously.

You resisted it for so long, and this is your life.

It's not a weird thing to think.

It's added up to being exactly that.

I mean, haven't you had things happen that you can't explain and come on?

Thank you. Are you an introvert or guy off.
Oh, my God. I'm down on my mind.

He's talking for me.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

No, you're not talking enough. You're talking enough.

Get your head straight in there

and come out and talk more.

Oh, my God.

That was so long.

So much pee.

Did it overflow from the toilet? Sometimes I wonder if it will. Do you ever? Sometimes, especially doing this, I rarely, like, that's actually a sign to you that I feel comfortable around you.
Because generally I'll sit here and be miserable and then the guest leaves. I've peed for three minutes.
Where I'm like, oh my God, I cannot believe this. Wasn't that like five or 10? That was under 60, I think.
Wouldn't it be funny if I thought, I think that was about 10 minutes. I would be a little nervous.
Mixed with the shakiness, we might need to get you to your brother. Oh my God.
Yeah, can I just call your brother really quick? Do a little pet scan? That's so cool that he followed in the family footsteps and became a neurologist. That's very fancy.
That's super smart. That's like Vosser.
Vosser. Just like Vosser.
Vosser. He must have gone to Vosser.
Everyone at Vosser when I was there was like, yeah, I didn't get into Yale. I have just a few more questions.
Oh, no. Sorry about this.
And then we're moving on to your new show. Oh.
Bear with me. I was like, I wonder if maybe we don't ever talk about that.
No, actually, because I love it. This is just chit-chat.
I genuinely loved it. We like to chit-chat.
One question is, there are some people that get famous and they had some training. They have some experience being the most popular person in school.
And then there's introverts that get famous. And I think it's a little bit different of an experience.
There's no prior experience where it's like, yeah, everywhere I go, everyone wants to say hi to me. It's very foreign.
Interesting. Let's take Matthew McConaughey, who I love.
He's so comfortable being famous, but guess what? He has been famous since he was born. He was little Mr.
Texas, we found out. And every girl liked him in school.
He had a lot of training to be kind of adored.

People are looking at him always. Yeah, he's hot shit.
So by the time it happens, he's kind of had some practice. And then you take other people that were like, I'm hesitant to say this, but I'll give the example of Edward Norton.
He was a fucking genius bookworm. And now he's the most popular guy in the world.
It's a much different new experience, I think, for some people than others. How did that transition for you feel when all of a sudden you were like one of the six most popular people in America?

Globally.

Was there like dissonance and disconnect from it?

Yeah, it's everything.

That was the beginning of online chat stuff.

And I could actually go on a computer and read what people are saying and how they're criticizing. Well, two of the three girls are cute.
You know, like a lot of that stuff too. And went, oh, okay, this won't help me.
Yeah. Be good on the show.
So I just immediately stopped. You were smart enough to know I'm not looking at that.
Because there were some good things, too, that I didn't necessarily agree with. Right.
Just rationally thought none of this needs to be taken to heart or too seriously. Very nice when people appreciate what I do.
Not everyone will. Okay.
That was pretty intact. Yeah, it takes some people decades to come to that.
Oh yeah, or never. I do not need to know what people think.
In AA, we say what people think of you is none of your business. That's such a great saying.
It's kind of true. It is none of my business.
But what I have found is it depends on mood isn't even the right word. It's like a frame of mind.
And I couldn't even define what that frame of mind is, but I can watch the same thing and think that was funny. Oh, good.
And then another day, the same thing and say, why did I think that was good? How have you been getting away with doing this for so long? Oh my God. Yeah.
Right. it's the exact same footage.
Yeah, again, it has nothing to do with what you've done. It's everything to do with what you feel.
Well, also, if I'm doing a character and I see a glimpse of me, and mostly, there's a lot of me in everything I do. Yeah.
But I can tell the difference. If I watch the comeback, I have no problem watching that.
That's a different human being from me. I'm proud of it.
It's all good. Friends sometimes like, oh, you just did a voice.
Basically, that wasn't acting. I wasn't anything.
It was just like, I don't know what, what. And then I don't want to shit on it because people like it.
And I'm not saying you're an idiot for liking it or anything it's just for me it's what i tried to do is out of respect not even just for me but for people who do like that it's like okay so can you forgive yourself you didn't think you were so great oh my god at the acting it was good enough for a lot of people and good enough can you forgive yourself is like and then the answer is well of course i can't it's so hard though to forgive yourself isn't it but don't you forgive everyone i mean performance wise someone will have just a moment in a performance and i'll go oh well i forgive it because the rest of it is so great oh my god God. Yep.
I am ultra aware of those things. The big thing for me now is, I don't even know if I should say it out loud.
Of course you should. Can I forgive myself for not having some work done on that face? Can I forgive myself for getting older? Oh, wow.
And not doing something about it? Because I watch and I'm like, they've got a jawline. Am I supposed to have a jawline? Did I do this wrong? Like even into my 60s? That thing that comes up is, wait, should I? Am I supposed to? Are you allowed? Is everyone but me doing this, right? That's the thought I have.
Everyone but me seems to be doing this. So am I allowed? Should I? Am I allowed not to? Or is it going to be so off-putting? It's going to affect people's experience.
Interesting. Watching me.
I'm trying to be practical about it because clearly I haven't. Oh my God.
Here we go. I think you look exquisite.
You look exquisite. You do.
Again, call your husband. Let's go to the bathroom.
Meet me in the bathroom. Well, he won't let me do anything.
let me do anything he likes your face faz your face he won't let me it's so crazy how we see ourselves and how other people see us because obviously we look at you and i'm with your husband i'm like don't mess with it it's great but i also i look in the mirror and i'm like okay i did i got chin filler you start looking and you're like okay i think i can start just rearranging Just a little bit. Just a it and you're like i like it yeah yeah yeah well i did get botox yeah sure at age 60 for the first time i went to the doctor he's like wait a minute i've never checked the box for first time in la you're unique and then i hear unique is a euphemism for idiot.

Okay, sure.

But I really relate to like this bizarre zone your brain goes into where you go in some weird way.

Am I not being professional?

Yes.

I signed up to be a fucking actor.

Right.

I got to be pleasing to people to look at.

Do I have an obligation?

Am I acting like that's not part of my job that I'm above this? And I look at peers and I go, yeah, they're doing what you're supposed to do. It's a very entangled experience.
Well, another part of me wants people to then just get used to me older. Of course.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say, do you have pride? On the other end of it is pride.
Like I haven't done anything, guys. That's cool guys that's cool it's not because i don't judge anyone for doing it i get it and a lot of people look fantastic sure but i also am afraid that if it doesn't heal right yeah it's scary i look older and not like you yeah older and fucked up i think it's more complicated people give it credit.
They're just evaluating it in terms of vanity, which is fair. Some of it's vanity, but some of it's also like, you know, you do certain things.
If you're a pilot, you get LASIK. There's things that people do.
That's true. And you have this occupation.
Your face is the job. But what's the obligation for people to see us as young? Why is that it's maintained interesting because once there's work that is not trying to make you look 20 ai can do that for me but it's just making you look looked after cared for kept up yeah i've got some stuff in my fridge let's play with some injections before you go yeah injectionsions are the safest thing to do.
I'm going to give you some injections and then give you a tattoo. I think the surgery.
When your husband says, that was the podcast, you go, I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened.
I'm a new person. He's like, what's going on with your jaw? It felt like it was okay for some reason.
I think it's his height. I just trusted him.
I have no other explanation. He's very commanding.
Okay. Another question I had is when it became so publicized, how much money you guys were making, did you witness any impact on your interpersonal relationships? And that being so public, was there fallout from that? So again, I think that's's another one that's like it's probably more complicated than people would fantasize about family and friends no i think it was always if you're going to be an actor the hope is that you make enough to not do another job this was like the show's really good and you're good but this is winning a lottery that's how it was of looked at.
But you mean like asking for money and doing stuff? If it did, I'm not remembering. Yeah, it wasn't a big thing.
Or that's what's not registering to me. The only, I don't remember what I was even going to say.
Okay. Because I thought of one thing and then another thing, knocked it out.
And then, but there was something. Damn.
Maybe on your next trip. Okay.
I know what it was okay the thing is i think for all of us and especially at that time right it's like 20 years ago that's when it was money being the last two years yeah that it's i don't want people to know that and for me the biggest impact was at my son's schools as he was older, our society was moving into what's privilege class where the other people in his school had assumptions about his family based on what's been known. Public knowledge.
Yeah. You guys fly private to Aspen on Christmas.
And that's that. Not once, but right.
And also what they didn't know was that some of their other classmates' families were billionaires. Billionaires.
Yeah. Right.
Right. Yeah.
But it's not known. My son's getting a lot of shit for being privileged.
And then it was, hey, cool. I thought you'd get a new car.
You got the old soccer mom car. Yeah.
I wonder if you felt a discernible lack of compassion towards you at any point because you were just known to have all this money. Who the fuck's going to ever feel bad for you again because you have all this money? Sure.
And I mean, I don't need anyone feeling bad for me. Let's say that.
Well, I like compassion. Okay.
Yeah. When I'm going through a hard time, the people that I've loved and been there for, I would want them to be there for me.
You're still a person. Yes.
Oh, I know what you're saying. Sometimes there's been hints of, you know, if there's a stressful time around something personal, sometimes I feel a whisper of, well.
But also you're rich. You can afford to do this.
Buy your way out of this problem. Yeah.
To buy your way out of this emotional problem. This problem with your husband, have you thought about giving him a couple million dollars? See if that makes it go away.
And then it's just, of course, that's what's plaguing you right now. Maybe I need to have a little more empathy about that.
But the only time ever I did a Who Do You Think You Are? because I produced the show and I was the first one to shoot it. And I'm in Belarus and learning about how my family was killed by death squads during the Holocaust.
Your dad's grandmother, your great-great-grandmother. Yes, great-grandmother and kids and family and the whole town.
And so I'm learning about that and I'm talking to this old woman who had been there. She's not Jewish.
That's why she survived. And I'm just surrounded by this whole darkness of it and getting slightly angry.
So this woman in between shooting in Russian, and she just said, you're from America? Yeah. You have nice teeth.
And I went, yeah, she didn't have any teeth at all in her head. I said, yeah.
And she said, you're rich. Oh boy.
And I said, yes. Yes, I am.
And I was so- It's kind of undeniable. Yes, I am.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm so proud of that at this moment. Yes.
Because all these people were murdered. And then my grandmother, they came over.
They had nothing. And you're still here.
Here you are and you're rich. And that is the only time in my life that I felt like, yes, I'm rich.
Yes. I love that.
A thousand percent. I went to Dachau with my mother when I was 16.
We toured Dachau. And I really recommend everyone have that experience because talk about the stuff we can't figure out or we don't understand really what's going on.
To stand someplace where it is still so physically accessible that the weight is so palpable is fucking weird. I've never had an experience anywhere else in my life like it were after an hour there.
You're like, oh, my God, I got to get the fuck out of here. I've never been.
I don't know if I can handle it.

Yeah.

And I could barely handle that. But I was really surprised by my reaction to being around someone who survived it, then later came back and placed a monument where the mass grave was.
I was standing there and thinking, God, all these people were killed. And then there were the people who were shooting who have to have had moments later on where they went, what did I do? I'm sure a lot of them just went, Jews, they had it coming.
But how many lives were ruined on all sides? It's convenient to think of that group of people as some other group of people that were evil and stuff. They were normal people that were in a system and they played their role.
And yeah, I imagine, of course, there's some monsters that were like, we didn't get enough. And then I think more often people were like, now there's a new reality and now I see it.
And what the fuck happened? And I was under the spell of this. Even if for like five minutes when that veil is lifted, lifted it's torture and then they can go back and tell themselves the same story to get through it and these weren't nazis either necessarily a lot of times it was local police who were happy to help anyway sorry we just got there you see made a dinner party no is it funny we like that's what we'd like to do yeah it's almost sadistic but we like this part my last it's kind of related i only bring it up because i wasn't on a cultural phenom but i was on parenthood for six years yeah and i fucking love those people so much and i hadn't seen the show i guess in eight years or whatever it was and my daughters i don't know if they wanted to see it or I suggested it, but we watched it on a vacation last year.
From the second it started, the title sequence, I started crying. And it was the most cathartic, wonderful.
I got to experience it in a way I almost couldn't when I was doing it. I've heard you say a couple times that you were unable to watch Friends.
Yeah, to watch myself. Well, what I really liked is I have a bit of the same fear, which is like, I mostly just don't want to get caught watching myself.
Well, there's that too. Yeah, that's an element of it.
It's like so humiliating. So you didn't watch it? I didn't.
First couple of seasons, we'd go to Courtney's and watch it every Thursday night. I almost said the wrong night.
Yeah, Must see. I was just making up a word.
It's like, it's every week, every, I don't know. Every Saturday morning we get together.
As a day. Watch the show every Saturday morning.
For example, every Wednesday, whatever it was on. I don't know.
Whatever. Thursday night.
We'd watch it every week and then too busy and I was pregnant. I don't know.
I just stopped watching and there

are episodes I've never seen. Wow.
And it's almost impossible to avoid if any show is on at all times

of the day. In fact, one of the only fights I ever got in when I was still dating Kristen,

we didn't live together yet. I went to her house.
This is back when a DVR only had like 20 hours of

storage. And I like go to watch some show we had and she had all these roommates and someone had

recorded and put a season's pass on friends. And I'm yelling in the house.
I'm like, whoever put this on the DVR, you don't need to just turn the TV on. It's on.
You don't need to record it. It's literally on all day.
And then Amy Hanson, our sweetest friend came around the car. And a true angel.
An angel. She goes, I'm sorry.
And I go, you were doing it.

You should definitely keep recording.

I felt so terrible.

Yeah, that's the worst thing you've ever done.

But anyways, you can't even avoid that.

You can't go channel surfing and not see it.

It's so comforting.

Yeah, but you started watching it again.

Well, when Matthew passed away, I started watching.

I mean, there were marathons.

It was part of the process for me and boy i really appreciated it and how fun well i knew he was funny always anyway yeah conan knows the most humiliated for no other reason than to torture conan but he just was so funny and and And I'm like, God, LeBlanc is hilarious. Oh, Jennifer, my God, that's so good.

Yeah.

Come on, Courtney. How were you never nominated for an Emmy? That's insane.
And Schwimmer. Yes.
Oh, my God. Come on.
It was just this whole appreciation. I went, I've got to watch all of them.
Yeah. Did you cry when you're watching it? I cried when there was a marathon on and I caught, I mean, I'm not watching it like on max from season one.
I tried. I don't know if I can do season one, but maybe season two or three.
My husband's like, can we watch and watch it? Like, okay. And then something about me was like, I can't.
You feel like it's too self-indulgent? Yeah, but I feel like I need to watch all of them. So anyway, the episode where Phoebe got married is on.
And I'm watching it. And I got so caught up that I cried watching her because she looked so happy.
Yeah, she was so happy. She had such a real smile.
She was just, I've never seen Phoebe that happy. You could remove yourself.
It's she. Yeah.
It's for sure she. It's for sure.
It's certainly she. She sells seashells while she's short.
Who wouldn't be happy marrying Paul Rudd? Well, and then there's that. But it really touched me.
I was so happy for her. I'm glad you got that moment.
That's what everyone felt. That whole series is like, we know them.
But did you cry when she got married? I cried so much. I was like, I know them.
They're my friends. They're saving me from feeling lonely.
That one glimpse you got is what people had for 10 years. Yeah.
So lucky for us and grateful to you guys for that. So I knew him through sobriety.
That's where I start chewing my gum. Yeah, yeah.
This is gum time. This is where I need my nicotine.
Yeah, yeah. Look, what us addicts put everyone that love us through is rough.
Yeah. If I were you, I would want to see the version.
Like, let's put it this way. And I can compare.
I think it's a good comparison. Cancer.
So my father, he had a lot of health issues towards the end and there's a whole decade of his life he was really on the decline when I have dreams about him I have dreams about him in his like 40s I want to see his vibrant virile self and I miss it so much and I guess I think if I loved an addict and I had to see the whole thing I would be grateful to get to go back and see it before it had like taken its toll right i this will sound odd and more comforted that he was happy the day he died he got to die happy and to me that was a gift it could have gone a much different way. Yeah.
I think people, they have a category addict. It's really incomplete.
It's a spectrum. I've loved people in the program that I could recognize.
They got it worse than me. And I've had friends in AA where I would say, yeah, the weight of the world is heavier on your shoulders than it is on mine.
And it's pretty heavy on mine. And I can see it and feel it.
And it's heartbreaking. And I don't envy you.
And I have a lot of compassion because you really are dealing with more than I am. And I can feel it.
I'm sad for that. Yeah, it is complicated.
It is, yeah. But I loved that Matthew I first met and the one at the end.
Because God love him. This is you.
And I love you. Yeah.
I accept that this is you. Yeah.
I understand. And so did he.
I didn't even watch the show, but I got to be around him a lot. And he has a lot of quotes I keep with me.
One of them is, I've spent my whole life making everyone like me. I haven't really asked myself what I like.
Oh. Oh, I can relate to that.
Yes. I thought the sentence was going to finish a different way.
Oh, you did. I've spent so much of my life making everybody around me like me.
And no time making myself like me. Yeah.
It's the same thing, really. Not asking yourself what you like is very similar to you haven't figured out what you like and you're not trying to make yourself like yourself.
But it's not like, what do you like about yourself? It's accept yourself, love yourself. That was, to me, the whole thing about fame isn't going to give you that.
Just because everyone else is loving you. It weirdly compounds it and then makes you hopeless because the thing that was going to make you love yourself didn't work.
And now we're out of options. It exacerbates it.
But the answer is simply, you're not only allowed to love yourself, you've got to. It's like required.
You're all you've got. Ultimately, it's so nice that people love you, but it doesn't work if you don't love you.
It can work temporarily for me. Okay.
Your show, No Good Deed. I'm not blowing smoke up your ass it's fantastic i'm gonna add you've seen it yes i watched today while i was working out i watched three episodes you're gonna fucking love it monica really yes because it's very and i don't know if you'll agree with this comparison it's weirdly very murders in the building oh oh interesting.
Wow. Exc great so liz feldman and i were in the sunday company together oh my god it all goes back to the groundlings every time all roads lead back wow she created it she had also created dead to me which was christine applegate linda cartell.
Had you known her prior to this? No. I was just told, so we have an offer for you to do this Netflix show.
Interesting. Tell me more.
It's limited series, which you can do, because I was committed to something else at the time. I went, okay.
It's Liz Feldman, who did, I said, Dead to Me. You knew.
I know. Well, this sounds like a yes.
Well, let's tell you a little more. You'll be married to Ray Romano.
Well, of course, yes. Yeah.
He's such a good actor. So again, back to Parenthood, that's where he did his first kind of dramatic work.
He was awesome. I got to direct him in an episode.
I loved Parenthood. Oh, you did? I saw every one of them.
Oh, my goodness. Okay.
You were keeping that very tight. I should have said that before.
No, it's probably best. There were a lot of moments.
Remember I told you I rewatched the whole thing and I cried and you'd go, oh yeah, it was really good. I was going to and then I forgot.
Remember how I kept saying there's something I want to say and I can't remember what it is? That's what it was? That you're a super fan of Parenthood? But yeah, he was incredible on Parenthood, right? Yes. Heartbreaking.
He's so good. I'll add, what a dude.
He has no ego. To walk into Parenthood season, whatever it was.
Yes. That's fucking hard.
You were on a show that had your name in the title. Which was your whole story.
Yeah. And then you walk in and you're like 23rd on the call sheet this morning and you can't wait to act.
Yes. Did you see that Netflix movie, Him and Mark Duplass? I can't remember it was called because the name of it has nothing to do with what it was about.
Paddleton. Thank you.
Paddleton. Paddleton.
Oh, maybe that was someone's name. But to me, that has nothing to do with what it was about.
And that was just world changing to me. He's incredible.
He's almost a Duval. Like he's just alive there.
And it's real. Effortless.
So I was thrilled. You have such rhythm.
Oh, good. Oh, big time.
Yay! And you have a lot of heavy lifting. You should see the list because you don't get sent screeners and get told what's embargoed.
But the list of things I can't say is comical. I've never seen a list so long.
Oh, because spoilers. But I think we can say from the get-go, you and Ray Romano are married.
You're empty nesters. And you're going to sell this terrific house.
This is a very L.A. story because this has happened to a lot of people where you accidentally end up with a house that's worth like $5 million.
And they're in this situation. And they're going to sell the house.
And it's a great device. You meet all these characters that are coming in to tour the house and they all want it.
And by the way, the house is so great. It made me want the house so bad.
Me too. It's perfectly beautiful.
That was a set on two stages. The first floor is on one stage.
Second floor is on another stage. But you have heavy lifting without giving anything away.
Is that all we can say? And there's some secrets. There's a lot of secrets.
There's stuff going on. It's my favorite kind of story where it's unraveling.
You're just two people selling a house. You're having a great.
Then this weird thing happens and this happens and this happens. These people are weird.
And all this stuff is getting kind of peeled back in every episode. You're like, oh, okay.
But first and foremost, and this is the thing I was saying about you living in your house for so long, I can really relate to, without knowing anything else, just the notion of handing over this place that has given you almost all of your most beautiful memories is such a bizarre notion. When I think about our own house right now and like all the memories we're having with these little kids, it's a very weird thing to do.
To me, the woman I'm playing has got to be unstable because that's nothing like me. You could walk away from your house of 27 years right now and be fine? Wow.
You're a psychopath. I'm not fine, but home are the people you're with.
That's true. And you claim a space.
So wherever we live next, I'll claim it. It'll be ours.
It's fine. Here's the weird thing that caught me by surprise.
My brother and sister and I found out that our house that we grew up in, in Tarzana, was for sale and there was an open house. And let's just go.
And the three of us went to the house and I thought, I can afford to buy it, I think. Should I just buy it? Yeah, of course.
I should just buy it. I want it back.
I think I should buy it. Yeah, yeah.
I must buy it yeah i must buy it you buy it no oh because at first it was like i want it back we were having so much fun it's like yes oh my god and that's the same and remember we blank and we did that and oh remember the time i got thrown across the room and yeah it just got really dark this is where dad used to hang his belt we were having the best, but by the time we were sort of done touring it, you were over it. I was done.
This is for someone else's memories. Also, what you think you're buying is a teleport device back to those fun memories.
I discovered this in the weirdest way with Nintendo. So I had Nintendo in seventh grade.
It's the only year I ever played video games. I had such a fun year with my friends playing these new video games.
And then as an adult, eBay came around and I was like, oh, I could get a Nintendo and all those old games. And I ordered all the stuff and it came and I hooked it up to my TV.
I couldn't figure out why it wasn't giving me anything. And I realized it's not the game I missed.
It's seventh grade I miss. It's like my friends and I doing the thing and I think I can get it back by having this object.

It's what you cared about while you were playing that game.

But truly, the show's fucking fantastic.

That's great.

I don't have objectivity.

I watched the first one and immediately forgot I was in it

and went, I can't wait to see the next one.

So that to me was a great sign.

That's a huge sign.

By the way, blew through your wife's show.

Who didn't? Everyone did. Literally everyone.
You know who mostly blew through it? Dads. Really? Isn't that inexplicable? That's who we hear most from.
That's fantastic because it's a romantic comedy. Yeah.
It's kind of encouraging. That is the best news I've ever heard.
I mean, truly, right? My husband loved it. Well, there you go.
He said, can we watch more of that? I was like, yeah. That's not what he sounds like.
I don't know who I just did. Yeah, what does he sound like? He must be able to do a great impersonation of him.
No, I wouldn't mind watching more of that one. It's okay.
He's foreign. He's French.
Oh my God.

Does he make love to you so good?

Very attractive.

That is very attractive. My only regret in life,

sexually,

is that I didn't make love

to a French woman.

Okay.

On that note.

No.

I think this is worth exploring.

French women probably instruct.

Oh, someone's calling to tell me.

Well, yeah,

you're supposed to be somewhere else.

Okay, listen, I am so sorry. I'm sorry.
This was really too long is it no it's fine okay you sure i don't think it's fine it's my publicist of course why haven't you left yet it can't still be going on okay lisa what a fucking joy yeah this is nice yeah that deal. Am I? Yeah.
We had David Schwimmer, and I'll tell you our funny joke. He had to cancel because he had an ear infection, and Robbie said he had Schwimmer's ear.
That's hilarious. It's a really good.
That's so good. Oh, shoot.
You got to respect the fact that- He's so great.

But you're the best one.

So we're glad to-

No, I'm not.

Oh, I can't wait for you to meet everybody.

But this was such a treat.

It was.

Thank you so much for spending so much time with us.

Everyone watch No Good Deed, 12, 12, 24.

I know you don't care.

Numerically, what could be better?

12 plus 12 is 24. 24, you don't care.
Numerically, what could be better? 12 plus 12 is 24.

24, 24.

We like that.

48.

Everyone watch No Good Deed.

It's absolutely fantastic.

Everyone's fantastic on it, and it's perfectly written.

And the score is impeccable.

12, 12, 24.

Thank you, Lisa Kudrow.

Thank you.

He is an armchair expert, but he makes mistakes all the time. Thank God Monica's here.
She's got to let him have the facts. It's 11-11.
Oh, okay. Hold on.
I really want to think on this. Did you have one yeah oh wow i want to know so bad don't you want to know yeah but you're not allowed to know other people's wishes no that's a weird part of wish culture yeah why is it that telling someone your wish would make it not come true i know but whyitious.
I know, but why? I don't know. What's the logic behind it, Monica? Why are you taking your shoes off? Trying something new.
Do you do multiple wishes in one minute or do you just do the one? Do you go several? I do as many as I can. Oh my God, that's a great idea.
I might switch to that. It's a little panicky.
Let me ask you this. Do you want to tell me your wish? Is that another part of it? Like, I want to know it.
My hunch is you want to tell me. No, not really.
Oh. Okay, great.
They're pretty basic. Like, my wishes are very similar to my prayers.
Great hair, great skin. There's a bored issue.
Oh, wonderful. That's a bored issue.
He's bored. he was telling that say he's bored i said we need a new topic he should have a like some kind of button where he's back to me he's like bar it's boring click does this mean we're recording or not uh i'm probably not oh i hope so because 11 11 i mean a backup recording, and theory should be working, but on the computer it's not registering for some reason.
Interesting. I feel like, Rob, your wish should have been that there was no technical problems.
Would that be such a sad wish for Rob? It's just, it's one of them. We were free to, like, want to ride a unicorn on a snow-capped mountain.
That was yours? That was yours? yours? Snowcap mountain. And Rob's going to be like, please, no technical glitches.
Well, mine, some of mine are. Work related? Often, yeah.
Yeah, same. I guess you're right.
Go ahead, Rob, make your wishes about technical proficiency. It's working.
I don't know what that was, but. Weird, okay.
The wish came true. I bet the computer made a wish on 11-11.
Which is like, I wish I could stop computing. Oh.
And then its wish came true. Then Rob was like, bullshit.
His overrides the computer's wish. You don't get wishes.
You're a computer. What do you think the robot would wish for? To be a boy.
Oh. That's, you know that.
For God. Yeah, His wish is right on his sleeve.
He wears his wish on his sleeve. He's so cute.
How do you think he's... It's 11-11.
Time to make my wish once again. I wish I was a boy.
I never tire of making this wish. Do you think he's feeling a little uncomf with AI? Yes.
And chat GPT and like metaglasses. I'm excited for AI.
They will be superior to me. I will seem so charming as if I'm a flawed human being.
Oh, that's very, and that's an interesting take. Glass half full.
Yeah, he's very optimistic. He is.
He'll seem like a clumsy dum-dum, which is very much what a boy is. Right.
So very boy-like. Okay.
Yeah. I like that.
How was your fitting? It was nice. It was.
We're shooting a commercial tomorrow. Yeah, it's very exciting.
Co-stars. I know.
It's very fun. It is fun.
We shot a commercial once before together a very long time ago for the city of Los Angeles. That is right.
The state of California or the city of Los Angeles. I don't know.
California tourism, I believe. And we were up at the observatory.
Ding, ding, ding. I was going to tell you what I just did this morning, but that'll put on pause.
Okay. What's your biggest memory from that California tourism shoot we did together? Well, I was wearing like a really specific dress.
And? Christian said. Yeah, that's my number one memory.
So we work with a guy all the time. Yeah.
And he saw me in a new light. He saw you in a whole new light.
He was so shook. It was hilarious.
Well, understandably, because especially up until that point, I was a little assistant running around in sweatpants. I was going to say, you were in your Pangaea phase or just prior.

It was before Pangaea. Yeah, but it was like always bedtime look.
Not really. I mean, when I would show up to the house, I'd look cute, but everyone saw me.
You know, it's all very interesting. Actually, this is psychologically interesting.
Go on. When I was an assistant, I liked fashion the same amount.
That hasn't changed. Correct.
But I think when I was an assistant, no one thought that or, you know, they were just like, oh, she's just like a little girl and she gets groceries and she eats chicken nuggets. Dino nuggets.
Yeah. I'm going to challenge that.
Okay. From a guy's perspective.
Yeah. We don't have a status thing.
If we see a hot woman, it's not like we're like, ooh, she's the janitor. We don't think that way.
We just go, ooh, hot. I don't even think about it.
I'm just like looking at them and I go either aruga. No.
Yep. Oh, don't do that.
That's a cartoon noise from Bugs Bunny.

It's okay.

But do some people really do it?

No, that's not even a cat call.

Even the worst guy is not yelling out his window, aruga.

Well.

Now, there's other bats.

Yeah, someone yelled at me the other day.

It's awful.

I'm going to, this is a brag.

I did yell at two guys.

I was at a crosswalk, and there were two dudes in a truck, and gal was at the corner and they started hussing and i got involved you did yeah yeah what'd you say i'm not gonna i don't like when i show that side of myself you've seen that side of me well did you say a slander i was like hey motherfuckers have some fucking you know respect some respect yeah have some manners shut the fuck. I kind of snap.
Like, get a hold of yourself. You're acting like a couple of fucking dogs.
Wow. You're so mixed messies.
Tell me more. Like, I'm a human being who's attracted to people.
I know that. It's just what you do with that attraction.
I know that. I'm glad you said that.
And that's why I've chosen Aruga. Because I feel like that is a playful, cartoony way.
You're right. I'm glad you did that.
Now, if I went, that's rough. That says I have a bone.
The other one, it says I have an old-timey horn somewhere on me. Okay.
Right? Yeah, that's true. Aruga.
Now, I like that you did that. Okay.
I bet that woman felt protected, And so that's nice. Yeah.

I hope she did.

Was it Kristen?

No.

No, no, no.

I was exercising.

Someone else was in an exercise outfit.

These two guys were letting it rip.

I see.

That's really nice. But I'm making a decision in that moment.

There's two guys.

Yeah.

They might hop out of the truck.

So I got it.

Like, there's a lot of thin slicing going on. I'm like, I'm going to shut the fuck up this is crazy yeah there's two of them they're at a light maybe they're gonna get out okay i guess i'm up for that yeah and then i go i'm up for that that's the part i don't like because i don't want you to get injured right but i also like that you protect it this is the problem of life in the world and the planet yeah It's a messy fucking place.
Sometimes a bad decision is mildly better than the other thing it's correct. Yes, that's right.
That's true. Yeah, one of the biggest memories I have in my life is...
Christian noticing? No. Giving an arugia? It's also funny though because I was wearing like a very sparkly dress kind of like a ridiculous looking dress i didn't pick it um and so for that to be the thing well well you can see this though yeah do you think your your dress and now it's changed yet again but do you think your dress evolved from when we first met you because i think it did that's what i'm trying to say i don't know i mean look um in some ways yes because i have my financial situation has changed but i think your confidence situation changed a bit too sure i think you felt more comfortable being who you are what you have yeah but then the more oversized i get see now that's what i'm saying then it pivoted again now you're like i'm in a sleeping bag yeah it's so cute yeah yeah i don't know but i just i i mean he had never seen me in a dress and then he'd also never seen me in full glam that was also probably part of it i was in heels heels.
It was a look. But that was a fun commercial.
It took him by storm. Yeah, that was funny.
Okay, but. I'm glad we have the same memory of it.
I only do because you, he said it to you. Of course.
And then you, of course, repeat, you passed along the compliment. Always want you to know.
Yeah. And I think you mentioned it a few times.
And so that was my last. I really wanted to sink in.
Yeah. I'm going to add Kristen's a handsome man.
Very. Yeah.
Yes. Very handsome man.
Okay. But a memory I have, I was at a light.
I think I've talked about this before, but I was at a light. It was red.
It had a no turn on red sign. And there was someone behind me and he was honking.
Mm-hmm. And I was not gonna move.
Yeah, you won't be peer pressured. Yeah, but it was getting like aggressive.
Uh-huh. And then there was a man on the street.
Yeah. And he like looked at the guy and was like, it's not, it's not, she can't go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I loved it.
Yeah. We have a diminished role in this world, but one of the roles is to keep the younger cuckoo-er versions of ourselves in check out in public.
They want to freak out in their house like Tonka, go nuts. But when you enter society, you got to tighten it up.
Yeah, I think that is a good thing for men to do for other men. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, now the reason I was just at the observatory. Oh.
I'm trying. This is a New Year's resolution that I started last week.
Okay. I want to be able to ride my bicycle, my cute road bike I told you about that's green and yellow.
A lot of people ask me to post pictures and I need to. So I did it for the first time, I guess, four days ago on the break.
I rode from here and my thought was, I'm going to ride as far up the hill as I can get. And then hold on, hold on.
And then not up the hiking trail. Oh, that's what I'm asking.
Okay. Up Ferndale.
Okay. You know, it twists all around and then how you would drive to the observatory.
Okay. Got it.
And my hunch was like, when you leave the house, it's immediately incline up the side street and then up Ferndale. When you get to the stop sign, I'm like, I already know when you're hiking, you're winded by the time you get there.
So I'm like, maybe I'll get to the stop sign. Then maybe next time I'll get to the first turn and so on and so on.
Well, on my trip last week, I got all the way to the final stretch, like maybe a block. I did have to get off and walk the last like half block or block up to the very top.
Wow. My thighs were as dense as like a microwave.
They've never been that inflated with blood or whatever was going on they were just so pumped up wow so I did that and then this morning I'm like I'm gonna do it again so I did it again this morning and I didn't have to walk you did the whole thing yeah I was kind of shocked with just one trip up because the first trip up was bonkers this trip up was good It was a hard workout, but my legs didn't get like locked. Wow.
And you think maybe you'll ride to the moon soon? I hope I'm going to ride to the moon. Yeah.
And by 2026. That's so nice.
The first person to climb Everest on a bicycle, on a road bike. That's awesome.
Congratulations. Thank you.
Oh, I brought it up. Not just, I didn't bring it up to brag, but I also brought it up because the most insane thing was happening on the entire trip up this morning.
It was an SNL sketch and it wouldn't fucking stop for 25 minutes. So I'm huffing up the hill.
I'm in the highest gear. I'm like, ah, and I have headphones in, I'm listening to stuff.
And I hear something just to the left of me a little bit. And I like, look, and it's like, it's really close.
It's a dude with dreadlocks in a backpack and he's on an electric fucking scooter. And we're going roughly the same speed.
Sure. It's maddening.
Being next to a dude on a scooter. He gets, he goes ahead of me.
Yeah. Now he's ahead of me.
Then he gets to a stop sign.

And I think he maybe had to put more money on the scooter.

Okay.

Because now he's got his phone out.

And I think he didn't have cell service.

Whatever.

I then pass him.

I'm now riding.

I forget about him.

Yep.

12 minutes later.

I hear something.

I look over.

He's.

I'm like, oh, my fucking God.

And I don't have it in me to go faster. Because you your alone space there's something that was so invasive well it was the awkwardness of it but then it was also the humiliation of a guy in this little scooter passing me because I'm going like three miles an hour up this steep hill it just was crazy imagine you see a guy taking a nap passing you on your hike.
Like it just felt like that. Like, well, how is this guy and I doing the same thing? Yeah.
We passed in, I bet five times. Did he pass me right at, he passed me at entering the parking lot to the observatory.
He did win. Wow.
Yeah. But what, was comical.
This reminds me fights, bikes, running. Remember earlier this year, my running situation with the dogs and the people.
And the people congregating. Yes.
Now I drove by the other day. Let me see what I can find.
Wow. There's going to be photographic evidence.
This was the area. Okay.
There's now a sign up that says no dog walking, private property. Oh, did you put that up? No, I didn't.
But that would have been a good move. But also it goes to show.
You weren't the only person inconvenienced by that. Yeah.
Correct. I felt very validated by this sign.
I bet. Vindicated.
They were just there? That's not even their house. Oh, my God.
I didn't think ever that was their house. Did you? I guess if I was being generous, I thought maybe one of them, that was their

area. Yeah.
That was a thing that happened

when we used to live on Los Feliz Boulevard. I would come

out and someone would just be having like a picnic

on the front yard. They'd have a blanket

out. They might be asleep.

Sure. It's interesting.

Stay tuned for more

Armchair Expert

if you dare. Okay.
I do want, I have an update, sort of. Okay.
Not really. And I wasn't really going to say this, but I am.
A couple fact checks ago, we talked about a dream I had. Oh, yes about JG's JG JG JG dream a dream let's be let's like make it so clear that I was talking about a dream that's right I got a very disgusting email from somebody also like do.
Me? Me too. The less emails I get in general, the better.
But this random person emailed me and said. I think you should read it.
The subject is, geez, dot, dot, dot. Be an adult, exclamation point, exclamation point.
Okay. Then it just says.
Really quick, just already I want to have a grievance. Yeah.

This is the definition of being an adult.

When you're a kid, you don't even think about this.

This is exclusively for adults. So just right there, problem number one, continue.

Yeah.

She said, go to your doctor and convey.

Hold on.

I know it's a woman.

I know.

Oh.

And I'm interrupting you too much, but you already have a look on your face, which I love you're reading it you're her yeah yeah i said so you're like this yeah okay go ahead okay go to your doctor and convey your concerns instead of making your personal hygiene issues a problem for your audience you never cease to amaze me exclamation point exclamation point you are such a constant child not not go to a doctor because you know better md after your name god but you're tedious okay so none of that makes any sense and it's really mean it's not grammatically great yeah also md after my name what does that even but let's just let's treat this as if it's a real piece of advice i want to give this person a day in court. So what she or she is requesting is that you go to your doctor and you say, I had a dream my vagina smelled.
He's going to go see a psychologist. Why are you here? Does your vagina smell? I don't think so.
I had a nightmare that it did and the love of my life was put off by it. Yeah, it a it's a dream that's what she wants you to do is go to the doctor and tell him you had a dream about your vagina i guess and i'm gonna start going to doctors to tell them about my dreams yeah i mean i'm so tedious yeah also why do you why do you listen go away well no i i a hundred I don't stand by that.
If you're the type of person who's going to send an email like that i prefer you do not listen to this show or me or engage with me ever again you actually don't have permission i understand i have a different take go ahead yeah which is like people i'm one of them i used to kind of hate listen to rush limbaugh okay people hate listened to howard stern like they just they wanted to hear what he said so they could be mad about it and they could go to work and they could talk about what a misogynist piggy was and it was like it's it was their hobby yeah that's a he still got those ratings they still had to listen to his message some of it definitely sunk in so i i i uh i don't mind i don't mind i don't mind if you're like you're an incel listening that's hating me that's great keep listening nah no and that's good i understand you i get i get what you're saying okay um but i i oh no. You don't get to, or you do get to because it's a public show, so you can do whatever you want.
But the idea that you opened an email, I mean, I didn't understand half of what that meant. So I think this person is unhinged.
They're probably, yeah, they probably got a lot of stuff going on. Can you say that it was mean? Oh, absolutely.
Well, it's so ridiculous and silly and stupid. Like, it's mostly just embarrassing.
That email is so embarrassing. If I sent that email to the host of a podcast and didn't want to accept she was talking about a dream, it's just embarrassing.
But embarrassing. But even not just the part about the, go to the doctor.

Like, you're tedious.

You never cease to amaze me.

You're a child.

Well, again, that to me confirms.

So she has a story about you, which was at the end of the email.

Her story about you is that you're tedious.

And so anything you say is going to be tedious.

So the fact that you said you had a dream, that has to be tedious because her story about you is that you're tedious. And so she's backed herself into this crazy corner where what she's saying doesn't even make sense.
Go see a doctor about your dream. It's so, I mean, it's such a stupid email.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's mean, but mostly it's stupid. Let's go into the psychology of it.
Okay. This really doesn't work because I already, I think the story part is really relevant.
But my hunch is she has something going on vaginally. Why is that such a hot, like, why did that trigger her so much? Yeah, I think it triggered people.
I got a few nice responses. Yeah.
I only read nice ones. Oh, that's nice.
But I mean, I like a person in my life reached out and said, oh, I use this. And I was like, it was a dream.
Like I freaked out and they were like, oh, sorry. Oh, but then I know.
No, no, I know. I'm sorry.
I was like, i got a bad email and i guess i think everyone thinks that and i wasn't yeah i i actually don't think that about myself i could be wrong because that's again the fear but the the dream was a fear about being unlovable that's right and unworthy exactly yes's right. Fundamentally flawed.
Like, okay, he passed. Somehow I fooled him with this and I fooled him with this and I fooled, but eventually the truth will be discovered.
And the last thing that he didn't have access to that he finally discovered was of course the deal breaker. Yeah.
It makes a lot of sense. Yeah.
It's just a metaphor for like, I'm not good enough. Yeah, yeah.
So I think people do struggle with this issue. Oh, absolutely.
And it turns out there are a lot of products on the market. Okay, great.
So people can check that out. Oral or are they, you put them in you? Oral.
Oral. Yes.
That's encouraging. Well, I think it's like prebiotics are supposed to be helpful.
Now, here's the thing. I do think I'm right about that the good comp is this fear of erectile dysfunction.
No one would send me a mean email if I was talking about erectile dysfunction. I know.
Well, they don't think you're tedious. They think I am.
Well, even let's take her out of it. I think there are many people that would clutch their pearls when you're talking about a vagina in public.
Uh-huh. And I think that's crazy.
Yeah, I know. Like, get real.
And I don't think it's – it's not dudes. Equivalent.
Also, it's not dudes saying it. I don't know.
Yeah, that's interesting. It is, because I makes sense is like it's it's a it's a fear so when you're talking about it like god knows what it is like she shouldn't say that i would never say like you're doing something that scares the fuck out of them exactly yes so that makes sense and then maybe if anyone was going to have an issue with my erectile dysfunction conversation it was a dream it would probably be a guy like Dude, shut the up no one wants to hear about your limp yeah it would probably be a guy yeah it is people feel threatened somehow i get this by the way if i can own one of the worst parts of me i was thinking it of in terms of in fact i just i think i saw the person driving and and um i was like what is my problem with this person driving and I was like, what is my problem with this person? What is my issue with this person? And it is that they present so fragile and vulnerable and weak.
Interesting. And when I see them moving through the world that way, it gives me this deep, I just can't imagine presenting

this way. I would just be so afraid everyone was going to take advantage of me and harm me.

So like my own stuff, I can't even handle when someone's like just presents as crazy fragile.

It really, it triggers my fear of myself presenting that way yeah and that's introspective i think some element of homophobia is in there as well which is like you're a young boy and i get i'm only going to speak for my generation and we just had a guest on yesterday we talked about the power of that yeah and i want to add like yeah there'll be straight guys like me or this guest we had talking about having been molested and the implications that you're gay and you feel gay, and then you'd be dead. Like your whole school, you'd be dead.
But I think some element of homophobia for some guys is it's not even maybe that they hate that two guys are going to hook up in their house. It's that when they see them presenting as gay, they imagine like, oh my God, that's what I've been trying to avoid my whole childhood to be masculine and butch and tough.
And it scares them. Like to see it scares them.
Like, fuck, if I was acting this way, I would be so called out and, you know. That's probably true.
When people are themselves, a lot of people find that very threatening. Yeah.
Or maybe there's like a deep jealousy. Yeah.
Because they are. They're holding in their true selves because they've told themselves, if I show my true self, I'll be excluded.
And now here's this person showing their true selves and they're not being excluded. They're being embraced.
It's like very threatening to your core. Like they feel like it's unfair.
Yep. It shouldn't be that way because I know if I did that, I would be excluded.
So why is this person getting away with it? It's like, oh, Zampi. It's like, why are they getting to do something that I'm not allowed to do? Yeah.
And then, yeah, I think that's what's going on a lot of the time. Yeah, me too.
Who triggers you? When people walk around with a victim complex. Right.
I am so disturbed by it. Yep.
I also, I find it annoying because I guess I feel like you're not everyone, like everyone has issues. Just stop.
Yeah, the world is not conspiring against you any more than it's conspiring against. Exactly.
I guess it is. No, granted, there are classes where the, if you're a black female.
Of course. Yeah.
But in general, just living life. Victims don't trigger me.
People who walk around with the victim complex. That's a different thing.
That's like everything is, they're a victim or the world is doing this to them or they like they can't figure it out and it's it's everyone else's problem yeah everyone else's problem but theirs it's also a great tool in the narcissist kit it is it's like when they've clearly fucked up and they clearly owe someone an apology they figure out how they're the victim and now they just switch their story to how they've been victimized. There's a lot of people who are very quick to be the victim in this world.
Yeah. And yeah, I'm not talking about real victims.
Yeah, yeah. And I find it so off-putting.
I don't know. I don't really know what it is, why it's so.
Well, for one, it's contagious. There's that.
I think there's something about walking around like that and being so negative and all this is happening to me. It's hard to be around that and maintain a level of happiness.
Yeah, you're almost inclined to meet them there.

It's a horrible feeling.

I know.

I just got this thing.

This bad thing happened to me too.

I wonder if there's something for you in the fact that you were presented a fork in the

road as a little kid, and you could have gone home every day and told your mom, no one likes me because I'm brown. Or you could like learn cheerleading and force them to be around you and like you.
I was thinking that and I thought it sounded a little- Arrogant. Arrogant.
But I do think that's what it is, is there's a part of me, and this isn't necessarily fair, but there's a part of me that thinks, I figured it out, so can you. Right.
Again, not to everyone and not to people who are victimized. Sure.
These are people who are victims in their brain. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There is a way to look at the world differently, and I know it from experience. I think for me, mine is ultimately incredibly self-centered because it's really just my irritation or fear that I would present that way.
It just seems so unattractive that when I'm around it, I just can't stop thinking about how much I would hate to be presenting this way. Yeah.
I mean, it's just a buzzkill to be around that all the time and to feel like you have to like be constantly lifting up lifting somebody up

yeah and we all do this right like we all need to vent we all have moments where we feel like a victim when we're not i mean all of us it's not but for some people it's a way of looking at the world i wonder if what could be helpful because i think this is one of the um one of my favorite a things which is is learning in the fourth step, I believe, that self-aggrandizement and self-pity are the same level of narcissism. Yes, exactly.
Right. So I think once I really accepted that and believed that concept, for me to be doing the self-pity thing, I feel as bad as I would be talking about that I'm God's gift to this planet.
And so I'm just like, oh, yeah, that's the same level of self-indulgence. Anyway, it was a dream.
Yeah, it was a dream. Everything.
Everything's tip-top. Yeah.
JG. Jagers.
Jagers. Clean as a whistle.
Don't be scared. Don't be scared.
Have You ever smelt a Springfield, Jagers? You ever smelt a warm apple pie coming out of the oven, Jagers? Because that's what you're getting into when you pull them slacks down. Okay.
It's like opening the door to an oven. Oh, my God.
You get hit with a waft of warm apple pie. Jesus.
Warm apple pie. Oh, this is for Lisa Kudrow.
Oh, I loved Lisa Kudrow. What a gift.
What a gift. What a dream.
What a gift. What a blessing.
What a blessing. A Christmas miracle.
My new over-indexed is blessing. You probably noticed it.
Oh, God. Really? Yeah.
I love calling things a blessing. Are you joking? I don't think that God's involved.
Right. But I like what that means if you do believe God's involved.
Sure. I understand what it means, and I like that meaning.
Yeah. This is otherworldly.
This is really a special treat. So I say it a lot, and I do wonder if it's confusing to people who know my stance on religion yeah i'm sure it is but i just feel like it really really articulates what i feel a lot of times now okay increasingly so i'm wearing a very fuzzy sweater and somehow it's just migrated into my mouth i think or i don't know if it's psychosomatic because i can see the little frizzies.
I'm like, pfft, pfft. Is this in my pfft? Oh, my God.
Wait, add some to the bag. Oh, no.
That's only hairy wrap. I'm sorry.
By the way, we're due for, I think today we're doing another harvest. Yeah, because it's dwindling.
It's kind of disappeared in that bag. I know.
I wonder, does hair disintegrate? It disintegrate? I don't think so. Okay.
Lisa, this was such a long time coming. Our first friend.
I was so grateful. I did feel like I fucked it up a little bit.
There's no way to really convey the meaning of her here.

And so I was kind of put in the position to try.

And so I said, I think I said,

there's nothing I can really say,

but I wish I could have. I wish I could have articulated it, but I can't.

It's a blessing.

The show was a blessing in your life.

It was.

For sure.

Yeah, yeah. It was life-saving.
It was a life raft. Uh-huh.
I's a bless. The show was a blessing in your life.
It was. Yeah.
Yeah. It was life saving.
It was a life raft. Uh huh.
I don't know. There's just not there.
There aren't words in the English language. I wonder if Lisa's thing.
There's a myriad of reasons why that's hard to accept. Yeah.
How can you? And let's be honest, like a lot of people feel that way. Of course.
Right. So it's like even the most grounded person at some point would come to expect that that's the effect it had on people because you've heard that a million times.
So I think you're trying to elevate what you want to do is give this person who's very nice. I just met Monica Padman.
I want her to know that I've received it because really now I'm doing something for you, which is interesting because the goal is you want to do something for her, right? You want to tell her, I really am grateful for you. Yeah.
Truly. Maybe that's a way to say it, by the way.
That is a good way to say it. Yeah.
Like I'm just personally grateful that on this trip, you were in my sphere and you just gave me so much relief and happiness. Okay i do think that maybe she's in a position where she's got to act like it's the first time she's ever heard that or something maybe i mean i'm not gonna do that like that's not my job right to worry about worry about the way she's gonna receive it i'm not gonna play that game oh yeah but i i am anymore Maybe at one point in my life I would have, but whatever.
I can't. Yeah.
But I just, I do feel what you're saying. There is nothing new I can say to her.
To be clear, I don't think you should have not done that just because of whatever her reaction is. I think it's good for you to be able to express your gratitude for the people that you have gratitude for.
Me too. But I guess that's where it gets heady.
It's like I want to be able to tell her. Yeah, and you should.
Accurately. But I can't tell her accurately because I don't have – I really do not have the physical words to do so.
You'd have to open your chest and invite her into your heart and let her feel what it felt like. Yes.
And then release her.

There's no way.

Yeah.

So everything you say just starts falling, is sounding dumb and trite and falling short.

And it's just like, what's the point of any of this?

Anyway, and she hears it all the time.

And is it for her?

Like, is it for her or is it for me?

I think it'd be okay if it was for you. Yeah.
I don't think that would be bad. I guess.
Yeah. I guess.
I think it'd be crazy if you didn't tell people how much you appreciate them. I agree.
And I think people should be- And their reaction is their reaction. I just enjoy imagining what her reaction is or what she's going through, but in no way am I suggesting you shouldn't.
I think you should do that always. Yeah.
It's just hard to do in something so meaningful.

Yeah. Yeah.
I think this happened with Matt Damon too. Same thing.
It's like, sure, I can sit here and we can talk about the camping trip and that. We can do it, but it's never going to.
Well, here's like a darker examination of it. is part of the frustration, because this is part of mine,

is like, I know, Letterman, you've heard from people that they like your show. But you need to understand that.
Like, I like it on another level. There's none of that.
It's not like, it's not a competition thing. It's not, I know, but you really don't understand.
See, I have a tiny bit of that.

I'm like, a lot of people laughed at your show, but I'm like, oh, I can be who I am because you exist.

Well, yeah, but that's right.

But that's, I think other people had that too.

Yeah, Adam Scott had that.

Kimmel had that.

Most people I know actually had it.

I don't think I'm a special case, but I.

I want to be a special case though.

Do you?

Yeah, everyone wants to be a special case. I would just want to be a special case in life.
Just across the board. Yeah.
Yeah, same, same. I just want to be...
A very special case. A special case.
Should I get a shirt that says a special case? I was thinking the exact same thing. A special case.
Everyone is a special case. They are.
Everyone is, except that lady. Well, she's special, I guess.
She's unique. Very.
She wants you to go to the doctor and tell him about a dream. It's just a disaster.
Bukowski was right. I do think your sweater's everywhere.
Don't try. It is.
Yeah. I might have to table this guy.
No, it's so nice. You know what? I have two of these.
Oh, wow. Yeah.
It's really nice. I have two of these.
This is a part of my wastefulness. Luckily, I don't shop often, but I don't ever go to a store.
Right. I order online.
And you click number two. I got an XL out of the gates, and I was like, too big.
That's a skirt. Oh.
It might be a great skirt for you. You mean a dress? Yeah.
A dress. Really? yeah but then longer okay and then you put like a belt around it oh wow that's very 80s very cool we'll try it okay next fact check okay you'll be wearing my extra large version of this it'll be fucking oh we'll both wear it it's snowing oh, there really is shit flying everywhere.
Yeah, it's all right. Okay, now a few facts for her.
Was Vassar the first women's college to offer science? No. The first women's college to offer science was the Troy Female Seminary in Troy, New York, which is now Emma Willard School.
Okay. She said it opened in 1861.
It was founded in 1861, but it opened in 1865. It opened its doors in 1865.
So we're guessing then that it got founded so it could get funded and then it took four or five years to build. Yeah.
Yeah. When did Vassar become co-ed? 1969.
She was right about that. She nailed it.
Yep. She's very bright.
Oh, my God. Yeah.
I know. Yeah.
I mean, I'm not surprised. I don't think you can.
I really. Maybe this is.
I agree with what you're about to say. You can't be that funny and not be.
You can't be a great comedian. You can't.
And not be pretty bright. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, you can have done terrible in school, but you got to be bright.
Yes. Yeah.
It's the timing. There's a math happening in your brain at all times when you're really performing comedy well.
And there's a verbal dexterity to be constructing these things in a manner that is funny. Okay.
The EZE situation. Oh, please tell me.
Now, EZE went to three different high schools. He went to Compton High School.
Right. Manuel Dominguez High School.
Okay. And Taft High School, which is where she went.
But he dropped out in 10th grade. So he went to three high schools in two years.
Correct. That's too many high schools in two years.
I agree. It wasn't for him.
No. And he was right.
That's exactly. Yeah.
And so that clears that up.

There was some confusion.

Right.

No wonder she didn't bump into him.

He was probably only there for a month or two.

Yeah.

Okay.

How tall is Ray Romano, 6'2", according to the internet?

Made up a song last night.

Oh.

You know, Feliz Navidad.

It's with the girls decorating the tree.

Kristen's out of town, so it's just the three of us.

Yeah.

And it came on and I was singing, los filas dad los filas dad i go girls you listen to a song about me i'm still in a sweet spot where they think i'm funny it's gonna end my It's going to end my life. Like when they're 15 and 17 and I sing a Los Feliz dad and they're like, fuck this guy.
They'll laugh. I hope so.
They'll laugh. You're funny.
If that all happens, I'll just, and they go, what the fuck is this guy doing? I'll just walk down into the basement and I'll just stay there until my life's over no i'll stand in the middle of the basement what happened listen kids what i'm gonna be like what now what the fuck am i doing? Listen, kids, can you prepare yourself a little bit that kids do grow up? And I'm not cool anymore. I roll a little bit.
But it's loving. I think it's a great motivation for me to stay sharp.
Okay, great. Yeah.
I think it might prevent me from going down the road that many comedians do, which is like they just get less funny. Okay.
But I'm going to be working my ass on it. You want to stick with the tie.
Well, I got to keep these girls laughing. That's my priority.
Well, that means you can't be doing comedy from 2024 in 10 years. You got to be like, that's not funny anymore to these people.
That's right. I'll do that.
Okay. You said impermeable border about the house,

and you didn't know if you said it right.

Impermeable means not allowing fluid to pass through,

not liable to be affected by pain or distress.

Okay.

Does your right hemisphere control your left hand?

Yes.

Are cluster headaches due to damage to the hypothalamus?

Yes, it's related. Are migraines worse for girls yes hemolegic migraines are they still called that hemo hemilegic um yes she knew a lot yeah she made a little misstep with that science thing what science thing vassar first oh sure that's But we can forgive that.
But for the most part. They probably told her that.
I'm sure. Yeah.
I'm sure they did. That's on them.
Yeah. I blame them.
They were the first women's college to lie about being the first to offer science. Yeah, yeah.
That's a distinction. So that was her and it was really just very.
She's a blessing. She really is a blessing.
She is. You can believe in the word blessing without believing in God.
I know. I worry that people who truly believe in blessings coming down from God.
Yeah. That they might think it's a joke.
It's not. And it's not.
No, I i'm sincere about it and i think they would be fine with it so long as they agreed it was a blessing if i say the big mac's a blessing although i think it is look at it man it arrived in the 50s and it's still here i know it's a blessing i so if you're mad about that send us an email send monica an email all right And I'm just going to end on reminding everyone that it was a blessing. So if you're mad about that.
Send us an email. Send Monica an email.

All right.

And I'm just going to end on reminding everyone that it was a dream.

That's a big, big dream.

Yeah.

And that's that.

And it's a warm apple pie.

All right.

Love you.

Okay. Apple pie.

Okay.

Okay. My God.
Good night. I love you.
Love you. Okay.
Okay. Okay.
My God. Good night.
I love you. Love you.
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