Part Two: Space Magic from Venus: A Literary Odyssey

call zone media uh we're back and i'm thinking about the time john lovitz beat up andy dick i was also thinking about that earlier today why yeah because it's it's what i'm like it's it's just a good moment of american history molly it's a it's a time i'm it's like the it's like the landingsandy, right? It's one of those moments that just makes me, and I'm proud to be an American. He had it coming.
He had it coming. He had it coming.
I think it happened multiple times. Oh my gosh.
That was before Andy Dick got caught hanging out with those neo-Nazis. No, but that was after Andy Dick played a role in the death of one of the greatest voice actors of any generation.
He did kill Phil Hartman. He did kind of help kill Phil Hartman.
Yes. And this is relevant.
It's not relevant, but it's come up because I just saw a clip of that Hassan, the guy with the very popular leftist streamer guy interviewing one of the pod save bros. Yeah, different John Lovett john lovett who i had i had all this time me too in my head been assuming john lovett's was on pod save america and been like that doesn't make any sense at all anything like conservative i don't know much about john lovett's uh other than that he beat up andy dick but absolutely not it's some fucking not the same guy very unimpressive looking dude.
We never talked about that, but 100% me too. Yes.
I wish John Lovitz was on that podcast now. I don't know any of his opinions.
I assume most of them outside of his Andy Dick opinions are bad, but I just can't hear John Lovitz's voice and not think of the critic, and that makes me happy. I mean, what better way to find out all of someone's awful opinions than putting them on a podcast?

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly. Speaking of the podcast on the last episode of this podcast, I promised to show listeners

the horseshoe knife.

Sophie's weird knife.

Yeah.

Robert got-

Oh, yeah, show us your cool knife.

This is my cool knife.

Robert got it for me for my birthday a few years back.

Yeah, in the hope that you would find out how to use it.

How do you use that thing?

You can use it for- I use it primarily for like a like a cheese board um or you oh good or for herb slicing it's a rocking motion yeah i i didn't get any props should i have brought a prop to the part two but isn't it yeah it's stunning you should always you should always bring a prop by the way my uh my prop this uh this sword right here that I brought up in the last episode. That's nice.
It's nice. It's actually a direct, a bladesmith that I know, whose name I'll give you in a minute, read a new fantasy series.
One of the books in it is called The Daughter's War. It's very good.
You should check it out. I read them both as well.
And so when i saw he'd made a sword based on those books and it was very reasonably priced i was like oh shit i gotta get it uh if you look to our blade maker randall blade maker on twitter you can find his shit he's very good uh and again opens a youtube package like a son of a bitch i also pruned a fig tree with this bad boy the other day. Pretty good time.

Multipurpose. Your fig tree is...
It's a scary fig tree. It's massive.
Yeah. Giant.
Yeah. So, I guess we got to get back to it, huh? Apparently.
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During our, I guess we were gone for several days and or 10 minutes. I did discover that Someone has made a LinkedIn page for Valiant Thor.
I don't think he is still alive, but he does have a LinkedIn page that shows he still works at the Space Missile Defense Command. Oh, that's good.
That's good. OK, what is he doing at this? Like, what's the job title? Advisor to the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Uh-huh. Yep.
Yeah, he's the Space Missile Defense Command is part of the army. So he advises the Joint Chiefs of Staff in that capacity.
Okay, yeah. Valiant Thor sitting in.
So Donald Trump is presumably having meetings with Valiant Thor at this point in time, right? He's at the table. He's at the table.
He's at the table. That's comforting, actually, you know, because he seems like he's got our best interests at heart.
Speaking of which, shall we get back into our book, Venusian Health Magic and Venusian Secret Science by Michael X. Barton.
Just a beautiful tome. I love the rainbow.
It smells slightly of incense. I assume that's because wherever they print these books, a lot of people are burning a lot of incense.
All right. So we're ready to get back into our friend Michael X.
Barton and his story, his experiences with Lonzara and Shalana, who have transcended their earthly bodies, but not the patriarchy, as we noted in the last episode, Molly. I'm ready to get healed.
Hmm? I'm ready to get healed. You're ready to get healed.
Well, this is going to tell you how. Reveal it to me.
Yeah, and the spoiler is it's just fruit. It's a shitload of fruit, Molly.
Lanzara. And so he's talking to – he reaches out after, like, having a – hanging out with his buddy.
You know, they go to bed. His friend is sick.
You know, he's been just getting worse and worse over the last couple of years. And Michael convenes with Lanzara to ask him, how do I help my buddy Jim get better?

And Lanzara, when he last communicated with me telepathically, had taught me many astounding facts regarding the wonderful health and amazing longevity of the people of Venus.

To a true student of the occult or hidden side of life, none of the Venusian secret science is the least bit impractical or even fantastic.

You and I know that all the higher teachings of life are far more practical and true than the mere human mind can realize at first. In time, as the personal vibrations become raised into higher and still higher octaves of being, all limitations vanish, and man's spirit controls matter.
Those of you who have studied Venusian's secret science, in which I related my series of contacts with Lanzara, know that he gave me special suggestions to observe in regard to the New Age diet as well as other matters. By applying these suggestions and sticking to them until they become positive habits in my daily life, I discovered to my great droid that my health improved immensely.
But that is not the only practical benefit. My mental and spiritual faculties became much more keener and active than ever before.
So he's doing well. And he wakes up his friend Jim Lindy the next day.
And he's like, look, I got to tell you about some of this Venusian magic I know. I'm very excited.
And Jim says, you talk as if you really know much more about the space people than you're letting on. Oh, he does.
He does. He absolutely does.
So he's happy that Jim is open minded to to his suggestions and he takes him to his apartment. Yeah.
But we arrived at my apartment dwelling within 30 minutes from the time we left the airport. It is a large apartment, not new, but well constructed and designed for human comfort and convenience.
The rooms are large and cheerfully decorated. My housekeeper, Lenore, occupies another apartment in the same vicinity.
She is a gentle and gracious soul, deeply interested in the advanced teachings of the Venusians. By putting their teachings into practice in her own life, Lenore has succeeded in outwitting, to a great extent, the effects of father time.
How is this Zillow ad helping me understand my lifetrons.

Unclear.

She is very youthful looking.

In her estimation, mere calendar years are of little importance.

The thing that matters most is biological age,

as the flexibility are one's cells and arteries.

By true standards, Lenore is indeed young.

I'm really trying to get a grip on what his relationship with Lenore is, and it is very unclear.

It's his housekeeper, but he seems to know a lot about her flexibility. Mm-hmm.
And again, within the parlance of these essays the fact that he's talking about like, she's old but she doesn't look it, much better than what you normally get. So I'm not going to harp too much on this stuff.
So, yeah, Jim accepts the invitation to stay.

They have dinner,

and it's just fruit salad.

Jim has a great time

because, quote, a vital natural

diet is Earthman's first step in

preparing himself physically and spiritually

to meet the space people.

You can't talk to the Venusians otherwise.

Is it possible that these guys just weren't getting enough fiber before, and that's why they feel better right away? That's actually very likely. They were eating a 60s diet, which consisted of nothing but fried cheese.
Like Salisbury steak and cigarettes. Like, he hasn't shit in days.
Yeah, that's his problem. Since Michael left in 1953, Jim has not taken a shit.

Doctors can't figure it out.

It hurts so bad.

I just imagine this like conclave.

There's like 30 doctors in lab coats all chain smoking.

Paul Malls.

No idea what's wrong what could it be i don't know why don't we go get some southbury sick i mean i don't know if you guys heard the news but cat turd has a impaction. So this is a very real problem facing America's men.
So we're returning to tradition on this stuff. Oh, good times.
So sorry, I skipped ahead a little bit earlier. Now is where he bids Jim goodnight, saying that like, you know, tomorrow, tonight I'm going to talk to my Venusian master and then we're going to we're going to start your health program.

So I wonder I know you're wondering, Molly, you know, the question everyone has, how do you get into contact with people from Venus?

Well, thank God, Michael details in this book his regular procedure.

First, he raises the vibratory rate of his psychic brain centers, the pituitary and pineal glands. Actually, I need a step before that one.
That can't be step one. That is step one.
Are there some steps? That's the step one. Substep.
He places psychic gyms, telolith, and lapis lingua directly over his pituitary and pineal glands, and he exerts mild pressure with his hands. He then visualizes a beam of white light shining from the center of his forehead towards Venus.
On this beam of light, I sent out my call to Master Lanzara and patiently awaited his response to the message. So he's pressing a crystal.
Two crystals, Molly. Two crystals.
One crystal is not going to do it. If you've just got one crystal, you're getting nowhere.
Where's my pituitary gland? It's somewhere up in your head. I imagine he's pressing a crystal to the front and back of his head.
Yeah, I think that's something like that because the pineal gland is right here. If I'm remembering various paintings by Alex Gray about taking DMT.
Right. Yeah, it would make sense if the other one was back here.
So he's got a crystal on either side of his head and he's thinking about a pillar of light and then he sends his message. You know, it's just like calling AT&T, Molly.
Okay, this makes perfect sense to me. Go on.
No one listening to this podcast has called AT&T in their entire lifespan. I don't know what to tell.
Anyway, a minute passed. Two minutes.
Then suddenly, I felt the same strange sensation that invariably happens whenever a message is sent to me from the space people. I can only partially describe it by saying that it is a physical, mental, and spiritual feeling of at-one-ment with another living, thinking human being whose vibrations are extraordinarily harmonious.
As his dynamic thoughts are conveyed one by one to my mind, I feel a sense of unusual

peace, harmony, joyous stimulation, and timelessness. For a few precious moments, time ceases to be,

and I am strongly aware only of his magnetic presence, his consciousness, and the living

truth of his vital message. Briefly, this is the feeling of attunement that came to me after I had

sent out my call to Lanzara. With this feeling, there also came into my awareness the special

musical tone in the key of D, with which Lanzara makes his presence known to me by telethought. Now, Molly, that's a capitalized word.
Obviously. That's telegram, but with your thoughts.
Telethought. Although it is spelled like telegram, but for like thoughts, like the kids talk about, T-H-O-T.
Oh, no. Yeah, makes me giggle a little bit every time I come across that bad boy.

Yeah.

Yeah, the number of words he's creating and capitalizing is...

He has unique...

The Venusians have a unique attitude towards capitalizing words.

They've ascended from our grammatical system, Molly.

Right, they've moved beyond it.

They've graduated from it. Yeah, yeah.
They're much better than us in that way and every other way. As his dynamic thoughts are conveyed one by one to my mind, I feel a sense of unusual peace, harmony, joyous stimulation and timelessness.
Where does he feel that? That's unclear, Molly. Joyous stimulation could mean a lot of things.
And in this context, most of them aren't things I want to think about

Michael X doing. For a few precious

moments, time ceases to be, and I'm

strongly aware only of his magnetic presence,

his consciousness, and the living truth of his

vital message. Briefly,

this is the feeling of attunement that came to me

after I had sent out my call to Lanzara.

With this feeling, there also came into

my awareness the special musical tone

in the key of D, with which Lanzara makes his presence known to me by telethought. His masterful thoughts followed the musical tone.
Greetings, Michael X. Blessings of life, love, and ever-increasing light to you and all our loved ones on planet Earth.
Once again, it is our privilege and joy to serve our Earth brothers and sisters and assist them in their upward evolution. You, beloved brother, were right in reasoning that we know of the serious illness of your dear friend Jim Lindy.
We have been aware of his plight for some time, but it was not until recently. I love the idea.
Billions of humans. This is the 60s.
Millions of people are being incinerated from the air in Vietnam. There is so much suffering in the world, but these Venusians are like, oh yeah, Jim, of course we can't stop talking about jim lindy you know jim's obviously special right because he's seen the craft he he is and that wasn't a coincidence look this is the man who's come the longest amount of time without shitting and as veneuchin it is the chalk of the lifetronic health spa this is we can't put back people back together when they get blown to shit by a C-130.
But what we can do is help Jim Lindy to shit. You know? Like, just give him a bowl of honeydew melon.
Yeah, that is literally the prescription. As much melon as you can fit in your body.
Wow. We have been aware of his plight for some time, but it was not until recently that we could act on his behalf without interfering with his own will fortunately Jim Lindy is open minded regarding us that is most important we can and shall help him we shall point out certain health secrets which should not be secrets at all but common knowledge to earthlings at the Lifetronic Healing Center on Venus we give out these and other teachings freely so all venusians learn how to work with nature's upbuilding measures from infancy on so there are native born venusians they're not all ascended which means and it exists because like our venus does not grow melons molly is not a good melon climate uh i don't know if you spent a lot of time there Cosmology here

So there have been both human beings

From Earth who have ascended to Venus

And become Venusians, yes

But then there are also human beings on

Earth who are reincarnated

From native Venusians

Or are they the reincarnations of humans who ascended

To Venus, became Venusian

And then reincarnated back into Earth

It does appear to go both ways and I would guess it's a matter of

Here's my guess if I'm coming up with a cosmology

Is it a punishment if you get born back on Earth? Venusians, we split off at some point, right? The ancient people who traveled into space, some of them wound up in Venus, and they stayed smart, whereas we developed daytime television, which really took us – did a number on us. So the Venusians who were smart and they still know, they still love us.
They still care about us. And when a human being is like wise and enlightened enough, they're able to see and communicate with his soul and bring it to Venus.
But their interactions with Venusians, humans who have ascended to Venus, make some of the nice Venusians feel very empathetic towards Earth. So they choose to die and be reincarnated on Earth to help us.
And that's where Jesus comes from. I was going to ask.
I was actually going to ask. If I'm selling this, that's how I'm selling this.
No, because you said the X is to honor Christ. And so usually guys that still believe in the existence of Jesus Christ, but are also alien guys, they think Jesus was an alien.
Well, that's exactly it. And in this, it's a little more complicated that the aliens are humans, but they didn't come from Earth.
So, Jesus chose to leave Venus and incarnate on Earth. Yes.
That's my interpretation of this. I'm up to speed.
I'm on board. You're up to speed? You're good? Yeah.
Alright, let's continue. So, yeah, they're going to give him some secrets.
In Jim Lindy's case, he must first intensify his desire to be well. Then he must himself send forth his desire directly to us, and we shall give him a sign of our recognition.
And illumine his inner consciousness. Illumine? I'm not sure if they were trying to say illuminate.
I don't think illumine is a word. Illumine him.
Illumine him. Sophie, look that one up, please.
His inner consciousness from time time to time This we shall do by a series of all caps Dream contacts Am I spelling this word? I-L-L-U-M-I-N-E It is It can be a literary way of saying To brighten something like illuminate But also it can be To spiritually or intellectually enlighten You know what what? I gotta give it to Michael X. I learned something today.
We all learned something today. You know what? Why don't we meditate on that? Get some rocks, stick them on one side of your head in another, push them in a little bit, think of a pillar of light and listen to these ads.
Do you think the rare earth metals inside my iPhone count? Should I press that to my piano gland? Yeah, yeah, stick a couple of phones to your head.

It doesn't matter. Fuck it.
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Actually, Molly, I kind of think the iPhones might do better because obviously the life is whatever child harvested. Those rare earth minerals is built into your life.
So it's haunted. And the ghost is probably like that's like that's like bringing in a guy to tune your TV antenna.
Again, another thing no one has done in fucking thirty five years. Good.
So, Jim Lindy. I'm illumined.
Yeah, we have all been illumined on the word illumine. They're going to do this by a series of dream contacts, which will be made by us while Jim is sleeping soundly at night.
He will at those times experience unusually vivid dreams, each containing a vitally important message that's important for him to regain his health. You believe then, I said quickly, that Jim Lindy can be cured so he will once again be vigorous and healthy? There are no cures, replied Lanzara.
Jim's present state of painful illness was created by himself through his own unwise actions of eating nothing but Salisbury's steak for 42 years. I do love the undercurrent of like, well, he can't get better until he actually wants to because he's sick because he doesn't want it bad enough.
There's a degree to which they're kind of being reasonable because what they're literally saying is like, there's a line here, those who claim they can cure disease are charlatans. They're only fooling themselves and those homeous souls who turn to them in misguided trust and confidence.
The simple truth is humanity. But then we get to this.
The simple truth is humanity does not have to cure disease. All it needs to do is stop causing it.
Right. What you can do by only eating raw fruit.
You know, I was like, I went through whiplash. There was like, oh, maybe this isn't going to be so.
No, there we go. OK.
I feel like a lot of people who are selling you something dangerous will make a valid point about how everyone else who's doing that is pretty bad. But I'm not.
I'm selling you the good lead vitamins. I'm selling you the good, responsible life advice.
So Jim's got to rebuild his health by reversing the pattern of disease and being healthy. And this is a super fast process if you do it right.
Now, normally it's very slow. The average person on Earth, if they're sick, they have no control over the healing process, right? You have to replace the thetans with the lifetrons.
Yes, yes. You must consider the natural time factor and allow for it.
But, and this is Lanzara again, many thousands of years ago, reckoning according to your Earth time, the greatest minds of Venus found that the time factor in nature could be so minimized and reduced that we were able to accomplish results in weeks where formerly years were required. Then we progressed to a point where we could do so much in only a few days as we used to do in several weeks.
Finally, our greatest breakthrough came when we discovered how to COLLAPSE TIME, all caps, within our own consciousness, so that the positive results were realized in mere seconds and minutes that previously took many hours and days to achieve. At the Lifetronic Healing Center on Venus, we had long studied the simple marvelous laws of the universe and the forces of nature.
Knowing as we did that these natural laws are designed by the creator for the good of all life, we did not attempt to change the unchangeable. Instead, we did our best to learn those wonderful laws and attune ourselves with them.
As we ourselves learned higher truths, we taught themselves to all the people and showed them how to apply simple methods that brought health and happiness into their lives. To study and apply all that we can discover of our creator's simple but wonderful principles brings us all the greatest of joys.
Our delight is as your psalm has it in the law of the Lord.

Okay, I think this guy's fucking bullshitting us because he was like, oh, we want to share these secrets with everyone.

They shouldn't even be secrets.

We want to tell them to everyone.

But you knew Jim was sick.

You just been waiting for Jim to fucking die.

Keep it holding out on our boy Jim because he wasn't ready because he liked his steaks a little too much.

So you want to share it with everybody or not?

No, he had to come and eat a bowl of fruit. Lonzara is fucking gaslighting us.
What's left out of this recitation of events is that while Michael is communing with Lonzara, his friend Jim Lindy, who just ate his first fiber in like 20 years, fighting for his life. You know those hemorrhoids are hurting.
That poor man. Oh, man.
Nearly killed him. Wow.
Our people, Lanzara continued, became aware that health is the physical body's normal reaction to a normal environment. So I know you're wondering, how do you make your environment normal so you can cure all your illnesses, right? Very simple.
Number one, vital air. Number two, vital sunlight.
Number three, vital food. And number four, vital water.
That's all you need. See, there's four supreme essentials to human life, right and these are all in vital forms or as most of us do you can assume them in dead forms what is vital air that means the air is alive sophie you need to positronically charge it with the crystals obviously sophie keep up these are the four essentials right and if you have all of, you can't get sick, right? You can't.
But most people consume dead air, weak sunlight, dead food, and dead water. I'm over my air and charging my air.
Oh, yes. Okay, Sophie's got crystals.
Gotta be live food. Gotta make sure your water's not dead.
Have you heard the conspiracy theory that they replaced the sun with a different weaker sun yes uh and i do believe it so i think that's what the problem is like we're not consuming vital sun we're not getting nearly enough vital shit we got this like stupid fucked up sun yeah the sun sucks our water's super fucked up i do it is very funny to me that like he has to be talking about water that comes straight from a stream and is full of giardia. It is alive.
There are living things in that water. Water that's alive is not good for you.
You don't want some. Yeah, he does have, there's a whole rant in here about how mineral water is killing you because rocks are dead.
But the are alive you know that is that is a contradiction in his cosmology that i don't think michael x ever really grapples with if i if i ever get to venus i'm gonna be their fucking socrates they're gonna kill me for being so annoying they are going to poison you they're gonna make you drink venusian hemlock because, I don't know, guys. You have a lot of crystals around here.
They seem pretty fucking dead to me. Oh.
Just the Socrates of Venus. Yeah.
So what they're telling our boy Michael is that his friend Jim Lindy, he's been breathing dead air instead of live, fresh, moving air. Inactive air.
It's like a stagnant pool of water. It contains almost no positive electricity.
That's why dogs put their head out the window in the car. Dogs understand all of this, Molly.
And that's why dogs drink water that is disgusting. They're looking for the most vital puddle water in the neighborhood.
They need vital water. They can't.
None of that dead water. water i'm gonna drink from a toilet somebody left

out in the field filled with water from the rain and moss oh the best water has stuff wiggling in it that's right the dogs love that shit cannot get enough amount. I'm pounding a Dr.
Pepper Zero Sugar, which feels very vital to me. The bubbles are alive.
I just really want my air to be good. I wonder, I don't cook my kratom.
Does that count? Is that vital? Wait, my juice is alive. Your juice is alive.
You drink it. Well, actually, I'm going to guarantee you this guy was pro-Bucha.
I'm fucking vital right now. Although he doesn't mention it.
Maybe kombucha hadn't made it really into like new age stuff in the 60s. That might have been a little early, the early 60s.
That might have been a little too early for it. I just want to say.
Oh, yeah. It's alive.
It's alive. So how are we bringing vitality to our air i don't really get a clear example other than like going outside right this is look like like honestly like a lot of especially earlier new age stuff if you do like half of what the time if you do what they're telling you to do it's like fine because half of what they're telling you to do is like god's high you need to go outside and get natural sunlight which like yeah you do i guess like that's like i guess good for you thing that really hits if you could do one thing that would hit all four of these to cure you forever so you could become venusian and get all the lifetrons you know, like when you put a watermelon in a stream to cool off.

Yes.

So it's a sunny day.

You're outside.

It's windy.

So the air is very vital.

Cold moving water.

You put that melon in the water full of deer shit.

So you definitely get giardia from eating it.

And you'll live for fucking ever.

That's right.

You get those chronic wasting disease prions in your fucking watermelon.

You're never going to die.

You only eat melon and you have Giardia.

You will shit yourself inside out.

Prions are very vital.

They can't be killed.

I'm going to put out a book called The Prion Driven Life and just try to see how many of like the new QAnon people I can get to just consume chronic wasting disease meat. Look, the government wants to tell you that preons are bad for you.
But the more of this stuff you get in your body, if preons can't die, wasn't there an episode of X-Files about this? With preons in it, you'll never die. Probably.
Yeah, there basically was. Because there was that British mad cow pandemic around the same time.
It spooked a lot of people. Anyway.
Sorry, I keep bringing up diarrhea. So, look, if there's one thing this book is going to cause, it's diarrhea.
Like, you are going up to a bunch of very clogged up 50s guys and saying, what if you only ate raw fruit?

Massive quantities of it, as much as you can fit in your body.

These guys did damage to the septic system in Los Angeles.

That was a big part of why the fires got so bad.

Oh, Robert. Okay, this is actually very serious.
We need to find out if Jim's okay. So, this is their biggest advice because Jim needs to get live food in his body.
Vital food in his body. Vital.
Like the vast majority of humans on planet Earth, Jim Lindy has relied upon cooked food to energize his body. This is a serious error, for it is impossible to get something vital out of something dead.
You're cooking the lifetrons out. That's right.
As they say, cooked and processed food is nine-tenths dead, for the lifetronic energy that was originally in the food has been forced out of it into the atmosphere by the vibratory action of the fire. He does make the molecules move around faster, right? And that makes me wonder, so if I sit by a cooking fire and just breathe in, am I okay? And he kind of says yes, because he's like, there are certain techniques that you can get more life energy out of the air, so you could be okay on cooked food.
But if the lifetrons are coming off it like a steam, why don't you just huff it? Huff the steam. Apparently that does work to a degree.
But as Lanzara notes, no true adept or master on any planet eats cooked food for it is contrary to natural law and always has a destructive effect. Always.
Yeah. Oh, we get to the water here.
Jim is drunk freely from the ordinary reservoir water and of water from mineral springs of this earth. Although this water contains a certain amount of live tronic energy derived through contract with sun and air, it also contains quantities of inorganic minerals.
These minerals are too low in coarse vibration to be used by the human body. He does kind of explain why it doesn't work like crystals.
So, yeah, they just get deposited in your nerves where it's bad for you. So they're anti-fluoride for sure.
These guys definitely would not be happy to hear fluoride being in our water. However, I realize that live organic water is obtained by simply eating fresh, juicy fruits.
Don't drink water. Get a camelback full of raw fruit.
That's all you need to get you through the bush. Just the wettest fruits.
The wettest of the fruits. Nothing but that.
So yeah, that's what keeps you alive, right? That's what's going to help you live forever so folks if you take nothing from this eat nothing but raw fruit and you will never die and become god or at least i did eat like 10 clementines earlier so i think i'm pretty fucking vital today you know when you came on this i was like well molly looks like she has been powered by venus like you look like you can never get sick again you know as long as you don't look like i stayed up all night reading old hungarian newspapers yeah no nothing nothing goes with an old hungarian newspaper like a clementine i'm always saying that i've said that once but it's true you know what else is true molly that um all atoms are made of lifetrons which will descend from the thoughtrons. This is very funny.
I actually grabbed a couple of my crystals that I keep nearby for just such occasions in between the last couple of sentences that I read. We cut this out, but I focused on a pillar of light as I pressed in on my head.
And Lanzara actually came down and was like, hey, man, how's it going on? And I was like, I'm doing good. I'm just I'm trying to figure out how can I deliver to my audience the maximum value and joy that they need in these difficult times in order to overcome the dark energy that's constantly assailing all of us.
And he was like, I don't know, bro, maybe tell him to get off Twitter. But then he said, listen to these ads.
We're back. What do you think Lanzara looks like, Molly? Probably really sexy.
You think he's hot? I was going to ask. I was like, no, that's not a responsible thing to ask a colleague, do you think he's hot? But I was wanting to ask, do you think he's hot? Because I think's hot that fake photo of young stalin oh yeah yeah well i just feel like this is the kind of cult where like health is beauty beauty is health right i feel like that's very much sort of baked into the vibe here so like if what is his name lanzara if lanzara is not sexy like i'm not taking fruit advice from him no no you know what i bet i bet i bet everyone on venus looks like um those hot nazis from the um the star trek planet where oh where they tried to kill wesley yeah where you can't break the rules yeah you can't go in the grass yeah no that's i that's my favorite planet because they tried to get rid of wesley which we should do um anyway that's outside of the point i i do agree molly like a big unstated part of this is that like as silly as all of this sounds, I would do every piece of this if someone who was sufficiently sexy told me to.
Like if Lee Pace is like, oh, no, my old secret, nothing but raw fruit. I'm going to a raw fruit diet.
You know what you're describing is what has happened to millions of young women on Instagram. I know.
I know. I know.
Lee Pace has tremendous power right now. And it really says something about how good a person he is that he just posts videos of himself learning how to build a house with his bare hands.
I don't know who or what Lee Pace is. I'm just talking about getting bad health advice from a sexy person.
Oh man, no. Lee Pace has nothing but good advice, which is largely marry a dude and go live in the woods building a farmhouse.
Also, be in several very good movies and TV shows. Anyway.
I've Googled Lee Pace and it's not helping. He doesn't look familiar to me at all.
Oh, you've never seen The Fall? Oh, Molly, you've got to see The Fall. The TV show with Gillian Anderson? No.
Very different thing. It's a movie.
It's great. He's also in Foundation, which is a TV show.
Also great. All men look the same to me.
I'm so sorry. Oh, not Lee Pace.
Not once you really get a good Lee Pace thing in there. Well, I just want to be sure.
I'll send you some Lee Pace photos. I started typing Lee Pace and Google asked me if I met Lenny Riefenstahl.
So, like, just things are bad. Things are bad on my computer.
They're bad on my computer. I can't.
No, no, no. We can't.
I can't. I can't let this be.
I can't let this be. Keep reading to us.
No, no. We're doing a Lee Pace.
Look, we're doing a Lee Pace. I got to bring you guys a good Lee Pace.
All right. All right.
This is a good Lee Pace shot. Okay.
One sec. One sec.
I'm doing a control and a plus. Control plus.
Yeah, you learned something today.

Uh-huh.

Me being a hack and a fraud really paid off.

Robert just went, one, two, three. I've just been clipping shit in the earth and view for years.

All right.

Look at that.

Look at that man.

Look at that piece of man.

Look at that shirt he's wearing.

What are these outfits?

What is this from? This is Foundation. It's a great show.
Look at him. Look at him in that shirt.
Okay. Yeah, I'll watch that for sure.
That's right. You're goddamn right.
Not offended. Anyway.
All right, let's vibrate. Three Rivers to Cross, part three.
Jim Lindy wakes up the the morning after The best shit of his life. Yeah.
Fighting demons on that throne. He harpooned the Dark Lord.
What the fuck? Oh my god. So he's had a dream.

As Lanzara told

our narrator, Michael.

Yes.

I'm sorry.

He's had a dream.

In this dream, a message was conveyed to him.

He had three rivers to cross.

And he crossed all these rivers.

He felt weak,

but then he managed to find the strength and did it. I'm not going to read this guy's whole dream to you.
I made one promise when I started podcasting to one was I won't sell baldness gears. And the other was that I won't read anybody's dream extensively.
And I have kept those promises, you know, just to not be like Alex Jones. That's the only promises that I will keep.
But yeah. So he has this dream and it convinces him that like at the end of it every cell of his body radiates health and he sees the Grim Reaper flee from him in fear.
So he knows like... Because he's unkillable now.
He's too lifetronic. He's got so much fiber in his diet.
He's just in a lifetronic mech suit the grim reaper cannot touch him that's that's what the fiber does is it builds like an iron man suit around you of like what used to be bananas and melons eagerly he rushed to it is really it is very obvious at this point how deeply this affected steve jobs like he truly believed lanzara was going to save him from fucking pancreatic cancer. That's so troubling.
Or prostate, whichever one killed him. One of the P cancers.
For sure. I believe.
Yeah. I think it was pancreatic.
I think it's what got my mom. Eagerly, he rushed to a mirror to see if by some magic means the wonderful dream had come true.
So real the experience had been to Jim. It seemed that surely it must've happened.
But as he gazed into the mirror, he saw at once that no magic had taken place, at least any that was evident immediately to the eyes. His body was still sickly looking, prematurely old, and lacking in vital strength.
An unusually vibrant sparkle, however, shone strongly in his blue eyes, as if he had contacted living forces that could quite easily, if they so willed, transform him into the happy, healthy individual he longed to be. This briefly was the first inspiring dream contact as Jim related it to Ro while we walked.
So he's had a, he's had a, or I think Ro is supposed to be me. Someone did a find replace in this manuscript that fucked it up a little bit.
So they have a dinner, uh, which consists of fresh, delicious, organic fruit sliced in a generous bowl topped with sunflower seeds, almond nut cream, and a sprig of mint leaf. Refreshing.
Yeah. Everything is uncooked.
You can tell immediately when foods have been submitted to fire. And after breakfast, Jim has to write some letters while our author retires to his den.
And then he describes his library, which is very exciting to me. I went to my library room to catch up on some serious reading.
My library is somewhat unique in that it contains several thousand books, chiefly of an occult or mystical nature. My collection of flying saucer.
In 1960, he might've been. I desperately want to see, because this is I got to think if this if he's got thousands of books about like spaceflight, interplanetary books, flying saucer shit in 1960.
He has every single one. And most of this shit like is gone forever now.
Like a lot of this did not get digitized. This man's library was a treasure trove of lost media that I would kill to get my hands on.
We'd be set for years, Molly. We could do this twice a week.
Think of the content. Think of how much content we'd get.
Ah, if only. If you know where fucking Michael X's library went, let me know.
Where was this estate sale? I will fight and kill to get my hands on it. So he starts looking through his library to find something on the subject of health that he can recommend to Jim.
And he's disappointed. I think this is his explanation for why he had to write these books.
Because the book he needed didn't exist. That's why he had to write it.
And every self-help book has that piece and the why I had to write it thing.

And then while he's reading and don't you hate it, Molly, we all have this experience.

You're deep in some research. You're in the stacks as it were.

And you get a call, you know, your phone starts buzzing and you're like, that never happens to me. Mine doesn't ring.
Yeah, mine doesn't ring either.

Actually, you simply can't exist that way anymore.

But his phone is not ringing. He is getting called by tele communication which i get is there like a do not disturb for that actually that does happen to me you turn your telethought back on you're like oh shit i missed a lot of calls from the fucking arborist you're supposed to come and cut that tree down fuck me fuck me i had one thing to do today do you think the venusians can leave voicemails Maybe that's what the dreams are because I was going to ask what's the difference between dream communication and telethought if it's one easier maybe the dreams are the voicemails you just go to sleep and it's like hey so Lanzara here sorry I'm in traffic right now hey come on speed up man it's the fucking highway sorry anyway I just wanted to let you know so you're positing a universe in which even our ascended masters get stuck in traffic that yes because i i i can only imagine and i get the feeling michael imagines that venus is just like los angeles in the stars it's just la everyone's eating at ero one yeah it's fucking Whole Foods as far eating at Erewhon.

Yeah, it's fucking Whole Foods as far as the eye can goddamn see.

So he gets a call from Lanzara and he's like, hey, good news.

You know, your buddy, we sent him a dream.

The first river he crossed represents the basic primary need to cleanse the mind of negative thoughts, false tradition, or race thinking.

Uh-oh. What? What? Uh-oh.
The what? And the error, he just moves right past it. And the error of reasoning from false or wrong premises.
As long as Jim Lindy clings to the useless mental habit of worshipping, all caps, false gods, he will remain confused and sick. False gods are those ideas, beliefs, and practices based upon human ignorance willful deceit or mystifying complexity they invariably all caps block the constructive healing power of the natural all caps life forces this is why most methods of healing human ills on your planet are so ineffective many of them are ridiculous some are actually destructive why because they ignore the divine intelligence or God power within the individual and interfere with its natural activity, which is always working towards good.
Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, what's there to even say about that? I mean, what if that's I mean, the first river seems like it covers a lot of territory.
What are the second two rivers? The first river covers. Yeah, that's a real Ganges kind of situation there.
So, yeah, he goes on. All these rivers are basically the same thing, which is you've got to cleanse yourself of different things that are bad.
Well, the first river cleansed the mind. The second river cleanses the colon.
The second river is emotional or desire. The colon got cleansed immediately, Molly.
Oh, shit. No, the second river is emotional or desire nature.
The third river signifies the great need to cleanse all the cells of the physical body, as well as the atoms of which those cells are composed. Sounds exhausting.
About once every three years, I manage to clean the baseboards in my house, and I always feel like a fucking god. So I can't imagine if you got around to cleaning your atoms, you'd feel great.
I think that would really help. If the atoms are gunked up, like the Lifetrons can't.
They're not going to move around. Yeah.
The Lifetrons will stagnate. Yeah.
No, when I'm vacuuming baseboards. That makes it sound like it's like a Lifetron reuptake inhibitor, which actually seems like it could be good.
If you don't let the Lifetrons leave, then maybe like they in you, like an SSRI. Yeah, you need to re-stimulate the Lifetron receptors.
But then if you eat too much fruit, which I think is like the Lifetron equivalent of MDMA, you get Lifetron syndrome? Yeah. I'm vibrating at a too high.
I'm just imagining kids at the club eating fruit, like passing out, they have to get like fruit in our can, which I guess is just a steak. Oh my God.
Am I bringing such a high frequency? Yeah, you keep like some McDonald's fries and a breakaway glass thing in order to bring them down if they get too high up into space

there's a guy in a booth watching the surveillance camera and if you disappear from the footage you know your vibrational frequency is too high you're too high you're too high hit him with the beef tallow yeah they're coming in there with with a fucking sloppy joe yeah the sprinklers just start dropped it. Like in Blade,

except it's in blood.

It's just warm tallow.

The second before you said that i thought of blade molly speaking of vibrations you and i are clearly we're clearly writing a similar wave right now oh fuck anyway we'll move away from Jim's boring

dream and to the prescription

that Lonzara actually gives Michael

while he's just trying to read a goddamn book

and it's that

the answers weren't in the fucking book

it's a cleansing fast Molly

it's a cleansing fast

so day one

but how are you going to get any Lifetrons that way

well that's kind of the thing

the first you've got to get out the bad stuff that's blocking the Lifetrons

all you get on day one

distilled water with a little bit of lemon or orange juice

Thank you. any Lifetrons that way.
Well, that's kind of the thing. The first you've got to get out the bad stuff that's blocking the Lifetrons.
All you get on day one, distilled water with a little bit of lemon or orange juice in it. 1% juice to 99% water.
Distilled water is the most dead water you can get. It's the deadest water.
Well, not according to this guy. I don't know, Molly.
Do you know any guys from Venus? I'm just saying, if we're talking about like vital forces, distilled water is dead. Go to a river.
They're in LA. This book wouldn't have gotten written if they drank it from the LA River.
That is just a solid mass of Giardia. It's too vital.
The LA River is in fact too alive. Oh, man.
It's so funny. LA has a river and it's just concrete.
The whole riverbed, everything's concrete. What? Yeah.
No, there was a river going through LA and we just kind of made it all concrete. If you've watched Terminator 2, the great chase scene where Terminator's on the motorcycle.
That's the Los Angeles River.

They're driving on the riverbed.

There's some water.

Not a lot, usually.

Where did they put the river?

They didn't put it anywhere.

Everyone just moved to Southern California and bought cars, and nature took its course.

So we've got this cleansing fast.

Day three, finally, is when you actually start to eat again again and you get all you can eat of one fruit right uh your choice like dealer of your choice yes including tomatoes he reminds us those are a fruit what fruit are you picking i want to say cherries but i know that we lost a precedent that way you can only eat so many of those. I think probably mangoes, because I feel like that's going to actually, or mangoes or pears are going to like at least do the most to make me not miserable, right? That's, I feel like they have the most body to them.
Mangoes are a really good choice. Honestly, though, I tend to be a savory guy, so I think I might just be craving a tomato by that fucking point.
Yeah. This is before all these guys were scared of nightshades.
Watermelon, pineapple. I can destroy.
Oh, I got to tell you. You know what? We're going to close out on this, but I got to tell you my watermelon story.
So the other day or other year, my buddy, my buddy's hanging out. He's from Berlin.
He's back in the States. And he's the kind of guy, he's the guy who I had my muscle eating contest with.
And every time one of us hears about a new weird eating thing, we do it together. And the thing I read about was someone being like, hey, if you ever freeze a watermelon, then get naked in the shower and just start eating it.
Like literally shove it into your face. Get really hot outside on a summer day, like doing yard work, heavy outdoor labor to where you're like exhausted.
You've been out for hours, you're like sweaty and sunburned, then grab half of a frozen watermelon, walk into the shower and shove it into your face as you turn on the water. It's an ecstatic experience.
And it actually does rule. Definitely try that out, folks.
Eat a watermelon after coming in from the heat, a frozen watermelon in the shower, It rules just with your face, washing the juices off. It's a great thing.
Eating fruit should not have this many steps. This sounds like some Venusian bullshit.
Did this come to you in a dream? Did this come to you in a dream? The Venusians called me when I was trying to read a book and they told me to do this. And so my buddy Lenny and I did it, and we both agreed, pretty good time.
Together or separately? Separately. There's not enough room.
There's not enough room to eat. It's the way that the second you started to talk about this, I was like, it's fucking Lenny.
We had a good time. Anyway, try that.
Try that, folks. that's the episode this is fine this is good this is good enough i don't know that we're returning to this particular book of venusian health magic but if people like this there's some more old alien shit we can get to ask in one more time the cover yeah the cover oh yeah it's so beautiful yeah the cover i mean i i always worry about our listeners not seeing this but like yeah it's just like it's clearly a crayon drawing of a of a spacecraft shooting rainbows at a woman with long golden hair and flowers in her hair it's not a it does look a child's illustration.
It looks like the cover of a coloring book. It looks like a Lisa Frank original coloring book, yes.
Oh, man. I learned a lot about how to heal myself with vibrations and fruit.
Are you going to do it? I'm probably going to go eat some clementines because I buy them in a big bag from Costco so if I don't eat them 15 at a time, they go bad and then I feel bad so I make myself feel bad by eating too many fruits. House those fucking clementines.
Until next time. Now here's about, because I do kind of wonder if raw meat guys

are descended from this

where they're like,

well, he's right about cooking stuff,

but it doesn't have to be fruit.

You know,

there's a lot of bacteria

on raw meat.

Why not?

It's very vital.

Yeah, especially if you're

as obsessed with game

as these guys are.

There's a lot of parasites

in there too.

It's extremely alive.

I mean, I do like a raw meat,

but under a very specific

circumstance,

you know?

Yeah,

nice sushi.

Oh,

I don't eat fish.

I'm afraid of the ocean.

I'm talking about

steak tartare.

Oh,

steak tartare can be pretty good.

Love a tartare.

Well,

Molly,

where can people

find you

and your work?

The steak tartare

of writing about

weird little guys.

Wow,

true.

Just raw,

raw and uncut.

Raw and uncut.

Yeah,

you can listen to

Weird Little Guys

every Thursday

Thank you. Lake Tartar of writing about weird little guys.
Wow. True.
Just raw, raw and uncut.

Raw and uncut.

Yeah.

You can listen to weird little guys every Thursday,

wherever you get your podcasts. It's fun and it won't make you sad.

Probably it will make you sad.

It'll make you like it.

Yeah.

All right,

everybody.

Well,

this has been behind the bastards,

a podcast that this week was about Venus.

Next week. I'm sure we'll be back with somebody more problematic.

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