Part One: Behind the Bastards Q&A: Year's End Edition

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Hey, y'all. It's your girl, Cheekies, and I'm back with a brand new season of your favorite podcast cheekies and chill i'll be sharing even more personal stories with you guys and as always you'll get my exclusive take on topics like love personal growth health family ties and more and don't forget i'll also be dishing out my best advice to you on episodes of dear cheekies it's going to be an exciting year and i hope that you can to Cheekies and Chill, season four, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Call Zone Media. Hey, everybody, I'm Robert Evans.
This is Behind the Bastards, a podcast by a man who is preparing for the entrance of the new regime, the need to go underground. So I'm in my chud block today.
You know, if you're a tall white man and you wear a hoodie with a deer head on it, you're effectively invisible. So I'm prepared for the new world.
Are you? You look great. Thank you, Sophie.
I love my chud sweaterud sweater it's actually incredibly comfortable every year after deer season this exact hoodie comes on for sale at a store near me and so i can get like three for five bucks each or some shit like that and they're crazy comfortable and uh per usual i spent the last hour trying to make myself look nice enough for the camera so people aren't mean to me on the internet yep yep very different very unequal situation but i'm also not going to spend any more time caring about my appearance fair enough uh what are we doing today robert uh well sophie the same thing we do every night try to take over the world of podcasting oh wait we already did that yeah i guess let's answer some Q&As from our fans. Yeah, so we put out a post on our Instagram, at BastardsPod, and many of you sent in questions, and so we're going to try to answer a lot of them.
Yeah, yeah, the gist of this situation is, folks, it's the end of the year. This is when all of the companies that buy ads are really buying ads.
And it's, you know, when everybody wants to get as many people listening as possible. And we decided rather than doing something that's zero effort and like, you know, running more episodes, which we do when we take a break, we wanted to give you guys a chance to ask us some questions and also make sure that we're providing you with new stuff because you crave new stuff.
You won't stop demanding it. Every instant of our lives, Sophie and I think of nothing but pleasing your insatiable appetites.
So, Sophie went on Instagram and asked if you guys had any questions. Robert.
Yes? What was your least favorite episode to do and why? favorite to do i assume they're asking ever um i hate i i really unless it's a place where i have a specific interest i really hate the foreign leader episodes like i'm obviously stalin's a foreign leader but i've been reading about stalin my whole life hitler's a four... I've read more books about Hitler than anybody who's not a Hitler scholar.
But, like, Jair Bolsonaro, right? Like, I don't know much about Brazilian politics coming in. Netanyahu, I don't know much about, you know, politics over there.
So, like, getting up to speed, not just... Because you can't...
It's not just enough to, like, learn, you know, what was Netanyahu's childhood like? You also have to know, like like the dynamics of politics prior to him coming into power and like the part like and catching up on all of that in a way that you don't totally embarrass yourself is a is a lot of work and it's also nerve-wracking because like especially again to go back to netanyahu this is a guy who i mean who had been involved in genocidal activity prior to where we are right now. But like certainly like it was the kind of thing where like because of how high the stakes are and how bad the things he was up to were like, oh, my God, the anxiety about fucking that up.
It's the same with Bolsonaro, right? This guy who's fucking around the Amazon with indigenous peoples, this dude who is a very important part of this authoritarian trend. But also me, a guy who doesn't know much about Brazil.
I'm always very anxious about those episodes. It's they're important to do.
We'll be doing more of them next year. I just, I, I, I always like stress out over cause there's no not getting some stuff wrong.
Right. Like, of course it's, it's especially with history.
Cause it's so subjective. Yeah.
Sure. I really fucking hate when we do the like wilderness camp school things oh I love that shit I eat that shit up kids think kids think they're in a safe place and then they get you know insert horrible thing here those those episodes i really really fucking hate those i'll eat them up all day we did get this question quite a bit and people want to know how you celebrated the passing of uh henry kissinger you know to be honest that was a pretty normal day for me like there's not a lot i'm glad he's dead but like he lived an incredibly long life and got to do most of the things he wanted and never really suffered so it's like how much like let's let's say i had a beer you know let's say i had a beer let's say i had a beer so cryptic what the fuck you sound so unwell um robert is there an episode topic or individual that you have covered that has left you shaken up or angry long after you completed the episode everything we do on health care yeah like every time we have done a health care i know this is the week that it is every time we talk about the u.s health care system i'm fucking livid uh industrial the hawks nest tunnel disaster union carbide in bhopal india as well like both of those are union carbide affiliated disasters those drive me fucking insane like to some extent i find those guys more offensive than a guy like hitler which is not saying that they're worse than Hitler, because Hitler did kill more people than like you did Carbide.
But Hitler was like a guy who very honestly was about murdering people, whereas these guys are all pretending to be decent men, family men, you know, just, you know, all I'm doing is trying to make jobs and provide a valuable part of the economy. And they are just killing people by fucking the city full.
So yeah, I, those make me very angry. I'm going to ask you one that won't make you very angry.
Robert, what is your opinion on modern Star Trek? I love most of it. That's what they say.
Okay. Lower Decks is my favorite Star Trek thing since DS9.
Sure. I've seen some episodes of Strange New Worlds, and I can see why people like it a lot.
I'm kind of exhausted with that time period in the Star Trek timeline. Like, I want new stuff.
I want fucking A. Like, do one where Riker's like an old admiral, and we're fucking dealing with Starfleet politics back on Earth in San

Francisco. Give me anything

where we're moving forward on the timeline,

but we're not leaping into weird future

war shit. I'm not

mostly interested in that

stuff. I'm mostly interested with

actually, part of why I love DS, I love

TNG because it's really

looking at what is

would a utopia be

in a sense that's actually imaginable

as something real, that something

I'm sorry. TNG, because it's really looking at like, what is, would a utopia be in a sense that's actually imaginable as something real, that like something that could exist in some ways? And then Deep Space Nine is asking, what would the dark sides of that utopia be in particular? Not even the dark sides, because it's less that and more kind of like what the culture series, you know, dealt with.
like what happens when this utopia and the people in it inevitably make contact or collide with reality or not reality. Cause, cause they live in reality, but with, but with places that are not utopia, with places that are different, that are worse, that have different values.
Like what are those clashes like? And that's what I love in my star Trek. I don't, star Trek's never had good space battles.
had good space battles i'll say that right i mean every now and then you get like a wolf 359 or something there's some pretty cool shit there but like fucking a there's that one scene in serenity is a better space battle in terms of like an interesting cool looking space battle than ever got shot in star trek but i don't watch star trek for space battles. I've got other shit for space battles.
That was very thorough. Thank you.
I like this question. Who is your fantasy guest? Fantasy guest? Marissa Tomei during My Cousin Vinny? What are we talking about? What do we mean by fantasy here? I think they.
Wow. Very specific.
I think they mean if you could have anybody come and guest on the podcast, who would your dream person? I know what they meant. I would love to have.
I don't even know if I do an episode. I would just love to talk with either Alan Moore or Werner Herzog.
Like specifically, if I had Herzog, the thing I'd most want to do with Herzog, I guess we could record it, but I don't really care if we do, is I'd like to cook a meal with Werner Herzog. Sure.
But I think, yeah, in terms of funny people, I think Will Ferrell would probably be a really good guest. He's far too famous for us, but he seems like he's got a good sense of humor about these kinds of things.
Can you guess who mine is? Who's yours? Can you guess? Yours is Harry Styles? Nope. Okay.
There's only one obvious answer. Because it would be really funny to bring Harry Styles on and just do like unit 731, just like nonstop four hours of the most nightmarish stories of torture.
And you just be like, treat people with kindness. What are you talking about? No, that's not who it is.
There's only one person it could be. Okay.
Who? I'm waiting to see if you know. No,'t i gave you my guess the listeners are disappointed okay they're disappointed it's it's lebron james oh okay yeah i mean we could try we could talk about basket two experts like us i mean i think a lot of people would enjoy hearing our different feelings on ball handling on three-pointers other basketball stuff those aren't the-related terms I know, guys.
I think a lot of people would want to hear your opinion on ball handling, Robert. Anyways, it's time for an ad break.
Oh, wow, Sophie. Yeah.
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Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. so when you say you'd never let them get into a car without you there no it can happen one in four hot car deaths happen when a kid gets into an unlocked car and can't get out never happens before you leave the car always stop look lock brought to you by and the ad council we are back robert this question was asked 552 000 times When can we expect a sequel to After the Revolution? Well, the book's done, basically.
I'm almost, I finished the rough draft. I'm almost through with the first draft, which is when I read through the rough draft chapter by chapter and make the edits that occur to me to make it make sense.
I think probably in January, I'll put out the first three chapters just as kind of a teaser.

But I'll be, you know, working with my editor to get it in the shape.

But very soon, very soon.

It's taken much longer than I had hoped it would.

In my defense, both my parents died since publishing the first one.

So, you know, that's not really an excuse, but it's going to make you feel bad.

And so you're not going to, like, follow up with complaining that the book's not out yet.

I'm manipulating you.

I'm a monster. I know it, but I'm good at it.
You're allowed. Thank you.
You've referenced that there are people who start to look into, but ultimately find that there isn't really enough there for an episode. who came the closest to being worthy of doing a whole episode about

but who was the most disappointing person that you weren't able to do an episode about i know that's happened it has you there's been and usually when that happens it's not that there's not enough it's that there's just like not enough information about what they did you'll hear like a reference to like some ceo who did this like really fucked up thing he was like fucking eating poor people or whatever shit but it's like well all i've got is like three sentences from an old newspaper i can't really get an article out on that honestly names aren't coming to mind the closest i can come in terms of what i remember is like i almost didn't get to do the beau brummel episodes after hours of research because i i did kind of come to the you know, there's some bad side effects as a result of what he did, but that's nothing, like not that morally reflects on him in a negative way. Like he wasn't trying to make generations of men more limited in their fashion choices.
He just like liked what he liked. And likewise, I guess, uh, there's been a handful of people where you've been like, where people are like, it's not necessarily that you've looked into them.
People are like, why don't you do an episode on so-and-so? And you're like, because they're fucking boring. Like Ben Shapiro, what am I going to say? What are you going to say? What is there really to say about Ben? I have looked into him.
I did think about it. And at this point, he does have a negative impact.
He's just boring. And that's a big, I will say when it comes to, if your question is ever, why haven't you done so-and-so? The answer is usually either, I think they're boring.
And if it's someone that you're like, well, there's no way he thinks this guy's boring. This guy's objectively interesting.
It's because that's going to be a shitload of work. And like, I'm always triaging the, like the Lawrence of Arabia episodes, which seemed to have gotten a good reaction i think i had to read like five books for you worked on that i was i was working in the background slowly getting through material for yeah starting in like january yeah um and not everything is like but like kissinger was like that kissinger was like a year of background work and and my the current big one that i'm very slowly working on is doing another nixon doing a nixon probably six parter because it's it's fucking nixon um but at least a four-parter and that's gonna take me a while because i i really don't there's so many stories because you could put that much effort into everybody but it's a lot of folks you would just be reading stuff that's largely repeating similar bits with slightly different takes.
Whereas with Nixon, everyone who digs into him, there's so many stories. There's so many people who know crazy shit about Nixon.
You really almost can't come to an end of collecting fucked up Dick Nixon stories. Like it's almost like our most renewable resource on planet Earth is stories of Richard Nixon being a freaking weirdo.
So it takes some time. Which episode received the most backlash from fans? Backlash.
I, you know, I had some there was some frustration over an episode we did that was I think it was mixed. It's always really mixed, even when there is like about that doctor who was like doing really bad surgeries for trans people.
There were some folks who had some specific frustrations with that and then some folks who didn't. And, you know, ultimately, it's one of those things where when you're dealing with stuff like that, there are probably multiple right ways to do it.
But, you know, it's tough. I think, like, the biggest thing that frustrates me in terms of, like, feedback from listeners is when people will be like, obviously, figure this person has autism.
Why didn't you bring that up? Or that's an explanation for this behavior. Why didn't you bring that up? And the answer in every case is that person has not been diagnosed with anything.
All I have is the behavior. Multiple other things could explain the behavior.
I am not going to just declare Jeffrey Bezos to have autism based on my zero experience as a diagnostician because he didn't like music, right? Like there are other reasons people might not like music. And it's just kind of an interesting detail about how he's sort of disconnected from a lot of the people around him.
That can be explained by many different things. But it's not my job to be like, this is what I believe is going on with Jeffrey Bezos.
And now we all have to act like it's true because it's probably not.

Hey, Robert.

Uh-huh.

Where can I read up on Robert's war zone journalism or whatever older pieces may be out there?

Man, there's, I mean, most of it was on cracked.com.

Some of it found its way into it could happen here.

At least my conclusions based on it.

There was a video that you could view in VR that was like a 360 video documentary of some of my time in mosul uh that was published through the ew scripts network i think that one was called 24 hours in mosul or something like that um they was broadcast also on a bunch of tv networks i don't actually know if the link is up a decent number of of things that I wrote back then for local news have become lost media because that's how that shit be. Yep.
But you should still be able to find some of the stuff on Cracked that I did. So yeah, I would say check that out there.
Let's do a fun one before the next ad break. Robert, if you were a Spice Girl, what would be your Spice Girl name? If I were a Spice Girl, my Spice Girl name would be...
Doesn't want to say anything mean about the Spice Girls because I am close to several women who grew up in love with the Spice Girls. Yes, but what would your Spice Girls? That was my name, yes.
I gave my name.

Your Spice Girl name

is Afraid of Women Spice?

Specifically Afraid of the Women

that I like, Spice, yes.

Afraid of Women I Like, Spice.

Got it.

Afraid of offending them

based on having a bad take

about the Spice Girls.

Spice.

I think I would be

Producer Spice.

Yeah, that's probably fair too.

It's time for ads again. We'll be back.
Robert, we're back. Can you believe it? No.
Yeah, I know. It's crazy.
When did you decide BTB was going to be your next thing? Was it something you've been building towards in your life? Was it becoming a pod, a major goal, or did it just sort of happen? I'm going to explain this to you in a way that also explains some questions that we can't answer directly about why do you guys work for X or are involved in such company. We can kind can.
Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. Yeah.

So I, when I was late into my time at Cracked, I was getting bored of writing, doing the kind of articles I'd been doing for years there.

These personal experience pieces where I'd interview someone and then turn their life experiences or the reporting that I'd done into like a listicle.

And podcasts were starting to blow up.

I was interested in the medium. I'd done one through Cracked and found aspects of it pleasant.
And the thing I had pitched was something based on my special interest, which is the Nazis. You know, I had done an article that had done very well on things you don't know about the Nazis that had delved into things we've touched on in some episodes of the podcast.
You know, all of these very weird things. I talked about Karl May, you know, and Hitler's obsession with these cowboy novels and how that impacted the Third Reich.
And so that sort of stuff. And I was like, I want to do a series where every season I talk about a different dictatorial regime and all of the crazy weird facts about it.
So season one would be 10 episodes on like these weird things you don't know about the Nazis. Maybe we'd move on to Saddam Hussein or Stalin.
And then we all got shit canned. And I remember, you know, you know, you have good friends among your co-workers when like, as we're all getting drunk, one of the people who hadn't gotten laid off was Alex Schmidt, good old Schmidt.
And Schmidt and I are talking and I'm like, oh, so I had this great and Schmitty's running podcasts at cracked and still employed. And I'm like, I have this great idea for a show and Schmitty being a very good friend is like, don't tell it to me.
So I didn't. And, you know, I spent the next couple of weeks getting fucked up like you do when you get laid off and then had a call with Jack O'Brien and Sophie sophie was on that call because jack had left a few months earlier to work at uh stuff media which is the the company that was producing shows like uh you know stuff you don't know stuff you should know you should know stuff they they don't want you to know all that stuff they missed in history class it's a it's the how stuff's worked team out of that was originally out of atlanta yeah and our boss is actually the guy who started Mental Floss.
So these are all folks. One of the guys, yeah.
Yeah, one of the guys. These are all folks who came out of the same era of digital media as me, who had pivoted to podcasting a little earlier.
So I had my meeting with my old boss, Jack, and I tell him my idea for this dictator show that I want to do. Let's pause for five seconds.
Uh-huh. When Robert says, I've mentioned this previously before, but Robert says he tells his idea for a dictator show.
First of all, this is my first, this is my first interaction with Robert is he's like running through a wind tunnel. I was jogging in San Francisco underneath a bridge, as I'm often doing, near Dogpatch, if you're curious.

And I could hear half the words, and it was like, bad guys, history, worst.

And I was like, I would like to produce that.

Thank you so much.

Unhinged.

Unhinged.

Good old Jack O'Brien was like, okay.

Yeah. Because Jack actually had stolen me.
truly jack jack actually jack actually stole it stole me i can't even say that uh no nobody can it's a terrible word so i worked at a company that bought how stuff works and i was working at that company doing like project management stuff which which is kind of like why it makes sense, why I'm so able to control the amount of shows we have because a lot of my background was in that. And when Jack came on to run the LA version of, and it was originally just comedy of the How Stuff Works team, he stole me from that other company.
Thank you, Jack. Yeah.
And soon after that, I got to meet Robert and changed my life. Yeah.
So, yeah, that's the joke. Well, and during that meeting, again, my show had been, my idea had been seasons about, like, each season about a different dictatorship.
And Jack was like, what if every episode you just switch and give a different couple episodes about a different monster? And you can go back and forth and revisit different aspects of topics, which is a much better idea. The show would not have worked in a seasonal format the way that it does as a weekly.
Even though making this into a weekly show has destroyed my life. But in a good way.
Well, it's not even just that. Because it started as a weekly, and then you're like, man, would it make sense if we split things into parts? Mm-hmm.
So now it's a twice weekly show, at least. But yeah.
Aw, our origin. Mm-hmm.
That's so cute. But yeah, anyways, we worked at this company called HowStuffWorks and or Stuff Media, whatever, whatever.
They went publicly by HowStuffWorks and then the company was called Stuff Media. And then all of a sudden one day they were like, oh, hey, by the way, we just got bought by iHeartRadio.
You work for them now. And we were like, yep.
Cool. Well, I don't know.
Nothing to do do here and that's how life is when you're in media when you're in media and like you know i really i really like our team and um that's all i'm gonna say about that uh robert can you give us a cat update cat update. I mean, they're cats, so very little changes in their day-to-day life if things are doing well.
There's many questions about your cats, and just, you know, anything interesting? Uh, I mean, Saddam Hussein had a problem two years ago. Are you telling this story? Yeah, he tried to have, there's a blanket he likes to have sex with that's usually on my couch.
I mean, he's been neutered, but he still tries to have sex with it. And that blanket got a seed that's like a sharp seed.
It's one of those seeds that's like sticks to your pants in it. And he managed to get it wedged inside his urethra and it nearly killed him.
But he's fine now. He's fine now.

And there haven't been reoccurrences of any urinary issues, which are very serious in male cats. If your male cat isn't peeing, get it to the vet immediately.
Hours matter. Hours matter.
Yeah. The most amazing thing about that story is I once made Robert, during this time, shortly after, after we knew Saddam Hussein was going to be okay, uh uh join a call with a let's just call him an entertainment person that was not being a chill guy and uh do you remember this story on a project we decided we ultimately decided not to work on oh yeah yeah yeah on a project we ultimately decided not to work on.
Yes, yes. But it was like,

it was going to be a very unpleasant phone call and robert gets on and robert has maybe spoken to this man for 10 seconds once and he's like hey how's it going robert and robert's like my cat got a seed stuck up his urethra and um i really treasured that moment yeah so do i that was beautiful for me um let's do let's do one more okay i love questions i love answers i love answering questions i love questioning answers you know all of those things a good time robert sophie i don't know why i say your name like who else would i be asking i mean besides anderson anderson no um what activities do you oh this is for both of us what activities do y'all do to ease your mental health after researching and hearing about awful things that's an option this is mine this is my answer right here this beautiful dog i'm holding and for the audio only people i'm holding up anderson and she looks quite beautiful yes you do unfortunately tragically i've been sober for a while and will be staying sober uh so i just get depressed and then get better and better at shooting a gun uh that's how I spend my free time. Jesus Christ.
Do you want that on the Internet? Why not? I don't know. You could have said, I go for runs most days.
Look, I go for runs most days. I lift weights.
I push a heavy sled while wearing my body armor and dry firing a handgun. Yes, I do all these things.
You have farm animals that are wonderfully magical. I do have farm animals.
You also have friends. I go hunting, in which I train at hitting moving targets in the woods.
You have wonderful friends. Yeah, sometimes I train shooting stuff in the woods with them.
Your business partner is a very supportive person. Sure, yeah, lots of that.
I miss hate being sober but it's okay i've been doing it for years i'll keep it up you're doing it's just miserable you're doing great buddy um well give the people a boston rob and then we'll be on our way and we'll boy i'm not your boston monkey is that good enough for you people does that make you happy? Is that what you want? No one's ever happy when they get what they want. We'll be back on Thursday with another round of questions.
Questions! That's how they say it in Boston! At this point, Robert, what percentage of them do you love? That number went down from 40. That's for fucking sure.
No no that's probably still about right that's close close enough for government work for me 32 32 wow you guys really gotta pump your sophie numbers up i don't know i feel i feel fine about our fans you know look there's a lot of them and so some chunk of them are always going to be doing something weird and off putting. But usually when I encounter our fans, it's in the context of them like doing something nice that's helpful to people out in the world.
Like run into a lot of fans handing out food, run into a lot of fans being street medics, run into a lot of fans protesting genocide. So I'm generally very positive towards our fans, especially the ones who are forklift certified.
You are really the ones that we do this for. You know, whenever I close my eyes before sitting down to write an episode that I know is going to really take it out of me, I think of you guys driving your forklifts.
And, you know, that gives me the fuel I need to go on. Bye.
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