S3: BONUS EP 1 — An Update from Stacey and Tyler

Transcript

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Speaker 5 He'd always say to me, I wouldn't do what your first husband did to you and just walk out on you and basically leave you with nothing.

Speaker 5 And it's frustrating to be told you'll never have to worry about that again, Stacey.

Speaker 5 It's just that, like, how dare you? How dare you promise so many things that you had to know deep down you were never going to be able to follow through?

Speaker 35 Hi guys, it's Andrea. In just two weeks, we'll be back with a brand new season of betrayal.
We'll be telling one story over several episodes.

Speaker 35 I'll take you to Colorado, where we'll do a deep dive into a betrayal of family and community.

Speaker 35 But before that, we wanted to give you an update on our family from last season. In season three, we told you the story of Stacey Rutherford and her son, Tyler.

Speaker 35 Stacy was a single mom when she met Justin. She knew on their first date, she would marry him, and she did.
He was funny, adored her children, and had a bright future as a family physician.

Speaker 35 Together, they had two more kids. Stacy loved Justin and the family they created.
After years of uncertainty, she finally felt grounded in stability.

Speaker 35 But Justin was hiding a dark secret. For years, he was sexually abusing Tyler, Stacy's eldest son.

Speaker 35 Once he was caught, he tried to organize a murder for hire plot to kill Tyler and prevent him from testifying in court. For these crimes, Justin was ordered to spend decades in prison.

Speaker 35 We'll hear from Tyler later in the episode. But first, I wanted to share a conversation I had with Stacey.

Speaker 35 Over the winter holidays, she called to let me know that there was an update in Justin's case. Their family's legal battle wasn't over yet.

Speaker 35 The last time you walked out of the courtroom was for the murder for hire that happened last year.

Speaker 35 And that was like, okay, this is finally like we can close the book and move on with our lives. Did you think that you were done with this?

Speaker 5 Oh, I absolutely knew he was going to appeal. There's no way he wasn't going to find some kind of a loophole.

Speaker 5 I mean, my sister and I have had tons of conversations where she said to me, the law library is going to know him. He's going to be there.
He's going to try to find a loophole.

Speaker 5 You just need to prepare for this to be a regular thing for him to try to find ways out of this.

Speaker 35 Stacy eventually spotted a change on Justin's docket sheet, and then she got formal notification in the mail. The appeal was happening.

Speaker 35 What is he appealing exactly?

Speaker 5 From what I understand,

Speaker 5 He is appealing the length of the sentence that he believes it was too harsh. And he's appealing his access to the children.

Speaker 35 Originally, Justin was sentenced to 26 years and 10 months to 70 years in prison with 12 years probation to follow his sentence.

Speaker 35 The judge also ordered that Justin was to have no contact with Tyler or his two younger siblings for the length of his sentence, even once they became adults. Are you prepared for that being changed?

Speaker 5 I wanted to give them that window of them being little

Speaker 5 to them to get to 18, you know, to say, okay, I can make an informed decision whether or not I want to talk to my biological father or not.

Speaker 5 The judge extended it past that 18 for the length of his sentence. For the length of his sentence.

Speaker 5 And the only thing that Tyler and I had talked about was that they should be able to decide at 18 if they want to speak to him or not.

Speaker 5 As far as him getting anything granted back to him, you know, when they're children, at the end of the day, I have custody of them. I'm the one that would have to accept the phone calls from him.

Speaker 5 I'm the one that would have to put money on my account for them to speak to him. So I don't care if his rights get given back to him to talk to them.

Speaker 5 It still has to go through me. Right.
And I don't have any desire for him to speak to my children.

Speaker 35 Yeah.

Speaker 5 And,

Speaker 5 you know, I will support them if that's something that they want when they get of an age to make those kind of decisions where they know everything that happened, because I understand that they probably will maybe someday want that.

Speaker 5 Right.

Speaker 35 I can understand and hold space for when they are adults.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 35 You know, as a mom, like wanting to look to the future of your kid, having agency as an adult and being able to give them that agency. I can understand that.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 35 Stacey has not had contact with Justin since she learned about his plot to kill Tyler. It's been over two years, but recently she started writing letters to him as a way of dealing with her emotions.

Speaker 5 I've done it a few times in the last few months and never mailed anything.

Speaker 35 Right.

Speaker 5 I would write it and I would hold on to it and then I would just throw it away.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 One of the ones that I threw away was pretty vicious.

Speaker 5 And my sister was like, yeah, I don't think you should send that because you might go to jail for a threat.

Speaker 5 Cause it was just in the moment, I was very angry. I was having one of those days.

Speaker 35 Like, where is all this anger and emotion coming from recently?

Speaker 5 I just think

Speaker 5 when you are

Speaker 5 going through everything, first being found out, you're like living on adrenaline and you're just in survival mode. And then

Speaker 5 as soon as the trial stuff starts, then you're dealing with all of that.

Speaker 5 And I don't think you really have time to sit down and deal with like everything. So you just put first what needs to be put first.

Speaker 5 I think after all the stuff was done with both of the court cases and everything like that,

Speaker 5 things felt settled down a little bit.

Speaker 5 But I think that's when

Speaker 5 all the other shit starts to kick in.

Speaker 5 You know, the

Speaker 5 missing things

Speaker 5 and

Speaker 5 hurting and then being angry.

Speaker 35 Stacy decided to mail one of her most recent letters. In this letter, she mentions Nanny Dee.
Nanny's like a mother to Justin, and she's the only one who's remained in his corner.

Speaker 35 Stacy also writes about her financial situation. Justin was the breadwinner in the family.
With him gone, Stacy's been left holding the bag, supporting her two young children on her own.

Speaker 35 Here's the letter.

Speaker 35 Nanny asked me the other day if you could have the kids signed up for a charity that provides toys for children of incarcerated parents. And I can't help but think the last thing we need is more toys.

Speaker 35 If in the next few years, we may not even be able to afford a home to put those toys in.

Speaker 35 Yeah, that's my reality these days. That's your children's reality these days.
I see no light at the end of this tunnel. I remember you telling me I'd never have to live like this again.

Speaker 35 And I'm worse off.

Speaker 35 So when you heard about the kids' charity of toys of incarcerated parents, was your first reaction anger?

Speaker 5 I just, I think I was more just like, what? What the fuck?

Speaker 5 Like, this is what we're worried about, like him making sure that the kids have a gift from him. And, oh, but, you know.

Speaker 5 Isn't it nice that you're allowing someone else to buy that for you to give to them so that you don't have to spend any of your money that you need to spend on your lawyer for, you know, a gift for your kids.

Speaker 35 Justin has a private attorney, and this infuriates Stacey. He somehow has the money to pay for his appeal, but has contributed nothing to the care of their children.

Speaker 5 I don't know. It just, it rubbed me wrong and I was just salty for a little bit about it.

Speaker 35 Right. It kind of just seems like he wants to be able to contribute.
in this way, but he's not understanding the larger impact that all of his his actions have put you and the kids in.

Speaker 35 Like it just felt like you were shaking him with this letter of like, you don't really know how bad things are because of everything that you've done.

Speaker 5 I am able to buy my kids things. It's not like I'm totally destitute, but you're using a charity

Speaker 5 for children who may not get a single thing. When you know good and well, you have money in your account.

Speaker 5 So you want to come in and be fun daddy, you know, ooh, look, daddy sent us a present when you really didn't do anything behind that.

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Speaker 35 In December, right around the holidays, we caught up with Stacey Rutherford, whose story we highlighted in season three.

Speaker 35 Recently, she wrote a letter to her ex-husband, Justin, while he remains in prison. Stacy shared that letter with us.

Speaker 35 There's this theme in your letter where you talk about, you know, you promised me that things were going to be different. Like I'd already gone through a divorce.

Speaker 35 I had already gotten pretty far on raising two kids to end up in this place. That's a really intense cycle to be thinking about.

Speaker 5 Well, it's like, I remember saying to him when we were dating, jokingly, I'm not trying to be a single mom again to two small children. I've done it.
I don't want to do it again. Okay.

Speaker 5 I'm just letting you know that. You're either going to be married to me or I'm going to soak the life out of you for child support.
So just be prepared for whichever one you want.

Speaker 5 And, you know, we he'd always say to me, I wouldn't do what your first husband did to you and just walk out on you and basically leave you with nothing.

Speaker 5 And it's frustrating to be told, you'll never have to worry about that again, Stacey. You'll never have to, you know, worry about anything like this.

Speaker 5 And to have more children, and I love them and I wouldn't trade that.

Speaker 35 Of course. But,

Speaker 5 you know, I wouldn't have necessarily decided to have two more children in my late 30s 30s if I thought that I was going to be raising them by myself.

Speaker 35 It's so interesting. It's like, no matter the amount of conversations

Speaker 35 and things that you think that you're navigating and communicating, your brain just doesn't go to this worst-case scenario. You just don't go there.

Speaker 5 Oh, no.

Speaker 5 It's just that, like,

Speaker 5 how dare you?

Speaker 35 Yeah.

Speaker 5 How dare you promise so many things

Speaker 5 that you had to know deep down you were never going to be able to follow through.

Speaker 5 You know, it's just, it's,

Speaker 5 I don't know.

Speaker 5 There's days that I think to myself that

Speaker 5 I'm not the mom that I want to be.

Speaker 5 I don't want my kids to remember that I cried a lot

Speaker 5 or that I was sad

Speaker 5 or that I was just angry all the time because I've gotten, I think, to a level of anger a lot lately. Like I just feel like I'm really angry at the world and men and people.

Speaker 5 And I don't want them to remember that.

Speaker 5 I'm just angry. Yeah.
I'm just angry that so many of these things were taken away from all of us.

Speaker 35 It's impossible to even ask this, but like,

Speaker 35 what are you going to do about this anger?

Speaker 5 Well, to start, I have like not been the greatest lately about my going to, you know, therapy. And

Speaker 5 I've kind of let myself get in a rut lately. Like I find myself, you know, declining plans all the time.
You know, I'm good. I'm just going to stay home or, oh, my bra is already off.

Speaker 5 Or, you know, I ain't putting that back on. But I also think to myself, is that contributing to me? Do I need to force myself to do these things? Yeah.

Speaker 5 Because am I just making it worse by staying home and festering on the fact that I'm alone and isolating and things like that. But I don't know.

Speaker 5 I just, I think that was part of writing the letter to him was I just, I just want you to know.

Speaker 5 This is the kind of stuff that you have left me with.

Speaker 35 All of it feels like such an injustice. And sometimes you just need to like scream it from the mountaintops.
And the person that really needs to hear it,

Speaker 35 you just want to just like shove, you know, put it out there and scream it so that they hear you.

Speaker 5 I mean, it did make me feel better at some point to write it. It just happened to be the one that I mailed.
I don't know.

Speaker 5 I just must have been impulsive that day because the rest of them never made it.

Speaker 35 Progress is not a straight line. And there's a lot of similar rhetoric in this letter of where you were like in the beginning of a lot of things, you know, and you're going to make

Speaker 35 strides in getting yourself to a different place and then come back to these feelings that you have regarding this. And one day,

Speaker 35 I really do hope you find that whatever feeling that you're longing for,

Speaker 35 you get it on your own.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 35 And I do believe that you will get there.

Speaker 5 It's just like you said, it ebbs and flows. I felt like it's really hung on lately.
But I also say to my sister, too, sometimes like,

Speaker 5 I look at where I am now and I look at where I was three years ago and there is a difference. So I can see change, and I can see that I have happy moments and that I enjoy life and things like that.

Speaker 5 I don't just sit around, you know, and cry all the time. I obviously go have fun, but I just have my moments.
Yeah. You know, and it hits at just different times.

Speaker 5 And this here lately, it's been hanging on.

Speaker 35 After the break, we'll hear from Stacey's son, Tyler.

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Speaker 35 Before we go, we wanted to share an update on Stacey's son, Tyler. Over the last year, he's been sharing a lot of updates on his own.

Speaker 36 What's up? My name's Tyler. I've made a goal with myself to post on TikTok as much as I can.

Speaker 35 His goal is to be an advocate for male survivors of trauma.

Speaker 36 I want to build a community for men out there, especially men like me out there. I've had a very traumatic life and went through some crazy things.
And ever since then, I've felt kind of lost.

Speaker 36 And I know many men out there that have gone through the same thing can feel that exact same feeling.

Speaker 36 Even if you haven't been through that exact traumatic experience or been sexually assaulted, I want to reach out to men and make a change in the men's space. Let's push this.

Speaker 36 Let's build an awesome community together, guys. Let's do this.

Speaker 35 Through betrayal and through Tyler's posts, his story has reached a lot of people. We've received so many comments and emails calling Tyler an inspiration for speaking up.

Speaker 35 My producer met with Tyler and asked him how it feels to get all that positive feedback.

Speaker 37 It's crazy.

Speaker 37 I expected a little bit, not maybe quite as much as I've gotten. And it's heartwarming to read.

Speaker 37 I know that I achieved what I wanted to with the podcast when I get something like that, just to help someone else.

Speaker 35 For so long, Tyler thought he'd take what Justin did to him to his grave.

Speaker 37 I think about it all the time, like my plan to just never say anything, because that's what was going to happen. And I was doing pretty damn good at it for quite a while.

Speaker 35 But when it came out that Justin had abused Tyler's friend, Tyler's family was concerned that he too was a victim. They kept asking him until he eventually disclosed to his aunt.

Speaker 35 Many male victims of sexual abuse keep what happened to them a secret for their whole lives.

Speaker 35 For example, Anthony Edwards, an actor Tyler spoke with in season three, didn't disclose for decades.

Speaker 38 I

Speaker 38 lived most of my life in fear because my experience of having been assaulted as a kid set me up for being

Speaker 38 afraid and not trusting in people, places, or things.

Speaker 38 And it wasn't until I was 52 years old that I start talking about it and looking at it.

Speaker 37 It was one of the worst feelings to get it forced out of me, but like now I'm so happy I did because I know

Speaker 37 how bad I feel sometimes, and I can't imagine how crazy my mind would be trying to process all this at 52.

Speaker 37 I still feel the pain of holding it in for seven, eight years, however long, letting it out at 16.

Speaker 37 And that's like that's young. I'm still a kid

Speaker 37 compared to these guys holding it in 60 years. I can't imagine.
No.

Speaker 35 I also wanted to hear about Tyler's career. When we last talked, he was considering going into the military.
But it's always been clear to me that fitness is Tyler's first love.

Speaker 35 He even did a TikTok about it.

Speaker 36 The gym is a great release from everyday stress, a release from life. And the last few years, I honestly have felt kind of lost and I just feel like I'm always scrambling to find myself.

Speaker 36 And the one place where I feel like I can really find myself is in the gym. The gym is my safe space and where I go to feel safe.

Speaker 35 When I was with Tyler last, he took me to the gym and we had a great time.

Speaker 35 So I was excited to learn.

Speaker 37 I just recently pulled the trigger on a personal trainer certification just because fitness is my one passion, I'd say and I just love to make money off of it.

Speaker 37 Hopefully I'll be finishing that soon and can get a job as a personal trainer.

Speaker 35 Earlier in this episode, Tyler's mom Stacey told us that Justin is appealing the length of his sentence and his ability to contact his children. We asked Tyler what he made of Justin's appeal.

Speaker 37 I'm not surprised, honestly, but I mean, that's all prisoners are going to do that. He can continue to try.

Speaker 37 Ain't shit going to work.

Speaker 37 I mean,

Speaker 37 I really don't see anything happening. Worse comes to worse, he wins some sort of appeal, and I have to go to trial.

Speaker 37 And now that I'm older, and I've grown to balls to talk out to millions about my story, he's really screwed himself at this point.

Speaker 37 And I think if we go to trial, I'm just going to put him away for even longer. So I'm not worried about any of that, really.

Speaker 37 He can keep trying.

Speaker 35 At this point, Tyler feels sorry for Justin.

Speaker 37 I was talking to my mom last night about his computer. And I was like, I wonder whatever happened to his computer.

Speaker 35 Tyler's referencing the fact that Justin encrypted his computer when he knew the authorities were on to him. Tyler still thinks about that years later.

Speaker 37 She was like, oh, oh, they got into it a few months ago. And I was like, you mean to tell me our government,

Speaker 37 it took them three years to get into his computer? I was like, that there alone just tells me the potential he wasted.

Speaker 37 The fact that you were smart enough to crack down a computer so hard our own fucking government could not get into it for three years.

Speaker 37 How did he do that? The fact that you did that and then put yourself in jail.

Speaker 37 I mean, I i think we would have been one of the richest families in the world if he would have not touched me like if he could have just not been a pedophile we would have been so successful

Speaker 37 i tell mom all the time he really shit up

Speaker 37 smartest person i know i'll still say it to this day

Speaker 37 by far

Speaker 37 I'm not saying in all senses, don't think I'm putting him on a high horse. I'm just saying with as much as he did, I can still admit he was pretty damn smart.

Speaker 35 At the end of the chat, we asked Tyler what else he wanted people to know.

Speaker 37 I want people to know

Speaker 37 I'm not down in the dumps, but I'm also not perfect. I'm not at the end of my road.
I'm still probably not even 75% of the way down. I'm probably around the middle, I'd say.
I'm probably around there.

Speaker 37 I don't know.

Speaker 37 It's hell a lot of the time. It really is.
I mean, I wake up and and I feel like shit immediately. I just know the right things to do to stop that now.

Speaker 37 I just got to get there. I just want people to know that I'm not perfect.
And anyone else out there that's going through some similar stuff, you just

Speaker 37 got to keep working on it. I mean, I know it sucks.
It really does. I'd love to not have to constantly work on myself and just not have this trauma and be quote-unquote normal.

Speaker 37 But it's part of life and you just gotta deal with it. So you gotta work hard to be happy.

Speaker 35 If you would like to reach out to the betrayal team, email us at betrayalpod at gmail.com. That's betrayalpod at gmail.com.

Speaker 35 Also, please be sure to follow us at Glass Podcasts on Instagram for all betrayal content, news, and updates. We're grateful for your your support.

Speaker 35 One way to show support is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts. And don't forget to rate and review Betrayal.
Five-star reviews go a long way. A big thank you to all of our listeners.

Speaker 35 Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Faison.

Speaker 35 Hosted and produced by me, Andrea Gunning. Produced by Caitlin Golden.
Our iHeart team is Allie Perry and Jessica Kreincheck.

Speaker 35 Special thanks to Stacey Rutherford, Tyler, and the rest of Stacey and Tyler's friends and family. Audio editing and mixing by Matt Salvecchio.
Editing support from Tanner Robbins.

Speaker 35 Betrayals theme composed by Oliver Baines. Music library provided by Mybe Music.
And for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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