EP 17 - Ryan

Speaker 1 This is an iHeart podcast.

Speaker 3 You know that feeling when your alarm goes off and your first thought is, why do I feel so awful?

Speaker 5 It's like being betrayed by your own body.

Speaker 7 But here's the plot twist: it's not your fault.

Speaker 10 Dehydration and brain fog are sabotaging you beneath the surface.

Speaker 6 When I found Early Bird's morning cocktail, I felt the shift immediately.

Speaker 13 It's this blood-orange mimosa drink that you mix the night before and you keep on your nightstand.

Speaker 16 When the alarm goes off, you drink, and it's like flipping flipping a switch.

Speaker 17 Clean energy, no brain fog, no crash.

Speaker 18 I'm in control of my day again.

Speaker 15 Early Bird is clinically engineered to target morning fatigue from all angles.

Speaker 12 There's clean, natural caffeine, mood lifting nootropics, and a supercharged electrolyte blend to combat dehydration.

Speaker 20 This is more than just a morning drink.

Speaker 23 It's a science-backed tool to help you take control of your mornings and own your potential.

Speaker 11 It gives me the energy to show up as the best, most accomplished version of myself.

Speaker 25 Discover how good it feels to rise and grind grind on your own terms.

Speaker 6 Visit clubearlybird.com and use code betrayal for 20% off.

Speaker 23 That's clubearlybird.com.

Speaker 27 It starts like any other night.

Speaker 28 The glass of red, the cozy blanket, then the drop.

Speaker 30 The stains so dark, so stubborn, it might as well have been a crime scene.

Speaker 33 But this isn't your average couch.

Speaker 35 This is Anna Bay, fully washable, unspeakably comfortable, and ready for whatever your life, your kids, or your ex throws ahead it.

Speaker 38 And here's the kicker.

Speaker 37 Starting at just $6.99, you can make sure your sofa isn't part of the problem. Fully washable, stain-resistant, and built to hide even the darkest offenses.

Speaker 29 Right now, get up to 60% off in Black Friday savings because no one should have to live with a stain that won't quit.

Speaker 38 Anna Bay, the only mystery you won't be losing sleep over.

Speaker 39 Shop washable sofas.com today.

Speaker 29 That's washablesofas.com.

Speaker 43 Did a GLP-1 help you lose weight, but now you're noticing unwanted facial changes?

Speaker 45 The weight came off, but facial volume loss and dull sagging skin are making you look older.

Speaker 22 That's where the next phase of your weight loss journey comes in.

Speaker 45 There's before weight loss, after weight loss, and the after after.

Speaker 48 Help restore and refresh your facial skin and reclaim your natural looking youthful glow.

Speaker 47 To learn more, visit faceafterweightloss.com.

Speaker 26 That's faceafterweightloss.com.

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Speaker 51 Enjoy Wi-Fi, 20 plus dining options, entertainment, and group fitness all included.

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Speaker 1 Lucia.

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Speaker 11 Learn more at virginvoyages.com or contact your travel advisor.

Speaker 41 I rush out of there like Cruella Devil in 101 Dalmatians, death gripping the wheel, red-eyed, just like mad.

Speaker 41 And I go back to our apartment. I throw the credit card at him.
He's sitting on the couch, and I scream, do you recognize these numbers?

Speaker 52 I'm Andrea Gunning, and this is Betrayal, a show about the people we trust the most and the deceptions that change everything.

Speaker 52 A few months ago, my twin sister called me. She wanted to connect me with someone who had a betrayal story of his own.
It was her favorite fitness instructor, Ryan Lewis. Ryan's a force of nature.

Speaker 41 There are some days where I'll teach four classes a day and I'll still find time to like take a class as well.

Speaker 52 Ryan has an infectious energy. I can attest to this firsthand because I used to take his class in my hometown.

Speaker 52 Not only does he have the best music, but the way he motivates the class, it's not just physical, it's also emotional.

Speaker 18 I may or may not have cried in his class before.

Speaker 41 Sometimes I bring my teaching home with me in terms of like making somebody's day or making somebody's life better or whatever it is.

Speaker 52 Ryan's inclined to put other people's happiness first, sometimes to a fault. And one of his core values is to assume the best in others.

Speaker 41 I will take somebody's word for what it is as they're giving me, and I will believe them.

Speaker 41 And it's just because I'd rather live in a world like that than live in a world where I constantly, I don't know, have my guard up.

Speaker 52 He grew up outside of Philadelphia in a well-to-do family. He's very close with his parents and siblings.
The family is ambitious, academic.

Speaker 41 And I was kind of the one that went and charted my own path.

Speaker 52 As a teenager, Ryan got into theater. And his parents were at every performance, like when he was cast as Jean-Valjean in a local theater production of Les Miz.

Speaker 41 There were seven performances. My dad was at every single one of them.
But he came to see it and he was talking to one of my friends who then shared this with me.

Speaker 41 They were like, you must be so proud of him. And he's like, of course I am.

Speaker 41 You know, I was expecting to be in the bleachers of like a Friday Night Lights kind of situation, but this is like his varsity jacket moment.

Speaker 52 After graduating high school, he went to NYU.

Speaker 41 Being in New York City, that's when I feel like my actual gay dating life started.

Speaker 52 He started his first serious relationship with a guy he met online. He was 11 years older than Ryan, and he had an established job in finance.

Speaker 41 There was a part of me, a large part of me, that genuinely loved this man.

Speaker 41 But at the same time, I was also loving the stuff that I was getting from him, which were drugs that I was looking for that I couldn't really afford.

Speaker 52 The two of them would go on benders together, partying and doing cocaine. When the relationship ended, Ryan's cocaine use didn't.
His next boyfriend noticed it immediately.

Speaker 41 He came over and I was very noticeably high. And he was like, are we going out tonight or something? And I was like, nope.

Speaker 41 So then he was like, I'm not going to do this anymore. This has to immediately stop or I'm going to leave you.

Speaker 41 So I did until I found a way to like keep that drug usage secret to the point where I would just hope that he would then go to bed or something and then I could party all night, which I did.

Speaker 52 He fell in love with this new guy. It was the first time he could see himself with someone long term.
But all the while, Ryan was lying to him, hiding his drug use.

Speaker 52 His boyfriend would draw a line in the sand. Ryan would promise to get clean, but then he'd end up using again.
And the cycle would repeat itself. Ryan says that this was his rock bottom.

Speaker 41 I went to do what would be my last line now over 10 years later. I just didn't feel anything.
And I had, you know, the six or seven before that of the night, but it just stopped working.

Speaker 41 And it kind of was just this bigger moment, bigger than myself kind of moment, this realization of like, I think this party is over.

Speaker 41 I had to come clean to him that like I had used again.

Speaker 41 And then he had called my parents. My mom flew up, no return return ticket.
And she was like, I'm not leaving New York City until we get you the help that you need.

Speaker 52 Ryan started going to outpatient rehab every day. He and his boyfriend ultimately separated.
Today, Ryan's been sober for 10 years.

Speaker 52 Back when he first got sober, he found a new clarity on his priorities. He was 23, a recent graduate with a degree in business administration, and he landed a corporate marketing job.

Speaker 52 But getting sober changed him, and marketing analytics felt empty.

Speaker 41 I don't know how I can show up to work and try to sell something that I have to put on somebody else's hat for. I just like to come from a really authentic place.

Speaker 52 And what he was passionate about was fitness.

Speaker 41 At the time, I was a frequent and avid rider at SoulCycle.

Speaker 41 It was my like transfer addiction, probably riding like seven to to ten times a week, doubling Monday, Wednesday, Friday morning, 6 a.m., 7 a.m. Crazy, I know.

Speaker 52 He went so often that one day an instructor asked if he would be interested in teaching.

Speaker 41 I just graduated college from like one of the top undergrad and graduate business schools in the country.

Speaker 41 And I couldn't imagine saying to my parents, hey, I'm going to leave this to go become a cycling instructor.

Speaker 52 But he decided to give it a shot, no matter what his parents thought.

Speaker 41 I wanted to wake up every morning excited for what I got to do.

Speaker 52 Of course, he was hired and began instructor training. Right away, he knew that this wasn't just a job.
It was going to be his career.

Speaker 41 They moved me to Philly because they were opening up the first studio there. They knew I was from there and they wanted me to be a part of the opening team.

Speaker 41 And so I did that and opened up the two studios that are now there today. Was there for like seven years.

Speaker 52 After investing his entire 20s in growing his career, he wanted a partner he could build a life with, someone who could match his passion and energy.

Speaker 41 I have a huge heart and I have a lot of feelings. And so I like to think that there is somebody out there who is open to connecting that deeply and it comes from a really authentic place.

Speaker 52 In 2019, Ryan got a coveted summer position teaching in the Hamptons. He was on the dating apps, but wasn't expecting to find anything serious.
After all, it's a vacation town.

Speaker 41 I've definitely had my fair share of hookups via Grinder. Like, I have no shame about that.
Very sex positive, but I still don't execute as much as the opportunity maybe comes up.

Speaker 52 Ryan had a lot of unopened messages on his dating apps, but one day he got a message that piqued his interest. It was from a guy we're gonna call Jacques.

Speaker 41 I remember just being like,

Speaker 41 this man is so attractive. He had a bit of mystery to him.

Speaker 41 He's just like a very, like Jason Momoa, in shape guy, darker complexion,

Speaker 41 tattoos everywhere. And then he's also French.
He has a French accent as well, which like add that to it.

Speaker 52 Jacques invited him over and Ryan didn't hesitate.

Speaker 41 For this one, I was like, I'm going.

Speaker 52 When he got to Jacques' house in the Hamptons, he was impressed. Jacques was a high-level marketing executive with a lifestyle to match.

Speaker 41 He had this very cute, like, cottage-y kind of thing out there that had a pool. We went in the pool first, and he was very quiet, very like introverted.
And for that, like, I can't sit in silence.

Speaker 41 So I'm just like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Talking forever, just so like we weren't hit with silence.
Again, still that air of mystery.

Speaker 41 And then we started making out in the pool. And I just remember being like, there is some electricity here I have never felt before.
Just this like raw magnetism.

Speaker 41 And then we had sex and it was the same thing. And I was just like, oh my God, this, wow.

Speaker 52 After their fling, he and Jacques followed each other on Instagram. Summer was nearly over when they met, so Ryan returned to his regular teaching position in the city without seeing him again.

Speaker 52 Over the next few years, their only contact was the occasional emoji DM.

Speaker 52 That was until Ryan posted a photo from his family vacation.

Speaker 41 I was in St. Bart's with my family, and he had DM'd me because I posted a picture.
He was like, that's my favorite place on the planet. And he grew up on St.
Bart's.

Speaker 41 Then we started talking. And immediately, just very much back and forth, flirting, vulgar, not not vulgar, like all the things.

Speaker 41 And if I feel something, I'm going to materialize it to words and share it with you.

Speaker 41 And so I shared with him that, like, I had never felt something so electric, something so magnetic as the like afternoon that we spent together. And I will never be able to stop thinking about it.

Speaker 41 And he's echoing the same thing back to me. And so

Speaker 41 then we were going back and forth. And it was just a matter from then who's going to go visit who first.

Speaker 52 Even though it was a few years since they met, their chemistry still felt electric. Ryan had moved back to New York City and Jacques was living in Miami.
So Ryan made plans to go visit him there.

Speaker 52 A couple days before Ryan was set to arrive, Jacques called.

Speaker 41 He's like, I've got some bad news. I have a friend friend that's going through something and she has a restraining order against her husband who has been physically abusing her.

Speaker 41 And she's taking her kid with her and needs a place to stay. So she's going to stay at my apartment.

Speaker 52 It wasn't ideal, but he was struck by Jacques' generosity.

Speaker 41 I'm just like, that's so nice of you. I'm so sorry that your friend is going through that.

Speaker 52 They weren't able to stay together at Jacques' place, but Jacques had a solution. A friend with an Airbnb said that they could use it at a discount.

Speaker 52 So Ryan paid him $500 for the place and boarded a plane to Miami.

Speaker 41 And I remember seeing him, and this was the first time I was seeing him in four years,

Speaker 41 being like, I am in big trouble.

Speaker 41 Immediately was just like,

Speaker 41 ah,

Speaker 41 like the heart started picking up, all the things. Butterflies was like,

Speaker 41 here we go.

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Speaker 3 You know that feeling when your alarm goes off and your first thought is, why do I feel so awful?

Speaker 5 It's like being betrayed by your own body.

Speaker 7 But here's the plot twist.

Speaker 8 It's not your fault.

Speaker 10 Dehydration and brain fog are sabotaging you beneath the surface.

Speaker 6 When I found Early Bird's morning cocktail, I felt the shift immediately.

Speaker 13 It's this blood-orange mimosa drink that you mix the night before and you keep on your nightstand.

Speaker 16 When the alarm goes off, you drink and it's like flipping a switch.

Speaker 17 Clean energy, no brain fog, no crash.

Speaker 18 I'm in control of my day again.

Speaker 15 Early Bird is clinically engineered to target morning fatigue from all angles.

Speaker 11 There's clean, natural caffeine, mood-lifting nootropics, and a supercharged electrolyte blend to combat dehydration.

Speaker 20 This is more than just a morning drink.

Speaker 23 It's a science-backed tool to help you take control of your mornings and own your potential.

Speaker 11 It gives me the energy to show up as the best, most accomplished version of myself.

Speaker 25 Discover how good it feels to rise and grind on your own terms.

Speaker 6 Visit clubearlybird.com and use code BETRAIL for 20% off.

Speaker 23 That's clubearlybird.com.

Speaker 27 It starts like any other night.

Speaker 28 The glass of red, the cozy blanket, then the drop.

Speaker 30 The stain so dark, so stubborn, it might as well have been a crime scene.

Speaker 33 But this isn't your average couch.

Speaker 34 This is Anna Bay.

Speaker 36 Fully washable, unspeakably comfortable, and ready for whatever your life, your kids, or your ex throws at it.

Speaker 38 And here's the kicker.

Speaker 37 Starting at just $6.99, you can make sure your sofa isn't part of the problem.

Speaker 29 Fully washable, stain-resistant, and built to hide even the darkest offenses. Right now, get up to 60% off in Black Friday savings because no one should have to live with a stain that won't quit.

Speaker 38 Anna Bay, the only mystery you won't be losing sleep over.

Speaker 39 Shop washablesofas.com today.

Speaker 29 That's washable sofas.com.

Speaker 43 Did a GLP-1 help you lose weight, but now you're noticing unwanted facial changes?

Speaker 45 The weight came off, facial volume loss and dull sagging skin are making you look older.

Speaker 22 That's where the next phase of your weight loss journey comes in.

Speaker 45 There's before weight loss, after weight loss, and the after after.

Speaker 48 Help restore and refresh your facial skin and reclaim your natural-looking youthful glow.

Speaker 13 To learn more, visit faceafterweightloss.com.

Speaker 26 That's faceafterweightloss.com.

Speaker 52 Ryan took that first weekend with Jacques slow. He already knew they had a magnetic attraction.
He wanted to get to know Jacques on a deeper level.

Speaker 41 I'm at this point in my life where, like, I want to start my next chapter, my settling down chapter, at least in terms of personal life.

Speaker 52 They stayed up late and talked about their lives. Jacques had multiple citizenships, spoke four languages, and owned homes around the world, all thanks to his illustrious career.

Speaker 41 He was a very decorated marketing professional. He had worked for three huge luxury designer brands over in their Europe offices.

Speaker 41 He had worked for one of the most premier hotel organizations as well, which was the job that he was in at the time. I was just like, wow, you are impressive, impressive.

Speaker 52 He traveled for work nearly every week and was really well connected, which came with a lot of perks. It wasn't just his resume that impressed ryan it was also his commitment to health and fitness

Speaker 41 he would get up at 5 or 5 30 every morning first thing he would do was work out he also didn't drink so it was all these values that i was connecting to

Speaker 41 but what the stickiness was

Speaker 41 was the emotional vulnerability and access that he was giving

Speaker 52 Like Ryan, he was present, emotionally intelligent, empathetic.

Speaker 41 We talked at the end of the weekend, right before I was about to leave. So I was like, well, what are we doing here? Am I coming back down here? Are you coming up to visit me?

Speaker 41 Like, are we moving forward with this? And he was like, yeah, absolutely. And so

Speaker 41 I left

Speaker 41 excited, but also like,

Speaker 41 what are we then?

Speaker 41 Which sounds crazy after spending one weekend. But again, for me, I was like, I've known you since 2019.
We've talked throughout these past four years. So like a foundation has been set.

Speaker 52 Jacques was the full package, the right guy that Ryan had been waiting for.

Speaker 52 When he went back to New York, Ryan was almost giddy.

Speaker 41 We were texting like all day, every day, pretty much like first text in the morning, last text at night.

Speaker 52 They made plans for Ryan to go to Miami again, just a few weeks later. And this time, he stayed at Jacques' apartment.

Speaker 52 It was all white with tall ceilings and big glass windows ryan could see himself spending a lot more time there

Speaker 41 and so i asked him like what is this like i left unsure of are we still like dating around in the places that we live whatever he was like oh no ever since you left i've stopped that

Speaker 52 that night they made it official and to seal the deal he tells me that he loves me.

Speaker 41 And usually I'm the person that gives that away real early in a relationship. And I was just like, finally, like somebody is as emotionally

Speaker 41 open and ready to be vulnerable as I am and like feels as deeply as I do and all these things.

Speaker 52 They started dating long distance, but that didn't stop them from daydreaming about their future together.

Speaker 41 He was like, I definitely want to get married to somebody. I do think I want to have kids.
And like, whenever we talked about that, it was always talking about it as, I want you as that person.

Speaker 52 The distance became excruciating. After every visit, Ryan fell more in love with Jacques and with Miami.

Speaker 41 I would cry in the Uber on the way to the airport, cry on the plane.

Speaker 41 And a part of it was because, yes, I was saying goodbye to him, but also it was because like I was saying goodbye to Miami and I loved being here, loved being here.

Speaker 52 One day when Ryan was back in New York, he got a surprising text from Jacques.

Speaker 41 He sends me a picture in like the middle of the afternoon on a weekday, and it's of his left ring finger, and it says 3-19, 2023.

Speaker 52 That date was their anniversary, the day they made it official.

Speaker 41 And

Speaker 41 like for me back then, I was like, I make moves like that, scary moves like that. Like nobody's ever done that for me.
And so I was just like, wow, this is real, real, real, real.

Speaker 41 And so I was just like, hook, line, sinker, like, when are we making this happen? When am I moving here?

Speaker 52 They started making plans for Ryan to move in. He couldn't get a full-time teaching position in Miami until next year.
So he'd have to pick up classes when he could.

Speaker 41 And so I'm going to get, I don't know how many classes, but I'm like very much paid per class. So I'm going to be taking a pay cut from what I have right now.

Speaker 41 And he was like, don't worry about a thing. I will cover rent.
I will cover all this stuff. Maybe help out with groceries every week.
And I was like, I can do that.

Speaker 52 At the time, Jacques was the CMO at a luxury hotel brand. He could afford to cover some of their bills.

Speaker 52 Before they took the big step to move in together, Ryan invited him to meet his parents, who'd also relocated to Florida. His parents loved the idea of Ryan being close by.

Speaker 52 When they met for dinner, Jacques made a big first impression.

Speaker 41 He was very good at sharing all these stories about how this hotel brand had locations all around the world and that he had been to 90% of them on like the company's jet with the CEO, all of this stuff.

Speaker 52 In fact, Jacques arrived at the dinner straight from a day of work at the CEO's estate.

Speaker 41 He showed up. having just gotten back from his house, working there for the day and everything, saying that he had a great salad that was prepared by his chef and all these things and whatnot.

Speaker 41 First name dropping, first name dropping. And so it's just like, okay, cool.

Speaker 52 Jacques seemed a bit nervous, but he passed the test for Ryan's parents. After that, the move to Miami was just a matter of logistics.

Speaker 41 We had settled on a date of end of August for me to move to Miami. And he was like, I'll take care of everything.
You just have to pay for the flight.

Speaker 52 When he got there, life with Jacques was better than he imagined.

Speaker 41 It was like a honeymoon. I was also just like honeymooning with Miami.
I was just over-indexing on joy, cooking at home every night, you know, going to walk his dog, an hour dog.

Speaker 41 And so it very much felt like, wow, this is it.

Speaker 52 He knew Jacques was the one, and it came from the simple moments.

Speaker 41 I was there at the park with him, and he was like holding my hand or had his arm around me and all this stuff. And I was just like, wow, you are really proud to be my boyfriend

Speaker 52 everything was going smoothly until one day jacques came home and said he quit his executive marketing job just out of the blue

Speaker 41 he just walked in one day and was like i just quit i was like what the announcement rattled ryan especially considering that jacques assured him that he would support the couple financially but he owned two apartments in Paris, and so he was getting like a steady stream of monthly income from that.

Speaker 52 And he was well connected in the marketing world. He said he'd find another job, no problem.
And Ryan trusted him.

Speaker 52 Ryan focused on settling into the new city, making friends, and exploring Miami's music scene.

Speaker 52 One of his favorite bands was coming into town, so he borrowed his dad's credit card to get pre-sale tickets. A few weeks later, Ryan logged in to pay off the bill.

Speaker 41 The balance was a lot higher than what the tickets were for.

Speaker 41 And so I look, and there's two line items. One was Ticketmaster, the other was

Speaker 41 for $990.

Speaker 41 And it was something, something like a name of some sorts, Fort Lauderdale. And so I was like, okay, that's weird.

Speaker 52 He contested the charge and submitted a report. And he told his parents to keep him posted about the fraudulent charge.

Speaker 52 A few weeks later, he was in between teaching classes when he got a text from his mom. She wanted to talk on the phone right away.
Her formality scared him. He feared a family emergency.

Speaker 41 And so I

Speaker 41 called

Speaker 41 and she goes, are you at home right now? And I was like, no. And she was like, great.
And then my dad goes, hey, Ryan.

Speaker 41 And I very much realized I was on speaker. Both of them were on the phone.

Speaker 41 That never happened.

Speaker 41 They were like, so we got the results back from American Express,

Speaker 41 and it turns out that that charge is very real.

Speaker 41 It's a shock,

Speaker 41 and

Speaker 41 it's for a divorced lawyer. Did you know that he was married?

Speaker 3 You know that feeling when your alarm goes off and your first thought is, why do I feel so awful?

Speaker 5 It's like being betrayed by your own body.

Speaker 7 But here's the plot twist: it's not your fault.

Speaker 10 Dehydration and brain fog are sabotaging you beneath the surface.

Speaker 6 When I found Early Bird's morning cocktail, I felt the shift immediately.

Speaker 13 It's this blood-orange mimosa drink that you mix the night before and you keep on your nightstand.

Speaker 16 When the alarm goes off, you drink, and it's like flipping a switch.

Speaker 17 Clean energy, no brain fog, no crash.

Speaker 18 I'm in control of my day again.

Speaker 15 Early Bird is clinically engineered to target morning fatigue from all angles.

Speaker 11 There's clean, natural caffeine, mood-lifting nootropics, and a supercharged electrolyte blend to combat dehydration.

Speaker 20 This is more than just a morning drink.

Speaker 23 It's a science-backed tool to help you take control of your mornings and own your potential.

Speaker 11 It gives me the energy to show up as the best, most accomplished version of myself.

Speaker 25 Discover how good it feels to rise and grind on your own terms.

Speaker 6 Visit clubearlybird.com and use code BETRAIAL for 20% off.

Speaker 23 That's clubearlybird.com.

Speaker 27 It starts like any other night.

Speaker 28 The glass of red, the cozy blanket, then the drop.

Speaker 30 The stains so dark, so stubborn, it might as well have been a crime scene.

Speaker 33 But this isn't your average couch.

Speaker 35 This is Anna Bay, fully washable, unspeakably comfortable, and ready for whatever your life, your kids, or your ex throws ahead of.

Speaker 38 And here's the kicker.

Speaker 37 Starting at just $6.99, you can make sure your sofa isn't part of the problem.

Speaker 29 Fully washable, stain-resistant, and built to hide even the darkest offenses. Right now, get up to 60% off in Black Friday savings because no one should have to live with a stain that won't quit.

Speaker 38 Anna Bay, the only mystery you won't be losing sleep over.

Speaker 39 Shop washable sofas.com today.

Speaker 29 That's washable sofas.com.

Speaker 43 Did a GLP-1 help you lose weight, but now you're noticing unwanted facial changes?

Speaker 45 The weight came off, but facial volume loss and dull sagging skin are making you look older?

Speaker 22 That's where the next phase of your weight loss journey comes in.

Speaker 10 There's before weight loss, after weight loss, and the after after.

Speaker 48 Help restore and refresh your facial skin and reclaim your natural looking youthful glow.

Speaker 47 To learn more, visit faceafterweightloss.com.

Speaker 26 That's faceafterweightloss.com.

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Speaker 52 Ryan's parents called in with news about a fraudulent charge on their credit card. They'd done a full investigation and traced the charge to a divorce lawyer in Fort Lauderdale.

Speaker 52 What they found was Jacques had met with a lawyer and he charged that meeting to their Amex.

Speaker 41 I started crying, freaking out, hysterics. And I was like, I'm going to call you in an hour.
I have to go teach right now. So I hung up.
I went in to teach the class somehow.

Speaker 41 And I'm just like, everything is falling apart very quickly.

Speaker 41 I get out of class.

Speaker 41 I rush out of there,

Speaker 41 like Cruella Devil in 101 Dalmatians, death gripping the wheel, red-eyed, just like mad.

Speaker 41 And

Speaker 41 I'm talking to my parents about it. They're like, what are you going to do? And I was like, I mean, I'm going home right now to talk to this man.
And they're like, obviously, you have to leave him.

Speaker 41 Yeah, I mean, probably.

Speaker 52 Ryan wanted answers. He needed to hear Jacques explain himself.

Speaker 41 I go to our apartment and

Speaker 41 I throw the credit card at him. He's sitting on the couch and I scream, do you recognize these numbers? And he's like, what are you talking about? Hands up, on guard.

Speaker 41 I was just like, do you recognize these numbers? And he was like, why do you keep asking me that?

Speaker 41 And I was like,

Speaker 41 There was a credit card charge for over $900

Speaker 41 that was for a divorce lawyer based in Fort Lauderdale. And the invoice had your name on it.

Speaker 41 And he was like, that's crazy. Why would I use your credit card to do that? And I was like, I don't know.
Like, you tell me.

Speaker 41 And he was just so aggressively denying it, even though like the cold, hard evidence was right there.

Speaker 52 They fought that whole night until Jacques finally confessed that yes, he was in the the process of getting divorced.

Speaker 41 He was basically saying things like, it was all for a green card. We were dating, but we agreed to get married and whatever.
And then, you know, it ended.

Speaker 41 And he was using me like I was the provider and whatnot. And I had to get out of there.
Basically saying things like that. And so for me, I was like, I don't know if there's really that much there.

Speaker 52 He said that using Ryan's credit card or his parents' credit card rather was just an accident. But that confession was quickly overshadowed by what Ryan discovered next.

Speaker 52 He wanted to search Jacques' phone to see if there was anything else he was hiding.

Speaker 41 I was like, give me your phone. And so he hands it to me.
I immediately go to his Instagram and his text messages, and there are over 30, 40 conversations with all different guys.

Speaker 41 It varies from dirty talk to sending pictures to sending video to proof that we invited men over, dating back to when we had started dating in March and all throughout.

Speaker 52 For each person he talked to, Jacques was putting on a totally different persona. And Ryan didn't recognize any of them.

Speaker 41 I remember distinctly saying to him, I do like dirty talk, especially if we're going to do long distance. pictures, videos, whatever.
I want to feel physically connected to you.

Speaker 41 And he's like, it's so outside of my comfort zone, but I'm going to work on it.

Speaker 41 It never happened.

Speaker 41 Never happened.

Speaker 41 And so the stuff that I was reading, even though it's something that I like doing, was to a level I would never

Speaker 41 say.

Speaker 41 And so I'm like screaming at him about that. You seem to have no problem being like this.

Speaker 52 Ryan scrolled through jacques messages with dozens of guys he was furious and heartbroken but also confused because jacques didn't have one story about his life he had many

Speaker 41 there were so many different ways that he was talking to these guys where sometimes they would call him out and be like i thought you were seeing somebody and he would respond with yeah so like nothing's going to happen here and then the next time if somebody said that to him, he'd be like, Yeah, but I can do whatever I want.

Speaker 41 Or, yeah, but we're in an open relationship, or like he doesn't have to know anything like that. And so, I'm just reading all of this.

Speaker 41 Those messages he couldn't deny, and surprisingly, he didn't, but he created a story.

Speaker 52 Jacques' story was that these flings happened before he started dating Ryan. But it was a bold lie, considering Ryan could see the timestamps on the messages and knew it wasn't true.

Speaker 52 So he decided to DM one of the guys.

Speaker 41 And so there was this one guy that I got the sense that he had been over a lot. I just said, hey, what's up? And he goes, hey, because my front grid had pictures of me and Jacques together.

Speaker 41 Can you let your boyfriend know that he owes me $60?

Speaker 41 And I was like,

Speaker 41 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 41 I said, I'll do my best, but I'm going going to let you know you're probably not going to see that money back.

Speaker 52 Ryan confronted him again, and that's when he saw a new side of shock.

Speaker 41 He then starts to have a full-on breakdown in front of me and was just losing it. I'd never seen him really cry before.
And he was like, you know, I...

Speaker 41 grew up as kind of a fat kid, was bullied a lot, was not looked at in any sort of, you know, attractive way. And ever since I started working on myself, I've been getting a lot of attention.

Speaker 41 And it's the first time that I'm really receiving that. And I obviously enjoyed it, but then it's very clear that I enjoyed it too much and I never meant to hurt you.

Speaker 52 Seeing Jacques distraught and vulnerable triggered Ryan's need to help to make it better.

Speaker 41 There is a part inside of me that did not want to admit that what I had been waiting for for quite some time that had finally arrived, I was not ready to let go.

Speaker 41 I was really holding on to like, no, this, I found him. This is it.
This is my person. I'm fighting for this.

Speaker 52 It also reminded him of his own rock bottom 10 years earlier, but his boyfriend at the time stuck by him and got him the help he needed to get sober.

Speaker 41 When I had hit rock bottom, my boyfriend at the time had stayed with me. And I was like, this feels like Jacques's emotional rock bottom.

Speaker 41 And this is my chance to pay it forward and be there for my partner and so I decided to stay.

Speaker 52 Jacques was talking about his mistakes openly with Ryan, which felt like the right step. And Ryan knew that relationships were nuanced.

Speaker 41 I had always worked through or tried my best to work through the tougher moments in relationships because realistically, they are not perfect.

Speaker 41 He was willing to go to therapy by himself and with me. He was showing up and like fully surrendering, which for is what I did 10 years ago for myself.

Speaker 52 So they set up new boundaries, boundaries that Jacques agreed to.

Speaker 41 He was agreeing to anything. I said, you will not have access to Instagram.
Instagram is now under my email and my phone number, and I'm changing the password and whatnot.

Speaker 52 Ryan was comfortable giving Jacques a second chance. But when he told his parents, They were not

Speaker 41 happy.

Speaker 52 They had done their own research on Jacques.

Speaker 41 When the divorce lawyer charge came through, they had done their research and found that

Speaker 41 when you Google him, it's his LinkedIn and then it's a court case.

Speaker 52 Jacques was named in a lawsuit over an illegal sublet and unpaid rent scheme in the Hamptons. The case amounted to fraud worth over $100,000.

Speaker 52 But there was an explanation. It was his ex-husband, the one from the green card marriage.
He was actually the one responsible for those charges.

Speaker 52 But because they were married, Jacques was also named on the lawsuit.

Speaker 41 I'm talking to my parents about it, and they're bringing up the court case. I'm like, no, he's been cleared of that.
They had no case or whatever. And I'm waiting for him to get the documents.

Speaker 41 Like, I'll send it to you.

Speaker 52 Ryan's parents didn't buy it. And in fact, it created a rift between them.
The first one they ever had.

Speaker 41 My mom and I did not talk. I would occasionally talk to my dad.

Speaker 52 Ryan doubled down and said he wouldn't be coming home for Thanksgiving if Jacques couldn't come too. He felt that Jacques deserved a second chance, just like everyone else.

Speaker 52 And his parents just didn't understand.

Speaker 52 Soon, Jacques was no longer the problem. The problem became Ryan's parents.

Speaker 41 When I started to like, not believe him and start to question him,

Speaker 41 he would always say, you sound just like your mom right now.

Speaker 52 During this time, Ryan needed to buy a new car for work. With their relationship seemingly on the right track, he and Jacques decided to go in on their dream car together.

Speaker 41 We both really wanted a Ford Bronco really badly. And so we had bought one.

Speaker 41 He said that we're not going to get approved for it if my name's on it because my credit's really bad because I just bought this apartment and sold the other one.

Speaker 41 And so I was like, oh, that's fine. Like I'll put my name on it.
And he was like, we'll just split the monthly payments and whatnot.

Speaker 52 They ordered the car and had it fully customized.

Speaker 41 It was all in $92,000,

Speaker 41 which I was fine with because for me, I was still like, I can afford half of the monthly payments as long as you're paying half.

Speaker 52 Then the first car payment came.

Speaker 41 I Venmo request him for it. He gets it back to me immediately.

Speaker 41 And

Speaker 41 then

Speaker 41 I get all the emails from Venmo. It's all that transaction.
And then there's one from like 20 minutes before that says that I paid Jacques $800.

Speaker 41 And I was like, no, I didn't. I requested something around that from him, but I did not pay him.

Speaker 41 And so I was like, that's weird. So before I like bring it up, I was like, let me go into my app, look at the ledger.
It's very much there that I had paid him $800.

Speaker 41 And then there's also me paying $180 two days before, and then about $150 a day before that. I for sure did not do any of those.

Speaker 52 But Ryan never got an email receipt about these payments.

Speaker 41 So I was like, let me look at the trash bin.

Speaker 41 And that's where the emails were. Those are the only two emails sitting in there.
And that's when I absolutely knew that it was him because

Speaker 41 I don't delete emails because I'm afraid I'm going to need something. So I archive all my emails.

Speaker 41 And so he had gone into my phone, paid himself, and then went into my email and cleared the history of it.

Speaker 52 There it was. Proof that Jacques was not only stealing money from him, but he was covering it up.

Speaker 41 And it was after the fact of that instance where, like,

Speaker 41 you hit to me what I called your rock bottom, but it turns out it's not. This is just who you are.
It's just who you are.

Speaker 41 That was that.

Speaker 52 When Ryan made this discovery, Jacques was out of the house. So he took the opportunity to run.

Speaker 41 He was out walking his dog and I got as much stuff as I could of mine and

Speaker 41 left, called my parents. My mom and I were both hysterically crying over the phone just because like my dad's in his 70s, my mom's in her 60s, and I lost.
being able to go see her.

Speaker 41 I was going to do that in October and I was going to do that in November, and I didn't.

Speaker 41 And I even canceled going to Thanksgiving with them because I was like, I'm not going to Thanksgiving if my boyfriend's not allowed to come to Thanksgiving kind of thing.

Speaker 41 And I had said no to my parents because of this.

Speaker 41 I felt so bad. I felt so sorry because, like, I didn't believe my parents, or I didn't want to listen to them.
And it sucked.

Speaker 41 That's just time that I'll never get back that he stole. And granted, it it could have been a lot longer.

Speaker 41 Could have signed off for the rest of my life with this man and therefore signed off from the rest of my life with my parents.

Speaker 52 His parents forgave him immediately, but the process of leaving Jacques was just beginning.

Speaker 41 Then it was very much like Operation

Speaker 41 Rescue. And so I stayed in a hotel for a week.

Speaker 52 Ryan thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with this man. And now he wasn't sure if anything he'd been told was true.

Speaker 52 He needed to talk to Jacques' ex-husband, you know, in the green card marriage.

Speaker 41 I was just like, I don't think I can sink any lower right now. So like,

Speaker 41 let's at least say.

Speaker 41 So I was like, hey, this is Ryan. I was dating Jacques and just broke up with him.
And I just love to talk to you about your experience.

Speaker 41 The first thing that he said to me was, that man is scum and deserves to be in jail. And I was just like, okay, we can talk.

Speaker 41 We can talk.

Speaker 52 His ex had a lot to say about Jacques, especially the lies he discovered in their marriage.

Speaker 41 Jacques had claimed that not only was he French and therefore a citizen of their, he was also a dual citizen of Israel and he had fought in the IDF.

Speaker 41 They were in their government interview before their wedding and the official had asked Jacques, have you ever served in an international military service? And Jacques just flat out said no.

Speaker 41 And his ex sat next to him, being like, in his mind, like, obviously not going to bring it up in front of a government official, but like, why are you lying to this person?

Speaker 52 Did he ever fight in the IDF, or was that another lie? All those stories Jacques told him about how his ex-husband was leeching off him, the opposite was true.

Speaker 52 Ryan and Jacques' ex talked almost every week for those first few months. They were both members of a crappy club.

Speaker 41 He is such a good guy and in their relationship was the provider and was so generous with Jacques. Again, really believed that he also had found this person.

Speaker 52 Ryan also found a mutual friend, someone who'd known Jacques in St. Bart's.
He'd been invited to Jacques' childhood home, which was a huge mansion.

Speaker 41 He looked it up. It's an Airbnb that he rented.

Speaker 52 After Ryan got out of the relationship and started to see the deception and lies for what they were, he developed a new theory about Jacques. Jacques had always seemed to be so perceptive.

Speaker 52 He always knew what Ryan was thinking and what he was worried about before he even said anything. But maybe it was more sinister than just intuition.

Speaker 52 When Jacques was out of the apartment, Ryan would talk on the phone to his friends, his parents, his therapist.

Speaker 41 He has a

Speaker 41 ring camera or whatever for his dog, and he would pick up on the conversations and listen to them.

Speaker 41 He listened to every single one of my therapy sessions. He would leave the apartment and sit somewhere else, but he was very much tuning in and listening for the entire hour.

Speaker 41 That's like the long con of it all, which is just like, I need to know what is making this guy tick right now so I can hold on and keep pulling from him.

Speaker 52 No wonder he was so intuitive. He was listening in on Ryan's therapy sessions all along.
It was total manipulation to make Ryan feel like Jacques truly saw him, understood him, loved him.

Speaker 52 How much money did Ryan lose in this relationship? This is what he estimates.

Speaker 41 It is $50,000.

Speaker 41 This card was put under my name.

Speaker 41 Obviously, I took it with me when I left.

Speaker 41 And at some point, I was like, this is stupid for me to have. And so I went to sell it thinking, oh my God, I'm going to make money off of this.
This is great. Apparently, I was

Speaker 41 kind of an idiot to not read the fine print and just trust.

Speaker 41 But we had bought it, I think, $20,000 over MSRP because at that point, Ford Broncos were so heavy in demand. And then in a matter of four months, nobody really wants them.

Speaker 41 And so when I went to sell it, I sold it into a loss of $42,000.

Speaker 52 Ryan stayed in Florida and so did Jacques in the same apartment. Ryan doesn't want to leave Miami because he loves it there.
They have run into each other other from a distance.

Speaker 41 I saw him walking into his building because unfortunately part of my commute is to drive by that building. And he was walking in with his dog wearing a black hoodie.

Speaker 41 And I just like, ugh.

Speaker 41 And I realized that the back of his sweatshirt says sad dads on it, which is from the national, the band, a concert that I had gone to right before I left New York to come down here.

Speaker 41 He was wearing my sweatshirt.

Speaker 41 I thought that I had lost that sweatshirt.

Speaker 52 It's strange watching from the sidelines as Jacques continues a life of deception and lies.

Speaker 52 As for that tattoo that Jacques got, the one with their anniversary date on his finger, it was one of many tattoos Jacques had. Tattoos that Ryan now sees differently.

Speaker 41 He has one.

Speaker 41 It's like a dove, and then it goes into a name. And I was like, Who's that? And he says, Oh, that was my friend in France, and we were on motorcycles together.

Speaker 41 And I watched a car hit him, and he died.

Speaker 41 And now, looking back, I'm just like, That was an ex-boyfriend.

Speaker 41 That was an ex-boyfriend. For me, like, I have to have some fun or like find some comedy in it.
I said to my friend, I wonder how I died.

Speaker 41 I wonder what my story is. I'd really love to know.

Speaker 52 Ryan's ready to let go of the shame and self-blame he felt after this betrayal, and telling his story is part of that release.

Speaker 52 We end all of our weekly episodes with the same question.

Speaker 52 Why did you want to tell your story?

Speaker 41 I'm hoping that this is the final release for me.

Speaker 41 This is no longer just mine. This is somebody else's to connect to and be like, I didn't think this could happen to me, but like, it actually can because it can happen to anybody.

Speaker 41 Thank God I'm not the only one.

Speaker 52 On the next episode of Betrayal.

Speaker 52 People who are in this incredibly vulnerable spot of trying to be better for their children.

Speaker 52 If I were evil, I would leave that one alone.

Speaker 19 You know, that seems like a line.

Speaker 52 If you would like to reach out to the betrayal team or want to tell us your betrayal story, email us at betrayalpod at gmail.com. That's betrayal, p-od at gmail.com.
We're grateful for your support.

Speaker 52 One way to show support is by subscribing to our show on Apple Podcasts. And don't forget to rate and review Betrayal.
Five-star reviews go a long way. A big thank you to all of our listeners.

Speaker 52 Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Faison.

Speaker 52 Hosted and produced by me, Andrea Gunning. Written and produced by Monique Laborde.
Also produced by Ben Fetterman. Associate producers are Kristen Mel Curie and Caitlin Golden.

Speaker 52 Our iHeart team is Allie Perry and Jessica Kreincheck. Audio editing and mixing by Matt Delvecchio.
Additional editing support from Nico Aruka and Tanner Robbins.

Speaker 52 Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Baines. Music library provided by MIBE Music.
And for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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