Ep. 006 Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution

Speaker 1 Welcome back to Bread to Lead, the podcast dedicated to helping you cultivate a people-first leadership approach that empowers your team and drives remarkable results. I am your host, Dr.

Speaker 1 Jake Taylor Jacobs, and I'm honored to be your guide on this leadership journey. Listen, I told you, God, I love speaking on this mic and giving game.
I see the value that we have.

Speaker 1 And let me tell you guys something. We topped out the charts at 112,

Speaker 1 the 112th podcast in our rankings, 112 out of millions of podcasts all over the world, we are number 112. I'm stupid, stupid excited.
That means that people want to learn how to become bred to lead.

Speaker 1 And these leadership tips are working.

Speaker 1 So you guys, keep rating, keep voting, keep sending it out to people that are in leadership or aspire to be in leadership because the goal is one day, I didn't even think it would be possible, but one day, maybe we can get top 10, maybe one of these days.

Speaker 1 But I'm excited that we are within that top 112 range. And it changes every day.
It fluctuates. But I'm excited that we topped that at the charts at 112.

Speaker 1 And hopefully we'll be able to crack that 100 mark and stay up there. One thing is getting there.
It's another thing to stay there. Right.
And that's one of the focuses of what this podcast is.

Speaker 1 It's not just getting into the position of leadership, but truly becoming a leader and being able to create lasting change.

Speaker 1 In case you guys did not know, this podcast is a podcast from SIPS Healthcare Solutions. We are in the healthcare space.

Speaker 1 And as you guys know, I'm a turnaround executive and I partner with SIPS maybe in January so that we can help transform the healthcare space. And sterile processing is our focus.

Speaker 1 And as a consulting and advising company, for sterile processing and healthcare, we specialize in turning around departments, sending our leaders and sending technicians to go into these facilities and make them better and make them more efficient.

Speaker 1 That's what we do and that's what we love to do.

Speaker 1 And we're going to continue to add value to all leaders, no matter your industry, but more specifically healthcare, so that we can ensure that the people that are helping our families, you know, where the surgeries are, that we're getting the best quality of people that are in the most important positions in the world.

Speaker 1 So let's get started. You guys know we don't do the music thing,

Speaker 1 the intro song or anything like that. It's just me and Mike and game I have to give you to be able to help you bring value wherever you are.

Speaker 1 So in our last episode, we dove deep into the critical importance of prioritizing employee well-being, not just as a nice to have,

Speaker 1 but a fundamental driver of every metric that matters to your organization. We explored practical strategies for making well-being a strategic priority, taking a holistic employee-centered approach.

Speaker 1 normalizing conversations about mental health, providing robust support and resources, resources, and modeling healthy work practices.

Speaker 1 Today, though, we're building on that foundation and zeroing in on another essential skill for people first leaders like you. And it is effective communication and conflict resolution.

Speaker 1 We just visited one site. Oh my goodness.
I can't tell you guys the hospital. All I'm going to say is that it was a crap show.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And one of those biggest things is effective communication and conflict resolution. There is something that I always say, and I actually created it by accident.
It's called assumicide.

Speaker 1 And when you think about side, side, its root definition or word is to kill off. Assume is when you're...

Speaker 1 taking an assumption or I'm guessing what you're thinking or what you're doing without all of the facts.

Speaker 1 And a lot of us kill off great relationships and great opportunities because we are assuming that we know what this person is saying without the facts, the data, or assuming that the other person is going to do something that you haven't communicated to them, expecting them to operate like you or move like you, or not even thinking that they may have something on their mind where they come to work.

Speaker 1 But yes, people come to work, but there are people that have lives and other stuff outside of work that affects them on a daily basis.

Speaker 1 And so we want to eliminate the assume a side factor to keep us from, you know, destroying things that are great.

Speaker 1 And there's a lot of workplaces that are hard, not because it's hard, they're hard because the people just are not good at communicating and getting out their own insecurities.

Speaker 1 I see so many cases where people's insecurities mess up great things and actually run off great leaders and run off great people that can add value within the organization.

Speaker 1 So, effective communication and conflict resolution is going to be our topic today.

Speaker 1 And the way you communicate and handle conflict has a massive impact on everything from trust and relationships to engagement and productivity to innovation and results.

Speaker 1 It's truly one of the most high-leverage areas for any leader to focus on. But here's the thing, communicating effectively and navigating conflict skillfully doesn't always come naturally.

Speaker 1 Even for the most well-intentioned leaders like myself, it requires self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and a willingness to step outside of your comfort zone and try new approaches.

Speaker 1 The good news is that these are all skills that can be learned and developed over time with practice and commitment.

Speaker 1 So, today, we're going to unpack some of the most powerful strategies and frameworks I've discovered for leveling up your communication and conflict resolution skills.

Speaker 1 Whether you are leading a team of five or 5,000, whether you are navigating everyday friction or high-stake crisis situations, these tools will help you communicate with more clarity, empathy, and impact, and transform conflict into opportunities for growth and connection.

Speaker 1 And can I tell you something? In most cases, conflict happens because of a quiet third party.

Speaker 1 Okay, I was going through a training of mine, and it was talking about how most conflicts happen from an unknown, a known, unknown source. Okay.
A known, unseen source.

Speaker 1 And that known, unseen source is someone who benefits from your bickering.

Speaker 1 And I know this sounds crazy, but think about the last argument that you had and try to remind yourself who was whispering in your ear. Did they whisper in the other person's ear too?

Speaker 1 What negativity, what negative things were they telling you to make you start to look differently at someone else? And in most cases, most of us have great empathy.

Speaker 1 We can have great heart for people and really great patience. It's not until other people get into our ears saying

Speaker 1 and on the other hand he said

Speaker 1 and now they're causing this conflict and are sitting back with their hands in their pockets like they had nothing to do with it but they're playing both sides of the fence because honestly it makes it makes it for them to be able to make their moves and i've seen it i've seen management and leaders literally destroy a department just to make the company feel like they need them more versus making the department better.

Speaker 1 And if anybody was better than that person, they did anything that they could to circumvent that case, isolate that person, ostracize them, and then put them in such a bad situation that they're forced to leave.

Speaker 1 And now the company or the hospital has to continue to work with that person. Let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 Conflict resolution

Speaker 1 and trying to find that third party that's whispering in your ear. Is your wife, is your spouse, is your husband telling you you're better than that? You don't deserve to be there.

Speaker 1 They need to pay you more. And then you start thinking like, man, yeah, they do.
When in fact, you haven't even mastered all of the skills required for your current job description.

Speaker 1 Who's whispering in your ear, sabotaging your opportunities to grow, to expand, to develop? And let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 I have personally not seen anyone in my life personally that was really built like that. When I say built like that, I mean like a leader leader.
That would ever be, that would ever lose. Never.

Speaker 1 I've never seen it. I've always seen them find a way or get away or, you know, do something else and then become a star.
No one can stop your sign from shining if you are a true star.

Speaker 1 But you have to have the right heart and the right intentions behind everything that you do. So let's start with the foundation of effective communication.
Seeking first to understand.

Speaker 1 This principle comes from the work of Dr. Stephen Covey.
Covey. Covey, Cave.
I can't remember how to say his last name.

Speaker 1 He's the author of the classic book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Speaker 1 Covey argues that most of us spend the majority of our time in communication, either speaking or preparing to speak. In other words, focusing on expressing our own perspective.

Speaker 1 Very rarely do we focus on truly deeply understanding the other person's perspective first.

Speaker 1 See, in order to communicate, you must first be able to understand and try to put yourself in that person's shoes to have empathy for the feelings that they have.

Speaker 1 Because before any action happens, emotion happens, right? There's some emotion inside of the person that forces them to speak, to move, to act, to not help, to do a crappy job.

Speaker 1 So I must first, as a leader, try to find myself and put myself into that person's shoes regardless of if I feel like they are right or not.

Speaker 1 Because what does being right matter if you're losing the trust of your team?

Speaker 1 What does being right matter when it means that you're losing the connectivity? See, it's connection. Human connection is what make all things work.
So the tech company that I own,

Speaker 1 in order for our tech to communicate with another technology that we did not build, you have to use something called webhooks. And what the web hook does, it's like a translator.

Speaker 1 The translator translates.

Speaker 1 So if one technology is communicating to another, it translates the coding and the information so that the person who is the tech that's receiving this information can receive it in its own vantage point or its own communication.

Speaker 1 So, the issue that we're having in communicating amongst each other is the fact that there is no translation being done. There is no true understanding.

Speaker 1 Let me sit myself in their body and see why they're so mad. They're not really mad at me.
They're They're hurt at me because of this, this, and that. So how would I respond if I were them?

Speaker 1 And that will completely change your response. The issue is that too many people are trying to be right.

Speaker 1 Too many people are trying to be the chief. Some, you just, you just, I just, I, I got to be right.
Yeah. You want to be right so much, you become wrong in your approach.
Y'all listen. Y'all listen.

Speaker 1 The greatest leaders, everyone wanted to be around. If no one wants to be around around you, what does that say about your leadership skills? I know it hurts,

Speaker 1 but when we flip this script and make understanding our top priority, it changes everything.

Speaker 1 It allows us to gather more information, appreciate different angles, and find common ground before jumping to conclusions or prescribing solutions.

Speaker 1 It shows the other person that we value their viewpoint and experiences, even if they differ from our own.

Speaker 1 It lays the groundwork for more productive and mutually satisfying conversations. It's not about being combative.

Speaker 1 It's about having a conversation, communicating with each other in a way to it says, I just want us to be on the same page.

Speaker 1 Regardless of how we get there, as long as we finish this conversation on the same page, I'm fine. I'm okay with that.

Speaker 1 One of my favorite ways to put this principle into practice is through active listening.

Speaker 1 Active

Speaker 1 listening is fully concentrating on what's being said

Speaker 1 rather than just passively hearing the message. Hello, somebody.

Speaker 1 It involves listening with all of your senses and giving your full attention to the speaker. Some key elements of active listening include the following.
Get your pen out, get your pad. You know, Dr.

Speaker 1 Jake loves to give you nuggets that you can write down. One, simply making eye contact and having an open, engaged body posture.

Speaker 1 If you're folding your arms and looking everywhere and on your phone and in your head and you're not actively paying attention, of course you're going to miss that connecting part.

Speaker 1 Of course.

Speaker 1 Because when you connect and you put each other in each other's shoes, what's going to happen is no one's going to talk crazy to anyone because you're going to put yourself in that person's shoes and say, if I were being talked crazy to, how would I feel?

Speaker 1 So how can I communicate like an adult?

Speaker 1 Put emotions aside. No, no, not put emotions aside.
We're humans. With the emotions, how can we navigate through this?

Speaker 1 And making, I'm not talking about the eye contact that's like the weird eye contact where, you know, people do, especially, especially people that feel like they're educated and trained.

Speaker 1 They do that weird, just staring in your eyes like this. So nobody talks like that.

Speaker 1 Everybody touches the eye and then you kind of move around the face and you're making, you know, you're just, you're paying attention, but no one's looking eye to eye. That is weird.
Don't be weird.

Speaker 1 Number two,

Speaker 1 avoid distractions like looking at your phone or glancing at your watch.

Speaker 1 Some of the, some, some, some of my, some of my, associates, my friends, and my family will go all day without me communicating, without me talking to them on my phone why because my phone is put up while i'm at work unless i need to use it why because i'm in meetings all day and i have to be focused

Speaker 1 i have to be focused and if i'm not focused that means i'm going to miss something that can be the little small can i tell y'all something the biggest deals i've ever closed it's just the small things i paid attention to that got us the deal

Speaker 1 it wasn't it wasn't me knowing things technically because it is assumed that if we're talking in the same room and we're talking about what I can do, I'm assuming that you know we can get the job done.

Speaker 1 When I'm talking to somebody about SIPs and I'm telling them our turnaround specialties, we can get consultants there.

Speaker 1 We can do staffing there, whatever your needs are to help turn around your sterile processing department.

Speaker 1 We're one of the best to do it.

Speaker 1 Our company is the pioneer of travel consultants in sterile processing. We put more black and brown leaders in leadership positions than any company in sterile processing.

Speaker 1 So historically, it is assumed. I don't have to justify what we do.
It's assumed that you know why we're here.

Speaker 1 So it's not trying to convey your intellect as much as it's trying to hear their true problem.

Speaker 1 And too many people don't hear the true problem because we don't understand how to actively listen. So I don't look at my phone.
I don't glance at my watch.

Speaker 1 I'm paying attention and I'm involved and I'm in the space. Being a leader should be exhausting because you're so connected to the people around you.

Speaker 1 You have to spend time away to get yourself together so that you can continue to add value. Number three, this next point.

Speaker 1 provide verbal and non-verbal feedback like nodding, smiling, or brief affirmations. Like, okay, I got you.
So, okay, okay, okay. So, okay, okay,

Speaker 1 okay. So, so, so, you, so, for, for clarity, it takes me to my next point.
Asking clarifying questions to ensure understanding. Hey, here, this is what I hear you saying.

Speaker 1 So, you're, so you're telling me that this, this, and that. I'm getting this from that.
Is that what you meant? Oh, no, I didn't mean it like that.

Speaker 1 What I meant was, but when I, when I, when I have a sumicide in my heart and they say something, I immediately go to the dark end. When they didn't even mean it that way.

Speaker 1 Sometimes they just chose the wrong word or didn't have a word to say in that moment because they're frustrated. So that verbal and non-verbal feedback and not the weird nodding and smiling.

Speaker 1 That's weird. People can tell when you're not sincere as a leader and you're just going through the motions, but you don't really have that connection.
Clarifying questions to ensure understanding.

Speaker 1 The next one, number five, reflecting back what you heard in your own words. So what I heard was, and I'm going to say it in my words

Speaker 1 so you can hear

Speaker 1 how I'm receiving it. So

Speaker 1 you're mad

Speaker 1 because Sarah took your shift when you gave up the shift to John. So you were giving up the shift anyway, but Sarah took the shift.

Speaker 1 So you're upset because Sarah, took the shift is there something that I'm missing there? Oh, no. What I meant was I said something to the manager about me thinking about it.

Speaker 1 He said he was thinking about John and then I come back to work and then Sarah has the shift. Okay,

Speaker 1 now we're on the same page. And of course, as the manager, as the leader, they're coming to you.
They're yelling at you. Da-da-da.
But they're just, y'all listen, I'm going to say this again.

Speaker 1 Most adults are just big kids.

Speaker 1 with mustaches and makeup that have never went through the process of understanding and mastering their own emotions verbal or non-verbal so as a leader you have to take into account no matter their age or their tenure

Speaker 1 at the facility it doesn't mean that they've mastered the art of controlling their emotions and not shutting down like little children without holding judgment or advice until the speaker is done being finished, you say you don't, there's no judgment.

Speaker 1 Or just don't don't interject with advice. Let them get it all out so that you can have full understanding of what they mean.

Speaker 1 When you are practicing active listening, it shows the other person that you're fully present and invested in the conversation.

Speaker 1 It allows you to pick up on nuances and emotional cues that you might otherwise miss.

Speaker 1 And it often leads to the other person feeling more heard, respected, and open to be influenced. Of course, active listening is simple in theory,

Speaker 1 but it's hard in practice, especially in the midst of a busy workday or heated discussion.

Speaker 1 It requires setting aside your own agenda and resisting the urge to formulate your response while the other person is still speaking. It demands patience.

Speaker 1 focus, and a genuine curiosity about the other's experiences. But like any skill, it gets easier with repetition and intention.
I hear people all the time say,

Speaker 1 I don't want a solution. I just wanted you to hear me.
Well, that's one side of the coin. But you have to get to the solution together or we're always going to be having the same issue.
Okay?

Speaker 1 So it's going to be very important. I hope this is helping y'all because

Speaker 1 it's great in reinforcing. things for myself to make sure I'm staying on top of with the things I need to as a leader.
It's so great.

Speaker 1 The craziest thing about this leadership thing is that people think that either education or your ability to speak well, speaking well and communicating are two different things.

Speaker 1 Because you know the right words to say, it doesn't mean that you're communicating in the right way.

Speaker 1 Because if I can get to the point using

Speaker 1 regular words, I'm just going to use regular words. I'm not about to be speaking to people in doctoral language when those words are just not needed, it's just not needed.

Speaker 1 Because then I have to assume that you know the word that I just said, and then I have to teach you what the word means so you don't feel like it's just too much.

Speaker 1 Being yourself,

Speaker 1 not overthinking it,

Speaker 1 just because you can speak like this and it's really well. And I just want you to consider that that doesn't mean you could, you're not connecting with anybody.

Speaker 1 Depending on who I'm talking to, I may cuss, I may quote scripture, I may use

Speaker 1 my more in-depth vocabulary to people who like to communicate like an old Englishman.

Speaker 1 I may talk Ebonics if I'm talking to people that come from where I come from.

Speaker 1 It just depends because the goal is to actively listen and actively communicate where there's a result.

Speaker 1 One leader I coached realized that she had a habit of interrupting her team members and finishing their sentences in an effort to be efficient and show that she understood their point.

Speaker 1 While it was well intended, the behavior was actually eroding the trust and making her team feel dismissed and undervalued.

Speaker 1 By practicing active listening and allowing more space in conversations, she was able to shift the dynamic and have a more productive, insightful exchange with her team.

Speaker 1 In addition to active listening, Another key dimension of seeking to understand is being able to read between the lines and pick up on implicit messages, hidden messages.

Speaker 1 Hey, y'all, listen, if you're picking up what I'm putting down, you got to understand

Speaker 1 that communication is not always in the words that's being said. It's what's being chosen not to be said.

Speaker 1 Often what someone says explicitly is only the tip of the iceberg. There's a wealth of meaning and motivation beneath the surface that requires discernment and empathy to access.

Speaker 1 One framework I find incredibly helpful for this is called

Speaker 1 the ladder of inference, developed by organizational psychologist Chris Argoris.

Speaker 1 The ladder of inference describes the unconscious mental process we go through to get from fact to a decision or an action. It involves several steps.
One, Observing objective reality and data.

Speaker 1 Two, selecting which data to focus on based on our experiences and beliefs. Three,

Speaker 1 interpreting what that data means. Four, making assumptions based on those interpretations, i.e., off of the data.
I like to say a hypothesis, making a hypothesis off of the data.

Speaker 1 Hypothesis, you're drawing a conclusion based on the information and data that you have. Okay, that's action number five, drawing a conclusion.
Number six, adopting beliefs about the world.

Speaker 1 And seven, taking action based on those beliefs.

Speaker 1 The key insights of the ladder of inference is that there's a big difference between the objective facts of a situation and the subjective meaning we assign to those facts.

Speaker 1 Every person brings their own unique set of experiences, values, and assumptions to bear on any situation, which heavily influences how they select and interpret information.

Speaker 1 For an example, let's say you're in a meeting with one of your colleagues. Jim speaks over you while you're sharing an idea.
The objective fact is that Jim spoke while you were speaking.

Speaker 1 But from there, you may select data point that Jim was frowning when he interrupted you. You interpret this that this means that Jim disagrees with your idea.

Speaker 1 You make the assumption that Jim doesn't respect you. Then you draw the conclusion that Jim is a jerk.

Speaker 1 You form the belief that you can't trust Jim anymore and you're taking the action of avoiding Jim and secretly complaining about him to your friends, your workers, your work friends, and your management.

Speaker 1 Notice how quickly you went from an observable fact, he did interrupt you or talk over you, to a generalized belief and behavior all without checking your assumptions or gathering more context.

Speaker 1 This is the danger of the ladder of inference. It can lead us to operate on faulty perceptions and reactive impulses rather than thoughtful understanding.

Speaker 1 As a leader, your job is to be aware of your own ladder of inference and to help others become aware of theirs. When you're in a conversation or a conflict situation, slow down.

Speaker 1 Y'all know my favorite song is NDRE. Slow down, baby, you go in too fast.
You got your hands in the air and your feet on the gas. You're about to wreck your future running from the past.

Speaker 1 You need to slow down, baby. You got to slow down now.

Speaker 1 And notice when you're starting to ascend the ladder, get curious about what data you might be missing or what alternative explanations could there be before you assume.

Speaker 1 that they're trying to get around on you. They're trying to separate you from being able to do this.
And we always used to do that. Now, all of a sudden, now they're in the way.

Speaker 1 and now that means that they're they're trying to back no don't assume that because then when you start to speak that those things now can come to pass because you start putting in an action that actually causes the reaction that was never there in the first place

Speaker 1 because newton's law every action has a positive or equal reaction So if that wasn't there, but you created it in your mind, and when you create it in your mind, then it came down to your belief.

Speaker 1 When it came down to your belief, then it pushed out as to be in action.

Speaker 1 Now, Jim has the right to move accordingly because of the action you took when his intentions were not there. Y'all see how quickly this could escalate?

Speaker 1 But this happens time and time again in department after department, in relationships, and friendships, and situationships, and marriages, and business ships, and associateships, and all these ships that we're in.

Speaker 1 Everybody's doing the same thing.

Speaker 1 The best thing to do is ask open, honest questions to surface

Speaker 1 others' ladders and understand their reasoning. Separate facts from stories and challenge assumptions constructively.

Speaker 1 For an example, using the example I just mentioned, Jim, I noticed that you spoke over me earlier when I was sharing my idea. I was surprised because that's not typical for our interactions.

Speaker 1 What was going on for you in that moment? By inviting Jim to share his perspective, you create a space for a more complete picture to emerge.

Speaker 1 Perhaps Jim was feeling anxious about the tight project deadline and didn't even realize he interrupted you. Or maybe there's a broader pattern at play that warrants a deeper discussion.

Speaker 1 The point is, you can't know unless you ask and make room for understanding.

Speaker 1 This This principle of seeking first to understand is especially critical when it comes to navigating conflict. Conflict is an inevitable part of working with other humans.

Speaker 1 We're complex creatures, y'all, with diverse perspectives, needs, and communication styles. The key is not to avoid conflict altogether.

Speaker 1 but to develop skills to navigate it constructively and use it as an opportunity for growth, not to better up the person and you want to be the one that won this war, y'all.

Speaker 1 There's conflict every day, all day. We disagree as humans like a thousand times a day.
So think about the fighting that we're doing for what?

Speaker 1 We're fighting with each other at a place we're all going to be this long time for what?

Speaker 1 Only for it to happen again. Isn't that true? So when you understand that, you say, dang, Jake, you're right.

Speaker 1 I'm putting more stress on my body and more stress in the in the department or workplace for what

Speaker 1 one of the most powerful frameworks i found for navigating conflict skillfully is called non-violent communication developed by psychologist marshall rosenberg nvc is a way of communicating that leads us to give from the heart connect empathetically with others and share our authentic feelings and needs.

Speaker 1 It involves four key steps. One, observation.
Objectively describing what happened or what you noticed without judgment or evaluation.

Speaker 1 For an example, in the meeting yesterday, you said that you didn't agree with my proposal. That's an observation.

Speaker 1 In the meeting yesterday, you said that you didn't agree with my proposal. The feelings part.
Expressing your emotions authentically and vulnerably without blaming or shaming.

Speaker 1 So here's the next piece. When you said that, I felt frustrated and discouraged.
The third one is the needs.

Speaker 1 I'm identifying the universal human needs that are driving your feelings, such as connection or autonomy or security. For an example, I have a need for consideration and respect when I share my ideas.

Speaker 1 Then the last piece, request,

Speaker 1 making a specific, actionable, and positive ask. of the other person to help you meet your needs.

Speaker 1 So in the future, would you be willing to hear me me out fully before responding and share any concerns constructively? So I'm going to put it together.

Speaker 1 In the meeting yesterday, you said you didn't agree with my proposal.

Speaker 1 When you said that I felt frustrated and discouraged, I have a need for consideration and respect when I share ideas, which means I don't have to be right. I just like the respect to be considered.

Speaker 1 So in the future, would you be willing to hear me out fully? before responding and share any concerns constructively. Boom.

Speaker 1 So much better than I'm mad at you because I ain't going to mess with you no more because the proposal or I don't want to talk to this person.

Speaker 1 I don't want to work because they told me my proposal sucked. But on the flip side, if you're the other person, think about what, how you say things and how it could affect them.

Speaker 1 When we communicate using this framework, it shifts the conversation from finger pointing and defensiveness. to honesty and connection.

Speaker 1 Instead of getting trapped in a right-wrong mindset, we access our common humanity and shared needs. We create the conditions for creative problem solving and mutual understanding.

Speaker 1 Of course, using NVC authentically requires a high degree of self-awareness, vulnerability, and practice.

Speaker 1 It can feel clunky and awkward at first, especially if you're not used to expressing your feelings and needs directly. But like any new skill, family.
It gets more natural and effective over time.

Speaker 1 And the payoff in terms of trust, psychological safety, and collaboration, you can't even imagine how great it's going to be.

Speaker 1 One team that I worked with had a long-standing conflict between the sales and customer service department.

Speaker 1 Sales felt that customer service was too slow and risk adverse, while customer service felt that sales overpromised and created unrealistic expectations.

Speaker 1 There were a lot of finger pointing and blaming, and morale and performance were suffering as a result.

Speaker 1 By guiding the two teams through the MVC process, we were able to surface the underlying feelings and needs driving the conflict.

Speaker 1 Sales had a need for boldness and the ability to meet their targets, while customer service had a need for accuracy and integrity to maintain the client's trust. Both are right.

Speaker 1 Instead of seeing each other as adversaries, they began to appreciate each other's positive intentions and and brainstorm ways to better integrate their efforts.

Speaker 1 It didn't happen overnight, but with consistent practice of this NVC, they were able to transform their relationship and deliver outstanding results together.

Speaker 1 As a leader, you can model and encourage this kind of needs-based communication. You can make it safe for your people to express their authentic feelings, even when it's uncomfortable to you.

Speaker 1 You can get curious about the needs driving people's behaviors and seek to address those needs proactively.

Speaker 1 And you can coach your team members to make clearer, more positive requests of one another to prevent misunderstandings and resolve conflicts a lot more smoothly.

Speaker 1 Another vital skill for navigating conflict effectively is being able to have courageous conversations.

Speaker 1 These are the conversations that we often avoid or delay because they feel risque or uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 giving critical feedback, addressing a performance issue, or confronting a behavior that's negatively impacting the team.

Speaker 1 But the more we avoid these conversations, the more the underlying issues fester and erode trust and effectiveness.

Speaker 1 Courageous conversations require us to face our own fears and discomfort and prioritize the greater good of the team or organization.

Speaker 1 They demand that we get crystal clear on our intentions and desires, outcomes, that we approach the conversation with empathy, respect, and skill.

Speaker 1 Some key elements of preparing for a courageous conversation include identifying your purpose and the reason for the conversation, gathering relevant facts and data to support your perspective, considering the other person's potential reactions and concerns, practicing the conversation with a trusted colleague or mentor, choosing an appropriate time and place to free distractions, and centering yourself emotionally before the conversation.

Speaker 1 During this conversation, it's important to use many of the skills we've already discussed.

Speaker 1 Active listening, separating facts from stories, expressing your feelings and needs vulnerability, and making clear requests.

Speaker 1 It's also crucial to give the other person ample opportunity to share their perspective fully. even if you disagree.

Speaker 1 The goal is not to win the conversation, but to reach a shared understanding and agree on next steps. Following up after,

Speaker 1 got to give me some water, y'all, because I'm teaching, teaching.

Speaker 1 If y'all feel like I'm teaching, teaching, y'all need to rate this podcast right now and share this out to somebody that struggles with conflict resolution and communication.

Speaker 1 We got to reflect on the things that we've learned, y'all. We got to continue to invest in the relationship proactively and looking for opportunities to celebrate progress.

Speaker 1 You cannot circumvent or shortcut real relationship building. You can't.
It takes time, investment.

Speaker 1 A leader I coached was struggling with how to give feedback to a high-performing team member who consistently arrived late to meetings and held up discussions. I mean, decisions.

Speaker 1 The leader was concerned about damaging the

Speaker 1 relationship or losing the employee altogether. By working through the courageous conversation process, the leader gained clarity and confidence to address the issue directly and compassionately.

Speaker 1 In the conversation, the leader shared his observation of the pattern of lateness, expressed his concern for the impact of the team's efficiency and morale, and asked the team member whose support he needed to arrive on time consistently.

Speaker 1 The team member shared some personal challenges that he was facing and how it was affecting his punctuality and expressed appreciation for the leader understanding.

Speaker 1 Together they brainstormed some solutions, agreed to check in regularly on the progress.

Speaker 1 But by leaning into this discomfort with care and skill, the leader was able to strengthen their relationship and connect them even more.

Speaker 1 So him arriving late had nothing to do with his work ethic. It's some personal things going on in his life that the person couldn't avoid.

Speaker 1 So just imagine if you assume that they got lazy or they're not doing what they're supposed to do. Imagine that.
Imagine me being free, trusting you totally.

Speaker 1 As a leader,

Speaker 1 your willingness to have courageous conversations is a powerful signal of your commitment. And a lot of people, some leaders aren't scared to have courageous conversations.
They're just assholes.

Speaker 1 And they like to be an asshole. And those leaders have short runs.
It doesn't work.

Speaker 1 Being an A-hole only works

Speaker 1 when you have desperate people that need to work with you. So being an A-hole, you'll never have the best people on your team.
Never.

Speaker 1 Not long term. So the quality of keeping that won't be long term.
See, you know, you got a team

Speaker 1 when they're willing to do the work. and show up because they don't want to make you look bad.

Speaker 1 You know, you're a great leader when your team is stepping up for you and going above and beyond because they just want the best for you. They want to make you look like a star.

Speaker 1 So what happens is once you learn how to communicate, your job as a leader is to create stars. Your job as a leader is to create leaders.
It's their job to make you a star.

Speaker 1 You don't make yourself a star. The people make you a star.
Think about artists. The moment actors, artists, athletes get too cocky and forget it's the people that make you a star.

Speaker 1 The people find somebody else and that person is out the way.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 unfortunately, I have to state the obvious for effective communication reasons with you.

Speaker 1 Having effective communication and conflict resolution skills does not mean that you'll get it right every time, because I dang sure don't.

Speaker 1 There will be moments where your emotions get the best of you. When a conversation catches you off guard, or when despite your best efforts, a conflict escalates.

Speaker 1 The key is to extend grace to yourself and others, to apologize and course correct when needed, and to keep strengthening your skills with each new challenge. That's it.

Speaker 1 Because every challenge is different.

Speaker 1 So, so if I feel like I've gotten to the place of mastery of communication, I'm never going to look at every conversation isolated in a chance for me to get better.

Speaker 1 I'm going to think, oh, I'm just great at communication. Come on, let's work with it.
That's not how it works. You don't always get it right.
Sometimes I come in a little bit,

Speaker 1 eh.

Speaker 1 But while I'm in the conversation, I even will pause and say, you know what? I apologize for how I came in because I came in hot, didn't I? They'll say, yes, Dr. J, for real.
You did come in hot.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Here's what's going on with me. This is why I came in hot.
So it had nothing to do with you. This is what's going on with me.
Oh, okay, Dr. J, I didn't realize that.

Speaker 1 Oh, when I did that, I thought you, but you really,

Speaker 1 I be forgetting, Dr. J, you got a family and you got all this stuff to, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, absolutely. This is

Speaker 1 the thing

Speaker 1 that we got to get better at. As a leader, your communication and conflict resolution abilities is not a nice to have.
It is a must-have to build trust, alignment, and results for your team.

Speaker 1 They are the foundation from all the other people-first leadership skills we've explored on this podcast thus far. From building relationships to creating

Speaker 1 psychological safety to developing and empowering your people. In many ways, they are to make or break factor.
They are the make and break factor of your leadership effectiveness and impact.

Speaker 1 So, my challenge to you is this: choose one communication or conflict resolution skill to focus on.

Speaker 1 Develop that over the next couple of weeks. Don't try to do it all at once.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's practicing active listening and your one-on-ones, one-on-ones, preparing for courageous conversations you've been avoiding.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's introducing the MVC framework to your team or reflecting your own ladder of interference in a challenging situation.

Speaker 1 Whatever you choose, commit to showing up with intention and focus and enlist others' support and feedback to keep you accountable. And as always,

Speaker 1 remember that developing these skills is a part of a journey, not a destination. It requires ongoing self-awareness, ongoing humility, ongoing practice.

Speaker 1 But with each conversation and each conflict, you have an opportunity to deepen your impact and strengthening your relationships. You have an opportunity to model

Speaker 1 the kind of authentic, skillful communication that our world so desperately needs.

Speaker 1 You have the ability and opportunity to create a ripple effect of understanding, connection, and collaboration that extends far beyond your team. So keep showing up.
Keep learning.

Speaker 1 Keep leading with courage and heart together. Your people in your organization needs you to keep going, growing, and honing these vital skills.

Speaker 1 And if you ever feel stuck, just remember you're not alone. You have this community.
You got the bread to lead community.

Speaker 1 Got fellow people that are people first leaders who are cheering you on to help you navigate these same challenges.

Speaker 1 You can always reach out to me on LinkedIn and ask a question of something that you're dealing with with leadership or as a leader. And in this podcast, I will answer it.

Speaker 1 I will protect your identity to protect your positions, but I will answer it and help you navigate. And as I end this episode, I want to take a moment to express my deep gratitude for you.

Speaker 1 and your commitment to this leadership journey.

Speaker 1 The fact that you're tuning into this podcast and engaging with these ideas tell me that you're the kind of leader who is hungry to learn, grow, and make a real difference.

Speaker 1 And that gives me so much hope and inspiration for the future of our organizations and our world.

Speaker 1 If you found this episode valuable, please share it with a friend, a colleague who could benefit. And be sure to subscribe to the show.
so you never miss an episode.

Speaker 1 I'm always eager to hear your feedback, your questions, your stories on how you're applying these skills in your own leadership. So don't hesitate to reach out and continue the conversation.

Speaker 1 In the meantime, keep leading with empathy, authenticity, and a fierce commitment to your people. Keep honing your communication and conflict resolution skills with every interaction.

Speaker 1 And know that with each single step, you're making a mighty difference in the world. Until next time, you know that I always say, I love you, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

Speaker 1 Peace.