Janelle Monáe: We Should Thank Our Exes (FBF)

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Speaker 1 What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.

Speaker 1 Janelle Monet, welcome to Call Her Daddy.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1 I'm, first of all, I'm just so excited to meet you. I'm a huge fan of all your work.
I was listening to your music on my way here, and I'm like, okay, you are giving sexual, sensual, fun party vibes.

Speaker 1 It gives all the vibes. Your album is amazing.
I'm so happy to have you here.

Speaker 2 Oh, thank you so much for having me. Of course.

Speaker 2 I'm a big fan of your show. Thank you.
Of your experience, rather. So I was really happy when I found out we were going to do this.
So thank you.

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Okay, tell me how your summer is going. You were on vacation.
Where were you?

Speaker 1 Let us pretend we were there with you.

Speaker 2 Oh, please. I'm like, can we all just go on vacation for the whole summer? Come on, everybody.
Everybody, let's do this. Let's all agree that summers are for vacations.

Speaker 2 Paid for by the government.

Speaker 1 I love this energy.

Speaker 2 Paid for by the government.

Speaker 1 Let's, we're going to like manifest it here now because it's like when you were younger, I feel like summers were always vacation because off of school.

Speaker 1 But when you become an adult, nothing is fun anymore. We're like, we need to go on vacation.
Okay, so where were you?

Speaker 2 Okay, so I was in Abiza. Abiza.

Speaker 2 abiza spain okay um and then i stayed there for probably like five or six days which was like an experience like it is a party place so we did not go to sleep i went with like 10 of my other friends and we didn't go to sleep till like seven in the morning every morning i can't even say night right but it was so fun it was that ooh ooh

Speaker 2 ooh that ooch ooch music I kind of like ooch ooch but I need like some hip-hop some something mixed in with it but but it was so fun the sunsets are beautiful and then the second portion of the vacay was jamaica i've never been ocho rios beautiful people the food the chicken patties the beef patties the shrimp curry oh the plantains i had at least 152 plantains

Speaker 2 What? One by one. Oh.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just was saying that. I'm like, ooh, I feel like I'm there with you.

Speaker 2 Oh, it was like, it was heaven. So I will say I'm sort of mentally still there.
It's okay.

Speaker 1 We can keep it chill. We're on vacation.
This is summer. Like, we're just going to relax today, okay? Let's relax.

Speaker 2 And it's so interesting that you say, like, as kids growing up, it just reminded me, like, I didn't take vacations as a kid. Okay.
I think that's why I'm so adamant about it now. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I didn't, you know, my parents worked a lot and we didn't get the opportunity to go outside of Kansas.

Speaker 2 So I didn't take my first vacation until really my first album came out.

Speaker 1 And now you're like, I deserve this.

Speaker 2 I'm making up for lost time.

Speaker 1 As you should, that's phenomenal. I feel like when I go on trips with my friends, there's someone in the friend group that's like the planner, that's like the reservations and the itinerary person.

Speaker 1 And then there's people that are more like chill and just going with the flow. Who are you in the friend group?

Speaker 2 Oh my God. I'm the one actually sending out the group texts.
Like

Speaker 2 dinner, I could be at the club. It could be four in the morning.
I'm like, lunch is going to be served at 2 p.m.

Speaker 2 Breakfast for anybody between 9 and noon.

Speaker 2 Dinner is going to be at 8. Like I love

Speaker 2 making the itineraries. I'm that friend.

Speaker 1 You're the dream though.

Speaker 2 I'm, I'm, yeah. And people are like, Janelle, why are you doing? And I just, I don't know.
I just love curating experiences. Yeah.
I grew up actually

Speaker 2 throwing parties with my best friends, middle school, sixth grade, seventh grade.

Speaker 2 We would rent out this location in one of our friends' neighborhoods, this little white building, and we would charge people a dollar to get in.

Speaker 2 And I would hide in the bathroom because I didn't know. who was going to come.
I had so much anxiety around it.

Speaker 2 And then once it would get packed, my friends would come underneath the stall because I locked myself in the bathroom. They'd be like, it's packed.
Come out. Come out, bitch.

Speaker 2 Get out, get out, get out. And so I've just always loved curating experiences for people.

Speaker 1 I mean, I think that's a great trait and quality to have.

Speaker 1 Like, I feel like that makes a lot of sense of like what I wanted to talk to you about today is obviously your new album, The Age of Pleasure, is out.

Speaker 1 And I was, while I was listening to it, I'm like, you have such a specific, great vibe that's like very infectious, which I love. And I'm curious, like.
Are you currently in your age of pleasure?

Speaker 1 Have you always been? Like, and what is age of pleasure to you?

Speaker 2 Ooh, that's a great question.

Speaker 2 I wasn't always always in my age of pleasure. I've been in an age of fear, age of anxiety, age of

Speaker 2 just

Speaker 2 worry,

Speaker 2 a fight,

Speaker 2 you know, fighting back against systems that seek to oppress folks like myself and the people that I love and centering that.

Speaker 2 And with this album, which I actually don't even call an album, I say that it is a soundtrack to a lifestyle. It's a lifestyle.
You know, we live this.

Speaker 2 I wrote

Speaker 2 this project for my friends and for me. And I was just like, if we fuck with it,

Speaker 2 that's all I care about. So I would throw parties at my house with my friends who own this party collective called Everyday People.

Speaker 2 And if I knew we were going to be having and hosting them on a Saturday, that Monday or Tuesday, we would go into the studio and we would write like two to three songs that would work in the DJ's playlist.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't tell anybody it was me. I would not like make a big thing about it.

Speaker 2 And I would be very nervous, like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Are people going to sit down? Because if people sat down, it was not going to go on the album.

Speaker 2 If people were not Shazaming, it wasn't going on the album. And so every song that you hear.
All of my friends, all of the people who were with us celebrating in this safe space,

Speaker 2 they

Speaker 2 are responsible for the songs making the album.

Speaker 1 That takes a lot of confidence, but also just like self-awareness to be like, I'm gonna play my friends my songs. They're gonna have no fucking idea it's me.
And watch, let's see if they vibe with it.

Speaker 1 So, like, every single, because I was thinking, I, when I was listening to champagne shit, I was like, okay, like, this is a vibe.

Speaker 1 Like, I would listen to this, like, getting ready with my friends, like, getting ready to go out. Like, but then I'm, oh, I'm wondering, like, so you're sitting there being like, do they like it?

Speaker 1 it do they like it and then you're like check and that's going on the soundtrack yep I'm like how do people move okay

Speaker 2 what are I saw some people shazamming and then some people be like wait is this but I never would confirm I would go hide and be like you know having somebody else tell me what's going on

Speaker 2 but yeah like it's it's as an artist presenting anything before the world gets it like for that first time I talked to a lot of my artist friends and we're all like, it is one of the most like scary things ever, scary feelings to have because it comes from such a pure place when we create and for it not to be accepted you don't know you you know you you take it but for me I got I was like I'm ready I'm okay I had to heal some shit you know because because some of that is attached to to just rejection issues abandonment issues like people don't like my stuff that could go down to the root of an issue that you just need to fix and I definitely used

Speaker 2 a portion of this pandemic to to sort of work on that and to get to my own traumas that I had to heal and to get to a place where I was like, wait, I've been really centering fighting so much that I don't even know what my life is like outside of that.

Speaker 1 Who am I?

Speaker 2 You know, I taught, I, I, like, who am I outside of the fight?

Speaker 2 You know, who am I? And so I had to sit with myself and ask myself.

Speaker 1 And, you know, when I think about the word pleasure, there is no pleasure without feeling safe yeah I didn't always feel safe that's so I appreciate you sharing that because I one can relate in terms of like putting something creatively out there and being extremely nervous to see obviously like are people gonna like it on top of that obviously you infusing parts of you with your sexuality and race and growing up and your experiences like that's like a really vulnerable moment to be infusing something into a work of art and then, like, fingers crossed, hoping people like it.

Speaker 1 You kind of have to slowly be really good with yourself to be able to know, like, sure, I can like perfect my craft a little bit more, but down to the core, like, if people don't like it, I'm still gonna be okay with myself.

Speaker 1 And that must take time, though.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 2 It does. It takes a lot of unlearning.
Yeah. It takes a lot of

Speaker 2 fucking with yourself,

Speaker 2 you know, and

Speaker 2 like, I have to say, like,

Speaker 2 you have to be like i fuck with me you know yeah okay somebody doesn't like a song that i made but that doesn't make me a bad songwriter yeah that doesn't make me a bad artist that doesn't mean that i should just throw away my whole career you know

Speaker 2 and you have to just understand that sometimes we're not always in the same space

Speaker 2 that we can take in yeah you know take in the message or the energy that an artist is trying to put out and um there's nothing wrong with that. It's just like, okay, this didn't resonate with you.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 But I don't give you that power over me. You're not more powerful.

Speaker 2 Your thoughts about my art are not more powerful than my thoughts about my art.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's so real what you're saying too, because even when I was listening to you say like, I was fighting for so much of my life, like, and when am I going to get out of this stage?

Speaker 1 That's also the beauty of art is like it will come to it when you're ready. Like your music would have sounded so different in your fighting stages versus now when you're like, I fucking love myself.

Speaker 1 I'm more clear on who I am. I'm more secure in certain things that were like eating me alive maybe when I was younger and going through it.

Speaker 1 And you can tell like this album, I like, it makes you smile. It makes you feel yourself.
It makes you just like want to live. And I don't know if that sounds corny, but like

Speaker 1 it's facts. No, it's really beautiful.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 It's really, really sharing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Every moment of your soundtrack felt very thoughtful and put together.
And it is a story. So I just, I'm a creative person.
So I just thought, you know, I really respect you, and it's great.

Speaker 2 Thank you. You know, I wanted to focus on feeling too.
You know, I think feeling is what music gives us. It makes us feel, it makes us want to dance.
It makes us want to party.

Speaker 2 It makes us want to cry. It makes us want to feel ourselves and feel sexy, have sex, all those things.
It's such a powerful energy. And

Speaker 2 the fact that it's a feeling that I had that I felt like man this is this makes me feel good knowing that that makes you feel and we are just meeting each other that's such I think that's such a beautiful exchange so thank you so much of course it's interesting you kind of mentioned this earlier and I want to talk about it I know you've talked about going to therapy and working on yourself and I know you're at a great place in your life and you know the age of pleasure but let's go back a little bit

Speaker 1 what is the biggest part of yourself you had to heal in order to be who you are sitting here today?

Speaker 2 Whew. Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 You know, one of the things that I had to do

Speaker 2 was,

Speaker 2 again, deal with my rejection and abandonment sort of trauma.

Speaker 2 Where did that start from? You know, my dad and I,

Speaker 2 who we're like this now, we're super close, but my dad struggled with addiction growing up. And so he was in and out of my life.

Speaker 2 And so there were just times where I didn't know if he was really going to come and pick me up.

Speaker 2 You know, I just, the trust wasn't there. I felt let down.
There were, you know, moments

Speaker 2 that, that, that happened all the way up into, you know, high school and other things that happened.

Speaker 2 So I had to go back to those times that were painful, that those times that I just had to forgive my dad. I was like, I have to forgive you.
You were struggling with drug addiction.

Speaker 2 You were not the best version of yourself. And now that you are, we get to make up for that.
We get to make up for that time. And as I healed that and I talked to him about it, a lot changed for me.

Speaker 2 As I forgave him, I forgave my own self for spending so many years, you know,

Speaker 2 in that dark space and connecting that to my art. You know, if

Speaker 2 I thought that I had done something wrong, you know, why wasn't he showing up for me?

Speaker 2 And so when you go and you in the back of your head are thinking that you're doing something wrong, that your own dad isn't around, if in your art you feel like people are not liking what it is that you're doing or they're judging you or whatever, it's so all, it's intertwined.

Speaker 2 You know, the feeling of like them leaving you, like your dad left you. You never want to feel that.

Speaker 2 And so I had to get to a place where I was, I understood what that was and I had to let go, and I had to be okay with knowing that there's nothing wrong with me if

Speaker 2 folks don't want to come to my party. You know, even me hiding in the bathroom,

Speaker 2 they didn't want to come to my party. Okay, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with me.
My dad, it wasn't nothing wrong with me while my dad wasn't around. He was struggling, he was battling.

Speaker 2 And people are battling so many things. People are into different things that perhaps what you're doing doesn't necessarily align with it.
Or they just plain plain might not like it. And that's okay.

Speaker 2 But do you like you?

Speaker 1 I think it's so interesting when you start to connect to your childhood and how your parents raised you, and you know, what trauma did you go through

Speaker 1 when you don't deal with it?

Speaker 1 There's just like this anger in you, or there's this like resentment, and there's just a part of you, even if you don't want to label it that, like, there's just something in you that you feel like you haven't resolved.

Speaker 1 And a lot of times, we don't have the perspective of kids of like, oh, like this wasn't intentional that my dad was doing this to like neglect me and make me feel abandoned, but it happened.

Speaker 1 And so two things can be true, right? Like he wasn't trying to like inflict pain on you. He was going through something, but it affected you.

Speaker 1 And until you go through all of that, it's going to influence the way that you move in life.

Speaker 2 That you see life.

Speaker 1 But even you saying it's interesting, like it affected your art. I'm interested to know how did it affect your personal relationships with this theme of abandonment within you.

Speaker 2 It affected them for sure. Yeah, it was just like trust issues.

Speaker 2 You know, breakups were intense. Yep.
Because it just mirrored that. But now, like, there were moments where, you know, I was dating someone and, you know, we broke up, and

Speaker 2 I just was like, I will never talk to this person again. The way they made me feel, I will never talk to them again.

Speaker 2 And after I started to go go through therapy, and I have an emotional support coach that I talk to,

Speaker 2 after which, by the way, therapy, like we're

Speaker 2 benefiting from therapy. I just really wish that it was free for every person around the world.

Speaker 2 I really, really, really do wish that there was a fund that everybody could access to where they could have therapy, they could have somebody to talk to and work through.

Speaker 2 I do believe that we will be in a much better shape as a community, as a nation, as a world.

Speaker 2 So I just wanted to say that because I feel like, damn, I wish everybody could go, could experience these things.

Speaker 2 So I was like, I will never talk to this person again. And after I went through, you know,

Speaker 2 understanding and getting to the root of like my, my rejection, abandonment, trauma,

Speaker 2 you know what I did?

Speaker 2 I thanked the person.

Speaker 2 who I was in a relationship with and it did not work out for us. I thanked them.
I said, you know what? what?

Speaker 2 And my emotional support coach said that I was going to do that. It's like, you are going to thank this person because you know what this person did for you? They

Speaker 2 forced you to deal with something that you were not going to deal with.

Speaker 2 They

Speaker 2 pushed you to go back to the root of the problem. You were not going to do it.
You were moving. You were too busy moving.
You didn't have time.

Speaker 2 But that relationship, the ending of that specific relationship forced that and i literally called that person and i thanked them i said thank you so much you have no idea like i was really walking around here hurt and you forced me to like

Speaker 2 you know and so they started sharing things with me they were just like i just wasn't ready i was confused myself i did not trust it was going so well for for us i'm so used to chaos that i didn't I felt like this was not going to end how I wanted it to end.

Speaker 2 I'm also dealing with rejection issues. So we just kind of healed through each other.

Speaker 2 And that and it helped me in my other relationships. I was like,

Speaker 2 here are the things that I was doing because of my trauma. When I'm free from that trauma, I'm like a really, really, really

Speaker 2 like beautiful partner to have. And it just helped me to understand how I want to show up for my future partners.

Speaker 1 Isn't that so interesting when you meet people in life that obviously, again, like you needed to work on yourself to be able to have that hindsight and be like, wait, that was so helpful.

Speaker 1 But, like, most of the time

Speaker 1 in life, in romantic partnerships, I feel like specifically, like you can get so hurt by them, but that's not your family.

Speaker 1 So, you're like, I can walk away, but you're always going to learn something so incredible.

Speaker 1 And if you can get past that hurt initially, we really should be thanking all of our exes because it's like, even if you cheated on me, like I have partners in the past that I had so much resentment and anger.

Speaker 1 And I look back and I'm like, there's so much I learned about myself and my resilience and my worth.

Speaker 1 And it's like, had that not happened, of course, there's moments in life where like, I wish no harm on anyone, but like certain themes that you can take, find the good part of it rather than feeling so negative and angry because Becca gets us nowhere.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So it's interesting to hear you talk about like how you connected with that person. Yeah.
At first being like, I'll never talk to you again. And then you're like, wait a second, thank you.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Like fucking thank you.

Speaker 2 And I will say though i mean i know it's like sometimes with exes because i also had an ex that was just like man i wish i really had this new version of you like when we were dating i wish that i was around that was the person you showed me and i was just like yeah i i agree but listen

Speaker 2 what do you want me to say like i wasn't i wasn't ready i was growing i needed to grow and you know um i'm sorry you know true and you know it's interesting that i've had I remember an ex I had kind of similar to that, but you also wonder, like,

Speaker 1 but if I was this new version of myself, we probably wouldn't have been together. Because you were attracted to me then.
We ended up for some reason.

Speaker 2 Right. Because we were both toxic as hell.

Speaker 2 As hell. Right.
We both were toxic. And

Speaker 1 so, like, you can wish.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it wouldn't.

Speaker 2 I would definitely would not. This new version would have not dated.
Right. You know, that, that, that, that person.
I love you. Yes.

Speaker 1 I i love you but there's just no way that i could put myself back uh into that sort of like chaos chaos yeah yeah and it's like again it's like you're both growing so for him to be even able to see your growth yeah phenomenal love it amazing but we probably needed to go on our own ways to actually get whole and good and feel healthy within ourselves and maybe that's just not the right fit but at the time it was yeah and so we can appreciate each other's growth but we're not gonna grow together

Speaker 2 we we we grew together And that's a beautiful thing. I always want the best for people.
Like, even if we're not together, as a human, that also helped contextualize breakups.

Speaker 2 It's like, even though we're not together, I don't want anything negative to happen to you. I don't want you to, I don't want anything bad to happen to you.
As a human, I want the best for you.

Speaker 2 And if that means that it's not with me at that time or at that season, then so be it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. If someone's listening to this and is like, wow, I really relate to you.

Speaker 1 Maybe they had someone in their life that didn't show up for them and was constantly you know neglecting to be there and show up

Speaker 1 what did

Speaker 1 actually working through

Speaker 1 that childhood trauma like look like for you because i can see some people like janelle how do i even begin to like repair this like where do i start

Speaker 2 oh

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 I mean, like I said, I just wish everybody could afford therapy.

Speaker 2 So, if, but if you can, try to get you a good therapist that you can just talk freely to that can help you like and don't lie to them you know don't lie be transparent tell the truth have make sure that they they're pushing you um

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 you need to not be afraid to do the work. It's going to be painful.
It's going to be a lot of tears, a lot of crying, a lot of just like confusion. But just know that you're growing.

Speaker 2 You know better, right? You're knowing you're understanding you a lot more. And sometimes that that feels confusing to your body, to your cells, because you're literally being like

Speaker 2 rerouted, like the way that your mind

Speaker 2 is

Speaker 2 is being rewired.

Speaker 2 So it's going to feel uncomfortable, but just stay the course because I promise you that if you do the work, there is going to be, you're going to be like, I never thought I would see the day.

Speaker 2 I literally never thought that i would be this person it's like i planned i sort of planned it out but to live it out and to be living what i've dreamt about doing and and the freedom in which i move because it's not that like you're not going to deal with issues and problems and things like that but the way that i'm so solid with myself now i didn't know

Speaker 2 you know i i i i was free but but there are levels to it yeah they're levels to it so just stay the course and you'll reach the next level.

Speaker 1 I love that advice because even hearing you talk, it's like

Speaker 1 we all reach a point in life when we haven't dealt with our shit where it just starts coming up more and more. Relationships are failing.
Friendships are having issues. There's things at work.

Speaker 1 Like it just starts to creep up. Yeah.
And those are usually the moments where, in a good way, like you cannot deny you need to address it. And I love that you said it's so fucking uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But you got to do the work because then you won't be uncomfortable. But you're going against something that you literally have been living this way your whole life.
Yes.

Speaker 1 So you're going like against the grain.

Speaker 2 You're going against yourself. Your future self is fighting your past version, old version of yourself.
Damn. It's like looper.

Speaker 2 In a sense, but different. Right, right.
Anyway.

Speaker 1 You mentioned now that you have a good relationship with your father.

Speaker 1 And I can imagine there are people really relating to you today also of like, how did you know it was time for that you were going to be able to forgive and have an actual relationship with your dad

Speaker 2 i wanted it you got to want it too sometimes you're just like

Speaker 2 i don't really want a relationship just because you birthed or helped bring me into this world like as a person you can be like i don't really want this and that's totally fine i think i wanted it because my dad is cool like my dad also had a music career but drugs got in the way of that and so me and him can talk music he understands like all my favorite artists are his favorite artists.

Speaker 2 When I put out Lipstick Lover, all of the art that I'm doing, my dad supports it. Like he's like, I want you to know as your dad, I think what you're doing is brave, is sick as fuck.
I love you.

Speaker 2 I want you to know I got your back. Like as a black man

Speaker 2 living in this country, I'm supporting you, my queer, non-binary,

Speaker 2 you know, artistic daughter.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm here for you.

Speaker 2 And I knew he always had that sort of, that's sort of where I get. Both my parents are like

Speaker 2 shows. Like, they could each have their own TV show.
And people, they would not care about me.

Speaker 2 They'd be like, Your mom and your dad, like, you know, they're not together because they're very much so alike in many ways.

Speaker 2 You know, they're super like flamboyant and their personalities can take up a room.

Speaker 2 But good, sweet people.

Speaker 2 So, with my dad, I always knew that like when it was time to take risks, that was going to be the person that was going to affirm me.

Speaker 2 And I wanted that and I needed that. And also for him, I wanted to give him another opportunity post, like being sober to know me, you know, to know me.

Speaker 2 I think that

Speaker 2 for both of us, we needed that. Like I needed to have the support.
of of of my dad

Speaker 2 and I felt like for him to have been because he had also gone to prison So he had been locked away for years. And I was like,

Speaker 2 I want him to come out

Speaker 2 sober

Speaker 2 and to know what it's like to receive love from me.

Speaker 2 Was that? Not guilt.

Speaker 1 How old were you when your dad went to prison?

Speaker 2 I'm timeless.

Speaker 1 So yeah, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 I was alive at some point.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 No, but I was, this was on and off, you know, middle school, elementary school, high school. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, always. You're so successful in so many different areas.
Like, you're an author, you're an actor, you're a singer. It's insane how talented you are.

Speaker 1 And I'm thinking, again, it's always like, we never know what someone goes through. Like, you rising to fame, having your father, you know, having these struggles.
Like,

Speaker 1 were you ever just, was he still struggling when you first came up and started to get famous?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Well, no, he was, that's when he sort of got, got clean. So that was great.
That was good. I needed that right at that time.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh. Because I was going to say, like, damn, like, everyone probably seen you in the tabloids and everything, like, having all this success.
And yet

Speaker 1 you want to repair a relationship with your father because there's nothing, everyone can relate. When you do something so good at work or in school, or you want to call your parents.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you, because you know, there's no one that's going to be more proud of you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so I appreciate you sharing that that a little bit because it's like, yes, you have all this success, and but family.

Speaker 1 And again, when I say family, I always make sure to clarify: like, I don't care if they're blood, like, you don't have to be with people that abuse you or whatever, whatever you consider who your family is to be able to repair relationships if you want it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it is kind of beautiful because you get to share your life with people that love you and support you, and there's no jealousy.

Speaker 1 It's just like we fucking love you, like, your mom outside the town shows me, yeah,

Speaker 2 like moms,

Speaker 1 No, it's really cute.

Speaker 1 Support for Caller Daddy comes from Google Pixel. Okay, so I recently had one of those Sundays where I convinced myself it was a great idea to reorganize my entire closet.

Speaker 1 And of course, halfway through, I found myself sitting on the floor surrounded by clothes, completely overwhelmed.

Speaker 1 So I pulled out my Google Pixel 10 Pro because it comes with Gemini built in on the phone. I launched my camera using Gemini Live, showed it my crazy closet, and I asked for help.

Speaker 1 And immediately it hit me up with all sorts of pro organizing tips like what to hang, how to fold stuff, and even helped me decide which items to donate and where to drop them off.

Speaker 1 It was a lifesaver, ladies, okay? But while I was neck deep in hoodies, I totally lost track of time until I got a text from Matt saying, hey, what is the address for dinner tonight?

Speaker 1 Fortunately, the Google Pixel has this feature called Magic Q that just pulls up the info you need without you having to dig through old emails and stuff.

Speaker 1 It popped the address right into my text for me and tap, it was sent. Daddy gang, we could all use a little help making Sundays less scary.

Speaker 1 So get outside of your comfort phone and try the Google Pixel 10 Pro. Check it out at googlestore.com.
These AI features are for users 18 plus. Check responses, availability, and results vary.

Speaker 1 Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Aura Frames. Okay, so Matt and I recently got this for Matt's grandmother, who is 102 years old.
We are constantly on the go. We're traveling.

Speaker 1 We're doing all these things.

Speaker 1 And we always feel so guilty in the past that we weren't able to show her all of these pictures unless we went over it, we got them all organized in our photos, and it just became too much.

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Speaker 1 And what we now love about it is we can upload to Aura Frame, and Matt's grandmother can now look at all of the pictures in live time.

Speaker 1 If we are on a vacation or we're on a work trip, she can sit there in her chair and all of the photos just slide through and she gets to watch our life, even if she doesn't get to come with us.

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Speaker 1 You are very private about your dating life. Yeah.

Speaker 1 How have you decided to make that decision in this crazy Hollywood world that we live in?

Speaker 2 I just did. I was like, hmm.
Just watching, observing. I was like, you know, the people that actually are more private seem more happy to me.

Speaker 2 They just seemed more happy, you know, because it's like, you don't have to worry about, you know,

Speaker 2 anybody seeing your partner over here and being like, oh, they're not,

Speaker 2 they assume that if you're not with them and they're seeing with somebody else, that you broke up. And now you got to go answer that question.
You have to go do that.

Speaker 2 And perhaps maybe later on in life, I'll open up a little more. But for now, I love having, I love protection, and it really is for the protection of

Speaker 2 them.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't want them to, you know, because I can handle sort sort of like paparazzi or whatever. It's annoying sometimes.
Sometimes it's fun. I love messing with them, whatever.

Speaker 2 But I never want anybody that I'm dating to ever feel pressure because they didn't ask for it. You know, they didn't ask for it.

Speaker 2 So I just like to keep peace and harmony and no expectation from the public to gnar every move.

Speaker 1 I think that's really healthy.

Speaker 1 And I think in a weird way, I do always talk about on my show now, like I feel like people now more than ever can kind of relate to a lack of privacy, even if you have 500 followers.

Speaker 1 Like we have accessibility now to post as much as we want.

Speaker 1 And I think there are people that feel societal pressure to like post my partner with me because it's like there's almost like social currency that comes with like being this it couple and having whether you're in college or high school like this is everywhere now where people are feeling pressured to prove something on the internet.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And when you can actually step back from it, I'm not saying don't post on the internet, but like try to find a balance within yourself of like, why are you actually doing this?

Speaker 1 Why are you doing certain things? Is it just to get the photo to prove something to people?

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 1 It's just, it's not as healthy.

Speaker 1 Like, you know, like live some type of privacy is really good for yourself because then you can also be with yourself of like, do I like this person or do I like how I'm doing this?

Speaker 1 Or do I even want to do this? Right. You kind of have to like make sure you're not just doing it for the gram.

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, seriously.
I think because it's the norm to people to be like, well, you must post your kids and who you're dating. And, you know, it's sort of like that's the norm these days.

Speaker 2 Definitely, I don't feel like anybody should feel pressure. And I think that if you are in a relationship where they're like, if you don't post me, we're done.

Speaker 2 I've had like people, we were just talking about this when we were on vacay, and there was a question, like,

Speaker 2 would you be upset if your partner did not post you on social media,

Speaker 2 and there were a lot of mixed questions, I mean, answers, but I was just like, we have to talk about that first and foremost. And if we agree that we want to keep things private, then no.

Speaker 2 But also, like, if my love is defined by a post,

Speaker 2 you don't post me enough on social media, like, I really need to understand

Speaker 2 my own damn like

Speaker 2 priorities in life. Is that really

Speaker 2 necessary necessary for me? So I just think it's like for me, it's not.

Speaker 2 I do think people should have conversations around it prior so that there are no expectations.

Speaker 2 And, you know, because it could hurt somebody's feeling too, though, if they feel like you're trying to hide them.

Speaker 2 But that's deeper. That's like y'all need to really literally.
Y'all need to really work through some things. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, that's true. Because I'm thinking about it.
Like, I feel like there are some people that also now, because social media has been like very,

Speaker 1 you know, prevalent for the past, I guess, like 10 something years.

Speaker 1 People may have been in relationships where someone was extremely adamant about posting them and they almost found like, when we're good, he posts me. When we're not, he doesn't post me.

Speaker 1 So when you go to your next relationship, I bet there are some people that have like lingering feelings about like, well, why aren't you posting me?

Speaker 1 And someone could literally be like, because I don't think we need to. I love you.
We're sitting here together. Like, isn't this better than us taking a selfie?

Speaker 1 So also check in with yourself of like, are you comparing yourself to your friends or your past relationships? Get on the same page as your current partner. Yes, they may not be being shady at all.

Speaker 1 They're actually like, No, I fucking love you, and I don't feel like we need to do that.

Speaker 2 And I want, or I want to protect you from,

Speaker 2 you know, all of the scrutiny or the, you know, just things like that online world, it's its own matrix. And

Speaker 2 you know, it's tough.

Speaker 1 It's wild. What are you like in a relationship?

Speaker 2 Are you romantic?

Speaker 1 Are you dominant? Like, what's the vibe over there?

Speaker 2 Um, that was also, we played this game called, oh god, I'm gonna, uh,

Speaker 2 I gotta get the, get the name of it. Actually, it's a uh, a black guy who made the game, card game.
So it's not a lot of us in that space. So, I really, really have to get the name of it.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 It's the anyway. One of the cards.

Speaker 1 I can link it in the description when you, if you have your team send it, I'll be like, you're so sweet. I got it.

Speaker 2 I got it. Of course.
Okay, but the one of the questions was, like, what would your ex

Speaker 2 say about you?

Speaker 2 And we were just like, everybody was like, oh, wow, that's a good one.

Speaker 2 I feel like now

Speaker 2 I am,

Speaker 2 let me think. I mean, because, you know, it's like, and so the question, when the question made me be like, well, this is what I think about myself.
But what if that isn't what they thought about me?

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 Like, okay, of course I'm going to say glowing reviews about me, you know, or maybe like a couple couple things that I need to work on, but you know, it could have been some other things.

Speaker 2 So, for me, if I was being honest in a relationship, I mean, I think I used to be a very like hard to know if I really loved them, sort of person.

Speaker 2 Like, it was hard to get to my heart because I had just been hurt and I hadn't really, again, dealt with sort of that trauma or of someone, what it would feel like of somebody leaving me.

Speaker 2 I never wanted anybody to leave

Speaker 2 me. And if they did, I didn't want them to ever feel like

Speaker 2 I really loved you. You know, because like if I really told you that I really loved you and we still didn't work, then like, wow, what a stab in the heart, right?

Speaker 2 But now having gone to this new space,

Speaker 2 I'm a big communicator. I...

Speaker 2 you know, believe in evolution, even in your partnerships. And even if you started out one way, I'm always open to us growing.

Speaker 2 And I want to make sure that as we grow individually and as, you know, together,

Speaker 2 I've also been in polyamorous relationships as well. And I, you know, know what it's like to be with multiple partners.
So it's very important that

Speaker 2 you know, we're communicating in real time about our feelings. And if things are coming up, like if one person feels like, okay,

Speaker 2 I'm having feelings of jealousy or I need some more time with both of you or, you know,

Speaker 2 how do we, you know, if we need to like work on some things,

Speaker 2 I like to know that. And I always welcome, you know, feedback.

Speaker 2 I'm that type of person. Like,

Speaker 2 I don't ever want to be in a relationship where I'm thinking we're good and we're not. Yeah.
Like you're wondering, like,

Speaker 2 just let me know. Yeah.
Because

Speaker 2 I could probably adjust. We could adjust.
Perhaps it was a misunderstanding. Or perhaps like, oh,

Speaker 2 you know, maybe you thought you knew me or you knew how, you don't know how much I love you. Yeah.
I need to be more expressive in those things. And

Speaker 2 so I think I'm averse.

Speaker 2 I love it. So I can be dominant.

Speaker 2 Sub.

Speaker 2 Like, you know, I'm non-binary as well, so I can go with the, I can go with the flow

Speaker 2 about things. I love it.
Meaning, like,

Speaker 2 I don't just consider myself to be boxed in as like this type of partner. Like, sometimes you need me to be more like water.
Okay. Okay.
I need to be more like water.

Speaker 2 You need me to be more like a rock for us. Okay.
I'll be more like a rock for us.

Speaker 1 How did you know?

Speaker 1 Was there like a conversation or did you just know the moment when you first had your first polyamorous relationship? Like, how did you know that you were comfortable with that dynamic?

Speaker 2 Well, I was already in a relationship, and the person who was attracted to me was also attracted to my partner. And so, they made it very clear, and we just made it work.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Would you continue to have those type of relationships again? Like, are you still interested in that, or has anything changed?

Speaker 2 Sure, I'm open to love.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm like,

Speaker 2 I think,

Speaker 2 you know, I love going to weddings. And, you know, there are certain traditions that I love.
And congratulations. I know you're engaged.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 So I honor love. Of course.
And I think the love comes in

Speaker 2 different variations. And that is what I love about polyamory is it just shows us like, just in the same way, like I don't have just one best friend.

Speaker 2 I have multiple best friends. And I love y'all.
You know, we love each other and we can all hang out. I don't just love one parent.

Speaker 2 I don't just love one aunt. Like, I love all of you.
And, and, um, in relationships, you know, I think when intimate relationships, partnerships, I think that if we can talk about

Speaker 2 what we need and what works for all of us, and I'll tell you, like,

Speaker 2 it takes a lot of unlearning because we're conditioned, especially in this society, that this is what a union looks like. This is what,

Speaker 2 you know, it's two people in a relationship, you know.

Speaker 2 It's like so you're fighting against, or not fighting against, but you're constantly having to unlearn

Speaker 2 the traditional way of what love looks like. And so I love to, by being my authentic self and us being our authentic selves, challenge that notion.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I love that because what is very frustrating, and I love having conversations like this on my show, because

Speaker 1 you're right. We were all raised with something that was like, this is the norm.
And it's like, I'm so happy finally. I mean, there's still so much work to be done.

Speaker 1 But like, even with sexuality and, you know, fluidity, it's just like, why? Like, it's very frustrating, I think, for people that see it so clearly. Like, let everyone do what they want to do.

Speaker 1 And then people that are still so stuck in the way that they want things to have been done for thousands of years prior, when you speak about polyamory, like I can imagine there are people that are so judgmental of even that word.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 how do you even do that? And, like, it's so small-minded.

Speaker 1 And it's also like half the people that are saying that are speaking from a place of insecurity because I've seen people do it and be like, isn't he cheating on his wife?

Speaker 1 And, like, it's like, there's so much judgment when something really frustrates someone.

Speaker 1 I always believe like there's something internally that like is getting you going because why do you care so much? Yeah. But how did you, I'm assuming at some point you have dealt with judgment.

Speaker 1 And to anyone listening, that's also maybe like going against the norm, which fuck the norm, let's just make everything normal. Yeah.
How did you deal with that?

Speaker 2 Yeah, always,

Speaker 2 always, always. People are intrigued.
People think, you know,

Speaker 2 I think all sorts of things. But I think education is important.
I mean, we have the internet. People can look things up.
And I mean, my close friends are super supportive.

Speaker 2 You know, certain family members have been like, hmm.

Speaker 2 But for the most part,

Speaker 2 my circle of people that I have around have been supportive. Even if they have questions and they wonder, like, okay, all right.
Because also people are trying to figure out, well, hmm,

Speaker 2 is that what I need or what we need? Or, because I definitely been cheating on my significant other for a very long time. But what if, after all, we just

Speaker 2 needed a third. We needed somebody else, you know, that loved us and we loved them

Speaker 2 to be a part of our union. You know, people are trying and people are scared.
I understand that too. Some people are scared to go against tradition.

Speaker 2 And, you know, some people come from conservative environments. I came from, you know, a conservative Baptist background where I was taught to fear everything.

Speaker 2 You know, even getting into the music industry, I was taught

Speaker 2 to just fear. you know, don't be like this artist or don't be like that or, you know,

Speaker 2 it's just been a lot of unlearning and and I get that and and I think I think though for me

Speaker 2 I I have to know that this is my life here on earth. I wasn't put here to

Speaker 2 To follow every rule. I was I was put here to help rewrite them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I really appreciate you talking about that because it's

Speaker 1 Just such a prevalent topic that still like is we again We have so much movement that we need to keep doing But I think having conversations like this help.

Speaker 1 I'm curious to know, like, how did you decide, obviously being a public figure, to speak openly about your sexuality?

Speaker 2 Ooh, how did I decide? It's sort of like decided for me because my art is a direct reflection of who I am.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 I have Metropolis, which is my first EP. I have a lot of independent work I put out before that.
And then I did the Arc Android, my first full-length album, Suites.

Speaker 2 Then I did The Electric Lady, Dirty Computer, and all the way now to The Age of Pleasure. And all those projects that have come out,

Speaker 2 I discovered that, I mean, I knew when I was a child that I was attracted to not just boys, but to women and to energies. I knew that.
And because of my sort of conservative Baptist

Speaker 2 upbringing, it wasn't welcomed. I suppressed my sexuality.
I suppressed my sensuality. I suppressed so much of me because I didn't feel safe.
And so once I got to a place where, okay,

Speaker 2 I know for sure, for sure,

Speaker 2 that,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 I am attracted to,

Speaker 2 you know, these energies,

Speaker 2 I, I'm going to honor that.

Speaker 2 And with each project,

Speaker 2 you can hear me and feel me getting more brave.

Speaker 2 You know, I created the android, Cindy Mayweather, who is representative of, in my work, who's representative of the other, you know, the queer person, the, the,

Speaker 2 um,

Speaker 2 black person, the non-binary person, trans, all of, all of us who are pushed to the margins of society. And so I use that as a form of like

Speaker 2 a form of coping, a coping mech mechanism until I was brave enough to actually say it. And I think I was always dropping hints and I was getting more brave and, you know, less afraid.

Speaker 2 And then finally,

Speaker 2 because also I was in a relationship. And what some would say,

Speaker 2 you know, it was a lot of things. Like, you know, understanding, you know, polyamory was something that I wanted to explore.

Speaker 2 Well, if you're already in a relationship, you have to go have conversations with that person's family. Well, what does that mean for you guys? And da-da-da-da.

Speaker 2 So I could not talk publicly about certain things because they impacted my real everyday life.

Speaker 2 You know what I'm saying? Like when I got off the stage, I would also have to go see

Speaker 2 these communities that I was a part of. And like, if they heard about it through, you know, any other thing outside of like me saying it, then what does that mean?

Speaker 2 And I just wasn't ready to have those sorts of conversations. And so I guess to answer your question, like, you know, I just got brave over time.
And

Speaker 2 once I also felt like I had community because the albums and the art and music, what it also does is it signals, like, hey, I'm out here, I'm out here.

Speaker 2 And then you meet people who come to your shows and you meet other artists and people, other humans who like, are like, oh, I identify with that or I fuck with that.

Speaker 2 And then we become friends and you have a community now that supports you, that sees you. That even if your family you were born into doesn't support you or see you, you have support.

Speaker 2 And so once i felt supported and i felt safe enough that's when i started to become even more brave and i um i started to be courageous in the way that i started to live my life and i think right now what i am doing i've done this privately is that i'm honoring all of me

Speaker 2 i'm not closing off you know my sensuality anymore i'm not closing off my sexuality my polyamory if you listen to only have eyes 42 you know that's honoring that sort of union.

Speaker 2 If you're listening to Hot from the Age of Pleasure or champagne shit or even Float, you know, you know,

Speaker 2 I'm feeling much lighter now. I'm float.
I had to let some things go

Speaker 2 to get to this place. And fear of not being accepted was one of them.
And once I got over that hump, everything started to change for me.

Speaker 1 Community, when you were saying that, I'm like, I hope everyone listening, if you're sitting listening to this or watching this in your room room and you haven't been able to fully embrace your sexuality, whether it's people around you, you're afraid how they're going to accept you.

Speaker 1 Like there are so many people out there that will love you and like are so having the same feelings as you.

Speaker 1 And so just don't limit yourself to just the people that you've been assigned as being.

Speaker 2 Absolutely.

Speaker 2 Absolutely. It gets better.
It does. Yep.
As you start walking, whenever you're ready, don't feel pressure too. Yeah.
Because I mean, there were moments where

Speaker 2 I felt the pressure to talk. Like interviewers would, they would just speculate based on my appearance because I was wearing a suit.
They were like, hmm, you're a lesbian.

Speaker 2 Like, that's what I would get. You're a lesbian.
And,

Speaker 2 you know, as I was trying to discover who I was and I didn't identify with being a lesbian,

Speaker 2 and I had lesbian friends. I love my lesbian family.
But like people would say certain things and try to force me to out what I was. Well, if you're not a lesbian, then what are you? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so I wasn't ready. So don't feel also feel pressured to talk about your sexuality.
It is a private,

Speaker 2 it can be as private or as public as you want it to be.

Speaker 2 For me, it was seeping out into my art so much that like, I'm like, yeah,

Speaker 2 this is, this is me. Yeah.
This is who I am. And I wanted to also free a lot of people who were in their rooms, who could be in their rooms right now listening.
Like,

Speaker 2 you have family, you have a church, even outside of the church that you went to.

Speaker 2 If they disown you, like there is a big church around the world with people who will affirm you, people who are like you.

Speaker 2 Your identity is not new.

Speaker 2 Like it's been happening. We're here.
We're showing up for each other. And I love you.
I love you.

Speaker 1 Support for Caller Daddy comes from Google Pixel. Okay, so I recently had one of those Sundays where I convinced myself it was a great idea to reorganize my entire closet.

Speaker 1 And of course, halfway through, I found myself sitting on the floor surrounded by clothes, completely overwhelmed.

Speaker 1 So I pulled out my Google Pixel 10 Pro because it comes with Gemini built in on the phone.

Speaker 1 I launched my camera using gemini live showed it my crazy closet and i asked for help and immediately it hit me up with all sorts of pro organizing tips like what to hang how to fold stuff and even helped me decide which items to donate and where to drop them off it was a lifesaver ladies okay but while i was neck deep in hoodies i totally lost track of time until i got a text from matt saying hey what is the address for dinner tonight fortunately the Google Pixel has this feature called Magic Q that just pulls up the info you need without you having to dig through old emails and stuff.

Speaker 1 It popped the address right into my text for me and tap, it was sent. Daddy Gang, we could all use a little help making Sundays less scary.

Speaker 1 So get outside of your comfort phone and try the Google Pixel 10 Pro. Check it out at googlestore.com.
These AI features are for users 18 plus. Check responses, availability, and results vary.

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Speaker 1 That's betterh.com slash daddy. When I was researching,

Speaker 1 I read somewhere, you don't refer to opening up to others about your sexuality as coming out, but rather coming in.

Speaker 1 Can you explain that?

Speaker 2 I didn't actually come up with that. terminology of coming in.
I just thought it resonated with me more.

Speaker 2 A guy by the name of John, I forgot his last name, but I heard him say it. And he's a queer black man.
And I heard him and I was like, that's exactly what it is.

Speaker 2 It is bringing people,

Speaker 2 bringing people into our worlds. I'm letting you in on who I am versus like

Speaker 2 you guys are the norm and I'm just like, hi, I'm out here. Like, no, I'm letting you in to my world, which is sacred.
which should be respected and appreciated. Most certainly not apologetic about it.

Speaker 1 I love that. You're so right.
Cause it's like, I'm letting you in on who I am. I don't, you don't deserve me.
I don't have to come out to you. I don't owe you anything.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Like, when I feel comfortable, I'll let you in.

Speaker 2 Like, come clean. Yeah.
You're,

Speaker 2 come out of the closet. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. I've been here.
You just

Speaker 2 must not have seen me.

Speaker 2 Or not even you must not have seen me. You must think that you and your,

Speaker 2 or you know what? Let's not even talk about that. Nope.
I was going to go down a whole stream.

Speaker 1 I could too. I could too.

Speaker 2 How about this?

Speaker 1 Do you have a mantra you come back to when it comes to people who actively do not agree with the way that you live?

Speaker 2 Ooh.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I do. I have so much.
I wish I had my phone with me.

Speaker 2 But I think it comes down to power.

Speaker 2 You know, I think like when you give your power up to folks, like people's opinions have more power over you than how you feel feel about you that's i think where things take that turn where the depression sets in where the constant need for approval comes in and i think i'm a powerful ass motherfucker you know really yeah just as

Speaker 2 you're powerful we're all powerful right we all hold gifts that we have and i think that You know, again, how I think about myself has to

Speaker 2 be more powerful than someone who is trying to take me down through their negativity, who is trying to oppress me through their fear. Yeah, my power and my love for myself is greater than that.

Speaker 1 Mic drop.

Speaker 2 Yeah, mic drop.

Speaker 1 What is something when it comes to dating and love that you know now that you wish you knew when you were younger?

Speaker 2 Oof,

Speaker 2 sheesh, man. Um,

Speaker 2 I would say

Speaker 2 I wish I had discovered vibrators a long time ago. Like, honestly, it's so fun to experience that with your partner.

Speaker 1 It's phenomenal.

Speaker 2 It's so great. It's like, what? Going to the sex shop.

Speaker 2 Like, I remember when I first went, see, again, when you come from those sort of like conservative backgrounds, a sex shop, I was full sunglasses on. Like, do not have me in here.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 What am I? Oh, my God. Please, nobody take photos of me.
Like, I did not know.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 2 I did not know the world of vibrators. I did not know

Speaker 2 the clitoral stimulation that you and your, the fun y'all can have with one. You know, it doesn't necessarily have to be penetration.

Speaker 1 It's life-changing. Right?

Speaker 2 How about you?

Speaker 1 I remember I didn't have one and my friend bought me one for my birthday in college. And I remember like the first time I tried something was the back of my electric toothbrush.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I ain't going front.

Speaker 2 No. The electric toothbrushes.

Speaker 2 If you forget, just go buy you a brand new one.

Speaker 1 It slaps. It's gotten me through.

Speaker 2 It's gotten me through.

Speaker 2 It is a lifesaver.

Speaker 1 And so I felt the same way, though, of I, my friend got me my first one. And then I was like,

Speaker 1 oh my God, like, I never have to have sex again. Like, this isn't me.

Speaker 1 Like, it just allowed me to recognize that, like, I hold the power of like my own orgasm. And like, I, I don't need someone else to make me feel amazing.
Like, I can do it myself.

Speaker 1 Because being taught, like, we grow up and it's just like the men will do this for you. And like, you, and I'm like, why am I going to wait for a motherfucker to give me an orgasm?

Speaker 1 Like, this is amazing.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Don't wait for a man or anyone to give you. You can do it yourself.
So I remember I felt the same way in New York. I remember the first sex shop I went to with my friend.
I was

Speaker 1 not famous, but I was mortified just being like, I just. can't make eye contact.

Speaker 1 And I think that just comes from like shame of like, we're not normalizing, like, like exploring your sexuality and and enjoying especially as women like enjoying sex loving sex being connected with your body and i think it's so important that we start to have those conversations at younger ages obviously in a safe way but like yeah especially for young girls you just start to like feel shame and like you're doing something wrong and that's why so many women i truly believe like we have such a hard time in the beginning like figuring out what works for us and knowing how to like get off because we were like it was basically like don't touch yourself you're a whore you're a slut and it's like

Speaker 2 what? Or you're a deviant. Or like touching yourself, gross.

Speaker 2 You know, like, if it was not, you go get a boyfriend and y'all wait, but don't have sex actually until you're married. So go marry to have sex.

Speaker 2 Like, I have cousins who actually married women just to have sex

Speaker 2 because they were just like, God won't.

Speaker 2 It's a lot. It's a lot.
And I'm, I, I,

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 will always just like, you know, say like my heart goes out to

Speaker 2 those of us who have clitorises and

Speaker 2 just not just those of us who are with clitorises, even, you know, for those of us who have penises or whatever it is, the pleasure that we can give ourselves, like how that was stripped away from us.

Speaker 2 I just hope that we can reconnect again with our bodies and reclaim our bodies. That's the space that I'm in.
Like I am reclaiming my sensuality,

Speaker 2 my sexuality, my pleasure.

Speaker 2 Like unapologetically, like I'm not apologizing for talking about it, for taking time to myself

Speaker 2 to make up for lost times. I mean, I think I could have avoided a lot of just even sexual interactions with people who I didn't really like, but I just was like, well,

Speaker 2 this is the only way that I can feel less shame about sex is if I do it with this person. But like, that leads to so much confusion sometimes.

Speaker 2 If you don't really, really, really like this person and they don't really, really like you. And it's a whole thing.
And so I think you actually avoid,

Speaker 2 you have less stress when you take matters into your own hands, literally. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Okay, everyone listening today, we are entering our era of the art of pleasure. Okay.
We're taking it into our own hands. Yes, we are.

Speaker 1 I know we've been kind of like essentially talking about it this whole episode because we're talking about pleasure and finding our own voices to find that pleasure.

Speaker 1 But what has been the most rewarding part of making this soundtrack for you?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, just like, you know, we're talking about it's a soundtrack to a lifestyle. And I think so many people, you know, that I'm hearing, that's why I can't wait to go on tour.
I'm on tour.

Speaker 2 Our first show is in Seattle, the end of August. We're on tour.
So get your tickets.

Speaker 2 We have some more, a little bit more available, available, but they're selling out right now. And I'll be on tour in North America through October 21st, the Age of Pleasure tour.

Speaker 2 And so to see how people are like

Speaker 2 making this their album, owning it, and like

Speaker 2 with their friends, I see them just certain songs. They're like, oh my God, you're speaking to my heart.
Like

Speaker 2 I needed to hear float. I needed to give myself permission to

Speaker 2 let things go and to go into my, you know, a stage of like what hot is talking about. Like I look good.
I look sexy. I look handsome.
Like non-binary folks are feeling seen.

Speaker 2 Trans folks are being seen. Like the community in which I intended for it to be.
And even outside of that, I think that you don't necessarily have to be a part of my community to.

Speaker 2 to vibe with it. I think that what it just represents is like, even in the midst of chaos, you got to find your pleasure.
you have to make time for yourself and i actually brought you something

Speaker 2 what

Speaker 2 what

Speaker 1 so here's oh my god official age of pleasure shirts i cut mine well i was gonna say it's so cute no it's so cute you know i'm gonna do this like it's so cute i wanted to bring you

Speaker 1 this is so sweet a shirt And if you need another size. No, this is so good.
I'll give you another one. No, I'm...
Can I cut it like you?

Speaker 1 I'm just copying you. But I've been staring at it like it's such a vibe.
It's yours. Thank you.
I adore you. It's so dope.

Speaker 2 I wanted to bring you a hand.

Speaker 1 This is so good.

Speaker 2 I don't know if it was a hand. A handwritten

Speaker 2 autographed writer. That's what I meant to say.
I autographed you a copy of my book that I released in 2021 called The Memory Librarian.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 yes.

Speaker 1 This is bringing the gifts, right? And girl, I know you just got back from vacation. Like,

Speaker 1 you're giving us all, you're getting us in our feels. We're all ready to go have sex with ourselves.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 1 We got a book. We got a shirt.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 1 Okay, to anyone that is like, you got to tell us what is, if you have to pick,

Speaker 1 what is your favorite song on the soundtrack?

Speaker 2 Ooh, shoot. Wow.

Speaker 1 Everyone's going to go listen to this one. So

Speaker 2 So, okay.

Speaker 2 It varies because

Speaker 2 all of them, man, I mean, I hate to say it, but it's, it's, um,

Speaker 2 it's not a long album. I usually put out like, excuse me, like double albums.
And with this one, I wanted you to want to replay it over and over and over again.

Speaker 2 I didn't want to, excuse me, I didn't want it to be too long because this one was just on

Speaker 2 President Barack Obama's Song of Summer, Only Have Eyes 42, for two.

Speaker 2 So listen to that one. Love it.
I mean, but I love every last song on this project. I'm having a hard time like figuring out what songs we're going to play on tour.

Speaker 2 I think I might have to just play all of them. I don't know, but because I love,

Speaker 2 I also thought about them from a live perspective and just

Speaker 2 how fun it's going to be to perform champagne shit.

Speaker 1 It's going to be insane.

Speaker 2 And I don't know. What songs were you vibing to? What are some of your favorite? What are you doing with champagne shit?

Speaker 1 Is it called Phenomenal?

Speaker 1 I really like that one.

Speaker 1 Featuring Dochi. Yeah, it's a vibe where

Speaker 1 I don't know. I really like that one.
But again, it feels like it's a story that's being told. And you're just like, it's almost like an anthem vibe where you're just vibing the whole time.

Speaker 1 So I agree. I guess I couldn't pick one too because you almost have to listen to it all together, like start to finish to feel it.

Speaker 2 Because A Dry Red is good. The last song I love.

Speaker 2 When I was writing this album, I wrote it with friends. I got to give a shout out to Nate Rocket Wonder, to Bueno, to Nunaquina, and also the features.

Speaker 2 Like, some of my favorite things is just to look down and be like, okay, Grace Jones is literally on this album. You know, sister Nancy, who is like bomb bomb.

Speaker 2 You know, we can't go anywhere at a party without hearing her Jamaican influence. Patra, her Jamaican influence.

Speaker 2 When I think about

Speaker 2 Nia Long, who is an incredible actress, coming and being a part of it, Amarae, Dochi,

Speaker 2 who else?

Speaker 2 Fela Kuti-san, Shayung Kuti,

Speaker 2 lots of horns on this project,

Speaker 2 CK's on this project.

Speaker 2 I don't know. It's just so, like, such a beautiful love letter to the diaspora and to

Speaker 2 to music that again has gotten us through, you know.

Speaker 2 A lot of the influences come from a lot of my friends who were in, you know, who are from Nigeria at our parties, Ghana, South Africa, LA, New York, Atlanta,

Speaker 2 you know, all of us coming together and feeling safe, safe enough to explore, safe enough to be.

Speaker 1 Janelle, I can't thank you enough for coming and call her daddy. This was truly such a pleasure.
I'm so happy I got to sit in the same room with you and feel your energy. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 Thank you. You are fantastic, Alex.
Thank you so much for having me and all the beautiful work you do.

Speaker 2 Like, I don't really love doing lots of interviews, but you have a very great way of connecting human to human with folks.

Speaker 2 And I'm sure people tell you that a lot, but I'll just say, like, I feel your aura and your energy through the screen. And

Speaker 2 just congratulations on everything. Thank you.
You're fantastic.

Speaker 1 Thank you. You're lucky.
Thank you. Woo!

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