I Called Off My Engagement (ft. Lauren)

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What is up, Daddy Gang?

It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.

Daddy gang, welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy.

Lauren and I are sitting.

We kind of feel like we look

like the parents from Willie Wonka.

We are sitting on the couch, but we really wanted to like be comfortable and not have our feet fall asleep on the couch.

And so we're in a little bit of a relaxed situation, but we're happy.

I could like doze off right here.

Like I could take like a nap in this position I'm really cozy same okay wait oh so just for context Lauren and I are on kind of like a girls weekend in Los Angeles Matt is taking his brother to go golf because um my brother-in-law and my sister-in-law no yeah your brother-in-law and sister-in-law sister-in-law yeah

but does that make it sound like they're brother and sister no they're both he's your brother-in-law she's your sister-in-law okay

it is, yeah, yeah.

My brother-in-law and sister-in-law are having a baby, and so Matt is taking his brother to go golf and like on a little golf trip before they like have a kid, whatever.

And so, Lauren's in town, and we were like, Oh my God, why don't we stay, relax, go have like a nice pool, spa weekend, girls' weekend, and we're gonna drink a little bit, we're gonna chill, and it's gonna be a good time.

We're gonna order these green margaritas that when it's the two of us, we like to order them for delivery and get a little weird together.

They're just like those kind of sneaky margaritas that, like, you get really fucked up from them.

And the last time, or the first time,

we didn't know how strong they were.

When I moved to Los Angeles with Lauren, we were staying at Matt's house and he was away on a business trip.

And Lauren and I, he was like, you guys should order from this place.

And we got these margaritas and they're so fucking good.

They're these like cucumber green margaritas.

So Lauren and I started downing them

and we're in the hot tub with floats, which was weird in itself.

And we're in the hot tub and we're with our floaties and slowly we're like blasting music.

Oh, we found out how to do the strobe lights in the pool.

Yes.

And we were DJing.

And then we like passed out in the living room and like didn't turn the music off, didn't turn the pool strobe lights off.

Matt's neighbor called him and gave him a noise complaint.

And so Matt looks at his security cameras and it looks like we actually threw a rager at his house.

And he's like calling you.

Like you guys aren't like really like official official yet.

He's like calling you and he's like, like I just have to say like this is so disrespectful.

Like I let you guys like use my house and my pool.

Throw a party.

And we were like,

well,

you see,

actually

there was no party.

Well, it was a party, but just two people.

It was just Lauren and I.

And he's like, I'm having a hard time believing that, Alex.

Like, look at my backyard.

It looks like there was like a fucking brothel back there.

And I was like, and like the neighbor called and gave me a noise complaint.

Like, I've never had that happen since I've lived here.

And I was like,

It's just the two of us.

And so, Lauren and I now always have a joke with Matt where we're like, We're hitting the green marks again.

And he's like, Jesus fucking Christ, the two of you together.

But to be fair, I feel like whenever it's just the two of us together and we're not like interacting with other people, we have a pretty like straight and narrow path that we always go on.

What's our straight and narrow path?

We love either alcohol or marijuana to like have a little fun together.

Not in that way.

It sounds weird, but you know what I mean?

Like we like our little like thing, but then we're like usually passing out pretty early.

And like we're not,

we're not night people.

No.

We thrive in the daytime and we love like a 10 p.m.

bedtime.

And I feel like the older I'm getting, I'm like, I can have these like fun rager moments, which I feel like I've been having lately, but it has to be spread out.

And a lot of times, like, I'm going to go to bed at least by midnight.

I'm not the type of person just to like stay up for the hell of it.

Like, if

there's something worthwhile staying up for, like, Miami, we had late nights, and it was so fun.

Yeah.

Like, after we would be at the party or we would go to the strip club, we need to talk about the strip club.

I just thought about that as I'm staring at your face.

We would go out, but then we would always come back to me and Matt's room and we would all sit there and like have a like a nightcap and talk and schmooze and do the thing.

That was enjoyable to me.

But if it's me and Matt, or it's just me and you, and there's no part, I don't need to ruin my tomorrow.

Like, we're gonna get, we're gonna hit the hay.

We can still drink a bottle of wine and go to bed and wake up the next day.

Yep.

Speaking of the Miami Strip Club.

Yes.

Can we tell the daddy gang?

Yes.

Yes.

Call Her Daddy is brought to you by White Claw.

Guys, listen, listen up for a second.

Are you ready?

Think about this.

It's kind of sad, but it's also like, no, we got to lock in.

We only get 13 weekends a summer.

Like, isn't it kind of crazy when you put it like 13 weekends?

Okay.

So I am telling you, Daddy Gang, we are not waiting for plans.

We are bringing the plans.

Bring a pack of White Claw and let's make some moves, people.

Okay.

I don't want to sit around and wait for someone to be like, oh, are you going on a, yeah, I'm going on a a boat and I'm bringing my white claw variety pack with me.

Okay.

I want to have a good time this summer.

I'm not going to wait around for plans.

I'm making the plans.

You're going to take control of your summer daddy gang, lock in the plans, rally a crew and don't overthink it.

Grab a white claw variety pack.

Everyone's flavor is in there.

The pack with peach, passion fruit, watermelon, and lemon is like a little summer flavor roulette each time you grab a fresh white claw.

Matt and I were drinking white claws in our backyard the other day and I was like, this is summer.

My dogs are relaxing.

My feet are in the pool.

I'm drinking a white claw.

Life is good.

So pick up a pack of white claw from your favorite local spot and grab life by the claw with your favorite flavor this summer.

Please drink responsibly, hard selter with flavors, white claw selter works, Chicago, Illinois.

Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Hidden Valley Ranch.

You guys know.

You know, I have a couple passions in my life.

It's my dogs.

Hi, Henry and Bruce, if you're listening.

And Hidden Valley Ranch.

No, it's like, I think I have maybe 17 bottles in my fridge.

Matt is always like, why did you buy another one?

You're not through.

I don't know.

I just want to have, I want to be stocked at all times.

Okay.

There will never be a shortage of Hidden Valley Ranch in my personal fridge.

Okay.

Hidden Valley Ranch has been the original ranch since 1954.

Okay.

It's always been creamy, zesty, and iconic.

It's been in our lives forever, daddy gang.

And now, here we go.

Are you ready for this?

It comes in a new easy squeeze bottle that helps you get every last drop out.

Less mess, but the same ranch that you know and love.

I remember when my siblings and I would be around the dinner table and we would be arguing over who was going to get the last scoop out of the bottle.

You don't have to worry about that anymore.

You can continue to get more and more and more ranch because this squeeze bottle is your friend.

New bottle, same great flavor.

You guys, what are you doing?

Put it on your wings, put it on your fries, put it on your chicken tenders, put it on your pizza.

I mean, put it on your mashed potatoes.

You know what I mean?

Like, we are just, I mean, put it on your sour patch, whatever does the trick.

Girl, I'm putting on everything.

Visit walmart.com/slash hidden valley to find the new easy squeeze bottle of Hidden Valley Ranch.

Hidden Valley Ranch, only serious about flavor.

So

we throw our Unwell Miami weekend and it was truly so fun.

And Lauren comes and we end up after a night at the Unwell Club.

We do a late, late night and we go to 11 in Miami, which is a club slash strip club.

So we get to the club and we are, we get a table.

We are all standing there and I remember I'm like talking to Matt and he's whispering my ear and then all of a sudden I look and Lauren is standing with this tall man

and at our table.

And I know who this man is because he's a reality star and he's been to a couple of our events before.

But I know my best friend is barely has social media and doesn't watch reality TV and she has no idea who this person is.

No idea.

You just think he's like a hot guy.

Yeah.

And then the next morning, I asked Lauren, like, wait, what happened?

No, we get in the van to leave because we end up leaving because we were like, it was too crowded and like none of the strippers could even come to our table, which was like, I was ready for like a lap dance.

To throw some vans.

Yes.

I want, I brought fucking a bunch of cash.

I was like ready to fucking pay the strippers and then they never ended up being able to get to our table.

So we were like, oh, this isn't even as much as fun.

We leave.

We get into the van and tell the daddy gang what happened with your night.

So I hadn't, before

we ended up at 11, I had maybe shared five words with this guy.

Like quite literally five words.

And when we're standing at the table, it's like really crowded.

So like we're just like touching because it's so crowded.

And

at this point we've maybe hit a higher word count of like

we've shared a few sentences okay

like not much has been happening yeah

and maybe sentence number five is he looks at me and holds out all of his money and goes do you want to go to the back room right now and get a private lap dance the two of us and like

It's like 2.30 in the morning and like I'm like kind of drunk, but I'm not like hammered.

You don't even have, I think at that point, because we had left the club and hung out for a minute before we went to the 1000s.

And it was kind of a mission to get into 11.

Yeah, like I kind of like sobered up a little bit in the process of like getting into 11.

Yeah, so like we, none of us had a buzz.

No, we were sober at 11, which is fine.

Fine.

But to get a sober lap dance with a man that you've barely

been around the block

a few times.

No, well, I've been to this.

This is like my third time at like 11.

So like

I know what goes down in the private rooms in the back.

Yes.

It would not just be us getting a lap dance.

It would be us having a threesome with a stripper.

And I was like, you know,

at this current intoxication level, I don't really have it in me to go from just like not

having a vibe to having a threesome with a stripper.

But you were just like, I'm literally like fresh, sober, basically.

I'm like sober and like there's not like sexual tension hit yeah like we've had like

we're like we're cracking the small talk we're trying to like gauge like what's your name what's your occupation who are you exactly I remember in real time when this was happening I turn and I clearly hit you right in that middle of that conversation because all I remember hearing you say is uh let me have one more drink and think about it that was literally your response and I'm looking at you and I'm looking up at him being like, what did he just ask her for Lauren to be like, let me have one more drink and think about it?

Because you're a down ass bitch.

So I was like, what is Lauren postponing in order to like liquor herself up?

And then I find out that he basically asked you to go into the private room.

And then we left and he stayed.

But for now,

Lauren's still on the hunt.

I'm just out there living my life.

But I feel like you're in a really good headspace of like,

you are

really, really in a good way single now.

Cause, like, how long has it been since your breakup?

Like, five months now.

Okay.

Wow.

Wow.

Something I was saying that I was really proud of myself.

I was telling you this this morning.

I went no contact after my breakup, which is like anyone I meet who's going through a breakup and they're like, What's your best piece of advice?

Truly, like, go no contact.

Like,

you have to, like, I have no better advice than go, no contact.

And like, you have to stick by it.

I have not talked to my ex once in any capacity since October since we broke up.

And it was like, I remember I had said to you, I was nervous for you because you guys obviously lived together.

So once the breakup happened, you had to like figure out like all the little things

to sort out.

But then once that happened and the last day that you guys saw each other of like you got to take things from the apartment and all that stuff.

And they said like a final like very nice like goodbye.

Goodbye.

I was so proud of you because I was so scared of

that.

Like you guys also shared each other's locations and stuff.

And I was like, is she gonna is she gonna and then I remember I talked to you like a week after and you were like unshared location haven't talked it's over and the fact that it's gone no contact for five months I feel like it's really allowed you to focus on yourself and not

feel like you're lightly getting pulled back into it even if you had any questions that you've been kind of like going through in reflecting on the relationship i feel like you've been just taking full accountability of like, I don't need to ask him.

I'm going to do the work in therapy about like, why did I put up with this?

Or why did I do this?

Or why did I act this way?

Like, whatever it is, you're finding the answers within yourself.

And I think a lot of times, daddy gang, we can use

questions we have and think, well, it's just closure.

I just want to have one more conversation because I want to kind of like figure out why we both did this.

And it's like, that's just prolonging you being able to move on.

I agree.

Right.

So talk to me now, though, about like five months out of a breakup.

What have you realized about

yourself?

Because

I don't think the daddy gang knows how close.

How like serious it was

my relationship?

Because I think in a beautiful way, I found my boundary of like privacy that I feel like I needed to instill in with this show and with the internet.

And I'm so happy I did that.

And I feel like you with Call Her Daddy Daddy in a completely understandable way, like he was a private person, and you and I aren't that private of people.

Like, we don't really care.

So, but the people we've are with and you were with wanted privacy, and so like you were respecting that.

So, you didn't really talk about your relationship a lot.

So, I think a lot of people online I even saw still to this day are like, wait, Lauren broke up with the boyfriend and like, so she's single and like what's happening?

Like, do you mind explaining how close

you were to like this being the person you were about to spend the rest of your life with?

Yeah, it was really serious.

We dated

for almost three years.

For the last six months of our relationship, we were living together.

And it got to the point where he had a full plan to propose.

He

talked to my mom and her fiancé like and had like a dinner with them and told him he was going to propose.

He talked to me and Matt.

He talked to Kristen.

Kristen's our other best friend from childhood.

Like at our wedding, me and Matt's wedding, he went to Kristen and was like, oh my gosh, I obviously like can't, I don't want to bring it up to Alex and Matt right now because they're literally getting married, but I want to propose to Lauren

during the like holiday New Year time.

And can you just like make sure you put us all on chat?

Cause I want to make sure that they can be there because

he wanted us to like surprise you like how you guys did for me.

And I came to your engagement.

So it was like very concrete.

Oh, like there was a date.

You knew a date when he was going to, like, you knew the date he was going to propose.

And you guys had talked about the ring, right?

We were going to, like, do something with, like, a family, like, diamond.

And, um,

you knew, like, where it was going to be.

Like, it was, it was planned.

Yes.

That was happening.

And I think

as your friend, I remember when I heard that,

I was so torn.

Torn.

Yeah, that's a good word.

Cause I was like, fuck.

That could one day make sense.

But from the stuff that I had heard from you

I wasn't sure you guys were like ready for that but I'm not in your relationship obviously so I was like I need to just like catch up with Lauren and obviously I didn't want to tell you uh he's gonna propose to you

can I say yes so like you ended up did like yeah I ended up we had one of those dinners where you're like you were just like

I can tell that like you're holding a lot in right now.

Like, can you like just let it all out zero judgment zero judgment you can tell me everything and if you want to stay you can still stay but like i can feel you're not telling me everything and you're just holding a lot in like let it out so we have one of those three hour dinners where i was just like

we're vomiting everything

everything

and then after i told you that you're like

I am really feeling conflicted right now because like if it does work out, like I obviously don't want to like ruin your engagement, but like I don't know if you know how close it is to actually happening and I want you to be able to have the tools to feel in control of your life and not have it to sneak up on you

and you have and you feel like you're kind of backed into a corner and saying yes because you're like ah shit like how like what we're here okay let's go through it so like you you ended up telling me he's gonna propose on this day to kind of be like you kind of do have a window of like yeah you got to figure some things out because I was like Lauren, that was like one of the harder things I think I've, I was going back and forth with.

And I think, again, in the best way, I feel like our relationship is so beautiful because I feel like we both talk about, we have so many friends that you communicate with friends differently, but you and I have always had this thing where it's like,

we're so honest with each other.

And I think we both have found our way to be, even when it's hard, what we're going to talk about, we are so like graceful in the way that we approach things with each other and respectful.

We very, very much have, I feel like a policy of like, it is your life and I don't know your life.

Then like it's your life.

Yes.

And it's also as your best friend.

Yeah.

I have to share this about the things I'm seeing.

And then I'm, once that's out, I'm here to game plan everything that you need.

And I'll support you.

Yes.

Whatever.

Yeah.

And I think that was like a thing that I would give daddy gang is like, I, I forgot that.

I remember multiple times in that conversation because I had literally talked about it with my therapist and she had said like, you have to continue to reassure Lauren.

I'm so happy you told me.

Okay, that makes me feel good.

No, but

you were great in the moment.

And I think

I stand by it too.

But again, Daddy Gang, if you are in this position where you're seeing your friend not in the best relationship and you're like, how do I do it?

You have to come from the place of like, you have to remind them that you're not judging them, that you will be there no matter what, and you're there to listen.

And, but you also have like some information that you want to give them, but you're not putting it on them to like now deal with alone.

And I feel like when I told you it was going to happen over New Year's, you were like,

whoa, okay.

And we were like, for context, like this past new year.

Yes, this past New Year's, Lauren was going to get engaged.

And I think you were so

like, whoa, this is another big red flag of like, how does he think that can even happen when all of these problems are happening?

And I think that was kind of when it all started to unravel a little bit more for you because you really were just seeing, like, huh?

It was kind of like a, at like a, like a, like a

date that was like being put on, like, oh, I have to like figure this out.

Like, it put like this like rush and urgency to like figure my shit out.

Like, it's like before I was like, I'll

keep working on it.

Keep figuring it out.

I was like, oh shit, like, I have to like figure this out now.

And so, once you guys ended the relationship, what do you feel like you

in now being single?

Like, what do you feel like you've now realized like you really

want and need in a partner moving forward?

Call Her Daddy is brought to you by White Claw.

Guys, listen, listen up for a second.

Are you ready?

Think about this.

It's kind of sad, but it's also like, no, we got to lock in.

We only get 13 weekends a summer.

Like, isn't it kind of crazy when you put it like 13 weekends?

Okay.

So I am telling you, Daddy Gang, we are not waiting for plans.

We are bringing the plans.

Bring a pack of White Claw and let's make some moves, people.

Okay.

I don't want to sit around and wait for someone to be like, oh, are you going on a, yeah, I'm going on a boat and I'm bringing my white claw variety pack with me.

Okay.

I want to have a good time this summer.

I'm not going to wait around for plans.

I'm making the plans.

You're going to take control of your summer daddy gang, lock in the plans, rally a crew and don't overthink it.

Grab a white claw variety pack.

Everyone's flavor is in there.

The pack with peach, passion fruit, watermelon, and lemon is like a little summer flavor roulette each time you grab a fresh white claw.

Matt and I were drinking white claws in our backyard the other day, and I was like, this is summer.

My dogs are relaxing, my feet are in the pool, I'm drinking a white claw.

Life is good.

So pick up a pack of white claw from your favorite local spot and grab life by the claw with your favorite flavor this summer.

Please drink responsibly, hard selter with flavors, whiteclaw selterworks, Chicago, Illinois.

Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Hidden Valley Ranch.

You guys know,

you know, I have a couple passions in my life.

It's my dogs.

Hi, Henry and Bruce, if you're listening.

And Hidden Valley Ranch.

No, it's like, I think I have maybe 17 bottles in my fridge.

Matt is always like, why did you buy another one?

You're not through.

I don't know.

I just want to have, I want to be stocked at all times.

Okay.

There will never be a shortage of Hidden Valley Ranch in my personal fridge.

Okay.

Hidden Valley Ranch has been the original ranch since 1954.

Okay.

It's always been creamy, zesty, and iconic.

It's been in our lives forever, Daddy Gang.

And now, here we go.

Are you ready for this?

It comes in a new easy squeeze bottle that helps you get every last drop out.

Less mess, but the same ranch that you know and love.

I remember when my siblings and I would be around the dinner table and we would be arguing over who was going to get the last scoop out of the bottle.

You don't have to worry about that anymore.

You can continue to get more and more and more ranch because this squeeze bottle is your friend.

New bottle, same same great flavor.

You guys, what are you doing?

Put it on your wings, put it on your fries, put it on your chicken tenders, put it on your pizza.

I mean, put it on your mashed potatoes.

You know what I mean?

Like, we are just, I mean, put it on your sour patch, whatever does the trick.

Girl, I'm putting on everything.

Visit walmart.com/slash hidden valley to find the new easy squeeze bottle of Hidden Valley Ranch, Hidden Valley Ranch, only serious about flavor.

In now being single, like what do you feel like you've now realized like you really

want and need in a partner moving forward?

I want to feel like

they got me and that like I can have like a bad day or go through something difficult and like

they'll pick me up and like kind of like

help me get through it and like carry me through it.

But like when I was talking to my therapist about it, she was like, oh like do you feel like that's something something lacking in your life right now?

Like, do you feel like unsupported and

unable to like get yourself through hard moments?

And I was like, literally the opposite.

Like, I feel

like I have very deep, fulfilling friendships I can lean on if I need to.

I end my days and I

feel

strong and confident and like, secure in what I need to work through and get through and like that I can handle it and I'm not like overwhelmed and like I'm not lonely,

which I think

I'm really happy that something that I want isn't like a need I'm trying to fill.

Like it's not like a deficit in my life that like I'm trying to like find a person to fulfill.

It's just like

I just like want like partnership.

You said that to me the other day when we were in the car and I thought it was so profound and I

want to keep talking about this a little bit for the daddying because you were like every time my therapist was challenging me like oh are you wanting that because of x like i feel like you've gotten so

good being alone and i feel like you've always been a relationship girl so i'm so proud of you right now like i've never really really really seen you just like single lauren like for this

long in a strong way where you're like

oh I'm a little like, ooh, she'll, I wonder what she's going to do.

You're like, you've never been, I feel like happier and you don't have a partner.

I'm just joking.

I was like, I've never been happier and I've never been hotter.

No, literally.

No, it's so true.

You've never been happier.

You've never been hotter.

You just turned 30.

You're thriving.

And I feel like something that it's obvious is like for the daddy gang, like we have both been.

at points in our life where we're both single and we aren't that good at being alone.

And so we're like chasing after something.

Um, like

tell me if I'm, if you're okay with me saying this, but I think something that you had talked to me about that was like, I think very relatable was like, this was the first relationship that you were like, I actually felt like

I was like, this person like genuinely loved me and like I was genuinely in love.

So it's hard to walk away from that.

That was like, I've, I had a relationship before, but it was like coming, it was like a college relationship that became post-college.

And like, that was the first time I was like, I was deeply in love.

Like, I was in love with this person.

Yes.

And I remember it was so sad because I remember you saying to me, Lauren, you were like, I just like,

I feel like I've just like lost so many people in my life that like I love.

So like, I don't want to, what do you, I would, I'm, I, my innate feeling is to hold on to this person because how am I going to just like?

Oh, I was, yeah, I was so like, this is it.

Like, I, I've never been, I had never been in love before and I had never felt that.

And I was like, oh, like, this is it.

Like, this is the feeling that, like, you fight for and like, you go to like the end of, like, the earth for.

And, like, I know that's not the case.

Well, now you know, once you really have that, like, first, like, adult relationship of love, I'm not talking about, like, we've all been in love, hopefully, before, but when you're talking about like love, love of like, oh, I could see a future with this person.

Then you really start to realize, which I think I'm so happy.

I feel like we were able to have a lot of conversations with like me, you, and Matt, because I've learned so much being in my first year of marriage that I felt like you started to kind of like ask Matt and I questions throughout this morning.

Matt has a lot of good experiences and advice.

He does.

And I feel like his advice a lot was like,

you, there's so much more to a marriage than love.

Yeah.

Like, if anything, that's like the easiest part.

Yes.

I like, I was talking about that in therapy too.

Of like,

I think I like thought that like love was so hard to like come by and it was so rare.

But like, what is more rare is having that love and then like the compatibility aspect of like, yes, just like what you want and need out of life is also going to match up.

Cause like, yes,

that's the hard part.

Morals, values, compatibility, um, what you want as a family, what like literally

career, money, yeah, socioeconomic, uh, where you're gonna live, how you interact with your in-laws, um, what you want to, how you want to raise your kids, like where you want them to go to school.

All of that is like shit that I think

people don't talk about it maybe enough where it's like, you have to have these fucking conversations, I genuinely believe, before you get married and before you get engaged.

And I think a lot of times it's like people are feeling in love and then they're excited and they're moving in.

And then you think once you get married, then like you become, you like start to do all this.

It's like, no, no, no, daddy ying, you need to figure it out before because I think, again, you watched it with yourself.

It's like you were in love.

That was down.

But then

I think you've, and you have a lot of friends around you who are going through like whether they just got married or their first year of marriage or their second year of marriage.

And so you're watching all of us kind of like

do this dance.

My like,

all of my like close, I have like, like say like my like five closest girlfriends, like now they are all married and engaged.

Yep.

And do you, to anyone that is the single friend in a dynamic like that, like,

can you talk about how you

don't feel pressured by people just by seeing your friends at one stage of their life?

Like, how are you maintaining just like confidence to not feel like, oh, well, I'm the only one, so I have to hurry up and do it.

Like, how are you feeling?

Like you're managing that?

Cause I, you could, I don't know if I'm saying that right.

Like, I feel like you're doing such a good job of just being like and I'm so happy for all of you and I'm happy for myself and I'm good on my like what I'm doing

um

the easy answer and then like I'll give like the deeper answer like I do like I have I have a few like newer friendships that like I've been investing more time into because they are single yeah and I do think it's important to like

it's just helpful to like have people who are like

oh like everyone's going on a date night tonight like let's do this or like everyone's kind of tired but like I like I don't want to sit at home alone like all weekend.

Like, let's at least like go out and like, get a drink and like be social for like a minute.

So like, I think it is like really helpful to like have single friends, have single friends when you're single.

And then something else we were talking about recently kind of related to like, how am I not feeling pressure in comparison and like left behind when all of my friends are very much in like a different life stage than me?

Like being single like is the minority of like of my close friends right now.

Um, because like I truly, truly feel like very zen at this current moment and not not pressured and not rushed.

But when I first got out of my relationship, like the first, this is kind of like a new, this zenness is kind of like really within like the past like month and a half-ish.

That's nice to hear because I'm sure girls are like going out of a breakup being like, bitch, I'm on my fourth month and I'm still struggling.

Yeah, it's like a very new,

like this level of like calmness.

Calmness is like kind of new.

When I first got out of the relationship, I knew for a fact, like I absolutely need to be single.

I need to, like, reflect on stuff.

I need to not rush into anything.

Like, I need to have me time.

Like, I knew that, but I didn't feel that.

Right.

I was like,

I would be like, I need to be single, but like, in the back of my mind, I'd be like, oh, fuck, like, time's, the clock's kind of ticking.

Like, am I dragging my feet?

I was doing like the

numbers game where I was like, oh, so I'm 30 now.

If I like take a year to be single, I'll start dating someone maybe at 31.

I don't want to rush into an engagement.

So like maybe I'll get engaged at 33, married at 34.

Am I going to immediately have a kid?

Then a year into marriage at 35.

And then like, I was like, oh my God, like I'm having a kid at 35.

And like, so I started playing that game.

And like, that was like kind of like suffocating and like consuming.

I was so close.

to like locking in like this timeline that like I was seeing like we were just saying I was like about to get engaged and then I was like okay I'm gonna get engaged at 30 i'm gonna like and i had that kind of like like it was all laid out yeah it was kind of like clicking into like step and it was like

although there were things that weren't right and that i wasn't sure about and that were causing me stress kind of seeing my life kind of start to like unfold and like where it was going in front of me was comforting and like the sense of security and safety so like it took a moment to like shed that right because i feel like that's something we should talk about too of like i've done it before a previous relationship prior to Matt.

Like, daddy gang, we've all been there, or you're currently in it, where you are,

you see the path, you see the future, and it is so comforting knowing you can see like what your timeline is.

Like, I, I, I was at the point where I was like, oh, I can look five years ahead and I can see where my life is going.

And sometimes, having

the guy

makes you feel

like

even though I have these reservations,

I'm okay with looking past it because I can't give all this up.

I can't give this timeline up.

Like, I'm right here.

I'm like, right.

I'm so close.

I was like, oh, I'm on like the last lap.

Like, I'm so close to the finish line.

Like, you don't throw in the towel like right when you're before you're about to cross the finish line.

And I remember I said to Lauren when she was like, I feel like I was like, right about to hit the finish line.

I was like, babe, you have not, you are literally putting on your fucking outfit and your gear.

You're not even in the race yet like i know that sounds cheesy but it's so true it's like if you feel like you're just about to get there you're about to get the engagement you're about to it's like no no no no you haven't even started the fucking marathon yet you are literally just putting on the clothes to see if they fucking fit does the uniform look good does it fit how does it feel okay then when you start marriage that's when the fucking race begins and i feel like or again even if it's not marriage for certain people, whether it's you want to have a kid or whether you decide to be life partners, but for you, I feel like that's such a relatable feeling to women listening:

you don't want to disrupt what you feel like you've spent so much time building, and you're willing to potentially look past these problems because holistically, it's really starting to shape out.

And the problem is,

what I've always said on this show, you guys, that my mom had always told me from a young age, was like, anything that bothers you in your relationship will get 10 times worse when you're married.

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Anything that bothers you in your relationship will get 10 times worse when you're married.

And that.

is disorienting and hard to hear because I think you and I had a lot of conversations of like, your ex is a good guy.

Like, absolutely.

It's just compatibility-wise, we started to talk about things where it was like, it wasn't the right person for me.

And we would be like, no, no, Lauren, like, you're saying this, and this is how it's making you feel.

But, like, which I think was like another hard layer, like, nothing was like

glaring.

Like,

there was no moment of like, oh shit, like, that was so bad.

You have to end it.

It was just like these micro things that you kept, you know what it was a lot of too, which is people listening, you may have this where you're just like, am I okay with this?

Yeah.

Am I okay with compromising?

And when is it not compromising?

And it's like actually kind of giving up something that's important to me or something I did think I want in life, but like, is that superficial to want that?

I think when you really got to the point of knowing is when you were laying it out and speaking to your friends a bunch and it was like you were literally starting to compromise on every single thing in your life and everything.

And it wasn't wasn't even compromise.

It was just like, this isn't the life I saw for myself.

Yeah.

You would say it, but it was like a story you were telling yourself.

And then when you, and this is where daddy gang, like finding friends to make sure that who won't judge you, but can talk with it.

Because I've been in the scenario too, where I would go to Lauren when I was going through a breakup, being like, I'm so devastated, but you kept me on track to be like, but that's not what you want.

I feel like when you went through this, we did the same thing where it was like, this is hard that you're giving all this up, but how about you reframe it and think, can you imagine if you went through with it just because it felt like you were so close to the finish line?

Then you marry this guy and you have kids and every problem.

I was gonna like, I was gonna like look up and be like, how is this my life?

Right.

Like, I didn't want any of this.

Yeah.

I don't agree with the way we're that we're doing this and this and this and this, but I wanted to just get the ring and get the marriage.

And I think that's a really, really understandably relatable thing that women can feel.

Like, I remember dating a guy that was so like financially stable at a time where I really wasn't.

And it became, and I think also like growing up and not being

like having my parents have like all this money, even though being around friends that had it.

I definitely like wanted that.

Like, and so it was attractive to me to have like financial security.

And so I was completely avoiding a lot of things that upset me or made me feel not good about myself because

this main thing that I thought it's okay.

I can look past these things because I feel safe with him.

But it's like, but why do you feel safe with him?

You don't feel like he's actually being like faithful to you.

It's because of the financial stability.

And while that is a huge thing when you think about certain aspects, that doesn't mean fucking shit if you don't have an actual good relationship.

Money is fucking great, but it's not fucking great if you're getting cheated on or you're getting fucking emotionally abused or whatever it be.

So I think a huge lesson for the daddy gang gang that we can take from what you're talking about is like

you felt in your gut,

compatibility wise,

you were off in moments,

but you kept going forward because

you really

also didn't want to give up.

the good parts.

Yeah,

that there was love there,

that

it was all kind of falling into place and like making sense and like i remember saying like in one of my like therapies i was having before like ending the relationship i was like i feel like i'm about to blow up my life and she was like you are but like that's one portion of your life like you still have all of your friendships you still have your career you're still gonna be you that's what's i think so crazy i remember that because we talked about that after that session you had.

It was like, yeah, I guess you could say you're blowing up your life.

Not really.

You're just ending something that was going to bring you in one direction, but it's a portion, and everything else is going to stay the same.

I remember saying that.

Do you remember?

I was like, Yeah, you're going to go to work on Monday, then you're going to go to drinks with your friends at night.

Like everything is kind of the same, but then a huge chunk will be missing.

And so it's really, really terrifying as women because we don't have the

flexibility like men do to just

keep it fucking moving.

Oh, that didn't, that one didn't work out.

I can go over here.

Like they just, they have a different level of privilege.

And

while that is true, I really truly believe that like

staying in something just to appease one other aspect of your life that you're looking for is really going to come and bite you in the ass.

So I also think being easier on yourselves if things aren't working, daddy gang, recognizing that sometimes neither of you are bad people.

It's just, it quite literally is like your traumas and your strong suits and your issues and your things that you bring to the table that are good and bad.

Sometimes they just don't fucking work with someone.

And instead of trying so hard to force it, while yes, a relationship is work, at some point you have to look at yourself.

And I genuinely believe for you, Lauren.

Like, I'm so happy that you lived with him.

I'm so happy that you went all the way to the point of seeing yourself in a dress with a ring, all of it.

Because now we talk about this a lot of like, I can't wait to see the person that you meet next because you are a better person because of that past relationship.

Oh, and like there's God you met him.

And like, there's things that.

Oh, my therapist used to say, every person you date gets you one step closer to the person you're supposed to marry.

And like, there's things that I would have no idea that I did not like and that I definitely need.

Yeah.

And that like trigger me.

And I feel like I just like know myself a lot more now.

And so technically, though, think about this, Daddy Gang, if we're doing the fucking math.

Although maybe you would be engaged right now and planning a wedding.

We have talked about like now knowing how much there was breaking down.

There's a chance either one, you would have been in a really pretty unfulfilling, unhappy marriage, which could have ended in divorce.

Now you're still so much closer though, to just pure happiness of finding your person.

And I think that should hold

a lot of hope in a lot of people's minds if you're about to end something or this episode is helping you think about reevaluating, do you want to take that next step?

While yes, the next step seems super straightforward and easy, if you're not 100% in knowing that's the right next step, you're then going to have to take a lot of backsteps once you go forward because it's going to be like, well, fuck, this isn't working.

Don't force something that's not there.

Everyone's timelines, while yes, it can be straightforward.

A lot of times with timelines, they're just going to like fuck you into making like more rushed decisions where it's like, if you didn't have this in your head and if we didn't have a time clock, like, would you make that decision?

I think that has been like the timeline and the time clock and the biological clock in children has been and like really sitting and thinking like about that aspect has been one of the things the most freeing aspects for me of like I truly feel like so I've never felt more zen or peaceful in my entire life and calm and like not rushed and like awake and confident and like sure and I think it's because I've been having really honest conversations with myself about what was really fueling that like urgency and that rush, and that countdown, and it's children and motherhood.

And

I,

if you would have asked me six months ago, a year ago, my whole life, I would have been like, no doubt I'm having children, like no question I'm having children.

And I don't feel that way anymore.

And it's

a little surprising,

but not sad, if anything, almost freeing

because I think I was really just operating from that place of it's just a what you do.

Like, oh yeah, like I'm gonna have children.

Like, duh, like I have to.

But, like, when I like really think about it, I'm like loving this time period of like feeling like I am the main focus in my life, like truly just me.

And like, what do I want and what makes me happy?

And like, everything is revolving like around you, me.

And like, I get to be selfish.

And like, my entire life, like, I,

from like seventh grade, was, like, put in positions that were like pretty crazy of like taking care of my family emotionally, financially, until

like not too, too long ago.

And like, I'm like,

it's my time.

Yes.

And it's like my turn.

Yes.

And like, if a child fits into that at some point, like, that's great and beautiful.

And like, I know I'd be a great mother

I might have a kid at 40 yes I might not have a kid and that's

and it's like it was like pretty like wild to say that out loud because like

I just

wouldn't have thought it thought it and yet here you are and I feel like again

had you gone down that path with that ex-boyfriend you wouldn't have probably even had a chance to recognize that because of just this time well that's what you and Matt me you and Matt were talking about when you're in something

that you're unsure, you or maybe it was me and you, you and Matt, you chase the next milestone because that like puts like a

it gives you something to look forward to and focus on to distract from the problems in the relationships.

Like, but we're going to get engaged and then everything's going to get better.

And then we're going to get married.

And let's focus on the wedding.

There's so, and then all the wedding ends.

And then, like, let's start planning for the kid.

And then, once you got the kid, we're like, oh, we're going to, and then it's all these distractions and you, these milestones, and everything's good for a little bit.

And then once you hit that there's a come down and then you're like well what the fuck is next and you you've seen those those relationships with people i think it's so beautiful when you said this to me the other day and i was like emotional for you because i feel like

We have so many things that we're just taught from a young age as women and no one really tells us, but by the way, you can do it completely different.

You don't have to do that.

We don't have to do what our moms did.

And I feel like this is such a beautiful place in your life that you're in.

Like you're really, really in control right now and in tune with what you want.

And thank God you listened to yourself when you were in something that would have been easy to move forward with, but difficult in the long run.

It's like the short term reward, really, you have to think about the long term.

And now the fact that you're able to realize all these things about yourself, I'm just so happy for you.

And I really hope people listening can find their version of what you and I are both going through right now.

Cause I think we're both at a period where we're really having to look at ourselves.

And as women, we don't feel comfortable.

Kind of like silencing like the noise

in this moment.

Like, what do I want?

And if you don't know, that's your first step that you need to spend some more time alone time with yourself.

If you're in a relationship, that still means you should be spending alone time and checking in with yourself.

But you guys, Lauren and I this summer are aligned.

We are, I'm on my, I'm doing a huge fucking victory lap and enjoying my fucking time being a newlywed.

And Lauren is fucking single and she's going to have a good summer.

And so I'm just celebrating myself.

Yes.

And so the two of us, I feel like it's this beautiful,

gonna be a great fucking summer of us just like going.

We have a lot of fun plans.

You guys, we have so many fun plans that I, I don't want to fully tell you about because it will be fun.

to roll like for you guys

to roll out our social calendar for you guys um but also more importantly i think Lauren and I will need to come back on this couch soon because

there's a couple of things that maybe you'll find out soon that announcements.

Yeah.

That you and I haven't really

ever, ever, ever talked about that I think will definitely catch people by surprise.

Yeah, I think the daddy gang is going to be like

shocked, but also like, oh, it all makes sense now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's all, all good things are coming summer, but um, thank you for sharing all this.

And because I do really think like so much of what you are going through

right now and always is like so relatable.

And I feel like a lot of people really appreciate whenever you come and sit down.

So thank you, Lauren.

This was this was a fucking wholesome ass episode.

Yeah.

Daddy Gang, we love you.

Thank you so much for tuning in.

And I will see you fuckers next Wednesday.

Goodbye.

Bubba Wallace here with Tyler Reddick.

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