Hunter Schafer: Polyamory, Cheating & Fame (FBF)

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Speaker 1 What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.

Speaker 1 Hunter Schaefer, welcome to Call Her Daddy. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 I am so happy you're here. Thank you.
I'm so happy to be here. Like, I just told you, not the vape, not the vape coming out as you're like, thank you so much.

Speaker 1 This is how comfortable I'm feeling right now. So, but this means the world to me.
I just have to start off and say, because

Speaker 1 my sister, who you have graciously led in this room,

Speaker 1 put me onto your podcast during the pandemic and we were gagging and I'm just I'm so excited I love you okay little do you know I really love you because I have to tell you a story okay so I think it was a year ago we were this close to each other and you had no idea probably we were in Milan and I was sitting were you at the Prada show yes I do remember seeing you there okay this is were you there Okay, okay, Hunter's sister is in the room.

Speaker 1 She's saying she saw me freak out. Okay, this is why life is so fucking stupid because I was standing with my videographer and I was like, Oh my god, it's Hunter.
And he was like, Go say hi to her.

Speaker 1 And I was like, No, no, like that's weird. That's weird.
He's like, No, go say hi. I'm like, No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Like, I believe one day we are gonna meet in a non, like, weird or like moment where I'm like fangirling. That's totally how I feel about people, too.
Like, that I gag over.

Speaker 1 It's like, if I know that we are gonna, because you have that feeling about people sometimes where you're like, I know I'm gonna kick you with this person.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I don't want to fuck it up, but I'm so happy you're here.

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Speaker 1 Okay, tell me about your outfit. How did you pick this outfit? We're loving it.
Okay, thank you.

Speaker 1 Um, you know, I, this is like, well, we, and we were just talking about this kind of is like, I always feel like, like, the image that I put out into the world, like on Instagram, whatever, is like very much like the drag version of who I am.

Speaker 1 And it's like an image that I've put together to like, give to the world. And

Speaker 1 like, that is not how I dress and act in real life and so but like this i feel like your podcast is very about like cozy let's do like give realness and this is my i i picked it up off the floor and put a little stupid outfit together and that's what it that's what this is it's really cute and i'm happy that you're comfortable and that is the key here like coziness yes and rupa also rich okay can i just say that interview like Face cracked me like that interview impacted me so much and also I lived for her outfit for her give with the, with the, oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 It was so incredible because I remember like you're kind of talking like similar with like Rue like presents a specific way and has these like cunt outfits that you're like, this is what I'm talking to about.

Speaker 1 Yes. And I remember when Rue showed up, I was like, oh my gosh.
And I remember the rep was like, no, Rue really wanted to show up today just as like Rue. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And this is what like Rue would be wearing like around Rue's house. And I was like, okay.
Yeah. And so I love that you came just like cozy today.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 You just bought a new house like this year. Yes.
I heard you did too. Yes.
okay. How is it going? Girl.
Oh my god. Girl.
Okay. So I've been looking for a house for a few years now.

Speaker 1 To be to be 100% honest, I have like I didn't grow up with it's it's a very surreal thing to be like making

Speaker 1 significantly more money than like anywhere where I came from like my parents any with anything that I grew up with

Speaker 1 um you know we're just pretty regular middle class and now I'm like I have a

Speaker 1 I have a lot of fucking dough, and I have no idea how to how to use it. And so, I, and it scares me, and, and so, like, at some point, I had to be like, okay, I need to do something with money,

Speaker 1 and uh, and so, um,

Speaker 1 yeah, I've, I've been looking for a house. I finally found this beautiful house, and um, yeah, I've I moved in

Speaker 1 when, September of last year, okay. Um, and I've started on the whole like, now I'm going to hire people to make, I tried doing the whole, I'm going to buy furniture by myself.

Speaker 1 I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. It's so fucking hard.
Are you doing that? Oh my God. I literally left it to my husband because like back in the day.
Your husband is you let your husband do it?

Speaker 1 No, no. I know this sounds insane, Hunter, but like Matt has incredible taste.
He has like perfect taste. And I'm like, now I just let him do his thing because I'm going to be honest.

Speaker 1 I decorated my first New York City apartment where I first lived alone for the first time ever. And I was like, watch me, bitch.
Like, this is going to be so gorgeous.

Speaker 1 I got the couch and the couch sat there for so long. And I'm like, how do you make a space look good? This.
And I see Pinterest and I see like even urban outfitters. Like it looks so cute.

Speaker 1 And then I buy it and it looks like fucking shit. Yes.
So then I hire someone and now I hired my husband to do it. So amazing.
Good. Anyone come over now?

Speaker 1 I wish, I wish I had a husband that had amazing taste. That is not my fucking case, Diva.

Speaker 1 I, I like, yeah, so I, I had, I went through the exact same spiral of like, okay, wait, I, like, I, you know, I look at couches and then I'm like, wait, but, but, like, and this is so, I, I hate, it's so like, it's okay, go off,

Speaker 1 whatever, whatever, go off, uh, you know, like, I look at this amazing couch, but then, like, if I spend a bunch of money on this couch, and then I, the, but then the carpet changes everything, huh?

Speaker 1 Girl, I'm, I'm, like, I, I tried, I really tried, and then I was like, no. So I, um, I hired a designer.
I, yeah. So, so have you seen Troy Savon's AD video?

Speaker 1 Insane. So I hit Troy up and

Speaker 1 he was very gracious in connecting me to those people. So they're doing it for me.
God bless.

Speaker 1 And we are just getting started. Everything in my house right now is completely covered in sawdust because the roof just got done and it all came through the ceiling.
It's insane. So, you know.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, it doesn't maybe matter because you're leaving. No.
Can we talk about this? So, this is all gonna happen while I'm away. Okay.
Yeah. Okay.
So talk to me.

Speaker 1 You walk in here and you're like, bitch, you caught me at a great time. And I'm like, wait, why, Hunter? Why? You're tell me.
Okay. What is happening? Okay.

Speaker 1 So, so, yes, you have caught me for this interview and a very

Speaker 1 it.

Speaker 1 I've had a fucking week. My sister knows this.
I've had a fucking crazy week.

Speaker 1 So I

Speaker 1 got this, it wasn't necessarily an offer, but you know, people, the casting people for this TV show came to me like, you know, a little over a month ago and asked if I was interested. And I initially,

Speaker 1 and this is something we'll get into too, is, is I don't think, you know, I feel like I did TV and that was such a great intro to acting.

Speaker 1 But since moving into films, I realized I love the film format so much more because it's so, it just TV is so, it's a beast. It's a beast.

Speaker 1 And so I was really like under the impression with myself that I was not going to do TV again after Euphoria is over. Okay.
But, um, and so I initially, I, I said, no, I don't think I can.

Speaker 1 I mean, this sounds really cool, but I, I just don't think I can do it again. And then, um,

Speaker 1 and then, uh, you know, and then so they went off and they went into, they tried, you know, they tried casting people and then they came back

Speaker 1 over a little over a week ago and were like hey we just want to gauge your interest again because we really think you are could be really right for this and so i was like okay i need a meeting with y'all to like show me really what you're trying to accomplish here it was an amazing meeting and i was like

Speaker 1 i feel like the universe is like handing me this thing right now it's not what i thought i was gonna give but i feel like i have to do this and um uh can I say what it is?

Speaker 1 It's Blade Runner 2099. So there's, you know, the initial Blade Runner from the 80s, then there's 2049 from 2019.
And so this is the continuation 2099 in TV show format. It's very cool.

Speaker 1 Congratulations. Thank you.
That's like insane. Thank you.
And when you have meetings like that, when you say like it goes well, like what do you look for to make you feel comfortable? Well, yeah.

Speaker 1 So like, I, the acting thing,

Speaker 1 this all, like, I was, I was not looking to be an actor. It's not what I thought I was going to do with my life.

Speaker 1 Um, I still question whether it is, I've just, so this week has been this whole process of being like, shit, I have, I am being handed these incredible opportunities on a silver fucking platter.

Speaker 1 Right. And while it might not be why I thought I was put on this earth to do,

Speaker 1 like this is this is what I'm being fucking called to do right now. Right.
And and so that's been like a big processing moment. And

Speaker 1 and I think it's really allowing me to like head into this project and just like fully like, like, just dive in headfirst and like give myself to it, you know? Okay.

Speaker 1 I have so many questions of just like how we got here and how you are doing. So, you grew up in North Carolina.

Speaker 1 And obviously, that's so fucking different than LA.

Speaker 1 What is your hometown like? Can you describe it? Yeah. So, well, so it's your sister is laughing.
Why is she laughing? It's so funny.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, so I've, I, I, I really, I'm gonna be honest, I've, I've fucking hated North Carolina. Okay.
Um, and uh, growing up there, um,

Speaker 1 being queer, being queer in the south, anybody who's queer in the south knows it's not fucking easy.

Speaker 1 It's really culturally, it's um, in a completely different place than like the bubbles in the cities that we live in.

Speaker 1 Um, and I always knew that I didn't belong there and that I belonged in these spaces where I can like be myself and like not feel like there's a target on my fucking back all the time.

Speaker 1 I really hated it. And like I'm not going to lie like grewing growing up there like like fucked me up.

Speaker 1 I have now come to love it because I can return there in all my bad bitchery and like know that I'm fierce and I don't feel like a fucking nuisance for existing in North Carolina now.

Speaker 1 So I love it now, but growing up there, it was it was tough. I did not like it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What were you like as a kid? Like in this environment? Describe yourself. One of my like, I guess, afflictions with life is I have never been able to really help but be who I am.

Speaker 1 And, and, um, you know, so even before I transitioned, and I transitioned in my first couple years of high school, um, but before I transitioned, you know, I'm just like, can I say bad words? I mean,

Speaker 1 like, yes, please say that. So I'm just like this little faggot.

Speaker 1 Like, I, and, you know, I am like an extremely high femme boy in this, you know, space of like, you know, boys are like very one way, especially in the South. Like, it's just culturally what it is.

Speaker 1 Um, and, but it, I mean, it's one of, I'm so thankful that I have not really been given a choice to be anyone but who I am. So I always stuck out like a sore thumb.

Speaker 1 Um, but I was, I loved like have extremely artistic, um, pretty happy. I've always had like a, like a pretty easy access to like joy, um, I think.

Speaker 1 Um, so like, despite my circumstances, yeah, you know, I, I, I look back on my childhood and despite being in a certain amount of pain just for being who I am, I was a pretty happy kid, you know, that's amazing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like if you're in the south, you're right. As like growing up, if you are queer in the south, like still to this day, it's crazy to say, like, kids are having a hard time.

Speaker 1 Even fucking California, they have a hard time, which is even fucking crazy to say.

Speaker 1 So, when when you're growing up in that environment, I know you have three siblings and you're the oldest. Yes.

Speaker 1 Being the oldest, was it hard to like open up to your siblings or were they like there for you? Like what was that dynamic? I would say the siblings

Speaker 1 was on the easier end because I think that,

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 like me and me and Hannah, like, we, because we're so close in age, so we were in the same schools and

Speaker 1 because nobody really understood like what I was doing, I think, you know, we had our trials and tribulations as siblings and we, but we, we've taught, you know, we've moved far, far beyond that now.

Speaker 1 And, you know, my siblings are some of the closest people in my life now.

Speaker 1 Um, but uh, but at the time, yeah, I think it was, it was a little tough for everybody because no one, not even me, understood what like I was going through and why I.

Speaker 1 stuck out like a sore thumb and you know, whatever.

Speaker 1 But as happy as you were, that like makes me sad for any kid that's like going through something that's like indescribable in your mind at that point did you have a hard time in school like what was your middle school like middle school was probably the hardest actually okay um you know young teenage boys are are pretty gnarly especially when they are confronted with like

Speaker 1 a like a kid who they just don't know what to do with like with they they don't under they have no grasp of like queerness whatever it is so it's like it's like oh like look at this fat like look at this gay kid.

Speaker 1 Like, they just don't know what to do with it. And so they'll be mean, you know?

Speaker 1 Um, and, uh, and, you know, so that was like, that was always tough just dealing with boys who don't, of course, get it. Um,

Speaker 1 but I found my cute little nerdy friend group, and you know, and that was like my first experience of like, okay, if I find my circle, I can be myself and I'll be okay. So, so that was, that was cool.

Speaker 1 But middle school is also when I realized I was gay or like at that time, I thought I was a gay boy. So came out.
Who did you come out to first?

Speaker 1 My friends, my friends. So like, and that's the thing of like, okay, I have this, this network of support where even if

Speaker 1 my parents don't accept, okay, these people will get me. So they were the first people I told.
And then I would, you know, tell my parents, tell my family, whatever. Your parents.

Speaker 1 So your dad was a pastor growing up?

Speaker 1 My parents are still pastors yeah so my dad is a pastor and my mom is you know she's ordained to be a pastor she works in the children ministry ministry in the church okay talk to me about that because just like thinking of like what you were going through as a young kid being in the south and having your dad like a part of the church

Speaker 1 in the church how did that work out it's it's like another layer to it all of of and and thankfully you know i didn't grow up in cath Catholicism or anything and I hear about you know people in my community who grew up in that and it's like oh girl I am so fucking lucky that I got to grow up in a normal even though my parents are pastors and I'm very involved in the church in a in like a on the chiller side of Christianity Presbyterian church oh my god Catholicism is like insane like you're gonna burn alive yeah like I am yeah so there was never like this oh you're going to hell but then I would see things about just Christianity in general where there are churches that like believe you're going to hell

Speaker 1 and and so there was that was this whole complex that i had to get through too um and then but thankfully when i came out as gay to my parents you know i think they i mean i think anybody could have fucking told you by looking at me that i was was gay um at the time um

Speaker 1 uh so that was easier then the trans thing came on later on that that was a bit harder but did you feel like not even just you as an individual like did you and your siblings feel like you guys had this like expectation around you?

Speaker 1 Like, I'm thinking of like TV shows, and I'm like, the pastor, like, I'm thinking, like, seventh heaven back in the day. Like, yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Like, did you guys feel like you had to like live up to this

Speaker 1 like, like, reputation almost? I think it was there.

Speaker 1 Um, and this is something that I definitely dealt with later on too in life of, like, of like, you know, because there's this whole like pastor's daughter, like, trope, you know, and it gets kind of tough because obviously, like, what I do now is very, like, I mean, my first job, when I had to tell my parents that I was doing a TV show,

Speaker 1 and in the first episode, I'm having

Speaker 1 anal sex with a 45-year-old and cutting myself in the arm, like, all this stuff.

Speaker 1 And then, but my first thought is, like, okay, they have to tell their congregation that their kids aren't going to be on TV.

Speaker 1 And then their congregation who are just, you know, little old nice white Christian people from the South are going to watch this TV show and see me getting butt fucked.

Speaker 1 And you're like, and it's like, it's like, oh my God. I'm like, I, so like,

Speaker 1 I thought to a degree, I still do like feel bad because that's something that they still have to deal with.

Speaker 1 You know, my movie coming out next, next, in, in a couple of weeks, Kinds of Kindness, which I'm so excited about. My one scene in it, I got my titties out, girl.

Speaker 1 Like, it's, it's like, you know, and, and I have no personal problems with it, but it is something where I'm like, some people just don't, aren't gonna get it.

Speaker 1 And, you know, that's a whole other thing. How did your parents react when you told them? And also, like, how do you sit your parents down for that? Like, is that after the dinner table?

Speaker 1 Is it a phone call? Is it a FaceTime? Yeah. Is it a letter? So I didn't tell them that I was in the process, in the audition process, because I really wasn't sure that I was gonna do it.

Speaker 1 Because once again, I didn't think acting was my calling or anything.

Speaker 1 It's not my plan it wasn't my plan um so I didn't tell them until I had actually gotten the job um which kind of left them in a situation because it didn't really give them room to like give their opinions or whatever um but I think they were just like worried because that you know they don't come from this world and sometimes I get really jealous of like my peers in this um

Speaker 1 in you know this industry that do have like family in it because yeah I mean there's pros and cons, but and for some, for a lot of reasons, I'm really happy that my family is in this completely separate world.

Speaker 1 But, but, like, the guidance part, I think that's what they were worried about.

Speaker 1 Is I think they, you know, even though they didn't know a lot about it, I think they know the nature of this industry can be very intense, and they just didn't want me to get like fucked up by it, you know.

Speaker 1 That's a good point, and it also sucks. Like, you're, it's so crazy to think that, like, your first fucking acting job is euphoria.
Like, yeah, that is so baller, yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's also like, I get what you were saying. If you, if your family doesn't come from the industry at all, there's also this like natural judgment of, like, are you about to fuck your life up?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like, oh my God, are you making the biggest decision that is going to like ruin your whole life? Exactly.
Where like other people that may be like, are you more used to it?

Speaker 1 It's like, this is how it goes. Get the role.
I just had to tell them, I had to be like,

Speaker 1 it is, I think I used the word risque.

Speaker 1 And I don't think

Speaker 1 a little risky.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 cut to them at the premiere. Like,

Speaker 1 I don't think my mom could even watch it. Like, it's, you know, it's insane.
It's insane.

Speaker 1 You're like, oh my God, it's almost like when you watch a movie with your parents that has a sex scene when you're younger.

Speaker 1 And you're like, and you're pretending you're like, you don't get your ice cream at the time because it's so awkward. Meanwhile, you're like, so that's me.
Yeah. And I can't run away from it.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. God bless you.
Honestly. Like that is strength within strength.
It's so nuts. It's so nuts.

Speaker 1 I'm curious though, when you were talking about kind of closing out that like chapter of middle school, obviously everyone needs a fucking outlet of like, I am dealing with all this shit. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like I remember reading like you said you journaled. I don't know if it was in middle school, but like what did you do to like feel less alone with all these thoughts? Well, yeah, I think.

Speaker 1 And it's part of, it's just part of my nature too.

Speaker 1 And I think part of like the pressure cooker that I sort of placed myself in growing up in a place where I was so unhappy with my surroundings is I, I really like devoted my

Speaker 1 free time and like my life to like like my art.

Speaker 1 And at the time it was visual arts where I put all my creative energy, but I knew that that is like my gift is like I'm an artist and it's still tea to this day.

Speaker 1 Like I know that that's what I was put on this earth to do is to like make stuff.

Speaker 1 But,

Speaker 1 you know, at the time it was visual arts. And so I did everything that I could to just kind of like, like,

Speaker 1 like put all my energy into that and you know it ended up being like my first job like in high school my first job was um contributing to you know making little watercolor comics for an online magazine and stuff you know and so that was like this is what's gonna get me out of here and get me to where I want to be in life you know yeah it's so even hearing you say that it's so hard in general being a child but like at that point it just sucks because like there are so many kids that get to live their life and be like not having to escape and get to like go to the fucking playground and like frolic around you being like, I was trying to like use this as an escape so I didn't have to like deal with like what the fuck was going on in reality.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Then you get to high school.
Did you ever like talk to anyone that you felt like actually understood you?

Speaker 1 Well, so I mean this is the thing is like when the trans thing started coming up and that that kind of started coming up with the onset of puberty

Speaker 1 which I was experiencing severe, like levels of anxiety that no like, you know, middle school or high schooler should be going through at that time,

Speaker 1 especially around something that's, you know, quote unquote inevitable.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I realized that this like wasn't. normal.

Speaker 1 And then I turned to the internet because I didn't even know what being trans was. I had no idea that you could, there were trans people in the world.

Speaker 1 And that's the kind of isolating piece of like growing up in the South, nobody talks about it. There's there's no people in my line of sight that like are this.

Speaker 1 And then so like I, you know, went to the internet, I looked on YouTube and found out like, oh shit, you can, this, it isn't my destiny.

Speaker 1 It doesn't have to be my destiny to become a fucking man and grow a beard, you know, and all that stuff.

Speaker 1 And then, but then it's the whole thing of like, okay, now that I know that this is my tea, I have to get everybody else on board because I'm still a fucking kid, you know?

Speaker 1 Um, so that, and that was harder because I didn't know what it was. My parents didn't know what it was.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 and and that was, that was a bit harder as far as like, you know, there were moments of like when I first came out where like I told them like, I'm a girl. And they were like, no, you're not.

Speaker 1 Like, like, you know, and, but it's not, it's not because I think they've always known like deep down, but like they didn't there's there's one when you don't know like what it is like there's no way to like like real or I don't know contextualize that it's like the concept like when you say that like to actualize it Yeah like people have a hard time especially because like you're saying like no one around you guys like you could relate to yeah, so you're coming to your parents with this information and like obviously some parents are fucking awful when it comes to this, but it sounds like your parents

Speaker 1 they came along. Right.

Speaker 1 They were just like, I don't understand what you mean yeah and i think they started realizing because this when i with the onset of puberty and everything is is where my first i've dealt with mental health you know for a while now and but that's when it first started showing up is in depression and anxiety and my grades started fucking up and I became you know kind of I was becoming a shell of a person and I think they could see that and then they were like shit okay this is this is like like, we got to figure this out, you know?

Speaker 1 Right. And that's what's like so heartbreaking for houses that like don't accept their child.
Cause it's like, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like let them be who they need to be because you're right. Like you're becoming a shell of a person because you're not like who you authentically know you need to be inside.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And everything is telling you one thing. And then everyone is like, no, no, no, don't do that.
Well, I think it's out of love.

Speaker 1 Like, I think it's like, you know, and I think it's like my parents' first reaction was like that because like they love me. They want me to be okay.

Speaker 1 And I'm, I'm pitching them this insane idea that I want to, I want to chop my dick off and become a woman.

Speaker 1 Like, you know, like, like, you know, and that's a very crude way of putting it, but like, just sort of like get my point across. Like, like, and, and I think no one wants anybody

Speaker 1 that they love to, like, endure a harder life than they have to, but sometimes that's, that's the fucking deep. What I,

Speaker 1 I love about you and like, even sitting here, your energy is just like so incredible. And I think back to like younger you, obviously, like going through it, but like, what kind of like

Speaker 1 traits?

Speaker 1 I don't know if that's the right word, but like traits do you think like you gained through like having to really like endure a lot of like turning inward within yourself and like betting on yourself and relying on yourself?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Being trans has been one of the great challenges of my life, and it sucks that I had to deal with it so so young and that I live in a world that you know is constantly fighting me on that.

Speaker 1 Um, and it and it absolutely fucked me up. And I'm still dealing with the ramifications of that today.

Speaker 1 Um, but at the same time, I would not have it any other way because it has taught me, and it's why I'm so thankful for it.

Speaker 1 It has taught me that uh like the power of intuition and kind of like the proof that I have like a soul and you know and like um

Speaker 1 and that there and that like all the answers are inside of me you know and uh at least for my truth and my life and whatever and and like that is like priceless and um and it's something that I use as you know a grounding force in everything that I do in my life now you know so yeah it's I'm so thankful for it you know first of all like thank you for sharing all that because I I know it's personal and I really appreciate you opening up because, like, when you're saying the intuition thing within yourself, it almost like made me cry because I'm like, that is so fucking real.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And so many people watching this are probably going to be like, that's why I want to share this.
It's incredible. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And like, just sharing your experience, like, that is like so powerful to be like. lean the fuck into what you feel.
Stop listening to what everyone else is saying. I know it's so fucking hard.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But when you can start to channel that, like we all know what's best for ourselves. Exactly.
No, even with us. And you can even like,

Speaker 1 you, it's so weird, like, your layers of like consciousness and everything. Because you can totally, on surface level, be telling yourself something is right for you.

Speaker 1 When in reality, deep down, and you, and you know, it's there, but you won't look at it like you're only looking at this thing that you're telling yourself. But deep down, you know.

Speaker 1 You, you always know. You always know.
You know. You can try to avoid it sometimes.
Yeah. Like, that's literally.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And you literally put yourself in your own psychosis of like, of like believing in this reality that is not actually yours. It's so real.
It's so crazy.

Speaker 1 I also appreciate like, as we're kind of just going through your life, I wonder, and you could, you don't need to answer, but like, is it annoying sometimes?

Speaker 1 Because like a part of, a big part of your life is like this, this moment that you realize, like, oh, like, I don't know if I'm like happy with the way that I was like born and I want to be this way.

Speaker 1 And like, I'm so happy with myself now. But like, is it annoying when you're in interviews that like, like, I want to talk about this before?

Speaker 1 Because I didn't want to be like, I didn't want to ask you about it. That's why I was like, oh, we got to high school in your life.
I know what happened in high school.

Speaker 1 Like, I would ask anyone on the show, and I hope you know, like, you can talk about it as much or not as much as you want. But, like, are you like, and are we gone?

Speaker 1 Like, I'm this, like, so I thought about this today because I just recently had an interview come out where I, I fucking,

Speaker 1 this was the longest interview I've ever done. It was two, like, four-hour sessions.

Speaker 1 And so, I really just was, I was hyped up on caffeine i was yapping i was talking about whatever i wanted to and i did i i gabbed about how fucking frustrating it is um to constantly because like in interviews for like press things when i'm promoting a movie or something it's oftentimes the first thing an interviewer will will

Speaker 1 ask about because it's what makes me unique and they know that it'll get clicks you know but what's frustrating to me about that is i'm here to promote my work in a movie that has nothing to do with that.

Speaker 1 And you are just fishing for things that will get you clicks. And that's what's so frustrating to me about that.

Speaker 1 This today, when what I love about this podcast is like, is that you like, we're talking about real shit and life and whatever. And I can't really talk about my life in full honesty without.

Speaker 1 talking about it.

Speaker 1 And it is something I do believe because I didn't really fame is something that I'm like, I've, I don't, like, I didn't really, I knew what I want to do, like, with my life often involves fame to some degree.

Speaker 1 It's not something that I thoroughly enjoy, but I do feel like I have been put in this position in order to

Speaker 1 help. progress like the movement.
But do you ever feel exhausted from that? Like it's not your fucking job to educate people. All the time.
All the time. And that's the thing.

Speaker 1 I don't like like talking about like just like educating people on like the fact like bitch google is like like literally that's how i learned about it so you can you can certainly do it too um but as far as like my experience and also helping other young trans people who might watch this or watch some of my other work which sometimes I do incorporate my transistors into my work.

Speaker 1 You know, that's who I'm doing it for.

Speaker 1 You know, yeah, I feel like there's a difference between like genuinely and authentically just like speaking about your experience yeah people are like oh like i like what she said there versus being like so hunter yeah in high school and you're like jesus christ i'm promoting like the hunger game why are you asking me about what it was like being a tranny growing up in the church

Speaker 1 like what the

Speaker 1 are you talking about yeah no i i respect that and i just wanted to hear from you because i bet it's annoying speaking of high school yeah did you like dabble with drugs and alcohol at all were you like pretty clean?

Speaker 1 So, and that's something that I think the church thing that I'm pretty thankful for is

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 did,

Speaker 1 you know, I would smoke weed with my friends. And I, and now I've learned to, I've come to learn I fucking hate weed is not for me.
I cannot smoke it.

Speaker 1 And I had this really horrible experience with it like when I was like 18, 19 or something where I like, I smoked and I literally thought I was in hell and then I've never done it again.

Speaker 1 So I'm like really off of it. That's the only thing that I kind of dabbled with.
And then, like, you know, drinking here and there,

Speaker 1 but never really getting into it. That's been more of like an early 20s thing, you know.
You need to be like in your room, like by yourself, or that can be scary, or with one friend that you trust.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And like ease in.
Yes. Because that's my thing with weed is, is like, because some people can just smoke and just like kiki.
And bitch, that is not how.

Speaker 1 Like when I have smoked weed in the past I become nonverbal I'm on the floor and like a creature like that's that's just when I have smoked that's what that's my teeth that's what I get terrified and and you can't do that around especially people you don't know then you're like psych yourself out and like hunter you're like yeah I'm just

Speaker 1 like, no,

Speaker 1 they're like, it's weed. Like, it's not that deep.
And you're like, it is that deep. It is that deep.
I think weed is one of the most psychedelic drugs on the fucking planet.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's a stretch, but like, it's literally, it's, it's, I think it is very psychedelic. Um, okay, let's talk about euphoria.

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Okay.

Speaker 1 I think I read somewhere, but like, I don't know if you've ever actually like told the whole story like on a... show where I can hear you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Tell me the story of how you got the role and like how it all came to be. Um, I I was taking gap year

Speaker 1 and modeling in New York at the time. I got scouted over Instagram, blah, blah, blah.
I go to model. I'm like, I want to make some money.

Speaker 1 That's not what happened, by the way, but I left modeling in debt.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 you can dream. That's another

Speaker 1 story. Anyways, I'm doing like my model give.

Speaker 1 And, you know, right as I'm getting ready to like

Speaker 1 go to college because that was my plan. I was going to save up money, whatever, go to college.

Speaker 1 Then this casting call comes about and I see it floating around on Instagram. And then my agency tells me that they have asked me to come in.

Speaker 1 And so this happened with, there are a handful of trans girls working. There's a lot more now.
There's like a handful of trans girls working in modeling at the time.

Speaker 1 We had all gotten asked to come in for this, for this

Speaker 1 audition. And I was really like, I don't know, because it's like trans and like, and it's, you know, not written by a trans.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I don't know and then uh but i i go in because they really want me to and because i'm like okay let me let's just like see what this is about um

Speaker 1 and i went in uh and by the way i have no acting experience i have no idea what i'm doing um

Speaker 1 so i get in and the the great thing is that they essentially just wanted me to play myself um so I got to basically just like be myself with lines.

Speaker 1 And I think that whatever that was, it worked for them. you know.
So, I keep getting callbacks, callbacks, callbacks.

Speaker 1 Um, eventually, they fly me out to LA for like a final audition, um, in front of all these HBO execs in this crazy room.

Speaker 1 And then I find out later that afternoon that um, I got the role, and you know, and I was still teetering on, like, do I, this is was not my plan, and this changes everything.

Speaker 1 And I have to be completely honest, then I saw

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 paycheck, the, the, the, per episode and i was like this is more money than i've ever seen in my whole entire life

Speaker 1 i

Speaker 1 i don't think i can say no to this um

Speaker 1 um and and frankly at that point i had also read more of the episodes i really liked the show you know so it's it's like it's a combination of those things um

Speaker 1 and um and i really liked the uh showrunner sam uh we had had really good meetings and i was like okay i feel like and it's the same thing that keeps happening where I'm being handed this thing.

Speaker 1 I think I have to take it. Um, and so I did.

Speaker 1 It's so crazy that, like, you had no interest in fame, and obviously, like, I'm assuming, like, once you took the show, you guys didn't know it was gonna be like what it was gonna be.

Speaker 1 So, well, I think we all knew it was something special when we were making it. Um, we all like, we loved the first season, oh, it was so magical, like, we, we all loved it so much.

Speaker 1 Um, and we still, I mean, we still, like, we look back on it as, as, like, wow, like, like, we all got to grow up inside of this thing together. It's really special.
Um,

Speaker 1 um,

Speaker 1 but yeah, I didn't, we didn't know that it was going to become what it did. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Can you like take me to that moment where you're like realizing like the show's out, fame is happening, everyone knows your name?

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, it's one of the most surreal things I've ever been through because

Speaker 1 it's um because

Speaker 1 you are still the same person so I'm still the same person but then the entire world's relationship to you changes like that

Speaker 1 um and it was I'm not gonna lie it was really it it threw me for a fucking loop and thank God

Speaker 1 we all

Speaker 1 the cast and I came up in this together and we were able to like like lean on each other in this just like really surreal experience Um, uh, because I don't know how I could have fucking handled it if, if, um,

Speaker 1 if I didn't have them, and you know, like, particularly Z,

Speaker 1 um, who's one of my best friends in the world to this day, isn't it?

Speaker 1 And, and she, you know, thankfully, she had had some experience with Vame already, and, um, and we were really close by the time we really, like, kind of, you know, fell in love with each other as friends in the first season.

Speaker 1 And she was able to help me through all of that too. But it was very surreal.

Speaker 1 and i wouldn't say i had no interest in fame because i knew fame could get me the things that i wanted to do in life and i knew that could be a tool but it's not like i had any person and i still don't really have any personal like i don't personally gain anything from it if anything it's just like made existing in public a little harder as a socially anxious person but like um

Speaker 1 but it's a it's an amazing tool to like get what i want and to make what i want happen No, it's so interesting you say that because I

Speaker 1 people always say like, oh, people think they want fame and money, but if you just hand them money, then they actually don't even need the fame.

Speaker 1 That part. Right.
Because like, bitch, if I could walk away from all of this with the money and not have, oh, right. Life would be.

Speaker 1 Right. And some people like it.
Like, I get that. But like, yeah, some people do.
And some people are meant for it. Some people were like, like, this is what you were supposed to do, Diva.

Speaker 1 Do you have a moment where you were like, found yourself like very overwhelmed by it all and you like were shutting down?

Speaker 1 So I remember some of the first moments of getting recognized in public happening.

Speaker 1 Like I think me and Barbie were at a cafe and, you know, the first like four episodes or something were out and it hadn't really started.

Speaker 1 But then,

Speaker 1 but we're just at a cafe mining our business and and then we have people start coming up to us and it's the first time this has ever happened to me and

Speaker 1 it's just really surreal. And then I think the moment that I really realized things were changing was I was in New York doing press and it's one of those interviews.

Speaker 1 I forget what it's called, but it's like it's like kind of public because they do the interview in this like corner glass oh like the today show vibe where it's like today show

Speaker 1 like people can see you people can see you from the inside and and you know so i walk in to to do this interview and everything's kind of normal.

Speaker 1 And then by the time I come out from doing the interview, a crowd and paparazzi have amassed. And then

Speaker 1 we get followed around. And my mom is there with me too.
And we get followed around by these paparazzi for the rest of the day. And just coming from what I come from, like, and

Speaker 1 it was, I like, I couldn't fucking process it.

Speaker 1 And it was, it's, it's scary cuz like getting followed and having people scream at you and stuff It's it it puts you in like a like a fight or flight like it's like like cuz you know you you can understand on a surface level What's happening, but your body doesn't know that and you feel like you're in a cage because you're like well I can't open my car door.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Exactly.
So you're just kind of like I'm sad. Yeah.
Is your mom like what the fuck? I think I mean my mom was great because I think she knew that I was really overwhelmed.

Speaker 1 So she was just there for me. Yeah.
But I think we both at the end of that day had, we were just like,

Speaker 1 what the fuck? Just happened. Yeah.
And, and then, you know, it's kind of never been the same since. Well, and I appreciate you sharing, like, you're like, I'm a socially anxious person.

Speaker 1 So, like, naturally, this isn't something that I'm like, let's go.

Speaker 1 Like, how do you, in moments where your life is feeling too Hollywood, like, how do you come back to being like hunter yourself, not hunter-schaefer, like, rada, vogue, all the things? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's taken a while, but I've, I've created this dichotomy between the hunter Schaefer that I give to the world and then like

Speaker 1 Hunty, who that's what my friends call me and everything. Like, like, those are two different people.
And so, like, she, the famous hunter, is kind of like my drag.

Speaker 1 And having those be separate is so important

Speaker 1 for my fucking sanity. Yeah.
Um, and it's also, I have, and it's one of my greatest gifts in this life is I have wonderful, wonderful friends and family

Speaker 1 and and they're people a lot of them have been around

Speaker 1 before I got famous and so they know me and and you know don't really can't really project my drag onto me like they know me for me um

Speaker 1 and uh um and so having them there is just like priceless yeah that's amazing that you've like been able to figure that out pretty quickly because that takes some people like a really long time.

Speaker 1 It was not quick. Right.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, even though like you don't think it's quick, some people literally get to the point where like at the end of their career, they're like, I should have like disconnected more.

Speaker 1 And I do think, thank God, you have your friends and family that are like, you're hunty, bitch. And don't forget it.
Okay. We're going to treat you like you're just hunty and you're not hunter shafer.

Speaker 1 We're not going to treat you different because

Speaker 1 that causes people to become monsters that they're like, do this for me and do this for me. And then you're not even a real human.
You're a robot.

Speaker 1 No, you're like, yeah, it's, it's, it's psycho and it's sad to watch because it, you, you know, we, we do watch it happen to people a lot yeah obviously I have to ask is season three happening like what are we doing girl

Speaker 1 you know obviously I like the real tea is I have no idea fucking idea what's going on and you can ask literally all of the cast

Speaker 1 and it's

Speaker 1 you know it's I mean

Speaker 1 here's the real tea is that A lot has happened.

Speaker 1 But at least for me and knowing where the rest of the cast is at, and everything

Speaker 1 to, I mean, a lot has happened. We have had, um,

Speaker 1 and it's hard to talk about, but, um, you know, we've had deaths. Um, oh,

Speaker 1 girl, getting emotional. Okay.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 and, um,

Speaker 1 it's, um,

Speaker 1 I think everyone feels a certain um

Speaker 1 sense of

Speaker 1 oh girl sorry oh it's okay um anticipation um

Speaker 1 for like if we are supposed to do this season three of like

Speaker 1 um obviously i'm still coming to

Speaker 1 qualms with what's happened um

Speaker 1 and losing people that we uh

Speaker 1 really loved and we're a part of this family and everything you know um

Speaker 1 And I think season, if we do go back, it's um

Speaker 1 uh it's that's going to be tough. I mean, and I think there's a world in which we can channel that into making it a beautiful season three if it is supposed to happen.

Speaker 1 But I think, you know, that shit really threw everyone for a loop. So on an emotional level, and then there's, you know, all these, you know, industry, whatever political.

Speaker 1 things that are that go into whether or not this is happening but that's emotionally i think where a big part of what's happening

Speaker 1 too, you know?

Speaker 1 I'm so fucking sorry. And like,

Speaker 1 it, it

Speaker 1 clearly, like, you were obviously so close. When you even talked about the cast, I'm just so sorry because, like, when you talk about like this rise, like, this is, this became like your family.

Speaker 1 Like, these are people that you were like, fuck, I don't know how to handle this. None of us know how to handle this.
Let's all lean on each other. So, like, I can't imagine.
And I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 And like, thank you. There is no right or wrong whether you guys come back or don't.
Like, it's been one of the most incredible rides, and you guys have done such an incredible job.

Speaker 1 And, like, thank you for giving your life to something that has really brought so many people like entertainment and happiness.

Speaker 1 And, like, there's a lot of themes that I think people have loved that are very progressive and have just helped a lot of people. So, whether it comes back or not,

Speaker 1 we love you all. Thank you.
And we support you. Thank you.
And thank you for being real with me. Of course, let me give my emotional teasing, whatever, because

Speaker 1 I'm still

Speaker 1 in it, girl. It's it's crazy.
Grief is a motherfucker and it's not linear.

Speaker 1 And some days you'll see a picture in it, you know, or like a thing in the street, and you're like, it'll hit me on the toilet. I don't know.
It's just like, you know, it's you never know. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 You never know.

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Speaker 1 Okay, I'm gonna shift our energy and we're gonna play Would You Rather? Oh shit. And then we're gonna get into dating.
Okay, we're reading. Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Okay, here we go.

Speaker 1 We're gonna play Would You Rather?

Speaker 1 Would you rather wear euphoria style makeup every day for the rest of your life or never wear makeup again. Never wear makeup again.
Easy. No, no shade to euphoria makeup.
I just am a no makeup girl.

Speaker 1 Love it. You're gorgeous.
Thank you. Okay.
Would you rather send a nude to the wrong person or accidentally send a sext to your mother?

Speaker 1 That's insane, Alex Cooper. That's such a fucking crazy question.

Speaker 1 I would,

Speaker 1 well, it depends on who's getting the nude.

Speaker 1 Because, like, my friends and I, like, we, we, you know, they see me naked. It's, it's no big deal.
You might be like, you send it to a friend. But what if I fucking send it to my mom?

Speaker 1 Then that's, might just be as bad as the sex. Um,

Speaker 1 um,

Speaker 1 you know what? I think, you know, my mom has seen me get butt-fucked on television. I think she can handle

Speaker 1 an accidental sext. And we can recover from that.
I love that. That's just so much about you and you.
What would you do? Honestly,

Speaker 1 I guess I was going to say the nude, but again, it depends who it's to. Because if I'm looking cute, I'm like, oh, like it's like accidentally sent it to an ex.
I'm like, yeah. But, right.

Speaker 1 That's you know, yeah. Not bad.
But if it's to like a co-worker or like a producer,

Speaker 1 executive. No, ma'am.
Absolutely. Absolutely not.
I think my mom, depending on the level of the sex, yeah. Like if it's like a choke on your cough situation, um,

Speaker 1 I'm like, mom.

Speaker 1 This is such a crazy question.

Speaker 1 When I wrote it, I'm like, what is wrong with you? I pray for both of us that we never have to deal with that.

Speaker 1 Me too.

Speaker 1 What is your opinion on sexting? Um, it's

Speaker 1 like, I've tried.

Speaker 1 I've had cute moments with it.

Speaker 1 It's never ideal, I would say. It's exhausting.
It's exhausting for me personally. I personally, I hate texting in general.
Done.

Speaker 1 If we need to, if we're going to talk, FaceTime me. You know, I'm a FaceTime girl.

Speaker 1 So the text.

Speaker 1 Have you ever reused a nude? Absolutely.

Speaker 1 The best. Absolutely.
Perfect use of your time. Yes.
You're like, oh, let me go into the storage closet. Let me pick out which one I'm loving today.
Go to the library. You pick it out.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Get that shit out there. Okay.
Here we go. Yeah.
Drunkenly hook up with a friend who you know has feelings for you and you don't have feelings back

Speaker 1 or you have to get back with your most recent ex for a month.

Speaker 1 So, okay, actually, you know what? No, like I, so

Speaker 1 my friendships, um, especially a lot of my, I come from a lot of lesbians in my circle.

Speaker 1 Um, and I don't know how many lesbians you've talked to, but most of everybody has already had sex with each other and probably will again.

Speaker 1 And that is very much the case for me and my like, like lesbian lesbian friends, friend group. Um, so that would probably be no problem if that happens.

Speaker 1 Have you ever hooked up with a friend and regretted it?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't really regret

Speaker 1 too much. Um, okay.
No, I mean, there's, I've definitely like drunkenly done things where I'm like, ooh, girl, like, that like, like, that didn't need to happen.

Speaker 1 But it's not, like, no no shade no no nothing okay fair yeah what is going on in your dating life are we single right now are we dating no we are i am single as

Speaker 1 okay um are you loving it i am loving it so yeah so i mean you know like i think it is perfect for what i where i'm at in life right now um because especially given this past week's stuff where i am about to undertake this enormous project.

Speaker 1 And the last time I did it, you know, I was in my first relationship when I first started Euphoria. And I didn't know going into it how much of

Speaker 1 me it takes. And I really live in that world when I'm doing it.
And,

Speaker 1 you know, like that relationship didn't end up working out because I just had no capacity to

Speaker 1 do a relationship. So I think it is so perfect that I am single as a Pringle right now.
Um, because I get to to just dive in headfirst into this. Um, but

Speaker 1 um,

Speaker 1 but um, yeah, my last relationship was like, I don't know, it's where we've we hit the year mark a little bit ago since we broke up. So, yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you prefer someone in the industry or not in the industry? Um, it's not really a, I mean,

Speaker 1 this is, it's still tough, and I still like don't totally

Speaker 1 know, but you know, because I've done both. Um,

Speaker 1 and uh, it's they both are really nice for their own reasons.

Speaker 1 Because obviously, and I have this with my friendships, too, where, like, I, my job and my life that I live requires me to be on standby all the time.

Speaker 1 I found out that I'm spending the rest of the year in Europe

Speaker 1 like not even a week ago. And, and, and, and, you know, it's like it's hard to maintain relationships.

Speaker 1 And so the people that have stuck around in my life know that i operate on this level where like you know and and it's all like my best friendships are like this where like we can go a month or however long and not talk and then when i when i come back or when they come back we can pick right back up where we left off that's how i operate in my relationships i've like it's just how it is right now um

Speaker 1 and uh and so Yeah, like with the relationships too, it's it's like it's it's nice dating other people in the industry because they also work like that. Right.
So I get it.

Speaker 1 Like, they're like, they're not going to be annoyed that you're like leaving for a certain amount of time. Because I've had friendships end because they're just like, girl, like, you're like,

Speaker 1 what's going on where are you? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I have work. Yes.
Yeah. Okay.
What is the best first date you've ever been on? Best first date I've ever been.

Speaker 1 So the date, like, dates is like

Speaker 1 not

Speaker 1 real. I'm just now getting into like the era of my life where like I'm an adult and I feel like more like

Speaker 1 the idea of someone asking me on a date or me asking someone on a date, like a first date where you go to dinner and you like get to know each other.

Speaker 1 Like, I haven't done a whole lot, like a lot of like my previous stuff is like we start out as friends or random hookup, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 Um, and then it turns into whatever it is. Um, but I would like, I would like the dating thing.
It sounds funny. No, okay.
So when you go on a fucking date. You had a first date with your husband.

Speaker 1 I did. It was like the best first date I ever had.
Yeah. Which is annoying because I hate that.
Like, I feel like some dates could be great first dates and then they like turn out to be fucking shit.

Speaker 1 It turns out that he wasn't a dick. He actually was a lovely guy.
And I ended up marrying him.

Speaker 1 But I've had good first dates, but I've had awful first dates before.

Speaker 1 I also think like it is more normal sometimes to just like go from friends and then all of a sudden you're just like hanging out at your house, your apartment, and like that's fine too. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Have you ever had it where like after a first hookup, you're like, oh my fucking God, the chemistry was so insane. Like, I must see this person again.
Yeah. So you've had that before.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
And that's, that tends to be more than those, like, what will turn into a relationship. Yeah.
Okay. Who is currently your celebrity crush? Oh God.

Speaker 1 Oh God.

Speaker 1 Um, let's see. Who is not offensive to say that you wanted to run into next week? Oh no.

Speaker 1 Let's see.

Speaker 1 Alevix, I don't know. I can't like

Speaker 1 say this stuff.

Speaker 1 Actor. I'm trying to think.
Musician. No, well, I have a type.
Okay. Oh, what's musicians?

Speaker 1 I love a musician.

Speaker 1 I've dated a couple now.

Speaker 1 I think I've seen that. Yeah.
I think I've seen that. I've dated a few now.

Speaker 1 I love a musician. One with like long hair, one with like short hair.

Speaker 1 you know it's like the little sucker in me that's just like oh my god you are so charismatic and you will play the guitar whatever and i'm like goo googaga has anyone ever written you a song yeah

Speaker 1 yeah oh and and trust me they know what they're doing too they know what they're doing with that and but it it works

Speaker 1 oh my gosh like on the guitar just like sitting on the bed you know yeah or or like, you know, send it to you. And, you know, like, you know, yeah, it's, it, it works.

Speaker 1 I fear for anyone

Speaker 1 who has this happen to them because you're, you're done. You're gone.
You're done. You're done.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you meet another musician, do you think you're going to be like, I have to break the curse and the pattern, or are you going to go back? Are you talking to any musicians right now?

Speaker 1 Like, if you find a musician that you like again, are you going to just go right back in? Oh, girl.

Speaker 1 I mean, no.

Speaker 1 So, like, the thing that's tough with musicians, or at least in, in like my line, or like with successful musicians who are like doing tours and stuff is, is, is like, it's, I mean, and it's, I guess it's the same thing with actors where they have to go off for however many months and tour.

Speaker 1 And then I'm working for how it's like, it's very hard. So I don't know if that is like in my path again because I've done it and I've tried it and really tried to make it work.

Speaker 1 And it's just very hard. And I don't have, at least at this point in my life, I don't have the capacity to like figure out how that works.
Maybe someday, though. We'll see.

Speaker 1 Do you like how I like let you off the hook? I'm like, okay, you don't have to answer. I'm like, I really wanted to give an answer.
You'll tell me after.

Speaker 1 You'll tell me after. Yeah.
Do you fall in love easily? So I'm like, falling in love is like so, like,

Speaker 1 it's so, I'm still like figuring out like what it means because I've been in love with people who are like

Speaker 1 still some of my best friends to this day and um and like we were definitely like in love at that point but it's changed in its nature and I still love the shit out of this person but it's not like

Speaker 1 that infatuation thing so I feel I it's there's a part of me that's like is being in love like just a deep infatuation and then like that sort of subsides and then it just becomes like you just love this person

Speaker 1 I don't know it's sort of funny. But I also, I know what being in love, it's like a whole body, like, you know, right? Yeah.
But I think that makes sense.

Speaker 1 I think you're like at that point in your life where you're like experiencing these relationships. I've been through it enough now.
Yes.

Speaker 1 But like you may find someone at some point that you're like, oh,

Speaker 1 wait, that is different than infatuation. Right.
Right. That's when you'll know is when you're like, oh, wait.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because love for me when I was younger, like it really, I went through a point where it was just infatuation. Then I was like, is this love or is this infatuation?

Speaker 1 And then I think when I met Matt, I was like, Oh, this is like different. Yeah.
With my past relationships, I've been like, if we were in love, in love. Like, I know what that is.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And it's confusing.
You know what I'm saying? Well, because it feels different with every partner, also. Yeah.
And I also don't believe in like one true love.

Speaker 1 No, I completely agree.

Speaker 1 How do you handle when people like public opinion on your like romantic relationships? That is something

Speaker 1 that I I have learned.

Speaker 1 So my last relationship was my first public relationship.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I'll ever do it again. At some point when you're doing it, it gets just too hard to

Speaker 1 like, I mean, you can try to hide it, but like whatever. But I'm also, I've also come to this point just with...

Speaker 1 fame in general where like people are gonna say what they're gonna say and I really don't give a shit.

Speaker 1 Cause like, you know, I get called a man

Speaker 1 hundreds of times on the internet every single day it's like it's like I'm I'm so used to like the just fucking idiots just like saying

Speaker 1 bullshit all the time so like it's you know on one hand it's like

Speaker 1 I don't care and then on another hand it's like if you don't like obviously a relationship is is like personal and private and and like you should not be you need to eliminate as many factors that are gonna make it facts more complicated than it needs to be if you can so i don't know i'm it's something when i start dating again or something i'll i'll well i think it's interesting too like you said like this was your first like public relationship and i think there's pros and cons where you're like finally we can just like be yeah and like we can go into an event together like as we would want to naturally do but then you're like people are taking pictures and then people are staring yes and then when you break up someone like me is asking you about it and then you're like alex don't ask Well, no, I'm excited to be talking about love and everything.

Speaker 1 Like, it's not like, it's not like things that I don't want to talk about necessarily.

Speaker 1 Like, I've learned a lot.

Speaker 1 And something that I really love about all my relationships is I, like, you know, even if like bad shit has happened in them or whatever, or they have like fucked me up to some degree or something that they have,

Speaker 1 I feel like all of my relationships, I've come out knowing that it taught me something about myself and about people. And that's like, I feel really thankful for that, you know? Absolutely.

Speaker 1 I feel like that's like the best takeaway from any relationship or anything in life, even if it's not romantic. It's a friendship, it's a work relationship.

Speaker 1 I was, when I was researching you, um, I was reading something where like your former co-har co-star slash relationship, yeah, he kind of like talked about like his need for like to get out of like his codependent tendencies.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm sure you read this. Yeah, were you on the same page? Like, is a breakup like where you're like blindsided or like, were you okay?

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, so, so, so like he he said that um and but that that breakup um was uh it was like a mutually like yeah it was a mutually agreed upon thing and it was it's one of the cleaner breaks of breakups i've had of like we both recognize that this is not working and we can't do this we gotta go our own separate ways and uh it was so So hard because we really, we really loved each other, you know, and he's, he's a really special person.

Speaker 1 And I love his soul and everything. And it by no means was that really, that was, it was messy, you know, but, but, um, but

Speaker 1 it was a clean, it was a clean parting. And, um,

Speaker 1 and he has a lot to work on. And I also have a lot to work on.

Speaker 1 Like, and, and, like, and so I think that's also why I'm in this like era of like, I'm gonna, I gotta figure my shit out because that was, we had a really good thing.

Speaker 1 And, but there were things in our own selves that had nothing to do with each other that kept coming up in the way of the relationship, you know. So, 100%.

Speaker 1 What are you like in a relationship? Um, I think it's different for everyone, like, it's really different with every kind of person, too. Because I've been, I used to

Speaker 1 exclusively date not men. Um,

Speaker 1 and uh, and this last relationship was my first relationship with a man, a cis man, you know.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 it's different. It's very different than the like dating.
I've dated trans women. I've dated

Speaker 1 trans men. I've dated cis women.
And all of it, you know, I've kind of been around the buck and it changes.

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 1 the transness is really...

Speaker 1 interesting because everyone interacts with it differently. Everyone has their own like,

Speaker 1 you know, like

Speaker 1 way of approaching it. And I have my own way of approaching that relationship with that kind of person.

Speaker 1 It's interesting. It's a significant share.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I'm excited to like talk about it. Yeah, this is interesting.
Yeah. So I'm so thankful for my first relationship.

Speaker 1 And I've talked about this before too. It was with a trans woman

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 it was my

Speaker 1 entrance into

Speaker 1 sex, romance, all of that stuff.

Speaker 1 All of those were firsts in that relationship, and it was with another trans woman. Thank God.

Speaker 1 Thank God. And I'm so, and we're still friends to this day too.

Speaker 1 That,

Speaker 1 you know, she kind of like showed me the ropes because, you know, dating as a trans person is,

Speaker 1 it's, it's complicated, let me tell you.

Speaker 1 It's not easy.

Speaker 1 And to know in my first relationship and in my first, like, really being in this mutual love thing,

Speaker 1 you know first time having sex that i got to do it with somebody who completely understands my gender incredible and sexual oh i'm so thankful for it um

Speaker 1 and and that's and so i'm really thankful that i started out with other trans people because there's there's sort of being trans or having trans people in your life um there's a lens that you sort of acquire and and it's something that like ignorant people who have no idea how to how to

Speaker 1 engage with trans people or think about trans people, they don't have the lens that allows them to see whatever person as the gender that they are presenting as or whatever.

Speaker 1 And this is a lens that you acquire as you like, you know, spend more time with trans people and everything. And so, like, knowing that that lens is there with whoever I was with,

Speaker 1 amazing. And then it's interesting branching out from there into like cis people,

Speaker 1 cis women or cis men, where I'm not sure that they have the lens, even with hookups or whatever. And this is a constant anxiety I've had with hooking up with like cis women or something, is that

Speaker 1 I'm worried, especially also because I'm pre-op, that maybe are they seeing something in me that I

Speaker 1 that is not part of what I give or something and they might want. And I've had hookups before with like cis women where

Speaker 1 they wanted me to like fuck them or something like a like a guy and it's because I have a dick and like that's like

Speaker 1 and then like that coming up in a hookup and being like oh god like

Speaker 1 it's tough but then you will find cis people who do know and and just get it and that's what was so amazing about my ex-boyfriend was from the get-go

Speaker 1 Never, never a fucking he saw me exactly for who I was, which is amazing it's amazing too i appreciate you describing this too because like it's kind of hard to no but like i'm i'm keeping up with you because what i first of all i'm so happy for you and i know everyone doesn't have that experience is like the fact that you were with someone you felt so safe with and you were like oh you get me because we're similar so it's it's a privilege to come across people in romance and sex and dating where where that lens is there.

Speaker 1 If someone understandably is like, I don't know, like, what you want, and they come to you, like, vulnerable of like, I really like you, like, are you open to like, that's such a turn on? Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Like, tell me what you want. They are coming because, you know, it put it puts their intention on the table of, oh, I like you.
I do want to do this with you.

Speaker 1 I'm just, I'm just a little inexperienced here. Love that.
Love that. Amazing.

Speaker 1 It's, it's when they don't and they don't know what they want or they want something that like, I am not capable of giving, then it's like sticky and gross.

Speaker 1 So, your first relationship with a guy, like, just like a guy that was also my first monogamous relationship. Everything else had been polyamorous because that's what I came up in.

Speaker 1 That's how I learned relationships. And I kind of touched on it before.
I've, I had, like, I had built up a complex against men. Understandable.

Speaker 1 And so, like, because most, if not all of my deeply painful experiences I've had in life have been with men.

Speaker 1 And so, I really like came into this complex of I never want to let a man that close to me in my life i don't see a world in which it's possible really i was kind of

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 like it was you know my bare i put up walls and and kind of been had been the dying denying the fact that I am attracted to men and I do want to date and whatever men and that that's okay and I need to let my walls down and so that's what was so amazing about my last relationship too is also and that's kind of what was cool about the public aspect is this is a straight guy who is in the music scene too and and uh and um and we are in a public relationship he's dating a trans woman and he's he's completely straight he's only dated this woman before and he's toting me around happy to be my boyfriend in in front of the world and people are saying horrible nasty shit because because it's like, oh, you know, oh, you're so gay.

Speaker 1 He didn't, he didn't care at all. And that was something that really showed me too, where I'm like, okay, you really,

Speaker 1 yeah, you see me for, you know, and you love me for that. Did you guys have conversations before going out in public together? Like, were you anxious at all?

Speaker 1 I was anxious, but I was also just head over heels in love and happy to be doing it. And, you know,

Speaker 1 conversations absolutely should have been happening but also i was like 22 23 and you know i was just like oh i'm in love right i look this person is absolutely this is so much fun you know whatever um so

Speaker 1 it should have been a thing but it wasn't but i think also just to and listen like i like i've said all these amazing things with him he was not perfect and it's no secret it's out there in the world um you know and it's part of why the relationship ended is is i um i got cheated on for the first time and he's he's talked about this too.

Speaker 1 Like in his song, he writes about it. So

Speaker 1 it's fine to be talking about it today. And it's like part of my truth.
But that like fundamentally changed me as a person.

Speaker 1 And it was this whole process of like realizing that cheating has nothing to do with you at all. And

Speaker 1 it has everything to do with that person and whatever kind of pain they're in or whatever they're dealing with.

Speaker 1 It's it's all that, but it's so hard. I would say because in the moment it feels like it's all

Speaker 1 yes you're like what did I do yes and then eventually I love that you're obviously like a year out you're clearly at that place where you're like I can you know that you're saying it with confidence but in the moment you're literally like oh yeah and and then as a trans woman also with a man who has never dated that before then it's your my mind you know and i knew it wasn't the truth and and we both know that i've no doubt but you can't help but your brain goes but my brain because because of the way I've been socialized as a trans woman, like, and it's been this like crux in my life of like, why life has been so hard sometimes?

Speaker 1 I'm like, oh my God, like, is this it? Like, am I, can I just not? Like,

Speaker 1 like, you know, yeah. But so it's cuckoo bananas.
How did you find out? Um, so I kind of knew, you know, you always, you always kind of know. The gut.
Yeah, the gut. Um, um,

Speaker 1 and because I kind of knew, I went into the phone, you know, yeah. Enter.
Welcome to the phone. Which I am not, I'm not proud of.
I'm not proud of either.

Speaker 1 I've done it before, but the amount of people that have sat here and been like, it's, it's fucking normal because when your intuition is like hitting you in the face, you're like, okay, fine, I'll look.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And the reason you're looking is because you fucking kind of know something.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And this stuff, oh, it makes me so nervous to talk about this stuff because I really, I have no interest in. letting the public into what happened and everything.

Speaker 1 I absolutely, I want to make this very clear. I have absolutely no fucking desire to like, like, because what happened with that was between me and him.

Speaker 1 And, and I want to keep it and I want to protect that. But, but at the same time, I'm also like, I don't know, I'm here to talk about my truth and whatever, you know?

Speaker 1 And he wrote a song and like, yes. And I agree with you.
I also think like, I wish people knew sometimes like, you some things like are super deep in the moment.

Speaker 1 And then when you're having a conversation, like, there's no ill will. You've literally said, like, you were in love with this person.
It was, it ended amicably. Like, it's like, okay.

Speaker 1 And he's, and he's the same way about it. Cause he's, he's the same kind of way, like, where I don't think he has any interest in letting the public in either.

Speaker 1 But, but we both are yappers at the end of the day. And we're going to talk about, like, it's hard doing like the bullshit.
Like, yeah, basically, we're cutting out the face here. Like, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know? Um, getting over a breakup, like not even

Speaker 1 specifically talking about him anymore, but like for you

Speaker 1 and what you were kind of saying, which I think is like a lot for your confidence i'm like as a trans woman you're like fuck like am i not and you almost like stopped your sentence you're like am i not like what came up for you when that happened like am i not um it um

Speaker 1 uh

Speaker 1 yeah i mean it

Speaker 1 like really

Speaker 1 i mean like i said it it like fundamentally changed me and it's still something that i am working through but i think fundamentally changed you what do you mean uh just in that i don't think I understood

Speaker 1 because I had never been in a monogamous relationship before.

Speaker 1 So I really, my understanding of relationships and love and everything really was rooted in like polyamory and queerness and sort of the way that that world works, which is very open.

Speaker 1 And I don't, I think I, I honestly, I kind of looked at people in monogamy and be like, oh, like you're, you're cheating on yourself, la, la, la, la, which is, which is also what RuPaul said in that interview.

Speaker 1 And you were like, no, I literally was like,

Speaker 1 i just got married yeah

Speaker 1 yeah i know and she was like sorry bitch

Speaker 1 it was really laughing and it's like was like sorry

Speaker 1 oh my god oh my god and you know what i so i don't know where i totally land on it now i because i've done both yeah and and you know uh and i think there's validity in both and it's really a choice and it comes down to yeah the each individual thing but coming from that as my background and the way i learned love i really looked at monogamy as like a, like, you're shorting yourself and whatever.

Speaker 1 And then I got into a monogamous relationship. Oh, bitch, I, I get it.
I get it. Um, uh, like so nice.
Yes, I know, oh, oh, I loved it. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 But then it opens up the door for that kind of betrayal, which is a different world of pain. Were you open to the concept of monogamy? Like, did he initiate it or did you initiate, or you both did?

Speaker 1 Oh, no. I, I was open to it because, you know, I'm coming.
That's what I'm coming from.

Speaker 1 So I, you know, I even, like, at the beginning, you know, I, like, we talked about it, but, you know, that's not,

Speaker 1 that's not what we either of us, I don't think, really wanted with, with that. And, uh, and, um,

Speaker 1 yeah. And, um,

Speaker 1 you know, I think, uh,

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah. Yeah.
Are you open to monogamy ever again? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. I really feel like, you know,

Speaker 1 I've done both now.

Speaker 1 And, and, like, I, I know I can be in either of those positions. But I really liked monogamy.
It's fucking powerful.

Speaker 1 It's really cool. In its own way.

Speaker 1 You're like, fuck. I hate this shit.
Talk to Polly.

Speaker 1 No, but like, now I see the fault in Polly because Polly is so much work.

Speaker 1 It's so much work. It's so, it.
Monogamy is so easy because it's just like, it's very simple. It's just like, I mean, you have to communicate a lot in either way.
But with polyamory,

Speaker 1 you bring other people into that and other people's relationships and whatever, and it's fine, but then you have to communicate not only about your own relationship, but about, if that's in the contract for you, about the other relationships that are happening and how that weighs and how to balance that with the person's, your primary partner's feelings.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's, it's like so much work. Yeah.
It's so much work and like, you're fucking busy. I'm too busy right now, which is what, you know, what I said.
This is not going to be your polyamory.

Speaker 1 I'm too busy right now.

Speaker 1 okay let's talk about the new movie that's coming out by the time this episode comes out yeah cuckoo um yeah right that's what i'm that's why you're here that's why i'm here to promote my fucking movie i'm like okay like you're not gonna be like this is caller dad yeah and the reason i love having these conversations though is like i get it we can do like a press junket of like no one no one wants to know more than anything about you yeah and then we want to go see the movie because of you and we fell in that's why i wanted to do this podcast because i fuck i fuck with this though i i i'm so happy you're here Thank you.

Speaker 1 A horror movie. Yes.
Your first lead role? So this is my first, this is the first movie I ever got. It's not the first movie that has come out, but

Speaker 1 it's the first movie I ever filmed. And it's my first lead role.

Speaker 1 And are you so excited? I'm so excited. I love this movie.
And it really feels like a baby, like, like, and it was my first, you know.

Speaker 1 First movie.

Speaker 1 Okay. Um, horror.
I'm such a little fucking bitch when it comes to horror. I'm literally like, yeah, what's happening? Yeah.
What's happening?

Speaker 1 Like, how did you decide on this genre like did you love well i love horror okay i grew up loving horror right um and i also think it's it's so fun stylistically particularly with this director too it was less about the genre and even the script and the story i i just i watched this director's um who's tillman singer uh his first film and it's his only other

Speaker 1 piece of work I think that's like out in the world that you can like go buy on Amazon and watch but it's called lose and I saw Luz, and I was like, oh my god, I have to work with this person on whatever capacity.

Speaker 1 And, um, and in that audition process, I've like, I fought for that role, um, and I got it. And it's amazing.
Yeah. And, um, I love this movie.

Speaker 1 Um, I know this is probably like a dumb question to ask, but like the process of filming like a horror film, like

Speaker 1 me, do you ever get like scared? Like, I'm like, I'm literally terrified.

Speaker 1 Like, do you ever, it's not like that, though. I'm assuming.
Yeah, no, like, like, meh, well, no, because there were some scary parts because we were filming in the

Speaker 1 bitch, in an abandoned, no, um, yeah, here we go. An abandoned, like, 20-acre

Speaker 1 post-World War II military

Speaker 1 village, like, module that had been abandoned for 50 years. We're shooting at night in these abandoned buildings that have just been sitting there for years.
That was scary.

Speaker 1 But thankfully, I, the casting crew and every, oh, such a big family. I loved making this movie with them.

Speaker 1 And so, you know, we were, it was so familial.

Speaker 1 You know, it was only like when you're like, oh, you have to go walk to your trailer alone and you're like in the woods in the middle of Germany and it's like, bitch, wet.

Speaker 1 It's kind of scary.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 otherwise, no, I mean, I'm, you know,

Speaker 1 like in the scenes where I'm scared. You know, I have to be scared, obviously.

Speaker 1 But I'm just coming from the perspective where, like, I'm trying to think of like a movie that you'd be like, why were you scared about that?

Speaker 1 Like, honestly, some scenes in like Vampire Diary scared me. You know what I mean? I still haven't seen Vampire Diary.
No, it was great. But, like, okay, let me, um, like Halloween Town.

Speaker 1 Did you ever watch the movie? No. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was scary

Speaker 1 the Disney movie. Yeah.
That was, no, no, no, that was scary. I remember that.
Yeah. Yeah, I remember.

Speaker 1 I'm literally so afraid of like, or like on Disney shows, if it was like the like Halloween episode, I know.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. No, those were were scary.
They were. Twitches.
Did you ever? Twitches. Twitches.
And the dark cloud that did literally

Speaker 1 shitting my scary. You remember that? Yeah, you're so good.
Yeah. So good.

Speaker 1 Honestly, like a little pathetic, but I'm so excited for you because obviously you being like having this lead role, like it's crazy to, this is why I love talking to you because you started this interview being like, I didn't even know if I wanted to be a fucking actress.

Speaker 1 And I like get this call and I'm like making no money from modeling. And I get that call and I'm like, I guess I'll do it.
Now your life has changed.

Speaker 1 How has your approach, since now you're like getting on a plane tomorrow, right? To go to Europe, like how has your approach changed though to like being an actress?

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I, you know, because I was fighting, I was like, you know, I was really under the belief for like a few years into it that like, okay, I'm just doing this for right now and it's helping.

Speaker 1 Yeah. My career, whatever.
I'm making money. This is great.
But I don't know if I like, if this is what I'm supposed to do.

Speaker 1 And now I'm in this place where I've, I've, because I've been doing it and I get it now because also you have to you have to know like I'm learning how to act on the spot with the first two seasons of euphoria and everything like self-looking good thank you even know thank you but like I'm I'm learning I like I didn't understand the craft I had no idea what I was doing and I finally in that process and in this process of like just like take like letting this career happen to me I have fallen in love with the craft and now I'm at this place where I'm like okay

Speaker 1 maybe

Speaker 1 this isn't what I thought that I was put on this art to do. But this is just another form.

Speaker 1 I get to put all my creative energy that I used to put into my journals and in my art and everything into this. And I understand how that works now.
And I've fallen in love with it.

Speaker 1 So now it's at this great point where I'm like, okay,

Speaker 1 this is one of my superpowers. This is what I can do.
And

Speaker 1 I love it. Hondra, I'm going to be honest.
This was like one of my favorite interviews.

Speaker 1 No, seriously, like sitting across from you i'm like inspired and also like this is why i love what i do because i've watched you i see your social media but like sitting with you for an hour and whatever like you're awesome thank you and like this

Speaker 1 it's just so cool because actresses we don't get to see and even musicians like we don't get to see as much obviously of your personality when you're like playing these characters putting our drag in the world exactly but today you coming here like stripped down like being yourself and like opening up i'm like thank you so much.

Speaker 1 And thank you for giving me the,

Speaker 1 I'm nervous about like, you know, showing the world like, you know, my real tea. You know, I'm, that is

Speaker 1 me. But, but to do it with you, thank you for making the space and everything and like just being here and kikiing with me.
That's what this felt like. You're amazing.

Speaker 1 I literally could keep going, but like, I know we have to stop, but I love you. Thank you.
I love you too. This was great.

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